Lifeline - 138. We Need A Beaver

Episode Date: December 1, 2024

Last chance! Live show Dec 5 in Oxnard! Tickets here! LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Also has a full live show. ��� Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline TODAY we talk about what to do if you think you've pissed yourself, if you're supposed to leave price tags on gifts, a new issue with holding the door for people, post-burp blowing 🤢, the right way to eat a meal, and if you're supposed to nod up or down. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Streaming December 3rd only on Disney Plus. From the directors of Spider-Man No Way Home and The Mandalorian comes a brand new series. It's dangerous out here in space. Join the crew. We have to move fast. As they explore the galaxy. We're not alone down here. Don't miss the new Star Wars adventure.

Do you want to join me? Skeleton Crew. Two episode premiere December 3rd only on Disney Plus. This episode is brought to you by Missouri. From November 25th to December 2nd, get 25% off everything on orders over $150 in Missouri's biggest sale ever. From bold hoops to minimalist stacks, Missouri has something for everyone. Missouri makes handcrafted fine jewelry for every day made with responsibly sourced materials so you can look and feel good about gifting and wearing them.

Shop your wishlist 25% off at majori.com today. This NFL season, get in on all the hard-hitting action with FanDuel, North America's number one sportsbook. You can bet on anything from money lines to spreads and player props, or combine your bets in a same game parlay for a shot at an even bigger payout. Plus with super simple live betting,

lightning fast bet settlement and instant withdrawals, FanDuel makes betting on the NFL easier than ever before. So make the most of this football season and download FanDuel today. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling Palm, call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. ["Hello, Hello"]

["Hello, Hello"] ["Hello, Hello"] ["Hello, Hello"] ["Hello, Hello"] Welcome to Lifeline. It is episode 138. It's Sunday, December 1st. Hello, we made it to December. Hello, there are 30 days left in the year.

And guess what? Happy birthday to Richard Pryor, Bette Midler, and Mambo Jumbo, whoever the fuck that is. Woo! And of course, we'll see you in a few days. Those who are lucky enough or smart enough to have purchased tickets to join us at the next Lifeline live show in Oxnard on December 5th. Tickets in the description below.

Get them before they gone. And if you can't make that, if you don't live in Oxnard, California or close, then you can sign up for our Patreon, patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury and you can see the show there. Yes you can. Make sure you're subscribed of course

on YouTube Super Good Studios. Is that the channel or is it just Super Good? Super Good. Super Good. I don't know, I never knew. And if you wanna get my sign up for me, me, me, me, go to my Patreon, patreon.com slash Matt D'Alia. All my stuff is going to be there.

It is free as of now. Rush over there to sign up. And guess who's on tour? Me, I'm on tour. I'll be in Brayette, California, Fresno, San Luis Obispo. See, that'd be when you scroll up, right, Anthony? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But the good thing is that my my my neck hurts Don't care No, you know I don't you do no I do not Yes, I'm your brother interesting that I do not

How bad is it hurt one to ten? Five that's nothing Well, nothing. Okay, I got paid 10 every day No, where every your heart all over my heart and my soul and my body all, maybe six. I got pain at a 10 every day. No, where? Everywhere. In your heart? All over my heart and my soul and my body. All over my heart.

I have a pain in my throat here. I don't know what it is and it's been four days and so it's annoying so I went and I made an appointment and I have an appointment next Friday. Sorry, where is it? In there. I can't. In there. Oh, it's there.

Yeah. When did you get that tattoo? I there. Oh, it's there. Yeah. When did you get that tattoo? I mean, so, so long ago. Oh, really? I thought you got that one recently. No. All right, man. You have like 8,000 tattoos.

I can't keep up. You thought I got this recently? I don't know. I'm not paying attention to you. Well. Your body, I mean. Well, pay attention to, you know when I got my chest tattoo, my chest piece.

I don't actually. I stopped keeping track of your tattoos because you have so many for real. You've got so many, so. He leveled up. Nice. Whoops, bring towels. Hey ladies, bring towels.

Hey ladies, why don't you just come in a wheelchair, okay? Why don't you come in a wheelchair so you don't hurt yourself? Yeah, yeah, we don't want just come in a wheelchair, okay? Why don't you come in a wheelchair so you don't hurt yourself? Yeah, yeah, we don't want you slipping and falling. And I'll tell you what, come in a wheelchair and park it, because when I come around, you don't wanna be riding on water either, so. Anyway.

Sounds like they just shouldn't go near you or look at you. Well. Sounds like a safety hazard. Lay in bed. Lay in bed and look at me virtually. How about that? Because then you're safe. But hopefully you got cover.

Hey ladies, bring covers. Bring extra sheets. We got a Lifeline studios here. So insecure. You know what people should do? Yeah, what? It's December 1st. Everybody thinking about gifts,

thinking about Christmas. What are you gonna get everybody? I know what you're gonna get. You're gonna get the Lifeline merch at lifelinemerch.com and if you don't, you hate us. Bye bye. You know. You hate us? Bye bye.

So my neck hurts and I came here and I've got my neck thing going on and it's been four days, it's probably the worst today. Really, it's getting worse? Yeah, I'm spiraling about it. Are you really? Uh-huh. Don't.

Okay. Just don't. But what do you think it is? A pain in your neck that'll be gone. You ever hear the expression of pain in the neck? It's because they're so common that people when they're annoying, they're compared to pains in the neck. Bye-bye.

I'm scared that it's like a cancer or something. Oh, you think it's cancer? No, I don't think it is, but what if it is? OK, bye bye. To that end. Worst doctor. You think it's cancer? Bye bye.

Worst which doctor? It hurts every time I swallow. It's interesting that people do this. I know. They get a thing and they think they have cancer. That's not what it is. Shut up. Okay, but I also can never stop clearing my throat.

That's cancer. Cause that is a thing you've had forever and it's probably been festering forever. It's been two years. See, so for two years it's been festering. It's been two years. It's been uncle festering. Kristen said that maybe it's because of when I got my nose,

my nasal stuff fixed, now it drips down and I don't know. But I'm going to the ear, nose and throat doctor to check it out. That seems extremely possible actually. Well, what does she know? She's not a doctor. I asked her, I was like, do you think it's cancer? She says, no, you know what it could be.

And she said that. And I said, what do you know? You're not a doctor. But I did ask her. Which is why you don't ask people. I know. Same reason you don't go online. But I got to her. Which is why you don't ask people. I know. Same reason you don't go online. But I gotta do a show tonight

and I'm gonna be screaming. It's gonna be hurting even more, but I'm gonna kill it, dude. That's fine. I mean, it's packed. It's gonna be packed. It's sold out. Where's your show?

Irvine. You hear that? Yeah, I heard it. It was dollars. I just made. What kind of dollars? $54. What?

Hey, man. Well. Is that offer up? Hey, dude. So jealous. What kind of dollars fifty four dollars what hey man Hey, dude, so jealous made a bid made a bid, you know Chris isn't selling stuff on offer Although you wouldn't think I would be driving somewhere to fucking pick up a chair from Facebook Marketplace either And I definitely knew that because my wife or at borat evil borat I and I definitely do that because of my wife. Boreat, Boreat, evil Boreat. I had to go pick up a fucking thing at from Facebook Marketplace, dude. I'm just like, I don't even remember

what the last thing I picked up was, but it was last week and I had to go do it. And I did, oh, it was a, where was it? I had to go to this Chinese parking lot. And how was the parking lot Chinese? Because everyone was crashing into each other. And, you know, because of- of 1940s Catskills duo joke because everyone's well into each other no it was a Chinese church parking lot and I went to go it's

two chair no four chairs I want to go pick up four chairs okay I want really nice where was it Alhambra no Thousand Oaks just made? Alhambra? No, Thousand Oaks. Just made up Alhambra for no reason. Oh, it's a very Chinese, heavily populated by Chinese people. You know what else is? China. Slammed you.

Beijing? Fucking, too oblivion. Interesting. My throat hurts. How did it start? One day. One day, what else you got for me? Four days ago, woke up, day, what else you got for me? Four days ago, woke up, hurt.

What else you got for me? You woke up and it started hurting? Woke up and it already was hurting. Probably happened in my sleep. Yeah, you probably slept funny. For four days, it still hurts and it's getting worse? What else you got for me? Getting worse is what scares me.

Oh, dude. The getting worse thing makes me think the chances of it being cancer went up. All right, well, dude, you're, you know. The getting worse thing makes me think the chances of it being cancer went up. All right, well, dude. I still think it's low, but it went from like 0.04% to like 6.5% likely to be cancer. Come on, dude. You're not serious.

6% spike, but you were so low to begin with that you're still looking good. So it's at 6% now six point five ish I'm not a doctor though. That's not good I'm not a doc. I don't I don't I don't I need to because I talked too much dude. I talked too much I'll say I'll say I do not get I'm not gonna get any disagreement there. I do stand up I need to take Advil to that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take a bowl. Anyway, it's fine But honestly, I know the doctor you're seeing you should talk to him about this. He specializes in

Like obviously, I know you know, he specializes his job is is an ENT But he deals with singers whose throats constantly hurt all the time 525 thousand six hundred minutes. How's that sound doc? Do you hear anything weird in there? mmm 25,600 minutes. How's that sound, Doc? Do you hear anything weird in there? 525,600 minutes. Just do that from the waiting room. Is that rent? Yeah.

Nice. Dude, how about this? I put a sign up right in the front window, advertisement right in the front window, and all of a sudden success coming out of the blue. Doc, what do you think? A little Shavahars? Yeah.

Nice. I know my show tunes right now. Two gays. That's rare. Yeah. Why you say two days? Two gays. Two gays? Two right now. Two gays. That's rare. Yeah. Why you say two days? Two gays. Two gays?

Two gays. Two gays. Because I'm singing and you're guessing it. Oh, we are two gays. That's a good title for the episode. Well, is it? We are two gays. Hey, Tina.

Can I pick Tina up? Or is she going to bite me with those teeth? Know what I was thinking about? She won't bite. You know what I was thinking about? Do you pick your nose? Rarely. Really?

Yeah. I'm always digging in my nose, though, because I put those things in to help that counts. But your funny. Okay. Putting the things. Do you pick your nose, dude? Oh, pleading the fifth. The answer is yes.

I'm not going to ask Anthony because obviously he does. But do you? It's full digits up there. But I so I pick our nose and I'm not ashamed to say it. I don't care. And I'm me, dude. And if you if you're if gets full digits up there, but I, so I, I pick her nose and I'm not ashamed to say it and I don't care. And I'm me dude. And if you, if you're, if that grosses you out, then whatever shades of me. But, um, so I put my nose and, uh, I put my kid's nose too.

I don't give a fuck. And, um, and I saw myself picking my nose the other day on camera. And I go like this, well, shit, man, nobody really picks their nose. Like when I, I've never seen anyone on camera just picking their nose and I just do it. Do you know why that they don't, that you don't see that I'm saying?

Yes. Because it's utterly disgusting. I know. And the reason people don't do it on camera is because they know a camera's on them and they don't wanna do disgusting things on camera. It's like shitting their pants. I don't give a fuck though, dude.

How crazy raw is that? It's disgusting. Do you think it's crazy raw? Probably it is up in your nose because you pick it so much. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Do you think it's cool that I don't give a fuck that I pick my nose? Not really. In general, I think it's cool to not give a fuck, but I don't think it's cool that you don't give a fuck that I pick my nose? Not really.

In general, I think it's cool to not give a fuck, but I don't think it's cool that you don't give a fuck that you pick your nose, because picking your nose is disgusting. I care a lot about stuff though, and people, and what they think of me. So anyway. So you're not, so the only things you don't care about

people thinking about is how you pick your nose? Maybe I just don't even realize that it looked like that, and now that I saw it on camera, I should stop. Did it look stupid? It looked gross. Yeah that it looked like that. And now that I saw it on camera, I should stop. Did it look stupid? It looked gross. Yeah, it's pretty gross. So that's fine. Do you have anything you want to talk about or get off your chest

or delve into or anything like that? I got a new, remember, if you remember, although this might have been on luxury, I was talking about the experience in my shower when the thing came off. I got a new member. If you remember, although this might have been on luxury, I was talking about the experience in my shower when the thing came off. I got a new shower head and listen to this. Before we start, we should start getting submissions. But I got the guy, the plumber is my first time using them.

And you know, when you get a first time, they want you to be repeat, they want you to call them again and again and again. They want to make you a lifetime customer, right? Repeat customer. So he's hooking up this thing and he's clearly a crazy guy. Like he's a crazy guy, but not, he's not, you know when someone's so crazy,

even though they're not being crazy, you know they're crazy. That was this guy. Their energy. Yeah. And so, but he's doing the thing and he goes, hey Matt. And I come in and he's like, do you want me to put this in? And I was like, to me that just looks like a part.

He's just holding a little circular red thing. And I'm like, what is it? And he's like, well, it's illegal if I don't put it in. And I was like, OK, but what is it? And then he turns the shower on. And he says, see how hard the water's coming out? If I put this in, it'll be half. And I was like, I looked at him and he looked at me

and we just were quiet for a minute. And I was like, he's phrased this so incorrectly. Like he made it sound so enticing but then he just said it's illegal. And so now we're doing the thing of like who's gonna say first what they think. And he goes, I wouldn't put it in. And I was like, oh yeah, then don't put it in.

He's like, okay, good. And what I found out is that in California, and this is, I had to circle back in my mind, when I was looking for a new shower head, there were some that I wanted that wouldn't ship to California. And I was like, what is this bullshit? It's because if they don't have the governor inside

that makes the water pressure way, way, way, way less than it naturally comes out of the shower head, you can't use it in California. It's illegal. So you have to vote for the governor to do it, you're saying? I'm not at all, not even a little bit saying that. What I'm saying is, isn't that interesting?

And now I'm a literal fucking outlaw. No, but I get that. I have a crazy cool thing in my house That makes the governor that we voted in That we need that little piece in there. I'm sure that this law goes further way further than Gavin Newsom Though I don't know that that's true. Okay, so then why'd you bring up the governor? Oh, That's the fucking joke. Thank you. I did not understand it. Great. Great. Great. It's great Why'd you give up? It's great that you made that joke.

No, no, no, no. You're saying you vote for the governor and then they put something in your water. Every time you install a shower head in California, Gavin Newsom comes over to make sure the water pressure is only half what it is naturally. Yeah, I got it.

You got more money? No, I got it. Turn your sounds off. I did, I did. Dude, I did. Okay? Anyway. What's even on in the first place? I don't text. Turn your sounds off. I did, I did. Dude, I did, okay? Anyway. What's it even on in the first place? I don't know.

I don't know why it's on. I couldn't tell you. I mean, so knows. Not me, it wasn't me. It did it on purpose. All right, let's start, Shaggy. Okay. Hey guys, love the podcast.

Got a question for ya. We talked to him before. Sometimes on my upper thigh area, I get this bit of a warm feeling on my leg and My immediate thought is oh man that I just pee on myself But I know for a fact I didn't just pee on myself But it's where my mind immediately goes to first ever happened here. Let me know which thing this is fantastic. That's it. That's cancer That's the whole thing. He doesn't tell us what happened. What caused it. That is just fantastic

What is he talking? Don't you have places in your body though that sometimes tingle or no? I do. Like warm fuzzy tingle? Yeah, like I have places that tingle. And where's that? Anus. Your penis when you're coming? No.

I, uh, if I go like this, there's a place where I touch, if I touch it, I feel it in my... Oh, that's what it is. An A1 commercial. An A1 commercial. No, but no, I feel like this. It gets you here? It gets right here? No, no. I feel it in my... Oh that's what it is. An A1 commercial. An A1 commercial. No, but no, I feel like this. It gets you here? It gets right here? No, no, I feel over here.

And then, but I have places that are warm. I don't remember where, but yeah. Every now and then I'm like, oh fuck man, that's warm again. You know, tingly. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. But you know, I haven't pissed at myself in a long, long, long time.

That's funny that he always thinks about that. Honestly, you should piss yourself, see how that feels. I bet it feels way different than what you think it is. And then you won't think that anymore? Yep, so go in public, piss yourself, and then walk home, see how it feels, and then you'll know the difference. And also, to answer your question,

no, it doesn't happen to me on my thigh. Also, what a first submission to start the show. We've talked to him before. I know. That's not interesting enough to say twice. Isn't that interesting, what I said? I thought you said it was his first submission, but it's just the first submission.

No, it's the first submission of the show. I understand. Skip this guy. Chris gave him great advice. That's all he needs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. Oh, Paul.

What's up, Matt? What's up, Chris? What's up, dude? What is it about hanging up your guitars that makes me want to do a double backflip on the cement? And I've never done one. And I know I'm going to hurt my neck and concave my fucking head into my spine.

What is that? I don't know. That sounds like not a reasonable response to the side of that. Oh, you hang your guitars? Here we go. And why does it, so you're saying it makes you mad? It is, it is the most, hey guys, I'm an artist.

More than even hanging up your own art. Dude, I- Isn't it- It's for space, yeah. It's a practical thing. I understand it's a practical thing. Take that practical thing, shove it right up your own art. Dude, I... Isn't it... It's for space, yeah. It's a practical thing. I understand it's a practical thing. Take that practical thing, shove it right up your ass though.

Okay. Honestly. And put them down, put them down. Don't have guitars. Dude, I fucking hate guitars. I hate guitars. Why? Because they sound like shit. No, they do not.

Electric guitars are all right, but the fucking acoustic ones, and they're gonna hang it up, and remind me of how they sound. You know what I realized the other day? Every movie score should be an electric guitar score, and no other instruments. Fully agree.

Or violin. Yeah, but that's like for dramas and shit. You want like electric guitars for every, even dramas actually. Oh, what about drums though? No. Pretty good. I like drums, I'm just saying electric guitars only.

For movie scores. From here on out. I don't know about that. I do. Electric guitar? What if it's about fucking like, you know, what if they do a movie about Mozart or Picasso or like a fucking- I mean a movie about Picasso with an electric guitar score would be so sick. What about uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Helena of Troy? You did a freaking guitar. That would be super wild. It would be sick, dude. Yeah, you're talking yourself into it. I mean, what about Attila the Hun? You know what I'm saying?

It would be so sick. You're just getting better and better. You're getting better and better. I know, I don't mean to say it like that, but. The more about Jesus, the best movie ever. Oh my God, that would be sick, dude. That would not be so crazy. Batman? What about Batman?

That would be crazy, actually. He doesn't exist. Yeah, no, no, I'm kidding. He, he, he. Were you stuttering saying know, I'm kidding. He, he, he. Were you stuttering saying he or were you laughing he, he, he? I wasn't laughing. Oh, okay. Go ahead.

Sup Matt, what's up Chris? Sup. My name's Zach, I live in Savannah, Georgia. We've got a minor league hockey team here. I have season tickets to it. There's 36 games, so it's kind of tough to get to all of them. And so when we have extra tickets,

we usually offer them up to friends or people that sit next to us, et cetera is, whenever that happens, I'll offer them to someone and then I'll give them a little bit to give me feedback. Do they want them or not? But if they don't respond pretty quickly, I'm usually hedging my bets to make sure I get rid of these things to ask other people on a first come first serve basis. But every single time I ask a second person, they say, yeah, sure. At the same time as the first serve basis, but every single time I ask a second person, they say, yeah, sure, at the same time as the first person says.

Yeah, I'll take them. So I guess my question is, am I an asshole for offering them to multiple people without letting the first person come back? And if so, how long do I have to wait? Or is this just normal and the person who was late just needs to deal with it? Let me know what you think.

First person's out. They're out. It's so simple. And I'm going to solve it for you. You're so lucky you submitted this to us. Because once I tell you what to do, you will realize, wow, that was so simple and I'm so happy. Thank you, Matt.

OK. Just follow up with the first person and say, hey, no, like this is neither here nor there. I'm just trying to get rid of these things so it's not on my mind anymore. Just so you know, if I don't hear back from you in like the next few minutes, I'm gonna ask somebody else. That five, 10 minute window passes. You don't have to feel anything anymore

because you let him know. Yeah, you could do that, but I don't think it even matters. He... it does to him. He says it because he feels bad. Yeah. But I'm saying what you're doing is not something that warrants feeling bad. That won't... that's not going to solve his issue. He's still going to feel it because he's him.

No, it may help to hear somebody... It may, but what will definitely help... ...of my stature say. What will definitely help is if he just clears the entire room of the potentially negative vibe. What I think you should do is, and this is for sure what I would do, you've got one minute to respond. And this is like when you want to decide, OK, it's been long enough.

You have one minute to respond. I'm counting down. And every 10 seconds you go 50 and then you write back 40 in the text. And when it gets to one, you fire that other text out there and that person is, that first person is done for you. They're done, they don't get asked.

They don't get asked. And you're adding like a whole attitude thing into it. For what reason? I mean, I think it's cool to be like sexy, I guess. Oh, that's sexy? All right. Well, add, fold sexiness into it is Chris's advice. My advice is to just kind of make sure the air

is totally clear before you do anything. Why don't you group text, hey, first person to respond. Sexy pics of yourself? First person to respond gets the tickets. No, no, no, no, no, no. All right, well, whatever. I'm gonna be in Savannah, so go to Chrisley.com

for the tickets. It's not a contest, you know? All right. Next. Nice shirt. Hey, Chris and Matt. My name's Stephanie, I'm from Texas. Chris, I saw you in Grand Prairie in 2022 where I got this shirt.

Hell yeah. Speaking of, did your shirt get discolored around the neckline too? Is that just me? Calling you out. Or is it not me? Calling you out. It's the makeup, it's the makeup.

Anyway, I've been Christmas shopping and that brought up a question to ask you guys. I was raised to remove the price tag before you give a gift. I think it's rude to leave a price tag on a gift. And I've noticed as an adult that not everybody feels that way. And I've noticed as an adult that not everybody feels that way.

And it's, I was just wondering what your thoughts are. Cause yeah, it's like you're actually putting a price tag on your friendship, relationship, whatever it is. And I think that you need to take it off before you give a gift to someone. Even if you think they're gonna return it, you can leave a barcode and still hide the price tag. Gift receipt, hello.

What are your thoughts? Thanks, bye. I think that you should, I try to find as many receipt, what do you call it? What do they call it? They cut off what? They take off the what? A gift price tag?

I find more price tags and put them on and then confuse the shit out of them. Which one is it? Oh, it could have been 40 grand, it could have been $6, you have no idea. And they have to guess how much you care about them based on that. Yeah, I don't.

I think more often than not, I mean, who knows, actually, the way people are now. Could be just that they don't care at all. But I think any time I've done that, I've simply forgotten. Yeah. I don't remember any time I've ever gotten something with a price tag on it ever, except for maybe Mom. Really?

I didn't take it off. Yeah, but I don't think that. I'm sure it's happened though I can't really remember either. But I'm just like, I just feel like you always take it off. I don't even know people that don't take it off. Who doesn't take it off? That's so weird actually. No, it's definitely happened to me.

I just can't remember it. No, I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Because it doesn't stick with me. I'm just saying it's weird. It is weird to leave it on. You think it's that weird? Yeah, because there's no- I don't think it's weird. It is weird to leave it on. You think it's that weird? Yeah, because there's no- I don't think it's that weird.

It's like, you're either like, oh yeah, I want them to know I spent a lot of money, or you're like, oh yeah, they're gonna find out that you didn't spend enough money. It's never gonna be like, yeah, oh cool. Oh, they spent $25. Here's why I ultimately feel like it's less of a thing than you do.

Who cares how much someone spent on you all around? Women. But you're saying you care. What do you mean? No, I don't care. I don't care. So then why do you care about the price tag? I don't care. But when you're giving a gift to a woman, they might care. Revealing itself to be steeper for you. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I've ever.

Gold diggers is all I'm saying. I never thought about this in any capacity, to be honest. And it doesn't make a difference to me either way, but I don't think it's rude. I guess my point is I don't think it's rude to leave it on. It's just lazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people nowadays are absolute fucking idiot heathens.

And so let's not be surprised when they do brainless activities such as that. Thank you very much. Okay. Bye bye. That's a good one. This episode is brought to you by Missouri. From November 25th to December 2nd, get 25% off everything on orders over $150

in Missouri's biggest sale ever. From bold hoops to minimalist stacks, Missouri has something for everyone. Missouri makes handcrafted fine jewelry for every day made with responsibly sourced materials. So you can look and feel good about gifting and wearing them. Shop your wishlist 25% off at mazuri.com today. This is an ad from BetterHelp.

This holiday season, do something for a special person in your life, you. Give yourself the gift of better mental health. BetterHelp online therapy connects you with a qualified therapist via phone, video or live chat. It's convenient and affordable and can be done from the comfort of your own home. Having someone to talk to is truly a gift, especially during the holidays.

Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more and save 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com. McPops from McCafe are a new sweet treat available in three delicious flavors. Berry, white chocolate, and hazelnut and cocoa. Perfect to add onto a small $1 plus tax premium roast coffee. It's a match made by Nick Cafe. At participating McDonald's restaurants, prices exclude delivery. On to the next. On to the next one.

My neck hurts. My neck hurts. My eggs hurt. Good to BJ. Hi, Matt. Hi, Chris. Hi, babies. I mean, talking to his family.

My question is, when you're with a buddy and you say something to them and it's quiet. Don't have this lighting in your room unless you are a serial killer, continue. Totally quiet around you, but you say something and they don't hear you for some reason. And there's just like that awkward sounds, like what is the least bitch spin move to do after that?

Cause if you just say it the same way you feel like such a bitch, but if you point out that they didn't hear you, then you're kind of like more of a bitch. What? And there's just like no good way out of that. So yeah, what's the best spin move to do? Because I feel like this happens to everyone every now and

then. Yeah. I'm seeing you guys with a live Lifeline show in Oxnard in December. I can't wait. Oh, hell yeah. This guy's the man. Oh, he did it good. That was the first time anybody's ever done it good besides me and him.

I don't even know what he's asking. I don't even know what he's asking. I do, but it's not something that is in any circumstance ever something to think like this. It's so interesting how people's brains work. Thank you. He probably thought That this is a universal issue when in reality no one thinks this way. Okay about this specific thing I'm not saying he's got like a fucked up brain still don't know what he said He's he's simply saying when you say something and for whatever reason someone doesn't hear you

It's a bitch to say it the exact same way and then it's also a bitch to Point out that they didn't hear him, but none of that is true. What anyway, wait a minute it's a bitch to say it the exact same way. And then it's also a bitch to point out that they didn't hear him. But none of that is true in any way. Wait a minute. That is what he's saying, right, Chris? No. No, it can't be, because that's not even a thing.

Okay, tell me how I'm wrong. He's saying when you're sitting in a room with somebody and you say something, ask them a question and they don't hear you, he thinks it's, he thinks it's bitch to repeat the question. Oh, so it's what he just said though. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, yeah, that's what I thought. Why is it so big? It's not. If I say something to you like nice hat, you didn't hear me and I go, nice hat. That's not so bitch. What's bitch about that?

No, in fact, I would venture to say it is the opposite if it's anything. Also, who does this? Nice hat. You didn't hear me when I said nice hat. Who the fuck ever did that in the world? I'm telling you, this guy's a serial killer. Also imagine being someone who takes a video of himself and it's pure nostril all the time

from the angle at which he took the video and watches it and thinks that, yeah, that's good. You didn't even watch it, you don't give a fuck. But he gives a fuck about the thing he called in about, like this is crazy. It's not something that I've ever thought about. It's crazy to have that lighting in your room. It's crazy to think that way. It's crazy to submit a video where it's all nostril all the time. It's not something that I've ever thought about. It's crazy to have that lighting in your room. It's crazy to think that way.

It's crazy to submit a video where it's all Nostra all the time. It's just nuts. All Nostra all the time. Maybe he's a developer. Developers, developers, developers, developers. What's that shit? The Amazon guy or no? No, the Microsoft guy. Steve Ballmer. Developers, developers, developers, developers. All sweaty? Yeah.

The most sweaty. Let's watch developers and then move sweaty yeah the most sweaty yeah let's watch them in let's watch developers and then move on to the next yeah okay my throat dude I love this guy look at the sweat it's just Anthony have you Wow. Developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers. So many people. Developers, developers. Is he on Coke? Yeah. No, he's just like that. I mean, maybe he's on Coke.

He's an extremely passionate businessman. Oh, God. He owns the Clippers now, right? Mm-hmm. Good for him. Fucking asshole. Well, no, I mean. No, fucking asshole, dude.

Why? Don't have that much money. Don't do it, dude. Oh, yeah, I, dude. Don't have that much money. Don't do it, dude. You have that much money? Fuck you. It's weird. And I don't mean because I want it, but fucking give it to other people.

You don't need it. Fuck, give more of it. Don't have enough money to buy the Clippers. You want to talk about some bitch. Whatever the fuck they're doing is the most bitch shit I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, this is the best one. This is all of them.

This is Gates. Look at Gates. doing is the most bitch shit I've ever seen in my life. All of them. All of them. This is the best one. This is all of them. This is Gates. Look at Gates. Sweet. Sweet. Gates is the most bitch. Sweet. Sweet. Will Ferrell. It's unreal, dude. Dude. How could they be this way?

Sweet. Sweet. Oh, oh, oh, oh. The hopping, dude. Bromley Brown. Sweet. Oh my. Sibu. Sibu.

Sinsy. Sinsy at the end, dude. Play it again. Play it again. Play it again. Play it again. Play it again. Play it again. Play it again. Play it again. Oh my god. Sit! Oh my god. Sibu-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u- like that. It is weird how dorky these fucking guys are though. 80 bajillion bagillion billion dollars worth on that stage, you know? The way you said it. Billions and billions. I think that it's just crazy like how dorky those guys are. Like it is just really incredible. Let's not forget that ever, right? Like because Jeff Bezos had like a glow-up. Let's not forget that ever, right? Like, cause Jeff Bezos had like a glow up.

Let's not forget. Oh, let's watch a Bezos. Should we do that on luxury? Are we getting carried away here? Yeah, that's fine. Whatever, what do you want to watch? I don't know. It's too long.

We'll save it for luxury. Okay. What is it? It's amazing. Oh, a Bezos fucking expert, dude. Which Bezos are we talking? It's like a 2020 segment from when he still had his like book like warehouse and he's walking through some we'll do

it for luxury and he's driving around like a Honda Accord knows it so well directed it directed it cut it together we used to work for 2020 it was my video and it got stolen from me all right yeah we'll watch it on luxury driving a 96 Accord right watch it on luxury thought a 96-cord, right? Watch it on luxury thought Matt Chris love the show. What's up? My name is Eric. I'm actually listen to the clenching right now the latest episode Go watch it on YouTube Spotify wherever you get your podcast thanks, and you guys are talking about when women come on too strong and I thought of a situation where I was at a bar and a

very attractive young lady did one of these from across the bar. Oh, fucking Layup. No, it's just an absolute Layup. I was talking to her for a bit and her name was Leia which was very cool because I'm a Star Wars fan. She asked me what I wanted. She's like what are you looking for? What? Confidence. Gotta try to be respectful.? I was like confidence. Got to try to be respectful so I was like Oh, you know I'm trying to find my girlfriend right? I'm trying to find you know blah blah blah I also have a girlfriend now so if she sees this I apologize. You're doing everything fine. What's the problem? I mean I ruined that because she just ended up leaving ten minutes later

I totally misread that situation so that just sucks. Second part How do I deal with if I open up the door for someone? I love opening up the door for people, makes you feel good, some very simple takes zero time, you just open up the door but if someone uses the other door, you know if it's like a double door, and they use the other door still even though you're opening it, what do you do? Do you punch them in the back of the head? Well, no. Do you drop toe hold them into the sidewalk? No. Nothing is more disrespectful to me than that.

So how do you do it? No. Sometimes they're not sure if you're going to be holding it for them or not. I get that. They're like, oh, I don't know if he's doing it for me or not, or if he's going to let go. And then I get cracked inside a head by the fucking door he's holding, and then he feels bad. I'm just going to avoid this whole situation and not open up this door. That's rare though, no? Like what's rare? What he's describing.

I don't think it's rare. Really? I don't think it's that rare. People aren't paying attention. Yeah, they're just not paying attention. It's probably that is what I would guess, but I mean, I can't think of a time that's even happened. But what I don't get is, how did he misread this?

That's one thing. What do you mean how to? The lady at the bar goes like this. I don't think he misread it. I think he blundered it. I don't think he was like, what's that mean? But when she was so upfront and asked what do you want, he was not ready to answer. So he went back to what he would usually answer with in a situation like that, which is to be extremely respectful and not, not lie. Cause he's not lying, obviously. If somebody went like this to me and I went over there, nah, that's not me, bro. You didn't say anything.

That was utterly without content. Dude, if somebody ever goes like this to me and I go over there. Yeah. Oh dude, hey, that is a hologram or it is a fucking clone. That is not the crystallia you know. Oh, you. I will not be doing that, dude.

Wait, hold on. If you were single and a beautiful woman went like this to you from across, you would what? You would do what? If there was a fire in the place, I would burn alive. I'm asking you what you would do. Feet planted, you would not move. Hey, hey, hey, dude, you want to get me to stay? You do that, dude.

What if you want to get you to move? You say stay? You could scream fire yeah, but I mean like if you go, if you go, if you go like this to me dude. What are you seven years old? 44 dude, and if you go like this to me, the more beautiful you are, the more chance I have staying. I'm not. You're welcome dude and that's a fucking honestly a life hack I know we're not single here but life hack dude life hack Anthony if you you don't do you don't do it dude you stay frinken put because the second you move she got

you the second you move she makes the rules the second you move, she makes the rules. The second you move, when you don't move, you play by your own rules, dude. You're fucking so cool if you don't move. That is so not single. I know, I'm saying I know you're not single, Anthony. I just so. Oh, you can't, you're saying don't do that if you're. If you're single, I'm giving single people advice here,

okay? Why are you talking to Anthony? If you're a dude, I'm saying, I'm saying I know you're not single Anthony, but listen to me. Okay. I don't know, I just singled him out, dude. Okay, okay. Saying single too much.

But if you're single and a woman at a bar goes like this, bro, the second you game over, the second you game over, the second you. Eh. over the second you game over the second you. Any no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I can't even express how much I disagree. You need towels. Dude, I'll tell you what, when you say no, towels, I bring towels just in case. If I was single, I'd bring towels just in case a woman went like this.

Cause I know when I stay put, she's gonna need a fucking raft. Well, you're definitely gonna stay put if you're not single. So you might as well bring towels anyway. Yeah, so shit, you're right, huh? So here's the deal. Everything you just said, every fucking syllable you just uttered

was diametrically opposed to correctness. No. Yes. No, dude. Why would you not go? It doesn't, just go. If someone were to say, okay, if a woman were to say to you, you look really great in this light, what do you do?

Wait, say that again, sorry. If a woman were to say, you look really great in this light, what do you do? Thank her. No. I move. Ha ha ha ha ha. You're not telling me where I look great.

Hey. No one's ever needed more therapy than the version of you in this episode. You look great in this, Chris. Oh, really? Good doosh. Hey, you're welcome, dude. They thank God I brought towels.

How did you ever hook up with anyone? Bro, this is the thing. It works, dude. No, man, I need an info. That is not nothing you're saying is accurate. Some of it is. I can agree. There you go.

Good douche, dude. This fucking idiot. Good douche. Idiot. Idiot. You look great in this light. No, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, that's not up to you, sweetheart.

So stupid. Just seven years old, anti-anything. That makes even less sense, because all that is is a compliment. That's not telling you what to do. Oh, well, you got to learn. I mean, people are gumshoes to this, and then people are experts.

And to the gumshoes, I say, if a woman tells you you look good in this certain light, you fucking sidestep. You strafe. That's what gumshoe means? I thought that was like amateur detective. Yeah, a new, yeah, right, exactly. A change of changing the definition. Well, dude, I mean, bro, I'm, you know, I'm a linguist.

I get it, I'm just saying, you know, I'm a linguist if you use the wrong phrase. But what I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, dude, Stop licking me now. If? Immediately stop licking me. Now that would turn a woman on if a woman was licking you now. If, immediately stop licking me. Now that would turn a woman on if a woman was licking you

and you said that. Ha ha ha ha ha. Good douche, central. Good douche, central. Immediately stop licking me. Hey, June, I love you but you don't. Hey, we need a beaver, we need a beaver, dude. We need a beaver.

A fucking zookeeper. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, dude, hey, if I'm at a bar, we, and you're gonna be doing this kind dude, hey, if I'm at a bar, we and you're going to be doing this kind of stuff and saying I look good in certain light, we need a beaver, OK? Whoa, dude, I don't know what you're saying at all.

Because somebody needs to build a dam. Oh, I got you, yeah. Watch out for the levees is what I'm saying. If you tell me I look good in the light. Dude, I was reading about this study about beavers and they removed beavers from their natural habitat for four straight generations. Then they brought the beavers back

and they built dams in the exact same way that they always had. Yes, that's very cool. And that's what we need. If I'm around at a bar, and someone tries to tell me what to do. Those are the kind of beavers you're talking about that you need, yeah.

That's pretty cool. Yeah. All right, well. Dude, imagine if you said that to a woman. If she goes like this, and you go like this. And then she walked over and you said, you must have a beaver. I mean, she'd think something else and you know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, yeah, but if it was she'd already be taking you out of the gutter. But I'm so thank you. Sweetheart, I didn't realize that you brought a beaver tonight. You must have brought a beaver because there's no way I'm coming over there if you go like this and I'm the king of good doosh. Stupid. What if she what if she right then just goes like this? Whatever you say. What if that would just never ever happen so I don't know how to answer what if you know you'd be'd be, you'd be bank tanking.

You'd be going bye bye and straight home. Don Juan de Westlake. Don Juan de Lea. Don Juan de downtown. Dude, I keep, every time anyone says Beaver, this makes no sense. It's so stupid. But anytime someone says Beaver in like not a context

where you're actually looking at Beavers, I think of the joke in the original naked gun. when Priscilla Presley is they first meet she's up like on the ladder in the library and it's a shot of Leslie Nielsen he's looking up and he just says and she's got a dress on and he's looking up at her and he says nice beaver and obviously you think what you think and then she comes down with this big-ass stuffed beaver. So dumb. Yeah. But so good. Yeah. My favorite movie. I wish they made movies like that still. Anyway. All right. Next one. What's up Chris and Matt? It's Andrew. Coming in so hot. I am also Team Burp. Quick question though. Worst team. Does it make it better or worse whenever somebody burps and then... Oh, worse, blows it away.

Like they'll be mid conversation and be like, uh. Like I appreciate the effort of you not wanting to know the burp. I don't. But that shit's gross. Yes. Like picturing a burp just flying through the air. He's exactly right.

Disgusting. Yeah, he knows what he's talking about. What do you guys think? I think no caller or submitter has ever been more right in the framing of their question. That is exactly why it's gross. It's not gross for any other reason besides you're bringing attention to the fact

that it is a thing that is disgusting. Don't do that. If you happen to burp by accident, don't make it a whole show about how you're respecting people. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go like this when I burp. And by mistake, I go, oh.

Oh. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. I zip it up in a bag and I ship it out. Because, dude, I know. But I do actually do that with my anus when I fart. Oh, OK. And then my anus when I fart. Oh, okay.

And then my anus goes. Little lips come out and blow it that way. No, that's disgusting, dude. Don't ever bring attention to it. If you're gonna, dude, if you burp and do that, you're a specific kind of fucking asshole. Because just, if you're gonna burp, go like this. Move your fucking head.

I'm doing the bare minimum, dude. Uh. Dude, you fucking asshole. Yeah, no, it's true. You deserve a rock in the face. You're not even doing the thing you're, you're just signaling. You're showing the person how much you don't give a fuck

about them is what you're doing. Yeah, yeah, oh god, that's funny. Yeah. Because they're doing it to do the opposite. Yeah. But it's completely hollow. It's like, if someone tells a joke and you go, ha, it's like that.

You're showing them what you're not doing. Hey, I'm not, hey. Ah. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, it's so disgusting. It's so shitty, dude. It's also just so disgusting. This is the kind of thing that girls might even

to like talk about. It's crazy. I know, you do have those things. It It's crazy. You do have those things. It makes me upset. You do have those things. Anyway, you're right, Andrew. Thank you very much. Next submission.

The faster money and data move, the further your business can go to a seamless digital future for Canadians. Let's go faster forward together. In Life, Interact. As the world's population grows, so does the need for resources like Potash to support sustainable food production. This is why BHP is building one of the world's most sustainable Potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced.

This is what BHP has committed to Canada. The future is clear. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. To discover how, visit BHP.com slash better future. What's up man, Chris? Got a question about something I've been getting ridiculed my whole life for. And not only do I think I don't deserve the ridicule,

but I think that everybody else that doesn't do it my way is wrong. Okay, this ought to be good. Thanksgiving's coming up, you got your plate of food, right? You got your turkey, your mashed potatoes, your corn, your carrots, biscuits, all that. Yeah, I know how it works. The only right way to do this is to eat one at a time.

For example, if you want the mashed potatoes, eat all your mashed potatoes. Once all the mashed potatoes are gone, then you can move on to the corn or the green beans. Eat all those green beans. Then you eat all the turkey. I get it. The chef prepared each one of those

with the hopes that you would enjoy it. You have to prepare each one of those with the hopes that you would enjoy it. You have to enjoy each one for what it is. The only exception is if you put the corn in the mashed potatoes and you put the gravy on everything, you mix it, put the biscuit in the mashed potatoes, scoop it and take a bite, that's fine. But as for just eating the plate, you have to eat one at a time, experience each flavor, enjoy each flavor, move on to the next one and enjoy that one. If you just go corn and then Jordan Peterson,

and then Turkey and then back to the corn, you're wishy washy. I don't like that. Jordan Peterson said, dude, that, that is, you're describing, and this is coming from me, bro, who has crazy rules. You're just describing preference. Mm-hmm. Ah ha ha. I like and appreciate the way you broke it down,

but you're just describing the way you like to eat. Yeah, and especially when you got into the, the only exception is the corn with the gravy and the thing. It's like, dude. Yeah, it's like, you like to eat. Yeah, and especially when you got into the, the only exception is the corn with the gravy and the thing, it's like, dude. Yeah, it's like, you like that mix. Yeah, you're, this is crazy. And you're being racist when it comes to food. I mix it up the way I wanna mix it up.

It tastes good, the ratios I want to have it with, and that's up to me because it's my plate. Serve it separately, I will ratio it myself on the plate. Also, what if you like one thing that you put on your plate less than another thing? It's like you don't, what if you have a bite of like, say you the third thing you decide to go through and there's five things on the plate. You realize isn't that good. You're going to finish it before you go on to the fourth or fifth thing that you're going to like better. Like you're,

you're a complete fucking psycho. Psychopath, bro. You get how you do it. This is psychopathic eating behavior. You're a psychopath and I don't want you delivering my packages or whatever you do. Psychopathic eating behavior. It looked like he was some kind of animal groomer.

Well, I don't want you grooming my animals, dude. Or like he ships horses or something. I don't want any horses from you. His one exception is complete bullshit. His one exception is crazy. Yeah, what was that? Also it was too long. That made him- One exception, if you eat the corn with the mashed potatoes

and you put gravy in it and also a biscuit, and if you're eating stuffing already, then okay. Crazy. Exhibiting crazy eating behaviors. And that was Steve Totoro, John Totoro's son, so that's cool. Yeah, interesting, huh? The shape of people's mouths affects the way they speak so much.

Made you mad. Okay, next. No, it didn't make me mad. It was fine, it didn't make me mad. And this guy has the most- What's up, Chris? I'm Matt. I mean, Jesus Christ. I'm Matt. I'm Joe from Massachusetts.

Yeah, we know. I'm gonna keep this short. So my dog just died We took him to the vet and you know I was wearing This hoodie if you can see that yeah, okay, that's got all this You know I'm not washing it. Yeah, I just want to get your recommendation on which one I should buy. Cause you know, I'm gonna need a new one.

This one's never getting washed again. Gotcha. Yeah. Oh. What's your recommendation? You guys helped me through a lot, so I figured. I'll send you a... Respect your opinion.

You think I would look good in? Oh, well look, thanks. Thanks. Let us know your size. We'll send you something. I'll send you in? Oh, full look, thanks. Thanks. Let us know your size, we'll send you something. I'll send you one, yeah. Have him find out his size, I'll send him one. That's too bad. Hopefully he didn't buy one already.

And if he did, Send you a new one. Yes, I'm going shopping. But I, no, I will send you a new one, whatever you want. Whatever your size is. That sucks, man. Give him a couple, give him one of the new merch ones. Well, you know, you're asking for a lot.

No, he does watch Lifeline. So we'll give him a Lifeline one too. Yeah, that'd be good. And he said, we've helped him do a lot. So, you know. Well, which means we already kind of did a lot of shit for him. We don't need to give him anything, but we will. Help him through the winter.

It's cold. It's cold as hell in Massachusetts. Right, but I'm just saying we've already done a lot for him, but okay. He said, those are his words. Those are his words. Joe from Massachusetts. It's tough. We'll send you something., those are his words. Those are his words. Joe from Massachusetts, it's tough. We'll send you something, yeah, get his info.

I mean, even though you probably already have it, but, and that's sad, man. I hate that shit. Oh, dude, yeah, that is really, really sad. I just gave me a memory of something. Just realized it's sad. No. There's such a difference, I've been wanting to talk about this, there's such a difference,

I've been wanting to talk about this, there's such a difference in your pet dying suddenly than there is when you know your pet's sick and then it dies. It sounds like that was a sudden thing for this guy. And that's really upsetting and I'm sorry to hear it. That's what you remembered? Well, I remember my dog, Billy, died

and it was a really long period of time and It was so much easier than I had anticipated Because she's my favorite dog ever and I was expecting it to be really really terrible but it really wasn't more because I had already kind of made peace with everything and it was just with the moment she went was just Oh already accepted when it's sudden. it's just topsy turvy, turns everything upside down. Yeah. Man, maybe you shouldn't get dogs.

Not for that reason. It is weird though, because there are a lot of work. Yeah. And then you're getting heartache in 12 years or whatever. It's so weird. It just really is weird. The fact that, yeah, I mean it, people just are wired to care for things. Just is true. Well, I mean, not crocodiles. Right. That's why they get dogs and not crocodiles. Some people get crocodiles though. How about the first you ever heard about the thing where the guy had a ball constrictor and he was and he wouldn't the ball constrictor wouldn't eat.

And he was like, what the fuck my ball constrictor won't eat. And then he found out it was because it was getting ready to eat him. What? That's the craziest thing ever. What are you talking about? He's like, I want to be, I want to be hungry so I can finish this dude. And how did he learn that that was what was going on? Like this. Halfway in the mouth. That's what you were waiting for.

Wow. Yeah, don't. Oh, I get it now. How about those people who sleep with their boa constrictors and wake up or don't wake up because they got killed in the night? Is that a real thing? I mean, I know everything's a real thing

because everyone's so stupid, but like, that's so weird. I don't know if that's like a common thing, but I read an article about someone who, a woman who did that. Slept with a boa constrictor? Yep. That's the dumbest fucking thing ever. Is there anything dumber?

No. Not really. It's the maximum amount of dumb. You can only get that dumb. I guess so, yeah. That's fucking horrible amount of them. You can only get that. I guess so, yeah. That's fucking horrible. Snake people trip me out, man. Yeah, they're tripping.

They're just, snakes are very cool, but they're completely disgusting. Why would you want to own one? Yeah. Really, really weird, dude. Here we come, in the doorway. Here comes Alan. They always name it some bullshit like that.

People with just exotic pets are a trip. It's weird, it's weird. And they're always wearing all brown. Alright, next one. What's up guys? It's your boy, Steven Guttenberg, as Chris would say. I don't know, maybe this would help a little bit. Great show in Toronto. By the way, I loved it. Oh my God.

I brought three people that had never seen me before and I created three new people to get into the house. That's amazing. All right, my question is, when you're seeing somebody on the street or like just walking randomly in public, sometimes you'll get somebody that will give you a nod. Right? Yeah, yeah.

Is it a nod up or is it a nod down? And then when they give you that nod, what do you give back? Are you one of these guys or do you nod down? Psychology suggests that if you nod down, it's kind of like, I see you, you're in my peripheral, but I acknowledge you and there is still like a threatening thing, because you're protecting your neck by nodding down

versus somebody that you know a little bit better or You're an acquaintance with you feel open with and you nod up as a sign of showing your neck vulnerability I don't know. What do you guys do when you're in public versus? Just like in a setting where you're more comfortable in? Do you nod down to randoms and then nod up to your buddies for your acquaintances or are you one of those guys that just nods down all the time? Or nods up? I don't know. Now that I've read about this it messes me up

in public and I always nod up because I don't want to be stupid. Alright man, well you're not gonna get stabbed in the neck. I don't know, what do you guys think? I think that if I'm comfortable with somebody or if it looks friendly, I'll go like that. I'll not up. If it's somebody that I deem as who knows, I very quickly unbutton my pants and I pull my pants down. And then I start doing the helicopter thing with my penis

and I do it so fast that he's pushed backwards with the wind force. Okay. Because I think that he's a threat and he needs to know how large and in charge I am. As a response to the threat, you pulled on your pants. Swing my penis like a helicopter. Expose your very valuable testicles

to the potential threat. But he can't get to it because I'm swinging it like up there. Expose your very valuable testicles. Well. To the potential threat. But he can't get to it because I'm swinging it so fucking hard that it's going like. Oh no no no no no no no. It looked, you know what it looks like? Oh like he can't come against the force. Yeah because.

Yeah yeah yeah. You know what it is is it's going so fast that you think it's going slow. It's like one of those things. You know when you see rims and you're like, how's that not going fast, it's going fast, but it's just an optical illusion. Or you look and it looks like you don't even have a penis

because it's going so fast. Right, but I have one. What are your nuts doing? I leave those in the car. Oh, interesting, interesting. No, I do both. Speaking of like evolutionary stuff, design, thread, assessment, all that stuff.

Man, we made a mistake getting off all fours. Everything's exposed. Speaking of things being exposed, you're on all fours, your heart and your genitals are covered. You stand up, heart, testes, just right there for any kind of predator. Except for when you're bent over,

your testes are from behind our You know, you don't know what's going on back there and they could just literally grab your balls off or butt fuck you Hey, don't fuck me. What's more dangerous though? Having a constantly exposed from the front or having them like kind of hidden between your Butt and legs and like from the back I think it's you can if somebody comes at you in your heart and your test, pop, pop, pop. You know what I mean?

Interesting. But if someone if you're if you're just monkeying around and someone goes, I'm going to kick that guy in his fucking taint, they could do it. They don't even know you're. Oh, that smarts. Well, anyway, we came up right to survive because we had to run faster from all the guys that were killing us because all the trees went away in the savanna and we had to go like this

instead of like this to go up trees because there were no more trees we had to run so we had to go like this you know that yeah you weren't back then i was not back then that's that's true i'm not that old so we don't know we do know how because of the what do you call it the carbon dating in the in the layers of earth. Yeah. Trees went away, there was some crazy weather incident

hundreds of thousands of years ago, whatever. It's probably El Nino. Yeah, it was El Nino in Africa. That's what it was. All right, all right, one more, one more. What's up, Laughline? It's the visiting guy again. I don't know if you guys remember my story. I can sing so well. I had a girlfriend.

Oh, yeah. She went to Canada. She got a friend. Oh, yeah. We broke up. Oh, yeah. And she immediately had the horizontal mumble. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm so okay. But I have some news. First of all, the bad news. I found out that while we were dating, still, they had already slept together. No, you don't say. I mean, they didn't have the horizontal mumble from what I heard, but they did have the still, they had already slept together. No, you don't say. I mean, they didn't have the horizontal normal from what I heard, but they did spoon.

So still cheating in my book, at least. So Brazilian to say that. But the other news, a little bit of karma happened. Basically, she kind of fell in love with him. But he had went to Brazil also before he went back to Canada he had went to new school so Brazil and he got a girlfriend in Brazil right this guy he went back Brazilians she wanted to tell him what she felt he didn't really give a fagav of because he's dating this guy's got good um so

yeah that's a little bit of fun. I don't really want to be mean but she kind of did some really bad stuff. So I'm good with being a little bit of an asshole. So yeah, I'm doing really good. Thank you guys for the advices. I mean therapy did most of the work but you guys also helped. And yeah, that's it That's what happened Other stuff happened. Oh, I'm sure a bit more personal other karma killed him, but i'm not comfortable sharing that even though Oh did

Bad shit to me. Uh, I don't want to you know So, oh, bro. Thanks guys cried so great. He had up This is going to be evidence in the court this. Straight up, this is gonna be evidence in the court of law in Brazil. We're gonna be in a Netflix documentary, right? This is gonna be a clip. We're literally gonna be in the documentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know exactly.

So dude, that, Brazilians can't help it. In that video, in the background, there's a piece of evidence of the weapon he used to kill him and they're gonna like zoom in and digitize it so it's not so pixelated. Brazilians can't help it. They can't help it. They're men and women.

They're too sexy. Dude. They can't help it. The only truly like actual experience I had with a Brazilian woman. This is way long ago. We lived in the Valley. I think we lived together at the time. I remember this.

You met her at Starbucks. I met her at this, was it a Starbucks? I don't know, but it was a good thing. I wasn't there first because I would have fucking scooped it up. Listen to what happened though. It was, it's just kind of coming full circle with this thing.

Oh yeah. She was older than me by a good amount, at least 10 years older. And she was with a friend. And I thought, man, that girl is so attractive. Like this is such a sexy woman at the random Starbucks in shitty Sherman. I remember. I'm glad you remember.

I'm just gonna keep telling the story though. No, no, no, I'm saying I wanna hear it. I love it. I'm confirming, it's true. Good thing I wasn't there. She, I was like, damn, I gotta talk to this girl. She was just deadlock on my eyes. I was like, damn, I gotta talk to this girl. She was just deadlock on my eyes. I was like, one of those rare situations

where there's no doubt whether you should approach or not. Right? Because like it's very, it's being made clear. Right. Her friend, just before I even have to do anything, her friend comes up and says, hi, she's very sweet. She seems embarrassed. And I'm like, and then I'm like, oh no.

She was looking at me for a friend or something. Right, and the how was for Chris. And her friend's really sweet. And she's like, hi, introduces herself. My friend is visiting from Rio, De Janeiro. Very, very dangerous city. Yeah, good thing she was not there at the time. Good thing you weren't there.

And she would like to meet you. She doesn't speak any English then. And I was like. But she speaks the language of love. This is, yeah, well, she's Brazilian, of course. That's what I'm saying, they can't help it. Right, yeah. You know what they speak in Brazil?

Know what? Portuguese. No, I know that, I thought you were making a joke. Oh! But they fuck whoever they want and they do it, they cannot help themselves. The language they speak is fuck whoever they want ease. And we immediately, I was like, well, yeah,

of course I want to meet her. But I didn't know, what do you do with someone who doesn't literally, does not speak your language at all? I could, in a really broken, really, really, really like distant way, could kind of approximate Portuguese. So I kind of sometimes understood her. Anyway, it was just like she was in town for like another four or five days.

And it was just, it was crazy. It was crazy. And then obviously I never saw her again. The rest is just details. Brazilians though, huh? Yeah dude, they can't help it. They fuck whoever they want. It was definitely true. And her name was Cam though, huh? Yeah, dude, they can't help it. They fuck whoever they want. It was definitely true and her name was Camille,

spelled Camille, but she pronounced it Camille. Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille. You and her fucking. Exactly. Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille. Dude, you, you, Brazilians, it's not up to them.

Right, they're controlled by their passions. It's not up to them. They're at a Starbucks and whoopsie daisy. You know? Literally. They're at a Denny's and whoopsie daisy. Yeah, man woman. They're at a Bar Mitzvah and whoopsie daisy. They're at, you know, they're in the,

they're in the open jungle and whoopsie daisy. They cannot help it. They, the men and the women are too sexy and sexual and it's nuts, dude. BBL is named after them, Brazilian butt lift, because they just can't help it. The rumps, they're the way they are, you know, the, the Butt Lift, because they just can't help it. Their rumps, the way they are, the way they look, it's just out of control. Brazilians have a beautiful, amazing skin.

Dude. Well, Your Honor, she was Brazilian. Well, Your Honor, he was Brazilian. We couldn't help it. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, the reason it's grappling based is so that dicks can slip inside vaginas and accidentally procreate. Accidentally procreate.

Ah, what do you want from me? That's what they do, like when they fuck. I didn't mean to, and they say, I mean, I'm making them sound like they're just straight up, straight up from fucking Tijuana. Well, you know what I mean, but I don't know. Brasil, Brasil, I guess they sound like that, Brasil. Rio, by the way, I know you said this,

and it drives me fucking nuts that I have to even say this part because if I don't, you'll be like, but I said that already, but I already said that, I already knew that. It's a dangerous story. As if we're not on a fucking live, like broadcasting this to thousands of people. Many thousands of people, thank you very much.

Rio is extremely fucking dangerous dude. I said that. Like kind of like don't go there level. I know, I know it has demons. It has demons and also who's that guy? Bane. Bane's there? Bane's in Rio.

Cool. My friend's in Brazil Bane's in Rio. Cool. My friend's in Brazil right now and he said, he's staying at a hotel and they're like, oh, stopped him before going outside. He's like, take your necklace off and put it in your room. I've heard that for sure. Watches and shit. And he probably ended up fucking the guy too

that said that because they can't help it. He did. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Brazil, you take the necklace off, you don't want to, give it to me. Anyway, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. I mean. Fixing a microphone. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, you don't want to, okay? Anyway, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. What the heck I mean? Fixing a microphone.

Take it off. Ha, ha. Fixing a microphone. I'll take my necklace off, I guess. Oh, oh gosh, oh, oh my gosh, oh. A demon. Exactly, they have them there. Is that Bane? Oh, while you're busting.

Is that Bane? Oh, brrrr. Exactly. They have them there. Is that pain? Oh, why you're, why you're busting. Is that pain? Oh, Welcome to Rio. The movie Rio is not about this place. It's a cartoon bird. It's Pixar. If you go watch a movie and you try to watch a movie about Brazil

and you Google Rio, you won't get a movie about Brazil. You get a movie starring Johnny Depp where he plays a bird or a frog or something, I think. For some reason, that's a movie. Uh, oh, that's a movie. Oh that's Rango. Idiot. Rio is also another one though. Yeah it is. It's actually Rango! Out in the courtyard of a hotel. It's Rango now that I think about it. What the hell is he doing, man? Why is- Brazil is crazy, huh?

Bane does this? Bane always was doing that. I don't remember. It's so insecure to be holding on your collar when you're talking about- In the Batman movie, Anthony remembers it because he knows all things comics because he's a fucking dork.

So mean. I meant Rango. Anyway, Rio I think is also a movie about a bird, but Rango is about a frog, and that was the one that Johnny Depp played Ringo's a reptile. Rango's a reptile is what I mean Iguana, right? Iguana. Yes, right. It's about an iguana and it's called Rio and Johnny Depp does the voice of it Anyway, not at all how Bane sounds, you know, well kind of I mean You know kind of Anyway how Bane sounds, you know? Well, kinda. I mean, you know, kinda. Anyway, thanks for

watching. I'm on tour, ChrisLay.com. Sign up for our Patreon so you can watch a live episode of this, patreon.com slash LifelineLuxury. Thank you very much. Thanks guys. Thanks for watching!