Lifeline - 130. Rudolph Hiller

Episode Date: October 6, 2024

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That's betterH-E-L-P dot com. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello,

hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, it is Sunday, October 6th. Happy October. The, it's great.

Oh, hates it, hates it. So I have a big announcement to make. I forgot my Oakleys at home. I'm pissed, but I dropped the whole new outfit thing with the Oakleys and the big baggy white t-shirts. So now forgive me. Already? Well, for now, cause I forgot them at home. So I got to mix it up. I got the green going, I got the green hat.

I got the green socks. I got the green Crocs. Okay. I got wayfarers on baby. Is that a song? Yeah, it's Don Henley sings it dude. Okay. Okay.

When did you get those glasses? I got these glasses just recently. They are classic, original Rayan Wayfarers and they fold like and they go a little something like this. Oh I hate that. We love it. Why do they do that? So that you can get miniature. So you can keep them in your fingerprints all over? No so you can get your fit them in your butthole when you forget your case at home. Okay. Wayfarers on baby. The great thing about this is if you forget your face, if you forget your case, you can just put it in your butthole, the guy. Fold them up and.

This is the one you taught in Henley's song. Stick them right in your butthole. Okay. Definitely getting. And keep them right up in there. You get crap all over them. I'll tell you right now, nobody knows what song you're singing right now. The Boys of Summer.

Okay. Yeah. You like that song, I like that song. Yeah, but you don't, the way you're singing it is just not the way it is. I sing it well. All right. And he sings it well. Okay. yeah. You like that song? I like that song. You're singing it is just not the way it is. I sing it well. All right. And he sings it well. Okay. Okay. Go ahead. I'm going to be in Bismarck, I think, and Toronto, and Birmingham, Alabama, Montgomery, Mobile,

oh Toronto, oh no, yeah, Bismarck, Sioux Falls. Oh, and then we have our Lifeline, go to chrisley.com, we have our Lifeline live show in Oxnard, California, December 5th, go get tickets before it sells out. And that is shown on our Patreons. Patreon.com slash Lifeline luxury. If you're not signed up for that, do that ASAP. You wanna get in there, we got a whole bunch.

I think we got almost 40 ups up by now. And of course we put the live episodes up on there exclusively. People said that I do this. What did they say I do? When I, in the comments? You like have a specific way of clearing your throat. There you go.

That's it. Yep. But I've talked about it here. But people don't like it. And we like to give the people what they want. I like it the least. Yeah. Well, it's, cause here's why. It's always after I eat and we always eat first.

Stop eating. Stop eating food. In life, in life. Yeah. But no, I want to eat food. And we record at the time that's like right after lunch. So I have to eat food right before. Yeah, I get it.

I think I'm not, I don't even really care. You don't? No, I don't care. I think I might need, what do you call it? Acid reflux. Prolacac, or whatever the hell they call it. Oh, that's like a drug? Yeah, I don't know.

It's just like it keeps, I thought it was coffee. It's not coffee, it's food. Anytime I eat something, I don't know what I'm allergic to, or whatever it is, you know? Maybe it's just, but I need something, an over-the-counter thing and on that note I want to have a hairstyle where I slick my hair back. What do we think about that? Well, that's fine Yeah, I it needs to be a little shorter in the back for me to do like this, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

So let's do that. I'll be doing that and you'll be seeing me very soon like that All you had to do is like cut off a little bit of this side there because you you The thing when you cut your hair you literally just cut it like this. I Do I I've often messed it up. I mix so on we had it takes a little bit. That's so what do I do? Okay, whatever. I just cut right there. Okay But it's good. I I wanted I've always wanted a slick back haircut But my shit my thing never ever your tears too wavy. It comes forward in waves. You got like, your hair does what it wants.

Cool thing. Mine is more malleable. Your hair is just going to do what it does, baby. My hair is just going to do what it does, baby. My hair is like me, dude. It does what it wants, right? Nice. So yeah, I'll try not to do the thing, but also I got to be me.

So be you, dude. I mean, whatever. I'm just saying. I don't even know why I brought it up, honestly. Oh, cause you did it is why I brought it up. Yeah, I did it. Cause you know why? Cause I just ate.

And we talked about it before. And you already know, and that's okay. I don't. You do. I always listen when you talk. I truly have the worst memory in the world though, dude. I just don't care. No, I care.

I mean, I ask about it. If I ask about it, I care. You have a bad memory. I have a bad memory too. I have the worst. My short-term memory, I care. You have a bad memory. I have a bad memory too. I have the worst. My short-term memory, it's like a thing didn't happen. There's like a hole in my memory where if it's within the, if it happened within five minutes, it's gone.

So how long do we have to wait for you to remember that? I talked about that. Well, there's a zone. If it takes too long, then it's totally gone. But it's like between five minutes and five months, I got a good shot at remembering it, like a 50% shot. Anything outside of the five minutes to five months boundary, it's almost a 0% chance I remember it.

I, wow, Boston. I would like to give people an update on my bag because dude, I talked about it on congratulations. I talked about it on golden hour. Wow. It's like you're show hopping. You're show hopping. It's the, it's the Chris Lee multiverse, you know? And, um, I got it back.

I got my bag back. You're not a game in my bag back after three days. There was never any version of events where you weren't going to get your bag. They were trying to get me to go to the airport. Right, but they had it, they didn't lose it. They delivered it. And they delivered it in the middle of the night. In the middle of the night.

That's so weird, I was gonna do that. I'll drop your bags off. I was gonna do that but tone deaf and without the vibrato, which I hate. Which I hate. Wanna know something? I only did it so you wouldn't do it. That's not a reason to do things.

I did it because I wanted to make sure I did it so you wouldn't do it. That's not a reason to do things. I did it because I wanted to make sure I did it so you wouldn't do it. Why would you deprive me of that? Why do something just to deprive someone of their joy? Why do that? Especially someone you purport to love. Why do it? You bring joy to it, but also it brings joy to you when I sing to you. No, it doesn't because you do the vibrato at the end and it-

In the middle of the night. See? I go walking in my sleep. That totally snaps my joy. I don't know what happened, because of blackout. I'm sleeping. Sometimes I wake up in a different area. I think I beat the shit out of a homeless guy.

I got no idea. Patrick Bateman. But it's all over the news. American Psycho, fully an American Psycho version of the song. Haka walka din. OK, so that's it. Got to return videotapes. So no, wait, what was I saying?

Oh, yeah, I got it back. Dude, they said it's probably going to be delivered at, we're putting, we're doing a run at 1030 at night. OK. So it's going to be delivered at, we're putting, we're doing a run at 10 30 at night. Okay. So it's going to be delivered overnight. I was like, what? In the next six, eight hours. So I showed up in the morning.

I was like, there's no way it's going to be at my doorstep. It was. It was. Long Beholder was. Oh wait, they didn't even knock on the door or anything. It just left it there? Dude, I said, I'm going to be sleeping. Don't call me.

I was like, you know, I was like, I live in a gated community. Have a, you better know the code. And they were like, okay. I was like, it's never going to be sleeping. Don't call me. I was like, you know, I was like, I live in a gated community. Have a, you better know the code. And they were like, okay. I was like, it's never going to work out. And it sure, lo and behold, dude, lo and behold. I don't want to run rough shot over your story. Are you done?

Yeah. Okay. I can't, I cannot believe how often we joke about this, but within 10 minutes of starting the show, every single time Anthony goes to take a crapola. It's really weird. It's crazy. I don't, you know.

What is going on? You know what he's doing. He's going in there at the first 10 minutes because that's when he realizes his life hits him. He goes in there and cries really hard. Ha ha ha ha. He's just like, I can't believe I'm doing this live, like, Joe, I don't wanna be doing it. And he goes like this. Hoo, hoo, hoo. And he looks in the mirror, he goes in there and cries really hard. Ha ha ha ha. He's just like, I can't believe I'm doing this life, like, Joe, I don't wanna be doing it.

Ha ha ha ha. And he goes like this, whoo, whoo, whoo. And he looks in the mirror and he goes, come on, man. Yeah, to get pumped up. And then, and then, and he goes, come on. And every time he goes, come on, he goes, a little air fart comes out and he goes, all right, let's go back.

Well, have you ever done the come on thing in the mirror to yourself? Probably. I've only done it once. Ha ha ha. You wanna know when it was? Okay. I was driving home from the, I was- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dating, I'll done it once. You want to know when it was? Okay. I was driving home from the, I was dating, I'll make it short.

I was dating a girl. It was early days in a relationship. Early days, mate. Why do you always say that? Because that's a British thing to say, it's early days. It means that we just started hanging out. Okay, well yeah, it was early days with this girl and I didn't want to take a crapola at her place

and she had to go to school. It was, she was in college at USC and mom and dad lived close enough by, or I was like, all right, I'm gonna not take a crapola here. I'm gonna take a crapola at mom and dad's house. Definitely should have grumped out at her place and left the message. I mean, I absolutely should have. Hey, hey, that's a message for you.

You flush it. And, I know it's early days, but. But I was getting closer and closer to their house. To mom and dad's house. Which was taking too long. I was looking in the rear view mirror and I was just talking to myself like, house. To mom and dad's house. It was just taking too long. I was looking in the rear view mirror and I was just talking to myself like, you got it, you got it, you hold, hold.

I'm not gonna curse because it's in the first 10 minutes. No, it's okay. But I was like, you hold that shit in your butt. You hold that shit in your butt. So specific. You know? And I didn't. You shit in the butt.

I failed. I absolutely failed myself. I think about that all the time. What, that story? Yeah. Whoa. You know why? No. Cause I talk about in my act now, a new act about going to the bathroom by mistake as an adult.

And I always, that image of my head, every time I talk about it, I have the image of you in the car, shitting yourself. If you want a more specific image, I was kind of staying, you know when like you have to lock your legs to hold, to really bear down sometimes? You know, I don't know. I wonder if that actually helps.

No, it was automatic. I wasn't like, I'm not a straight guy. I was like, I'm tensing up and my legs sort of straighten out. So my butt was off the seat and my elbow was holding me up and I was like, you know, like that. Can I say something?

Something like this. What the fuck? Yeah, can I say something? He said, yeah, go for it, yeah. You have told this story on here. Oh, really? Yes. Oh, for sure, yeah, no, I was just telling him

what it made it for me. I don't remember that. That's why I said I'll make it short. I don't want to retell the whole thing. Oh, I don't remember that. It's a wild tale though, and it is a crazy yarn. It is a crazy yarn I spin. All right, yeah, it's a yarn you spin.

Anthony's still crying in the bathroom. So all right. Let's start. So yeah, I guess we could start. Let's do a let's do a what do you call it submission yeah yep fell what's up guys this is a little so high this guy for you regarding conquistador old family photos okay so basically I was looking for a picture and someone else's house like a photo of my grandpa because I never met him.

Okay. So having some kind of picture of him or photo of him would be kind of nice. Not his hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Just so you know what he looks like and show our good people, I guess. I get it! Oh yeah?

My grandpa was. Oh yeah? Yeah, so basically I was looking from this old stuff hey we know yeah it's not great take a picture and yeah that's that's a picture I found so oh great he edited oh cool he found um those pictures my question is what does one do with such an image? He just showed a picture of his grandfather with a photo. Ah, Burnham.

How do you go about... Ah, Burnham. Do you throw it away? Yeah. But it's history, so... Wait, was that in... What kind of uniform was he wearing? Oh, he's an SS.

He was in... He was a Nazi? Oh, yeah. How did I miss that? Go back to that image, please. I mean, you can't bring it up, can you were talking. I mean you can't being a devil. Okay. Can you just put it somewhere safe?

Yeah in the fire. And just look at it every now and then? I mean why would you do that? Hey. Do you put it in a photo album? I mean giving us so many examples. How many options are you going to give us dude? Do you put it on a plane?

Like what do you do with it? Do you put it in a, you get the bear you do with it? Do you put it in a... Anyways, I'm fixed. You get a bear? Do you kill the bear? Keep up the great work. Put it in the bear after you cut it open. Wait, he's complimenting us.

I mean, it's just... Take a kiss. It's too much. All right, well, let's see that picture again. That was nuts. How did I miss the fact that it was a Nazi uniform? Because you were talking. There it is.

Oh my God. It also looks nothing like him. He didn't know his grandfather was a Nazi and this is how he found, imagine. Hey, you guys have any pictures of grandpa? Yeah, I might have someone in the attic. They go look in the attic, you find one picture and he was in a fucking Nazi uniform.

This is why he doesn't know much about his, you know, this is why he's 30 years old or whatever. And people are like, he's like, where is that picture of grandpa? I've never seen him. They're like, oh, there's no pictures of, there's no pictures of grandpa. I can look for them.

No, no, no, they don't have, and he looks at me and he's just like this. With a, with a. Such a stain on the family. That's so crazy. Yeah. You know what I was, I was actually. Just go ahead.

Yeah, no, go ahead. I was gonna say, to answer your question, I don't know if you just throw it away just cause of that. It's a historical artifact at this point. But that's the thing, you don't wanna have pictures of Nazis in your house, I don't know if you just throw it away just because of that. It's a historical artifact at this point. But that's the thing, you don't wanna have pictures of Nazis in your house. You don't wanna put it out, but put it somewhere, hide it, not hide it, but put it somewhere safe

that is obviously not on view. But like at this point, it's family history. The guy's dead. Have it on your rear view mirror in the car. No, but- The dude is dead. Put it in a little locket around your neck. It reminds me of, because I'm watching this Dahmer stuff,

a lot of Dahmer stuff. He has a brother. Dahmer has a brother that's just alive. And it would be insane to be, first of all, the last name Dahmer. It's like the last name Hitler at this point. So like, don't get me wrong, it's not. Right.

So no, as recognizable though. Not as. I mean, oh, right, right, right. It's not but yeah, right. So no as recognizable though Not as I mean, oh, right, right, right Recognizable as Christ right this point And they both did very good thing, you know little piece of trivia after immigrants from Germany and Austria came from Came to America just real quick. It's interesting They had Hitler was there is a really common name, and they changed it to Hiller and Miller, so it became a different name. You didn't fucking know that, dude,

and it's fucking horseshit that you said you fucking knew that, go ahead. Big Lebowski. So. It's fucking bullshit. No, okay, go ahead. I did know that. Wasn't it like Himmler or something?

Well, Himmler was another name. Or Hister? Hister! Oh no, that's what, no, Hister. No, Hister is what- Hi, Mr. Hister. No, Hister is what Nostradamus said, that he said Hister and everyone thinks,

oh, he meant Hitler and that he predicted it. I mean, it meant Hitler, so different, you know? No, it was Hitler. The name turned into Hitler, okay? So now it's Hitler. Thank you very much. There's people- So drunk, dude. There's a lot of Hillers. What's your name?

Hello, Hiller. What, what, what? My name is Hiller. Rudolph Hiller. Rudolph. Rudolph Hiller, dude. Hello, I am Rudolph Hiller. Okay, come on in.

What is going on? We are in Beverly Hills. Are there the enemy here? Ah, you know. Are there the enemy here? Go ahead. What were you going to say, though? I wanted to get out of it, but didn't

want to bail out of the bedroom. Ha, ha, ha. But what? You were going to say something. We have been watching the Dahmer thing. Hiller, dude, Rudolf Hiller. And so, yeah, there's a brother. He has a brother named David, right?

David, yeah. David. David Dahmer's in a vacuum, kind of a baller name. No, the last name Dahmer is cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but. Sad. I mean, he's old and like,

he had to change his name, obviously. Really? Well, yeah, he changed his name. I mean, I mean. I mean, it's, and like, he had to change his name, obviously. Really? Well, yeah, he changed his name. I mean, wow. I mean, it's again, it's not like having a lot, you know what I mean? Well, he didn't do what Dahmer did. I know, but to,

Anthony's still shitting, that's crazy. It's crazy, he died in there. He's literally dead on the toilet. Was shitting. Yeah, his pants down and everything, yeah. Like there's almost, The saddest way to die, yeah. Okay.

Also, like a plate of cheese for some reason, eating it while you're sitting. Yeah, yeah. So, conum, conum, unhealthy and gross and fat. So, well, that's it? That's it? Well, yeah, I was just thinking about like, God, if your name was specific like that

and of a serial killer, I mean, arguably the most famous serial killer in America. Yeah, probably. You know, I guess you have to change your name, right? I don't know though, because I wonder how many people hear Dahmer and they're like, oh my God, are you related to Jeffrey Dahmer?

Like, it's not that crazy of a last name. Really? I don't know, I'm saying I don't know. But- Dahmer, I know, I think I would be like, Dahmer? I don't know. I'm saying I don't know. But- Dahmer, I know I think I would be like Dahmer. Have you- Immediately. Yeah.

Have you seen those interviews with his dad? Those ones are heartbreaking. Oh really? That poor guy is just like, imagine, I mean, what, what dude? Your child does that? He's the one that discovered the thing, the head in a box or whatever.

He is? He has this crazy story about how like, he, well, you know, he didn't actually discover it, but like he like, I forget that I'm gonna mess it up. So fuck it. But there's something about like, there was a box on a table and he almost opened it. And Jeffrey wasn't like, no, no, no, no, no.

He was like, totally would have let his dad open it and find it. And later he found out that it was a head in a box. It's just a head in a box. Anthony, how was it? You know? Pride in there. All right, so yeah.

Wasn't good. You got to have the picture. I guess it's your family, but don't be all like showing it. Definitely don't show it. But don't come here, I gotta show you something. To just knee-jerk throw it away, I think would be like a dumb ass thing to do. Well, I mean, dude, history, everything's over.

He's dead. The Nazis fucking lost. Everyone hates all Nazis. Nobody's gonna mistake you for a Nazi. There's no more The Nazis fucking lost. Everyone hates all Nazis. Nobody's gonna mistake you for Nazi. There's no more Rudolf Himmler. You're fine. Keep it though. Rudolf Hitler's gone.

It's the only picture you have of your grandpa. Don't fucking throw it away just because he was a Nazi. Or cut out only his face so you can't see the uniform. And then, get on a pendant and put it around your neck. Yeah, that's what you do. Yeah, there you go, there you go. Hey, what's that? Oh, it's my grandpa.

He wasn't a Nazi. Oh, it's just his face. No, that's what you go. There you go. Hey, what's that? Oh, it's my grandpa. He wasn't a Nazi. Oh, it's just his face Yeah, no, that's what you do. Yeah Alright next Is knowing what you want being narrow-minded smashed it when I think of this question, I think of Significant significant others and drunk relationships. I just want to know what you guys think of also significant others and relationships. I just want to know what you guys think of also

The reason a lot of people are so close to the camera when they're recording is because after you take a video and Put it into the Google Drive to submit it zooms in the video. It's a different orientation With the camera on our phones and what you guys, I don't know, are using for a submission service or whatever. Shut up. Thanks guys. Shut up, dude.

It's actually- Shut the fuck up. Okay, what was the question? No, no, no, why shut the fuck up? Him? Because I felt like it. Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up, man. No, no, no, he seems very cool.

Let me candy coat this. Let me gussy it up first before I say what I'm going to say, because it sounds rude, but it's not. The guy's very good looking. Yeah, no, that guy's a handsome guy. Which means it's fair game to talk shit about someone when they're that handsome. Always.

Wow. And he's handsome. And fuck him. His eyebrows were wild. Pull a popple. You could literally lay down on his eyebrows. So you could take a fucking nap on his eyebrows. Poetry, popple, P-O-P-P-L-E.

Obviously, there's no other way to spell it. Yeah, he's like poople. That's what it looks like. How the fuck am I supposed to know what this is? There, there, there, there, that's his hair. The one of them, who cares? Yeah, that's him. Who cares, I give up.

Um. All right. Popples, I used to fucking love Popples. Yeah, same dude. I used to. You take them out, you put them back in, you take them out, you put them back in, you throw them up, you throw them down,

you throw them to your brother, you throw them to your sister, you throw them to your dad, you throw them to your mom, you say, hey, look at my Popples. It's inclusive. All right, so, all right, so the, is knowing what you want being narrow-minded? I mean, only if you didn't... No, the answer, look, is technically yes, I guess,

but being narrow-minded, I think asking it like that assumes or presumes that being narrow-minded in all cases is bad. I also think it presumes that you haven't considered other things. Knowing what you want doesn't mean you haven't considered other options. It means, it probably means you have.

And I'm just like, no, no, no, those aren't the things I want, this is the thing I want. Now, if he's talking about relationships, which he mentioned right after when he said it, you can be too narrow-minded if you're like, I know what I want. I want someone who's, I don't know, driven over five, seven.

That's not good. A certain age, a certain race. It's like, shut the fuck up, dude. Just meet who you meet, fall in love or don't. You love who you love, you fall in love. Love chooses you, dude. You don't choose love. You meet somebody and go, whoopsie, I fell in love.

Yes. You go, oh my gosh, yeah, they're not my type, but whoopsie, I fell in love because I hung around him for too long. And maybe we shouldn't be together. Not too long. But it's okay. And you're trying to kill me from the inside out because.

Snapper! Was agreeing with you more than I've ever agreed with you and then turned into the most deep and total disagreement. I'm just saying, I'm a man and I know what I want and you're a woman and it changes from day to day. And that's fine, but it's killing me from the inside out. And so, snapper!

I'm joking, but look. Yeah, it's, you're not, no, that doesn't inherently mean you're narrow-minded. No, it doesn't. It can, but it doesn't mean anything. It can, but it doesn't. And about the other thing you were saying, shut the fuck up.

A square is a rectangle, rectangle is a square, square is a rectangle, rectangle is a rectangle. Strunk. You know what I'm saying? A square is a rectangle. No, no, no, no. A square is a square, a square is a rectangle, whatever the fuck. Strunkunk. You know what I'm saying? A square is a rectangle. No, no, no, it's a square. A square is a rectangle, whatever the. Strunk.

I don't know. To repeat it and then also say whatever about it afterwards the second time. Why did you say shut up about the other part? What was he? Because it was like, you know this is why this is, shut the fuck up, dude. Oh, wow, okay, wow.

I don't want you to tell me why a thing. You're really. If I didn't fucking ask. Oh, Jesus. And he's handsome, fuck him, dude. I mean, dude, he's fine, you know? You're all right. No, I'm saying, he can take it. He's handsome, he can take the fuck, me saying shut the fuck up. Look, And he's handsome. Fuck him, dude. I mean, dude, he's fine, you know, it's he's you know, I'm saying he can take it. He's handsome. He can take the fuck me saying shut the fuck up.

Look, if he was ugly, if he was ugly, I wouldn't have been like, shut the fuck up. I would have been like, oh, interesting. And then later afterwards, I would have been like, hey, Chris, see that. And that's that's not cool. I'm kidding. It doesn't matter. This is a hilarious joke I made. I don't care if you're good looking or not good looking. Shut the fuck up. Yeah.

OK, next. Bumble knows it's hard to start conversations. Hey, no, too basic. Hi there. Still no. What about hello, handsome? Who knew you could give yourself the ick? That's why Bumble is changing how you start conversations. You can now make the first move or not.

With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Hey, Chris and Matt. Nice leave. Second time on the podcast. First time was the Nose Job episode.

So maybe Chris was drugged up and does not remember. Ah. Losts, I need some advices So sometimes like out in the world guys try to Shack up conversation or something to me somehow and I always think that they're trying to flirt So I'm always like super short with them because I'm in a relationship and I'm not interested in talking to other guys Yeah, so for example today, like I'm sitting in a hotel I'm traveling for work and at the breakfast this guy was starting to talk about like I'm staying in a hotel, I'm traveling for work, and at the breakfast, this guy was starting to talk

about the pancakes and then asking me if I stay here a lot and I was like super short with him. I was like, nope. And then afterwards, like both after this interaction and just other interactions out in the world, I feel really bad because I'm like, was I so rude? Was I too short? Like, so what's a good balance of like not being rude

but also like not inviting people to think that like I'm interested or I'm trying to like have a conversation with them, you know? And then I know a question for Chris, like why do you only announce your big tour dates and not club dates? I live in LA, I've seen you at a club once, but I'm interested in seeing more shows,

but you don't announce those, so it's kind of hard to find. How can I find those? Thank you for everything but you don't announce those. So it's kind of hard to find. How can I find? I forgot, I'll be in the South Bay. Thank you for everything you guys do. Love you. Torrance. Love you too. Coming up here.

I love you. Go to chrisley.com. But yeah, no, the reason why I don't do that is because I just pop on locally. Pops in. I know it's not scheduled. I'll just be like, yo, I want to come and though. If you're big and famous enough, you can just pop in.

Yeah. You don't need to be scheduled. So I could do that. My brother can do that. Other comedians can do that. Yeah. Okay, so. Sam Kinnison can do that. He's could do that. My brother can do that. Other comedians can do that. Yeah. Okay. So Sam Kinnison can do that. He's dead.

But Andy Kaufman can do that. All right. So you're saying dead guys, but so, yeah, this is, we've kind of talked about this before. I just don't, I don't- You talk about versions of this. I don't know if we've talked from a girl's perspective about how do I do it, right?

Oh. Well, what we've talked about is this sound, this seems like from a guy's, this guy's perspective, I'm pointing at myself for those who are only listening, it seems like one of the most, if not the most annoying day to day things. Yeah, that women have to deal with. That women have to deal with.

It seems like it. On like a normal day to day. It's also a safe bet if a guy's talking to you that he's at least a little bit flirting with you. I mean, it doesn't mean he's trying to fuck you, but like, you day to day. It's also a safe bet if a guy's talking to you that he's at least a little bit flirting with you. I mean, it doesn't mean he's trying to fuck you, but like, you know. Yeah. Yeah, unfortunately we're just,

without even thinking about it, I think a lot of guys are just like, I'm gonna be nice to this person without realizing, oh, I wanna be nice to them because they're fucking attractive. I'm me and I'm just me and nothing's gonna change the way I am. Oh, I'm a nice beautiful tits. And let me just say hi.

Excuse me, ma'am. Remember the guy where you got beautiful eyes and tits? Oh, ma'am. Excuse me. So insecure. The laughing. Dude, remember the fucking guy, the video we played of the guy who starts hitting on that girl on the golf cart and is like,

I'm being dangerous right now. Well, that guy is annoying as shit. A 10 out of 10, the worst of all. It's safe to assume if a guy's talking to you that there's some level of flirtation. It's safe. And to do what you're doing, I think is right. I think that-

It's the right instinct. Yeah, I don't think that you being short is, you know, maybe in any other instance, it could be rude, but for this, there's like an, to me, it's like, if I am not flirting with somebody, and I just have something to say to some woman, right, that's sitting down somewhere that I am, and she goes, no, I don't think, wow, what a shitty person. I think, oh, she probably thinks I'm hitting on her,

this is a thing guys do, I'm not, so I get it. That's. I think, oh, she probably thinks I'm hitting on her. This is a thing guys do. I'm not, so I get it. That's what I think. And that's what, I think that, you know, you feeling bad about anything like that is just putting that on yourself, and you don't need to. You're in an enormous minority.

I think she's right to assume that most men are like, okay, fucking bitch. Like even though it's just their egos, like being bruised like little fucking shitty little bitch boys that are just like, okay, I guess somebody woke up, I guess somebody is, it's that time of the month for somebody. And it's like, no, dude, she just doesn't want to fuck you,

you regular five out of 10 guy. Well, dude, for me, it's like, I'm not insecure. So when that happens to me, I go like this. Well, she obviously thinks I'm attractive. So So when that happens to me, I go like this. Well, she obviously Thinks I'm attractive So it can't be that Yeah, so I'm not totally yeah. Yeah, I think though that laugh like hell when that happens Just laugh like hell you're in you're stuck into her position because your instinct is to be short But then you end up feeling bad

Later, and if you end up feeling bad later. And if you can't convince yourself, no, it's right. It's okay to do that. I shouldn't feel bad. Then you wanna change it a little bit so you don't end up feeling bad. Ending up feeling bad is the worst possible outcome because then more time is being sucked up

by this non-event. Also dude, if you feel that bad, you can give them an OTPHJ, right? OTPHJ. What the hell is that? Over the pants hand job. Okay, no, I don't suggest that. If you feel bad, that bad, you can give them OTPHJ, right? OTPHJ. What the hell is that? Over the pants hand job? Okay, no, I don't suggest that. If you feel bad, that bad, you can be OTPHJ.

You gotta run chase him down. Sir, sir, sir, would you like an OTPHJ? Dude, I, I, I. Oh wait, there's more. So then the alternative is to be nicer and warmer, but still not allow the guy to think there's an in somewhere. But that seems tricky too.

I think the best thing to do is to convince yourself it's fucking fine to be short. As long as you're not being shitty, like actually mean, everything is fair game. He's coming up to you, taking a chance. He knows he's taking a chance. Like it's not mean or shitty to just reveal to him that he has none.

He has no chance. Don't do an OTPHJ because it'll take too long. No, I'm saying that because you don't wanna give guys hand jobs just randomly out in the world. Just cause it's not random. You have, you talk to them and you feel bad. But I'm saying you're saying don't do that cause that'll take longer than a BJ.

You're saying give them BJ or sex or what? I'm not saying either one of those. I'm saying none of those. You're saying get your friends come over and have an orgy with them? No, you're making that up. That would go quick. You're making that up.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. All right, well. Cold, cold, cold. Thank you guys. Yeah, but it's good. It's good to care about how you come off, but like don't overthink this. It's fine to be the way you are.

Only one time have I ever been like, God, fuck this person when she, this woman do? It's the famous person? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I do. I wasn't like, fuck this person. No, I thought that was funny. Cause that, yeah, that's a funny story. By the way, she came up to me recently

and said she was a big fan, did I tell you that? She'd probably seen us do stuff together too, right? But how funny is that? Like you had such a- You should have said, hey, you know what? You were a bitch to my brother 12 years ago in New York. All right, go ahead. I was walking by this bar-

It was Kathy Bates. With a patio out front. And I saw this girl, I don't know if the chair broke or if she just slipped because she was drunk or whatever, but she fell from a high chair onto her ass. She was on the ground and I was walking by and I went and I was like, can I give you a hand? And she looked at me like I literally was trying

to take her clothes off. And I was like, I literally, it was so, such like a crazy look that I just was like, I literally threw my hands up and I was like, fucking nevermind. It was the weirdest thing, dude. And then afterwards I was like, how could she possibly think anything was happening?

Maybe it was her defense being like, I know I look like an idiot. Maybe, yeah, maybe she- That's the only thing I could think of. Yeah, but- I could think of much more things if I wanted to. I'm smart, but that's probably it. Yeah, that is crazy though.

Yeah, it was real fucking weird. The other thing my brother brought up was I used to live close to Dredd de Mateo in New York City, and she had this beautiful bulldog that I thought was so cute. And one time from across the street, I was standing outside a bar smoking a cigarette, I saw her walking her dog,

and I said something about her dog, and she couldn't have reacted less. Like her face could not have moved less. Yeah, she wasn't as shitty. No. Okay, yeah. I thought it was hilarious though. I was like, wow, just stone cold in my ass. Thanks.

Anyway, now I guess I wasn't gonna say it, but she did come up to me and she was like, you're fucking funny, I love you. So all right, okay, great. Now everyone knows. Great, cats on the mat. You actually had already said that. Literally, you had just said that.

I know. Oh, I know, but we didn't say who it was. Now we know because of you, because of your loose lips and loose lips and your strips. We didn't reveal anything about her, so it's totally fine. So anyway, she's great though. She's awesome. Yeah.

Ah, fuck, I was gonna say something and now I don't remember. Yes, dude! That was also, that happened to be when the Sopranos was, I think it was still on at the time. Oh really? Well then she must have gotten to get mobbed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're a dick for even saying that. Yeah, I know. Shouldn't have said anything. I'm on her side. Nice. All right, next one. Hey, what's up, boys? What's up?

Shooting you a little video here from Sweden. Whoa. I'm not looking for any advice. I just thought I would let you know that in Swedish, runk means masturbate. Yeah, we know. Oh, I didn't know that. That's awesome that that happened. Chris, have a good one. Thanks, man. We did know that. I knew that. I haven't runked in a while. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, well, definitely. You don't know about the... You don't know about runk meaning that? I did. It softly rings a bell, but I can't runked in a while. Know what I'm saying? Yeah, well, definitely. You don't know about runk meaning that? I did.

It softly rings a bell, but I can't say I definitely knew that. That's why we always start a video off of the runk. And then when the views were going down, we were like, is it because it means masturbation in Swedish? Because it's the first thing that comes up, but it's not. Oh. And so, yeah, but we're just, yeah, we did know that. Runk know that runk. Hey, that's I do vaguely remember that

Dude, did you run? No Once I said it wasn't me. It wasn't me shaggy It wasn't me I sucked on helium I wasn't even ronkin. Okay. Yeah Jim Carrey quick question. I'll make it short. What a voice. My girlfriend's getting fat. Oh dear God. She's getting big. She's a big girl. She's put on like 30 pounds in like a year and a half. Okay. That's not that crazy. No, I do. That's a lot. I like to work out. I run. I lift. What if he didn't know she was pregnant? She sleeps Oh, so it's not even about yeah body. So

Do I try to when I try to drag her to the gym? She doesn't she's too insecure to come Fair so I do I just stop buying groceries Like I saw now You never know what to do in this. Sitch. What do you say? Sitch in the stitch. The problem is that it's not attractive.

Like it's unattractive. Yeah, that's a problem. I should sit in fact. You can't be unattractive to your partner. So. What do I do? He's like, I don't care about her health. All right. Smiley. Uh, I think that, um, you have, I, this happened to me once.

I was with someone, she gained a lot of weight. It didn't look bad. She was like rail thin and then gained weight. I mean, been taking, uh taking classes to be more present. And so, no, now Matt, now that's too close, right? So the teacher, so they're gonna think you're weird. So back up a little bit. It's okay to look away sometimes. Remember the 80-20 rule, so I can't stop.

So- Take it so far. And so she started getting bigger and I liked it. And then it got to the point where it was just too big. Too big to fail? I liked it, but it was, I'm like, how big is she gonna get? So then I said to her,

hey, you should start working out. You're not anymore. And you're getting big. I mean, like it's not the end of the world because it really wasn't. You liked it. I didn't not like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I was like, you should do, you should work out. You like working out anyway. And then like, and that day she did it. She was like, oh yeah. And in like three weeks she trimmed, I couldn't even believe it actually. It was unbelievable. But so that happened to me.

I brought up delicately like that. It sounds like this guy's suffering from lack of Alzheimer's and he just does it. Duh. He just does it. Dumb it, dude. He's got, it sounds like, I'm not a doctor, but it sounds to me like he's got a pretty mild

to severe case of lack of ballsitis. Matt. Okay. And he's doing the thing. That's the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life. He's doing the thing where he's like dancing around it, like, can we go to the gym? Oh, maybe I'll get less groceries. Like just say, just say something

without being a fucking. Well, what you could do is. Dick fuckhead. Now you could walk up to her and apologize to her for having lack of ballzytus. Yeah, exactly. And say the reason why it's on me is I have lack of ballzytus. I shouldn't have let it get this far. I should have stopped it sooner, but you're fat.

So I have lack of ballzytus. Let's go to the gym. You're fucking fat. Stop eating. I have lack of ballsitis, let's go to the gym. You're fucking fat, stop eating. I have lack of ballsitis, you're fat. Let's go to the gym, let's better ourselves. I'm working on my lack of ballsitis by doing this right now. You could work on your absolute fatness

by coming to the gym with me. You could work on your whole, if you could do that, you know, if he's too insecure to say it. All right, you can act it out, yeah. You could put on Shallow Hal and just keep going like this, like, do you get it? But no, dude, just.

That's crazy how much you went down to eat it. And I'm referencing something off screen because. You're a fucking hypocrite. No, I'm not a hypocrite, I'm explaining what happened. So I'm gonna throw up. The producer eats and the producer eats and when the producer eats He goes to eat and he moves his I always think it's weird when somebody does this you move your fucking hand in your mouth Every there are people that go like this Like you're a fucking

T-rex, uh-huh. It's weird and that's what he does. It's not that weird No one wants it. No one cares, is the truth. Oh, I care. I want to do this. He doesn't want to get anything on his white shirt. I totally get it, dude. So descriptive.

He doesn't want to get in his white. Just learned English. He doesn't want to get anything on his white shirt. That is starch white. But just say something nicely and politely. Also, what's on the line here is you're being attracted to your partner. You can't, you were attracted to what we're attracted to,

but you can't continue in a relationship when you aren't remotely attracted to your partner anymore. So like it's gotten to the point now, cause because of your severe lack of bullseyes, it's gotten so far along. 35 pounds over a year and a half. Buddy. 30 he said, could be 35 now though.

He said 35. After six months ago, a year ago, you could have said something, it wouldn't have been so bad, but now your lack of bullseyes is ruining your life. Could be so bad, but now I got a lack of balsitis. So it's almost too late, but it's not too late. So bring it to her like it's an issue for the relationship, not just for her. Oh man, that's so cocked though to be like, we're in trouble.

Obviously you don't do it like that. Sweetie doll, we are approaching some pretty heavy duty. I'm worried about us. You're fat. You're fat. Uh, my, my, my it's affecting my cock. It won't go up. This sucks for us, right?

Uh, I want my prick to be fucking at attention, you know, right? But how's my prick going to be at attention if you're all fat, right? So I'm sorry for having like a balls-lider. You're fat. What are we gonna do? Let's go to 24 hour fitness. I'll be honest. I've been in a number of relationships where,

bragging, over the course of the relationship, my partner, she gains weight. Well, everyone gains weight, it's fine. Not everybody. Well, no, no, no, you get older, you gain weight pretty much. Okay, but my point was, before you rudely fucking interrupt me.

You date a lot of women, we get it, you're cool. Is that, if I'm being totally honest, it's never- I killed Nicole Brown Simpson. It's never bothered me. Really? It's never been a thing where I'm like, yeah, you gotta bring it up. Let me say this though.

You've dated very pretty women that are thin. They gain weight and they start to look prettier and more. It's not like all of a sudden, fucking Cameron Mannheim is walking in and she wrote a book about, is that the Too Big To Fail one? Did she write a book called I'm Too Big To Fail? Cause she would. Hi, I'm fat, wake know, fucking Cameron Mannheim is walking in and she wrote a book about, is that the Too Big to Fail one? Did she write a book called Too, I'm Too Big to Fail? Cause she would.

Hi, I'm fat, wake up, I'm fat. No, Too Big to Fail is about the fucking financial crisis of 2008. Oh, right, okay. What's the Cameron Mannheim book? Hi, I'm fat, what else is new? Oh yeah, that's so funny. How do you remember that?

Fat women write books and then they'll be like, I'm fat, so what? What else is new? Fuck you. Yeah, that would be the best title ever though. Hey, gained a few pounds. I don't give a shit. You're a fucking stupid ass You're a fucking cover like this. Yeah, Cameron Mannheim

I'd tell Anthony look it up if you had any fucking clue how to spell I'm gonna have to like this with a burger and like this that would be great, dude I want to see it's with a Y Cameron Mannheim and Heim I'm fat big deal. So sue me. I'm fat. What did, look at a book, book. Write book in there. Oh, actually you should have spelled it the way I said to fucking spell it.

Well, here it is. What is it? Wake up, I'm fat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You were so close. What did I say? That's even more ridiculous. Wake up, I'm fat.

That's the most, dude, I'm gonna write a book called Wake Up, I'm Fat. That's, yeah. I always say, go to sleep, I'm fat. That's the most, dude, I'm gonna write a book called Wake Up, I'm Fat. That's, yeah. I always say, go to sleep, I'm fit. Go to sleep. Wake up earlier, I'm skinny. That means. Sleep in, sleep in, I'm skinny.

Fucking so fucking furious, the sigh you just did. I mean, never has anybody been more angry. I just, when people are fat and they're talking about being fat, I want to lose my mind. I lose my mind. Wait, what do you mean? That's a good thing.

When people are fat and they're just like, I'm fat, deal with it. I want to, you know what it's like? It's not as bad as this. This is worse. But when somebody is rude, and then you go, what the fuck? And they go, that's just me. Sorry, I'm real.

Oh, well, that is unacceptable. Sorry, I'm real. That's completely unacceptable. Hey, hey. Sorry, I'm real. Yeah, that's just not a thing we do in this civilized world. I fucked your girl. Sorry, I'm real.

Hey, dude, don't be mad at me. That's the game, I'm real. Dude, that's kind't be mad at me. That's the game I'm real. Dude, that's kind of like what Chris Mocco did to me in fifth grade. He stole my girlfriend, and then when I confronted him about it, he said that's the way the world works. So. What if it was? Care to say you're part of the side of the events? You had to fuck your friend's girl. Hey, just sipping. Doesn't give a fuck. Sipping. Doesn't give a fuck at all.

I'm just real, man. Hey Hey, hey dude, you suck. Yeah, I mean the fat thing is obviously way less upsetting than that. Yeah, but it's more annoying. It's less infuriating. But what do you mean though? Who does that exactly? I don't know if I've seen that very often.

Besides, wake up I'm fat. The book. Hey. I don't know if I've seen that very often besides wake up. I'm fat the book The person's let me just get the fuck out of my bedroom Turn the light off Fuck I fucking know you're fat. Jesus Christ. You're fat. How do I not notice? I'm in the bed and I'm fat All right, let's do a new one. All right Hi Matt, I think it's awesome you Help someone leave a call Chris. I watch your episode of congratulations where you're talking about bikers

So I need to get your guys opinion on this. I Was taking a left to come into my neighborhood and there was a road biker who I have learned road bikers are Terrible in comparison to mountain bikers who are super cool. She means cyclists and I'm going to take a left I have about 10 15 seconds until this guy was to get to me. I'm waiting and I figured oh, that's cool I can take a left. I don't have to I gotta get going So as I'm going to take a left, I'm going super slow. The guy comes towards me, not still that close enough, tells me I'm crazy and gives me the finger. I so badly wanted to follow him and clip him

and tell him that his tight outfits aren't obviously helping him move faster and he should work on that if he really wants to be out on the road. But am I the jerk for not waiting another 15 seconds or is he the jerk for doing that to me? Fuck cyclists. Thanks, guys.

Run them over. Now, it's not my fault, but I wasn't really listening. Can you recap what she said? I was, but she left out a few words at the beginning. She left out words, right? Yeah, it was weird. That threw me for the whole thing. She goes, we bikers, and we're hanging.

So you beta left. That is kind of how it played for me. She was saying the bike, she's in the car. Boop, look, bikers coming this way. Oh, she's in a car. Oh, I missed. Yeah, no, I believe it. Yeah. I believe it.

I think they're traveling in the same direction. And so she's going to make a... In a car. No. She's in a car in a... No. Like this. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And she's like this. well, that's a bike guy. Oh.

You're crazy. Oh. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. So here's what happened. This is my biggest pet. Legally, what you did was wrong, but obviously what you did- It depends on how far away you were.

Obviously what you did was right and okay, I mean, but probably legally- No. No, because bike, cyclists are like this. It's like they know the they know the fucking rule of law about all the bullshit ins and outs, the things that they do, can't do, what other people can and can't do around them. They're so fucking annoying.

And then the second someone does something that's slightly outside of what's written. That's sweeping generalization. Yeah, Matt's so right. No, I'm right, dude. I used to fucking live downtown LA. It's crazy how people are on bikes. It's like, it's like, shut the fuck up, dude. Like, you don't own the fucking world just because you're on a bike. I don't know how

the bike, how cyclists laws work, okay? I have a fucking car, you stupid asshole. Yeah. That would have been good. Yeah. And they're like, fuck you, bring, bring. Yeah. Dude, it's, you, you did nothing wrong. There, I said it. I would do it a hundred, I, bring. Yeah. Dude, you did nothing wrong. There, I said it. I would do it a hundred times. I do this a hundred times in a row. I agree with that. Me driving away.

I think legally she might actually have done something that is not legal, but I still think- But it depends on how far away. That's why I said might. Okay. This is why I said might. I'm closing my eyes because I'm getting furious and I'd like to be less furious.

So descriptive. Good, Matt, good, good. You're still being a little weird in the class. I'm closing my eyes because I'm getting furious and I'd like to be less furious. So descriptive. Ha ha ha. Good Matt, good, good. You're still being a little weird. In the class. So good to express yourself though. So can't stop with the joke. So the, what is that?

That? You got shit all over your hand. That right there? I noticed it earlier, it's on your arm and shit. What is this? I think it's not coke. Is it paint? No, it's plaster because of our house.

Oh, doing man shit, huh? No, no, no. Cameron man shit? So wait, hold on a second. The most disrespectful thing and we were talking about how fat she was, but that was the most disrespectful thing. So- Hey Tina.

Lost your mind. So, hold on, what the fuck are we just talking about? The fucking cyclist. Throw in the car or whatever. Oh, I was driving and I pulled out to take a right. I had a bunch of space. Okay. And then somebody from behind me got to me.

Like, you know what I'm saying? Like we were driving like this, I took a right in their lane and they got up to me and they go like this, they come up and they go like this. Oh, and wait, I still, I'm like, maybe they were just giving me a thumbs up. I don't think, it wasn't that they were a fan, that was not what it is.

Oh, it seems like they were being dicks. No, but for what though? I had so much room. Number one, number two, here this changes the story a little bit. We had the same car. Oh. But it wasn't, it was the Audi.

What? So I'm saying like, do you think that she was just doing it? It was a woman. You think that she was just doing it? It was a woman. You think that she was just doing it because we had the same car? No, I think what I think if she smiled the way you just did, like a shitty like- I guess I don't know if she did it. Oh, okay.

Well, how do you think she smiled for real? I think she went like that. Oh, that's tough. You could tell. It's tough to decipher. Yeah. But I would guess that she was like, way to go, asshole. Good job fucking cutting me off.

I was in the car with Jerrica. And I said, did she give me the thumbs up because of I did something wrong? What did she say? She was like, no. I still don't know, though. I'll never know. I don't believe Jerrica.

Wow. I know they say believe all women, but I don't believe Jerrica. Yeah. I don't know. I would err on the side of people are so fucking crazy ready to flip out at people when they're behind the wheel. It's not, I mean, me too.

I'm not saying like, I'm not exempt from this at all. It's so crazy. The kinds of shit I'm willing to get upset about when I'm driving versus in regular life. Weird. I'm not like that. Really? Yeah, I'm not. Jeez. I'm driving versus in regular life. Weird, I'm not like that. Really? Yeah, I'm not. Jeez, I'm not.

You're also a really crazy slow and bad driver. No way. Yeah, you are. I'm a slow driver? You're such a slow driver. I am pretty slow, but I'm good. You're dangerously slow. Like in a 65 zone, you'll go like 52. What? That's not even that bad.

No, that's illegal. Well, no, I'm good, dude. I'm a good driver. Kristen got mad at me today because of how I drove. Yeah, That's not even that bad. No, that's illegal. Well, no, I'm good, dude. I'm a good driver. Kristen got mad at me today because of how I drove. Yeah, you're not good. You're looking at your phone too much. Let's see how you think. No, no, no. First of all, not when I'm driving. Here's the thing. Okay, so let's get your take on this. I was pulling out. Oh, this is great. Having sex. This is hard. This is hard to talk about if you're just listening. So you're looking, it's hard.

A lot of car directions here. So I was pulling out into the road, okay? I had to go left. So we know there's that traffic that's coming towards me. It's more difficult to turn left than right. Yes, that it is sort of, right. In America. So there was a car that was coming,

and then I looked on the right because you have to cross that lane to get to the next lane and then make the left right so you look right as well yes of course because you have to look cars coming from both right right i was i made an aggressive ish move i was like this car's coming so close to my face yeah i was like this car right here is coming over here right and then i had already looked to the right, but Kristen looks to the right, and in her mind, those cars are coming too fast.

Now, what she didn't know, what I was doing, was I was moving out into the middle lane, and I was gonna wait for those cars on the right to go. I was gonna skip past this first one, wait, and go, okay, right? As you have to do sometimes when there's a very busy street. Yes. That's why they have the middle lane.

Correct. So I pulled out in front of this first car coming. In front of? What do you mean? Well, it's coming to the right. It's coming this from the left. I'm about to eke out, and I'm about to get in front of it to get into the middle lane, right?

Yeah. OK. So as Ike out, and I'm about to get in front of it to get into the middle lane, right? Yeah. OK. So as I do this, she sees this. She thinks you're going to get clipped. And she says, Chris! Yes, yes. And I just hit the brake.

Instinct. And I said, what are you doing? And she was like, this car's coming. I said, I know. She's like, well, what are you doing? So I'm like, babe, don't do that. She's like, well, what did you do? So I'm like, babe, don't do that. She's like, well, you're not paying attention. I said, I already looked over here.

So don't say, Chris, like that. I'm gonna break, you're making it more dangerous. I'm gonna, this guy's gonna hit me. Right? Okay. She was like, no, you shouldn't have done any of it. Oh, okay. Interesting take.

So you're asking what my take is? Yeah. I absolutely fucking detest when I'm driving and I'm always driving. I always am the one who's driving if I'm in a group. When someone does or says something that indicates that I'm not paying attention when I actually am. Now I get that in that, in that situation especially,

I can see why she thought what she thought, but I don't like when it's something like this, like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, or yelling my name. It's like, dude, that's so scary. Those people deserve to get pissed off. Like, what are you doing for? I'm fucking turning left.

Get out, here we go. No, the whole thing. Get out. Here we go. Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss So it's like only women ever do that, right? He's goading Chris. What? He's goading Chris. Yeah, he's trying to get aligned with Chris. No, I don't, no, guys do that too, but I think that guys do a little bit of a different version. No, mom doesn't do it. This is what mom does.

I don't think mom does that. This is what mom does. Oh God, this is so funny. And she watches this. So she'll hear this and she knows she does this. We talk about it. Chris? What?

In another room. Oh, you're not in the car now? No, no, no, no, in another room. OK. I messed up. OK. I go in there. She's in front of the computer.

Yeah. Where did it go? I had a screen here. Where did it go? Oh, you just minimized it. It didn't disappear. You just got to hit this green part and then it gets big again.

Like, hey, you see it? He goes, oh yeah, all right, thanks. I leave the room. Yeah, I know where this is going. Yeah, of course. I leave the room. I'm walking down the hallway. Oh shit, Chris.

No, nevermind. Always. Yeah, she's, it used to be, I'll be honest. I mean, I'm there a lot now these days. It happens a lot less than it used to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's gotten hip. She's like fucking basically Steve Jobs now.

Right, I mean, she's got the fucking iPhone. She's got it on Facebook. She knows what she's doing. She's good at it. She sends me Instagrams. Yeah, dude. She sends me Instagrams. A lot.

Okay, well, me too. She loves us equally. Every time she sends me one, she says, if I send Chris one, I send you two. Is what she said. She sends me them and she says, don't show Matt. She loves us equally. Every time she sends me one, she says, if I send Chris one, I send you two. Is what she said. She sends me them and she says, don't show Matt. This is just for us. That's lovely stuff.

She'll also send Bill Clinton. So also send, she'll also send me your Instagrams and say, look at how stupid Matt is. Where's mom? Don't tell him. And she'll say, it's just for me and you. He's stupid. And then she goes like this, should have never had them.

And then she goes like this. Here's a link to my blog about how much I hate Matt. And then I read it and it's scathing. All right. Let's do one more for the show. Dictator. You guys, I need some advice. Get in head. How do I get out of situations regarding stories that I've heard

probably 20 times before? No matter how many times I politely stop the person and mention to them, Hey, yeah, you told me this and I'll end the story for them. But they continue to tell me in great the story is that how do I get out of these situations without being a jerk honestly beat them up anyways love you both Chris have been listening since the 10 minute podcast days Wow I got to meet you in Columbus and Cincinnati last year both meet and greets told you I was your biggest fan you said you believe me but you probably didn't I believe anyways funny story

You got to meet me with my son last year in Cincinnati He's 21. I'm 43 You looked at me and said how old were you when you had him 10? I'll never forget that that was hilarious Because I was 11 anyways Was I 20 I'm on him. Love you. Go. Okay., good joke. Or was I? 20. I'm on him. Love you both. Help me out.

It's all the same. I mean, he has a sign on the back that says gather. Speaking of mom, how much would mom have that up in the house? Well, he's obviously married. So, um. Well, yeah, that guy put that sign up. I like how it says gather. Okay, so this is a great fucking question.

And I'll tell you what, I really really think this I've thought about this a lot I think there's a hole in everyone's brain and I'm including myself where If you're if you start if you even get it in your mind and you come out of the gate and you start telling the story You're it's like you can't not tell it. So no matter how many times someone is like, already started. Hey, I've heard this story before many, many times

and I know exactly what happens. That story is still getting told. And I don't get it, I don't know why. It's like jizzing. It's, yeah, it's like the body, once the body starts doing a thing, it can't stop. It's the same kind of thing. Come on, babe Oh, what's that? That's you trying to get into like now? You're like, okay. Okay. Yeah, cool. Oh, come on man in bed

I'm saying oh with a guy. No, you're with your wife. He said come on man, babe. Oh, I thought you said come on man Oh, I'll be a more come on babe. Oh, no. Okay, cool. Anyway, oh, come on, babe, oh. Come on, man. I'm saying. Ha ha ha! Only babe. Yeah. Only babe? Okay, so what do you think?

Well, he's asking what to do. So I would say, halt! What I'm saying- I've heard it. To be clear, what I'm saying is I don't think there's anything you can do, go ahead. Okay, so then here's what you do. You finish the story, and then this happened,

and that happened, and then this happened, and then this happened, and that happened, right? There we go, boom, done. How dick is that though? That is so dick. It's also so annoying to monopolize your time. What'd I say? Annoying.

Why did I say that? Nobody knows. I didn't want to, nobody knows this. I didn't want to. I said knows. I didn't want to. Nobody noises. I didn't want to. I said it and I didn't want to and now it's on camera, on the internet forever. And it's gonna live forever and be utterly viral. Because it's so crazy cool. Is it said annoising?

It's actually kind of a... that should be the word. What would it mean? Oh, instead of annoying? Yeah, it should be annoising. Annoising sounds good, yeah. I fixed it. Nice. All right. So, yeah, I think that you just finished the story.

You say, I know the story. This is what happens in that. And then he jumps off and then the guy jumped on and then that happened. Remember the accident? Yes. Then they met each other. That's how they met?

Yes, got it. And he goes, oh. But he jumped off of the thing. And then you're like, no. No, they would do that. It would, that's got it. And he goes, oh. But he jumped off of the thing and then you're like, no. No, they would do that. That's how it would go. People can't put it back in their pocket if they've just taken it out. Dude, it's just the weirdest thing.

It doesn't matter how many times or ways you're like, oh yeah, all right, right. No, I know, I remember this. I remember you told me this. Right, and then because of the thing. And then it's just like, dude, stop. Yeah, you kinda are right. I think about times that I've done it. I'm like, I still. I remember this. I remember you told me this. Right. And then because of the thing. And then it's just like, dude, stop. Yeah, you kind of are right.

I think about times that I've done, I'm like, I still want to tell the story. You still want to tell it. And that's annoying, but everyone does it. I think what I think my advice to you is it's sometimes we have to resign to our makeup, our biology. And I mean, our universal communal, everybody. That's assuming it's makeup, biology. I'm saying it is though.

I think it is. I think people can't not fucking do that. And we might as well give it up. It's part of being human. Sometimes you gotta just fucking sit there and hear the fucking story. One thing though people will do, if they respect you at all,

is that if they know you already know the story, they won't tell it like you've never fucking heard it. They'll just hit the main parts and get to the end quicker. So at least usually there's that. I guess at least usually. Yeah. All right.

Fine. Compromise? That's what Calvin would always say, man. What? Kristen would say, "'Okay, you got five more minutes, you gotta go bed." And he would say, "'Compromise?'' Oh, cute. And then she would say, okay, you got five more minutes, you gotta go to bed. And he would say, compromise? Oh, cute.

And then she would say, like what? And he'd say, six? Oh, that's a good deal for her. Or she would say six. And he would say, okay. He never kicked back, man. Such a bad deal maker, Calvin, you know? Yeah, or, yeah.

Compromise, five minutes, how about six? Well, maybe once or twice he's done that. Oh, can we do seven? Yeah, so far. Now he's getting it. The art of the deal.? Yeah, so far. No, he's getting it. The art of the deal. Oh man, the art of the deal. He's read the art of the deal.

I read him that before he goes to bed every night. On audiobook every single night. All right, sign up for our Patreon, patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. And send this episode to one of your friends. Say, yo, this episode is banging, bro. Help us out. You want to hear something banging? You want to hear something banging?

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