Lifeline - 181. The Train to Dong Chim
Episode Date: October 12, 2025LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes... every month, no advice, all for $5. Our Patreon is also the exclusive home to all the live podcasts which we film and upload! 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline Today we're getting some ultimate clarification on the Dong Chim conversation, talking about the ethics of other parents asking for money for a child's birthday party, movie theater nuisances, and telling your mom you got a motorcycle. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline More Matt D'Elia: Sign up FOR FREE For Matt's Patreon for all episodes of The Private Record and upcoming drops of Matt D'Elia is Confused Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More Chris D'Elia: Congratulations podcast: congratulationspod.com Live on tour: chrisdelia.com/tour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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I'm fucking flag for this because it's so accurate.
Because maybe there's gone, you're going to be the one that saves me.
You actually think that that's...
And after all...
Oh, God.
Do you actually think that that's right?
No.
Oh, I think it's good.
You do?
Yeah, you know, I like Bob Dylan's bad, but he's good?
That's me, sure, yeah.
You're welcome.
Oh, no, no, no, I don't accept that.
Okay, it's episode 181 Sunday, October 12th.
Happy birthday to Huge Jackman.
I don't have an alarm go off.
What?
Oh, your alarm went off.
That's good to have you alarm going off right now.
No, I set it up specifically so it would go off during the show because I got something to say.
Oh, all right.
Well, so yeah, so huge jackman.
huge jacked man congratulations happy birthday i missed the other birthday oh was it uh that's it that's all
that there was uh got lazy all right i see got lazy got gothenburg i'll be there godthenhagen i'll be
there uh stockholm i'll be there london dublin and then i come back to from europe to america
the land of the home and the brave are free so it's good uh midland texas waco texas syracuse new york
and Hamilton, Ontario.
And then I got Chicago, Illinois.
And a bunch of different dates,
go to chrysalia.com.
I announced...
You have Cleveland, Ohio.
I do have Cleveland, Ohio.
Yeah.
Why did you tell me that right there?
Because I didn't see Chicago.
I thought maybe you got it mixed up.
No, I got it right there.
November 50.
Oh, it's Chicago, Illinois.
And then I got San Antonio I just announced
for New Year's Eve.
Pli-Cla-Cla-C-T.
So a bunch of noise makers.
The show's early,
so you can still go do your thing afterwards,
which I like.
And you can mack on somebody at midnight if you're not talking about.
I think, you know, hopefully my wife comes.
Hopefully my whole family comes.
Hopefully, we'll see.
Huge jackass?
No, huge jacked man.
That's basically his name, which is so weird.
Yeah.
Subscribe to us on YouTube and there's a bunch of Patreon episodes.
Patreon.com slash Lifeline luxury.
There's 60 plus episodes including two full live shows.
Go watch them.
They're great.
And that's what's up.
Speaking of...
G-Unit, that's what's up.
Speaking of Patreon,
you know, we have to bank some of these
because you're going to Europe.
Yeah, right.
So I guess...
You know what, I never bank?
My show.
Okay, good.
I do it live.
Fog of it!
We'll do it live!
If you had to bank it...
Fog of it!
We'll do it live!
What is that?
I'm censoring myself because it's so early in the YouTube
in those areas.
Bill O'Reilly, dude.
He's doing the radio edit of it.
Edit that you're saying.
The radio edit.
F-U-C.
I understand.
Oh, were you not, you're saying jibberish.
He goes,
Pava, kid.
Yeah, like, a radio edit, dude.
Hey, you ever heard a radio?
Like a 90s radio.
Yes, thank you, thank you.
It's a great show.
It's live.
I can't believe how hard the chat pops off.
It's the best.
It gives me the best feeling.
It gives me a better feeling than sex than boners.
You mean it feels better than boners inside you?
smashed him nice dude uh but uh it's better feeling everybody like oh wait speaking of
top tier writer's room which is the writer's room of my patreon member cody made me this
i think you're holding it wrong what am i think that's how it's oh it is yeah you're right
he made me this that doesn't know art sorry cody look how pretty my art is from cody just
because you want it to yeah that's really sweet because i give so much to the world and him
uh-huh he felt like giving something back that's yeah
That is a sweet thing.
So I'm not grateful with it.
Anyway, sign up for my Patreon.
It's sick in it.
Can I ask something?
Where the hell do you guys get off?
You sure can.
What is that?
What is that thing?
That's stained glass.
It's art.
I know, but, oh, it's art.
Yeah, it's art.
What the hell you think is a coaster?
It's not a hat.
Oh, that's a bookmark.
I mean, you know.
Let's see where I'm in this book.
Oh, man, so heavy.
Maybe it's like a cheese platter or something.
A cheese flatter
You could use it like that
If you were R word
If you were
I don't say it
I'm woke
Nice
Tarded
You know what I mean
Close enough
Um
Yeah
What
R and then
Tarted it
Oh dude
What
What's the thing
Oh dude
You have something
You have a pouch
That Indiana Jones would have
You have a pouch of Indiana Jones would have
Dude
What is that
That those are my
How many times
You're gonna ask me
What that is?
dude my sunglasses go in here because they fold because they're cool because Don Henley's
saying about them in the 80s any other questions about that no so what were you going to do
about that what do you think about my new era I I think I's fuck I honestly think that house
has atrocious you are a true low class fool first first of all you can't see your eyes
All right, well, let me lift it up a little bit.
Relax, dude.
It's a lot better like that.
All right, man, we'll relax.
You asked.
You want me to be honest or you want me to be?
No, but first of all, do you know about this hat?
It's obviously.
Is that an official oasis?
Yeah.
Of course I know about it.
Be angry about it.
Dude, it's an oasis hat next.
Don't be jealous that you didn't get it.
I're all sold out within two hours of going online.
Got that one from the Philippines.
Is it fake?
For way more than, you know, what it usually costs.
Is it fake?
No, it's actually, for real.
Oh, nice.
And then...
Oh, and then you have another different one that's just regular bad?
No, this is not...
But not a collector's item, cool.
This is classic Kangle, dude.
Cool.
So just bad, not a collector's item, great.
No, no, no, no, not a collector's item at all.
Only because I own it, is it a collector's item.
Mm-hmm.
What do you think?
I think that hat is terrible.
I hate...
I really don't like bucket hats.
What do you think?
I like it.
What do you think?
It's bad.
I have...
Every way we align.
Every way we align.
It's always me and smart.
a smarter guy in the room, and then Anthony and Chris.
It reminds me if I know what you did last summer.
Sir?
Idiot.
It doesn't remind you of Liam Gallagher, dude?
No, dude.
Whoa, whoa, oh!
Say it again.
I don't know who that is.
I quit.
I'm done.
I'm out of here, guys.
It was really nice doing this.
Not knowing what Liam Gallagher, it's been a great show.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's been a great run.
You're being elitist.
Not knowing who Liam Gallagher is.
Elitist?
It's not like, is not a, is not a, is not, you should know who Liam Gallagher is.
Thank you.
It's not one of those things.
I mean, for me it is, though.
Okay, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine.
But for anything, for anything, and I mean anything, to remind you of I know what you did last summer, you're an oath.
Yeah, it's just, it doesn't matter what it is.
A guy can come in with a hook, a slicker, and be like, I know what you did last summer.
And if you're like, oh, Jennifer Love Hewood was in that movie, you're an oath.
Okay, that's all good.
So anyway, I liked that, that's for sure.
Yeah.
But you're wrong about my hats.
But here's the thing about the hats with me.
going to grow. It's like
Feed me Seymour. It does?
It's going to grow. I'm going to end up
with like Jamiriqui on the show. Oh, you mean
actually grow. I'm going to grow in the hat
length and height. What I don't like is
about that hat is and I don't like this about
most hat. This is a rule where I don't really
I want the brim to not be all the way around.
And it's pretty much only okay. Honestly,
with cowboy hats. You know what's crazy that I've noticed
about bucket hats, though, for real?
They block out the sun better than regular baseball hats.
I could imagine they do.
It's nuts, dude.
Because I don't need my sunglasses off.
But they don't come in from here.
They don't come from anywhere.
You're covered.
No, no, no, I know.
But with a baseball hat, it comes from here.
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah.
So don't just, don't say like, yeah, anywhere.
Scientists.
What do you mean anywhere?
I didn't say anywhere.
He did.
You said in what context.
They don't come in from anywhere.
But it doesn't matter if it comes in from here.
It's not, I'm saying, oh, yeah, right, right, right.
That was really absurdly technical to get.
For no reason?
You don't.
I do.
You only do it then, and it was a bad time to choose.
I don't get technical.
I've been tracking my macros.
Okay.
Dude, tracking my macros.
But I track my macros.
But I track my protein, my carbs, and my fat, and, and, and, and, and, but I don't get technical.
Okay.
You're still going to die.
Not soon.
I'm not saying you're going to die soon.
No, I understand.
With a belly full of, you know, fucking kale and beans.
Disgusting.
Disgusting.
The worst title.
What was his last words?
It was actually a fart.
What did this is the last words?
Oh, it was a saddest fart way to, the worst fart way to go, you know.
Dude, if you farted before you die.
Bro, you don't how many people probably do that?
No, but I mean loud.
People probably do that.
But like, when someone's there, though, and they're like, oh, fuck.
The one asshole in the room laughing?
If you die, no, the one asses in the room laughing, the other one's farting.
But if you, if you die and you're like, oh, and I don't mean get shot or stabbed or any,
oh, stabbed would be funny, though.
But if you're just like dying of old age and you just go, oh, man, and he's fucking, and you do one of these,
that sucks, dude.
You know what to fucking, I bet, well, I wonder what percentage people who die, their last thought is,
I can't believe I just farted.
What percentage of people when they die do you think?
have thought
because they farted
they thought
I can't believe
I just farted
right before
the last thing
I did in my life
under 2%
so
could be one
because they're probably
if they're dying
already
they're on some kind of
drug
that's a lot
a lot of people
you know how many people died
maybe less than 1%
it seems highly unlikely
dude
definitely happened
more than 5,000 times
which is hilarious
yeah I would say
about maybe
A total of all, yeah, 5,000.
To night, you know what I mean, to the,
someone from the early Roman Catholic Church.
Yeah, right.
Jacksonville Jaguars.
Yeah, just someone, you know.
Ken Kamenetti maybe did it.
He's alive.
No, he's alive?
Ken Kamenetti.
I thought he died from, uh,
nah.
Anthony, look up Ken Kameney.
You'll never know how to spell it.
He was on the Astros, third base.
Ken?
But I think he was, um,
C-A-M-I-N-I-T-I.
He might have, you might be right.
Yeah, dude, wow.
Oh, my God, a while ago.
He died 21 years ago?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dude, that's, that is such a, bro, wait, how old was he?
I mean, 40.
It was 41?
Yeah.
He was twice my age.
That's so young.
Ken Kamenetti taking the plate.
Oh, man.
Ken Kamenetti.
Yeah, I know.
it's tough he was the man he dude he's the guy that blew the whistle on the whole thing he wrote
that essay article he wrote that sports illustrated article on what it was like what we all did
what he did he centered it on him he wasn't like calling people out okay you would mention names
but he talked about how steroids and i read this as a kid and i will never forget it he took
so many of them that his balls went inside his oh yeah i knew that and it was just a flappy
sack of skin i don't know that personally but i've heard it flappy sack of skin like you have no
I don't.
That is, uh...
Oh, RIP, dude.
I loved Camden.
Yeah, he was, he was handsome, huh?
Well, steroids made him look way different.
Right, right, right, right.
But when he was young, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, all right, well, uh, we can get into submissions.
Don't do steroids.
Yeah, and, and, uh, you don't do steroids.
Don't ever do steroids.
And also, it's like so weird because it's so obvious when you do that?
It's really, it's really, it's like having a mustache and being like, no, I'm clean-shaven.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
You're like, oh, no, but because of the hair under your nose,
you go like this, what hair?
I've never felt that.
And they're red, and they're bulgy for, like, in a way that's not at normal at all.
I went to get ice cream with the kids last night.
And there was a guy that was just a fucking red guy.
Dude.
And this is going to change.
This is going to change what you're even thinking of right now.
He was 65 and fucking red, bro.
Was he, like, very, like, beef, like, well, really?
Oh, really?
Yeah, it wasn't, it didn't look like it was from drinking or anything.
No, I mean, did he look buff, like, wealth, well, really?
He was fitish, but.
Not like a gym hound.
No, no, no, no.
Just, fuck, I was staring at him, and I'm like, there's no way that's not red.
Like, if I wore a shirt that color, no one would be like, why is your shirt, weird skin color?
They'd be like, oh, the guy in the red shirt.
Right, right, right, right.
Unbelievable
Bart Sunburn
It looked like
One of those
Never not been in the sun
I don't know man
I wanted to ask him
But you know
Hey sir
It's so rude
Sir why you read
Sir thanks for the compliment
About my family
Why are you red
He said
He said you have a beautiful family
Nice
Some red fucking guy said that to me
You know
Red people
Truly know nothing
The race of red people
That race
A cowboy
No, the race of red people
I'm racist against red people like that
A cowboy that just got to America
What is red people?
I mean, I'm making a joke man
He's saying people who are red like the guy I said
Dude, why am I so stupid?
Well, I mean, how many podcasts can we do today?
Okay, let's do a five-partner.
No, but red that's racist for, you know what I mean?
I'm not going to say it, but hey, how about this?
The Guardians.
It's racist for the guards.
Guardians. You know what I mean?
Baseball. Nice, dude. Nice. You know baseball. Okay.
But that's not how I meant it. So, it's not. That's why I said you meant it the red guy
like I was talking about. Yes, that's what I know. And red hole. And then I was making a joke about
how our ancestors came here. Yeah, and Daredevil. I'm racist against him. Anyway, dude,
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Thanks for choosing my submission.
Listening to the latest episode, Gay Lieutenant,
and I can't believe I'm hearing you guys talk about a Dongchi.
We did that in high school too.
There we go.
I went to Crespi Carmelite High School.
Making it up.
Close to us.
Which is the rival high school of Notre Dame,
which is in Sherman Oaks.
And I'm pretty sure the kid who introduced us to Dongchies,
his brother went to Notre Dame.
I assume you guys went to high school somewhere over there.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
Near Sherman Oaks.
Maybe that's the connection.
It's a local thing.
The Dong Chi.
Regional.
Stick your hand up there and then you...
You do do that.
You yell Dong Chi, and the goal is to lift them off the ground while you're doing it.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Wow.
Anyways, yeah, Dong Chi.
Totally a thing.
You don't have to ask Chad GBT.
Just ask me.
If I knew you...
Goodbye.
And also...
If I knew you, I would have gone straight to you.
Let me point this out.
He's way younger than us.
So, I mean...
Do you know how young am?
Yeah.
So he's way younger than me then.
but like he's 30 or something
and that's like he's not 30 dude
come on he's younger he looks like he's 34
no no no no really
I mean I'm actually so bad at guessing age so I believe
okay so anyway
that guy is
younger so it's still
around so donchie has staying
power which is amazing it's not amazing to me
so I
a member
another writer's remember of my Patreon wrote me
said hey Matt
so my comment got buried yesterday because the OG crew chat on my Patreon is so on and popping
has been oh the chat has been absolutely on and motherfucking poppin so i thought i'd send it
directly here the word you y'all were looking for on lifeline is dong chim this is in actual
Korean okay that's the translation this guy Korean this woman is Korean you were so close
Oh, story of my life
It's the Korean word
For the same thing as Cancho in Japanese
When I taught kids in Japan
I would see them do it sometimes
Worldwide, baby
You think it's just local Sherman Oaks to LC?
They'd lift Japanese people off the ground like that
Which is easy because they're lighter
Yeah, and they go
Oh no
When I get
Yeah
Oh you're gonna have a stinkier finger
All right
Well that's cool
Go up, go up
go up oh yeah it's saying it right there look donchim yeah see do i mean what the it's worldwide
baby but but he's doing it right there what do you mean it's doing it she's doing it oh my god she's
doing it go back oh oh oh there's a statue to it whoa there's a statue look at the one on the upper right
first of the ps2 graphic it's just showing that's that's on wikipedia no that that is when
ps2 made the made the made the game donchi it's literally on the image on wikipedia of concho me playing
Donchie.
Dongchim.
X, X,
X, hit it, hit it.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, he got me off the ground.
Oh, I got so many images.
I mean, dude.
It's a train.
The Dongchim train, dude.
Train to Dongchim train.
I'm sorry, ride that Dongchim train.
I mean, woo, I'm sorry, the characters, you know?
Like, some of them, okay, but then they got like furries and shit.
They got the greaser, they got the bear.
Johnny Bravo.
Two bears.
All right.
So there's a statue for it.
Regular Japanese guy, regular Japanese girl.
Well, we really made some progress on this Dongchi thing.
Dung Chim.
Dongchim.
All right.
The don't chim.
Shout out to Stevie.
Donchim, a prank translated as poop needle.
Oh, she didn't say that.
Dude, poop needle.
That's so horrifying those two words together.
So it's just like this.
Wow, all right.
You plunge it in.
Killing them.
With this one.
Yeah.
Tap for a while.
Enough with Dong Chim.
I disagree, but go ahead.
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Hi guys. It's Gina from Arizona. I just have a question. I
I have a 13-year-old daughter who has been invited to several birthday parties recently.
And every time I show up, the parents of the children, the birthday child, have asked me for a certain amount of money to cover my daughter's expenses for the birthday party.
And I'm just confused.
When I was a kid, the parents paid for the birthday party and you just kind of showed up.
and um there's no like before mentioned like hey you know we're going to need this amount of money
in order for your child to come to this birthday party it's like a cover charge for your eight year old
and to add to it most recently i had a birthday party for her and all these same children came to her
party and um they i didn't ask of course i didn't ask for any type of payment for the party
It's just come and enjoy and celebrate.
Of course.
But these same parents, it's, you know, they're asking me for $15 above dollars for my
to participate in these birthday parties.
And I'm, like, beyond confused.
And I want to make sure that, A, I'm not going crazy that this is weird.
Completely.
How do I go about, like, addressing this with the parents?
Because it seems like a weird question.
for them to ask parents to pay.
I've never, ever, ever heard of that.
Not give them any heads up.
Not like, hey, just in case you didn't know.
Like, none of that is done.
That's like some mafia shit.
We have the party.
Every time I'm like caught off guard is what is.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, of course.
But then I think about it later.
And I'm like, this is weird, right?
So I just need a clarification.
All right, we get it.
I love you guys.
So I don't.
Thank you very much.
She's a member of the writer's room, too.
Yeah, I think she's,
Talk, did she have done something here for before?
Is a fan?
I think she has.
It's not, it's not, it's not hard to be a fan.
Oh, of me and then, yeah, in this order, then you.
Uh, I think that she, that, I've never, I've never heard of that now.
That's crazy.
I don't know what it's like everywhere, but, uh, that's, that's really weird, I think.
It's, it, I'm, it's weird. It's, it's a little weird to, to, to, it's, it's a little weird to, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a little
You don't know people's financial situation, which is if you really want to have a birthday
party for your kid and you can't afford it.
I can understand.
But we were poor when we were kids.
Mom and dad gave us the birthday party that they could.
Right, right, right.
They didn't give us a one bigger than they could and then ask every attendee, hey, where's my 50 bucks?
Actually, that's true, because what's money really?
It's just you get a cake.
It's nothing.
All you need is $6 for a kid.
It's like, no, no, it's a cake's more than that, but you know what I mean?
Your own, when you have a child, there are certain responsibilities.
Yeah, that's true.
One of them being, you take care of their birthday.
And don't put it off on other parents too.
Like, it's a good point.
Oh, especially because they're not going to fucking do it.
I mean, not that you would ask for money for yours, but like, they're not going to be like, oh, and by the way, here's your money for the, you know, it's, that's weird.
It's one thing to preface it, if you're going to do it, if you do that, that's way better.
It is way better, yeah.
But if you don't do that, that's just weird.
Maybe is it a, is, I have no idea, is it a cultural thing?
Like, is this somebody from regional?
She lives in Arizona.
No, but it could be, it literally could be like a cultural thing that would be they moved.
I don't know, you know.
She says, I think she's implying it happens more than once.
Yeah, I think so, too.
And she's the only one that didn't do it.
And, oh, I thought she meant the same person.
does it all the time no she's saying people do this oh wow and when she did it for her daughter
she didn't do it yeah and the other parents still ask her for money even the ones that came to her
party mm-hmm yeah which is like no i understand yeah that's really weird to me i never heard of that
i never heard of that people are weird now weirder now than ever well i mean it's something going like
this it is really it's a weird time dude it is really hard to pay for stuff now i mean it's like
well money wise that well that's why it's weird
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, you know, my heart goes out to people for that shit, but like...
But no, no, no, I agree with you.
Have the party.
No, I agree with you.
No, I agree with you.
The end.
Yes.
I agree with you.
The end.
I definitely don't surprise people with the...
Yeah, the surprise is...
That makes it over over the top.
Yeah.
And then, and then...
Yeah, that's just...
And there was another thing that made it even weird.
I can't remember what it is, but, uh, yeah.
That, that is just, uh, not...
I think if you, if you, like, came correct about that,
You know, and talk to parents beforehand.
Like, I can't afford this, but she wants this.
Yeah, like, I really want to do this one thing that she keeps asking about.
100% okay.
I mean, the way, the way, the way that is so less weird is un, is remarkable.
Yeah, yeah.
If anything, you're like, that's a submission in itself, honestly.
Yeah.
To be like, listen, my friend had a, has having a birthday party or her daughter,
they don't really have a lot of money in the daughter.
They really said, you know, it'd be nice if I could do something for her.
and she's asking the parents to split it
that's a submission
this is wild
this is nuts
Gina you're not at
all crazy
you're the opposite
okay
yeah
tit
bang Chris
to a movie last night
and about a quarter of the way through the film
I hear a noise coming from behind me
where a couple hundred 50s
was seated
and I realize that it's the sound of snoring
okay been there
Yep, me too.
So the film I went to see was a concert film by David Gilmore from Pink Floyd.
I don't know if you're familiar with music or not.
But it's pretty mellow.
So I hear this snoring as well as I can hear the music.
And it's very distracting.
Yeah, that sucks a lot.
And it persists and I eventually kind of give a look over the shoulder.
Well, he's asleep. He won't see that.
And the husband who's not sleeping puts his arms up like this.
Got it.
Kind of saying, you know, what can you do?
What can you do?
I like him up.
They're 50?
He just had me thinking, you know, if I'm at a movie with somebody in their snoring,
I'm putting a stop to it for my sake and for their sake and for everybody else's sake that's in the theater.
Hey, wake him up.
What do you guys think?
Yeah, 100% agree with you.
Yeah, also, he said they're in their 50s.
Right, yeah, but that's who falls asleep.
But who goes like this?
What are you going to do?
50, 80.
Oh, wow, okay.
I thought you were saying younger.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
You have no excuse to go like this.
What are you going to do unless you're young enough to be like, come on, guy.
Dude, a 50-year-old is...
You're young.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wake the fuck up or leave.
Hey, hey, yeah, guy.
Yeah.
A movie theater is not a place to sleep.
Yeah, you just brush your in cheek back there.
You don't go to bed at a movie theater.
You got one of the...
Flossing.
Flossing.
Like this.
Eye masks.
Dude, like, you're not...
Jacking off.
At a place to sleep.
Hey, jacking off.
All right, right for bed.
If you...
Paul Rooms...
RIP.
Sorry, I can't believe I made that joke.
At my hero's expense.
Um, but that's what he did.
Yeah, I know that.
And I'm real.
and I say real
that is so annoying when people said that
I'm real
I keep it very real
my ex-girlfriend
her dad
we were friends
like he was great
I remember
and dude
we went to go see a movie once
or more than once
but one time went to go to see movies
like one of the first times
and
he was
sitting next to me
and we're watching a movie
and I'm like
oh man he's
he fell asleep
because I'm watching
the movie and I'm like because I can hear him breathing you know and I go and I go fuck and I look at
him and he's this is what he's like this oh he's just how you breathe big guy yeah he's got the
thing well nose thing I have probably yeah I mean he's not really big but yeah should have got the
nose that he should get my nose things text him get his nose things um no but dude it was so
funny he was awake snoring dude some people breathe in the wildest
ways, dude. You don't be sitting next
to somebody and they'll just like
make their breathing noise and you're just
like, I've literally never heard
that sound. I remember, I'll never forget
this, I was next to Mike Lanocchi once and he was
showing me something on his phone and I said, oh, you're breathing
too hard, huh? And we fucking, I laughed. He got mad
but I laughed so hard. Oh, you're breathing too hard.
I could see him breathing
like a mouth breather? No, it was
no, fucking whistling and shit. That's tough
dude, yeah. Nobody wants that.
But yeah, that's, yeah, well, yeah, wake them up.
If you're, look, if you're, if you happen to fall asleep in the movies, that's totally something that could happen.
The lights are down.
Yeah, there's usually loud, but, you know, you're not doing anything.
I get it.
And if you fall asleep, fine.
If you start snoring, you got to be woken up, period.
That's right.
That's the rule, yeah.
Yeah.
If you wake some up, just right, hey, you're going to miss it.
And you don't know them?
Oh, my God.
I'd fucking, I'd lose my mind.
I come to the movies to get naps
But if you do snore
It's like a public responsibility thing
You have to wake them up yeah
Remember the guy who you told a story about that
When you were going to go see that
Like that at the art house
Yeah we were together right
You talked about it on this right
Yeah yeah yeah
When we saw Jerry one of the best movies ever
Oh Jerry right yeah
All right
Jerry's the most like fall asleep
Yeah but it's still the best
But yeah totally yeah
But just the way he was talking before
He's like, I'm here for the art pictures.
Those Schwarzenegger movies, I'll miss them any day of the week.
But this is what it's all about.
And then eight minutes, it just...
And he was like 20 rows ahead of us.
Right.
That's an instance where if you don't...
If you say something first, it's worse.
The other submission was an instance.
If you don't say something first, it's worse.
About not saying about paying for the birthday party.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
Isn't that cool how I could just...
Ha ha ha ha ha.
That's actually completely nothing.
No, well, I made a connection and I made a very kind of avant-garde connection, too, which is really cool.
Because I don't think many people would do that.
I definitely agree with that many people would not do that.
Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure.
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Maybe it's just a phase you're going through.
You'll get over it.
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For not for the reasons that you're thinking.
We have a specific, we have a niche podcast.
Dude, my dad, for the past like 30 years, I mean, ever since Mission Impossible star,
it's the only movie he wants to ever see in theaters.
Mission Impossible or James Bond.
That's probably true of a lot of old men.
And so when one comes out, we make plans and we all go to see it.
Funny, yeah.
And dad, he falls asleep every time.
Every time?
Uh-huh.
I love it
And then at the end
He's just like
It was great
Oh dude
I mean that's yeah
That's the best part
Oh yeah
What was your part
And he just goes like this
And this runs away
And then trips and falls
And fucking hits his head
I mean okay
Well
No but
The
I saw the James Bond auditions
For
What was the
What's his name got it?
Pierce
No
Daniel Craig
Yeah. I saw the screen tests for, or not screen tests, but the auditions for, there were like some famous guys that did it, and it was interesting to see.
Because honestly, James Bond can be a very boring character.
Like, yeah, he, yeah. Well, I mean, the, it's like Superman.
The arc of the thing, I mean, they went from Tomorrow Never Dies where Pierce Brosons is literally parachutes onto a surfboard, onto a tidal wave.
that rides into the villains, the super-villains, like,
and what's the problem?
And then with Daniel Craig, they make him like a human being
who, like, can get shot and has a past and is...
He can't hack it.
He can't do that fucking surfboard.
I'm wondering what's next.
Like, are they going to continue this, like, Christopher Nolan's style?
Like, it's so real.
But also, he's just...
He's got a relationship problem.
Yeah, like, keep it James Bond.
Fuck, I have syphilis.
That would be amazing.
Oh, I got a herpy.
Oh, my back edges.
He'll la la, la, or a-a-oh.
He's got scabies.
I'd rather the syphilis.
Take two of these.
Because it's so, like, so messed up, you know, to have syphilis.
How do you have syphilis nowadays?
It's like already, and it's already starting to mess his brain, you know?
Oh, that's dope.
That would be so good.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Golden cock?
We'll pitch this to the...
Bolden cock?
You know?
all right
rock cock
hey guys
scotty from jersey
yeah yeah
nice
you guys talk about
nicholas cage all the time
especially you Chris
have like a ton of reaction
videos
and if you love him
as much as I do
you just know he's
obviously the greatest actor ever
but I'm wondering if you guys
have seen
his Japanese
commercials
it's called
it's for a product called
like Sanko Pachinko
it is
eh
so Nicholas
Kays
Yeah, and would love to share
I have not seen them in years.
If you haven't seen it.
Anyway, Chris, I really appreciate you.
Congratulations, podcast.
Really gave me some laughs in times when I only wanted to cry.
And, you know, my favorite episodes are with you and Matt.
So when you guys teamed up and, you know, made this podcast, it meant a lot to me.
So, thanks, guys.
Thank you, dude.
I just want to say one thing for the record.
If anyone out there thinks that I haven't seen a video like that.
Yeah, don't embarrass yourself.
You don't know anything about me.
You couldn't know less about me.
It's a Stogey.
Like, we haven't seen that.
Yeah, exactly.
Like, what are you crazy, dude?
It's a Stogey.
I love Stogeys.
Because I'm a stud.
Unlike you.
Children's character.
That's how he does it, dude.
I mean, he's not gawk at him out.
You know what he's talking about it, right?
Jay Leno.
It's like a taped thing for Jay Leno.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Well, I got, I'm the,
historiographer of the clips oh yeah of 80s videos yeah i mean with action movie stars actually i am yeah um
there's 90s but yeah yeah so uh yeah i have seen the japanese nicholas cage stuff there's
there's i mean if you areigato the amount of great truly like like people talk about how nicholas
cage is crazy now and it's like it's his whole thing it's kind of his brand it is his brand the signs
were there though no when he was young yeah yeah yeah there's footage of him on talk shows just
coming out no shirt on and doing jump kicks yeah the signs were always there it was well
that's not the signs not even signs he's crazy and has been crazy since day one like yeah
he didn't get 60 and people are like yeah he bought an he bought an eagle yeah like dude if he at 21
could have bought castle he would have done it yeah or haunted house he would have done it and he's
in debt now because he buys those things anyway nichis cage is not the greatest actor but he's
third first is denzo washington
then it's Daniel DeLewis
and then it's in this cage
You don't think about movie stars
I'm not talking about best actors
No no no no no
He said actor
The best I guess he did
But best actor ever
What do you want to say
Easy Marshall
No the best actor ever is
Daniel de Lewis
There's no question
There is no question
His whole fucking face changes
It's unbelievable
That doesn't matter
It's about body of work
Every
Here's why you know
Denzel's the best actor ever
He's in
pieces of shit
shit and within those pieces of shit he has he has he does things that are not just like oh wow
that was good but like the best version of a thing of that that ever happened on screen safe house
is an example yeah safe house is a dog shit yeah a pile the way he dies at the end of safe house
yeah we always talk about this is the greatest dying ever in any movie of all time listen i agree
with you so then that's the best actor and he does like three movies he
year and he's always like I don't watch movies and he's just like he's the coolest guy in the
world he's the best he's the best actor ever you're are living best living your argument is
look I think Denzel Washington is great so it's not that I'm not saying he's great the best actor
living actor to me is absolutely Daniel day Lewis it's not enough he doesn't give me enough
dude oh you're gonna become bill the butcher oh that's cool dude you're an actor be an actor dude
Denzel just shows up, does the thing with the lip, yells, and then walks into his trailer.
I don't care what the prep is.
I don't give it shit.
No, I know.
The result is all the matters.
I agree.
But it's like, come on.
You don't need to be actually Daniel playing in view before the cameras are rolling, you know?
What's up?
He's saying he's number two, but I just.
No, me?
Yeah, I mean, I love him.
He's amazing.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He's number two.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He's my number two.
Okay.
But Denzel is, like,
the most tipy
he's the top of the pyramid
I think number two is Christian bail though
Really?
Yeah
I mean he's great but
Yeah he's great
I mean I can't like
I shouldn't be that surprised
Yeah
But but he does really
Really bad stuff
That he phones in
And these other guys don't do that
Christian Bell?
Yeah Terminator
Terminator yeah
He does big action movies
Dude he doesn't care
Yeah but that was a while ago though
That was kind of kind of the thing
That made him do two of them
Yeah, but he did those
And Batman
That's when he became a huge...
He was already Batman
I know, I know, I know
I know.
But if he didn't do the Terminator movie
We wouldn't have...
You know what?
Good for you!
Oh, good for you!
And how was it?
The director, McGee and that
is the biggest
Pussy.
Everyone's such a pussy at something.
Ever, dude.
Oh, you're the director?
Make that stop.
It's so weird.
You're in charge?
Make that
stop. I mean, I'm glad he didn't because we get to have it, but you're a pussy,
you're a pussy. I know you watch this show. You're a pussy.
God. Nice, dude. What up, guys?
Pleasant guy. Seven-year baby here. You already know I love you, so I'm going to just get
into it. Nice. Ever since a kid, since I was a kid, my parents and my mom in particular
have always harped on how dangerous motorcycles are, how I should never get a motorcycle,
and how bad of a decision it is for anybody to, you know,
even be on a motorcycle for any amount of time.
And that really stuck with me.
So, I'm 31 now, and I just got my first bike.
Wow.
That's a really sick bike.
Wow.
I'm really happy about it.
It's really fun.
I have all the gear.
Rebelling at 31.
I took the course.
I got the indoors on my license.
To his DNA.
I'm trying to be really safe.
But the advice is I need is how to tell my parents.
parents.
Oh, wow.
Because I know that they're going to freak out.
I know, I know exactly what to do.
And, uh...
Fuck, yeah, I do too.
Yeah, just...
Yeah, you do.
Look outside.
All right.
All right, thanks, guys.
Yeah.
Peace out.
Buya, booya, booya, and...
Booja.
Okay, so here's what we're going to do.
We're going to go, we're going to drive it as loud as possible over to your parents
house, park it right on their lawn, walk in, make sure the light, the floodlights
are on out front, so it's lit up.
So, night time?
Yeah.
Or, yeah, if it's at night, yeah.
Okay.
If it's that during daytime, the sun will work.
2 a.m.
Wake them up.
And then point to it.
Make sure they're both looking and say, say, you see that?
That's mine.
And it's your fault.
Yeah.
And then leave.
Or just go like that.
And then leave the same way you came in.
Okay, so drive over 2 a.m.
Get on the lawn.
Make sure it's a night that's wet.
Fucking.
where the grass and the dirt kicks up
and ruin their lawn a little bit
and then
and then when they open the window
or open the door, whatever, go like this.
Your fault.
And they go,
right and drive away.
With no helmet,
with no helmet,
you can't wear a helmet.
Yeah.
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
Look what you made me do.
Yeah.
Remember when I was seven?
Yeah.
We just drive off.
Leave that.
riddle with them. She'll remember. Your mom will remember. If you said, remember when I was seven and then
wrote off, she'd be like, I never should have said. And then never talk to her again. Okay. Well, that's,
only email. That's not what I would advise. Ah, it's all bad advice, but I think that. No, I like, I like,
I like, I like what we had so far. No, I, but I, yeah, dude, I mean, just like, dude, you wanted a motorcycle.
It's sick. It's safe. You're safe. Obviously, you're safe. You're safe about it. It's not safe.
Yeah, it is, dude.
Yes, it is.
Is riding a motorcycle?
Yeah, man.
I mean, if you know what you're doing, you're...
I guess so, yeah.
Yeah.
And you're not like...
Sure, because there's a lot more to pad you if you get hit.
Walking's a lot safer than both.
I do both.
I only walk.
Sitting in your house is the safest, though.
And I wouldn't advise someone to just sit in their house all day.
He wanted a motorcycle, dude.
And it's his mom's fault.
It's his dad's fault.
Stop.
Okay?
And they deserve to...
They deserve him.
To have a motorcycle.
That's a terrible, that's terrible grammar.
But you know what I mean.
They deserve him to have a motorcycle?
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
They had it coming, dude.
It's their fault.
Don't, don't push something that hard in an anti-way against on your kid.
Your kid's going to want to do it.
The end.
I have, you know, our parents hate tattoos.
They hate your tattoos.
Well, yeah.
They tell me about it all the time.
Okay, well.
They like mine.
They say mine are tasteful.
Matt, hey, it's, hey, it's mom.
Hey, Chris's tattoos suck.
It's when I'm over there.
They'll be like, well, you can't even see yours.
Yours are hidden.
Yeah, which means they don't like them.
Which means they're better than, they like mine better than yours.
Okay, fine.
And they'll love me more.
A shit, eating shit with bread is better than just eating shit.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, yes.
It isn't?
I don't know.
You're serving shit.
I don't understand.
but the point is
mine are tasteful
and they respect me
and they respect that
yours are all over the place
like they're falling off of your body
and they hate that
to them
to that age group though
it makes people think of like
criminals
and sailors
and like hell's angels
yeah exactly but all of which you're nothing like
mom literally goes like this
she pulled on my arm
and she goes
do me in favor
don't get any more tattoos
until I'm dead
and I go
Mom, no, you're
you're going to be alive
28 and we all know it, yeah.
Mom's never going to die.
So I'm getting tattoos at 65?
You know?
You're going to have all those tattoos at 605.
No, I know, but I'm not going to think about that.
What do you think about that, though?
That's fucking great.
You're going to have them at 75.
That's great.
You'll be dead by 75.
No, come on, dude.
Don't say that.
Not the way I'm eating nowadays.
Ah.
All right.
Might be too.
But no, it's to switch things around.
You might have already, well, anyway, I'm hungry.
All right, next one.
Okay, most lovable thing about my fiancé, this is really weird.
But he has a small esophagus and an acid reflex problem.
So he burps a lot.
Oh.
But the sound of his burps makes me laugh every single time.
Oh, that's great.
I love it so much.
And I have videos of it.
I can send you a video of him.
No, no, no, no, no.
You probably don't want that, but I could.
And it's, I guarantee you laugh.
That's great.
Most hateable, he, you know when you get like an iced coffee and you're slurping it,
you get to the bottom, there's no drink left and it's just ice, he will put that,
the to-go cup with the ice in the fridge.
And then I'll open the fridge and see it and be like, can I throw this away?
And he's like, no, I'm going to finish it tomorrow.
And I'm like, finish what?
It's just ice.
It's just melted ice now.
And then he doesn't finish it tomorrow.
and it sits there for days until I finally throw it away
and he never notices when I throw it away.
Don't even ask.
One more thing, he takes his clothes off in the middle of anywhere.
Any room, he'll just take his clothes off, leave them in a pile and walk away.
Middle of the kitchen, I've seen it, middle of the living room,
cafe, hallways, I have videos of that too.
I'll get the two to them out.
That actually reminds you, before we give advice,
I, uh, the very first time I hung out with the girl I ended up dating for a really long time.
so unbelievably this didn't ruin things but we ended up at my old place back downtown the loft
and uh i was just pacing and i was telling her a story and i started taking my pants off
come on i swear on my life dude like i'm charlie rose you know well yeah but what did he do that's
what he did he would like invite like interns to his office and have a robe on and then it would just like fall off
And, like, I'm still Charlie Rose just talking to you.
I'm like, what?
I'm interviewing you.
Go ahead.
And I, in the middle of me, like, my pants are on my ankles and I just thought, like,
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Am I like having a stroke?
I was taking my pants off to be more comfortable.
No, yeah, I know that.
As if I was alone.
I know that.
So.
And she was, she was, she was just, I remember I looked up at her and she was just like.
And I was like, I was like.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know why I did that.
I just pulled my pants back up and I was like I, I, I, I, I, and she was laughing at
that point, but like, because I'm so charming.
Calling the cops and laughing.
Because I'm so charming, but yeah.
What's the deal with, look at me?
Dude, what?
What?
What's it going to be?
I want to look at your hair is different and I want to look at it.
Why is it bad?
I didn't know, no, I didn't know.
I thought you were going to like say something shittier.
Do a bit. No, do something shittier.
No.
Okay.
Yeah.
that you look really
I mean
incredibly
great with your hair back
wow
why don't you do that
I didn't I didn't know
I mean it's been a while since I've seen you do that
but but mom cut it
when my mommy cut it when
like very recently
no like a week or two ago
oh yeah
so it looks
Yeah, why don't you do that?
Because I don't want to deal with my hair.
No, no, no, no.
And I don't want to touch it.
I don't want to look at it.
That's fine.
That's the real reason.
I mean, that's the foundational reason of why.
Yeah.
And I'm not like, that's not cool about me, though.
Like, I hate that.
I know you're not saying that.
I don't do that either.
Like I, I, but I feel like I have the right cut for me.
style, and that's yours.
Just kidding.
Thanks, man.
So do that.
It certainly feels better.
My hair was just way too long and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and.
Oh, okay, I was trying to be nice to myself, but it was, yeah, I mean, what are you guys in my right or what?
Didn't it look good like that?
Yeah, it looks good.
Made him say it, you know?
Yeah, say that or otherwise, you know, pay cut, yeah.
Um, all right.
Wait, do we answer?
I don't know what it was.
third one was what what was she said she likes when her boyfriend burps well no the last the third thing
she said was when she she puts the cup in the in the fridge oh throw it away don't ask him do not
he will never think about that cup again no matter what happens in life I'm telling you from my own
experience throw it away why did but I guess my question I used to do I mean I probably still do
but I used to do shit like that all the time and and I would always say no I think I want I want to
hold on to that. And if, if I'm being
honest, I
truly think
that, not in the moment, but I think
I thought, if
someone's going to throw it away, it's going to be me.
Yeah. And the truth is that's so
stupid, that you
can skip all of that. You hold,
you have the,
you're the Lord of the Ring, basically.
And you can just decide all
of everyone's fate about the cup.
And you can throw the cup away.
And no one. Well,
ever think about it again.
Throw it away. Do not ask.
Lord of the coffee ring.
Yeah.
Oh, it left the mark.
On the table?
Yeah, that's the ring.
Oh, it's ice coffee.
It's per- it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,
it's, oh, I fucked it up, okay, can you put it down again.
Do you see those videos of any circus are actually acting like Gallum?
Mm-hmm.
so good dude
movies are so done like
I know dude
I don't mean movies like that or so dumb
I just mean like when you see them do it
you're like oh man movies are so dumb
but
yeah so
I don't
I want to know does he
why do
I guess you guys have a different
barometer on
what's done and what's not
like does he think that
if there's no more brown in the cup
it's done yeah he might have like a mental problem well no i mean i if it's empty it sounds like a cute
and he's saying i'm gonna finish it like if there's two sips left you might want those two sips
i do get that yeah but that's different than empty yeah exactly yeah so i so if she's throwing it
away when there's still a little bit in that's on her yeah but now you're but also a third way anyway
who cares throw it away anyway yeah it doesn't matter is the ultimate truth the move is think about it
If you see something that looks like trash, you throw it away.
And I think taking your clothes off anywhere in your house is fine.
But I know women and men.
I could see how that would really annoy a partner.
Well, well, Kristen, hates it.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
You're always naked at home, though.
Well, I, I'm always comfortable in my house, I would say, is what I would say.
Yeah, naked.
I don't do that anymore, though.
You have your underwear on.
Yeah, but I don't even really do that anymore.
Really?
Yeah, no, I have, um.
I always have at least shorts on.
Now that I have kids.
Yeah.
But yes, when it was just Kristen and I,
I mean, I was probably naked in my house.
I mean, such a fucking large percentage of the time.
I don't like being naked.
I always need something under my dick and balls.
Now I don't.
Because my dick is so big, it's like I,
bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
yeah, you need something under your dick and balls like a guy.
Got you, smashed you.
And it's fine, but it was too oblivion.
and um but uh yes i i would say that yeah i don't enjoy i used to just love it because it felt so free and
nice and now i have to well i used to sleep naked and i don't anymore that's crazy to me
you know and i don't think i don't get it i don't think i could anymore i just don't get the
sleep naked thing dude no i used to do it all the time i loved it i loved it would your ball like
when you move your balls i put him on the night table all right it's another one i'm going to
but can I agree.
Detachable penis.
Who's song was that, Chris?
I think Kenny Loggins.
Remember that song?
What was the name of that band?
Yeah, you know.
You googled it.
You find out in two seconds.
No, I know.
I'm trying to think of it and not Google it.
You showed it to me when I was like 11 or something.
Is it cake or something?
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, I answer me.
What'd you say?
It's something like butthole surfers, but not them.
Was it cake or something?
It's not cake.
Well, nobody said that yet.
So that is a wrong way to answer that.
It's not.
kick it was shit i'm just gonna google it either way it's i don't know i want to know totally boring i want
to know king missile king missile made a song called detachable penis wow that's pretty funny
that's perfect i would have never thought of i mean i don't even know that as a band name yeah i don't
even know who they are yeah wow weird you know what i think there were a one hit one yeah how i mean
what detachable penis was and what a hit it was yeah yeah yeah
Yeah, I remember the video and everything.
Really?
Yeah.
Not me.
All right.
Not me.
I've been trying to detach my penis ever since.
All right.
Keep pulling it.
Hey, Chris and Matt.
Chris, I've been a fan for a long time since you were doing the podcast with that white wall behind you.
Wow.
Let me set the stage for you guys.
So my parents got divorced when I was three.
They both remarried.
My dad had my brother.
He's 15 years younger than me.
Oh.
in high school. Wow. My dad, in his older years, he wants to find a spouse. Okay.
Finds a new chick. She is a little bit possessive. Oh, boy. May have a little bit of
the Munchausen syndrome. At my wedding, she was hurt, hurt her ankle. So my dad spent
75% of my wedding in the hotel room with her nursing her ankle. I mean, that's not Munchausen
syndrome. She has gone to events because she's sick. The events that are on my side of
family this pattern continues yeah she had a plan before she met my dad to move
down to florida which is my proxy yeah now she wants to bring my dad with him but my brother
is still in high school this evidently wasn't a problem for my dad wow so my dad basically
gave up being a parent to his son that's still in high school and moved down to florida
Wait, he...
With her.
Game up guardianship to my stepmother.
Oh, my God.
So my question for you guys is, I mean, how do you handle it?
Like, obviously, I don't hate the guys, my father.
I still love him.
Of course.
But is respect there?
Do I give them respect?
No.
Just how would you guys handle it?
Okay.
How would you lead a conversation like that?
Only one...
Anyway, big fans, guys.
Thank you for the time.
Thanks, dude.
Only one time has something like this remotely.
happen and the details don't matter but my dad once did something that inadvertently or
without realizing it slighted my brother like a professional thing like a work thing and uh there's
nobody in the world that i love more than my dad and that sounds like it's probably different
for you in your case but like all the more reason to call him out on it and i did and
And then eventually, not eventually, shortly after, he was like, you were so right.
Like, I can't believe I was doing what I was doing.
He was fucking your girl.
And, no, but, no, I know what you're talking about.
And I think that, you got to, you got to call him out, dude.
Doesn't matter.
Yeah.
That's, that's like a supremely fucked thing to do.
Yeah.
Well, that, that's beyond.
Yeah, that's what, not even close.
Not even close, yeah.
No, that was a work thing.
Yeah.
And I still honestly, now that I'm older, I kind of come around on his side of it.
But anyway.
Yeah, but there's, it was never even really a thing because it got settled so quick, yes.
But because of me.
But, but no, yeah, dude, that's like a beyond deadbeat thing, what your dad did.
Well, yeah, I mean, the only, look, I'm trying to find the.
Gave up guardianship?
Yeah, giving up guardianship.
Because of a new chick when you're like in your 60s, you fuck.
titanic loser piece of shit giving a wait a few years he's in a high school not third
grade and even then what no that's bad too what do you mean i know but yeah yeah you're saying is like
if you really need to go wait a few years you fuck no but giving up uh what do they call him like like
don't leave your son in high school custody giving up custody or guardianship it's
nuts is
how could you even how could you even consider doing that for some new
girlfriend it's it's and I don't even mean come at him like this
no no no no no but be like you hey dad like no it's not it's not what you did is not
right it's awful yeah it's awful and and you need to express this in commune with
my brother about it because this is like gonna fuck him up yeah and if you want to
fuck him up, then do exactly
what you're doing. If you want to maybe
salvage not fucking him up,
talk to him about it. I mean, maybe the dad doesn't
care. Maybe he's like that, you know,
which that sucks and it's terrible.
Then, but at least... He still needs to have that conversation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But, um, no,
that's, that's terrible. Yeah, I've known
people that have done that and, uh, that's just
there, I don't, I can't... Dude, we know
someone really well who's done that.
Oh, yeah. Like,
like, was like, top of the
fucking top kind of dad. Yeah. And then he met
woman and then three sons just fucking weird man don't even go to your wedding i i i um
crazy dude i don't understand man i know people get old and weird but don't you get less
weird though no i've gotten well you're supposed to yeah right right right yeah um you know what
yeah i i yeah i i don't yeah i it's so fucking sad man i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i
really don't understand it.
People are crazy, though, man.
If you give up custody
of your kid,
guardianship, whatever, yeah.
Either. No, but I'm saying custody
because guardian is
worse. I actually don't know the difference.
If you're the guardian, you're
you're the legal, legally you're
responsible for the person. You're their parent.
But custody is like
if, like, you can
share custody with somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're still their guardian. Right, right, right, right.
So, like, if you're there, so I'm saying custody is, I'm using custody because custody isn't as
bad as guardian. Guardian is awful. If, but if you got to like do legwork too to do that, you got to, well,
well, no, custody. Custody too. But custody, yeah, uh, is also fucking horrible. So the both of them
are, shh, terrible. Unless I'm mistaken on what those things are, but I think that's, I think
Custody is just a divorce situation thing.
This guy, like, oh, fuck him.
You got to call him out, dude.
Let's do him more.
What's up, Dilias?
Chris, I'll be seeing you in London, a long-time baby.
Oh, nice.
And, Matt, you're just a great human.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Quick question.
What do you guys think about having to leave the room or the area,
like when you guys got to rip a stink?
Uh-huh.
Do you guys follow that trend or no?
I've never done that month.
I'm getting battered for it, and I'm being told I,
I need to do such things, but I don't, because if I'm, like, sitting down or whatnot, I'm just
going to rip it.
Yeah.
I just want to rip it.
You got your answer right there, then.
I don't know.
What do you guys think?
Do you guys leave the, you know, the room?
Never my life.
Like, the area when you're around people and friends or coworkers, whatnot to go rip or what do you guys do.
No, well, here's the bottom line.
Parts on a plane.
If there's more than just you and one other person in the room, rip away.
No, no.
It's like clue.
Nobody knows who did it.
I disagree.
really knows who did it.
I disagree with where you're going with this,
but yes, I do agree with you now.
If it's just you and like some chick
you're on a date with.
Rip it.
No.
No, you're 100% rip it.
In divo.
You ain't shit.
Indiva.
What?
Indivo.
Rip it.
Rip it.
Rip it, real good.
No, but I think that when you have to
far.
Well, I'm thinking about it
because I don't want
anyone to fart around me
yeah then you're
then you're
a pun intended
a piece of shit
floating through the air
am I fart stolen
no you're just like
I can do what I want
and my fart most
what they want
fart salini
um
yeah
I
I
but do you think
okay
I don't really
I said my piece.
I think if you have to fart, regardless of the potential severity,
if there's more than one potential suspect and there's no true way to know.
I get it, but it's not about getting caught.
It's about-
Yes, it is.
That's all it is.
That's all it is.
That's the only thing.
To me, that's bitch shit.
What is it then?
Yeah, I farted.
What?
No, there's seven people in here?
It was me.
Okay.
Or you're a bitch.
I mean, no.
Unless somebody doesn't mention it, then, hey, no fart, foul, you know?
All right.
So you fart.
If you say, ew, who farted?
You go, so you only volunteer that if someone says, oh, did someone fart?
Well, yeah, I also don't fucking say like, oh, I got a cramp in my leg, you know?
But if somebody says something, anybody got cramp in the leg, I go, actually, yeah, I got a cramp in my leg.
And that was me who farted.
Yeah, I guess we're different.
I mean, you have different feelings about this.
Now, here's where the old rules.
Mine is all about if you can get away with it.
Right, but that's bitch shit.
No, it's sneaky boy shit, dude.
And I'm a sneaky boy.
You're just like, yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Somebody farted.
Yes, that's exactly right, yeah.
About farts, yeah.
All right, well, I have another thing.
Do you think that, for man and woman, do you think it's different?
Like, if a woman farts around me, I am, I am turned off.
You're a fucking pig.
What?
You're a fucking pig.
How am I a pig?
I'm not the one who's farting.
You're farting all the time.
You just said you far all the things.
time of them all the time, but I'm saying, if a woman farts and I go, ew, and it turns me off,
well, I mean, that's not pig, like, technically that's biological, but like, learn, like,
I fix your brain in real time, you know, but, like, if a girl, if you were really into a girl,
then she farted and she was like, oh, you would not care, dude. No, of course, no, I would care,
but I would not do anything about it. You would care? I'd be like, uh, it would make me feel weird,
yeah. Really? It would make me feel gross, yeah. I don't want to smell her insides yet.
Oh, wow.
But what I'm saying is, I think when guys fart, honestly, there's something deep in women that think, like, that's kind of attractive.
You're such a fucking idiot, dude.
Dude, I'm not, and I make good points.
You really do think that, too.
Because you're doing what you want, and that's sexy.
that's like the women lining up
outside Luigi Mangione's courtroom
being like
his groupies
just because he like fucking like
took action
what he did
what real men do
like fuck that
what he did was wrong
fuck those idiot women
what he did was wrong
those women are idiots
farting is just as bad
as killing a CEO of a healthcare
you can't really argue that
okay
it's just what I think
these are just my feelings
well anyway that was lifelank
so yeah come to
my shows
and that's great.
Yay, go to crystal.com.
Patreon.com slash Matt DeLeo
when you want to say
fuck it!
We'll do it live!
Come have a party over there.