Lifeline - 182. Joculocity

Episode Date: October 19, 2025

Today we're talking about saying hi to the doorman, shifting family dynamics, restaurant tipping ethics, heavy cheating and serious life adjustments, and first-time home buying. Learn more about you...r ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here.
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Starting point is 00:01:07 What a steal. And that packaging? So cute. It practically wraps itself. And I know I should be giving them away, but I'm keeping the summer Fridays and rare beauty by Selena Gomez. I don't blame you. The best holiday beauty sets are only at Sephora. Gift sets from summer Fridays, rare beauty, way, and more are going fast.
Starting point is 00:01:24 Get full-sized favorites and must have minis. Fundled for more value. Shop before they're gone. In store online at Sephora.com. Runk. Roll on. Yeah. Happy birthday to me.
Starting point is 00:01:54 Happy birthday to me Happy birthday Dear Matt DeLeah and John Lithgow And Chris Catan and Trey Parker Happy birthday To all of us Dude, I can't believe I share a birthday with John Lithgow, dude That was pretty good
Starting point is 00:02:15 God, he's the best, dude Harry and the Henderson's is the worst movie But he's so good in it I cried when I watched it How old were you? I was an adult. You had some other stuff going on, probably. I mean, of course I did.
Starting point is 00:02:30 I was an adult, like I said. But, yeah, John Lithgow made me cry and Aaron Henderson. That's how good he is, dude. Anyway, John Lithgow's the best. The goat. You got, he's great, but he's a goat. No, yeah, yeah. He's obviously not Denzel, of course.
Starting point is 00:02:49 So, yeah, I think I'll be in, Is it Sunday right now? So I think I'll be in, I think I was in Dublin last night. I don't know yet because we're recording it early. Let's see. Let's find out. Let's find out where I was. Ah, scroll.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Scroll. Oh, yeah. Yeah, last night, Dublin. So the next I got Midland, Texas coming up here and Waco, Texas. So you're back from Europe today. Yeah, that's what today would be. How are you feeling? Jet lagged?
Starting point is 00:03:16 No, surprisingly. Well, I'm always jet lagged, so it's all good because I'm always on a plane. If you're always on a plane, can you be jet-lagged even? No, you're just Always just wonky You're just lagged Yeah Detroit, Michigan
Starting point is 00:03:28 Cleveland, Jacksonville Florida Daytona Beach Florida Chicago Hamilton, Ontario Syracuse, New York and San Antonio for New Year's
Starting point is 00:03:36 Get tickets to chrystalia.com I'm coming to your city Nice So yeah and it's not for our Patreon Patreon dot com slash lifel luxury and that's a great thing to do for us A lot of episodes up there now
Starting point is 00:03:49 Yeah a lot More coming all the time Three a month baby subscribe to the YouTube channel too subscribe to my Patreon it is live F it will do it live It's too loud
Starting point is 00:04:00 You did that already Stop what you're doing Well get used to it baby Stop what you're doing Go over there Get in there Get in there Get on there
Starting point is 00:04:07 Come on ride the train And ride it Woo Woo But I went to The place on a corner here Are we done? Do you have more stuff
Starting point is 00:04:18 You want to plug? Live every Thursday and Friday A lot of Sundays too Um, I, uh, I, uh, I, I, uh, I want to eat a thing, because I'm still doing it. So, I mean, dude, I, okay, just say more stuff, though, like, be, be specific. But I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm only interested in what I'm interested in it. But you said I, I, I got a thing and I eat more stuff. Oh, oh, I got you. I'm still doing my thing about the, what's that?
Starting point is 00:04:47 A birdhouse, you're building a birdhouse? I'm building a birdhouse. I'm, I'm doing good with my body and my, my nutrition. Where did that start? I'm a crazy person. I know that, but where did that start, the health thing? The health thing you're on right now. Just one day. But why?
Starting point is 00:05:01 Like when, why? Out of nowhere? I go, I'm 45 and I, I, I, I, it's, I've never really gave it my all. When it comes to, like, health and, like, fitness. Yeah, yeah. I've done well, you know, I've, I've, I've, but I'm, you know, You've been pretty jacky, you're a little dandit at some points in your life. Yeah, but I'm, honestly, I'm going to be honest, it's not even about being jacked.
Starting point is 00:05:30 I don't necessarily, I want to be, like, fit, form, my tip-top form. Yeah. Yeah, as a 45-year-old, yeah. I love being active and outside and healthy. It's just, yeah, I know. What? It's really weird, I know. I don't know why I like that.
Starting point is 00:05:48 Most not you thing. I know, I know. Like, like, Brian, Brian Callen, Oh, no, no, no, but I've, well, yeah, I guess so. Outside, no. Yeah, it has never been here. Yeah, true, yeah, true. What about Brian?
Starting point is 00:05:59 But even still, I went to go walk, so I was like, I'll just go walk to the thing to get the bar, and I went to go walk, and then I, when I got out of the place, excuse me, I was like, oh, and there was a lime scooter, and I was like, hell yeah, and I got on a lime scooter, and I drove that back. I'm not above a lime scooter, dude. You like lime scooters. Yeah, have you ever done one? No, but I saw you do them, and it. And I saw you have fun on them. I've never been on them. I would never pick one of those up out of principle.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Because I used to, here's why, not because of any, like. Wow. That's stupid. I used to live downtown. And the way people treat them and you while they're on them, when you live in the downtown part of a city, it's like Fallujah, dude. You should watch out for them, you say? Oh, my God, the carelessness, the recklessness, and then where they put them when they're done? Well, that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:51 Lean it on. lean it there there there don't throw it in the middle of the sidewalk so i trip on it right or some old lady trips on it dies and you killed her yeah that's a right yeah that's that was every once limes were a thing that living downtown sucked truly whoa it changed like that it was that much of a yeah wow i thought i just put mine uh in your car so uh but yeah that that that damn that sucks yeah there's different just have respect like for people who are also in the world it seems so simple people don't care though dude nobody cares they're just thinking about themselves nobody cares yeah uh I drink a lot of Gatorade right now
Starting point is 00:07:37 that's my thing that's my health that's my that's my that's my new health thing for you I need electrolytes yeah I know but there's other ways to get it are there yeah yeah yeah but Gatorade tastes better what are electrolytes dude I don't know anything they're electro- Idiot lights with lights with lights on them No I don't know I don't understand what that is I don't really know what it is I never know But that's so
Starting point is 00:07:57 That's They keep you from being dehydrated More than just regular water I think Gatorade's were the first commercials That I saw As a kid Where I was like Man
Starting point is 00:08:12 Fuck commercials What's wrong with those commercials Because it's like Dude what are they doing They're just playing basketball and then our drinking Gatorade. I like that. But it's always, it's just like fucking,
Starting point is 00:08:25 like they were fucking, you know? And like just like, yeah, dude. Have you read this? What's that book? Subliminal, uh, uh, uh, cover to cover. Look up that advertising book, subliminal seduction. And it's all about how every ad, I mean, I don't know if I even agree with the author,
Starting point is 00:08:41 but it's a good book, famous book. And it's all about how every ad is designed to, if it's geared towards men, it's designed to make them want sex and if it's geared towards women it's made to make them want sex oh so just you can shorten that sentence but I did it to surprise you
Starting point is 00:09:03 oh yeah you thought I was going to say something else yeah I thought you were going to say about complaining oh I mean so sexist but cool yeah subliminal seduction refers to a 1970s book by Wilson Brian Key that claims advertisers use sex and violence in media to manipulate consumers' behavior without their conscious awareness i believe in that unconscious
Starting point is 00:09:21 subconscious stuff let me see that great that's i mean i talk about this all the time so i'm sorry but everybody has to watch adam curtis's century of itself it's a four-hour bbc documentary that is not new but he's still making new stuff but that's his best thing that he's ever done he's the greatest living documentary the guy and it's all about how freud's uncle or cousin came to america and began working with companies using Freudian tactics subliminal messaging and it worked and yeah i know how all that stuff works i've seen i've seen the mentalist and now we're all stuck in the crank of the court aren't we but i've seen the mentalists i know how it works what are those shoes these are lecoss
Starting point is 00:10:07 ones oh that's nice um yeah so i i don't i think that uh what do you call it uh Freud that that that dude was Nice with it. Freud. He was a fucking mama's boy, dude. Oh. Obsessed. But self-aware. Dude, if you read Freud, you're at first, you're like, oh, my God, this is like the most titanically mind-boggling, mind-breaking stuff.
Starting point is 00:10:32 And then you get further in and he's like, every dream you ever have, if there's anything phallic looking in it, even a tree, it represents a penis. And you're just like, dude, you blew it. You had me for so long. I would still be in. Like, everything? Everything in my dream that looks like a dick is a dick? Here's me getting to that part. Here's me getting the part.
Starting point is 00:10:56 You would never get to that part, though, would you? No. But everything that is phallic, everything that's a rod in a dream or it's a dick. That's according to Freud, yeah. I mean, he's written extensively about that. Yeah, I know. That's really crazy. how do you write extensively about that
Starting point is 00:11:19 you just make up trees rods fucking he's obsessed with the I mean the Oedipo complex that's all Freud no no I know but how do you write extensively about dream he wrote a lot about dreams and the meanings of dreams
Starting point is 00:11:30 and he was dead wrong and he wasn't dead wrong about everything but he was wrong about dreams well you're wrong nobody knows about more stuff but yeah he's also writing in the 20s
Starting point is 00:11:42 so like what are you going to do you know no what are you going to know stuff in the 1920s? Yeah, not that, not that's, I mean, we still don't know that stuff. It's impressive what he wrote in the 1920s. Is it? Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:11:55 You got to start somewhere. I got to start somewhere. Trees are dicks. But only in dreams. Trees are dicks in parentheses. In dreams. All right. Let's write extensively about this.
Starting point is 00:12:14 All right, let's go to one. if it was about that hey guys what advice somebody who is eating out of a single use single serving bag
Starting point is 00:12:25 like this one and as opposed to emptying out the contents on a napkin or a paper plate you just dive in time
Starting point is 00:12:33 after time at the time dozens and hundreds of times creating all this noise for everybody around them as an example you're on an airplane and
Starting point is 00:12:44 the person next to you is opening up their pretzels and obviously they open up a little slot that's way too small and they put their fingers in that are way too big and then just rummage around until all of their little tiny pebbles are gone and I really have to think that nobody misdirecting us like the sound so I'm hoping that we can use this as a PSA and an open as a mentalist on any ideas on how we can get rid of this you're going to be a goat going to be an actual sheep by the end of the video so yeah that's really really really really really really annoying but like it's in that bag that's one of those things that it's in that bag like it's not that really that person's
Starting point is 00:13:26 fault it's the stupid crinkly bag it's it people it's one of those things that's not annoying until you realize it and then you're fucking and then you're just fucked you know you go oh that's noise. I'm going to be pissed off for the next however long. Because I had a moment like that the other day. I was, there was something. I wanted the rest of it. And it was at the bottom and I just go like this. You know, just to get it finally. You know, like this. Okay. So, um, you too. Yeah. Anyway, it's a party. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, so I, so I, yeah, I think that it's annoying his shit, and that goes again to another thing. Nobody cares about you, and nobody's
Starting point is 00:14:11 thinking about you. It's just like the lime scooters. So what? It's just like the lime scooters. Oh, yeah, yeah. They just do whatever they want. They only think about themselves. And they're also not thinking at someone else. They're certainly not thinking about, oh, is this too noisy for the stranger I don't give a fuck about next to me? Here's the thing. There's nothing you can do
Starting point is 00:14:27 about it. You can't be like, hey, can you be less loud with your crinkly thing? Then you're fucking just like George Costanza. You know what I mean? You're just like a freak. She was crankling! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha yeah you can't it's just that's life dude that's living among other people it sucks yeah dicks almost all the time but when it doesn't it's great so what are you going to do i uh well as he was gringling um um uh uh i was on a plane the other day and and and isn't that cool
Starting point is 00:15:07 I was on a plane the other day, and I was just sitting there, okay? Okay. Not doing anything. The lady in front of me. You're mid-flight. You're not on the flight. I don't, I think, no, I don't even think we took off yet. Okay, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Sitting there, waiting, you know? That's all you really do on a plane is just wait. It's the worst. And, you know, it is the worst until, it's such a great, flying is such a great lesson in almost meditation. Yeah, or patience, yeah. Yeah, sure. And I have, I have just because of the sheer volume of flights I've taken to have gotten really good at it. You'd think you'd be more patient.
Starting point is 00:15:46 You are more patient, but you'd think you'd be even more patient. With the amount you fly, it's like insane. I go on planes and I'm like, oh, we're probably like almost there. And then I'll check and it's been like one hour. You know what I mean? And there's seven hours left. I'm trying, right now I'm actually just thinking, am I patient or not? Well, no, I'm saying you're more patient than you used to be.
Starting point is 00:16:07 by a law for sure yeah um but uh so and i'm just sitting here and the lady behind in front of me goes like this sir and i look oh no she's just dude you're kicking my chair that's i hate it i hate that and i go and i'm like i i'm not i'm not touching her you weren't even doing it well well no i was no my feet were not on her chair then so i don't know what she meant yeah right yeah right First of all, second of all, I, she did it too loud. So other people now are probably really like, ah, fuck, dude, that comedian is a dick. He thinks he owns the plane, you know? I mean, I know.
Starting point is 00:16:53 That's where my head goes. But whatever, but I didn't just, hey, yo, you're kicking my chair. What's up? Hey, yo, you're kicking my chair and maybe stop, you know, did that? Right, right, right, yeah. But then she, she says, excuse me, sir, you're kicking my chair? She doesn't mean about it. But I'm like, oh, I was?
Starting point is 00:17:09 And I said, okay, yeah, I was not aware of that. Okay, I won't do it. And then she turned back around and I go, cool, I'm just going to still not do it. And then I was thinking about it for too long. It fucked my whole shit up, dude. Because I'm like, now I have to think about not touching her chair when I'm not touching her chair. I would have just done it a bunch anyway. That's happened to me.
Starting point is 00:17:35 No, I've, somebody said, hey, like, you know what, and they do the thing? Oh, the worst is when they do the thing and they look and they don't say anything. They're like, oh, yeah, okay. Uh, uh, turn it in both ways, like, uh. And I'm like, hey, I ain't changing them unless you look me in the eye and say something. Well, right. Okay, yeah. But then when they do, I still do it.
Starting point is 00:17:53 So, but what are you saying? What are you going to do? I have long legs. Right, no, no, I'm going to put my foot up on the back of your chair and you're going to deal with it. You're not, you're not a person who is. is just going to willy-nilly be kicking and shit. So if the fact that somebody said it to you, they said it to you prematurely.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Yeah, or in a way that you clearly, I clearly didn't realize I was like fucking someone's shit out there. So when they say, hey, could you stop kicking the chair? What do you say, yeah, and then just don't do it? I either don't answer or I just like do it lighter so they don't notice so it goes slower, you know? When they notice it is when you're like, your foot up. Well, that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:35 But, but hold on. I go like, yeah. And then, and then I'm all the way there. Uh-huh. They don't even notice. But if somebody does it once, I mean, but I also don't kick it. I leave. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:46 Well, no, and I'm saying, you don't go go, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you do that, you go, if I did that and I saw the seat do that, I'd be like, oh my God, I'm so fucking sorry. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you kick some seat hard, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:59 I was, I was flying and before that and some, just a little. hand comes up here. It's like a baby from the behind me. It was so cute. I look back at you. It was like this. It was so cute. Nice, dude. Anyway, but at first I got mad. I was like, the fuck. And then I look. I was like, oh, cute hand. Hit pause on whatever you're
Starting point is 00:19:19 listening to and hit play on your next adventure. This fall get double points on every qualified stay. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. When you support Movember, you're not just fundraising. You're showing up for the men you love. Your dad, your brother, your partner,
Starting point is 00:19:41 your friends. It isn't just a men's issue. It's a human one. That's why Movember exists to change the face of men's health. From mental health and suicide prevention to prostate and testicular cancer research and early detection, Movember is tackling the biggest health issues facing men today. Join the movement and donate now at Movember.com. Stars, big series, and blockbuster movies. Streaming on Paramount Plus. Cue the music. Like NCIS, Tony, and Ziva.
Starting point is 00:20:13 We'd like to make up her own rules. Tulsa King. We want to take out the competition. The substance. This balance is not working. And the naked gun. That was awesome. Now that's a mountain of entertainment.
Starting point is 00:20:30 Paramount Wolf. Okay, next one. You can't be mad at it, baby. No. Hello. Hello. My name is Alex calling from Tick. Oh.
Starting point is 00:20:43 From what? Tuna sandwich. Oh. My parents are getting a divorce. My mom was caught cheating. And my dad has Parkinson's. Oh, okay. He's had it for 15 years.
Starting point is 00:21:01 And it sucks. he's kind of in shock my mom has this other guy and you know they've been together 33 years did i say that holy shit and um i just wanted to know i mean my essentially my entire family dynamic is shifted my dad it's done a total 180 and i i'm i don't want to go home now i don't like talking to them really lately i'll talk to my dad but my mom bitch so um just wanted to know coping skills, I don't know, I'm self-isolating a lot. I'm just like, you know, kind of lingering in my depression lately. That's also not a good one.
Starting point is 00:21:40 So, uh, any advice on, um, coping skills, I guess, when something like this blows up your life a little bit. Thanks. I guess I wonder, uh, how old he is because, well, they've been married 33 years, so he's at least in his 50s, but I would imagine he sounded, you know, like it was, well, no, they could have had him, uh, after they were, married. Well, I'm sure they did. What I was about to say before you interrupted was that he sounds like he's in his early 20. Oh, yeah. Okay. So old. Right. You're saying the parent, yeah. No, I didn't
Starting point is 00:22:13 interrupt you. It was too long. What I was saying? Your silence was too long. No, I don't do that. I waited. You think I do that. No, I do have a problem. I do think you do that. That time, I waited and I kept waiting and I'm like, uh, is my turn to talk. And then I did that. Okay. But whatever. That's not what this podcast is about. What this podcast is about is helping people. Yeah. So I would say that Japanese I mean, dude All I'll say is
Starting point is 00:22:41 I mean, the first thing I'll say is Don't get, shut the fuck up, Chris. Don't let your anger dictate how you behave. And I'm speaking from experience. Like don't let, like obviously you're angry at your mom. I'm sure you're angry
Starting point is 00:23:01 that your dad has Parkinson's too and you're angry that he has to be alone and you're angry that she did it and you're angry at that, that, that, da, that, da. But like, anger is a cover for another thing and you're sad or, or, let's just say upset.
Starting point is 00:23:18 Hungry. You need to say sad. And that's a totally different can of worms to deal with. And I get, you know, you're making jokes, she was a bitch, her mom's all this stuff,
Starting point is 00:23:30 but like she's also your mom. I'm sure she still loves you the same amount she did before she started having an affair with your dad who's ill. And when someone's ill, it's real, when a spouse is ill,
Starting point is 00:23:43 it's like eight times more common that the other spouse cheats on them. Yeah, that's why when I get a cold, I'm so nervous. And that... Baby, where are you? Can you bring the Phoenix? And that is
Starting point is 00:23:56 just another reason in life is deeply unfair and sucks and you got dealt in this regard a raw deal right hand but just don't don't isolate too much
Starting point is 00:24:12 it's not that doesn't help because it leads to other things that are worse and you don't want to open that door making bombs maybe but I was thinking more like drugs happened at Tommy Lee Jones and that movie was fucking blown away um yeah
Starting point is 00:24:29 Yeah, but I get super nervous when I get sick. I think of, you know, I'll get a little cough. I'll be like, you cheating? Ike Turner. I start sneezing and I go, you got someone inside? Ike Turner. Bitch!
Starting point is 00:24:47 I go, oh boy. I go, so I'd be good. Mitch, you got someone on the side? That's it. That's it. Yeah. Are you anything else to say or I covered it? Yeah, no, I think go outside, bro, touch grass, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:25:06 Like just literally physically go outside and don't just fucking be in your house. That sucks. And definitely even if you don't want to sometimes keep in touch with your dad. Yeah, you have to keep in touch with your mom and your dad. Yeah, well, obviously, but he might need a little time to do that. What? He might need a little time to like reconnect with his mom. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Right. Don't extricate her. Yeah, yeah, from your life. Give it a chance to be understood by you. Oh, man, I got a sore throat. You're cheating? All right. Hey, Chris, I'm a Matt, huge fan.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Chris, I've been a fan since 10-minute pod. Huge baby. Can't wait to see you in Norway now soon. Oh, nice. I'm a comedian. Oh, nice, dude. You hate me, but I know. But I could do five minutes if you need an open or I don't know.
Starting point is 00:25:55 Nice. Anyway, I have a story. submission. What do you guys think about the restaurant I work in? The owners taking 28% of my tips to pay for whatever they have to pay to give me the tips. A couple of years ago in Norway, tips became part of the salary. Okay. So my employer, they have extra taxes and stuff they have to pay for when it comes to tips. Yeah, yeah. And they're taking that out of our tips like 28%. What do you think about that? What do you think? That sounds illegal. Well, no, it's the law, is what he's saying.
Starting point is 00:26:30 That's so annoying. No, no, no. What I understood, I see what you're saying. He's getting taxed by the government. Well, he's getting taxed by his tips. But he's getting taxed by the government for his tips. That's a new law in Norway is what he's saying.
Starting point is 00:26:44 Then he's saying his boss is also garnishing 20% of his tips to keep his restaurant alive. That sounds illegal to me. Am I getting that wrong, Chris? Am I getting the details of what he's saying? I don't know, but what I am saying. But something that happens, which is annoying, is just like when, well, I guess I don't know how the economy is in Norway, but like, you know, I noticed shit, like, in my deals where I'm like, what the fuck is this from? And it's because, you know, they now have to pay for this and they're taking it from the artist. And it's so annoying.
Starting point is 00:27:17 It looks like he's a chef or something. And, you know, it just sucks that. It always falls on the, yeah, but it always falls on either the worker like that or the artist. and it's like Norway tipping is not a mandatory or cultural practice as service staff receive good salaries and tips and consider taxable income from a place.
Starting point is 00:27:40 However, tips are something shared among staff and appear on paychecks with new regulation from 2019 shifts in their responsibility to employers to report them making them part of an employee's taxable income. This is illegal. Your boss is doing something illegal. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. And 28
Starting point is 00:27:57 percent is so much. But why 28% is that... He figured out the math on what he needed to keep his fucking place alive. It's just, dude, people try to squeeze you so hard no matter what. Somebody's getting squeezed and it can't be you, bro. That's the thing that sucks. It's like his boss is getting squeezed from the government. You're getting squeezed from the boss.
Starting point is 00:28:16 Who could you squeeze a mouse? Maybe his boss is getting squeezed from fucking not having a good enough restaurant or running a good of restaurant, you know? Restaurants. But the reason... Don't open restaurants. They fail always. Dude, you ever sit at a restaurant and you're like, how the fuck do they keep doing this?
Starting point is 00:28:33 When they're good at it. Even still. No, oh, yeah, when they're good at it, yeah. You go like, what about all the food that goes bad? They go, they just, they got deals and deals and deals with them and this other vendor and that another vendor. Nuts. They give it to other people. They give it to this.
Starting point is 00:28:47 Who wants to do that, dude? So many people, their dream thing is I want to go to a restaurant one day. It's no way, bro. Nightmare. I want to lay down all day one day, you fucking. Moron. Wow. You fucking a loser.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Open your restaurant. You want to lay down all day and they're a loser? Yeah, dude. I mean, it's like their dream when they're older. Like when they're like in their toilet. You're like, what the fuck? Right. Why do you want to, it's like the most stressful thing ever.
Starting point is 00:29:11 Hasn't everybody seen Black Rabbit? Hasn't everyone seen the bear and Black Rabbit? God, you guys. Don't you know anything? Hasn't everyone seen the fucking. Other cooking show? That's okay. It doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:29:26 It doesn't matter. we don't know it doesn't matter yeah um all right yeah that sounds very illegal i would look into that i would look into that for sure yeah got a lawyer or whatever you guys have on uh in norway sometimes you have something like called like a you know i think they have a defender they're scandinavia they have google no but i'm saying they won't be called a lawyer it'll be like oh oh uh you know they'll be like this is the the these are the um it'll have like three o's this is the decider I'm a high, I'm a decider. You're like, what?
Starting point is 00:29:59 That's a lawyer in my right. A fucking decider. Dude, you're right. The primary term for a lawyer in Norwegian is advocate. There you go. That's the word I was actually trying to get. If you were smart. I knew it.
Starting point is 00:30:12 I couldn't think of the word advocate, but I knew. Dude. But it's spelled with a K and no E on the end. That's so sick, dude. Advocat. I'm your advocate. Hello, I'm your advocate. Where's your boss?
Starting point is 00:30:28 Yeah, you're doing what you're doing is wrong. I'm going to take you to... I'm going to take you to the parliament. What? That's instead of court. Fuck! Why is everything a little bit different here? Get your wigs.
Starting point is 00:30:44 We're going. Wigs, dude, in Norway. Fuck! Not how is it... Get your wigs and condoms. We're going. Not how it is in Norway. Whoa, whoa.
Starting point is 00:30:52 Condoms? Yes, just in case, formality. Come. I'm your advocate. All right. You're guilty. Bend over. Now,
Starting point is 00:31:03 tried to advocate against that, but couldn't help it. Turned English. Anyway, I'm hungry. You want to go to that place your boss has? Worst advocate. Worst advocate. Advocate, dude.
Starting point is 00:31:17 All right. Does the place. Only strictly does it pause it. Strictly does plays. I was just going to say plays, dude. From the, and then we'll only do plays from 1940 to 195. Yeah. And we'll not, dude, you'll hand him a play.
Starting point is 00:31:34 He's in a troop. He's in a troop that tells him any, like, deadly serious. And it's off season now. That's why he's got the beard. But he goes, they go, you go, you know, he'll get his great plays. It's written. And he goes, in 1950 to 95. And then he spins around. But he does Shakespeare in the summer.
Starting point is 00:31:49 Okay. All right. Christopher. Matthew. Hello? I'm calling. See if you can help me salvage respect for my. favorite podcast oh my advice podcast I'm not gonna tell you who it is okay I don't
Starting point is 00:32:04 name names let's see if you guys can guess it okay um this podcast they had an episode recently where we go fella lets his dog get the best of him and escape the backyard and he goes chasing after this puppy dog but the dog gets into a little commotion with two other dogs oh yeah being walked down the road they're leashed there with their owner, this dog is loose and running a muck. Oh, I see. And apparently this guy's dog gets bit and that's unfortunate, but
Starting point is 00:32:33 this dog's out there causing trouble that's what happens. Sometimes you get bit. And so my podcast friends that I listen to often they seem to agree with this little bitch that this lady was at fall.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Yeah. This lady walking down the street. Now, if you let your dog outsmart you and get into road and it gets hit by a car it's not the driver's fault it's your fault yeah you got a loose dog right we all know that we know that i mean just sitting us down absolutely schooling us do you think that they just weren't listening to details that's hilarious he's being good he's an actor he's in theater you know what i'm talking about you know what's interesting about that yeah is i thought about that submission later after the show
Starting point is 00:33:23 and I thought, how did the dog get to the other dogs? So he's right in that. I wasn't listening to the details. I misunderstood. If that's what happened. What happened? A guy called in and said, I remember the guy, but.
Starting point is 00:33:39 Okay. Wasn't someone's dog off the leash? His own dog. He's saying his own dog was off the leash. Oh, yeah, that's bad. And got out of its yard. And then the two, the woman had these two dogs that, attacked it, and he didn't realize it until he got back home that his dog was fucked up.
Starting point is 00:33:58 Oh. That's not how I remember it, but maybe if it was that. Yeah, I was a little bit mixed up about it, too. If that's how it happened, then... Yeah, that's the world. If you go out in the world... You got to keep your dog, your own... You all are responsible for your own dogs.
Starting point is 00:34:13 If you get out in the world and you get fucked, that's on you. That's the world. Be careful. Go out there with your advocate. Dude, I had... Sorry. No, it's okay, go ahead. I was going to tell a story, so keep going on.
Starting point is 00:34:26 I mean, it's, but I'm just like, go, you know, shit happens. You got to fucking take care of your dog. If your dog runs away, it ran away. And that's it. I one day was walking my dog, Charlie. And just as I'm about to get back home, my neighbor across the street has a Belgian Melanwa. Do you guys know what a Belgian Malinwa is?
Starting point is 00:34:47 It's something you just made up. But anyway, yeah. It's, like, police dog. like German Shepherds are police dogs. It's obviously French, right? Belgian, no, it's Belgian, man. Oh, but they're called Belgian Malamois, though. Malamois, it's like...
Starting point is 00:35:02 Yeah, I can see how you can do you get used. But Belgian is in the name. I know, but they're from Belgium. Maybe that's where they are now, but they originated from France. But anyway, the Belgian Malinua is like 10, can do 10 times what a German shepherd can do. Wow. Like, there are videos of Belgian Malinwa's just jumping, like 25-foot walls. I bet you could, I bet you could take.
Starting point is 00:35:23 each one is a job really yeah they're just like there's one honestly one i've seen one legitimately do taxes with the hat on um they they suck they suck they can suck they suck they suck as pets dude because you have to be so on top of them all the time or they will stop okay but or they will fucking eat your money they'll mall your dog they'll mall you if you get too close to its owner they'll bite you like they're not they're dogs that are meant for like enforcement okay
Starting point is 00:36:00 but many people have them as pets because they're idiots anyway my next across the street neighbor has a Belgian Melanois every time I see it now now yeah oh every time I see it I think that's a problem you know no matter what
Starting point is 00:36:16 he walks his dog he's on a leash his dogs walking him I'm thinking that's a problem pull one up he's a big dude pull one up yeah and anyway so i'm walking charlie home and mine i'm like texting i'm not even paying attention all of a sudden out of the corner top corner of my right eye i see just this like speeding fucking oh fuck bullet train dude okay and i know it's not a car right there's no sound there's no revving there's no nothing also it looks like a dog but no in that moment i don't know anything it's a car i know it's not a car just doesn't
Starting point is 00:36:52 No, has no brain, you know. But then I, obviously, I look up. I see it's this dog that I know. It's this Belgium, Melanoa from across the street. And it is going. Fuck. 40 miles an hour. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:37:06 So it could be a car. Dead at me, dude. Okay? Just like, are you sure someone wasn't inside? Pure fighter flight. Yeah. Okay. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:37:14 And then I realize, it's actually not coming at me. It's running at Charlie. It's parked? It's running at Charlie. Okay. Oh, okay. I got you. So I fucking, I'm just like, what do I even possibly do?
Starting point is 00:37:28 I have nothing in my hands, I have my phone in my hands, and my dog's leash. Yeah. So at- Shoot out the tires. All I can think of on instinct is as it's passing, I, like, ram my knee into the side of the dog, okay? Yeah, yeah. And the dog goes off, it's, it was just going to kill Charlie in a split second, okay? Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:51 And I knocked this piece of shit-ass, cunt dog, Adam Sandler. Off of its path. And just enough that it all, it went sideways. Okay. And Charlie's scared of her mind.
Starting point is 00:38:07 She's sideways too, because she's like, what the fuck's going on already? Yeah. So they bump into each other sideways. Charlie goes flying so hard and far. Nice. The leash, not the collar,
Starting point is 00:38:18 where it clicks. Yeah. The leash in my. my hand rips what okay oh my god charlie goes flying okay the belgian melanchol goes flying into the other neighbor's yard okay and i'm like my house is behind me yeah oh yeah charlie's there and i'm like charlie get the fuck over here right now meanwhile she's like probably bleeding on the inside you know i mean well so it hit it yeah yeah i got it so hard but but didn't bite her yeah yeah okay right so i'm like get inside now get inside yeah before they
Starting point is 00:38:48 reverse and she listens and she runs right straight to the door okay wow okay i go inside follow her inside and i get a bat yeah dude fuck yeah you won't play baseball because you need to get you really you need to get stress yeah i keep a bat by the door and i'm not a gun on her i kid a i keep a bat by the door and i you wouldn't use a gun to play baseball and a metal pipe by my bed and weird and a billy club somewhere weird equipment for baseball i'm not telling everybody where my stuff is in case somebody knows right there okay but i got a belly club somewhere too a billy club What do you fucking... You have a bat.
Starting point is 00:39:18 I know, but you need things in different places. Oh, get two bats. Well, I mean, I only... Anyway, we had one bat. Anyway, I get the bat because it's close to the door, and I run out, and I'm, like, ready to kill this dog. Or have it kill me. I was so mad.
Starting point is 00:39:32 Hitting a home run, hitting a Grand Slam movie. Would be killing the dog. So, I'm so furious. Yeah, I would be, too. And I'm just ready to... I'm seeing red. Oh, the car was red. And the guy...
Starting point is 00:39:44 Yeah, it was a red. uh mini cooper and i and i and i i uh the dog's gone you're playing the cardinals that's what it was the dog's gone but the door to the house is wide open so i'm like the dog could be anywhere could be in the house could be in the house in the garage could could be anywhere right so now i'm thinking yeah yeah so now i'm thinking am i going to go into this guy's house with a bat oh oh you Okay. Okay. Like, am I Ray Leota in Goodfellas?
Starting point is 00:40:19 It's a great story. Or am I just like a guy who wants to kill a dog because it hurt his dog? Because the dog's nowhere. The dog is most definitely inside. It's a fucking Batman. You know? He just, so, so, okay, so you're, you're mad at this dog for doing what it did, which understandably so.
Starting point is 00:40:36 I'm like, I'm like seeing red. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not myself. And you're mad. And the dog is, is maybe inside the house? Could literally be anywhere. Or outside. And what I realize is the guy didn't close his door.
Starting point is 00:40:49 Okay, yeah. Okay, right. Because the door's open. Yes. Okay, got it. So the guy is a huge fucking idiot because it's like... Wow.
Starting point is 00:40:58 That's a weapon, dude. The bat? Oh, the dog. The dog is a weapon. In many ways, you use it as a... People use it as a weapon. Sure, yeah, yeah. No, no, yes.
Starting point is 00:41:07 You got to control your dog. Yeah. Close your doors. When you have a weapon that can run out and kill anything, right? Yeah. I mean, the dog would... It's basically what weapons is about, honestly, the movie.
Starting point is 00:41:18 That dog would murder a coyote instantly. Oh, really? Yes. It's huge. Oh, wow, really? Yes. Okay. And Charlie's tiny.
Starting point is 00:41:28 Dude, if I didn't stick my knee into it, like, she would have just... It would have just been, like... That would have been crazy. The bloodiest bloodbath, you know? Anyway, I don't see the dog, and I decide... All right, I'm not going to, like, go into a guy's house with the dog. the bat. That would be terrible. Terrible idea. Yeah. Okay. So now I have a little bit more. Do you guys want to play baseball? My wits are a little bit more about me, right? Yeah. But I look at out the window,
Starting point is 00:41:54 looking for the dog, because I still want to kill a dog if it's outside. But I'm not going in the house. But I do that for like five minutes and I'm like, wow, five minutes. I'm like alive. I have to live my life. I can't just sit here and wait for looking out the window at some point. It's not self-defense. Yeah, it's like you're just trying to kill a dog, you know? And so. Then I, then like, way like an hour or two later I noticed the door is closed in the house and now I'm like okay and I'm just I'm just like
Starting point is 00:42:19 I'm gonna fucking give this motherfucker the fucking freak out of a lifetime I'm just gonna get up in his face like fucking Billy Martin you know what I mean
Starting point is 00:42:33 and I fucking I'm just walk to be lying to his door just pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop and you don't have the bat no I'm not like fucking Joe you know and uh you dress up in a suit i don't talk to you about your dog for a second uh some dogs they're too big and the guy comes to the door yeah and he's like and i i know him a little bit yeah you just exchange nice it is you know and and i'm like i was like i was like do you know what
Starting point is 00:43:03 the fuck just happened dude and he's like so mortified oh really and apologetic immediately you know you could have done is I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance. Offering to pay for the medical bills. Oh, wow. Like, da, that, that, and I go and I can't, like, he's like dissolving my anger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm realizing I want to be angry. Well, right,
Starting point is 00:43:25 because I so am, but I can't anymore. Also, he's taking accountability and being like, I'm so fucking sorry. Yeah. But that's what you... And then I'm like, I'm not, I think she's all right. Yeah. She seems fine. I'll see you later, dude. That's my home.
Starting point is 00:43:39 But like... And then he closed the door and he goes like, and he looks at the dog and he goes, you'll get them next time. Dude, these dogs, though, I'm telling you,
Starting point is 00:43:48 don't get one. Unless you like are ready for the fucking hardest shit of your life. Yeah, that's like, I don't understand. It's like, you know, Whitney used to have pit bulls
Starting point is 00:43:59 and be like, oh, you got to save pit bulls. They're dogs too. And it's like, dude, get them away from my kids. Get them away. You don't hear about, yeah, oh, okay,
Starting point is 00:44:09 if maybe, of yorkies were the same as you okay if yorkies were uh a hundred pounds and it didn't take 40 of them to fucking lick you to death then okay but dude be the people who are like pit bull advocates it's it's an owner it's the owner not the dog dude well it's yeah yeah it's their past before you get them yes i understand don't get them then it's not the owner is what i'm saying yeah yeah yeah yeah you can't like take out the fighter in the pit bull really Yeah, not really. Dude, she called me crying once.
Starting point is 00:44:41 She was like, oh, my God, because I said so out pit bulls. I was like, don't get, pit bulls are crazy. She was like, you don't know? And I was like, oh, yeah, don't get a pit bull. Do you fucking, king, king, king. She called crying because you don't know about pit bulls? Yeah. A fucking idiot.
Starting point is 00:44:56 Well, I wish for the best. All right, me too. No, I don't. But anyway, yeah. So, okay, next one. I ought to call someone crying about pit bulls, you know? I don't know, man. I mean, honestly, I think that was, that's the second person who called me crying about pit bulls.
Starting point is 00:45:08 The first was going to make a pit bull They couldn't get pit bull concert tickets Oh no I want to hear the song Catalinda, cantan vega Tierra Tremendo Kulo! They go like they were crying
Starting point is 00:45:21 They go like Katan Lina Kata Venga Kata Venga Tieni Tieni Tremendo Kulo No one loves his mom more than Pippo No one loves his mom more than Pippo You know
Starting point is 00:45:32 Bought her eight houses Yeah, that's very true She's like it's too much He's too much He's like no mama No mama, no mama, no mama. Yeah, that is very true. God, that's true.
Starting point is 00:45:43 Okay, next one. Maybe it's just a phase you're going through. You'll get over it. I can't help you with that. The next appointment is in six months. You're not alone. Finding mental health support shouldn't leave you feeling more lost. At CAMH, we know how frustrating it can be trying to access care.
Starting point is 00:46:02 We're working to build a future where the path to support is clear. And every step forward feels like progress. another wrong turn. Visit camh.ca to help us forge a better path for mental health care. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Goaltenders, no, but chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too, along with your favorite restaurant food, Alcohol and other everyday essentials.
Starting point is 00:46:38 Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Tim's new Cravable Raps are made for the times your boss said the what now? Or your teacher mentions that thing I'm a bob. Need to pick me up.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Snack back to reality with Tim's new craveable wraps available in Chipotle or ranch. Plus tax at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Okay, so I work an office job. And just to give you guys some reference of like how often. and it happens. I go in once a week because it's hybrid. Um, but we recently got like a security guard. Um, and so you walk in the front door, you walk past where the security guard sits at the desk and then you walk to the elevators. Um, so in the morning I say, hi were you? And then when I'm leaving, I say, bye, have a good night. Um, and he never says anything. Like, the most I get is like
Starting point is 00:47:25 a smirk. Like, like, do I keep saying hi and bye? Do I just like not say anything and just walk past him? Do I give him a wave? Like, just something. understand he just never says anything i mean i get i guess there's a lot of people going in and out of the office so like maybe he's just not saying hi hi hi hi to everyone but i don't know do i just not say anything then what if he's mute what would you guys do or he's foreign well everyone knows what hi is you know even if he's from fucking zimbabwe he's like hi why don't you just ask him hey how come you say hi no you don't have me hey hey hey hey hey get up in his face what's up Dude, are you foreign?
Starting point is 00:48:05 Every foreign knows the word. Every foreigner knows the word, hi, and I come in here and I say hi, don't I? Yeah. And then what do you do? You either do nothing or you do a little smirk. That's not enough, dude. Can you hit the thing?
Starting point is 00:48:18 I forgot my father. I think it's okay to ask, maybe. Yeah, it is okay to ask. It's just like, I don't know how to do it, though, in my mind right now. I can't think of it. Well, I do. Okay. If it were happening to me and I was genuinely curious about it,
Starting point is 00:48:36 I would be like, yo, why you never say hi? Yeah, men can get away with that, though, and women can. Why? Because it's like... If a woman did that to me? No, if a woman did to a male security guard, is what I'm saying. It would be different than if you did it to the male security guard. How come, though?
Starting point is 00:48:51 Because it's probably, I mean, I'm making a assumption. No, I don't know, yeah. But it's probably ingrained in him that, like, there's a jocularity to what you're doing with him. Oh, yeah. Whereas with a woman, it's like she's calling him out and maybe you're going to get him in trouble. Which is not accurate.
Starting point is 00:49:05 Jocularity would be a movie with fucking Denzel Washington in 1993. And I would have seen... Jocularity. I would have seen it seven times. With fucking Denzo Washington and Jeff Fahey. Oh, dude, I love Jeff Fahey. Jocularity. They're both friends.
Starting point is 00:49:22 And then they aren't, but they remain jocular. 425 to see this movie because it's in 1992. Popcorn is $3. Jocularity. You know what's weird? What? No, it's all good. I could do it again.
Starting point is 00:49:48 Brett Leonard is a director. He directed Lawnmore Man and then Virtuosity. There you go, bro. Lawnmore Man stars Jeff Fahey here. And Virtuosity stars Dunza Washington. And that is why. Go ahead. Well, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:50:03 And he's a fucking great filmmaker. Oh, but go ahead, though. That's why I don't know. I don't know. Fantastic. Oh, okay. That was fantastic what I did. That's why?
Starting point is 00:50:12 Well, that's, that's, that's, I took all those information bits. Yeah. Calculated. You didn't do that. It was completely random. What? No. It wasn't.
Starting point is 00:50:21 You thought of those movies. Yes. Virtuosity and Jeff Feijie Lummer-Rand. I mean, dude. Yeah. Yeah. And I, I, I concocted this beautiful bit about a movie that caused a movie that caused, 425 in 1993
Starting point is 00:50:35 Jocularity with Denza Washington and Jeff Fahey and they were friends and then they weren't but they still have to remain jocular are they like cops or something like what's the what's the impetus
Starting point is 00:50:47 to stay jocular they were like why do they have to remain jocular with one another it's such a bad plot they were they were best friends on the force and then
Starting point is 00:51:02 one of them decided to dabble in crime and was a crooked cop and then they became unjocular joculosity well that's good that's fucking good dude that's i'm there for that one day you're jocular and the next day you're not and cut we're wrapped Just fucking
Starting point is 00:51:33 What there's a fucking What movie did we just make? That wasn't dramatic at all And it wasn't funny They're just hanging out Give it each other high fives No matter what I would watch that though
Starting point is 00:51:50 I would watch that though Yeah 100% I would watch that shit They did Jocular 2 Starring Eric Roberts And Jeff Fahey And Jeff Fahey
Starting point is 00:52:06 Denzo, he can't do it anymore Because he's doing ricochet, dude He's on that fucking He's already doing ricochet He's doing ricochet with John Lithgow Thank you, happy birthday John And happy birthday, me Oh shit, dude
Starting point is 00:52:22 On my fucking stomach, bro Because I, oh fuck, my stomach, dude that's fucking going to be great for my macros dude jocular own the trilogy jocular one jocular two and straight to VHS jocular three
Starting point is 00:52:45 jockylocities one starring Denzel Washington and Jeff Fahey Joculosity two starring fucking who is a guy The other one? It's Jeffrey, Eric Roberts.
Starting point is 00:52:59 Eric Roberts and Jeff Fahey and Joculosity 3, straight to DVD, starring Steve Gutenberg. I was going to say him, and still Jeff Fahey. And Jeff Fahey. Jeff Fahey made $1 million for joculosity, and $350,000 for Joculosity 2, and $40,000 for Joculosity 3. Own the trilogy.
Starting point is 00:53:25 Hell yeah, all right, woo. Theaters near you, only the first two. Cool, man. What's up? Hey, good to see you. I would watch all three, like, in a row in one day. That's the trailer. Hey, what's up, man?
Starting point is 00:53:39 Oh, what's up? Hey, dude. Good to see you. In a world. The whole movie? No, no, the trailer. There he is. Hey, look what it is.
Starting point is 00:53:51 Dark nights rise. Yeah, so anyway. Oh, shit, man. Dude, you're looking good. it isn't all what it seems do you do crime what no
Starting point is 00:54:02 we gotta still fuck we gotta save face jockulosity so bad them walking on the beach all right enough of that all right
Starting point is 00:54:15 yeah do another one another one all right jaccosity four here we go hi my name's Jenna this is my six months old baby Theo we live in Texas
Starting point is 00:54:26 and I guess I was looking for some advice on my current life situation. My husband was not really around for any doctor's appointments. Gone for work is what I had thought. I found out when I was five months pregnant with Theo that he was actually cheating on me pretty much in my entire marriage.
Starting point is 00:54:50 He missed Theo's birth to be with his mistress. What? Has not paid any child support. And since has never really been around. He's met Theo maybe twice. What? To be off with his mistress. I had to quit my job because Theo's been having some medical issues
Starting point is 00:55:09 and I wanted to be with him. We're losing our house because I can't afford the mortgage on my own and have to move to Illinois with my parents. I've pretty much been raised in Theo by myself with the help of some friends. just a very sad and heartbreaking situation um so i guess what i was wondering is like how do i move forward how do i ever trust anybody again is that even possible and then what do you think as far as telling theo someday why his dad is not in his life and hasn't been around um Is it better for a child to have no father at all or a father that's constantly disappointing him?
Starting point is 00:56:03 Chris, I actually was a Black Hawk pilot in the Army for a long time, and I sent you a picture of when we were flying into Iraq, I was watching your Netflix special. I wasn't flying. I was in the back. And you replied to me. It was the highlight of my day. think that was in like 2018 and Matt if you want to be a stepdaddy let me know
Starting point is 00:56:26 love you oh man that really I've never cried on the show before fucking heartbreak Jesus Christ I have during the jacularity bit but this is actually sad
Starting point is 00:56:38 very very sad I let me just start with like dude if you fucking and I don't give a fuck like if you met her one time you got wasted and you blasted and your fucking seed inside her
Starting point is 00:56:57 and she got pregnant that is your son I mean these people were married there's a different story in time I'm saying at the bare minimum dude it is your child I don't get it you have to help
Starting point is 00:57:11 you don't have a choice obviously if you're a guy in that situation you're like please have an abortion But if she doesn't want to, guess what? Right. You still did it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:23 You have to live with what you've done. And this dude is fucking married to this woman. Right. It's not even what you're saying about the one-night thing. Yeah, yeah, no, no, I know. Married to this woman who's, she, five months pregnant. I mean, look, a lot of people have affairs and stay together, but this is like, I mean. Well, but it, but so he, he, he literally just disappear on his,
Starting point is 00:57:49 own child immediately the thing that threw me off was so they are still together i guess no no okay because he was in her twice he's only seen theo twice yeah exactly yeah so no no he's always with the other woman so so right but okay so i was being dumb because she kept saying mistress it's not a mistress anymore correct that would be correct in her mind i yeah no i totally get i get that i don't mean uh yeah that's fucked up and i my my heart goes out to you like that that's that's all heartbreaking shit man and um look we've been through heartbreaking shit and different things than that but it's uh you're you just got a fucking shit moment in life right now but it's not always it can't it doesn't define you and it's not always going to be this and and and and you got theo out of this you got
Starting point is 00:58:43 this beautiful boy he's so cute um and and And, and, you know, look, I went through a lot of shit when I first had Calvin and I wouldn't change it at all because I, I have Calvin and now I have Billy. And so the, the, the, the, there is, this is fucked up, man. And I hate when, I hate realizing that this is true. But this is the truth. Everything is a gift. Everything. You just have to. make it one. And it's, let's say there's shit that doesn't happen. There's stuff that's terrible, that's painful, that takes years to get over. But everything is a gift if you make it. And, and Theo could be the fucking, you know, he could have the best mom. He could have the best life just because of what you do and your attitude. And I understand that it's very difficult. I don't even know how difficult but um you know i just i i'm i'm i'm really sorry that that happened and
Starting point is 00:59:52 it's tough but i bet you wouldn't change it for the world because you have theo and try to focus on that the one thing i would focus on just because you covered a lot yourself is that you asked how you might ever be able to trust someone again and you're asking that because you have PTSD and you're not asking that from a place of like a settled state of mind. You're asking that because you were so throttled by this
Starting point is 01:00:23 dipshit deadbeat. I mean the baby's six months old, yeah, so she's still feeling. Yeah. And we couldn't make more sense. But eventually you know, you're gonna either naturally or have to come to terms
Starting point is 01:00:39 with the fact that not everyone is a dipshit deadby. There are people out there that actually want specifically what you have to offer. There are people out there who are in Illinois
Starting point is 01:00:55 who have specifically are looking for someone who already has a child. That's true. You know, they're like and they will have their own bullshit
Starting point is 01:01:08 but they're very unlikely to be the kind of person you ended up married to like that is yeah i mean look that is like a true blue died in the wool classic top of the pyramid piece of shit yeah like that is hard just i i don't yeah i mean i don't know what he's not paying you anything like that what the fuck yeah that's illegal by the way yeah yeah yeah i keep calling the law on this one but like like that's fucking illegal i don't care what state you're in you have to pay child support yeah i
Starting point is 01:01:45 I don't, I don't, but I, I can't get past the, I can't get past the, that's your son. Why, why would he not want to be, I don't, I don't ever understand that with, with, you know, because you're a fucking deadbeat, dude, no, I, I know, but what is that about somebody that makes them be like that? What makes somebody a fucking murderer? Yeah, no, I know. Well, I think about that sometimes, too, yeah. It's just like, that's wild. Well, there's no answer you're going to get.
Starting point is 01:02:09 No, I know. That's why I think about it. If there's an answer, I would think about it. But yeah, but yeah, I know what you're saying. It's just Fuck, God damn it I'm just saying It doesn't help her to harm
Starting point is 01:02:21 No, no, no, no, no, I know I know, yes, you're right There's only one way to go And it's absolutely in the opposite direction of that guy Yeah So going to Illinois is probably a good thing In the first way
Starting point is 01:02:31 Yeah, I would say for sure Get that guy out of your life Your son Like he's You know, if you want to work out something With like the law Where it's like, look You have to pay trial support
Starting point is 01:02:40 If you need to get a lawyer And do all that shit Then okay Definitely do that No, no, yes, I'm saying if you even if you don't do that or whatever get him just don't deal with him have the only deal with the lawyer with him you know what I mean like this guy does why he be a part of the life don't let him why is he seen the baby twice even like that's
Starting point is 01:03:02 because he probably felt like you had right well that that's what I'm saying like is it because of that fuck him then dude because that's twice in eight months in the first eight months you want to see your son twice but yeah not that it makes a difference still yeah He wasn't there for the birth That's just I don't understand Yeah It's really hard for me to understand
Starting point is 01:03:22 It's like Yeah Like Matt said people have affairs But that's I don't know Maybe the guy Just like seven more levels Fuck that guy
Starting point is 01:03:33 Do one more Yeah That really That really took the sting Out of the jocularity bit Oh Peaks and valleys You know
Starting point is 01:03:41 That's what this show is Hey Chris and Matt Maver from Iowa I'm coming at you guys What's up, dude? You think for a first house You should get more of a fixer upper That's cheaper
Starting point is 01:03:54 Or should you just kind of save up a little longer And get something newer I'm 26 and I just bought my first place And really all it needs is paint and some carpet But I've been knocking this thing out And It actually feels awesome
Starting point is 01:04:11 To see how it's like turn into. Yeah. But anyways, talk about that. That's cool. Love you guys. Been listening for years. Thanks, bro.
Starting point is 01:04:18 Chris, gonna see you with my girlfriend in Dubuque. She got me VAP tickets. Oh, this was a while ago. Because she knows I'm a freaking baby. And yeah, love you guys. This is a good submission. Why did it take this long to get here? So the, the, I think that it went, especially because you're young, bro.
Starting point is 01:04:36 You're 26. You bought your first house. And you wanted, you know, you wanted to this. You're having fun. It feels good. You could turn that house. in a fucking money, bro. Like, it'd take fucking 10 years?
Starting point is 01:04:46 Probably already did. Honestly. Yeah, that's great, dude. I think you did it right. I mean, if you're 40, 45, I understand thinking. Well, let's start here. No one, he's in like a special zone because at 26, the amount of people in our country are in Canada that can buy a house?
Starting point is 01:05:09 No, that's not Canada. He says he's Montreal, didn't he? Dubuque is in Iowa. Oh, I actually thought he said Montreal. Okay, Dubuio. Oh, yeah, he did. He started in Iowa, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:19 How many 26-year-old Americans can buy a house at, like, at any level, fix it up for a enough? I mean, Dubuque is, the cost of living is very low, but. But still, dude? No, I understand, yeah. Like, that's crazy, but obviously. You know, fuck this guy an assassin? I think not the fixer up or out, but I live in Los Angeles.
Starting point is 01:05:41 Because, yeah, but also you wouldn't want to do it. No, but here's why. You buy a fixer-upper in the place I live, it's $850,000. You buy a nice, nicer, well, totally livable, totally nice house for 1.1. It's like, at that level, what the fuck is the goddamn difference? I guess you're tapped out no matter what. Yeah, exactly. So, like, in Iowa, if it's like, fixer-upper's $200, and a,
Starting point is 01:06:11 a nice new house is 400, then it's a no-fucking brainer. Right. You know? Right. And obviously, you made the right decision. Also, you're loving it. Yeah, I know. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:19 I think that's the bottom line. But the fact that you did this young, I think it's great. I think it's cool. I think you're on it. You did it. What does it look like now? Because this was a while ago. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:27 Send pics. All right. Send dick picks. Thank you very much. Speaking of touring, I'll be in. Send dick picks to him. No, I don't want dick picks, but I have dick picks. They're mine and I just kind of scroll through them.
Starting point is 01:06:39 Jost through them. But, yeah, so go to Chrissley.com to get tickets. I'll be on tour. I am everywhere. I'm going to Texas this weekend. I'm going to Texas this weekend. And then I'm going to Syracuse and Hamilton, Ontario, and a bunch of different places.
Starting point is 01:06:53 Go to Chrissley.com, Chicago. I'll be coming and see you. See you soon. Become a member of my Patreon. Patreon.com slash Matt Delia. Live every Thursday and Friday and often Sunday for Sunday's service with your pastor, M. Diesel. Stop flexing your leg.
Starting point is 01:07:09 gets taken away from what I'm saying. And it's always on and popping. Get in there a bunch of different membership tiers. You will enjoy one of them. Oh. Hello. Hello.
Starting point is 01:07:27 Hello. Hello.

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