Lifeline - 127. Ham On the Dadness

Episode Date: September 15, 2024

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Thank you. The merch is amazing. You guys better get it. I think so. Or else. So yeah, well, we're out of the heat wave, huh? Did I wake up at 4 AM with the most monstrosity of a migraine in history? Did that happen?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it did happen. OK, cool. Did that happen today? Oh, right, it did happen today. Do I still have the lingering effects of that master migraine? Yes, I do.

Yes, yeah. Did I still show up for work? Yes, I did. Yes, and because, well, because we had to do it today because tomorrow I'm on a plane. I'm on a plane to London, Ontario. Oh, I thought you were going to London, London. No, it's actually weird how they have cities that are so big. Be also in another place.

How about when they just put a new in front of it? That's way better. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to New London, Ontario. OK. London, Ontario. OK, I am. And but but but they just. I like that. New London, yeah. You're going to New London, Ontario. You're going to London, Ontario. Okay, I am. And, but they just do that. Like London, they have another one too.

Oh wow, so didn't have anything in the chamber. What is it though? It's, I don't know. They have another one somewhere, but it, you know. What? Oh, another London you're saying? No, no, no, no, no, no. I just didn't know which one it is but I've seen it before nice dude so it's all good Hollywood right Hollywood yeah Hollywood they have Hollywood

Florida yeah exactly thank you very much finally some you know worth having him nice yeah that's true um way to go, Anthony. So, yeah, but where did the heat wave? Oh, the heat wave was brutal. It was actually brutal. I was in Texas and Texas was nicer than LA. And even in West, it was like- Where was it by, what was the temperature? 112.

112. You know that? No, I don't know. Peaches and cream. Oh yeah, yeah. Peaches and cream. One of the rhymes is limousine. I don't know what it is. Really? Yeah. In the back of the limousine. Of course it is, bro. You know what don't exist anymore? Limousines. What's up with that? Uber. Uber destroyed everything. Just limousines.

Limousines were kind of always stupid. A big car is fine. But let me, limousines, look, okay. Limousines are fine for honestly, just a few people. The second there's too many people, I'm not, I don't want to be in it. The weird thing about limousines is that they somehow tricked everyone that it had, it was, there was like overlap with wealth. Like limousines are not cool.

Right. They suck. Oh yeah. They're just big, long cars with big long cabins thatines are not cool. Right. They suck. Oh yeah. They're just big, long cars with big long cabins that you can sit in. Oh yeah. Sit down far away from each other. Yeah.

Yeah, they tricked us. How'd they trick? It's like how Jacuzzi, Jacuzzi is not a synonym for hot tub. Jacuzzi is a brand of hot tub. Oh really? Yeah dude. Jacuzzi just got in there and was like, ah, ah, clear all you fuckers out.

We're calling these things Jacuzzi. Oh, I thought it was Jacuzzi. No dude, Jacuzzi is got in there and was like, ah, ah, clear all you fuckers out. We're calling these things Jacuzzi. Oh, I thought it was Jacuzzi. No, dude, Jacuzzi's people stuff. People think that, people say Kleenex instead of tissue. Similar. What is that called? Monopoly?

No, something. It's not called Monopoly, but it's similar. It's kind of like that, they have a Monopoly on the- I mean, I was answering you. But they didn't have it. Dude, when I go to sometimes the grocery store, no, when I go to the, I don't really go to the grocery store too much

unless I'm gonna get hot food. Okay. And I go and I ask for salt and they always give me two little packets. Two little, not as many packets as I need. Don't skimp out on that. Don't skimp out on that. I think the reason for that might be

because most people don't use as much salt as you. Maybe, but they also do that with ketchup. I have a red, I used to have actually, not anymore, a low heart rate. Oh. And I had a doctor tell me to eat more salt. Really? I was like, dude, I don't think you understand.

I already put so much salt on it. He's like, I guess just use a little more then. I was like, okay, you're gonna, if I die from this is your fault. Or yeah, if you don't stop, if you stop using it, you might die, you know? Because don't, yeah, you're the David Blaine. You're like David Blaine, you got a resting heart rate of 38.

I have a resting heart rate of six. Dead. Dead person. But yeah, so it was too hot. Now it's nice, thank God, and it's all good. I can't do hot anymore. I just, I'm too old or something. I actually had that thought today.

I love the heat, and then today I was just like, after the heat, when it was nice, I'm like, you know what? Actually, maybe it's too hot. It's too hot. And I think that might be an age thing, because I always loved being hot. I never really bothered me. As a matter of fact, I came in here today,

it was too hot. In here, I thought I'd put on the air. I'll tell you what, when you commented about how hot it was, it made me feel good because I was worried I was dying because I have my migraine. I'm like, what's happening? So your migraine is pounding or what? What's it doing right now?

Right now is just like, yeah, it's throbbing. Migraine is thrown around, you know that. I'm saying, of course you have one, but like- People think bad headache is a migraine. Right, right, right. I don't know if that's true or not, but that is what people think. Well, women think it is.

Cisexist. No, but women are always like, I have this migraine and in reality, what happened was they just thought of something. Cisexist. You know what I mean? I do, I do, cisexist. Yeah, okay, so- You know know what I mean? I do, I do, Cishexist. Yeah, okay, so.

You know exactly what I mean? They just like to have like ideas and shit, but anyway. Cishexist. Okay, so, but so anyway, I've never had a migraine. I would never allow my body to have a migraine. Mocky dog, well, people, I mean, this sounds so obvious once I started saying it, I realized, but it's like canker sores. You either get them or you don't.

Everybody gets headaches, but you get migraines or you do not get migraines. You either have zero your whole life or you get a bunch of them. Speaking of canker sores, I bit my lip four weeks ago. Hey, I'll never stop. I'll never stop biting it now.

I'll never stop. I can't, I did it every day. So'll never stop biting it now. I'll never stop. I can't. I did it every day. So it's been a month now? Yeah. I can't stop biting it, dude. I'm just crunching on it like it's fucking tacos. And you don't want to take a day and just be like,

I'm going to be aware of this all day. And not talk? It's not talking, it's eating. It's what I'm saying. And not eat? That's what I said. I was saying fast for a day. Or just be very aware while you eat. Just hold it was eating. It's what I'm saying. And not eat? That's what I said. I was saying fast for a day or just be very aware while you eat.

Just hold it like this? Yes, yes. It will be worth it for a whole month. What are you doing? Who cares, dude? That arrow one. You're 53 years old, it's fine. They didn't give me enough salt.

Dude, I'm not 53, I'm 44. And so that's fine, whatever, dude. I'm getting a fucking wagon for my kids on the back of my electric bike and we're gonna go crazy. Dude, I'm 44 and I'm a dad and I'm gonna go crazy. I'm going ham, I'm going ham with the dadness. Good. Yeah.

That's how it should be, right? It's actually really cool. Good, that's your ham dad. Yeah, ham dad. That's so fucking gross. Ha ha ha. Makes me think of a fat fuck, you know? Yeah, ham is disgusting.

Nobody actually likes to eat ham. That's the bottomless truth. I don't like ham. Nobody in the history of the world has ever actually enjoyed ham. Kristen says she likes ham. They're lying, she's lying, our cousin Nick is lying. He loves ham.

Everyone who says they like ham is lying. All right. That's a pretty general rule. It's just not good. All right. It's not bad. It was not good. Okay. It's salty.

I don't know. What kind of sandwich you want? Who says ham? Nobody. Yeah. Nobody says that. If you're eight, maybe. Maybe.

Ham dude. What kind of fat fuck likes ham? What kind of disgusting piece of trash gets a ham sandwich? You'd rather have that than like chicken, turkey, or even roast beef like pastrami. You want fucking ham? You maniac? You know who gets ham sandwiches all the time? Probably Kevin James. I was gonna say old fat French guys. Oh and Kevin James. Oh that's good yeah. How much is Travis, who's the football player? Kelsey.

Kelsey turning into Kevin James. And he will be Kevin James. I don't know enough. And that's great. And let's take the first submission. I don't know enough, but OK. I agree. He'll be Kevin James soon.

Let's take the first submission. Hey, Matt. Hey, Chris. Hope you guys are having a great day today. I'm not a hard of fucking talking about. What do you think of your advice on a situation that I'm in currently? Great.

New homeowner in the military, so we can't move in just yet, but we got the security cameras installed and we can see that the neighbors across the street are putting stuff in our trash can, parking on our grass, and purposely sending their dog to our yard to poop and then also pee on our HVAC unit. We knew about these people when we moved in because of their miscellaneous junk that they collect like Sanford and Son, but we decided that it wasn't going to be a problem. Now that we have the cameras installed, it's becoming a problem. That's a problem.

And we can't do anything about it at the moment. Oh, I don't know about that. Hopefully when we move in, they stop. To give you a little bit more of a backstory, before we moved into the house, the day before closing, somebody went through the back window, busted it, and stole our dishwasher and stove and rolled it out the front yard. Not saying it was them across the street, gonna give them the benefit of the doubt,

but I just wanted to see what you guys thought about this whole situation and how to deal with it professionally, especially considering my wife and I are expecting a newborn son soon, so I don't wanna deal with shitty confrontation. Thank you for your time, guys, and have a great day, life, ribs.

Yeah, you know what I say, get a bear. This is the beginning of a very upsetting movie. Get a bear and put it in the front yard in a cage. Like a big, big cage. If it's cages, it doesn't matter. Why? Because it can't get to them. No, no, they can't get to you.

The big cage is big, I'm saying. So the cage blocks what? The cage, yeah, it's all in the front yard and close. Ruins their new home so much, you know? They can't even go in their windows. They can't go in their front yard. Oh shit, it broke the other windows. Speaking of bears, I mean, I wanna get back to this,

but I watched so- Much gay porn. So much gay porn. No, I watched so many videos of bears getting provoked by people. Like remember I sent you that video? Yeah, I do remember that. Dude, I love-

Bro. Watching bears show people what's up. You know what? Okay. And then there's the other side, people who respect bears that are like, this is how you do it. You're making them dinner and shit.

They're just like, boo! I understand. Okay, so I get the, we'll talk about this bear thing. And I saw one time a bear on, on, it was on Instagram or something. Rush this deer and just eat it. I wouldn't want to see that.

I know you wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. As a matter of fact, I didn't send it to you or I sent it to you and I said, this is what it is, make sure before you click. Right, right. And it was so horrific, okay? Yeah, okay. I didn't want to see it, I saw it. I didn't know And it was so horrific, okay? Yeah, okay.

I didn't want to see it, I saw it. I didn't know what it was. Somebody just sent it to me. Sure. I wouldn't have chose to click on it. Yeah. Now, this leads me to another thing. We see a lot of animals in the wild

just getting eaten a lot of the time. Now with social media and everything, and even on the, you on the Nat Geo channel or whatever the fuck, right? Most of the time, they're right there with the other predators and they're just chilling. It's like they're at the bar and the crocodile is over at a reserved table.

And it's like, hey, just get out of that bar. Yeah. Crane, you know what I mean? Yeah. Hey crane, go to the crane bar. You're getting in trouble because there's crocodiles near you. I don't get it. If I'm downtown Los Angeles

and I'm walking down the street and I see a group of five men, humans, white humans. I go the other way. White humans, you know? But I'm just saying they could be just, it could be Keanu Reeves. No, I'm saying as much like me as possible, Keanu Reeves,

Bob Saget when he was younger, the guy who played the director in Entourage, Reese Corral, who's that? That's the guy who... Oh that's him, okay. And two other long-haired scraggly guys, right, Could be walking by. I go the other way. I go the other way because I don't want to be, just in case, part of the food chain, right? So now why are, oots near cheetahs? It's confusing because at the same time,

why do sometimes bears walk by and not do shit to a totally defenseless person? Well, to a person. Sometimes a bear just is like, I'm gonna maul this motherfucker. Right, but not- For no reason. But to a person, but that's because I think

they don't wanna, they're kind of scared of people. But what I'm saying is why sometimes does it do it and sometimes not? It's so random. I think it feels like if it's threatened, I think that they don't want to, they're kind of scared of people. But what I'm saying is why sometimes does it do it and sometimes not? It's so random. I think it feels like if it's threatened, I think. Right, but I guess what I'm saying is- Yeah, I understand. It's all so random seeming to me.

I get that. That I don't know why, how to answer your question. But my point, no, I don't, humans, take humans out of it. How come fucking a crane- I get it. Will walk up to a crocodile and be like, is this seat taken? Because what I'm saying is I think most of the time nothing happens.

Oh no. Sometimes randomly it's just like, I eat you now. A crane is near a crocodile. That crane is getting chomped 100% of the time. God damn it, I can't stop thinking about Fraser Crane every time you say crane. I wish you picked another animal. Nanananananananananananananana

Arrrrrr! Oh no, oh no, it's a guy. What's his name? Pierce? Uh, David Hyde Pierce? Yeah. God damn, the show phrase anyway, we're getting off so off track I don't know what to tell you. It's crazy. Oh, okay, so watch those videos though. I know. So I'm saying

get a bear get at least a bigger dog. Like that's so fucked up, dude. If you have cameras, you have footage of it. So you can just say, hey guys, look, I see what happened. Can you not do this, right? That's what I don't get. You have the footage, just use the footage and be like,

hey, we're moving in. I mean, maybe wait till you actually move in. Maybe there's some association with previous, like if you want to give them most maximum benefit of the doubt, cause you don't wanna get off on bad terms with your neighbors. Maybe just wait until you actually are in the house, wait until the very first thing happens.

Make sure it's on camera, cause it obviously will be. Use everything you've already gathered and the new thing and confront them and say, look, I saw all this stuff. I didn't even care. We weren't in the house yet. But now that we're in the house, this stuff can't happen anymore. I don't care what you do. It just can't happen on my property. That's it. They will understand, especially if you're not like, I'm going to call the police or threatening them in any way. Just be like, this needs to stop. We're having a baby. I want to be good with my neighbors. I want my neighbors to be good with me. There's no bad blood. I just need this to stop. Yeah, yeah, that's it. And they'll stop.

They will stop. Dude. Unless they're actual villains in a movie. If you're Indian and you and you see a bar that's the KKK bar, you wouldn't go in it. Can't get over the bar thing. But a crane would just be like... Frasier Crane. I want a drink. And go in! That's... and you know what? And these bitch ass cranes want me to feel bad for them. And I don't. They don't want you to feel anything. They don't... because they don't feel anything. They don't even feel in danger, dude. That's what I'm saying. So they don't want you to feel anything. They don't give a shit what you feel. Fuck cranes, honestly. That's, you know what's shitty about it, is that they do that, and then I feel bad

when a crocodile gets a crane. But why do you feel bad? Because I don't want them to die, dude. Who cares? It's just another crane. Oh my God, man, it's a living organism. I'm an empath. Who cares, though?

But that's how, that's the cycle of life. If that didn't happen, then all the other things would get fucked up in the ecosystem. I don't wanna have to see it. I don't wanna know, out of sight out of mind, you know what I mean? Well that, I fully agree with you. So if you're going to be like, dude,

especially when there's a camera around, don't be so close to the crocodile. You might end up on that geo. That's what it is. When there's cameras around, the crane's got to stay away from the alligators. Yeah. Out of concern for me and you.

Yeah, because of, yes, because of me, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, no problem. Now that we've settled all those things. I was just I just thinking about it was a bird on my property and like Really happened a tree and I was like, what if I just shot that motherfucker and I would feel like really bad you know, so Weirdly because you're in California. You could maybe go to jail. Oh, right. Yeah Well, I wouldn't he's got some crazy laws like that. I would just

Trank it. You know what I mean? I wanna kill animals all the time, dude. Origin story. I wanna kill, there's, I get this bee infestations in my yard all the time. Well that, I mean, bees- I wanna just fuck, but you're not allowed to. I know, because bees,

there's a whole thing always where they're like, hey, if bees die, we got nine minutes left. If bees die, all of your dicks and balls fall off. Your fucking eggs fall out of your vaginas. Oh, you think bees are annoying? Okay, how about that guy at a party? Oh, well, if actually, if there were no bees, you know how long we'd last?

Nine minutes. By minute three, our dicks and balls would be gone. And the pussies would be sewn up. Nature, that's nature doing its thing. What if Kamala said that at the debate? Uh, alright. As the world's population grows, so does the need for resources like Potash to support sustainable food production. This is why BHP is building one of the world's most sustainable Potash mines in Canada.

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to tell you what's streaming on Paramount Plus. We come to you from the mountain of entertainment to tell you what's streaming on Paramount Plus. Blockbusters, like A Quiet Place, Day One. Originals, including Yellowstone. I'm gonna let the world know we're here. Light it up! And hits like Dexter. You were decent and good. I'm not.

Paramount Plus, your eyeballs equals entertainment. Stream Paramount Plus from $6.99'm not. Paramount Plus your eyeballs equals entertainment. Stream Paramount Plus from 6.99 a month. All right. Next one. Cute. What if the baby had a question? Hey guys my name is Danielle. This is CP Cora. This is so random. Uh. That she that woman. Uh-huh. Was just a guest on the latest episode of my podcast. Really? That baby, they talk? It was a bad story. But yeah, isn't that wild?

A student of hers beat her up. Like a 12 year old. Crazy, it's crazy. A 12 year old? Yeah dude, bigger than her, she's five seven. Five nine 12 year old beat the shit out of her. Crazy. All right, anyway, go ahead. I'm sold.

I also have a two year old son named Luca. I used to be a teacher, but I left the classroom two years ago when I had my son to be a full-time mom. Cute. To get to my submission, I was scrolling Facebook the other day and I saw a teacher family member of mine

post their classroom Amazon wish list. So in the past teacher that I am, I remember being so thankful when people would donate things to my classroom. So I went on, basically bought her entire wish list, sent it to her, and a few days later, I get a phone call from her. She's super thankful, but she ends by saying,

but make sure you tell your husband thank you because I know that it's actually his money and you bought all of these things. I was so shocked. I said something like, actually, that's my money. I could have spent it on me or my kids, but I spent it on you and your students. I hope that you have a great year.

Talk to you later. Got off the phone. But this isn't the first time I've heard comments like this directed at me. I will have been at dinner with friends and they'll say things like, well let's just buy another round of drinks because it's going on Danielle's husband's tab

or I'll be on shopping and someone will say, well don't you call your husband before you make that purchase to make sure that you're allowed. I don't know what to say back to these people. What are your advices? What do you spend moves? I don't plan on going back to work for a while so I need some options to get out of these situations. I don't feel like I need to justify me being a stay at home mom. I don't want to come across defensive.

That's so weird. Would love to hear your opinions. Maybe they just think because you're not working now. Have a great day. It doesn't matter. That's very cute. It doesn't matter if you think it. No, I know you're right. Why are you saying that? That's so passive aggressive and shitty. You're right, you're right, you're right.

Like fuck you. I mean, honestly say something like fuck you. Thanks for the Amazon wishlist stuff. Fuck you. No, because you were gonna say that my husband paid for it, right? Yeah, exactly. You gotta waste that part.

No, okay. Well, I take it back. No, you work hard, you have a lot of money. The Amazon moment is the craziest one though. Like to just be like, oh my God, thank you so much. I'm so thankful that everyone's gonna make such a difference in my classroom. Make sure you thank your husband for me because God knows as well as everybody else

that you have $0 in your bank account. And then if you did, you would never spend it on me because you're just a woman. And just- Breastfeeding. You're just here to bear children and that's it. And then if you did, you would never spend it on me because you're just a woman. You're mostly in the kitchen, breastfeeding. You're just here to bear children and that's it. And make sure you pass the message on to him. You mostly hear this noise, no, no, no, no, no, because that's the baby sucking on your titty and you have no money.

Not the sound it makes. It's the sound it makes if the baby's curly. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wow, dude, disgusting. We're not gonna stop thinking about it all day. Curly? Made my migraine worse. No, titties sucking as if you're curly, not just curly.

Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof. Yeah. To the titty. You know? Hey, hey, hey. Hey. How stupid was that? How stupid was that?

I think I'm like this, I think I'm like this, and you follow it. Like you're a grown man, dude. I still can't decide if I think these three stooges are funny. Oh, it's funny, come on, bro. Yeah, because they know what they're doing. It's not like they're like.

I just think it's weird that I still can't tell. I've seen so many things. You know, I haven't seen it in years. I remember the last time I saw it, I was like, all right, bro, this is funny. Like I got you eventually. Here's the thing. It's funny for kids, and then it's not funny for teenagers.

And then it's funny again. That's right. You know what I'm saying? Because it's the mindset of like, dude, I'm cool. Why would I laugh at somebody fucking following this around? Or I'm smart. I'm a teen. It's like I need a layer of humor.

But when you're 40, and you just see grown men like this, and Larry, and nyang nyang nyang, you know what I mean? For no reason. Yeah. Just so stupid. It's stupid. It's good though. It's my favorite.

Whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee. It's my favorite thing. The three seniors are my favorite comedy thing of all time. OK, well, you changed it. I mean, you immediately changed it. People change over time. Not instantly like that. No, it was like 15 seconds.

I did it to you. 15 seconds. All right, to you. 15 seconds. All right, next one. Well, no, what should she do? What should she do? She should say, she said, I don't want to be defensive. I honestly think, and I rarely think this, you're completely, it's completely in line

to get defensive about that. That's crazy. Yeah, I mean, defensive is okay if you need to be on defense. Yeah, and there's gradations of it. I don't like when people use that as like don't be defensive. I hate it. I am being defensive. Why you get mad? Why you get mad? You're offending. I hate that shit. You're offending. I'm defending. Yeah fuck yeah dude. Yeah fuck that. What you do goalie just chilling. What guy gives a slap shot you go like this you go, don't be defensive. Dude, that's the whole point. You're on offense. All right. Yeah, that's true.

So anyway, I think you just say, well, yeah, no, you say exactly what you said. It's my money, what are you talking about? To the first woman, yeah. My husband would have been so mad if I spent this on you. Dooooo. My husband doesn't give a shit about you. He'd never want me to spend this money on you.

It goes for me. Dude, my husband was trying, you know what she said? Oh man, my husband, he was arguing with me so bad saying, don't give you the money because he thinks that you're fat. Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, do that. Pac-Man. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Message C5. All right. Anthony, that's sick. You're laughing.

Cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still got a migraine pissing me off. All right. That's OK. Next one. A rocker. A singer.

Hey, what's up, boys? I want to know the truth on this. Beautiful hair. How do you guys actually feel when fans leave a Video and they're like, oh blah blah blah Chris I saw you and planet go fuck yourself and Matt. Oh my god, you know, like you're just yeah So rude to our fans. Hey, we're all fans, right? That's why we're watching.

True. But do we need to hear it every fucking time, dude? There's like six things that make me more mad than that. Probably, maybe like eight things that make me more mad than that. Right. And I don't understand why it makes me mad, but I'm very also curious. I get it. You guys hear that and you're like, uh, but you have to be like, oh, thanks. Well, yeah, I understand. It's a good question. All right. Let me know. It's me, it's us, so it

doesn't bother me. But, but, I will say this, yeah, if you're gonna do that, that's very nice. I really appreciate you saying that, and also you can do it quickly and it's not really a big deal. But if it was someone else, if I was listening to a podcast and fans would call in, I guess it does happen a lot of podcasts though, right? And they just say like, Hey, I'm big fan of Sawyer and this, that, that. I might be like, all right, just get to the thing, dude. I don't listen for this.

I might, I guess. I'm trying to put myself in other people's shoes. It's really hard though, because I'm mega famous. Everyone needs to relax. Oh. The people that do the submissions. Most chill therapists. It's not. though, because I'm mega famous. Everyone needs to relax. Oh. The people that do the submissions. Most chill therapists. It's not.

Most chill couple therapists. It feels better on my head if I just do like this. If people go through the trouble to send in a submission, they don't just hate to break it to everybody. They don't just want advice. They also want to be on the show. They also want to tell us what they think of us, especially if it's positive,

because they want us to know. Dude, I have many times reached out to people, especially on Instagram, I do this a lot. Not me. I'll just send somebody a message and be like, hey, you're the shit, dude. I don't know you. I'm never gonna know you.

I'm not trying to know you even. I don't even care if you respond. I want it to be known by you that I'm not trying to know you even. I don't even care if you respond. I want it to be known by you that I think what you're doing is great. It's weird though. I think about this sometimes, why do I want that? What does it bring me? I don't know, but it does bring me something.

I get some kind of genuinely good feeling from it. I think it's just that. You never did it to me. It's just that. It's just like a version of that. They're saying it kind of into the void, but they know eventually we're gonna see it. I guess it's annoying for them that they have to.

But hey, fucking Eddie Vedder over here, get over it. It's two seconds and it makes us feel good. Everybody wins except this guy. Yeah, I get it though. I get it. But yeah, I don't think it's gonna stop. And it is also is nice. I don't want it to encourage our guests to do it. I don it though. I get it. But but yeah, I don't think it's gonna stop and it is also is nice I don't want it to encourage our guests. Yeah, I don't either. I don't either you should do it turn the sounds off I know but I have to

Turn the sounds off Okay, Oh got the worst news ever. I got the worst. It's every other ways looking at it Oh gosh, a little bit. No, I'm getting the I'm getting the my prescription back a little bit? No, I'm getting the, I'm getting the uh, my uh, prescription. Get my prescription! Nice. Shirt's good, I feel good. Oh speaking of shirts, wait, I wanted to say something before we move on. Okay. There's an Instagram account that I really like, speaking to people that I'm just fucking say I like online. Oh Oh, I just found him. He's good Yeah, his account is called glum lot G L you M Lot yeah, right. Yeah, it looks like yes. This is the merch this new merch

You just sent it to me cuz hey, I'm not just a fan of him. He's a fan of me. Yeah How come he does like AI creepy stuff how come it's awesome what I should all follow him Why is AI art that's especially video like? How come he does like AI creepy stuff? How come? It's awesome. You guys should all follow him. Why is AI art that's especially video, like creepy? Why is it so? Captivating? Captivating, dude. I don't know.

I think though, I wanna make a movie with him because he's like, there are people that do it that suck at it and that's most people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, of course. It's just like eight guys on a basketball court, and then one of their arms turns into a hamburger, and then one of the players eats the hamburger, and then his head turns into a fucking spaceship.

Sounds like a really dope movie, to be honest. That's most of it. But some of them, I don't understand how some of them have such specific and consistent through lines. Like, how do you maintain that? I don't know, man. Did they edit it after? I don't know, I don't care to know.

It's just, I'm impressed by some of this shit. Anyway, Glumlot is my favorite one of these accounts. Check it out. Yeah, it's good, I just started following, but whatever, anyway. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, it's all good. So, man, you didn't find it.

How pissed off is the last guy that we were talking about positively about somebody else? What? How pissed off is the last guy that submitted that we were talking positively about somebody else as a fan? Yeah, yeah. He's like, I just wanna hear the podcast,

I don't wanna hear about that shit. That's what he gets, taste of his fucking least favorite medicine. This doesn't make sense. No, so far. Speaking of which, I'll be in Toronto soon. That's not what we're talking about. Okay. Go, okay, next one.

Sings really well. I just wanted to see how you guys feel about this predicament that I'm in. So I've been dating this guy for four years. Well, we live together. So more than dating, I would say. We're not married, but we live together four years. And all of a sudden, they decide they want

to move back to their hometown. You've been to their hometown before. It's dusty, crusty, musty, disgusting. It's baker's filled, if you know, you know, and you just don't like it You're not a fan and all of a sudden they decide they want to move back and you don't want to go So how would you guys feel about that because I'm conflicted. I was obviously sad at first I realize you don't I do know that you don't have possessiveness over another person I let him go and live his life, but at the same time, I'm very angry about it because

I was abandoned, if you will. I would be mad. And I don't know. How would you guys feel about it? Because it was kind of conflicted. Why does he want to move back? I don't know if I kind of made the decision or if I should have followed him. But I knew deep down I shouldn't have.

No, you did the right thing. But how would you guys feel? He made the decision for you. What a bonehead. Yeah. If I say to my wife, hey, I want to move back to La Cunha, I want to move back to Montclair, New Jersey. She's like, no. I don't say, all right, sayonara.

I go like this. I go like this, the air, I go like this. Well, but here's the thing. I'll be miserable and stay here with you. Well, that's what I don't get. But I won't be miserable because I'm with you. What do you want more? The air's on, is that okay? No.

Oh, man. Already said it, said it the second time I said it too. He doesn't give a fuck. No. So what I don't get, how could you want so badly to be in a place that you would rather be in that place than be with the person that you are in a...

I can understand. Maybe he wanted to leave her. Unless, well he did leave her. No, no, no, he did leave her. No, I'm saying maybe he wanted to leave her. Unless, well, he did leave her. No, no, no, he did leave her. No, I'm saying maybe he wanted to and it was using this bullshit. But I'm saying it doesn't, that matters less when you look at the actual stone cold facts, he left you.

Right. So it's over. Yeah. And that's that. Right, but I'm making a slightly different point, which is that- My point's great. If you, well, your point is specifically toward her.

I'm saying more broadly, why the fuck, in what world do you care more about where you're living- I can think of one. Than the relationship that you're in, unless you just don't like the relationship. I can think of one. I can think of even one more than that. Go ahead.

You hate where you live. He could hate where it is. More than you love who you're with? I don't get that at all. No, but you could, well, that's the other thing. They could, he could just be like, well, he could have been like, well, is there another place we could go to then?

He could have been, but he didn't. So yeah, yeah, as far as we know, he didn't do that. And as far as we know, yeah. So I, you know, I don't know. I think that he made, it's one of those, he made your decisions for you. So drunk, so fucking drunk. I can't believe how drunk you are.

Anyway, she's single now, so that's a good happy ending for me. No, but yeah, that's, that's, that honestly, that's so fucking weird that he did that to me. Four years? It's weird. He wanted to leave her though. Yeah, exactly. That's a bitch shit, that's bitch shit.

Dude, let me tell you something. When you move back home, it's kind of bitch shit, dude. Well, it depends. No, I know, If you really want to. For some reason, I had it in my head. I mean, this is so made up. And I just realized I made this up. God, brains are weird, huh?

Airplanes, I made them up. I made up the fact that he went home to take care of somebody he didn't take care of. You made that up. I completely made that up. That didn't necessarily happen. I mean, not at all. That's one thing, though.

You could stay together if that's what he did to go take care of his mom or dad or whatever. Right, right. But that's not at all what. No, he was selfish, could stay together if that's what he did to go take care of his mom or dad or whatever. Right, right. But that's not at all what- No, he was selfish, which is fine. It's what he wanted to do, but there you go. So I say go, honestly, whore it out. The most bottom most line is fuck that guy.

No, the bottom most line is orgies, bukkakees, gang bangs to get back at him. Okay, I don't think that's the bottom most bottom. Then you probably have to move because you become the town. The town pump. And maybe you go back to the, and then you happily ever after you live with the guy.

So, hey, I'm back. How did we get to happily ever after? Took so many copious dicks, but I'm back. Don't, hey, everybody. What's that on your face? Don't ever do anything. Sorry. To quote, get back at someone. Yeah, I agree, everybody. What's that on your face? Don't ever do anything. Sorry. To quote, get back at somebody.

Yeah, I agree, dude. That is such a waste of time. That was for jokes, but I agree. Getting back at people is, yeah, man. You'll never feel better at the end of it, dude. I get back to, you know what? I get back at them in my head. I just start thinking about it and that's it.

I don't do any actions, but like, if you double cross me, I go like this. Huh, okay. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Uh-uh. Hey, I have a one-way button to Splitsville. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Oh shit, I made a mistake. Doesn matter. You're out of my life. I'm the same way about if somebody does something that you cross me in one way that I deem too much, you're gone.

And then that's it, you're gone forever. The one way ticket to Splitsville. Yeah, but I think there's something a little wrong with that. It scares people that are in your life if they know that. They get scared in a way. You know why it doesn't matter? Because they don't exist. How does somebody who doesn't exist

still be scared? No, no, I'm saying before they do, they know you're, I'm saying, somebody knows you're like that. They get scared that if they do something that it's slightly misunderstood, then you're gone from their life forever. Right, you always,

it makes them act a little bit nervous. You don't want to be feared, you'd rather be respected, right? Well, yeah, I don't want to be feared. It's like that quote by Dub C. And people are very afraid of me and I don't like that about myself. You'd rather be feared than loved. No, I didn't say that at all. Dub C said it in the Met Circle.

Very obvious. But I'm just saying, it's a quote from Dub C. I'd rather be feared than loved with a pocket full of dubs. You know what else Dub C said? Not just a second wave of my flag and never will I ease up, so stop illskin. Okay, you know? Yeah, I do know.

The way you said that. Okay, so. I used to think he said nuts are sagging. No, he says the N word. Well, first he said not just sagging. Not just sagging. No, he says not just clowning. No, he said not just sagging, waving my flag the end of it. Not just sagging. No, he says not just clowning. No, he said not just sagging,

waving my flag and never will I ease up. Zulgin, so stop asking. Okay, okay. The song's called something like clowning or something. Oh, Dub C's the man. Okay, all right, all right. So, so, you do, you don't exist. I mean, a magician.

The worst magician. You don't exist. Jeff don't exist. I'm a magician. The worst magician. You don't exist. Jeff Goldblum as a magician. You don't exist. You don't exist, dude. Oh shit. Oh, somebody don't cross to me in front of my face, I go like this.

Why am I alone in this room? Where are you? Where are you? What? Somebody just disappeared. Why? One ticket to Splitsville. So crazy.

You make yourself blind All right Hey guys, I got a situation I could use Chris Daughtry on haha go to a wedding this weekend and I've just learned that it's not gonna be catered The food isn't gonna be provided what it's gonna be instead provided by the guests as a potluck Oh that so everyone is set said it wrong. You said wrong I'm pissed. Yeah. Now. My question is what type of gift is appropriate for this situation? Because normally I would give maybe two three hundred dollars to make sure I cover the cost of dinner mostly in this situation all the guests are feeding themselves I

Feel like I've done enough, but it feels weird to show up empty-headed. So let me know. This guy's the guy from the maker. He thinks about things wrong. Yeah, you're not, this isn't, you just think about things wrong. You don't-

That's not how gifts work. You don't go to a wedding with a check because it is symbolic to what I might be eating. Commesurate with the amount of food you ate or something. You go with like a fucking crock pot or... Because they need a crock pot. Hey, this is what was on your list. Yes, that's all.

You don't have like a fucking wish list for... Look at my wish list. There are different things you could check out. $300. I need $100. I need $450. I need to just show up. Dude, you're not also you're not paying for the food also. Yeah. You're just, get him a fucking curling iron.

I mean, you know, worse, especially since he's bald. A fucking wedding gift. How would he know? I think that you're just thinking about it all wrong. Yeah, that's a total wrong. Just get him a gift and then stop thinking about everything. His question was,

this is how he posited his question. I'm going to a, this, look, God bless this guy. It's crazy. This was a travesty. It's crazy how his brain works. He goes like this, hey guys, so I have to go to a wedding this weekend. It's not going to be catered.

They're not catering it. So what what's going to be happening is the guests are going to be bringing in their food. That's what they said. It's okay. So here, hey, shorten all that up, go into a potluck wedding. Boom, boom. All right. So already it's a Travis.

You're already fucked up, yeah. You're a little snowball. And then he says, so my question is, what do I get them as a gift? That snowball is getting bigger already because that has nothing to do with that. Couldn't have less to do with it.

Normally I'd bring two, $300 to a wedding. Like he's fucking lucky Luciano. Cause it's commensurate with the amount the meal cost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also how much you eat? You made that up fuck. Yeah, that has never been said before. So really, how expensive do you think your fucking meal is?

Yeah dude. Fucking nine. Normally I bring $9,000 to cover my meal. And then he's like, so what do I do instead? Nothing, you'd change nothing. Bartering, just bartering. Do exactly what you always do. Don't tether your gift to the fucking meal

that they feed you. You crazy person. They're getting married on the cheap if they're not providing food, which is fine. People don't have, you know, a lot of people don't have money. Of course it's fine, but I'm saying, he feels a little bit about this because maybe he doesn't have money, whatever, but if he's People don't have, you know, a lot of people don't have money. Of course it's fine. But I'm saying he feels a little bit about this

because maybe he doesn't have money, whatever. But if it's giving people $200, $200, you have a lot of money. He's fine, he's got plenty of money, this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, just get him, here's what you wanna do. Think of, whatever lets you think about all of this the least, that's the way to go.

Go to their registry, find something that's between 100 and 200 bucks, click buy, go to bed. But don't be like Kristen and if you go to Postmates and you get two meals because you're not sure what you want and then they show up and you eat one of them and then the other one goes bad. Don't do that. Does she do that?

God, that is so something I would do. I don't do that. I do it. Oh, but I saved it. But walked it back. And I'll eat it later. So you don't do that. I'll save it and I'll eat it later. So you don't do that. I'll save it and I'll eat it later. But she will say, I'll just save it and then never eat it.

And then me, I go like this. Well, can't bring that up because that'll be a lightning rod for a argument. Next one. Okay. What's better than Tim's Rewards Points? Two times the Tim's Rewards Points. Use Scan and Pay on the Tim's app from now until September 30th to earn two times the points. Pay, Earn and Redeem

all with one scan, only on the Tim's app. Canada only, limited time only, terms apply, see app for details. RBC has helped millions of young Canadians turn their most likelies into most definatelies, making their ideas happen with scholarships, internships and skill development, plus resources for artists and athletes. Learn more at rbc.com slash support youth. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.

I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to five percent off smoothies, and five percent Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear I'm there for savings not whatever you think university is for get uber one for students a membership to save on uber and uber eats with deals this good everyone wants to be a student join for just 4.99 a month savings may vary eligibility and member terms apply it's a close. Hi Chris and Matt.

Tony from Melbourne here. Chris, I saw you in Melbourne. You're amazing. My sister. I had the best night ever. And Matt, I think you are me sometimes and it makes me feel less alone because you are very relatable in the way you are. Great.

Anyway, my question is, there was a guy to follow up. There was a guy, a couple of podcasts ago, and he was talking about how his friend didn't pick up his calls, and he wasn't messaging him back, and things would have happened in his life, and he wasn't the first one to hear from him, yada, yada, yada. I'm just wondering, what do you do as that friend?

I'm a person who's a bit more introverted, and I don't have the time and energy to constantly be texting and calling my friends. I have a girl in my life, a friend in my life, and I don't really want to be friends with her anymore. And she constantly texts me and says, we should catch up or why haven't you texted me or why haven't you done this? And those sort of friendships I figure if I text and say, hey, yeah, let's catch up. Like, you know, I'll let you know soon or I'll figure out a time You know and I'll message you and then you don't message them back or you don't put in effort

I just feel like it is assumed that that person doesn't want to be your friend Do I need to miss this girl? Do I need to say? Hey, I do not want to be your friend anymore I find this is a reoccurring thing and I don't want to be so dick but like How do I go about it? How do you tell someone that you don't want to be their friend or should she just get the message and I should just keep Sort of push it back and saying yeah, no worries. We'll catch up sometime soon I genuinely don't know how to go about their situations. I don't have the time or energy To be going above to make them feel closure. Am I the asshole?

I don't know. Anyway, thanks guys, bye. So like I said, this has happened to me a number of times in a number of different ways. The answer is yes, they should take the hint, but the fact is they're not. So it doesn't matter what they should or shouldn't do. That's out the fucking window.

They're not getting it. So what you need to do is a version of this in your own words, of course, whatever those might be, say something like, look, I obviously have come to understand by now that you in some way or another don't like the way I either respond or the amount I engage back with you when you try to engage with me, whatever,

that kind of thing. However, that is how I am. If you don't like that, you clearly don't. You don't like me. Then you should get used to that on your own time. It's not up to me to continually remind you, hey, this is how I am, this is how I am. Hope you like it, hope you get used to it.

I don't give a shit. You either get used to it or you don't, but do that on your own fucking time. This is me, this is how much I respond, this is how much energy I've chosen to put into our friendship, relationship, whatever it is. If you don't like it, fuck off. Obviously, you don't see those things, but I said it in reverse.

I don't think you can't get mad. I mean, it's frustrating as frustrating as it is getting mad at somebody cause they don't get the hint is a waste of time. Because it's just people's degrees of that vary and fine. There's no way to not to do this where the other person is not gonna think you're a dick though, if you say something.

Yeah. And that's on them. That is on them, but they're making you do it. You have a choice. I would say in her situation, I would just, for her, I would just not respond and keep not responding until finally she'll get the idea. Or.

See what she's kind of asking though is like in my mind, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm making this up again, but like it seems like she, there's some urgency for this for her because she's well, first of all, she's asking us. But second of all, she like clearly is bothered by the specter of more reach, reach outs from this friend. And it's like, it's almost like a, okay.

Seems like a thing that's constantly in the back of my mind. Then just say, hey, it's not me. Say something, yeah. What? It's not me, send. Like you're, what does that mean? It's not me anymore. You're not texting me, send. Like you're, what does that mean? It's not me anymore. You're not texting me.

Meaning I'm someone else. This is someone else. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But say it's not me. Yeah, okay. What? Stacy?

No, it's not me. Yes, but no. Yeah, this is Stacy. Who wants to know? Me. No. Got a crazy person to do the. You're on the phone and shit.

Dude, it's interesting, man. Some people are this kind of person and then some people are the way that they're like, well, why won't you text me more? Why won't you text me more? What do you mean why I wanna text you more? Obviously you asking me why I wanna text you more is only gonna make me wanna text you less. I text you as much as I want to text you more. Obviously you asking me why I want to text you more is only going to make me want to text you less.

I text you as much as I want to do it. Yeah. Only drinking that because I touched it. But that's obvious. You're only drinking that because I touched it. You would not be taking that right now and drinking it if it wasn't for me touching it. You doing that made me realize how thirsty I was.

Fuck. See, that's annoying because I touched it because I wanted to see if you'd grab it, right? Because if you grabbed it, then you're going to drink it. And I thought if I touched it, let go and you didn't do anything. I would then pick it up and drink it because you obviously don't want it. Considerate. But look at me. Cheers. So rubbing it in such such a dick.

Look at this guy. A crowd, a crowd going crazy. He's a good producer. He's getting you one. Thanks. Oh, yeah. So disrespectful not having shoes on though. Crazy to not have shoes on while he's working. So slob. The Jimmy Buffett of podcast producers. No, what was the Joe? Jack Johnson.

Jack Johnson, worst name, cool name though. Oh, oh, fuck, what was that song? It seems to me that maybe. It doesn't matter, all songs he sang were basically, I said, but I feel it all the time, say it was silent and scrambled eggs. This is the only time I've ever not worn this in here. I know.

That's why I'm bringing it up now. It'd be weird if I brought it up a different time. You might just let it go. So fucking tone deaf. Yeah. You have one note that you do. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you have one note. Yeah. Okay. I think that- I don't get provoked anymore. It all washes over me. Jesus. It doesn't, nothing upsets anymore. It all washes over me. Jesus. It doesn't, nothing upsets me.

It all washes over me. Associapath. I don't get provoked. About to go on a murder spree of 12 women in cars. And have like a detailed map of where they are and how to get there and how long it takes me to get to each place. Right, and gonna do it in a Corolla.

Gonna drive on one tango gas go as far as you can and then. But it's not just women. Sorry, sorry to break it to you, but it's not just women. Okay. It's half and half. Half and half? What serial killer really does half and half? They usually just do the opposite sex, you know? I'm an interesting serial killer.

Well, one thing about him is he sure is interesting. I mean, you say they usually do the opposite sex. It's almost always men who kill women is really what it is. It's not women who kill men. OK, quickly, yeah. But slowly, women will work on a man and kill them from the inside out. Hussie Dipper. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You know that, right? That's a deeper. The worst doctor.

Is that complaining? Why did you not do this? What? Well, I never signed up for that. In your head, boink, it lives there. Then it starts. And then the more complaining, the more complaining. It adds to it.

And all before you got rid of your job, because you got jaw cancer. Worst doctor. Worst doctor in history. You know that's how Roger Ebert died? His bitch. His bitch. His bitch, dude. The worst doctor in history.

The patients just like this in the office. I just came in to get a checkup. It's fucking Andrew Tate, MD. God. We're always funniest at the 45 minute mark. What the hell is that? I don't know. We've wondered this before.

I don't know. It's really weird, man. It is very weird. You know what's really weird? Comedy sets are like 45 minutes when you go headline. Maybe I need to do longer. Just a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer.

I've done longer. Okay, making it about you. One of the most I've done on stage. An hour and 25 minutes. That's the most? Yeah. That's it? I think, I'm not, definitely not more than an hour and a half.

Wow. Never. I could do that. And so many people do that. Some of the comics do that and I don't get it. In what way? What do you mean you don't get it? They'll go on stage, they'll do two hours.

What don't you get about it? It's not fucking. It's not good. Fun or good. So it's not because the audiences are like, fuck this, this is boring now. It's because you don't you get about it? It's not fucking fun or good. So it's not because the audiences are like, fuck this, this is boring now. It's because you don't like it. No, it's, hey, just be, I am a firm believer.

There's very few things I've said more truthful than what I'm about to say. Just because a whole room is laughing, that doesn't mean they still wanna be there. Oh, sure, yeah. Dude, you can kill for five hours. It doesn't mean that they wanna be there. They're just forgetting to leave.

Yeah, yeah, God, I hate going to comedy shows. You know? Cannot fucking stand it. Why? I just don't wanna be there. You always were like that. I know, dude, I don't know. I don't get it.

I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like being there, dude. Wow. It doesn't offend me. It doesn't offend me. Anytime I try to explain it to someone, it never works. No, you just- I'm just, it's anomalous.

I like don't- Because stand-up comedy is such a beloved thing. Yeah, I guess it is. And thank you. I mean, obviously- And I do it. People fucking love it. Yeah, it is weird how much people, I mean, obviously. And I do it. People fucking love it. Yeah, it is weird how much people,

I mean, no, everyone loves to laugh and people's lives are miserable, but dude, they just, yeah, people, I don't, I don't like, I used to love to watch as a kid, but now I'm just like, I don't, you know, I never watch it. I never, ever watch it, dude. And I guess it, I've always thought it's because

I'm lucky to know so many people in my life who just make me laugh every day, all day. Guilty. That I'm like, I'm not, I'm not like seeking out, certainly never would ever like want to pay money to go drive somewhere, to sit down, to watch some fucking ass clown kind of make me laugh. So shitty.

Some fucking ass clown, probably named Chris D'Alia. Joe Pesci. Try to make me laugh and not really probably succeed. When clown that probably named Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Try to make me laugh and not really probably succeed. When you get it for free all day long. Yeah, well no. You're a text away from getting it free. But actually though, that's rough. I'll keep the yanks coming.

That's true, that's right. Yeah. Why would I do that? I'll make you fucking fall out of your chair with a. Why do people fuck stand up comedy? No, that's not true, dude. You know, going so overboard. Fuck all stand up comedians.

Fuck them all, dude. Fuck it all, fuck them all. Tupac. Hell yeah, dude. And I fucked your bitch, stand up. Yeah. I fucked your microphone. Uncle Richard.

All right. What's up, man? Chris. What's up, dude? Big fan of you guys, but I'm gonna jump home. Uncle Richard. All right. What's up man, Chris. What's up dude. Big fan of you guys, but I'm gonna jump into it. Christian Bell. Thoughts on Jim Etiquette and- Who's Jim Etiquette anyway? I was gonna say that, but I was drinking.

I wouldn't have said it got you because I'm quicker. There was kind of a spectrum to that, but recently I was at the gym. Was trying, you know, just to get some last reps in on a higher weight on a cable machine. This is gonna be good. Christian Bell in the fight.

And the last two sets, the weights kind of slammed a little bit guy next to me got pissed off Kimmy incredibly aggressively and told me to control it Really took me aback and couldn't stop thinking about the rest of the day. I just kind of put my hands up I was like whatever dude But just want to hear y'all's two cents I'm not the guy that's slamming barbells down and grunting and yelling, but I'm still getting after it in the gym. Yeah, I like that.

All to say, what's a good spin move, or was I in the wrong? We'd love to hear what you both think. I'm sorry, what would even be? So he just dropped the weights, basically, for lack of a better way to put it, he just dropped the weights that clanked a little loud. One time.

Oh, I'm sorry, it's about his ears, his little ears? Yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey, you know what? Hey, it's ear day, dude. I'm working your ears out. And it was one rep, so shut the fuck up. It's so, what's so like... Bitch man. Fussy. Yeah, I mean, look.

Get over it. I don't even give a sh... I don't... I... You're not at the library, dude. Well... It's the gym. I don't care if it's loud enough. Are we wrong? Is it about the volume? I, I, I, you're not at the library, dude. Well, it's the gym. I don't care if it's loud or not.

Are we wrong? Is it about the volume? What the fuck is he upset? I don't get it. It's a gym, it's loud. A gym etiquette thing is like, you don't throw the weights around. You don't clang them over and over again.

So, so it's feasible that if it happened once, some asshole would might be like, yo, don't do that. Which is so silly. That's crazy, dude. Whoa. But I don't care if someone does that. I actually like it.

I don't care if you're gonna clang the weights. If you go, oh, if you're, you know. Reclustration, reclustration. Yeah, but I do it. I don't care. You're at the gym. You're not at fucking church. But this is my church, dude.

But this is my church. Because I'm on the iron altar right now. And I'm getting my fucking swole on, thank Jesus Christ. I'm with you. Wait, what? Yeah. It's just, I mean, you're not in the wrong, dude. It makes me mad that he's even having

to wonder if he's in the wrong. Hey dude, that guy. Whoa, dude, one way tickets to Splitsville. I don't have a button to make it go back down, so you better be happy. That guy has so many problems at home. Yeah, something else was obviously going on. Yeah, fucking, fuck that guy.

It's just so, so, so bad. They almost didn't let, my, Sam, who is my videographer guy, he, they wouldn't let him on the plane because he had one of those Pelican cases, you know, those hard ones that with the cameras in it and shit. Oh, yeah. But it was small enough to where it was a carry on, right? And they were like, oh, hey, you're gonna have to check that.

Last time he checked it, they opened it up and stole a camera out of it, right? Yeah, this was a year ago. But Jesus Christ. So he's like, well, I'm not gonna do that because last time that came to this, then he was like, all right, well, then you're gonna have to, you can't get on the plane. And he was like, it fits in the actual thing.

He, you know how they have that bag thing. And then he says, no, it doesn't. And Sam walks over to it, puts it in and it fit. And he says, well, you still can't bring it on the plane. I say so. And the guy's like, and then Sam's like, are you okay? Did you have a bad day? And the guy says, I'll put you on the no, I say so. Oh, no. And then Sam's like, are you OK? Did you have a bad day?

And the guy says, I'll put you on the no-fly list. So I got to get a new cameraman. No, but how wild is that? And then he was able to talk to someone else and then bring it on the plane. And then said to the stewardess and the pilot was there. And they were like, oh, yeah, they're giving me a hard time on my thing.

And they said, was it Stu? And he said, yeah there and they were like, oh yeah, they're giving me a hard time with my thing. And they said, was it Stu? And he said, yeah. And they're like, oh, Stu. Like dude, that's what the guy does. Oh, Stu, dude. Guy's just getting divorced every day by a different woman. Stu.

Oh, well, I'll go to work, I guess. Fuck. Wow, of course, his name's Stu, you know? Of course he's a different man. I know, dude. How about there's really people named Stu. You know? Stu. Stu.

What am I gonna name another kid if I have another kid? Stu. No. Stuart. Is it gonna be a boy or a girl? I don't know. So which one's it gonna be, a boy or a girl? It'll be probably a boy if I do it. Okay, so now. But it could be, a boy or a girl? It'll be probably a boy if I do it. Okay, so now.

But it could always be a girl. What if you named it George? No. What if you named it Felipe? No, that would be weird, Felipe Delea. What if you named it? By the way, this, what we're doing right now is the worst podcasting of all time.

I think it's great. What if you named it Norman? That's okay. Now we're on, now we're cooking? I'm not going to, Norman? No, I'm not, I don't think I'm going to name it him Norman though. What if you named him Clitface? Okay.

Now, now this is the worst podcast. Clitface! Calvin, Billy and Clitface. Okay. God, he'd be such a hard time growing up. Yeah ha ha. Calvin, Billy, and Clipface. Okay. God, he'd be such a hard time growing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he would. With his brothers with normal names? Yep.

Now, mostly just because his name would be Clipface, but yeah. But it would make it even worse if he had brothers with normal names. It just would always be bad. There's no worse. If your name is Clipface, there's no worse. It would always be bad, you're right.

It doesn't matter if your brother's name is Steve. No, I think if your brother's names were like, you know, Ass Munch and- No, no, still worse. No, just as bad. Tortellini Anus. It would be way more tolerable than if it was Calvin and Billy, you know?

No, it wouldn't. You know why? Why? Hey, I'm gonna go meet somebody. Hey, oh, hey, nice to meet you. Oh, hey, what's your name? Oh yeah, hey, I'm going to go meet somebody. Hey, nice to meet you. Oh, hey, what's your name? Oh, yeah. Hey, I'm Clipface. You go like this.

You have to say what so many times they don't say, but what are your brother's names? Your brother's name is Steve, right? Not totally the anus totally the anus, dude. The least rolls off your tongue name. Or you call me tort for short. Call me anus for short. What? Yeah, what's your full name?

Tortellini Anus. So gross to think about those things together. Call me Face. What? Like the guy from A-Team? No, no, no, my full name is Clit Face. What? And then guy from A-Team? No, no, no, my full name's Clitface. What? And then walk away and go,

dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Dude, I've had the A-Team song stuck in my head for four weeks. What? It won't go away. Yes, dude! It won't go away. That's like a certain kind of hell.

It is, dude, one time I was sick. Oh my gosh, dude, it was in, I think it was in high school. And I had this song stuck in my head by LL Cool J, phenomenon, something like a phenomenon, something like a phenomenon, dude. And it wouldn't get out of my head out of fever. And I kept going, something like a phenomenon.

In my head, dude, it was driving me crazy, dude. Because I was sick, I kept thinking of the, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Would you listen to it or was just in your head? I mean, probably before I was sick. No, I know, but like, OK. No, no, no. Something like a phenomenon, phenomenon,

like a phenomenon. Oh, you still know it so well. It's just really been stuck in your head. Yeah. And now, it so well. It's you really been stuck in your head. Yeah, and now It's 18 How big of a dick was that guy with the gray hair? Oh George Pappard? Yeah, the biggest dick in the world Pappard, dude Wait, was that his name? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Yeah, totally named as Pappard. He would He would do the most dick shit to like ADs and PAs and stuff, you know

Yeah, that's back when you couldn't get canceled. It's so weird because, dude, this was brought to my attention. Jack Nicholson, he's like beat up multiple women. Yeah, he almost killed a hooker outside of his house. Not just one, just beat up women. And people are just like, there's Jack at the Laker game. And I'm like, OK, people make mistakes, whatever the fuck you want to say.

That's a bit extreme. Well, that is. That's not like that is extreme. That is extreme right? No, no, no, no, I know, I know. Beating somebody is fucking crazy. But like, it's just wild. It's crazy.

It's really, it's really, the more, it's one of those things, the more you think about it, the more unbelievable and unthinkable it becomes. It just like- Cancel culture? Well, no, specifically what you're describing. The fact that some people have done the most terrific shit and no one cares at all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, look at Jonathan Majors. They're like, oh no, no, he's done. The guy like maybe like talked sternly to a woman. Yeah, I forget. I mean, I remember what happened, but I forget the details of that. Whatever it is, I don't know what it is.

But it certainly wasn't beat the shit out of multiple women like Jack Nicholson. No, no, no, yeah, yeah. Imagine Jack Nicholson beating the shit out of you. He almost killed the one. But just like, you'd be like, this is so weird. Ugh, man, he's got those eyebrows. Ugh. Keanu Reeves, Keanu Reeves.

Fuck, ugh, man, I can't believe Jack Nich oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Bay Ontario, go to chrisley.com to get those tickets. Thank you very much. I'll be having a migraine. Okay, I'll see you guys next week. Thanks everybody. Bye.