Lifeline - 133. Death Coach

Episode Date: October 27, 2024

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Happy birthday to the one, the only Theodore Roosevelt. I once knew a guy named Theodore and he smelled really bad and we all called him the odor. That was sick. That's funny. But that's, no it is. Oh, Fargan hates it. Fargan, gorgeous.

But there's probably more than just one Theodore Roosevelt. You said one and only, but that's not true. Yeah, but it's only his birthday. So I'm not talking about- Whoops, bring it back up, yep. Yeah, yeah. Obviously make sure you're signed up for our Patreon, patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury.

It is where it's at. It's where we drop all of the half hour luxury episodes for all you super friends out there. And we love you. So sign up also. Also the live show. Also the live shows go up there. You don't have to be mad. If you can't make it to them, if you can make it,

December 5th in Oxnard, get your ticket ticket ticket, ticket ticket ticket tickets. M&M. Speaking of tickets, I'll be in Toronto. I will be in Bismarck, Sioux Falls and then Brea California and Irvine and Covina. Is Irvine date up there? It's not. Oh it was, it is for me. You must have to refresh. Anyway I'll be in Irvine the night before Thanksgiving. Get your tickets, one show only, oh one show only. So that good. And get our merch, the Lifeline merch,

you can get at chrisley.com. And lifelinemerch.com. You can do that too. You can go to either one. But support the show. We love it. And we preach. He's back.

Matt Lee is confused. He's coming back just in time for, you know, other things. How ill are those crossover things, man? He's back! Make sure you sign up, pitchon.com slash Mattly. Make sure you get every single Mattly is confused thing that ever happens and ever will happen and, ugh! That's actually horrible, the way you do that.

I don't think there's a good way to do it though. Do what? He's back! Like, how could you? I do it really, really well. So, it's a song, I don't even know what the song is, honestly, but that's how it starts. We know, we talked about the crossover stuff

and the crossover fusion and all that stuff and it's absolutely ill and it's all good. I send the animal hybrids to Brian Callan and he'll write me nine paragraphs about them. What do you mean? Because write me nine paragraphs about them. What do you mean? Because they're just all about animals. He's just like, well, the only one you have to worry about

is actually the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, actually you don't have to worry about any of them because none of them are real. And that's the entire point of the whole thing. Yeah, but anyway. He does that, he's still like that. Oh, he, beyond. He's 74.

Yeah, he's 57, but yeah. Is he really? He actually looks really good. So do I. For 57, he does not look 57. No,. Is he really? He actually looks really good. So do I. For 57? He does not look 57. No, do I. But I'm 44. But I won't when I'm 57. He's going to be on his deathbed talking about the agility of a fucking...

Yeah, Brian Cowell will be like... Did you know the scorpion... Ooooooooh! Why is he like that? I don't know, man. It's weird. He likes fucking men's bodies, or no not even like a fit person and then animals. It's so weird dude.

He's a comedian you know? He doesn't even look at all like a gym rat, is he? No, he's not a gym rat. Then why does he, what is this? You know he works out. He looks good, I'm saying he doesn't look 57, he looks 47, well no he looks older than 47. Yeah. He looks 47. Well, no, he looks older than 47. Yeah.

He looks 51, which is good for 57. Yeah. 51, 52. I look 14-ish. Oh, that's bad. No. I'm fresh as hell. Why did you say a few episodes?

It was actually a while ago you said you were going to get a haircut. You didn't. Gonna kick my arson. But you didn't. I don't know, man. I mean. Yeah. Things happen. Things happen. I you didn't. I don't know, man. I mean. Yeah, things happen.

I got a haircut. When? Right before this. Looks like it. Yeah, and it's good. And here's the thing about haircuts. It's gonna rock today. Tomorrow it's gonna suck.

No, the other way around, dude. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Haircuts don't look good until like a week at least. Dude, they rock the day you get them. And then that night they start to deflate. And then the next day they suck. And then they suck for a few days. And then it really gets to be party time

because you start looking really dashing. The haircut rules, the haircut chronicles. And I got my haircut today and it looks good. It looks like you did it, like you styled it. Well, I did, I mean, I don't really style, well, what's styling here, just running stuff through it? Putting stuff in it, making sure it looks good in the mirror. I did do that, yes.

I, no joke, I showered and everything, did everything that a normal clean person does, left the house, I did not look at myself one time before leaving the house, nor have I looked at myself one time before sitting down on the show. I am the epitome of a good man. I've done that. That's not the epitome of a good man.

No, it's not. It's not the epitome of a good man, but you've not done it. I've done it a lot, actually. You've never done that. I rarely look in the mirror. Prove it. Okay. So stiffened. I've done it a lot actually. You've never done that. I rarely look in the mirror. Prove it. Okay. So stupid.

Anyway, yeah, no, I did a lot. So I did more than you actually. Well with you it shows with me everywhere I go, everywhere I look, no matter what I look like, literally heterosexual women and homosexual men chase me down the street. They run after me. They cannot get, it's like that movie Love Potion number nine.

After Tate Donovan uses the potion. I remember that movie. I used to love that movie. We saw it in the theater. We saw it with Rachel. With Rachel, who you called pizza face and made cry. Dude. You did it.

It's weird how it was you that did that. Unbelievable. It's unbelievable that you misremember this. It is an absolute falsehood that you say this. You called her pizza face. And then somehow I got the rap for it. It's crazy that you say this. You called her pizza face. And then somehow I got the rap for it. It's crazy that you say this, dude. You're not being serious, right?

You really think that? OK, I remember when you brought it up. This was somebody that used to babysit us. When you brought it, I remember you calling. She was like a live-in nanny, actually, for a few years. You called her, don't make us sound so rich. You called her pizza face. This is what I remember.

She got upset because you told her I called her pizza face. And I remember thinking, but you called her pizza face. Now, at this point, I don't remember anything about it. Do you also remember when you and I went into a spaceship and went to Saturn? I don't remember that. Because that is, the exact amount that that happened is what your version of events, how much that happened. That would have been, I don't remember that. Because that is, the exact amount that that happened is what your version of events, how much that happened.

That would have been, I don't remember that. Yeah, exactly. Because it didn't happen just as much as the story you just told. That's not true. And Tyrese and Ludacris did it in Fast and Furious 9, though. What did they do? In a car, they drove it to outer space.

Did you know that? No way. Yeah. In outer space with the car. We can't do that because it's monetized, but we'll watch that on Lifeline Luxury. And if you signed up, guess what? You'll watch us watch that and it'll be,

oh, oh, oh, he's back. Matt, I mean viewers dropped so hard after that. Dude, you know what I don't like the most of anything you do? Is when I'm doing something and you say, all right, all right, in the middle. Stop doing it, you're doing it now! No, I was saying all right,

because you asked me what it was, I said saying all right, so now. But you were literally doing it while I was talking. No, I wasn't. So now, let's talk about it. Why do you do that? I won't do it. But why do you do it?

Because I'm insecure, there, I said it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But why do you do it to me? Wouldn't that be about? No, it's insecure about, I want the show to have no lulls. Yes! But that's so dick. You're assuming everything I say is a lull,

and everything you say is golden, which is the opposite. Everything you say, I wipe the inside of my butthole with it. Everything I say, people literally print it out and frame it. You know, Trump, Trump, Trump. They type it, send it to their printer on Wi-Fi. It prints out on nice paper. Then they put it in a frame, a golden frame.

Make sure it's nice, because I said it. And then they put it up on their wall and look at it to remind themselves of the great thing I said. Such a long walk. Um. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, all knew where it was going. Such a long walk, took your liberties. Took your liberties. Yeah, baby. Lady Liberty, that's me.

Let's get into it. Let's get into the submissions and we'll see what's going on. You know what I mean? What's up, man? Make it 10. Chris, I really wanna go on your show. I live in San Francisco,

so if you're ever doing a show in San Francisco, I don't know, just... Oh, give up on it! Get a shirt on, then you can go. March 29th. And also turn 21. In 2006, and and you're like 19 15. I'm kidding Well, I didn't hear anyway secure I was debating with some of my friends whether to put a shirt on for this about how they drive themselves

I don't know if we got into a weird conversation Okay, so what I usually do I like what routine do you do and what I mean by that is like what order do you go? I go face hair and then Rest of my body hair second And I'll probably do my nuts and my cheeks right So let me know what you guys do how he drives Congratulations, I find I mean there's a the boat you thanks both are Both are him.

Thank you. Love you guys. We're them. What's up, dude? I really like this guy, but for real, he needs to stop using drugs. Okay, listen. He has on so many painkillers, it's wild. And muscle relaxers.

He's eight. All right, so. He's literally five years old. Dude, 10. So hefty how you laughed. So I go hair first, face and hair together, and then kind of my balls, and then lastly. Kind of my balls.

No, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. Kind of my body all over the place. And then balls lastly. And crackity-ay. Children's song. Balls lastly and crackity-ay. Crackity-ay. Mommy.

So what I do is face, of course. Not hair first? No. Hair's the wittest thing, but okay. Face, neck. Trina. Arms. Trina.

Underarms. Worst song. Front of chest. Back. Then I work my way down. Pokey, pokey. Rear end, frontal maximum, legs, feet, hair. Last hair?

I do hair again at the end. Interesting. I'll like- Front maximus, you know? I don't dry my hair, but I'll like wipe it with a towel. I won't dry it though. I'll get the excess water off. Let it be real sexy for anyone who happens to catch me.

And then at the end, I dry the hair. Okay. I also don't wash my hair every time I shower because that's just the way it is. Yeah. And there's no change in it. That's just the way it is. I don't wash my hair every time I shower.

That's just the way it is. Do-da-loong, do-da-loong, do-da-loong. And I'm not changing it. You know what? I never liked do-da-loong, and I'm not changing it. You know what? I never liked that song. Everybody loves that song and I did not like it. Whoa, Don Henley, who is it? Michael McDonald, no?

No. Don't ever say that again. Don't ever suggest that again. Do not say it was Michael McDonald because that shit fucking is pissing me off because it wasn't him. Was it Bruce Hornsby? How much is that?

That's so weird, Bruce Hornsby's name is almost Bruce Horny. That's kinda not that weird. of they change it at LS Island Horny No, there's no s there's no s in there Bruce Horny. Why are you adding the b straight up? Bruce Horny would be the gayest name Bruce is the gayest Bruce Horny is just horny Bruce Horny dude That would be a gay great gay porn. Yeah. Yeah for sure Bruce Horny. But yeah, so also just in general, don't say nuts when you're talking about your balls. I guess, yeah, I mean.

You know what's messed up? Let's all, in the comments here, let's all come up with a new term. What do you mean no? I don't agree. Balls is fine. Balls is so dumb sounding. The one that there's not a good thing for is tits boobs

Like I don't want to say any of those you don't want to say tater tots Matt Are you out of your mind that is an actual thing? What about tutorials Matt? Do you know? No, what about you know, that's just something you watch to make sure you can do something aptitude tests. So What about aptitude tests so what about aptitude tests so dumb if aptitude chests Wow you're this this episode more than any people are going like this what the fuck no they're going why doesn't matter of his own show because it does oh man what's up? You're being an annoying little brother.

Nope. Ow! I've been doing it! Nope. If you have a younger sibling, you know what's happening right now. And this is what happens, and it sucks. And we're in our 40s, and it sucks.

I wanted it to end when we were in our teens. Tater tots and tutorials are both good. But I know what you mean. You can't be in a conversation and be like, yeah, man, because no one will know what you're talking about. Wow, she's got great tutorials. Oh, she's a professor? I bet people would know, because she would have great ones,

and people would be like, I know what he means. He's an idiot. But no, I think it for real about testicles. And I think we should come up with a new term for them. So let's have some. Balls is great. Balls is just you sound like a dumb dumb. I don't think nuts is bad either.

Nuts isn't good either. All right, so then what do you use for boobs? Boobs. Boobs is bad, I agree with that. Boobs is, I guess the best one though. Breasts, you're all clinical. Breasts. Tits.

Yeah. Gross. Tits, yeah. Jimbo, jugs in my mouth, baby. Oh, jugs? Jugs? I mean, no, you know? You gotta say jugs.

Hey, you should go for great jugs. You're fired. Oh. I guess that's a tough one, too. Yeah. You can't, yeah. Damn. Damn it.

One time, Kristen was like, what if we called them petals? That's not bad. How about a D or a T? Obviously, not bike petals, man. So with a T? Yeah, petals, like beautiful flowers, you know. Oh, that's good. Exactly.

Yeah. Nice. Way to go. OK. Yeah, all right. Next one. You know, I love you both so much. I need a little advice on OCD moments.

I love you too. What to say, how to say I'm nice or if I'm crazy. Situations like this, me and my fiance have a lot. And the other night night we're eating tacos and a piece of lettuce falls out of my taco onto the rug under our table. And my sweet baby fiance picks it up and puts it on my plate with my food

that I'm still eating. And me, I would have put it on the table or a napkin or I really was gonna clean it up after the fact. So I really said, why'd you do that? What in your brain would make you do that? Why would you put it on my plate on the table and then it turned into this whole thing and it, you know. What do you think about things like that?

How could I say it a little bit nicer? Am I crazy? What would you do in that situation? Should I still marry him? I'm just kidding. I love you both so much. Thank you for all you do. All I do is think about that stuff. Should I still marry him? I'm just kidding. I love you so much, thank you for all you do. All I'd do is think about that kind of stuff. No, you should marry me.

You should end it with him and marry me. I don't know. I would never dare do such a thing to you. Good advice. The worst advice in history. I think that it, I think about that stuff all the time. All the time. I never stop thinking about it.

I never stop thinking about it. Nice to meet you. I don't. Well, let's just address what he did and then we can open it up. Alright. What he did is insane. What?

To take food that fell out onto the ground and put it back on your loved one's plate? I guess so, yeah. It's just like, what are you doing? You're making up things to do. I wouldn't go that far as it's insane. You're making up things to do? Well, I don't think he should be committed. Like, I'm not saying he's actually... I wouldn't put a straight jacket on him. ...clinically insane.'t think he should be committed. Like I'm not saying he's actually clinically insane. I wouldn't put a straight jacket on him. You think he needs medication. But it's crazy to do that. It's wild, let's say, to take something off the ground and

put it on your loved one's plate. But it fell from her taco. I understand. That doesn't matter. Oh. It's like, I know he didn't pick up a piece of trash and put it on a plate, but it's on the ground. If you're going to pick it up at all. It's on their rug though. That's true. You know what I'm saying? It's not outside in a crack alley. They were at their house? Eating in a crack alley.

They were at their house? Well, yeah, that's what it seemed like, yeah. Yeah, I didn't, I guess I don't. Oh yeah, if it was a restaurant, that would be bad, yeah. No, I thought they were at their house. Still on the plate is bad. Put it on the table. If you're gonna pick it up, you either throw it away

or put it on the table. Berate gonna throw it away or put it on the table berate him though I Think she sounds like she did bury him. She's That's the thickest really really want to know what like dialect that is like what specific? Georgia is it no I have no okay No, I have no Alabama who knows you just guessing, completely guessing. Montgomery. I really want to know though, so assuming you watched this comment.

Thank you very much. But yeah, no, that's... You don't have to leave, you don't have to break it off, you don't have to call it the marriage, but you do have to say that's not what we do with food that hits the ground. Thank you very much. Yeah, it's weird and dirty, I guess, for the most part. OK, next one.

So far away. I'm at Chris. So dude, so I have a quick question about being in love. So I think this is the first time I've been in love. You're the only known this girl for about a week or so. Oh, wow. I've taken her on one date and I just you know constantly feel it and thinking about what I'm doing wrong Okay, well if I'm gonna say something wrong The worst

You know what your thoughts are on that like Chris clearly you're in love like how you feel How you felt with your wife when you first met her or just met and experiences so yeah thanks guys booyah booyah and booyah I don't know man you and I never really been nervous around people but like move that over there a magic trick why wouldn't you take it and move it over there? I think you know why. I think you know why. I don't know why. I think if you thought about it you would know why. This? I don't want to touch... you were using it? I don't want to touch a thing that you were using. I wasn't using it. You weren't using that

just now? Not at all. Okay. No, no, no. I got it. Because you think I'm sick. Maybe you might be sick and I don't want to risk it. Yeah. But I'm not. But okay. I get it. Now I get it. What was the question? How does he deal with worrying about saying something wrong with the woman he's really, really, really into? Hey, you have to stop worrying about it, man. You have to stop. That ain't gonna help. No, no, it might. Because one time I was like 22,

and I was talking to a woman at a bar once in Beverly Hills, and we were chatting, and she was really pretty, I thought. And I was like, what do I say? I got in my head about it, and I was like, oh man, what am I gonna do? What do I say to her? And I just said the dumbest shit, and then I got so mad at myself. I got in my head about it. And I was like, oh man, what am I going to do? What do I say to her? And I just said the dumbest shit.

And then I got so mad at myself. I got in my car and I went home. Yeah. Dude, and when I went home, I was like, you motherfucking, you asshole. You are never doing that again. And I never did it again. Yes, dude.

Never did what again, exactly? Never doubted what I said in a romantic flirty situation. I never stopped. Dude, oh well, I fucked up, I fucked up. That's me, that's the way it goes. Sweetheart, you're welcome for exposing you to me. Lives with the regret of that moment, wakes up in deep pain about it every single day.

But no, I think that she, I think that she's probably doing really well. She's looking at Britney Spears, but I, yeah, I did that and I was like, I'm never, ever letting that happen again. And I didn't, dude. Success. But hey, look at yourself in the mirror and go like this.

What kind of fucking bitch am I, man? Am I a bitch? Hello? No. And then moonwalk out of the bathroom, moonwalk all the way to where she is, doesn't matter how far. All you're doing is giving him your experience and trying to transpose it onto him. That's not gonna work. You need to give him the tools to be able to do it on his own. You can't just berate him and it would be, this might help. You could do another thing. You can't just berate him. And it would be, this might help. You could do another thing.

You can't just say, stop it, and have someone stop. In fact, it might make it worse. What I suggest is what you want to do is, when this is happening, keep in mind that the chances are very, very, very much more likely that she would rather be with a guy, or rather, to put it even better, rather you be the kind of guy that is more relaxed

about what he says, is more comfortable with what he's gonna say or might say, and even if that is the wrong wrong quote unquote, wrong thing, as opposed to a guy who's constantly on pins and needles, so nervous about saying what might be the wrong thing. That's not like a thing that people are attracted to, men or women. So you're saying she wants to be more

with a guy who isn't thinking that, you're saying? Right. Basically. Well, that could spiral them though. Right, but I'm saying if you're looking at a way wet shop If you don't talk like looking for ways to drop it to stop doing that Keep in mind that she'd rather be exposed to you warts and all Whatever that is because it's probably not gonna be that bad You're not gonna like say something the Grand Wizard of the KKK was saying word

You know yeah, like you're not gonna mess up. Hitler was handsome, oh fuck. Just trust yourself a little more and know that that's what she would rather see you. She's with you because ostensibly she fucking likes you. So let her like you, let her see you. Yeah, I would just, there's another thing you can do besides what I said. What I said worked for me, honestly.

I fucking bucked up, dude. I agree, but you gotta- And then I became a player, player for me, honestly. I fucking bucked up, dude. I agree, but you gotta- And then I became a player, player, player, player. But he didn't experience that, so it's hard to just transpose it onto him, even if he wants it to. Yeah, but, well, what do you mean?

He didn't experience that. He didn't experience that thing that you experienced that made you feel what you felt, so you can't just say, hey, this happened to me, so you should- Yeah, but it's kind of similar. OK, yeah, but OK, sure, sure, sure. OK, but what he can do is be vulnerable with her and just be like, yo, look, I don't normally like people.

As long as you're straight up. I don't normally like people like this. I feel like I like you. And I'm like, it's so annoying because I feel like I'm fumbling over my words. So if it happens, okay, and anyway, what do you want to do tonight, you know? Like, sorry, I'm fucking, this is just, I like you.

But you gotta put it on the table, you gotta tell her, you gotta not give a fuck about it as, you gotta tell her, you gotta care about what you're telling her, but not care about how you care about it. Yes, dude! Yeah, and when you do it, you gotta do it with balisimos.

You can't do it like swallowing in the middle of saying it. You gotta say it like you own it, like you know it's okay. Say it like you're, not like you're denigrating yourself, but you're making fun of yourself in a way confidently. Where you're just like, gosh, I'm so in you. Like, I'm like, I'm like, it's like I worry about like the things I'm gonna say. I'm so not used to this, it's crazy.

And the good thing is if you have a huge cock in your back pocket, you could always take that out at the end and just fucking slam it on the table at TGIFs. Why would you put your cock into your back pocket if you get arrested somewhere? It'd be so painful. Fuck at TGIF Fridays. Oh man. Box out up to go.

Yeah, I feel you though, dude. You're young. You're clearly young. I'm a little younger, but you're young. And anybody who's been young and in love, especially for the first time, you're so like, oh my god, I really don't want to mess this up. Almost as much as you are into the person in the first place,

it's crazy how much you're just trying not to diminish the amount the person likes you. And also nothing even matters anyway because we're all just fucking specs dude. Zoom out, keep zooming out. There's other galaxies man. There's other galaxies. We're so small it doesn't matter. It might. Shit yourself. Walk around. It doesn't matter. Someone with OCD tendencies might not be helped by something like that, but yeah. It's true.

Shit yourself, piss yourself, vomit all over, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. You don't matter, what you do doesn't matter, nothing you'll ever say or think matters at all. Life coach, the worst life coach, death coach. A death coach. All right.

All right, next one. We're gonna take a little break to tell you guys about something very, very cool. We're going to take a little break to tell you guys about something very, very cool. Do you think you know who's going to win the presidential election or what Democrats are going to win the House and Senate, Republicans are going to win the House, Senate?

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I'm not kidding. I thought that was our producer, Chris. Come on. There's a glare right where his eyes are and if you can't see this guy's eyes, dude, like that is him. Anyways. No, wait, go, go, go.

It's crazy. Especially because he's got a nice watch on. Started all the way over. Go ahead. And a gray T-shirt. Started all the way over. Look, in the- Chris, come on.

No, in the first three seconds of that, pause it. He went back in time and it literally saved humankind. All right, start it over. He went back in time, out of his body, saved humankind, and then came back and he knows he saved the world, but he's gonna be business as usual. Okay, go ahead. I gotta get rid of the glare. Start it over.

Ah ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha. Need lock advice. That was good. Worst place to get it. Okay, start over.

Love you guys. Need life advice. Couldn't look more American. Worst place to get it. In a job that I'm happy in, been in it for 12 years. Um, my girlfriend that I've been with for two years is, um, a doctor and a surgeon. She's just gotten a job. Okay.

Making it up. Overseas. and she's just got my job. Okay. Making it up. Offer overseas. So for us to stay together, I have to throw away my 12 year career. That's tough. Damn. Making it up. To follow her overseas.

Keeps having to go back in time. I've got head noise about it. What's your thoughts? Winked at us. My thoughts are you, in a way, are like the most commanding speaker. Because he pauses for so long, and he's like, I'm not gonna re-record this.

I don't give a fuck. You know, yeah. He's like, wow, this guy's got some serious confidence. Remember when we said Blake Shelton is the most confident man alive? Yeah, dude. That's the funniest thing. One of the funniest things you ever said. You love that so much.

Wow, it's crazy how much you love that. I don't know why that's so funny to me, but it's just like, he just is the most confident man alive. That's the funniest thing. One of the funniest things you ever said. You love that so much. Wow. It's crazy how much you love that. I don't know why that's so funny to me, but it's just like, he just is the most confident man alive. That's so funny, dude. It's just true. All right. So obviously true. All right.

So with this guy, I mean, dude, that's so hard. Well, we don't know what he does. But if you tell, you know, here's the thing. But he loves it is the point. Okay. Yeah. Well, yeah. You're saying it, could he get a job like it sometimes? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And also she's a surgeon. I mean, that's yeah. You're saying could he get a job like it sometimes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also she's a surgeon. I mean, that's crazy. That's wild. Have I even ever met a surgeon? I don't think so. I've got my knee done. The guy who helped me when I had that crazy meltdown on the flight, he was a surgeon.

So I like surgeons. My experience with surgeons is very, very positive. Well, sure. Probably later on in life it'll be a little annoying. And I've had surgery and I'm still here. We went to the same surgeon to get our nose fixed. Yeah, make it sound like we got nose jobs together. No, the sinuses.

The Kardashians. Yeah, dude, I mean, look, a number of variables at play, as Chris just kind of pointed out, but it's so hard, dude, because like the older I've gotten, I'm really young, but the older I've gotten, it's like the less I care about any specific occupation, like I generally have always, very generally broadly, have done this,

similar things throughout my whole life to make a living, but I've changed. I used to be much more of a writer than I am now. Now I do this much more than I ever did before, obviously, but it's kind of in the same ballpark. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If there's a potential future wherever she's going to be a surgeon where you can maintain some kind of uniformity

to whatever your job is, then I say at least give it a shot. That's the answer. But if there's no version of having a potential career where she's going, which seems unlikely to me, but if that's actually what's going on, I guess it's worth considering not going with her. But dude, I don't know, man.

This is like, this is what life's about. Like who you're with, who you spend your life with. You gotta try to make it work. I agree. Like I'm like, he looks like he might be younger than me, but like I agree that it's just like, I used to think that everything was about making my career happen.

And that was where I got my self-worth. And I just, it's just, I guess you're supposed to care about it less and less as time goes on, if you become a more well-rounded person as a man. But like, ah, man, I don't know. Like, I love what I do. I love what I do. I love going on, making people laugh.

I love being on stage. I love standup. But like, and like, I like, I just, I want to, it's all for my family now, you know? Like it's all for my kids. Like I want them to look at me and be like, oh, daddy works hard. That's good for us.

That's cool. That's, you know, healthy and stuff like that. And I just, I don't think it, I don't, yeah, I agree with you, man. Like I used, you know, I've had, I've always done, you know, I don't think it, I don't, yeah, I agree with you, man. Like I used, you know, I've always done, you know, I kind of didn't, I didn't start in the world doing standup. I started as a nude model, right? And then I moved my way up to actor,

and then I would do nude modeling on the side. And then as I was doing acting, and then I was writing, and I was still a nude model, I was going crazy in the nude model business, making millions of dollars until finally I switched into comedian slash nude model. And that's when I really started making more money as a comedian.

So I go like, you know what? I don't have to pose nude anymore. You still made total, made the most money being a nude model for sure. Pretty soon it might not be though. You might eclipse it with comedy. Yeah, I always get back into that. Cause the Lord knows the money will still be there for me.

I keep getting better and better looking. Yeah Interesting you ever see me sit on a stool naked. No fucking unreal. I have not thankfully I Think you should give it a least give it a shot Yeah, I didn't do it the new life Also, if she's a brain surgeon, maybe she could open up your brain and slice and dice and figure out a way to make you Happy no matter where you are You know, yeah, that would be the last thing I would suggest. Sweetie, I don't want to go. Can you slice my brain open?

Slice and dice my brain a little bit? Uh, all right let's do the next one. It's long story short, my mom gave me a car. That's nice. It was on the repo list. I didn't know it was on a repo list. She knew it was on a repo list. It was in my grandma's name. My grandma called the bank. Bank said it's on a repo list. Give us $9,000 or give us a car. We gave him $9,000.

My mom claims that it was never on a repo list. The fuck? Anyways, I haven't talked to her for over a year. Whoa, whoa. What would you guys do? Because of that? She hasn't said sorry. She has the claimed because of that she's pissed up So I'm turning 25 this year Do I reach out to her? Do I just let it go the fucking car who cares? I don't know. What would you guys do? Okay? That's a great one Wow, you watch oh Love you, too

Anthony I hope you're taking a nice shit. Bye. I just feel like- Sorry, what does her hat say? Kings. Kings. It's a great corduroy hat. Wow.

Congrats on that. Maybe you said that after the show, right? Well, just to you in private? Yeah. Hey Chris, I got something I wanna talk to you about. Yeah, I know that girl's hat, the repo girl's hat. Corduroy, right? What'd it say?

Kings? God, that was great. Anyway, I like that girl's hat, the repo girl's hat. Courter-rate, right? What'd it say, Kings? God, that was great. Anyway, I'll see you next time. Okay. I obviously, I would say it's, they had some other stuff before that. You don't just have a great relationship with your mom. I would hope so. And then that happens and you go like,

Crazy thing happens. And then the mom's just like, never talking to her again. Nine grand is a big deal to a lot of people, but. Nine grand's a lot of money. What I'm saying is it could be that for falling out. I think what she's saying is, my mom gave me this thing, never told me what's up with it, and it ended up costing me nine grand and still denies that it was even her fault.

Yeah, that's fucked up, that's weird. That's something, you know what that is? That's so something a mom would do. There you go. Or dad, like an older person. I don't agree with that at all. An older person because they're like, no, I didn't. You know? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, they just get baddy, dude. Or dad like an older person that an older person cuz they're like no I didn't you know

Yeah, maybe yeah, they just get baddie dude, but although she's 25 and her mom probably isn't that old She's probably not 60. I know I'm saying so so maybe it's not that I would say that's wild but I would also say life is short dude and if If that's the only thing That really is keeping you, I'm saying if it is, because it's all she told us, we don't know. Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

If it is, then definitely try to mend that fence. It's not worth not talking to your mother ever because of some weird repo car situation that somebody owed nine grand. I'd love to talk to her. it Shit happens people fuck up like whatever It's been a year get over it What I'm talking to you now Kings hat corduroy. Yeah, just get over it. You think so? So easy though. It's been a year. She paid it off

Also if it's a nice car You still paid less for it than you would have in the first place. So, like, you got a good deal probably. But if it's some piece of shit old beat up Altima, then it's not the greatest thing in the world. But then if it was that, she would have just given up the car and bought a cheaper one. So it's got to be a nice car. I think you mend that fence.

It's not what, dude, not talking to your... Yeah, but unless you've got other history that's just dog shit. Right, that's why I said, if that is the only thing, yes, mend that fence. Nah, if I was the therapist right now, I'd be like, well, I should tell me what else is going on, though. Because I think something else is going on.

I think something else is going on. I don't think it's just about that. Therapist, detective. Detective, therapist. So, detective, one of those hats with the thing like this and like this. What was that fuck is that? The detective hat. What is that?

It had like the bill and then the thing that went back. Whoa, what are you saying? A bill in the back. I don't know what that is. Yeah, look it up. Sherlock Holmes had it or something. Oh, like the English shit. Yeah.

It's like the English police hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anthony, look it up and don't do all the wrong things you do first before you look up the right one. Don't make it so it's the fourth time you Google it. Make it the first one. English police hat, he said. Nobody fucking said police.

Matt said that. He didn't? Detective. Oh, well, I mean, dude, come on. That's not that much of a leap. It is. Do like Sherlock Holmes hat. Oh.

He's gonna say how do you spell Sherlock? There he is. Oh, wow, dude. I was right. Those hats suck so bad. This way, kids, can't tell if they're coming or going. I was just gonna say trying to trick people so that they don't know which way you're looking.

Okay, I'll be showing up now as you leave. Honestly, that and a pipe is fucking insane. If you wear that hat. And have a pipe, dude. You absolutely deserve to get like, not eat for three days. A surprise punch in the face. No, dude, that's a little much,

but the thing is, is like, if you have that hat, 90% of the time you have a pipe and you deserve to not eat for three days. That's worse than getting punched in the face. Is it? Yeah, cause you only get punched every once. By the time three days is over, you don't remember it even happened.

Look at that! I mean, you know, all right. Wow. Well, that's, yeah. Let's face it, dude. English people suck. You, no, man. What do you mean?

Like their style. No. And the English way of life. What do you mean mean though, dude? Sucks, ballesey mo's, dude. You have had a weird thing about British people your whole life. It's like a British guy stole the one you love.

It's just like that. In London, and he was so stylish. It's just like that. It's just like that. So what the fuck, but that's not what happened. No, no, that's not what happened. So what is it? You just saw Guy Ritchie movie once

and you're you like fuck this Lock stock into smoking nutsacks. No, you know what I think it is What if I had to guess except really don't know what? It's it's I think from when I was a kid watching like 80s and 90s British TV. Mm-hmm The the the aesthetic is so depressing. Yeah, it is that I was like, this is grimy This feels bad. These people are evil. That I was like, this is grimy, this feels bad. Like these people are evil. That was the-

It's such a leap. That was the series of- They're evil. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. Like how could you produce content that is that upsetting to look at? It really is upsetting to look at, dude.

You must have a deep dark soul, is what I thought. Yeah, or you're vapid, you're vacant. Something's wrong. Yeah, you're an empty vessel. Or you're evil and like you're just being evil. Nothing's in me. Yeah, yeah vague you're vapid you're fake is wrong. Yeah, yeah, you're an empty vessel evil and like you're just being evil Nothing's in me. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Ah Okay. Well, so we got to it. We figured it out. Yeah, maybe but that's weird though What was the person asking about just now?

The about the I don't remember was it was that the one that looked like Chris Marco? No someone else It was a new guy. It was a woman, right? About the repo. Oh, the repo. Yeah, get over it. Move on. Life's short.

Life's too short. Wow, worst therapist. I don't know if I, I don't, I don't know. I guess you could get over it. You think the nine grand repo confusion is worth not talking to your mom ever? No, no, no, no, no. But the mom has to address it.

You have to talk about it. You hey mom Who did I pay the nine grand to then then say then then do this call your mom and say look mom I want to get past this but can you please just slowly and clearly Tell me your perspective. What happened here? Okay, that's good And assuming it makes sense, right even if you don't agree with it or whatever assuming it makes sense. Uh-huh Move forward together. Thank you. Then just go it didn't happen Yeah, that's weird. Okay, but that's good advice. Cool. Finally figured it out. Yes

I'm gonna get started to the point here nice people who chew food and Then take a sip of a drink while they still have food in their mouth. I've always thought about this, dude. I see it in movies, if I see it in real life, I freak out. I've seen it, I've talked about it. What do you guys think about this? Is this something you guys do?

Because I can't stand it. It's probably one of the first things I ever thought of. Wow, like I think about this and I thought, this is an OG thought of mine and I forgot about it. Thank you for bringing it back up. And notice it's not as prevalent in since the aughts, but I think if you eat, you're eating. You want to enjoy the taste of the food. You don't want Sprite in it. You want the food. If I have a burger, you would think you eat the burger. You taste the burger, you swallow it, you wash it down with some sprite. Okay? Now you don't have a sprite burger. Okay? So I believe that sipping, unless you just happen to do it by mistake or you're fast and you're not thinking about it, but the people who do it are weird, bro.

What is that? Yeah, I mean, to do with soda is particularly gonzo, dude. Like that is just like, what? You're gonna put like- But people do it with soda. That's what I'm saying. Water you're saying is okay? Or wine.

Wine, really? Or even a beer. Yeah, it's just disgusting. Soda's weird, dude. I don't know about beer or wine. Brett Kavanaugh. Yeah, dude, it's weird, dude. I don't know about beer or wine. Brek Kavanaugh. Yeah, dude, it's weird, but I don't have to hang up with it like you do. Wait, would the Brek Kavanaugh thing do?

I like beer when he was being confirmed for the Supreme Court. I like beer. They were like asking us questions about treatment. More, more, was he the one more? No, that's not that one. That's not that guy, is it? More, more, that's the lawyer. What's his name?

Michael Cohen, yeah. Michael Cohen. Oh yeah his name? Michael Cohen. Michael Cohen, yeah. Michael Cohen. Oh yeah, different. Moore. Different political stuff, yeah. The meme will be like, how many slurs did you hit? Moore, Moore, Moore. Slurs, you know?

Yeah, well. But yeah, that's weird. Slut and then whore. Why do you think you ever hang up about that? That's, I remember one time when I was really, really little, I was in, Miss Pillsbury's, what wasup about that? I remember one time when I was really, really little, I was in Miss Pillsbury's, what was that, kindergarten? There was a little girl there and I was there

and it was snack time and she was eating her vanilla wafers and she was eating them like a little mouse and I was looking at her and I was like, she's taking such small bites, that's not pleasurable and I thought well whatever that's her not me and then I thought but why is she doing that and then so I was like I can't help it I have to ask her I was in kindergarten so I must have been four or five what'd she say I said hey how can we take us as little bites and she says it lasts longer great great answer did that open up your mind?

I'll tell you what it did. I think it changed me for life. How so? It ignited this hatred. Okay. Well, because- Not the best, not the right takeaway. You don't get to taste the whole,

if you take a bigger bite, you get such a nice flavor explosion. It's so interesting how fucking shitty your brain works, dude. Why? You should have thought, oh, I didn't think about that. How interesting, we're different. Not, I'm furious, she's wrong how she does it. Where is she now? She's president.

That is Kamala Harris. I'd love to see her try to fucking rip a room. She's wrong how she does it. Where is she now? She's president. That is Kamala Harris. That is Kamala Harris. I'd love to see her try to fucking rip a room. But I don't, yeah, I remember thinking like, oh man, that's not right. Right, that's, yeah. And I just was like, what do you, put it in your mouth, eat it more,

and then taste it, live it up while it's happening. You don't need to make it last super long. That's why when you nut, you nut quick. It's over because all the pleasure is right then. If you nutted, dude, if you had an orgasm and it lasted, less, would you rather have it last a less, well, that's actually a good question now. See, you walked yourself into your own trap.

Constant jizzing at a low level. My point isn't who's right and who's wrong. My point is that's actually a good question now. See, you walked yourself into your own trap. Constant jizzing at a low level. My point isn't who's right and who's wrong. My point is that's her preference and you have a different one. You hadn't considered that. Isn't that at least interesting? But here's the deal. You could be like, oh, maybe it's because of the way she grew up that we have different experiences. But dude, we were blank slates. We were fucking

three. Yeah, when you're that age, you don't... So it's like, how could you be wrong from jump? Eat the wafer! I told her, I said, you gotta take bigger bites. And? I don't think she did, dude. Where is she now? That's pretty baller to be like, I'm not gonna do that. I'd like to see her rip a crowd, she can't.

I shake the room. We don't know, maybe she's a huge comedian right now. It's Paula Poundstone. So, anyway. Wendy Liebman. Uh, all right. She was not white. She was, you know, something else. I don't know what it was.

So, trying to keep it from us. Not because I'm racist, but because when I was four, I didn't know races. I just knew she wasn't white. You're saying she was something else and you don't remember what it was? No, I'm saying I was four, I didn't know about races, I only knew there was white. Foreign. And then there was other shit and I didn't know, I knew she was not white, she could have been anything.

And since I learned it then, that's how it is in my brain, so I don't know if she was Mexican, Indian or black, but I'm not racist and I wasn't racist then. When I was, I mean a racist four year old, it'd be so difficult to find one of those when I was four or five maybe I had the biggest boner crush on a girl in my class her name was Corazon I think she was Puerto Rican Corazon which I believe means heart in Spanish yes it does right but a great name Corazonazon. Heart would be a bad name.

I was so into her, and she, we were gonna take our class picture one day, and we were about the same height. She was kind of tall for a girl, and because they line you up by height, I was next to her. It was like the first time I was ever really able to be next to her. Oh, shit, so you were like that guy,

not knowing what to say, what to do. Yeah, dude. But it turned out that, and this has stuck with me my whole life. It's been true my whole life. It affects everything. Weight, outsize importance is how someone smells and she didn't smell bad. She just smelled away. I had never, like a thing I had never been exposed to before.

It must've been perfume or her mom's perfume or something. Cause it was, it was like blurring my ability to even think. I was like, this is so strong. And it affected my attraction to her. And from that day on, I didn't have a crush on her. Oh, wow. Isn't that weird? You know what's weird is you have those moments at such a young age.

You start to have those moments that shape you and like make you remember for some reason that Calvin and maybe not Billy yet, but Calvin is going through that right now. That's nuts. That is nuts. That is nuts. How old are you in first grade? You're not four, right?

You're like six, five, six. When you do what? First grade? No, six. Okay, so I was six. Yeah, I wasn't four. Might be a little bit. Well, still though, but those happen

up until you're 15, I think, really. No, I'm saying, does it go that young? We'll count it to four. Oh, yeah, I think it does. Because I remember when they took you home from the hospital. When you got your penis enlarged. Three months ago.

Ha ha ha. Fucking burned you to infinity, dude. Infinity burns. He's back. Dung dung dung. You with a big, big, big hybrid penis. Dung dung dung dung dung dung dung. Ah!

Dung dung dung dung dung dung. D! Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. Dong, dong, dong, dong. It's a snake. A snake penis. Nice. Nice, dude. So stupid. Dude, what about, oh, nice, dude, a snake penis, nice.

That's good. I like that. What about it, you know? Like it was a whole topic years ago, you know? What about, remember when a. What about it, you know? Like it was a whole topic years ago, you know? What about, remember when... What? Ah, serious! Hey!

Ha ha ha! I didn't get it. Dude, suck. All right, so look. We're in a groove, right? Right now we're in a groove. Here's the deal. What, what were we talking about?

When? A lot of things, you gotta like. I don't know, man. Okay. I just. Probably the submission that the last person had. Okay, which was what? But more than any other episode,

I am not remembering what the submissions are. That's so weird, me neither. What is going on? The weather change. Did you like put stuff in our food or drink or something? Oh, I didn't eat yet, so. They roofied us? I didn't eat yet, so I wouldn't go, uh-uh.

That might be why you don't have the fuel. It's worth the fucking. It's worth the hoctua. The Prilosec. All right. Who was the last submitter? Doesn't matter. Oh, that guy.

Oh, yeah. Steve Gutenberg. Oh, dude. Oh, that's the entity right there. That's what we got to do for Lifeline. Steve Gutenberg's Lifeline. Oh, Instagram. He doesn't have a Lifeline. He has an Instagram though. He's going to have a Lifeline for Lifeline Luxury. Steve Gutenberg's lifeline. Oh, Instagram. He doesn't have a lifeline.

He has an Instagram though. He's gonna have a lifeline. We gotta talk about Steve Gutenberg's Instagram on Lifeline Luxury. It's the best Instagram in the game. Sign it up. Sign up for the Patreon, patreon.com, it's so, it's so, oh, dude.

It's so good. All right, yeah, we'll do it. Yeah. Next. And then stay for the live show. Next, I said next. Oh. Wow.

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When I noticed a dude what bike passed me on a fall down bicycle How's the bitches it to yeah? Ride a fall down by it is How much is it to ride a fold out bicycle? It is. Okay, thanks. It is, thanks. It is a bitch to ride a fold out bicycle. What even is that?

It's a bicycle that does exactly that. You're done riding it and then you fold it up and take it in. You just ditch it. Oh, that's so interesting. I was just wondering if there is that kind of thing. Really? Yesterday.

What? And I meant to look it up. That is crazy. I assumed there was. Well, what's weird is. Is there that version of a yesterday. What? And I meant to look it up. That is crazy. I assumed there was. Well, what's weird is- Is there that version of a tricycle? Matt. Can you find out? You're acting, that's a silly question.

Fold up tricycle. Of course there is. Really? I don't know, but yeah. Of course there is, it's 2024. It's cool that he wrote fold out. It's fold up, obviously. Is it fold up?

Yeah, but yeah, tricycle right there. Nice. He's back. All right. The tricycle, a bike, and a pogo stick. Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. Fold out tricycle. So tricycle is a result of those hybrids.

I think that it is bitch. But it's one of those things that it's like, it's so convenient that you're like, maybe I'll look like a bitch. It's utilitarian, yeah. Here's the thing, the bitchness goes away when the utility you get out of something is very, very hard. True. Like if something's really convenient,

the subitiousness, it's immaterial. Yeah. Because it's so worth it and so helpful. It's like, yeah, but what are you going to do? Not. Here's like, yeah, but what are you going to do? Here's the thing. It's worse, way worse than sabitch to be like, well, I'm not going to do something

because then I'm going to seem sabitch. That is truly deeply sabitch. If you go out of your way to not seem sabitch, you're basically achieving the worst way you can be. You're a bitch. Worse than that. You're like a fucking like. Low level. You're a bitch. Worse than that, you're like a fucking like low level. You're you're you're you're slime.

Slore. Scum. Slore. Scum of the earth. You're just I mean, going so overboard. You're scum of the earth. You are a living. Death coach. So, yeah, it is bitch. There's a lot of bitch things that are more bitch than that, but that is a bitch

Is what it is Sometimes you gotta be shit the sexiest guy in the world sometimes you get what it is. Sometimes you gotta be bitch next one Scary. What's up, I'm Chris. I'm with all the Beats. My name is Mark. I'm 19 and I'm Australian But at the start of this year, I moved to New Zealand to pursue a career in the outdoors I want to be a mountain guide or nice, you know do anything outside cool Not his hand, but I miss all my friends in Australia really badly. It's making me super anxious. I'm having panic attacks Oh, man. I just feel scared. That's thanks and I get that that's normal and that's fine.

But the problem for me is a few things have happened recently. My brother said he needs a housemate in Australia. My friend bought a restaurant and can offer me a job right away as a cook. I am training to be a personal trainer as well, so I could just go do that in Australia. You've got nothing tying you down. Basically, it's really easy for me to go back and it's really hard for me to stay here. Should I push through, stay here, do my course to get this outdoor certification? Oh, I didn't know that.

Or should I just go back? Because right now, it makes me feel like I would be a lot happier there. Yeah. Or should I not trust that? Because when I was there a lot happier there. Yeah. Or should I not trust that? Because when I was there, I wanted to come here. So it's weird. It's a predicament. And it's such a good issue to have.

I'm so lucky. But it's still an issue. Thanks, guys. What a good guy. I think, yeah. You're going to be fine whatever you do. You clearly got a good head on your shoulders. What?

He says he's 19. Yeah, this is the time where it's supposed to be a little uncomfortable. Look, if you weren't in New Zealand, New Zealand's like one of the best places for that. So like to be an outdoor guide in New Zealand is, I mean, it's awesome. They filled the Lord of the Rings there.

You know, I think that it's, you're supposed to miss your family. You're supposed to, it's supposed to be hard. If the panic attacks aren't absolutely triumphantly debilitating, then go, then you're gonna always regret that you left. If you left New Zealand. Oh, when I was 19, I shouldn't have done it.

You know, the thing, I left because I couldn't hack it. That's gonna be you. You want that to be you? But, oh, that's tough. If there was ever a time to tough it out, it's now. Yeah, well, that I agree with. So if you're not gonna tough it out now, then don't ever tough it out.

Just do always what is easiest. The only thing that might go away is your brother might not be looking for a housemate anymore. But I'm assuming your friend who bought a restaurant can always give you a job as a cook. And I'm assuming you can always go be a trainer, right? Yep, that's true.

Because that's just always available. Why don't you just get your certification, then decide if you wanna go back home for a little bit and see what's what, and then you can always come back, you'll still be certified. And et voila. This is how it's always gonna be. Et voila.

But this is how it was always gonna be.. This is how it's always going to be. Et voila. But this is how it was always going to be. There was always going to be something calling you back because it's hard. Because what you chose to do is hard because you want to be great. That's why. You know, you're not getting a job at TGI Fridays. I brought it up twice this episode. But explain more of what you're saying. You're going to do what you want to do.

Whenever you go to do what you want to do, it's hard, unless you're just hungry, I don't want to get tacos, but you're living your dream is what they say. You're going to live your dream, you have to go do it. It's hard to do. One of the reasons why it's hard to do is because other things get in the way

and keep calling you back. And the reason why it's What you want to do is because it's your dream. So go try and live it out. I Think I think you stay we are you stay we are now I've been in New Zealand I don't know why you want to be there. I don't understand why he has to be there But he doesn't Australia you can do outdoor stuff in Australia. Yeah, but there's different outdoor stuff My concern is that he's's being a little bit too much of that 19-year-old that's like, I'm itching to leave. And there's no real good reason to leave.

That's a great point. So it's like, I don't know. I would have thought of that. I think though, because you're in New Zealand and you're in the process of doing this thing, show yourself to the end of that. Prove to yourself that you can do that. That'll mean a lot more than just a certificate.

It'll mean that you are committed, you can see things through, you have this sort of ability to grind through adversity. Like it'll be a lesson worth learning about yourself and you'll have it in your back pocket as you move forward in your life. You can always go back to Australia though, always. In fact, you can get your certification

and go back that day. Like just stick it out while you're getting the certificate, is my advice. If you go back, I get it dude, but like you might live your life thinking, well, why the fuck did I just hurry back? Why didn't I stay until whatever? Yeah, good one, stick it out, right?

Stick it out and stuff. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right One more. You know one more. Yeah Here sexy Solid City, I am on a team at work with guys in Texas, Louisiana And then my boss is in Denver. He's from Detroit so many cities sometimes his personality is a little abrasive not very like hospitable and To kind of just kind of deal with it. I've been at the company a long time

We got these newer guys in Louisiana and Texas and they can't stay on the guy My boss has asked me to kind of be somewhat of like a number two to him and help Just kind of lead these got newer guys in Texas and. And I don't want it to be a situation where it's like, I'm the good guy. He's the bad guy. I'm the thing like, I want us to be working as a team. So I'm curious to know what your advice is on that and how I should approach it. Thanks, guys. Yeah, why not? I think let yourself be the good guy. Yeah.

If that's how the cookie crumbles, if that's where the chips fall, where they may. You know what I'm saying? Just let it be the case. You don't have to. It's not like you're forcing the issue and finagling your way into being the good guy was throwing the heat on somebody else. where they may, you know what I'm saying? Just let it be the case. You don't have to, it's not like you're forcing the issue and finagling your way into being the good guy whilst throwing the heat on somebody else for being natural. It's how it is. And you're gonna be the guy that is not just the go

between this integral number two figure, but you're gonna be the person that the people that work under you like the most and respect the most. And you're gonna have this sort of, again, it's not Machiavellian that you're acquiring power in some fucked up way, but you're gonna have this sort of, again, it's not Machiavellian that you're acquiring power in some fucked up way, but you're, it's like a way to get power. Yeah.

Control their lives. Without being a piece of shit. So I see no problem with any of this. Yeah. Why do you not wanna be the good guy? If you were right here in front of me and say, what's the problem? You are the good guy, he is the bad guy.

Why do you have to like go out of your way to stop that? And what if he just said, because I just want to watch the world burn? Then I'd say, I guess I understand, but you can still do that while being the good guy at work. And what if he said, because I just want to watch Steve burn? I would say interesting taste in comedy.

Yeah. Okay. You know? Sure. Yeah. What about you? What do you have to say to this man? It seems like it's okay. He's your boss.

Everybody's boss. Bosses are supposed to kind of be people that people don't like. God, bosses really are dicks, dude. Why? Well, but yeah, but they are because like a lot of people get power and then they're like, ah, fuck it. And they don't, or they're just thinking

not of everyone else, but thinking of themselves. I have a question. Do we think that people who end up being bosses are predisposed to being dicks? Yeah. Okay. Yes. So you think that's already, because of what they end up being,

it's like a, it's a likely quality. Yes, absolutely. No, no question. No question. That's why I say bosses are dicks, because like, dude. How unfortunate. Yeah, it's unfortunate. But it's like, dude, the people who advance the world

aren't the, what's that quote? The crazy, the unreasonable man or whatever. The George Bernard Shaw thing. Whatever it is. But like, if you're regular, you don't advance society. If you're not a crazy person, you don't advance society unless it's a slow burn, but like. You also don't damage it.

No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, no, of course. We're in about the end of society. Of course, yeah. But the wild people are the ones that move society forward, whether it be good or bad, because nobody's- Honestly, sometimes they bring society backwards. Yeah, but by moving the pendulum.

Still being a leader either way, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, whatever, dude. Be the good guy. It's like, it would make more sense if you're like, I don't want to have to be playing the bad guy at work, but if it gets the job done, that's what's asked of me, I guess.

It's like, dude, it's just a win-win. You're just banging the bell, no matter which way you turn. It's good. Yeah, what are you talking about? Stop fucking looking at a gift horse's mouth. What if he comes back next year? I took your guys advice. I sucked all the employees' dicks.

And they all came, and I don't know, now they're just, they'll only be alone. They keep texting me and it's just. I took your guys advice, everybody at work loves me. The boss loves me, he's giving me a raise. Everybody beneath me is like cheering me on and telling the boss to give me a bigger promotion. I don't know what to do, I'm really fucked now.

Like dude, these are only good things. So be happy with them. Yeah, yeah, this is not a problem. Life's about perspective, baby. Are you a girl? Uh-oh. To not have a problem and make it a problem. Had to sneak in a sexist thing right

before the end of the episode. Just one question. You got tits? Because that's odd to me. You got tutorials? No. You got tater tots? You got, what was the other one? Chest. You got aptitude tests? You got, what was the other one?

Chest. You got aptitude tests? You got aptitude tests on your chest? Aptitude tests? So laborious to say it. Haha. Alright, yeah. Nice baby.

I don't think it's a problem. Nice baby. Way to go everybody baby. Alright, I'll be in Bismarck and Toronto and Irvine and somewhere else. CrystalLeah.com..com, go get tickets. I'll be in Brea, California. And sign up for the Patreon, patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury.

Get the merch at lifelinemerch.com and Mattalia is confused, is coming back. Make sure you sign up to get every single episode, patreon.com slash Mattalia. Oh, he's back! Okay. Hang on. Oh, he's back! I'm done.