Lifeline - 158. The Depravtiy
Episode Date: April 27, 2025LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Our Patreon is also the exclusive home to all the live podcasts which we film... and upload! 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline Today we're discussing if you're a bad person for loving true crime and depraved content, the correct way to order your silverware drawer, making process suggestions at work to your boss, when people make small talk and then walk away, how to publish a book, and we have advice for a lonely guy who ended up cuddling with a guy at a party. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline More Matt D'Elia: Sign up FOR FREE For Matt's Patreon for all episodes of The Private Record and upcoming drops of Matt D'Elia is Confused Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More Chris D'Elia: Congratulations podcast: congratulationspod.com Live on tour: chrisdelia.com/tour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Runk.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Will you please?
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hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, Lizzo's 20 or 50 and I would have no idea. Is Lizzo still fat or am I thinking of the other fat singer that lost weight?
She's losing a bunch of weight.
Okay.
Oh, she is?
I was right about that.
She's on Ozempic.
Ozempic's crazy, dude.
We're going to find out in 20 years that Ozempic, that's her.
That was not her.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, yeah.
People are going to like die early from Ozempic.
Like you look at these guys, like a lot of comics do it.
I was reading this thing about Ozempic,
how I couldn't tell if it seemed like bullshit,
but like internet sleuths were calling out people
with what they're calling Ozempic feet.
Have you guys heard of this?
No.
No.
It's like, so Ozempic can cause subcutaneous layers
of skin to look saggy and
Apparently there's a ton of those on feet
Ton of that on feet like on the top layer of your foot top, right? There you go. That's it
That's like well, that's the main image people use. No, that's a real picture. She knows
Zoom in that is Sharon Osborne. Yeah, I know who does zoom in
and zoom in and zoom. And zoom in. And zoom in.
And zoom in.
And zoom in.
And not the guy with the violin.
That's just, well, that might just be a bad pick.
I think so.
I don't think, oh, is that big feet?
I think it's a conspiracy.
Well, she obviously face shopped,
Photoshopped her face and not her feet though.
You know what I mean?
It's like.
How could she miss that?
Crop out your disgusting old person feet.
Well, no.
I think that's fine.
Sure.
But you know, it's just you're old and that's fine.
And don't do that much work to your face.
And if you do, yeah, definitely got to do it to your feet too,
I guess.
That's the thing.
You can't have one exactly.
It's like that neck thing, that crepe erase.
Remember that infomercial?
Crepe erase. Crepe? Yeah, because that's what they call that crepe erase remember that infomercial crepe erase crepe
Yeah, because that's what they call a crepe neck or whatever. Oh
Crepe erase dude, they're like
Ew, dude, that's actually gross. Look up crepe erase, dude
But they would eat like the food like the food. Yeah, don't only make it more gross. So yeah
Yeah, he wrote he it's CRE
That's a real thing Yeah, he wrote, it's C-R-E. Oh. What did he write?
That's a real thing.
Wow, that's so disgusting.
What pops into your mind is an image of crepe erase.
You never wanna put food in the image
of you fixing your body, that's disgusting, dude.
Or anything with your body, even like cauliflower ear,
it's a disgusting term.
It's disgusting, dude.
That's become a little bit more normal
because we hear about it a lot.
But like, crepe-erase, dude.
And then also like, you know, it's disgusting.
Like, hey, like don't call, you know,
you could call my penis eggplantitis.
It has eggplantitis, but you don't do that.
That's gross.
Yeah, it's that big, but it's gross.
So anyway, I'll be in Denver.
No, I'll be in Boston and New York and Savannah and Atlanta.
Those are the different ones.
Denver was already.
And-
Those are the added shows you're saying?
No, the added shows I have are-
Oh, I see what you're saying.
A bunch, man.
Keep going.
They start in Salt Lake City, Utah, Boise,
Pittsburgh, Washington, DC, Tulsa, Springfield.
These are all great.
And then you get to Waco, Texas.
So I'm gonna try and, yeah, Chicago.
So go to chrislee.com.
I'm gonna try and get the Davidians back on in Waco.
Branch Davidians.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, you have a show?
I didn't even see that show on Waco.
Yeah, it's up there.
Yeah, up there.
He went, yeah, right there.
So I'm gonna get it going.
I'm gonna, at the Hippodrome, come see me in Waco.
We'll get that, we'll get the cult going again.
Branch Davidians?
Nice.
Do you ever look at your schedule
and think, fuck, I have to do all that?
No, but I do think-
That's a good question, actually. I don't, I have to do all that? No, but I do think- That's a good question.
I don't, I actually don't think that.
I would.
Yeah.
I get stressed out for you.
I would think, I would think that,
but it started happening and I just don't.
What I think is,
it feels very good to look at my schedule and it's full
because I go, heck yeah, dude, I'm a working man.
And it makes me feel like I matter.
And it makes me feel, well, no, I should say,
it gets my self-worth.
I feel self-worth from my job.
And so I'm like, this is awesome, dude.
I get to do this.
And I used to hate traveling, but now I have to travel tomorrow. And it now, like I have to travel tomorrow.
And it's just like a day to, like you have no responsibilities except for moving your body
from one place to another.
And it's kind of awesome.
And then a plane takes you the rest of the way.
Yeah, and then you get there and then, you know,
I'm very fortunate to go to like these places.
Like I go to New York next week and Boston.
That's gonna be so fun.
And, you know, I don't, it's not like I get to explore
the city, but I like go there and I don't know.
It's just fun, man.
I'm lucky and I'm fortunate.
I just love it.
I love it.
I get my self-worth from work,
but I also get my self-worth from when I get a boner,
I get a bunch of plates and I spin it on the top
of my boner and I just watch that
and that's when I get my other self-worth.
So it's my work and the thing with the boner and the plates.
So you're just like this, you're like this,
watching this video, you go like this?
Yeah, well I don't, yeah,
it's mainly happening on the inside, but yeah.
Yeah, but if you were going to visualize that on your face,
it would be like this.
Yeah, while they're still.
Oh, I can't.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a.
Takes all kinds.
Oh, sign up for our Patreon, patreon.com slash Lifeline
Luxury.
There are now, I mean, there's way over 50 episodes now,
including two full live shows,
which are the best episodes ever of Lifeline.
Make sure you're subscribed to that.
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Definitely go see Chris on tour.
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don't forget about the merch, the lifelinemer patreon.com slash Matt D'Elia. And of course, of course, of course,
don't forget about the merch, the lifelinemerch.com.
Sick, isn't it?
Dude, Billy woke up the other day
and he said his first sentence.
And he said, he said, Peaty pooped.
He said, Peaty poo.
He goes, Peaty poo.
And he pointed to the poop.
Peaty is the other, our new dog. Oh, oh, oh wow. Peaty's, wait, and he pointed to the poop. Petey is the other, our new dog.
Oh, oh, oh wow.
Petey's, wait, whoa, I'm so behind.
I knew you got a dog.
Yeah.
Its name is Petey?
Okay.
It's about brother, had it for three months,
about brother.
Yes, Petey and he goes, pee pee, poop.
It was really cute.
And that's, his first sentence was about shitting.
So that's cool.
Nice.
Yeah, that's a good one for him to remember.
He'll like that.
He has bad behavior.
Oh, well, yeah.
Dude, I said that to my wife.
I said that to Kristen and I was like,
cause she's like, well, I want to get a dog.
And I was like, if we get this dog, it's your dog.
You, I don't want him eating to the couch
and shitting all over the rugs.
You just gotta train him.
And she's like, okay.
And he's just shitting all over the house, eating cords.
And I'm like, and I'm like, babe, what the heck you said?
And she was like, he's a puppy.
It'll, I'll get it.
It'll, this is what puppies do.
I'll fix it.
And I'm like, oh, all right.
I didn't know it was gonna be like months of him just
shitting and eating stuff that I want to have and keep.
You know?
Why was there shit in Billy's, you said he woke up?
Yeah, he, we were, it's hard to explain, but well,
not really, but we were all sleeping in the same room because
We were switching beds out and doing all this stuff and we put two mattresses together was really cute
And then she got up did something Calvin got up and went downstairs and then I woke up with
Billy and he just says peepee pooped. It was really cute. God. It was so cute
I'll kiss my son so much. I don't care. I fucking love him, dude.
Yeah.
Oh, man. I love him. I love both of them. Oh, I love both of them, dude.
What if for the next 50 whole minutes, you just kept saying you love your son?
I could. I could.
I didn't say a word.
Not only that I could. Not only I could, I could also listen to a dad talk about his sons for fucking 50 minutes like that.
That's how much I love my sons because I would hear the dad and be like,
that's how I feel only I think I feel more than that. But whatever.
So competitive.
Yeah, I mean, I don't want to get a fucking thing but.
One thing that does annoy me, I will say about parents and kids is whenever I see a parent
being like, like not paying attention to their kid. I will say about parents and kids is whenever I see a parent
like being like, like not paying attention to their kid. Right. Oh.
It's like, dude.
Well, you can't pay attention all the time though.
Of course. But I mean,
what I mean is like treating them like they're.
Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
No, that's, that's crazy.
You know?
That's really weird.
Yeah.
But yeah. Have I talked about my special here?
My special is out. I don't know if I talked about it special here? My special's out.
I don't know if I talked about it here last time,
but you could go watch Grow or Die on YouTube,
on the Crystal Leah channel, go to do that.
And then all your comments are awesome.
And thank you very much.
Really sweet.
It's so funny, I saw a comment the other day,
it was like, this dude's tailoring comments.
And I'm like, yeah, dude, it seems like I am,
but I really appreciate all the nice comments.
Oh, like they're all good comments?
Yeah.
I keep waiting for the haters, but I really appreciate you guys.
Dude, tailoring comments.
On the live chat on one of my streams the other day, for whatever reason, there was
a bunch of people on this particular one, and I was interacting with a lot of them.
And this one guy, his name was Anthony.
And I thought it might have been this Anthony.
Was it you Anthony?
What?
Oh, so him dude, not even paying attention.
Has to do one thing and that's pay attention now.
It's not me.
Oh.
I mean, couldn't.
Know what was said though.
Oh.
I mean, dude, you know if you did it or not. I left comments on your shit, but not.
Oh, dude, would be in jail for life.
Like you don't know.
You need to go to how to seem innocent when
you are in this in school. Dude need to go to how to seem innocent when you are innocent school, dude
Would go to jail for life. It would be in jail in
Innocent in jail and and just like well, yeah
He and and the judge dude their lawyer would be like look you were just so stupid
Talking about it. You sounded so stupid and you couldn't have sounded more guilty And there's nothing I can do even though we have exculpatory evidence
that places you not even in the same country.
You literally went, duh.
So you have to be in jail for life.
And frankly, as your lawyer, I agree.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, and you're getting the death penalty. This guy, Anthony, who apparently wasn't this Anthony,
was like, why are you responding to all these fake accounts?
And I was like, and then he kept writing the same comment
over and over again.
And I was like, oh, this is it.
This is a fake account.
You comment it online.
You comment.
Like in a live chat.
You're talking to the, he's saying you're talking
to fake profiles or whatever?
Yeah, he was like, why are you responding to,
why are you interacting with these other people?
How would you know if they're fake or not?
Well, many of the ones I was responding to,
I know are not fake,
because they're subscribed to the Patreon.
Oh yeah, wow.
People are just, they wanna get,
they say stuff like, when I'm on Twitch,
they'll be like, your vocals is too low.
And they're like, no, we're not, they're just fucking with you.
It's always so annoying.
But anyway.
People do the same thing to me, wow, that's annoying.
I gotta do too.
I gotta go on YouTube live.
I go to Twitch and the people are like,
you should do YouTube.
I'm like, I don't know.
Okay, anyway. Yeah, do it.
Okay.
Well, you wanna get started or what?
Yeah, let's go, let's go, let's go.
So happy. Hi, brothers's go, let's go. So happy.
Hi, brothers.
Matt, you look great.
Chris, you have a little something right here.
I was wondering if you could help me settle a seven-year-long debate I have with my girlfriend.
We have a silverware organizer with four slots.
I think it should go steak knives, butter knives, forks, all spoons. She thinks it should go all knives, so butter knives
and sharp knives, forks, small spoons, slightly bigger spoons. Not serving spoons, just different
sizes of spoons. She thinks it's easy to just grab a sharp or butter knife if they're all
mixed together, but harder to choose your wanted spoon
from a mishmash of spoons.
So the advice is much appreciated.
Any guidance would just be incredibly helpful
on what you guys think you would do.
Thank you.
That is so tricky.
I think about this almost all the time I open up the drawer
because I kind of don't, I just put shit in there.
I mean like-
You don't put them in specific slots?
I do, I do however
Those slots will change like if I use all of them
And I have all of the forks in the dish, you know, you have to mix it up
No, but no, no, no if I have all the forks in the dishwasher
And they're none of them are there and all the spoons. Yeah, i'm like, oh, I don't remember what goes where so i'll choose a new
One for all the forks or that like, oh, I don't remember what goes where, so I'll choose a new one for all the forks
or all the spoons.
That's crazy that you don't know.
Yeah, I think the knives are on the left, but I don't.
Generally, knives go on the left, yeah.
Oh, OK.
In your experience.
But right now, I have the sharp knives with the butter knives
I know.
But there's two slots for the knives.
We have to figure it out.
I just don't care enough, honestly.
I don't care enough.
That's what the answer is.
But I think that probably what you should do
is keep the sharp knives solo because of just not
that it's a big safety issue, but you would think.
Potentially getting caught.
What's weird is that you would imagine,
I think it's kind of a universal thing.
We're generally speaking, there are
four slots for these things.
Generally speaking.
And what would the maker of the thing say?
Well, probably you could chat chibi-tea it, honestly.
Right, yeah.
But yeah, that is interesting, because there's
way more than just four versions of it.
There's a steak knife, butter knife, big spoon, small spoon,
big fork, small fork, sporks, shovel, mini shovels.
Ice cream scooper.
I actually do have one of those.
I have an ice cream, it says dad's ice cream spoon
or something, wow, that's hilarious that I have that.
See?
I never used it.
But I think I would-
Feels too special.
Put all the spoons together, frankly.
Really?
And have the knives be separate, yeah.
I don't think little-
Yeah, so you're saying you agree with him.
Yeah, but he's saying they have all spoons that are not,
like, of a set.
They're all different kinds of spoons.
Oh, well then.
Then I might swing.
Each spoon gets its own slot.
Exactly.
No, like little spoons and then all different kinds of spoons.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
Anthony right now is like this.
Uh.
Yeah.
That's a good question, though.
It's a good question.
I honestly feel a little stumped, and I Yeah. That's a good question, though. It's a good question.
I honestly feel a little stumped,
and I think you're both a little bit right.
If I'm being totally honest, I think you're both a little bit
right.
I think that something has to do.
It's fucked up the way they do it.
There should be more slots, but whatever.
Yeah, well, that's definitely true.
I got a haircut last week, and it's really settling in.
You, we argued about this before.
You said a new haircut looks good right away,
and I said it needs to settle in.
No, if a new haircut is done right, yeah.
But if it's so rare, even if it's done right,
you need a day or two at least.
No, if you have a person you go to, they do it good.
If you're going to different places to get your haircut,
yeah, you probably have to have it settle in.
And last time, my person who cuts my hair that I love,
who's great, she's awesome, I said a trim,
and I thought she did it too short,
but then a few days later I was like, you know what?
Actually it's fine, so it's settled in.
So she was kinda like, I don't mind if it's too short.
Do you?
I don't mind it, because I know it's gonna grow out,
and here's what I think.
Immediately I go, oh, dude, awesome.
I don't have to go for even longer.
Yeah.
Because I'd rather go to the dentist and get my hair cut.
Now, I like the person that cuts my hair, Cher.
She's really sweet.
And I like talking to her.
But I just hate the feeling of wet hair.
I hate it.
I'd rather go to the dentist. Yeah, no I hate it. I'd rather go to the dentist.
Yeah, no, I would.
I'd rather be at the dentist.
I find the dentist calming.
I know that's crazy.
I find the dentist absolutely chill.
It's like the same thing where I feel like traveling.
I'm like, all I have to do is sit here and get the shit done.
And I don't feel that way with a haircut for some reason.
All that wet hair.
But, um.
I hate getting my hair cut,
but I also hate going to the dentist.
I hate going to anything where they're like doing shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, primping.
Get the fuck off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, next one.
Sup, Matt and Chris.
I've got a roommate who lets people walk
all over him all the time.
Oh, no.
He's this heavy, bald, 23, 24 year old guy. He's
desperate for romance, for a relationship. He's never had one, he's
never kissed a girl. Pitching a script. But he's a really nice guy, he's got great
style, swag. Pitching a script. Yeah he's a good dude. Look at Don Cheadle type. He's kind of super woke in part I think
to get favor with woke and I did
and
Recently he went to a party who's invited to this girl's house who he's interested in
Romantically, this is gonna be bad. He shows up and there's a gay guy there who starts hitting on him fuck so woke
Which you know happens, but yeah
Didn't say anything didn't tell him he was straight
And
They sit down to watch a movie on the couch gay guy comes over and sits by and puts his arm around him
Still doesn't say anything
Okay, so they start watching the movie, gay guys starts cuddling up with him like all
over him cuddling him and he doesn't do anything.
And then he comes home and he's all depressed and sad that this quote happened to him.
Oh my god, what a big front of the girl that he's interested in dating which is
crazy bro and oh my god that guy is so I just want to know what you guys think I
should say to him in order to help him yeah I have a question for himself a
genuine control of situations like that have a little more confidence. Yeah. Oh my God. Suck me blind.
And Chris, love the special dude.
Everybody go watch it.
Matt, been binging private record while I run.
Hope you guys are well.
Thank you, man.
Bye.
Dude.
You guys got a cool voice.
Yeah.
I wanted to, the question I had was,
and let me finish this sentence before I even, before you judge me, how are you even friends
with somebody like this?
But I started thinking about it and I was like,
oh, I actually know 100 people like this.
So the whole...
You were saying he was going along with it
because he's woke.
I don't think one has to do with the other.
No, I know.
Well, no, no, no, no, no, well, no.
It doesn't technically, but those people who are subject to
what the right would call the woke virus, you know,
are people who are bitches like that.
Like that are like, they're victims.
You know what I mean?
They're just perpetual victims.
And they're like, oh, well,
I guess I'm not going to stand up for myself.
Like dude, that's all your fault.
That's all your fault.
You didn't give the guy a sign that you didn't want to.
That's all your fault.
Say, oh, hey, bud, I'm not gay.
Well, yeah.
I mean, if someone, this goes for straight gay, anyone.
If someone that you are not attracted to yeah
Picks a pass at you making a pass at you. Yeah, whether they're like your type or even the gender
You're attracted to in general. Yeah, you
100 000 gajillion percent reserve the right to in whatever way you prefer
Let them know.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I'm so sick of the-
Why would you not do that?
Cause-
That's not, I don't think this is a kind of person.
This is like really unique to me.
This is a kind of person.
Like this person will be like, you know,
I don't know if this person will do it,
but like somebody like this will be like,
oh, he made me uncomfortable.
Dude, fucking speak up. I don't know if this person would do that,
but there's so many people.
Like, dude, the whole, like, you have to say, hey,
you're an adult, dude.
Hey, I don't want to do that.
It's so annoying.
It was like, I never said yes.
It's like, say no.
This is different than that, even further than that,
because she's not even gay.
Yeah, he's not
gay and the woman he is into the reason he's there is there well he's got no
chance now with that chick I mean just zero chance she probably thinks he's
fucking gay even if she I'll tell you what even worse yeah if she doesn't
think that even worse if she knows he better pray she thinks he's gay.
Yeah.
That's the only chance he gets for slipping it in.
Yeah.
I mean, dude, are you kidding me?
Oh, you just let a guy rub his cock all over your leg?
Well, that's not.
No, I know.
But you're cuddling.
So technically, there's just denim in between.
So you let a guy rub your cock on, rub his cock on your quadricep.
Or if you're a black woman, quadricept.
And you literally are just gonna,
you're not gay?
Oh dude, jail for you.
It's so weird.
That's really interesting.
I would be so mad at my fucking friend if he did that.
I'd be like, bro.
I've had gay guys make a pass at me.
That's fine.
Never get up on me, so to speak.
I've had women do the same,
and I understand, but I guess because it's a woman
and I'm attracted to women, I'm less like, like fucking don't, I'm not interested,
but like you kind of slide away.
Either way, what I'm saying is whether it's really,
really subtle or really, really blatant,
you make it stop somehow.
Why did you have to keep sitting on the couch?
Why did you have, this is mind blowing.
The movie was so dope though.
It was tripple X, you know?
I watched this fucking, I watched The Working Man
with, what's his name?
Jason Statham.
Jason Statham, dude, it was so dope.
It was better than Meat Keeper.
So.
Oh man, I think I'm getting a little angry
because I feel so bad for this guy,
if I'm being totally honest.
Like, he's so clueless that the girl he likes,
while she's there, he's just letting a guy
who he's not attracted to because he's not gay,
like, get up all on him and in his shit.
But what would even be the reason to let that happen?
I can't stand people bro. That drives me nuts. Dude, you're if or maybe you're gay and that's fine,
but dude. But apparently he's not though right? Because this is what happens with a guy like this.
He's gonna now get all resentful and be like fucking that guy god damn it's so annoying.
Bro you're the annoying one. Just fucking get up.
You're not gay, bro.
Even if you're extremely awkward,
all you have to say is, oh, I'm sorry, I'm not gay.
That alone would end it.
But dude, even if you don't like confrontation, get up.
Right, right.
Go potty, bro.
Yeah, go potty, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's just, this is maddening, bro.
Go potty, and if you want to be super subtle, go potty, come back, sit somewhere else.
Yeah.
On the opposite side of the couch.
Or just hook up with him.
Hey bro, you're gay.
How about?
Here's the thing, the guy's asking what advice he should give.
I'm bad to ask, because I'm mad.
Yeah, I'm a little mad, but I'm less mad.
Give me his number, give me the fucking guy's number.
I just think that like doing I don't know him.
But like sometimes.
If this guy's your friend, I think you should probably be like, hey, man,
like I've been thinking about the thing you told me.
And like, I think you really need to like start like standing up for like like yeah exactly like like owning whatever you are whether in a
situation you're uncomfortable like whether like you feel like insecure about
the way you look or like in that situation with that guy like just like
move forward inside your own skin and brain whatever that is like if a guy's
getting all up on you and you're not gay,
it's so simple, make it stop somehow.
If a girl that you like doesn't like you back,
it's so simple.
She doesn't like you back and she's not gonna like you back.
So you have to keep like trying.
Like there's no other thing besides just being the thing
that you are, you get one body, you get one mind,
that's it, then you die.
So like all it is, it's just a matter of time
against a ticking clock, whether you accept that or don't.
But like, you only get one go, dude.
Fucking stop like, not being you.
Stop letting guys put their fucking dicks
on your quadricep.
In his specific instance, that would be a good price.
Even though there's denim or sweat in between,
sweat's in between, dude.
Don't let guys rub their penis on your leg.
Next.
Dude, it's just like,
well, whatever, you know.
Hey, dude. I mean, maybe.
Oh, congratulations, you hooked up with a guy.
Hey, dude.
Congratulations, man.
Either you're gay or not, you hooked up with a guy.
Can't say he didn't.
Great.
I'm not one night.
How many people have you hooked up with? Don't forget to add the guy too.
If it's nine, it's 10.
Great.
I mean, maybe there's a version of reality where this guy's like so timid.
Yeah, that's fine.
But then in that case, don't honestly go over friends' houses.
But you got to socialize.
It sucks, dude.
I just like...
I think you're getting mad for understandable reasons, but I think underneath the anger
is like actual sympathy for the guy.
Yeah, sure.
I mean like, you know, you, you, you, it's just like, I'm trying to think of like, you know, because I did,
I talked about this, the people who like,
I'm on congratulations, I talked about the people
who like are, who like pretend they're autistic.
You know, some people like are like so,
and like on the spectrum, like so barely barely that and then they're just like
dude hey I'm autistic and you're like yeah but no don't don't do that go to work and
then and then you know so it's like it's like at some point you can't use that, oh, this is just how I am thing. Fucking, dude, a guy rubbed his cock on you.
Shape up.
Hey dude, you watched a movie on a couch
with a girl and a guy, a girl you like,
and you ended up hooking up with the guy.
That's so weird, actually.
I'm assuming there were more than just the three of them there, but like that's such
a weird scenario where you go because you're interested in this girl.
She invites you and what ends up happening is there happens to be a gay guy there who
gets all up in your shit while you're watching a movie and you don't know how to get out
of it so you just let it happen.
Also, you seem gay.
That's why he did that.
Hey, you now have a boyfriend, okay?
You have a boyfriend and that's fine.
Dude, now I like you better.
You're just a gay guy.
You're not a guy who's like, I don't know.
At least you know.
Congratulations.
Have a boyfriend and then cheat on him with a man.
Cause you're just so gay.
Oh dude, no, come on.
And, yeah.
He's asking on behalf of his friend anyway,
he's not gonna hear it.
He wants to know what the advice is
he should give his friend.
I think it's what-
Got none.
I think it's what I said.
My advice is-
Rewind it.
Stroke guys from now on.
What if he, what if this guy enjoyed the affection of somebody, anybody, even though it was a guy? Uh huh.
Gay.
That's fine. Did he have a dick? Gay. No, I get it. Affection's great. Do you have a dick? OK. Oh.
Dude, I just like affection. Hey.
I mean, then you're doing it.
Blow it in me.
Yeah, dude.
Oh, fuck, I love affection.
Then you're dealing with someone who's like got chronic issues. I'm not gay. Of some kind of loneliness or self-resemblance.
I don't know, but then you've got a real case of somebody that your advice might be immaterial.
If you're so lonely that you're gay, that's crazy.
That's wild.
I am so lonely.
That's not what he's positing.
I'm gay now.
That's a solve to not being lonely.
I'm not gay.
I'm not gay.
I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I am so lonely, I'm gay now.
Like that's a solve to not being lonely?
Yeah, I do think some people are so lonely that they're gay.
I do think that.
I can't get women.
I've definitely never had that thought.
I'm gay.
That's possible, I guess.
No, I don't.
Yeah, maybe.
I don't know. That's uncharted territory for my brain. I't. Yeah, maybe. I don't know.
That's uncharted territory for my brain.
I have to think about that.
Yeah, I don't know.
I just, I have no advice.
Hey, I have no advice for you.
But I do have advice for this.
Your friend's the gay guy.
I recommend what I said, which is what I said before.
I'm not gonna say it again.
Okay, next.
Well.
Hey, Chris and Matt.
Hello.
About to go pick up my son from Pre-K, but I had a question.
If I like to watch like horror movies and like-
Movies with whores?
Just twisted, like dark films.
Yeah, think about this all the time.
Which is like what I really like,
and also like true crime, a lot of true crime.
I think about this all the time and
Like those videos where they show the interrogations of like the killers and like
Anyway, I think about this am I a bad person for liking that
Because that's like basically everything I watch I mean I don't watch like
Rom coms or anything like that like Like some comedy, obviously, I like you guys.
But yeah, let me know.
Am I a bad person for that?
You're definitely a bad person for watching this podcast.
But I will say, I think about this all the time, dude.
Like, you know how much true crime and,
I mean, bro, horrific movies.
I watch movies where like people like
get their heads sawed off and I'm just like.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Like in any other before the video or film, if you saw that,
you'd be like, there'd only be before and after.
And dude, everybody in the world now will watch a movie where a guy
gets a spike in a guy has,
it gets a spike in his P hole, a closeup. And they're like,
this is how they watch it. Yeah. It's like, that's that.
I think about this all the time and I, and it's, it's,
it's, it has to be not, it can't be right, bro. Uh, you know,
I woke up in the middle of the night
and Kristen had a podcast on.
It was like, by the way, put the fucking timer
on your podcast and have it turn off eventually.
Kristen will just leave it up.
And it was like, bro, it was so horrific,
what they were talking about, that I was like,
I woke up tired as fuck.
It was like 5 a.m. And I'm like, oh, I'll just go back to sleep.
And then I'm like, oh my God.
Oh, fuck.
I had to go over to stop it and go back to sleep.
And I couldn't even get back to sleep, dude.
And I'm like, that's, and that was when I really
started thinking about it.
I'm like, dude, if I'm like even listening
to that shit in my sleep. And now look, I can't stress this enough.
I would never kill someone, ever.
Even like self-defense, I guess I'd have to,
but like, dude, I would never, okay?
But still, it's gotta fuck you up on a deep, deep level.
I'm not saying it's gonna turn you into a killer,
but like, yeah, I don't think you're a bad person for it
because you're bad, you know, you're not bad
because of your thoughts or, you know, you're bad
because of what you do.
But man, I think about that all the time.
I'm right there with you.
So with scripted horror films,
I think
it's a different thing than it is with true crime podcasts
and those kinds of docudrama shows,
where it's just like you see the crime scene,
you learn about the victims, you get the gruesome reports
about exactly what happened to the flesh on there, whatever.
Those things are way different to me
than some scripted horror movie like Hostel Tube
where a guy's dick gets sawed off.
Great piece.
It's just like, it's apples and oranges to me.
I think the horror films that you go into knowing it's fake,
100% knowing it's fake, changes it tremendously.
It might desensitize you to the kind of thing you're seeing but it it it's it actually is on
What it's offering is catharsis from either fear of violence happening to you
Animal feelings of violence you've had towards others that you would never ever commit but you
Underneath everything in your lizard brain feel like it's offering you catharsis in a number of ways
everything in your lizard brain feel. Like it's offering you catharsis in a number of ways.
The true crime stuff, the gruesome crime scene stuff,
the real stuff is where I get a little bit confused
because like there are periods, well one period,
where I was really interested in true crime stuff
and I would listen to it rather often.
And then just one day-
I fucking killed someone.
I was like, this is just just horrible.
Right, right, right.
And all I'm doing is feeling horrible.
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
So I don't know, I'm not saying you are bad because you don't come to that realization,
but that I don't have an answer for.
The scripted stuff I do, it seems pretty straightforward, but like, dude, I don't know about the real stuff and there's so much of it you click on one of those
videos on YouTube you'll get like 80,000 just like it and the amounts of
horrible crimes are endless someone on my stream the other day was that we
were talking about this this new serial killer in New England that they think
there is and and this person chimed in and was like, oh my God, my best friend's boyfriend
killed her and ate her.
And I was like, oh, OK, no, that didn't happen.
And then she says, yeah, look up this person, this person.
And I Googled it and the first name, nothing came up.
Then she was like, no, you have to Google it with this name.
So then I did both names.
This guy, there's a picture of him in a courtroom,
and he killed his girlfriend.
With a bib on.
And when the fucking police showed up,
there was an ear boiling in water,
and a plate with bone and skin and blood
and a fork and knife in it.
And it's just like, dude, no, absolutely not, that's real.
No, don't ever think about that or show that just like, dude, no, absolutely not. That's real, no.
Don't ever think about that or show that
or like fucking talk about that, no.
You know what I mean?
It's real, you know, people see that
and they're like, well, fuck.
The depravity.
You know?
The depravity.
It's wild.
But yeah.
Let's call this episode the depravity.
Okay.
Dude, that is so I mean just like
also, I had to like dig to find it like it was like
How much crazy shit could there possibly be going on the world wide the first thing I Google that thing doesn't come well
That is crazy that that's not
Yeah worldwide news. Well, that's what I'm saying. Like there's, that's just like a fucking diamond dozen.
Oh yeah, and there was a guy who was boiling
his girlfriend's ear in air.
Yep.
Oh my God.
Just like, I mean, you know?
Yeah.
That really happened.
Craziest.
Also, a ear is just cartilage.
You're not gonna, you can't.
If the water was left unboiled,
the ear would have dissolved, you know?
But the cops happened to come in
when the ear was in the boiling pot, I guess.
So it was, you're saying it was, wait, what?
The cops came and I don't know why they were there.
I don't know what happened to make them go there.
But at the crime scene, they found the guy who did it.
It was his home.
In a pot of boiling water was the woman
who he was dating's ear
on a plate with bone and sinewy flesh and blood
and a fork and knife was like a part of her leg or arm.
Oh, so the ear wasn't.
And her body was somewhere else on the premises.
So the ear wasn't in the boiling.
No, the ear was in the boiling water.
The water was at a boil and the ear was floating on top of it
because he was preparing to eat.
I don't fucking know.
Was you.
Why do you boil an ear?
Was you.
Well, to make it soft.
Maybe she was hard of hearing.
Oh, god.
I had that from when she first said it.
And I was like, I'm not going to say it,
because I hate jokes like that.
And I like jokes like that.
I couldn't help myself.
The guy on the stand that did it.
If that's how he admitted it.
I couldn't.
I couldn't help myself, man.
I love ears.
So anyway.
But yeah, there are people who are really twisted.
If you're thinking, am I a bad person for this?
You're probably just not a bad person is the answer.
So. Okay, next one. Hey not a bad person, is the answer.
OK, next one.
Hey, Matt.
Hey, Chris.
I need your advice on something.
I need to bring up to my manager that a certain process in place
at my work is not working.
I work for a project management company.
Oh, the sunglasses.
Those are cool.
All of our work that we have to do needs to go to a reviewer.
That person reviews your work, gives it back to
you with any suggested edits, and then you give it back to them to make sure the edits
were completed. And then this person will come back to you and say, yep, you're good
to go. And you can proceed with the next steps of your project. It takes way too long. It's
pretty micromanage if you ask me. And so I want to bring this up in a way where I'm not
complaining or I'm not trying to get this person in trouble to say you know
they're too slow but like I have shit to do and I can't keep waiting around so
what do you think how would you bring this up to your manager this person so
Chris come to Los Angeles California thanks I mean Los Angeles California I
was just at the Laugh Factory I think she's kidding oh because you always say
that and you're like I was just there okay I. I think she's kidding. Oh, you think? Because people always say that and you're like, I was just there.
Oh, okay.
I don't think she is, but maybe.
Whatever.
How could she not be kidding?
You're always in L.A.
True, either way.
This is like a Will Smith character, like Hitch.
I don't like when they create a job that doesn't exist.
What it sounds like to me is that the best thing
you could do to your manager is say,
hey, you wanna save money?
Yeah. Get rid of, make that job redundant.
Yeah.
This person is basically just checking up, babysitting me,
and I'm 30.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So like, you know.
Or make this person part time.
They come in, they do their work for three hours,
they check all the things I did.
Right.
And like, make their hours less.
Like, take it, frame it like, hey, I
think I actually have a way to like make this office
more efficient, AKA make you spend less money.
Right, and then in essence,
fuck that person out of a livelihood.
Well, yeah, basically you would be doing that,
which is something to consider, but you know,
a lot of the world right now is like,
especially at colleges, it's like making up
categories of things for jobs that don't exist yet or even like areas of study that don't exist yet because like
there's just too many people and it's like, well, we got to create more things for people
to do and you know, this might be one of those scenarios where it's actually out of business
or someone created a job that
Wasn't actually necessary or maybe was at a time but now it's like just kind of getting in the way and right some right
I keep it that guy fucking cuddled with a dude
Yeah, that's gonna stick in your crop probably for the rest of your life
And you're what?
Crawl sticking your craw. What's that? You never heard that expression? I don't know. Where does that expression come from?
Stuck in your craw.
Where does it come from?
Your craw is like your mouth. Is it something like stuck in your mouth? Like a thorn in your side?
Yeah, it's like a thorn in your side, but it's like something that...
Yeah, I've heard thorn in your side. Oh, it was already there. It was already there. It was already there.
It was already there.
It was right there.
Stuck in your craw means to be greatly annoyed
or bothered by something causing a lasting resentment
or feeling of being wrong.
I don't know about that.
It's not your mouth.
Origin, there it is.
The phrase originates from the craw of a bird,
a preliminary stomach where food is partially digested.
The image is that something is stuck in your stomach,
causing discomfort and lingering irritation.
Damn.
I already.
Damn, Google AI.
That was the most impressive I've ever seen Google AI.
Usually Google AI sucks.
It's getting better.
Yeah.
All right, wow.
Okay, I never heard of that.
Now we know.
You never even heard of it.
Now you know where it comes from.
Well, maybe I've heard.
I mean, I don't remember it registering it.
I don't remember registering it.
Yeah. Okay. of it now you know what maybe I've heard I mean I don't remember it registering it I don't remember registering it yeah um okay nice well I mean that's it a sex tape so I got that recently
remind me while I put my pants back on yeah anyways my question for you today is about bathroom
etiquette so it's very common in Eastern Europe households,
Eastern European households to have slippers
or to put on slippers before you go into a bathroom.
The way I like to do it and the way I think it's courteous
is by leaving them like so,
so that the next person can just simply slip them on
and come into the bathroom.
However, the people that I live with,
they leave the bathroom and they put them on,
or they take them off like this.
And it complicates things for the next person.
That way, oh, you know, you can't,
you can't put on very easily.
You have to bend down, you know,
just slip them around the door.
You have to turn your whole body. So it's just, it's super inconvenient. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, stupid thing to contemplate about, let me know. But what, do you guys share slippers?
You share slippers?
That seems like it to me.
I guess so.
Yeah.
Because those are like bathroom slippers, right?
That's disgusting.
But it's like, yeah.
The whole thing seems gross.
The whole thing's gross.
But it's custom, like who, what the fuck?
People's problems are so inconsequential, like this guy.
No, I mean, well, I mean, not if, well, yeah, no,
this is pretty nothing.
It's minor, but I get it.
It's like how to put the toilet paper on the toilet roll.
Some people are like, what are you talking about?
And it's like, no, there's a way to do it.
Yeah, yeah, this is exactly like that.
The available paper has to be on outward facing part,
not the inside.
What about athlete's foot though, dude?
That's weird to sit, it was the same.
And also, you know, slippers in the bathroom
makes sense for sure,
because there's piss everywhere in the bathroom.
But also that was a crazy looking bathroom.
Eastern Europe is wild, huh?
Well, I couldn't even tell.
It looked like a jail cell.
I couldn't even tell if it was cement or carpet.
It was cement.
The whole thing was cement and there was a toilet
and like all the like bottles of things
were just on the ground along in a row.
Like there's no cabinets or anything.
There's no medicine cabinet or anything.
I think that that's where they filmed Saw.
Yeah, that's like a basically like a hostile movie
was shot.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, I guess.
Nothing against whatever this maybe this is how we roll
in Eastern Europe and I love my Eastern European friends.
But to answer just your question,
it's completely annoying to do it the way
your friends do it, and completely right the way you do it.
But the question is, how do you bring it up with them?
That's difficult, because to bring up, for instance,
the toilet paper thing that I just mentioned,
some people are like, wait, what are you even talking about?
And you come off like a nitpicky Nancy,
you know what I'm saying?
But it just depends on how much it bothers you.
If it really bothers you,
then it's worth bringing up with the understanding
that they might be like, oh God, this guy's so annoying.
How does he want us to do it?
But like, if it's worth it to you.
I mean, but they might be like, oh, it's annoying
to leave the bathroom and have to turn around. Because I I mean, you've got to do the work either way.
But I guess it's more, it is definitely more courteous the way you're suggesting.
Yeah, and I think that it's more of going to the bathroom is more frequently, you need to do it with speed than getting out of the bathroom, right?
Ah, that's the selling point right there.
That's the ultimate point, yeah.
That's the selling point right there. That's the ultimate point, yeah. That's the selling point. If you're ever in a hurry one way or the other,
it's going to be going into the bathroom.
So the place to minimize time on either side
is when you're going in.
Therefore, the slippers should be the way
you suggest they should be.
What a great selling point.
Unless you go into the bathroom and then a fire starts,
and you're gonna have to really run out of that bathroom
really fast, but probably the slippers are secondary. Or you go into
the bathroom and there's a guy with a chainsaw saying I'm gonna kill you as soon as you're done shitting.
Let me know when you're on your last wipe I'm coming in.
Yeah. But the slippers the right way?
All different circumstances than what's normal. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay, so yeah, you're right
Yeah, you are right. Yeah, just gotta bring it up the right way and I think you should bring it up
Chris and Matt man Chris the shit. I'm not here training for my next hundred mile race. It's a bragging
anyway, so I just finished a
Draft for a fiction novel. Oh, I got it Forrest Gump. It's pretty much ready to go.
Damn.
I'm trying to decide if I should pursue a traditional publication route or if I should
self-publish SADRUK.
So I'd just like to hear what your thoughts are on that.
I don't know if you guys have any experience in that area, but let me know what you think.
See ya.
What?
If you guys know any agents or?
Oh, dude, he's, he used the terms that we used correctly.
Congratulations on that.
That never happens.
Oh yeah, that's true.
Well, it doesn't never happen, but.
Well, one, the answer is what do you want
out of this experience?
Do you want your book to be available to people?
Just self-publish.
Do you want a career as a novelist?
You might still end up wanting to self-publish eventually,
but you should at least try going the route
that aspiring novelists go through,
which is a route I don't even know
what that is anymore, honestly.
But there is a way.
But it's obviously highly competitive.
If it's a YA book, you should try going that way because those are the kinds of books that
really sell.
If it's like a drama about your fucking dying goose, then like-
Worst book.
I don't think you should go that route.
You know?
I mean, I might read that.
It's called Goose with Cancer.
I would definitely read that.
It's the last...
Oh!
It's such a crap shoot.
It's called the last...
Oh!
There's a book I read called E E E.
That's just a dolphin.
No.
The writer's name is Tao Lin. E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E- Ah, not listening. Oh, go fucking, nah, just found out you fucked his wife. Ha ha ha ha.
What?
Ha ha ha.
Because the E, because of the E E E thing.
What book?
Realized the book was left at her house
and then he fucked her.
Right, right, right, it's just like,
like it's all playing out in his head.
The book E E E.
E E E E, the dolphin sound,
I mean, couldn't sound more crazy.
That's why he named it that.
So everyone that says it has to sound like a fucking idiot.
No.
Which is kind of a cool troll.
Well, you know if you're right or not not so did you read it? Yeah, no idea
Tell in do you know that writer towel in Scott? I don't think so. Okay. Well, no, here's the other bottom line
Mm-hmm being a novelist. Is it it's either a dead thing or a dying thing. Yeah, I know
One of my best friend's sisters has had four or five published novels now.
Spraggan.
She barely gets by.
And this is someone who's published four or five books.
Like it's not, you know, the days of Hemingway are gone, my friend.
So cocked, that sentence.
So self-published.
If I heard anybody say that sentence,
I'd beat the shit out of him.
Also, self-publishing now actually
is a route that can be successful, which is crazy.
But Amazon has made that possible.
So.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Yeah.
Well, I don't.
But how come people who walk miles and stuff,
they're always like, I'm gonna write a book, you know,
it's because it gets so bored on the walk.
They're like, I should write something.
They come up with the whole story while they're on a hike.
People who walk a lot, write a lot.
Is that true?
Yeah. Interesting.
Yeah, I'm a fucking,
I think of really great stuff like that.
Oh, nice.
I mean, also though, writing a book a book you know people say they're gonna
write a book write like two pages and then never finish. Well he finished it.
Yeah exactly. So that alone is actually something worth. You wrote a book why don't you
publish your book? Yeah maybe I will. It's called Suck Me Baby. That's a porn. Ha ha ha ha ha. And you can get it on Pornhub.
Or Amazon.
All right.
Next one.
Hi Chris and Matt.
Hi.
Letty calling in again.
I have a little update about the people parking
by the entrance of our driveway.
Oh yeah.
We found the perfect solution and it was to move.
So now we're in a new place that's so much better anyway.
So good for you for that.
But I'm calling in for something else.
I need some work advices.
There's something that people do sometimes.
So I work at a corporate office with cubicles and all that.
And my desk is by
like a little pathway that people walk by a lot so people walk by and say hi but
they'll be like hi how are you doing or like hi how's your weekend but like keep
walking as they ask the question. So by the time the question is over there like on the other side of the like pathway. Don't answer. So it's like hey how was your weekend? Wow. And I'm just like oh they uh
okay bye. Yeah. Like I feel like I shouldn't even answer if they're all the way over there but I also
don't want to be rude. Right. No it's not rude. They're being rude. So what would you guys do?
Dude that's actually hilarious. Would you ask a question and then walk away as you're asking it?
No.
No, you know what I would do?
I 100% have something.
Would you answer them?
Like follow them?
Be like, oh, I had a good weekend.
Thanks, Russ.
She gets up and just goes down the hall with them.
So yeah, I want to hear your thoughts.
Let me know.
Let me know, guys.
Thank you.
You legitimately say absolutely nothing and just see what happens.
You let them walk as far as they're gonna walk.
You do not answer.
And if they stop like a few feet in front of you
or after you or whatever, you get out of your cubicle
and you look and you go like this.
See what you created?
This weirdness.
Don't do that again.
And then pop up in and finish your work.
So confrontational.
I mean, wow.
Dude, I just like, look what you did, right?
You kept walking and that's rude.
And so you're a rude person.
Look what you've created.
Anyway, I got to do these fucking,
I got to do these reports.
That's so weird that people do that.
Stop, yeah.
You have to stop if you ask somebody a question like that.
Oh dude, how about this?
Oh, I got it.
Put up a stop sign.
Put up a fucking stop sign right there.
So when they say, be like, if you obey the traffic law,
then I will have a conversation with you.
If you don't, then I'm going to give you a ticket.
I'm going to give you a ticket if you're talking.
Right?
Fake citations?
This sucks.
And they're like, why do I get a ticket?
Sorry, I just started writing it.
I mean, that is such a weird office thing.
Put up a stop sign.
I would put up a stop sign.
I would maybe start to not answer
and just make some positive sounding sound.
Cause they don't give a shit, obviously.
Like what if you had an actual answer?
They're just gonna keep going?
They're making you, they're putting you
in such a weird position.
Ask them a question.
Fuck.
God, I'm thinking of really good ideas for this one.
How was your weekend?
If it's that, say, great, how was yours?
And see what they do.
Great, what did you do?
Yeah.
So they have to stop.
Yep.
Fuck yeah.
Great, what about you?
Just so fast.
I'm doing good today.
Just really, really, really like hardcore, fast, quick, done.
Great, how are your parents? Yeah. Oh, really, really like hardcore, fast, quick, done. Great.
How are your parents?
Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh.
Well, actually, my dad and this and that, and my mom
and this and that, and this is anyway,
they'll shut the fuck up next time.
Yeah.
Yep.
I don't know.
Gave up.
I was, I don't know, I was just thinking
about how I was doing friggin' I was racing I don't know, I was just thinking about how I was doing a frigging, I was
racing my kids, I won every time, but man, they were loving it.
And I was treating it like a real race because I was like, if I'm going to do
this, I'm going to get some exercise.
And I ran fast for me.
Okay.
I'm not fast, but I ran fast for me and gave it my all.
And I was out of, out of breath. I was doing sprints, dude. Okay. I'm not fast, but I ran fast for me and gave it my all. And I was out of, out of breath. I was doing sprints, dude. Okay.
And today, now I work out today.
I'm sore in all sorts of places and it's crazy.
And I do sprint sometimes even, but for some reason in the backyard, dude,
got my midsection going real tight and I got it and I got it and I got a,
and my core is good for it. And I,
and I realized how good sprinting is for your core.
And if there are any questions beyond that, let me know.
But it feels great and I'm gonna keep doing it.
Are you boring, dude?
What?
When did that happen?
I understand that that's boring,
but I am not boring, dude. Oh, dude, you're fucking boring?
Did that just happen?
Mark Wahlberg.
And I feel like I talk about what I wanna talk about,
and I'm not boring, dude.
I watched a fucking movie the other day called Dead Male
about two guys who love the synthesizer
and they're trying to create their own synthesizer and it takes place in the
80s and they're obsessed with it and it's a horror movie and I fucking really
really enjoyed hearing them talk about the synthesizer so much for too long and
I don't like the synthesizer. I just want to hear what
people enjoy. And they were actors doing it so they must have been doing a good job.
But I love talking about what I want to talk about and that's it dude. And you
can you can make a movie about it or you can tune me out. I don't give a fuck, dude. I think sprints are good for your midsection.
I'm sorry, I'm caught up on the movie thing. What's the movie about? It's called
Deadmail. It's really good. It's a horror film? Yeah, it's on Shutter. And it's about people
trying to... Well, it's about a guy who tries to make... It's when synthesizers are
becoming like popular. Sure. And so they're, they go to this, this one guy goes to this convention because he
loves synthesizers and, and he befriends a guy who is making his own synthesizer,
but he doesn't have enough money to finish the packaging and the design and
all that, but he's really talented at it.
So he's like, I have money.
Can we partner up?
And so basically he's just paying for everything
that the guy needs and the guy's in his garage
making the, in his own garage, making the thing.
And he keeps coming over and seeing them and stuff.
And it turns into like, you have to finish this synthesizer.
And the guy's like, well, I'm going to take a job
with someone else.
And so he basically is like, no, you're never leaving.
And you have to
create the synthesizer now let's get to work and he fucking puts him in his
basement oh my god yeah it's fucking it's such a great idea for a movie. It is a good idea yeah.
And it's called deadmail and M-A-L-E? No, M-A-I-L because the guy in the
first scene is the guy escapes and And so, okay, dude, this is very interesting to me.
So dead mail is a thing.
I don't know if it's a thing anymore, I suppose it is,
but in the eighties, there were people at post offices
that their jobs were to find the stuff
that wasn't perfect mail written right,
something that was wrong,
or like something fell out of an envelope. It wasn't perfect mail, written right. Something that was wrong, or something
fell out of an envelope.
And then they're like, OK, it's my job
now to figure out who this is and who this goes to.
So they'd have a whole log of stuff.
And it's like, where did this envelope come from?
Where am I supposed to put this to?
Who do I bring it back to?
So what happens is he gets a bloody thing
that's written out, help me, I'm being trapped.
And so the guy has to find out.
The postman?
Yeah, yes, who, where this guy is.
Oh.
And who, you know, what mailboxes came from.
And it's obviously really hard.
Who's that guy? Is it about a postman in this movie?
No, it's about the two guys.
But the postman, it's a very unique movie.
I wanna watch it.
But yeah, it's on shutter.
But the movie starts with the postman
and then has nothing to do with the postman.
Oh yeah, wait a minute, Mr. Postman.
Is that in it?
No, actually no.
Okay, okay, okay. I'm still listening. It's called Dead Male. And it's good, Mr. Postman. Is that in it? No, actually no. Okay, okay, okay.
I'm still listening.
It's called Dead Male.
And it's good, dude.
I loved it.
Sounds cool.
A lo-fi 80s inspired horror thriller, yeah.
Who made it?
A Dead Letter and Investigator.
I would say Shutter Original, but.
Honestly, what that probably means is that-
I know, they bought it. They bought it, yeah. But, yeah, probably means is that. I know they bought it.
They bought it, yeah.
But, yeah, and it's like old guys, the star of it,
and he's great, and he's been in like so much.
What's the actor's name?
John Fleck, but he like, he's been,
anytime a guy's that old and the lead of a movie,
he's definitely been in Babylon 5, you know?
And like.
Look at Nick, Nick, hey man.
Where?
Yeah, on the bottom. And that guy Sterling Mase was so good. Really? I just love it, they're all old in it. It's like, Nick, hey man. Where? Yeah, on the bottom.
And that guy Sterling Mase was so good.
Really?
I just love it.
They're all old in it.
It's like, what the fuck is this movie?
Why did they make this movie?
You know?
Scroll up.
Movies like that are made because a director or writer
or producer just really wants to get it made.
Right, right.
And they want a calling card or they just love doing it.
I mean, nobody made money on it.
Everybody lost money on it.
Crew people didn't get paid enough.
I mean, there's no way this made money.
This guy looks like an American Jeffrey Rush.
Yeah, Shudder probably bought it for like $10,000 if that.
Yeah.
You think if that?
If that.
Really?
I know that for a fact.
Wow.
But they just want to get their movie out there, so they say, OK. Yeah, I mean, the filmmakers are like, Shudder? Everybody watcheshmm. Wow. I know that for a fact. Wow. But they just want to get their movie out there,
so they say, okay.
Yeah, I mean, the filmmakers are like,
shutter, everybody watches shutter.
And then I say, awesome,
and then I talk about it in front of fucking trillions
of people on this podcast.
And honestly, for real probably,
a lot of people are probably gonna watch it
just because we're talking about it.
You think so?
And the more people that that happens with,
I mean, yeah, that's how things become big.
It's a good movie.
I really honestly, besides the fact that it's a good movie,
I appreciated it because it's just,
Well, this guy's in so much shit.
It's very simple, but well done.
Hard, hard, the way that,
quite a feat that they were able to do this
on an obvious low budget.
Cool.
Yeah.
Well, all right, man.
Dead male.
This was more of a Lifeline luxury if I. This was more of a Lifeline luxury.
This was more of a Lifeline luxury.
But sign up for Lifeline luxury.
Patreon.com slash Lifeline luxury.
If this was Lifeline luxury, we'd be able to watch the trailer and all that stuff.
We'd do all the stuff that YouTube doesn't allow us to do.
Deep Space Nine. Was he on Babylon 5?
Sign up for Lifeline luxury. Thank you very much.
Star Trek Voyager? I'm so good. Was he on Babylon 5? For life flying luxury, thank you very much. Star Trek Voyager, dude, I'm so good.
I'm so good, dude.
Was he on Babylon 5?
Oh, he was on Alien Reveal, maybe dad knows him.
Maybe dad knows him.
Oh, shit, dude.
You gotta ask him.
Babylon.
He's not on Babylon 5.
Why you like that?
He likes that because you'd watch that.
Oh, dude, he was in Lois and Clark.
Northern Exposure!
In Lois and Clark.
Oh, dad's best friend!
Dad's best friend.
He's literally hanging out with dad right now.
Oh dude, he played a frog on Northern Exposure,
is this frog?
NYPD Blue!
Keep going, Babylon 5, somewhere.
Wait, they made a sequel to Midnight Run?
Scroll back up.
Yeah, Midnight Run again.
Babylon 5!
Oh come on, you looked at it.
I must have seen it.
I have no idea.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
I mean, he's in everything. Well, usually if you're on Star Trek, you're at it. I must have seen it. I have no idea. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I mean, he's in everything.
Well, usually if you're on Star Trek,
you're in Babylon five and shit.
Naked Gun 2.
His name is, wait, stop.
What?
His billing in the Naked Gun 2.5, The Smell of Fears,
if that's your attitude, forget it.
That's so weird.
Remember how that movie used to do that?
No.
It would get deeper into the credits
and there would be more obscure names for the character.
That's funny. Is it? It is funny? No. It would get deeper into the credits and there would be more obscure names for the character. That's funny.
Is it?
It is funny.
It is funny, yeah.
I can't wait till the new Liam Neeson.
Let's watch that trailer on the new one.
It's gonna be so bad.
On Lifeline Luxury.
All right.
I don't know if it will be bad.
Anyway.
Well, let's argue about it.
Okay.
Oh my God, so many credits.
All right, cool.
Good for this guy.
Shout out to John Fleck and sign up for Lifeline Luxury, patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury.
And bye.