Lifeline - 13. Gorgeous

Episode Date: July 4, 2022

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Hello. Will you please. Hello. Hello. wow your hair dude what about why is it going from here over here why do you have a comb over but you also have hair because it's chill uh i think the answer is because it's chill that's not worst defendant what is it's Cause it's chill It's chill Your honor Are we going We already started We already started right This is a fucking gold shit Not just singing Alright well don't

Sing WC Dub C Not just singing We've been We're going You can't do the rest of that I know that Um

Yeah dude We're here lifeline episode something brought to you by super cult so i do know the no but brought to you by i do know the brought to you by yeah i remember it what i said last episode i didn't really remember what that was oh you remember it brought to you by who did that though it was the the thing brought to you by it wasn't everybody it was esp thank you thank you i know that took us to fucking took us to class so hard so yes when he when he said yes benny leaned back in his chair and put his feet up yeah it's true rocked us so hard so uh i hope

my son doesn't grow up to be a serial killer do you know what i mean i yeah if you want to talk about that go for it yeah because we wanted to do the episode at 2 p.m. You did. I did. I did. By we, I mean me. And I said it was fine. Because I'm the kind of guy that kind of goes with it.

You roll with it. I roll with it just in general, yeah. Right. And I said, let's do it at 2, and we're recording on a Saturday. And Chris over here, our producer, says, you know what? I don't want to be like, I'm sure it's fine. It's cool if we need to. But it's Saturday. I don't want to do my day. Can we do it at 11? And I said you know, I, I don't want to be like, I'm, I'm sure it's fine. You know, it's cool if we need to, but like, I,

you know, it's Saturday. I don't want to do my day. Can we do it at 11? And I said, okay, that's cool. But I just wanted to play with my son before,

uh, I, he went down for a nap and I wanted to shoot during my nap, but it's okay. And he said, uh, you know, and we said,

I said, okay, I'm okay with two o'clock or whatever. Just, I really want to be there for my son because, you know, I don't want to not be there for him because dads weren't there. You said, you have to do this whoops you interrupted we said yeah we have

to do it dude yeah you said i said i can do whatever i can do it at two i prefer to not have my nephew turn into a serial killer but whatever because most kids that don't have most kids that don't have their parents around they turn out more likely to become serial killers or terrible people in some other way. Criminal in one way or another. So I said, oh, shit. Well, that's fine. It shouldn't be a big deal. My son maybe grew up to be a serial killer.

He's just a little bit more likely to become one. And that's fine. And we'll tell that to the families if he ends up – oh, the producer of the podcast. Don't worry that your family is, that somebody died in your family because my producer wanted to go sailing. Yeah. Right. Right.

Later that Saturday. Yeah. So don't even worry about it. And then they're going to feel better, right? They'll feel a little bit better. So don't even worry about it. About their dead relative. Right.

So it's fine. So good. So we figured that out. So we're here. So we're here. Short 11 or whatever it is. We figured that out. Yeah, we figured that out.

So now that that's all settled. Yeah. Yeah. So, and I drove over here and let me just that out. Yeah, we figured that out. So now that that's all settled. Yeah. And I drove over here. And let me just tell you, man, I was excited to come over here because it's Saturday. And I knew that it was going to be smooth sailing, right? Because people aren't going to work and stuff, right? Uh-oh, I sense something coming.

Dude, the traffic was just gorgeous. It was just gorgeous, man. The traffic was just insanely gorgeous. The traffic was fucking gorgeous. Fuck, it was fucking gorgeous. But why was the traffic so gorgeous on a Saturday? Right? I know why.

Why? Because we were coming on downtown, and downtown is where people show up in numbers to get angry about one thing or another. And people are always angry, and on the weekends is when people have time off, so that's when they plan their protests. So they're coming down

to do protests and stuff. I saw people protesting. Correct. You know what they should protest? Traffic. That's what they should protest. No more traffic. Stay home.

That's what it should be. I'm going to be in my apartment silently protesting traffic. Help me. I help. I don't think anybody But it was gorgeous, man. It was so gorgeous.

I was driving and people were bumper to bumper and I was just like, God, this is gorgeous. And then- Colin Farrell, dude. And then motorcycles rode by me quickly and it was very loud and rumbly. I hate that. And it was just gorgeous, man. It was gorgeous too.

In my ears, it was gorgeous. It was gorgeous for my eyes. It was great because I had to keep hitting the brake and then go a little bit and hit the brake. And you know what it was, dude, it was gorgeous. Every one of those too many minutes. Every one of those too many minutes was just absolutely exquisitely gorgeous. So I love, so I love that traffic, man.

I just love that it's there. And I love that it hit me by surprise because it's Saturday. And you love how gorgeous it is. It was just absolutely gorgeous. I was driving down here and I was just like is this a painting by george o'keefe wow because it's going the artist he knows only artist does this look you know what i was like driving down i was like is this a fucking painting of a flower that looks like a pussy by george o'keefe because this is just absolutely gorgeous right right yeah and

so i finally got here and i'm pissed right and that's great dude and we're here late anyway so the so chris can't even go fucking sailing and now i'm fucking way not with my son for even longer because of the gorgeous traffic and that's great so my son's a serial killer and the producer doesn't even get to do good sailing so yes i'm 100 going sailing can you are going oh yeah okay good could anybody have come in hotter than you've come in with this is that even possible and thanks so much for the gorgeous traffic okay thanks la was dude thanks la for the gorgeous traffic so uh but i'm thrilled about it so that's great great okay well that's that's being defensive i'm not just no i think you're being very angry and trying to cover it up with with words that imply you're not angry

so many words for defensive nope Nope, that's not defensive. This is a different group of wordings. Okay. My son said, I left today and my son said, I said, I'll see you later. And he said, see you later. And I said, I love you. And he said, I love you.

And then he said, I'll be serial killing in 20 years. I hope you enjoy. I hope you enjoy. I hope, tell Chris in 20 years. I hope you enjoy. I hope you enjoy. I hope. Tell Chris, the producer, I hope you enjoy sailing. Because that's three people that are going to wind up dead in 25 years. All right. So, yeah.

So, that's what's up. That's cool. But other than that, man, you look good. Oh, just rethought great. You look good. You look good. That's so fucking rude. I think you were going tothought great. You look good. That's so fucking rude. I think you were going to say great.

What made you downgrade it to great? Because you have a comb over and you don't need a comb over. Well, the thing about my hair is that any which way it goes, it looks kind of flowing and pretty great. Yeah, but you don't have to have a comb over. There you go. Absolutely amazing. Well, way better.

Great. Now great. It looked amazing before as well. Great. Just to clear that up for you. Kristen said my hair looks great yesterday. go absolutely amazing well way better great great now great it looked amazing before as well great just just to clear that up for you kristen said my hair looks great yesterday so yesterday what about today i didn't really i mean we saw each other briefly but because i had to leave you know why she said rush out because we had to do it so early and it's in gordon strafford you know why she said what because it's so rare for you no yeah maybe no dude also i got fucking tan a little bit

yeah that's the first time you've ever fucking you know i got tan dude this is how white i am dude okay this is how white i am so you know i got married i was in the uh ceremony or the wedding i hope so yeah and i was in there i was in that because it's for me and it was at 5 30 outside i was outside for fucking 25 minutes and i burned to a crisp at 5 30 that's how white i am the next day i woke up and i was a fucking lobster dude yeah you were burnt yeah yeah and so now what it turned into some color so dude i look great so i was sitting there all tan and gorgeous traffic and it's fine you do look better with a little bit of a tan i know i got i got to but do you know what laying out in the sun you know what it is it's boring you can't look at your phone because it's too

bright you start sweating and you can't read a book. It's too bright. You can read a book. It's too bright. No, I don't agree with that. You can listen to a fucking podcast. You can read a book. You can listen to a podcast and also be like doing doper shit though.

Like what? I wish being in the sun was more fun. This is what I think that you should be. This is what I think should happen if you sit in the sun because being in the sun is healthy, right? I mean, to a degree. To a degree, right. To not, I mean,

you're not going to fucking want to be out there all the time and just like with no sun, with no protection. But to a degree, it's nice. So here's what the Lord should do. When you're out in the sun

chilling, you should get to jizz. Just upon the sun hitting you? Just chilling, not even touching, anything sexual. You should just, you should have a low-grade jizz.

Like the steady stream of low-grade jizz? have a low-grade jizz like the steady stream of like a low-grade edging no the problem the problem with that is no one would ever get out of the sun so the lord should not do that but it only works but it only works for like 30 minutes and then you and then it stops right and you bust you know what you know what that made me think of that a lot of things make me think of when i was a kid i read michael crichton's terminal man yeah and there's a passage in the book about it's like about how the brain is manipulated yeah through like putting nodes on it and you can like let the person in an experiment tap the certain buttons that connect to certain parts of the brain yeah and there's a part in the book early on it's just

a really short part but i think about all the time where a guy was allowed to give an access to a button yeah that helped him just that that set off an orgasm in his brain, not on his body, but in his brain. And he turned into like a drooling, fucked up, like massive bone and skin who was like unable to do anything except like fucking hit that button. But he didn't jizz? It was just a brain jizz? Yeah, he just kept, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's the level of shit we're talking about here. So I don't think the Lord, as you put it, I don't think the Lord should do that. Wow, that's fucking terrifying. It's scary. That's why it stuck with me. I was like 12 and I was like... Yeah.

Well, also you shouldn't be... What's jizzing? 12 reading the terminal. No, you shouldn't. You definitely shouldn't, but I did that. Yeah. Fucking 11 years old reading the Andromeda strain. Yeah, I was.

I used to think it was the Andromedia strain. All right. So, all right. Well, dude, that's probably why you're fucked up, right? I read Jurassic Park. I read Congo. I read fucking Andromeda strain. Did you read Andromeda strain?

Yeah. Not me. I read Terminal Man. I read Congo. That's it. You only read Congo. I read Congo. Yeah.

And I read Jurassic Park. The same idyllog glyphics over and over again. Tim Curry in Congo. Thank you. The same idyllic glyphics over and over again. That character is legendary.

What I realized, I looked up Tim Curry in Congo and so many people have pulled clips and put that shit up on YouTube. Really?

Yeah, it's like a famous thing. Wow. I mean, it was to us when we were young but I didn't realize it was to the world as well. How fucking amazing would he be at a dinner party? You know what I mean?

You would just like, everyone at some time would be like, shut the fuck up, dude. Tim Curry's here. Yeah. Tim Curry's done some of the greatest shit ever on screen. So yeah. Yeah. Me too. So, all right.

So let's do, let's do, let's get into it, guys. Let's do. You know what? Let's get into it. Let's do. Hi, I'm Matt. Hi, Chris. Cincy. it guys you know what let's get into it let's do hi i'm matt hi chris um one week ago i went to the swimming pool to meet my uh friend and i arrived a little bit earlier and i was in the cubicle getting changed and i could hear my uh friend in the next cubicle on a telephone call

um it's kind of a lot of agreeing a lot of all that kind of noise. And then about 10, 15 seconds later, I hear him say, that was the best blow job. So I was like, Jesus, what's going on here? And then five seconds after that, I hear another guy say, that's no problem oh wow so i stayed in that cubicle and i waited until the normal time should have met him so it's like nothing strange right but i wanted to ask would you tell the friend that you heard that situation or would you just let it go and wait for him to tell you either way who, who cares? You know, the heart wants what the heart wants. But I just wanted to ask for your opinion.

Thanks very much, guys. Have a nice day. Bye-bye. It's so funny that you have to say at the end, like, it doesn't matter. I'm cool with whatever, which is cool. Yeah, of course it is. You do need to say that, I think, though, actually. I know, but it's funny that you have to, right?

Because it's like you don't want him. He doesn't want to come off as being like fucking normal. I think it's not funny because it makes me think of all the people that wouldn't be okay with it. And then that makes me want to cry. So. It's deeper. You know what?

You know why you think that? You read all those fucked up books when you were 12. Maybe. Maybe. It's deeper. I'm a sensitive guy. I'm in touch with the universe. I'm in touch with Michael Crichton books when I was 11.

So I read so much John Grisham when I was 10. So the guy got sucked off. Okay. He was at the pool. Am I getting that right? He was at the pool. The guy didn't know. He got sucked off.

And the fucking friend was right next to him in his fucking odd future hat. Now, the guy got sucked off. And that's fine. But this is what you do when that happens, bro. Okay. You go like this. Received. Information. Received. Information.

Received. He's sealing an envelope. He's putting it somewhere. He's putting it in his shirt pocket. And he's leaving it there. And you keep it. You keep it for rainy day. It's just there.

What are you? A fucking villain? You're going to keep it? No. No, you're not a villain. But what if the guy's a villain you have to keep the shit wow dude what if the guy's a villain dude you got to look out for yourself dude okay well here's what i would do but what i would do what i would do first of all is this man your friend is he in the closet or is he well he was in the was in the bathroom. No, but it depends on if he's in the closet or not.

No, he's in the closet. He doesn't know. Okay. So let's say he's in the closet. Then I think bringing it up with him is an absolute no-no. Because why push that? Why even poke that bear? There's no reason to.

But if he is gay or if he's openly even bisexual absolutely bring it up and fucking make fun of him for because that is goddamn hilarious so he got sucked off in a fucking wet bathroom huh yeah yeah so what made you so what made you think i wouldn't hear that yeah yeah yeah so why did you think that i wouldn't hear that yeah but um if he's in the closet dude i i yeah that's that's sensitive shit. I wouldn't kick that hornet's nest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, save it for a rainy day. So basically what you're saying is save it for a rainy day.

So we agree. Save it for a rainy day. No, I think that is so fucking funny, though, dude. Oh, yeah. I would love to see that guy, his eyes slowly, each time something happened, get bigger and bigger. His eyes popping out of his fucking head his fucking head my favorite part was when he was thinking well thinking like wow it's some phone call right right right yeah oh yeah oh yeah just like god wow he must be getting a return back that he didn't think he was at amazon or something the greatest news of all time yes it's a huge rebate yeah oh fuck this rebate oh this cum rebate so oh my god rebate in your mouth so hell yeah

swallow that rebate such a bad disguise you know so poorly covering up what's oh shit oh shit grab under there with that rebate. Can't think of another word to cover for it. I mean, that's right. That's right. And save it for Rainy Day. You never know when you might need it. I don't know about that, but I guess technically you are saving it for Rainy Day if you're not telling anyone. Exactly. There we go. Yeah. That's

hilarious, though, and please never forget that story because that is fucking hilarious. Well, we won't. It's now immortalized. Yeah, I never will. On Lifeline. All right. What we got? Hey, Chris. Hey, hey man how you guys doing it's a foot um i need you guys's um advice on something something's afoot my roommate who's also my cousin oh uh i love the death uh oh but he's a conspiracy theorist oh shit and I don't know what to say when he tells me things

and I don't know what to say when he asks me things cause politics piece of shit and I don't like that shit so I don't know I don't like to be involved and I need advice to you know I don't know cause like things he's saying I don't know i don't like to be involved and any advice to you know i don't know because like things you're saying like i don't know i even you know believe you because like you know

what you gotta do wow i think sometimes it's good for these people especially if you aren't interested in politics and don't actually know how to debunk the person because that's let's face it not going to do anything anyway ask him to if if you have the tolerance for it ask him to prove it and say i don't know about this stuff show me what you're talking about because what you're explaining sounds fucking wild don't say crazy say wild um sounds gorgeous and then gorgeous oftentimes when you do that that person will show you something that is the opposite of not proof yeah yeah they're just like the clouds it'll be like a meme some person made with jfk's face on it and say like something about the cia on top yeah and then something about everyday life on the bottom you know and it's like that's proof of what proof of what they're like look trash can paul posted this yeah exactly yeah dude dude look at this account

you know and you said what it's 2 000 followers it's a picture of christian bell smiling right Proof of what? They're like, look, Trash Can Paul posted this. Yeah, exactly. Dude, look at this account. And you say, what? It's 2,000 followers. It's a picture of Christian Bale smiling. Right. Yeah, exactly. Saying Biden is a lizard. Right. Or the other thing you can do is just, if you just want to disengage and have him stop,

just say you believe him. Just be like, oh, oh, oh shit, all the time. Yeah. And just let it cascade. Really? Yeah. JFK's that guy? Yeah, right. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh shit. All the time. Yeah. And just let it cascade. Really? Yeah. JFK's that guy? Yeah, right.

Yeah. Oh my God. JFK Jr. is alive and that's him? Yeah. Dude, I don't understand what it is about conspiracy theorist people that they, like, why do they have to always be convincing you of shit? It's like the new religion. It's like, I don't give a fuck.

Okay, so you believe that? That's fucking cool. I don't even give a shit dude i like weirdos i like if you think joe biden is a lizard that's fucking awesome well but stop talking about it so fucking much to me and don't make me try and think it i don't give a fuck that's all part of it though that's part of the appeal they're in the secret the group of secret knowledge that possesses the secret knowledge and it's part of why it's appealing to them and furthermore what appeals to them even more is getting other people to think about what they're saying and to actually come on board with their shit do you think if they knew it was true they wouldn't try and spread the information

or is it like a super insecure thing where they're just like i gotta get people to fuck and it's like dude mormons secretly know come on dude i think a lot of it i think a lot of it is actual some kind of at least adjacent to mental illness yeah yeah yeah so i don't know i don't know what the fuck's going on in their minds in fact i've thought about it and read about it so much because it fascinates the shit out of me. There's almost never any convincing. It's like an addict. You don't convince an addict to stop taking the thing that they're taking that's ruining their lives.

They just are going to do it until they're ready to not do it. And a conspiracy theorist is either going to just change and come to realize it, but they're rarely, rarely, rarely gonna ever be have proof shown that is gonna make them change their fucking mind which this guy can't even do anyway because he doesn't like politics wow yeah um wow i wish i knew what kind of conspiracy theories this guy's talking about that's the thing about conspiracy theorists that they don't just believe in one of them yeah they believe in all of them which makes them suspect even more yeah yeah of course they're like dude joe bond's a lizard

it was a cup this was a cover-up yeah that happened we didn't land on the moon you're right fucking all this other shit the earth is flat yeah the earth is flat bill gates is injecting us with hiv whatever the fuck it is you know what i mean yeah 3g 5g 5g shit yeah yeah um and uh i believe in all of it dude i believe in all of it well imagine how stressed fucking out you would be if you believe in all of it well i think that's another part of the allure you get to be stressed out about shit that is way out of your control instead of being stressed out about paying your bills it's more exciting i do that with my ocd yes dude fuck yeah dude i turn the lights on and off a million times because i can't deal with my anxiety dude amazing dude amazing dude

well it's similar though it's the same it is similar yeah yeah okay cool well made me sad yeah there we go uh next one bro yeah hi ch and Matt. So a few years ago, my husband and I bought our first house. It's Midwest. It happened to have a pool in the backyard. We also have neighbors who next door have, you know, two sons. They're 14, 18, somewhere around there. And ever since we moved in every summer, they always have asked us if they can come to swim in our pool. every summer they always have asked us if they can come to swim in our pool um and so you know we don't have a relationship with these people other than you know waving to them when they're

mowing the lawn and you know to give you a specific example one day it was the hottest day of the year and we can see them over there you know mowing the lawn they're um trimming trees and just absolutely drenched in sweat and we get a text from the mom and it's the younger son asking us, you know, can me, my dad and my brother come swim in your pool? My dad. And so we just don't respond because. Yeah, good. No. And then because we didn't respond, they come and knock on our door and ask us again,

you know, if they can swim in our pool. this happens all the time and so we have summer season coming up and so you know we really need to know do we need to move how do we respond to this once and for all please help me that's a brutal one dude that is a brutal one so fucking that's just that's bad like that hurts my heart like what a shithole situation yeah you gotta just you gotta just be together when you answer the door next time and say we're just this is not a public pool we're we're we're not really ready or we don't feel right having other people just come over to our fucking property whenever they fucking want wow just say yeah but you have to sleep in our beds and also eat all of our food they probably won't even get the picture you have to pay our bills you know what you have to you know what wow that's so fucking fucked up this is gonna be on fear thy

neighbor someone's winding up dead this is how fear thy neighbor starts i know i bring this up a lot yeah i hate i hate people like this oh this father is raising such little pieces of shit to think that this is okay to fucking do yeah this is a fucking nightmare person yeah it is but also uh the the thing about this is just say oh you know what happened dude and i would do this if i was the husband i would i would go out there and i would say, this is so embarrassing. I shit in the pool and we have to drain it and then have it come back. And then every time they ask, say the same thing. I shit in it again.

You could definitely do that. And then they would stop asking and be like, he keeps shitting in the pool. I don't give a fuck, dude. That's actually- That'd be amazing. If you want to- Because here's why, dude. Then you get to have them not be in your pool and have a little bit of fun with it, dude. Yeah, right, yeah.

Have a little bit of fun with it, dude. This is the thing. They're trying to mess up your day. Every situation, even if it's bad, can be good, dude. Take a problem, add another problem, and then it's better, right? So just like, i think fucking like that's my shit dude right i mean if you want to battle crazy with crazy then definitely do that yeah if you want it just to stop entirely both answer the door have it be both of you and both

of you say one and then the other can speak whatever. No, at the same time, units in. A united front. Like, this is not something we're comfortable with. Moreover, it's not something we even want. So, like, we're not going to allow you guys to use our pool, you know? I would say we don't even really know you, dude. Yeah, right. You're just neighbor. You just happen to be near us.

Yes, exactly. So, don't be in my pool. Bro, that's so insane. Wow, dude. She could even say, just like I wouldn't let, like, some random stranger from the next town over swim in my pool. Bro, that's so insane. Wow, dude. She could even say, just like I wouldn't let some random stranger from the next town over swim in my pool, I wouldn't let you swim in my pool. We don't know you.

And even if we did, we don't want someone in and out of our property whenever they want. Have a little bit of fun with it, dude. This is an opportunity. You got to have fun with it. They're creating stress for you. Deal with it the way you want to in the most fun way.

Be the husband and say, better even if the woman does it because they would believe you i shit in the pool i'm sorry and i keep shitting in the pool i don't know what's going on with me man i must i gotta go to therapy every time i get in i just yeah dude it's not it actually sucks and but but sell it be like it really really really is terrible every time i one time i walked by and i just wanted to see if it was warm. So I put my finger in it and immediately I shit my pants. Like it's something weird about me and the people I shit. That would work. But also what if they're like, oh, we don't mind. That's, that's.

I'd be like, I mind. It's my shit. I don't want to get you sick. I don't want to get you sick. Lawsuit. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, horrible, dude. Did you ever have a situation like this where something happened? That is, not that is not that not that is extreme no that's a that's a crazy level of remember the one time audacity remember the one time i was going i i invited you well after a set i invited you to the fucking diner to go eat and we were going to meet up and then i know i drove a door guy home from the comedy store

and and i was and he was like man, thanks for the ride home. Because he was going to have to fucking walk or take the bus. And I was like, dude. And I was like, yeah, I'm actually going to fucking. It's all good. I was going this way anyway to meet my brother to go eat. And he was like, oh, dude, I'll come, man. Mistake.

Yeah, I would love to come. Mistake on your part. Yeah. But in my defense, dude, I was like, well, who the. I mean, I didn't even think this was a possibility, dude. I didn't even know the guy. Should have thought about and and i had i texted you i was like matt i don't know what to do this guy came you know what you should have said oh shit it's gonna text my brother canceled i'm just gonna go home i'll drop you off and then i go yeah and then he would have

fucking went anyway we could just go and then i show up and i show up and you're there and we're i'm just like and he's just like. You know, you text me, pretend we're not brothers and shit. So you have to get out of it. Who's that guy that looks like you? Oh my God, dude. Yeah. Whatever happened to that guy? I don't even know where he is.

That's, he was wearing a Chicago Cubs hat. I remember that. He was? Yeah, he's from Chicago. So from Chicago. All right, cool. Only guy from Chicago would do that. So, all right, cool.

Next. What's up, Chris? What's up, Matt? He's a big fan chris what's up matt you got me through some hard times thank you nice my advice that i need is i need i need to know like how to get so much go and approach women like i need advice on that like whether it's if i'm out or wherever you know like how do i go if i if i think to myself oh you know she's pretty like how do i go and talk to them like i find that like i don't know just like's pretty like how do i go and talk to them like i find that like i don't know just like awkward so that and i don't know how to just start a

conversation so yeah just let me know thank you shout out that's a patreon subscriber dude uh for uh my podcast uh it's tough because it's completely scenario dependent. Sometimes the scenario just doesn't allow a situation for you to do it. Sometimes it's just the situation you can't come up with a good scenario on how to approach someone and you kind of leave it at that. Because the last thing you want to do is actually encroach on someone's life or time or in their space. You know, it's like there are a few scenarios where that's just not possible. So in those scenarios, forgive yourself for not being able to do it but uh in times where it's like a setting where that is sort of i don't want to say allowed because it's allowed everywhere but like when it's when it's more sort of common to approach people who are strangers or whatever um i think it's totally scenario dependent like like where you are, what time it is,

who you're with, who they're with. And I think it needs to be as organic as possible. But I think maybe what you're struggling with is, there is no answer of how to do it. There's only an answer of you have to do it because there's no how-to there's just like when it arises you're either going to live with regret for not doing it oh man or do it and and potentially fail yeah what you're dealing with is the potential of failure and what you got to

realize is that is kind of minuscule compared to regret dude failing is nothing regret is is everything i think john lennon said that you know what dude it's like are you gonna die you're gonna die bro this is going back to your thing you're gonna die bro just fucking go out there and do it well you want to have a family right you want to grow i mean maybe you don't maybe you just want to get laid do the horizontal mambo but bro you got to fucking get out there and do this this is why you're here on this earth is to keep the species moving and you're just sitting back bro you're just sitting back letting a girl walk by outside of a cafe and you're just sitting there drinking that hot coffee like oh i wish i could bro this is your life man you wear that sweater that says life rips make your

rip motherfucker you gotta say hey and guess what you might it's not that you might fail you're gonna you're gonna fail you're gonna fail and guess what you're gonna fail again and again and again and again and then pretty soon you're you're not gonna fail eventually you're not gonna fail and it's gonna lead to laying down horizontally and it's gonna lead to splurting and it's gonna lead to nine months down the line and you're gonna have a baby and then it's gonna lead to having a family and then those kids are gonna grow up and you're gonna be able to tell them life ripped for me, man. And I went out there while I was drinking my hot coffee and your mom walked by and I was insecure.

But finally it worked. You know, I hit on so many girls and none of them wanted me. And the only one that accepted me was your mom. And I guess maybe that makes her a loser, but it doesn't matter because we're losers together. You should have stopped halfway through. But the one thing I would say more. And then when I laid down horizontally with your mom and splurged it in her you came out maybe he just wants an actual companion he's not thinking about splurging just yet i guess but the big thing is

whatever you're seeking just do the rest of us guys and all women a fucking favor and just don't be a fucking gross creep yeah yeah yeah don't be a fucking gross creep when you do it right don't ever be in a scenario where you could leave it and the girl or woman leaves thinking oh my god that guy was such a fucking creep but sometimes you're not in control of that you think conversations are going to go a certain way and then you say something fucked up by mistake or whatever the fuck and then they come away with a different experience it's two people bro okay well i guess there's a gray area but there's also a completely obvious area of creepdom that you should never ever ever fucking enter it sucks nobody likes it it's a fucking

absolute lie that the kind of guy who's like cat calling or being a fucking creep ever ever ever gets the result that he's looking for yeah it's just not fucking true and nobody wants it yeah it's bad women hate it and it's bad for other fucking men because it makes them look bad right it's mostly just old white construction workers and also young puerto ricans that do that but yeah um uh yeah dude cat calling is crazy but just be like hey what's up you got you know i mean like you got kids remember i knew this girl i knew that this chick told me that that was the best line the way the guy hit on her she said i said she said the best way a guy ever hit on me, he came up to me and said, you got kids? Really?

Yeah, dude. I'm confused. Why is that good? Because she thought it was so funny. And then they started talking. I mean, she never went out with him. They got married? No.

Yeah, no. And that man was me. No. And no, it's- But that's the thing. There's no right line or phrase or topic. It's just situation dependent. But the thing to keep in mind is the things not to do. Don't go away with regret and don't be a fucking creep. It's better to be

rejected than live with regret. A rejection is nothing. You'll forget about it by fucking dinnertime. It doesn't matter. Also, different people are different. One time I was watching a TV show and this woman was saying, they were talking, it was like, I don't know what the hell I was watching, but they were asking different women what the best way to hit on them was. And one woman said like, it's best honestly, if they just come up to me and say, you want to fuck. Oh my God. Yeah, I know.

And that is 99% of women would find that fucking appalling. But my point is there's people out there that like all sorts of different things, right? That's true. I think the main thing is be comfortable in your own skin, right? The second you're trying something or, you know what I mean? Yeah. Be naturally as naturally you as you can possibly be. But yeah, there's nothing worse than living with regret. And there's really a lot of things that are way worse than being rejected.

Being rejected is nothing. It really is nothing, especially if you get used to it. Yeah. It's nothing. Yeah. Been rejected so much. Yeah. Me, yeah.

Yeah, me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah. It's hard for everyone. Is there like a single one thing that you could do every time if you're like i don't know what to say right oh yeah like 100 let's say it's having your number on a piece of paper right and being like you drop this yeah yeah which is stupid right but it could

work if you have nothing else like maybe that's that's like to do that's what i want i like this you're at a cafe and you go and you're going to pay there's a hot chicken line you're going to pay you go like this you go like this yeah and then it's your turn you say I would like a oh shit dude and you just drop a bunch of fucking cash so you go like this I'm fucking my bad my bad

my bad my bad dude I don't with some of this yours and then be like it doesn't matter to me so go to an ATM before you go you have to yeah you have to get and pretend you're fumbling with your money make sure it's not outside because it could blow away make sure it's not just like 36 you got to get like most of the money in your account yeah yeah yeah and then just right when you're done go back to the bank and put it all back because you don't want to carry that much cash on you because it's hard time no i mean yeah i guess that's i guess that's possible if the one thing if i just think it's tough to to have a one so to speak one

size fits all thing that you do because i think that it will it limits your your 14 stop i'm sorry dude i'm just kidding it limits your fucking ability to even get the result that you want i think because it's like further narrowing the path for you to get through yeah i remember one time i remember one time i was i would see this girl at this coffee shop and i would and she was so hot i mean this was fucking god when was this this was probably fucking 13 years ago and i was like we gotta hang out sometime you know and she was like uh yeah i don't know i have a boyfriend i was like oh shit well when are you guys gonna break up like just a fucking idiot you know? And she was like, yeah, I don't know. I have a boyfriend. And I was like, oh, shit. Well, when are you guys going to break up? Like, just a fucking idiot, you know?

And then I would see her. And then one time I was like, she said she broke up. And I was like, oh, let me get your number. And she was like, sure, fine, here. And she gave me her number. And then I wrote it down or put it in my phone. And then when I walked away, I looked at the number because I was going to text her or something.

And I was like, it was so obviously a fake number that I was like, oh, this girl actually just wants me to not talk to her. And I was like, wow. And I just felt kind of bad. No, you don't feel bad. It was like 818-525-2525252, like literally. But you don't have to feel bad. You just take that in stride and realize that she doesn't like me.

What gives a shit? I know. No, I felt bad though because it's like- For the past. Yeah. Yeah. And like it's so annoying for-

Like that's just something that's annoying that- Look, it sucks that guys have to do this and hit on women like to make them- To like to- To like-

To instigate the- Yeah, right. Mostly that's initiate a dude thing right but like but like it's an it it sucks that girls have to deal with this shit like it fucking sucks that a girl if she just wants to go have brunch with her friend she's got if she's hot or even if she's not she's got to deal with some dude that's like, oh, my fucking sister has that same jacket. And you're like, oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. It's so annoying, dude. Yeah. It's a little bit like being fucking like it happens to me like on the level of people are like, like I was at the coffee bean and tea leaf the other day. I fucking frequent the coffee bean and tea leaf. I do know that. And this girl just immediately, I'm sitting there.

She's like, Chris D'Elia. And then everyone's just like and i'm just like you know so it's like but to be a fucking it's good how you made it about yourself well but bro you got to bring your own experience to the situation right but to be a 10 bro to be a 10 to be a fucking 10 like when you walk you're you know what i mean like you're you know what I mean? Like you're, you know what I mean? You're right. You're, I don't want to say, but your titties move. If you're a 10 and you're walking and your titties are moving the opposite direction as you bounce like this. That isn't someone.

You're describing Jessica Rabbit. Like you're just taking steps. You're walking into just somewhere just to the DMV. And all you want to do is get your fucking picture taken right because your your license is uh expired and you don't even know because you're a hot chicken you have to deal with that shit and you're walking and you're taking steps and as you take a down step your lumps go up to the left dude dudes are gonna be like hey my sister has that same jacket dudes are gonna be like what the fuck is wrong with that woman that's not good i'm just saying you're taking a fucking step on the downswing to the bottom right

and your titties are fucking activating to the upper left some dude is gonna be like my sister has that same jacket it's annoying as fuck for these tens okay but also non-tens every woman every woman deals with this out in the fucking world it's like it doesn't matter like a lot of men are afraid of like supremely beautiful women and they don't even get talked to at all i know dude i know no i understand that and that's another thing that they have to worry you got to walk it worry about this fucking the other 10 there's a super duper 10 like in an almost 11 and when she fucking takes the down step to the bottom oh my god her shoulders do it and it's insane and she's like why do no guys ever talk to me and bitches are around her dude dude bitches men can be bitches too and they're just

like oh i wish i could uh i want to say that her uh my sister has the same jacket but she's like i guess i'll leave and a fucking dude 10 is like i want to tell her that my sister has the same jacket and she spins around and walks away and fucking takes the down step to the bottom right and her titties go up above to the upper left and it's like dude they're missing out they could be doing the horizontal mambo they could be splurting and a fucking kid could come out nine months later my takeaway from that is that there are so many sisters with the same jacket so many sisters have the jacket that this woman's wearing all i'm saying is dude everybody wants to find someone right and that's actually not all you're saying if you're a chick that is taking

steps and as you're taking steps your titties are moving in the opposite directions dude go to the doctor go straight to the fucking doctor that's not true bro when you see you know what i'm talking about when you see no they're in a hurry all right well what the fuck are you talking about cartoons no like fucking you know hefty breasted women like when you i'm saying hefty hefty six sack cinch sack bro what did i say six sack i don't know big rock dude bro oh shit bro oh i'm sweating just fucking mouth mouth you know what i mean when you're walking no dude all right dude no a lot of the time i don't know what you said okay dude my friend my friend when I was in high school, and he fucking said, and he was like, oh, man.

And there was this chick named Stacy. Stacy, you know? No one real is named Stacy. I don't know what her name was. Stacy, dude. And she fucking, and my buddy thought she was so hot. Wow. And he was like, oh, man, when she walked by Jimbo, and I was like, Jimbo?

And he said, yeah, dude, jugs in my mouth. You can't even say it. He said, jugs in my mouth, baby, oh. So there's two Bs? Two Ms. Two Ms, yeah. Can't spell. Jugs in my mouth, baby, oh, bro.

I'll never forget. We were on the fucking, we were walking up the stairs, bro. He was so loud i have a question it was echoey because it was the stairwell and he was like jugs in my mouth i have a question though did he make that up or is that something no he made it up bro wow it was so funny wow wow wow it was so was that brandon yes yeah i remember that yeah fuck man and he goes jugs in my mouth baby oh wow dude i'll never forget wow never forget that and 9-11 what you actually that's so ludicrous that's so ludicrous that you actually can say that out loud because what the fuck no one knows

what you're talking about yeah if you see a hot chick you walk by and say jimbo that's so stupid dude unreal i mean it's the stupidest thing i've ever seen i heard in my life how old is he like 15 16 we were in high school yeah so young yeah oh fuck man he's 43 now you know he was always a year older than me i'm only 42 he kind of looked like brad pitt huh that guy i mean oh so jealous we all kind of we all look like different people you know i look like attractive guys too it's just different i'm more of a fucking that guy from my best friend's wedding the gay guy okay so the thing about that guy is it's worse to live with regret than it is to be rejected okay next video. Wow. Also Jimbo.

Hey, Matt. Hey, Chris. How's it going? Love the show. Keep it up. Love what you guys are doing. Love tuning in. So I'm just going to cut straight to the chase here.

I'm 22. I'm seeing a woman who's 44, and I keep running into the same questions. So essentially, people will ask uh variants of is she a sugar mama and she's not they'll ask has she got any kids and she hasn't and they'll ask is it weird and it's not and there are a few other questions that are sprinkled in there as well usually but keep running into those over and over again i was just wondering if you had any ways to kind of give a shortcut answer and i also was wondering if you know she is twice my age if you thought there were any maybe practical implications of our situation in the future that i should look out for or if you guys have had any experience with this yourselves so uh yeah that's my question thanks for listening to it and uh let me know what you think in a bit well the practical thing is she's gonna die way earlier or way earlier

than you yeah he could get hit by a train or some shit though true so you never really know australia but but i think that that honestly those questions then they'll never stop they way earlier than you are. Yeah, he could get hit by a train or some shit though. True. So you never really know. There's no trains in Australia. But I think that that, honestly, those questions, then they'll never stop. They will absolutely never stop. You just got to learn to breathe through that annoying shit

because that is not, not going to fucking stop. Is she your sugar mama? Just look him right in the eyes and say, no. That's a fucking rude ass question anyway. Well, people are just

trying to be funny. They're idiots, yeah. They're idiots. Oh, really? You think that's a joke? Do you think they're being funny? Oh, I think probably mostly people, it's probably be like they're idiots yeah they're idiots oh really you think that's a joke do you think they're being fun oh i think probably mostly people it's probably like oh it's you sugar mama i think mostly probably stupid dude uh people are hacky though but um i i was 30 and i dated a 51 year old i yeah i uh have you yeah i mean that what is it 21 years i

don't think i've ever that's big, that's exactly like this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could, and I was funny too because I invited her out and she came out. I mean, she was smoking, right? Like, and she was like. Like smoking cigarette. We were talking and she was like, you know, I'm a bit older, right? And I was like, yeah.

And I didn't really know how much older. And then she told me she was 51. And we hung out a bunch of times. She was awesome. I think that... I mean, it's cool. Depending on how mature you are, this guy seems mature. Yeah, totally.

It's cool and it can work. But it depends on what the long play is, right? I mean, if you want to get married and have kids, it's probably not the move, right? Well, you'd have to do it pretty soon. Yeah, you got to do soon. He might. I mean, look.

He might, yeah. is probably not the move, right? Because you'd have to do it pretty soon. Yeah, you got to do soon. He might. I mean, look, I actually, the age thing that way, like young men and older women,

I think is sort of like, has like a weird cultural thing, the way people look at it. It's like a source of jokes more than anything else. And I think that if you're in a serious relationship or you're really a lot younger as the man and the woman is much older,

I think you're kind of like in a weird situation beyond the literal and the woman is much older i think you're kind of like in a weird situation uh beyond the literal unit of the two of you like people view you yeah yeah as like such an anomaly it's almost like humorous yeah yeah yeah yeah so i feel i kind of feel your pain but if it's a really serious relationship you just gotta learn to breathe through those questions because they're never gonna fucking stop uh practical i don't know i don't i don't think i would give you any advice besides that which is that if you really do think long term that you you see it working out with this woman not that you should necessarily end it though that's more on her right yeah to end it if she

doesn't have if she sees those things in her future – That's true. That's true. Because she's so much – I mean, butting up much more with the future than you are. I mean, you're 22. You're so young. Wow. But if you're happy with this woman, then fuck everything else. Yeah, true. Yeah. Happiness is hard to come by.

And if you find a little piece of it, grab it and hold on to it forever. Completely right. I think John Lennon said that, but – Completely right. Yeah. I think that maybe – also know also too if you want to like you can like be with her for a long time and then she gets old and then either she dies and then you're like 40 or 50 and then you got a whole nother life that you can just kind of live

so you're asking you have two lives basically when you live when you when you date someone older you live two lives so you're asking him to bake in her death to his plans for the future well you have to not really i mean she's 44 she's not 64 she's young she's still like willie and he'll be 44 yes she will be and he'll be 44 that's right and then she'll be 70 something and he'll be 50 something and then she'll die and then he'll get to live a whole nother life with someone else is all i'm saying so you're saying he should plan on that for the future her dying yeah wow okay well that's cold shit it's not cold it's just true it's reality and you know me dude i speak the real but i'm saying you planning for another relationship after her no you don't have to plan as ice but no but you don't fucking do that you know you just say like you know in in your own head you're like all good things come to an end and then after that

there's another life where also there could be another good thing and then that will come to an end eventually but that will be when i die how weird would it be for him to be with this woman until she's till she dies let's say in her mid-70s whatever and then he's in his 50s and then he turns around and dates someone who's like 30 right that will be the weirdest right shock going from a 70 something year old to a 30 year old yeah there'll be i'm just thinking like that would be imagine like the generation that's like two generations yeah like the gap of that going from gen x to millennial yeah jesus that would be insane that would be the wildest shit ever anyway fuck everybody fuck them all for asking stupid questions but they're not going to stop if you're in love with this woman keep it up keep it going whatever the age difference is only as

big a deal as you as you as you make it not everyone else makes it right all right okay cool next one what's up guys uh my name is milo i am 24 years old from seattle washington uh chris been following you since the Vine days. True baby. Love you. Matt, got to introduce you through congratulations, but always loved it when you were on. And been loving the new pod.

Keep it going. Thanks, Milo. Predicament for you. So as you can see, we don't got a lot going on up here. Sure, yeah. I don't know if you can see the back, but it's on its way out. I think it started like junior, year of college wow uh friends have been giving me shit for it you know i catch flack it's just like i i think i'm ready just for it to stop being a thing yeah you know so i'm thinking

about shaving it completely you got a good head looking for your advice uh but one thing i do like having facial hair yeah no and chris i know it's it's one of your little bit and that much the face hair can't be longer than the head hair and uh yeah i gotta say i kind of agree with that wow but we got limited options you're right right right let me know what you think uh what my next steps are and i'll see you in the log cabin one day. Fuck yeah, dude. You will. First great fucking hoodie that was.

Yeah, it was good. I think that you can have a little bit of – you can have – your face hair could be longer than your hair hair if you have no hair hair and your face hair is like a stubble. Like you had. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also like the guy has a good head. Yeah, he's got a good head. I mean, so cut it. So there's only one piece of advice and it's this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, like, the guy has a good head. Yeah, he's got a good head. I mean, so cut it.

So there's only one piece of advice, and it's this. Full Agassi. You go full Andre Agassi. The end. And learn tennis? Or what? What he could? Oh, he went, oh, because he had big hair and then had no hair.

He had the big, crazy fucking hair, which was probably a fucking wig, and we all know it. And then he was like fuck it all i'm going mr clean so now it's not going mr clean it's going full fucking but you're fortunate because he has a good head like if i went bald yeah trouble but you gotta cut it dude you gotta cut it i mean what are you gonna do grow it out you look a fucking asshole but he's basically there it's like that's not even a one yeah yeah that's not even a zero but it's like a fucking like the shortest possible length of hair is what he's got on his head but also you could be like if people are making fun of him you just say to them like oh yeah you ain't got no hair you'd be like yeah dude it's a good thing man it's a good thing

i don't have hair man because if you if i did i'd take your girl you could also say oh yeah oh you want to make fun of me for being bald? You ever heard of a little guy I like to call Bruce Willis? Yeah. Right? Then they'd be like, doesn't he have dementia? Then you'd be like, yeah, but I'm not talking about the dementia. I'm talking about the baldness.

I'm talking about 10 years ago. Jason Statham? Yeah. Work out. So many, dude. Also get beefy as shit, dude. That would be awesome. He looks like he's kind of beefy, right?

He's fit, yeah. But he's 24, dude. You know what I mean? You could be fit at 24 and really not not too much yeah that's true um get fucking take you know uh no don't be a you don't want to be too muscular with the shaved head that's that's like you're like meat like a pack of fucking meat nobody wants that shit you got to be a little bit like lean and mean with the fucking bald head you don't want to be like mr fucking muscles that's gross dude yeah you're right you know you're right i'm gonna be lean and mean you'll be wiry and fucking sexy sinewy like yeah sinewy this guy's got it in him

for sure like like like christian balan a machinist uh wow the machinist you know he wants to he wants no he's looking brad pitt in Fight Club. That's the kind of shit he wants, yeah. Machinist. Christian Bale in the Deus Ex Machinist. Yeah, but get... Do it. Lost your mind. Get...

Go get a fucking razor blade and get... Lost your mind. Or get shaving cream and get a razor and go... Robot malfunctioning. Shh. Shh. The guying. Shh. Shh. The guy from Police Academy.

We're going to go with the guy from Police Academy. All right, cool. Next one. Hey, Chris and Matt. My name is Isabel. I am coming to you guys out of the Philadelphia-ish area. What's up? I'm a huge fan, and I am in need of some advice. Okay.

So my boyfriend and i have been together for like two and a half years and we have been watching the congratulations podcast together for a majority of our relationship cute um he got me into you chris and now i am just a part of the cult what can i say but anyway the advice i need is that my boyfriend told me he doesn't want to watch congratulations with me anymore he wants to watch it alone every week um he thinks it's funnier when he watches it alone he i guess appreciates it more um but i love our weekly congratulations time and i want to keep watching it with him so i know this isn't a big deal at all it's kind of silly but i would like to know how you guys would handle this situation both chris and matt i would like both of your advice not just chris um so yeah what would you guys do is it not a big deal like i don't know

what do i do uh thank you guys so much keep doing what you're doing love you guys dude why why why does he he likes it better that's hilarious dude like it's casino or something don't bother me that's what i was gonna say if it was like a dramatic film, I would get it. Or a dramatic TV show and like a person you're with likes to talk through it, I would get that. But more than that, I would say,

I would just say, hey, can we not talk through it? I wouldn't have to be alone. But it's also silly and like you want to laugh with somebody, don't you?

This is hilarious. It's serious business for this guy. I think at first, first and foremost, I'd be like, why? Yeah, why?

What the fuck? That's so weird. Why? And make him answer. And depending upon what he says, I guess give him what he wants because he's asking for it. But that's a fucking weird thing.

I don't even know what the fuck. It's good for you. It's good for you to get more views. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Kristen will be like, let's watch a TV show. And I'll be like, fuck yeah. And I'll turn it on it on and be like a great one like boardwalk empire and we have fucking three episodes in and i'll look over and she's just like either on tiktok or not in the

room anymore and then the next night i'll be like let's watch episode four and she's like nah and we did it last night and then i'm like you got me hooked on a fucking show and now i'm watching it alone i gotta watch fucking the whole season of boardwalk empire yeah alone um and i don't like that and that's a drama like watching shit alone but i mean watching it alone is fine if you started alone but if you started with somebody you were like we had this was our thing so i get it i get what she's saying yeah so you have to watch all my podcasts in order otherwise it doesn't make sense uh yeah i mean i i think it's just a really weird request but if he insists if he insists on it and if he has a good reason, which I don't know what that reason could be, but if you ask and he gives you one, I guess give him the space to watch it alone.

But he's a fucking weirdo. Start watching it with another guy. He'll come around. Well, that's true. Start watching it with another guy. Spread the cult and then fucking – by the way, you look great in that hoodie. You can get that hoodie at chrislea.com. It says, oops, it's the oops hoodie.

That's that bone one. Looks good, dude. You're fair skin and you wear that in that hoodie. You can get that hoodie at chrislea.com. It says, oops, it's the oops hoodie. That's that bone one. It looks good, dude. If you're fair skin and you wear that bone-colored hoodie, oh, shit. She looked real good, yeah. Sky's the limit, man. I didn't know that hoodie looked so good with the nose ring, too. She has a nose ring. Yep.

Dude, that bone hoodie, chrislea.com. Speaking of which, I'll be in Dallas coming up. Go to chrislea.com. I'll be in Atlanta. I'll be in Denver. But go to my tour. There's so many fucking tour dates. chrislea.com. Albany, I just. I'll be in Denver. But go to my tour. You know, there's so many fucking tour dates. chrislea.com.

Albany, I just added. You ever been to Albany? Me? Yeah. Yeah. You have, right? Why were you in Albany? Dated a girl who lived near, or his parents lived near there.

Really? Oh, when you were in college? No. No. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, right. I remember.

Yeah. Albany. Albany. Yeah. Have you ever been to Lakeland, Florida? I'll be there nope okay be the different places in florida never been to lakeland florida what do you think i've been to so many places bro yeah you have been to a lot of places like places that like i'll be in peoria

nobody should ever be there i'll be in rockford illinois you're making that you're making up places no i know it sounds like I am. Yeah. Cheyenne. I've never been to Cheyenne. I'm going to Cheyenne. When you go to Cheyenne, you need like a holster. Yeah, I know. With like six shooters in them and a big cowboy hat.

That's how I feel about Cheyenne too. Yeah, you got to do it. I was at the Laugh Factory last night and there was a guy in the front row with a fucking cowboy hat on his knee just chilling. That's like gentlemanly. Yeah, it was gentlemanly. Yeah. And I said, where are you from?

And he said, California. And from? And he said, California. And I was like, okay, next. Where in California? I mean, up north for sure. Or way down south near the border, but he was white. It gets pretty rural in California. People think of it as like coastal city shit. It is not.

And it's so Republican too if you get out there and you don't even know about it. The majority of the space in Californiaifornia yeah is covered by red or republicans but way more people uh obviously are cities and they're all fucking liberal as shit i already knew that okay well tell them the viewers in case they don't know and listeners um yeah so anyway uh i got uh uh subscribe to our clips channel too on Lifeline Oh okay cool And then also I got some fucking videos coming out where I'm doing crowd work

So subscribe to Crystalia Okay so drunk but okay yeah Do you want to do another one or are we done We can do one more right Okay cool What up Matt and Chris the name's Sam Fellow New Jerseyan Chris you might recognize me from King in the City

Yeah I remember her Sorry I burned you. Not sorry. Anyway, I'm kind of sending this in for two reasons. One being I never heard back from King in the Sting, and it made me kind of sad. But why do I know who she is, then? And basically, I'm looking for relationship advice somewhat on just dating right now and encountering beta males every time i find a guy i like decently he's fucking beta as fuck and i'm just kind of over it like it's hard to be i guess 25

and accomplished these days due to society and fucking inflation but um yeah just kind of looking for some advice on that still waiting for theo to rescue me on his eagle let me know what you guys think hope to hear back from you love the show thanks oh cutie um i don't know what i know what a beta male is obviously but it's not me that could mean a lot of things i wonder what she means she's running like she meets a guy then gets to know him a little bit better, and then comes to understand he's a beta. That's what she's saying? I will say to this woman, if you keep running into the same problem, it might be worth it to look within.

Yeah. And she seems like a sweetheart and a fucking cool chick. But I'm just saying, I don't know you. Maybe there's something you're doing to attract these betas, right? Maybe there's something you're doing that you're attracting these betas. Or maybe you're too alpha. Maybe you're too much. Maybe you're the alpha.

Maybe you've got to deal with the fact that you're the alpha. In which case, you need a real fucking alpha, dude. You need a guy who wears sunglasses oh all the time at night never has a shirt on and just fucking never or oh maybe a tank top at dinner but yeah never has his shirt on and um and just kind of fucking you know i think that also you might want to consider that the the beta thing might however you're defining it might be if you keep running into it and like those are the guys that gravitate towards you i'm not saying that you should give up your ideal and like not keep looking but maybe for whatever reason that's happening for like a if as a positive thing like

maybe you are the alpha then in a relationship are supposed to be the alpha yeah and maybe you should actually try being the alpha in a relationship and seeing what's up with fucking beta dudes because i don't know it keeps happening you might as well give it a shot yeah they're they're out there and everybody needs somebody but also every dude is a beta really because the alpha male is always out there for everyone right like well that's not no alpha and beta are types though oh it's not like saying it's not like actual like there's a dominator and everyone gets dominated by that one guy well when i mean i've never been around any alphas so yeah it is so it's you you're saying you're the dominator oh it is what it is huh when i walk

into a room no it's just like a type power i mean and it's like it's a general type like alpha and beta and she's running into what she seems she sees as what she's saying when she gets to know them she realizes they're like what's going on i don't know maybe she's only meeting i don't know if she's only meeting betas and she's not giving fucking dudes enough of a chance. Yeah. And then the problem does lie within. But if you're somebody that figures out, oh, wait, this guy's actually beta.

Also, the problem was within yourself. So basically, the problem is within yourself. You're thinking too much about it then. You're either not thinking enough about it or thinking too much about it. You also could be pulling the plug or judging these guys too early. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because every dude's a fucking badass at something, you know, pretty much.

Yeah. And so maybe you just got to give it more time to find that. And it could be now in your head that it's going to happen, it's going to happen, you're looking for it. Maybe ease up a little bit and let the alpha fucking come to you, the alpha that you're looking for, however you would define it. Or quiz him, you know. What would you do if four guys tried to rob us there you go right when you meet him quiz him yeah and if a guy says oh shit i would run and leave you there right beta right right if a guy says i'll kick all their fucking asses right alpha but not the true alpha right because you know what the

true office says to that true alpha do i don't know what i don't care i not the true alpha, right? Because you know what the true alpha says to that? What's the true alpha do? I don't know. I don't care. I think the true alpha might say, I would fight them, but because there are four of them, I would probably lose, but I would rather me get the brunt of the assault than you. That's probably what the true best possible alpha would say.

He's realistic. He's honest, but also would rather put himself on the line physically to get hurt than you for instead of you that's that's the right thing right and that's what i would do okay yeah well that's good so we figured that out okay so we figured that out for you thank you very much to uh everyone who we figured things out for you know guys that was a good episode of lifeline wasn't it that was a really fun one that was good yeah um and uh chrislea.com for tour um i will be i said denver and all those other spots you said them all all

of them already so we're not gonna do that now all of them subscribe to the channel oh boston savannah raleigh jesus christ oakland stockton washington dc wichita okay well if you have questions for us uh click the link in the description below or go to watch lifeline.com and do it there uh we love you thank you chris is showing off his shoes and the life and the life rip socks uh and yeah we'll see you next week thanks guys