Lifeline - 16. The Hammer of Truth

Episode Date: July 25, 2022

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Hello. Will you please? Hello. Hello. we're rolling guys okay on ecstasy did we start do i start i got something to talk about at the top no no yes i do but we talk about honestly it's it's not necessarily like, oh, you do the rules and you set the pace. We do it organically, baby. And it's all good. Are we going? Are we going? Did we start? Yeah, it started. Okay.

Well, relax. Bill O'Reilly. Well, relax. We'll do it live. So last episode, we made a mistake. And a mistake. Not me. Yeah, you.

Actually, I did. You're right. So when you asked me is, you did Breathe In, Breathe Out, the Bush thing. Yeah. And then I said, did Machine Head. Yeah, it happened. And I said they're different songs. I know.

And they're not different songs. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe in, breathe in. Got a machine head, it's better than the rest green we need retention we need retention all right now i'm sweating well yeah dude you can't start off like it was part of going to be fucking exhausted. It was part of my apology tour. It was my apology tour, dude. No, look.

I already knew the facts behind that, but I don't- Why didn't you say it when I got it wrong? Because I don't know why, dude. Because I don't care, dude. I don't care much. You don't care about the facts? This isn't an advice show. No, I care about the facts, but I know the facts.

Okay. So it's like people can think what they want, man. There's also two sides to every story. You know what I mean? I wanted to clear it up for Gavin Rossdale. Whoops. We interrupted me, but it's like people can think what they want, man. There's also two sides to every story. You know what I mean? I wanted to clear it up for Gavin Rossdale. Whoops, we interrupted me, but it's fine. For the band Bush and Bush fans alike. Yeah.

All right. So look, man, things have been going crazy well for me. And it's fine, right? How so? I don't know. Like my nose feels good. I can kind of breathe a little bit more. Breathe in, breathe out.

And I used to, when I would clog this one. Yeah. I'd almost pass out if I did it for too long. And now I do it. I have a hard time. Can you hear it? I'm going to die if I do it, if I don't move my thumb. You'd pass out, you think?

And then you pass out and then I just do the rest of it. And it's basically congratulations. So listen, dude. We sing too much on this podcast. Disagree. All right. You don't think we sing enough? I want to turn it into an advice slash- A musical, the first musical podcast?

Advice slash singing podcast. I'm going to be in Dallas, do da, do da. I'm going to be in Dallas, Augustodah doodah i'm gonna be in dallas august 26 yeah like that i'm gonna be in wichita august 27 then i'm gonna be in atlanta and washington dc and stockton cali and then oakland peoria illinois rockford illinois raleigh and savannah georgia denver and cheyenne boston twice, because people from Boston love your boy. So go to crystalia.com and get all those tickets. Also, I'll be in Albany and Lakeland, Florida,

even though that's a place that's made up and doesn't exist, and then Jacksonville. Why? For some reason. But I'm going to be there, and that's that, dude. And I'll be hitting all the fucking cities and everyone keeps saying no dude you're not gonna come to chicago you're not gonna come to new york and i got a question for you do you understand how time works yeah because it keeps going yeah and i could keep going places you think i'm only gonna do a 17 cities so tour

no dude not me you're not gonna only do a seven dude i do 70 cities and shit what do they say i find new cities that hard i find colonies i perform in that just fucking got created and shit oh okay well what do they say when they say why aren't you playing in new york do they just say that they go come on man do i really have to travel to fucking and it's like dude no just wait dude people go people are like oh man i got tickets for Dallas. And now I just found out you're going to be in Albany. I was going to fly to Dallas and see you. And it's like, just wait. Yeah.

Because time. Wait, somebody who lives in New York was going to fly to Dallas? No, no, this is an example. But yes, that does happen. Yes. Yes, that does happen. Yes, yes. Yes, that does happen.

Yes. Yes, it does happen. So this is Lifeline, the fucking critically acclaimed podcast. And we have not submitted it for any awards. Award season's coming up, though. But we're not going to, though. We might sweep. We're better than that, dude.

We don't compete, yeah. And so, yeah. Look, take a moment if you like the podcast. Subscribe to Super Cult Studios. Subscribe because we've got this. We've got congratulations. And we've got more fucking podcasts coming out. And subscribe and hit that bell notification thing.

You know what I mean, baby? Sounds good. So. Congratulations that we've got more fucking podcasts coming out. And subscribe and hit that bell notification thing. You know what I mean, baby? Sounds good. So, yeah, dude. Anyway, we're having a good time. And how's it been going with you? Oh, good. Taking too long to answer.

Fucking Barbara Walters on a bad day. Like it's fucking, what's it called? James Lipton. You asked me a question. I was fucking thinking about it. Okay. And the answer is- Trudeau. That's what Trudeau does.

I've been having a mixed week. And the reason I've been having a mixed week is- Is because it started Monday, then it went to Thursday, and then it became Tuesday. No. Dad joke. Everyone was flipping out about me singing on the last episode, loving it, thinking it was great, mistaking me for Kiedis. No.

But as I already said, I went on to mistake the Bush thing. Right. And I felt terrible about that. And so I wanted to address it at the top of the show and sing it

because everybody loves when I sing. They don't though. No, they do. We'll do a poll. Everyone write in, tell me how much you love it when I sing.

How about this, dude? If you don't like it, tell me and we'll add up. How about this? Since you're already done subscribing to Super Cult Studios, how about this? In the don't like it tell me and we'll see we'll add up how about this since you're already done subscribing to super cult studios how about this in the comments who's a better singer and who would you rather like hearing sing that's good and we'll tally them

up and at the end you'll do that dude i day shit and i'll do the fucking you know the day getting poked in the butt by a fucking a really really large fucking object well so uh i don't know dude you know i drove here and it's all good and my nose feels good and i feel fucking excited about that now when you said you drove here yeah obviously you drove here you drive everywhere you drive here every time why'd you why'd you even say it why'd you even say i just i just you know it was like dead space but instead i said i drove here okay well how have you how have you been how's your week going it's going well man my nose is good and i fucking slept i didn't sleep well last night dude i kept waking up every fucking hour and a half i got this new cbd shit that I'm going to try. No THC. So many fucking letters. The last 10, 12 days, I haven't slept at all.

Last night, I finally got some sleep, and it's because- One-upped me. I took some fucking THC slash CBD. So many letters. Got it from the NAACP, and it gave me HIV. And the SPCC. And then I played my PS5. And come from the PAC slash 10 SEC. Making it up now.

All right, dude. Enough of it. So look, you did do CBD? I do it all. But I did do it last night. Did you rub it in your face or what do you do? That's not how that works. Oh, yes, it does, dude.

Dude, you can do CBD in any way. It's crazy. They're like, would you like a tincture or would you like to take it in pill form or dude dude you can do cbd in any it's crazy like they're like would you like a tincture or would you like to take it in pill form or would you like to put it up your anus or would you like to rub it we have face lotion they'll be like we have a cbd shirt if you'd like to wear it you'll be very calm the whole day i do the cbd with the weed because i want to get high but i also the cbd really helps me sleep uh-oh uh-oh problems now it's all good it's all good it's all good but what the fuck

drug addict and it's all got too close to me yeah that was you almost lost your fingers no yep so uh well let's get into it dude all right hi you know what i keep thinking about is the guy who died in the middle yeah you love the guy that died oh my god dude last episode when the guy died in the middle of his thing and came back to life also elijah with this guy oh dude what is this hold on is this a couple in a tv show what the fuck why because it's a mixed race because it's white a white and a black guy you walk around you don't see mixed couples they're but then you turn on fucking true oh you walk around you don't see mixed couples dude mixed couples exist in the world a lot i know they do dude so what do you what are you saying? In LA, they fucking should be aplenty, right?

Because it's LA and we're a melting pot. But you're at a Fort Wayne, Indiana. It's only whites together and then some blacks together. Dude, if you walk around LA, there's not enough mixed couples. But you turn on the TV, dude. If you fucking turn on the TV and it goes to a commercial break, oh my God, six commercials? You'd think that it wasn't allowed to keep race pure. Okay, okay, okay.

I know, I know, but- Okay, okay. You're saying things that are not good. Well- The race pure, this is not a good thing to say. I don't think- I know everyone pretty soon is going to be tan and it's fine. Not pretty soon.

We're talking like 300 million years. You know what I mean? I don't think so. I think it could be probably 50 to 60 years. So everybody living now is by the time they're dead they're all going to be the same color no my point is am i watching peacock the thing the thing about mixed race couples is that they really do exist i know they the reason they're in this is the thing i don't like though people get all up in arms about like oh that's not

really how reality is. What commercial is basing itself in fucking reality, dude? They're trying to sell products to as many fucking people as possible. Yeah, but no, dude, they do base themselves in reality, dude. They do. They'll be in a kitchen and like the dad will be like,

uh-oh, and then a mom will come in and she'll be like, that's already unrealistic. Kleenex. That's already unrealistic. And you're supposed to believe that some fucking family

in just Fort wayne indiana like an asian guy is going to be dating a black chick it just find me one in fort wayne indiana why are you basically why does it have to be in fort wayne indiana not every commercial takes place in fort wayne indiana dude i buy tide not in fort wayne indiana have you ever dated a black chick yeah yeah what's the percentage of what of black girls dated versus the interracial girls never done the math on it and guess what if i did it would be very fucking strange that would be very fucking strange well I actually know this because I... Yeah. All right, cool.

So let's turn on... Anyway, turn on Peacock. Dude, hit on CBS. This is on a Tide commercial. Hey, Chris. Hey, Matt. Elijah Wood. Justin and Brandy Bill were here.

First of all, love your podcast. We appreciate it. Baby since day one. Hell yeah, dude. Paul Cabin, Cole, all that. So we got some advice that we need from you guys so they got baby socks right there we watch shows on streaming services netflix stuff like that and she has a problem with me watching shows without her and from my point of view like

she either falls asleep watching them or just never has time so i'm sitting here on my day-to-day like not doing anything so i just go ahead and watch them unless she specifically says that hey i want to watch this particular show with you yeah so i i don't watch that one which there's only one that she said that but other than that everything's free and including lifeline including congratulations she's not having it is that why she's looking over here she's like, yeah, yeah. No. All right. Appreciate it.

Love y'all. I think you experienced this. should be in a race. You experienced this. So why don't you take it first? Oh, yeah, dude.

But I have a simple solution, but you go first. No, you go first. I think that- Didn't even really want me to go first. With the quickness, you took it.

You say, you go first. I said, no, you go first. You were already taking a breath to speak with the quickness, so you weren't even really being polite, even though it was under the guise of being polite, and that's who my brother is, and I want you to know. I say, no, you go first. You were already taking a breath to speak with the quickness, so you weren't even really

being polite, even though it was under the guise of being polite, and that's who my brother is, and I want you to know that. No, no, no, no, no, no. So the deal is, has this guy ever heard of a cell phone? What do you mean? Because he could just text her first and say, hey, honey, I want to watch this show. Is it going to bother you if I do that? So he's talking about starting a new show?

No. He's talking about starting a new show? No. He's talking about in the middle of a show. You start a show together. We don't know. We don't know. It seemed like you said you start a show together and then in the middle, he wants to watch some episodes

and she's like, well, you can't watch it without me. That seems like what's been happening. Am I wrong here? What you always do on the show is you assume things people said and then answer that as if they said the thing that you said

instead of the thing that they actually said. Is that a listening problem or is that just a regular problem? Well, this is an entertainment podcast, so I guess in a way I'd say you're welcome. Oh, okay. We'd bypass all that and I'd let you know you're welcome, dude. Nice way to spin that around. Anyway, go ahead and give your advice.

What? He said they start watching stuff and she'll fall asleep and then he wants to keep watching and and she'll fall asleep. Yep. Yeah. And then he wants to keep watching. Right. And then she gets mad that- Gotcha. Right. You know what I mean?

So I was right. Okay, cool. I'll catch you later. If I'm him, I say, okay. Dude, that was fucking the police. Oh, fucking really? Yeah. They were wondering.

You got a hold of them so fast. The fucking truth police called me. I know it's crazy. But when somebody pulled a gun on us and you tried calling 911 and they put you on hold forever? I don't remember calling 911. Yeah. We were in the car. Remember? I was going reverse on the freeway. I on hold forever? I don't remember calling 911. Yeah, we were in the car. Remember, I was going reverse on the freeway.

I remember what happened. I don't remember calling 911. I was going reverse on the freeway. Don't talk over me when I say that. I was going reverse on the freeway. Remember that? And you were trying to call 911. And all I kept thinking is if this motherfucker shoots and hits my brother, my life's over.

I'm probably going to kill myself. Shoots and hits my brother. You can just say shoots my brother. With the bullet. Yeah. Dude, it was very weird. Before we get into this, dude, I'm a very beautiful mixed race couple. And I think there should be more mixed race couples, right?

Okay. And I'm from a mixed race thing because I'm Italian and she comes from like French, European descent or some shit. What do you mean? We're talking about mom. Me. You don't come from mixed race. I'm saying I'm from a mixed race. I have a mixed race relationship.

You're in a mixed race relationship. Yeah, because Kristen is... I'm Italian and I know Kristen is not Italian. I've done more like that, but keep going. She's from North Carolina. So this... So what was I saying? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. The guy pulled a gun. Yeah. Because you sped up. He cut you off or something. You sped up and you go... Yeah. Yeah.

You did one of those too. You do it like that. Going up. Yeah. I don't like the bitch ass ones when they do like that this like this is not strong yeah like this is strong dude a whopping yeah gross actually okay and um and so so the guy sped up and pulled a gun out and started waving it around he did and i said i just slowed down and he slowed down right to stop us yeah he stopped right in front of us on the fucking because i was unwilling to go around

him because bullets yeah yeah and so he so i was like oh just reverse and i was very caught dude i you were calm right i was my blood pressure i drop it dude because i was already thinking about the potential guilt of a bullet hitting you i get get it. But I don't flash forward. I stay in the moment. Okay. And I look and I assess, you know, because you can't assess if you're like, uh-oh, if you're thinking about my brother might end up dead. It's true.

I don't do that, dude. I was not in good assessment mode. There's a scene in one of the Pierce Brosnan and James Bond movies where he's just on a gurney and he has to act like his pulse stops. And so he puts himself into a coma. And so they're like, he's dead. Get him out of here. And then he gets out and they fucking put him in a body bag.

And that's how he escapes because they thought he died because he put his pulse into a coma. The worst writing of all time. Well, bro, making shit up, you know? How can he get out of this one? How about he stops his own pulse? I don't remember who I was watching this with, but whoever I was watching this with, they said like, you know, you can actually do that.

Oh, it was probably Uncle Mike. I was going to say that, dude. It probably was, dude. And so anyway, I was like, oh, you can? And so that was probably what I was trying to do when the guy pulled the gun on us. Imagine that happened and I was just like, calm down, calm down, and I did.

And then the guy just shoots me while I'm in a coma. But do you remember how badass the thing that I ultimately did was? He stopped. I stopped. Cars whizzing by, whizzing by, whizzing by. It's in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. We had just voted. Remember that?

We voted for Obama. Thank you very much. I don't remember that. And he was reversing with his gun, waving it around. And I just went. And I floored it and went around his ass zero to 60 in fucking no time and then he was on my ass he was on our ass and then i pretended to stay on the 134 and the very last second right before the divider i to the five so he had to stay on the 134. Okay, well- I'm Liam Neeson. Okay, well, my pulse was more like Liam Neeson's, but yeah. Your pulse was, but I was in the world more like Liam Neeson.

So, yeah, okay. All right. I don't know. If my brother dies- I had nightmares about that shit. I know, you really affected you. About you getting killed, yeah. Yeah.

It was fucked up. All right, so look. I was, I think, look. nightmares about that shit i know you really affected you killed yeah yeah it was fucked up all right so look i was i think look what don't like he has you're not always together in a relationship so that means that if she falls asleep and then the next day you go somewhere to work or whatever the fuck you do hey girl catch up you fell asleep catch up to where he is and then that night you got a fucking show to watch again yeah but she wants to watch it with him i get i know i get that but but so so so he's got to be what watching the show and then making sure when she sleeps you can't do that you watch a boardwalk empire you're invested dude

you're invested what's lucky gonna do next put on the show she doesn't want to see but you don't know when she sleeps is what i'm saying you're invested with what fucking nucky johnson or whatever his name is is doing okay not nucky johnson but and then fucking and then what knock if you buck is doing and then you're watching and then she falls asleep but you're invested dude you're watching ozarks and you're like is he gonna make it out of oz. Who are you fucking? Grandma Carmela just adding an S? You're watching fucking, you know, Jim, you're watching fucking. Boardwalk Empires? Breaking Bad?

Boy Meets Worlds? You're watching Boy Meets Worlds. The Wonder Yearses? The Wonder Yearses. And so you're watching it and then fucking, you're watching, you're hell bent. You're in the middle of fucking season three of Lucifer's and then fucking she, you don't know when she falls asleep. Oops, on that, but. Because you don't know. Yeah, okay.

So the thing is, though, we want to make sure they have a happy existence together, right? Yeah. So maybe he could look over sometimes, if this is common, right? Maybe he could learn about some other fucking shows, and ask her shows she doesn't care about, and he can watch those fucking shows when she fucking falls asleep. Then he's making her issue, which is falling asleep too soon.

It's not just falling asleep. She's also at work and he wants to watch you. Well, no, but okay. Okay. So if there's actual things that she needs to be doing, then I think that he should wait for her.

Yes. If it's just... No, no. Kristen, because I'm an interracial... I'm an interracial i'm an interracial and she's white i know you're white i know i have an italian descent right and she is like i think french or something both white whatever it is but she so calvin is mixed race right so but like he sure looks like it so so i identify with this couple is what i'm saying yeah i think a

lot of people do no but because we're both interracial right so okay okay so busted a nut so okay so what i think is kristin now this is so deeper but kristin will be like let's i'll be like let's watch a new show she'd be like great dude great, dude. I turn on fucking Nucky Johnson or some fucking- Nucky Thompson. Whatever it is, dude, right? I know it was based on a real person, okay? I'm smart. Okay.

And so I'm watching the fucking Boardwalk Empire, right? And I'm looking at it. And we're watching an episode. The episode ends. It's fucking gangbusters, right? I love Boardwalk Empire, okay? I'm one of those guys that's like, why isn't it fucking considered in with The Sopranos? So good.

In with Breaking Bad. I agree. It's the first time we've ever agreed about a show. Yeah, why is it not in with the fucking Breaking Bad, Sopranos, fucking Ozark? It's a legendary show. Boy Meets World. Why is it not in these fucking-

Mad Men, Mad Men. Mad Men, there we go. I didn't like that, but you know what I mean. People do. Mad Men is boring as shit. It's fine. Okay, go on a tangent. Keep going. Right, right but it is boring as shit and everyone just liked that show because of the fucking haircuts and the fucking style that i know well then why did i like it

not for those reasons dude ever did you ever consider that yes i did okay what did you think because secretly you do like it pisses me off that you're gonna speak for me and what i fucking think and you're fucking wrong but keep going that girl's a good actress and that that came out and now she's in handmaid's tale and she's a fucking good actress but she's a scientologist so like let's leave it alone talking about the thing you were talking about though but so what were we talking about the mixed race you and kristin so kristin is like we're watching it and then i say let's watch another episode and she says what and i say let's watch the second episode and she's like oh okay we watch the second episode

yeah and i look and at the corner of my eye i see that fucking she's watching tiktok a little bit that's not good fine watch tiktok a little bit but you're here with me we're watching nucky johnson okay okay thompson second one ends and i say dude i was involved in this show at the end of the first episode yeah the second now you're way in i'm way in yeah let's watch a third episode and she says i don't know she's not into it she's not i think maybe i'm gonna go to bed okay so she goes to bed yeah but guess what dude what she's not going to bed she goes to bed. But guess what, dude? She's not going to bed. She's in bed. She's in bed, but her face is glowing. What's that mean?

I'm a poet, but I describe shit differently. Where are you? Are you also in bed? I'm watching episode three of fucking Nucky Johnson. So I'm waiting for a problem. So the problem is the next morning we wake up and she says, that show's good. And I say, fuck yeah. Night falls.

And I say, let's watch episode four. I see. And she says, well, you're already past one. And I say, all right, well, let's watch episode three again then, I guess. And she says, nah. And now I'm involved in a show and I got to watch it alone, dude. Okay. And I'm pissed because we were supposed to have this fucking juncture together but it's okay to watch stuff alone i know but

then the next night she comes down and she's like let's watch something else and i'm like you just want to watch fucking three episodes of some bullshit okay we finally got to a problem i'll say maybe it's something that actual interracial couples experience more because you're saying if it's if you guys are any indication being a mixed race couple okay um i think that texter before when you're alone texting and be like hey i wanted to watch this show i know you're at work is that cool like did you want to watch it if you do i'll wait for you that's easy just do that but that's fine but then he doesn't know when she's falling asleep she falls asleep and he's still watching the show and then he's got to re-watch it no when he wakes up and he goes to work and she goes to work and she comes back earlier,

you catch up, dude. But how about this? Look over sometimes. You're invested in what the fuck is going on when you're watching Fear Thy Neighbor or whatever the fuck show you're watching. Not that invested. Look over. Once every 20 minutes, dude.

Look over. Problem solved. All right, next one. Hey, Chris and Matt. I need to help with a crazy neighbor. We have a lot of ginger fans. Really don't want to end up on Fear Thy Neighbor, and I feel like I might.

Luckily, I don't live in Atlanta, so maybe I'm safe. I don't know. Husband and I have lived in the house that we're in for eight months. One of our neighbors, never seen her, never talked to her, don't know what she looks like. So one morning, it's like 6.30 a.m., and both my kids are asleep. Husband and I are asleep.

There's this crazy loud banging on our door, and I look at the ring camera. No idea who this woman is. She's just got one single crutch and she's like swaying outside super weird um at 6 30 and so my husband goes to the door asks her what she needs and she tells us that we are sabotaging her sleep schedule because we are timing our car alarms to go off every morning at the same time that's not true does it well you know don't set off our car alarms. She's clearly crazy.

Yeah, way crazy. Whoa. What do I do? I love how it ended. What do I do? What do you do? What you do is say this. Okay, I got it.

Okay. Say this. Say, if she comes over again and accuses you of that, say, you're on my property. If you come over here

and accuse me of something that I'm something that I've not done ever again, I'll fucking kill you. No. You can't threaten. I mean, she's on your property. You can if you're on her property and you don't want to. If somebody's being crazy on your property, it's kind of scary. You have self-defense. Just be like, I'm warning you.

If you do this again, you come out here accusing me of shit that I obviously don't do, I'll fucking kill you. And go to bed. Sleep like a baby. That's bad. Okay. Maybe not kill you. Break your other leg or something.

She rolls up with her fucking crutch and she says, hey, you're setting your car alarm. That's so- You can't even do that, by the way. I know. Yeah, you can't do that. You're timing your car alarms off to go together. Why the fuck would she even want that to be happening? Right.

Well, to sabotage her. This is how I wake up. Sorry, dude. My alarms don't work. I got to use my car. Right, right, right. I pay someone to bicycle up to my car and throw a brick at the hood. Every morning at 6 o'clock.

And the car alarm goes off. Boop. Boop. Right? Then, then, ma, ma, ma. Are we all, yeah. Boop. Boop. Right? Then, then, ma, ma,

ma, ma. Woo, woo, woo. Whoever designed that fucking music song is fucking. So foreign music song. Is absolutely rolling in it,

dude. I made that, I made that song, that fucking. So, what's your advice? When she comes up and she says, hey,

you're, you're scheduling your car alarms to go off, you say, you're a dragon. Right. Because it's equally true. No, no, no. Because I'm not done talking, right? I thought you were.

You paused. Well, now. But she'll say, I'm a dragon. And she says, no, I'm not. And I say, so we're both liars. Or so we're both equally right. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, but shorten it up, right? No, what I said is better. So we're both liars. No, yeah yeah yeah and then kick her crutch out from under and watch her stand fine see now you know she's a liar right yeah yeah i i think that honestly that's yeah you should say you i think the the real thing is you just gotta be like you i'm not doing that you gotta get off my property right yeah you're coming at me hostile you're accusing me of something that's not happening. You're on my property. You got to get off. And absolutely do not make the mistake of doing it again. Because what you want to do is avoid it in the future. Because she's crazy. She's going to continue to think it. None of it matters

what she thinks. Just you want to stop her from coming over and saying it or ringing your doorbell ever. People are delusional, huh? Yeah. You know know what i mean have your husband behind the door on the right when she comes in and says that and then and then she says hello and she says yeah you're timing your your you're sabotaging my sleep have the husband just in earshot say is that the neighbor again that'll be very creepy too and she probably won't come by she's old though she probably won't even fucking hear it all people can't hear anything is she old i'm assuming if she's got a crutch and it's crazy i was assuming all right next one chris and matt what's going on guys i just want to say i love you guys appreciate what you guys do

all the advice you give and chris your comedy is hysterical man please come to st louis we need you here i will but i got a bit of a question for you guys today. I work for a pool company and some of the pools we clean are really hard to access. And one pool in particular has a hill in their backyard that we have to go down with our equipment. It's muddy, it's mulchy, and it's covered in dog shit. Covered. Like it's an unreasonable amount and they won't pick it up. I've left door hangers. I've left voicemails.

I've knocked on the door and asked them to specifically pick it up. The guy comes out and he goes, yeah, I don't really have time. I have 15 kids, blah, blah, blah,

blah. I said, 15 kids. If you have 15 kids, you don't need a dog. But I just don't know what to do about it. Cause it gets on my equipment and my shoes. And I,

you know, can't really do anything about it. I'm not going to pick up the poop for them. So if you guys got any advice, let me know. Appreciate it. Peace. I do anything about it i'm not gonna pick up the poop for them so uh if you guys got any advice let me know appreciate it peace i do is it 1860 because why does he have 15 kids it's only you only have 15 kids if it's 1860 or he's in utah here's my advice the guy has 15 kids put one of them to work to pick up the dog shit yeah that's really a good idea you 15 of them what all you need is one out of 15. Put seven of them to work. Yeah, dude.

Because immediately. But also, dude, like if you have a pool guy, I would bet you have a gardener. So the gardener should be figuring that out. I mean, the guy, look, it doesn't matter. The guy is being asked to pick up his dog shit because someone who comes to his house but it is his house i know but he has 15 kids yeah look it's it's it's one of those things that's like dude be a buddy man pick up the fucking you're making me trudge through horse shit i think honestly the move for real is i know i think i know what you're gonna say yeah

you do the move is to be out there and just take a fucking shit right where the fucking dog shits are okay and be there long enough to where the guy comes out and he says what are you doing and then you say this is the place where you take shit clearly yeah so i'm just doing what you'd like me to do understand yeah because i've really got to go to the bathroom. The thing I was going to say is pick it up and put it all in the pool. You're going to get fired. Well, that's maybe a good reason not to do it. Just shit where the shit is, bro.

Now, that's disgusting, dude. He wouldn't even care, though. He would just let it stay there. Then you got to come back and avoid your shit as well. It's kind of a lose-lose. Just, I don't know. Or pick it up and put it on the door, like near the doorway. Right.

So he has to clean it up. Right, right, right. Yeah. That's rough, dude. I say take a shit where they, you know. I would say like forge a path, like sweep the shit out of the way and just create a path for you to be able to walk through that is shitless. And then what?

The dogs are going to shit there, and the next time it's going to be there. Maybe. Ew, dude, doesn't it smell so bad? I don't get it. Also, was that an exaggeration? Does this guy have fucking 15 kids? Dude, if you have 15 kids,

you are just living wrong. You know what I mean? Get snipped, dude. He's religious for sure. Yeah, he is. He's also in 1860. Yeah. Which is hard to reason with someone

from he's living 160 years before you do you know what i mean it's hard to reason with yeah i understand that yeah all right well we really helped that guy go ahead next hi matt it's a beautiful hair i absolutely love you guys i have been a baby since day one. The cult is diverse. So I live a pretty unconventional life as a digital nomad. I've wanted to be a nomad for a very long time. So this is kind of my dream situation. A digital nomad. I absolutely love it. I am an accounting consultant and I absolutely love that. absolutely love that. Relationship wise, I have recognized at some point before my digital nomad journey that I'm just not cut out for relationships. When I do decide to talk to guys, which isn't often, I usually try to set boundaries right away. I don't want to like lead anyone on or hurt anybody. But I met a guy that I think I might be falling for

I think about him way too much and he's just he's been a total gentleman and I think he really likes me too so I feel like he wants a relationship and he's a relationship guy I can tell so what do you think I'm thinking that it's probably unsafe to keep talking to him because i don't see a situation long term where we both would be satisfied um thank you so much you guys are awesome oh sweet yeah uh-huh yeah i don't know either no i guess we'll find it all right dude that was webster he doesn't know what a digital nomad is either. Dude, what the fuck is a digital nomad? Chris, what?

It's when you work from wherever you are. You know how people work remotely? Some people do that and they just are always traveling. She was really, really, really pushing that shit. She was trying to sell some merch with digital nomad on it. She should start a podcast called Digital Nomad. All right, well, look. Yeah, okay. So you travel a lot and you merch with digital nomad on it she should start a podcast called digital all right well look yeah okay um so you travel a lot and you're a digital nomad and that's cool

and you met this dude and you really like him but you know sometimes look here's the deal dude um sometimes things this is so basic but it's just so true things change you like this guy and maybe you want to explore something different in your life. You know what I mean? Maybe you want to fucking hang out with this guy. Maybe you want to date. You know he's a relationship type guy, but relationships don't work for you. But guess what, dude? Knocking on your door is change.

Open it up. And maybe, just maybe, you will find it fulfilling in your digital nomad life that you might want a relationship. And you'll be a digital stay-at-home mom. The thing uh just is just to stay open the thing that bothers me but that people do is they're like i'm not like that so that thing that i've never tried and never experienced and never let happen in one way in one form or another is just not going to work for me like how the fuck do you even know yep if you like the guy and he likes you and the relationship is possible on the horizon uh don't be like oh i don't get into relationships oh i don't like relationships

oh relationships don't work for me you don't know you haven't fucking dated this guy before give it a shot at least fucking try see what happens my whole thing is just things change man okay well you said that i know but like that doesn't change it doesn't change but it doesn't change but it does change like you think one way and then another thing happens and then dude, you never know. You just never know. Give it a shot. It might be love, dude. Mm-hmm. Try it out. Let it go. Let it happen. See if you can be happy. See if it works. Give yourself a chance. Give him a chance. Give life a chance. Give love a chance. Give it all a chance. We love you. It's not about giving him a chance. It's about giving yourself a chance. Give him a chance. Give life a chance. Give love a chance. Give it all a chance. We love you.

It's not about giving him a chance. It's about giving yourself a chance, isn't it? All we are saying. No. That was horrible, the way you sang that. Is give him a chance. Completely bastardized it. All right, next one.

Thor. One more, boys. Matt, you look great today, man. Yeah. Outfit on fleek. Hair looks good. Nice. Well, fleek, I haven't thought of that.

Chris, you look funky. Yeah. Did we tell that today? For my question, I don't really consider myself a little bit of a caffeine addict, but I have around three cups a day. And if it's not a cup of coffee, I normally get an ice Americano really makes my motor go. However, I'm experiencing either one of two things that happen. I crash really hard around like three from like a work day, or I can't fall asleep. I'm wide awake. Like I feel like my eyes are wide awake while I'm trying to sleep.

So I've been trying to wind it back down to maybe one cup a day. But I'm so unproductive. I'm sitting here making videos for this podcast while I should be working. So I guess my question is what's a happy medium? How many cups are like good for you guys? What do you guys settle with? And how do you avoid that like zigzag of ups and downs or just staying up all night? Thanks.

Look, bro, you're my guy like i would hang with this guy yeah this guy's like three cups of coffee keeps me fucking awake one cup of coffee completely i i'm too tired all day how many cups of coffee should i have two is this a children's show calvin would be like two here's the thing though there's too much one isn't enough here's something though too if you want to keep it at one your body will get used to it just ride it fucking come on come on ride it out you know what i mean ride it out ride it out ride it out ride. But also, if you want to know about me because since he asked.

He did. He did ask. I drink a pot of coffee when I wake up. I drink a pot of coffee. A whole pot? I drink a pot of coffee right after that.

I drink a pot of coffee throughout the rest of the day and I'll drink two cups of coffee right before bed and I will fall the fuck asleep and it won't matter that I just drank coffee.

Really? Yeah. You literally have been complaining about not being able to sleep. It has nothing to do with coffee. Ah. That has to do with anxiety and stress.

Because of the coffee. And a deep, deep disillusionment with the world. And the nine pots of coffee I drink all day. And also the nine pots of coffee I drink all day. No, but seriously though. But that's just me. That is very uncommon. Nobody that I know is like that.

You drink two cups to find a happy balance is what I think you were saying yeah no but this is the quickest

advice ever if you want to cut it down in general your body will readjust to just the one but he doesn't want to cut it down necessarily well he actually did say

he was trying to cut it down yeah if you're trying to cut it down your body will readjust just give it a minute try two try two yeah that's very obvious try two yeah wow I wish I was with you If you're trying to cut down, your body will readjust. Just give it a minute. Try two. Try two?

Yeah. That's very obvious. Try two. Yeah. Wow. I wish I was with you and I could be like, dude, fucking you're saying too many is three is too many. No, no. Try two.

You fucking idiot. And we would have a good time, dude, laughing. Yeah. He would laugh. I would love that, dude. He looks like a good guy. He's got good hair. You know, he's blonde.

What's up with that? I know. Well, blonde people can't, blonde dudes can't wear leather jackets unless they're brown. But anyway. I might have to come around on blonde guys because that guy- No, dude. Blonde dudes are very handsome. They're just not sexy.

He was sexy. He was kind of sexy. But if he was brunette, imagine if he was brunette, dude. I don't know. He looked uniquely blonde. He had like the Jake Busey thing going on. And I think he looked hot. Jake Busey is not hot, dude. He was like a hot Jake Busey thing going on. And I think he looked hot. Jake Busey is not hot, dude.

He was like a hot Jake Busey. Okay. Okay. What about fucking Chris Hemsworth, dude? Handsome. Yeah, he kind of looked like Chris Hemsworth. Pretty sexy. Chris Evans.

There's an example of a blonde dude that is handsome and just zero sex appeal. Chris Evans? Do you know what I mean? No, Chris Evans. Chris Evans isn't blonde. He is blonde. What the fuck are you talking the fuck he was Captain America Captain America's blonde

no he's not dude he's blonde he's brunette motherfuckers he's dirty blonde at best trying to gaslight me dude he's dirty blonde at best I'm not standing for it

pull up a picture of Chris Evans dude Chris Evans is fucking a blonde guy I'm gonna take a nap when you guys notice he's brunette wake me up he's got zero

well click on one click on one. Click on one. Make it bigger. Well, that's obviously blonde. Honestly, that's dyed, though. Yeah, he's in a movie. Go to like a... Look at him.

Brunette. Yeah, I guess it kind of is, but he's got like a ginger feel to him. Okay, but he's got brunette hair. I guess he kind of does, huh? Yeah. He's blonde. You know what?

He feels blonde. He seems blonde, but he's not that's worse bro to actually have the good shit but seem blonde yeah but imagine if he was blonde to just seriously he'd be like what's that you'd be around him you're like what's that noise yeah it'd be all the pussies drying up yeah yeah gotta bleep it out so the guy on the episode the guy that called in is way hotter than chris ev he's blonde. Of course. Of course. But yeah,

two cups. Okay. Okay, next. Ooh, look at that. What's up, Matt? What's up, Chris? Jonathan from Alabama. Long time listener.

You're not lying. It's so hard. You're not really from Alabama, it's wild, dude. I mean, and it's fine to be there because maybe you've been there for a while, but if you're going to say I'm from Alabama. It's wild, dude. I mean, and it's fine to be there because maybe you've been there for a while,

but if you're going to say, I'm from Alabama in that way, clear it up afterwards. Clear up where you're really from. Oi, are you fucking going? This is Michael from Mississippi. Hello, I am from absolutely anywhere but Russia. Fucking Alabama, dude.

You can tell. Dude. Okay. So we get it. You live in Alabama. We're having some fun with you, but you look great in your pink lips. That's a secret edition, special edition that you can't get anymore. And this guy fucking scooped it up, dude.

We're going to color this guy's lips, though. He's a good guy. I like this guy. I would immediately hang out with this guy. Go ahead. Yeah, you would, yeah.

with my brother. I have an Italian restaurant and we work. That makes sense. All the time together, but he doesn't seem to understand the value of downtime

and hobbies and relaxing. Maybe you can give me some advice and tell him how to chill without me sounding preachy. Yeah.

And just how you guys deal with overwork. Yeah. See you September 9th in Atlanta. Live rips. Hell yeah. You're the man, bro. This guy's cool. Seems like such a sweet dude.

Actually, I sympathize with what he's saying because people that I love that I'm close to that are true workaholics that don't know how to calm down, it makes me anxious. And it makes me worried about them because you got to fucking chill out. Otherwise, you're going to die at 55. Yeah. You know what I mean? So work isn't everything. But the way to convey that to the guy is tricky because maybe he's defensive.

Maybe he doesn't have anything else in his life. He's definitely defensive. I was talking. Do you know what I mean? I was talking when you talk over me. Go ahead. He's definitely defensive. I was talking.

Do you know what I mean? I was talking when you talk over me. Go ahead. And so I think that maybe there's a way to, at first at least, on your downtime, invite him along and don't take no for an answer. You know what I mean? My whole thing about these dudes that just go, go, go, go, go, go. Like, for what like for what? For what?

For more money? For more – you're only running from something. That's what I – I mean, I think that they can't answer that because the truth is they don't know what else to do. They don't know how to do – it's like an addict. It's akin to being an addict. Yes. I know people who do this and quite frankly they're awful they're awful to be around why is there just they're always working and you're like well i can't hang out with that person yeah it's they're annoying they're

always talking and saying some bullshit about work and it's just like okay you're not a real person to me i'm not saying that's what your brother is like i don't know your brother but there is such value in chill time if he has a family i don't know well he obviously has some family i mean you're his brother but like yeah yeah invite him along to your shit yep and say dude try this with me i'm with your bro i'm your brother let's just take a fucking chill day fuck this this fake Italian restaurant because we're obviously not Italian and we're in Alabama. We're so confused. Right.

Let's figure out who we are. Yep. And let's do this. Now, I think that, I think that you also could, if you want to, you could say, if you don't want to sound preachy,

you could say, dude, I'm just like, I'm a little, I'm not like worried about you, but like it concerns me that you, all you ever want to do is work all you ever care about is work like maybe we could you could hang out with me we could do some stuff this and that whatever but like if you come from a place of concern rather than like this is how you should live your life i think that that's there's a big difference in that and someone who's prone to

being defensive will get less defensive if you're coming out of place of concern yeah or Yeah, or they'll just be like, it's fine, don't worry. And then you're like, oh, okay. But anyway, let's go get those noodles. Yeah, maybe, but I'm just giving the guy options, all right? Yeah, let's get the noodles from the van then. Okay, well. All right. See you in Atlanta.

Chris, Matt, what's up? Love the show. Chris, huge fan of congratulations. Going to your show in Boston in November. Pumped up for it so me and my girlfriend are having a baby boy in two weeks and my question for you guys is what do you think about godparents is it necessary to have them we're not really religious so we're not too stressed about it but a lot of people are asking us and at this point it almost seems like a tradition

so yeah we just want to know what you guys think do we need to have them and uh thank you for everything thanks for the show life rips bye bye hell yeah so cute wow look at that interracial couple um so uh i think that's great i didn't realize we were watching peacock tv that's all, do you have advice? You have a kid. I do. You're his godfather. Yeah. That's nothing really, you know? So why did you do it? Because of tradition and I want you to be as close to him as possible because you're my brother.

And I want, if it means something to him later on down the line i want him to have that and i want him to have it with you almost teared up i think the thing about kept it in check i think the thing about godparents is less about religion and more about um like the idea of responsibility in in the parents absence if something happened to you, there would be this like, not legal, not binding responsibility, but spiritual responsibility for your son. I will always look out for Calvin because you,

I mean, obviously I would anyway, but you know, the idea of a godparent is if anything were to happen to the actual parent, the godparent will always be there no matter what because you have that person's word

because you love them and because you're close to them. And what are you doing? I'm not even going to look. Tell me what you're doing right now. It zoomed into my face when you were talking. It was only on me. Oh. Let's get down anxiety.

Okay. Yeah. I think godparent is misleading because people that don't understand or have never done it think it's religious, but it's not. It's not. It's just like this this like well the word god is in it you know yeah you might as well be fucking it's very religious but it's not it's not religious to you no it's just like oh it's just like uh uh uh it's kind of a beautiful thing that parents can do to sort of say without a lot of words you are sort of like the backup parent yeah backup parent oh that's good call it backup parent if you don't want to do it don't do it but like you know don't feel pressure but if you feel like doing it there's someone in your life

that you think you'd sort of want to bestow the honor on do it it's fucking valentine's day it's a hallmark shit you know what i mean it's like it means something but it doesn't really mean something unless you die in a plane crash next wow you'll be fine bro you know what it might mean something to the kid so why don't you just do it if you have someone who's obviously clearly going to be the person then just do it yeah if not then it's some difficult decision yeah okay yeah hey chris and matt i love what you guys do thank you for all the awesome episodes and i hope you can answer my question two months ago i matched with a girl and we have so much in common, more than any other girl that I've dated.

And I've been around the block. So that tells me a lot. We've been talking on the phone and texting daily. I speak Russian fluently, so that's no issue. I have an Italian restaurant in Alabama. I'm a bitch and I gained feelings for her. And so did she. She actually asked me if I

could come and visit her. And seeing as there's a ton of strict sanctions in Russia, I could go there, but that would not be any good for me since my credit card and debit card simply will not work. So clearly that's off the menu. So by the looks of it, I have two options. I stop talking to her or I wait until the war ends and the banking systems go back into play. But honestly, who knows how long that'll be. So what do you recommend I do? Should we try and make this work or should I stop wasting her time? I can tell she wants to keep it going because the second she wakes up to go to work, she texts me. The second she gets home from work, she calls me.

She sends me photos of her family, her nieces, her nephews, her mom, her sisters. I mean, we're really close. And so I can tell she wants to keep it going, but I'm not exactly sure she understands that. I probably won't see her for quite a long time, which goes back to me asking myself, should I just end this now and stop wasting her time or, or not? Maybe the answer is obvious and I'm overthinking, but I would love your guys's input.

Here's my impression of this guy right now. You're getting taken for a ride wait why well he's not giving her money or anything yeah but dude that's what it's leading to dude she's giving him fucking pictures of his her niece and shit like that's way too much info it's way too much info it's not real dude this is this dude right here you gotta take it for a ride i actually didn't even think that i don't think i agree she's not asking him for money dude not yet dude because right now it's just like this i'm gonna add a caveat to everything i'm saying i i if she ever asks you for money then everything i'm saying flushes down the fucking toilet. But what I would say is, Cain,

what I would say is, you fucking, what I don't like, what I don't like is when motherfuckers like take it upon themselves to decide for some woman to be like,

oh, you don't know what you're getting into. Like she's not a fucking adult. She's an adult. She can decide whatever the fuck she wants. If you don't want to keep doing it, then you don don't do it but don't take her agency away from her and be like you don't know what you're getting into sweetheart trust me this is a way bigger deal

than you realize i'm gonna cut i'm gonna cut the cord now because you don't know what you're getting into don't do that it's not your responsibility it's your responsibility to look out for you and don't be a fucking piece of shit to her now if she asks you for money you can take it for a ride and you're a fucking idiot and i can tell you want to say something because you won't stop moving so go ahead thanks my is it was that my i dude that's him i think you missed my but nothing's happened yet that's why he's he's not like let me out yeah but a lot of guys willfully give women money that they've never met before right and that's fine but dude my point is you gotta dude you have to just you're get your why can't she can she come see him i was gonna say get her

the fuck out of russia dude get her out of hey dude go away from the war part yeah we're not fighting the war and also go away get the people you love away from the war why are you wanting to go over there yeah let's talk about debit and credit cards you gotta die don't go to russia you fucking my question is here is the deal i can speak russian fluently i love when bullets are whizzing by my head. Sometimes I love when bullets hit my head. I would like to go to Russia. Is this a good idea since I am so in love with bullets riddling my body and whizzing by my head and sometimes hitting my head? They're not fighting the war in Russia.

I know, I know, I know. I get it. But also, it's a bad idea to go to Russia while Russia is waging a fucking war on Ukraine and potentially more of the world. Obviously, don't do that. Full stop. If she's so fucking into you as well, get her the fuck out of there and have her join you wherever you are in fucking Alabama or wherever you are.

Just take the seatbelt off, buddy, and get out. This is a ride one way or another. It is, dude. Also, there's people around you. Hey, guy, look. you are just take the seat belt off buddy and get out this is a ride one way or another it is dude also there's people around you hey guy look yeah just go outside you should look closer than i mean dude it couldn't be further i am on a dating app that is actually intergalactical um i met this person who was four foot six and she is on pluto and it is weird kind of FaceTiming her because her helmet gets in the way. I have not seen her full face. She is green.

Her nose is astronomically big. And she has three penises. But those are the females on Pluto. I want to go out there. I'm not quite sure if my debit card will work. not quite sure if my debit card will work i mean dude do you hear yourself do me a favor play this back don't go to russia you fucking idiot i mean dude just stay around where you are and find a sweetheart there or have her come to you and split the fucking pay. Split the cost.

Split the cost. Right? Okay. The shit? Oh, the shit! Did you see this guy before? I don't know. Hey, Matt and Chris. Thanks for answering my question about whether I should do the horizontal mambo with my co-worker.

Yeah, yeah. I just want you to know that I didn't try to pursue anything nice but you know doors open oh this dude yeah um but i do have a i have another question for you guys now i got a nice gift when i graduated high school this was you know six seven years ago and you know it cost a lot of money but it was a portrait of myself whoa and my mom didn't want it my dad didn't want it oh that's a picture so i just put it up in my office but now when i i mean mostly ironically but now when i take zoom calls yeah well it doesn't look like you anymore that's over my shoulder so they'd be like why is daniel tosh behind you what do you do when someone gives you a gift that

you don't want and you can't even pawn it off on somebody? Wow, that's perfect, yeah. Because this thing, it's got to go. Thanks, guys. Peace.

Give it to the co-worker that you have a crush on and be like, do you like this? Do you like the guy in this? You know, and like, so you don't have to like,

you can't be accused of anything crass or cross at the workplace. Yeah. But you can can if she says no and gets offended to be like that's not me and if she says yes you're like okay so you like this guy and then hold it up next to you and see if she sees a similarity and shit like that that's hilarious that that somebody gave you a picture of yourself free of you that big and it's a picture not a painting that's a photo it's a photo yeah i guess it was dude um yeah toss it i mean i'm not sentimental get rid of that why would you ever want to keep that toss it throw it rip it up first so people don't fucking see it in the trash can burn it and

do like a thing like oh like yeah cast away yeah okay cool. All right, you want to do another one? Burn it, Sanders. Burn it, Sanders. No, not burn it, Sanders. Burn it, Sanders. We can do burn it. Say that. Hey, Chris, I'm a huge fan of the show. Bro. Saw you in Phoenix. You absolutely killed it.

I'm just going to tell you, just like you're my friend. So I come from a very Catholic family, pray the rosary, go to church every day, that type of Catholic. Anyways, I left the church and now I'm getting married. Nice. And we both do not want to get married in a Catholic church. There you go. But that has kind of created a lot of drama and tension in the family where people are like, we're not going to go to the wedding because that's a mortal sin to not get married in the church. Um, so I need your advice. Like, is it even like

worth throwing a wedding where like your family will show up and like be kind of unhappy about it or they won't come and then all feel bad. Or I i just i don't know what to do should we just elope i think maybe i was gonna say maybe a little because they're not grateful they don't care about you or respect you a little enough to go to your fucking wedding just because it's not at the catholic church and they let them know that they can be catholic all they want but let them know that the rest of the world finds the catholic church just as synonymous with fucking child molesters and fucking raping kids than it does with fucking god and priests like they need to get their fucking head checked and realize the catholic church is not what they fucking used to remember it as oh wow yeah

they're old school though yeah but that's why she needs to fucking tell him yeah but also say like if you disrespect me that much and won't even come to my wedding then fuck you i'm going to vegas yeah fuck yeah yeah elope elope for sure dude you got to do what you want to do this is a wedding and i know i know yours a lot of times people think like weddings the wedding is really for everyone else but it's not dude it's for you dude it's a beautiful time in your life you know i just got married and like you get to share that moment with that person and it's a memory that you're going to create with them dude and. And you got to do it yourself. You got to do it for yourself. Don't get married in the church, dude.

Don't get married in the church. You're going to fucking... Talk about resentment. You're going to be resentful to your fucking family for pressuring you for doing something that you didn't want to do on a day that's supposed to be your fucking day. Yeah. And you know what? Sometimes I come in and I just hit the fucking truth with the hammer, right?

Okay. I mean, sometimes I do jokings and shit and sometimes I fucking make fun of people, but sometimes I come in and I just fucking hit the truth with the hammer right okay i mean sometimes i do jokings and shit and sometimes i fucking make fun of people but sometimes i come in and i just fucking hit the truth with the hammer and that's what you got to do dude and that's what's good about me i think i hit the truth with the hammer before you did i started hitting the word i started i started hitting the truth with the hammer and then you joined in because you're a follower i hit the truth of the hammer you were like kind of like saying the truth but i hit the truth of. I hit the truth with a hammer. You were kind of like saying the truth, but I hit the truth with a hammer. Nope. The truth with a hammer.

I hit it with a sledgehammer. What's going on? Where are we at? That lady, by the way, had a fantastic nose. She did. And she had some really nice glasses. They remind me of this pair of my glasses. Okay, but I'm being nicer because her nose is actually part of her face.

And you're just saying that they're accessories and shit. So don't take it from me. I'm saying her nose, that nose is a great nose. Okay. Okay. I fucking love her nose. Okay, relax. But I'm just saying,

no, that's it. Okay. We've got another one. Hello, can I take your order? Hi, Chris. My name's Maddie. I'm reaching out for help because I just got engaged.

Yes. And we are getting married in April and obviously I'm the girl, so I'm planning it. And I have no idea what I'm doing. And I don't know what matters. And I don't know what people actually care about. And what do you, do you have any advice on weddings?

What matters? Because there's so many things that you're supposed to do. Any regrets? Any do's or don'ts? Like flower girls and first look and guard your belt. Like, do you do the flower toss? And do we care?

Do we actually care? Did you do that at your wedding? So that's my question. Also for invites, like if anyone didn't make the cut, should I say something or do I just move on? Cause they didn't make it. Same with bridal party.

Do I say you were so close? I'm so sorry. No, don't even have a, your friends aren't applying. Thank you so much. Any advice so sorry. No. Don't even have a body part. That's another thing I'm battling with. Your friends aren't applying for Sundance. Anyways, thank you so much. Any advice is helpful. Also, weird side note,

I actually know people that were at your wedding. What? Really weird. Whoa. Thanks for not exposing them. You don't give a shit about any of the wedding things. Yeah, if you don't care. So then don't do any of them.

I don't like this thing about like, what am I supposed to do? What does the world think I should do for my wedding? Who the fucking fuck cares? Do whatever the fuck you want. It doesn't matter is fucking nothing oh wow it's just a worst advice of all time a wedding a wedding is just the quickness of going from just to the sound is so stupid the wedding is just all right look dude is she tourette syndrome so she uh don't do this is my advice save whatever of the money you can dude just don't add shit that you don't want to add because you feel like you should first of all period in general it's just

gonna you're you're gonna that comes out of your pocket use that use the tips you're getting from waitressing to fucking put in a down payment on a fucking house we already have a house but enough whatever the fuck you know what i mean what another house something that is useful get a fucking car get a jackhammer do something with it weddings fucking piss me off dude the whole thing about the way people are about weddings the way fucking parents make it about them, dude. What the fuck? Sneeper. Who the fuck fucking gives a fuck? Sneeper. Alright. Yeah, just you

save your money, dude. Oh my god. Save your money. Alright, well that's good, you guys. We had a great episode and remember I'll be in fucking Dallas, Grand Prairie, whatever the fuck. And Atlanta, Georgia. I'll a great episode. And remember, I'll be in fucking Dallas, Grand Prairie, whatever the fuck. And Atlanta, Georgia. I'll see that guy in the pink, the fucking fake that had the guy from Russia.

Pretending to be from Alabama. I'll see him in Alabama or in Atlanta, Georgia. Whoops, that's Alabama. But, you know, he said he'd be there in Atlanta. Yeah, you're not going to Alabama, are you? I'm going to Atlanta, Georgia, September 9th, Wichita, Kansas, Washington, D.C., Stockton, California. I'll be in fucking Raleigh, Rockford, Cheyenne, Boston, Massachusetts, Albany, Lakeland, Florida, and Jacksonville, Florida. ChrisLeah.com.

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