Lifeline - 135. Steampunk Assassin

Episode Date: November 10, 2024

Live show Dec 5 in Oxnard! Tickets here! LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Also has a full live show. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline TODAY, we're talking about how to deal with a nosy/involved restaurant table neighbor, what to do when nothing is going your way, when to break reality to your kids, getting hit on at work, and if you're supposed to know where stuff is in your friends' houses. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Red one we're coming at you is the movie event of the holiday season Santa Claus has been kidnapped You're gonna help us find you can't trust this guy. He's on the list. It's a naughty Lister naughty Lister Dwayne Johnson We got snowman Chris Evans, you might just go back to the car. Let's save Christmas I'm not gonna say that say it. All right Let's see Christmas. There it is. Only in theaters November 15th. The Sephora Savings Event is here. World in my hand, I'll take this and that.

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ready to explore. Visit flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy. I used to listen to that in my car. I used to like it, dude. I used to like it. You used to like it. I do. Yeah. But I, I, I used to, it was a really good soundtrack. Yeah. Surprised you liked it. You don't like any music. What other movies is that song in? Pulp Fiction was the main one. That Dick Dale song. I want to know what other... Definitely one of those movies like A Bug's Life that ripped off. Oh that's hilarious. Definitely. Dick Dale. No, I'm saying swear words. So yeah, so welcome to Lifeline. Thank you very much. Sign on up for a Patreon. Lifeline.com slash, no, I'm sorry, Patreon.com slash Lifeline. That's where you see the live shows. That's where you see Lifeline Luxury. We do extra episodes of Lifeline.

We do Lifeline Luxury. We do at least two, three a month. So- At least three a month. You still say two and that pisses me off. I want to do what I want to do. We've grown it. We've grown it.

We've expanded it. Used to be two. Now it's three. You get three episodes a month, at least at Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. It's Happy Birthday, Sinbad. And Sinbad is one of my favorite comedians and actors. Oh, we love Sinbad. Yeah, I'll be in Bismarck.

I'll be in, what's the other one? Sioux Falls. Go to chrislea.com and Irvine. I've got shows and get tickets to the live Lifeline show in Oxnard, California, chrislea.com. And that's December 5th. Yeah, so there we go. What is happening, baby?

A foreign exchange student. Mm-hmm. Why is it? So what is he? What is happening, baby? Dick Dale. What else does he? What other movie is it in?

That's not in other movies besides- That's what Mako sang. Isn't that the name of that song? Yes, but what- Oh, I mean, not what we're talking about at all. Yes, but it's only, you can't use that song after Pulp Fiction, you know? Definitely people did in A Bug's Life or something.

Yeah, A Bug's Life, maybe Ants, you know, with his ear. Right. B-movie. Misirlou, it's called? What is that? Misirlou? I don't know how to say that. Is that what it's called What is that? Miser Lou? I don't know how to say that. Is that what it's called? Miser Lou.

Don't make me have to ask that twice though, right? And the Matt ones. Wow, there's so much text on this. Yeah, that's who would read all of that about that song. That's crazy. Oh, it just was getting the part where it was where it was telling us and then he went out The internet has everything dude. And now with AI it has everything. You can, because whatever it doesn't have, you can create it. Also, who is still looking for this?

Who, it's you? Of course it is. You can talk about the way we're searching. Yeah, that's true, but it's so boring that it doesn't matter, just skip it, right? Oh yeah, that's true. We're gonna be like, oh, it was in singles. Oh, okay.

There isn't, there is some stuff that I want to be on the internet that isn't. There's a show from the 80s called Jennifer Slept Here and it is not online anywhere and I'm pissed. Also, you can't watch, what was the name of that show? The one with Thomas Hidden Church and Deborah Messing's... Oh, Wings? No, no, no, no. Wings.

That was sick and that's available and I've watched it. What was it? It was Ned and Stacey, Ned and Stacey. That show's not online anymore. When was that, 2005 or something? No, 1990s for sure. Oh wow. It was before Will and Grace.

Really? Debra Merson was on a hit show before Will and Grace. Isn't that weird? Really? 93, 95, what does it say? Okay, I didn't know about this. I never know, I did, yeah, but I didn't know it was before Will and Grace.

It's pretty funny, dude. I found the pilot on YouTube and then there's like random episodes, but it's not streaming anywhere. There's like a big hit show. There are things that are not streaming. Come on people. You know what's not streaming?

Or at least the last time I checked, the Office British. Oh, that's weird. What wasn't streaming anywhere? What? The one I checked. It has, you know, they come back and forth. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

The movie Old Boy couldn't get it. Oh, you told me that, yeah. It can't get now, but anyway, yeah. So that is weird when you can't find anything, right? How times have changed? Dude, you used to literally, I mean, it's just nuts. In our lifetime, to get something to watch, you had to go to a store to rent a physical copy of it.

Before that, you had to go hire the actors before film. You had to go hire actors. Let me really trip you out though. People don't even think about this, but it. Yeah. Before that, you had to go hire the actors before film. Let me really- You had to go hire actors. Let me really trip you out though. Okay. People don't even think about this, but it's true. I do, probably. Movies before VHS was even a thing.

Movies, people made them knowing, knowing that the audience was very likely only going to see it one time. Because it was in theaters and and then it went away, and then it was never to be seen again for all of cinema history until VHS. And the intent behind that matters, because now filmmakers make movies

so that you can not only watch them over and over if you want, but rewind right away. Go back, pause it, go to the bathroom, come back. It's so different. Think about how much that affects the bathroom, come back, it's so different. Think about how much that affects the way movies are made. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just watching them. Wow. It's crazy, right?

That's why when you watch an old movie and you're like, oh, they messed up there. It's like, no, they didn't. They didn't care. They just thought no one was gonna see it. And even if they did, what are you gonna do? Stop the whole theater? Hey, the projection room, go back 10 seconds.

I could have sworn I saw the boom. Yeah. It's done. The moment's over and you're never going to see it again. Wow. Crazy, right? That's pretty much a mind blowing fact. And it's too early to have a mind blowing fact in the episode.

I blow minds. And if you want to have blinds, blinds, minds blown, you stick with me. Okay. Thank you very much. Worst, worst president. So, You stick with me. You want your mind blown? You stick with me kid.? Thank you very much. Worst president, so.

You stick with me. You want your mind blown? You stick with me, kid. Both for me. So, yeah, guess what? What? I, do you remember four years ago, my jaw, I got, what do you call it?

Walk jaw? Yeah, what do they call it? TM. Oh, TMJ, whatever that is. TJ Maxx. I got TJ Maxx, right? My jaw, I got it, right? Yeah.

And first of all, do you remember yet? That I got it or no? What do you mean do I remember yet? Does this, do you remember I got it? Yes, I'm saying yes. Oh, you do, you already remember, okay. So I was gonna describe it in further. I went to the dentist.

He made me a thing to sleep in. You didn't know about this or did you? I don't think so. You probably did but whatever. Anyway, slept with it and he's like, eventually your jaw will unhinge, it'll be fine. Okay. That didn't work.

Oh. Went online, looked at YouTube videos and had hacks. I was like, these are probably terrible for my body but I'm gonna try them anyway. Put a pencil way back there. Oh my God. Smashed my jaw, didn't to, you know, hacks. I was like, these are probably terrible for my body, but I'm gonna try them anyway. Put a pencil way back there. Oh my God. Smash my jaw, didn't work, nothing worked, okay? A pencil.

That's what they say, to get the pencil back there. And then it gets you here, it gets you right here. You need the pencil back there and then you push this and this way it'll like kind of unhook, you know? Didn't work. So now I, it's been four, four, almost, yeah, four years, four years. Kind of forgot about it. I mean, it's been four, four, almost, yeah, four years, four years. Kind of forgot about it.

I mean, it's still there. I can't open my mouth as much as I used to. But I guess it's just gonna be like, okay, it's basically the 1400s and there's no doctors and I can just, this is how it was back then. This is life now, yeah, yeah. So, fine. I go to sleep two nights ago.

I have a crazy dream. I mean, I was on stage under a blanket and people hiding from Olivia Rodriguez. Is that a singer? Olivia Rodrigo. Okay. Where were you hiding from Olivia Rodriguez. Is that a singer? Olivia Rodrigo. Okay. Why were you hiding from her? At her concert. She was singing.

Okay. And I was like, and people were looking for me. I needed certain people to find me, but not her. You were on stage? Under a blanket under people. You should have been elsewhere if you were hiding from her. No shit, but it was a dream. It seemed like a good logical place to go in a dream.

The logic is out the window. Okay. She just left the arena, but okay. In the thing, I'm peeking through the blanket and I see people rushing like, Oh, I wish they knew I was here so they could help, you know? But she's singing right there. I don't want to, you know? Oh, geez.

What a dilemma. And I'm tired because I'm laying down on the, I I'm also asleep, but I don't know that in the dream Yeah, no, no, I'm asleep in real life. Uh-huh, and I'm laying down in under the thing in the dream Okay, but I'm tired on in the dream in the dream. It was like I'm like man. I've been laying down for so long So your life is in jeopardy and you're scared out of your mind logic is out there and tired and a falsity Okay, meantime, she's just like women or whatever the fuck she sings, right? Worst song ever. And,

and so I, it gets so tired that I yawn. Oh, mistake. In the dream. What a mistake. Okay. And I'm stretching as I yawn. Okay. Have you ever done that?

Yeah, of course. It makes your jaw do this weird thing where it's like, Yes. It shakes. Fuck yeah, you know it know it. I didn't know you'd know it. Yeah. So it starts shaking. My jaw starts shaking, unlocks. In the dream only? Unlocks. As I wake up, my jaw unlocks and I go, Oh my gosh, four years in the making, I have this dream, boom, my jaw's back to normal.

Four years. You gotta go online, present your hack. Have a dream about Olivia Rodrigo and you're hiding from her on stage and you're tired from laying down so much. It's like Inception, the worst, it's like we gotta have this dream. We gotta have the dream where Olivia Rodrigo is singing

and you're hiding from her. If you have TMJ, come, you know, and... That's crazy. Yeah, but how crazy is that? It's now it's better. Now it's better. That's really wild. And you know what? It happened. I think it happened because, well, you don't know what, you know, of course not. But I, my thing was, I wasn't sleeping right. I was under, it was very stressed in that time of my life,

you know, four years ago. I was like completely going through it. I thought my life was over. So I think that that happened because of stress. So when I woke up during the dream, I go, am I jaw unlocked? And I literally go, I say, I'm not canceled anymore. Oh my God.

Yeah. Well, I mean, because of your jaw. Yeah, I guess that's the end of it. It's a little different, yeah. I woke up and I told Kristen and she was proud of me. Proud of you? She was like, yeah, you know what? That's right.

That does mean that. It's symbolic. I was like, oh. Nice, dude. You've really, uh, doesn't seem bad. My jaw's good. How weird, though. Baby steps, you know? Good for you, man. I'm going to get a movie offer soon because of good. How weird though, huh? Yeah, baby steps, you know?

Good for you, man. I'm gonna get a movie offer soon because of that. That's great, dude, good for you. Good for your jaw. Bad Boy 6. R.Me. Hammer's doing a movie. What is he? He's a guy, an actor.

What's he doing? A movie, I don't know. I just saw the headline. He's doing a movie. You know what, I think he's doing a movie with, actually, I think he's doing a movie with Kevin Spacey. No way. I think so. I'm not sure. I might have made that up.

I'll see that so fast. But yeah. Yeah. This is Jennifer slept here. This is the show. It's on YouTube. But here's the problem. It's so low res that you can't even watch it anymore. So wait, what is this? So the idea for this show. Oh, it's a show. Is this woman. She was a big, big famous celebrity

in this house. She lived in this house and she died young. And the people that live there now, they move in, they're just like out of, they don't live in LA, they're from out of town, they come to live in LA. They live in this house. The house is like this on a star tours, like there's a legendary famous actress died in this house, Jennifer's house.

And it's like this normal family and they live among the ghost of Jennifer, the famous person. She's like, you can't move that, that's my couch that, you know, Errol Flynn poured champagne on or whatever. And I think only the son can see her at first. But the woman in it is the woman that is trying to sleep with Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom

to get him away from Terry Gar. Wow, of course it is. Lot of sleeping in her room. And Jillian or something like that? All right, well, we'll watch it. Anyway, I know things. I know things that are both valuable. I know things that are both not valuable.

I know things about pop culture. I know things about history. I know things about world history. I know things that are both valuable. I know things that are both not valuable. I know things about pop culture. I know things about history. I know things about world history. I know things about individual history. At a carnival, parking at a carnival. And I know about- Do you have cotton candy? I know about other things too.

Okay, what have we got next? So go on over to Lifeline Luxury. Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. But right now let's get into it. Hey Matt and Chris, bit of a situation here. So I'm 28 years old and it took me that long to realize that my mustache is not symmetrical. It actually only connects on this side and not this side and it's a bit of a problem because I kind of hate when mustaches don't connect the beards.

Apparently been lying to myself my whole life. Yeah. And so what the heck do I do? Do I just shave the bottom of this side like I have? I'll tell you what to do. I'm scrolling in a little bit. You can see. Do I leave it asymmetrical? I feel like my face looks a lot better when it's symmetrical. Or do I pencil in the other side maybe? Oh my God. Bring it down. Get it to pay on pay on um yeah, I don't know help me out Chris I in Detroit great show If you don't say wouldn't stop talking to you about how she was an SLP because of Calvin and I didn't get to say anything to you, so so pissed And yeah, I met you're pretty cool. Okay. Bye

Oh, what a cute those cuties did at the end dude. I used to it might have the same problem Just get older. Yeah, but here's the other thing. But I used to have the same problem, it didn't connect here and it did connect here and now it does. You can see it's still a little bit, but yeah, anyway. Think about this.

I look great. The reason you didn't like it is because subconsciously you knew that your beard didn't connect either. Now, the key to all of this. What? He said, I don't like that you said what, so we're gonna start with that, all right?

But I still don't know. But we're gonna start with that. Fine, I don't give a shit if you don't like it or not. I'm gonna start from there, okay? All right. So we're starting with, I don't like that you asked me what. Fine. Okay? That does nothing for me.

It does something for me though. What? I'm now more at peace with it than I was before I said that. Okay, well I'm even more at peace than you are. I got it off my chest. I don't give a fuck even more. I'm at greater peace than you, because I did that. A monk, all right.

So what I'm saying is he said, it pisses him off that he realized it doesn't connect because he hates when beards don't connect. Okay. What I'm saying is subconsciously he knew that his beard didn't connect. I get it. And he hated that about himself.

Yes. So he projected that out onto the world. I'd agree with that. What I'm saying to this guy is realize that that's what was going on this whole time. Be at peace with yourself. Like I am when I told my brother, I don't like that he said what.

And more at peace. And then it won't be an issue. It won't even be an issue in the first place. You won't have to pencil it in or worry about shaving it here. You'll be at peace and then it won't be an issue it won't even be an issue in the first place you won't have to pencil it in or worry about shaving here you'll be at peace with yourself and your stupid fucking ugly ass beard dick so why don't you just shave your whole beard also honestly the beard it looked good on him don't you think it's okay you know what you know what's interesting I got pissed that one of our producers sneeze while I was talking yeah I did it off mic but still how about that though it well you're not talking to them now you're not talking to the mic you're supposed to sneeze while I was talking. Yeah. He did it off mic, but still. How about that though? It, well, you're not talking to them.

Now you're not talking to them. You're supposed to not sneeze. Yeah. Yeah. Hold it. Do this. Hey, this works. So I think that, I think- This has never worked for anybody in history. Oh, Ghana.

Absolutely destroyed me. No, you know what works this for real. Matt, Matt, what? This works. No, it doesn't. It for real. Matt, Matt. What? This works. No, it doesn't. It works every single time for me. But you know what would work better? This.

Because what this is- What's better? This works. What this is accomplishing is you're not letting more air go in and tickle your nose hair so you have to sneeze again. What really happens, the best fix is this. That's not what it is. That's not what it is, a magician.

That's not what it is. That's actually not what it is. It is, but go on. No, it's not. You're pushing up against the sensitivity and it's making it overwhelming. So the sensitivity of the nose hairs is getting overwhelmed by the pushing in in the Hitler mustache area. I'm interested. So now you, what do you do? You push in? The Hitler mustache area, the top of the Hitler mustache area. So what you're doing when you do this is

pushing toward your face? Correct. Oh, nobody ever told me that. What did you think? I thought you were holding your finger here so air didn't go in. No, no, no, no, no, no. You've got to push. Oh, the push is, oh my God. And we push and we don't sneeze. And we push and we don't sneeze. That's really, really good.

Wow. Yeah, it works, dude. Good for me. And it's awesome. Anyway, nice tongue. Good for me. Anyway, your beard looks fine. Just confront your own issues about yourself and you'll be okay.

Yeah. Okay. Now, next. Russian transplant at 7-Eleven, what do you have to say? Ha ha ha ha. Every single thing in my life is going wrong. Everything. If it can go wrong, at all, it's going wrong.

Wow. For like the last- Pause it. Tom Cruise. Nine months. How much is he acting like Tom Cruise? It's not true. He's totally perfectly hiding bread under his hat, which he's clearly trying to do in the first place. Okay, so not everything go ahead. Okay

Okay, not pissed Not pissed Every shit in my life is going wrong the way he leans in and says it is everything if it can go wrong Like it's a secret and all It's going wrong for like the last nine months Anything was gone. It's a long time, right? About this much something wrong the opening monologue this month in his

hand is helping my life Justin long only one time but five ten fifteen times so Dustin long life son rather what the fuck do I do it's hard to stay hopeful and positive okay love you guys what about your hand he got shot with a bow and arrow what was in his hand looks like he was holding a window washer in his right hand.

Everything goes wrong and I don't know what to do. Anyway, love you guys. Whoa! Dude, sometimes life is, it comes in streaks, man. This is on his shin. Oh wait. It gets deported. All right, I'm just saying back to Russia anyway.

So it happens in streaks dude. You got bad streaks, you got good streaks. Nine months is a long time for a bad streak, but all that means is it's more likely to come to an end because it's already gone on for so long. Know that the end is in sight, it's gonna come, and then things are gonna turn, and then suddenly one thing, two things, then three things,

and suddenly you're on a good streak Okay, so just wait it out. You seem to be doing good You're clearly able to keep a sense of humor about it. You're clearly able to hide bread under your hat successfully Yeah, just dress different I Thought he was dressed fine. I mean he had no undershirt on with a chain, you know, it's a Russian but yeah What I mean, that's a style sir Montclair New Jersey also the way he says everything is wrong everything in my life the way the way he leaned in and did it like it's a secret is amazing I mean did it

at the at the the liquor store you know? Yeah, what was it? Anyway, we're gonna go get some drinks. I wanna know so bad what he had in his right hand. So what? Okay. All right. Next. Next one. This winter, take a trip to Tampa on Porter Airlines. Enjoy the warm Tampa Bay temperatures and warm Porter hospitality on your way there.

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in Canada. I am so dreading groceries this week. Why? You can skip it. Oh what, just like that? Just like that. How about dinner with my third cousin? Skip it.

Prince Fluffy's favorite treats? Skippable. Midnight snacks? Skip. My neighbor's nightly saxophone practices. Eh, nope, you're on your own there. Coulda skipped it? Shoulda skipped it.

Skip to the good part and get groceries, meals, and more delivered right to your door on Skip. What's up guys, your show's great, fantastic. Brother banter, wonderful. Oh, hate to hear it. Important question is parenting and... What it gots. Taking away the magic, I guess. What's up guys your show's great fantastic brother banter wonderful parenting and What he got take away the magic I guess so Halloween's about to come on my son Asked last night if the witch was real and we're talking about the switch witch

I don't know if you guys do this or we take all of his Halloween candy and Steal it and then give him a toy and in the the morning, he's gone and he has a new toy, hence the Switch Witch. So last night he goes, are you guys the witch? And we go, what are you talking about? Anyway, so he's eight years old and now he does not believe in the Switch Witch or the Easter Bunny.

He didn't bring up Santa, so we'll see about that one. What age do you guys tell him? Oh, then he was like, tell me the truth. And then in that moment, do you have to? All right, what do you guys think them? Oh, then he was like, tell me the truth. And then in that moment, do you have to? All right, what do you guys think? Thanks for the show. I thought a great question. I think when the kid is finally like, look,

I know it is a lie. Now please just tell me. That is when you have to say, all right, man, it's not a lie, we did it for fun, and it's always been fun, and we love you, and we like the magic of it all. The spirit of Halloween, the spirit of Christmas is, you know, you don't have to be like,

there's no Santa by a kunk, and then leave. Right, but I can speak firsthand to this. When you know, and your parents just won't admit it, no, no, no. It's very actually like destabilizing. Because you're just like, what the fuck, Dad? Tell me it's not real. I know it's not, why are you lying?

I will say that it was not destabilizing for me, but I will say it was beyond when you know and they were still saying. It was beyond that. Mom told me there was no Santa. And then Dad tried to retell me there was a Santa. Well really? There was a Santa.

Really? How old were you? I mean old, at this point I was old. I was like 13. Oh my God. And dad was like, you know, so, cause there is a Santa. Wow.

And I was like. Dad, what is, what is up with you? You didn't even know I knew you wanted that. So Santa left that. So he must've, he must've, maybe Santa knew, right? So there's a Santa. Dad, give it up. Well, I still believe so.

I'm only 44, but I, yeah, mom said, I remember we were in New Jersey. I guess I was 12. We were in New Jersey. 12 was like, come on. Mom was like, well, you know, daddy and mommy are the ones who put the thing for the tooth fairy. And what about Santa?

She's like, yeah, it's all the same, you know? And then the next year, my dad tried to reintroduce that there actually is Santa. Wow. Oh yeah, 100%. Wow, dad, naughty, naughty, on Christmas of all days. Being naughty. Yep.

Yeah, so I think if you're- How fucking hilarious is that? That's really funny. If your eight-year-old comes to you- That's why I started killing people. And is like, I know, it's a- maybe it's early, but eight, I don't know, eight isn't that- It's not that early.

I mean, it's around the time it starts at least though. Yeah. I think it's good to be honest. At that time. God, you only have a few years of that, huh? Yeah, it's very, very not long. Yeah, interesting, right? I'm not gonna want to give that up either. Yeah, you probably won't, but you should when it's time.

I get it. When they come to you, dude, that's the time. Or you could just be like this, well, what was that? And then run away. And never come back. No, you gotta come back. I forget what we're talking about but anyway, I want some pancakes come back when they're 18 Died oh died. Oh came back to life sitting here in the kitchen early shit the morning feeding the kids and a thought came to Me I need some advice the other day my mother came over to watch the kids and she was like You know pardon me Well, I you know, I don't know my way around the kitchen for stuff or whatever.

And then while I was driving to work, I was thinking, how well should you know somebody else's house? You know where the bedrooms are and that they're there and how many and where the bathroom is and where the trash can is probably at like a brother's house or mother's house or whatever. But like how well, what's the level of weirdness or allowability of like knowing where shit is

in somebody's house? It got me all fucked up when I was driving to work. Anyway, what do you think? I love the show, love super good. Been a fan since Super Schmalt, can't say it but Super Schmalt, you know what I mean? Thanks. Love you guys, true baby for life.

Nice, that's a good question, that's really hard to answer though. What? The dog pissed again. Wow, the studio dog Tina just goes, let's loose. You know why I know that? Because I know this place well enough

that that's where the dog pisses. And that's what this guy's talking about. Me too, I realized it quickly before you even said it. Okay, but you said what, what? And I told you you knew it because I told you. No, no, that is not true. I knew because I knew. All right.

So let's answer the question. But so I think that you should, I don't think there's any weirdness ever, unless you're like, this is where your wife keeps her panties, but even that's kind of obvious because the panty drawer is the panty drawer. Panty you know? Yeah but I'm just saying like there's no there's no it's not weird you if the forks pretty much are

in the where the forks are in the kitchen and if they're not in the one you open they're in the next one you open if they're not in the next one they're definitely in the next one. If you're looking at four or five drawers you're just a plain idiot. You know where the garbage disposal is, it's right in the sink. You know where the trash can is because you look, you just look. Oh, there it is. Or it's under the sink. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong here. Snack cabinet, it's the biggest one. Where is it? Am I wrong? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Maybe, maybe where's the bread? Probably on the counter somewhere under one of those things, bread boxes. Now, what you're saying I generally agree with, but you can't tell me you've never been to a house and looked for a thing and been like, well, I know where these things are generally, not found it in one place, then been like,

oh, it's gotta be there. I'll go beyond that. Not found it there, not found it there. Then you're like, wait, what the fuck? Why do people do the houses so differently? Why are you saying I'll go beyond that? I've never been to a house. No, I will be, if that happened, that has happened,

if that happens, I leave the house, I never come back. In the middle of a sandwich, I'm looking for a knife, can't find it, I go home. If I open four doors, I go home. I mean, if there's- Sandwich, half made. The flip side of this question is, if somebody came to my house and knew where everything was automatically,

I wouldn't even be like that weirded out. I would only be impressed. I would only be impressed. I'd be like, whoa, dude, good job. Well, you're like Sherlock Holmes. Or I would feel like I did it all right. I'd be like, oh dude, I must put things in the right place because people just knew where shit's supposed to be.

C-gotistical. You know, I'm doing it right. Cigatistical. So yeah, I don't know if there is a level that is weird, whether it's, the only thing that's weird is like, how dumb are you to think like, the knives are in the fucking bedroom closet. Yeah, nobody's doing that.

That's what I'm saying. Like the only thing, Only if you're like the most idiotic guess, would make me feel weird, yeah. Everything else, it's doing that. That's what I'm saying. Like the only thing, only if you're like the most idiotic guess would make me feel weird. Everything else, it's all good. Do you think if we asked dad if there was a Santa now? I hope to, that's a good question. I bet, well, at least a part of him would wanna say yes, but I bet he would try to convince us

that there's some kind of idea that Santa is real. No, I'll tell you exactly what he would do. And I know this so much that when I'm done, you're just gonna agree. Okay. Because it's just true. I'm with you. He wouldn't try to convince us that there is a Santa.

He would just answer in a way that obfuscates and doesn't get right on the nose that there is no Santa. He just would leave room for the possibility that there is based on the way he answers. So, Dad, we got you pegged and we know your game and that's the way it's gonna be. That's unbelievable with that stuff, man. How far is it?

It's on the right. Yeah. It's unbelievable, dude. How far is it? I've been there. Yeah. Huh? Oh, good.

How far is it? It's up there. Yeah. Huh? Oh good! How far is it? It's up there. Dude, it's un- believable. Have you been there before? It's on the right. Yeah. It's like there's a bag of possible answers to possible questions. Frank's garage told me about it.

Yeah, and he just reaches in and grabs in his mind any answer. It's unbelievable. To any question, yeah, that could be asked asked instead of the one you actually asked, yeah. Crazy, and poor mom, imagine dealing with that for 78 years, they're over 100 years old. I loved getting into those conversations with dad though. Yeah, it's hilarious. Just being like, what the fuck?

Yeah, I mean, he never didn't do it too. He never, the things dad does now, he's done five years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago. He's done since as early as I can remember. I know. Nobody's more consistently fucking it, what we- Do it different than that.

I've never met somebody who does that before. Does what? Whatever that is. In a way, it's kind of what like that, it's kind of what like those John Cassavetes movies did or like where people were just talking and shit and you're like, that's not what they're talking about. Or like Vince Vaughn and Jim Favreau made.

Made up a guy, John Favreau, yeah. Yeah, John Favreau. It's like, it's so weird. It's like double talking almost kind of in a way, but not really. What I think it is is that, I mean, it's like the way people talk in those movies, but people talk at those movies,

talk the way they talk in those movies because it's a reflection of how people really talk. Whereas most movies, everything's very ordered and in sequence. Right, nobody's listening to each other in real life. Exactly. Yeah. And I think that someone like dad likes that life is real life. Exactly. Yeah. And I think that someone like dad likes that life

is like that. Yes. And is embracing it by just Right. Almost consciously doing that. Yeah. And making it extra sort of ridiculous. Cause it already is ridiculous.

And it's fun to be that way. So he just goes with it. Have you ever seen Arachnophobia? I like Jeff Daniels. Right. Yeah. Unbelievable dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So he just goes with it. Have you ever seen arachnophobia? I like Jeff Daniels, right? Yeah Unbelievable, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Okay Next one. How's the Godfather 3 the first one? I speak fan of the podcast you guys keep me from going insane, but I kind of got a dilemma

Right now and assassins one is gonna help me. So I'm assassin. Haha Right now, I'm an assassin. One is to help me. So I'm an assassin. Haha. My dad recently sold his place to move in with his brother, my uncle. Yeah, that's how that works. And he said if it doesn't work out, if he can then move in with me, my wife, my child. So we've only had this house for three months,

saved a very long time to get this house. Good for you. Prior to us getting the house though, we asked him several times if he wanted to move in with us. If so, then he could help us with making a down payment for a house. I'm so mad house Wow um said no each time we asked them now that I have a house he asked me if he could then move in I don't believe it's so great wow my uncle that's so long I don't want

my dad to be homeless or it doesn't work out with him too fucking bad is what I say But also now It's kind of too late. We don't have enough room in our house Yeah, and we don't have enough money to support him either course Let me know what you guys Have what a real helps Life issue, dude. I just, I just don't know what to do.

I'm kinda stuck here. Thanks. What a real life issue, dude. Let's start with the already happened, already is the case before we tell you how to move forward. First of all, your dad is a king asshole of the world. Your dad is such a big fucking asshole. It's hard to even like-

Probably not gonna like that you said that. It doesn't matter. Dude, telling it like it is. Your dad is a fucking asshole. So hardcore. It's just unbelievable how big of an asshole your dad is. He is a king asshole. He's an emperor asshole. Okay, you know?

Emperor asshole. Going twofold. This guy fucking, you're asking him over and over again. Yeah. Dad, if you want, you could live with us. Right. Let's pool our money together, get an even bigger house so all of us can live comfortably.

That's cheap. Dad says, no. Well, I wanna know what it means. Let me just keep this real quick, okay? All right, all right, all right, okay. Dad says, no. Uh-huh. Okay, fine. S me just keep this short, okay? Dad says, no. Okay, fine. Saves up, saves up, saves up.

Him and his wife and his kid finally get to buy a house. It's not big, barely fits just the three of them, but it's good enough and it is a house and that's all that matters. They buy it three weeks after that happens. Dad sells his own house. Was it three? Or three months maybe, but maximum three months.

Yeah, three months, three months. And then he comes to him with this bullshit. What, what, here? What a fucking asshole. Boundaries, right? I don't like the word boundaries. I don't like when people are like my boundaries because they always overshare their boundaries,

but this is definitely a boundary situation, okay? Unbelievable. I think that I'm mad for him. Here's some advices. Well, no, I wanna know, what I wanna know is, what I wanna know is, what does it mean if it doesn't work out when I live with my brother? It means I'm happy you guys bought a house without my money so now that I can fucking mooch off you

when this inevitably doesn't fucking work out. But no, no, I understand. But what is not working out living with your brother? It's just annoying? No shit, it is annoying. Because you wanna not live with your brother, you wanna live on your brother. It's just annoying. No shit. It is annoying because you, you wanna not live with your brother. You wanna live on your own. You're 50 or whatever the fuck old you are, 60.

So you eat that. You do it anyway. You don't move into your son after you said, no, don't worry about me. I'm not helping. I think I'm assuming what it meant is if the uncle ends up not okay with it. If my brother ends up not ultimately be okay. Oh but I thought he already is in with the uncle. I

Don't know. Oh, whatever either way. Well what I took it as if longer term my brother realized that situation. Yeah, it's terrible, dude Also, you're his son the opposite that should not be how it works Like if dad or mom did that to us we would have to be like, okay But it would set. We'd be like, that sucks. We asked them if they wanted to before we bought the house and then we bought the house. We don't have enough room. Oh man.

How mad is his wife? Also, he did end up selling his house. He could have had enough money to go in on. Also, it sucks for, yeah, his wife. Oh my God. Honestly, have your wife answer to your dad, no, fuck you, get out of here. Yeah, you could also, I mean,

Go that route, dude. Perfectly, like if this happened to Kristen's mom or dad or whatever, I like them, and you know, this isn't about that. But if that had nothing to do with you, I don't know, I know. I would say, oh, use me as an excuse. Say I won't. Exactly.

Yeah, so maybe your wife is down with you. Yeah, get you or your wife is the ticket here. Damn, that is aggravating. Yeah. So maybe your wife is down with you. Yeah get you your wife is to take it here. Damn. That's that is aggravating. Yeah Fuck that. Mm-hmm. Fuck your dad, dude. Okay, fuck your father You know, he's a king asshole. Okay next one. Okay Hi guys Shannon and Shannon

Babies I do have an interesting one for you today. Hello. My mom and I VQ. This is Shannon. Hi, Shannon. And my daughter, Brynn. Oh, hi, Brynn. We're both babies. I do have an interesting one for you today. That little girl is so cute. My mom and I don't say I love you to each other. Your mom and I are here, huh? Wow. Obviously, we do love each other very much. That's not obvious.

We've just never been that way. We don't casually say it. Mom, uh-huh. Like, when you hang up the phone, okay, you have me by. Mom and daughter is odd, yeah. We've just never done it. Interesting. She's an amazing yeah. Just never done it. Interesting. She's an amazing woman.

She's very strong. She raised me herself. But she's also Irish, so she doesn't like love to talk about her feelings. Well yeah, forget it. Say no more. It's just always been unspoken with us that we love each other. All that being said,

my husband and I say it to each other. All that being said, my husband and I say it to each other constantly, every day. Say it to our daughter constantly, every day. So as she grows up, I'm starting to wonder, is she gonna be confused as to why mom and grandma don't say it, but we all say it? And, you know, there's many ways you can screw up your kids. So I guess I'm just wondering what you think about that.

And if I shouldn't start saying it's my mom or like, is that so weird to start saying it on the blue? Sounds dumb, but like, I don't wanna make her uncomfortable. Yeah, please let me know. And also please do Lifeline Live in Boston and please offer VIP because it's a dream of mine to meet you both. Okay, thank you very much. Love you, bye. Look at that baby. So cute. Look at her eyes. I think... I said look at her eyes before you did. Okay, well you always say look at

that person's eyes that left everything. So I'm... You said it this time and I'm just letting you know that I'm doing it. That I letting you know- So now that I'm doing it- That I said it first. But now that I'm doing it, it really means something. I- So what happens? I think, here's what happens when you have kids, okay? You start realizing how fucked up your parents are.

And what you don't have because you're like, oh, wait, why didn't my parents do this? It seems so obvious to you, but it wasn't to your parents because they're a different person and your kids are gonna think I'm out of you. But, so, you know, I'm glad that you're breaking the cycle and telling your daughter, you know, how much you love her and all that shit every day. But it's just like, this is exactly what happens

when you have kids. It makes you realize things about you. And it invites you to think about things that you need to now take control of or rethink of your life, of your life. So yeah, I think that it is something you should think about doing, talking about this with your mom,

because you're gonna be around a lot longer than she is. It's on your mind if it's not on hers She's your mom. She's still got to take care of you in a way. So It is something to bring up if you want to bring it up I mean, I think that that's exactly one of the reasons why kids make you they make you think of that having them Yeah, I think definitely bring it up with your mom not like hey mom. What's wrong with you? Why did you know? So you let me just be, hey, I love you, but I never say it. And I realize we never say it in general. It's less about why is that?

And is there a reason for that? And let's dig deep. But like, don't you think maybe we should start saying it? I've realized this because my relationship with my own daughter, she can't even talk yet. She doesn't know what I'm saying yet, but I'm telling her I love her. And it's made me think about our relationship,

and I think we should start saying it to each other. That, then it's all about just moving forward. What if your mom's like, every time we hang up the phone, I let you hang up first, and I say I love you to the dial tone, you know? You don't know. Poetry. I mean, that doesn't happen, obviously,

because that's not what happens, because. It could be. No, because by then she would have said, hey, sweetie, wait, don't hang up. I have something else to say. And that is, yeah. No, because she lets it do, because she's too insecure to say it.

She does it on purpose. On purpose, yeah. Got it, got it, got it, got it. You hang up and she goes, her, I love ya. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Dude, I, yeah, that's, you know, what a bummer. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, you seem like a well-adjusted, cool person, but I mean, what the fuck do I know? But like, you know, that's nice that you're saying it here.

I mean, how could you not love a little baby like that? It doesn't have to be a bummer. You could start saying it now. No, I'm saying it's a bummer between you and your mom. I know, but you could. If it is. But you could start saying it now and it wouldn't be a bummer. All right.

Sure, it's just, you know, it's, it's... Yeah, what a, wow, real life issues, huh? Real life issues. Yeah. I say I love you to my kids so much I can't even believe it. I think that it's probably a noise then. Maybe cut it out a little bit. Tone it down. What if my now future Calvin and Billy call into a show, Lifeline, whoever the poster are then when they're older,

they're like, hey man, my dad told me he loved me too much, I never said it to my kids. Hey, my dad told me he loves me too much, now I'm a serial killer because of that. Yeah, I'm on the run. I don't know. Yeah, it's interesting how kids do that though. Do what?

They make you think of things about your childhood. Oh yeah. So crazy dude. Sometimes I'm sitting with, it's mostly Calvin because Calvin's older and I remember kind of myself-ish. You don't ever shit at Billy's age. So sometimes I'm just like holding Calvin and I feel not only like me, but I also feel like,

and I have nothing to compare this to, because I'm not him, but I also feel like dad to me. And I feel like dad. I feel like I'm the dad now. And then I feel, I imagine myself as dad. Okay. Our dad. And then Calvin also another version of me. And that's when I have to sit down, dude.

Because it's really weird when I get, when I start feeling that way. And I, and then I snap back and I look at Calvin as Calvin and then me also as me and then I can also feel what it was like when I was Calvin's age. Me as Calvin's age. It's the hardest thing to describe and it's the most wild, most wildest feeling in my life. But yeah, it's just, it's just crazy. That's the wildest feeling you've ever had? I think so, because when I imagine our parents passing,

like it's gonna be sad, of course. And then I think about, oh, at least I still have my family. You know what I'm saying? It's not like my whole family is passed away. My family of origin has passed. So I have now my own family. And not that I transfer that love to that, all the love, but it just, that support and that love feels like it can hold me down.

And I think about like people who then don't have kids and are really close with their parents. that support and that love feels like it can hold me down. And I think about like people who then don't have kids and are really close with their parents and then their parents pass, like what the fuck do they do? Party it up. DMX. Fucking fuck bitches, you know what I'm saying?

Oh shit, mom and dad are dead. Duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh. Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh dad or dead. You're gonna make me lose my mind. Up in here with the casket. Yep, with the pallbearers. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Anyway. It's crazy, man.

Life, huh? Didn't mean to get too deep. Life, huh? We said that was the craziest feeling. Have we were... I think so. Maybe. Have we were busting a nut on ecstasy?

Because that's up there too. Did you bust a nut at ecstasy? Because that's up there too. Da-dum-dum-dum-dum. Did you bust a nut on ecstasy? What? Have you? Have I? Yeah. No, I was kidding. So judging me so hard.

I never busted a nut on ecstasy or any of this. I've actually never been on ecstasy, so that's the only reason I haven't busted a nut on it. Same. I bet if I did ecstasy, I would be really trying to bust a nut somewhere though. That's what they say about ecstasy. I heard about this. But I'm coming busting.

I think it's a think it's an urban legend that people say, oh, it ruins sex. You got to be careful. Can that be true? No, that can't be right. No. Okay, nice. Next. This is an ad by BetterHelp.

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Get started today at questrade.com. So, Coxsure. Zoé. Hey, Krithen Matt. I am calling on behalf of a friend because she's too shy, but she is looking for advice from you guys. Lying. Tell me about her.

She is somebody who... Her job is to work with colleges in her area, and she does these trainings where she's training them on how to use their software. But she is running into a problem where she is getting hit on in the middle of these trainings and she is too modest. She's an attractive lady. She won't say she is, but she is. She needs something funny to say in that moment because she wants to keep up her professional, but she just does not know how to handle these situations when she is just so blatantly getting hit on during these trainings.

Any advices for her would be much appreciated. Love you guys, thank you. I wonder, I mean, the more overt they are about hitting on her, the better it would be to sort of clap back, but that's tough because you're still at the end of the day in a work setting. Yeah, I don't think you need to be funny. I think it's like, you got all the power in the world if that happens. So what would you suggest?

For instance, like obviously we don't have any specific... Well, she probably doesn't want, she's modest. She probably doesn't want to be in an uncomfortable situation. That's what I'm saying. Like you don't want to make this so fucking weird. Unless the person's so super overt. Wear a wedding, wear a ring to a marriage. Oh shit.

Or like, you know. You always say that and that's, I never think about that. It's such a, what do you call it? No brainer. Yeah. I mean, maybe you don't want to wear a ring, you don't want to lie.

Or what if, what if you do see a guy that you like and you're like, oh, fuck, you got to take your ring off. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I don't know. But I think that you could do that. And like, trying to think of something funny is just not going to work on a guy. Guys are just going to be like, ha ha huh, you wanna go to Ruth's Chris? They could be taking even a joke

as an invitation for more too. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like, oh, and she's funny? Right, right. Dude. It's like, yeah. Yeah.

Jeez, God, guys are so dumb. You wanna go to Ilfernaio? About this kind of shit. Ilfernaio. Wow. I'll get the risotto. It's got such good risotto, dude. Oh, the risotto is bomb at Ilfernaio.

The mushroom, the saffron mushroom risotto, dude? Yungo? What? You're married? Oh, man, I didn't see your ring. Okay. Fine. Damn. I guess, uh... Welcome back to class because she's out of college. I guess, uh, wear a ring. That's a good idea.

I always think that's good because it's like, it's so... But guys do are so annoying. It's so annoying when that happens. It's fine. Look, it's hard to hit on a woman. If you're a single guy, it's hard. You just, there's a lot at stake. You don't want to fucking be embarrassed. You don't want to get it. So when a guy does it, you don't owe him anything, but it's like, Oh, it's, it's, it's sweet unless he's a dick about it, right? So the hard thing for you is declining. So we each have our shit that we have to deal with. But that's annoying, yeah, that is annoying. I don't know if there's any way to joke out of that situation

because then again, you guys are idiots. Right, and then there's the thing of like, do you wanna really be a dick in the situation? Because then not only are you in a work setting, but you're also potentially like, again, this sucks. This only makes your, only highlights how annoying it is for you even more. But like, then you run the risk of the guy being like, oh, okay, whoa, you're like that. And it's just like, there's a lose-lose. I know, but that's a

lose-lose too. It's a loss all the way around. That's why the wedding ring is good because it sort of like plugs the hole before anything even gets close to slipping into it. I don't mean that hole if you don't think. So sexual. All right. All right, next one. Me. What up, Chris? What up, Matt? Me.

Hope you guys are doing well. Thank you for everything that you guys do. Thank you, bro. Love you very much. Thanks, man. My question is, is it annoying? Hope you guys are doing well. Thank you for everything that you guys do. Thank you very much My question is is it annoying? Yes, it's very annoying to me. It's a millennial thing I am a millennial. I don't feel like one. Yeah, same because of the lingo. I'm not in it I don't all right. Yeah, say it. I don't get it. We understand but the one thing that gets me enough is when people say Tell me why Don't be saying that unless you're a backstreet boy

Well, am I right? What tell me why I don't know it gets me every time while the lingo of the the new generation I'm not in it. Why I don't get it. I guess is what? But thank you guys so much for everything you do of just why I don't get it I guess is what he's um but thank you guys so much for everything you do he's saying because you could just always say why right you guys heard that no yeah this is what I'm sensing well go ahead yeah I don't know what he's talking about I don't oh go I mean I do yeah oh he does Anthony does yeah it's like tell me why this happens when you can just say why does this happen Anthony that's what Chris just said. It's right? OK.

Which I do, yes, on its face, that's annoying that it's become a thing. But I've never thought of it. No, it doesn't bother me at all. I so much haven't thought of it that I'm still confused. I would argue. I would argue that it's not even really a colloquialism. Yeah, it's not a thing.

Right. A thing is what you mean when you say, you mean a colloquialism. Yeah, it's not a thing. A thing is what you mean by when you say, you mean a colloquialism, yeah. Yeah, it's not like, I did a thing. Or what were the other ones you guys always talk about you don't like? Life is a movie. Last night was a movie.

Yeah, that kind of shit. Or like, you know. I mean, there's a ton of them. Or somebody says like standing on business. Yeah, standing on business is a bad, about yeah of all the ones to not like that's an that's a that's a really odd one actually, I would say I don't get me wrong. I like that it bothers you because I love when stuff bothers people and then you you know, get some humor out of it. But like that's that's a one that that's one that I haven't even registered and now I will. So thanks a lot.

Maybe he's just a really big Backstreet Boys fan. He takes offense. They're just thrown around the lyrics willy nilly and he doesn't appreciate that. Well, it's like, it's giving that one. It's giving? That's obviously, you don't dislike that more than tell me why? It's giving is the worst, dude. It'd be weird if the Backstreet Boys were just like, why ain't nothing but a heartache?

It wouldn't make any sense. Well, actually, tell me why. Anthony literally just walked out of the entire studio. Tell me why ain't nothing but a heartache doesn't make sense either, now that I think about it. This guy's. How do I look this up? I don't think it's a thing, dude.

Dude, I think it's. How did it get on the thing if you don't even know what he's talking about? Don't you look at him? I wanted to know if you guys. Oh, got it. I think it's a thing. It has to be a thing, dude.

No, it doesn't. Otherwise it doesn't make sense. Maybe he doesn't make sense. Maybe he's wrong. Then I'm pissed at him. I'm not pissed at him because I like that he's thought about something very important in his life.

People say tell me why a lot, but it's not a thing. It's like saying hi, it's just what it is. But I agree with him about saying, you could just say why. I don't, okay, you know what I don't like? You know what I don't like? When you ask somebody a question and they do that school teacher thing, where they go like this.

And then answer. Maybe you never registered that. Aren't they thinking? Yeah, but you can do that without doing... Oh bro, that's as annoying as tell me why being set with tell me why. No. That's just somebody thinking. No, but I dated a woman who used to do that. Okay, well that's different. Somebody you dated. You know, I'm like dude, I'm not in an interview with you. We love each other. Don't be pontificating. Bro, you have got some.

What? Asshole to loosen. You need to loosen your ass. What? That is crazy to be bent about that. That's crazy, dude. I don't have my asshole to loosen. To be Tupac Shabent about that is just crazy.

Dude, when people are just, you know, like Tucker Carlson would do that on his show. To be Tupac Shabent about that is just wacky. Okay, did you find anything? No? Didn't look the way it said no. Didn't look. All right, let's do another one.

It's giving is one of the worst ones. It's giving is unbelievably bad. Yeah. Yeah. Aw. Hi guys. I have a question about siblings. I am in two minds about having one or two children. Chris, this question is more so aimed towards you,

obviously. Did you find the transition from one to two harder or zero to one harder? Matt, I would like your opinion on siblings in general, I suppose. I know you guys would probably not have it any other way. Love you both. Chris, I saw you in Brisbane and it was one of the best comedy shows I've ever seen. I love your Australian accent.

Please never stop doing your soul impressions. All right, thanks guys. Bye. Thank you. Well, fortunate for you, I'm very annoying and I won't stop doing that. So, um. That baby, huh?

That Brisbane show, I can't remember which one that was. That was the one you said was kind of crazy. It was? That's what you said. No, that was the Adelaide one. That's what you said, yeah, Adelaide, yeah. Perth was the fucking killer. Perth was the fucking killer, yeah.

But wait, what the fuck? But wait, what? Brisbane was good. Brisbane was good. Brisbane was good, I of idea. Perth was the fucking killer. Perth was the fucking killer, yeah. But wait, what the fuck? But wait, what? Brisbane was good. Brisbane was good. Brisbane was good, I remember that. You know? What? Weren't there.

I'm remembering what you said. You remember what I said? Yeah. Wow. Okay. So, one is the hardest. Fucking Amy Mann.

Yeah, yeah, whatever. One is the loneliest number. Right, that's the one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. So one's the hardest because it's, your whole life is uprooted. Two.

And also you don't know what you're doing. Here's what I say about something that has nothing to do with kids. OK, stand up, all right? One show to do a show is tiring. To do two shows is not doubly exhausting. Sure, yeah.

It's more than doubly exhausting, because you already don't do it. No, well, fuck you. It's distracting. All right, I'll pause momentarily. No, no, no, I mean, dude, don't make it real. You know what I mean? I'll pause it for as long as if you're gonna, well fuck you. It's distracting. All right, I'll pause momentarily. No, no, no, no, I mean, dude, don't make it real, you know what I mean? I'll pause it, I'll pause it for as long as I feel like.

You don't have to pause it, but like, I'll put it on hold as long as I feel like. Sometimes you do this thing, where you make me feel bad. I'll put it, that's a you problem, dude. Boundaries, you do boundaries, dude. Congratulations, man. Stop saying boundaries.

You're a millennial. Stop saying boundaries. I'm a millennial, you're a Gen Z. Fucking continue. John Malkovich, Talking to a train conductor. Because it stopped. Go! Continue.

It's doubly exhausting, because you already are tired from the first show. You go into the second show, and it's not like you're starting from scratch. That would be double. You're now starting at a disadvantage of the tiredness, and then you're getting exponentially tired as the show goes on.

That is not what it's like having two kids. It is not doubly hard. Your life has already been uprooted by this one kid and you kind of just add the other kid on. It's not, it's not, it's not the same. It's more, it's harder, but you start doing things where you realize, and this is cool, if you have two kids, when one kid is napping, enjoy just the one kid now.

That is a relief. It's like you're on vacation. It actually feels like that. So yeah, I don't think it's too nuts to go to. Now, three, if I have three, if we have three, I don't know. You're then outnumbered. Hopefully the oldest one is... Three seems like the changer of all things. Yeah, it does. It does seem like it, but I don't know. Hopefully the oldest one is old enough to... he's pretty self-sufficient. And then the second one is at least old enough to do things like feed himself, you know what I mean?

And tell you what he needs, because if not, like some people just go, Irish on it, three years, two years, I got a three year old, two year old, one year old, my family, it's like, my God, dude. Seems so crazy. You don't ever know what anyone's talking about. Everything's a mess always. Yeah. And you're tired.

That's, people do it all the time though, it's nuts. I know. To think about. So yeah, I don't know. I don't, I think for us, and look, I know people are gonna be like, oh, but you have money, you have people, you know, it's easy for you to get help. I get it, I get that, I understand that.

Oh yeah, that's a big, big thing. And yes, it is a big thing. Yeah, it is that. I still thought, it is that, it is that. I still thought that it was going to be way harder and it's not as hard as I thought it was gonna be. Yeah, but you have money, it's easy for you to say that. Wow, you know?

Anyway, maybe she has money, you don't know. She looks like she's rich. You know? She looked rich to me. Because she's white, racist. No. Blacks can make money. Wow, you know? Yeah, she looks rich to me.

Rich in spirit. Should we do another one before we get done? Yeah, whatever, sure. Oh, so indifferent. Oh, that's great. Oh. Hey, Kirsten and Matt. How you guys doing?

Not on the phone. So my wife and I I we went out to dinner We live in New York City And we got set obviously at a tiny table with the table next to us basically in our laps So that was cool Anyways, everything's great. We order our food we get our first app and as our waiter is placing down our food The guy next to us goes that shit looks fire. We should have gotten that. The other couple girl that he's with. Yeah. Now my wife being my wife. Oh no. She hears that and goes do

you guys want to try some? Of course they say no. They're being polite and we continue on with the night. As we're getting our second appetizer, Oh no. he goes again, babe, wow, that looks so good. We should have gotten that. This guy is an asshole, the other guy. Now I don't even have time to react to that second one because the table behind my wife gets some sort of like extravagant food, seafood tower.

And again, he goes, okay, we really should have gotten that. And I let out a soft snicker. And again, he goes, okay, we really should have gotten that and I let out a soft snicker We're now at the point where my wife is like looking directly at me because she knows how I'm feeling she knows like what I'm thinking Yeah, that's And you know, this couple is so bad at going out to eat that they pick all the wrong things Has this guy ever been anywhere?

This guy has unlimited money because how you gonna should have gotten everything? Yeah. Yeah. Anyways time has passed so I'm not thinking about the guy. They've been enjoying their food So obviously he won't say anything. Okay, but we get our pastas and he goes Babe, those are the pastas we should have got. Come on. I audibly go uh-uh It slipped. Pretty conscious, it slipped. Nice. Now in my head, my wife and I leave. To the waiter, we're heading out. In my head.

You can leave the check on his table because our food is now theirs. Oh, nice. This really is a table for four and congratulations, he's paying. Yeah, dude! Now, would you guys have stopped this guy dead in his tracks up to the first app, second

app? What should I have done? Oh, man. Anyway, it's chrisaleed.com for tickets. I'll be in Toronto, Bismarck, Sioux Falls, and check out the private record, obviously. Bye. Dude, that does sound like a voice we've heard before, but let me- It does.

Hold on though, before we even get into that, man, I wish that happened to me, dude. Fuck! Well, what would you have done? I wanna know what I would say. Bro! Yeah. What's the deal, man? By the last one.

What did you get? Dog shit? By the last one, I would have said, like, what? Come on, what are you doing? Like, what, you just. Did you get a plate of crackers and piss? Yeah, what the fuck? But beyond that, like, what's with the commentary? Oh, it's great. Bro. How boring are you doing? Like what you just get a plate of crackers and piss. Yeah, what the fuck but but beyond that like what's with the commentary?

Oh, it's great. Bro. How boring are you? Have you ever been somewhere? It'd be great If each time he said it he moved this table a little bit over more and more and then he just joined them Yeah, but yeah, you know what you say it again. I'm gonna make it eat what I get next Open up. I'm doing the airplane thing. Part of me Part of me would have thought it's like a con, like he's trying to get food. Or he's fucking with you. Right, that's what I mean.

It's like too much to be normal. That's so, imagine being that guy's date. Well, who knows if she was as quirky as he is. He's not getting laid. She's not fucking that guy. He could have been fucking sitting across from Joan Cusack though. You don't know how quirky she is. It's not quirky,. She's not fucking that guy. He could have been fucking sitting across from Joan Cusack, though, you don't know how quirky she is.

It's not quirky. That's just like, it's definitely this loser shit. It's just weird. Oh man, look at me. Could you imagine, okay, so imagine yourself in that situation, the appetizer come out. Oh man, we should have got that. Do you want some?

Oh no, that's, okay. Then the second one comes out. Oh baby, that's what we should have gotten. Already I feel weird, already that's insane. And this guy did it two more times? Oh, the pasta, babe. Dude, that's insane and I never wanted to see someone's face on the audio call more than that.

Why would he not show his face on the? I don't know, maybe we do know him. We must know. His voice does sound familiar. It's so familiar. But sometimes it's just somebody from the real world, you know, you never know. The real world.

You just have heard the voice before, or maybe they call before. No, I think we know that person, and I wanna know who it was and I'm pissed. What the fuck? Well, they probably know, but dude, that is just crazy, man. That is so funny.

That's really funny. I love that. I also, we'll tell you this much, I wanna be, I'm that guy's friend now, the other guy. Yeah. You know me. You're also this guy's friend. No, yeah, it's great. You made two friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, great's friend now the other guy. Yeah, you know me also this guy's friend. You know, that's great I'm a two friends. Yeah. Yeah. Oh great. I just make great friends

Yeah, right if I was another person witnessing this guy witnessed that I now all of a sudden I got to buy more Christmas gifts come Christmas. Yes. This is great close friend. I got close new friend I'm basically family. Hey guys, you mind if I join you two because you're obviously together and then we're all together Yeah, I'll pay the bill. Fuck it, you mind if I join you too? Because you're obviously together and then we're all together. I'll pay the bill, fuck it, you know? Yeah. That's great. And he is right, I'm going to be at Toronto and Bismarck. Oh no, this will be after the Toronto show, this will come out after the Toronto show.

Because we shot it early. But yeah, Bismarck and Sioux Falls. ChrisLee.com, thank you very much. Petschland.com slash Lifeline Luxury. Make sure you, if you're in the area and it's possible on December 5th come to the Lifeline live show. If you can't make it make sure you're signed up for the patreon at patreon.com slash Lifeline luxury. All of the live shows will be

taped and up there for the patreon members to see. Thank you very much.