Lifeline - 132. Glancin' Jeff

Episode Date: October 20, 2024

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You're not sending it to be funny? Get the, I don't, get out of here, dude. No, no, no. I am sending it and it happens to be funny that somebody has made these things. What do you mean, dude? What do you mean it's not funny that I'm sending it? That's what I mean.

I send these, okay, look. Look, if you send it twice, that's one thing. You literally send them twice an hour. And it gets funnier and funnier. That's true of a lot of things, but not of this, man. I just get it, and I'm like, Chris, I am done. Come on, man. AI art visuals, AI doc creative TVs.

I'm gonna follow this one, this one's sick. They're all- Countries as firefighters? It's not the same. It's not the same account. Show, people won't know what you mean. Make sure that when we air this, you play some of them, okay?

We can't play the music, obviously, but the music is sick. I don't know what the song is, but it starts awesome. The guy goes, he's back! Bong, bong, bong, bong, bong. And obviously somebody in Turkey made the song, but dude, it's so dope. And they do like countries as giants,

countries as fighters, countries as, you know, and it's always an animal, which makes no sense really, because they never say animals. And then sometimes they'll do cross hybrid things like, you know an eagle and a gorilla and I'll be like he's back and then I'll show an eagle and a gorilla hybrid would look like dong dong dong dong dong and then one time it had eagle gorilla mosquito it had like three together and any

various dude what explain what's funny cuz no one out there is here's my pressure everybody out there watching right here's my impression of everybody out there watching right now. Yeah, because there are so many accounts that do that. It's not just one account? No, and I don't know why, and who's doing it? It's because people like you, it's in their algorithm, and now people are just clicking on it and watching it.

Nobody likes it. No, no, no, no, people like me are not watching it. People who are watching it, you look at the comments and they're like dude we I'm worried about Japan What why are they worried because it'll be like a lizard dong dong? Oh like red eyes and walking through the streets and it's like dude, but let me ask you something Is India like an elephant America an eagle? So it makes sense India is always an elephant. Yeah, okay.

So is America always an eagle? No, sometimes it's a bull. A bull? That's Spain. No, no, if you're talking about Madera Fighting Bull, but yeah, if you're talking about an American bull, American bull. It needs to be more clear than that, more specific.

Well, man, you know, it's not like a corporation is making this, it's just some guy. Some guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people, right? Anyway, their dope accounts will link them or something. It's not even a little dope. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah a lot of people right anyway It's their dope accounts will link them or something not even a live follow them all my algorithm is cooked Dude, if I go on my explorer page, it's just he's back Bung bong bong bong bong bong bong as most Turkish song I've ever heard in my life

And if you want to know why I don't click it's so that my algorithm doesn't get VUGARGÜFED. No, that's... And so I can still go on Instagram and be like, I'm done, instead of being like, oh, VUGARGÜFED. Matt, you know what I'm saying? You have to explain a little bit more than just do that for the audience. Lifeline audience, I'm done.

Okay, all right, it's Lil Mozzarella, his Instagram account. Yeah. He is famous for, Well, is he famous? Yeah, dude. He's got a ton of followers. And he just, all he does,

which is the greatest thing in the world, he says, he's from super New York, thick accent, and just goes, I don't know, in different ways. So he'll like tag it on to the end of his sentence, you know, he'll meet somebody out in public, Billy Crystal, I don't know, you know what I mean? Like that. Yeah, he won't care that I sent this,

but that he, he, he's the man. He sent me a DM, but here, here, he won't care this, sent this, but that he sent me a DM. He's the man. But here, he won't care this, because it's nothing, but hold on. I normally wouldn't put out this, but it's funny. You don't usually put out, right? Oh, Chris Delia, how you doing? Maybe you ain't here.

Maybe you didn't recognize me. I'm not wearing my carnation. Wow. Ah! I mean, there's nothing I would like more than that. Yeah, so he send me that. I'm down. We followed each other, obviously, because I ain't down.

I gotta follow him for sure, dude. I don't even follow, what a mistake I made. I'll be in Torrance, California, Toronto, Ontario, Bismarck, North Dakota, Sioux Falls, Oxnard, we have our Lifeline live show. All the other ones I'm saying are my standup show. And then I'll be in Brea solo, rolling on my dolo. And then Covina California, you got a lot of California dates.

Go to chrislea.com to get those. I am down. And so that's what's up. And happy birthday NBA Youngboy or whatever. Wow. It's his birthday, NBA Youngboy and John Krasinski. Which both of those guys, I think. Who is?

If they had a crossover, he is back. Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. Just like this in a talking head. Dong, dong, dong, dong, Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, just like this in a talking head. Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. What is that? What is NBA Youngboy? All rappers do that to show their grills. Oh, he's a rapper? NBA Youngboy? Well, it sounds like a like a YouTuber that does basketball tricks. NBA Youngboy is a rapper.

If you want to do three of them, it's Kamala Harris' birthday too. Dude, that's hilarious. She's back! Dong, dong, dong, giving a speech. Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. Wow, dude. Anyway. Anyway, NBA Youngboy, John Krasinski, Kamala Harris,

happy birthday. All right, so go get the new merch, at lifelinemerch.com, or sorry, at watchlifeline.com, that's the new merch. Get the merch at lifelinemerch.com, or sorry, at watchlifeline.com. That's the new merch. Get the merch at lifelinemerch.com. And then to sign up for the Patreon is, another one, dude.

Watchlifeline.com and you can get tickets to the auction. Anyway, whatever, dude. We're doing it fine, it's fine. Everyone knows what to do. You can just go down and look at the links and the descriptions and all that, but it's okay. I got something you don't even know, man. You remember Matt D'Alia is confused?

He's back. So insecure how you sang it. He's back. No, it's like a little gay, a little gay accent. Go to patreon.com slash Matt D'Alia. All the private record stuff's over there and that's where the new Matt D'Alia is confused. Bing bong, bing bong.

No, the air's on a pissed. Why is the air always go on? Two things that always go on in the first 10 minutes. And here we go, and it's the air conditioning and Anthony's butthole. Yeah. Mm-hmm. The two things that always go on.

The air's coming out one way or another. Ha ha ha. Oh dude, when he goes to the bathroom, he goes, he's back! On the toilet, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, it says USA, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, it says USA, dong, dong, dong, dong. So Anthony's made it six minutes. He's holding it so hard.

Yeah, dude, don't jinx it. I challenged him, I said, there's no way you're not gonna in the first 10 minutes. And he said, dude, I'm really not. I already went three times today. Guess what he's doing right now? He's clenching so hard. He's holding it.

He's got a little mirror, he's holding it to his face, and he's saying, Anthony, don't be a bitch. Don't do it, don't do it. Don't do it. Hold on. So hold on. So Devin's here. Devin Mena, tattoo artist, extraordinary. He does a lot of my tattoos.

He brought donuts for us, which was very nice. Anthony ate half the donut and then put the other half away. And then was like, I don't want, it's delicious, but I don't want to eat the other half because I might have to, you know. You know what? Yeah. And we were like, wow, okay, so that's interesting.

But it's hilarious that he had to, he felt like he had to speak on that. It's hilarious that he wanted a donut, ate half of it and it was like, no, no, no, I shouldn't. It's like you already doomed yourself, man. Yeah. Half a donut is not some threshold. You just made that up. You just smell a donut, dude.

Yeah. Well, I just didn't want to get a stomach ache and then, you know, the next thing you know. Oh, the want to get a stomach ache, and then the next thing you know. Oh, the next thing you know. Oh, I know the next thing you know. So I ate ice cream last night. Worst story ever? No.

Well, it's not done yet, dude. Worst beginning of any story ever. And ninjas broke in, and I beat them all. That would be awesome. So you don't know how the story ends yet. That's not the story, but you don't know. So just, you know. So I ate ice cream, and then as I was,

this morning I got coffee and then I ate a donut, a whole donut, two halves. And now I realize that that was a big fucking mistake because I also had a breakfast burrito. And that was a big, big mistake. And I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna, it's gonna be, it's, it's bad, dude. Do you usually clean the shoots in the morning?

After you wake up? After you go to the bathroom? Yeah. No, I mean, I, some, yeah, sometimes, but not, not usually. Usually, I don't know. I am a morning shoot cleaner. In fact, in the PM, I only clean the shoots, like two or three times a year. Talk about after, afternoon. Oh, that's crazy. I don't mean the PM, I only clean the shoots like two or three times a year.

Talk about after noon. Oh, that's crazy. I don't mean the afternoon, I mean afternoon. No, I know what you're saying. Ever, like at no point, it's crazy. In fact, I cleaned the shoots at like 8.30 PM the other night, I was like, what, who am I? Yeah, when you have two kids and you're married,

sometimes you're just like, maybe I'll go take a shit. Just what does that, what does the two look to do? Nobody can bother me. Oh, oh, peace and quiet? Maybe, you know, I don't wanna be like peace and quiet, but like, I'll just like sit down for a bit. And you can't like, Chris will be like, babe, and I'll just be like, whatever it is, I can't.

It is the one thing where you have complete license to just sit it out for a little bit. Yeah, but you used to be able to do it, and remember you would read magazines and stuff? And like, all right, maybe, no, yeah, you would. Like, you didn't have phones when you were younger doing going poop. No, you didn't.

That's why there was a magazine rack in there. Right, I know. And mom used to have that always with Red Book. She still has books in there. Marie Claire. Remember that book of dogs that she had in there? It was my book when I was a kid. She never asked permission if she could put it in the bathroom

and I'm still pissed about that. No. It was this old frayed book with dog-eared pages in the dog book because I used to mark the pages of the dogs I wanted when I grew up. Scoot, I'm done. And you didn't get them. I did, I eventually got a golden retriever when we moved.

So you marked that one and you got it? Yeah, you got it, I'm done. Go get her even as a kid. Golden I did, I eventually got a golden retriever when we moved. So you marked that one and you got it? Yeah, you got it. You're a go-getter. Go-getter even as a kid. Golden retrievers, I am done. All right, all right, all right. So you're doing that too much. And I want to give you an example.

He's back. I wasn't doing that too much. And I was doing it a lot. I mean, I thought it was too much, but who's to say? You sure? You like a thing and it's not too much. You liked, he's back, you didn't think it was too much? Well, I don't love it. It you like a thing and it's not too much You liked he's back you didn't think it was well, I don't love it I mean, it sounds like you really like it. I I you did it like five times. I don't know. I don't know

Well, I really like I have done all right And I wish I made it up so I could do all the variations like little mozzarella does maybe I feel that from you And that's why I don't like it because I don't wish I made a piece It sounds like you do kind of secretly wish you made a piece back I would I don't like it because I don't wish I made up, he's back. I don't wish I'm, yeah. Oh, it sounds like you do kind of secretly wish you made up, he's back. I wouldn't, I wouldn't. Why does anybody listen to this podcast? Sometimes I'm like, man, why is this podcast not bigger? And then I'm like, oh yeah,

because we talk about this for 10 minutes. This is what the people want, man. It's what I want, so regardless. Okay, well. Someone's getting mad. So selfish. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. So, all right, so why don't we start? We can start with the stuff. Anthony made it, by the way. selfish. Yeah. All right. So why don't we start? We could start with this.

Anthony made it, by the way. So 10 minutes in. Yeah, he made it. You guys are going to fucking jinx it. No, you do it every time. It has nothing to do with. They're just like sons of bitches. Anything. Can't believe they made me go.

Feet off the ground. All right. Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. Let's start. Dude, uh, uh. What? All right, yeah, okay. I didn't get good sleep last night. Okay, great.

And I'm really tired. I did and I still woke up super anxious. Okay, let's start. Okay. Chris, I need a good spin move for when somebody is really trying to talk politics and push their thing on you. Oh, that's terrible.

And just like keeps going and is not reading the row and does not understand that I'm just trying to live my life and do my thing in this moment. I don't wanna talk politics with you. Help me out, what do I say? You got a lot of options. You only ask Chris unless you cut off the Matt and Chris. Yeah, you're supposed to cut off Matt and Chris.

So about to throw up the way you said that. But there are so many options, you have so many options because here's the thing, you are 100% in the right. When someone is not reading the room and talking politics when no one else wants to, that person is sinning. You know what you are? You're the person who picks up a guitar at a party

and starts playing and you just go,, fuck this guy read the room wrong. Now I got to listen to this goddamn, you know what I mean? Hey, guys, here's country's best fighters. He's back. Bong, dong, dong, dong, dong in a frat house. But I'm lost it. Ha ha ha. I don't like those. I don't. Here's what I don't get. Here's what I don't like those.

I don't, here's what I don't get. Here's what I don't get. Why now? And it's more and more exponential. You know how people say like, well, AI is just gonna get more and more exponential and it's gonna move at such a rapid pace like that the robots are gonna be making robots and then we're fucked in.

Soon as we click the on button for AI, true, the true AI, soon as we click it on, we're fucked, right? That's what they say, okay? That's what it's like for when people started being opinionated about politics. When people can be opinionated, it's just about being broadcasted.

Vocally, yes. So around 2020, it's like they turned the on button for politics and some people were like. It was before that, it's 2016. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, true, true, true. The Trump thing, yeah. Yeah, yeah, true. So the first four years, 16 to 20,

it was kind of ramping up and then it exponentially just like fed on itself. And now like I know what, you know, Pat Sajak is voting for, you know what I mean? Like it's like, you don't need to know the, it's so annoying. If you have a political show or a political platform or if you're an organically erupting political conversation, fine, but dude, in general, no one gives a shit.

No one gives a shit who Pat Sajak's endorsing, okay? You got a political show, do the political show. It's fine that you can watch it or not. If you're Pat Sajak, just do Wheel of Fortune. Don't turn it into a fucking political thing. Spin the wheel and that's it. I don't, nobody knows who I'm voting for. And that's awesome.

People don't know. Isn't that crazy that that was the norm forever? It was like, you don't talk about politics, you don't talk about religion. What happened? What happened? That's what I'm saying. Somebody hit the button, the proverbial button,

and then it turned into an exponential thing. And now at a party, you're like expected to talk about it. And it's like, can we just talk about pants? Can we just bullshit? Remember when we all used to just hang out? Can we talk about he's back? Can we just bullshit? Remember, you know, when we all used to just hang out? Can't we talk about, he's back. Can we talk about, I don't. These are better conversations to have people.

Yeah. You're boring if you can only talk about politics. Well, it's just- Say that. If somebody does it real loud in the middle of whatever point they're making, right when they're about to land their point, just say, you're boring.

I don't care about politics. No, I don't care about politics. No, I don't care about, I will listen or watch. Here's the thing, say a guy is like fully left or right wing, right? Like whatever, just the extreme. And he is a big actor and he's always on social media. He's talking about this, you know, either Yego Kamala or Yego Trump, right?

And then you see them in a movie later. You're like, oh, that's that guy who's always talking about Yeah, no, I know. So it's like, you're doing yourself a weird disservice, I guess, I mean, I guess you think you're doing the country right, but. But here's the thing, I guess you think you're doing the country right, but. But here's the thing, no one is being swayed.

Right, right, right. By any actor. I mean, I don't know. I don't care if you're the biggest fucking. If you were somebody. I was gonna say the biggest Kamala fan, but who's like a fan of Kamala? Like it's like not a thing.

If David Caruso was like into it, you would probably. Yeah, I would vote for, It wouldn't matter who it was. I would disregard my personal politics and vote for whoever David Grusso said. I'm voting for Bernie. Yeah, but yeah, I don't know if, I don't think that, it's pretty annoying. It's also annoying considering how dumb everyone is.

I'm not knowledgeable about stuff. Well, that's the other thing. It's like who. It's also annoying considering how dumb everyone is. Like I'm not knowledgeable about stuff. Well, that's the other thing. It's like who out there is really informed about any of this shit. And if that's the case, again, if I wanna seek that out, I sometimes actually do wanna hear people talk about politics and I'll go seek that out. People who know about what they're talking about

on whatever side or about whatever topic, whatever. But don't force it upon people. Anyway, what's the spin move is the question. No, just, it's just, it's one of those things that's so annoying. You just say, just say no. Like the draw drug campaigns. But what do you do?

Just say no, apologize. Just loudly say no? Get a shirt. In the moment, he's asking what do you do just say no get a shirt In the moment, but he's asking what you do though. Oh Honestly, he's asking a political question. I don't even want to answer it. Okay, but he's asking how to okay now just Yell you're boring in the middle of him making his point loudly sigh and walk away But before you walk away Yeah, loudly sigh tap a person on the shoulder and just shake your head like oh man If you only knew how annoying you were and you walk away, yeah, loudly sigh, tap a person on the shoulder and just shake your head like oh man, if you only knew how annoying you were, and then walk away.

But definitely just walking away is a big plus in this. Moonwalk away, well, if you can moonwalk, right? Learn how to moonwalk and then go to parties. Yeah, all right, next one. Hey Chris and Matt, thank you for making the top three greatest podcasts of all time and I cannot wait to watch the next Lifeline Live. I am calling because I had a peeping tom situation and I won't go into details for that because that's for my therapist here.

The reason I'm calling is because I don't like that people call him Peeping Tom's because it sounds like almost cute. Like you know, like peekaboo Tommy. It's not a cute thing. When they do that, it's so traumatizing, you know, and it makes you feel unsafe in your own home. Like, that's probably the place where you should feel the most safe So I think we should call him something else and I want your help to see what other options you come up with

I cannot wait to hear your suggestions. Thank you. Love you guys Love you, too glancing Fred. I was gonna say glancing Gary Get the I don't like the alliteration. I like the alliteration. There's one for peeping Tom. Peeping Pierre. It would be peeping Peter. Peeping Pierre. But I just think if you're watching somebody in their house, like you know, obviously if you catch someone in their house that you're just, you're walking by and you see them and you go, oh, wow, that's them in their house.

That's normal. And then if you stay looking, well, yeah, that's what you're referring to. No, I'm just saying, if you stay looking, it's in Jeff. Yeah. If you stay looking, you're a window perv, you know? You're a pervert. Yeah. Yeah, but pervert is already something. So window perv, you know? You're a pervert, yeah.

Yeah, but pervert is already something. So window perv, it has to be something like that. Pervy Pierre? Can it be Pierre? I think the name thing makes it kind of cute, honestly. I think it's peeping that makes it cute. Peeping. Yeah, peeping Tom, dude, yeah.

Okay. I mean, it's so insecure, you know? That's so far, you know? So far away from one of those turrets like that a castle has. Ooh. Just like this. Oh, fuck.

What's that? It's a glancing Jeff. Oh, he's showering, yeah, nice. Yeah. Glancing Jeff. Ooh. I think just they shouldn't have like the nickname. The nickname at all is the problem.

Why is it a window perv? But who, let's do this. What other kind of criminal has a nickname like that? Who else does that? Armand Assalter. Okay, there's the Armand Assalter variation of the assault. Which sucks for Armand Assante, the actor in, the actor in Demolition Man,

cause once that came out. Oh, dude, he's in Demolition Man? Uh, dude. No he's not. Yeah, you're not cultured. Who, oh, no he's in Judge Dredd, you got it wrong. Oh, oh. You got it wrong. It's so obvious he should be in all of those movies

that are gray like that in the 90s, but. He's also in the spoof version of Fatal Attraction, called fatal instinct. Yeah. Yeah. I love them on the Sunday Yeah, he's the man. Um, anyway, he's got he he's got he the classic film starring John so You can't make that movie without Armando's on there, you know somehow right? That's totally true. You play Gotti No, John Travolta played Gotti got it. Got it. Got it. Gotti got it I think wait or maybe he played Gotti in a TV movie. I think he did. I think he did.

Armando Santé's mixed up. Armando Salter mixed up. Anyway, so. I think any nickname at all is the problem. I think you're just a pervert. Yeah, that's. What is the criminal term for peeping Tom? Look that up. Cause that's just what they should call him.

Like don't give him any nickname. The nickname is gonna send you down the wrong path, no matter what. No. It's called a... It's just a misdemeanor. Wait no, scroll up. Obviously scroll up.

Oh God, I mean, you know. Peeking while loitering. That's the thing, like they get all official and stuff. So you can't, you know. It is peaking while loitering. That's crazy. Invasion of privacy. There you go.

That's a good one. A privacy invader. That sounds like... A voyeur. A voyeur is like a sexy thing to be called. Well, but's a good one. A privacy invader. That sounds like- A voyeur, a voyeur is like a sexy thing to be called. Well, but Pippen Tom's. But it's like- They're all always a sexy thing, dude. It's not, they're not doing it for the-

No, I mean, voyeur is like, you're being sexy while you're Pippen Tom, is what you call a voyeur. You're being sexy while you're doing it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you do that? It's like Sliver, remember that movie, Sliver? Why are you in the shower looking at someone?

You don't pee. What do you mean sexy while doing it? It's like Julian Sands is like a voyeur, you know? Sorry, RIP, fuck, the wrong example. So just died. Yeah, well, so it's not, so okay then, I guess my question is, what is not sexy? When is it not sexy?

When you just happen to be looking? Most of the time. But that, it's always sexy. What is not set when is it not sexy when you're just? Happen to be looking most of the time, but that it's always sexy No, you're missing that you're missing the person is always sexually motivated right that's they're not being sex exactly. That's the difference That's crazy that's up to the person being watched if I'm all I'm sexy for that fucking Saying is that voyeur is like, when it's used in a way that it's like the playful. Like you're looking at me and I know it. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, that's how you should have said it, dude.

How I said it. No, I said it exactly right, and that's why you understood. Thank you very much. Glance and Jeff. Glance and Jeff is the answer, yeah. Wow, and yeah, dude. Oh, normally when you're showering, man,

because why wouldn't you do it when they're showering if you could see them showering? Because, number one, they're naked, and this is not coming from me, this is coming from me if I was glancing. Who can you ever see showering, though, unless you're in a Brian De Palma movie? You're like, don't look at people showering. And then it's voidism. When people are, yeah, exactly. When you're showering, no one can look at you.

I have a window in my shower. I do. For real? Yeah. It's small, but you can... You might have a glancing... It's cock level you. I have a window in my shower. I do. For real? Yeah, it's small, but you can, it's cock level. You might have a glance in Jeff, dude. It's cock level, and when I wash my- And it's small, so you can see your whole cock.

Yes, dude, set me up, yes! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I wash my, and when I wash my penis in my shower, I often hear neighbors go, ah! Ah! Ha ha ha! Yeah. Stupid.

So you have a glance in Jeff. I have a few glance in Jeff's. I think maybe a glance in Mary because- Glance in Jessica. I hear, sometimes you hear, ah! And then sometimes you hear, oh! That's Jeff. That'd be Jeff.

Oh my God, hold up, honey. I'll catch up with you later. So he's closeted gay? No, like they're walking the dog, I think, or something. And he's like, here, you take him for a sec. Oh my God. And he wants to watch Glantz and Jeff. He's a voyeur.

That's sexy. Walking his dog. That's hot. And then sometimes I turn around and I, and I just, and I just put my butt up against it and they see inside my butthole. Dude, imagine walking your dog. You're just walking your dog and you look into a house and there's a tiny window and all it is is a sudsy dick.

You're just like, what this fucking house is built wrong? This fucking house is built so wrong. Sudsy dick, dude. A sudsy dick in the little window, you know? Oh man. Who put a window there, you know? Dude, when you're at, Calvin Calvin is like he's four and a half and like he's just always itching his butt And I'm like, yeah a bit like and I'm like dude

Don't eat your butt. You're gonna make it itch more. Yeah, and he's just like but it is just Why is it but it's like because dude, here's why man Because you're not good at wiping until you're like nine Oh sure sure and like everyone knows it so it's like they're just walking around with your butts all day Because dude, here's why man. Because you're not good at wiping until you're like nine, you know? Oh, sure, sure, sure. And like, everyone knows it, so it's like, they're just walking around with itchy butts all day long. Yeah. I don't know.

Itchy bunt? I thought that too. Itchy bunt sounds like itchy butt. I thought that too. Yeah. Here we go. Hey, Chris and Matt. Absolutely love you guys.

Minnesota. How do you feel about dating someone that doesn't have similar political views as you? I recently started seeing this girl. Things are going very, very well. And she asked me about where I stood politically. And I basically told her I lean more conservative just because of the nonsensical wars, very anti-war. And I told her that having a one-year-old son

affects a lot of this. I worry about his future and potentially having to fight in a war that, you know, I don't agree with. And she's more left-leaning. She got very upset. You know, she started kind of talking about her views and how she just couldn't support anyone that was conservative, but she was trying to hear me out. It's just gotten a little bit awkward. This is nothing I would ever care about in the past, but as I get a little bit older,

I think it's just more important. Maybe I'm thinking about it too much, but how do you guys feel? Matt, I love your Oakleys. Chris, you featured me on your podcast a long time ago. It was very funny. I did what? Featured you on his podcast.

I think... Go ahead, I have the right answer, but you go first. I mean, so dick, you know? It doesn't sound like he's even really all that conservative, really. It doesn't, but that's not what he asked, so that's interesting, right? No, but I'm just saying,

I wanna get clarity first, dude. Yeah, well, what's interesting, you go first, though, but just real quick. Isn't it interesting how it changes? He's anti-war, and thus he's conservative. During the Bush era, it was the exact opposite. But I mean, that's the whole thing. Don't even talk to me about the Bush era

and don't even get into Reaganomics. I'm not so fucking dumb. Anyway, continue. Okay, no, go ahead. That's all you had to say? I mean, what I was gonna say is who fucking cares, dude? It sounds like she might care a little bit more than you and it's gotten awkward because of that,

but like, dude, first of all, I know couples where the people involved feel different politically, but you can't expect to have all these things fall in line to fall in love with somebody and to agree, have the same political ideology. Like just whatever, dude, learn to disagree about things. It's fine. Who cares? Yeah,'s fine. Who cares?

Yeah, I agree. I, I, I. Who cares? I mean, it's one thing if you're gonna, what are you gonna, how are you gonna raise the kids? But it's your kid, right? But also that kid's gonna have their own political politics anyway.

True, true. And they're probably, they're gonna be most confused because usually what the kids do is do the opposite of what the fucking parents want. So they're gonna be kids that don't want to. So only one parent's gonna be happy, the other one's gonna be not happy. It's better than both parents being pissed.

I think it's pretty good if you plan on having kids. Cause your odds are better than if you both think the same thing. Cause if you both think the exact same thing, you jam it down the kids throat, they're gonna be like, I'm the other thing. Sneaper. So, dude, I, you know how I get, I go,

I do that thing, I go. Yep. And people comment on it, I guess you said. Yeah, so insecure, yeah. And that's fine, but it's worse on Wednesdays than any other day. How is that possible? The only thing I can think of is-

You're allergic to Anthony? I'm allergic to when Anthony goes to the bathroom. The only thing I can think of is, it's the third day in a row I'm podcasting. And maybe it's a voice chat. That makes sense, yeah. But then somebody wrote me and said, you should get it checked because it couldn't cause cancer.

Yes, dude! So now that's what I've been thinking about since I read it. Well, ever since I noticed you doing it, I was thinking it's probably because he has cancer. So you might really wanna get it checked out. It's growing in size. How would it cause cancer though?

What? How would it cause cancer though? Well, hold on, before we even get into you, did you really think that? What do you mean? Did you really think that? Of course not. We gotta get to the, if I thought that you'd know.

I know, and I knew you didn't think that, but I wanted to hear you say you didn't think that. I mean, then you're a dickhead. Because no, because then it makes me feel better. Then you're crazy. You're a dickhead or you're crazy. Fine. But the reason why Anthony, sir shits a lot,

is because, oh man. Bagels, what's up? Lost your mind. Burritos, what's up? Toilet, jump on it. So, um... Half a donut, what's up? Uh...

Took a brisk walk, what's up? Toilet, jump on it. So... Ding, ding! Adorable, adorable. Ha ha ha. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, so she said that, it was a comment,

but she was like, I'm a speech therapist or something, and, uh, prilosec is not gonna help, clearing your throat isn't gonna help, but what happens is, you're raw dogging on the podcast without any vocal techniques, right? Okay. And then when you eat, it's causing acid.

Don't say it, but yeah. Okay, and then the acid goes up to the area. And when the acid goes up to the area, because you're raw dogging, it burns it and it could cause cancer that way. And she said, she could help me. But she probably wants me to hire her now that I'm thinking about it.

Just trying to make a buck off you. So I'm not gonna fall for it. Pay me or you have cancer. That's a good thing that you do actually. I'm not gonna fall for it dude. I'm gonna start telling that to people, random people on the street. Hey, if you don't start paying me,

you're gonna get cancer. Anyway, let me know. You know how much that would work too? That would do so much on people. Yeah, maybe on hypochondriacs and shit. What? On hypochondriacs. Yeah. Oh, here he goes. Oh, you got it. Oh, no, no, no. Okay, teasing us. All right, you got up. Anthony got up but he went to go get a water. Okay. All right, next one. Hey Chris and Matt, I love the show. My name is Katrina calling in from Washington state and I'm seeking some advices. Do you think it's possible to meet your significant other

without the use of dating apps or social media? Kind of just like meeting them organically out in the wild. It's a lot tougher now. I don't really love the online dating scene. So I was just thinking what your thoughts are about all of that. Great. Cool, thanks, love you guys, bye. Yeah, thanks.

If you're a woman, just go outside and stay there until you're married. Until the guy you like comes along and hits on you. It's just, guys, I get it. But if you're a woman, step outside, two steps. No, it's all fucked up now. And wait there until you get married. Guys don't hit on women out in the world anymore.

They're afraid, they think women don't want to be hit on. And maybe that's true, I don't know actually. But not my experience, but apparently that is the experience. It is funny because I did see somebody that was like bitching online, some woman, or was it a TV, I don't know what it was on, but she was like, no real men anymore, no men will like ask us out

and it's like, oh well, because you've conditioned men to feel that we aren't necessary and also we're too scared. No, and also, hey guys, just do it. No, I know, just do it, but. Like, just if you see someone that you wanna talk to, you have to do it. It doesn't matter how you've been fucking conditioned,

just go do that. Otherwise, you're never gonna meet that specific fucking person. It's so obvious. Wouldn't you rather not regret it than regret it? The answer is yes, so do it. Anyway, to this woman, of course it's possible. I've never even been on a dating app.

And every girlfriend I've ever had has been from not a dating app, so the answer is yes. And also, but it is tough though, because it must be tough now, because guys just are looking looking and like swiping. And it's- And they're not thinking about this. They're thinking about this.

Yeah, from what I understand it is hard. Yes, for sure. That sucks. But the answer is definitely yes. If you're asking, can that happen? A hundred percent yes. It's a lot tougher nowadays though. Yeah.

Let's definitely believe with that. A lot of people lean on the app so hard that they're not even looking around for it, which is actually so annoying, but what are you gonna do? I think she needs to get advice from two guys who are not too hot guys. Oh, well then, no. This is okay then, because he's still here.

So dick. Hey dude, you saw when I was being a glance in Jeff how fucking sexy I was. That was the least sexy you've ever been. She needs advice from guys who are not hot guys. Why though? Because it's easier for guys, I mean hot men and women to date in real life. All right, it's also easier for them to date on apps too.

So like, and I'm not saying anything about her looks. Right, right. I actually. She's pretty hot actually. Yeah, she's cute, yeah. Yeah, but you cute, yeah. Yeah, but you're probably right about the guys thing. Probably, yeah. Yeah, because it's, they just have it a lot easier, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, all right. You guys are tall, handsome guys. You have it the easiest. I keep going, but yeah. I mean, honestly, I have it easier than him, but because I'm more attractive. Crazy charismatic, but.

Yeah, I understand. Yeah, I understand what you're saying. So, but still the answer holds. The answer is yes to the question, is it possible? Of course it's possible. And it is true that for a cute, such as yourself cute woman, it's easier. All you gotta do is how long can you stand outside? Right.

And that obviously presupposes that some worthy guy will come up to you and that's not a given. Probably not. But like Chris said, if you stand out there long enough. Yeah, forego eating and don't work out. Theoretically, someone will come along. But when I walk outside and I see people see me,

I hear them go like this. Oh. I mean, again, you know? With the sounds people make when they see you do something. That's the second time. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah know, with the sounds people make when they see something, you do something. That's the second time. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, people are really audible.

Your little tiny window in the shower where it's really, really tiny, so tiny that it can fit the whole view. And they see my penis and they go, "'Sweetie, I'll catch up with you later.'" Yeah. Oh! So, yeah, I mean, you know, people are audible around me, but anyway.

Cool. All right. Need some advice. Advices. How do I handle a grown adult who attempts to be funny on a daily basis, on an hourly basis, but falls flat all the time? That's brutal. Most of the time. All the brutal most of time all the time every time. Yeah But any sign of encouragement you might show just to get it to stop opens up

Yeah, more chances. No, it would be unfunny It doesn't stop How do I handle this situation? Well, anyways, love you guys. Love you Matt. Love you Chris. Oh, yeah, Chris. I met you in Columbus with my bud Oh, yeah, and met you in Cincinnati with my son. I remember that was a guy You asked how old I was when I hated him. Yeah, because his son is like he's 22. I'm 43 Oh, it was a funny joke, but okay, I was 11, but I wasn't laughing anyways Oh, yeah, also Chris. I'm the one who gave you the dinosaurs in Cincinnati to give the Calvin.

We saw that you gave them to him on the tour report. Yeah. That was amazing, but thank you. That meant a lot to us. Oh, not a lot to me. Why is he Ubering Hulk holding lotion? That guy is, I remember him, yeah. He's a nice guy. And I remember him and his son, yeah. Yeah, dude. You know what I would say, specifically for this guy,

he's got a good that's not funny face. His face at rest is, that doesn't impress me. Clearly it's not working on the guy he's talking about. Well, but he's saying maybe he's not using his face enough. Maybe he is using his face too much rather. If he just rests, just rest, dude. If you do a joke and that guy's face is just there, being his face, you go, oh fuck.

Yeah, maybe you're right, yeah. I mean, it's not like he's like some bubbly chick or some, I don't know, guy with a face that's inviting. He looks like a guy that you don't even go up to. He actually is a really nice guy, I've met him twice now, but you look like a guy that you don't, even a person that works at a store wouldn't be like, can I help you?

He's obviously though, talking about someone who cannot read his face. Right, but I'm saying, you have to exhaust all your possibilities. Right, but one would imagine that he has, and that's what led him to come to us. Okay. And I think you gotta just, look, it's hard to do,

but some people can, maybe you can. You gotta say something like, I mean, if you're stuck, it's like, are you stuck in a cubicle with this guy, or is this guy like a friend that you don't know how to say, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore? Because if it's the latter, you just gotta stop hanging out. There's no other solution.

But if it's someone you have to be around, you've gotta be able to say something like, it does, yeah. You gotta be able to say something like, what, like, can you tell me what makes you think you're being funny? You gotta come at it from a place that sounds like curiosity though,

or just burn it all down and just ask it outright and don't worry about how you fucking sound. Because that person will never ever ever stop trying to be funny around you. I guarantee you that. Well yeah, they're old enough now to where it's just that's who they are. And you've already said that you've given him encouragement

in an attempt to make him stop. Well that was a bad move. Well yeah, but at some point you're like, all right, I'll try this. Yeah, no, but still it was a bad move. You gave that dog a bone, and now he's gonna keep coming back. So then next time he does this, be like, look,

there was a time where one time I laughed at your joke, I didn't mean to. I thought it would get you to stop doing jokes, but it really just exacerbated the issue. There's a reason why I don't laugh most of the time. I don't want you to be doing that. And pretty much every time it's not funny. Yes.

Anyway, dude. All right, I'll catch you later. Yes. Correct. Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo right. Hey Matt and Chris again, it's David. I was the guy a couple weeks back who said the video about his friend ignoring him after he got engaged and all that. That video really helped me honestly recording it to process some stuff, but your guys advice really helped me with that.

So I really appreciate it. I'm going to try to keep this concise because you complimented me on it last time. I went to the comments because I thought, hey, maybe other people have great advice. Well, that was stupid the overwhelming majority of people said that I was gay I'm not I get this a lot actually and I don't know if it's just cuz I'm loud and expressive Chris you did say I sounded like I was singing so maybe that has something to do with it It's frustrating because I'm a young guy I want to get married someday like trying to be in the dating scene and having not get the first impression of you

Is really annoying anyway. I wanted to ask if This was something that either of you guys have ever struggled with if you have any advice I don't know should I just say K Matt mm-hmm. I mean dude the answer is yes You're not you know it's like it's it's not like you're out there flitting around but like you you know I get I get why someone might be like I wonder if he's gay but You're talking about People who comment that are just that's like the number one thing that they'll go to if they see a guy is like Yeah, you're gay. So so they're just saying that because they're just comments.

So yeah, don't read the comments. But then also, that's the number one rule. You're not gay. So who cares? So yeah, so you meet, you're not going to meet a, you're not going to meet a woman that's going to be like, just knowing what I know of you now, that's going to be like, oh, yeah, he's hot, but I actually think he's gay. Or I love him, but he sounds gay or something. So I can't be with him. I, yeah. Maybe you're not the most quote unquote

traditionally, you know, manly guy, but that's maybe that's what they mean, but like, who is? Well, besides me, I am. But no, but yeah, I don't know. Hey, you have a, you don't have a low voice. You are sing songy. The nose ring would make some people think you're gay. But also a lot of people think sometimes thinner guys, you're thin, you know.

But that's all stupid. That's all stupid, really, if you really think it's not like you're. Anyway, I don't know why people think I'm gay. I want to go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I can't now? Not getting choked. So I want to say something very specific actually. I know a guy, actually he's a friend,

an actual friend of mine, great guy. Braggen? Who, and I have friends, he's one of many. He, I can't even do justice to express how much he sounds gay. Anthony, you listening? His name's Anthony, he shits within the first 10 minutes of every episode, I'm not gonna give any more away.

No, but for real, it's crazy. In fact, when I first met him, I just knew I met a gay guy. And I was like, that guy's gay. I was part of who he was in my mind. And then afterwards, somebody who knew him better than I knew him was like, you think he's gay, don't you? And I was like, what do you mean?

Of course I think he's gay, he's gay. I just met a gay guy. And she was like, that guy is not gay. And I was like, you're fucking, I was like, you're lying was I was like you're lying Well, or you're wrong. So here's the deal with that. I'm not done. No, it's what's up, right? So I like kind of didn't even believe her and I was like she doesn't understand guys I know what's up with guys better than she knows. There you go. Anyway, I got to know him better and

Now I've known him for years. He's dated women around me. When I talked to him, it's very clear that he's not like a closeted gay guy pretending to not be gay. He just doesn't give a fuck how he sounds. There's no attempt to sound less gay or seem less gay. I think in his mind, he doesn't even really know. He definitely doesn't care whether he knows or not.

And that not caring has translated into it not mattering when it comes to meeting and dating women. This I'm positive of, because I've seen it with my own eyes. So my advice to you is, even if it got you in your head to read those comments, and even if people in your life have said that or thought that about you, it can't matter to you. You if it got you in your head to read those comments and even if people in your life have said that or thought that about you,

it can't matter to you. You have to let it go because the way to make it not matter is to believe it doesn't matter. It's like this weird thing where you gotta believe it to then be true, but if you believe it, or even if you just act like you believe it, then it is true, okay? I promise you that.

Other guys might be like, this fucking guy is acting like he's not gay. That doesn't matter, because you don't wanna fuck guys. You wanna fuck women, and those are who matter, and they're not gonna think you're gay if you're poking them, okay?

Well, the thing though about it is, that guy that you know is gay, you, and he's actively trying to fuck you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, start over? Yeah, he's just doing it very, very, he's playing the long game. Years long play to fuck you. So wait, wait, wait, wait, start over. Yeah, he's just doing it very, very, he's playing the long, the long game. Years long play to fuck me? Yeah, why not?

Dude, I think if someone is, if you think someone's gay and they're being so gay, they're gay. He doesn't seem that way. I, one time. What if though they're not gay? Okay, so let me. How about that?

Let me just. How about I don't. I understand but let me just tell you something that really really opened my eyes to this and how smart I am. Wow. I went to go meet my friend's dad once. Him and his mom you know dad mom right? I mean an alien trying to tell a story. Well the way I'm telling it I get it but him and his mom, you know, dad and mom, right? I mean, an alien trying to tell a story with your human. I get it, but there's a reason why, okay? So, met him at my friend's brother's wedding, right? Because the dad and mom are gonna be there, obviously.

Hi, I'm the dad, that guy, you know, his name, I'm not gonna say his name, but hi, how you doing? Hi, though. And this is my wife, boom, I say, I go like dad, that guy, you know, his name. I'm like I said his name, but hi, how you doing? Hi, and this is my wife. Boom, I say, I go like this, ah, nobody knows this guy's gay. Okay. Nobody knows this guy's gay. His wife doesn't know.

Kids don't know. He's a gay guy. Okay. Had conversations with other people at the wedding. I'm like, what's the deal with, he's married, but he's gay, right?, and we're like he's not and I say Well he is it's making me so mad what the way you're thinking going with this and they say fucking it could he's buddy But he's not and but yeah, I've known him for years. Oh

But and they would even say you'd swear he was gay, but he's not That's crazy how mad I am. Hold on, hold on, I get the finish up. I don't, I don't. I get the finish up. And they would even say, you'd swear he was gay but he's not gay. Oh, man, I don't. So I say, oh, and I stop talking about it. Knowing full well, he's gay. One year later, got divorced, started dating men, lived in New York. Worked at-

Lived in New York like that? Worked at Pottery Barn. Dude, he was gay and I knew it. And that's that, dude. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha There is a guy, a story about a guy who isn't the fucking guy I'm talking about. Might as well be. It's a different fucking guy. This is not gonna be true about every fucking story. Watch.

Just watch. Fucking I don't know. A glancing Jeff. Dude, you are- Just watch, just wait. Give it time. It is bruising how dumb you are, dude. It bruises my brain how fucking stupid you are, yeah.

If you think someone's gay that much, they're gay, dude. And that's fine. Of course it's fine. This is neither here nor there. I don't know why you're saying it's not fine. It's not about if it's okay, but you're making a judgment about their sexuality when. I've never met the guy.

But you're saying he's gay. You literally never met a guy who you're saying is gay. Right, yes. Okay, well then. Judging off of how smart you are and what you thought when you met him and how perceptive you are. A feeling to my ears.

And how hot you're being right now in this moment. Yeah, no, I don't know. He's not gay, I don't know what to tell you. He's not gay, I don't know. Like, dude, there's a guy that is, I've been friends with for years. You're talking about you? No, me.

Okay, yeah. He's gay. He is not gay, but he will be gay. He will be gay one day. And I won't say I told you so, but I will always have known. And in my head, I'll be like, I knew it. I'm trying to think of, I know who you're talking about. Do I know him?

I'll tell you afterwards. Yeah. Oh yeah, it's Chris. It's me, he says. All right, so yeah. So, you know, it's just, what was the guy's question though? Oh yeah, don't read the comments, period. Well, first of all, don't read the comments.

I didn't even know people were talking about my voice thing. But second of all, don't care. And even if you care, Oh, that's hard though. Act like you don't care. And even if you care, act like you don't care. Cause all that matters is what you're putting out there to the group of people you're attracted to. Self-fulfilling prophecy also, right? If you practice smiling, you smile more, right? Practice smiling, it becomes real.

You smile, you'll be happier, right? Sure, sure, sure, sure. Okay. What I said is a better way to say it, but you don't know. Hey man, Chris. Love you guys. I said today, my submission is about my sister and how she brushes her teeth.

Nice. So, you know, I'm a pretty logical guy. I use logic whenever I make decisions and go about doing things. And I really struggle to see where the logic is on this one. Okay, there you go. So I think it's standard. Anytime someone brushes their teeth,

you know, they might wet the bristles before they put their toothpaste on. Some do, some don't. No, everyone does. I think either way is anytime someone brushes their teeth You know, they might wet the bristles before they put their face on some do some don't know everyone I think either way is acceptable. It's not But the concern I have is more so when she's done brushing her You know brush brush brush you'll get water in your mouth You'll want to swish it around get to toothpaste out spit it into the sink again I think anyone does that but what she does is is, she'll brush, brush, brush, get the water, swish it around, but then she holds her toothbrush out in front of her and spits the water out onto the bristles.

What? So instead of just placing her toothbrush down when she's done brushing and rinsing out her mouth, she keeps her toothbrush in her hand and spits on it. What? As she spits out the rinsed out toothpaste. What? I have no idea why she does that. Did you ask her?

Oh you guys, let me know what you think. And then fucking ask her. And then puts it back? No, puts it in her ass. Yeah man, she's fucking done. She puts it in her ass? She's done at that point, so she puts the toothbrush back where it goes.

That's weird. That's incredibly odd. Ask her, first of all. Yeah, what the fuck, dude? She probably, honestly, I think I know the answer and the answer pisses me off. Oh, what? I think she thinks she's saving water.

Oh, really? That little bit? There's no other, what else could it possibly be? Yeah. She thinks she's saving water, she thinks she's saving the world, she's wrong, she's got an inflated sense of self, she's a bad person, disown her, you know?

She's not in your family anymore as of three, two, one, right now. Hypnotist. She's, she is without a family. She is without a family. Congratulations, you have no siblings. Who am I, what is this house? Dude, I, I,

that's the most specific, the one we've ever gotten. You know? That's so weird. If anyone has any other possible ideas, please say them out loud right now. But like I don't, no, I mean in this room, I don't see how they're possible. Yeah, no, I was thinking the same thing.

It has to be a version of that. Cause you don't think it's better than water that it hasn't been in your mouth. No, it's obviously been in your mouth. So it's not cleaning it. It's more likely contaminated than turning on the sink and using that water. It could be a mental thing, like an OCD thing though.

Yeah, maybe. But then that would, then it would no longer defy logic. It would just be like, oh well. Well, that defies logic. But yeah, you know what? Okay, I see what you're saying. You would no longer be searching for a reason. Right.

If somebody was like, I'm seeing- Well, if I can't die in a plane crash. Right, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. I don't want my dad to get run over by a train. Right, I don't want him to have cancer because he keeps going. No, dude, you really don't think that though.

I don't think that. Yeah. You're annoying. You're fucking annoying. Depends who you ask. No, it doesn't really. Anybody who knows you knows that. Yeah, but ask people. You're fucking annoying. Depends who you ask. No, it doesn't really. Anybody who knows you knows that. Yeah, but ask people that don't know me.

I bet even they would assume that I'm right if they've seen you ever. Dude, you're annoying. How about that, man? I mean, I am kind of annoying. So kind of, yeah. Not like you though, not on your level. What I'm saying is not necessarily annoying.

There, I said it. Which thing again? It's just how I'm not annoying. I know, but which thing about, what was I saying? Oh, oh, oh yeah, about how I have to say, yeah, that's annoying. No, it's annoying always, yeah, sorry. Did mom had a dream the other night

that it was so fucked up, she rolled, if she got, she fell out. Mom with her king. She fell out of her king she fell out of bed shit shit shit when he left just burst in Alaska fuck I was held in the whole time mother Luther King she had a dream he's crying he's crying he's crying he's coming I was He's committing a crime. You know what? That made him laugh as much as the, what was it?

Something I said. No, no, it was something I said. No, it was something I said. Mr. Ripley thing, what was it? Oh, the terrified Mr. Ripley. But that was over text though. We saw a dude that was scared, that looked like a scared Matt Damon

and I called him. We talked about it on the show. Oh, we did? Yeah. The terrified Mr. Ripley. What's the guy's name? Jetpocket. Oh, that's that guy.

Mortal enemies. On the tip of his tongue. Jetpocket. Yeah, we're talking about Jetpocket. Yep. We know him well. Mother Luther King, what did she do? She had a dream, and she fell out of bed.

She was so scared. She fell out of bed. She woke up on the ground. She hit it. Oh my god, and then racism ended. Yeah, no, that's crazy, dude The dude she was being chased in her dream and she was running running and then she woke up on the fucking ground Crazy is that and she's okay. No, she died. I meant to tell you Of course she's okay man. Well dude if it was last night, was it last night? It was two nights ago.

Oh okay, so if it was last night, I didn't talk to her yet, so maybe she has a bruised fucking knee or something. She does, she's all bruised up. So she's not okay, did she die or not? She's fine, you know what I mean? Jesus Christ. My mom was just like this, in bed, I have a dream. And then, and then, and then,

and then whites and blacks all over the country just. My knee. She fucked up her back, her neck, she hit Trina, Trina. She fucked up her back, her neck, her pussy and her crack? Jesus, dude. I'm not gonna like that joke. I'd explain Trina's song. Trina, yeah, okay, Trina makes this song.

You gotta look out for her. My neck, my back, my pussy, and my crack. So the way I said it. Ding ding. Mom. Yeah. Was why he's talking dirty right now, okay? You know, talking dirty.

Dude, she's a mom. I know, but hopefully they've tuned out. It's 50, the minute 53, hopefully they've tuned out by now. I know, they watched to the end. No one else does, but my parents, mom and dad. Well, we've said this a lot. The end of the show is always the best part. The reason I even know this story about, yeah, you're right. The reason I even know this story about mom,

she didn't call me to tell me. I went there because dad was like, hey, I'm having trouble with the printer. And white and black people were dancing. Shut the fuck up. Okay. I have a problem with the printer. Can you help me with the printer?

I'm like, I'm fucking busy. How do you me with the printer? I'm like the printer fucking busy How do you know I'm busy? I'm 40. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm a guy who's alive and 40 I can't come fix your fucking printer. Anyway, of course, I will I'm 40, I'm a guy who's 40 and alive. I'm busy, dad. Well, that's actually a good impression. So I'm like, I can't fucking come, I'm fucking busy. You know I'm busy, fuck. Anyway, I go 20 minutes later, because I'm who I am.

Is he a bitch? He needs to fucking, no, man, I care about my fucking family. Now you're a bitch. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So. Now I ain't coming, figure it out, that's me. Cluck, doo, my mom's, oh, her hip hurts.

Trina. So I fucking. Her hip or back? I go over there. The printer's not on. Oh no. Fix it immediately, cause it wasn't, it didn't need to be fixed.

No, dude. And then I turn around and I'm gonna leave. I'm like, I gotta fucking go, cause I'm fucking 40. Yeah. And I fucking, I'm on my way out and mom like, I gotta fucking go, cause I'm fucking 40. Yeah. And I fucking, I'm on my way out and mom goes, let me tell you about my dream. Oh God. Martin Luther, Martin Luther King.

So then she tells me she's about to fuck. I'm like, will you guys be better at this? Yeah. Living thing. They're definitely laughing now. Right now. Now they're fucking dying. Oh, that's so funny.

Oh man, that's so funny. Yeah. Wow. She. Wow. She was dying laughing, telling me about it though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dad, the funniest part, dad said he woke up and was like obviously scared of his mind because all he did was hear.

He looked over and all he saw was this. Mom like this. Getting up slowly enough. And he was like, what the fuck happened? Yeah. Oh, wow. Man, mom's, hey, mom has to stop falling, huh? Stop falling, yeah, mom, stop falling, please, yeah.

Mom will be reading and falling. Yeah. Yeah. On a couch. This is mom. Yeah. She's never even doing anything particularly stupid. This is mom. She's never even doing anything particularly stupid. I know, it's just gymnastics or some shit.

Or irresponsible. I know. She's just walking, yeah. Or standing, yeah. Mama fall looking. Yeah. The jump part, you know? Old women, they just, dude, they just, they fall though, you know?

Old women get to be a certain age and they just go like this. Oh, dude, I gotta start falling. Yeah. I'm gonna get it, make it real real here. That's how great grandma Michelina died. She fell and broke her hip and then she couldn't recover. We had a great grandma Michelina died. She fell and broke her hip and then she couldn't recover.

We had a great grandma Michelina. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding you that Italian. Yeah. She was the one that sounds like a Tupac would rap that she was the one we used to make. I know. And we'd sing the whole Superman song and at the end we'd go super grandma. I know. Yeah. So I know like you're going to kick my ass, super grandma. I know. Instead I know like you're gonna kick my ass. I know, I know. And she died falling down the stairs,

which is not like Superman at all. No, but it's also, for all of our- Stairs are her kryptonite, I guess. It's a very non-super grandma move, but for all our old, I know a lot of people in our audience are very, very old, old people really love this show. It's like, it's outrageous how many old people die because of something that started when they fell.

Yeah. Dude, it's crazy. Like 70% of people that die over 75, it's because they fell and then something else happened. You break your hip, it's like a death sentence. Yeah, that's what happened to Grandma McAlina. McAlina? Dude, we would go,

dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, we'd be like, grandma, put your hands up. Dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, and she'd have the blanket over her, you know, bottom half, always in her chair, and she'd be just like smiling, and we'd be laughing so hard, like super, and then she'd just go, ah, ha, ha,

she didn't even know what the fuck we were saying. She had no idea what we were saying. She barely spoke English. Almost actual no English. Yeah, yeah. we're ethnic. Italian. I don't So right before she died she said I don't Yeah, hey so what brings you in here? Hey, I don't doc Which she would always say guanda be bella really you don't know that I Was like five when she died you don't know that every time we would come over she'd be like guan da bella

What does it mean you're too handsome handsome handsome boy me me mostly me she said me And she say Italian you she said I don't know you say she said she's like guan da bella and then she look at you go No, she looks like one the bad as she'd look at you and go, ugh. No, she'd look at me and say, guanabella, she'd look at you and say, he's back. Yeah, dude, I'm formidable like that fucking bull too. Nope. I guess we don't need to do another submission. No.

But I will be in Toronto coming up, and go see the Oxnard, we're gonna do a Lifeline live show Oxnard and you get to see that on the Patreon. So go get our Patreon, patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. Thank you very much and happy birthday, NBA Youngboy, John Krasinski and Kamala Harris. Kamala Harris, man.

I know, I know, I'm still working on that. I do say Kamala a lot, but I also sometimes say Kamala, so. Oh, anyway, but I also say Donald Trump. So, right. Yeah, right. Uh, go to sign up for free to my Patreon, patreon.com slash Matt D'Elia. And of course the new merch, the Lifeline merch, lifelinemerch.com. And, uh, what did we forget? No, nothing. Never. Never? Oh, that's not true. OK, great. Thanks, everybody.

Guandabella. Hang on. He's back. You know.