Lifeline - 136. The Clenchening

Episode Date: November 17, 2024

Live show Dec 5 in Oxnard! Tickets here! LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Also has a full live show. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline TODAY we’re talking about bangs on women, long distance relationships, financial advice for friends with kids, winking, girls making moves on boys, and burping vs. farting. Also there’s some Star Wars stuff in here.  💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So I first came to Edward Jones with a great deal of trepidation. When I first met with my advisor and I really was feeling vulnerable about what I would have to share, I was of course pleasantly surprised to find that there was absolutely no judgment and a lot of support. And when it was time to get serious, he really took my hand and helped me to do that. Edward Jones. We do money differently. Visit edwardjones.ca slash different. My parents have had a lot of time on their hands lately. At first, it was nice. Hey mom, can you drive me to soccer practice? Sure can. We're having slow cooked ribs for dinner. It was awesome. And then it became a lot. Some friends are coming over to watch a movie. Oh, what are we watching? I'll make some popcorn.

Thanks to Voila, they can order all our fresh favorites from Sobeez, Farm Boy, and Longos online, which is super reliable. And now my parents are reliable, a little too reliable. Voila, your groceries delivered just like that. This NFL season, get in on all the hard hitting action with FanDuel, North America's number one sportsbook. You can bet on anything from money lines to spreads and player props,

or combine your bets in a same-game parlay for a shot at an even bigger payout. Plus, with super simple live betting, lightning fast bet settlement, and instant withdrawals, FanDuel makes betting on the NFL easier than ever before. So make the most of this football season and download FanDuel today. 19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling Palm call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Irvine, California. I have a lot of dates in Southern California, but Irvine and Brea

and Covina. And then we will be doing a live show in Oxnard. We'll be doing a live show, Lifeline Live Oxnard, California, chrisley.com. And here we go for the new episode of Lifeline. You know, it's 136, Sunday. Happy birthday, Martin Scorsese. Episode 136. What'd I say? You said it's 136, like that was the time. It's not. It's 136, yeah. Well, but yeah, well, no, I know, not the time,

but it's, I mean, it's episode 136. I knew what I did. I didn't make a mistake. What's your favorite Martin Scorsese movie now that this is birthday? Ooh, I don't know. Meet the Deedles? Nope. What?

Well, no, that's not a Martin's question. What's your favorite? I mean, I like, I really like Goodfellas. I really like Casino. I really like, what's that one? Mean Streets? Yeah, I really like that one.

Casino, Goodfellas, f***ing other stuff. Idiot. Mean Streets. Yeah, I really like that one casino good fellows Fuckin other stuff idiot King of Comedy that one's great. That one's great. Kate fear age of innocence. What else you got for me? I mean, you know forgot after two couldn't think of any more and then said three more and said what else you got for me There's a big gap between those two though. Casinos is best movie proved me wrong. Anybody in the comments for me wrong Whatever you type it you're wrong. I like Meet the Deedles and I like, Bio Dome, I like when he did Bio Dome. What if he redid Bio Dome and,

wow, that would be really cool. See, I- It'd be better than what he's doing now. Well, all right. Just make four hour movies about like, Native Americans, you know? Yeah, that was actually good. I didn't like it.

Oh really? I was bored patreon.com slash lifeline luxury if you sign up for the lifelong for the patreon It keeps this show going and you get extra episodes a month three Extra it's it's a lifeline luxury. It's a it's a different show. It's not even we don't even take submissions we just we just BS around brotherly love and submissions we just we just BS around brotherly love and subscribe to our YouTube trying to get up to six hundred and twenty five thousand I think we're like 610 right now so subscribe if you're not subscribed subscribe subscribe subscribe had it has a tick so there you go and then there's merch out there at watchlifeline.com. So it is November.

Yeah. Have you been... It's weirdly hot out in LA. It's pissing me off. Cause I dress, cause it's cold in the morning. I get dressed to be cold. And then in the middle of the day, it's like 80 degrees. Yeah. I will say the discrepancy between 7 a.m. and 3 p.m.

It's crazy. It's crazy but I would not say it's warm. It's warm out right now. Yeah I wouldn't say that. It's like in the what is it it's in the high 70s? No no no no no. Is it? Yeah dude. Hey Siri what's the weather like? 73. 75. Okay. Well, that's too cold for me, but yeah. Too cold? Yeah. We don't know. I want it to always be like 78. I mean, so close, you know?

No, it's actually not. Dude, a degree difference is crazy. You ever notice that? No. Change your air a degree different when you go home. It's either the best or the worst. You always have it like a hot house, your house. It's so warm.

Kristen will turn off the heat and I wake up, like demolition man, I'm like this. At six a.m. I'm just like this. And I'm like, oh God. So there's just no heat on at all in the house? Yeah, and I put it over, my stuff over, and then it just takes, and then I'm still, oh God. So there's just no heat on at all now? Yeah, and I put it over, I put my stuff over, and then it just takes, and then I'm still not good enough. Then I gotta go pee, and I gotta get up,

and I'm like, and I go and I pee, and then I gotta go turn on the heat. I turn on the heat, one degree difference, turn on the heat, I went from 72 to 73, because I know she'll get mad if I go above that, bro. And it was so dope,, and it was so dope. Oh, it was so dope. It was so comfortable.

What was the temperature in the house when you went to go to? 70. But you know, what? Yeah, the thermostat's never really right. I don't understand why the thermostat's so wrong. I think I know why. Here's my theory, is that different places in the house

are different. Yeah, and where the thermostat is. And where the air comes out is colder than where, you know, down the hall or something. Yeah, and my house is all messed up because of that. Yeah. It's stinky. You mean it's bad, it's not stinky?

No, it doesn't smell. It's just like a sticky situation. Yeah, like my bathroom, my downstairs bathroom is different than my study. My massage layer is different than my- Massage layer, what does that even mean, you know? Different than my second attic, you know what I mean? Like different, different, you know.

Yeah, the worst is- My sixth office is a little bit different. It's a little bit colder than, right? When I moved into my house, I didn't have AC anywhere or central or anything. And in the summers, it was brutal. But then when I put, the guys came to put. And in the summers it was brutal. But then when I put, the guys came to put the AC in the house. AC in the house.

They were like, there's no way to put it in every room because it's so old. There's stuff blocking the way out. So only some rooms have vents. And so some rooms are just hot as hell or cold as hell. And the other rooms, because they overcompensate, they're either really, really hot or really, really called stinky situation.

But it makes it seem like it smells bad when you say stinky. But I say situation afterwards, so everybody knows it's not about the odor. It's just an overall, the stinkiness is in spirit, not in your nose. The worst sentence, the stinkiness is in spirit, not in your nose. So, all right the stinkiness is in spirit not in your nose. So, all right, cool.

Well, that's great. And it is time to not talk about that anymore. Yeah, I agree with that. Okay. For sure. What's up? Did you talk about the new merch? I did, yeah, I said it. Okay, cool, yeah.

We got it out there. WatchLifeline.com. You gotta get it supported and wear it at the Oxnard show, the live show that we're doing. Bring it. You could also, probably we'll have it there to buy, right? I'm not sure actually. We should do that.

Yeah, we should. Last time it was popping off and we were signing stuff for everybody. It was cool. At a club. So what's going on? You've been on the road a little bit. A little bit, yeah.

You know, when I go three weeks, I went like three weeks without doing the actual road. And then I went and I was ready to go. When I go every other weekend, it's too much. But that's weird because every other weekend is every two weeks and then you took three weeks. Yes, so that's the cutoff. Really, it's three weeks. I want to go once took three weeks. Yes. So that's the cutoff, really, is three weeks. I want to go once every three weeks. I see.

I see. And it's hard, though, because I want to stack that YAPE, right? I want to stack that YAPE. So it's like I could go every week, but then I'm missing out on my kids' lives. So I'm like, stack that YAPE, kids' lives, stack that YAPE, kids' lives. You know what I mean?

But you can stack that YAPE, be involved, stack that YAPE, be involved. Generally, how often do you go, would you say? Every other week. Oh, okay. So, cause I need to stack that Yate. That's a good, you know, what do you call it? Middle ground of, cause I'm not gonna go every weekend.

But what I do wanna do is bring the fam. I wanna start doing that, but I really gotta start stacking that Yate to do that. Cause then it's all flights, all coattails. That would be crazy. Yeah, but it'd be so fun. But it's too young. Billy's too young for that now, but.

He's flown now. Yeah, he just. He has flown, yeah. And it's actually too, I don't think that you should be expected to go anywhere your first four years of being a parent in any, for any kid. Like if you have a kid under four, basically, you shouldn't be expected to do any trip with them. I feel like your tune has changed

between Kyle and Billy though. Well, okay, so when you have two, it's way different. One is you can do it, I guess. But if you have two, yeah, so that's what I should do. That's what I should amend it then okay so if you have two kids and one of them is under four you should not be expected to be anywhere I mean I mean weddings any with if the kid has to go making so many amendments but no but I'm just saying like it's just it's saying you leave the kids at home or you don't go and that's okay because it's just... it is pandemonium, dude.

Is it that crazy? I mean I can't imagine. I mean I can handle taking care of two kids with you know a wife and you have your... yeah right... your... when you have your system but once you are like need to go somewhere and fly, and then dude, a lot of flights you need to, if you need to connect, dude. That can't even imagine. You might as well take Rison. It is unbelievable.

Kristen almost didn't make the plane, the connecting flight. With Billy. Only Kristen, oh. Because she was like napping with him and I was like, come on Cal. She was like running with Billy. I had to like hold up the plane. Oh my God.

Why were you guys so far apart? Because, dude, it was the Dallas airport. The Dallas airport's like seven cities long. Atlanta's like that, it's brutal. Dallas, Atlanta, Chicago, Minnesota. Shouldn't be that big, man. LAX, LAX is all right, but LAX got, by the way, it got way better.

LAX got way better, I will say. 10 years ago it was not fine. Yeah, I don't mind LAX is all right, but LAX got way better. LAX got way better, I will say. 10 years ago was not fine. Yeah, I don't mind LAX anymore. Not anymore, but you did or what? I don't remember it being that bad. Okay, fair enough, okay, fair enough. It's just not as big as Atlanta sucks. Okay, fair enough.

It's like a whole city. Okay, fair enough, fair enough, fair enough. You know why LAX isn't as bad as those? Because those are hubs. Dude, the hubs, LAX is a hub, but it's too far on the West coast that it sucks. Dude, hubs are the worst. Even Denver's bad.

Define hub. What is it? I know what the word means. The one where all the connecting flights connect. But LAX is like that. I know, but it's too far West. I mean, to where? Not to, like, if you gotta go to, from Dallas to Oklahoma,

you don't connect to LAX. Sure, yeah. In the middle of countries, you're bonkers. Dude, if you need to go to Bismarck, I gotta go to Bismarck, I gotta go through Denver. There's no way I can just go to Bismarck. Denver's like that. Yeah.

What's the conspiracy theory about the Denver airport? I'm so smart when it comes to fucking airports, dude. Do you know about that then? If you're so smart, what's the conspiracy theory about the Denver airport? That underneath it, it has a thing? Yeah, what is that? I don't know about it. Okay, so tell me though, I don't know. I don't know, the Illuminati's got something under it. It's not true, so obviously, that's the conspiracy theory about the Denver Airport? That underneath it, it has a thing? Yeah, what is that? I don't know about it. OK, so tell me, though.

I don't know. I don't know. The Illuminati's got something under it. It's not true. So obviously, that's the whole thing. Underneath it's like a Baphomet statue, people think. Yeah, there's that horse statue that they think is demonic. Right.

Baphomet, yeah. That'd be crazy if it were an airport. Five wild ones? Whoa, there's five of them? All right, let's get into it. It was built by the New World that we're on. It's so vague. The giant blue horse sculpture is a nod

to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The red eyes, you know. Hey, obviously don't sculpt the eyes red. Known locally as Bluecifer, okay? Keep going. It contains the Illuminati headquarters. Dude, just like, if you think that, find out. Right, hey, dude, dig.

Yeah, find out. Hey, dude, go down there, go down there. Underground tunnels have secret bunkers? Oh, that's where they are then. But they don't, you know? The artwork provides clues about the end of the world. Hey dude, providing clues is great. What that presupposes is that people know

what the end of the world is gonna be and then they can look at the murals and be like, oh, that's what's gonna happen because I already know. So it already makes sense. That's what they said about how like, they were gonna, the world was gonna end cause what's his name? Who's that really famous, Nostradamus?

He was saying that the world was gonna end when some like blonde haired leader came from the, and it was, he was ever- Barbra Streisand? Everyone would say it was Trump. And then he, Biden won. So in my back of my head, I was like, oh, so he was wrong. And then he, Biden won. So in my back of my head, I was like, oh, so he was wrong. And then now he's back.

And now look. Okay, so maybe honestly he was right. And I know it's time to get in submissions, but how many times have you cracked a rib? Zero. Zero? Yeah, you? How about you guys?

Zero. Zero, wow, I've done it three times and I'm currently on my third. What, bro? I have a cracked. You don't even like have an active ass lifestyle. I have a cracked rib. I mean, you move around though.

Yeah, but no, but like you're not doing anything hectic. Well, I used to play sports. That's when it first happened. Okay, one. When I was young. Second one? When I was in high school. The second one was, oh, I broke a,

I literally, the worst one was this. I broke a rib coughing once. I was so sick. I remember that, that's crazy. And then this one, I fell off like a little ladder doing something on my roof. Oh, fuck. And this one was the only time I really, really, really

felt it right when it happened. I was like, oh no. You know when you get so hurt sometimes, you instantly think, oh, I have to be at a hospital. And it's the worst feeling in the world because you just don't want to ever be at a hospital. On the way down, you should have said, hospital time. It was one of those things where you get hurt

where you stand up and you just, everyone around you is like, oh, what happened? Everyone was so worried about me. All the spectators watching me do the thing on my roof. There was a whole crowd. They went, oh, like a golf tournament. Yeah. Anyway, it hurts really bad.

And I'm pissed. I'm just perpetually pissed. There's nothing you can do for it. Nope. You just got to wait it out. So that's the rest. Well, don't cough. All right.

I don't have to. Next one. But it hurts to laugh, so I'm going to try not to, no offense. First one. No. In advance, no offense cough. All right. I don't have to. Next one. But it hurts to laugh. So I'm gonna try not to, no offense. First one. No, in advance, no offense. Impossible around me. We'll see. Hi, Chris and Matt.

My name's Maggie. Hey, Maggie. Me and my boyfriend, Ethan, are huge fans of the show. No, you don't have a boyfriend. Chris, you were my first comedy show ever. Hell yeah. I had a question for you guys about bangs. I don't know how we feel about bangs.

She bangs, she bangs. I feel like they make me look super young. And I teach high school English. I'm 23, so I can't really afford to look any younger than I do because the kids won't really respect me. Are the bangs making me look super young? Do we think bangs are for adult women at all? If they're not, let me know and I'll get rid of them.

But yeah, how do we feel about bangs? That's all, love you guys. People have weird things about bangs, particularly women, but men do too. They're like, if you like bangs and you think they look good on you, have bangs. But if you don't, then don't. But there's not like a hard and fast rule about bangs.

Also, you look young. And the reason for that is you are very young. You're 23 years old. That's only eight years older than me. I am crazy young. I think that bangs, I do have opinions about bangs. I think mostly people should not have them, period. But if you have a really pretty face, you can have them.

I think it really takes, and even at that, I think you need to be a certain type of pretty face to have bangs. It really is. Maggie's pretty. She's not typical. They're not typical bangs. When I think of bangs, Maggie Zara is not what I think. Yeah, same. And they can be good, but I just, I don't know. I guess I never really thought about they make people look younger or not. I don't know. Have you? I've heard that. I've heard women say that. Oh really? I should get on. I've heard women say that. Oh really?

I should get on. I talk to a lot of women. Women talk to me all the time. It's crazy and everybody knows it. I still get bangs, dude. I probably look so much younger. I like bangs that are like future woman bangs where it's just like, and they're a little too high.

Oh dude, Matt. It's like she's in the fifth element and I'm just gonna get in a taxi that floats, you know? Matt. With her. How are we so different on that? We're so different on a lot of, but that's the most. I mean, I get a visceral teeth clenching teeth clenching, just adding syllables. Just I, I, I, when I see teeth clenching, two short bangs,

Teeth clenching and bangs. Two short bangs, like from a future woman. Dude, I get blood curdling teeth quenching. Just, I get crazy, bro. Why? Why does anything like that make you mad? I don't like it. That's a sign of someone having an amazingly great life when you get mad about someone's bangs.

She bangs, she bangs. But it's like. Whoa, whoa, baby, and she moves, she moves. A lounge singer. Hurt my rib. But how? But like, just either have bangs or don't, dude. Don't kind of have bangs. Yes, figure it out.

That's completely boldly having bangs, though. Yeah. What's funny is that everyone knows when I say future woman bangs, everybody knows what I'm talking about. I have long bangs. What? I have long bangs. Bangs are so long, you have long bangs what I have long bangs bangs are so long. He came to tell the banks. Oh I have it back. I have Bangs idiot. So uh, no, I yeah, I don't I don't that's a big big no-no That's a big no-no when they have the high bangs a big no-no

That is a big no-no when they have the high bangs. A big no-no. That is a big no-no. I mean, if you have high, high bangs, you've got to have really healthy titties. Well, it can't be like baby bangs, like just down like dumb and dumber. I'm talking about like, no, I... No, no, no. Oh, okay.

Oh, okay, I'm talking about baby ones. But baby bangs are a thing. I know, they're awful. No, no, no, no, no. I don't mean you style. baby bangs are a thing. I know, they're awful. No, no, no, no, no. I don't mean you style. Baby bangs are a thing that people have. It's crazy, and it's very unfortunate. I dated a woman who has actual baby bangs.

They're like short, curly. That's different. Let me speak. They're short, curly hairs. Yeah. Farn. I'm speaking. I know.

Wow. Kamala Harris. Kamala Harris. How about that blast from the past, huh? Kamala Harris, huh? Did she say that? I'm speaking like that? Yeah, yeah.

She's like famous for that. It's like her thing. It's like her thing. Oh no. Nobody wants to be president. That and saying that transgender inmates that try to cross the border are gonna get free surgery. Transgender inmates that are trying

to cross the border, you know? Gonna lose the election. Yeah. Oh, you said that on camera? Gonna lose the election. Yeah. Oh, you said that on camera? Gonna lose the election. But yeah. Try to get six votes? But yeah.

I knew you'd laugh like that about that joke. I'm amazing. You didn't know anything. You didn't know anything. You didn't know anything. Okay. And here's the kicker. You don't know anything. And here's the kicker, you don't know anything.

Oh, my rib hurts. But yeah, I know, man. This is the place where the banks can go. If they're way up high, we don't want that. A place where the banks can go. A Casey Affleck movie where he would be nominated. A place where the banks can go. A Casey Affleck movie where he would be nominated. A place where the banks can go. Wow, dude.

A place, she's from a place where the banks can go. The worst song in fucking history. Holey ho ho. Cause she's from a place where the banks can go. Always that song. Today's not my day. Soul just left your body. Today's not my day. Well you got bruised ribs. I did and I found a child in the middle of the road with no parent around. I was late here so I found a kid and had to return it to someone who was supervising. To the place where the banks can go. Exactly. I took him to his absolute ungrateful, ingrate parent,

apparently he wanted the child to get lost. That's how happy he was when I returned him. And then I just suddenly, very suddenly, apropos of absolutely nothing, got a sharp piercing ringing in my left ear. When? So that's cool. Just right now. Oh, right now?

Yeah, right now. Congratulations. Thanks. So that's crazy you found a kid in the street. It's crazy. It's absolutely obscene. My parents have had a lot of time on their hands lately. At first, it was nice. Hey mom, can you drive me to soccer practice? Sure can. We're having slow cooked ribs for dinner. It was awesome. And then it became a lot. Some friends are coming over to watch a movie. Oh, what are we watching? I'll make some popcorn. Thanks to Voila, they can order all our fresh favorites from Sobeez, Farmboy, and Longos online,

which is super reliable. And now my parents are reliable. A little too reliable. Voila! Your groceries delivered, just like that. After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet, thousands of high intensity focused ultrasound waves,

zero incisions, and that very same day, two steady hands. From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at sunnybrook.ca slash special. Oh, interrupting their playlist to talk about Defying Gravity, are we? That's right, Newton. With the Bronco and Bronco Sport, Gravity has met its match. Huh, maybe that apple hit me a little harder than I thought. Yeah, you should get that checked out.

With standard 4x4 capability, Broncos keep going up and up. Now get purchase financing from 0% APR for up to 60 months on eligible 2024 Bronco family models. Visit your Toronto area Ford store or ford.ca. Hi, this is Stephen from Reno, Nevada. Chris, I've seen you a few times live. A cartoon character. And I've just loved the shows. Loved congratulations for the longest time.

Sucked on feeling. The day goes by I don't mention it to somebody. Thank you. And of course, love Lifeline. Love the shows and absolutely congratulations for cartoon character the longest time sucked on side I don't mention it to somebody. Thank you. And of course love lifeline. Awesome Brim. I should be seeing you guys live for the live Yeah, awesome girlfriends. So we're very excited to see you guys and um, I actually introduced her to both Uh, congratulations. Hell. Yeah, dude. She just With lifeline specifically she fell in love. Chase Ventura. Matt she loves you a lot. Did you hear that part? His girlfriend loves me. And that actually brings me to my question. Chase Ventura. You're gonna kill me. So my girlfriend and I are doing long distance.

I just moved to Reno actually only a few months ago and I believe that this girl is the one like she's the one also it'll be hilarious if she watches this episode if I make it on so hey baby hey baby yeah I just want to get your guys's opinion on long distance obviously it's a lot harder to do this day depends on how long your cock is though but I know people do it it's a lot harder to do in this day and age. Yeah, depends on how long your cock is though. But I know people do it, it's possible. My parents did it back in the 80s with no internet. So I think it just kind of comes down to the right mindset and the right connection, the right people.

Answering the question for us. But I just wanted to get your guys' opinion on it. Thanks. What a fucking lovely guy, dude. What a lovely disposition. Anyone who says anything nice about Chris, Chris is always like, you know who's a really nice guy? That's not true.

Is the guy that said glowing shit about me. Yes it is, dude. Oh dude. That's not true, dude. Yes it is, dude. When have you ever been like, fuck that guy who likes you? Are you kidding me, bro? You've never done it.

Oh dude, you're not even thinking right. Dude, Matt, that's such bullshit. When someone's super nice, I often say they're a piece of shit because they're just doing it like that. Uh-huh. So dorky to be doing that. Well, fucking stick them up. Ha ha ha.

Yeah, long distance, it sucks. It depends on how long your dick is. But, uh. Went so long. Obviously, it works. It depends on how long your dick is. But. It went so long. Obviously, it works sometimes. I cross the state line. And you gotta do it, if you wanna do it. Hey, I'm in Colorado, my cock's in Utah.

You don't break up just because something's long distance, therefore you have to try to make it work. And I've been through both. Hey, I'm in Florida, my dick's in Georgia. Hey man, you know, making the same joke five, six different ways. Hey, I'm in Maine, my dick's in Georgia. Hey, man. You know? Making the same joke five, six different ways. Hey, I'm in Maine. My dick is the place where the banks can go. Poetry. Well, yeah, man. That's the whole joke of it.

That it's poetry? Well, no, it's the fucking country song, dude. Country music is poetry. Okay, cool. Yeah, it's got to that one. All right. So, I think, yeah, it's too... Where did he say she is? Did he say? He said something about Reno but I don't know who he's in Reno. Okay so yeah we don't know where she is. Right. So I mean long distance is long distance though. I

mean unless you're a three-hour drive you could visit every weekend like that but even that is like still long distance so it's like... He said it's harder now than ever I disagree with that completely. Yeah why why I wonder why he means that because what he means by that because it's harder now than ever. I disagree with that completely. Yeah, I wonder why he means that, what he means by that, because you get to like, when I'm on the road, I still get to like FaceTime with my kids all the time.

Exactly. And it's like, I mean, I'm not there, but it's like I'm with them still kind of, you know? Yeah, totally. No, I get it's different when you're with somebody and you wanna be intimate with them and stuff. You wanna be banging them, yeah. You wanna do a horizontal mambo. You wanna be hitting it and splitting it and banging them.

Yeah, I get it. But sometimes you can't do that and it's worth the wait, you know? Plus it sounds like you really love this woman so like yeah it is what it is. You don't have a choice. Yeah. That's the thing people are like, as long as it's a good idea or not, that's not the question. The question is how into the person. Yeah, that is totally the right thing. Because if you love the person, even if you're not gonna see them for five fucking years, you're just like, I'm gonna make this work.

I don't wanna be with anybody else. Things change and that's inevitable and there's nothing you can do about it, but until they do change, you feel the way you feel. You feel me? So that's that. Yeah, it's true Thanks for your submission chase mentor if anybody can make it work

It's somebody with a disposition like his and he's gonna be at the lifeline live show. That's cool. Yeah Oh, yeah, and he has a brim for hair. So anyway, here's an ocean wave do it. Hey remember dart head, of course Okay, we can't talk about that. That's racist. Okay, so I want him So what I want him to come up with another question so he can ask something at the live show. Oh, okay, cool, yeah, do that. That's a message from me to him. You can explain, Darhead, it's not racist. It's not?

No. Oh yeah, no, you know what, it's not. He had, wow, I can't think of the fucking word. Turban. Turban. Careful. And he wore a hat on top of it. It was at the baseball camp.

Yep. And the hat, the brim was just the flattest. You're right, he didn't curve it. Flattest thing there is. He put the hat on top of it. It was like a baseball camp. And the hat, the brim was just the flattest. You're right. He didn't curve it. Flattest thing there is. He put the hat on top of the turban. Straight out of the store and the hat was on the turban. And he didn't like- Curve it. So we're not making fun of the turban,

we're making fun of the hat. Right, it is true. Yeah, it is true. Even if he didn't have the turban on, he still would have been Dart Head. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we call him Dart Head. Turban or not, he's Dart Head.

Yeah. Remember Kramer? Remember the kid Kramer at that camp? No, I don't. I remember there call it Dart Head. Yeah, we call it Dart Head. Yeah, because, terrible or not, he's Dart Head. Yeah. You know. Remember Kramer? Remember the kid Kramer at that camp? Oh, no, I don't. You don't remember Kramer? I remember there was a kid named Kramer, but I barely remember.

He was so exactly the kid you conjure, if you think of like a Kramer kid. He had glasses. The conjuring. He was like friends with everybody. He comes out. He was very, why do we remember so much from that camp? We were there for like a week.

Got molested. Oh, God. Jesus. Oh God, Jesus. All right, next. All right, time to practice swinging. Hey Chris, long time fan on the Northern Michigan. I'm gonna keep it sweet for y'all. Thanks. I am having a problem with my mom's.

How many moms you have? And she is holding things that my dad and I used to collect together when I was a child and throughout my childhood and just valuable items to me and that were to him and the deal was I was to get that stuff once he passes and his passing was a couple years ago. And then it became till I get my own place. Totally understandable. But now it's to, she has to die

in order for me to get my stuff. I don't wanna wait until my mama dies and I don't want to be 50 before I see some myself when I was 10. So y'all got any advice? I'd love to know. Killer. No, I don't think that's it.

Kill. You're not gonna have a lot of stuff in prison. You can't have that. Kill your mom. No, don't. This is, no. Don't do that. I, that's weird.

But you know what? You know what? Wait, hold on, hold on. That was a joke. Yeah, I know. I want the world to know though. Yeah. But people really be doing that, huh?

Killing their mom? No, they really be doing that kind of stuff, like reneging stuff, you know? Well, he wasn't specific about what it was. So it makes me think maybe there's some kind of value to it, to your mother as well. And so I think the solution is don't be like, mom, I want my stuff,

which you've obviously clearly fucking done to some degree. That's just gonna lead to some kind of argument. Just be like, hey mom, I'm curious, like, is it valuable to you too? Cause at least maybe we can have a conversation about this. Because the reason I want it, isn't because I like want more stuff, it's because it means something to me.

And the deal was the way dad wanted it, is that when he died, it would go to me. Now you want it, you clearly it means something to you, but like, can we at least have a conversation about that? Because now it just seems like you're being a shithead and for unclear reasons. Change day and the last hour. And that's just gonna alienate us from each other

and we're the only ones that are still here. That's the last thing dad would have wanted. So like in honor of dad at least, the least we could do is like figure this out. What the hell's going on? That's good advice, dude. And at least maybe, you know, soft, you talk to people like that,

they start to come closer to your side. You're never gonna get, unless you just, your modus operandi is to like scare her, and then you're just gonna have a shitty relationship. You might get the stuff, but then your relationship with your mom is gonna get fucked up. His relationship with his mom is probably fucked up

because he lives in Michigan, but I will say that- And because she's hoarding what's rightfully his. I'm joking, yeah, but I'm sorry your dad died a few years ago, that sucks, you're young. And that's tough. Yeah. I don't know, yeah, it must mean something to her. Or unless she's trying to be like, secretly sell it,

you know, there's always that. That would be fucked up. Hell yeah, dude, at least she's getting that money though. No, it must mean something to her. Or unless she's trying to be like secretly sell it, you know, there's always that. That would be fucked up. Hell yeah, dude, at least she's getting that money though. No, no, that would be terrible. Yeah, that would be terrible. It sounds like it's sentimental value only. Some things don't have a price, right? There it's priceless.

So, yeah, I don't know. I think that, I don't know, I guess. I wanna know what it is. Same, if I was thinking about it though, if it was me, I would just be like, okay, I guess I could wait till she dies. That's why I wanna know what it is. The same. If I was thinking about it though, if it was me, I would just be like, okay, I guess I could wait till she dies. That's why I wanna know what it is. Yeah, yeah, true.

If it's like his favorite sword, then yeah, obviously it's, you can kind of just wait. I'd want that now. But like, what's the kind of thing you would want now? And why would you want it now? Yeah, unless he wants to sell it, maybe he wants to sell it. Are you on drugs?

Maybe he wants to sell it for drugs. Well, if you. Are you on drugs? Maybe he wants to sell it for drugs. Well, if you want to sell it for drugs, just steal it from your mom and sell it. Steal it from your mom and sell it for drugs. We figured it out. And then when she gets mad at you, say, it was mine. We both understood it was mine. So you didn't, it was like when Uncle Vinny played me

and stacked the deck and made a bet with me and was corrupt and made sure that I lost the bet. And then the wager that we made, he took my Ernie Banks rookie card. And then when it was all said and done, the Ernie Banks rookie card was in his room in his office and I went the fuck in there and I stole it back. Then his thinking he was sly ass goes back into his office looks for his earning banks my earning banks card can't find it He starts to panic. He thinks he lost it in reality. I Fucking stole that shit back good

Sleep yeah, dude, that fucked me up for sure. Hey uncle Vinny don't go back in time and don't have done that. Thanks sleep Call it back dude Vinny did that for real Yeah, he had he had weird lessons. He had weird lessons. Like, was he planning on delivering the card back to you with a lesson in there at all? Yes.

I'm assuming so, but I don't know, because it never got there. His intentions were good. Maybe. No, they were. He, because he, he came to me before he gave you, he was like, Hey, um, did Matt take the card back? Hell yeah. And I was like, yeah, because you told me. No, because it's yours. Fuck it. And he was like, Oh, okay. I felt so bad because I thought I lost it and I was gonna give it back to him and I feel so bad. Yeah. I was gonna sell for $80 and leave the country. It was $80 I always remember that back then it was $80 so yeah I remember that. So he said that we're good. He's a weirdo who tries to teach the

lessons in fucking weird-ass ways. He has two wallets Yeah, in case one gets stolen. He could still have the other one. That's so crazy. That's insane Uncle Vinny That's insane. Did he do? Oh so much so much. Yeah, he got everything from infomercials. He's an insane person. Yeah Yeah, but I'm glad I took that back. I struck fear in his heart, you know, when he realized he didn't know where it was. Origin story.

That's what you get. That's what you get, Uncle Vinny. It's deeper. All right. So next one, I guess. Hi, Chris and Matt. I'll make this brief. My question is about giving financial advice to friends,

specifically as it pertains to their children. I have quite a few friends that have young children that have yet to save for their children's retirement or college education specifically. They're not even aware what a 529 is. What's that? I've started a 529 for a child that I don't even have yet. To give you a rough idea,

if you're able to contribute $250 a month, near the time they're born, that's gonna be $100,000 to help pay for their children's education. If they don't wish to go to school, you can roll that over into a Roth IRA. Hell yeah, what's that? I'm not sure if I'm overstepping my boundaries here

with my friends by giving them this information. I don't wanna make it seem like they're dumb or anything like that, but I care about their kids' futures because I love my friends. So I just wanted your take on this. And if I'm going to come off like an asshole for talking to them about this. All right, thanks.

Bye. Dude, I think that's that ass. What? What does that mean? In this context? I mean, I don't think that that's, you know, hey, oh, what happened? Oh, man, I can't.

My kid can't go to college now. Oh, what the heck? Oh, well, yeah, but you should have told me. That's that ass. Oh, I see what you're saying. Like I don't, you know. Yeah, I wish I fucking bought a bunch of Bitcoin. I didn't. That's that ass.

I have some. But you know what I mean? I wish I kept my Dogecoin. I didn't fucking sell it last summer and then went up to fucking 50. You know, it's half a fucking dollar now. Didn't. That's that ass. All right. But I know it fucking Enrique kept it. You know, it's half a fucking dollar now. Didn't. That's that ass. All right. But I know Enrique kept it. He didn't tell me he kept it.

We said we're going to sell it. He didn't. I did. That's that ass. But that's not similar stuff. Because that's financial. Yeah, but this is I told him to tell me whatever he was investing on. He invested in Zoomcar and Zoomcar fucking exploded. And he got a lot of money from it.

And I didn't invest in it because he didn't tell me about it. And I told him to tell me about the next thing he invested in Zoom car and in Zoom car fucking exploded and he got a lot of money from it and I didn't invest in it because he didn't tell me about it and I told him to tell me about it. Next thing he invested in, I didn't get it. That's that ass. So now I have no money from Zoom car. He has a lot of money from Zoom car. And he told him to put it. But even that's different though,

because there's a finite amount of all these things. There's not a finite amount of- He's saying his in-regay should be fucking telling me what he's investing in because we've had that deal. Yeah, Enrique fucked up. But in your own words, that's that ass. That's that ass, yeah. And so it's fine that he didn investing in, because we've had that deal. Yeah, Enrique fucked up. But in your own words, that's that ass. That's that ass, yeah. And so it's fine that he didn't do that?

I mean, it's shitty he wasn't a man of his word, but that's that ass. So there you go, it's shitty, okay. But nobody said, hey, give me financial advice when I have kids, remember. But all she needs to do is say, oh, I've been meaning to tell you, I found, like act a little bit more,

this is such a good tactic on so many things, not just this. Think about how this could apply, everyone listening, think about how this could apply for you in your life with people that you care about. Act like you're not an expert, act like it's something that you yourself just either discovered or did and realized how good it is,

and you wanna share that good news with your friends. Okay, let me do one for you, okay? So, what do you mean? So let me put it into effect here, okay? So do it like this. Hey, oh my gosh, dude, I just saw this crazy cool new documentary. Oh, what is it?

You shouldn't wear colorful Bass Pro Shop hats. No, that's not good. That's not a good example. Well, it's better than saying, like, take that hat off, it's ugly. But you're, that's a matter of opinion and it is a matter of taste. This is potentially gonna help their life.

Oh, I just saw a mini series on Netflix that was so, so good. Uh-huh, what was it? Your shirt is too baggy. The most boring plot of a mini series in history. You know? Also, no it's not, dude. Six episodes.

The baggier the shirt, Your shirt is too baggy. The bigger the fucking dick and ball sack. That really rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it? It's just true, though. The fatter the shirt, the fatter the bigger dick and ball sack. Baggier, not fatter, you know?

Whatever. Made it gross. So anyway, so yeah, go ahead. Yeah, you just say, hey, oh, I've been meaning to tell you, I started this thing for my future kid and you have a kid and because I care about you, I wanted to tell you, it only requires this amount a month

and by the X time, whatever, you'll have a hundred grand for your kid's education. It matters, the tone and matter in which you bring it up, you won't sound like an asshole if you're making it sound like, oh, you just realized this, you've been meaning to tell her, instead of like, hey, you know, I do this thing,

and if you're not looking out for your kid, it's gonna be worse in the long run. You don't make it sound like you're some scold. Nobody likes that. It wouldn't work on me. I'd be able to see right through it. The point is to help you, you fucking idiot. No, I know, but I'd be able to tell that you it. The point is to help you, you fucking idiot. No, I know, but I'd be able to tell

that you're trying to tell me what to do. And now you just fucked my kid out of college. Thank you very much, because I'm not doing it out of spite. That's your fault. That's that ass. And that would be according to you, that ass. I just saw a really fucking amazing three-part docu-series on Hulu.

It's so great, it just came out. And it's narrated by Colin Firth and I couldn't believe the subject matter. This is about my hat? You're ugly. I'm so stupid. Be better looking. Dude, um, isn't that crazy?

Yeah. I thought you were gonna say the real documentary that you liked though. What? The real one that you just watched that you liked. Oh, that was on Peacock. Oh, I was missing the point. It was fantastic. It was four episodes long and I couldn't believe what it was about and the subject matter was amazing

and the way they shot it was so great. You're fat. So stupid. So stupid. You know what I love? Long walks. I love long walks. I love long walks on a joke, dude.

And I fucking will never, I will, dude, you will, you know how Braveheart at the end, he goes, they go, admit it. And they're cutting his balls and dick off. And they're like, no, freedom, say it. And he's just like, freedom. That's how I am with long walk jokes, dude. You could cut my dick and balls off and I will absolutely not rescind that the longest walk is the funniest.

Yeah, I generally agree, yeah. I didn't love that particular joke, but if it's a good joke, the longer the walk, the funnier it gets from you. I think I'm ahead of your time. You think what? I think I'm ahead of your time. And I think that you will like that in a few months,

you'll watch this. A few months, you know? And you will just be like. So soon. You'll be like, holy shit. Once you grow up a little bit more in three months, come January. All right. When do you get older? more in three months, come January. All right.

When do you get older? Wait in three months. All right. Next. Hey man, Chris, this is your boy. What's on his head? Does his head not stop? Hey, I'm from Portland, Oregon.

I'm actually on my way to work right now, so I'm just like this, and that hit man off a team. Bro, you're allowed to go to work with that thing on your head? But I was on episode 56. Yeah, I remember. You guys verbally sucked me off on that episode.

We did? And then on episode 128, when I appeared again, I don't know because I was on episode 56. You guys verbally sucked me off on that episode We did and then on episode 128 when I appeared again I don't know if because I was had a hat change or what it was But you both simultaneously said you wanted to strike me in my face. Yeah Yeah, I remember that you wanted to assault my face. Yeah, basically without me even saying anything Well, so here's what's gonna happen You guys are gonna come over to my house and make you a succulent niceulent nice dinner You're gonna meet the wife meet the kid nice. We're gonna have a wonderful time and Before you guys go as I'm walking you to the door You guys are gonna turn around and you're gonna fucking strike me in my face. Okay

You're gonna punch me in my fucking face. That would be the weirdest evening ever. Look how much more Dark That would be the weirdest evening ever. Look how much more dark his facial hair is on one side than the other side. You noticing that? No, it's because it's getting... The light? No, it's because there's more over there. You know how your shit grows? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Oh, I thought you were saying it was a different color. It's like more grown in on one side by so much. I thought you were saying it was a different color. Makes you want to strike him in his face. Makes you want to go eat a dinner at his house and then as he's walking me to my car, strike him in his face. I take all that back. I don't want to strike him in his face. Makes me want to go eat a dinner at his house and then as he's walking me to my car, strike him in his face. I take all that back. I don't want to strike him in the face.

I think that he's a good guy. And you're a bad guy for saying that and keeping it. Even after this one. I want to strike him in his face even more. I don't think that we need to strike him in his face. But I think that's good. You don't need to. I would like to,

my desire is now, has grown since the last time I wanted to strike him in his face. What do you think about that? No, because the last video he sent was crazy. Was it the impression? Yeah, it was like the big, it was like he was like doing faces and stuff.

And he did an impression of you, right? I don't remember. It was so bad. I just remember thinking. Was that that? He was doing impression of Chris? Something like that, yeah. I just remember thinking, oh man, instead of watching this,

I wish I had full blown HIV. Full blown AIDS. Yeah. I just remember thinking, oh man, instead of watching this, I wish I had full blown HIV. Full blown AIDS? Yeah. You usually say full blown AIDS. I fucked it up a little bit, or I made it unique and I did it my own way. Okay. Full blown HIV, which is AIDS.

Okay. Okay. and John Hamm star in a new Paramount Plus original series. The world has already convinced itself that you are evil and I am evil for providing them the one thing they interact with every day. You all right? Here we go. From Taylor Sheridan, executive producer of Yellowstone. Get everybody back. Go! Go!

You just put a giant bull's eye on this place. We rolled the dice one last time. Landman, new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount Plus. We roll the dice one last time. cutting edge facilities and a best in Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence and innovation meet. Learn more about all that UCC has to offer at ucc.on.ca. Worst submission we've ever had. What's up dudes? Just kidding. I am curious though, your thoughts about nwinking.

I love it. Is it ever acceptable? Oh yeah. I love it. Oh yeah. Is it ever acceptable? Oh yeah. Are there times where you definitely shouldn't and times where maybe you can. There are times when you shouldn't. I mean, funerals, you know. I feel like if you see a little kid that you know, maybe a little cousin or something, then it's okay to give them a. Oh yeah. Hey mate. 100% okay. Yeah. If you feel like that's on? Um, but maybe the point is a little bit unnecessary. Maybe. Also the noise. Do you need it? You kind of do. Yeah.

Otherwise it's raw dog and it's just a bit weird. Noise kind of ties it all together. Uh, so yeah. Can't you know what you have to say about that? Cheers. The noise is superfluous. I don't think you need the noise. You go to do a wink. I like it. It's like mysterious. It's like, wait, did he just wink? I don't even know if you do the noise. You go to do a wink, I like it, it's mysterious, it's like, wait, did he just wink? I don't even know. If you do the noise, you know it solidified the wink.

But if you don't do it, then the guy's like, was he that cool? Is he that cool to do that? Or is he that cool to, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I love winking. The thing about winking is you have to be good at it. Yeah.

And I'm really good at it. And do you wink? I don't think I've ever seen you do it. All the time, I don't even know when I do it until afterwards. I black out. Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen you do it. All the time, I don't even know when I do it until afterwards. I black out. Yeah, I don't. I don't know.

I black out when I wake up, everyone says, oh my God, you winked at everyone. God, people don't wink a lot. Sometimes I'll wink and think, geez, what the fuck did I just do? Am I that guy that does that? I wink. And then I realize, yeah, I am that guy that does that.

I don't mean to. Are you being serious? I do, I wink and I don't mean to. I do it like, and I'm like, whoops, oh yeah, I am that guy that does that. I don't mean to. Are you being serious? I do, I wink and I don't mean to. I do it like, and I'm like whoops, oh yeah, I fucking just winked. Like I'm not saying like it's something that is happening that I can't stop. I'm just like, oh I kind of like did it

and didn't even think about it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, yeah. Yeah, but this is how I wink. I go like this. I've never seen you wink though. That's really quickly. And I do like this. Who do you wink at? Like who's, who's the last person you winked at? Oh my God. Um, Obama. I always wink when I wink. It's like, I'm saying something and somebody that doesn't know me that well looks at me and is like, what the fuck's wrong with this guy? I wink at them and then I continue saying it and people that

know me better know what's going on. But my signal to that person that I winked at is like, just go with it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay, cool. Thanks. I mean, you know, I don't think winking matters that much. I think it's really hot when women do it. Women wink? Ah, damn, I don't know. I saw Brandy do it once in fucking American Idol. Brandy? And it was awesome.

Brandy? Yeah. On American Idol? When was the last? She gave somebody a compliment. They said thank you. And she goes, and she winked. And I was like, that's fucking awesome.

She's a host? Yeah, so I'm like the male version of Brandy now at this point. Nice. Brandy was hot, bro. What's Brandy? Yeah, so I'm like the male version of Brandy now at this point. Nice. Brandy was hot, bro. What's Brandy? Look up Brandy now. Brandy was hot. Look up Brandy.

I mean, the reason I say it is because she probably is still hot. Now before I get pissed off, do it with an I because that's how it's spelled. Oh god, I didn't even know that. Is that true? No, it's not true. It's with a Y. It's with a Y. It's with a Y. Are we talking about Moesha? Yeah. It's with a Y. It's with a Y. It's with a Y. Are we talking about Moesha?

Yeah. It's with a Y. It is? Yeah. Oh, I fucked up. Oh, she looks cool now. Damn. Oh, she's in a new movie?

Yeah, it's called The Front Room. Well, I'll go see it. She kind of looks cooler now. She was crazy cool looking when she was young. I always thought she was young. I always thought she was hot. Huh. Yeah, she's definitely a beautiful woman.

But she's got to be like 45 or what? At least. At least. I mean, you're 45, right? No, not yet. Age? Brandy Melville? 45. 45. Ba da boom, ba da? 45. 45. 45.

Ba da boom, ba da bing, I got it. Wow, she's been around so long. 45 years. I mean in the public eye. Good for her, huh? Yeah, I mean so jealous, falling in love. Good for her. Okay.

Who's she married to? Probably like Morris Chestnut. She not married? She's related to Ray J. There's a chance? Oh yeah, that's right. I don't, yeah, doesn't look like she's married. All right, so there's a chance.

Yeah. Yeah. That's good for me. Yeah, I thought maybe, look up Morris, dude Morris Chestnut, dude, his name. Yeah, he's also been around forever. Nut. So many body parts.

Look at him, dude. Anyway, why did we look up Morris Chestnut? Yeah, what? I thought about how it would be good if he was dating Moesha. Or Brandy. Who's his spouse? Or is it Pam Brian? Honestly, it's probably fucking- Pam Ryan. Who's his spouse? Pam Bryan?

Honestly, it's probably fucking- Pam Ryan? Who's that? Charlie Baltimore. Wow, she's the luckiest woman in the world. Look at him, look at them. Look up Charlie Baltimore. He's all being all hot and shit

and she's just a regular ass woman? I mean, dude, you know- What? You don't know. What? What do you mean? I don't know what. What, Morris Chestnut looks like?

No, you don't know what it is like when it all shakes down and are fucking, that's Charlie Baltimore. So what, man? Why are we just looking up people that you want to look up? Charlie Baltimore had like one or two fucking smashing songs back in like 2002. Who gives a shit? Two, okay.

I'm just saying if she dated Morris Chestnut, okay, but she didn't. Why would you think that? You're such a fucking weird person, dude. I don't think that. Just like just like look up Winston Churchill no she for no reason you know Charlie Baltimore probably dated fucking see a man case the worst teams the episode of worst teams the episode all right look up case next one look up oh my god we have a question about girls making moves on boys.

Should I steal Anakin Skywalker? That's weird. Girls that make moves on boys. Often we make a move on a boy and then they think we're in love with them because that's what boys think of a girl. Oh. Yeah. Or not.

We're just trying to smash. Trying to smash. That doesn't happen. And it doesn't happen because they think they're going hurt, uh, they're gonna hurt our hearts. Yeah, do, let me tell you something. Or I don't know why, they get scared when they're afraid, maybe? Or precious little hearts. Yeah, we do have precious hearts though.

Birds? Um, so what do you think? These girls are fucking cool, dude. They're on shh. We love you by the way. So much, Molly. Yeah, we just love you. Oh, I put her on, but, no, it's gonna be kind of sad, but thank you.

No, I don't think you should do that. I put her on and we watch it every week. Tell your friends. It's on and popping. Oh, wow, they know that. I'm a young MC. Dude, I almost said that today. Yeah, I'm on and popping. And on and popping.

So how come, dude, why did, so it was obviously Halloween, but that was crazy how they did that together. They've known each other forever. That's a great banter. They have banter sick in it, but it's amazing. What they have. You know what's interesting?

It wasn't crazy at all what they did. No, no, no, it was. It really was. Oh dude, you don't understand. It was. Oh, it was not. It was not. Dude, it was man.

It was not crazy at all. Man, dude. That's not crazy at all. Man, dude. Flamethrower. Nice. So I hate, hate it. How they did it was amazing. When guys are like,

Yeah dude. I don't want to cause I'm afraid to hurt her. Oh, oh dude. You're not fucking Lothario. No, you aren't, dude. You're not Don Juan de fucking Minneapolis or wherever you are. Lay down!

Let them decide what they want to do. Yeah, dude. You know what you are? Sexist, dude. Yeah, that's what you- Oh, you're fucking sexist. The woman wants the rock hard. Give her the rock hard, dude.

She's dressed like Darth Maul, so what? Yeah. That's hot. Dressed like Darth Maul, it's kinky. Gay. Gay, dude. Millions and millions, one time millions of years ago, fucking Matt D'Alia was gay.

That fucking. Cool. You know the thing? What's that thing? No. How's the song go? The Star Wars crawl? Yeah. How's the song the Star Wars yeah crawl yeah yeah yeah how's the song good song how's it go do you want us to sing it I don't want somebody to sing it I can't I can't

Star Wars how's it go how much does Marco know any second it's like the Marson Ah! Ah! Cidzi! What is it, man? It's not, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee I can't do it. Sure. I can't do it. He just goes, da. Da. You might as well have swallowed in the middle. I can't do it.

Do you know it? I actually can't think of it. Yeah, I can't think of it either. Just play it. Just play it off of fucking YouTube or something. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Of course. Da.

Da. Do it. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. I see where you're going with that, of course. Da, ah. Do it. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. I see what you're going with that, but that was crazy, bro. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, Chewbacca. One of the funniest things you ever did was Chris

and I used to play this baseball video game. Oh, you, bro, you loved this. And we would play it, and every time the home screen in between games, there was like this stupid like, ah, ah, ah, like really stupid orchestral. Yeah, theme music, whatever. Yeah, and you would make up lyrics, and you would just go, Albert Poole's umpires.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would just sing baseball terms. But did Chris Garmaglia think that was funny? Was that him? No, that was you guys? That was just singing baseball terms. But did Chris Garmale think that was funny? Was that him? No, that was you guys? It was before him. Oh, okay, it was before his time. All right. That's what it is, right?

That's it. Matt's gay. Matt likes when women dress like dudes. Matt's into trans women. That didn't, you didn't think that was hot that they were both dressed like Darth Maul? No. I did. I thought that was hot.

No, dude. It would be hot. You know what, if they dress up like Princess Leia, dude. Darth Maul, hi, it's a guy. Boring, boring. Princess Leia, dude? Yay, dude. How fucking boring are you, dude?

It's cool to have two girls be like. Oh, dude. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Dress up like fucking Jeff Bridges in fucking True Grit. Oh, yeah, babe. Oh, man. Let me suck your dick, woman. That's not something, no.

It's just like a flannel shirt, you know? Awesome. Nice mustache, chick, you know, hell yeah, dude Dress up as fucking you know, uh Bill Pullman in Independence Day. No, that would be cool. Awesome suit. Oh, Mr. President He's got the bomber jacket on cuz he flies member. That'd be cool But yeah, no the the thing that guys do they're like I don't know I don't want to hurt you they also guys

can say what they want they really don't know what to do when we come on strong are you fumbled it are you fumbled the pussy oh you need a fucking big daddy men complain about having to be the ones that go on are the aggressors that go talk to women and I know dude that to, dude, that's bullshit. They, when the tables are turned, they're just like, ah, but I'm gonna hurt your feelings. Like what? Aw, did you fumble the clit?

Why are you saying that? Fumble, what are you talking about? Oh, you had it right there, did you? And you fumbled it, didn't you? Did you fumble the fried butterfly? Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. I don't even know what that is. Also, the most dickish porn director in the world.

Oh, did you fumble the hatchet wound? Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, right out of your fucking hands, Mr. Butterfingers? Oh, you need Big Daddy. The meanest porn director in the world. Bully. Dude, yeah, you did. You did. You fucked up the fried butter. Why is that on you? Do you like you're missing steps in what you're talking about? Oh, what are you saying?

The nappy dugout slipped through your grip. Why are you saying? Curly Fucking curly dude Why are you saying that though? Because dude, you fumbled it. You had it right there. You tell the woman, lay down. She wants what she wants.

She's a strong independent woman. Whoopsie daisy, splurrner. Just fucking awful, you know? Well, I went to rehab. Yeah, well, you need to go again, I think is what we're learning. Okay. Okay. In rehab. Yeah, well, you need to go again, I think is what we're learning. Okay. Okay. In rehab.

They taught you that? Yeah. In rehab, I was fucking dude, I was running it, man. I was running it. Man, what does it mean? I got there and it was so harrowing and I was so sad. And man, fuck, God damn. Didn't say anything yet.

Said zero things so far in this whole journey. I was running it, dude. Means nothing. Fucking four weeks in, I was running it. Like what, you were welcoming new patients? I was the doctor. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That sucks. Penises. Yeah. All right. We'll do one more. So Chris and Matt, I can't broken. So that's why there's two of me. But anyway, I was listening to congratulations earlier on the recent recent episodes and Chris you're talking about how

You think burping is actually grosser than farting and I think that's a pretty unpopular opinion But I I agree with you because with someone like burps you can you know, it's like don't you spell what they a laugh? Oh form For some reason it feels way more rude To burp than it does to fart and like it's just gross as hell and all my friends are on the fart yeah so I'm tough team fart worst team but yeah worst team so I want to know I want to know your reasoning Chris and I want to know Matt if you give like that dude because it's it comes out of your face

it's it's it's it's intimate dude it's it's personal. It's disgusting. Hey, dude, that, whatever is inside you, it's for you. Dude, don't, also, it's coming out the wrong way. How about that? It's supposed to come out the other way. It's disgusting. Disgusting! When someone burps I'm breathing out. I don't, I don't, I don't. I don't know why it's, why are we comparing two really gross things? Why does one have to be worse than the other? They're both gross.

I'll take a fart all day long. And if you, here's why I think one might think burping is more gross. Because most people don't think that. And so they'll just haul off a fucking burp. And they'll just be like, burp. But they'll always hide, everyone always hides a fart. Not me.

So we're more liable to notice a gross burp because people will just do one. And it's like, bro, you're a fucking animal. No. You're a fucking animal raised on a fucking farm rolling around in shit because you're a fucking pig. OK, we're so roundabout. Just say a pig. But you're pink. You have a curly tail. You got ears that flap over like this. People eat and when they do, they call it bacon sometimes and sometimes pork. they call it bacon sometimes and sometimes pork, you're a pig. Yep.

So, I think there's one excuse, excusable burp. There's one excusable burp and that is a, I just, just a second ago gulped a big soda. That's the only time it's not as bad as a fart. Any other time worse than a fart. Give me anus all day long before you give me your mouth. But you know that a fart is just gas shit. But also if you're farting, it's further away from my face always because you're, everyone's just standing around. Not if someone has their ass in your face.

Yeah but nobody's doing that. You don't know that. If people had assholes next to their mouths, You don't know that. If people had assholes next to their mouths, I might choose fart as grosser, but it's all the way under there in their pants, dude. Faces are right there talking to you, mom, dude, get away. I'm always breathing out, I'll faint. You know what the other big difference is?

Burps are just never, ever, ever, ever, ever funny and farts can be funny. That's a great point. So it's like, it's never never ever gonna be funny to burp. And a lot of times guys think it's funny to burp. Yeah dude. Let me tell you something, it's so not, when somebody burps and the implication of their burp

is that like they forced it out or made it extra loud. So, and it's supposed to be funny. I, in those next maybe four or five seconds, I would rather be a dead person than be the person that is living having to experience some guy think it was funny to have burped. Dude, I'd rather be dead and buried and not of this earth anymore. If someone burps, if someone farts... Well, what? You know, it's not as bad. If you burp, if you fart.

Well, does this mean like, I got you in my sights. If it smells too bad, I'll pull it or, or, you know, or, yeah, or something. But if you burp, you know what? It's like that Drake mean burp. Okay. Cool. I just, yeah. It's, burps are really, well here's the thing.

All farts should smell. Back to the- All, I don't wanna know what you, I don't wanna know what you smell. Back to the first thing I was saying though, they're just both gross. So everyone in the world, do your best. It's not always possible.

People make mistakes. And sometimes your body just doesn't. Your body gonna lie to me. Doesn't follow your command, but do your best to not. Running for president. Make them audible or noticeable in any way. Running for president.

Whether it's a burp or a fart, vote for me. Your body doesn't lie to me. You know that song? Is that about a burp or a fart, vote for me. You know that song? Is that about a burp or a fart? Do you know that song? No, I don't. Your body, your body done a lie to me. God, R&B is the worst shit in the world, dude. Worst music of all time and the best music of all time.

There's no middle. Just the first part. I know what you mean, but it's just bad. It's not ever good to listen to. Like think, what's a good R&B song of the last 25 years? Okay. Come on and braid my hair. A musical.

It's an R. Kelly song. Oh, he's good. See where that wound up with him. He's a good musician. Terrible, terrible, terrible, everything else. Ha ha ha. Trapped in the closet fucking. Yeah, dude, trapped in the closet was a fucking

97 part banger. Careful, careful. Are we allowed to say like, okay, things about his music or is that just off? I mean, music has nothing to do with what he did. Obviously, I know that. I mean, but according to the world, are we allowed to- They still play Diddy all the time.

Well, he's still kind of- Well, they still play Michael Jackson, which is fucking wild. Yeah, but no, but R. Kelly's in jail. There's a difference. Is he? He is, yeah. Wow.

Fucking wow, dude. Diddy's in jail. True, but he's not convicted yet. He's not, yeah, true. Oh, he's gonna be, dude. I think so too. He's going to jail. And then what do you think people will be playing?

Cause it's bad boy for life. You think they'll be doing that? They still play Diddy's music where? In jail? No, they play it. Where have you ever, in the last three, four weeks, where have you heard a Diddy song? On my friend Tyler's story on his Instagram, and I go, really? And he said, hell yeah, dude, he's not convicted yet. So I was like, all right, hey, I'm not.

I'm pushing it so hard, pushing it so hard, that guy. I looked at his story, it went fucking, Beedle-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le- fucking big-ass article on him. Holy shit, what a villain did he was. What a fucking villain. That's aside from anything that was going on his house, just like as a human being, villain dude. Really? Yeah dude. Anyway, talk about that maybe on luxury. No, that's not for this. Oh we're over, we're over an hour. Damn, look at us dude. Alright, let's wrap it up. Alright, thanks a lot. Wait, we'll see you at the live show, Oxnard, and I'll be in a bunch of different cities. I'll be in Irvine, just me doing stand-up and a bunch of Southern Cali shows so go to chrisley.com. December 5th is a live show on Oxnard.

Oxnard for us. Get your tickets, Lifeline Live, second one ever and if you can't make it make sure you subscribe to the Patreon at patreon.com slash lifeline luxury where we will be Playing the the the episode will be available the lifeline life. That's right. Get it on patreon. Thank you very much guys