Lifeline - 169. Boring Pills

Episode Date: July 13, 2025

LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/lifelineluxury⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Our Patreon is also the exclusive home to all the live podcasts which we film and upload! 💵 Use code LIFELINE for 20% off your first purchase at https://custclothing.com - premium closet staples for you 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠apple.co/3NG2G2G⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠spoti.fi/3NPUwoT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🔗 All our links: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/watchlifeline⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sorry again about the green studio. As you can see we're well on our way to a better setup and we're almost there! Today we're talking about handling racist relatives, pressures and issues with selecting a best man, moving on from cheating, night terrors, and umbrellas. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. More LIFELINE: Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/watchlifeline⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tiktok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tiktok.com/@watchlifeline⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ More Matt D'Elia: Sign up FOR FREE For Matt's Patreon for all episodes of The Private Record and upcoming drops of Matt D'Elia is Confused Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mattdelia.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. More Chris D'Elia: Congratulations podcast: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠congratulationspod.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Live on tour: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠chrisdelia.com/tour⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There's regular cold. And then there's the mountains are blue cold. Mountain cold refreshment. Core's light. The chill choice. Celebrate responsibly. Must be legal drinking age. This episode is brought to you by Adidas.

When the frustration grows and the doubts start to creep in, we all need someone who has our back to tell us we'll be okay. To remind us of our ability. To believe. Because their belief in us transfers to self-belief and reminds us of all that we're capable of. We all need someone to make us believe. Hashtag you got this. Too many drinks. I mean three friggin' Maison Perrier. Are we starting? I hate that it's Maison right now. Three Maison Perriers?

Why do you have three Mais perriels right there? Here's why. We're in a different studio now. I don't have the same body to bag scenario where I can as easily dip into my bag and grab a Maison Prérie from my bag and this one's a run a little low I knew I need a backup and then I was like why don't I just take both because I don't know if I want a line. So you'll drink oh okay yeah so you'll drink the three of those and maybe the coffee during this whole episode? There's no way I'll drink. Not all of them. There's no way I'll even crack the third.

Then why have those Maison Perguell's out here then? Because I don't know which one I'll want. Oh, okay. One is Marceau Pleurain. Threw up. And the other one is Marceau Pleurain. Okay. Lime. Threw up.

Episode 169, it's Sunday, happy birthday to Harrison Ford. And MF Doom, dude. He died, he's dead. That's what RIP means. Harrison Ford is not dead yet, and he's about 80. What does he turn, 80? I don't know. But look, it's lifeline. Also, it's the Hawk 2L girls birthday.

But I left that out because it doesn't matter I care about women Yeah, I believe them. Yeah, they're hot to you believe. It's her birthday. I'm 100% I believe so Yeah, it lifeline luxury sign up for that. It's uh, it's what keeps us going We appreciate it and you get extra episodes. There are 60 plus episodes of Lifeline Luxury right now, including two full live shows, which are banging.

Subscribe to our YouTube and I'm on tour. I am on tour in Houston. I will be in Irvine. I will be in Huntsville, Alabama. Oh, I added a Los Angeles date at that, my buddy's comedy club, the upstairs comedy club downtown. Miami, Florida, Houston, Texas, Salt Lake City, Boise. Go check it out, chrislea.com. It's been a lot of fun on the road. I've been seeing a lot of those people, more people doing the LA place.

Does that place kind of get blown up or something? Up the upstairs? Yeah. Yeah, it's awesome. It's awesome. Where is it downtown, do you know? I don't know. I've been there, but I don't know I don't remember but it's it's cool. It's a good club also, obviously sign up for Mr. M. Diesel's patreon. That's me patreon.com

Slash Matt D'Aulia got two episodes a week plus bonus episodes all the time. You never know owners episodes That's why you got to be a member. So go to patreon.com slash Matt D'Elia. Become a member. The tiers are up. You sign up for the one you want. If you're a cheap bastard, you can remain free or sign up as a free member. Or if you're not a cheap ass bastard,

you can sign up for whatever other tier you want. Worst way at selling stuff. Go ahead and be a cheap bastard, see if I care. Worst way of absolutely promoting your stuff. But you sign you set up for tier you get access to guess who yes, you get access to me. Okay, okay? What do you think about this? Is it cool It's not cool. It's not not cool. Is it the shit. It's not yes It says a shit if we saw someone do it and open a magic mine, you know how I it magic mind. I go like this. I always tuck it in like this and do it like this

that's profoundly bitch, dude, but it is but I Just like how you can just fuck look at that Just grip just gripping it like with the three fingers just like this here is why it's such a great unique what do you call it portable mobile bottle right most most drinks you need to use a thumb right like even here if I were to use this it's gonna fall it will look oh it almost fell right there look if I put the thumb around it like this,

then I could drink it. But the beauty of the magic mind is you can hold it like you had an injury falling off a rock a few years ago and haven't relearned how to use your hand yet. Isn't that beautiful? Are you being QVC or dr. Phil or? QVC okay number Indian guides in New Jersey. Mm-hmm. I do calling Indian guys, you know Yeah, and the and he used to sip

Can of drinks like this I'm not gonna remember that now. I don't remember that like it's in a chokehold and we confronted him about it once And he's all mean. I remember the confrontation. Hold on You always grab it like this new super like this Yeah, instead of just Too much. I just do too much you did so man. No, he was just like I He was like, I think that's like a cooler way to do it Okay, why do you even think things like that?

It is pretty funny now that I have kids and I could see now, especially Calvin, because he's getting to the age where he's like, oh dude, he does cool stuff. It's funny because what is cool to a kid is not cool. At all. But I remember when I was a kid, I was in kindergarten with Miss Antoine.

Hello, Miss Antoine. Yeah, she was great. And I had high C, and I spilled the high C on my face. And I thought, I didn't dry it, because I thought it looked like probably it was grape high C. I thought it looked like it was purple around my eye, and I looked like a rock star. And I left it there. probably it was grape ice. I thought it looked like it was purple around my eye and I looked like a rock star. And I left it there and it was so sticky. And then it was so sticky that five minutes later I said to a girl sitting across from me,

do I look like a rock star kind of? And she goes like this. No, what? Interesting. And I said, oh, it doesn't look like purple a little bit around my eyes. She goes, no. And I was going, oh.

That's so sad. It was sad, but it's like, it's not that sad thinking about that I did that for me. But if I think about other kids or my sons doing that. If you thought about that happening to me, you would think it was sad. I know, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's weird.

People always feel bad for other people doing shit. Like seeing movies alone or eating out alone, You're like, oh, that's so sad But it's like I do that when I want and it feels great. I love it Why don't it's so you're centering yourself so much. Yeah, and it's it is BS my friend. It is B old S okay. Yeah, and that was going to bed last night. I thought you were gonna try the BS thing. You're like I'm gonna try I'm gonna have a new thing. It's gonna say be all that is that. I was going to bed last night and thought you were gonna try the BS thing. You're like, I'm gonna try a new thing. I'm gonna have a new thing. I'm gonna say, be all this.

That's pretty cool. And then you go. And you wake up and you forgot about it until right now. I do fall asleep like that. And then every time I wake up, I think, oh my God, it's 1 a.m. That sucks. And then I look and it's five

and I think, oh, that sucks even more in a different way. The most boring story I've ever heard in my life. Nope. Dude, I've been getting good sleep lately for the past two nights. And before that, I wasn't. There sleep lately for the past two nights, and before that, I wasn't. There's another bad story to match a bad story.

I raise you a bad story. Why were you not getting good sleep? I don't know. I don't know, honestly. I don't know. But I ate two burgers two nights ago. The next day was not good. How late?

Like late? 11.30. You ate them at 11.30 p.m. Two burgers. Mm-hmm. I mean, of course your stomach was messed up I was nauseous. So sue me So we're in the news to you you might notice something a little different here it's pink, okay It's got it's got like a lavender to it. Oh, it's a little lavender It's like yeah, it's a little lavender. It's lavender. Lilac.

Lilac. It's lilac, it's lavender, it's beautiful, and so we're gonna have it done. This is it. So there you go. This is it? No, no, this is not it. This is not it.

So don't say this is it. Well, no, but this is the color is what I'm trying to say. It's not done. It's the primary color, but the set's not being done.'m trying to say. It's not done primary color, but it's not being done. Mm-hmm Yeah, that's the deal. Yeah Got a haircut both of us You did? Bad brother. I knew you got one. You didn't know I'm a man. I didn't look at it bad brother

I didn't think about it. Well, you don't look at me. You haven't looked at me since 2006 green and you're The worst. Hey, man. Oh you got, did you take boring pills? Dude, did you take boring pills? We should switch. Why? Because I'm wearing all green. I know but you were sick, I don't wanna get sick. Pussy.

You're a pussy dude. I took boring pills? I mean such a little brother dude. What's wrong with you, bro? I don't have anything wrong with me. Tell mom. Remember when I peed in your mouth? Whoops.

Of course. Well, I didn't mean to. You mentioned Ms. Antoine. That's actually my, I think I've even told this story on the show. That's my first memory is of mom visiting Ms. Antoine at, well, you were in her class. Oh, okay, yeah.

To visit about you. Yeah. And mom was carrying me. I mean, how old could I possibly be? Wow, you remember being carried? I do not remember being carried. How old must, if you were in her class, you were what, five? Yeah.

So you're two and a half. Okay, that's nuts Yeah, because two is like you're just a blob But yeah, I remember cuz I they thought I was so cute her and her sister bragging her assistant teacher miss Montecito no clue okay, and I ended up having her too and I ended up having a pair with And she was like, they were like, oh, he's so cute. Oh, he's so cute. Get all up in my face.

And they were doing this. You remember that. It was scary. I thought they were dinosaurs. I was like, this is what dinosaurs are in that book. Unbelievable. Wow, dude, you were dumb, huh? They weren't dinosaurs.

They were human. That's way smarter than most two-year-olds. It's just so dumb. Because most seven-year-olds are dumb as hell too. Oh. Most ten-year-olds are dumb as hell. Okay. When do you think you stop being just-

Trailing off? An absolute dumb as hell idiot. But that's the story? The story is, that's, well yeah, it's my very first memory. I thought they were dinosaurs and I thought if I just stay still they won't hurt me. Oh, so it was like before even Jurassic Park when the thing was like, when they were like, they sensed movement. So you were smart then.

So you were smart because if you don't move in Jurassic Park, they don't see you. It's the movement that where they see. I thought that that's. So you were way ahead of Sam Neill. Evolutionarily, I was. You were way ahead of Jeff Goldblum. You were way ahead of Sam Jackson.

Okay. Way ahead of the kids inum. We're way ahead of Sam Jackson. Way ahead of the kids in the movie. So that's cool. But yeah, I don't remember even, I remember one thing in, yeah, I remember Miss Antoine's class. Okay. Yeah, I do. I remember we had nap time there and you had to be quiet.

I didn't want to take a nap. I took nap time next to this girl named Chantel. She was a black girl with like the really really like tight braids. Chantel was black? You know that really really tight braids they'd have like birdies on them and shit. And I remember she smelled like way different than anybody I'd ever smelled that I kept getting closer and closer to her and closer and closer. Perfect. Well yeah I got caught. They were like, you got to the sleep. Oh, wow. You're like, but Chantel smells so good.

Yeah. Well, I didn't say anything like that, but that was what I got caught for. Well. Because I was like this close to her. Excuse me, though, Miss Antoine. You should probably tell Chantel to stop smelling so banging. Another story about people smelling certain ways

is that in second grade I had the biggest crush on this girl named Corazon okay heart yep her first name I think she was pretty good a fucking transformer was Corazon hello I am Corazon because her hair was so high she was next to me in height on oh that's bullshit pictures doesn't count well it was good in the end, the long one, because I realized her hair was, well, no, her hair had nothing to do with it besides being next to her in line.

Her smell was so, like, strong and off to me, that I was like, I can't marry this girl I just can't get married you are fucking three dude so I was like I just I don't think this is gonna work and I never talk to her again wow corazón

you broke her corazón I know that is crazy I am corazón but it was obviously whatever shit who she used or whatever. Oh, yeah Oh, dude, when'd you figure that out? What's weird about this new studio is it's a way small We're in a way tighter space the two of us and when you yell, it's really wild because what happens is What happens is?

You're always way too loud and I am and it hurts my ears extra. That's okay. I don't know how long we've been going. Usually we go for 10 minutes. I forgot to start the clock, but I don't know how long we've been going. How long we've been going? Cause we can start off first. We've been going for,

this has been recording for 17 minutes. Okay. We've been going for like 13. All right, let's start. We'll start now. We'll start now. Right now. Anthony gave it was misleading.

Okay. No frills, delivers. Get groceries delivered to your Okay. No frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from no frills with PC express shop online and get $15 in PC optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at no frills.ca. Red, red, red. Everything's red. Um, I'm a long-term listener of congratulations have been

right from the beginning. Nice. It's helped me out with a lot of just stuff. How much is your body in disguise? I've done jobs that have been really isolating and you know, uh, lonely, I guess, uh, so yeah, thank you for that. I, I love, I love congratulations. I love this podcast.

Matt, you seem like a super amazing, interesting person. Um, I'll try and make this quick. I have a very close relationship with my grandfather and I'm from a, uh, an Italian family, I'm British obviously, but, um, all of my, all of my family on my mom's side are Italian. Uh, so it's a very kind of close knit, you know, we do everything for our family. I love it. It's great.

It's really cool. If that was the end. He loves to go out for Chinese food. Hell yeah. And Thai food and Indian food. We know where this is going. Because my nan doesn't like that kind of stuff. She's very sort of classic British meat and two veg sort of thing.

Disgusting. So once a month, my granddaughter texts me and say, Hey, when are we going for a tie and, you know, I'll, I'll, uh, find a restaurant in the town and we'll go and do that. The issue that I have with him, we know where this is going and I love him to pieces and he's a really interesting guy. He's really lived the life and he's super cool, but he's so but he's so racist. There you go. Here we go and we know. The guy can't help himself. Here we go. It's so embarrassing.

I don't know what to say. Wait, wait, wait. They'll go like this. He's almost done. No, because he'll go like this. Yeah, I have noodles and then the guy says noodles and he goes yeah, he does that which is what a lot of old guys do. Oh, a noodle! He orders like that. Yeah, that. I don't do that. I know it sounds racist to say that for me,

but I don't do that. His grandfather does. Let's see what he says he does. Oriental, he says. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to approach it, how to. Yeah, that's interesting, huh? Rebuttal or whatever it is.

A different time, dude. One example, I know I'm over a couple of minutes now, but one example, which is just about politically correct enough for me to say on this. If I could tell you more, I would, but it's not good. We live in this restaurant and most Thai and Chinese and those kinds of restaurants in town are usually in this sort of like the lower high street area, kind of side streets and things like that. And he caught me off guard. He did this thing where he went, he looked outside and he

went, Blimey, it's darker there, isn't it? And I was like, it's summer, it's broad daylight. And then I then took a beat and it's like, oh, fucking hell. And there's, there were like five black guys walking past. And I was like, oh, right. Oh wow. Fuck's sake. And you know, all of his heroes are people like, he's a piano player.

All of his heroes are like Ray Charles and Bats Waller and Duke Ellington and all these amazing people. And he just cannot get it out of his head. He cannot help but be racist. And I don't, I've said before, like, it doesn't make me laugh. Like I don't know what to do. Oh, you told him this. I want to spend more time with him because he's my granddad and I love him. But yeah, like, what do you do with that? How do you go about that

with the racism? It just, it doesn't fly with me and I'm struggling with it. Be racist with him. But I love you guys. You're awesome. I'm always gonna be a huge fan. Take care. I'll be in London soon, by the way. Go to chrisla.com. Do, kill him. He's old, kill him.

Well, no, but the guy, yes. My question for him, first question for him, if he was here, did he fight in any war in the East, like the Korean War or obviously Vietnam. But he was he's British so if he did he didn't fight that hard you know I mean. No that's the French you're thinking about. Well the French are the classic pussies. I know but I'm saying. British are like classic brave people. Okay. As are Americans but yeah.. Hold up, hold up, what are we doing? That's, hold on, hold on, I need this for what?

Nah, dude, haven't you seen Dunkirk? Yeah, I know that, but that's the movies. This is a British guy. That movie's very realistic. You want me in the what? In the back, right? I'll go in the back and that's fine. In it?

Hold on, what's all this here? Ammunition? For all the fucking guys out there well what the fuck a French doing ah yeah it's that walk at that point was yeah the French fucking over how we're doing we don't even have fucking planes mate not real ones these are fine like a tin can fucking someone threw it up there come on my yeah I mean dude it's the same thing I always say this about old people there's a there's after a certain age they can't learn like the current state of technology like they can't yeah wrap their head around like a hard drive.

Right? Like what do you mean like stuff goes on there? Like it's not physical stuff. It's like there's an age and it's slightly different for everyone, but it's around like 62, 70 I guess. And it's just once they hit that age, after that, there's no coming back, there's no learning the new thing, it's all over, they'll never, they'll never get it. And then it's gonna rapidly advance from that point,

and they're gonna be so far left in the dust that they're just not gonna understand just anything. And it's the same with racism, you're saying? I'm saying it's- Because you're talking about technology for no reason. Yeah, it's a parallel that after a certain age, you're not gonna get a person to stop calling the Vietnamese Charlie.

You're just not gonna do it. That's when you're dumb. You remember when you said, when do you become dumb? When do we become dumb? It's when you are a set. You know what I'm saying? Kids are smart, they'll be like, what the fuck? They'll say weird shit that makes sense.

You smell like your house, what the fuck? And you're like, oh yeah, I guess people do smell like their house. You don't even think about it. But when you're setting your ways and you're calling people from Vietnam Charlie, you're done, you're set in your ways, right? It's from Vietnam Charlie, you're done. You're set. You're set in your ways, right?

It's dark out there, isn't it? You know what I mean? I know it's daytime. You know what I'm talking about. Imagine if there was a fucking pool or a lake out there, they'd go running. I mean, it's dark out there and then you look and there's a group of black people is like, that isn't even a joke. No, he's not, yeah, no I know.

What I mean is it's not a racist joke. Whoa, yeah, I understand, yeah, right, I understand. That's just like you're reaching for racism because you wanna be racist. Right, right, right, right, right, right. And then you're like, I got it. Right, right. Look at over there, it's dark.

Yeah. It's like, dude, you suck. Right, right. Well, and it sucks because it. Right, right. Look at over there. It's dark. Yeah, it's like dude. Yeah, you suck, right? You know, right well and it sucks because it's learned but it's like what can what can you do if he's fucking 80? Or you know, I don't know how it's 70. Is his grandfather that guy looks, you know, yeah He looks a lobster, but he looks like he's everything was red in the video. You know, his face was red His couch was red. His shirt was red and his background was a little bit red. Let's say his grandpa's 70 at the youngest.

He's probably red skull. He's probably red skull. He's red Hulk. Red skull, it would be a grandpa, but yes. What's red skull? Red skull, pull up red skull and that's his grandpa. Because red skull is also part of the, I think it was part of the German, not German, but racism. He's against America, isn't he against America or something?

There, there, that's great. Against America, you mean? I don't remember. What? It's something against America, I don't remember. Because he's Captain America, there you go, Nazi. I love when you see, oh, oh, I know who this character is. I love when you see a character.

Oh, I met him. And you learn the actor that played him and you're like, why did they pay that? I don't ever understand that you know to watch the other day you go. Is it Hugo weaving? Yep And he said he'll never do it again. Why because he hated it. I guess good for him What about Arthur Isaac? That's my favorite Isaac that we went over. Well, I we I watched it after we talked about cuz I had to I was like I want to watch it in apocalypse. Yeah, jeez

X-Men, anyway. Well, how fucking phoned in was he? I just, yeah, I just, that's something I don't understand. It's just something I don't understand. Just have anybody do it. You couldn't tell it was him. Yep. It's not acting, he's just like,

the X-Men will perish. You know what I mean? And it's like, you could've got fucking some guy who works at Verizon to play the part. Of course, yeah, absolutely. Can you hear me now? Anyone in any acting class in Hollywood, you could've plucked them and put them in that role

and no one would've known the difference. If you get a family plan, you get unlimited roll over minutes. The sand comes and beheads people. Why do you say Verizon? Why is he talking about cell phone plans? That's great. You got to say something to your grandpa though.

That's not like, ha ha, hey grandpa. It's like, hey, look, I love going to lunch with you. I love you. But like you, you can't be saying that shit in public and I don't wanna be around it. And I know you know that. So like, let's stop. Look, I don't think it, I happen to not think it's dark outside. Okay. And I know what know that. So like, let's stop. Look, I don't think it,

I happen to not think it's dark outside. Okay. And I know what you're saying, but it's the middle of the day and I know what you're saying, but how about this? It's bright outside. It's beautiful outside.

How about that? How about it's multicultural outside? Huh? Okay. So anyway, what are you gonna eat? Beans and a tomato? Okay, let's get beans and a tomato. And he's just like, just imagine if there were dogs

out there, friendly dogs, they'd go running! What do you mean? Black, it is a stereotype. Oh, awful. Black people are afraid of dogs in pools. Which is so not true. No, I mean, look, you know. A lot of black dudes in my neighborhood

always walk in their dog. Yeah, but that, you're talking about like, you know. A lot of black dudes in my neighborhood always walk in their dog. Yeah, but that, you're talking about like, you know. Uh-oh. You're talking about one, you know, where you live. You know what I mean? If you bring a fucking shit to in a fucking, you know, through Cabrini green, you'll be alone.

Don't know what that is, but okay. It's in Chicago, it's South side of Chicago. If you bring a fucking, this is so stupid and racist. I'm joking, dude. But if you bring, if you bring a golden retriever through the streets of Cabrini green, you will, you're safe. Anyway, next. What is Cabrini Green, you will, you're safe. Anyway, next.

What is Cabrini Green? It is the south side of Chicago. I heard that part. Yeah, it's where the Candyman is based on. Oh really? Yeah. Cool. I think I'm being racist and I don't know if it's funny, but go ahead next.

Okay, then probably not. So close. Hey, what's up Chris. Okay, then probably not. So close. Hey, what's up, Chris and Matt? I'm basically. Huge baby. Oh yeah, I wonder if this guy, this is a two bears one cat. I love you dog, Chris.

I was just watching Lifeline and I have a fucking huge question, right? Cause you just talked about looking for your car. Love it. But the whole time I was curious, like why wouldn't you click the fucking button? No Key or something to make sure not close to the car bitch like I feel like a Lisa bitch But also if I have like a handful of groceries or something

Bet your ass fucking be clicking that bitch. I want to I'll put it in panic mode. I'll disturb everyone. I don't give a fuck I'm obviously why obviously what he's saying love you guys. Thank you. You did that dude, no No, because the car was nowhere in sight if the cars nowhere in sight It's not gonna work on the thing if you're like wait. I know this is a small parking lot It was around here book book. Okay, it was nowhere. So if I do that, it's not gonna work. Where did the fucking car go? I don't remember. It was in another, I think it was on,

I don't think it was on Lifeline, I think it was on, congratulations, actually he's wrong, but it was another parking lot. I was, so it wouldn't have mattered if you clicked it. So I was right, even though I was wrong, I was right. How did you find the car? Isn't that crazy? I sat down and I go like this. And then I just, you know, when you just go, oh, yeah.

I'm not even in the right place. And you go, I walked over here. And then you go back. Then you see the car and you get in. You leave. How often do you not. Clock the part of the parking lot. You're in like, Oh, two C.

Okay. I gotta get on half the time. Probably like clock it like to be like, okay, here. Yeah. Half the time, but, but you got to do that. Well, if I'm, yeah, I mean, if I'm in a, a, an actual, you know, parking lot with a mall or Disneyland or some shit, you got to do that. I will do that for that.

But if I'm at a grocery store, I don't really usually take it into account. What number four? Well, no, not what number four, but like I'm in this area of the parking lot. I just get out of the car and then I'm like, I assume I'll just walk to the car when I'm done. Like an idiot, dude. Like it's a video game. You don't really have to aim. Yeah, it's pretty stupid, yeah.

Yeah, so you don't have to, yeah, so anyway. Do you think that would have worked? It would not have worked. There's no question. Well, there's your answer, man. Because I went to, whatever, I don't need to get into it again, but I went to Erawan, I went to Erawan, I went to the coffee place first, then walked over to Erawan, then got out of Erawan,

and was like, where the fuck is my car? As I'm holding the coffee, I'm like, I came to Erawan, but I didn't see the car. And I'm like, oh yeah, the coffee is where I parked. Walked to the other parking lot. A motorcycle. What's going on, Matt and Chris? Guess who?

In the game, guess who? My wife and I got married about a year ago, and in that process, I figured I needed to find the best man for the wedding. So I had two options, I had my uncle, he's been there for me countless times, pretty. He's been there for me my whole life and Also, but my second option was my best friend and business partner. He I feel like we're best friends You know, he knows everything about me, right?

You know, he knows most about me and I feel like he would be the best fit for that Also, I would you know like him to be my best man. That's really what I wanted. Yeah, yeah It's a gay right I felt like I had to ask my uncle at the time just because I felt like I owe him. If I chose somebody else, he would have gotten upset. So I guess my question is, should I just keep my uncle as my best man or should I man up and ask my best friend to be my best man or have a talk with my uncle or should I just, you know, go with my first decision? I would really appreciate the help and your advice.

Thanks. Why don't you imagine caring about that? Well, old school, old school shit. Oh yeah. His uncle. And then also, um, even if, yeah, jeez, even though I wasn't best man at your 13 weddings, I would I would know I'm out twice but yeah I I would have not been like I was bullshit if there was like Seven of those that I wasn't best man. Oh, you know, well, no, I was right. I've been I've been married now

This is the second time so sure. I'm just ball one. You charge one to the game ballpark No, you charge one of the game and then the next one's real. But yeah, his uncle though, he is he does look Latino his uncle may be younger than him. So you never know. Hahaha. Ah, come out what the fuck? Are you kidding me, Miho? Hahaha. I was gonna not do this joke because I already did the black person scared of dogs joke, but I can't not fucking do it dude.

Miho, are you fucking kidding me? And me what the fuck been that? I was going to be your best man Yes, it's true. I'm not even a man yet, but come on Miho Adios Miho You're going to be the fucking friend and I'm gonna blood me What Pause I got him. I got him with the fucking snot probably it rocketed out. He's got a cold and I got him dude Are you fucking kidding me? We have to talk. I just heard from your best friend Adam.

What the fuck, Miho? You keep going, I'll just keep doing this. I mean, come on. The cojones on you. This is Sansa, bitch, it's like... When I go to puberty, I'm going to kick your fucking ass, miho! Oh shit. Oh, you broke my corazón! So anyway, I mean dude you...

He... fuck! Nicholas Cage Fucking people do this a lot They call in about shit, and this is not a do with you. I get it. This is your life It's a big fucking deal. I'm not like This guy pissed me off. He did not but in general About weddings you want to do something about your wedding You do the fucking thing you wanna do. It's yours.

It's not your mom's, it's not your dad's, it's not your fucking girl's family's. Your younger uncle. Or if it's your fucking. Me hoe. It's not your younger uncle or your older uncle or your twin uncle. It's your fucking.

It's not your fucking. If you're a woman, it's not your fucking fiance's wedding. It's not his fucking family's wedding. It's your wedding. Fuck everybody who's like getting involved and elbowing in and being like, oh, you should do, fuck all of that. That is all bullshit tradition, dude.

Everybody trying to stick their fucking nutsack into the fucking... Crank. Yeah. Dude. I just not like, it pisses me off, dude. I mean, I've never even been married. I've seen it so many fucking times, dude.

It's so fucking annoying how often people think about other people's weddings as their own. It's deeper, okay. It's never, no, I've never been married. No, I know, but Trillin'. It's just fucking how often people think about other people's weddings as their own. It's deeper, okay? It's never, no, I've never been married. It's just fucking unreal, dude. What I'm saying is you pick your friend. Because you want to. And you want to.

And anything that your uncle says is just, that's on him. You know, I understand, look, you know, it's every culture, dude, it's Italian, it's, you know, I get it, it's not, you know, it's Jewish, it's everything, it's not, you know, you don't ask your, you know, this is, you owe it to him, you know, it's like, all right. Oh shit, this shit, dude.

But it's like, so, it's annoying, do what you want and anybody who's pissed off about it, that's on them. That's the truth, if you can do that. I get you might feel bad, but you don't have to, you know? Yeah, I mean, would your uncle take like a bullet for you? Like literally, like even if he did, pick your fucking best friend, who cares dude? Oh!

Oh! Oh! Miha! So pick your fucking best friend cares Well that makes things easier fucking he fucking died. Pick your best friend for sure. Maybe that's the key, put a hit on your uncle. Oh shit, well that's, put a hit on your uncle, then nobody will be like, pick your uncle, cause he'll be dead. That's my advice for you. Him at the house with the assassin. Miho.

They're fucking floor creaking are you there is this because of the best man shit you kill your own uncle you put a hit on him. You got me man. I know who he really was though. Congratulations on the widget. On the wedding. I sent you a fucking blender too. I hope you like to make drinks. Every time you drink something that is mixed, I don't know, do you think of me? Kuh kuh kuh kuh.

You know, put the guy out of his misery, you know? Ah me ho. Kuh kuh kuh. Blood coming out. The gunman's just like, I don't know, he just kept talking on my way out. I don't know what the fuck he just kept talking about. Why is he talking about Blender so much?

He got you a Blender. All right, pick your best friend because you want to. If you decide you don't want to pick your best friend, pick someone else. I am currently watching the episode with the guy who has sleep paralysis and I wanted to chime in because I do have a sleeping disorder It is similar to sleep paralysis and that may hallucinate but it's a little bit closer to a night terror because I can get up And I can yell So typically night terrors or something that children have and then grow out of and I just never grew out of it

So this happens to me like three to four times per night every day of the week I just never grew out of it. So this happens to me like three to four times per night every day of the week. Number one is as soon as I sort of realize what's going on, I turn the light on because it's comforting to be able to look around and be like, oh, my hallucinations aren't real. There's no lady with stringy black hair

hovering over my bed. There's no one climbing through my window. It sounds like the same thing. So light on, few deep breaths. It's not real. Then I can lay back down. The next thing I do is I put on Bob Ross, particularly Bob Ross. It's just like very soothing, kind of lulls you back to sleep.

And it's always helped me go back to sleep very quickly. I've also found because mine is linked to anxiety, if I have caffeine late in the day, that makes my anxiety worse and then that makes the hallucinations worse throughout the night. So instead of happening like three or four times, um, it happens like five to six, and then the next day I'm just a literal zombie because I'm a literal zombie, I'm trying to bite people and they become sometimes easier to do than other times. Um, but it does help a lot with the brain fog that you feel from having not slept.

Um, so yeah, I hope that helps. I, I brain fog that you feel from having not slept So yeah, I hope that helps. I I'm sorry that you're dealing with this because I understand it fucking sucks It's so scary. And then you're so tired the next day and you're just angry and I get it Also wanted to say Matt. I am Katie from the OG crew. Oh, yeah Hey, we know you probably hit play to escape your business banking, not think about it. But what if we told you there was a way to skip over the pressures of banking? By matching with a TD Small Business Account Manager, you can get the proactive business banking advice and support your business needs. Ready to press play?

Get up to $2,700 when you open select small business banking products. Yep, that's $2,700 to turn up your business. Visit td.com slash small business match to learn more conditions apply. What's up Katie? She's in the OG crew on my Patreon. What's up? That is the worst thing I'm trying to sign in here. That is the worst thing of them.

And maybe one of the worst things I've ever heard, because if you're doing that three to four times a night, you're not getting, you're never getting deep sleep. Yeah, I get it. You're getting a maximum of like three hours, and then there's a woman with stringy hair in your bedroom, and you need to turn the lights on to make yourself realize she's not actually there. I'm trying to get some.

Then in three different times, so at the course of the night, other crazy shit happens, just like that. Yeah, that's just, honestly, I can't think of anything worse. You're always tired. Oh, congratulations, you're always tired. I'm trying to sign in on my apt thing,

because I was gonna ask them. What is it? You know, apt, the thing that we were talking about? Oh, apt? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go, I got it right here. Okay, so. them what is it you know apps the thing that we were talking about the apps yeah yeah um here we go I got it right here okay with your career or any questions you have today career I just want to know I got my friend can't get any sleep because they keep waking up with nighters and I need to give her advice I'm sorry to hear about your friend's

struggles it might be helpful for her to speak with a healthcare professional or a sleep specialist for advice tailored to her situation. They can offer strategies or treatments to help manage night terrors. Good sleep is really important. So getting the right support is key. If you don't sleep, you die early, right? Sleep is crucial for overall health and wellbeing. If someone is experiencing sleep issues, it's important to seek professional medical advice to address any underlying problems.

Good sleep can enhance quality of life, mood and overall health. Yeah. You know what, you know what, dude? I feel like what's the difference between sleep paralysis and night tires because she mentioned the lady with string hair what's the deal with ladies with stringy hair what I mean having to do deal with this look up the difference but yeah the difference is she explained it she can move difference between night tires that she can immediately or or very quickly night terrors that she can immediately or very quickly,

as once it begins, she can activate, wake up, Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. And change it. Got it, okay, okay. So it's like a nightmare. Almost like a nightmare. Yes. But the sleep paralysis thing is just that,

but then also you can't move, which is absolutely terrifying. Correct. Okay. So you piss and shit all over yourself. The difference is that when you have a, when you have sleep paralysis, the odds of you getting it again

after you finally get out of it and fall back asleep are extremely low. Oh really, how do you know that? Because I have them, I've had them my whole life. And never once have I had like two in a night's sleep. Have you had night terrors? Night terrors, I don't even know. Well, I don't know what that is.

That's just a nightmare, it sounds like to me. Yeah, it's like what she said. It's like what babies have when they wake up in the crib crying. It's like, you do? It's a little bit more than a nightmare. I think it's more characterized by the fact that like for me personally, I wake up screaming and it's like.

Whoa. See, I'm not a pussy. I don't have like a pussy gene. So I woke up screaming one time, one time, one time. And it was because I thought I was in the operating room trying to, I was begging the doctors not to give me a penis enlargement because I didn't want my penis to be too big.

I've woken up, not like ah, but like, finally you let loose and you're just like ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, Nicholas're just like, ah! And then it's over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dream house, I'll be in Nicolas Cage. Or like swinging, like I'll be punching someone. No. Yeah, I've woken up swinging more than once.

Oh my God. Like in a boxing match. I've maybe once or twice woken up like, whoa! But that's it, but you scream? Yeah, it really Wow is unfortunate yeah I'll say I mean especially for your partner to like your business partner yeah is everything okay anyway I need you to sign some stuff this next morning we come in all right

cool see ya get back to sleep no there's no do with stringing hair but I need you to sign documents tomorrow I mean like yeah yeah she she's like hey you you wow you sounded like a bitch I mean it's horrible wow she goes oh god I guess well I'll be dry for a while yeah I'm surprised she hasn a while. Yeah, yeah. I'm surprised she hasn't left me, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just while you're screaming, oh, babe, where you going?

It's like the just, the total ick. Yeah. It's like walking in a pool, you know, without the pool. Excuse me. It's so bitchy when you're walking in a pool. Um, uh, I mean, it was so offended. Excuse me?

But yeah, I do think that it is pretty wild that that can happen. And let me tell you something. Thank God I don't have that. Dude, oh my God. That sounds like a real, real, real medical problem, because if you're not getting enough sleep, the duration of your sleep, it's really, really, really bad for you.

The fact that you can live a normal life is kind of amazing, but the fact that you can live a normal life is kind of amazing, but the fact that I might catch up with you, you might need some kind of intervention at some point, because you're obviously young. You look young. I take drugs. I mean, drugs might help.

Yeah, prescribed drugs, yeah. And not like fucking heroin. Yeah, exactly. Let's see these demons coming out. Ambience seems a little extreme, but there's medicine that helps you stay asleep. I wonder if you would still get the fucking nightmare though and then just not be able to do anything about it.

Dude, I want... That would be fucked up. I wanna wait, yeah, that's really... Wow. Three, four times a night just sounds un want to wait. Yeah, that's really wow Three four times a night just sounds unmanageable. Yeah, yeah Always on alert, you know All right next one. I mean a person Matt a crown long-time listener big fan Today I come to you guys with a confessional okay some advices

Self and maybe for some of the other ladies and gentlemen that listen to this. So a couple months ago I got honest with my fiance and told her that I had been cheating on her with another woman. That has been incredibly difficult for our relationship but we have decided to stay together and work things out. We're actually getting married and I'll grow up this year. Go back a little bit. Okay, go back. It looks like he has a crown on.

Start the whole thing over, dude. He looks like he has a crown on, he's talking like a king, he did the most noble thing after he made a mistake. How is he talking like a king? Does he have a glass in his hand raised? I come to you quite humbly, ladies and gentlemen. Okay. From a land of, you know.

Okay, so you got your jokes out? Hey Chris and Matt, long time listener, big fan. Today I come to you guys with a confessional and some advices for myself and maybe for some of the other ladies and gentlemen that listen to this amazing podcast. So a couple months ago, I got honest with my fiance and told her that I had been cheating on her with another woman that has been incredibly

difficult for our relationship. We have decided to stay together and work things out. We're actually getting married in October of this year. And I'm super excited about that huge ceremony. Some of the things that she shared in our couples counseling is that right now it doesn't feel like I'm working as hard as I did when we first started dating to win her love. And so I totally agree with that. And I want to do that to show her that I love her and she's number one.

You know, when we first started dating, I took her out on all these stage, I used grand gestures, wrote her poetry, made her playlists. So drunk. But if you guys have any advices on things I could do now, you know, to show her I care and that I'm trying to win her love back, that'd be greatly appreciated. Well, Laura, let me tell you something. That's for real.

That is, I, you know, look, let me tell you something. That's for real. Look, everybody makes mistakes. What you did was you want to have a clean slate. I understand that. guys wanna work it out. Just be open and, I mean, it's tough, it's tough, it's tough. But I don't know, I also don't know the extent of it. Like you said you've been cheating on her, was it with one woman, was it an emotional thing, was it with six women, was it, were you that guy out at the club

that was just like, you know what I mean? For some reason I gleaned that it was one woman. I don't know why. Well, he seems like a nice guy that wouldn't fucking. It didn't, yeah. But you never know though, dude, especially with, you know, if they're royal. I thought maybe he said that, but anyway,

don't rewind it again, because Chris will just keep making jokes. Yeah, I'm gonna come to to humbly and made a mistake. I think that the thing to remember is, assuming this just is news and was news to her, and it probably is gonna take a fucking minute for her to even be in a position to really truly move on from it. And I would guess you already are putting in a lot

to try to make it right again. But understandably, especially again, if it was recent, she's probably not there yet to fully receive whatever you're giving her. That being said, you need to keep doing it. Unless it becomes like three, four years into your marriage and she's still like, I don't trust you. And it's just like, dude, well,

how can we continue to live? But for now, and especially in the lead up to a wedding, imagine you wanna try to get yourself in a position where obviously she trusts you, she trusts you, she trusts you when you are not with her. Don't fucking cough while I'm talking. Yeah, I agree and You know at the very least that but also I don't know try to remember the things that you guys did in the beginning of your relationship

She'll remember them too and Do them do them again? Don't do them and be like oh isn't it just like the last time? You will lose at that. Do it again in the new way that you guys are now, and it'll go well. Don't compete with your own past. It's just like competing with somebody else. It's not gonna happen. Life coach, I think that you just, you remember one thing, like this is unfortunate, but you know, for you, but I mean, you know, you look,

you did this, I guess. So it's gonna be on her timeline and that sucks. And at some point, even though it is on her timeline, she's gotta be like, okay, you know, this sucks, but at this point, I know I'm involved with you, I stayed with you, so this is on me at this point I know I'm involved with you I stayed with you so this is on me at this point you know after a few whatever however long it takes but yeah that's that's tough man you're in a tough position and it is you

know pretty pretty wild that you you sound like a good guy you know that made mistakes so anyway. Wow, those lights are so fucking bright. Oh, they're so bright. That's cool. Yeah, next one. What's up, guys? Big fan of the show. A catcher. Chris, I've been a fan of yours for a long time since-

Pete Incavilla. I've been with the Mets. White man, black comic, I think- Wow, white man. Is the first thing I saw of yours. Correct. And I've been on the show- When I was back- I'll probably about a year ago now. Working with Pete Incavilla.

Royal said I threw him some scraps because I said, what's up to Chris? Yeah. So I won't do that this time, Matt. But my question is today. Okay, well you kind of did it still. How bitch is it to use an umbrella in the rain? It's raining. I'm about to go into work.

I grab my umbrella and it's got polka dots on it. Wow. Yeah, but that part. And I'm starting to think there's no such thing as an umbrella that like doesn't look so bitch. I mean so bitch. So emasculating. So worthless. Like is it that big of a deal that I get wet on my walk to work? I'm not married poppins. You know what I mean? So, give me some advice on this. I mean, I'm used to walking with women and I'd better win all the time, but it's like, you know, you. Love you guys.

That guy is, you know what is crazy about that guy, his face, is you can look at him and you can literally say, that is the whitest guy I've ever seen in any facet. Or you can look at him and say, that is the most Mexican man I've ever seen in my life. Yeah he's both. But it's not like he's mixed. No. It's like he's one of them. Yeah. That's insane I've never seen a guy like this and congratulations. Also he is also the most, it's crazy, think about it, French

Canadian. Oh! Yeah. Very, he's from Quebec as well. Exactly, Quebec, and this is really gonna throw you what it's still true. Okay. Iranian. Wow! He's everything. He could be!

Yeah, dude, it's wild. Sure be. He's Pete in Kavila, so the former of Philly, but he. It's unbelievable how much he is one race, not mixed, but he's four races. Wow, dude! It's hard to be 100%. It's a weird name.

Okay, I'll give you the shadow of the... Oh, I mean, you got it close enough. It's the C. Oh, wow, the upper right one. But he's playing, yeah, there he is! Look at the Rangers car. You can pull it up. That one, yeah, there you's playing, yeah. There he is. Look at the Rangers card. Pull it up. That one, yeah, there you go.

Pull it, there he is. Now that, now Pete Incaviglia could be Mexican 100%, white 100%. He could definitely be Iranian. French Canadian 100% from Quebec, in Ottawa. He looks the same guy, yeah. Unreal that that is an actual thing that people are are because now look at peak in Kavila older He that's the same guy. Yeah, yeah, but he could be older looks like he's all of them

Wow minor league baseball team names are so bad the Cleburne Railroaders, they really are really bad Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the fucking, yeah. The Rancho Cucamonga bank tellers. Ha ha ha ha. It's true, they're so fucking bad. Oh, and he makes a deposit deep, deep in center field. Deposit, you know. Oh, he makes a deposit deep, deep, deep,

and it's a deposit over left field. And he goes, Pete Incaviglia manages this team. And up to bat for the Wisconsin Scooby-Doo's. Dude, I mean. Oh, take his mask off. Oh, it was him the whole time. Just look up. Ruh-roh roll it's going back look up top top top most

ridiculous minor league baseball team names or something oh the Portland do whoopsie daisies I mean Birmingham Rumble ponies scroll up. Oh come on rocket city trash pandas. Oh disco turkeys fuck off Wait, don't go back. Just go back to Carolina disco turkeys and go to the top okay from sources across the web Akron rubber ducks That at least Lansing lug nuts. Oh God Hartford yard goats Yardgoat Abra, Kierky isotopes. Isotopes is absolutely terrible.

Walter White, named it. Rocket City trash pandas. Trash pandas is terrible. Montgomery biscuits. At least that's southern, you know? But that's so, to be a biscuit though is terrible. Yeah, that's exactly it. It's so gay.

Jacksonville jumbo shrimp. Okay, well. No, oh wow. Amarillo sod poodles is the worst I'm seeing on this whole sod poodles on the AI over you Amarillo saw and trash pandas is really bad, too. It's like what those are not those words They're like fucking bands Florence y'all So southern guess the

Gold! Ha ha ha ha ha! So southern. The Gastonia comes in pussies. Honey hunters, that's like animals who want honey, right? If you know what I mean. The Gastonia. Yeah, the rumble ponies, we saw that one. Norwood Sea unicorns?

Just like, I don't know. Unicorns already aren't real. It's kinda cool though. Yard goats, that's a good logo actually. Okay, sod poodles is where I draw the line, dude. Like what the fuck you talking about? Well what is a sod poodle?

Sod is a kind of like grass, right? Yeah, right. So a poodle's a dog. Right, but I don't think it's a dog. Looks like a name for a gopher based on the stage. Right, yeah that's true. Fuck them, fuck them all. This is my least favorite one.

Look at the fucking, why is there a ATM on his front? It's Rocket City, he's taking off. Oh my god, that is the worst. Oh, oh, sockpuppers just jerking off. Everybody thinks about jerking off. The Burlington sockpuppers. Krusty socks, the Burlington Krusty Socks under your bed. Wow.

Carolina Disco Turkeys, dude. That's bad. That is weird. That's so. Like imagine there was a fucking team in the MLB Disco Turkeys. Right, yeah, that would be, I mean, that would be crazy.

They already got some really stretch ones. Or rain. Not Major League. Yeah. You hate D-backs, you hate. No, no, no, but it's Diamondbacks. I cannot stand, all they're ever referred to is the D-backs. Yeah, that's why you. I cannot stand, you name it something

and then always call it something else, I can't stand it. I always thought Devil Raze was kinda good, but they changed it to Raze. don't have the devil raise pizza like raise like rays of light like devil rays are cool devil rays right they sting that they're yeah they're local right obey like why don't you change a razor so stupid is bad yeah like it's like a beautiful ray of light or raised pizza Mets are cool, metropolitan is cool. Mets is cool, yeah.

But because they're not the metropolitan's, they're the Mets. It is the metropolitan's. Right, but not anymore. It was like in 19 fucking zero. Yeah, they go by the Mets, correct, yes. And then. It doesn't say the metropolitan's.

I even like the Padres' dude. Padres are good, yeah. The priest, like the wow dude. Father's obviously what it's, Friars is what their nickname is. The priests, like the wow dude, fathers obviously, but it's friars is what their nickname is. Is that because of the missions? Yes. Let's not go there.

Yes. They fucked up stuff, yes, because of the missions. And Tony Gwynne led the missions. And it's from the mission when Robert De Niro is in that movie, The Mission, and he's just like this for It's crazy. It's truly nuts Fucking you know Took the role he was like I can do this part for five minutes

Can I do this this is really it doesn't say it's five minutes. I want to make a five minutes. I Want to go back for five minutes? The script score with the D All right, is that it I think that's it right? Yep. Okay, cool. Thank you guys. Thanks. See me in Irvine and hunting Alabama where am I gonna be in Alabama? Huntsville even I know you know any out of the show in Los Angeles and it would be cool in August 2nd downtown At the upstairs column Los Angeles, and it would be cool in August 2nd downtown at the upstairs. Oh, yeah Sign up as a member for my patreon patreon.com

Matt D'Alia it is on and popping you will meet a an excellent community there and everybody will Greet you with open welcoming arms. I Love you. Thank you.