Lifeline - 126. Short & Wide

Episode Date: September 8, 2024

LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Also has a full live show. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline Today, we're talking about unwanted advances, sleep paralysis, dating people with names of people in your family, and phone spying for very nice reasons. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Canada only, limited time only, terms apply, see app for details. RUNK HAHAHAHAHA And it's episode 126 of your very favorite podcast, Life Line. It is Sunday, September 8th. The Queen, the Queen, the Queen Queen you know who she is she died guess how many years ago too isn't that crazy time flies oh you know what you gotta do you know what you gotta do you know what you gotta do if you haven't done it already you gotta sign up for a patreon patreon.com slash

lifeline luxury it is the creme de la creme, no submissions, just banta, sick in it, brothers being brothers. And you know what? Go subscribe to my solo podcast, The Private Record. You don't even know what you're missing. Go check it out. And guess who's on tour? Bing bong, bing bong, bing bong, bonk, bonk. Bing bong, bing bong, bing bong, bonk, bonk.

Okay, all right. You know, I'll be in Alabama, I'll be in Toronto, I'll be in Duluth, Minnesota, I'll be in a bunch of different places. Where else am I gonna be? Thunder Bay, Ontario. My gosh, just like tons of places, man. Kentucky. Wish it was up on the screen, but it's not, so it's okay. And then we'll have a Lifeline Live.

The link should be up actually now. We'll have a Lifeline Live show in, it'll be December 5th at Oxnard. I just played Oxnard. Yeah, Peterborough, Ontario, London, Ontario, those are the ones I was forgetting. How was Oxnard? Cool, it was good.

I was sick through it, so it was tough to do it. I had a fever for like three days. It wasn't breaking and it finally broke. You did? Yeah, light, very light. It wasn't, it was like one of those sicknesses where I was like, should I stay in bed or can I go to the store and do stuff?

You know what I mean? Were you contagious? What was it? No, I don't know what I mean? Were you contagious? What was it? No, I don't know what it was, man. I don't know. Kristen had a little bit of a thing before me and so I guess she gave it to me.

Blaming the woman. No, no, no, no, no. I see how it is. Blame, oh sure, blame the woman. It's always the woman's fault. No, no, no, no. Dude, I ate, you know how I got two burritos that one time and it was too many?

Two burritos. Two burritos. one time and it was too many? Two burritos. The worst song. The worst song. Two burritos, two burritos. It's two burritos that one time. Matt, that's so bad. It's a good song.

And don't do that. What is that? It's to the tune of, uh, uh, Silver Bells. I mean, it is. I mean, wow. How did you even get that? Dude, he's like to tune, uh, like getting like, you know, No, it's a long story, but he doesn't know.

We used to, for years we've sung to the tune of Silver Bells. Okay. Tuba man. There was an article. Oh yes. I know about that. It's pretty famous. No yes, I know about that. It's pretty famous.

No, it's not really that famous. It's the old Delia Mako, Tuba Man. So, so. Silverbells were like silver balls. Anyway, what were you saying? So today, not funny. So today, not even close to funny, you know? So I, today I said to Mako,

cause we were getting the stuff that we get, I said, dude, I'm really hungry, because I haven't been eating because I've been sick, I haven't been hungry. Part of it was the nausea. I only ate, you know, not that much yesterday. And the last time I ate was like, honestly, six PM. So, you know me, bro.

Now that I'm feeling better, I was like, Marco, get me two burritos. And he said, Chris, no, that would be ridiculous if I got you two burritos after last time. Last time you made a whole thing out of it. You got all messed up and you were all gross about it. And I said, okay, fair, get me one. And I ate it.

And I wanted the second one so bad, dude. I wanted it so bad. But it was not his fault. What he did was a good thing because I was like, all right, he did a good thing. I don't need to, but I'm like, when does my brain catch up to my belly? To where it's like, okay, now you feel satisfied.

Cause man, that waiting time is like, it's like 10 minutes, it sucks. Lucky I was here to give you a little bit of mine. You gave me, I gave you like two, three, four bites of yours, but now I feel satiated finally. All right. And it was, but that's annoying. That time to where it, you,

your brain should be moving quicker than that. You know, I love- It's not your brain. It's, oh, I guess it is, yeah, of course. The food needs to go down to the area, and then the brain needs to be like, okay, got it. And you realize you're full. But in mine, it takes a long time. Mine's lazy. My brain is just like, what?

I mean, if I, if I like take a tiny break while eating, I'm just not hungry. I know that is not how your boy is. That is not how your boy is. Your boy has to wait a full 10 to 15 minutes. Honestly, sometimes more to be, okay, okay, all right. I think maybe I get it. I'm maybe full a little bit. I won't eat for a while.

We'll see, right? What's the sushi thing? A lot of people say sushi doesn't fill you up. Sushi is the number one thing that fills me up. How about that? Yeah, it's all the rice. Yeah, I know, but why do people say sushi? You eat sushi, you're hungry later.

But it's not like that. Rice makes, it doesn't expand in your tummy. Rice expands in your belly, it makes you not hungry for longer. Yeah, that's nobody, I've never heard anybody say that. And when they say that, if they do say that, they're dead wrong. You never heard anyone say that?

I don't think so. Oh, okay, that's crazy. I tune out wrongness, so it's possible. And you're not listening. Jerk and a cough. A little penis? I don't think so. Oh, okay, that's crazy. I tune out wrongness, so it's possible. Jerk and a cough. A little penis. A little guy. But magic mind.

Now, we wanna know, why do you always wait? It's like how Anthony waits to take a poop before, until after the episode starts. Why do you wait to take a drink to magic? I'm not like Anthony, I have a reason. Okay. Because I just ate,. I have a reason, I'm not like Anthony, I have a reason. Okay. Cause I just ate and I want to finish this or whatever I have, I want the palate to cleanse

and I really want to taste the sweetness of this cause it's really good. I don't want to jeopardize the sweetness of the Magic Mind. Because if you do, it's not as good. And you only take like one of these a day, two days, maybe two a day, yeah, they're really good. Anyway, and they keep you sharp. Laser din so it's all good. Okay.

And I still drink coffee, even though you don't need to drink coffee, but I still drink coffee. What do you mean you don't need to? Well, you drink magic, you don't need to drink coffee, but... It's a coffee replacement? Yeah. Oh. Kind of in a way. I mean, backtracking so hard.

It's just natural, yeah, but not the caffeine and all that. Anyway, whatever. So, yeah, so, okay. So defensive. About nothing yet. You know? So for the second time in a row, Anthony's not here, we wanna talk about that? Oh, was he not here last time?

Oh yeah, what the frick? So he took a day off, but then today is, we're actually recording on Sunday. It is. It's Labor Day weekend. Yeah. You know, he, you know, yeah. Well, I think he's fired. I guess He's got a corona right now. Just not working. He's got a corona And he what is he have a good reason at least? No, it's Labor Day. That's a good reason They better be having fun that's all I'm saying. She better be loving it. He loves his girlfriend.

He's a good boyfriend, actually. Shout out to Anthony being a good boyfriend. If you can believe it, he's not good at doing the stuff he does on this show, but he's a really good boyfriend. So everybody's good at something, you know? You don't like that I said that? No, I wanted to know if I stopped talking,

how long it would take before something else was said. That's not a good place to test that out when we're actually recording a podcast. Well, what do you want to talk about? Nothing, let's get to the show. All right. What's up guys? Long time viewer here from Alabama.

Chris, me and my friends are so excited to come see you in Montgomery. Oh yeah, that'd be nice. Matt, you're hilarious. It's so nice of you to let Chris do this podcast with you. Thanks so much. I have a question about a coworker. So I work as a line cook in a kitchen

and there is a woman that works with us in the restaurant that is in and out of the kitchen constantly. And all she does is she walks up to anybody in the kitchen and she taps him and she goes, hello, and leaves. It's very annoying. Like not exaggerating like 15 to 20 times an hour. Doesn't matter if you're on break, if you're cooking're cooking grab a drink even if you're out back for a smoke She woke up. Hey or hello and just leave. What never leads to more conversation. It's very annoying

It's very distracting, but I don't want to be the guy that's like hey shut up. Don't talk to me It's very distracting, but I don't want to be the guy that's like hey shut up. Don't talk to me Um, I need like a spin move I need like a like a hey, tell me hey once when I get here. It's irritating Well, I should be great. Thanks. Hey, tell me hey once when you get here. That's weird Is it a tick? Is it like a OCD thing? Cuz that's uh, she's crazy. I mean, what do you think? So yeah Well, yeah, let's see. Let's see every Every single day. Let me try it. 20 times. Hey. Yeah, that's crazy.

Sometimes you have to experience it. That's a crazy thing. What do you? Doing that even once every single day is to everyone is crazy. No, yeah, you're right. Tapping them and just saying hey and walking away. That's actually one of the crazier things

I've ever heard. No, okay, well, so yeah. I would say, if that's actually happening, not that I doubt you, but if that's what is happening, if what we are understanding is correct, then you are beyond the line of acceptable to absolutely say, hey, why do you do that? I would, there's just no,

I would wanna do it just out of sheer curiosity, not even being a jerk. But you think you'd get a real answer? Like this is the thing, we all agree we're obviously talking about someone who's mentally imbalanced. I don't wanna say crazy because people like that, but it's true.

Okay, so so So so okay. Hi, so you say why do you do that? Why do you do that? Oh, I don't know I just really love like spreading joy and like letting people know that like I'm approachable and I just think that the energy is is my energy is good for people and it makes people you know happy that Would be acceptable. That's not what's gonna happen though. But no, but why not? That would be acceptable. That would still be annoying as shit. Also that person is, could be crazy. A clear thought out reason,

I don't think is what's gonna happen when you ask her what she's doing. So you don't think it's an actual thing that she knows she does? What do you mean? She might know she does it, but that doesn't mean she has a good reason for it. But I'm saying you can do things so many times

that it's not a conscious thing you're doing really anymore. Did you hear what he said? 15 to 20 times a day, a day, tapping someone on the shoulder just to say hi, that you don't know and you have nothing else to say beyond hi. That is just pure mentally unwell behavior. I don't think you should.

I wish I could see this dude. I want her to do it to me so much. Well obviously he can take a video of it, she's not gonna not do it just cause there's a camera. Dude take a video of it, follow up with a video. But the truth is when someone is this like far gone, there's no reason to engage with them about why they do what they do.

You're not gonna get an answer. And if you do get an answer, it's not gonna be the answer. Just don't engage. You don't want to engage with someone who is clearly unwell. Well, I would for sure, she might not be unwell, but she might be.

She, there's a good chance of what you're saying is accurate in the way that we understand it. I would say, she's probably, there's a good chance she's unwell, but. I don't mean dangerous, by the way. I know, I know, I know, I know. But there is no way I would be able to be in that situation and not be able to ask her.

What would you do though? What would you say? I would say, hey, how come you, why do you always come up to people multiple times a day and then just like kind of tap them on the shoulder and say hi, like we already said hi. I would, there is no world where Crystal Leah doesn't do that.

No world. I don't think that's, if that's advice, that's not bad advice. I just think don't expect to get the answer that is true. But I would get to the bottom of it. Also you're opening up the possibility of talking to her more. Right.

And her thinking that that's something she should do more. Right, but if that person already is nuts, you could just... You... It doesn't matter if you open it up or not. You're working with her, it's gonna be crazy. So, this may be a good thing to just be like, all right, well, don't do that to me anymore, because it's so fucking annoying.

If she starts getting crazy in her explanation, be like, all right, you don't have to do it to me. Yeah, right. You know what I'm saying? I just think with something like that, right now it's at a place that is not at all dangerous or scary, it's good to keep people like that in a place that is not dangerous.

Just with a knife next time. You're just like this, hi. Like this tap you on the shoulder with a knife. No, but like that, it's just, to me that is the most obvious path just to not mess with it. If someone is- Yeah, but it's so annoying.

That's like Chinese water torture. I actually don't know how annoyed I'd be. Yeah, I guess 20 times a day tapping my shoulder to say hi, knowing me, I get in a bad mood 35 times a day if she happens to do it at that moment. And the eighth time she does, I'd be like, what the fuck, what are you doing? Yeah, you can't get to that though.

I would. Now, but you gotta just, that's why you have to come from curiosity. Aren't you curious about it or no? Yeah, I guess I am. Yeah, I'd let the curiosity, let the curiosity consume you, let the curiosity envelop you, let the curiosity speak for itself.

Hello, ma'am, why do you do that? I'm not mad yet, but let me know why please. I just think that you're not, the likelihood of getting a straight true answer is so low that I would not go there. You said that four times and that's fine. I don't think- You keep saying you would ask though.

I need to add that that's a bad idea because you're not gonna get an answer. I don't think that you saying it four times is bad, but you have said it four times and maybe, but I do get it. I've only said it after you say you should ask her. Okay, so it's my fault? No, nobody's fault.

I'm just telling you why I say it. Oh, so, okay. Great. All right, next one. Sup man, Chris, I need your advice right now. What's up, dude? So this girl started at work a couple months ago. I've been there for about a year.

She's really into me, but I'm not that into her. She asked me if I wanted to do some LSD with her. Did it with her a couple days ago, and that only made her more attracted to me. More attracted to you. We kind of bonded, and I really like her as a friend, but I'm just not attracted to her as anything more than that.

I don't want a relationship with her. Even more is that I as a friend, but I'm just not attracted to her as anything more than that I don't want a relationship with her. Yeah, even more is that I'm a Christian and I noticed that she had Satanic tattoos all over her which is a huge turnoff for me. I would but the issue is that I'm Working with her and also wanting to be friends with her I think she's really awesome, but I don't want to go any further than that So I don't want big issues going down with me telling her that I don't want to date her because I've already made up my mind I don't want to, but I don't want that to cause issues at work,

or with our friendship. So any advice on this would be awesome. Chris, I met you twice. You're the nicest guy of all time. Matt, love you dude. Peace. Good submission. Thanks, I met you twice. You're the nicest guy of all time. Matt, love you, dude. Peace. Good submission. Thanks, bud.

It's pretty simple, I think. You can use work as a reason to, look, not like you need to fudge why you're not interested in somebody, but if you wanna lay someone down easy, because you care about them as a person and as a friend, especially if you wanna maintain the friendship, just be like, look,

I don't know if there's like something between us, but I'm not even, I'm not remotely interested in exploring it because we work together and we're such good friends, like we vibe together well, why would we risk that? There's no reason to. Or you can shorten all that up by just saying, oh, you got satanic tattoos, you know?

But then you're gonna hurt her feelings, she's your friend. No, but it's just not, I'm a Christian. You got satanic tattoos that I can't be with. It is a valid, and I'm not religious. You know me, I'm not religious. I don't give a fuck if somebody has satanic tattoos, but if you have satanic tattoos,

be prepared to come up against some roadblocks. Do you know what I'm saying? Especially if you like Christian guys. Well, you're just like,. You know what I'm saying? Especially if you like Christian guys. Well, you're just like, you know, what are you doing? What are you doing? Maybe she's a Satanist.

I mean, it's very possible. I understand, but then it's like, okay, you can, but you can be one without getting the tattoos is what I'm saying. Of course, of course. So I'm just saying like, getting really specific tattoos like that, you just have to be prepared to be like, so that's also a way out of it.

That's a perfect spin move. I think though that that is two things. One, it's a little bit less honest, cause that's nothing to do with the reason he doesn't wanna be with her. Oh yeah, maybe you're right. But two, like she could be like, oh well, and explain it away in a way that she thinks is valid.

Right, that's a fucking great point. So you don't, I don't think you wanna go there even if it is true, but I just think the work thing is the easiest and best reason to not romantically get involved with somebody. You're right. There was something else, but I forget. Yeah, it's, oh, dude, what if she doesn't have

satanic tattoos, he just was trippin'? Well, yeah. He just sees like a big- What if he's really attracted to her and just doesn't even know it? It's like Shallow Hal, when he does LSD, he's like, oh, she's terrible, but then when he's not on LSD,

she's like, she's so hot, she's walking down the street, just like, I wish they all could be California girls. Dude, how terrible is that song? How terrible is that movie? Have you seen Shallow Hall? No. I've seen it and I saw some of it recently. I couldn't.

Oh, it's my favorite movie. I just couldn't believe what I was looking at. I wish it came out now. Even Jack Black couldn't rescue that movie. Jack Black is hilarious. He's the funniest person there is. Yeah, that guy said I was the nicest guy ever. Yeah, he did.

You know what's crazy? What? I'm so nice. That's not that crazy. People think I'm a dick. Who? Well, you know, cause I'm like, my podcast and shit and like my comedy is like,

nah, fuck you, you know. Wait, wait, wait, make more sense. What? My comedy is like, Oh, that's the thrive of it. You're a fucking asshole if you fuck you, you know. Wait, wait, make more sense. What? My comedy is like, you're a fucking asshole if you do this, you know. Yeah, but yeah. And that's not real. It's often the case that people with public personas

as whatever dick or edge or whatever it is, not that you're edgy, you're not, you're smooth as hell. I'm edgy, I'm crazy edgy. Smooth edged. And the people who have really like squeaky clean images are the biggest dicks. Oh man, don't I know it, I could expose so many people. Why don't you?

Why wouldn't you do that? Ah, they're comedians, why do I care? Let them do their thing, that's their shit. I disagree, I would like to expose everybody if there's something to expose. Really? Yeah. Well yeah, I get it. But yeah.

If people are fronting and putting forth an image that they're good people and they are not, then I would like to expose them. I don't care about like, Really? What people do behind closed doors. I know, yeah. And how like, you know, whatever.

No, I know specifically people that are like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get it out there. Awful, yeah. Nah, nah, nah. No, right know specifically people that are like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get it out there. Nah, nah, nah. No, right now, you're gonna talk about it right now for the next 20 minutes. The rock hit me once. All right, next one.

This guy, that guy was interesting, huh? The last guy. I didn't expect him to say he was crazy. His face hair was crazy. It was, his hair and face hair. Yeah, he hit a... One of the few most of the years. Aerodynamic front of his face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He could run really fast probably. All right. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats. I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides.

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Hey Chris, hey Matt. I'm Jaylen. I wanted to talk about whether or not you guys have all experienced sleep paralysis. I did for the first time last night and Chris you were involved in the dream. Oh my god. So the dream was going on you know it was something like I was like Chris's assistant or some shit I don't know. Whoa. But it carried over into real life where I'm actually laying there in my bed and I'm seeing the ceiling of my room and I live with my girlfriend. We sleep in the same bed. I would out and For some reason I get the feeling that Chris is rubbing my girlfriend's feet at the foot of our bed the feet and then so I'm laying there Of course, I'm trying to stop it. I'm well, you could ask me about it, you know, and then I muster up but

No, yeah And of course my girlfriend is like, what the fuck was that? Why did you just yell? And I was like, I thought Chris D'Alia was, we'll make your feet. Up, up.

And this is so crazy. I've never experienced sleep paralysis. I've heard of it, but I literally physically could not move I felt like my muscles straining and like I didn't have control of him and he was awake and Chris you are my sleep paralysis Demon so I was hoping you know with you being so heavily involved with it if you could help me understand that Why did that happen? Thank you? I don't think I've ever been a sleep paralysis demon before I've had Have you ever experienced the I've here's what I've had I've had

demon before. I've had, have you ever experienced the paralysis? Here's what I've had. I've had stuff, I was still in dreamland and couldn't move and I've woken up because I was like and then I'm like that. That's sleep paralysis. But isn't sleep paralysis, you're fully aware, but well not fully aware, but like you're awake and you're like, I can't move. No, I mean, he was still dreaming. You were rubbing her feet. Literally, you were in the room rubbing her feet. So he's still dreaming. No, I was doing that.

Yeah, sleep paralysis is one of the most disturbing things there is. I would not say it was disturbing. For me, maybe it was because it was so quick, but it felt, I was like, whoa, that is so dope. is so dope oh then it wasn't yeah that's what I'm saying so you've done it oh yeah so what is it uh what is it well I know what it is but like how was it for you it when I lived in New York it was when I had it the bragging intensely my heart's in New York you know my heart bleeds in New York

no it's for whatever reason that apartment there is the most vivid in my mind when I think about sleep paralysis. It happened like five or 10 times. Wow. In a very short period. I was only there a few years. And I would be. Really?

It was almost always during a nap. Well, I used to go out really late then, wake up really early to go to school. And then in the middle of the day, I would sleep a lot. So it happened during naps. I think it typically happens to me during naps anyway. It was the same thing every single time. I would fall asleep and then at some point it was daytime.

So my room was lit up with sunlight. And there was by the door, between me and the door, my bed and the door, door was a very small room There was a short and wide human oh humanoid human ish figure so scary in a big oversized black cloak so scary oversized so Scary short and wide is so scary that the hood Yeah came so far out over its face

and its face was so enveloped in shadow, I had no idea what the face was. Poetry. Okay, and the face was completely enveloped in black. Poetry. So I had no sense of the facial features whatsoever. Oh my gosh. If there was a face, what the face was, anything like that.

Short and wide, you know? There was something in its hands, but its sleeves were so long I couldn't see its hands. It was like a stick, and it just held the stick. It wasn't his cock, right? It could have been his cock. I said it was a stick, so it wasn't his cock, right? My cock is a stick, it's crazy.

It was a stick that you could see the top of, and then the bottom of was touching the ground, so it wasn't his cock. Well, mine's removable. And all it did was stand there. It never moved, but the whole time I was experiencing sleep paralysis, I couldn't move. All I would think is I need to get out of here.

It's between me and the door, so I can't do this very easily. I'm gonna, on the count of whatever, three, 10, whatever it was, shoot up out of bed and either, I forget what it was, jump out the window, go down the fire escape. I don't remember what the plan was. Jumping out the window, Matt D'Alia jumping up, like, ah!

It was the guy with short and wide! Ah! Ha ha ha! It was a dream though, so you have no concept of any of that stuff. No, no, I know, I know, I know, that's what I'm saying. So, I'm saying. I thought this was a mistake! I thought the guy was short and wide, but I was sleeping.

Sleeper Atlas is back. So I would go to the countdown three, two, one, go. And, but at that point, obviously I was paralyzed. You couldn't do it. I couldn't move. So every time I would hit the countdown, I'd think, oh shit, I'm paralyzed. Then I would start over again.

So it was this constant, Oh my gosh. I'm gearing up shit, I'm paralyzed. Then I would start over again. So it was this constant, I'm gearing up to run for my life. That's so funny. What? Whatever that is. So let me ask you a question. Yeah. So the fact that this happened multiple times,

the first time obviously not, but after that, the second, third, fourth, fifth time, were you like, oh yeah, this is that thing that happens? Or was the dream making you be like, oh, this is unique? In between, it was, it was. Yeah, dude, dreams are crazy. It was that it's happening again. I gotta get out of this.

Oh, okay, so you didn't have all the info? No. Oh, you were drugged in the dream. Yeah, it's a dream. That's the thing about them. I know, dude. You don't think you're dreaming. The crazy, have you guys heard of the movie, The Nightmare?

No. Okay, there's this guy, Rodney. Is it good? Fuck, What's his last name? The movie is called the nightmares a documentary about sleep paralysis is called And throughout history, there's all this art Depicting various types of sleep paralysis. There's certain types of things. Usually it's Alien ish figures at the foot of your bed or somewhere in your room, which is what I had right? It's not aliens, but a lot of people see aliens.

It is weird though that that happens. And there's a big gross scary cat on your belly that you can't get it off, right? And then there's one other one, I forget what it is, but there are three really common types of sleeper. Really? Things that happen, yeah. Did you watch it?

Yeah, I watched it. It's good? The movie's not good, but the information is incredible. The information is good, that's all I care about. Rodney Asher, I think is his name. See, wait. Yeah, that was you except the guy was short and wide. Right, right.

Isn't that weird? Go to images of the movie. Cause I feel like. Not weird. Scroll down. Yeah, that's never happened to me. None of this is. Yeah, there we go.

The thing at the edge of the bed, see? The one on the left there. That's one? Next to the nightmare before Christmas. That's one? Yeah, yeah. What do you mean, that's a common one? one on the left there. That's one? Next to the nightmare before Christmas. That's one? Yeah, yeah. What do you mean, that's a common one? That's a common one.

That's basically what I had, but it didn't look like that. That's the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, it's the scariest thing you can experience in real life. I've never had that. And you know what? I would never have that. It's so scary.

My body would never have that. The really interesting thing is sometimes siblings have a shared version of it on the same night. I don't believe in any of that shit. What do you mean believe in? Like, we're connected with the siblings and the shit. No, but it just is a thing that has happened to siblings. No, I understand that, but I'm just like, my body is too...

Even when I'm sometimes... Life is so weird that I'm like, yo, this is a dream. It's not happening. So I'm always on that default. Yeah, I don't think so, buddy. I mean, so scared it's gonna happen to you, you know? No, no, no, no, I'm just saying like, nah, this is not. I'm in line at Chipotle. You know what, dude?

Just give me all the guacamole in the tub, please. This isn't real life. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. I know I'm dreaming and this is a sleep paralysis. This is crazy. The craziest person there is. Dude, imagine running into somebody who is convinced they were in a dream This is a sleep paralysis. Crazy, the craziest person there is.

Imagine running into somebody who was convinced they were in a dream and that would be so scary. Cause they're like, I could do anything. Don't, you can't fool me. This is a dream. I would run from that person. Yeah. Nah, not me.

I'd join them and be in a dream with them. Anyway, sleep paralysis is the craziest thing ever. It's kind of like the inverse of a wet dream. I was just thinking of wet dreams. Cause wet dreams you're like, try not to wake up no matter what. Oh man, dude, I had some fucking, dude, I'm still pissed off that I woke up one wet dream

when I was younger. It was before it was over? Yeah. It's so sad. There's nothing more satisfying than finishing a wet dream. You know who it was with? It's so infrequent. You know who it was with?

You yourself, I would hope? No, I was with a woman. In the dream. Yeah. Who? Molly Ringwald. Oh, interesting. hope? No, I was with a woman. In the dream. Yeah. Who? Molly Ringwald. Oh, interesting. What?

It was dope, didn't get to finish. Wow. So if you're out there, Molly Ringwald, just know that that happened. Molly Ringwald. At one time, I had a dream that I was in an elevator with Beyonce and I kissed her and it was so real and I'm counting it.

Dude, the one, the very first, I've had so few in my life. I counted, I kissed Beyonce. The very first wet dream I ever had. First of all, wet dream. Don't call it that, thank you. Yeah, that's pretty gross. Might as well call it a splurt dream. I mean, that would be less gross somehow.

Squirt dream, mess dream. So my first one was with the actress Christine Lottie. How funny is that? Oh wait, you told me that. That's fucking crazy. Isn't that so weird? Christine Lottie Dotty, we likes to potty. Yeah, the second one was with a girl

I went to high school with named Caitlin Gertz. Oh, oh yeah, I remember her. Caitlin, I know you're watching because everybody in the world watches this show. Sorry. Second WD was with you. WD. So dumb.

So yeah, I didn't have that. I don't really, I didn't have that. I wish I could have more wet dreams. I guess if you don't. They're crazy. They're so good. They're better than sex. I don't care what anybody says.

They are better than sex, dude. Imagine being in it. It is so intense. That's what virtual reality is gonna be, dude. Imagine I'm next to my wife just like, oh hell yeah, I'm in a wet dream. And she's just looking at me, I'm just like, oh hell yeah.

And all of a sudden just wetness. Oh, so Molly Ringwald. Dude, she'd be like what the fuck I'll be so upsetting you getting such a fight, you know Yeah, I know and we go and she wakes me up. Hey, and she's like, uh, what was that? I say nothing. I mean nothing in my control is you imagine nothing. I don't just only you babe. I Was dreaming of you even if I was having a wet dream, which I don't think I was dreaming of you, babe. I was dreaming of you, even if I was having a wet dream, which I don't think I was. Then why'd you say Molly Ringwald? Don't we, I mean, there's no way to know because you're sleeping, but aren't you,

you must be doing something physically to make yourself the W part. No, your brain. No, come on. No, you're not. Friction from the sheets, nothing? Nope, your brain. Get the fuck out of here.

Dude, are you kidding me? I don't believe you. I think I'm pretty sure I'm humping during wet dreams. No, you're not. You think you are, but you're not. Maybe, yeah, maybe. Just sleep like this. So interesting.

Yeah, that's what I think. Against the pillow. Against your dog. I think that's what's happening, dude. No, not my dog, don't say that, dude. I mean, I'm joking, it didn't happen, right? Probably, you don't know. You don't, yeah.

So, yeah, anyway, dreams are absolutely batshit bananas. Dreams are so crazy, dude. Wet dreams, sleepwalking. Don't like when people think dreams mean something. Don't like that. They don't mean anything, right? They don't mean anything. They're just stories you make up.

They're stories you make up without realizing you're making them up. I had a dream last night that I was doing my podcast, congratulations. And I was halfway through, you guys couldn't show up. And so I was doing it by myself and I realized halfway through I was doing it in the dark. And I was like, oh fuck, this is a really good episode too.

Do I have to redo it? And then you came over and you were like, I don't know if I'll make it work. I was like, oh fuck, come on, bro. Anyway. Interesting. So telling. Interesting.

So let's do the next one. Chris, Matt, I love you guys. Keep doing awesome shit. What's up, dude? My question is about when somebody is in the car with you and you're playing music and they recommend a song. Nah, nah. And they seem excited about it.

No. Do you guys? Care no, but I think you just don't play the song. Do you think about that? Do you think about how they're probably thinking like fuck? I like want to hear it Like I want him listen to a whole thing is ridiculous. Wow That's so funny about you not give a fuck. Valid. Is that dick? I don't know It's not dick. I mean depends on who the person is fuck? Valid. Is that dick? I don't know. It's not dick. Depends on who the person is.

It does. If it's somebody I like or care about, then I'll play it. Because I'm like, OK. But it's always annoying. Oh, you think? Here's what's most. I don't want to change the subject. I want to hear what you think.

But the most annoying thing for me in music and people in cars is when I'm like, hey, I want you to hear this song. And they say, OK. And I play the song and they start talking through it. I want you to hear it fucking, shut the fuck up. Oh, that's not okay. We'll talk about something after this. Just listen. That's worse than that.

Yeah, yeah. But anyways, respond to what he said. I think music to me is such an interesting thing because it is without my life. Like I don't think about it. is it is without my life. Like I don't think about it. I don't listen to it. I don't put it on. I don't, I'm driving, a lot of time I'm driving 40 minutes

and I go, and I'm like, oh fuck, huh. I'm listening to nothing. Silence? Silence. No podcasts? Silence. And so music is so not a thing to me that I don't even.

You love shitty music though. You love shitty hip hop and shitty Coldplay. But I don't listen to it. I don't listen to it. But you do love shitty shitty stuff. Yeah like fucking when we were on the Lifeline Luxury we went talking about glycerin with Bush, you know? Yeah, like why would you put on Bush in your car though?

Why wouldn't you do that? Maybe I'll do it in my new car. You didn't answer my fucking question. Why wouldn't you listen to a song you like in your car? Why would you not do that? Because songs are so weird because they're just like three minutes and shit, and then they end and then you're like,

all right, well what else? Eh. Scent. Idiot. No but it's like... What else dude? I don't know it's a little bite-sized fucking change in my mood like fuck off. Like I'm like if you watch a movie it's a whole story that's being told and

you're watching you're listening you can play a song for two and a half minutes, three, four minutes, and you're just like in line in McDonald's, like what are you doing, dude? Like what are you doing, dude? Glucerate, turn it lower, yeah, I'll have number four. Like dude, it's so weird to me, it's so weird to me. The sound system I have in my car is so dope. But here's why you do it, because music is great.

That's the only fucking reason you don't do it to change your mood temporarily. You're not like, oh, I'm gonna put on Nirvana. Why? To change my mood temporarily. Look at you, fucking alien. You put on music because you like it. Enough with this mood.

Put on Nevermind. You put on music because you like it. Full stop, the end. Speaking of which. I'll put on music to change my mood. I knew it. But you, no, you will do that, but that is not why you listen to music. Well, I think it is.

He's saying, why would I listen to music in the car? It's not just mood changing device. They think it adds to, here's the other thing though. People put on music and they add, they think they're adding to the atmosphere. What if I don't like that shit? What if I don't like J. Cole? Oh, you put on J. Cole?

What if I don't like J. Cole? What if J. Cole fucked my wife? Who the fuck is J. Cole? J. Cole. Who the fuck is J. Cole? J. Cole? Like asshole, but J. Cole? J. Cole is one of the biggest, best rappers,

at least currently. You know what, dude? I'm tired of not saying it. Rap sucks my fucking hairy motherfucking nutsack. I'm tired of not saying it you know Tired of not saying it like it was a people yet to pop you know what dude I'm tired of this whitehead for too long. I've been tired tired of keeping this Rap sucks my hairy fucking nutsack. Rap now. I used to love rap.

And rap back then is good. Hold on. So you bring up Nirvana and we gotta do another submission because this isn't Lifeline luxury. This is just Lifeline. Yeah, okay. But.

I'm gonna watch that documentary about Kurt Cobain soon. Montage of Heck. I've seen some of it. No. That's what it's called. That is not the one I'm talking about. That sounds amazing. That is the one. Montage of Heck? I've seen some of it. No. That's what it's called. That is not the one I'm talking about. That sounds amazing. That is the one.

Montage of Heck? The definitive documentary. I'm talking about Soaked in Bleach. The fuck is that? It's about him dying. What is that fucking? No, no, no. If you're gonna watch Kurt Cobain doc,

you watch Montage of Heck. What's that guy's name again? The director? He's like a legendary doc maker. I don't know what Montage of Heck is. Warner Herzog? Brett Morgan. Here we have... Brett Morgan with an E, Morgan. He's director? He's like a legendary doc maker. Warner Hearts hog. Brett Morgan. Here we have-

Brett Morgan with an E, Morgan. He's fucking, it's like three hours. It's like the definitive fucking, there we go. The thing about Kurt Cobain is he is in the 27 club and he was with Courtney Love. Courtney Love is a little bit known to maybe have been part of an accomplice to kill him because it turns out women are succubuses.

Do you know? Can't stop. It always comes out that Werner Herzog is sexist in my head. No, yeah, cause it's your head. Right, right, right. You know, it's not- No matter what. It's not you're just channeling the guy.

You cannot make your woman happy even if you get them all the things they say they want. Snapper. How fucking dope was that? Kurt Cobain shot himself in the head after giving himself the lethal dose of Valium and- Is that true? Valium?

Heroin. Heroin, yeah. How could he pull the trigger? A succubus did. What the fuck is soaked in bleach? Oh, it's like a conspiracy No, suck me right the fuck off, you know, dude suck me right so Fucking all right, dude montage of heck is like that the doc about Kirk about his career and stuff his life I don't care about the career. Well, you should cuz he's fucking legendary human being

He really was one of the most important people in music history, not that you care. And in regular history, and in government. He's not one of them most of all. War, history, war, history, American history, world history. Let's see how much you know about stuff. Okay.

Who was the drummer of Nirvana? Oh, I know. The Foo Fighters guy. What's his name? Doesn't know his name. He was at my show once. Oh, only relation to Dave fucking Grohl. Dave Grohl, yeah.

How about the fact that he goes, that song, you're the best, the best, the best, the best of you. You know that song? Of course. He says it 36 times, that's too many. Music sucks. What's interesting about Dave Grohl

is that I like him so much. Yeah. I fucking hate Foo Fighters. Foo Fighters music is so bad. He's the shit though. I don't like the name. And he's an amazing drummer. Foo Fighters, he's great, yeah.

He's the fucking shit. The Nirvana drumming dude. Anyway, let's do another submission. Okay, okay, okay. Who knows if Courtney loves a murderer? Most people know she's not. Okay, go ahead. Back to school signals a fresh start for students.

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Book at AirCanada.com or contact your travel agent. Conditions apply. Hey guys, love you both. Love you more. Chris, I saw you last night in Dallas for the fourth time and it was so good. You had me crying. Amazing.

And fun fact, your friend David, according to his IMDBDB was born in my city Oh, so my question for you is I'm on the dating apps and my older brother's name is Cody and it seems like Every other guy on there is named Cody Seems awkward to swipe on them. Even if I think they're cute or I like their profile. I just can't do it. And also my dad's name is William or Bill and I see some billies on there, some bills and I don't think I can date someone with my dad or my brother's names. Why would I? I don't know.

You would. So is this something I just need to get over? Am I justified in feeling this way? If you love someone. Help me out. Thanks. Bye You're totally justified in feeling a little bit of weirdness about getting involved with someone with the name same name as your dad or brother But have you ever thought about this? What if you met someone named? Bill Cody that would not only be the name of your father and your brother, but it would be the name of That guy bill Cody and your brother, but it would be the name of that guy, Bill Cody. The dumbest thing you've ever said in, in?

Absolutely on this podcast. In history. No, but yeah, it was pretty great. Who's Bill Cody? I was just gonna look it up. So hold on. Stupid, who cares? That guy, Bill Cody.

Dude, that was great. That guy Bill Cody. Dude, that was great. So anticlimactic. So, oh yeah? Anticlimactic. Should you get over it? Absolutely yes. No, but here's the-

If there's a lot of guys named Cody that you might be interested in, then of course. Why are there so many guys named fucking Cody we're swiping? If there's a lot of guys around you named Cody, move. Because Cody is the name of a dog. It is, dude. I fully agree with that.

I don't think Cody's a cool name. Sorry. Who thinks that? To your brother. But I don't think Cody's a cool name. Sorry, to your brother. But Bill's cool. But here's the thing about that. I've never thought about it. And then you said, why would you? And then it's like, of course, why wouldn't I? Because.

No, why would you? No, why wouldn't you? Well, because I've met women that are named Ellie. Oh yeah, oh, that's what you mean, right. But I've never thought about it. I don't even know if I was like, I might Oh yeah, oh, that's what you mean, right. But I've never thought about it. Right. I don't even know if I was like, oh, that's my, I might be like,

oh, that's my mom's name, but it would drop out of my mind immediately after that. It wouldn't, it sounds like she's got some sort of thing, you know? Oh yeah, dude, duh, Bill Cody was fucking Buffalo Bill. That's why I fucking said that. I was gonna say Wild Bill, but I fucked it up. Fuck, should've stuck to my gunneronies, dude.

All right, yeah. No, yeah, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. But I would have no problem dating someone that I just met named Ellie. Like, I wouldn't be like, oh mom. I wouldn't even think about it. I wouldn't even think about it.

Well, I mean, you'd think about it. I wouldn't even fucking think about the person I was dating or my mom. Okay. I'd be, who are you? Every time I saw her, I'd say, who are you? I have no idea. Every time I saw mom, I'd say, who are you?

I have no idea. That's the much I never think about. Not I believe. I had the most, you made me think about it because you said, Glock-a-rooney. I had the most, for some reason, that made me think of something. I had the most, oh yeah, but I'm a dad now moment that I've ever had.

What's it mean? I had, I have a shirt. Can't breathe, they're gonna put on my nose things, go ahead. I have, not, don't need to be updated. I don't want people to be like, what happened to his nose? They'll just see you do it. I don't want people to think I'm doing drugs or something. Oh, got it.

Has coke in coconut, right? Woo, woo, I love breathing. So, was so tired, didn't want to do that. Did it for the joke. Hurt. Deserved it. Not, I guess I'm happy I did it. It all worked out.

Deserved it. But I have a shirt that says, it's from Strawberry, the brand Strawberry, which I like, don't know it. Guy sends me stuff. He's cool, dude. I'm Brian. Yeah, whatever. You know, um, and, uh, one of the things is a strawberry strawberry on the back.

It says my, my, uh, uh, me with the bill Cody thing. Well, I don't remember what it says on the back. It says something about a Glock. Okay. My Glock don't jam or something. Okay. But then strawberry jam, it's some kind of thing. And I went to pick up Calvin from school.

You can't wear a thing about a gun. And I'm like, I didn't, I don't think about what I'm wearing. I just put it on in the morning. You do, but yeah. What, you do? You do? Who doesn't think about what they're wearing?

What do you mean, you just put clothes on in the morning? Yeah. No, you don't. You grab a shirt, put it on, you're like, oh yeah, it's that shirt. You barely register it, right? Okay, okay. Like, what shirt do I have on now?

Oh yeah, the represent one with the red one, right? Yes, I had to think about it. So, I was there waiting to pick him up and I got this whole thing. This is my Glock, don't jam on it. This dad comes up and he's like, hey man, I'm, what's his name's dad? And like, he knows Calvin.

I'm like, oh yeah, what's up? He's like, oh cool. He's like, man, I love your shirt. He was like, you know what's funny? And people might not appreciate it that here, but I love it. And I'm like, oh boy. Oh, oh yeah. I didn't even think that that had, here, but I love it. And I'm like, oh, oh yeah.

I didn't even think that that had, first of all, I don't think I have any, like when I went to rehab, like nine of my shirts, they were like, you can't have these in here. I was like, why? They were like drugs. And I was like, what? And they're like, yeah, it just kind of pertains to,

I was like, I guess in a way you could say. Like what? I remember I had fucking heroin all over one of my shirts. No, I remember like there was money on one and they were like, that could be gambling. And we have gambling addicts here. Oh wow.

So anything potentially trigger. Yeah, I mean that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it was stupid. But yeah. I mean, you know, so bitter about it still. It's fine. I'm a better man because I went so, but anyway, but it was like, oh wow, that's's crazy I actually have to think about that you know

So I took my shirt off I went to go I picked up yeah, I did this Yeah, I took my shirt off swung around like a helicopter. I think we're sure And everyone was like oh my god, that's the hottest dad i've ever seen in my life and I go hell Yeah, dude, all the moms are like what the fuck even the guy was like, huh? I don't think that happened any of that happened No, I don't think so. I mean, I mean, I really doubt it highly doubt that okay. All right Chris Andrew Collin from the arena again. I called about a year ago. You guys are awesome. Love the show

Quick question my two of my best friends, I would say their their dog passed away really young from cancer suddenly. So we're gonna get them a memorial blanket with some pictures on it and that. And I know my buddy has some really good ones on his phone. But I kind of want to surprise him with this. I was wondering if you had a way to maybe like, steal somebody's phone without them knowing so I could send myself some pictures or something like that. But they

guys love the show. Nice. Good question. Every Sunday. Yeah, dude, just I mean, it depends on the relationship you have with your friends. Because like, if you're like a fucking prankster, good luck, right? Getting them to let you have your phone. Yeah, no, but if you're like just a person just be like, hey, dude Like you got to trust me like I I'm trying to do something really cool But like I need access to your phone for like a minute you can sit right there. I Do you mind? Yeah, they'll just say yes. Yeah, but also you could be like who wouldn't say yes to that

Yeah, but also you could be like hey Also you could be like. Who wouldn't say yes to that? Yeah, but also you could be like, hey, your dog was cool. Send me pictures of him, he's so cute. That's what I thought at first actually. Just do that. Yeah.

And then they might not even think anything of it. Or they might, and if they do, who cares? They're not gonna know you're making a blanket for them. You could also say something like, I wanted to put together a slideshow. Like something less cool than a blanket. Nah, no, no, cause then the guy's gonna be like, oh, I thought you were gonna make a slideshow, like something less cool than a blanket. No, no, no, because then the guy's gonna be like, oh, I thought you were gonna make a slideshow, okay,

it's too hot. I guess that's one way of looking at it. No, do what I said. Only do what I said, not what Matt said. Do maybe what I said. Do 35% what I said, 65% what Chris said. I mean, it wouldn't work. Because what I said is also valid.

Maybe we'll make half a blanket. 35% slideshow, 65% blanket. And you know. But yeah, there are ways. Just, if you're a fucking prankster though, my way won't work, because it's like the boy who cried wolf. I used to be the kind of person

that would like fuck with people's phones and shit. Nobody trusts me with anything anymore, because I used to do that shit. I know you wouldn't do that with me. Well yeah, but I'd never done that to you. I don't like pranks. Pranks are so lame. It depends on the prank.

Yeah, yeah, of course it does. If it truly like embarrasses someone. No, no, no. If it has to do with their public facing life, it's shit, it sucks and you're a piece of shit if you do that. If it's just like a silly thing right in front of them in that moment in life, then it's fine.

But like these YouTube pranksters, it's like these guys get guns pulled on them, it's like, yeah dude, that's what's gonna happen. What do you mean, like what? Dude, you prank someone and you're like, watch, I'm gonna try and pick up this guy who's girl when he's there, you know? Here we go.

And then the camera's like across the park. And then somebody's like, yo, motherfucker, with their gun. It's like, dude, what are you doing? I read about somebody getting shot doing that in the mall recently. Fuck, he's like some big YouTuber. Right, yeah, it happens.

You got shot. Yeah. And I have no sympathy for those people. Well, he's like some big YouTuber. Right, yeah, it happens. You got shot. Yeah, I know. And I have no sympathy for those people. Well, I mean, you don't want them to get shot, but. Yeah, but I'm not like. Yeah, it's the most, oh, well, that's what's gonna happen thing. Exactly, yeah.

God, I hate this new wave of things like that, where it's like, on camera, I'm gonna do this thing. Yeah, I hate that too, dude. To this unsuspecting person. It's also... Fuck you, dude. It's also like, it's crazy, the social media of it. Like I was talking to a big YouTuber recently,

he came to my show last night and he was like, yeah, I have to do things that I know are gonna be controversial even though I don't want to a lot of the times. Like I wanna do something that I think is fun or funny, but I know it's not gonna get clicks and people aren't gonna see it. So. Jeez.

And I'm like, man, that sucks, dude. That's interesting. Social media used to be so much better. How right admits it. Yeah, I know. I was like, oh wow, that's interesting. Can you, without saying who it is, can you say controversial in what way he meant?

Oh, like political. Oh. Yeah. Oh, geez, really? So you mean he's saying I have to put forth takes of my purportedly of my own. That or. Not really, he does like man on the street funny stuff. He's a funny guy.

Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. You know, like he'll go to the fucking DNC and be like. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. I wanna know who it is, you'll tell me after the show. I mean, I guess I could say it here. Tom Cruise? There's no reason why I would say it. Is it Tom Cruise? It's Tom Cruise. Oh my God, I knew it, who is it, who is who it is. You'll tell me after the show. I mean, I guess I could say it here. There's no reason why I would say it. Is it Tom Cruise? It's Tom Cruise.

Oh my God, I knew it. Who is it? Danny Mullen, he's great. He's really funny. You'd recognize him. I'll send him to you. I'll decide if I recognize him. Okay, dude, anyway.

All right, cool. We'll do another one. Hi Chris and Matt. This is Heidi from El Paso. Hey, Heidi. Chris, I saw you when you came. And I need advice. That's a. Chris, I saw you when you came. And I need advice.

So I work in an office. It's full of cubicles. I don't really talk to anyone. I've been here for a year. I only speak with my teammates. And it's very like, hi, good morning. How's it going? Now someone for the last two months

has been leaving these type of chocolates I ate them and that's exactly what my question is So it's been for three weeks Someone's left them on my desk as soon as I come in they're already there and I don't know who they're from I've asked I've asked around and no one is used to know who it is So my question is should I eat them because I have been eating them is is it wrong for should I eat them? Because I have been eating them. Is it wrong for me to eat them? Should I just leave them at my desk?

Help, what would you do? Oh. If I liked to eat a thing that I continually found on my desk, that was like safety is wrapped up in, you know. I guess there's always syringes, but yeah. I would eat it every single time. Well really?

And not give a fucking shit when I got there. People show up at my show with like a bag of stuff that is like not wrapped and I'm like. Meaning what, they give it to you? Chocolate croissant, love that video, I got you chocolate croissant. And I'm just like.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm not gonna eat that, you know right? What, that's like a call back to the not gonna eat that, you know, right? What? That's like a callback to the chocolate croissant thing that you like? Yeah, yeah. I don't even like chocolate croissants, but like, I mean, they're fine, but like I did the video.

You liked that one that you found in Australia. No, that was almond croissant. Almond croissants are the best. Bring him almond croissants, you freaks. Nobody's ever brought me an almond croissant, but anyway, I'm not gonna eat it. I'm not gonna eat it, you know? Why don't we talk one time definitively

about why you like that chocolate croissant video so much? Really? Yeah. I mean, I could break it down here, but I don't know if you want me to do that. Is this gonna take too long, you mean? It takes forever. Okay, then nevermind, yeah.

It's the funniest video I've ever seen in my life. Well, that's why I'm saying do it. If you don't know about it, then why don't you just? Well, no, look up him on YouTube talking about just Crystal Lee or Choco Crisano. If you type in Crystal Lee a lot on YouTube, just type in Choco Crisano, it'll be the first thing that comes up.

That's true. It's my favorite video. It's just, it's just my God. I'm only laughing because I'm thinking about how you feel about it. Dude, I am, it's like one of those things where I'm like, I can't believe that I could have not seen that.

That would make, that would have made my life less good if I didn't see that. That video has provided me so much joy. And that family, like that family, I guess I think they're big, like on TikTok or something. I don't really know. I don't know. They're from New family, like that family, I guess I think they're big like on TikTok or something. I don't really know. I don't know. They're from New York, is that right?

I don't know. Probably. I want to meet them. Like that video dude. Have they ever like reached out to you? Because it's- Yeah, they like tagged me in something once or, but I know.

I don't know. But anyway. All right. I love it. Anyway, yeah, eat the fucking thing. Who cares? Life is too short. No, I don't agree. Oh. Fuck you for putting something on my desk like that. She likes to eat it though. Yeah, but who is it?

Who cares? No. Dude, no. You know why? Because somebody comes by, drops a chocolate thing over on your desk. It's somebody in the office. Duh. They're not admitting it. Okay. Okay? Ah, she's eating it. drops a chocolate thing over on your desk. It's somebody in the office. Duh. They're not admitting it. Okay. Okay. She's eating it.

It could be like a sexual thing. She didn't even know it's me dropping it and she's eating it. Uh-uh, no way. Imagine that being your sexual, your hang, your can. Oh dude, there's weirder ones. Of course, but that is such a like low grade, low stakes. It's fine, it doesn't hurt anyone, it's okay.

But like, uh-uh. Man, I'm not saying it's bad. Is anyone getting a boner if I eat this? All right, cuz I'm just saying I don't know who it is It's just I don't want it to be like I think like this It's just weird to be like on guard about Food you found on your desk being someone's potential kink. Like why is that where your head goes? Oh fuck. I heard it over there Who is it? The bite sounds. It keeps moving.

Dude. Uh, it's like, um, that's like a rated R Brian Regan bit. Um, I keep crunching the chocolate. You know? Keep crunching the chocolate. Keep crunching the mysterious chocolate, now you're orgasm. Yeah dude. Alright, one more?

Hey Matt and Chris, love you guys. This is Mike from Chicago. I need your advices on something. I own a business, it's here, it's in a strip mall. And so there's a lot of businesses in a row recently and so much from the business next door Has been coming into my business and using our bathrooms taking number twos and Stinking up the joint dude. He's trying to take away from your bid and this happened the first time About two weeks ago. He came in looking as if you could use the bathroom. We said sure, no problem, man. Go for it. Come back and sure enough, you know

It smells like a dookie back there But no big deal is a lot of potential reasons why he might have had to do that. Maybe somebody was occupying their bathroom. Yeah, there's a one time. Maybe he was embarrassed and want to stink up his office. I don't know. But week goes by and then like three days in a row, he came in, same thing, asked us if he could use our bathroom and then proceeded to blow the thing up and make it stink back here.

And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to approach this. It seems like it's becoming a pattern. And yeah, I need your help. I don't know why he might be doing this. There's a lot of potential reason Maybe he's embarrassed by you know his co-workers and not embarrassed You with them there's a medical reason. I don't know

I want to be sensitive to that But I also don't want to continue because we have people coming in and out of our of our business all day long I don't want it to be stinking all the time. So any yeah Yeah, yeah, we get it. Oh, you don't want your place to smell like shit? Oh, okay. Here's what you do. You next time, or you just go straight, next day at work, you go see if he's there.

If he's there, you go into his place of business, you talk to him, you say, hey, can I talk to you for a second? Sure, yeah, obviously he's gonna say yes. No. I'm gonna need you to stop taking shits in my establishment. Thank you, I'll see you soon.

And then say, by the way, can I use your bathroom? That's it, it's so, so fucking simple. It's embarrassing only to him. Just stop shitting, that's what I said. Stop shitting in his workplace. Who said I'll see you soon? I did. I know, but as who? As the guy asking the question. Stop shitting in his workplace. Who said I'll see you soon? I did.

I know, but as who? As the guy asking the question. As the guy saying, stop shitting in my office. Stop shitting. Okay, thanks. I'll see you soon. Meaning like he will shit in his bathroom? No, like I'll see you sometime soon because we work next week.

I like that, dude. I'll see you like that dude. I'll see you soon dude. Just say I'll see you soon at the end. I see you soon man. Like you know it's fine. Okay, it's all good. Stop shitting.

I'll see you soon. Next time you'll be normal. So, all right. So I think that we've had this before. Really? In Lifeline. Yeah, a version of it. Oh God.

Someone kept going to their floor to shit. Oh, right. It was different businesses running different floors. Okay, yeah. That, by the way, is a thousand times more acceptable than this. Why? This is completely unacceptable. So what's the difference?

Maybe I wasn't listening hard enough in the beginning. He owns a business next to another business. So it's next to it. Yes. That's crazy. That's- It's fucking nuts, dude. Really weird. I go into, It's fucking nuts, dude. Really weird. I go into, when I go into, I've done it twice now,

Five Guys, it's near the Alfred's Coffee I like, and the complex, Alfred's Coffee doesn't have a bathroom, and the complex doesn't have a bathroom. So. Well, there's a good reason at least. So I go to Five Guys, and I say, I've done it twice now. I'm like, yo guys, I'm sorry to do this, dude, but like, can I use your bathroom?

Like they don't have it. And they go, oh yeah, for sure. And so that's the way to do it. That's what he did. He asked, he didn't just hustle back and shit. Does he ask every time? Yes. But he's not a customer.

He's not a customer. And he's the business owner of the one next door. They have a bathroom. Right. He's implying they have a bathroom there. That is weird. If they don't have a bathroom, that's obviously different. He said they have a bathroom. Yeah. Yeah, that's weird.

Yeah, there's no good reason to do this. I just love your bathroom. I just love not shitting in my place of business. I don't like it when my bathroom, because when you shit, it stinks and stuff, you know? I'm sure you've noticed the last couple of days. Like watch here, let me use your bathroom. I don't want that to happen to me and my business,

because customers don't like it and everything, so I'd rather do it in your business, so it doesn't affect my place of business. Okay, thank you. Yeah, yeah. So I'm just gonna go grump out back there, is that cool? Grump out, dude. What's that from?

Nothing. Yeah. Just, you know, dude. What's that from? Nothing. Yeah. Just, you know, life. Oh, we got new merch too, by the way. Go to lifeline.com. It's available? Yeah, chrisley.com, whatever. Just gave up on it.

Forgot about it. Fucking gave up on it. Lifeline merch.com, right? Lifeline merch.com, yeah. I know. Lifeline merch.com. So bad at selling things. Fuck. ["Hello"]