Lifeline - 174. Chat PB&J

Episode Date: August 24, 2025

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Sunday Hello Happy birthday to Rupert It says It's cut off there Ruper Grint There's only one you in Rupert

Grint, Rupert Grint, Dave Chappelle, and Vince McMahon, who has sexually harassed a vast number of women. Way to go, Vince. You're a piece of poop. Is that right? Oh, my God. Read the fucking affidavit. It's disgusting.

It involves poop. Oh. Patreon.com slash, patreon.com slash lifeline luxury. There are over 60 episodes, including two follow full live episodes. If you don't, sign up over there. You hate us. Yeah, okay. uh subscribe on youtube uh my patreon matdalia dot com slash patreon stop what you're doing right now

and become a member it can be free if you're a freakizoid cheapizoid but guess what you're not you're rich you sign up for the five dollar the ten dollar the seven the seven fifty dollar or the twenty five dollar tier gets you a freaking wank job from me that is something you'll have to reconsider i don't know if that'll be worth it uh for any of the parties involved But I also think you'd be busy. You'd be very busy. If I got a lot of members, yeah. Yeah.

Well, I think that if you had a lot of members doing and you had to, look, you know, price yourself higher so you don't have to do that many is what I'm saying. But $25 is not, that's not high enough. If you include the wank, you're on the wrong website and you're at the wrong price. Honestly, if you did, if you just went on Eros.com or whatever the, you know, the hooker website is and you said, wank jobs, you could probably get a hundred for each one. but anyway I do it about board I do it above board son does either here or

there Matt it's included a man for Patreon and you can also go and get tickets to see me I just added Gothen

Gothenburg what's the place called Gotham oh Gotham Gotham Batman's like this I always forget

it's in Sweden Gothensburg that means eating popcorn Chris Chrislea.com I added there Stockholm

and a bunch of different places but I will be in also well Houston tonight, and Boise, Salt Lake City, Tulsa, Washington, D.C., Fort Smith, Arkansas, New Orleans, Pensacola. Anyway. I can feel it coming through the air tonight.

All the same note. What I don't understand is why people constantly write me and say things like, oh, man. If you're on the end in this place. Is it sold out? And just check. Just check. use checking and then also check it and then check

a little bit harder than you're going to check because people are always like oh, thought it's sold out and it's like yeah but there's two shows so just click the other link yeah yeah so anyway but that's you know I get it I'm wearing two glasses

yeah it's like yeah like the rep or two chains two glasses it's so bad I had to get you know I lost my old prescription glasses. I had to get new prescription glasses and the fucking guy that works at lens crafters

is the shadiest guy ever. He's trying to up price me every chance he gets. Oh yeah, well. And he finally gets me down to the final price that the lenses in the old glasses are going to cost and he says that'll be

$523. And I say yeah. You didn't There's something you didn't tell me. Yeah, that's so much money. And I resent that. Yeah, it doesn't need to be that much.

It's not that much money. It isn't that much. There's something you didn't tell me that you were adding, while acting like you were subtracting and adding everything to my liking, you put something in there that is an outrageously priced thing. And then what is it? I'm sorry, that's creep tax. It was blue lens bullshit. What?

Yeah. So he just snuck it in there? Yeah. He's like everybody, everybody wants that. And I was like, I don't want that, though. I don't want that. Wow. I'm not, this is not, you're fired from me.

I'm not. You're fired from me. I'm not like, you're, you're, you're, you're, the most corporate shill and you suck the crank of the corp. And there it is. Like no one else is. Oh, you guys want to know something? Go, uh, chat chib, do you have it on there? I don't have it on it.

Chat chibed? Hold on. Dude, my, okay, in the meantime, all you're looking it up. You know what Calvin calls. chat GPT. Seriously, chat P.B. and J. Because he kept that getting wrong and I called PBJ and he laughed and I said, just call it that. It's fine. And now he says, well, we should ask chat PBJ. And that is fun. And that's funny. And he, and he's in kindergarten. So it's all good. It's beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful. And he has a new backpack. He's a Pokemon

on backpackings into Pokemon's, but, you know, look, I'll talk a lot about that on Mike on my podcast. But anyway, dude, I'm sore. I was working out. I have a story that I wanted to tell you guys. Oh, okay. Wow. And I was saving it for coming back here. Okay.

Rare Monko story. Yeah, a brand new one. We love it. So, as you know, I was abroad last weekend. I went to the UK. And so my first flight out. Okay. I'm going to try and...

All around the world. It is what it's so rude, so rude, so rude. Give me what you heard, tell me what you heard, give me... Rude and also bad. What is this? Hello, he's seen, Oasis. Well, I'm just trying to. Hello.

Okay. Somebody outside. Am I right? Matt, you're right? Yeah. Well, you're wrong, too, though. Well, it's amazing how you sound. The story has nothing to do with Oasis.

Oh, really? Okay. I really thought it was. So you went there. You did see Oasis there, but anyway, go ahead. I did, okay. With about 90,000 other people. Yeah, it was a lot. It was really great.

I mean, he sent me the picture from where he was. It was so far back. It was like, you might as well be here. But don't look back in anger. Okay. Matt, you let me know when I can continue this story. When you stop singing that very badly, let's say. Seneasily.

Champagne Supernova in the school. All right. So, Marco, go ahead. Okay. So my first flight out. Everybody liked that. Everybody would I just... Gaslighting. What I just did, everyone liked it. Gas sliding. All right. So my first flight out, I am pretty much the last person on the plane.

Oh, wow. You were late? No, not because I was late. I'm always early. But I always just wait a long time to, so I don't have to wait in life. Fucking boss. What a boss, dude. I'll get there when I want. So I get to my seat and there is a child in my seat. And then there's a child in the seat next to it. I always take the window seat also, I should say, because I never have to get up.

Get out, bitch. Really? Get out fat, bitch. Was she fat? Was he fat? Was he fat? I know, was he or she fat? No, neither child was fat.

So fucking doesn't make that back then. Was it a fat child? No, I was saying, get out fat fuck. Right. But so rude? And it wasn't. So you were wrong and rude. Yeah.

Okay. So now. Okay. So there's a child in my seat, child in the middle seat. A job. a woman in the aisle seat, okay, and she said, I got there and, uh, this is why you don't go last on a plane, by the way.

Well, I don't think it had anything to do with me being last. You did have something to do with the fact that she was before me, okay? But also, this probably would have happened. Which everyone is when you're last. That is true. Everyone is before you when you're last. So go ahead. Okay.

So I got to the seat, to the row and she's like, hi. I was like, hello, you know, is this your seat? And I said, yes. and she said, do you think, she's like, I'm so sorry, do you think it's possible if my son can sit in your seat so I can have all the kids together and I, like, looked at them and she's like, and you could just sit in his seat and she motioned to the seat behind, which is in the middle, one row behind. That's wild. Between two adults, okay? Yeah. And.

I know you said. Man. That's not good. I know what you said. Well, you guys know. me. Yeah, I know. And I panicked.

Yeah, well, you obviously took the middle seat. And I looked around and I was like, what? I was also thinking, you know, I paid for this seat. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, now you can get the like ultra low thing and you just get a seat given to you. You know, but I was like, no, I always pick a winters on. What airline was it?

Delta. Delta is the worst, non-obviously terrible airline. You know, it's pretty bad. But go ahead. No, Delta is good. Okay, so I disagree. Okay, so I was like, you know what? Sure.

And this was just a leg to Boston and Boston to Edinburgh. Okay. So it's only, I was like, this is five hours. Still a long time, but yeah. I was like, I'm going to fall asleep anyway. It was six in the morning. Okay. Six in the morning.

So we have our flight. It's turbulent. And I fell asleep for a little while, and then I woke up, and there was like an hour to go. And the guy next to me. starts talking to the kids through the seat. Oh, God. And it occurred to me... There's a Larry David thing.

This is their father. No. Yes. This is their dad. Wow. And so, I mean... No way. I got played like a fiddle.

Oh, my God. That is so fucked up. It's so fucked up because they definitely... I mean, we're not up front with that information. the beginning. That seat was available to you, period. The middle seat is where their other kid could have sat, would have been sitting with the father. I was thinking, you know, who gives a shit if you're sitting right behind one, it's a child. You're going to put a phone in front of their face. But also that you could have sat where the dad was sitting. Well, yeah. And the dad

could have sat in the middle seat. That's what I was saying, yeah. Oh, no, I think this is way worse that they took my seat. Either one of those is the responsible option for them. So then what? You didn't say, shit. I was like, you know what? This is fucking unbelievable. In your head? Yes. Unbelievable. You didn't say shit. And I didn't. And I didn't. I didn't. I, man, I started rehearsing something that I wanted to say. You can't start rehearsing. You just got to do it. That's the problem. You got to go, I got to do it now. I, I, I. Hi. You have to say, hi. And then you already started. Hi, right, right, right. They look at you. And then you'd be out with it. Yeah. You can definitely. like ruminate on it and wait for a second before you say something but you have to say something like

no yeah yeah i should have said right then oh what is this like are you serious like no no you get up right now i'm sitting in my seat for the remainder of the flight i mean i could have done a lot of things i did nothing i was thinking okay when she thanks me at the end thanks again for letting me you know then i'm going to say you know what and then i was going to go into it and did she not thank you didn't thank me of course not yeah you just that's the kind of thing where you go i paid for the seed i you know i don't know yeah i decided then and there i will never i'm i'm i'm different now oh i'm just i'm not doing nice things ever again oh wow i'm gonna take origin story origin story you're gonna be the new gonna be the new fucking you know the the the doctor you can't

have my seat i got so played doctor it's my seat and i'm so humiliated and i i I just, I've just been stewing about it. There must have been people there that knew what happened. You still suing about it? Yeah. There must have been people there that knew about it. They were like, oh, this bitch got played. Did you some come in together?

Oh, bitch, he's getting played. They already asked somebody else. This poor fucking guy. Yeah, just got played. And, you know, they're not going to say anything. Don't go last. Don't go last. Well, I mean, yeah.

I will continue going last. I don't like rushing on the plane. People are annoying when they're like, I know. When they line up beforehand and it's like, dude, sit the fuck down. Zone zero, and then you're just like... I do understand, though. You're going to make zone zero. Fucking sit on.

The only, yeah, that's true. Right. The only argument people have is the upper, upper space, really. And it's like, dude, there's usually enough. And if not, just don't be the last person on the fucking plane. Yeah. Anyway. Wow, that's a great...

Submission. Good submission, Chris. Good submission, yeah. What a great... Yeah, that's totally something that will be a submission. So what, you know... What would I have to close the loop? Yeah.

What would you guys have done? I honestly, I would, I maybe would have been like, okay, I want the kid to be happy and I would have had the kid sit in the seat. The second I found out that that was that kid's dad, I go, oh, switch with me. Really? Oh, yeah. To the dad? You really think you would have done that?

How long into the flight? Well, I think what would have happened was, what would have happened was that would have happened. He would have talked to the kid. And then I would have thought a few things. I would have, no, the first thing I thought was, this can't be what I think it is. Right. I definitely would have thought, it seems like this is this kid's dad, but it can't be because why would they do this?

Nobody is, this is like Hitler would do this. Yeah, this is a horrible person being. And so. Everybody's like that. Come on. No, I don't, don't. You would never do that. I would never do that.

Well, yeah, but everybody is. We're nobody. Almost everybody would do that. You wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. I would not do that. To ask somebody to switch a seat and not offer the same seat. Yeah, the same kind of seat.

Nobody cares. I understand that deep down, you might not care, but you still wouldn't do it. I disagree. I would never do that. No, no, you would never. do that, yeah. So you're saying everybody does it, though? Everybody in a colloquial sense. I don't mean every single person dies. That's not my...

Yeah, yeah, okay, I understand what you're saying. I just, that I would say, as soon as I, as soon as I wrap my head around, I would say, are you guys all a family? And then when he said yes, which I'm assuming he'd say, I would say, you got, hold on, hold on, hold on, you had me sit here? When you, I could sit there or your son could be with you? Yeah. That would have been good. Yeah. Just ask questions. Yeah.

Because, because, well, you have to ask questions. Because personally for me, I can't believe that this is actually happening. I have to confirm. Yes. Because sometimes shit goes down and you're like, oh, I don't actually know the real story, even though I thought I did. Right. You know? I would have said something different than that.

What would you have said? I would have said, oh, Iran. That's the more mature thing to do. Thoughts arrive like butterflies. And that's the mature thing to do. That's what I would have said. And then you get escorted off the plane. He said, hey, you want some pretzels?

Even blow. Yeah. Don't know if it works. I'd be surprised. On the middle of even blow. If you guys know the lyrics after Even Flow. No. I will fucking crank both of you right now.

So is not something we'd want. Okay, so go ahead. Yeah, jerk me off. Do you know? No, I know he says something, something butterflies. Yeah, yeah, you're close. Hey, is that you're good? Did you hear that?

You're good? Even blue. Thoughts arrive like butterflies. Awful. Wait, that's what? Thoughts arise like butterflies. Oh. Anyway.

Hey, Jeremy's. Is that your kid? Dude, let me talk about... Here I'm his fucking. Hey, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes to, do the thing, you go. Let's talk about how weird the 90s were, dude. The same band.

Yeah. Which is arguably the biggest band of the 90s. Who's bigger? Nirvana or Brojan. They're, like, right there. I'd say Pro Jam. You'd say Pro Jam. You'd say Pro Jam because they ended up continuing on in Nirvana.

Nirvana is legacy. Well, but that's because Kirk Cain died. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would say Pearl Jam is probably bigger. Yeah. Pearl Jam in the 90s, which is far like a long time ago, but not like that long ago. This is how different art was then. Who's art?

Even just like regular-ass music. Okay. Two of their biggest hit to this day songs are about incest. What? Two, two. Who? Black is arguably their most famous song ever. That's the song about incest? Yeah, well, it's one of them, yeah.

Black? And so was Jeremy. Oh, yeah, I knew that one. It's fucking nuts. It's fucking nuts. John Malcovic. That's so fucking far from anything that would ever happen now. Thank you for this role. And in the line of fire, we're going to go with John McAvich.

But I just, and please stop bringing up incest. Bring up black Please stop bring up progen Bring it black if you don't mind Please stop bring up projump songs Thank you for coming in You mean people like it Um

You want to look at lyrics No Well we can't play it Yeah but I mean I'll sum it up His fucking mom And and stepdad Raised him

Okay When he was 13 He found out his stepdad Wasn't his dad But that his dad was dead Okay And it was only two years ago that his dad died.

He could have easily met his own dad when he was seven, when he was five, when he was two, three. He got so mad at his mom, obviously, and his stepdad. This kid. Eddie. Eddie, better.

That, he's fucking thinking about this, he's fucking thinking about this, he's fucking thinking about this. He gets, he randomly gets the tape from fucking this is how it used to be in the 90s. Up and down the West Coast, they'd send tape, just tapes of songs with no lyrics on them.

Right. And they'd say, we're looking for a lead singer. Uh-huh. He got off work as a mechanic at like 4 a.m. Uh-huh. Goes home or to his girlfriend's house. Uh-huh. And just fucking writes Black.

What? And sends it back on the fucking address where it says to send the cassette. And Black, they never did it. they admittedly never did it better than them. So the version that's on a fucking album is their piece of shit bootleg. Whoa. And it's their biggest song.

Wait, yeah, it's their biggest song. Which is the one that has that one go? Black, go down the lyrics. Black, black, black. So they never re-recorded it? No, they didn't. They tried to. So the one that they have is,

all this one. about is is uh that that what i talked about with his mom is oh wow and oh oh oh and then his step the stepfather gets out of the picture he gets a little older he turns like 13 right and because she's arrested developmentally she fucks him Eddie the mom yeah that's what the song is about okay imagine a song but those lyrics and that implication coming out. Well, I mean, Kanye West made cousins and people kind of just took it to shreds. Yeah.

I saw my cousin did. Yeah, that's not really the same thing. Well, it's not poetic. It's not as poetic. Yeah, it's not. This is a poem. Wow. That is crazy.

And then Jeremy's, oh, God. Also daughter. There's a fucking three? That's also about that. Well, the guy obviously had issues, and this is the way of he's dealing with him. Don't call me here,

that's what I did to that guy in the plane. Huh? Oh, I know. He pushed me off. He was like, I know. And I was like,

don't call me here, don't hurt. And he's like, get the, I thought he was gonna fucking kill me. Yeah. Well, he probably thought you were going to kill him.

So yeah. For a second there, I thought I was, for a second there in trying to pieces puzzle together, I thought I was trying to kiss him. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. When you're so out of your mind. It is weird. That first second, you know, well, look, being, you know, whatever that was that you took made it that way. Even just waking up in the middle of the night sometimes you go, okay, it's cool, right? Though there's no bunnies. And you're like, what?

Yeah. But you're like, I have to make sure there's no bunnies. And then in like three or four seconds, you're like, no, no, no, chill. You know, actually what's going on? You're in bed here. You're just fucking thinking of bunnies from hopping around, right? Yeah. But that, but when you're, when you take NyQuil or when you, or when you, you,

Forget it. No, I know, but I'm saying, at least even with NyQuil, you wake up and you're like, where are my legs? Yeah, that's crazy. Wow. All right. Well, so we should get into it. This is fun.

Incessed actor, a singer of all time. Oh, fuck. Yeah, it's going to. It's okay. All right, Lifeline, here's my question for you. Female Gamer here. I just got first place, Skelly, and I spoke on it.

I said, smoked him. And this guy spoke up And he said Give back to the kitchen So I just wanted to get your Advices on what I could say back to them I mean it's a cod lobby What rebuttals we can have back

So let me know So he said get back to the kitchen Because she's a woman It was clear that she's a woman Yeah but also But also If that happens That's

honestly does that first of all there's like well I'm not a woman so I don't know what that that feels like but like dude that's that's so he I mean that he he he lost right

and she won so he feels obviously puny yeah I don't get it that's how he's lashing out which is fucking by the way it's one thing to feel puny

I get that how you feel it's how you feel but to to then be like uh hacky get back into the kitchen at least say something like oh why don't you turn on fucking a hulu you know what I'm saying

or like they go watch a moment housewise show you fucking but this guy's just like yeah get back in the kitchen churn butter that's not even like remotely good yeah no it's just sexes

it's not even worth anything on your poor it never happened he's a fucking loser yeah it's that it's so it's like when a it's like when a horror movie egregiously shows someone getting stabbed up into their anus like you know what it's like in um what's the anthony's favorite movie of all time terrifier when when when the person's upside down and they saw him from from the balls or is it the woman or oh i don't know what you're showing me this for or you could or you could or i slipped oh my balls are in your mouth and then close it you know oh shit sorry sorry sorry sorry I'm something towards you, towards you, towards you, towards you. Oh, my balls are in your mouth.

So exposition. But she's, she's a woman. I know. Oh, my flaps are in your mouth. Either way, yeah. Oops, my bad boon runners on your face. I mean. Ice cube cold faces between two tits.

I mean, you know. You go like this. And the tits go like this. And the tits go like this. the worst the worst acting exercise of all time wow I fucking really gave it to myself

just now I did the thing you know that I just did in the morning it was so dark I went to turn off the front most of the house has AC but in the back there's a fucking stupid fucking thing in the window

fucking make them better a wall unit a window yeah make them jut out less way less it's fucking 2025 but they gotta do that otherwise they'll fall but anyway just do it anyway and i fucking trip on the fucking cables like the extension cable i fucking fall and my fucking whole entire chest slams into the fucking jut part that juts out and i literally i fucking went like this no no no no no no because there's like a little uh what do you call him chair

Shays lounge? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shays. And I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I fall in the fucking Shays' lounge. That air conditioning must be feeling really badly about itself right now. I think so.

Yeah. Okay. Well. Oh, Jeremy's spoken. Okay. Yeah. Hey, guys, I want to talk to you about something. Here's a problem.

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Use the code Lifeline. Go check it out. It's great. Use the code. lifeline for 50% off. It is worth it. 24-7 AI mentor. I'm telling you. Try it. A wrestler. Chris and Matt, what's going on? Dane from Southern California.

I'm a bartender down here. And one question I always get asked is who is the most overrated athlete of all time? Why? And my go-to answer is Babe Ruth. And I know Matt is the baseball aficionado you're dead right yeah I would love to hear your opinion on it but

I wanted to see if you guys had any other opinions or if maybe I'm not like thinking of someone else the last time the dude played was 1935 the average fastball was

80 miles an hour it's over yeah I understand I understand that, but love you guys. And also, second question, should I cut the flow? No. You look good. Jeremy spoke.

Eventually, but no. It's stupid, dude. A middle reliever on the fucking Kansas City Royals would blow by three fastballs on Babe Ruth. But that's not, but yeah. And that's the end. Yeah. But that's not to say if Babe Ruth wasn't born in 20. It's all relative.

It's all about when you are, where you are. But 208 is still a young. I mean, Babe Ruth, 2,000. Compare, Babe Ruth compared to his peers was so by far better than anybody else. That's why he's Babe Ruth. That's why we all know him.

That's why he went like this. He hit a home run for a fucking kid in a hospital. He's a good player. He's a great player. But baseball is different now. It's like, guys get groomed since they're fucking. like one. I mean,

look at the UFC, dude. To fucking throw fastballs way faster than 80 miles an hour. Especially now because it's big business. And then their arms

get ripped up because it's unnatural but they're still throwing 98, 99 up until that point. Then that happens. A team still signs you because they're like,

well, maybe he'll be good again in two years. Yeah. Back then people were like, you want to use gloves? I mean, I guess. And they just

fucking hands gone at fucking 32. God, I got a piece so bad. Jeremy Spoken. Yeah, okay. Well, yeah. I mean, I think Babe Ruth, um... I mean, that's so stupid.

Anybody, but, yeah, you can't... This is stupid, dude. You almost got to ask, you almost got to ask in the last 20 years, really. Overrated, dude. Wait, go back? Well, they're just because of the, whatever the most popular athlete is,

is we're going to say. But the call... Yeah, this is dumb. But the call fucking Bo Jackson overrated when he's when he's actually probably maybe the best athlete ever? Yeah, it's crazy.

Like, what is this? What? This is... What a silly list? What a silly list? Like, go up, go up, go up. How many people are on that list right there? I don't know some of them. They're not overrated if I don't know you. Well, I mean, they're all really, really, really big.

Pete Marevich. I've heard the name. but it's like Derek Fisher shouldn't be up there. Yeah, Phil Rizzuto shouldn't be up there either. I mean, he should, but... Pavel Bure is a hockey, right? No, Phil Rizotto's exactly who should be up there. Really?

Yeah. Of all time? Overrated at all time probably. Was he that good? Yeah. Oh, okay. He was good enough to be considered that, yeah. All right.

You can't pick Reggie, boy. You fucking, what is he, a tight end? Kobe Bryant. Yeah. Dennis Rodman. David Beckham, James Hardin, suck my dick. No. Not James.

Gay. Gay. James Hardin's stuck my dick. Gay. All right. Yeah. I don't know who would be the most because I don't know. It would be Babe Ruth. You think so.

That's a really, really good one. Yeah, Babe Ruth is the one. But wait, but by the way, you get asked that a lot? Yeah. As a bartender, as a sports bartender, I can't even imagine how much it gets out. Is he a sports bartender? He just said bartender. He said bartender.

He just said bartender. Which is which is. Did you just see it? Sports center. Especially in L.A. He would be a sport. All right. Yeah.

Okay. All right. Hey, Chris. Hey, Matt. Yay. On the way from Pakistan. So a couple of days ago, one of my exes texted me, DM me on Instagram saying,

you know, hi, how are you doing? This and that. Just regular back and forth. Then she said something that pissed me off. She said 30 and not married, God. And so in Pakistan, Pakistan, it's like 30 is considered old to not be married. So I got pissed off and I said, is that a proposal?

She said, well, I'm lonely, but not, it's not that urgent or no. And I said, why don't you mind your own business? And then later she said, you know, why were you so harsh? This is that. I said, it wasn't. It's just how I respond to people who ask person questions. And, you know, she said a few messages and then deleted them, was feeling badly, I guess. and are trying to make me feel guilty.

So I did that. I feel pretty good about it. What do you guys think? Yeah, I think you should have gone to the rest of her family, showed the text, proven that it was her that texted it, and then waited until she got home, dragged her by her hair into the streets,

pick up the biggest rocks you could find, and throw them out her fucking skull because you do that all the time in Pakistan. Oh, okay, well, I don't think, I don't think that that would help anything. Yeah, and no guys would go to jail for that. Only she would go to jail if she lived. Well?

What you do is you bury her until just her head is sticking out of her guy. Then you start throwing fucking rocks at her head. Dad, brother, cousin, uncle, it's all fucking party. And then you fucking hawk them like your Babe Ruth, or better, and throwing fucking fastballs at the fucking top of the girl's head. I don't think that. That's if she's been raped.

but this is just some fucking girl on Instagram so who cares about her? Hmm. It's political. I don't know if that's how you should deal with Women for Gaza, right? Situation.

What? Huh? I said women for Gaza, but go ahead. I don't know if we should do this situation. I think you would handle it right without the, you know, stoning and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah. And burying.

No, yeah. I was making a bigger point. I know. Of course you were. This situation Just Fly like a butterfly Float

Exit my life Like a bitch bee That's how he said So bastardized That's how he better Fly like a butterfly Hexed my life like a bitch Has B

No I think that Why I want to know It's weird that she got offended I don't even She was the one who said She's 30 and not married Wow, you're all

old and then he says is that a proposal what you said is less shitty than what she said what you said she was how harsh oh oh wait a second was she's saying she's single and 30 well is that that is not what how he put it's not but maybe he was confused maybe still it still doesn't the only way that makes sense it still doesn't make sense but yes if she's single and 30 yeah so yeah if she just wrote Hey, I'm single and 30. I'm old. Anyway, get it to get a grape somewhere and have all those guys do that to her. It'll be a real scene.

So frigging. Oh, Jeremy's spoken. Yeah. Okay, what's the next? There's atrocities in the world. Next. What's up, boys? Shout out to the best pie in the game.

Heck yeah. Here's a situation. I want to know your thoughts on it. Love that shirt. Last weekend, hauling some tree branches out of my backyard had a storm so the gate's kind of open I got a little dog

Minnie Aussie about 35 pounds He sees two other dogs walking by So he runs over to say hi I close my gate Because I have one other dog Didn't want him to get out too He can be a little aggressive So kept his ass in there

After that I'm running over to the other side of the street My dog's walking away from these other two dogs Now they're being walked by this old lady probably like 55 years old and it seems okay i ask her is everybody all right she says yes keeps walking i follow my dog into my yard he goes and lays down i go look at him and on the side of his body after i dig through his fur yeah i can see his muscle i can see his flesh so what the fuck man yeah everything's not okay no oh take him to the emergency room four hours of surgery Oh, my God.

About $2,000 later, he's going to be all right, but he's in a cone. He's got stitches. Dude's in rough shape. So what do I do? I know they live somewhere in my neighborhood. I've seen them around before, but I haven't seen them since. Do I confront her next time I see her and be like, hey, did you think everything was all right? You obviously saw your dog about ripped mine apart, so what the hell, man?

Let me know what you think. Matt, you do make Chris better. Chris, you're hilarious. saw you in Omaha a few years ago. You're the man. Here's my dog. I mean, it's possible that the woman didn't know that that happened. That's possible, but she needs to know.

So what needs to happen is... Right. She should know. She should for sure know that. You got to go up to her and say, hey, just so you know, your dog ripped half of my dog's face off that one time. And feel free to donate if you like. Damn.

but i mean no dude if your dog takes a chunk out of another dog you're responsible for i know but they don't do that we don't pay for that who other people they don't you're saying because they're pieces of shit yes oh yeah yeah yeah no i understand that but you're still responsible for it yeah she's not going to do it but yeah she's not going to do it definitely still on her oh it's a cute dog is too bad yeah i mean definitely confront her and if she gets even a little bit sassed out about it fucking Jeremy's spoken Do what I felt to do.

What? You could say something. You got to say something. Oh, Ivan Vlo. Wouldn't say something when he fucking got had on Delta Airlines. But do you know that it was wrong? It wasn't like he thought that he wasn't defending that. You got to say something to him in the middle seat while the dad's talking to this on up there.

Yeah, yeah. Well, remember how I said, it changed me. If it happened again today, I would have done something. Okay, you do, yeah. I promise. Fair. I think also for me, I mean, I was thinking about living with the confrontation and then sitting next to these people for an hour. And that's even stupider.

It's not my fucking thing to feel up. I know, I know. But that sucks. Yeah, but I hear you. I hear that. See later, man. He was putting his jacket out. Because you know what?

I guess it got chilly even though it's so hot in here. It's hot? No, it's regular. I think it's so cold It's regular dagular All right All right next one Hey guys look so

Getting run into it So what are my pet peeves Is like when I'm joking around with people And then go Ha ha ha ha shut up Or ha ha ha You're stupid Like why are you insulting me

After that doesn't give me joy You know And I know they don't actually mean that But like What's the justification for doing that And Is that like a sensy thing That it bothers me

Or Well dude Like how do I better carpamentalized the part of my mind that goes, I will destroy you, you know? Because, like, imagine you're doing the same. Now you're by the audience instead of clapping just flips you off and calls you a jerk. But anyway, that's the question. Yeah, but dude, you're black.

This is what black people do. Yeah, but also, you fucking got him, dude. It doesn't matter. What do you mean? He laughed. Right, right, right. Right. Yeah, yeah, that is true.

You fucking got force fed your shit. He's acting like the white version of this would be, what he's, the way he's describing it, the white version of this is, somebody makes you joke and I go ha ha ha ha fuck you buddy like dude it's not that's not what's happening what's happening and you're going oh you fucking okay that's that's the white version of that what were the examples you're saying when black people when you make a black person laugh and they say you stupid that's a compliment yeah yeah yeah yeah this guy knows that yeah yeah yeah he's acting like it's somebody saying you fucking idiot with a low IQ yeah that's not what's happening yeah

so is it yeah i mean maybe it comes from a i think you're overreacting yeah yeah maybe it comes from a deeper deeper issue i also think you should um insult them like in a way that they'll never forget right after that like something really really really dark and bad just get back i don't think that that's very good i think the last two advices that you gave were pretty fucking dark and bad what was the first one stone the person to death yeah yeah that wasn't good where's chris oh he let he quit chris chris just left our producer just left by the way hurry up because he's you know why because he brought his dogs and his dogs are has to shit and then he's fucking taking them out in the middle of the episode to go shit and now they're out

there running away by the way because he came back in he ran back in um do you have to take the dogs to shit no oh what'd you go do i had the piss Oh, he had to pee He had to take his self out to shit Derrimis spoken I'm very sorry Oh, robot I'm very sorry

That's unusual for me A robot Who's that guy, Tom It's not unusual Tom Jones Oh fuck I wish it was What?

I agree Oh Are you guys all done with this gentleman Yes Yes Yes Matt Chris What's up guys

I feel it very necessary to say how proud and honored I am that I am a second time submitter and the first time that I submitted my submission ended up leading to the name of the episode I feel like that's a pretty exclusive honor so I put it on my resume

but I do have another one today if you're for instance there's other situations like this but just for an example let's say your friend is a pool I don't have a pool your friend is a pool and you hit up your friend Which, by the way, I would never do. I thought about doing this.

And I was like, can't do this because what if this happens, right? You say, hey, man, when do we catching the vite to swim? Right? When do we catch in the vite? And then they give you a day. And they're like, oh, we're having people over Sunday. And then you're like, ah, can't that day. Got any other days?

How dick is it? And how annoying is it? Like, does he have the right to shoot me in the face? It's very annoying Or what's the deal with that? And I feel like that's pretty annoying And it's just like, dude You

Who's who here? Scram. It honestly doesn't matter Let me know, thanks. This is the thing. You don't ask for an invite, period. And I'm going to tell that to my sons. You don't do that.

You don't say, hey, what the fuck? I don't agree with that at all. You think you ask for an invite? Bro, if you don't invite me to your pool? I want to go, dude. Sucks for your pool. I want to go? Like, can I come next time?

That's not weird at all. You didn't invite me. You didn't invite me to your pool. Sucks for your pool. They could have ever very well. Sucks for you guys in the pool. They could have very well just thought you wouldn't want to go. And I didn't.

Okay. What the fuck? Still sucks for your pool. I didn't go. I was here. There's a chill out the coffee bean, man. You know, shit. Yeah.

Because, you know, I like that. I go there. Hate me? Her Jeremy's spoken. Yeah, there's nothing more 90s in that video, by the way. I can't play it because YouTube sucks crack. You know, I think that it's basically what you're saying is you are, yeah, you're, you're, you don't ask for invites. I'm going to hurt myself.

You definitely don't say catch the bite. Hey, dude, when am I cuts in the bite here, pool? that's so hard and catch the vite is brutal we're going to see weapons catch the vite you deserve to not go

dude catch the vite just because you said catch the vite is that going to be the episode title is this guy he's gonna get it twice yeah

he's gonna get it twice catch the fight nah nah no I can't be the episode title that has to be no I think it sucks for your pool is better and that's still

on him honestly I have a different one uh wants it to be that so bad but also I kind of don't want to give it to catch the vite because we can't have a guy go two for two on

No, I think that's not true You can have a guy go two for two It's worth it But catch the vite is not It's a bad rule, yeah All right Because some people are going to come here They're going to be the fucking goat

Of title makers You know? So maybe he's the goat of the title maker Titlemaking The goat of title making Yeah All right, ready Hey guys

Sleep Bralus is victim here Um, the update is, I'm not cured, uh, but the advice that I got from you guys, Matt, your recommendation for the nightmare documentary was really insightful. I watched it. Um, and it helped me understand a lot more of what's going on and all the, uh, people in the comments and follow up submissions that help me out. Uh, it was really appreciated. Um, so thanks a lot. Also, how bitch is it to be walking into the ocean or a pool down the steps and it's cold so you have your elbows up above the water? The number one bitch. That's number one bitch. Number one bitch shit. You don't get more bitch in that, but we, yeah, there's deeply ingrained in your You haven't?

Oh, yeah, for sure, yeah. Oh, well, you, when's the last time you've been in a pool? Every time you go to a pool, you go, oh, I'm a bitch. Yeah, but I don't think I'm a bitch. I just think. Oh, I do. Well, wait, hold on. Mom and dad's pool is so warm.

To be honest, you don't really go in pools, though. I have been the last a couple days. Really? I just fucking going. I'm just like. If it's really warm, it's too, if it's too warm, I don't like it. It's 90 degrees. I'm just like.

90 degrees is not warm enough for the pool. You don't think so either. You're talking about 100 degrees, it's probably. No, 90. It was 90. They lied. Fake news. Yeah, I think I wanted to watch that sleep paralysis. What was it called again?

The Nightmare. Was it? It's called The Nightmare. It's by Rodney Asher. Will Ferrell. It's a nightmare? It's by Rodney Asher. Okay.

So I wanted to watch that And I went to turn it on And then Kristen didn't want to watch it What else is fucking know Yeah She wrote it says and Kane I'm not in the mood She wanted to put

She wanted to do crafts probably So it's all good She can do both And that's obvious Well Yeah But she wanted to watch She wanted to watch so

Okay So deeper Hey what's up Chris and Matt Huge fan of the show Chris I'm a colossal fan of yours About 25% of the words My wife and I And say to each other

There's a phrase you've said something you guys say to each other or say to other people. And she's obsessed with coffee similar to you. Hell yeah, dude. Hey, if you guys like it, I love it. Matt, I love you to death. I'm a huge fan of the private record. Oh, cool.

You're writing accomplishments, I think, are really cool. And I, too, I like to write. I've not done those types of things with it, but I like to write. And I like people who like to write. Anyways, to the issue at hand, my wife and I, going to be moving soon new house new city new everything and uh with where we live now we don't like to take our shoes and wear them sorry we don't like to wear our shoes like inside the house okay um nor do we wear like clothes we worn at work and out and about in the house and on our

furniture and in our bed and stuff like that it's just the type of people we are that's so i guess i know me myself, the way that I grew up, where I grew up was not that great. The places I live, not that great on the inside and the outside. So did that carry over into adulthood? I don't know. Or do we have some sort of illness or OCD? Because it's like we feel as though we're sitting in places other people have sat or being, you know, touching the things. That's interesting. We're bringing those germs and dirt or bacteria on our clothes and having that. I guess technically you are. furniture and in our bed like that's not what's going to get you sick i don't know is that excess weight we're carrying into our new home are we tripping or is that along the lines of how some other people

might feel well let me know sorry matt grabbed his chest he tripped and fell into an air conditioning today but he um i think that um did i do this yeah uh i i think that that's unnecessary i mean what i don't know what you're worried about if you're worried about getting sick or dirty that's not going to happen. So if you want to go home and change your outfit because you want to be more comfortable than 100% that's cool. But if you're going to go into your house and have to change your outfit because you think the outfit you have on is bad because of germs, that's just not accurate. It's not accurate. You don't need to do that. Hey, you're doing something. You're doing something you don't need to do and that's fine i mean unless you you know unless you're like fucking look

if you're at the beach and then you come back and you don't want to get sand in the places okay but get in the shower anyway right if you don't have to get in the shower then don't you don't have to change your clothes i feel like you outside isn't that like it's dirty it's probably cleaner than you're in it's not like dirty dirty it's not like you're in fucking you know 70s New York. You're just like you're outside somewhere. You're good, dude. Everything's wrong good. It's getting on the inside of your clothes is probably

dirtier than what's happening on the outside. I mean, I won't go that for. Yeah. Your body has natural ecosystems that fucking... Especially since I constantly shit my pants. Fuck. We want Perea? Yeah. Is that the thing? Well, we're fucked. You're fucked. I'll get it. Are we out? Yeah, but I think

I do think that what that guy is wearing is really great for him. It looks. looks good on you. You look like you could... He's in training day. He's what? He's in training day. Yeah, but he's like more...

What do you call it? Training day, I understand what you're saying, but he's more groomed. Like, he feels like he's like... He looks like he smells terrific, honestly. And he probably does if he's worried about. Training Day extra, yeah. Right. Because those are all Hollywood people.

But he doesn't look... Yeah, okay, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Okay. You're good, dude. Yeah, don't be doing that. But by the way, he did that, by the apology, he did that with his jacket on inside his house, the video. That's pipin, pimper.

That's for outside, though. If there's anything for outside, it's a jacket. No, but that's the definition of pimping, pimping, pim. Why? Because he went against what he was saying? No, no, no, because he was like, I'm wearing this. Nothing else matters. It's pimper, pimp, pimp, and it's fucking booya.

It has a chain coming out. It's triple booyer. I get it, but what, but what he's, saying is he doesn't wear outside stuff inside because he wants it to be dirty. And he's doing it in his house with his jacket on. Is that exactly what he was saying, though? Yeah. Kind of.

I mean, almost. Yeah. All right. Next one. Hey, Matt and Chris. This is Lindsay from Massachusetts. I love you both. And I wanted to get your thoughts around work ethic.

I have a very strong one. I believe if my name is on something, it should be something I'm proud of. So sometimes in my office, they're because it's so big there are people that we know um just by affiliation and we'll go out for drinks after work like you kind of become friends with these people so it could be years but when i get a sense that they have a poor work ethic and this could be hearing them over the phone with a client being disrespectful um or not knowing what they're talking about i could get a transfer case from them um poor dictation no information assessments are importantly and i lose all respect for them

I seem, I can't seem to differentiate the two. If I don't respect your work ethic, I don't respect you as a person. Wow. You don't do better. So what are your guys' thoughts? Thank you. My thoughts are ease up, dude. I understand that.

And I would agree with that, except for I would say, I bet that if the person was like, dude, I don't live for work. I live for other things. You'd be okay with it. Ooh. You know, like I understand that. I'm the same way, dude. Like when comic, you know, take any job,

but like I'm in, you know, I'm a comedian. So when a comic is like not doing the work, especially if they're, especially if they feel slighted. But if they're lazy-ish, then you just, you, that, I can't, I kind of can't be around you. I kind of agree. So, you're saying that being around someone with shitty work ethic makes you not like them. It makes me not want to be around.

them as much i i i would say yeah god that's so broad i know it is broad it is broad i know so many fucking losers who i'm like fuck yeah right but over no no no i i yeah that is true but if but that but they have to be cool with that for me like if they're like yeah well i mean look i'm not trying to be a fucking you know a doctor i'm just trying to chill my life i love my life i like squirting and fucking eating and then that's fine but if you're like man i'm not getting opportunities and you work half as hard, then you, that, that sucks. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you want to say what I'm saying? Do you want to know where your hair

is? I see it. Yeah. I mean, I mean, oh, it's on my head. So, yeah, no, I think that I think if you're bitching and moaning about opportunities that you should have that you don't have, that's different. Right. Yeah. But yeah, I, you know, that all, that all, to me, that's the difference. But I mean, I, you know, if you're, if you're just like, you know, people who don't work or work hard, I don't, I don't, I don't, don't respect you, then

maybe that has to do something more with you. That's harsh. That's harsh. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's harsh. Yeah. But you're from Boston. I don't know you're from Boston. You're from Massachusetts. I don't respect you. Like, we live on this earth to make money. Well, that's what I'm saying. If you're... We don't. We don't live

on this earth to make money. We live on this earth to fucking blast. To absolutely fucking smother with love. We live on this earth to fucking put hats on each other. We live on this earth to buy each other The most harshest drop off of all time Buy each other jewelry

To have sex To put love on each other Put hats on each other To kiss each other's feet And lick their toes Going back down You do not live on this earth To fucking have a good work ethic

And make fucking money money Yeah, me, me, me, me, money Who cares, dude? You're going to be dead soon And And I'm going to take your dollar bills and wipe your dirty ass with them now you've submitted before and i really like you but i really truly believe this stop it not doesn't matter work ethic in other people

doesn't matter in fact i wish i had less wow so you're saying ease up ease the fuck up dude because it doesn't matter it doesn't matter if that guy is is going to move up the ladder at fucking Avon or Michaels, who cares? In fact, that's only more depressing. Like, live the life you're living, yes, make a living. But like, don't judge someone else for not having the fucking drive that you have at Starbucks. But I mean, maybe it's, maybe it's, yeah. I mean, if we're talking about fucking big, big, big, big, like, mergers and it's like,

A lot billions of dollars on the line I guess it's different But even then I'm like fucking who gives a shit You're gonna be rich It doesn't matter if it's four or one million dollars You're fine dude Yeah Fuck at all take a pony ride

I'm Central Park Yeah Go fuck a fucking donkey Go fuck illegal Go fucking stick your dick in between the rocks In Central Park Illio Go stick someone else's dick in the rocks

In between more legal In Central Park Come on come on come on Come on, no, no, no. Take two guys' dicks. Come on. Stuff them in between rocks at Central Park and go like this, rub them together and not like this.

Two counts. Rub them together with the backs like this. Two counts of illegals. And they'll fucking... Come on, man. And they'll fucking fall in love and date. You know? Now, is that more important than work ethic?

I think... That's the worst advice I've ever heard of my life. Beyond, yes. Fuck rocks in Central Park. with more than one guy and forcing to do it Yeah, I don't think that that's I get where you're coming from

Trust me I know the feeling of being like No, I get where you're coming from You're saying, excuse me No, I'm saying I both get what she's coming from Fuck this guy and is worth a work ethic And two, at the very end of that thought Think who the fuck is this shit anyway

Okay, if his work ethic sucks Mine's gonna stand out more Yeah there needs to be people with bad work ethic so you can have a good work ethic Not every little girl can be a ballerina I've been waiting so hard to say that All 170 episodes

Marco who says that Oh really? What? Marco who says that Say it again? Oh it doesn't listen to the podcast Not every little girl becomes a ballerina

A bad guy in John Wick I don't know George de Pardue A bigger one Juliet Benoche and Madman or Julia Armand, sorry No, I'm like, yeah Really?

Because I don't remember that When she's talking shit to her daughter About how she's not happy I'm not a man I don't like my show And she's like Not every girl gets to be a bad arena And I think about it all the fucking time

So trailing off Because I think about it all the time Because I think about it all the time Because I think everybody wants to be Everything that's great Well guess what Nothing's great So be something else

Right well but not that nothing's great but there needs to be the people that don't make it there needs to be the people that aren't going to be that thing yeah go to fucking trade school don't go to college right go to trade school fucking being an autodidact now that you can because the fucking chat chit between google fucking stick your fist all the way up someone's ass to the elbow pretty that's illegal win a world record no willingly so we're cool yeah cool you win world record buried deep in the back.

Life sucks, dude. It's hard enough. Just fucking... Don't get... Try to get mad at the minimum. I think I could get past elbow. You ready? Maybe she's a leadership material.

Yeah. Well, that's the other thing. Maybe the one, the submitter, the one who's submitted is the one who should get the fucking raise and move on up. Moving on up to the east side. You sing a lot for a guy who can't sing.

You finally got the piece of the power. Sing a lot for a guy who can't sing. You finally got a piece of the power. What's up from? uh that's from hell what's it from the jefferson the jefferson well why i can i fucking ask you bro it's a very well known but i didn't ask you if men have dicks

do men have dicks i asked you if you knew what that song was i was giving you a layup you didn't know the last one is that the name of the show yes the jefferson oh and that actor is on a different show fuck just real quick look up that actor do men have dicks george jefferson the guy who plays no yeah the guy who plays george yeah

he was such a TV star was nuts oh yeah he was crazy okay okay okay okay Sherman Hermesley yes go keep going Sherman Hemsley go down uh he was also on a show called he died when amen amen oh yeah he's the funniest fucking show ever he's the head pastor at a church that like everyone is an idiot and he goes around like saying, like giving everybody the business. That's funny. And he's like, you fucking, you know, nah, you know, I'll sing, fine.

Fucking, nah, nah, nah, nah. Wow. Dinosaurs, he was one of the voices. Dinosaurs. Oh, really? Do you all know dinosaurs has one of the most depressing endings to any show ever? All right, we'll talk about that on the next. Is it extinction?

Yeah, but it's the way it is extinct. Oh, no. It is like, you're like Jim Henson. You're like, you didn't have to. go there, dude. Oh, wow, okay. There's not a single smile. Just a triceratops hanging himself? There's people, like, I guarantee you more people crying than laughing at that

episode. Oh. Just the fucking stegosaurus strung out on heroin knowing. It's the end of the world. It's like the guy, the main dinosaur, he's like Homer Simpson. He worked at the factory. The factory all along was making

sure that there would be dinosaur extinction. So he's working towards killing everyone. Yeah. It's like the most fucking heady shit ever and it was a kid's show.

Oh. Okay. We're not coming. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is lifeline. Go to christend.com. Get tickets.

Thank you. Also, there's a little something I think I mentioned beginning of the show. It's called matdelia.com. It's called patreon.com. Slash Matt DeLea. Get on up.

Hello. Hello, hello, we please, hello, hello, hello, hello.