Lifeline - 144. Blasting Hoses

Episode Date: January 19, 2025

LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Our Patreon is also the exclusive home to all the live podcasts which we film and upload! Places you can support for LA Wildfire relief: Project Hope: https://www.projecthope.org SUAY Free Store for Fire Relief: https://suayla.com/pages/suay-fire-relief-free-store 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline TODAY we're talking about bidets, breakups, and our favorite conspiracies. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. More Matt D'Elia: Sign up FOR FREE For Matt's Patreon for all episodes of The Private Record and upcoming drops of Matt D'Elia is Confused Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More Chris D'Elia: Congratulations podcast: congratulationspod.com Live on tour: chrisdelia.com/tour More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Here we go. Are we started? Did we start? Okay. Got some dates. Covina, California, Santa Rosa, California, Stockton, California, Tacoma, Washington, Spokane, Washington. I'm gonna be there.

Go to christenleah.com to get tickets to my tour and go now. Also, it's episode 144, January 19th. Happy birthday to Mac Miller, Dolly Parton, and Jodie Sweeten. Who is that? Before we get into that, we'll answer who Jodie Sweeten is. We want to acknowledge-

I was gonna get to that. Now it seems like you're a good person, I'm not a good person. No, we're both good people. But I was gonna say something right now. We obviously didn't have an episode last week. We were scrambling. Chris had to host a big portion of our family,

because he was closer to safety than they were. I was on the run, frankly, a man on the run. You rode the bike. Flames literally licking the back of my shoes, but I made it. Charlie made it safe and sound. Back in my house, literally as of today, dropped my stuff 30 minutes ago and ran over here. Uh, but yeah, it's been a crazy, crazy time

here in certain areas of Southern California. It certainly has. And, uh, we're grateful that everybody we know, uh, is still alive. Some people we know and love lost their houses though, and it is crazy and our hearts go out to them and we want you to be able to donate and help if you feel so inclined.

We're gonna put that information in the description below. Yeah, I was gonna say that, but also you can see me and Covina coming up. Yeah. And that now makes me sound shitty. You could have added on something to what I said. Yeah, well, I do feel really bad. And I, my heart, you stole what I was gonna say, you stole it.

Okay, sorry, I mean, I'm not sorry. Donate, they need stuff, they need money, they need clothes, donate clothes, right? Sometimes they need, honestly, they need like silverware. Think about your house burns down, you lose every single thing. Remote control cars. There's no such thing as a bad or stupid thing to donate.

And for each kind of thing, there's a spot. Honestly, the best thing to donate would be a house. There's a kind of place to donate. Sure, yeah. But it's pretty, it's sad. It is sad. It is really sad. I know a lot of people that lost homes

and that is just crazy. Just the fact that that's true. Think about that. Imagine knowing a lot of people who in one event lost their homes. That's nuts. I mean, this is, by the time it's all said and done,

this could very well be the largest natural disaster in American history. Really? Yeah. Well. Not by death toll, obviously. No, no, no, I know, I know. But by many metrics, including amount of territory

that's just obliterated. Yeah. It's crazy. It's a weird thing too, because it's like in LA, or in California, whatever, Southern California, it's a huge deal. And the rest of the world is just like, hey, what's going on over there in LA?

A lot of people not in LA called me and were like, are you okay? Yeah, same, but it's weird that it's not happening everywhere. You know? That's what I thought about 9-Eleven when I was there. It was like, oh, everybody's being so deeply affected by this, but you guys aren't even here, dude. Right, right, right.

So it's like, you're not like, oh, forgoggeth off, like you're not here, you don't matter, but it's like, there's a spectrum, it affects everyone. Katrina is, you know. Same idea. If you're not in New Orleans, like, what do you know? But- The last raw, the last Monday night raw. You care, and you empathize, and your heart goes out,

but it's just, you know, there's a scale. But no one in, I don't think anybody in the country is untouched by this. I don't think anybody saw any of it, and was like, oh, whatever, who cares? These are enormous, enormous fires. Probably Billy doesn't really care, my son. He's too young. Yes, that's. Probably Billy doesn't really care. My son, he's too young.

Yes. He doesn't understand. That's correct. I go, there's a fire, and he grabs a toy car, and he goes, brrr. Everybody's doing their part. Yeah, no, it's rough, man. We joke, but it's rough.

And yeah, I can't imagine. It was so sad. I mean, this is a comedy podcast. I don't want to make you guys feel bad, but it's just I it was so sad. I mean, you know, this is a comedy podcast I don't want to make you guys feel bad, but it's just we're feeling bad one one last thing Chris you're adopted Chris you're adopted and these firefighters. Mm-hmm are just Ballin it's crazy. You see the footage? All the live long day, dude. 24-7, just all day every day,

suitin' up in that heavy ass gear, goin' in, blastin' hoses, flyin' aerial, droppin' pink stuff, droppin' water, doin' it big, doin' it hardcore, and doin' it right. What about how, did you see the footage of the GoPro stuff where the guys in that in the burning house? Just like spraying it. No, no, you didn't see it. It's unbelievable. It's not some idiot. It's a firefighter. No, it's a firefighter It's unbelievable. I need to see he's just in the house. The house is burning new flames started just You see he's like turning his head and just ch ch. Is he stopping him?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. You get to see how it really works, you know? Wow. Because I'm like, how does it even help, you know? You figure out how to burn. It's like, what? What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do, yeah. With water? Yeah, come on. I mean, you know, obviously it does help, but like, was this it? No, no, no, no, no, no. It's like POV, right? If you put in POV

Oh, you did put it. Oh there it is fighter fighters raw POV. There it is It's a GoPro ad yeah, this is real then yes real. This is recent. Yeah It's not from the California fires, but no it's real though. Yeah, it's recent. Oh, it's not from the California fires? But still. No, it's real though, yeah. It's recent though, yeah. That's wild, bro. This is like a first person shooter game. Exactly. That's just wild.

This was in Chile, actually. It's in Chile? Yeah. So wait, how many views does this have? 5.2 million. Needs way more. That's crazy, Look at that. Also, think about how much water that is.

Also think about how hot you are. Dude, you ever go like, you ever go like, yo, I'm so, so thirsty. All right, sorry, stop it. I'm so thirsty. I'm going to go get two bottles of water, and I'm going to drink them right now, and I'm going to quench my thirst so hard.

And then you go and you get two bottles of water and you and you bring them to the couch and you open one and you take like some sips of one and you go oh fuck that was a lot and then you never take another sip after that and you're just like that was that even that was a lot of water that is so much water it's crazy how much water's crazy how much water is needed to fight fires like this. It's absolutely out of control. Just another reason why water is so scarce. I'm so dry.

Are you dry? Just in general? Yeah, because of the winds and the fire. I'm so dry. My lips are crap. The other day, I picked something up on my thumb, just the skin of my thumb goes. Really? And I go, dude, it hurts so bad.

It turns into Nicholas Cage. And so it hurts so bad, I couldn't even believe it. In other news though, I've been eating a lot of cereal at night lately. Hey dude, let's get into it. You know what I've been eating? Okay, well we were gonna get into it. No, go ahead.

Cereal, hey dude, hey man, this is the best thing about cereal. There's a bunch of good things about it. But first of all, for me, cereal play is such a great part of my life because I forget straight up that it exists. For long stretches. I forget it exists for years. For sometimes years, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too, yeah. And then you'll just catch me at the grocery store like... In a moment. Oh yeah. It's just a moment. just a moment clusters yeah and I just put it in the thing and then I do hey should have got three boxes because you can't if you eat one bowl of cereal you're a fucking asshole you're just you're not human you don't you don't have the passion that humans need to get by in this world.

The passion of the cereal. Dude, I straight up ate bowls and bowls and bowls and bowls. Dude, three nights in a row, bowls and bowls and bowls and bowls. And it was so dope. How many bowls are we talking about? Nine total. Come on. No, no, no.

Per night. What kinds of cereal? That's next. Raisin. First, what I said. How many bowls per night? Three. Okay.

Nine. What? Total. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Three. Three days in a row. Three nights of three. Yes.

Okay, so then what kind of cereal? Raisin nut something. I don't know. Dude, I'm so disrespectful with it that I don't even know what kind it is. I just saw the picture on the front and I go, you know what I mean? Like, cause you're doing the shopping cart

and you just go. Oh yeah, yeah. Almost hit me in the face, wow. And then I ate it and I'm still eating it, dude. I've got maybe one more bowl left so it's really gonna fucking suck tonight. That's sad. But I will tell you this much, dude,

cause mom and dad have been over my house. Yeah. I made mom watch Dexter and, um, I mean, it is so fun. I just started see just season six at Dexter, just watching with my mom and dude, she's, I'm eating cereal and farting, dude. Like it is, nothing is, nothing is crazier than milk, raisin, you know, whatever those flakes are, just airing out of you. I got something a little crazier.

Oh. Forcing your mom to watch Dexter while her house was evacuated and making her sit on your couch with you while you're watching season six of Dexter, none of which she has seen, and eating anything really, specifically eating cereal with milk

that is making you fart uncontrollably and making her smell that. The day later. While making her watch Dexter while she's a guest in your house. Immediately when the day, so it was two nights that I was kind of really breaking ass. Oh, so it was the worst.

Got it. Look man, it was season six, all of season six with Colin Hanks and it was just, dude, I will never forget that moment. And I will tell you, it was, I mean, the fires were horrible. You look at the silver lining and like, such key moments with my mom and dad were created in this past week, which is very weird.

Amazing, amazing. You know, cause they're 76, they're getting older and, Yeah. And I know sometimes, cause you moved a little further away, you feel a little bad, you don't get to see as much. And I was like, hell yeah, Chris is gonna really get to make up for some time here. Yeah.

And it's gonna be really good. Yeah. And then by the end of it, I'm sure I want to kill them both. Yeah, perfect No, no, no, but I mean, you know, I'm through up through up. So it was so funny how How Billy is with? My dad Bill Bill and Bill dude. I mean just they're so funny together And we didn't have an episode last week because we couldn't get to the studio.

That's what I led with. It was too crazy. That was right when I was actually evacuated. Things were just too nuts. And then I had to go, I was in the desert for a couple of days and down the beach for a couple of days, just like bouncing around.

I mean, that sounds like vacation. It was not. I was in the Caribbean for a bit. It was brutal. I was up in Whistler skiing. It was absolutely insane. It was so sad I was in Whistler skiing, those beautiful slopes.

On the beaches in St. Thomas. I had a shopping spree, fully funded and paid for. It was really sad. Terrible, just terrible. So yeah, anyway, you know, that's it. So I've been, you know, watching a show, watching Dexter with mom. Worst ending of any statement ever

that took too long to say. Yeah, it's been crazy for everybody. And our hearts go out to all of you who are deeply affected by this And anyone who wants to help again check the description below there will be ways to help Yeah, and you can do it You know what man fucking when when Kristen says like let's watch a show I go here. We don't have it in you I go you don't Have it in you don't have it in you. I go, you don't have it in you, man.

Put it on. Put it on. I'm gonna ride this fucking shit till the wheels fall off. How many seasons are there? Eight? Buckle up. Three days.

In three days, we're gonna have to pick a new show because it's gonna be done. Oh wait, why? Buckle the fuck up. Because dude, you what? Buckle the fuck up because dude you don't have it in you to binge. You don't have it in you. You're saying sorry the last thing you said confused me you're saying she just throws in the towel gives it up. Yeah she just like she'll go off and do something else and then 30 minutes will go by and then she comes back and she's like who's that guy? Yeah yeah yeah. And I'm like ah dude you're fucked he's not the real killer he's the real killer and now all right

I'm just gonna watch all eight seasons by myself. And what does she do while you do that? Her ADD is like, it doesn't matter anyway. It's like she's not really paying attention because she has to do two things that wants to pay attention to one thing. Yeah, it's maddening, but it's fine. Whatever, as long as I get to watch what I wanna watch.

But sometimes she'll be like, turn something on. And I'm like, what? She's like, I don't even care. It'll be background. So I'll put on exactly what I want. And then she's like, I don't like this. And I'm like, dude, but Dexter is, you know, it's good. I know the seasons ranked.

I know how to rank the seasons. Okay, well maybe we'll make a different episode of Dexter episode and we'll keep this on the rails and start submissions It's almost 15 minutes in. Sounds good. Yeah, let's start. Hey guys, I have a question. I'm 34 and I'm a stay-at-home mom and I stopped bleaching my hair blonde, stopped tanning in a tanning bed Like I did in my 20s and I've put on weight since I've had my kids.

I have a two year old and a three year old. So whenever people see pictures of me from like my 20s, they'll be like, dang, you used to look so good. Oh, fucking, that's so rude. Dang, you used to be so hot. And it's like, okay, am I supposed to say thank you? Because technically, yes, you're complimenting me, but you're complimenting what I used to look like,

which is then bringing attention to the fact that I don't look like that anymore, which I know I don't, but damn, we don't have to talk about it. So what am I supposed to say whenever, like a friend at a job I worked at was stalking my Facebook and she was like, oh my God, you used to be smoking.

It's like, okay, dick. Yeah, I don't like that. I've always, people, dick. Yeah, I don't like that. I've always, people, ooh, ooh, there's a kind of- Getting poked in the butt. Okay, ooh, ah, ah, there's a kind of way that people are that is rampant. I don't think it's like over 50% of people, but it's a lot of people.

It could be over 50%. They've learned how to interact and socialize. They're socialized well enough to Obviously get along in the world have friends be employed have money whatever boyfriends girlfriends, but they This one skill they've sharpened it sucks so much and I don't know what satisfaction if get they get out of it And it's they say things that Make you feel bad, cloaked in a greater discussion

or specifically about a specific thing. Yeah, what is that? That is innocuous enough. What is it? To get that making you feel bad thing in. That sucks, dude. It sucks so much. Without that thing that a lot of humans do, we would probably have flying cars.

Oh, dude, we would be also, you know what we'd be doing? We'd be doing corny shit like singing Give Piece a Chance, walking down the streets, because everyone would be so much less bitter, so much less cynical, and they'd hate each other so much less. That stuff perpetuates itself. It happens to one person that other person takes on that quality, does it to someone else.

If I can't be happy, neither can that person. But also, though, let me just do the other end here of what this lady's talking about. Life changes and is about different things sometimes, you know? Like, dude, I looked at a picture of myself the other day, and I was like, oh man, I look young and fucking, you know, strong and now I'm 44 and I, you know, I still, you know,

I feel like I look good, but like you, you can compare it to different, you can compare it and be like, oh, I don't have this, I don't have that, I have this now, I have that now. And you know, but also is your life better than it was? Probably, it probably is. You got kids now and it's beautiful.

Like my life's better now than it was. I've got two kids, I've got a family, I'm happy as shit. Like, so life just becomes about other stuff and it's okay. You know, you don't have to be, yeah, you do. You're not gonna be, nobody's, you know, 80 years old and hot. You look like a raisin, okay? And so that's just what happens. So, you know, hopefully you had a good time

doinking it out when you were in your 20s, just keeping it horizontal, right? But not with too many guys, but with one or two guys multiple times that were like just over long periods of time, one guy and then another guy long periods of time. Because you don't want to be, right? Getting so specific about it. But you don't want to get diseases and you don't want to be labeled, oh, and I don't think you are, but I'm just saying like, guys,

get away with having sex with lots of women and not being called hoes, and then women don't. So hopefully, you kept it horizontal with two to three to max six guys in your 20s. And you really had a good time. She could throw it around a little more. Why not? Yeah, I'm saying maybe max nine.

It depends, if you go from 20 to 30, okay. Max 14, 15, right? Throw it around, dude. All right, max 20. But I'm just saying, you know, Throw it around. More than 20, dude? That's two guys a year just keeping it horizontal,

like take breaks. Like honestly, women love to to be like I haven't had sex since December dude women love to say that I don't mean now cuz we're in January I mean like they you know just they'd love being like do you know when I had sex last was 13 months ago because they want to be throwing it around but they don't everybody likes it when it's thrown't. Everybody likes it when it's thrown around. What? Everybody likes it when it's thrown around. What are you talking about?

What are we talking about? I don't know what that means. I know what everything I said meant. Everybody, who benefits everybody when it's thrown around. A woman wants to have sex, she does. Yeah, but nobody. The person she has sex with has a great time that it was thrown around.

A lot of times the women will be like, I don't know. Of course that happens. Yeah, I'm saying on the whole. I'm not saying be loose or you see about it. I'm saying if you want to do it, do it. Anyway, we got sidetracked. There are these kinds of people who cloak shitty things to say in non shitty things to say.

But about this specific situation, your specific situation, about the way you used to look versus the way you look to look versus the way you look now, they're also talking about someone who very literally doesn't exist anymore. The person that was in those photos that looked hot or looked great or whatever isn't somebody worth complimenting because that person doesn't exist. So all that person is doing is drawing attention to the fact that you used to be hotter than you are now. That's a plainly shitty thing to do.

And what sucks is that the person who said it can say, what, I was just commenting on how great you looked. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we don't get away with that You call him out on it Watch him squirm baby squirm. Yeah, that's fucked up. You did that that really hurts me very deeply Well, you don't do that far, but something like that. Yeah

something like that You could just be something that's plans like what? This is always my favorite approach when you start out like this. Wait, wait, no, I really just wanna know, like we're not gonna fight about this, but I have to understand. Why, like why did you say that? And think, I want you to think before answering.

It's a cool teacher. I want you to think about it before answering and I wanna know why did you say that? It's a cool teacher I want to know why did you say that? Let's go teacher. I want to know why did you say that and go. And stay after class. So alright. Uh yeah that sucks.

I don't like when people do that. I try not to do that. Um I don't think I do it. Yeah unless they're still hot in just a different way or whatever. Whoa you were banging and whoa you're still banging in a different way. Holy shit, man. You're lucky. You're two different types of banging in your life. There's one way that there's an exception to this.

Like when someone is like 70 or 80, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And a picture of that person when they're 20 or 30. And they're like, damn, you were so like so hot. Look at you back in the day. Look at you like so hot look at you back in the day Look at you mom look at you back in the day and look at you now Look at you now. You're fucking red fucking you look like the crypt keeper dying Good for nothing

Piece of show right anyway next one hiding stuff in that beard What up Chris Maddler you guys are sure in revenge revenge of the nerds the guy the the question the big guy right a day Yes way today or no way people love bidets over days. No wrong answers We have one of my teacher and I think that's the really the only thing that really keeps me coming back You don't live every day You don't think you'd be worth this You don't look like a guy who would have a day at his place. Yes. No, I love yourself I love you guys. You remind me a lot of me and my brother. That's cool. Peace. Thank you. Thanks

I have strong opinions about it, but days go ahead you wrote dude. Yeah. Yeah, he seems very cool. I have a pretty Strong opinion about a bidet Okay, how it's at it, but it's not worth Okay. How's that? It's not worth it. It's not worth it? What do you mean it's not worth anything? It's not the $70 million thing, you know?

It's not worth putting in your house, getting a squirt in your anus, after you take a dump. And so, you know, you don't get it extra clean. You, it's clean if you wipe it. You know, now not only does it have shit in it a little bit, shit particles in it, but also it's wet, dude. That's disgusting.

And then some of them have a drying component where it's like you hit it and it dries and you got to sit there longer and just have it dry your anus. Dude, hey, how about this, man? Shit comes out of my anus, I wipe, I get up, dude. I don't need. Man, you wash your hands after that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I'm talking about on the toilet though. Yeah, sure, yeah. I don't need, yeah, I don't need squirts in there. Yeah, it feels good, sure. Hey. I'm not, I'm so not interested in the bidet. Yeah, there you go. It's just not for me.

People love it. Dude, it's grown in popularity now among men by so much. I think people love a lot of- And what that tells me is that men are lazy about wiping their asses and they've found this thing that like, oh, this just like washes my ass. Now I don't need to be a disgusting, lazy fuck and try to get away with it, but not.

Like, dude, how about go back to the original way, which is just wipe your ass well. A lot of times you'll have hair or something or like, you know, hairy assholes. Yeah. But yeah, no, I think bidets are, I just think that they're just, you know, women use them for their,

Vatahoo hoo, right? Is that the word you were looking for? Yeah. Yeah. Right? Well, I also think they use them for that weep boop boop boop. What's that? Pfft. Oh.

The pfft area. Well, whatever, dude. I just, it just seems so unnecessary a bidet to me. Agreed. How much were bidets invented in like France in the late 19th century? Right. 18th century actually probably.

Right. No way it wasn't France. It's French word. Yeah, I guess, yeah. True. Late 17th century. Wow. 1726 in Italy.

Ah, but of course. Oh, the Italians fucked me over. Ah, but of course. My asshole smell. But of course. Do you have anything that squirts an asshole? I cannot get this shit out of my asshole. With just wipes! Dude, how about these ones right here on the right? Those are the only ones I know.

And why do they gussy it up all nice? Like, you're cleaning my asshole. No, I know why. Because they used to only be in rich people's homes. So they needed to look fancy. Yeah, no, make them look bad. You're not gonna find a bidet in like a hostel, you know? Right, right.

All right, well, I'm not into bidets, dude. Not into it. And the grosser a guy looks, the more into a bidet he is. Yeah, lately. Isn't that interesting? Lately. Then I tell you something. It does. It's weird.

Yeah. The return of the bidet is a strange phenomenon for gross men. Yeah. You're a gross guy if you like bidets. Fuck yeah, dude. It's just true, yeah. We figured a lot of stuff out here.

This was a big revelation. The revival of the bidet is the the motor behind the revival of the bidet is the gross American guy. Congrats. Yeah. We're gonna take a little break to tell you about a special offer from our friends at adamandeve.com. Start having more and better sex immediately. You gotta you take advantage of this brand new deal from Adam and Eve at adamandeve.com slash lifeline. Pick any four toys, sex toys for $20.

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Mmm, too sweaty. We could go skating. Too icy. We could book a vacation. Like, somewhere hot. Yeah, with pools. And a spa. And endless snacks.

Yes! Yes! Yes! With savings of up to 40% on Transat South packages, it's easy to say, so long to winter. Visit Transat.com or contact your Marlin travel professional for details. Conditions apply. Air Transat. Travel moves us. Calling all sellers. Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology.

Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Good morning Chris and Matt. My name is Chris from Newfoundland, Canada. What's up, dude. So what I'm going through, uh, I just got broken up with a couple of weeks ago. She doesn't have a four year relationship.

She just packed up and left while I was at work that. While I was at work, we lived together for three and a half years. Oh. We have a dog together, all this kind of fun stuff. But there was zero conversation. Whoa. She didn't really mention anything wrong. Everything seemed perfect until I came home and she was gone.

Oh, god. That's a nightmare. My problem is I'm picturing her with other dudes. I'm wondering what's wrong with me. I'm kind of just sitting in my own thoughts. I work from home, so that doesn't make it any easier. Any advice? I know time kind of helps all this kind of stuff.

Yeah, unfortunately that's the only thing. Everyone says, oh, give it time, give it time. But is there anything that you guys would recommend while I'm just kind of stagnant right now? All right. Thanks guys. Oh, by the way, Chris, I met you in Ottawa Hopefully see you in Canada again soon. Come to Newfoundland. That'd be cool. Yeah. Thanks. I want to. Oh, what a sweet guy. Yeah I've heard about that stuff happening. Obviously. That's just wild.? You mean just women packing up or guys packing up and just gone. Yeah, I feel like it's more women who do it

or at least that's what I hear about because. I've heard of plenty of women doing it when they're in relationship with like abusive guys. Well, that. Disappear. Yeah. Then that changes everything. Of course, of course, of course.

This guy, this guy's clearly not that. This guy's like so soft spoken. Well, you never know. I know. But my point is, women do do that often when even, not often, but also when it's not in an abusive relationship. When they're just like, you know what,

I don't wanna deal with it, I'm just gonna run. Like runaway bride type shit. That is wild, bro. like runaway bride type shit. That is wild, bro. Like to think about if you were in a relationship and you wanted to leave someone and you just go, you know what, fuck it, I'm gonna leave when they're at their job.

This way I don't have to deal with it. I'll block their number. I mean, that's wild, dude. Three years they were together? That is so wild. More. I would feel like I don't know maybe a part, I'm trying to think of like a part of me if a part if it's really if it's relieving to a part of me because it's like all right there's all right I I they're they're dead to me basically you know and so that's that. I don't have to talk to them anymore. I don't

have to feel bad. I don't have to open up these wounds. But that's wild, dude. But it hurts though. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The confusion alone. Yeah, the confusion, right, yeah. And if nothing else, just the total change in routine on the day to day, it's just like, wait, wait, wait. The person I connect with the most, gone.

Everything about the routine of my life, gone. Wonder what's up with the dog. The dog, where's the dog go, you know? These are the kinds of things you talk about before you break up. To answer your question, time, of course, is the one thing that's gonna end up eventually being the thing that gets you over them.

Working at home is brutal. Like, get a new hobby, but get a new... get enroll in something, you know what I mean? Enroll in something, fucking... get some activities to fill your day up, bro. You know? And you know, obviously grieve about this, but still, dude, that is just... Well, I don't know what he does for a living, but working at home is a killer, bro. Yeah. Yeah.

Can be, yeah. Yeah, it can be. I wonder what the fuck she's doing. Now I'm curious. You don't know she's with other guys, though. I mean, it could very well be she met somebody. Oh, that's what I wanted to ask. What did he say about that? He said something like... I keep picturing's with other guys though. I mean, it could very well be she met somebody. Oh, that's what I wanted to ask. What did he say about that?

He said something like, I keep picturing her with other guys. No, no, no, don't picture anything. Also, maybe she got abducted. Generally in situations like this, men specifically, I guess women do it too, but men just, they make shit up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They make up shit that, look, is it possible?

Anything's possible. Guess she could have gotten abducted. But like, you don't make shit up. It's like you're specifically designing ways of thinking that are gonna hurt you. It's a good way to abduct someone is to take all their shit too. It seems like they moved out.

It's a bad, you wanna finish the abduction thing? So I can keep going? No, I'm just saying, what I'm saying is if you wanted to abduct someone, also take their shit. Because if you take their shit, it seems like they moved. Don't just take them, because then it's like, oh, fuck, they were abducted.

If you take their PS5 and, like, pillow, you go, oh, man, maybe they'll be back, or maybe they left, or maybe they just left me. I don't think you're the only person that's thought of this. I bet abductors have gotten their way before you Where's the PS5? Taking someone who has a PS5. Where's the PS5 and a fucking pillow? Come on. Let's go take a pillow in the PS5 and put it in a suitcase

It seems like she fucking just moved or left the guy the smallest person three-foot-one I just feel like no it's not three foot one. I'm gonna put my hand around the waist and fucking muffling the, you know? It looked more like this, like you got them like three feet tall. But the, yeah, I just, yeah, probably not, yeah.

Yeah, hmm. You made me forget what I was gonna say to do that bit, but, and it was smart, but it's all good. Sometimes it happens. Yeah, it's okay. Probably not, probably not. I'm fine pepp to do that bit, but, and it was smart, but it's all good. Sometimes it happens. Yeah, it's okay. Probably not, probably not. I'm fine peppering in the bit until you're done talking and then I could really explode it.

Yeah, but that didn't happen, did it? No, because you stopped and said, I want you to do your bit, but I'm fine peppering and having it explode. Yeah, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true. You don't really know, you should try to find her, dude, like taken. Like find her like taken.

Like get a fucking nice coat you know with like a like that that like that makes you feel badass like like the what was the fucking show I watched with the guy who always had the collar up and he was running around the madness that fucking show come on go yeah he always dressed fucking so dope and it was annoying because he was on the run you know that was like me this last week on the run from the fire. Yeah, he's always dressed so dope Yeah, collar up and it's like he was trying to be low-key Just dressing like the fucking like he's going to the Golden Globes

Pissing me the fuck off and then and and and and everyone's like where is this guy and he's just fucking got a soundtrack with him basically when he's walking around because he looks so dope and Get a coat like that and look for her dude and find her and when you find her Even if it's in another guy's house and they live together be like we're getting you out of here Come on, you know and and she's like, what are you talking about? Well, you obviously got abducted because you didn't fucking say shit, right? No get your PS5 in your pillow and let's go you got abducted because you didn't fucking say shit. Right. Now get your PS5 in your pillow and let's go home.

Yeah. And beat the shit out of the guy. Like he's a fucking Albanian, you know what I mean? Yeah. Abductor. I have a better. I told you I'd find you. And she's trying to get away.

Don't worry sweetie, he brainwashed you. You don't want to be with him. Two abductions, just getting abducted again. I think the best solution is to stop. I know it's not possible. It's not like you unplug it. But like, get her out of your mind as quickly as possible. Someone who does that is not the kind of person

that's going to come back. And if she is, she's the kind of person you do not want back. No, no, no, no. She did you a favor really honestly with what it is. And that sucks and I hate that shit, but she did do you a favor. Like she did you, she's not doing you a favor

by just cutting it off completely and not giving you closure, but she's doing you a favor by getting out of your life. I'll tell you that much. That's crazy. That is crazy, yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. But yeah, it's just obviously time, but. God, dude.

She's obviously not the person, a kind of person that can do that is not the person for you, period. What if he, imagine if he found her, it took her like seven years to find her and he finally found her and She was with another dude and had a kids and shit and he was still like we're gonna get you out These kids come on

At that point of the get the ps9. Let's go, you know, that's a good idea for a movie dude. That was so absurd Oh, yeah, like I finally found. A crazy guy who's lost his mind because his girl left him years ago. And he thinks she was abducted? Yes. Oh. The Jit believes in his heart that she was abducted. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, is it a comedy or not? No, it's like, well, it's funny. Well, it's funny, no matter, yeah, it is funny. It's like a twisted Yorgos kind of movie, you know? No, I don't know what that is. Yorgos Lanthimos, you know that director. Yeah. Like Dog Tooth and The Lobster.

Oh yeah, I love it. Yeah, I love The Lobster, dude. Let's make that movie. We can make that movie. Call Yorgos. Mako, make a note to call Yorgos. No, no, no, but yeah, and you'd have it be like fucking, where it would pick up like five years

after she was with another guy and stuff, and it would be like, who would be in the movie? I think at first, I'll answer you in a minute, but I think at first it just follows her and her family. Like very simple, like straightforward, like kind of have some like tip for tap fights, but generally they got two kids, happy life, sort of like upper middle class.

And then like suddenly this guy in like a leather jacket with a collar popped, you know, just shows up. And it's like in his mind, he's been in the movie of the guy who's, yeah. You call the movie Taken for Real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And he's just like.

This is like Taken. And he's just like, honey, I'm here. Don't move. They're watching and she's like Daniel Yeah, is that Daniel? Why are you behind the door? Tell your mommy don't move. They're watching They took her the kid just starts crying. Tell your mommy don't move. Tell your mommy. I'm gonna get her out of this mess Yeah, yeah Don't worry. I'll get your mommy out of your life. You're still going to get the daddy out of your life. No, because you don't know the kids.

The kids are not her kids. Your psyche wouldn't allow you to agree that the kids are with her and the guy. Oh, I think he thinks this guy's forced her to have kids with him. Oh, so you take the kids too? He's going to save the kids and the woman, and this guy is going to pay the ultimate price. All right, he's going to take it.

Listen, you guys, hey, the five of you, gather around here. Look, you've got four kids. Right, right. You and the four of you, OK, now I know I'm going to get you out of this fucking mess. The guy's like a work set like, you know, really high up in Wall Street. And he's just really well to do. The guy's like works at like, you know, really high up in like, in Wall Street. And he's just really good, well to do.

Good guy too. Philanthropist and shit. Good guy. I'm gonna get you out of this fucking mess. Yeah. And he beats any end and he ends up losing. The guy beats the shit out of him and shit. And he saves his family.

But the movie's about this guy. Yeah. The loser. It's a good guy. Yeah, right. The loser. It's a good idea. Taken for real. We just made a movie, guys. Taken for real. All right, back to the show, everybody. All right.

Well, that kind of is the show. Good morning, Chris and Matt. True. I'm currently getting ready to teach the youth of America. Thank you. And I'm ill, so I sound like a man. Anyways, my question for you is about like teaching philosophy.

I recently had an- Say no more. Pause it. I know everything about teaching philosophy. I'll start now. So in, when Renee Descartes wrote down, okay, no, just keep going. For reference, she was telling me,

we're not their friends. I am not their friend. The students. Anytime I hear that, it just sounds like an out for teachers to sound like, to be rude and to like wave their power around or to be overly strict. I understand boundaries are important, clearly, because I work with kids from one to three years old. I know a thing or two about boundaries. One? But I just don't agree with that. I would never risk a great bond in relationship with one of my students for power or authority. I feel like I can have a good fine balance between the two. And

I'm wondering what your thoughts are on it. Like if you guys have like a favorite teacher that you love from years and years ago, I'm guessing it's because you had a great relationship with them and they were like, I'm my ear friend. So let me know how you feel. I personally don't agree. I feel like I can have best of both worlds.

Good question. Bye spin move. I don't remember. I feel like I can have best of both worlds. Good question. Bye, spin moose. I don't remember anything about my childhood. I don't remember anything about my childhood either, but that wasn't really the question. Well, I don't know, teachers and shit. I'm like, oh yeah, okay, I guess I had some good teachers. Oh, oh, I had some, I had teachers

that I was friends with for sure. Charlie Smith, no one would guess what Charlie Smith's voice was gonna sound like. That was crazy. I didn't hear his voice. I saw him walking and I said, oh, he never sounds like like this. Yeah, and he did and he totally fucking nailed it Dude, he ended up being an actual friend of mine to really yeah. Yeah, where was he? Where was he? He was in What do you mean? Where was I? I can't remember where we were when I saw him. Oh, he was like a Sunday school

Yeah, okay. That's what I was really little. All right in not in New Jersey though. No, no, okay He ended up being like Mentor. Mmm. Yeah, cool. I was really little. All right. Not in New Jersey though. No, no, California. He ended up being like a mentor. Yeah, cool. Kind of thing. Super cool guy. And then I was friends with a couple college professors, I guess younger than that though. I would say specifically as a philosophy professor,

that adage should like 100% be thrown out the window. Well, maybe you don't wanna be friends with your, become friends with your math students. She's teaching kids one to three, she said. No. That's what she said. How she a philosophy teacher, she's teaching kids one to three. That is what she said.

Tadooki or not Tadooki. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's what she said. I was confused by that. I'm very confused. I thought maybe she meant grades one to three. Oh, that must have been what she meant. But why is she doing philosophy?

That's still too much, too young. What the fuck, dude? Is this crazy person making stuff up? Oh, I know, I'm kidding. Maybe she said the philosophy of teaching instead of teaching philosophy. Ah. Oh, okay. Okay, I'm totally understanding that. Yes, the philosophy of teaching instead of teaching philosophy. Ah! Oh!

Okay. I'm totally misunderstanding that. Yes, the philosophy of teaching, sure, yes. She should be a better fucking teacher. She needs to explain things better. Well, maybe we probably misunderstood. Bad students? Because we're idiots.

Okay. But yeah, no, totally lost my train of thought. But I think in general- If you're doing philosophy, throw that out the window. Yeah, right. Because, but the, my best friend teacher slash teacher that I ever made in my career as a student was sort of like a philosopher, philosophy department professor.

Really? Yeah. He taught like the German intellectual tradition and which over crossed over with a lot of my general interests. Freud, Nietzsche. Hitler. Even Marx. Erase your-

A little bit of Hitler sprinkled in there off the side because you got to understand where it comes from, you know? I'm kidding, obviously. But like we would go get beers and shit and just like talk. Oh, I was gonna movie or some shit? Yeah, exactly. I don't think there's like that hard line of like, I don't social there's like that hard line of like,

I don't socialize with my students. That being said, there's also a bright red line of ways that you can cross a line. And to be a teacher is to have to know that. You have to know what these things are. Like here's one, no fucking. Yeah, no fucking now. You used to be able to do that shit

and that was actually common. What? Develop sexual relationships. Well, yeah, you. You used to be able to do that shit, and that was actually common. What? Develop sexual relationships, well, real romantic relationships. Thousands of years, hundreds of years ago. No, I'm talking like 30 years ago. What? What are you talking about?

Like in the 70s, people would? 100%, yes. And it was not frowned upon? It depends on some people did, but not within the campus culture, and there certainly were no rules against it. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow, I didn't know that no rules against it. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, wow, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus. Times have changed, man. So hard. Big, big time change. Yeah. Just fucking two weeks ago there were no fires.

That alone is a testament to like morality, the agreed upon morality that everyone lives by changes so fast that you could actually make a pretty good argument that there is no morality. Now we're getting into the real philosophy. That is constant. Hitler said the same thing.

You know? No, something, Hitler said things more like kills the Jews more than what I said actually. But. There is no morality kills them. Yeah, he had a lot of bad things to say. But yeah, no, that's it. It draws into question for me when things move that fast, like, and we all suddenly agree as a society on these new set

of things that are so different than what they were 10, 15, 30 years ago. It's like, wait, what? Five years ago. What's like, wait, what? Five years ago. What the fuck is morality in general if it's this ever-changing thing? Like things are either right or wrong.

You know, you have to kind of be an absolutist in these areas to large degrees. Right, no slavery. You can't be like a relativist and be like, well, sometimes slavery is okay. No slavery. It is always wrong, period, the end. No matter what the color.

Or religion, you know? But yeah, well, shit like this, it's hard to say. Anyway, we're really spinning off into it. You can pay workers, but don't, you know. Yeah, that's called capitalism. Right, but give them, you know, and if they live with you, give them nice bedding. You know, it's not with you give them nice bedding, you know

It's not like you don't put them you don't you don't keep a key locked, you know They're not in the house someone locked away in his house and is trying to justify it every waking they're not in the basement they have great bedding and There are probably sleep on the same level you do right and Then and pay them nice. I you know, a good wage. A handsome fee, yeah. For the stuff and you can't be like,

hey, you know, clean, I'm about to pee, oh, I missed, oh, cleaning piss on the floor. You can't do that. I would also add, This is a little sleazy. Whether you're teaching one to three-year-olds or first to third graders, don't become friends with your students.

Well, weird if they're one. They're too young. Yeah, weird especially if they're two. Have friends that are adult teachers. That's not the zone that you wanna be becoming friends. That's exactly where you do wanna adhere to the whole don't become friends with your students. Because at that age too, kids will just walk all over you.

Yeah, right. Don't do that shit. Next. This episode is brought to you by Companion. Iris and Josh seem like the perfect match. But when a weekend getaway turns into a nightmare, Iris realizes that things aren't as perfect as they appear. From the creators of Barbarian, and the studio that brought you

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Whatever you choose, your espresso will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. We've got a quick question for you. Oh my God. Toilet paper. Does it go this way? We've talked about this, right? Over in the dispenser. There's no...

Or does it go... We've talked about this before. This way. There's one reason to keep it that way. One. Under. One. Personally, I think it should go over.

It should, but that just proves you have no kids., I think you should go over it should but that just proved you should go kids. I guess some people have to go under. Also, while we're on the subject. Why do people wipe their ass back to front? Do they? My the only one that thinks that's not right. Also, I know someone who told me they didn't check the toilet paper to see if they were done. That's wild. What do you think? I think that's the thing to talk about. That person is out of their fucking mind. Back to front? Everyone goes...

Front to back is weird. Yeah, no, not front to back. No, front to back is the right way to do it. Back to front, you could shit all of your balls. Okay, back to front to... so back to front front so balls to high part of the anus. That's that's what I do. That's the way to do it. That's what you should do. Yeah yeah. He's saying that that's the case as well. Yeah and people that bring the shit to their balls are out of their minds. That's not good yeah that is not good. I agree yeah. Yeah because you don't know where that you you got to you got to scoop it your your arm is in a scooping motion And and it's it's and you're you're basically

Going from the back to the tippy top so you can scoop it out if you're big Oh, yeah You're not you don't want to press your shit all up into your balls, dude And then just walk around all day with shit pressed into your balls Anyway, yeah, you don't want shitty balls. So yeah, no, that's crazy. You put the toilet paper over unless you got cats that fucking bat it or kids that gets funny to, you know, and you can't really make them stop, then you maybe put it the other way. But other than that, there's no other exception.'s a good room yeah so you know it drive me fucking nuts

when the toilets papers the other way dude it's like yeah yeah you know it's just it's I know I understand this is a you know we live in the first world problems but still take it off put it back the right way if you accidentally put it on the wrong way take it off put it back the right way. If you accidentally put it on the wrong way, take it off, put it back the right way. Dude, Calvin today was saying, he was like, in the morning when I was gonna take him to school, he was like, I have a plan. And I was like, what?

And he was like, if there was a fire, I don't go to school. If there isn't a fire, I will go to school. And I was like, well, yeah, that's a great plan. And he said, so I I will go to school. And I was like, well yeah, that's a great plan. And he said, so I don't go to school today. And I was like, well no, there's no fire at your school. You gotta go to school. And then he started crying.

He was like, I don't wanna go to school. I was like, well you gotta, it's hard, you gotta learn and stuff. And then we went in the car. As soon as we got in the car, he broke down again and said, I do wanna go to school. And I'm like, dude, you're creating all of this. But you were on the way to school.

Yeah, I know. But you know, kids forget shit like minute by minute though. Wow. You know? They forget minute by minute, dude. Minute by minute. Like. By minute.

By minute. All right. I've been holding on. Bad. Good. It's bad. Good. Please. Bad. Good. It's bad. Good. Please.

No. Sad. That's fucking hilarious actually. Yeah. Calvin did that. Yeah. What did you say to that? I was like, yeah, okay, good, good.

And was he like, oh wait, it's good? Or was he still crying? He wanted to cry. I just wanted to cry, I think, you know? That's what just what kind of what happens. All right, next up. Hey Chris, hey Matt. I love your show.

I've been watching for a couple of months now. The Joker. But my question is, what are your favorite conspiracy theories? Joker. And what do you think Hillary Clinton's sex life is like? Duh! All right, thanks.

Joker! What do you think Hillary Clinton's sex life is like? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What? Those are two good ones. And I can't believe I became the same submission. Conspiracy theories, what are they? What's your favorite conspiracy theory and what do you think Hillary Clinton's sex life is like? My whole thing about, look, I have friends that are conspiracy theorists. I just like, what I don't understand is

conspiracy theorists always believe in all of the conspiracy theories. That's the problem. That is the problem. It's like, yeah, okay, I can understand that Big Pharma is lying to us, cool, but Joe Biden is not a hologram. And the Earth is not flat.

Right, right, right, right. Yeah, no, I know, it's weird, there's like a whole, it's like the conspiracy mind exists. And you have to subscribe wholesale to it. Yeah, right. Or you have it, it's not like a decision. Right. Man, these fucking, some of these piss me

right the fuck off, man. Like what? Just like, I can't think of them now, but like some of them are like, I'll scroll on Instagram, I'll see something like, you know, it was, you know, I went back in a thing and then how does that make sense if this, and you're just like, dude, I don't even care that much.

How about, oh, well, Joe Biden is a lizard. Okay. Well, I still got to go to Vaughn's and get groceries. Yeah. I don't know. You know, it's like, you know, oh, all right. There have been aliens underwater for centuries. Okay.

I still got to go to Vaughn. You know what I'm talking about? I do, yeah. Oh, dude, like, yeah. You know, civilization has been, was advanced back when they built the pyramids, right? We had crazy technology. Oh, well! Oh, well, dude, I still gotta get a pound of turkey

and a pound of white American cheese. Yeah. Yeah. I hear ya. It's like, okay. I hear ya. But none of them strike you as interesting. Like some, not every conspiracy is built the same.

Some are on their face, obviously idiotic. The earth is not flat. Yeah. You know? And then there are some like, I mean, I'm assuming this guy's interested in like the Clinton body count. Oh, oh.

In both ways. Oh yeah, sex and killing. The Clinton body count and Hillary Clinton's body count. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, sex and killing. Clinton body count and Hillary Clinton's body count. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Sex and killing. What's your body count, Mrs. Clinton? And take that to mean however you want it to mean. You can use it for sex or killing, go.

Ha ha ha. CNN. Yeah, I played the piano. Trying to think of one that interests me, that I actually am like, damn. I guess the piano. I- Trying to think of one that interests me that I actually, I'm like- Play the piano. I guess the one that has historically interested me the most are the 9-Eleven ones, but not the one that says it was an inside job.

That George Bush mastermind- Bush knocked down them towers. Is so fucking stupid. It was you. It was you. But there's a lot of weird shit swirling about 9-Eleven. What is it, Building Seven? I'm not- Those-eleven. What is it building 7? I'm not I'm not like yeah, I'm not like a fucking truth or in the Pentagon. That was a weird part but like things are weird

They're sloppy things don't happen exactly right Definitely look for reasons why they happen the way they happen and then you reverse engineer it It starts to look like oh it was a plan. Yeah, really the fucking people at the Pentagon missed it starts to look like, oh, it was a plan. Really the fucking people at the Pentagon missed. They missed their fucking thing because the people got up and said, let's roll and fuck the guys up and they missed their target by a little bit. I'm just saying some of the conspiracy theories

are obviously true. Some of them are true. There's nothing. The one that I'm most, most, most fascinated about is JFK. Cause the bullet done do this. One bullet done do this. Yeah. And also isn't it weird that JFK also does stand for

Just Fucking Kidding. Also, back and to the left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back and to the left. Yeah. Do people know what this is? Back. It's from Oliver Stone's movie, JFK is and to the layup. Yeah asking who

Now they do because I just said that that but they were there was zero listeners that knew what Matt was really Put just this one clip pull up back into the left. I didn't know what you were talking about Well, you know shit, of course you didn't Because it's from a movie before 1998. No, no, before 2005. Totally inconsistent with the shot from the depository. Again, back and to the left. Oh my God, dude. Back and to the left. Back and to the left.

Dancing. Oh, he does it five more. Yeah, he does it a lot of times. Why would they fucking cut it off with the, fuck you! For a long more, what was it? Yeah, he does it a lot of times. What was it? Fucking cut it off with the, fuck you! For a long time, that was the only part of the movie I ever saw. God fucking damn it.

And I was just like, whoa, he said it so much and I never saw, I've never seen the movie. Why it's good, he says it like seven times. And this fucking idiot pulls a four minute clip and can't complete the fucking job? Yeah, not Anthony, you're talking about the person who. Of course, yeah, no, it's not Anthony's fault for once, yeah. I think that honestly,

there are some really interesting conspiracy theories. One of the interesting conspiracy theories is that, kind of I was talking about it, but not with the Egyptians, but like that, we had advanced civilizations Thousands of years ago, that's crazy Because we totally could have because the pyramids and shit, but also they do it and also even just We could have suffered a catastrophic event that we don't know about and then

Wiped out all the fucking like America on we had America online in the year 50, you know? The cavemen were just, you've got mail, welcome, right? In year 50 we would know, we would have to be like 50,000 years ago, but yeah. Okay, so 50,000, so 50,000 A.D. or B.C., you know? The cavemen just, welcome, you've got mail, just T-Rex, ah, in the back, but you're, I gotta check my email. I gotta check my email.

It's good. Fucking, get up. Because they had the guns back then, you know? And then a meteor happened and just wiped everything out and just six people left. And they gotta fuck and procreate. As time goes on, you forget about the dynasty, the dinosaur forget about AOL you forget about the guns I used to use and they go oh, dude. We invented guns and like oh, yeah, but we had guns You don't know about the fossils of all those things. Well, I mean they're biodegradable, you know

I mean like even though I guess I guess though, you know, like over time People's computers way way back the when Just biodegrade or something. I'm interested in stuff about like the sacred mushroom and the cross, you know that book about like ancient sex cults leading to the origin. You love it and I'm not, you live in the other. Leading, leading, oops, leading to, oops.

You know those rooms. Leading to the creation of Christianity because they have these visions, fertility, these fertility cults that they would call them. And they'd have visions of Christ on the cross. And so they'd create these. Niblov, nelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelele Neelayaziumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumy I can't tell because of the dick nose. Is that Tom Cruise? No, no, no, but it's not just as I shut, those rooms exist. Yeah, but that's not what I'm talking about, but yeah. This, you know?

How you simulate sex like that, it's so stupid. Salt and pepper shakers. Cloak, a cloak. Just, nish nillyaylylylyo. I don't want you to know. You need a little, which I could see it. You're so hot, but I can't cause the cloak. Come back. Cold.

So what? The sex mushroom? Sacred mushroom in the cross. Yeah. It's a book. Written by one of the guys who had access to the Dead Sea Scrolls. Oh.

Oops. Dude. Fucking can't speak, you know? Anyway, I'd like to know about it, though. Go ahead. Too fucking bad. All right. It's been revoked. It's that's you're not going to hear shit now, dude. All right. Fucking all of a sudden, he's Marley Matlin, dude. No, look, I the guy wrote the sex

mushroom. No. False. The guy wrote the sex mushroom, you know? The sacred mushroom and the cross. OK. All right. OK.

And he had the deep sea scrolls. He had the. Based on what he read in the deep sea scrolls, which very few people had access to, he was one of them. He came up with this theory that the ancient sex cults of Greece, when they would go through their fertility, not dances, but ceremonies. Yeah, I don't want to do this song.

They would do these drugs that would result in ecstatic experience. And one of those visions, one of the visions they've had, they would have, is of Christ on the cross. And through these crazy fertility ceremonies, they would come up with these sort of secret stories that they'd all tell each other, one of them being the story of Christ. And that's the belief is that the story of Christ came through the ecstatic orgies that these fertility God! group, cults he calls them, would

That is just crazy. Actualize. And this was back in the seventies? The book? No, I'm kidding. The book? Yeah. Yes, I know I'm joking, dude.

I was making out. But no, it was back in like the Greek, during ancient Greece, like before Christ, obviously. That's crazy. And back then they didn't even have instruments. So it was literally a guy behind them going, neve-sh-n-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el-el With a papaya fucking, mew bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh. No, like a dead lion's thing on a goat. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Fuck, dude. Yeah, a dead Australopithecus fucking skull on his head. You know, made up a word. A transformer. A-scale-op-ithicus, roll out. Anyway, that's my favorite conspiracy theory. Wow. Because I like thinking about them being true.

What's an A-scale-op-ithicus? I don't think it's true. about them being true. What's an Ascalopithecus? I don't think it's true. Ascalopithecus? Ascalopithecus? Yeah, what is that? It's like one of the very early apes that was, it's like the missing link. Oh, oh.

So it could be a transformer. That'd be dope actually. Yeah, dude. From ape to man. As-tra-la-pith-a-cus, roll out! All right, well there you go. Go get tickets at chrislea.com. I'm gonna be in Covina soon in California. I'm gonna be a bunch of different places

though, Denver and all that. Oh, oh, oh. Musting. Sign up while it's still free for my Patreon, patreon.com slash Matt D'Alia. Get in there while it's still free. You don't wanna miss it. I've been down since the evacuations

and the fires and shit, but I'm going live. I'm gonna say tonight, but it will have already happened because this episode airs on Sunday, but I'll be going live tonight, tonight, the actual tonight, tonight. So go check that one out, go check out all the lives. They are free to all Patreon members. And then we're gonna kick off the show proper.

Matt DeLia is confused 2.0 in early February. It's gonna be lit, it's gonna be legit, it's gonna in early February. It's gonna be lit. It's gonna be legit. It's gonna be the shit. It's gonna be bing bong boom boom bang bang bang beep beep beep beep beep beep bop bop bop bop bop bop bop. Okay, I gotta go to the bathroom speaking of which. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.