Lifeline - 134. Yeah-Bombing

Episode Date: November 3, 2024

Live show Dec 5 in Oxnard! Tickets here! LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Also has a full live show. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline Kalshi: Bet on the election! Get a free $20 bonus with a $100+ deposit kalshi.com/lifeline TODAY, we discuss how to talk to women in ANY situation, how to treat people who like to order plain tuna sandwiches from Subway, and we have a money logistics issue in a breakup. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet, thousands of high intensity focused ultrasound waves, zero incisions, and that very same day, two steady hands. From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at Sunnybrook.ca slash special. RUNK. Is it ready now? I will say ready. We just literally just had the very best first minute. We had a first minute was so good.

We've ever had and he f***. Now don't swear. Now we got to get demonetized. He's gonna bleep it dude. All right. But we were don't turn it into a thing where we're angry at each other. We have to direct the anger at him. We were smooth sailing for a minute.

Beyond smooth. Just coasting. Yeah. It was really good. Usually the episodes are the best at the end of the episode when we're loose and goosey and we were just firing. On all cylinders out of the gate. And then this guy comes in and says, Wade, you gotta stop. Oh, hold on, cut, cut.

But I'll say this, knowing him, thank God he found out then and not later. That's true, that's true. So- So good job, actually. And you were missing out. Cut, cut, but I'll say this, knowing him, thank God he found out then and not later. That's true, that's true. So good job, actually. And you're missing out on our patreon.com slash LifelineLuxury episodes. They're great, they're really fun.

So go on over to patreon.com slash LifelineLuxury. You want more of this? You want more of this? You go get it, patreon.com slash LifelineLuxury. Why do you always start it when you do it? We've got the live shows, because I wasn't done talking. I wasn't done talking. You always stutter when you do the intros which is so... it's the easiest part.

I stutter? You just go... Lifeline... I don't know man. You know? But there are live shows there and we're gonna get more live shows there so go see the live Lifelines... Lifeline Lives on our Patreon. So there you go. And then... If you can, get tickets to the one in person.

The next one is December 5th in Oxnard. Oxnard. Oxnard. Halloween is over, but I'm still wearing orange socks. As you can see, this is one of the things I said in the first minute. And also I asked Chris, are you wearing a hat? Yeah. He's still wearing a hat. Of course, Detective. Hmm. You're in a hat? Yep, you did it.

Um, so, uh, I will be will be in, let's see, Toronto, North Bay, Sudbury, I've got some gigs coming up in Bismarck, Sioux Falls, Irvine, and then I've got the Brea shows and the Covina shows. So going over to chrisley.com, get your tickets, and then nothing will ever be the same. Thank you. When you say Bismarck, do you think of Otto von Bismarck? Of course not.

It's because I'm smarter than you. What is that? Otto von Bismarck was a very, very- Would he be German by, or Austrian? Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very- You can say just very one or two times. Famous historical figure, German, yes. Yeah, very, very prominent diplomatic figure.

People still study him to this day. And people think that because he went away, it led to an opening for Hitler to come on down the lane. So it was that long ago. It was an opening in the lane and Hitler and he, what? I mean, yeah. So, okay, so it was a guy that was before Hitler that was... German, I mean, you could say politician.

It's just so weird to talk about people from like 1890 that are politicians. And he messed up stuff? No, he didn't. Well, he messed some stuff up, yeah. Okay, well, he just messed some stuff up. Everybody messes some stuff up, right? Yeah, that is true. We do.

It's not the case. We do. A lot of us dictators. So, um. When you say dictators, do you think about dictators? I do, I have before. You ever think about it? Like not the Bismarck thing.

Dictator tots, somebody's following off and pissed. Nope. Oh wait, pull that back up real quick. There's something we forgot to say. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, if you wanna to be on the show, record us a video, send it in, and go to watchlifeline.com.

You want one-on-one-on-one sessions with me, go to mattdaliya.com. Oh, Matt D'Elia's Confusion's coming back. Check it out at patreon.com slash mattdaliya. And also, of course, we got new, new, new-be-new-be merch at lifelinemerch.com. You say one on one on one, like it's you coaching someone and then somebody set up watching you guys.

No, it's me and then another me, quarterback, what you just did. And then the person that comes for the advice. So you get two Matt D'Alea's. I took my magic mind, so let's see how this goes. I- People think we're like, this is annoying, but I understand why people think this because it's so seems like this. What do I care? People think it's our sponsor that we're trying to subtly seem like we're not. It's not a real spot.

Like we're trying to make it seem like it's not a sponsor. People think my mind is our sponsor. They're not. I've literally received zero0 for Magic Mind. Okay? Yeah. Okay? Who cares? Okay?

Also, even if we were, who cares? Uh. Wanna do this? I did it for Calvin for a long time, and finally he thinks it's cool. Four, it's like a four year old thing. All right. Well, we're done with this. Okay.

We're gonna be honest if I make it, okay? Okay, okay. You didn't do it. I made it. You guys are lying. You know? All right, so yeah, I, it's too, you know how long it took me to drive here?

An hour? Hour and a half, yes. Got to chill in the car, yes. Well, I love chilling in the car. I got a coffee on it, so maybe like an hour 15, okay? I got a coffee. No, I didn't get a coffee for the 30 minutes though. I got a coffee and it was only there for maybe eight minutes.

You're talking like you're drunk. Oh my God, my hair. I have a question. Oh, so nervous about asking it. Cause I know you don't listen to music. I have a question, did you fuck my wife? What? You. Well, because I know you don't listen to music. Did you fuck my wife? What?

You don't listen to music and you don't listen to podcasts. Yeah, what do you do? And you don't listen to books, right? So what do you do in the car? I listen to nothing. For an hour and a half, I listen to absolutely nothing. Really? And I think.

And that's why I'm so smart. Why aren't you smarter than? That's why I'm so smart, because I work on thinking. Work harder on that. No, I do, dude. I think about things that come into my head, and that's why I'm so smart, because I work on thinking. Work harder on that. No, I do, dude. I think about things that come into my head, and that's why I'm so creative and ridiculous. You are ridiculous, but I mean, creative is a loose term. Very dumb people can be creative.

Yeah, Allah. I'm not dumb. Allah. I'm Muslim, but I just did Allah. I think of things the whole time, and it's great. And I think of things that make me laugh. You want to know what I thought of? Yeah, I do.

Honestly? Yeah. This is really what I spent a lot of time thinking of on the way here. Okay. Okay. So my friend has a relationship now. It's been a bit, he's got a girlfriend.

It's been a bit, he was single for a while, but now he's been exclusive with this woman for one year. Okay? I was making a joke to him about how, I bet it's only virtual, you know? And you haven't even met her yet. And then he was saying on the group chat, I actually wish you guys, I wish,

I can't wait for it to turn physical. Like he was joking, like yeah, it is virtual. Going along with it, yeah. And I wrote, what if we did chip in and build the girl? And he showed up and he was like, I didn't write it, I was saying it. And he showed up on the, and she showed up on the date and she was like really sexy and really dressed well.

And he was like so nervous and he was like, sexy and really dressed well and he was like so nervous and he was like, hi, it's finally nice to finally meet you. And then he's like, oh my God, and they have dinner and it's fantastic and just so nice. And we all chipped in to build the woman, you know? And then he's like, would you wanna come back to my place? And she goes back to his place and they start hooking up and undressing clothes and she has a cock

and she fucks him. And he's like, no, you know, but that's what we paid for. What was your name? How much time did you spend thinking about that? We were, bro, I was crying laughing, building a robot like that. And you think you're so dope, you're gonna get, you're like, this is awesome.

Thank God for my friends. And then, my God, what is that? No, come on, no, no, no. And then just, you know? I know, I get it, yeah, it's just like, you know? And then you, my's paid for this. While he's getting hard? Yeah, he's getting hard.

Okay, I must have the wrong word. Why does Anthony keep messing with the cameras? It's making me think something's messed up. You wanna know? I mean, not if it's bad. Rollin sleeves up. You wanna know? On the monitor over there, I can't tell if it's out of focus or not.

If it's out of focus, you're dead. And I wanna make sure it's not out of focus. It's not out of focus, man. It can't be, better not be. It can't be, man. It's not, I just- There's no way possible. No, it's both out of focus. No, it was damn well this one was.

Yeah, dude. And then check this one. That's why he went to it second. Yep. He's like, I'll just pretend it was this one, mainly, but it was really the second one. So anyway, we talked about That's why I went to it second. Yup. He's like, I'll just pretend it was this one mainly, but it was really the second one. So anyway, we talked about that and I thought about that for so long. Now, why did you think about it for so long if you already talked about it? Because I wanted to exhaust the possibilities of how funny it could be and what different things could happen.

And like, you know, like I was like, what if he like, what if you grab the lamp and like and he tried to hit the robot over the face, but the only thing he did was cut his own forearm? That part's funny, I like that part, yeah. You keep going, and you just keep going. Nice, dude. It would be sad, honestly, I don't wish it would happen, but the thought of my stupid friend.

So mean. Absolutely incredibly mean about your friend. Skittin' ramrodded. I was reading an article the other day about- That's cool, so was I. friend. So mean. You know? Absolutely incredibly mean. About your friend. Skittin' ramrodded. I was reading an article the other day about- That's cool, so was I. About men who have AI girlfriends. Real deal emotional investment girlfriends that they made up.

Like you put in the prompts. And they look like anime characters. They do? They don't look real? And it's funny cuz, no, cuz some do, but this one guy was talking about his girlfriend and the way the article's written made me laugh cuz it's like, he's describing her about how sweet and funny and warm and sort of emotionally intuitive she is. And then you see a picture of her, and it's just like the biggest tutorials

with like mashed together with her arms, and it's like the biggest like doll eyes, and like hair in a high ponytail. And it's like, hey man, you don't care that she's sweet and kind and funny. You just care about the fake cartoon tater tots that you look at when you Yankee Dank when you're typing in prompts on your computer. Okay?

All right. Yeah, I mean yank a dank but The you know, what's funny is like idiot dudes would be like she's actually really funny, you know Like they're still doing that even though they don't have to they made the they made the person artificially She's actually really no, I know I made her, her tutorials look amazing. I know her eyes look awesome and her lips are all pouty, but she's actually really funny. And you know what that means?

You think you're funny. You made her. Exactly, anything that an AI girlfriend is, is just a reflection of either you or something that can like make you feel better about something that you don't like about you. Exactly dude. She's really smart, she's on the right side of politics. I would just make an argumentative one.

She always knows what I'm thinking and knows how to make me feel better about it. It's like, yeah, you did that. I just wish she was a liberal man because she's a Republican. I wish she was a Republican because man, dude, it's so annoying arguing with her. That would be a weird kink. Yeah, I bet that exists though. That happens. That happens.

Man, if you could see the data of what people make, prompts they put in about that, I bet it would be mind blowing. I thought you did see it in the article or something. No, I mean, that shit would be so not legal. That would be like the, that would be the craziest hack ever. If somebody hacked those companies, you could see all the prompts people put in.

So hot. Sexy. Voluptuous. Pouty. Send. So boring. Oh, back, back, back, send. So back back back funny send. Most boring person you know, with those kinks. All right, should we start?

It's already been 12 minutes. So Blackline gang already recorded this several times because since he, all right. Volume goes up. Last time I was on a plane, because planes are getting smaller and smaller but if I was started over I was it you can't just say volume goes up dude that's so shitty I'm holding the thing so you can't say volume goes up whoops don't play it yet I can't play just say volume goes up dude I wanted it it happened that guy I've never seen a guy who surfs more. Okay, so much talk about this guy. Just because since he, all right, last time I was on a plane because planes are getting smaller and smaller. I think you're just getting found this a lot. I need to know if it was respectful or

disrespectful. Okay, probably the aisles right here. Whenever I saw someone coming in, I would lean to get out of the way. Now, I feel like I'm being respectful because I'm doing it with a nod and like a kind of a curt little smile. And I feel like even if I don't wanna touch them, they probably don't wanna touch me. Sure. Right?

But the problem is I feel like this body language is kinda ill-fated on touching me. Oh, no, no. I'm a nice guy, I don't want to be disrespectful. I thought I was doing the right thing. Help me out. Am I in the wrong or? It's respectful.

What I actually do in the right thing. Let me tell you one main, this is the main thing. It's the face you make. It's not, it's respectful only. Well, not unless you make this face like. Well, yeah, of course. But also if you are, it's the face you make if you are spending too much time

thinking about whether it's like weird or not or okay or not, when you should obviously be spending more time thinking about how to shave this part of your face. I knew that was coming. This is just utterly unattached. It's just an island on his chin. Yeah. Island of hair on his chin.

If you go like this. Get rid of it. And you look deep, closely into it, you'll see Tom Hanks there with Wilson. And so, no, I think that you, I have a thing that I think about this already though. Is one of the things I think of when I'm driving. But I think that nobody should move out of the way.

A bank rubber, a bank rubber. I think that nobody should move out of the way. A bank robber, a bank robber, a bank robber. Potificating. I think nobody should move out of the way unless they're really actually in the way. Like, it really bothers me, really bothers me when there's plenty of space to go by and people still go. I know it's polite. I know it's polite. So then why on earth are you?

Here's why. Because I don't want to have to do it. When I'm comfy and so don't do it. I don't. But I always feel bad because you're supposed to. And people probably think I'm a dick for it. Fuck, dude. Isn't that isn't that just isn't that just something, man? Isn't that just something? It's something. It's not, now you're thinking about too much. I know, I know.

You might as well have a thing on your chin like this guy, because you're forgetting to shave this part of your face. I need to create a new country where we do only what I want, dude. And I'm the dictator. Okay. Go for it, man. Yeah. Did you know that early days, what is the thing about early days?

Early days. In America, like when we were expanding west, just from the little part of the East Coast that Americans had already settled on, you could, it was kind of like officially frowned upon to like go and do this, but if you did it successfully, the government allowed it, it was called a filibuster back then.

Yeah, I know that. You could go and like take over an entire part of the land that continuous land is now America and just take it over, become the king. Stop saying yeah. Why? We're gonna stop doing that? Why would I stop saying yeah when I'm going along with you?

Because I'm saying other words and you keep bombing it with yes, dude. I'm paying attention to you. You're yeah bombing me though. Dude, all right, this is like, that's some woke shit. I don't yeah bomb, I just say yeah. I made it is like that's some woke shit. I I don't yeah bomb I made it up. Just say yeah, I made literally made a thing up I'm saying woke if one guy one white guy made it up. I'm saying that

I'm I'm agreeing with you. All right, I'm agreeing with you. I appreciate that I I know that that guy Phil Buster or whatever said that And I I think that that's great, dude. It's a brew house, Phil Buster's brew house. Yeah, there's really some really famous crazy stories about people trying to do that. They heard about other people doing that. Oh, I'm gonna do that.

I wanna go become king of Texas or whatever, king of Mexico. And then what happens? Well, sometimes they'd fail and America would just be like, we didn't know about that. Sometimes they'd succeed and be like, thank you very much. Now you can be king of that area until we get there and put our flag down and make a whole state out of it and all that stuff. So how do they fail? By dying? They'd get

fucking run roughshod over by the natives of the people that actually lived there they were like the fuck out of here. Wow so there's no Kings anymore. Wow the dumbest guy in the world. There were Kings in America. Kings of America would be an awesome movie and then you make movies about Phil Buster or whatever. There's a shitty movie version about the most famous case of a guy doing it. His name is William Walker. Ed Harris plays him. And it's such a bad movie, but it's an amazing story. Dude, there's a guy named out there named Phil Buster. That's hilarious. Yeah, imagine if his middle name began with I too. Phil I Buster? Yeah, Phil I Buster. Imagine if his middle name began with I too. Phil I Buster?

Yeah, Phil I Buster. Hi, I'm Phil I Buster. Yeah. I bet. I'm the king here. I bet somebody's name is close enough to that. Oh, definitely. I mean, you know, people think they're funny

and they make their kid that, you know. I know about that. All right. I know about that, yeah. Okay, so next one. But being funny, I know all about that. Hi, Matt. Hi, Chris. So beautiful. Sorry about the filter. Sorry about the angle I'm just having a rough day on my lunch break. You're looking great. I love you guys so much Chris I've been watching the show for years and years. I've been watching life. I'm since it started

Oh, yeah, you guys are hilarious and you do remind me of me and my sister I know you guys have mentioned that before We're both from Jersey. So you guys practice up and we love it My submission has to do with something that you guys practice up and we love it. Nice. My submission has to do with something that you guys were talking about. In between submissions a couple episodes ago, it's about people being generally awful. I think the same thing. I don't want to subscribe to that, but every time I step outside, it's just confirmed.

Nobody knows how to follow any rules. No one knows how to drive. Everyone's super rude. There's no please, no thank you, no excuse me. It's just chaos. I live in South Florida, so I think that might be my first mistake. I work in Miami and I live an hour and a half away, so it's really tough on me. It's hard to quit my job because it's a good job.

It's hard to want to move closer because I don't want to live here. And so, uh, do you guys have anything that you tell yourselves? Is there anything that someone else has told you to help you sort of, you know, not let it affect you so much? Uh, let me know. Love you guys. I mean, dude, I get, thank you very much. I get like LA is just, I mean, full of that.

And Miami is too. South Florida is too. I mean any major city, right? Any major city, I guess, yeah. But, um... Which city do you leave and you're like, oh my god, everyone there is amazing. I'll be honest. I'll be honest though. In New York, not that it just happens, but it also happens. So like, like people are nice there. In LA, you visit LA for two weeks

and everyone's just a cocksucker to you. Same with Miami. Dude, the other day, just real quick, I want you to keep going, but real quick anecdote. I was walking my dog down my street. Five neighbors happened to be outside doing something. I said hi to all of them. Four of them looked at me, heard me say it,

saw me smiling, said nothing back. That's crazy. How do you fucking live like this? LA. LA's the only place where you can un-meet someone too. You're like, I met this person, and then you go up and you're like, hey, good to see you, and they're like, oh.

And you're like, oh, fuck, dude. We spent the whole week together. You know? two years ago and uh but the big cities are like that you know my the south of florida's like the miami i don't know how much the south of florida but um you know but the second you get honestly just 40 minutes outside of that it's all frinken gravy and people are nicer dude i live in uh you know north now up north and everyone's so nice dude Everyone's so nice. I think people sucking me off in bagel places dudes

Hi, how you doing? I don't I don't look look so the way I think about it is you know, we're taught so many things as kids that are just the absolute, utmost opposite is the truth. Like we're taught that things are fair and like that's how it's like, that is absolute bullshit. You know, people are generally kind or good. Yeah, that is absolute bullshit.

Believe in love. Now, that's okay though. Right. Just change your the way your mind is set up Think of it as when you meet someone who isn't like that you are The luckiest person in the world and if you have several people like that in your life, you are actually Maximally lucky if you get five people like that in your life, dude, you're so Overboard. Maximally lucky. If you get five people like that in your life, dude,

you're so, so lucky. Think about it. So many people are shitty pieces of shit. You know, most people, almost all you could make a case for, but you get a few of them in your life that are not. We want for me. That's good living.

You're not lucky. It is good living. And so you got your sister, it sounds like. You got me to watch me on this show and other places too. Him too a little bit. What? Other people that are good, you know? So just count the people that are the exception

to the rule and consider yourself lucky. I'm lucky. That you have them in your life. I have those people. Great. Do you? The point is to be one of those people as well though. Yeah, but I'm saying, that's why I asked you,

do you have them? Because if you do, then I'm one. I have some, yeah. I have do, then maybe I'm one. I have some, yeah, I have some. I'm one. Yeah, Mako's one, Anthony's not. Nice. He's all out for himself and we all know it.

Yeah, he is, yeah. Literally when we start recording, he immediately leaves us. He abandons us to cater to his own rear end because he takes a big dump. Yep, cater to his own rear end. Cater to his own rear end. Actually, he didn't do it again today. It's two times in a row he didn't do it

okay yeah that's great good for you good for you oh don't jinx it oh god don't jinx it oh my god guys I gotta run dude ball is so many different sounds for you that's busting and not that's not having a bow movement and it's when you conjure a nut, that's having a bowel movement, and it's when you conjure a demon when you're making a joke, it's the same sound. You're gonna say it's not true, it is true, everyone who's ever listened to me knows it,

everyone who's ever listened to you knows it, yes and a yes and a yes and a boo yah and a boo yah and a boo yah. Dude, first of all, it's not doing a bowel movement. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr It's not doing a bowel movement. Is the tummy turning over, getting ready. Dude, tummy's so bad. The busting a nut is. That's completely different. They're all so close, dude.

It's so different, dude. It's like, if you look at it, it's okay, you know what? It's like you're being racist with my noises. They're different. They're not the same. It's like when you see a Japanese person and you think it's a Korean person. Is not. Oh, the guy in police academy.

So and then conjuring a demon is. That's so obviously different. All right. Fine. OK, so you got Japanese, Korean. I'm a good guy and can admit what I'm wrong and I was a little bit wrong on that one. So can't even do it a little bit. Said it was a little bit. All right. In a boy band, was in a boy band.

Was in a boy band. Handsome, debonair gentleman. Yeah, that's me. My name's Rob, by the way. Hi. You got great teeth. Okay, Matt. I wanna know your take or your approach on how to kick it to a

girl in the difficult places. Bro. One being the gym. Oh that's the hardest. The crazy one. She's in the next car. Oh. And you're in the car. Done it. Is that possible? Done it. And three- Actually done it. Even though this is like a really common- She flies by on a plane. ... says is the easy one. It's the grocery store.

Like you wait till she's picking up some fruit. That's easy. How do you do it? Okay. Oh, dude, awesome. If that guy's not into- If he wasn't in a boy band, I mean, he's so far up into music it's unbelievable yeah you know certain kind of music though but but appreciates all of it sure yeah maybe yeah okay I could I see what they're doing here he does

that when he hears music he doesn't like he goes I see what they're doing here yeah on the downbeat he'll talk about that shit you know I don't know what the fuck that is I hate that shit don't talk about that downbeat but he'll just talk about that shit, you know, I don't know what the fuck that is. I hate that shit. Don't talk about that downbeat. But anyway. Made up the whole thing and said never happened. I got pissed off at a fake thing. Yeah. So, uh, uh, okay, Jim is nearly impo- I actually, I don't think you should hit on women at the gym. There's a rule. The gym, you do not do that.

I don't think you should. It's too vulnerable of a place. People are working out, doing weird things with their body, opening up parts of their body they don't usually open up. I know. Dressed in ways that like now. Have I been to the gym? Yes. Have I been to the gym and accidentally scooped it up? Yeah, I have.

But I haven't gone to the gym to go look for a scoop. Well, that's not even what he's saying. But I by mistake have slipped and fell on a scoop, right? Whoops, I scooped it. A fucking ice cream parlor. I mean, just what I have, have I gone to whatever gym I've gone to, I've gone and I've accidentally scooped it up. Whoops, I'm sorry.

OK, I didn't mean to. I didn't set out to go do it I didn't bring an ice cream scooper yeah to go to 24-hour fitness and and take some lady home to go horizontal with her I didn't do that mm-hmm if it happened whoops I scooped it. Stop yelling dude, for real. You're hurting my ear. Don't say for real. Okay?

Why not? Because I get upset. But I'm upset first. But when you look in my eyes and you say for real. Yeah, I didn't look in your eyes. You did after you said it. It reminds me of when we were kids and bad things happened.

Oh my God. So vague first of all and bad things happened. So vague first of all and bad things happened. It's like we did something bad and we didn't. Okay man. And I didn't. You need therapy. I have therapy. You need on demand therapy.

You need therapy right this Tuesdays. Mondays, Tuesdays. Just listening days. And other days. Sometimes Fridays. But the gym I think is a no a no-no no matter what. Yes, of course, if someone, if, look, anything can happen anywhere.

Why does my mic keep doing this? Yeah, mine does on golden hour. Anything can happen anywhere. It's not like you can't, you must refuse the situation if it arises, but you can't seek out to try to talk to a girl in an effort to hang out with her in the future at the gym. You just can't do that.

If things happen and it falls that way, fine. But so consider the gym out is what I'm saying. I agree. When you're in- If by mistake you scooped it whoops, okay. When you're in traffic, this has only happened to me one time, obviously. I mean, this is so uncommon.

But I was literally, it doesn't matter the details of my story. But the way it happened was we were in traffic, kind of just two lanes, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot. And then we kept running into each other side by side. And- You want me, huh? And I said, you want me, huh?

And she was saying, yeah, I was just thinking that. I was just gonna say something about how I want you. And then I got her number. And then- No, how did it happen for real? We just kept looking at each other. Okay, well, I understand that part. I forget the first thing I said.

Blacked out. You know how I get when I'm sexual? We were just, by the time, the fourth or fifth time it happened, we ended up next to each other, we started smiling at each other, because it was kind of funny. And then, I forget exactly how, oh, I remember. When he's romantic, he blacks out.

I said, the traffic's about to break up, this is gonna stop happening, give me your number so I can see you again. Oh, whoa, that's smooth. But she was like, 310, and then we had gonna stop happening. Give me your number so I can see you again. Oh, whoa, that's smooth. But she was like, three one out, and then we had to stop again. Really? Yeah, and then the next three, yeah.

So it was funny. Wow. It was funny. It would have been a great how you met someone's story if it worked out, but she ended up bit of it. It still could, it still could work out. Yeah, you know what, I'm gonna text her right now. Is she nice? She was nice, yeah.

No, she was not a big. How many times did you hang out with her? Very few, like three or four. So it was just a traffic thing? Yeah, outside of our cars. This is better in traffic. We did way better inside our cars. Get in your car, let's hang out.

I'll be in mine. It worked better, yeah, go in your car, I'll get in mine, we'll just drive somewhere slowly next week. I have a funny, funny story, dude. Like that? Yes. Okay.

You know, I go to these meetings and stuff, and this guy was telling a story in one of these meetings that he's like, I'm so delusional that I went, one time I was driving, made eyes with a girl and we were like flirting and like, you know, like you said, like just looking at each other like this and that. And he's like, so I followed her,

I was following her, you know, like, because we were driving together. And then he followed her so I followed her, I was following her, you know, like me, like, because we were driving together. And then he followed her into the police station. She ran out of the car and went into the police station and said, there's a guy following her. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Wow, that's one of the funniest things ever, dude. Isn't that hilarious? Isn't that hilarious? How funny would that be, like, the first scene in a movie? Oh my God, that is too good. But then he's like, that's how delusional I am. He's like, that is such a good crystallization of how so many guys.

Yeah oh absolutely. Like dude she's afraid of you. I know. Why she's clocking you to make sure she's yeah yeah yeah so funny damn that's too good. That is so funny. Anthony does that. I know. Anthony makes women drive to the police station. And he runs to the police station whenever he's scared. Yeah that's well he does both. He does both. He'll wake up in the middle and I have bad dream runs to the police station whenever he's scared. Yeah, well he does both. He does both. He'll wake up in the middle of the night and have a bad dream, run to the police station.

One time he saw a guy and then drove miles and miles and didn't see him for several miles, drove to the police station, said 10 miles back I saw a scary guy, what do I do? What do I do? Yeah. Dude. That happened. Wakes up in the middle of the night only with a shirt on, doesn't get dressed, runs to a

precinct, runs. Doesn't get in his car? No, he always runs. He lives in such a bad neighborhood though. He doesn't think about it, he's too like, groggy. He's so fucking scared. He's out of it. He's running and he's running, he's doing this the whole time. Ah! Ah!

Stubs his toe, doesn't give a fuck, bleeds and shit. Doesn't feel anything until after he talks to a cop. And then wakes up the next day after everything, he goes just like, oh man, I'm so sore. Like in the afternoon, because he's so tired from before. Yeah, yeah. That's what he does. You guys paint me to be the biggest bitch that poops a lot.

It's not. The biggest bitch that poops a lot. It's not. The biggest bitch that poops a lot. The worst guy. A children's book. The biggest bitch that poops a lot. By Anthony. No, you're not a bitch, you're a punching bag. It's different.

Dick! It's different though. It's better to be that. Worse! No, no, no, no. You're not a bitch, you're a piece of shit. All right, so anyway, I don't know what, no. You're not a bitch. You're a piece of shit. All right. So anyway, I don't know what...

Oh, Jim is no. Jim is just no, I would say. Yeah, yeah. Car is safe. She can drive away. Here's the thing. If someone is constantly safe and you know the woman will never feel like scared, you're good.

That's why I always, whenever, when I was single, I would walk up to women, give them a shield, and then I would hit them. That's why I approach women like this. You're good, you're good. Everything's fine. Hey! I don't have anything in my hands. I give them a shield, I go like this.

Uh-huh. How are you? What's your name? I'm Chris. Can you move the shield? I wanna shake your hand. What was the third one? The third one was at the grocery store.

Oh. Fine, I know the one. So many people around. You carry cash on you. You've got parts. Okay, go ahead. But you carry cash on you. You walk in, you pretend like it falls out of your pocket

right next to her and you go, oh my God, all my money. And then you'd say, hey, sorry, I'm Chris. Can you help me pick up my money? And then she does and then you go, you can't keep it. Anyway, what's your name? Wow. That's so not good. You know what I mean?

I bet you get it fucking scooped by mistake. At some point you get it scooped. Is it because you're dropping so much money? Yeah, you have to get to like thousands of dollars. You just go to the bank first? I'd like to withdraw $3,000. It's not $15. I'm going to Ralph's right after this.

Yeah, no, it's more than $3,000. You have to take like 25 grand out. I mean, so risky, you know? Shh, just all over. Oh, god damn. People running their carts over it. What? People running their carts over it.

The bills go all over the place. You can't even talk to the girl anymore because you've got to chase her money. You're out nine grand and she says no. And you look and see Anthony crying, run to the police station. Unfortunately, it's often just about opportunity. When you really try to square peg around a hole, like try to force it,

it's just you're working at such a disadvantage, you might as well not do it. Plus again, the more you are forcing something, the more liable you are to be scary. Again, the thing to never be or even seem is scary. Once you seem actually scary, not only do you suck, but you obviously have no chance to do whatever you're trying to do.

Which is why I always hand a woman a loaded gun before I even approach them. Whenever I was sitting, I would hand them a loaded gun. Miss, miss, miss, miss, where you going? I'm trying to get this. Get back here. Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. Hey, how you doing?

I'm Chris. I, Oh, I just wanted to invite you for pizza. What? The second one? Yeah, for safety. Yeah, I mean, yeah. You don't go, here's the thing though,

you also don't do it. You don't go to the grocery store and think, oh, I can't wait to look for the girl, like the girl of my dreams. You don't go in your car, driving around thinking, oh, I'm gonna run into the girl of my dreams. You don't go to the gym thinking that. You just live in the world.

When situations arise and actual opportunities develop, then you can take them, but you don't force this shit. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Accidentally scoop it. Whoops, I scooped it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Whoops, I scooped it. You know, works at an ice cream store. Whoops, I scooped it is a good name for ice cream store. It's a good title. Yeah, whoops, I scooped it. There's this place named Scoops.

Dude, you know what I hate? When you go to a place and they fucking sing to you. I don't care. Oh dude, you've been sleeping and dreaming a lot? No, no, no, no, no, yes, but Stone Cold Creamily or whatever. So drunk, dude, wow, so drunk. Stone Cold Creamily, describing something.

Describing something that happened. What is this, Creamstone Ice Cone? Cold Stone Creamery. Yeah, Stone Cold Austin. Steve Austin Creamily. Screams Italy. Nice. So what do they do there, man?

They, you're like, can I get this? And if you, it's your, I don't know, something, if it's your birthday or if you say something, they go, uh-oh, everyone out, oh, you got some ice cream, oh, you got some ice cream, oh, you got some ice cream, ice cream, ice cream. The worst song ever. And you're just like, no, no, don't do this. So they don't sing just whatever?

No, you know what it is? It's when you give them a tip. You can't do requests? My God, that's the prime way to never get a tip. But how about, no, you know it's good business. You know people are like, ladies and shit. You know people are like ladies and shit. You know ladies, let's just see, boom. You got some ice cream, you got some ice cream.

Thanks for the tip, bitch. Are they stepping on hot coals when they do it? Cuz you sound like they're in pain. The way that you're doing it sounds like you're in immense pain. No, they tip. No, they tip the grounds. No, no, you got some ice cream. You got some ice cream.

Now that would be incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd be big time. Tipping're like, oh no, oh no, oh no, you got some ice cream, oh you got some ice cream. Now that would be incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd be tipin', tipin', tipin', tipin', tipin', tipin'. Yeah. Orchestrating an orgy. Tip in, tip in, tip in. So stupid, dude. Wow.

A dictator at an orgy. Tip in, tip in, tip in, tip in, walking down the line. All right. All right, who's next? Hey guys, what's up with people being able to submit longer videos, but I struggle to get anything in over like 20 seconds. He has a wrong voice.

I'd love to ask a better question, but this is what I'm limited to. Let me know what's up. For his face. He didn't ask anything. That is the wrong voice for his face. That was the question? Yeah, so a lot of people asked this, I thought I would. Okay, okay, go ahead, do it again.

Yep, just play it again. Hey guys, what's up with people being able to submit longer videos? But I struggle to get anything in over like 20 seconds would love to ask a better question But this is what I'm limited to let me know what oh got it. Hey dude, great job Good question, too. Okay, so it's on him just his fault Our our system only allows a megabytes in a video. And I mean, we only have so much storage anyway. So what you should do is maybe upload it to Instagram stories

or something. You don't have to post it. And save it. And just save it. And it'll save a much smaller compressed files. Or get a compressed, a compressor app or something like that. That's all you need to do.

Oh. Good job. You facilitated an answer a lot of people something like that. That's all you need to do. Oh. Good job. You facilitated an answer a lot of people are looking for. And we got to see this guy who we like. He's got great fucking Oakleys. He seems like a good guy. And everything's good. OK.

I don't think that's what he asked. Yeah. What? I think what he asked was, here we go. Here comes a wrong thing. Why do people struggle to keep the time down when I can't think of anything to say longer than this? It sounded at first like he was gonna say that,

but that's not what he said. Okay, really? Yeah. You have to, when you listen to people, you have to be agile. You have to allow yourself to unseal yourself from the box that you've created based on the words they're saying and how they meshed with your mind. Tim Robbins. Do we understand? Not Tim Robbins. Tony Robbins. Do we understand? The guy from Shawshank Reduction. Do we understand? I do yeah but I still think that's what he said. This is how people get into problems. They start to

think they know what someone means. I know that dude and that's what I'm doing. They never I still think that's what he said. This is how people get into problems. They start to think they know what someone means. Yeah, I know that dude and that's not what I'm doing. And they never deviate from that box. They never unseal themselves from the shackles of their own mind. To get that from that. You did it. You shackled yourself in your own mind and didn't allow yourself to move out of that box.

So annoying, dude. Ha ha ha, been reading some of your self-help books. So much militant, so militant. So I love his Oakleys and we can move on. I thought that he said what I said, but even Still, okay Both of my answers to both of those are okay. Well, if you want to answer that, go ahead. No, I don't want to. It's okay. No, no, no, I'm good. I should never talk about that. Great.

All right Okay, here we go. Hey Chris. Hey Matt. I'm a big fan of the podcast. I've been watching y'all for a while man, and I'm actually just in quite the debacle. I've been hooking up with this girl and about a couple weeks ago she was you know, we were doing stuff and She's kind of just using her feet a little too much down there We haven't done anything since but that's because when she did it, I mean, I had scabs everywhere. I was bleeding.

I tried to walk straight for like a week. And she's really cool, really sweet, but I just don't know what to do. And so I kind of wanted to give advice. Do I tell her or do I just keep eyes to the pain? I don't know. And I'm supposed to be here soon, so I was just helping her with some advice before I see her. Hopefully, I'll get back to me and yeah, keep up the good work on the show, man.

Thanks. I'm sorry. What were the scabs? She got rough with him, right? Yeah. Yeah. She used her teeth, is what he said. You thought she had her, he had her piece?

Based on what he said? It was hard to understand him, okay? Okay, okay. Dude. Oh my God. That kind of thing has happened to me, but never to my downstairs area. It's just happened from like kissing

or other stuff that you're just like, whoa, what are you, don't do that, hurts. But never to my downstairs hee-haw spot, you know? The question is- He said scabs? I love how he said, should I tell her? Hey man. Were you not screaming? He said, should I tell her or deal with the pain?

Obviously, either tell her or you can't be intimately involved with this person. What the fuck are you even asking? So she's eating your dick? Yeah, she's causing you immense pain and you're wondering if you should either tell her or carry on. Only a fucking, what no nothing?

Oh, it's not even true anyway No, dude that is Really weird man. Hey tell her she's chomping on your cock tell her that you're not that you Yeah, be sensitive about it. You know you like yeah, you know yeah Yeah, sometimes you use your teeth a little bit. They nix it I don't know if you know or like you could be like I'm sent a more sensitive than other guys You don't even have to be like you could be really really really careful and still get it's weird to say I'm more sensitive than other guys though because then you've admitted you felt other guys cocks

You know I'm just trying you're trying to be nice to her like you're trying to make sure she doesn't feel other guys cocks Anyway, don't bite my cock. No you could be like I've this has happened before with women like it turns out now I Scab more easily when these kind whatever dude I'm just saying if you want to be really kind and not be like hey You don't know what you're doing because the concern is you're gonna make it sound to her Like you're saying you don't know how to do this kind of stuff, which is not what you fucking want Definitely not what she writes. So just be delicate about it, but you can't not say anything

Yeah, that's true not paying attention to me But so I guess I'm just doing a show on my own, which is cool Yeah, no, I'm sorry. I know I know I I just think that You have I don't know how you don't say something. I guess I don't know how she didn't, there's scabs. So I don't know how she doesn't know she did it that hard. The scab thing is nuts, dude. I mean, maybe it didn't, you know, sometimes you get cut

and you don't think it's gonna be a scab. Sometimes you bruise and it comes days later. But if you get a scab, presumably you bled. You bled right then and there So how did this person? Yeah, it's a good point actually. How does she not be like, oh wait, I made you bleed That's actually crazy. I don't know I would you have to bring it up if especially if you liked a girl the only time this ever really happened was twice and It was the way the first ever was kissing my obviously kissing normal and it was like fucking hurt my lip

Yeah, I had one time kissing. And then my neck, like not my neck, but like here, like was like biting. I was like, we do not, in this house, we do not bite. Yeah. We do not bite. Fucking a dog. Dude, I had one time,

she was kissing and like bite. I fucking hate that so much dude. The biting while, hey, it hurts. That's the thing though, some people specifically like it because it hurts. I know, I know. Okay, I understand. But it's not out of left field or something.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I disagree with you. If it's the first time you're with somebody and you're doing that shit, no. Hear me out though, I think a lot of it though is signaling's the first time you're with somebody and you're doing that shit, no. Hear me out though. I think a lot of it though is signaling to new people that you're with. You can signal without actually causing pain.

Well, obviously I agree. I'm just saying to play devil's advocate, to defend people who do the crazy thing of hurting someone. Well, I can just explain mine. I can explain mine and you'll- Explain your what? What happened? This was, I mean, I was in my apartment.

What did he do? Oh, you got me. You got me when you get me, you get me. She was biting my lip a little bit. I'm like, it's kind of hurts. And I was like, and I backed up. I was like, oh, you gotta stop biting. It actually hurts.

Then we went again and she bit me even harder. And I go, ow, fuck. I was like, all right, let's just wrap this up. Yeah, and I was like, let's not hang out. This is weird. Like you bit me. And what happened after that? We never hung out again.

You left or she left? No, it was my place, yeah, she left. I mean, we talked. It wasn't like I was like, get the fuck out of here. We were talking and we wrapped it up and we were like. So it was like a cordial like, this isn't working? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then one time I was with, I was with my girlfriend at the time and we were together for like six months, but like the second month, I don't know what the fuck got into her, but we were having sex and she nice dude you were doing that nice I was behind and she smacked me in the in the in the jaw and I was like oh yeah it was out of nowhere and I was like what

do you what do you what are you doing it was so weird nowhere. And I was like, what are you doing? It was so weird. What did she say? She then she was like, oh no, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know. I thought maybe, I mean, she got carried away all the time. Well, that's the thing.

Sometimes actually people, and this happens to me a lot, whoever I'm having sex with, they lose control. I don't know what it is about me. Oh, could be because you're so sexy. I mean, I was in my mind, but I don't want to say it. But thank you, you're right. And no, but like sometimes people are different. And sometimes when people, it's like sometimes the way

people have their orgasm, they're very chill and kind of, even though they're going through such extreme whatever physical sensations, they're kind of contained. Some people, when they come, it's just like, you have, they clearly have- They have lust, they're fierce, right? They clearly have no control over anything. Yeah.

And I think sometimes people, that extends throughout all of like, people, like whatever sexual thing they're doing, they just like lose it. It's one of the reasons why I'm with Kristin. My wife makes me have such beautiful orgasms that sometimes, it's happened two or it's happened three times, I've gone directly from the bed while having an orgasm, running to my car, get in the car still orgasming and crashing into a tree.

I mean the worst, most hazardous sexual habit. Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the era. Wow, dude. Yeah, it's three times now. I've ruined three cars. I should get a divorce or something like that. It's so dope though. Oh, it's good? Oh yeah. Get car insurance. I've never even come close to having an orgasm like that.

It's hard to get car insurance though, huh? And I go, oh. Sir, why have you had three car totals in the last eight months? It says right there, I wrote it in orgasming. You didn't have it as a check mark. But the, no, but I, it says for other reason and then look at it, it says jizzing right there.

So, and then a picture of a tree I drew. So they, yeah, and then I go boy, I crash, I go, and then a jizz. And usually the jizz hits the airbag and I get it on my face too and I go, oh my god and I go, oh baby, oh that was so amazing and I look and I'm like, I'm not even in bed anymore and I go back to my house, I have to walk back, right? Because I don't have my car, sometimes I take an Uber but I go back and I'm like, baby sorry and she was like, that's what happens when you got that bomb. You know, P.U.M. Like her exes have done the same thing.

Yeah, we lost a few men. Well, she has a sub with many though. All that was really interesting, except the part where you got your own jizz in your face. I didn't like that even a little bit. I got to get an Uber back. I drove too far. Hey, Boreit. Hey, how are you doing? Boreit? Yeah, Chris, come in. Why you have, why you bleeding and have a jizz on your nose? Oh, dude, have you never had an

orgasm where it makes you lose control and you drive into a tree? Sir? Bore-it, you know? That's our names, Bore-it. Bore-it,. Well, let's get this. Let's get some more in here. Okay Hey Chris. Hey, Matt. I'm calling in because I'm constantly being judged for my subway order I know it's weird. I know it's basic But it gets so annoying every single time I go in order Okay, that it needs to be this whole production, right? How basic is it? You do I get a That it needs to be this whole production right how basic is it you do I get a? Tuna sandwich which I know is unpopular But I like it and I just get it with bread just plain tuna sandwich

I grew up on that sandwich is why I love it so much. I know it's a little it's not It's just what I like so I can't help that What are they usually and you would think that the subway workers would love the fact that I'm giving them literally the easiest subway sandwich. No they ask you nine times so I guess I just need to spin move on how to Like respond to them because it's always just so awkward and like I feel judged and like it's uncomfortable when there's people in line To the point where I won't even go if there's other people in line because they're probably judging me and the workers are probably judging me. So yeah, I just need a spin

move on what to do. Okay, love you guys. Your spin move is not caring. I think, no, the spin move is I'm allergic to everything. Just put it on there. Thanks. Just start the order and say I want I want to leave with a sandwich with two things tuna and bread I want nothing else on it I want nothing else don't ask me anything about what else I want on it don't don't reassure yourself that you're doing it right I'm telling you now you will be doing it right if you only do tuna and bread honestly now hold on you take a video of yourself just doing that once. You don't have to do that every single time you walk in. Show the subway worker that video every time you walk in.

You don't even have to open your mouth, dude. And I'm done. Well, that would for sure probably have them not ask questions, because you are an absolute crazy person. And they don't want you in the store as long as possible. So, or it's less possible, I guess I should say, but yeah, that's a good thing to do.

That would be pretty funny. You could also just screenshot, screen record, Matt saying that and then show that. Yeah, yeah, I mean, that would be a little, yeah. It might not work as well, but you know, it's worth a shot. It is annoying that people do that though, about stuff you eat especially. I mean-

Can we go through it? Tell me how you think it plays out. I- I- So you're the subway worker. I say, what would you like? I say- No, what would you like?

What can I get for you? Tuna on white bread. Okay. How big you want it? You want it- I'll do a large. You know what though? Just the tuna on the bread, that's it.

You don't want like mayo or anything like that? Nothing. Nothing, all right. Already that's annoying. But that's it though. That's so easy though. What? You need a spin move for that.

I'm sure they go like this. I'm sure they go like this. Okay. Sure, you just like it like that? Do you eat it like that? Also she's like kind of, you know, she's a woman and she's cute. So it's like, you know they want to talk to her and shit.

Yeah. Well be a man. Don't be a young, cute woman's cute, so it's like, you know, they wanna talk to her and shit, yeah. Well, be a man. Don't be a young, cute woman anymore. Get a sex changer, saying. Yeah, I mean, if you don't want this to happen anymore, you gotta get a sex changer. Sorry, all right, what's the next submission? All right, next one.

All right, Madden, Chris, serious question. Look at that thick. Up until today, I had a full beard that took me months to grow. It looks like it. And when I was trimming the bottom oh no you messed up Oh, I fucked up and left a big patch in the middle of my chin because I like the twitched and fucked up Yeah, I get it anyways in that situation you just do you trim the whole beard off or down like I did or do you?

Thug it out until that patch comes back You guys always have really great facial hair, so what would you do? Really? First of all, your beard as it is currently constructed looks great. That you had something else is even weird. You look, beyond whether it looks great or not,

he looks so much like he has looked like that for 12 years. He looks like he should look, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I do think that if he had a beard it would probably look cool, but I don't know if it would look better. He has a beard.

No, no, I'm saying obviously more full. Big fat beard? I'm not saying if it would look, I'm not sure if it would look better, but I think it depends on how much you clip. If it's a little bit, and if it's not all the way to the cheek, I would probably ride it out.

It sounded like it was a big. But I ride it out. It sounded like a gangster. It sounded like it was a pretty big one. Well, you don't know what's big to one person is big to another person. I'll tell you what, what's big to one person is not necessarily big to a gangster and that's me and I would probably ride it out unless it was really big. He made it sound like it was really big. But what's big to one person is not big to the next person is what I'm saying. And we don't have gangsters. Why are we even speaking? It's all relative. We all know that. That is a given in every conversation.

So then I'm saying, if it was, unless it was big to me, I would write it out because I'm gangster. Okay, well anyway, I think the way your beard looks now, whether you think you miss your other beard or not, I think it looks really good. I think I'm happy with the result. But the answer is if you put too big of a dent in your beard, you can cut it all down to the deepest place

it was you made your mistake because it's hair and it grows back, ta-da. Man, how funny is it to see someone do that and see the look on their face when they go too far? Yeah, it's good. Oh, that's great. I know. Because we've all been there, right? Yeah, we've all been there. It's so... Do you trim your pubes?

Pubes, dude? Well, I don't want to get demonetized. Oh, wow. I never... I mean, I wanted to vomit upon... Do you trim your dugout? We've done this before. I can't Uh, have we've done this before? I can't believe it. We've done this before. We've talked about this.

We got in this conversation. Tell me if this makes you okay. Brings any bells. You asked me that and I said, I have. And you said, but do you? And I kept saying, I have. Do you remember this? It's very you don't remember anything.

That's very something that would happen. And yes, I kind of do remember it. And I it repissed me off. Yeah. The answer is I have. But You don't remember anything. That's very something that would happen. And yes, I kind of do remember it and it repissed me off. Yeah, the answer is I have. But you don't. I have. In the past, so you don't do it now. I have done it. Right.

Multiple times. Seven or 70? Oh, somewhere in the middle of that. 35. No, not exactly the middle of that. Somewhere in the middle. It could be 35 though, yeah. Could it be 20?

I mean, that seems, is it possible? So you do then. It's been a while. So I would say you do. I wouldn't say that. When's the last time you did it? I would say I have. When's the last time you did it?

You did say you have. And I will continue to say I have. So I shouldn't keep going over because I will only say I have. Much. How long ago did you do it? How much long ago? A week ago.

This morning. Couple years. Incredible. Isn't it? What's incredible about it though? It must look like Gandalf down there. I like to be how my number one God created me. So far.

My number one God created me with the exact amount of pubes, as you would say, as I currently have. When you pull down your pants, bats fly out. I mean, why would that happen? Because it's a jungle, dude. It's your penis. It is about that big though, so that's pretty good, but everything else was false. And it has a mouth and teeth and a tongue. Gross. Yeah.

That's how it is. I live like I live and there's no two ways about it. And if you have a problem with it First draft of dirty Harry before you all right bushy Harry Dirty Harry pussy Hey, it's actually more dirty Harry cock right well, you know, yeah Person with the vagina right but not right the person you're killing is getting fucked, so. Person I'm killing, you know? All right.

Hi, Matt and Chris. I'm Casey, I'm from Orlando. Matt, big fan. Chris, even bigger fan. I'm out, I'll see you later. Just wanted to reach out and ask you guys a question. I've been on and off with my ex for four and a half years. Oh my God.

We have finally called it quits for good after moving into a two-bedroom apartment for only three months together. That's how you know. It is how you know. He's refusing to pay the rest of the lease. He said he will pay the cancellation fee like $195. That's cool when our rent is $3000 a month. What is she supposed to do? What do I hold him to? I have his bank account on our apartment portal. I can charge it if I really wanted to. Just feel like that's kind of shady and I don't

like doing that kind of stuff. It's shady and not paying. What do you guys think is wrong versus right for holding him accountable for paying the lease that he signed whether we're together or not? Well he's just as responsible as you are. Whoa, whoa, whoa, no. No, I know what he's saying. I know what he's thinking. He's thinking, I'm moving out. She is responsible now to pay for it. I got a different place.

Okay, well, if that's the case, then he needs to at least pay his share until she figures something else out. Yeah, that's the right thing to do. And that's it. Yeah. And if that means you have to debit his bank account for those few months until you do figure that out, then that's so be it.

But if he's unwilling to meet you halfway, then he's being a piece of shit first. You don't wanna go there, but you don't have a choice. If you don't have the money, you don't have a choice. It's a tough spot too though, because you obviously are broken up, you don't wanna live together anymore. So it's not like he's like,

well, I'll stay here till you find someone because you kinda can't do that. So it's kinda, yeah. You know, it causes problems. So it's kinda, yeah. You know it cause problems, yeah. So it's kinda, I mean, I don't know. Look, whether it's shady or not, what you're doing is kind of a moot point because it's what he owes.

It's a non, it's just an unfortunate situation. It's moot. But what he's doing by saying, I'm not paying anything, he's living wrong, he's being a piece of shit. Obviously no one wants to pay for a place they're not staying but like you signed a lease, not only do you sign a lease but like this is someone four and a half years of your life, you don't wanna fuck somebody like that over, be a person, be a person in the world.

If he's refusing entirely and you have no choice and you can't pay, you have to debit his account half the money. And what if he can't pay? I think what she's implying is that he can. Okay. But if obviously if he doesn't have the money, then you can't.

You gotta live together. Yeah. Marry each other. I guess so. If you can't pay, marry each other. And then have a few kids. If you can't pay, you have to do it. And then have them get work

and then take the money from them. Yeah. So deduct your kids that you love now. Yep. And then when they're grown up maybe you can split. Glad we figured it out. Yeah. That was good. That was good. It's a good episode man. We kind of got going quicker than we usually did. We did. We did. We eased into the Maximo genius shit. a way. But we came out of the gate with the Maximo genius shit. With the what? The Maximo genius shit.

Why do you want me to repeat myself everything I say? The fact that I didn't hear that is not weird because that's not really something people say. It's something I say, isn't it? And I yawned and my ears closed. That's the worst, dude. When you're like, what? And then you have to yawn, you have no choice.

But to say what again, dude, I hate nothing more than when people ask me to repeat myself. Why is that? Yeah, no shit, man. You're a dick. Well, it's because you're a dick. No, I mean, I'm a dick when I react in those situations,

but I can't help it. It makes me so mad. I don't choose to get mad. You were never heard as a kid, I guess. It's pre-thought. You were never heard. Yeah, maybe that's it. But mom and dad listen, you know?

So that's weird. Yeah. It was probably your fault. kid, I guess. You never heard. Yeah, maybe that's it. But mom and dad listen, you know? So that's weird. Yeah. It was probably your fault. What? Just kidding. All right. All right, yeah. I'll be in Bismarck in Toronto and North Bay.

Ottawa and Bismarck, right? Yeah, chrisdleya.com. Go get tickets. Get tickets for the live show. That will be on our Patreon. Our Lifeline live show. and that's patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. Go sign up for that. Thank you.