Lifeline - 145. You Eat It

Episode Date: January 26, 2025

LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Our Patreon is also the exclusive home to all the live podcasts which we film and upload! Places you can support for LA Wildfire relief: Project Hope: https://www.projecthope.org SUAY Free Store for Fire Relief: https://suayla.com/pages/suay-fire-relief-free-store 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline TODAY we actually, accidentally only took 2 submissions the entire time. We're talking about when people inconsiderately go pickup food and do not get anything for you, and when someone walks in on you in the bathroom (and it's your boss). Plus, Matt had some virus. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. More Matt D'Elia: Sign up FOR FREE For Matt's Patreon for all episodes of The Private Record and upcoming drops of Matt D'Elia is Confused Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More Chris D'Elia: Congratulations podcast: congratulationspod.com Live on tour: chrisdelia.com/tour More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Say hello to Tim's Selects, Tim's Everyday Value Menu. Enjoy the new spinach and feta savory egg pastry or our roasted red pepper and Swiss pinwheel, starting at only $2.99 plus tax. Try one or try our full Tim's Selects lineup. Terms apply. Prices may vary at participating restaurants in Canada. It's time and it's fun straight out of the multiverse tour's fun. Straight out of the multiverse tour. And on the straight out of the multiverse tour, are you gonna dress like an outdoorsman like you are right now or just sometimes?

There is nothing, nothing outdoorsman about this jacket. I said it. It's the most outdoorsman-y shit you've ever had on. And that is not really saying much. So far from the truth. But you are Mr. Outdoorsman right now. I've worn stuff from Pro Bass Shop, whatever that place is, what's that place?

Bass Pro Shop. Bass Pro Shop. What I'm doing right now? This is a fashion brand that has nothing to do with the Outdoors. John Candy, Dan Aykroyd, Chris D'Alia, all starred in The Great Outdoors together and that was your wardrobe in it.

This brand is called Noon Goons, and it literally says Hollywood on it. So, that's it for you. It's a good jacket. I know you're not saying it's bad. Remember that time? It is not bad. It might've been on Luxury, where we talked about how unfunny

that John Candy, Dan Aykroyd scene in The Great Outdoors is when he eats the steak? Yes, yes, I do remember that. The other day on a text thread with friends, one of my friends sent that scene and said, this is one of the funniest scenes of my entire life. Oh, wow. And I got into the biggest argument with him.

Really? I threatened to stop being friends with him. People just think something is a classic, you know? I was trying to argue with him. I was like, do you still think this is funny? You still smile at this, regardless of how much you liked it when you were a kid. He said, I laugh before it even gets funny. And was like, do you still think this is funny? You still smile at this regardless of how much you liked it when you were a kid.

He said, I laugh before it even gets funny. And I said, well, that's my point. That's your point. He's being biased. I win. I win. Thank you very much. I'm Johnny Cochran. I mean, if you said all that.

I'm Johnny Cochran. Dude. Ha ha ha. We have an episode two now of live Lifelines on our Patreon. Go to patreon.com Lifeline Luxury. And that is, they're cool. We think this show thrives off of it actually being

with an audience, and you can go watch those on our Patreon. Go to patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. And then they're the most pimpin' pimpin' episodes of Lifeline Luxury yet. They're all good, but those are the two most pimpin' pimpin'. Yeah, okay. Speaking of pimpin' pimpin' episodes of Lifetime Luxury yet. They're all good, but those are the two most pimpin' pimpin'. Yeah, okay. Speaking of pimpin' pimpin', I have my own Patreon,

patreon.com slash Matt D'Elia. And people ask me, hey, Matt, why don't you just have it be a YouTube channel? I've thought about it, and now that I've tested it out a bunch, I've decided there's no way I'm doing that, and here's why. Every time I go live, it's a live show, my live show on there, a Patreon.

Everything I do on YouTube gets ripped down, pulled down. I said something wrong. I played something wrong. I did something wrong. But guess what? We have it stored, recorded in the cloud. We put it up on Patreon anyway.

It lives forever. F*** you. We put it up on Patreon anyway. It lives forever. F**k you. I have no idea. BooTube, BooTube. I was gonna say YouTube. Well, we had to leave out that F word

because it's too much. F you, BooTube. F you, BooTube. We get around you. We get around you. So all right. It's all on Patreon. So you wanna watch it all, all the time, unlimited.

Go over and sign up. Become a member. Was that what you were doing the other day? Yeah, dude. And then they booted that one. They booted every live stream I do, they booted it. So you go live, you put it up, and then they take it down. Sometimes right away, sometimes,

they kicked me off once while I was live. Are you watching stuff? Dude, I'm just, I'm a target. Oh, I mean, yeah. I'm a hard target. They wanna get me, they're out to get me, and they will not get me. Can I ask you though questions about it? To support me in. They wanna get me, they're out to get me and they will not get me. Can I ask you though questions about it?

To support me in not letting them get me, go sign up for my Patreon, patreon.com slash Matt D'Elia. Right now it's free, get it while it's free because it's not gonna be free for much longer. Yes, now you can. So I noticed you were live the other night. Great. But I'm not on your Patreon, so how did I see it?

I go live on YouTube, I go live on Twitch, how did I see it? I go live on YouTube. I go live on Twitch. I go live on Kick. I go live on Instagram. I go live on every single streaming platform. I go live on X. Hi, Elon. I go live everywhere. I would love for you to answer the question that I had.

I couldn't have answered it more thoroughly. So that wasn't your podcast? My show. It is a show. OK. I blast it out to every streaming platform. But you go live where? You too.

At the same time. Yes. But it's on Patreon? The show ends up on Patreon because it's booted from YouTube. Yeah, live it's everywhere. I got you, I got you, I got you. Live it's everywhere. I got you.

If you catch it live, it's on any streaming platform you wanna watch it on. Cool. Who's gonna be able to watch it live though? Maybe 100 people, maybe 200 people to watch it on. So there, that answers my question. Cool. Who's going to be able to watch it live though? Maybe 100 people, maybe 200 people. No, no, no, I understand. Yeah, I understand.

For all the thousands and thousands and thousands of people that want to see the episode, but missed it, they can go back to my Patreon and watch it anytime they want. Yay, yay! Well, why do people, some people get booted off for less, you know? Dude, I got booted off for saying tiny little penises

over and over again. I was talking about my own tiny little penis. But that's weird because there's like literally breastfeeding channels and like medical channels where they show drawings of penises. And things you can't even say. There are things that I can't even say right now if I wanna not get flagged.

Yeah, true. Why does that happen? That there's stuff like that on, dude, I don't know. People don't pay attention to certain things and do other things. I guess that's what it is. And I am a hard target and I'm on the run.

Okay. Okay. And what, do you want to hear a story? Do I? Yeah. It's a crazy story. It's about my last three, four days on earth. Well, that's what I was gonna get to. I was gonna get to that because I want to talk about it. And I want to-

Because it dovetails with this, yeah. Matt, Matt doesn't, isn't at up 100% right now. I'm not even, I'm not at 100%. He's very weak. He's weakling. I'm poor, I'm piss poor, I'm weak, weak man. Okay. He was sick.

In one very particular way. You can explain it. You went to bed at 10 o'clock one night. So what happened is at the end of my last live stream, cause I've been testing it out, I got all this new gear, new camera, new streaming, new all this stuff, new system. It looked good by the way.

Yeah, it looks good, right? Thank you. And we're testing it out until we launch the show proper in mid February. This was another one of those random unannounced tests I was doing Sunday night, just chilling with everybody who's watching, we're having a good time, making fun of fucking Justin Baldoni.

And all of a sudden, I start feeling really, really not so good. I think, well, it's because the fire, the smoke, I've been breathing in, I've been outside all day. It's probably just a long day of breathing in ash and smoke and toxic, whatever the fuck. Right, toxic masculinity. Maybe you're breathing in too much toxic masculinity. Yeah, like Justin Baldoni, right?

Okay, so now we're done telling things together. I don't know about that story really that much. Signed an NDA. And I wrap it up quick. I gotta go, don't feel well, bye guys. I text my producer and like, hey, I'm sorry that was so sudden. I just, I really feel like-

Oh, so you all of a sudden felt bad. I was like, I felt like I was gonna throw up on air. I wanted to get off the highway. And he was like, dude, next like I was gonna throw up on air. I wanted to get off the right way. And he was like, dude, next time you're gonna throw up on air, don't sign off, you idiot. And I was like, oh, I know. Why, because it's good content? Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, okay, you're fired, but okay. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, he was right in a way, but he obviously, yeah. But what the fuck? Your instinct is to be like, I need to lay down. No, no, you don't wanna throw up on YouTube. Yeah, thank you. I mean, I get it. Of course, of course. lay down. No, no, you don't want to throw up on YouTube. Yeah, thank you. I mean, I get it, but no.

I get it, but no is the right answer. Yeah, it's like, you're not supposed to everything. So I go straight upstairs, get in bed right away. Charlie doesn't get a night walk because hey, daddy feels bad. So I put Charlie in bed with me, lay down. I fall right asleep. I think, okay, if I fall asleep,

everything's gonna be good. I'll wake up in the morning, maybe I'll feel fine. Sleep does really well. Does, does your body better than anything to 30 a.m. Exactly on the dot I know because I looked at my phone and it was 230 I shoot out zero two three zero I shoot up out of bed. Oh Not even on purpose. I'm not even like oh, I got to get up. I got to stand up something is wrong I just I'm out. There's a higher control here. Yep. Okay, I run Something is wrong. I just, I'm out. There's a higher control here. Yep. Okay. I run, now I don't run, I walk fast,

to, for whatever reason, the half bathroom in my house. I have a full bathroom and a half bathroom. Okay. What this says to those who don't know, because there's no reason you should know, what it says is something bad is about to happen. Well, wait, of course we know. Because the half bath, what I do in the half bath is the bad stuff, okay?

Wait, that's how, that's what that bathroom is for? Well, no, not really, but if something bad's gonna happen, really bad, I know it's gonna be bad, I use the half bath. Because I don't want to ruin the main bathroom. We're pretty much talking about having to take a big grump. That's what we're talking about. Something along these lines, right? But I'm saying like, that's the bad thing.

It's not like you're out there murdering people in it. Hey, come on to my half bath. It turned out- Don't double across me. Don't you double cross me. It turned out that wasn't, that wasn't the specific bad thing. I understand that, but this is probably a new road that you're traveling down for this half bath. So at first I'm like, oh wait,

I really do have to pee really, really, really bad. Started with peeing. So I pee. Okay. While I'm peeing, I think, it's not just pee. I still, I feel terrible. It's not just pee. What?

I'm uncomfortable just sitting here. So, I'm starting to think, okay, I gotta do something kinda unique here. I gotta time this out right. I gotta flush, make sure I'm done peeing flush and get down on my knees in front of this toilet so no urine splashes up in my face when I projectile vomit into the water of the toilet.

Okay? Okay. So I'm getting there. It's like three, two, one, tinkling. Okay, I'm done. Flush, turn around, get down on my knees and just, I'm so sore turn around get down on my knees and just I'm so sore that I can't even imitate myself. So still this is three days after I'm so sore So sorry you you you sat down to pee sat down got it. Okay had to it was too weak. Okay, all right

And also they say that's good in the middle night If you wake up sit down to pee Chris Yeah, you don't want to like, get up too fast, force something out and then pass out, which I've done. Oh, I never sat down to pee ever. Oh dude, in the middle of the night, this has happened to me. I've stood up in the room,

I'm trying to bear it out, passed out, woke up from passing out, hitting my mouth on the rim of the toilet. Okay, bad news bearers. Not sanitary too. Yeah, dude. So now I'm at the rim of the toilet and I'm just thinking please Baby, please the will of the toilet get starring

This out of me. I don't care what happens get it gone You know when you're at that phase of I don't want to throw up. I don't want to throw up I don't want to throw up and then you're at if I don't throw up I'm gonna die. Yeah, nothing's gonna make me feel better besides throwing up. Yeah. And I just... You release.

There's throwing up and then there's just like... You released. Excavation. This was an excavation of my body. It was just five or six, full just. You released. Nothing. A house song. Yeah, dude, it was a house song.

Nothing like coming down, right? It was so forceful. It was a fire hose. That's what it was. I've been there. You released. It was a fire hose of stuff in my body coming out of my face. Okay. And then-

And thank God the lights were off. Okay. And then I had no idea what it looked like. And then I'm immediately, obviously, as we know, you feel a little bit better. Yeah, of course. Anywhere from a little bit to a lot better. I've had that happen and you're like a million bucks

right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best. Same. And you're praying for that while you're doing it. Sure is. But I stand up- Oh, but're like a million bucks right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best. And you're praying for that while you're doing it. Sure is. But I stand up. Oh, but this is the million bucks one. Yep. And it was not.

Right. I knew it was the last one. But I was like, damn it, I'm not quite at a million bucks. In fact, I'm not even fucking close yet. But I'm like $55. Better than nothing. It's not even close to a million bucks. If we're talking about a million bucks,

I'm like 50 grand. I'm something. It's still not really exact. Some change compared to the whole thing, but it's something. Yeah. It's a release of the horror. It took care of a 50 grand debt.

Yeah. Shave a little shave off the top. You owe $950,000. Yeah, better than a million. Sure. So now I go in the back house where it's like nice and cool. I'm not gonna get hot. I can cool down

But in the study the air there's an open window. It's kind of mansion through. Yeah, it's a beautiful home Go die. Go talk to my horses. I lay down on my beautiful big chair pick up a book think I'm gonna read Can't see straight don't do that pull out my phone watch some guys playing poker that I like to watch poker at the lodge Hey poker at the lodge. Inv invite me on your show, dude. Oh, I don't know what it is. Invite me on your show. Doug Polk and Poker at the Lodge. Skull Mike, get me on there, dude. I mean, just making up names.

Doug Polk at Poker on the Lodge? Doug Polk is a poker star. Polk? Polker? He has, he's one of- Poker face, remember that's one of the investors and owners of Poker at the Lodge in Texas just outside Austin. Is that good? I want to go there so bad.

I want to play on camera. I'll put up my own stake, dude. I'm not asking for money. Just get me on the show. Thank you very much. I watch you guys so much. And you kind of saved me when I was sick, because I watch you guys so much.

Doug, I'm a big fan of you. You're my favorite player. My favorite player right now pop pop poker face Okay, so poker faces crazy watching some poker then all of a sudden feels like there's a fireball Uh-huh, why would there be a sensei a sensei? Why would there be a fireball here? There would never be a fireball That's exactly right. So I'm wondering, if I'm dying, if I'm dying, if I'm, Ryu, if I'm dying, if I'm having a heart attack, or if there's just like something there that can't move.

Okay. And I don't know what it is. Okay. I eat like eight tums. It dissolves it enough that I'm not like, ugh, the whole time. Now I'm like, I'm ginger. Eight tums?

Yeah dude, just eating them. A sordid berry or the mean ones are so bad. They're too much. You can't eat more than two without just being bad news. But after you throw up, everything tastes like cherries. You know what I mean? Everything tastes good, comparatively speaking. And so I finally, after three hours, it's 5.30.

I'm okay enough to get in bed. Okay. I wake up the next day at the normal time I wake up, I'm not a real boy. I'm not a real boy. What do you mean though? I'm inoperable. I just, you wake up, but you might as well still be sleeping. I might as well not be there. I might as well physically not be there.

Wake up and you go, I'm nowhere. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I'm nowhere. There's no me. There is no me. There is no me. That'd be amazing if that was what you said when you woke up once. There is no me. I am nowhere. And I just had a bunch of shit to do. Did none of it. Everything that came up when I had to do it, I emailed the person, I said, oops, this is what happened.

I'll spare you the detail, but this is what happened. I'm sorry. No excuse, should have let you know, but I didn't. You could have just said, had to use the half bathroom. You know the deal. Because I'm nowhere. You know the deal. Because I'm nowhere, I'm not a real boy yet.

All right, so. No longer a real boy. And now you feel okay though. And so you did lots of that, lots of. I drank so, and this will end the story, okay? I drank so much Gatorade that day. I drank like six big Gatorades, okay? I didn't pee once until 5 p.m.

Wow. That's how dehydrated I was. That's how dehydrated I was. I don't even know how that happens. That's wild. It doesn't make sense, dude. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. I was just guzzling and it tasted so good every sip. And I just needed it all and it just finally I peed in five. And so, okay, so how many times did you throw throw up? After that, zero. Oh, the whole day I thought I got to throw up at least one more time, but I didn't. And then I went to bed pretty early again,

woke up at a normal time again the next day, felt like I could do things. I could do things. I did do things, a handful, very, very slowly, very, very gingerly, I was tired. Then this morning, I feel like I'm 90% done with the sickness. I wake up, smell coffee, and I realize,

there's one more thing I gotta do. Grump. And how graphic should I get? At the end of a Jason Statham. Grump. And how graphic should I get? At the end of a Jason Statham movie. I mean, how graphic should I get? I don't care. I mean, I don't care. It doesn't bother me.

Chris, how graphic should I get? Get as graphic as you want. Okay, he's getting off on it, you know? So 100% graphic, I go to the toilet and I think I'm gonna take a nice little regular morning poop. Okay. It ends up being- Something gross about morning poop nice little regular morning poop. Okay. It ends up being-

Something gross about morning poop. Yeah, I know. Okay. So it ends up being Mount Vesuvius, the size of Mount Vesuvius. It is pompy all over again. It just, I just unload into this toilet and to the point that Mount Vesuvius I just unload into this toilet.

And to the point that Mount Vesuvius is now over the water level. It's, it is above, it is above ocean level. All right, it's just like, it was like what sunk the Titanic. Yes. Okay. It was a huge glacier. I redefined poop deck, dude.

You look close and fucking Leonardo Caprio's in there and Billy Zane. Yeah, fighting, dude. You look close and fucking Leonardo DiCaprio's in there and Billy Zane. Yeah, fighting, yeah. Yeah. And dude, couldn't even flush it, and that's a whole other story. Okay, oh. Oh, god damn, dude.

Yeah. All right, well, you're here, and that was a terrible story. I mean, not that the story was terrible, but... Yeah, no, I know. All right. It was a struggle, man. It was a struggle to get here.

That sucks, dude. All I wanted to do was sleep all this morning, and I just was like, I know. All right. It was a struggle, man. It was a struggle to get here. It sucks, dude. All I wanted to do was sleep all this morning and I just was like, I gotta go to the lifeline. I guess I gotta go. So he's here for you. So remember the time I had it in the beach? Remember you were there in the beach? He was there so long ago.

Yeah, it was a long time ago, but it's awful. It's awful. All right. Was that food poisoning? Yeah, well, I think so. I think mine was neurovirus. Apparently that's going around in LA and a few other cities right now.

Cool, I'll have it next week. A lot of people are getting it. Cool, I'll have it next week. So I'm gonna get it? They immunize kids with it now, for it now. It's that bad. Oh geez. But for little kids and senior citizens,

it's like dangerous. Okay, so I'm gonna get it? No, no, no, I'm not contagious. But it is, you can get it. How? By? No, it's like surfaces. Secretion?

Touching. Like sweat and spit and jizz? No, you have to like, if I say I had it on my hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I didn't even have it yet. So not even secretion. I wiped that part of the table. And you walk by later and you wipe that part of the table.

The bad part about norovirus, and we'll stop talking about it after this, is that you need so little of it to get into your body. They literally, doctors say as many as, as little as 10 particles can get into your body. That which is nothing. It's like a speck. So be clean out there, people.

Wow, okay. All right. And it doesn't even matter if you're clean. If somebody around you is not clean, niche, niche, you can get it. So be very clean. Okay. Be clean for two.

Okay. All right, well, that's it. Well, thank you for, you know. Yeah. And we can get into it. Yeah. And more stories like that on our Patreon. Oh yeah.

But let's get into the things. That was a long story. People like it, but people like us bullshitting and people also like us doing the thing. People like us bullshitting and they like us shitting. So now let's do submissions. Okay. You can guess who. Hey Chris, I'm Ed, on You Live From The Toilet

at my hospital I work at. I just started this job a couple months ago and um my boss who is a lady and she's very nice and awesome walked in on me. Oh no. Um a couple minutes ago and I don't know what to do. Oh no. I'll show you what kind of happened here so I'll flip the camera around. There's the door, apparently the lock doesn't work and all of a sudden she opened the door and I promise I locked it. I remember. Okay. Anyway, yeah so awkward. Don't know what to do. You guys are the first people I thought I would call. Please help me. You gotta, thanks. Yeah that's an, that's uh look, if you look, I take it, work for it, you lock the door.

Maybe the lock doesn't work, you know, that does happen. It's happened to me a few times and you just gotta, it doesn't, I think that the thing, if you just realize how much it doesn't matter what's happening, it's okay. Everyone takes shits Everyone I think it's less about him than it is about making sure she understands What happened and I think the key to that is doing it without being too defensive. What do you mean?

What would you have to explain? Oh, I guess the lock doesn't work. I locked it So you think you shouldn't say anything? No, you go up and be like, you know, I like I don't maybe gotta get a lock fix. I guess the lock doesn't work. I locked it. So you think you shouldn't say anything? No, you go up and be like, yo, I lock, I don't know, maybe we gotta get a lock fix, I guess. I don't know if that's the right way. Why? Because that's like, she's the boss, it's her workplace. Maybe you want to be like, I could have sworn I locked it. I'm so sorry. Oh, yeah, I guess maybe. I don't talk like that, but yeah.

I don't talk like that. Why don't I guess like, I would just be like, oh, yeah, I would say I'm sorry. Right, yeah. Yeah, I would say I'm sorry. I'd be like, yo, I'm sorry, but I'm sorry the lock doesn't work, I don't think. Yeah, I'm sorry, that was so like unnecessary.

I could have sworn I locked the door though. And then she's not gonna believe that you locked it. I want you to understand something. Sit down. Sit down. This is what you say. Sit down. Grab my hands. Oh, you're saying to her, sit down. Yeah.

Fire it already. You're already touching her. Sit down. Sweetie doll, come here. She's like really fighting it and really being forceful. Sit down, sweetie doll. Okay.

Sweetie doll. Look at my eyes. Doll face. Getting fired. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door.

I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door.

I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the door. I locked the Something is wrong with the lock. Okay, hey, sweet as all, it's not your fault. We just need to get it fixed.

Thank you. And then you go like this. Oh my God. You'd be fired before you left the fucking office. Oh man. And then you walk away. And as you walk away, you fart. You say, I guess I wasn't done yet.

Oh my God. So just to wrap up fully, the thing I was talking about before, I'm still unbelievably sore. Oh yeah. Cause your body does things that you don't want it to. It just does them. And it bears down and pulls this muscle

and jerks that muscle. My stomach, my abs, my neck, so sore. So laughing, Trina, sucks. Oh man. But I'm gonna do it despite the suckage. I'm sore too because I worked out legs yesterday. I'm doing it despite the suckage and that's that. Probably sure. All right, yeah, I mean I've had those situations where one time I was in the ding and I don't like when when it's, kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Come on in, asshole. Yeah, it was an 11-year-old, and I'm like, oh, fuck. Of course it was. Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology.

Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. But if it wasn't, I would have stood my ground, you know?

I just remembered a story, dude. Me and my girlfriend at the time, this was years ago, I'll make it short, we're driving from Vancouver to LA, and we were at night in the middle of fucking nowhere, and we had to get gas. We weren't near our hotel yet, and it was dangerous somewhere in the middle of fucking scary California. We finally find a gas station, looks shady as fuck, we pull in,

looks like nobody's there. There's no cars there except the attendant. We're like, okay, fine. Let's just both go in, same time, both use the bathroom at the same time, get the fuck out of there. I'm in the bathroom, peeing. She's right next to me in the women's bathroom.

And all I hear is this banging and yelling on the women's room bathroom. Wow. And I'm sitting there, buckling, my dicks out, I'm peeing, I stop peeing, I start buckling up my pants and I'm like, what do I do? I'm looking around for things to grab. Yeah.

Like to hit someone with. Like tits or something? Oh yeah, no, right. Oh no, oh no! Hump, hump, hump, hump. That's so stupid. What's wrong, babe? That's so ridiculous, you know.

I don't find anything, obviously, as a bathroom. And I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna go and be like Bruce Willis, I guess. And like kick somebody's ass. Yeah, and just, yeah, Hudson Hawke it. And I fucking open the door, I'm like three, two, boom. And I open the door and there's three just teenagers,

one boy, two girls, just out of their mind, either drunk or stoned or both. In a K-hole. And they were just like, being silly. Like, ah, we wanna get in, we wanna get in, we wanna get in. And then everything changed and I was like, my fucking girlfriend's in there,

like chill the fuck out. And then they did. But my heart was popping through my fucking chest, dude. Man, I don't- And then she came out and it was like, let's go to the car. This is the worst idea ever to stop here. And you guys aren't together anymore? No.

Well, maybe if that didn't happen, things would have worked out differently. Yeah, for that reason, yeah. Yeah. All right, well, that's two shitting stories you've told. Yeah. And that's fine. I don't- I don't- I didn't shite.

I was peeing. Okay, Well PP to to bathroom stories waste stories stories about waste What's the other it's not endocrine? It's extra extra to extra story to extra to excretory system stories, so drunk Extra, sorry. All right, so Excretory. All right. Okay. So yeah, extra sorry. All right, so excretory.

All right, okay. So yeah, so anyway, yeah, just be like, yo, I'm so sorry that that happened. I locked the door. Maybe you should look into the locker. Let's look into the lock together or something like that. Just I locked the door. I don't know what happened.

I locked the door, I don't know what happened. I'm so sorry. I locked the door, but so sorry, sweetie doll. All right, can't knock it far. Next one. Hi. So this is gonna be from a weird angle because my company name is on my jacket right there.

And like, I just feel like it's probably best that's not associated with the amount of fucks I'm about to say. Yes. Because my boyfriend and my roommate are fake is fuck dude. So here's the rundown. Yesterday, I took a little nap, okay? It was New Year's Day.

I was trying to take advantage of the fact that I had a day off, okay? And these motherfuckers ordered my favorite food while I was sleeping, bro. And I'm so mad about it. They didn't even consider getting me anything. Ew. And I woke up.

I hate that. And my roommate goes, yeah, I asked him if we should get you something, and he said, nah, that bitch is asleep. And like. So rude. Obviously the boyfriend argued that that's not what happened,

which I believe him, that's probably not a conversation that was had, however. Yeah, okay. Why not? That bitch is sleeping. That's basically what happened, bro, because you didn't get me anything. I don't think anyone called her bitch.

Like, what are you talking about? What do you mean? Yeah, at the happened, bro, because you didn't get me anything. Like, what are we talking about? What do you mean? At the end of the day, you didn't get her anything. You just got food from one of my fucking favorite places, ordered my favorite food, by the way, which is a burger. It's a burger place. Okay. And you didn't give me anything!

I have a strong opinion about that. You mean you left the trash around? Like, if you're gonna do that, at least get rid of the fucking evidence so I don't have to see that you were fake as fuck and ordered my favorite place without me that I where is the loyalty? Where is the love I have a strong opinion about? Like crazy for being well, you're crazy Crazy, yeah, because I'm still pissed it happened more than 24 hours ago. I'm still pissed. I'm crazy crazy to be that pissed

Oh, you're crazy, but obviously you're crazy. Love you guys the most. Love you too. Chris, if you could release dates for Florida, I would really appreciate it. I know, I gotta come to Florida. Because I'm so sick of getting my heart broken every time you say, oh, releasing new dates.

And I check the website and you're not coming to Florida. Well, I've been to Florida so much lately. I don't know what she's talking about. She might be talking about the south of Florida. Anyway, she's crazy. So, um. Love you, love you, love you, love you. Chris didn't let you talk enough, but love you.

I know she talked, I let her, she was talking about my dates. I didn't want, I thought you were gonna be upset. We don't know. We don't know what she was talking about because you were talking about. She was talking about my dates and being in Florida. We don't know.

I do know that, I heard it. I was using, I was using hearing with talking. It's not possible to be talking and listening. Yeah, I heard you. Ha ha ha. I heard you. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. All right, go.

Such brothers. All right. I think I have strong opinions about this. When you order food, you absolutely do not need to check with everyone if they want something. That's correct, but that's not what happened. Exactly.

It's not exactly. Not exactly. Not exactly. But it still skews that way. So me and you and Chris all live together. He's taking a nap. We decide to order food from his favorite place. Well, you know what I do.

What? I go, hell yeah, let's get it and eat it and not get some for him. So dick. Because it's funny. Well, then nevermind, I take it back. I take back what I thought you were going to say the obvious thing, which is that, yeah,

we order what we want and we get him the thing we know he likes. Truly, I would do that. I would do that. Yeah. But also, I would love to eat it and have him wake up and be like, what the fuck? It's funny though. You hide the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Or you, or you hide it. Yeah, dude. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Here's, here's why. Here's why. In the past few years, everything has changed.

You just order it, whatever you want. It's really annoying when somebody, I find it really annoying when somebody, when I order something for somebody and they don't eat it. Like, because it's like, I'm like, oh, this is a waste of food. Like, you know, Kristen has this thing where it's like, you ordered food, I don't do it anymore, but like, she's like, don't order food and not check. And I was like, I'm just hungry now.

And I'm driving home and you're not gonna check the phone, and I'm hungry now. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like shit like that. I do, but I see it from both sides, but I ultimately fall on the crazy woman's side. I think because it's her favorite place, and if it's understood that that's your favorite place,

but here's the thing. She may think it's her favorite place and if it's understood that that's your favorite place, but here's the thing if She may think it's her favorite place. She may think she's been vocal about how it's her favorite place That doesn't mean it's registering with the other people One time Wow completely disregarded what I said. No, it's all in simple park one time dad Got so mad at you. Oh my god. For not considering ordering for the rest of the family. I never ever, I mean never, don't check who I'm gonna be with if they want something. This wasn't that long ago, right? It was like six years ago. Maybe. Yeah.

So you weren't even there though, were you? You weren't even there. Oh, no, actually I know what you're talking about. This is a different time. Oh, it is? Yeah, go ahead though. So I- This was when we were younger.

Oh, okay, no, no, this was when I lived in my house and all that shit. Yup, you were in the Stanley house, right? What's that time? I'll tell you this time. So I was, with, you know, I think we had, might've had Calvin.

Yeah. But anyway, with Kristen and, he was like a baby. Yeah, he was a baby, right? Yeah. And my parents came over earlier and they were going to leave before traffic. And I knew that. And so at like three or something, I ordered food for Kristin and I and.

Calvin, and then they found out and they were so he was so mad. I mean, so mad. And I was it's I mean so mad and I was like I thought you guys were gonna leave I'm sorry I thought you were gonna leave before traffic and he's like what if we don't want to I'm like yeah my bad I'll order your food now but it was that was not the end of it dude it was crazy dude what do you think of that what do I think of that and I think I have a hard time picturing that because dad would not only has never, but I think would never be that mad at me.

Oh. The amount, the level at which dad gets mad at you. Oh, so you think. For the shit he gets mad at you is really something in my eyes. So what about, why me? Well, you fuck up more and you do worse shit than I do. That is not that bad, dude No, it's not. Wait, the truth is I wouldn't do that. I fuck up more than you

Yeah, dude a childhood and everything. Are you serious? Come on, dude. No, that's not true, man. Think about it. Yeah, I'm thinking. I don't think you're really thinking about it, bro. I think because I was the first one, and this is just natural, you expect different things from the first one than you do the second one

because you've already done it before with the second one. And it's like, ah, you know, he fucking, oh, he robbed a liquor store. Ah, it's all right to you. But for me, it's like, what? How am I going to deal with this? But isn't that my point? I'm saying he's harder on you than he is on me. But yes, but you're also saying I fucked up more.

And I'm saying that's not a part of it. Do you understand what I'm saying? You fucked up more in the ways that this food ordering situation. Yes, yes, in the aloofness category for sure. Yeah, and in the like, I don't even know what category to put it in, but like the familial awareness category.

Yes, sure. The aloofness, yes, yes. I would agree with that, yeah. the familial awareness category. Yes, sure. The aloofness, yeah, I guess. Yes, I would agree with that, yeah. So, all right, so what was the other time? I don't remember the details. It was just, you brought home coffees or something. Really? For like yourself and your friends,

and you brought them over to our house. Sometimes dad just gets in a mood though and you're like what the fuck are you mad at? I know. Well the thing is he's never mad and then when he does get mad he is fucking, he really is never mad. Mount Vesuvius, double Mount Vesuvius mention. I should get points for that. But yeah, he got mad, so mad at me one time.

He was, we didn't know this, but he was on the phone in his office and down the hall, you and I were roughhousing in my room and I was like, fuck you, get off of me, fuck you, fuck you. And then he got off the phone, ran down the hall and said to us, he was like, which one of you was saying fuck you over and over again, fuck you over and over again?

And I was like, and I was like, I one of you was saying, fuck you over and over again, fuck you over and over again. And I was like, I didn't remember, honestly. And then I guess you did remember. And then he, before anyone said anything, he was like, I know one of you did, I fucking heard you. Which one of you was it? And then you pointed at me. I don't snitch.

So, I don't write out. No, yeah, and he was like, don't ever do that again when I'm on the phone. You should know better than to do that. And they turned to you and he said, don't ever write out your brother. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Really put us to the test with that one.

But he was right, I should, and I have, and I don't write, now I don't write. Now I don't write. So, okay. All right. I should and I have and I don't right now. I don't run around now. I don't rat So, okay. All right. What was the submission that goes the submission into talking about this? She was all right. Yeah what yeah the ordering the food. Oh Yeah, no, I agree with her. I do I think you should if, if you care, look, if you don't care. Just order it yourself. I don't, I don't agree.

Take it as a sign that they don't care about you. No. Yes, yes, they don't. No, I don't agree because it's like, dude, what if I'm, if I'm asleep and they order me food that they think I want and I wake up and I don't want it, that's annoying. That's annoying. For who?

For me. Why is this food around now? You don't have to eat it I know but that I don't you know It's like what are you thinking of you and and in the off? I'm not the off chance and the chance that you do want it the likelihood that you do want it They're making sure they got it for you. There's some annoying about that It's not presumptuous. It's presumptuous a little bit. It is though. That's what you think.

Maybe it reveals that way. But you're wrong. Okay. You're wrong, AndrewFat. Ha ha. Yeah, all right, fine. I mean, I just, I wish I could order whatever I wanted whenever I wanted without having to fucking check in anyone.

Sure. Oh, you wanted a burger? Oh, click that thing you're holding and a burger will be here in 20 minutes. Yeah, but it's the thing of like, you wanted a burger? Oh, click that thing you're holding and a burger will be here in 20 minutes. Yeah, but it's the thing of like, you're all eating now and it's like, I don't wanna eat in 25 minutes when you guys are done. What if you're not hungry?

Eating's a communal thing. I decide when you're hungry? No, you decide that. I decide when I'm hungry. Well, nobody decides when they're hungry. They just get hungry. Okay, well, I decide to eat when I eat because I'm hungry.

You know what I mean. It's super annoying when somebody gets you something. You know, maybe this comes from childhood when it's like, you know, our whole family was like, eat, eat, eat, you're gonna get eat, eat or you're gonna get sick, eat, eat, it's good for you. And you're like, shut the fuck up! It's just so Italian.

No matter where we went as kids in our houses, where we go, grandma, grandpa, whoever the fuck, cousins, here, here, here, mortadella. And you're like, I don't want this fucking shit. It's, you know what I mean? It's noon. It's very Italian. It's like, oh, here's mortadella,

eat this fucking brisjute and there's some cheese. And you're like, dude, I don't feel like being Logged the fuck up at 5 p.m. And and after the fact there's always the conversation of you know, Christopher ate a lot It was great. Matthew didn't eat very much, but you know, he had a big breakfast Yeah, well, but Chris is growing and you're like, I'm 28. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's grown but no But it's so annoying what you gotta eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's grown. But no, but it's so annoying. We got to eat. You get big and strong. Here's cheese like dude, that's not what's gonna make me big and strong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like you're giving me fucking RX bars. You got to be

big and strong. You got to have this bread and butter on this plate of pasta. It's so annoying. Dude, I am so glad we're talking about this right now. I fucking hate that, dude. Oh, dude. You don't think it's kind of funny? It is funny. It's funny. It is very funny. And it's fucking annoying as shit, dude.

It is, but if it's- And you know what? I don't think I, I don't do that to my kids. Calvin, you know, Billy can't talk yet, but't think I don't do that to my kids. Calvin, I really can't talk yet, but I don't do that. If my kids are like, I'm not hungry, I'm like, all right, eat later, dude. I'm gonna start doing that to Calvin just to make sure he gets it.

Plates of shit. It's not even time to eat, you know? It's like 2.40. Calvin, if you don't eat that food on the plate, you're gonna be a big fat pussy. It's like, dude, that made me fucking mad, bro. And I didn't even realize it until now. Oh God, eat, eat, hey, eat something.

What? Can I just chill, dude? Is it lunch or dinner? This is gonna piss you off. Culturally. Fuck that. People who come, which is most people, come from like poor backgrounds.

When food is available and fresh and not rotten yet, you're supposed to eat it. Because if it goes rotten and goes bad, it is a waste. And then you've spent money that you don't have on food that is now wasted. Exactly my point for the original thing. So now there's food there that I didn't even want that you're making me eat because it's gonna go bad.

What is this, saw? That's horrible. We're gonna play a game, keep eating. Now everyone in America lives in the land of plenty. Well, that's exactly what we're talking about 1997. But I'm talking about these older people who are doing it. That's their mindset. Well, change your fucking mindset. You eat it.

Good luck getting a 70 year old to change your grandma. Carmella, you fucking eat it here. Now, eat it all. Eat that. Eat the bratwurst. I don't even know what bratwurst is. Eat it. Grandma Carmella really did look like Joe Pesci when she got older. Yeah. What's crazy is she was so beautiful when she was younger. Just know this young women out there who are beautiful, you very well in 40 years or even less

could end up looking like Joe Pesci. So let me tell you a few things. Be nice now, find a nice guy now, Yeah. And know that beauty is fleeting. It's why single 40-year-old women are such assholes. Oh. Wait, what?

Explain that. I'm joking. Uh-oh. But like, yeah, no, it's like, it's like, you know, well, you know what's funny is like when women in Hollywood, this happens. But like, they'll go to, they'll come to Hollywood and they'll be like,

I want, I'm gonna have it all, you know, and I'm gonna be hot and young and I'm gonna fucking, you know, use everything to my advantage. And then when, you know, at 35, they're like, why can't I find a good guy? And you're like uh because you're you but what's the you-ness that sucks you you were you the whole time you know you you were you were interested in superficial shit and you whoops you were you the whole time and now you're

like where are all the good guys? They don't circle around you. Well the good guys don't but guys certainly do. You're just looking for a guy. No, no, but they're looking for good guys. Everyone's looking for good guys. There's all the men hate. It's like oh yeah man it sucks. This men, fuck men, they treat me like shit. You are dog shit. You've been dog shit. But wait, I missed the part about the girl. I mean, people, I don't agree with this particular part of it,

but most people will use only fans as an argument for this. They're like, well, you were on only fans. You were on only fans, which I understand it's like, treat yourself a little bit more with respect. I don't, well, you were on OnlyFans. You were on OnlyFans, which I understand. It's like treat yourself a little bit more with respect. I don't I think you can be on OnlyFans and still have a cool life and have great family and shit like that. There are people that are like, if you do OnlyFans, then you're a slut and people and men will treat you that way. I don't think it's that black and white. Well, those guys are pieces of shit.

But I don't think it's that black and white is my point. But there there is something to be said about it. Like you you should weigh all the options and like, okay, look, if I do this, then I'm gonna be looked at as this and this is gonna happen. I can still find a good guy, but to be 40 and to be like,

why are men such trash? And you were out there basically hooking. But here, let me do a hypothetical, right? I'm me, I'm fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking crazy mind, but like there's a lot of things I know and can do, right? Okay. I decide, fuck, I don't have enough money. It's a struggle to make ends meet. Sure. At the end of every month, my mortgage is hard,

I got all this to pay for, that to pay for. I never seem to be saving money. Suddenly something emerges and it provides me the possibility to make upwards of an extra $20,000 a month. At least, could be more, could shoot up to 100,000, could shoot up to a million. But let's just say I'm of the ilk, cut of the cloth per se that I'm taking in 20 minimum, K per month.

But I'm me, still me. And I decide, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that for a year, see how it goes. By the end of that year, I'm making 75 grand a month just from OnlyFans or whatever this thing is. And I'm putting in more time because I'm making more money and then that is making me more money and yada yada yada, all that.

Sure. Then I think, okay, well, obviously I don't wanna do this forever. I'm not the youngest person on the block anymore. I'll do this for one or two more years. See where I end up, how much money I can save. Stack some money over here. Exactly. By the end of the third year, I'm making 150 grand a month. Okay. And I've been doing that for a whole year. So you're fucking hot. So I'm fucking making a ton of money.

But you got crazy good like... I got crazy crazy stacks. Okay, I stop. Okay I'm back to who I am now Whoever I am now. I got my podcast. I got my fucking time going on Yeah, screenwriting making a few bucks to a non right side this and not whatever Women out there in the world. in the world are gonna meet me. Yes. Say, he's a smart guy, he knows his stuff, he's got a podcast, he's got two podcasts.

He's got his own stream thing going on where he says a lot of funny, smart shit. He's a writer, he's got a lot of writing, he's got a couple things in production, that all, whatever. Yeah. Those women find out oh i was on only fans yeah and that's how i have all the money to take her out on right right right right they think or i'm asking you do they think fuck this guy he's a piece of shit he's stooped that

level and now he's fucking ruined it all. You're asking me specifically would a woman think this? The good women out there. No, they would not think that. They would think that, oh, maybe he should have done that. Maybe he shouldn't have done that, but he did do that. And that's part of his past and I love him. And yeah, it's okay.

Okay. Right, a hundred percent. What's the difference? There's no difference. Well then why? Why? There's no difference. Why are the guys that are, according to these women,

good guys, guys, viable guys, why are they not down to be with these women that do that? Oh, oh, oh, oh, you're talking about, if Kristen did OnlyFans for three years and she was her, I would still marry her. I don't care about that stuff. I'm not asking you, I'm asking these hypothetical women and the hypothetical good guys that won't date them.

Yeah. Why won't they? Oh, well, because men, there are men like that, that it really, you know, they don't, they see women as like, it either hurts their ego that other men had had access to could have access to their girl like that or whatever. Or, you know, for any slew, it could be a slew of reasons, but if it's that, hey, guys, get over that. That's pussy shit. Yeah, you're a bitch, dude.

Yeah, I think I mean, get the fuck over. She wants to be with you now. Yeah, it's like a share of money with you now. to be with you now? Yeah, it's like, it's like, you're like, with you now? I get it if you're, if you don't currently want your,

your significant other to be doing OnlyFans now when you're dating them, okay. That's, that's, you could say, but like, dude, if, but here's what I'm saying though, is if a woman now blames her circumstances on men and not her actions, that's, that's, that's the difference. It's like, if you were on OnlyFans as a man, and then later on you're like,

man, these women are treating me like I'm some fucking joke. It's like, no, you're a real person, you know that those women are going to exist, but they're not everyone. That is something that you did to afford your lifestyle and you, and fine. So you having depth, knowing that and thinking like, look, people are gonna judge

or I'm still gonna find who I need to find. That's gonna help you find someone because you're real. But there's a lot of women out there, men too I guess, but the sex sells with the women. So there's a lot of women out there that are like, men are fucking horrible. And it's like, dude, accept some responsibility to what the fuck, why that might be a thought

with some men. And also those aren't the guys you want to be with. Own it. Own it. I did OnlyFans. I'm a fucking whatever the fuck. Like I'm a single mom. I wanted to buy nice shit. Who even cares what the reason is? And yeah, that's not who I am. It doesn't define me. I guess you could look up nudes forever. Okay, I'm still a good person. And if you wanna be with me, great, if you don't, fuck you. Like that's the attitude. But I'm saying that there's all this trashing of like,

where are the good guys? It's like, oh dude, no. It's crazy. There's good women, there's good men. Well, the answer is they're out there. Yeah, they're so out there. They're just not interested in you. Or you don't know where the fuck to look for them. There's good women. There's good men. Well, the answer is they're out there. Yeah, they're so out there. They're just not interested in you.

Or you don't know where the fuck to look for them. I know. Hello, they're out there. Hello, hi. Got a great one right here. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Somebody's fishing. Whoa, they got their reel on me. Whoa. I didn't know women fished. Whoa. Oh my God, I'm getting caught on their reel. Whoa. They're pulling me up, whoa. I didn't know women fished, whoa. Oh my God, I'm getting caught on their reel. Whoa, they're pulling me up to shore.

Whoa. I just watched you do that whole thing on the water. Oh my gosh, they're reeling me in, they're reeling me in, they're reeling me in. Oh, I'm out of the water, oh, hi. The worst bit and the longest worst bit. It'd be fine if it was quick. Hi, beautiful woman, nice to meet you.

You just fished me out of the water. I'm a great guy, you found me. Yeah. So bad, dude. Let's go back to the land so we can land. I'm in these wet clothes. I feel very chilly. Yeah, dude. Very beautiful. Let's go inside. I mean, how much would this be on fucking the Adam Sandler CD in 1998? And you'd be like, what is this shit? And Brendan Goody would be like, dude, this is so funny. So wait. So, OK, this is so funny. So wait.

So OK. Yeah, all right. There was a woman that was at my meet and greet in, I think, Fresno. And she was like, I want to marry your brother. Let me know. What she looked like. Give me the stats.

I don't remember. 24, 36, 24. Is that how they say it? 36, 24, 36? I don't know. No? OK. Never mind. I don't know. No? Okay, nevermind.

I don't know her measurements. Is she a millionaire? Is she a millionaire? I don't know, she had the meet and greet ticket, so she had some money. So she's got some means, okay. Well, is she a millionaire? That's my checklist.

Millionaire, 24, 34, 20, what is it? 36, 24, 36, whatever Sir Mixlok says. Only if she's 5'3". Right. And so does she have a college degree? And does she like this much to talk about baseball? I'll tell you this much. I mean, absolutely down syndrome. I'll tell you this much.

Does she like to talk about baseball? I'll tell you this much. She was with a guy. So that was weird as fuck. Ah, the pimp. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, way to cook your crumbs. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Sounds good, man. You wanna do one more submission? I mean, we really- Yeah, let's do it. This is a good episode. We've done two. What?

We've done two submissions. We've done two. We got off on a lot of long tangents, but that's fine, dude. Sometimes it's more of a Lifeline Luxury type episode. So if you like this, go to lifelineluxury.com, you know, patreon.com, lifelineluxury.com. Well, I can never say it.

Patreon.com slash lifelineluxury. Yeah, let's do one more. Let's get a third one in the cave. Yeah, let's get it. What's up, Chris and Matt? I got a question. I was listening to the pod. Love it, in the can. Yeah, let's get it. What's up, Chris and Matt? I got a question. I was listening to the pod. Love it, by the way.

Thank you. There was an ad that ran that was basically like, if you're smart, you'll go and check your auto insurance and you'll check with us to make sure that you have the lowest price. Just like if you're smart, you'll check the dates of the ticket to the big game that you're about to buy

to make sure that they're not on your 20th wedding anniversary. Oh boy. And I felt like that was a little bit of a leap. And obviously they're playing into the cliche of like sitcom husband and wife. And I guess my question is like, do you find in your experience that people are as cliche as these advertisements make them out to be? I've never understood it.

I've never liked it. I've never liked it. Just cliches in general. Especially like the ol' ball and chain or like husbands have to be big dumb dummies and wives have to be these like shrill overbearing monsters. And I just never understood it. Are people really

as cliché as this? I don't know, let me know. This is one of my favorite submissions because I think about this all the time. I didn't know, let me know. This is one of my favorite submissions, because I think about this all the time. I didn't know this was in your bag. Your new act? Oh, that's sick, dude. Yeah, you're a bad brother, you don't know, I've been doing it for a year. Dude, it is so off from reality.

It is so inaccurate. It's very old. Yes, yeah, it's an old archetype. There is a reason why they do it. It's because the common ground that they wanna sell product on needs to resonate with as many people as they can. So they can't be too specific.

They got like, oh, the doofy dad and the, and the housewife that keeps the house in order or whatever the fuck it is. And she never wants sex and he always wants sex. He's always bumbling and she's always on time. His dick's too big, it drags. The top of it has blood on it because it's scraping. No, I don't think I saw that.

Yeah, but I mean, I think that that's probably common for men, right? The top of the penis would be scraped, not the bottom because you're walking forward and the dick's dragging on the ground. We're deviating from the stereotype that he's talking about. But yeah, it's like the Mike and Molly thing. Maybe if you did the moonwalk,

it would be an autumn scraping. Every show about men and women in the last 25 years, you could basically chalk up this fucking stereotype, dude. Every commercial you see, oh my God, every fucking billboard, they're all the same, dude. The guy's just like, what? And the woman's like, ah. Yeah, my act is better than this. Jesus fucking Christ.

You what? My act is better than that. But I talk about like that, and then I go on from that. Great. It's better than that. Oh, I'm sure it's better than that, because what I do is shit. Rhode Island, I'll be there. But dude, that stereotype, man, I didn't catch your name.

That I'm so happy. Sometimes I feel alone in the shit that I see. Like I'm in the matrix. I look and I'm like, why is nobody, why is, how could nobody else see this? What, what, what? And you seeing that too, and hey, no, you seeing that too, it's interact.

I feel better. It's good to know there are other people out there who see the world the way you see it, see it being fucked up in their face and saying, hey, this is fucked up. I think it's fucked up. Do you, see it being fucked up in their face and saying, hey, this is fucked up. I think it's fucked up. Do you guys think it's fucked up? And I can say, yes, I think it's fucked up.

Now we're a team. Worst recap, yeah. I just, yeah, no, it's really annoying. I guess they do it because they wanna sell the most things. Also though, they're lazy. Right, yeah. Well, no, and they don't wanna offend anybody. They don't wanna take chances, they don't want to get fired

and do a cool ad, you know? Everybody in this industry, more than any other industry, is motored by fear. Yeah, that's true. Propel by fear. They don't want to get fired. To not get fired, the thing you're going to end up doing, typically, is more of the same.

The thing the last guy did, because that guy didn't get fired. The safest thing. Yeah, and that's just what we're up against. And that is only more and the same. The thing the last guy did, cause that guy didn't get fired. The safest thing. Yeah, and that's just what we're up against. And that is only more and more true. Good chances, bro. That is only more and more true

as the business comes up against more dire and dire situations. And right now, Hollywood and advertising, all this shit is in an extremely dire, precarious situation. So it's only gonna get worse before it gets better. Worse, will it get better? For people who care have to hope for it to come a car rumbling down.

Yep. So that it gets good again. Until they get a good thing where it's like Captain America and it's not Captain America. It's like, it's a re-imagined Captain America. And it's like, he's going through some shit and like he doesn't have good fertility or something. And like he's going to the like clinic to try and like get his sperm levels up.

And you're like, why is Captain America doing this? But it's so fucking interesting. At least he's not like fighting Thanos again. Now that would be great, but what would be even better is if Captain America started bombing and they just stopped doing Captain America. Well, I'm just saying if you wanna keep doing stuff Marvel, maybe have Doctor Strange visit a fertility clinic.

And that did happen, not that specifically, but this kind of thing did happen in the 50s, and then the 60s and 70s turned it around, and then the 80s, it fell into another hole again, and then in the early mid 90s, it picked up again with Sundance and independent movies. We're deeply in that. And now we're up in this shit

and the question is what is it gonna be? We're due for in a few years, Black Panther going to visit the fertility clinic. Is it gonna be AI? Is it gonna be something else? Is it gonna be AI? A total breakdown of the form? Is it gonna be short form?

We don't know, nobody knows. Somebody's gonna figure it out and somebody's gonna get rich. Well, so you have- A rich job. Imagine you have Green Lantern, you have all these other superheroes, Flash, a bunch of different ones.

They all have families. Green Lantern just can't get it together, can't do it, doesn't realize what's going on. Cut to years later, Green Lantern is sitting at the fertility clinic and he's just like, oh, I need to come here to help boost my sperm count. I really want to, everyone's a flash has kids. Fucking Thor is going crazy with the kids.

I'm sad, can you help me? And the doctor's like, oh, maybe there's something we can do, you know? And he really doesn't use his ring at all. But it's a nice independent movie. AI can make it. I'll fucking make it. I don't care. If I get good at AI, I'll make that movie. Did you guys see fucking what Paul Schrader said about AI? Chat, GPT and shit?

You saw? You didn't see. I did see. I don't think you did. I did see. We know it. He wrote Taxi, Driver, right you did. I did see. And we know it. This is a good conversation. He wrote Taxi Driver, right? He wrote Taxi, the TV show. You wrote Taxi Driver? Yeah, of course. Paul Schrader is the fucking man. Yeah, I know that. You don't know anything about him. I'm telling you. You don't know who he is. You don't know what

movies he made. You don't know what he said. I do know what he said. He said everything. Let's fucking save it for a... It's okay, we'll talk about it in the luxury. It's like a luxury thing, yeah. Plus the episode's over. It's been a fucking- It is pretty over. We're on the clock and so we shouldn't start with the thing. That was the least amount of submissions we've ever done in an episode.

We had some good conversations, dude. We did, we did, we did. A lot of shitting conversations. You know what it was? Informative. It was very fucking organic, dude. It was organic. One thing led into another and then it questioned. Ruining it, but yeah.

And then that led into another thing and then that led into another and then it questioned. Ruining it, but yeah. And then that led into another thing and then that led into another thing and then that led into another thing. Wow, somebody in NYU, a director in NYU describing a short film. Led into another thing and then it split off and then it went that way, that way, that way, that way, that way, that way, that way, that way,

that way, that way, that way, that way, and then it came back, that way, that way, that way, that way, that way, that way. And then it came back, it came back, it came back, it came back, it came back, it came back, it came back, it came back, it came back, it came back, and went, oh. You're such a little brother, bro. You can't, you know what it is? You're a little brother, dude, and you can't shake it, right?

No matter how smart, good, funny, cool, you are, you can't shake that shit, and that's fine. And you know what? You're a big brother and you're a big piece of shit. OK. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Let's wrap up the episode. All right, cool.

Chrisley.com for my tickets. Let's do it. And Patreon. Get on our Patreon, dude. Don't miss out. Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. You get shit like the live shows that we've been doing, or we're going to be doing more.

We get at least three of those a month. Also, hey now, you end up getting a whole slew of past episodes to binge, to get in there. They're good, they're fun. They're fucking full of stuff like me and him talking about what we're about to talk about on the Lifeline Nuggery episode that we're about to do about what Paul Schrader said about chat GPD which was absolutely fucking absurd.

The episode is over and you're still saying the things. Fucking shut the fuck up. That's how I felt when people tried to make me eat. Shut the fuck up, dude. Also, my Patreon is live and free for now. Dude, the show is going to start up and running in the middle of February. Also, my Patreon is live and free for now. Dude, the show's gonna start up and running in the middle of February. Get in there while it's still free.

Patreon.com slash Matt D'Elia. It will stop being free in short time. You better get the fuck in there and become a member for free. Hee hee. Okay. Hee hee. Thanks guys.

Thank you everybody, love you.