Lifeline - 156. The Hatchet Man Upstairs

Episode Date: April 13, 2025

LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Our Patreon is also the exclusive home to all the live podcasts which we film and u...pload! 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline TODAY we're talking about if it's okay for men to dance, being outclassed as the funny guy in the friend group, dieting for your wedding, shooting your shot, and telling your girl everything. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline More Matt D'Elia: Sign up FOR FREE For Matt's Patreon for all episodes of The Private Record and upcoming drops of Matt D'Elia is Confused Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More Chris D'Elia: Congratulations podcast: congratulationspod.com Live on tour: chrisdelia.com/tour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:43 Yeah, dude. I'm gonna be you go get my tickets. I'll be in friggin Denver, Boston, New York, chrisley.com, Savannah Atlanta. And sign up for our Patreon, patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. There's 50 plus episodes including two full full live shows, which is amazing. So there you go. And they're the, I believe the very best episodes of Lifeline. Probably.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Live, regular Lifeline luxury, they're the best. And they happen to be the live ones. That's just how it goes sometimes. I said the same thing nine times. Cause you can ask questions in real time and it's great. So sign up over there. Now we're saying something different. Now we're saying something different. Dude, shut up. Nope. Every time you're not talking you're in such a hurry to be talking again. Shut up. That is not true. Shut up. No matter what. Let's go through the rest of the intro and try
Starting point is 00:02:36 not to do that once, okay? Well the thing is... Okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. okay, go also sign up for my patreon at patreon.com Slash Matt D'Alia the return of the Mac aka the return of Matt D'Alia is confused 2.0. It's gonna be live gonna be lit It's currently free if you want it to be so get in there before it's no longer free Matt D'Alia doc Pat your patreon.com slash Matt D'Alia. Well, that was so good, dude You're trying you were trying to do it to where I would say something. Yeah, but I was baiting you, but you didn't do it. You were baiting me. You were Jason baiting me.
Starting point is 00:03:12 My nose has the thing again. And I got the medication, but I got the wrong medication. It's not my doctor's fault. It's my fault. How is that possible? It should be your doctor. I called him and I said I lost the medication, which is true. I lost the medication.
Starting point is 00:03:28 It's for my nose to put it in my nasal. Like spray it? No. It's like, Salve or whatever? Yeah. And so I said, can I have some? Mupiracin it's called.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Okay. Mupiracin? Mupiracin. Okay. MupirPear-ison. Mew-Pearse-Brosnan? Mew-Pearse-Brosnan. And he said, sure, let me just call it in for you. So he did. And then I got it. And when I went to go get it, I looked at it, I opened it up and I was like, oh, it
Starting point is 00:04:01 looks different than the other kind, but who cares? Yeah, who cares, yeah. Maybe they changed it or whatever. Different kinds of. Put it, did it in, you put it on like the very inside, the very inside of your nose. And just a little bit, right? Just a little bit.
Starting point is 00:04:12 And I did it and it smelled way different and I go, what? And I Googled Mupirisun and there's two different ones. There's one is for topical and there's ones for nasal and I got the topical one. He gave me the one for the rash, for rashes. Oh, oh, so it is his fault. It's not his fault and I got the topical one. He gave me the one for the rat for rashes. Oh, oh, so it is his fault. It's not his fault because I went to a different,
Starting point is 00:04:29 I'm changed doctor since then. Dude, you're like a, you're like a, you're like Stockholm syndrome. You're just like taking the blame when it isn't your fault. It was my fault because I said to, well, okay. I mean, I guess. Yeah, it's the doctor's fault. I guess you could have been like.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Liberate yourself. Well, let me just explain though. I went to one doctor, lost the prescription, then asked a different doctor, can I actually have that? But I didn't specify for my nasal. That was my fault. It's still, you know what? I'll tell you what, it's still the doctor's fault
Starting point is 00:05:06 for not saying what do you need it for. Which kinds? Yeah. What do you need it for? He's just like writing prescriptions, that guy needs to go to jail. No, no, no, no, no. Jail him.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Let's not say that, no. Jail him, lock him up. It's Dr. Kvorki. Lock him up. It's Dr. Kvorki and everything should be fine. Ha ha ha. Um. Is he dead yet? It's Kvorki.
Starting point is 00:05:25 He's way dead, right? Yeah. Has no idea. Has no idea. Just hasn't a clue. He died like more than 10 years ago. Yeah, right. Has no idea.
Starting point is 00:05:33 I knew it all. Yep, yep, yep. Has no idea. That's crazy, huh? What he did. He looked dead for a long time, though, huh? He did in 2011. Well, he was right.
Starting point is 00:05:44 Yeah, he was right. He was right. Pontiac, Michigan. I don't believe that he should have been as controversial as he was. I have very strong feelings about this. If you want to die, you should be able to... I'm not saying willy-nilly just like go into some office and be like, kill me please. But like there should be a sort of system that you go through the hoops of.
Starting point is 00:06:09 And if you are qualified and of sound mind or whatever, and you can just be like, hey, I don't want to be here anymore. Is this death limited? Let me go. It's humane to do that, not the opposite. Also, we're pretty soon gonna have a situation where there's gonna be so many old people and nobody to take care of them.
Starting point is 00:06:28 The less people we have like that, the better. Dude, have you seen that, what's that documentary, Portland, something? Yeah, I thought of that. Dying in Portland or something? Man, that is just wild. That's something I would never watch. You watched it?
Starting point is 00:06:43 No, Kristen had to watch it for her class. It's a really, really intense movie. Yes, I saw the end of it, which is the most intense part. Yeah, they just drink the stick. Oh, god. And she was like, oh, it's not that bad. I wish more people would do this. And then she just dies.
Starting point is 00:06:59 Oh, my god. Are you serious? Well, my mic broke. And it's outside of the house. They're not filming of the house. They're not filming inside the house, but there's sound. They have the sound, audio, and it's outside of the house. And you just hear it.
Starting point is 00:07:12 It's really, really creepy and sad. It's really sad. Oh my god. I don't know if I said creepy is the wrong word. It's like the end of Grizzly Bear or whatever. Grizzly Man. I guess so. But that's sound only.
Starting point is 00:07:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah, in that way. In that way, yeah. Oh my god. I can't even yeah I do that as a film. I imagine being the editor. No, I oh my gosh She'd over and over and over and over gosh. I cut out that part cuz it's unnecessary like what this is a person's life Well, I cut out that part just so you know because it was unnecessary. It was dragging. Yeah, talking to the director What? That's my mom.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Is he making it about his? No, I'm just saying it's probably someone close to the person. You know how they do that? So I have this nose thing. There it is. It's crazy that it came back. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:04 It's like Jesus, right? Jesus much longer. Well, he it is. It's crazy that it came back. Yeah. It's like Jesus, right? No, Jesus much longer. Well, he didn't. Well, yeah, he didn't really come back yet, did he? Well, he came back the first time. Right, the first time. But people say he's going to come back. 40 days and 40 nights.
Starting point is 00:08:15 But he didn't. How long was it before it came back? Was it 40 days and 40 nights? Then it's just like Jesus. No, it was probably more than that. More like 50 days and 50 nights. OK, close. Jesus nasal version.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Yeah, nasal Jesus. Own nasal Jesus. Wow, is that your own personal Jesus? Yeah. Dude, I also have a mosquito bite and I haven't had a mosquito bite in so long. Me too, where is it? So stupid. I lied. No, on my shin. Me too.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Where on your shin? One mosquito bite. My lower shin. What? I'll be answered now. Wait, what? I don't even understand. What did you say?
Starting point is 00:08:54 I'll be answered now. What about it? Well, the thing I asked you. I'll be answered now. Say it again? Where on your shin is the bite? Pfft. So, stupid.
Starting point is 00:09:15 It's on my, I, Turn it off. We're gonna turn it off, aren't we? Aren't we now? It's my shin. It's right here, dude. Right there, there it is. That's crazy, look at mine.
Starting point is 00:09:27 What? Oh, it's not even close. That's not close. Yeah, it is. No, it's not. It's so itchy. The way you're doing it is bitchy, dude. I feel itch, because I gotta get close to it.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Tell him to come here, tell him to come here. So yeah, but I don't really get mosquito bites, do you? All the time. Oh, really? I have some kind of blood type that they just wanna ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ffffffffffff want to bet you'd be like want to bet as a kid want to bet no i don't remember any you guys it was like a thing that kids do want to bet oh i think no no no no no not yeah just like want to bet like like what bet what fun dip yeah you stupid bitch yeah yeah i'll bet you green fundip, you stupid asshole. Come on, dude.
Starting point is 00:10:25 Can we go to math? That's me at school. How about how good it feels to itch? Yeah, yeah. You're making it worse, though. Yeah. You want to know the trick? Yeah, I know the trick, dude.
Starting point is 00:10:37 OK. Don't even. The trick for everyone who doesn't know is you itch. As close as you can get to around the bite. That is not the trick. And it sends signals, your brain sends signals that it is satisfied. The itch doesn't need to itch anymore,
Starting point is 00:10:53 but it obviously doesn't make it all go away, but it severely lessens that itch. It is not the trick. Or burn it, what? The trick is you itch the shit out of it and it doesn't matter. Itch the shit out of it and doesn't matter? Yeah, you just itch it hard and who cares?
Starting point is 00:11:06 What, you're making it worse? Yeah, that's about it. It doesn't turn into a bullet wound. It's just a- No, it makes it last longer and makes the itch worse. Do you know about the plus sign? Yes, yes, I know about the plus sign. What is it?
Starting point is 00:11:21 What do you use- I itch it into oblivion. What do you use? Your nail? Yeah. Yeah. And you push it really hardion. What do you use? Your nail? Yeah. Yeah. And you push it really hard, one way, and then you make a plus sign. You do... Oh, you do...
Starting point is 00:11:30 Or again. You do Jesus on the cross is what you're saying. And it may... Yeah. No, and you make... And it feels really good in relief, but it's just... You ain't shit if you don't just itch it into oblivion. Really? You do that, and then you put an ice cube on it. I just scratch it. Your ice cube for sure works.
Starting point is 00:11:42 Fuck that, dude. I scratch it into oblivion. I'm doing the nail thing right now, and I'll let you ice cube on it. I just scratch it. Your ice cube for sure works. Fuck that, dude. I scratch it into oblivion. I'm doing the nail thing right now, and I'll let you know if it works. Dude, the ice thing is, who thought of that, you know? Here. It relieves swelling.
Starting point is 00:11:54 Yeah, but. That's what it's for. Dude. And it numbs things. Yeah, but if you put an ice cube on, like who cares? Dude, who cares? It's a mosquito bite on your leg somewhere or on your arm.
Starting point is 00:12:11 Dude, I've had them so bad I can't sleep. What? I've had them so bad and I put ice packs on and fall asleep with the ice pack on. That's the only way I can fall asleep. That's what? Yep. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:12:22 Well then maybe I don't get them that bad because that's crazy. Yeah, no, I get them in bunches too. that's crazy. Yeah. No, I've had I get them in bunches, too What's the weirdest thing about the way I get mosquito bites? I I would say maybe like 80% of the time so not every time but on the worst date right 80% of the time. Yeah If I get say I get them on my lower shin on my left lower shin I'll also get them on my exact same spot on my other leg. Dude. Isn't that weird? There's two of them in there.
Starting point is 00:12:47 Let's get them in the exact same spot. Hey, we're twins. Let's go. Matt. Matt. Yep. All right. Well, I guess we could do submissions.
Starting point is 00:12:57 Yeah, let's get into it. All right. My sunglasses are on. Damn. Oh, damn. That's OK. You're extra cool, right? I'm trying to big time everybody now.
Starting point is 00:13:05 Yeah, yeah. See how bright it seems now. Hey Chris, just got home from the gym and baby I got it bad for the gym attendant. Oh. Oh no. So my question is, am I allowed to shoot my shot while this man is at work? Because part of me feels like it's kind of fucked up
Starting point is 00:13:21 to hit on someone while they're working and they're forced to be nice to you. Like that could be uncomfortable but he might not give a fuck and I wanna know what you guys think. Is that okay? Is it cool? And if it is, if it's a go, do you have any ideas of what I should say because I'm kind of
Starting point is 00:13:39 drawing a blank there so I love your take. Thanks, bye. It's definitely something that happens all the time though. I mean. Okay, I talk a lot about not hitting on anyone at the gym. This excludes or precludes whatever people who work at the gym that's not even close to the same thing. So it only applies to people who are working at,
Starting point is 00:13:59 because it's a totally different thing. It's like hitting on someone that's like working at a desk somewhere in an office. Well, unless they're a personal trainer and they're like on the floor doing exercises with people. Well, definitely don't do it right then. But still, I think it's okay if they're a personal trainer. But yeah, it's not a no-no.
Starting point is 00:14:21 So you can do it. You have the green light, I would say, right? If, yeah, I mean, yeah, you can kind of do it. Yeah, you could do it, yeah. Whose is that? I would say you do it, it's fine. Okay. I would say you could do it, but also like, you know,
Starting point is 00:14:39 it's also different for a girl to do it to a guy. 100%. Even though it's, you know, you don't wanna say. 100%. Even though you don't wanna say it's, what do you call it, double standard or whatever you call that? Yeah, gender imbalance, whatever, yeah. Yeah, but it's just a, yeah, it's a little different. He probably was all like, oh yeah, let's hang.
Starting point is 00:15:00 I mean, yeah, the only risk is him being like a raging pussy and being like, oh my god, I can't believe you did that. I'm going to go tell like. Oh god. That's a very slim chance. But you can't get in trouble for that. Well, I guess you actually could. You could say it's harassment.
Starting point is 00:15:23 Yeah. But that's a very low risk But it is on the table. Mmm, but yeah, so that's the only like potentially What's the worst thing that happens? You could just walk up to him and be like do you fuck? Yeah, do you like dinner and do you fuck like people like me? Yeah It should be out like this on my back Would you fuck it in turn and turn, when I lean forward like this you see my titties? Yeah. What do you think?
Starting point is 00:15:50 Would you hit it? Would you hit it? You know, he actually has the best out if, if, even if it's, even if it's not true, he can just say I'm not, I'm, I'm, it's true, that's a good out. It's policy to not date customers. So, I quit.
Starting point is 00:16:05 And then, ee-oo, ee-oo, ee-oo, ee-oo, bing, bing, bing, bing, ee-oo, ee-oo, ee-oo, ee-oo, rah, rah, rah, rah. You're the guy from Police Academy. OK. Yeah, I think it's OK. Sounds right. I think it's OK. You know, next one.
Starting point is 00:16:17 But no, how would you do it was the other part of the question. Oh. Or do you have any ideas how to approach it? I think, again, it works a little bit of a double standard here, but you can be pretty direct about it. There's no, like, necessary beating around the bush. You could just be like, ah, every time I walk by you, I'm always like, you're so cute.
Starting point is 00:16:39 Grover. Is it possible to even hang out with customers? And if it is, like, would you be down to grab a coffee? Whatever. It's like, you you be down to grab a coffee, whatever? It's like you don't need to have a line to scoop the guy. Guys are less. Nice muscles, fancy a suck? Even that might work, honestly.
Starting point is 00:16:59 Nice muscles, fancy a suck? Fancy, you know? And then if you're a guy, you want to do a girl, you're very toned, you know? And then if you're a guy, you want to do a girl, you go, you're very toned. Fancy a munch? Oh, why does that gross me out, dude? Because you're not fully that way. What's the one you say that I hate so much?
Starting point is 00:17:15 It's like an open wound? Oh, the hatchet wound? Oh. Well, but that's, yeah, but that's. Disgusting, dude. You're a fucking heathen for even ever knowing that. OK, I don't know anything. It'susting, dude. You're a fucking heathen for even ever knowing that. OK, I don't know anything. It's just.
Starting point is 00:17:28 You're right. Well, you're right about that. I say hatchet wound or fried butterfly. That's not something you know. You just say it because you think it does what it looks like. But if you know the term. You know sometimes ladies down there look like hatchet wounds. And sometimes they look like they're done by professionals.
Starting point is 00:17:43 And sometimes they look like they're done by amateurs. Professional hatchet wounds. And sometimes they look like they're done by professionals and sometimes they look like they're done by amateurs. Professional hatchet workers? Ha ha ha ha ha! Like what are you talking about? A professional hatchet wound maker. And then some people just look like a fucking disaster. Like dude, did Helen Keller wield this thing? I don't know if I've ever come across such a, what's that?
Starting point is 00:18:05 This is a disgusting hatchet wound. Like this is the middle and then this is the flowery part. Oh man. Georgia O'Keefe, huh? She got away with that a whole lot. Georgia O'Keefe. Wow, you know? That's all I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:18:19 Georgia O'Keefe, am I right, Chris? Because you don't know about that. I do too, she made flowers and she, and they looked like vaginas and it was very, it was very obvious, dude. Even as an 11 year old, when they first showed me who Georgia O'Keeffe was, I was like, oh, I know what that is.
Starting point is 00:18:32 It's not just a flower. It's Georgia O'Pussy, am I right? No, Georgia O'Keeffe was way better. But Georgia O'Vaj. No, no, no. Okay. What you liking? What you liking? What are we liking? Just that Georgia O'Vadge is very clunky.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Oh yeah? Oh is it clunky? Hi, I'm Georgia O'Vadge. You ever been with somebody that has a sincerely amateur hatchet wound. What is an amateur? Oh, you're going to hatch it first. Ray Charles did it. Dude, I mean, that's not what that is though. It doesn't look like a sloppy hatchet wheeled.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Yeah. It just is like got more lip going on. Yeah, because they fucking did it wrong. Okay. They go, you're blaming God. You're blaming the Hatchetman upstairs. Hatchetman upstairs. There's a title. A fucking Paul Simon song. All right, next. What's up, Blaveline? I need some advices. In the shower. I joined a friend group a couple years ago, like two or three years ago, and awesome people that we play volleyball with. The only problem is I've always kind of been the jokester, the funny guy coming in with
Starting point is 00:19:57 the cavity. But there is a guy in this group that is significantly funnier than I am. He's a lot more goofy and silly than I am. And that tends to elicit way bigger laughs. And I've kind of gone back and forth. Sometimes I try to like compete, which might be sadic. Dude, he just crushes it. He's so funny. He's super quick. And not mind you, we do this together and stuff. But then I don't know if you just have to the kind of like bow down like hey man He's the funny dude, and then I just pick my shots I would love some advice is because he gets bigger laughs, and it makes me since again, okay Martin
Starting point is 00:20:35 Let's try one remember big you got it the Ford. It's a big deal event is on how's that a little bigger? The Ford it's a big deal event is on. How's that? A little bigger. The Ford It's a Big Deal Event. Nice. Now the offer? Lease a 2025 Escape Active All-Wheel Drive from 198 bi-weekly at 1.99% APR for 36 months with $27.55 down. Wow, that's like $99 a week. Yeah, it's a big deal. The Ford It's a Big Deal Event. Visit your Toronto area Ford store or Ford.ca today.
Starting point is 00:21:05 Okay. That's a genuinely great question. What a great, great question. Even though you were hiding in the shower while the shower was not running. While the other guy was cracking jokes outside to everyone else. Yeah, hiding in deep fear is a great, great question.
Starting point is 00:21:21 I think that the only thing to do is stop thinking, try to stop thinking about it. And first of all, humor is subjective. If the guy's making people laugh more than you, that doesn't matter. What do you do for a living? Who are you? You're not a comedy writer or a stand-up comedian.
Starting point is 00:21:48 And use it as something to be like, oh, well, sometimes it's like being funny a certain way in a group doesn't work. So you have to figure out how to be that, fit in that group in the funny way. And that's fun to do, I think. Sometimes if I'm around really funny people, I catch myself, I'm like, oh, I'm actually trying. And maybe it's not my time or day right now.
Starting point is 00:22:22 I'll just fucking do it next time. And that's okay. You literally make people laugh for a living so you don't need the thing he gets from it, you get from it almost every weekend. Yeah, you're right, that's a good point. I think for someone, it applies more to someone like me who's like, generally speaking, I think,
Starting point is 00:22:40 among the groups of friends I've been in, I'm a funny one or the funny one. And there have been times where someone is genuinely funnier than me. And it's not that you like, it's not like a zero sum game. That guy makes his jokes and you make whatever joke you make and everybody has a better time for it. Like you laugh at his jokes if they're funny and you like laughing at them because laughing is greatness.
Starting point is 00:23:12 But you also create your own greatness with your own humor. So it's just like there's no competing here. You're laughing at this guy. He's funny. It's good. Everything's good. There's an additional funny guy in your friend group. That's great. It's also a language sometimes that you just like, sometimes people are funny. Like I was friends with a guy once and he had a friend that I thought was really funny and they were funny together.
Starting point is 00:23:35 And I never really like fit in that way. I was just like, ah, they do their thing. They do it well and I don't really do it like them. And I'm a different kind of funny, maybe, I don't know. And that's okay. And I felt weird about it for a little bit. We drove all the way up to Big Bear together and I was like, oh man, I'm not doing well.
Starting point is 00:23:51 You know? And, but trying to figure out how to, you know, do it is kind of fun for me. So you best believe I crushed the rest of the Big Bear trip. But yeah, you know, anyway. It's all good. It's a good question though. Yeah. But just laugh when he's funny and then other people laugh when you're funny and everybody will like both of you more for that.
Starting point is 00:24:16 Next. Getting privacy. Hi guys. So my issue that I need advice on is that I absolutely despise elderly people. Oh, geez. I think they're cough and dodging oxygen thieves. Whoa. Wow. Ice.
Starting point is 00:24:41 Fucking expired humans. Ice. Limited edition citizens. Limited edition. Which is like the only cool thing about them. Wow, ice. Fucking expired humans, limited edition citizens. Limited edition. Which is like the only cool thing about them. They're like an artifact or like a fossil. So many different words to say.
Starting point is 00:24:53 And I just, I get absolutely enraged whenever I come across one. Because usually they're doing something that's hindering society in some way. This is crazy. Like fucking up traffic. No wonder. Standing in the middle of the aisle
Starting point is 00:25:13 at the grocery store. Yeah. Just acting entitled and super rude. And I understand, I'm fully aware that this is not a healthy way to view other people but I do want to say it's it started four years ago when I got a job at CVS pharmacy okay I worked there for two years and I think ever since then, I've really resented old people
Starting point is 00:25:49 because they were some of the meanest customers that came to the pharmacy. And so now I just kind of have a grudge against them. Any advice on how to get past that? That is honestly so interesting that she mentioned being a CVS, working at a CVS pharmacy. I went to a CVS to pick up a prescription.
Starting point is 00:26:13 I looked at the drive-through line and I was like, I bet the line's shorter inside. Okay. Even though at this CVS, the drive-through line moves fast. I was like, I bet there's nobody inside. So I go inside, there's nobody there except this one old woman at the counter. OK.
Starting point is 00:26:30 And she's taking so long that I'm looking at the drive-through window, and I'm seeing all the cars that were in the line go. And I see the car that was very last that would have been the car just in front of me pull up to the window. And I'm like, that was very last that would have been the car just in front of me Pull up to the window and I'm like if this bitch isn't done by the end of This guy's drive-through whatever purchase. I'm gonna be so live funny and Luckily the person that that window took so long, but dude it was like she couldn't figure out the pin pad
Starting point is 00:27:06 She couldn't she wanted to talk about why it's 10 cents a bag and how she'll never pay for that. She won't give any more money to the state than it already takes from her. And it's like, shut the fuck up and leave. She didn't once look behind her and see if anybody was in line. It's like, dude, you're holding up other people. You know what you're doing right now?
Starting point is 00:27:20 Making the person who did the submission, they're listening to this and they're seething. Yeah, and it's triggering. It happened. And of course, I get it. However, no to everything you said. Because elderly people, here's what they are. Older versions of you.
Starting point is 00:27:37 Yeah, you're going to be old, hopefully. Yeah, if you're lucky. So like, if this holds, you're going to absolutely loathe yourself by the time you're lucky. Yeah. So like, you're gonna, if this holds, you're gonna absolutely loathe yourself by the time you hit 65. Right. So you gotta just get it in check, dude. They're just people who have been alive longer.
Starting point is 00:27:56 Yeah, dude. That's how you have to think about it. It's just you and then waiting, dude, you know? And older people, they just do move slower. Yeah, they move slower. They move slower. Their brains move slower. It is a fact.
Starting point is 00:28:10 It's not just old people, though, because I was at a Starbucks recently, and there was a lady there, and she was 50 something. That's not old. And she didn't look behind, and she was taking so long, and that drove me nuts, man. And she wasn't a limited edition. We've got a limited edition.
Starting point is 00:28:27 Okay. So look at what we have here. We have, uh, Frank get out here. Stand up here. He used to own a landscaping cus, uh, company. He is 88 years old. Frank, you can get him today. What is the origin of this?
Starting point is 00:28:55 What did she say that made you think? Limited edition. Oh, she said limited edition? Oh, shit. Limited edition! Janice! Janice, step up here. Shit. Limited edition. Janice. Janice, step up here. She's a housewife.
Starting point is 00:29:11 She's still a housewife. Her husband died. She is living in the house. For today, you can get Janice not for $1,000, less than that. Can we go lower? Oh, is it nothing like there's an authority off screen? Two easy payments of $16.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Janice, you can get Janice. Get her now before she dies. She's dead. Bring in the other one. You know how there's some names that cycle back into popularity? There are some names for old people that will just never come back. Janice is absolutely one of them. You think so? Janice will just never come back. Janice is absolutely one of them. You think so? Janice ain't never come back.
Starting point is 00:30:08 Stranger things have happened. Frank is back. Henry's back. Harriet is back. Shit like that. Janice, though? Calvin. Never again.
Starting point is 00:30:17 Is back. Janice, you don't think? No. Harriet? Harriet is back. What about Nancy? Going to be a while. Tough.
Starting point is 00:30:35 Going to be a while. If it ever comes back, it's going to be a while. Yeah. Yeah. OK. Yeah. We have a limited edition Nancy. She is 92 years old.
Starting point is 00:30:46 This name will never come back into fashion. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Get yours now. Can we go lower? Okay, she's gonna, oh she died. Okay, let's get, let's get Jim out here. Okay, next one. What's up Chris and Matt?
Starting point is 00:31:02 It's green. My name's Christopher as well, funny enough. Chris, long time listener, Matt, love what you do man. I'm calling because I have a pretty rough relationship with my dad to say the least. He was never a big point in my life when I was younger. Now he's in my life and I've tolerated him but things have just still been pretty bad He's obviously and I'm debating whether or not I want to cut him out of my life To make me and my fiance's life a lot better and a lot easier for a lot of reasons Just really need some advice on this guys. Thank you so much if baby for life
Starting point is 00:31:39 hell yeah, if he's affecting your your and your fiance's life that much and If he's affecting your and your fiance's life that much, and he was a piece of shit early on in your life, and you don't even like him really. And your fiance agrees, I'm assuming. Or even maybe not even love him. Dude, it's a dark thought, I guess, but you don't owe your parents love. If you don't love your parent, then you just don't owe your parents love.
Starting point is 00:32:09 If you don't love your parent, then you just don't. There's no feeling you should have about that. The feeling is either love or you don't love them. Nothing else should be surrounded by that. No guilt, no shame. Some people just don't because they're shitty parents. It's easy to say. And there's like, I mean, I know someone I'm very close with. When their father died, they were just like,
Starting point is 00:32:32 I feel pure release. I feel no sadness. They busted? I feel like I'm, I feel no, like no, I will miss him zero. Like I, and that. Robot. I'll never forget that. It was when I was a kid, I overheard.
Starting point is 00:32:51 Yeah. I don't wanna say who. Zero. But yeah, it profoundly affected me. And I've come to believe that like, some people, some parents are just bad. And it's their job to love you, because they're the reason you're even here.
Starting point is 00:33:09 You didn't ask to be here. You're flung out of nothingness because somebody jizzed in somebody. And then nine months later, you popped out. It's like, you didn't ask to be created by that sperm and egg. You're here because of them. They owe you some shit for the first large part of your life at the very least.
Starting point is 00:33:29 And if he wasn't around and you resent him for that and don't love him because of that, you don't owe him shit, dude. He owes you shit, if anything. Yeah, I mean, you know, that's right. I don't know what he did, obviously, but that's all, you know, up for... He said something about he like wasn't around when he was young or something like that. I mean, look, people make mistakes and your dad, you know, if it's not...
Starting point is 00:34:00 If you're not willing to look past that and if he's not willing to own up. Yeah, it sounds like he isn't even being like, I'm sorry, I wasn't around. I'd love to be in your life now. If he was like, yo, I fucked up, I'm really sorry. And then the son's like, I just don't care. That's still how he feels about it. It's still valid.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Yeah. Which sucks for the dad, I guess. And it sucks for you too, you know, because you're not gonna, but you know. It sounds like he's still causing problems though. Well, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he just happens to be in his life now, which is like, no, dude, you fucked up my childhood
Starting point is 00:34:33 and now you're trying to fuck up my adulthood. Maybe he's trying to fuck her. Bye, bye, bye, bye, ta ta, sayonara, fucking opposite of Guten tag, okay? Yeah, I mean, that's not, that's not, fucking opposite of guten dag. Oh. Okay. Yeah, I mean, that's not, that's not, yeah. You don't need to have him in your life. I don't know, part of me is like the Italian is,
Starting point is 00:34:52 I was like, oh yeah, but that's your father. But yeah, the truth is. If he's a piece, he's a piece. There's nowhere around him. If he's a gun. All right. Yeah, next, next, next one. Good luck though.
Starting point is 00:35:03 Hey, Chris, in that not so have what I think might be a hot take here. So people that do like crazy diets and other cosmetic things before their wedding, I understand it, but I think it's a terrible idea because you, yeah, you probably feel good and like how you look that day, but then you have to look back on those pictures
Starting point is 00:35:26 the rest of your life and think, man, I might never look that good again. Yeah. So that sounds terrible to me. Am I off here? What do you guys think? Well, yeah, except for when you go back in your life and you look at pictures,
Starting point is 00:35:41 your wedding picture is gonna be one of the main pictures you look at. I would imagine that. So you wanna be pictures, your wedding picture is going to be one of the main pictures you look at. I would imagine that. So, so you want to be like, this was me at my peak. You don't want to be on the couch watching fucking how to get away with murder, eating Pringles with your, with your, you know what I mean? With a wife beater on. Sounds nice too, but I get what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:36:02 Well, that, that is nice, but you don't want the picture of that being your main picture. Gotcha. Just like this. Right. You know what I mean? Pringles, crust, crumbs of cr- Yeah, just fat. You know, maybe your shorts, you can see your balls or your hatchet wound.
Starting point is 00:36:17 Let's face it, you frankly wouldn't have that picture, but point taken. No, somebody, are you kidding me? Let me tell you this much. You used to take pictures. I know that people take pictures willy nilly now because they have the iPhones. But dude, back then when you had those regular disposable cameras, you would willy nilly take pictures all the time.
Starting point is 00:36:36 Because you'd be like, oh, I just can't wait to develop this. And you would take a picture of just somebody eating Pringles on the couch. End of the roll? Yeah. Yeah. I still love those. End of the roll? Yeah. Yeah. I used to love those.
Starting point is 00:36:45 End of the roll. Isn't it interesting that photo developing places still exist pretty prominently? Do they? Yeah, dude. Because people still like to take pictures on those cameras and film cameras. And I took the picture of you in Pringles
Starting point is 00:37:06 and the end of the roll. Oh, the end of the roll. To get developed now at the one hour photo and then look at the pics. Right? Nice. I mean, that's, I'll tell you what, dude, that's not warming up. That's just me. I sing good, okay?
Starting point is 00:37:30 Okay. No matter what the guys from the golden hour say. What do they say? That I'm not good. It's crazy. You're not. Well, what? Good at, good in what way? I carry a note and I'm very fucking resonant.
Starting point is 00:37:45 I'm a good singer. I put a sign up right in the front window, advertisement right in the front window, and all of a sudden success coming out of the blue. Did it so fast, rushed through it so fucking hard. That's part of the tempo in Little Shop Horrors and Mushnik and Son. Is it true? It's not that fast. Foreign.
Starting point is 00:38:03 Is it true? Yeah, it is. Is it really? I pulled a sign up right in the front window, advertisement right in the front window, and all of a sudden success coming out of the blue. Mushnick and Son, dude. Who played Mushnick in the production you were in? I don't fucking know.
Starting point is 00:38:17 Submit or that he didn't get the role of a dentist. Could it? Who got that? What's that guy's name? Trenton Reynolds. Trenton Reynolds. And he was fine, but I would have killed it. And that's fine, and he didn't get the role of dentist. Could it? Well, I- Who got that? What's that guy's name? Trenton Reynolds. Trenton Reynolds. And he was fine, but I would have killed it. And that's fine, and he's a friend.
Starting point is 00:38:29 I look back and think you would have killed that role too. No, I am your de-hentist. So bitter about it. Still knows the audition song. I have a talent for causing things pain. Get up your de-hentist. Imagine me, dude. All white on the fucking...
Starting point is 00:38:48 Rrrrr. It's the best role in the movie. Fitting braces. Or in the show. But the biggest problem with it in the movie is that Steve Martin does it. And when you watch it, at least when I was a kid, I loved him in that movie.
Starting point is 00:39:02 As an adult, I watch it and I think, I hate Steve Martin. Oh really? Yeah. If they remade Little Shop of Horrors, let me tell you something. If they remade Little Shop of Horrors. They will. Which they will. Of course.
Starting point is 00:39:15 And they'll get Jonathan Krasinski to be in it somehow. He'll direct it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have me play the dentist. Everyone's fucked. They won't. No, I know. But everyone is fucked.
Starting point is 00:39:30 How's that? I destroy it. I destroy the role. I burn it to the ground and it can never be made again. No, I am your dentist. Hurt your voice and neck so bad. I hurt my neck, but I will fucking, they go like this. Who played Seymour again?
Starting point is 00:39:50 Oh yeah, because they forget a little bit. Oh yeah, Matt Damon, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, it was Elijah Wood. But that guy, Crystalia? Did he really do Nitrous? So stupid. Dude, Rick Moranis plays Seymour in the movie version.
Starting point is 00:40:13 The dude looks like that, was such a big star, and retired when he was still a really big star. Wild. To take care of his wife because she got sick. That is the hardest ass move ever. It is. To look like that and still make it so big.
Starting point is 00:40:37 So great. Against all odds. It's so dumb. And then the person you love, you're just like, no, fuck all that. It's so dope. I mean, like, what a fuck up the business. Yeah, dude, it's so dope.
Starting point is 00:40:47 What a baller move. He was so good, too. He was amazing. And then blow up the kids. Bro. Shrunk the kids. Yeah, but when he goes, Suddenly Seymour is standing beside you. It means there's no worries.
Starting point is 00:41:04 Dude, that is so dope. Just wanted to sing it. But nobody remembers him doing it in the movie. But yeah. Yeah. Nobody does that though. But if I was dorky. Was there a video recently of Rick Moranis just getting like punched in the street on
Starting point is 00:41:19 CCTV camera? Yeah. So weird. There was? Like what a bunch of bullshit. That song, suddenly Seymour's one of the dopest songs ever. All right, man. Look, relax about Little Shop of Horrors.
Starting point is 00:41:32 Okay. No, that how weird is it that Little Shop of Horrors was a movie, not a musical in the 60s or 50s, maybe a Roger Corman movie, just like a piece of shit B movie. And then it was a musical and then it was a musical. I did not know that. It's such a like silly. Yeah's such a silly screwball comedy. Fuck, that's weird. I didn't know that.
Starting point is 00:41:51 Yeah, really weird how that shit works. Well, I mean, all right, I won't sing anymore this podcast. Do we wanna look at Rick Moranis getting hit or do we not? We wanna move on. Sure, but I'd like to look at him now anyway. We can do that on luxury. How old is he?
Starting point is 00:42:05 Yeah, let's look up Rick Moranis now. He was in something recently, real quick before we move on. Sounds like he was in single evil. The real question is how's Anthony gonna spell Rick Moranis? Oh, dude. Let's find out.
Starting point is 00:42:17 Oh, killed it, just typed it so fast. He's 71 now. Oh yeah, dude. Yeah, his wife died, look. He's the yeah, dude. Yeah, his wife died, look. He's the man, dude. He left acting in the 1990s to focus on raising his kids, even more baller. He was so good.
Starting point is 00:42:36 He was hilarious. And just his look and everything. It's the last thing he did, Little Giants, I saw that in the theater. So what does he do now then? With him. Wow, so what does he do now?? With him. Wow. So what does he do now? He chills on his resids, dude.
Starting point is 00:42:47 I mean, yeah, it's, you know, it's not that much though, right? Did you know that Honey, I Shrunk the Kids originally and very close to up to when they started shooting was a drama? What? Yeah, dude. It's the weirdest Hollywood story ever.
Starting point is 00:43:04 They were gonna cast some like serious actor in his role and then like a week before they're shooting the studio was like we've got to turn this into a comedy. Let's get Rick Moranis. The director was like and they just went as they went. Why don't they do... I guess he does voice stuff a lot. But why don't they do... you know he does voice stuff a lot. Right. But why don't they do, you know how they remake movies and they'll make them a comedy?
Starting point is 00:43:30 Yeah. You know, like Starskin Hut. Yeah, that's what I thought. They should do the opposite. They should make fucking like, naked gun and it's a fucking drama. Or leave it to Beaver and it's like something about a family that's like really for mad.
Starting point is 00:43:48 I was just talking about this somewhere, the thing about how they turn things that weren't comedies into comedies. Like why is, at all costs IP, as long as it's IP, like they'll remake it in any version. I know why they do that. I know why they do that. Just brand name? I know why they remake stuff comedies.
Starting point is 00:44:07 There's a very obvious reason, I think. Go ahead. It's because anything from 40 years ago is ridiculous. If it's a drama, you're like, oh, what? What? You know what I'm saying? I mean, they do remake them as dramas though, too. But if you were, yes, they do, right?
Starting point is 00:44:23 But mostly if you were to go back and look at Starsky and Hutch you'd be like, this is fucking ridiculous. Right. So they'd make it a comedy. Right, right, right, right. Anyway. Right, right, right, right. Also Starsky and Hutch wasn't exactly a drama,
Starting point is 00:44:35 but right, right, right, right. No, well yeah, but it wasn't a comedy. No, it was an adventure show, yeah. I mean, my life is an adventure. Oh, all right. Just so you know. What are you looking up right now? Yeah, what is he looking up?
Starting point is 00:44:48 It's the comedies that were turned into dramas. Oh, look at that. What? Dramatic remakes of comedies, let's go. Yeah, but it's just a bad- That's nothing. That's nothing, that's a, yeah. Teen Wolf?
Starting point is 00:45:01 What? No, that's not on- Oh, dude, yeah. Oh, they did make it a drama, the TV show, that's not on. Oh, dude, yeah. Oh, they did make it a drama, the TV show, that's right. Parenthood. Oh yeah, they did do that, yeah. Oh yeah, keep him coming. What is that?
Starting point is 00:45:14 Oh, the new one that they made on Peacock. Oh, fuck off with that. Fuck Will Smith, top to bottom, every which way. That guy's a fucking piece of shit. No, that's harsh. Dude, no, he's a fucking, I never wanna see him again. Oh. Fuck him. Oh, wow, okay, Jesus. What the fuck is Lou Grant?
Starting point is 00:45:31 Sounds like a baseball player to me. Oh, a baseball coach, you know? Now, now batting, batting, Lou, Lou, Lou, Grant, Grant, Grant. Buffy turned into a drama? Yeah. Did it really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:45 I've never seen an episode. Sarah Michelle Gellar? Not one episode. The original movie is sick. Look how fucking hot Luke Perry was. And look how hot Chrissy Swanson was. She's a big hardcore right winger now. Isn't that interesting?
Starting point is 00:45:57 I know. And she looks way different, too. And Luke Perry? Dead. Well, he looks way different. God. Dark joke. I love Luke Perry, dude.
Starting point is 00:46:04 Yeah, the best, dude, the best. He was awesome. The only thing about him, very mini. Mini? Very mini. Very slight man. I said very fucking special guy for real, for real. Yeah, I sat next to him on the airplane
Starting point is 00:46:20 like a few years before he died. Damn, just dude, just out of a brain aneurysm. I know, I know. Don't like thinking that about that. I know. Don't want to think about it. Now I'm thinking about it. Let's go to the next one.
Starting point is 00:46:34 What's going on, Matt? What's going on, Chris? So real quick. So yesterday I was doing Uber Eats, and a customer gave me a $5 tip. It was five singles, and they were all like folded over each other. You know, it was like, just like here, you know you know handed to me so I'm in my car and I'm straightening out the dollar bill so I could put him in my wallet and when I was straightening them out a bunch of white powder fell on my hands and my pants was about a half a gram worth of whatever powder I mean if you could
Starting point is 00:47:00 visualize that you know and my first instinct was, oh, I'm dead. Right, fentanyl, whatever, I'm dead. So I called the lady, I'm like, hey, I'm not mad, I just wanna know what the powder was. And her instant response was, I didn't try to poison you. So I was like, yeah, I don't think you tried to poison me. But you did. What was the powder, what drug was it?
Starting point is 00:47:21 Because I've done a lot of drugs in my life so I just wanted to know what to expect right and She was like oh, no, it's not drugs and you know, whatever so she was obviously high-tweaking She probably thought that I called the cops. Oh my god. I was a cop whatever so Makes I luckily had a water bottle in my car rinse my hands off. I had some napkins so we were good So, I mean what would you have done we were good. What the fuck was it? So I mean, what would you have done in that situation? Would you have called the cops? Would you have called maybe an ambulance just in case?
Starting point is 00:47:51 Would you have gone to a hospital just in case? I ended up not doing anything, I just called my buddy and sat on the phone with him for about a half an hour to make sure I didn't have any exposure, high contact, whatever. So I ended up being good, but yeah, what would you have done? Would you have gone back would you have called the cops would you gone to a hospital would you know? What would you have done there and also already have you ever been exposed to drugs? Like ingested them accidentally or has somebody spiked you before and how did you deal with that? What did you do? Yeah, didn't try to poison you by the way. Okay, thanks.
Starting point is 00:48:25 I sort of missed the details of the first part. Who gave him the dollar bills? He was Uber Eatsing and she gave him a tip. Of cash. Of dollars, yeah. Oh, geez. I don't, I don't, you know, I tell you what, I probably wouldn't have done anything.
Starting point is 00:48:42 I probably would have just been like, that's weird and not thought about it. You are unaware of yourself if you think that's what you would have thought. No, because I don't think I would have thought it was drugs. I would have, a gram? Half a gram. I mean, that's not much, dude.
Starting point is 00:49:00 No, but in powder form, it seems like more in a way. I wouldn't be worried, I tell you what, I wouldn't be worried about getting high because unless it's fentanyl, you're not. Which she mentioned, which it wouldn't be. Yeah, you wouldn't. I don't even know if that, does that exist in a powder? I guess so. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:19 I guess, yeah. Yeah, it does. But like that would, yeah, I mean, I guess there could be some fentanyl in there, yeah? But you'd die instantly. Well. I don't yeah, I mean, I guess there could be some fentanyl in there, yeah, but you'd die instantly. Well, I don't know. I mean, I would just assume it was coke and I would go, and try to not breathe it in, open the window and dump it out. And maybe I would call somebody.
Starting point is 00:49:36 That's what I think I would do. My first thought was anthrax. Yeah, but bro, it's not anthrax. Well, you don't know the person. I might think, anthrax, but I wouldn't be like, this is anthrax. Well, you don't know the person. I might think, oh, anthrax, but I wouldn't be like, this is anthrax. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even know what I would do.
Starting point is 00:49:50 But I definitely would not call the cops. No, no, no. I'd make a set of sensor x-rays. I definitely would not go to the hospital preemptively. I probably would do actually pretty much exactly what you did, honestly, if I'm really thinking it through. I guess so now that I've had this thought I probably would do actually pretty much exactly what you did. Yeah. Honestly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:06 If I'm really thinking it through. I guess so now that I've had this thought and you've done this, if it happened to me now, I would probably react differently than if before I saw this. And how would you react now? Now I would think about it. Because I don't think I would think of fentanyl. I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:50:23 I think I'd just be like, oh, that's maybe coke. And I wouldn't worry about it being fentanyl, which is the thing that you should worry, the only thing that you could worry about really. I mean, it's not anthrax, but I feel weird. Oh yeah, geez. Yeah. But I mean, I calling her is a good move. What was the, I don't, I don't even understand how the conversation went. I wish she was still here. Like, what do you mean you called her and she said I didn't poison you. the conversation went. I wish she was still here. What do you mean you called her and she said
Starting point is 00:50:46 I didn't poison you and then she just sounded like she was on drugs. Just be like, hey, what drug are you on? She obviously didn't answer because you get why she wouldn't want to because she doesn't want to get in trouble. She doesn't know this guy from anybody. But also if that's her drug, you'd think
Starting point is 00:51:00 she wants it back if she's tweaking. Half a gram if it's. Yeah, dude. I mean, if she's a fucking tweaker, absolutely. It's not much but it's not nothing. It's not, yeah okay. How much is a half a gram of Coke? Of Coke I don't know.
Starting point is 00:51:16 I know what a gram of weed looks like and it's yeah, it's significant enough. Uh, okay. Couple joints in there. I smoked two joints, one I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more. What's that? Who sings that? Sublime?
Starting point is 00:51:34 Sublime, definitely sublime. Uh, alright, well. That's crazy weird, that's upsetting. That would throw my day off for damn sure. Really? Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I would probably do exactly what you did on it. Yeah, I think so.
Starting point is 00:51:48 Yeah. All right. God, imagine that's how you die, getting a tip of $5 on a fucking Subway sandwich because fentanyl gets in your nose. All right. Hey, brothers. Honestly, I get fentanyl.
Starting point is 00:52:02 I wanna know what you think about men dancing. Oh, is it cool or not? I have a pat. I don't know how to dance. I feel silly doing it, but all sometimes being situations at a bar or a club where a woman will pull me into dance and I'll just politely waver away. This really seems to turn them off. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:22 Which bothers me because it's not that I don't want to talk to them. I just don't want to dance. Fall asleep. Interesting. Do either of you two like dancing? Do you have specific moves you do? Falling. A fucking...
Starting point is 00:52:36 What should I do? Should I learn how to dance or should I stick to my guns and not do something that I find stupid? Let me know. All right, bye. If you think it's actually stupid, then I guess don't engage in it. But I think what you're probably experiencing
Starting point is 00:52:49 is you're uncomfortable doing it. That's awesome. And you don't wanna look stupid. But I'll tell you right now, most women, most, I guess more women than men, but most women would rather see you dance with them and look stupid than be like, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not dancing. Yeah, they want to know you're fun.
Starting point is 00:53:12 Yeah, they don't give a shit how you dance, dude. As long as you're not just doing the sprinkler or whatever. Okay, but my dance is the jack off. I don't think you'll like it. To the beat? Your dick is out. You want it to dance. I told you what my move was. I don't know if, and to answer, do I have any moves?
Starting point is 00:53:37 No, I just have the way I dance, though. I don't have, like, different dances to different kinds of music. There's just, like, a way that I dance. Depending on what's on. And it's fucking hella sick, but whatever. I mean, when you say you don't dance, you could easily just bop.
Starting point is 00:53:57 Like you don't have to be like fucking, all right, I really don't like to, but. Ha ha ha ha ha. In fact, if you did that, she would probably like you less. So you're in a good zone. If you're just going along with her to be fun and you're not good at it is like one of the top tier options because she'll be like, he's not good,
Starting point is 00:54:20 but he still wants to have fun with you. Like that's like a way in, not a way out. You know what you can do. That's like a way in, not a way out. You know what you can do. What's that? Hey, want to dance? Just go like this. Wrong verb, sweetheart. And just, you know, to Mac down.
Starting point is 00:54:34 The tiniest person. I heard that Jack Nicholson did that once to somebody. Wrong verb, sweetheart. For real? That's what I heard. I mean, it sounds like bullshit. It sounds like bullshit, yeah. Wait, what the fuck? Somebody just told me a story about Jack Nicholson. Long verb sweetheart. For real? That's what I heard. I mean it sounds like bullshit but. It sounds like bullshit yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:45 Wait what the fuck somebody just told me a story about Jack Nicholson. Damn it. It was mom who told me the story. Oh so it's wrong. Alright next one. Hey Matt, hey Chris. Me. Huge fan from Lebanon.
Starting point is 00:55:00 Heck yeah. So I've been with my girlfriend for two years now and we see each other for about 12 hours per week. And most of the times midweek she likes to text me, what are you doing? And many times I'm at home and you know, when you're doing five to 10 things at the same time, none of them is worth mentioning like scrolling on the internet, playing chess, playing guitar, but you're not doing each one of them is worth mentioning like you say crawling on the internet playing chess playing guitar But you're not doing each one of them
Starting point is 00:55:29 Mindfully enough to worth mentioning. So I just tell her like the same things are Nothing important and she gets very upset when I tell her that and she tells me that she wants to hear about them in detail and like I don't want to talk about them in detail because there's nothing important mentioned and like it keeps happening over and over and how should I report this the next time it happens thank you that's a good question honestly it's kind of the classic the women want to talk in detail about your day and the man is just like it's the same as every other day. What do you wanna know? But it's, I think we men miss the point about this. It's not like what remarkable shit happened to you today or what remarkable shit are you doing right now.
Starting point is 00:56:17 They're just wanting to talk to you. They wanna connect. Exactly, that's the right word. They wanna just connect and that in itself is all it is. So all you need to do is answer thoughtfully. It's going to be way better for you to do that than to say nothing. Also, if you say just if some people don't really talk much,
Starting point is 00:56:42 so like if you're just the kind of guy who writes nothing you that's not going to cut it bro. Yeah. You got to at least put an exclamation point in there and be like just kind of a regular old day. Anything happening over there with you like that is way better than nothing you. Yeah just a regular old day you know playing a little guitar
Starting point is 00:56:59 da da da da da. Adding so much to it. But he's. Making a sandwich. He's specifically saying that he plays it. I think you could get away with a lot more if you just sent, seriously sent a picture of you. Not much.
Starting point is 00:57:17 Bro, I bet that that would go over really well. If you wanted to answer not much, that would be more helpful. I bet that would go over really well. But you are the Lebanese version of me, so maybe take advice from me instead of. But yeah, it's kind of the classic male-female. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:38 No, it's right under guys want to have sex and women don't want to have sex. It's right under that one. It's the number two one. Women wanna have sex. No, I know, you know what I mean. Guys wanna fuck everything and women are, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:57:50 Of course they wanna have sex. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. And guys talk about things that matter and then women talk about things that don't matter. It's deeper. Absolutely. So it's all good, yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:03 And then women make you do stuff that, and you're like, I don't have time for it. And they're like, why? Because you're doing what? And then you have to think about what you're doing. And you're like, well, I did stuff earlier and I'm just kind of tired now. And she's like, yeah, well, you have other responsibilities.
Starting point is 00:58:16 Like we have a family and stuff. Like that's, you know, and you're like, but I work hard for, you know, obviously, I don't want to say I bring home the bacon, but I do. Right? And so because you think, you know, my job don't want to say I bring home the bacon, but I do. Right. And, and, and so because you think, you know, my job isn't just about being on stage, having fun. It's also about the traveling. And you think I want to go to fucking Cranston, Rhode Island for, you know what I mean? Six hours connecting flight. I got to go by the way, connect in Dallas. So I got to get, that's not even a straight way. You go down south and then up. So it's like, dude, you know, let me relax on the couch.
Starting point is 00:58:48 And if I want to watch Penguin, even though it's fucking, it came out last year, don't get on me for that. Sneeper. And it's all good. Should we do one more, squeeze one in? What do you think? Penguin is great though. We don't have to, but the Penguin is great.
Starting point is 00:59:04 The show? And I watched it late. I'm on episode three. It came out last year when everyone was talking about it. But that is not when I watch shows, dude. The way they extend these universes just like... Yeah, but yeah, that is true. It is crazy. Sucking on the crank of the corp. Matt just draining it every last drop of the corpse teat. Corpse teat.
Starting point is 00:59:28 Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. We're running it dry, but who cares? The penguin's coming out soon. Masturbating. But yeah, I think that the penguin is, it's great, okay? It's good and it's funny and it's not just dramatic. It's also funny. You know what I find interesting?
Starting point is 00:59:50 Ah. For the character of the Penguin, they hired Colin Farrell and obviously put him in a fat suit and did all this makeup stuff on him. The result is almost identical to the actor Richard Kind. So why not just cast Richard Kind? I forget who that is. I know who it is. I know, I know who it is. Oh, I know who it is. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:16 Dude, that's the Penguin. That does not look like him. Are you kidding me? Look at this shit. He could play the Penguin though, yeah. He is the Penguin. He's got a much lower quote, he's a great actor. Don't do that to Colin Farrell. Colin Farrell's a hot guy. Look, they even have, they even, see?
Starting point is 01:00:31 Oh, that's funny. There's some Reddit forum with it. That's funny. Somebody thought it was Richard Kind from the trailer back when it was first released. That's fucking hilarious. Well, let's, let's... First of all, Richard Kind is like 70 years old, okay? He might be too old.
Starting point is 01:00:48 Uh, Colin Farrell is playing a guy in his 30s, even though he's 50, you know? But they had to have been, like, the model for this character is Richard Kind, right? Look how much it looks like Richard Kind! I did not think of that, but that's funny. Dude, that's crazy to me. Look at that! I mean, there's a bunch of shit. Richard Kind is like a very Jewish, what's his name, Penguin needs to be like New York.
Starting point is 01:01:17 Falcone is his name. Yeah, like it's just not. Whatever, Jews and Italians look alike. Yeah, yeah. Look at that, another one. If Richard Kind, let me tell you something. If Richard Kind was a great actor, then okay. He is, but he's too old.
Starting point is 01:01:30 But he's not, is he that good? He's a character actor, he's never had a leading role. True. But yeah, dude. No, he's been very good, I know. You know who's one of his best friends? Who? George Clooney.
Starting point is 01:01:42 Really? The Cloonmeister. No, but Colin Farrell is so good in this, and let me tell you something about Colin Farrell. best friends? Who? George Clooney. Really? The Cloone Meister. No, but Colin Farrell is so good in this. And let me tell you something about Colin Farrell. He played in the movie called Phone Booth, right? Correct. A guy from New York.
Starting point is 01:01:56 His accent wasn't good. It was embarrassingly bad. Oh, would you say it's that bad? In Phone Booth? I've seen it somewhat recently and it's unbelievable. They shouldn't even have made him do it. Well, they should have just been like, be Irish. Exactly, that's what I mean.
Starting point is 01:02:10 But in this, his accent is, it's top form. I mean, it's really good. He's one of those guys that genuinely got way better at acting as he got older. I think he just really, really, really cares. And he's a sober guy. And sometimes sober guys are like, I'm gonna dive all the way into this thing
Starting point is 01:02:29 because I'm an addict. He's a fucking good actor. Yeah, he's great. He really is. He's a great actor. You know, he's one of those guys that you want and not be like, he's not good, but he's fucking good. He's actually quite great.
Starting point is 01:02:40 He does stuff that's like so interesting too, but not overboard, which is the best kind of actor., it's like you're not doing stuff just to do it But you're surprising your even yourself the way you are you talking about specifically the penguin in the penguin? Yeah I am talking about the penguin. Yeah, I mean what sucks is that I mean he'd switch gears He has somebody either his agent or manager is a fucking genius because after total recall They did a total reset on him as an actor, which was like, hey, now you're only gonna do either good shit
Starting point is 01:03:12 or good roles in whatever shit. Well, what's weird is, Total Recall, that was a bad movie. Terrible. But you totally buy him in those roles. So it's weird that like, he doesn't do that because like you totally buy him in fucking anything Tom Hardy does. That new one that comes out, Havoc, you know?
Starting point is 01:03:34 That could be him. Oh, Venom or whatever? No, Havoc is a new one coming out. But Venom, yeah, Venom is the same thing. What's Havoc? Havoc is a new movie coming out in a few months with Tom Hardy. Movie?
Starting point is 01:03:45 Yeah, that's why I said movie twice. I thought you said show. It's a movie, three times. Havoc? Yes, it's an action movie. All right, we'll watch the trailer on Luxury. I mean, it's probably not worth it. I haven't even seen the trailer,
Starting point is 01:03:58 but it's probably just another. No, we'll watch the trailer and we'll be all like, wow. Okay, anyway, Confereau's great. He was great in The Lobster too. Anyway, Confereau's great. He was great in The Lobster, too. Anyway, Colin Farrell's great. He's great as Richard Kind in The Penguin. In The Richard Kind Story, you call it Charlie.
Starting point is 01:04:10 You play that in The Penguin. All right, guys. All right, everybody. Thank you so much. I love you. Sign up for Lifeline Luxury if you're not signed up. Eee. A witch.
Starting point is 01:04:21 Yeah. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Will you please? Peace!

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