Lifeline - 162. Never Come Clean

Episode Date: May 25, 2025

LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/lifelineluxury⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Our Patreon is also the exclusive home to all the live podcasts which we film and upload! 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠apple.co/3NG2G2G⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠spoti.fi/3NPUwoT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🔗 All our links: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/watchlifeline⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Today we're talking about having a friend who tells you about plans but doesn't invite you, asking another man for help removing your very tight shirt, if you should blow your nose in private, and discussing the merits of bidets once again. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. More LIFELINE: Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/watchlifeline⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tiktok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@watchlifeline⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ More Matt D'Elia: Sign up FOR FREE For Matt's Patreon for all episodes of The Private Record and upcoming drops of Matt D'Elia is Confused Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mattdelia.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. More Chris D'Elia: Congratulations podcast: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠congratulationspod.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Live on tour: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠chrisdelia.com/tour⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Book, direct and save at bestwestern.com. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, the bottom of this. It is Killian Murphy. It's Killian Murphy. Happy birthday. Killian! That's the... anyway. It's Dylan. Who's Roman Reigns and I know. Roman Reigns is definitely a porn star. And Mike Myers, you spelled Myers wrong. Congratulations. Congratulations everybody. It's episode 162 of Lifeline.

It is a great show. It's called Lifeline. You're watching. Learning English. Learning English. Now if you really want to get extra, your extra dosage of the Lifeline sign up for the Lifeline Luxury show. It is on Patreon, patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. There are no submissions. It's just me and my brother yucking it up, yucking it up double time. There are actually probably 60 or so episodes up now and two live shows and Anthony coughed in the middle of me saying that and it frankly pissed me way off. You can get it out.

Anthony has cancer, it's all, oh my fucking God. Wow, he keeps coughing. Blip it out. Look, it's fine, but just, you know, get our Patreon, it helps us and all that and anything. And it helps you because you get some supreme entertainment. At least three of them babies a month, that's an hour and a half of extra entertainment a month for just a small price.

My baby, my lady, my baby, my boy, my son, my child. When I put this shirt on today, I thought about how it was gonna blend into the background and it's cool that I did that. It looks like I'm just a floating head now. Lifeline, it's the floating head episode. Oh. A ghost. Well, yeah, that's what I was doing.

Okay. Okay, so, but anyway. Where are you gonna be? You're on tour. Yeah, I'll be at Fort Lauderdale, Ontario, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Irvine, Huntsville, Miami, Houston. That's all the summer. So go get tickets, chrisley.com. There's more after summer, Salt Lake City, Boise, Miami, Houston. That's all the summer. So go get tickets chrisley.com. There's more after summer

Salt Lake City, Boise, Idaho, Pittsburgh, Washington, DC. All political. Springfield, whatever. There's a Springfield in every state. He's going too fast. All good. Chris has a new website. Go check it out and buy tickets. Do both of those things. If you really want the real deal, Matt D'Alia's Confused Return 2.0. Sign up for patreon.com slash Matt D'Alia. It's coming back. It is back and it is free if you'd like it to be, but if you want to be in the OG crew before we launch, it's five dollars a month. Get in there. Baby baby, booyah booyah, and want to have a guess booyah? Want to have a guess is great. Thank you. Yeah I pulled my neck today doing nothing.

What do you mean? It just, I breathed. I go, oh. And then it's gonna be pulled a little bit. So it's fine. Walk us through it, if you don't mind, because I wanna understand better. I was walking around after I took my shower.

You were moving. Yeah, but that's not why it happened. I'm not saying it was. Well, I know I definitely, obviously I moved somehow, but I was walking around and then I stopped walking around and then I just kind of did nothing and then my neck got pulled. So when the pain first came.

It's not that bad, like the pain is a three out of 10. Sure, but when the pain first came. It's not that bad, like the pain is a three out of 10. Sure, but when the pain first came, you were literally not moving, not anything. Yeah, I mean, I, of course I was probably, maybe I would say somewhere, something was moving. I guess. Miniscule like movement, but yeah, no, it was like, uh-oh, uh-oh, here it goes. And it was like uh-oh uh-oh here it goes and it was just

the muscle going yeah let's make it a bit of spasm that maybe but like it's not the kind that'll make me not work out like it's it's it's okay it's it's just a little bit of a you know not the kind that'll make you stop getting Yankee yacky doodle dandy yeah right, right. But it's a, it's a little bit of a pinch, but yeah. So that's what it is. Yucky doodle, sweetheart. It's amazing how many non words you say. Truly.

And that's coming from me. Uh, I like non words. There's not enough real words. You gotta add extra ones. No, there's enough real words. What about, well, there are enough real world words, but except for then when, uh, remember when like, you'll be, they'll be like in France, there are enough real world words, but except for then when, remember when like, you'll be, they'll be like, in France,

there's a word for this, or in Russia, there's a word for this, but you don't have it. It's like, why don't we just have one? I'm so fascinated by that, man. And like, they'll be like, in German, there's a word for when you're sad, but there's something bittersweet about the sadness that actually makes you happy.

And you're like, that's 20 words in English. In Russian, there is a word for when a woman's heart is full of shit excrement because they are the devil. What is the word? And he runs away. Nice. Oh shit, they found me out. What kind of person like from the country not

like yeah you know an American citizen from Russia right but like what kind of person from a certain kind of place do you feel like you are probably the least aligned with or have the least in common with or something. What country? Yeah, like what kind of, what citizen of that country? Of, you're saying like Russian, Indian, Japanese. Zimbabwean, anything, yeah. Yeah, anybody who doesn't have like Wi-Fi somewhere.

Wow, the lowest bar. But be specific. We have Wi-Fi. Be specific. So it be specific. We have wifi. Be specific. So it's okay, we are somewhat alike. But you know, probably like- Culturally, I think is what I'm getting at. Tribes in, you know,

Yeah, like New Guinea or something. Yeah, or like South America that are just like, you don't even know they're there. Yeah. And they go, ha ha ha. We'll cut off your head as a compliment. Yeah. Seek, seek, seek.

You know, and you're's because they're brainwashed by Putin or whatever, they're all like, we love Putin and shit, and it's just like, what? No, you don't, you can't possibly. My sense is I have the least in common with Russians. Well, yeah, there are different things about Russians that are very different than American. The fact that they don't smile for no reason,

which is I guess weird that we do it, but it's to let people know that we come in peace and we're nice. But Russians are like, why the fuck would you smile if you're not happy? That's so funny. You know what is so interesting? That's so funny.

I know someone really well. She used to be a musician. She would tour all over the world. And when she would go to Russia and other places, but Russia specifically, they would they use the N word, but about non African Americans, like they'll use the N word about Turkish people. Okay. Isn't that weird that the N word has translated into just like people we look down upon?

That's really weird. Yeah. How weird is that? I don't know. And also how weird is it that she learned this from a cab driver that said, look at those N words and they weren't black people. She was like, what the fuck is going on? Also, why are you saying that to me?

You're a cab driver. Well, why are you smiling at me? You fucking weird bitch. Worst cab driver. But dude, Russians, they really don't though. They don't, McDonald's, I've said this before, but like McDonald's, when they opened in Russia, it was all service with a smile

and all the Russians were so confused. Because they were like, why is he handing me food and smiling they want something oh dude have you seen those anti-american pro-russian like Pizza Hut commercials from back in the day no probably not we'll watch them on luxury they're there they're basically the most propagandistic in Russia yeah like Pizza Hut was so big, it went all the way to Russia, like McDonald's has. And they're just like comparing Americans sitting down to eat Pizza Hut pizza

versus how Russians sit down to eat pizza. And Americans are all like miserable and distracted and not paying attention. And Russians are like singing Russian songs and smiling and hugging and loving. We eat pizza, we eat pizza now. We have pepperonis, we have mushrooms and sausage. Don't smile at me, you'll get a sore to the face. We eat pizza, all of us as a family. So you have seen them.

Eat this now. Enjoy it. We're so happy. Pizza Hut. They still do shit like that with like the military. They like make fun of the American military for being woke and then how like they just like kill people for fun. So that's cool. Die. Let's talk about before we get into submissions how Anthony has cancer. Want to? No, I don't know. Anthony has cancer want to know um I don't know Anthony has cancer But he doesn't though. No, I think he does no he doesn't he has he had a rash or something

No, it wasn't a rash. It was a car posi. So call me. What was it called? Fucking being cute guy. It's not anything yet cuz I don't know but the guy said that he thinks it's squamous cell carcinoma Oh, yeah, that's the kind that kills you right away Harry Potter fucking. What do you call it? What do you call those a wizard? No a Harry Potter one spell? haha Herpocus carcinomas did they cut it off? They did yeah, okay. Yeah, you're still gonna die. That's the kind that they cut it off It doesn't matter cuz you're still gonna die. That's the kind that if they cut it off, it doesn't matter, because you're still gonna die.

Anyway. Well, so, yeah, but it's gonna be fine, you know? Yeah, once he's dead, it happens. It's gonna be fine. Life will go on. It's gonna be fine for us. Yeah. But, yeah, I don't know.

Have you ever had stuff like cut off and all? I've had, what do you call it, like? A mole remove, whatever? Mole removes, yeah. Yeah, I've had one. I had a really big one... A mole remove, whatever? Mole removes, yeah. Yeah, I've had one. I had a really big one on my back. Oh, dude, how funny is this? I had a really big one on my back,

and when I got it done, I lifted up my shirt to show people, and I literally said, and told everyone at school, that you stabbed me in the back. This is symbolic. No, but for real, I said that you were threatening me with a knife and I was running and you nicked me and got me in the back. Well don't fuck with me. Don't fuck with me, man.

Isn't that so stupid? And everybody believe me. Lift me up and break me down, believer! Believer! Have no clue what you just did. The thing about Imagine Dragons is it sucks because when you get those songs stuck in your head you're gonna be a horse for a day or two afterwards. That's a song by a famous band. Yeah and the guy's so jacked and it's really funny that he's so jacked, and also he sings that song, and it's hilarious,

and it's so fucking like, fuck, who likes that kind of song? What words were you saying when you did that? I think he says something like, lift me up and break me down, believer. God, that's every song. Yeah, well yeah, if it's not about love, it's about, you know. That guy is singing what you just did? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Click on like any picture of him, doesn't matter. Not that one. He's, I mean. Oh, he's yoked. Yeah. He's Yoki Doodle Dandy. That's what I said. He's utterly Yoki Doodle Dandy. Right, it's funny to be a rock star and be that. It is funny.

Like he's Alan Richardson or whatever the fuck that guy's name is. Fuck that guy, dude. No, no, no, no, why? 100% fuck. The guy, everyone in that band suffers from premature ejaculation, there's no question. There's zero question.

Imagine coming after a long period of time. There's no way those guys don't all suffer from severe premature ejaculation. Look at the guy on the right. I can't even get in there, pussy! Look at the guy on the right. I can't even get an ampus-y. Look at the guy on the right. Yeah, dude. He's famous, famous for taking his pants off and a woman looking into his eyes and him splurting.

Wow, wouldn't that be interesting? Anyway, dude, that's Imagine Dragons. And Imagine Dragons, Dragons to the name. Like bro, dude, that is, like are they a gay band or no? They're not a gay band, right? Are they a gay band? Imagine Dragons. Is that a thing?

They're not a gay band, but no, I ask because of the name and then the guy who sings in it. Yeah, no, I understand. Is it gay bad? He's got a lot of colors on him though. They've got the rainbow on him. They're not gay. They're an ally though.

They're allied. Yeah. It doesn't matter if you're a guy. And you're a guy. Doesn't matter if you're a woman and you scissor. Hey. So quiet. That was so quiet. Imagine dragons.

That would actually probably what you're doing be a hit song. Well, I don't know why people don't make music like that. My shit would fucking bang. Dude, they need me as a ghost rider. Remember that song you made motorcycle. Mm-hmm motorcycle room room. It was a long time ago. Yeah He helped you he helped you just use a condom promote safe sex He helped you who make that song. Yeah, not cancer boy Chris. No, it's not. Yeah. Yeah

It's it's not a good song, but I mean, whatever. Oh, Be So Modest. I mean, if you like it, you like it. Oh, let's start it. Nothing about it was good. Now, that's not nice. I created it. I'll say how it's bad. I thought it was pretty good. It's like insulting someone else's grandmother. We spent like four minutes making a loop on GarageBand thousand dollars. So the new BeMo VI Porter MasterCard is your ticket to more. More perks, more points, more flights, more of all the things you want in a travel rewards card and then some. Get your ticket to more with the new BeMo VI Porter MasterCard and get up to $2,400 in value in your first 13 months.

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Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart. Groart groceries that over deliver What up Chris and Matt longtime fan first time caller seeking some advice is here. I Have this friend who will all the time just Tell me about plans he has with Friends of both of ours. He'll be like, oh me and so and so are hanging out No, we're doing this thing.

And it's always like someone I would want to hang out with and something I would want to do. And he's telling me that it's going to happen. And like sometimes I'm like, that sounds awesome. Yeah, like cool, hell yeah. Like I would love, that sounds awesome. I would love to do that. And sometimes he invites me, sometimes he doesn't but I'm like dude

You're telling me about this thing like and you're expressing interest or don't tell me about it. Yeah Drives me crazy. Yeah, and it's always people that I know and are friends with too. So I Don't know. How do I? Get him to invite me to stuff. It's first thing. The first thing is first. Look, go ahead. He, you have to Google right now, uh, Anthony, um, the teacher in Bivis and butthead, that's the first things first right now. Yeah. Is that, um, yeah.

Okay. And that's the first things first. Then go to images. Now that go to him. There you go. And now that is you. first. Then go to images. Now that go to him. There you go. And now that is you. Okay? Oh wow.

So that's you. It's interesting because he had a purple hat on too. And it's fine. Yeah. But that's you. So being a teacher. Maybe that's why. Look, I'd love to invite you to where we're going,

me and Ronnie, except for the fact that you're the teacher for Beavis and Butthead and cartoons don't go anywhere. Yeah, I, I, I mean, look, I'm a firm believer in you don't have to invite all your friends to everything always. I, I, that's so annoying when people are like, sometimes it's not even possible. No, no, it's not possible, but to do it all the time, but it is weird if he keeps bringing it up. It's like he's putting it in your face or something, or maybe he's like, you know, it's got to have to do with an insecurity about him. But what you should do is say, hey, you bring things up that I think as my friend,

you know me, you know I would wanna do. And then you either have to, you either wait for me to ask if I can come too, or you just don't invite me at all. Preferably for me is, if you know I can't come, just don't tell me. And then also, yeah. And if I can come, ask me.

Yeah, that's good. It's very, very simple and very good. It's so clear and so- Very simple and very good. It's just such a, the way the guy does it is like, it's almost like he was made in a pod when he was 18 and hasn't caught up to all the way Nuance ways people handle shit I'm going with David to the Dodger game. It's basically like that. Yeah

Click click, ah, I'm having a picnic with Ronald. Can I go? Dude, I don't know if, it is weird though, but I think that, dude, people need to stop wanting to go to things, pretty much is what it is. And I think that's the thing, I think that's the thing, is that people need to stop wanting to go to things pretty much is what it is. And you know, the amount of times you go and have fun with something is not.

It's not favor. It's not in your favor. You know what I'm talking about? The amount of times you know, unless you're're a dumb dumb, you know what I mean? Or like, oh yeah, let's go to whatever. Like what kind of guy is just like, let's go to whatever. Oh, what is it? Oh, oh yeah, it's a water park or a monster truck event or medieval times.

Who cares? You're a dumb bow dude. I agree with that, but that's not what he's saying he's like. What if the three things he was told about was the monster truck thing? The other thing and the other thing. And he's just like, oh. Yeah.

I think you're, I'm like you too. I think we're unique in that generally speaking, we don't wanna just go to things. Here's when I want to go to a thing, when I know I'm very likely to enjoy it. Right, right. If it seems like I might be neutral, or certainly if it seems like I won't like it,

there's no chance I'm going. Unless there's like a real incentive, like my whole family's going. Right, right. You know what I mean? Or all my friends are. Even if all my friends are going, I won't go. But I think most people.

I can imagine Dragon's concert. I'll go there. There's just no way. I'm bringing my boyfriend and I'm going. You couldn't. Let me think about this. How much someone would have to pay me to go to an Imagine. Any concert, honestly.

No, there are concerts I'd want. There are. There are very few. But to an Imagine Dragons concert, 500 bucks minimum. To me. Oh, to get paid to go. Someone to pay me to go, yeah. The tickets are probably that much too.

Yeah, totally. So pay double if you want me. Yeah, I don't know, man. I'm just like, you know, just, yeah, it's just, that is weird though, huh? Although, maybe, maybe, and I don't, and I appreciate you, dude, and I'm just here calling it, cause I don't know you, but maybe you're being a pussy.

You ever think of that? No? I hadn't. How do you? Cause like, maybe he's, maybe it's just like, dude, I'm going with fucking, you know, Ralph to the thing. And you're like, oh, and then the next time I see you, I was like, oh, I'm going to dinner with Marty. And you're like, oh, like.

Why is he always talking about shit he's doing to other people? I mean, well that, but that's the thing. How many times has he done it? For him to call in, it sounds like a lot. Except unless he's a pussy. Here's when it's, okay maybe, but here's when it's okay to do what the friend is doing

if it already happened. I went to dinner the other night with Ralph, it was so fun. Then you're a pussy if you're like, well why wasn't I? Well then yeah, then you're sopping. Yeah, then you suck. Then you're just completely sopping.

You need a shamwow. Things to come and it's like, you're just not, you got something wrong with you if you sense that there's somebody that wants to go to something and you just bring it up anyway, like fuck that guy. Yeah, but also- Bring it up with him. But also get yourself a ShamWow just in case.

What the fuck is a ShamWow? You don't know what a ShamWow is? So Irish, so Irish. ShamWow, you don't know what a Shamwell is? So Irish, so Irish. Shamwell, you don't know what a Shamwell is? Yeah, you do. It's that guy who was like, that would sell it. Who got a Shamwell? Remember that guy?

Make a note. Make a note for Shamwells on Lifeline Luxury. Oh yeah, we can do Lifeline Luxury. But anyway, dude. All right. Believe her. Oh, oh, hiding, hiding. Oh, dude, hiding.

Dude. Of all the topics. My girlfriend didn't know I'm making this video. I've never felt so passionate about the bidet episode. I thought for sure you guys would be my favorite. Chris, especially you with your psyllium husk. Ear cuffs. Keeping a clean shitter.

Ear cuffs. Do you want to rest for hearing? Look, let me just tell you. It's the way to go. It's a sniper, the way it shoots. It shoots right into your fucking asshole. Oh, hey, hi gay guy. I don't want a sniper shooting something into my asshole.

You gotta have it. And it cleans it up. It's like an American sniper, like Godling away. Shooting around into your asshole Why you're wiping shit? All over your ass asshole Think about that uh-huh

I'm thinking you're wiping it. No like dry brother. You're wiping it shit out of our office Brother, your wife, if we shit out of our office, would you just take a napkin and smear it all over your face? Not if there was no shit on it. And by the way, once you come over to the bidet side, good luck shooting anywhere else, because anytime you should, like I want to have that, like I want to have that sounds like a nightmare. I like, I want to have that fucking problem. Period. Because you're going to be thinking about. It's true. How I want to have that sounds like a nightmare. Like I want to have that fucking problem period. Because

you're going to be thinking about it's true. How I get it. All those swipes didn't take care of it. Get your steering wheel out of the shot. Brian De Palma. This isn't a discussion. I'm telling you all those swipes. swipes. You know that like it's Tinder. No. Clean your assholes. Sorry guys, swipes. I like his attitude but I do too. Your assitude is wrong. Does nobody think it's weird he called them swipes? It's not a credit card, it's wipe. Hey you swipe your ass. But what did he say swipes about? What did he say? You guys you guys don't think that that's weird.

I think that that's really weird. Tell me what he said. He said, you're doing all those swipes and you still have shit in your ass. All right, I'm pissed. I don't think- He's saying it like it's a word, another word for wipes.

Yeah, it's not- Yeah, was that for me, bro? No, it's for Matt. Oh, okay. I was about to take off. I understand. I just don't think it's for Matt. Okay. Oh, I was about to take off. I Understand I just don't think it's that weird. Oh man. I'm not like confused by the word I've never heard in my life someone who called it. Oh, man. I Didn't swipe my ass right. I've got to go back in and do a few more swipes, dude

Yeah, that's come on and do a few more swipes. Dude. Yeah, that's- Come on. Fucking swipe? Like he's stealing the shit? Yeah, also the thing you said about you'll never be okay shitting in another toilet.

Like who wants that? Yeah, I don't want that. You need a bidet to wipe your ass? That's not a good thing. So you're at the mall, you're at the Glendale Galleria and you gotta fucking be like, oh man, but they don't have a bidet so I'm not gonna be able to shit.

They're gonna have a shitty ass, and I still have to wait in line at fucking, you know, Orange Julius. Dude, that's horrible. Dude, I'll tell you this much. Also wipe your ass better. No, yeah, just, no. That's why the thing, I, bidet, I don't,

first of all, it's just water that's shooting. It's not soap and fucking, it's not cleaning your ass. It's wetting up the dirt, and that's shooting. It's not soap and fuck, it's not cleaning your ass. It's wetting up the dirt and that's shit. And now you've got a muddy shitty ass, okay? That's disgusting. So just get, and here's the dude. How do you dry your ass?

You don't, you don't. Pull up your pants with a wet asshole? Yes, yes. What the fuck is wrong with everybody? It's disgusting, bro. You're also smearing it in. Dude, if you have, it's actually so disgusting, yes. What the fuck is wrong with everybody? It's disgusting, bro. You're also smearing it in. Dude, if you have, it's actually so disgusting, dude. Here, if you just use Seelium Husk,

I just started taking it again yesterday because enough's enough, dude. Enough is a fucking enough, man. I need that tapered shit. Because Seelium Husk is really good. George Brett. Yeah. Dirty shit, Husk 9. I'll pass, Husk 9. Perfect double good George bet. Yeah There's shit house. I just pass outside

Perfect double tapered shit. Yeah Double tapered, you know, I mean but days are so but days are so congratulations If you use a bidet your asshole is now a pussy Also bidet you have tits But they aren't bidets for women's vaginas. Men explode in you. Yes. Yes, bidets are initially for men's vaginas. Oh yeah, dude. Bidets. Women's vaginas, sorry.

Congratulations, go to a matinee with a man. You are now a woman with a vagina. And your favorite band is Imagine Dragons. You're in the front row. Even if that's how they started, what it is now is, I mean, you know, they're called, it's called a washlet. No, I get it. I get it. A it what a wash lit a

wash lit come up with better names who fucking wash lit god damn that's a washland right in it so British I don't I don't I think he's right it's not it's not nothing but a wash man you have a bidet right yes a wash lit oh yeah corrective mode dude yes a wash lit washlet. The transcription, you have a bidet right? Yes, a washlet. All right, I mean, I guess agree to disagree. It's just like the bidet chronicles. My ass wiping is fine.

I wipe until there's no more shit on it. I mean, and then I'm happy. And you guys clay. A way that I could explain this better is as a woman that I have to like get disgusting. Oh, well, it's disgusting. Well, he brought it there. So go ahead. You don't, by the way, I'm not listening to the guy who has handcuffs on his ear.

Do you ever have like a really, um, okay, I have a friend who... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's him! Wow. Will take a really terrible shit and then take a shower afterwards because he's like... His name is Tristan Focco. Tristopher Focco. But if you have a washlet or bidet, whatever you wanna call it, like you can take care of that problem

without having to shower after. You also don't have to shower after you shit unless you're a fucking disgusting guy who is jack in the box five times. Well no that's not true. Sometimes you are eating normal and you just fucking have a really bad movement. I use coelium husk that's why I use that because I don't have a vagina, I have an anus. My shits are terrific. I never need like...

Trump. Trump. Trump at the doctor. I have an anus. My shits are terrific. I never need like Trump at the doctor Extra like other stuff. I just shit I wipe my ass. I make sure there's no more shit and I am flying high I come out of the toilet skipping and singing a song so weird and childish. All right Imagine dragons. That's what you're saying? That's how I do it. I do have a friend who does that though. Break me down, believer! What?

I said I do have a friend who does that. His name's John. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And then you gotta take a little nap and then you gotta fucking do 20 minutes fanning your asshole. You gotta say your prayers and then go to bed. You wake up and then you're ready to start the day. Alright, well yeah, I don't... I agree to disagree man. I'm strongly against the bidet. It's fine. It's fine if you use it and you like it. Good for you. Both of my cousins that I'm very close with swear by their bidets and I want them to shut up just as much as I wanted you to shut up while you were talking. Dude I've used bidets

plenty of times it's always so annoying. It seems annoying. And here's the other thing too, it's not like if you shit out of your mouth because if you shitting out of your mouth that's disgusting you got to talk out of your mouth everyone's looking at it. Dude it's all the way back there. You're gonna wash your mouth out. You'll wash it tonight. You're gonna make sure it's all fucking clean. It's not a comparable, sorry, guy, but that's not a comparable fucking comparison. All right, next. Motherfuckers get me thinking I need a bidet.

Hello. So close. So I train MMA. And about four days ago, my left shoulder started to scream in absolute pain and agony made the training session. So I had to quit early and went to the dressing room to change. And we have these rash guard shorts on which are very tight and elastic. And the only way to take them off. They're really hard. It's like a copy. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

And I can't do this because of the bitch we did. Yeah, of course. And there is only me and this other guy. Oh, I see. Yeah. That I don't know in this dressing room. Okay. You're all. Yeah. And I'm thinking if I should ask this guy to... Yeah, you should. He already fucking wrestled with the water. ...take my shirt off. Wow. Yeah.

Or if I just... should just bite in the sour apple and do it myself. No. But that would be horrible for my shoulder. No. Make it worse. Cut it off. Yeah, I'm just wondering what you guys would have done in my situation. Oh, 100% would have asked the guy. I ended up just doing it myself because I didn't want to make it extremely uncomfortable

for the both of us. Well, it was uncomfortable for you. But it hurt. Was it? It hurt, you know? It hurt for like the next hour. Yeah. Okay, bye, love you, bye.

So my question, sorry, I compare it to a cup. Is it shorts? No, no, no, bye. Love you. Bye. So, my question, sorry, I, I, I compare it to a cup. Is it shorts? No, no, no. He's talking about a shirt. The shirt that you wear is really tight either under his gi or maybe he's no gi but it's just so you can't like, you know, so it's slick and you can't grab it. Then definitely ask a guy. If it's not... Like a, like a, like a, like a bicycle. If it's not like he's gonna take it off and your balls are gonna slap him in the face, then ask the guy. Dude, nobody is like fucking bugged out

by like, whoa, whoa, this is gay. Well, some people are. If you think that, you're gay. It happened with me once with my wife and I busted in my condom and then she went to the bathroom and I asked my buddy to take my condom off and he wouldn't do it. And I'm like, that's gay. You're obviously a homophobic. Why was your buddy there?

Get on your knees and take off my condom. Why was your buddy there? Well, back when Radio Shack was the thing, it was right outside of this Radio Shack. Okay, well, you need help. I was like, dude, and he was carrying, I remember he was carrying fucking, because Starbucks was next to the radio show, he was carrying a bunch of coffees, I was like, just use your mouth. And he was like, no. He was like, you're gay, dude. Get on your knees, take my condom off with your mouth, I just had sex with my wife, there's nothing gay about this. Okay. And then I went in and I got a VCR. It's so not weird to ask a guy to help you take your shirt off when your shoulder is

fucked beyond belief. There's not even a remotely weird element to it. I mean, unless you took your pants and underwear off first and then were like, oh man, will you help me take my shirt off? And you were like this. Yeah. And also, here, use leverage on my cock here. Just grab my cock like this and just take my shirt off? Yeah, and you were like this. Yeah, yeah. Help me take my shirt off. Hey, and also, here, use leverage on my cock here. Just grab my cock like this and just take my shirt off like this. See how my cock's hard? It's really steady.

Just grab it so you have something to hold onto. Something stiff to hold onto. So then you can peel my shirt off with your other hand. And then you're like this. Ow, watch your shoulder. Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ah! Like it hurts and feels good

but different parts of your body. Ah, my shoulder. Ooh, careful. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ow, my shoulder. Yeah. Or just ask him to take off the shirt for you.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Spit on it. Oh, yeah. Ow, my shoulder. You know? You're good, man? Yeah. OK, cool. Yeah, man, on my shoulder. You know? You're good, man? Yeah.

Okay, cool. Yeah, man, it's easy. I think you're a little too worried about, like, the invasion of other people's potential weirdness. Nobody's weird about that. Well, no, that's not true. Guys are weird about that. And then they'll let you know,

and then you can know that guy's an asshole. That's fair enough. But just ask. That's fair enough. Because it's not weird. Especially if he's foreign, if he was in a foreign country. You're in a fucking training gym. Well that's my whole point is that

you guys rub your dicks all over each other on the mat. Gay, a gay place. But you do though. Like your dicks go literally in their faces and on their chins and stuff. Believe it! Not true. No, they do, yeah, but they're just clothing, you know, that stops it.

But yes, they do. Your penis is against a man's butt a lot. I mean, it's just what it is. It's jujitsu. It's a jujiz, you know? Okay. And you're going to perform the omoplata, you might have it both in the face, right?

Jujitsu? Okay. Well, I stand corrected, I suppose I suppose but either way I still think it's not weird especially because of that you're already rubbing that face in guys that's balls in one point. What's peeling a shirt off? Hey remember how we were wrestling you put your balls in my face for a little bit there and I couldn't get out? Can you take my shirt off? That's nothing compared to what I'm about to ask you. Ha ha ha. Now put your hand on my penis and try to take my shirt off. Oh yeah, oh my shoulder. Ha ha ha.

All right, new one. Hey guys, I've called in twice before. If you don't recognize me, that's. I think I do. Ouch, but it's okay. You're beautiful. What do you think about blowing your nose? Is it...

Need a bidet. Like, should you have to excuse yourself? Like, if you have to burp or fart, which I know you think burping is gross and you're farting. Yeah, I do. I'm not on board with that. Yeah, it is. Fine.

It's okay. I teach high schoolers and they'll put their hand up and ask if they can go out in the hallway or to the bathroom because they have to blow their nose and I'm like just blow your nose. Like am I disgusting for just blowing my nose? I don't do it all nasty like it's just like honk, clear my nose, garbage. Is that something that you should be like doing in private? What do you think? I don't think so. Unless it's like a real messy mess and you know it's gonna be one, but it really is that. I think I, my first instinct is to think

that it's probably a post COVID era thing where people are like super germ, either phobic or aware of germs. It's nothing though. To me it sounds like a wussy youth thing that is like, you know, whatever, Gen Z. Like, you don't blow your nose around me, it's racist. You know, that kind of thing.

That's not what it is. Oh, you're really gonna blow your nose around a black guy? That's not what it is. And then you're canceled, you can't work a black guy? That's not what it is. And then you can't yeah, you're canceled. You can't work for fucking a decade That's not what that's Gen Z for you, but I'm just saying fucking I would rather someone Let's see. I would rather have someone rip a fucking fart Then burp bro. What I think you should maybe do is say you need to blow your nose Why do you need to go in the hallway? Yeah, and maybe if they're gonna if they're like it's gonna be really messy

it's I just want to uncomfortable then okay. Or if they're like I'm a little embarrassed also okay but like if they think it's manners you can be like it's not bad manners to do such a thing. Yeah. You have the Kleenex it's blocking the the blow of anything you're blowing out. Like just do it. Also, did you just get out of the pool and do you have a towel on too? That's hilarious. Like, does she have a bikini and a towel on?

She's got nothing on underneath and I'm like, yay, yay. But why did she choose now to do the video? It's hilarious. Because she thought about it now. She was just robbing that apartment. And honestly, she has no bottom on and I'm just like, yay, yay. No, no, no, she literally was at someone else's pool,

robbed their house, and was like, I got to do this actually video. This video for Lifeline has been really bugging me. Yeah, and then she took her bottom off, and I was like, yeah. All right, you know, man, bottom off. Bottoms off, baby. What's up, man, Chris?

What's up? Love the show. Love what you guys do. Thank you. I got a question about like chirps or insults that people do. Okay. For example, I was golfing the other day and I made a double bogey and I guess this guy was watching and he drove up on his car behind me and he goes nice double from his car

and I looked at him and looked away because that pissed me off because I was already upset myself and in like in my head I wanted to be like oh like go enjoy your bitch wife and your sucky kids imagine but I didn't but like that's how I want to respond and so there's just like enjoy your bitch wife and be like oh yo you know what happens or like my friends will be like oh yeah didn't your girlfriend break up with you? Hope your dog father thinks you're a failure. I don't know how to respond to that. Like I don't think it's funny I don't think it's those little insults are funny I'm a competitive person and on one hand, I think if I respond negatively to any of those insults or chirps that

They're gonna know they got to me and like they got under my skin. You don't want to want them to know I feel that way. And then on the other hand, I like I don't have any responses. I don't ever like feel like I need to be like an insulting person or like joke with you about little stuff. So like any advice you have on like how to deal with that. I think it happens a lot to people where something will happen and people like make a little joke about it because they don't have anything better to say. Yes. Chris, my brother thinks that you're just

gonna make more fun of me because you're a comedian than that like you think like all jokes are funny but I don't know. Matt, Chris, appreciate any advice you guys have. Thanks. I mean, yeah, sometimes, I mean, so he, yeah. I mean, you don't know the guy, he just says nice double. One by one, one by one, yeah. The, the, the per, you know how golf works, right? Yeah. Like, yeah, yeah. There's people in front of you, behind.

So the per, the person behind or in front, I guess, was like, hey, nice double. And then kept going on the golf That's so dick. So dick. Now look if he's annoyed with how slow you're going and he's like then you know it's a different thing like why did he do that okay but if it's just because he has his own issues and he's being a dick fuck that guy. That guy that guy's asking to get punched in the face. Yeah yeah you know like I'm not saying you should do that. You should not. But like it's like that's what he's asking for. Hey

punch me in the face in a stupid golf cart you know? You know it would have been a good I know it's 2020 hindsight but you should have just said hey you're trying to get punched in the face and and not do it and have no intention of doing it but just see what he says. When someone's a dick on that level, just be like, hey, you trying to get punched in the face or something? Like out of curiosity almost. Nice double. Yeah, I'm good at doubles. I'm going to double, here comes a double takedown.

Double leg takedown. Ah! And then just fucking trip. Too much, you know? Get out of the thing. Get out of the golf cart. Go, get up, stand up. Ah!

Told you. Did he go on to say say his friends think it's funny to say, ha ha, your girlfriend broke up with you? Here's the deal. Because that is a whole lot. And that's fine. Whole other level. Yeah, I...

That is just not remotely funny and only mean. Well, your dad left when you were four. Like that, yeah, there's nothing funny there. Just like this. Yeah. Anyway. Like, and when your friend says that, do the other friends laugh? Oh man, just evil villains.

Because I'm frankly thinking like maybe you need a new friend. That's fucking crazy, dude. If I was dating a girl and I was trying to hang, and I was hanging out with my guy friends to like, I don't know, either get my mind off of it or maybe even feel better. And one of them was like, hey, bro, your girlfriend broke up with you. I mean, I don't think I would punch him in the face, but I would be like, what? Well, you're asking me to punch in the face. What's the joke? Hey, hey, hey, look at me, look at my ass, look at my ass. Hey, hey, Well, you're gonna get punched in the face. What's the joke?

Hey, hey, hey, look at me, look at my ass, look at my ass. Hey, hey, hey, your girlfriend broke up with you. I have no choice, I need to hit you. Everyone's like, roasted him. Everybody's uncomfortable. Yeah, roasted him. Oh shit, you're gonna take that from him? You're gonna make another roast back?

That's the thing Yeah, he roasted him. Oh shit, you're gonna take that from him? You're gonna make another roast back? That's the thing though, dude. I think you should call someone like that on the spot and be like, this is what I do. Honestly, I do this. When someone says something that is just mean and I cannot for the life of me find the potential humor in it, I just say, wait, what's the joke? And then they have to tell you.

Because you're asking politely and you're clearly confused. You're not like, hey, fuck you, man. You think that's funny? You're just asking what the joke is. And chances are they can't answer. And when they start to not answer, then you twist the dagger. Then you twist the dagger. They're like, oh, and you're like, yeah, I thought so, because it's not funny at all. You're just being a dick, why? And then they're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then maybe-

Here's a golf cart, they're like, oh. Oh. And then maybe, maybe they'll be like, oh, somebody's defensive, and you could just be like, yeah, man, because you're a fucking asshole. And I know you don't wanna make it weird among your friends, but sometimes you have to About the double bogey thing, you know nice double What sorry? What's the joke?

Yeah, yeah, nice double. Sorry. What's the joke? No, I know but what's the joke? You're just reiterating a fact. No you It's just you had so many swings. It's good. It's a good tactic because it disarms people. It makes them have to answer and you're putting them on the defense instead of you. You had a bunch of swings and I was just coming in, just making light of the situation, I guess, but I don't know. Have a good day. Yeah, people are just... Where did you get your clubs? The thing is, people are... Have a good day.

People are confrontational because they think you're not going to be. Titilist? Titilist. Titilist? Yeah. So when they get it back from you, they're shocked. So just send it back. Does Prince make golf balls? Prince?

Prince the, is that a tennis? Is Prince the brand? Or a? Tennis. Dunlop, no that's tennis. Dunlop, huh? No, that's tennis? That's tennis.

Oh fuck, what else is golf? He knows. I mean, Callaway. Are those Callaway? Yo, yo. Are those Callaway? These are always like fucking uneven. The clubs in the back. One time I was at my fucking friend's house. They had a fucking dumb ass house on a golf course because people do that for some ungodly

reason. And I fucking loved the golf cart because I don't care about golf and I was just driving the golf cart and you could drive between the houses and for whatever fucking reason. This has little shit written all over it. Oh yeah, this is complete little shit.

I saw an opening between two houses and I was just like, fuck it, I'm gonna go for it. Emmett Smith retired. And I fucking floored it, there was bumps. I bumped up too high and I bumped part of it into the house next to it. And that bounced me back off the other house. And then I was bouncing back and forth,

but still the pedal was to the bottom. And I finally got out the other side and I came to a slow roll stop. And the guy whose house it was, whose golf cart is parents obviously, was like, what the fuck? I'm gonna go. Was there an earthquake?

And I was like, dude, I don't know, I lost control. And he was like, both of the fucking headlights are out. And you ruined two houses. And I was like, let's not tell them. So we didn't tell them, the parents, and we didn't tell the people whose houses we rammed into. The headlights we found out, but the houses, nobody ever got us in trouble for.

Wow. Yeah, never come clean is the moral of that story. Wow. Dude, that's so shitty you did that. That's so something you would have done at your age. At that age. Yeah, totally. And you'd never do that now.

It was so fucking stupid. You really grew up. Well, now I would never want to be on a golf cart, yeah. But things back then, I just wanted to be on things that were similar to cars, because I was underage for driving. Oh, OK. So I just wanted to be on things that were similar to cars because I was underage for driving. So I just wanted to be on golf carts, go-karts, all this shit. That's funny. Yeah. I mean I was stealing people's cars, my friends, before I was even 16. You know, I stole his car once. What do

you mean? We were at Georgie's, the pizza place, and I fucking went to the parking lot, stole his keys, went to the exit and I saw him at the table with all our friends and I went, bye. And I saw him go, what the fuck? And you didn't have your license yet? No, he was totally right, it was so stupid. It was such a dick move. Dude, that's so stupid.

Yeah, I was such a little shit. Georgie's was good though. Georgie's was the shit, it's not there anymore. They got rid of it right? What's there now? Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for four dollars. New four-piece french toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's taxes extra.

One time I went to Georgie's, I would go to Georgie's all the time, bro, and I would always get the club sandwich. It was really good, man. Fuck. Only with, because they would put ham in it, and I don't want the ham, I would get double turkey, and then sometimes I'd get no middle bread. And one time, the lady that always took the order.

Yeah, I remember her. Yeah, she messed it up one time. And Georgie was there. And he was like, what is this? He comes in all the time. It's him? He always gets a double fucking turkey. And he was like, the guy gets it all the time.

And then remade it. Wow. I mean, I don't know. She got that bitch fired? No, no, no. She was around forever. What the hell is she doing now, you know? That's crazy.

Well, you ever think about like what people are doing now? After the business they've been working on? No, no, not even just like when you get to be 45, you forget people and then you re-remember them. Like there was one guy that was, I was like, oh dude, I started standup with him. He did standup. And I was like, who is that guy?

I knew his first name. It was him. That standup. And I was like, who is that guy? I knew his first name. It was him. That's it. And I asked chat GPT, I described the guy. I was like in 2008, he might've done standup around the Ha Ha Cafe open mics. And sure enough, it fucking, it found him. Really?

Yep, chat GPT found him. Kevin Hart. And that person was Jerry Seinfeld. Who was it? If you don't wanna say. No, his name is Michael Malone. Yeah, he does standeld. Who was it? Do you know what I say? No, his name is Michael Malone. Yeah, he does stand up in the- Carl Malone?

No, no, no. The fucking mailman? No, no, no, I think he's in Detroit now, but anyway, he has a podcast and stuff. I follow him. I re-followed him on Instagram because I wanted to see what he was doing. Michael Malone is a cool name.

Yeah, I don't like names that begin with the same letter. I love it. Michael Malone, what's up, shout out. No, he was cool, dude. Was Michael Malone the guy in the Cubs hat that tagged along to the 101 with us that one time? You mean Andy Kozell? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That was a... That guy sucks, dude. No, no, he doesn't. I remember saying that one time, because you said he sucked. But yeah. I'm allowed to say he sucked. He was a good guy. No, I didn't even know that.

He was a good guy. He made himself come with us when we were going to get somebody that was pretty weird, but he's a good guy I wonder what the fuck he's doing now. Anyway, this is definitely wearing a Chicago Cubs hat Yeah, I mean the guy was so Chicago is unbelievable. Yeah slept in it Hey, this is Gina from Arizona again. I just How much is she working advice for the 18 year old who's going through a heartbreak. His friend said he should have a ho phase and there's only really two things that that could mean coming from a woman is she doesn't have a chance with you unless

you lower your standards and then she can kind of jump in the ho face. Whoa. Which means she likes you. Or she sees you getting your heart broken because you are extremely attached very quickly to the women you meet and date and you think you're gonna marry them and then when it doesn't work out,

it's the worst heartbreak ever. And you're 18, you're gonna marry them and then when it doesn't work out, it's the worst heartbreak ever And you're 18 you're not gonna I mean chances are you're not gonna marry a woman you meet at this age and Maybe loosening up and not trying to marry every woman you meet might help the breakups go a little bit smoother You'll be alright you're a cute kid and there's someone out there for everyone. So you'll be fine. Also, it's do pants and I will die on that hill. Um. Yeah. Talking about. I do. Alright. thanks. She's got great teeth. Now, how much, I would bet my house, my dog, my entire fucking family, including you,

That's mean. That her job in some way, Is esthetician. Is in skincare. To find out, email her. Hey, are you in skincare? No. Oh. Okay, I have to get my family. Bye, Chris. skincare. Find out, email her. The hair you and skin down? No. Oh, okay.

I have to get my mom by dad. Bye Charlie. I, that actually, sometimes a woman's perspective. Yeah, of course. Yes. I'm just like, my head spins. Cause I'm like, whoa, I don't even come close to thinking like that. And that sounds right. So why, I don't even come close to thinking like that.

And that sounds right. So why did you not come close to thinking about that? Because I think that that sounds totally logical. No, it does, but I didn't think of it. Got it. The point is, it sounds so fucking logical, but my brain never would have gotten there on its own. I doubt it's the first. Because I have a man's brain, because I'm so fucking macho.

I'm like, bro, did the sleeves rip on my shirt like all the time. No, they do. So, but like what she was, the first thing she said, which was, she wants to be one of the girls who gets to sleep with you, and she wants the bar lower to be part of the whole phase. That isn't something I ever would have thought and it makes so much sense. So wait, maybe I misunderstood, so.

And frankly, the fact that you misunderstood is pissing me off. So she's saying like, I wanna sleep with you. By the way, what was the guy, what was the thing? The guy was 18 and he was saying, I have a close girlfriend. The guy was 18 and he was saying, I have a close girlfriend. I had a girlfriend, we broke up. I still have a girl who is my friend and we're very close.

She thinks, she's advising me to go through what she calls a ho phase, which doesn't mean you only sleep with hoes, it means you become a ho. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, I don't know if that's the best thing for me, but she's very adamant about it. And she's a female, and I trust her perspective,

and she cares about me and all that shit. And I was like, I don't think a ho phase is necessarily the best, but you got to look inside you and see if it is for you. It's not a one-to-one thing. It's not like, oh I got broken up with, I got to have my whole face. I hate that kind of thinking. It's so fucking stupid and gets people in so much trouble. That is unnecessary. But he was being logical and thoughtful about it. Anyway, this is this woman's response and I think her response was better than the advice I gave because it's insight

into why she's saying what she's saying. I just think she doesn't like you. I still think that she doesn't like him that much. If a girl's saying, you gotta have a ho face, we were together. No, no, no, no, you're missing the point. She's not the one that was together with him. He has a separate friend who is a girl,

which frankly I made very clear on that. No, you did not make that clear. No, I went out of my way to make it clear. You didn't make it very clear. We can rewind it. Because even I was like, mm, that's not very clear. Everyone who's watching can go back and rewind and see, oh wow, Matt made it so fucking clear.

I can't even fucking believe it. You didn't, and they go, they go. But I don't have to, because it was so fucking obvious that I was doing that at the time. You don't even have to remember. All right, so it's a different person. Oh, then yeah, then definitely that could be true. Yes, absolutely.

Exactly, yeah. So anyway, get down on the bed. Yeah, so you need a whole face. Hey. Open it in the mouth so you can put his dick in it. Oh, oh, how could I not know that? All right, that was great. That was a great submission.

Let's do one more. Hopefully your skincare thing is gone. I don't wanna lose you. Hey, Chris and Matt. So I was walking in my building and struggling with the lock and the code wasn't working. Some neighbors let me in.

The first guy was like, yeah, here you go, man. I was like, thanks. I just asked, you guys struggle with a lock sometimes, it seems like it's been acting weird lately. And the one guy's like, yeah, they're weird sometimes. And the other guy from the beginning of this conversation just started saying, you're good. You're good. You're good. No, you're good over and over again. And I'm just sitting there thinking, yeah, I know I'm good, man. That is fucking nothing to do with the conversation. And I was just polite and everything, but I just couldn't help but think, you know, what is this guy doing? I know what he's doing. And the same guy will send them shout stuff to neighbors, seemingly just to call attention to himself and sort of a weird bizarre way. So what do you think's going on? Is it some sort of alpha move where he's trying to seem

like alpha or something? Or is he just being positive? Am I the asshole? What do you guys think? He doesn't want you to feel weird too. I think, yeah, I think what he's doing is he's like, you don't need to keep talking. It's okay.

You're good. He thinks he's alleviating your anxiety about having to explain yourself. So you're not a crook. Right. But the fact that he keeps saying you're good is annoying because you're actually asking something else. You're not worried about seeming like a fucking criminal. You're worried, not worried, but you're trying to have a conversation about if other people are having trouble with their keys. Now, the guy that was saying you're good, you're good, you're trying to have a conversation about if other people are having trouble with their keys. Now the guy that was saying you're good, you're good, you're good, you're good deserves an aluminum baseball bat to his jaw. But also though we're assuming that they don't know each

other. If they might know each other, they know each other then he knows he's not a criminal. So then the you're good, you're good is a different thing and it's just him being a fucking annoying alpha Dude, yeah, Jim saying yeah, I don't I don't Well, I don't know but he's implying that he he didn't say he knew the guy No, he didn't but he did he did say that he sees him around a lot and he's always doing alpha saying alpha dumb shit Yeah, see you don't pay attention and that's that is what lies the whole problem. That's where the whole problem lies What do you mean? You weren't clear and You don't pay attention and you weren't clear that one time when you said the thing and you didn't make it clear

I do pay attention and I would bet you money that I pay more attention on the whole than you do I don't know I do The jury's out on that. You know what's a good thing to do when you're talking, like we're doing, and somebody says, mm, I don't know, a good response to that is, that's OK, you don't have to, because I do. Oh, wow, it is.

OK? And then it's just like, do-do-do-do-do-do. Poof. Swish. Nick Van Exel shit? Yeah. The UTEP two-step, Tim Hardaway. Nick Van Exel? Remember fucking Robert Season would always talk about Nick Van Exel? Yeah, dude, remember when he used to be Van Exel shit? Yeah. The UTEP two step, Tim Hardaway. Nick Van Exel, remember fucking Robert Seastrom

would always talk about Nick Van Exel? Yeah, dude, remember when I used to make you do in my bedroom, I made you come in and do impressions of everyone on your sophomore basketball team. Yeah. Yeah. Let me see if I can get them all. Robert Seastrom. Yeah.

Blair Schobert. Blair Schobert. Derrick Yee. Oh, Sean Kemper is the most entertaining player in DMA. Ryan Stevens? No. Not Ryan. Mike Stevens. But yeah, but he was,

Ryan was the brother. There was no impression for him. Oh really? Yeah, Mike Stevens was the damn impression. Fuck, who else was that? I don't remember, man. Some Asians for sure. Oh, well Derrick Yee. Oh, Sean Kemper is? I don't remember, man. Some Asians for sure. With Derek E.

Oh, Sean Kemp is the most entertaining player in the NBA. Oh, Sean Kemp, Sean Kemp is the most entertaining player in the NBA. Okay, okay, okay. That's why Derek E. would say shit like that. And then he would be like, oh, did you see Batman Returns? You'd be like, no.

Oh, you didn't? How do you answer that? You'd be like, no. You didn't? I already answered that. I don't like that. That drove me nuts. You didn't? Are you asking if I saw it in the last two seconds? The last time you asked me? The movie's 95 minutes. And then Derek, he one time went fucking, do we wear it,

Moose McGillicutties, the fucking, his bar, and he was so drunk dude and we got he got kicked out we all got well he got kicked out so we all left and he was like somebody was like and we're like put him in your car and I was like nice gonna throw up like just put him in the car we gotta get him home and I was like no he's gonna throw up and then Mike Stevens said trust me he's not gonna throw up and Derek you crawled in my car to throw up and I just go why would you say you guarantee it when you I took that why would he chew if he's out of your car no cars are moving and he's like oh my god I gotta throw up dives into your car well it wasn't he didn't go my point I said a little misleading okay it was like he went in my car to throw up. It didn't, he didn't- Because it was so automatic. Yes, yes, it was so automatic. It was like the one second in my car and he just upjucked. And there was, and I was completely right.

I've never been more right, except for when I said that you weren't clear. I mean, you can't really be more right than that. Yeah. He's gonna throw up in my car and then I was like, no, and you're like, yes he is, and then in a second he throws up. And, he's gonna throw up in my car and yeah, I was like no and you're like yes. I was so pissed off. And then and then he cleaned and then he cleaned it.

He cleaned it up when he was sober. Yeah. Or Mike did when he got I think I said you're gonna clean it up if he throws up. He's like, you know, I think it was something like that. I remember so long ago. Good deal. But I got him back. Yeah, nice.

I got him back. Yeah, that's nice. You want to know how? Yeah. I'll tell. You fucked his wife? Yeah. Uh, all right. Well, this was a really really really Really good episode filled with really good submissions. I'm the best. Oh, that's not no, You can't just say that dude sign up for a patreon

I would appreciate it. It's the only reason this show exists because you guys the patreon subscribers. Thank you so much I would appreciate it as well and live shows to the really fun and funny and Go see me on tour. I'm at Chris Lee comm and make sure before it's no longer free to sign up for patreon.com slash Matt D'Elia