Lifeline - 182. Joculocity
Episode Date: October 19, 2025Today we're talking about saying hi to the doorman, shifting family dynamics, restaurant tipping ethics, heavy cheating and serious life adjustments, and first-time home buying. Learn more about you...r ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Is it the matcha, or am I this energized from scoring three Sephora holiday gift sets?
Definitely the sets.
Full size and minis bundled together?
What a steal.
And that packaging?
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Runk.
Roll on.
Yeah.
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday
Dear Matt DeLeah and John Lithgow
And Chris Catan and Trey Parker
Happy birthday
To all of us
Dude, I can't believe I share a birthday with John Lithgow, dude
That was pretty good
God, he's the best, dude
Harry and the Henderson's is the worst movie
But he's so good in it
I cried when I watched it
How old were you?
I was an adult.
You had some other stuff going on, probably.
I mean, of course I did.
I was an adult, like I said.
But, yeah, John Lithgow made me cry and Aaron Henderson.
That's how good he is, dude.
Anyway, John Lithgow's the best.
The goat.
You got, he's great, but he's a goat.
No, yeah, yeah.
He's obviously not Denzel, of course.
So, yeah, I think I'll be in,
Is it Sunday right now?
So I think I'll be in, I think I was in Dublin last night.
I don't know yet because we're recording it early.
Let's see.
Let's find out.
Let's find out where I was.
Ah, scroll.
Scroll.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, last night, Dublin.
So the next I got Midland, Texas coming up here and Waco, Texas.
So you're back from Europe today.
Yeah, that's what today would be.
How are you feeling?
Jet lagged?
No, surprisingly.
Well, I'm always jet lagged, so it's all good because I'm always on a plane.
If you're always on a plane, can you be jet-lagged even?
No, you're just
Always just wonky
You're just lagged
Yeah
Detroit, Michigan
Cleveland, Jacksonville
Florida
Daytona Beach Florida
Chicago
Hamilton, Ontario
Syracuse, New York
and San Antonio
for New Year's
Get tickets to chrystalia.com
I'm coming to your city
Nice
So yeah and it's not for our Patreon
Patreon
dot com slash lifel luxury
and that's a great thing to do for us
A lot of episodes up there now
Yeah a lot
More coming all the time
Three a month baby
subscribe to the YouTube channel too
subscribe to my Patreon
it is live
F it will do it live
It's too loud
You did that already
Stop what you're doing
Well get used to it baby
Stop what you're doing
Go over there
Get in there
Get in there
Get on there
Come on ride the train
And ride it
Woo
Woo
But I went to
The place on a corner here
Are we done?
Do you have more stuff
You want to plug?
Live every Thursday and Friday
A lot of Sundays too
Um, I, uh, I, uh, I, I, uh, I want to eat a thing, because I'm still doing it.
So, I mean, dude, I, okay, just say more stuff, though, like, be, be specific.
But I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm only interested in what I'm interested in it.
But you said I, I, I got a thing and I eat more stuff.
Oh, oh, I got you. I'm still doing my thing about the, what's that?
A birdhouse, you're building a birdhouse?
I'm building a birdhouse. I'm, I'm doing good with my body and my, my nutrition.
Where did that start?
I'm a crazy person.
I know that, but where did that start, the health thing?
The health thing you're on right now.
Just one day.
But why?
Like when, why?
Out of nowhere?
I go, I'm 45 and I, I, I, I, it's, I've never really gave it my all.
When it comes to, like, health and, like, fitness.
Yeah, yeah.
I've done well, you know, I've, I've, I've, but I'm, you know,
You've been pretty jacky, you're a little dandit at some points in your life.
Yeah, but I'm, honestly, I'm going to be honest, it's not even about being jacked.
I don't necessarily, I want to be, like, fit, form, my tip-top form.
Yeah.
Yeah, as a 45-year-old, yeah.
I love being active and outside and healthy.
It's just, yeah, I know.
What?
It's really weird, I know.
I don't know why I like that.
Most not you thing.
I know, I know.
Like, like, Brian, Brian Callen,
Oh, no, no, no, but I've, well, yeah, I guess so.
Outside, no.
Yeah, it has never been here.
Yeah, true, yeah, true.
What about Brian?
But even still, I went to go walk, so I was like, I'll just go walk to the thing to get the bar, and I went to go walk, and then I, when I got out of the place, excuse me, I was like, oh, and there was a lime scooter, and I was like, hell yeah, and I got on a lime scooter, and I drove that back.
I'm not above a lime scooter, dude.
You like lime scooters.
Yeah, have you ever done one?
No, but I saw you do them, and it.
And I saw you have fun on them.
I've never been on them.
I would never pick one of those up out of principle.
Because I used to, here's why, not because of any, like.
Wow.
That's stupid.
I used to live downtown.
And the way people treat them and you while they're on them, when you live in the downtown part of a city, it's like Fallujah, dude.
You should watch out for them, you say?
Oh, my God, the carelessness, the recklessness, and then where they put them when they're done?
Well, that, yeah.
Lean it on.
lean it there there there don't throw it in the middle of the sidewalk so i trip on it right
or some old lady trips on it dies and you killed her yeah that's a right yeah that's that was
every once limes were a thing that living downtown sucked truly whoa it changed like that it was
that much of a yeah wow i thought i just put mine uh in your car so uh but yeah that that that damn that sucks yeah
there's different just have respect like for people who are also in the world
it seems so simple people don't care though dude nobody cares they're just
thinking about themselves nobody cares yeah uh I drink a lot of Gatorade right now
that's my thing that's my health that's my that's my that's my new health thing for you
I need electrolytes yeah I know but there's other ways to get it are there yeah yeah yeah
but Gatorade tastes better what are electrolytes dude I don't know anything they're
electro- Idiot lights
with lights with lights on them
No I don't know I don't understand what that is
I don't really know what it is I never know
But that's so
That's
They keep you from being dehydrated
More than just regular water
I think Gatorade's were the first commercials
That I saw
As a kid
Where I was like
Man
Fuck commercials
What's wrong with those commercials
Because it's like
Dude what are they doing
They're just playing basketball
and then our drinking Gatorade.
I like that.
But it's always, it's just like fucking,
like they were fucking, you know?
And like just like, yeah, dude.
Have you read this?
What's that book?
Subliminal, uh, uh, uh, cover to cover.
Look up that advertising book, subliminal seduction.
And it's all about how every ad,
I mean, I don't know if I even agree with the author,
but it's a good book, famous book.
And it's all about how every ad is designed to,
if it's geared towards men,
it's designed to make them want sex
and if it's geared towards women
it's made to make them want sex
oh so just you can shorten that sentence
but I did it to surprise you
oh yeah you thought I was going to say something else
yeah I thought you were going to say about complaining
oh I mean so sexist but cool
yeah subliminal seduction refers
to a 1970s book by Wilson Brian Key
that claims advertisers use sex and violence in media
to manipulate consumers' behavior without their
conscious awareness i believe in that unconscious
subconscious stuff let me see that great that's i mean i talk about this all the time
so i'm sorry but everybody has to watch adam curtis's century of
itself it's a four-hour bbc documentary that is not new but he's still making new stuff but
that's his best thing that he's ever done he's the greatest living documentary the guy and it's
all about how freud's uncle or cousin came to america and began
working with companies using Freudian tactics subliminal messaging and it worked and yeah i know how
all that stuff works i've seen i've seen the mentalist and now we're all stuck in the crank of
the court aren't we but i've seen the mentalists i know how it works what are those shoes these are lecoss
ones oh that's nice um yeah so i i don't i think that uh what do you call it uh Freud that that that dude was
Nice with it.
Freud.
He was a fucking mama's boy, dude.
Oh.
Obsessed.
But self-aware.
Dude, if you read Freud, you're at first, you're like, oh, my God, this is like the most titanically mind-boggling, mind-breaking stuff.
And then you get further in and he's like, every dream you ever have, if there's anything phallic looking in it, even a tree, it represents a penis.
And you're just like, dude, you blew it.
You had me for so long.
I would still be in.
Like, everything?
Everything in my dream that looks like a dick is a dick?
Here's me getting to that part.
Here's me getting the part.
You would never get to that part, though, would you?
No.
But everything that is phallic, everything that's a rod in a dream or it's a dick.
That's according to Freud, yeah.
I mean, he's written extensively about that.
Yeah, I know.
That's really crazy.
how do you write extensively about that
you just make up
trees rods
fucking he's obsessed
with the I mean the Oedipo complex
that's all Freud
no no I know but how do you write extensively about
dream he wrote a lot about dreams
and the meanings of dreams
and he was dead wrong
and he
wasn't dead wrong about everything
but he was wrong about dreams
well you're wrong
nobody knows about more stuff
but yeah
he's also writing in the 20s
so like what are you going to do you know
no
what are you going to
know stuff in the 1920s?
Yeah, not that, not that's, I mean, we still don't know that stuff.
It's impressive what he wrote in the 1920s.
Is it?
Yeah, dude.
You got to start somewhere.
I got to start somewhere.
Trees are dicks.
But only in dreams.
Trees are dicks in parentheses.
In dreams.
All right.
Let's write extensively about this.
All right, let's go to one.
if it was about that
hey guys
what advice
somebody who
is eating out of
a single use
single serving bag
like this one
and as opposed to
emptying out the contents
on a napkin
or a paper plate
you just
dive in
time
after time
at the time
dozens and hundreds of times
creating all this noise
for everybody around them
as an example
you're on an airplane
and
the person next to you
is opening up their pretzels and obviously they open up a little slot that's way too small
and they put their fingers in that are way too big and then just rummage around until all of
their little tiny pebbles are gone and I really have to think that nobody misdirecting us like
the sound so I'm hoping that we can use this as a PSA and an open as a mentalist on any ideas
on how we can get rid of this you're going to be a goat going to be an actual sheep by the end of the
video so yeah that's really really really really really really annoying but like it's in that
bag that's one of those things that it's in that bag like it's not that really that person's
fault it's the stupid crinkly bag it's it people it's one of those things that's not annoying
until you realize it and then you're fucking and then you're just fucked you know you go oh that's
noise. I'm going to be pissed off for the next however long. Because I had a moment like that the
other day. I was, there was something. I wanted the rest of it. And it was at the bottom and I just
go like this. You know, just to get it finally. You know, like this. Okay. So, um, you too.
Yeah. Anyway, it's a party. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, so I, so I, yeah, I think that it's annoying
his shit, and that goes again to
another thing. Nobody cares about you, and nobody's
thinking about you. It's just like the lime scooters.
So what? It's just like the lime scooters.
Oh, yeah, yeah. They just do whatever they want. They only think
about themselves. And they're also not thinking
at someone else. They're certainly not thinking about, oh,
is this too noisy for the stranger
I don't give a fuck about next
to me? Here's the thing. There's nothing you can do
about it. You can't be like, hey, can you be less loud
with your crinkly thing? Then you're fucking
just like George Costanza.
You know what I mean? You're just like
a freak. She was crankling!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha yeah you can't it's just that's life dude that's living among
other people it sucks yeah dicks almost all the time but when it doesn't it's great so what are
you going to do i uh well as he was gringling um um uh uh i was on a plane the other day and and and isn't that cool
I was on a plane the other day, and I was just sitting there, okay?
Okay.
Not doing anything.
The lady in front of me.
You're mid-flight.
You're not on the flight.
I don't, I think, no, I don't even think we took off yet.
Okay, yeah.
Sitting there, waiting, you know?
That's all you really do on a plane is just wait.
It's the worst.
And, you know, it is the worst until, it's such a great, flying is such a great lesson in almost meditation.
Yeah, or patience, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
And I have, I have just because of the sheer volume of flights I've taken to have gotten really good at it.
You'd think you'd be more patient.
You are more patient, but you'd think you'd be even more patient.
With the amount you fly, it's like insane.
I go on planes and I'm like, oh, we're probably like almost there.
And then I'll check and it's been like one hour.
You know what I mean?
And there's seven hours left.
I'm trying, right now I'm actually just thinking, am I patient or not?
Well, no, I'm saying you're more patient than you used to be.
by a law for sure yeah um but uh so and i'm just sitting here and the lady behind in front of me
goes like this sir and i look oh no she's just dude you're kicking my chair that's i hate it i hate that
and i go and i'm like i i'm not i'm not touching her you weren't even doing it well well no i was
no my feet were not on her chair then so i don't know what she meant yeah right yeah right
First of all, second of all, I, she did it too loud.
So other people now are probably really like, ah, fuck, dude, that comedian is a dick.
He thinks he owns the plane, you know?
I mean, I know.
That's where my head goes.
But whatever, but I didn't just, hey, yo, you're kicking my chair.
What's up?
Hey, yo, you're kicking my chair and maybe stop, you know, did that?
Right, right, right, yeah.
But then she, she says, excuse me, sir, you're kicking my chair?
She doesn't mean about it.
But I'm like, oh, I was?
And I said, okay, yeah, I was not aware of that.
Okay, I won't do it.
And then she turned back around and I go, cool, I'm just going to still not do it.
And then I was thinking about it for too long.
It fucked my whole shit up, dude.
Because I'm like, now I have to think about not touching her chair when I'm not touching her chair.
I would have just done it a bunch anyway.
That's happened to me.
No, I've, somebody said, hey, like, you know what, and they do the thing?
Oh, the worst is when they do the thing and they look and they don't say anything.
They're like, oh, yeah, okay.
Uh, uh, turn it in both ways, like, uh.
And I'm like, hey, I ain't changing them unless you look me in the eye and say something.
Well, right.
Okay, yeah.
But then when they do, I still do it.
So, but what are you saying?
What are you going to do?
I have long legs.
Right, no, no, I'm going to put my foot up on the back of your chair and you're going to deal with it.
You're not, you're not a person who is.
is just going to willy-nilly be kicking and shit.
So if the fact that somebody said it to you,
they said it to you prematurely.
Yeah, or in a way that you clearly,
I clearly didn't realize I was like fucking someone's shit out there.
So when they say, hey, could you stop kicking the chair?
What do you say, yeah, and then just don't do it?
I either don't answer or I just like do it lighter so they don't notice
so it goes slower, you know?
When they notice it is when you're like, your foot up.
Well, that, yeah.
But, but hold on.
I go like, yeah.
And then, and then I'm all the way there.
Uh-huh.
They don't even notice.
But if somebody does it once, I mean, but I also don't kick it.
I leave.
Yeah.
Well, no, and I'm saying, you don't go go, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So if you do that, you go, if I did that and I saw the seat do that, I'd be like,
oh my God, I'm so fucking sorry.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you kick some seat hard, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was, I was flying and before that and some, just a little.
hand comes up here. It's like a baby from the
behind me. It was so cute. I look back
at you. It was like this. It was so cute.
Nice, dude. Anyway,
but at first I got mad. I was like, the fuck.
And then I look. I was like, oh, cute hand.
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Okay, next one.
You can't be mad at it, baby.
No.
Hello.
Hello.
My name is Alex calling from Tick.
Oh.
From what?
Tuna sandwich.
Oh.
My parents are getting a divorce.
My mom was caught cheating.
And my dad has Parkinson's.
Oh, okay.
He's had it for 15 years.
And it sucks.
he's kind of in shock my mom has this other guy and you know they've been together 33 years
did i say that holy shit and um i just wanted to know i mean my essentially my entire family
dynamic is shifted my dad it's done a total 180 and i i'm i don't want to go home now i don't like
talking to them really lately i'll talk to my dad but my mom bitch so um just wanted to know coping
skills, I don't know, I'm self-isolating a lot.
I'm just like, you know, kind of lingering in my
depression lately. That's also not a good one.
So, uh, any advice on, um, coping skills, I guess,
when something like this blows up your life a little bit.
Thanks.
I guess I wonder, uh, how old he is because, well, they've been married 33 years, so he's
at least in his 50s, but I would imagine he sounded, you know, like it was, well, no,
they could have had him, uh, after they were,
married. Well, I'm sure they did. What I was about to say before you interrupted was that he sounds
like he's in his early 20. Oh, yeah. Okay. So old. Right. You're saying the parent, yeah. No, I didn't
interrupt you. It was too long. What I was saying? Your silence was too long. No, I don't do that.
I waited. You think I do that. No, I do have a problem. I do think you do that. That time, I waited and I
kept waiting and I'm like, uh, is my turn to talk. And then I did that. Okay. But whatever.
That's not what this podcast is about. What this podcast is about is helping people. Yeah.
So I would say that
Japanese
I mean, dude
All I'll say is
I mean, the first thing I'll say is
Don't get, shut the fuck up, Chris.
Don't let your anger
dictate how you behave.
And I'm speaking from experience.
Like don't let, like obviously you're angry
at your mom.
I'm sure you're angry
that your dad has Parkinson's too
and you're angry that he has to be alone
and you're angry that she did it
and you're angry at that, that, that, da, that, da.
But like, anger is a cover
for another thing
and you're sad
or, or, let's just say upset.
Hungry.
You need to say sad.
And that's a totally different
can of worms to deal with.
And I get, you know,
you're making jokes,
she was a bitch,
her mom's all this stuff,
but like she's also your mom.
I'm sure she still loves you
the same amount she did
before she started having an affair
with your dad who's ill.
And when someone's ill,
it's real,
when a spouse is ill,
it's like eight times more common
that the other spouse cheats on them.
Yeah, that's why when I get a cold,
I'm so nervous.
And that...
Baby, where are you?
Can you bring the Phoenix?
And that is
just another reason
in life is deeply unfair
and sucks and you got dealt
in this regard a raw deal
right hand but
just
don't
don't isolate too much
it's not that doesn't help
because it leads to other things that are worse
and you don't want to open that door
making bombs
maybe but I was thinking more like drugs
happened at Tommy Lee Jones and that movie was
fucking blown away
um yeah
Yeah, but I get super nervous when I get sick.
I think of, you know, I'll get a little cough.
I'll be like, you cheating?
Ike Turner.
I start sneezing and I go,
you got someone inside?
Ike Turner.
Bitch!
I go, oh boy.
I go, so I'd be good.
Mitch, you got someone on the side?
That's it.
That's it.
Yeah.
Are you anything else to say or I covered it?
Yeah, no, I think go outside, bro, touch grass, you know what I mean?
Like just literally physically go outside and don't just fucking be in your house.
That sucks.
And definitely even if you don't want to sometimes keep in touch with your dad.
Yeah, you have to keep in touch with your mom and your dad.
Yeah, well, obviously, but he might need a little time to do that.
What?
He might need a little time to like reconnect with his mom.
Oh, yes.
Right.
Don't extricate her.
Yeah, yeah, from your life.
Give it a chance to be understood by you.
Oh, man, I got a sore throat.
You're cheating?
All right.
Hey, Chris, I'm a Matt, huge fan.
Chris, I've been a fan since 10-minute pod.
Huge baby.
Can't wait to see you in Norway now soon.
Oh, nice.
I'm a comedian.
Oh, nice, dude.
You hate me, but I know.
But I could do five minutes if you need an open or I don't know.
Nice.
Anyway, I have a story.
submission. What do you guys think about the restaurant I work in? The owners taking
28% of my tips to pay for whatever they have to pay to give me the tips. A couple
of years ago in Norway, tips became part of the salary. Okay. So my employer, they have
extra taxes and stuff they have to pay for when it comes to tips. Yeah, yeah. And they're taking
that out of our tips like 28%. What do you think about that? What do you think? That sounds illegal.
Well, no, it's the law, is what he's saying.
That's so annoying.
No, no, no.
What I understood,
I see what you're saying.
He's getting taxed by the government.
Well, he's getting taxed by his tips.
But he's getting taxed by the government for his tips.
That's a new law in Norway is what he's saying.
Then he's saying his boss is also garnishing 20% of his tips to keep his restaurant alive.
That sounds illegal to me.
Am I getting that wrong, Chris?
Am I getting the details of what he's saying?
I don't know, but what I am saying.
But something that happens, which is annoying, is just like when, well, I guess I don't know how the economy is in Norway, but like, you know, I noticed shit, like, in my deals where I'm like, what the fuck is this from?
And it's because, you know, they now have to pay for this and they're taking it from the artist.
And it's so annoying.
It looks like he's a chef or something.
And, you know, it just sucks that.
It always falls on the, yeah, but it always falls on either the worker like that or the artist.
and it's like
Norway tipping is not a mandatory
or cultural practice as service
staff receive good salaries and tips
and consider taxable income from a place.
However, tips are something shared among staff
and appear on paychecks with new regulation
from 2019 shifts in their responsibility
to employers to report them making them part
of an employee's taxable income.
This is illegal. Your boss
is doing something illegal. Is it?
Yeah. Yeah. And 28
percent is so much.
But why 28% is that...
He figured out the math on what he needed to keep his fucking place alive.
It's just, dude, people try to squeeze you so hard no matter what.
Somebody's getting squeezed and it can't be you, bro.
That's the thing that sucks.
It's like his boss is getting squeezed from the government.
You're getting squeezed from the boss.
Who could you squeeze a mouse?
Maybe his boss is getting squeezed from fucking not having a good enough restaurant or running a good
of restaurant, you know?
Restaurants.
But the reason...
Don't open restaurants.
They fail always.
Dude, you ever sit at a restaurant and you're like, how the fuck do they keep doing this?
When they're good at it.
Even still.
No, oh, yeah, when they're good at it, yeah.
You go like, what about all the food that goes bad?
They go, they just, they got deals and deals and deals with them and this other vendor and that another vendor.
Nuts.
They give it to other people.
They give it to this.
Who wants to do that, dude?
So many people, their dream thing is I want to go to a restaurant one day.
It's no way, bro.
Nightmare.
I want to lay down all day one day, you fucking.
Moron.
Wow.
You fucking a loser.
Open your restaurant.
You want to lay down all day and they're a loser?
Yeah, dude.
I mean, it's like their dream when they're older.
Like when they're like in their toilet.
You're like, what the fuck?
Right.
Why do you want to, it's like the most stressful thing ever.
Hasn't everybody seen Black Rabbit?
Hasn't everyone seen the bear and Black Rabbit?
God, you guys.
Don't you know anything?
Hasn't everyone seen the fucking.
Other cooking show?
That's okay.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
we don't know it doesn't matter yeah um all right yeah that sounds very illegal i would look into that
i would look into that for sure yeah got a lawyer or whatever you guys have on uh in norway sometimes
you have something like called like a you know i think they have a defender they're scandinavia they
have google no but i'm saying they won't be called a lawyer it'll be like oh oh uh you know they'll be
like this is the the these are the um it'll have like three o's this is the decider
I'm a high, I'm a decider.
You're like, what?
That's a lawyer in my right.
A fucking decider.
Dude, you're right.
The primary term for a lawyer in Norwegian is advocate.
There you go.
That's the word I was actually trying to get.
If you were smart.
I knew it.
I couldn't think of the word advocate, but I knew.
Dude.
But it's spelled with a K and no E on the end.
That's so sick, dude.
Advocat.
I'm your advocate.
Hello, I'm your advocate.
Where's your boss?
Yeah, you're doing what you're doing is wrong.
I'm going to take you to...
I'm going to take you to the parliament.
What?
That's instead of court.
Fuck!
Why is everything a little bit different here?
Get your wigs.
We're going.
Wigs, dude, in Norway.
Fuck!
Not how is it...
Get your wigs and condoms.
We're going.
Not how it is in Norway.
Whoa, whoa.
Condoms?
Yes, just in case, formality.
Come.
I'm your advocate.
All right.
You're guilty.
Bend over.
Now,
tried to advocate against that,
but couldn't help it.
Turned English.
Anyway, I'm hungry.
You want to go to that place your boss has?
Worst advocate.
Worst advocate.
Advocate, dude.
All right.
Does the place.
Only strictly does it pause it.
Strictly does plays.
I was just going to say plays, dude.
From the, and then we'll only do plays from 1940 to 195.
Yeah.
And we'll not, dude, you'll hand him a play.
He's in a troop. He's in a troop that tells him any, like, deadly serious.
And it's off season now.
That's why he's got the beard.
But he goes, they go, you go, you know, he'll get his great plays.
It's written.
And he goes, in 1950 to 95.
And then he spins around.
But he does Shakespeare in the summer.
Okay.
All right.
Christopher.
Matthew.
Hello?
I'm calling.
See if you can help me salvage respect for my.
favorite podcast oh my advice podcast I'm not gonna tell you who it is okay I don't
name names let's see if you guys can guess it okay um this podcast they had an
episode recently where we go fella lets his dog get the best of him and escape the
backyard and he goes chasing after this puppy dog but the dog gets into a little
commotion with two other dogs oh yeah being walked down the road they're leashed there
with their owner, this dog is loose
and running a muck. Oh, I see.
And apparently this guy's dog gets bit
and that's unfortunate, but
this dog's out there causing trouble
that's what happens. Sometimes
you get bit. And so
my podcast friends
that I listen to often
they seem to agree with this
little bitch that
this lady was at fall.
Yeah. This lady walking down the street.
Now, if you let your dog
outsmart you and get into
road and it gets hit by a car it's not the driver's fault it's your fault yeah you got a loose dog
right we all know that we know that i mean just sitting us down
absolutely schooling us do you think that they just weren't listening to details
that's hilarious he's being good he's an actor he's in theater you know what i'm talking about
you know what's interesting about that yeah is i thought about that submission later after the show
and I thought, how did the dog get to the other dogs?
So he's right in that.
I wasn't listening to the details.
I misunderstood.
If that's what happened.
What happened?
A guy called in and said,
I remember the guy, but.
Okay.
Wasn't someone's dog off the leash?
His own dog.
He's saying his own dog was off the leash.
Oh, yeah, that's bad.
And got out of its yard.
And then the two, the woman had these two dogs that,
attacked it, and he didn't realize it until he got back home that his dog was fucked up.
Oh.
That's not how I remember it, but maybe if it was that.
Yeah, I was a little bit mixed up about it, too.
If that's how it happened, then...
Yeah, that's the world.
If you go out in the world...
You got to keep your dog, your own...
You all are responsible for your own dogs.
If you get out in the world and you get fucked, that's on you.
That's the world.
Be careful.
Go out there with your advocate.
Dude, I had...
Sorry.
No, it's okay, go ahead.
I was going to tell a story, so keep going on.
I mean, it's, but I'm just like, go, you know, shit happens.
You got to fucking take care of your dog.
If your dog runs away, it ran away.
And that's it.
I one day was walking my dog, Charlie.
And just as I'm about to get back home, my neighbor across the street has a Belgian
Melanwa.
Do you guys know what a Belgian Malinwa is?
It's something you just made up.
But anyway, yeah.
It's, like, police dog.
like German Shepherds are police dogs.
It's obviously French, right?
Belgian, no, it's Belgian, man.
Oh, but they're called Belgian Malamois, though.
Malamois, it's like...
Yeah, I can see how you can do you get used.
But Belgian is in the name.
I know, but they're from Belgium.
Maybe that's where they are now, but they originated from France.
But anyway, the Belgian Malinua is like 10, can do 10 times what a German shepherd can do.
Wow.
Like, there are videos of Belgian Malinwa's just jumping, like 25-foot walls.
I bet you could, I bet you could take.
each one is a job really yeah they're just like there's one honestly one i've seen one
legitimately do taxes with the hat on um they they suck they suck they can suck they suck
they suck as pets dude because you have to be so on top of them all the time or they will
stop okay but or they will fucking eat your money they'll mall your dog they'll mall you if you get
too close to its owner they'll bite you
like they're not
they're dogs that are meant for like
enforcement okay
but many people have them as pets
because they're idiots anyway my next
across the street neighbor
has a Belgian Melanois
every time I see it now
now yeah oh every time I see it I think
that's a problem
you know no matter what
he walks his dog he's on a leash his dogs
walking him I'm thinking that's a problem
pull one up he's a big dude pull one up
yeah and anyway so i'm walking charlie home and mine i'm like texting i'm not even paying
attention all of a sudden out of the corner top corner of my right eye i see just this like
speeding fucking oh fuck bullet train dude okay and i know it's not a car right there's no sound
there's no revving there's no nothing also it looks like a dog but no in that moment i don't know
anything it's a car i know it's not a car just doesn't
No, has no brain, you know.
But then I, obviously, I look up.
I see it's this dog that I know.
It's this Belgium, Melanoa from across the street.
And it is going.
Fuck.
40 miles an hour.
Fuck.
So it could be a car.
Dead at me, dude.
Okay?
Just like, are you sure someone wasn't inside?
Pure fighter flight.
Yeah.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
And then I realize, it's actually not coming at me.
It's running at Charlie.
It's parked?
It's running at Charlie.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
I got you.
So I fucking, I'm just like, what do I even possibly do?
I have nothing in my hands, I have my phone in my hands, and my dog's leash.
Yeah.
So at- Shoot out the tires.
All I can think of on instinct is as it's passing, I, like, ram my knee into the side of the dog, okay?
Yeah, yeah.
And the dog goes off, it's, it was just going to kill Charlie in a split second, okay?
Okay.
Okay.
And I knocked this piece of shit-ass,
cunt dog,
Adam Sandler.
Off of its path.
And just enough that it all,
it went sideways.
Okay.
And Charlie's scared of her mind.
She's sideways too,
because she's like,
what the fuck's going on already?
Yeah.
So they bump into each other sideways.
Charlie goes flying so hard and far.
Nice.
The leash, not the collar,
where it clicks.
Yeah.
The leash in my.
my hand rips what okay oh my god charlie goes flying okay the belgian melanchol
goes flying into the other neighbor's yard okay and i'm like my house is behind me yeah
oh yeah charlie's there and i'm like charlie get the fuck over here right now meanwhile she's
like probably bleeding on the inside you know i mean well so it hit it yeah yeah i got it so hard
but but didn't bite her yeah yeah okay right so i'm like get inside now get inside yeah before they
reverse and she listens and she runs right straight to the door okay wow okay i go inside
follow her inside and i get a bat yeah dude fuck yeah you won't play baseball because you need to get
you really you need to get stress yeah i keep a bat by the door and i'm not a gun on her i kid a
i keep a bat by the door and i you wouldn't use a gun to play baseball and a metal pipe by my bed
and weird and a billy club somewhere weird equipment for baseball i'm not telling everybody where
my stuff is in case somebody knows right there okay but i got a belly club somewhere too a billy club
What do you fucking...
You have a bat.
I know, but you need things in different places.
Oh, get two bats.
Well, I mean, I only...
Anyway, we had one bat.
Anyway, I get the bat because it's close to the door,
and I run out, and I'm, like, ready to kill this dog.
Or have it kill me.
I was so mad.
Hitting a home run, hitting a Grand Slam movie.
Would be killing the dog.
So, I'm so furious.
Yeah, I would be, too.
And I'm just ready to...
I'm seeing red.
Oh, the car was red.
And the guy...
Yeah, it was a red.
uh mini cooper and i and i and i i uh the dog's gone you're playing the cardinals that's what
it was the dog's gone but the door to the house is wide open so i'm like the dog could be anywhere
could be in the house could be in the house in the garage could could be anywhere right so now i'm
thinking yeah yeah so now i'm thinking am i going to go into this guy's house with a bat oh oh you
Okay.
Okay.
Like, am I Ray Leota in Goodfellas?
It's a great story.
Or am I just like a guy who wants to kill a dog because it hurt his dog?
Because the dog's nowhere.
The dog is most definitely inside.
It's a fucking Batman.
You know?
He just, so, so, okay, so you're, you're mad at this dog for doing what it did, which
understandably so.
I'm like, I'm like seeing red.
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not myself.
And you're mad.
And the dog is, is maybe inside the house?
Could literally be anywhere.
Or outside.
And what I realize is
the guy didn't close his door.
Okay, yeah.
Okay, right.
Because the door's open.
Yes.
Okay, got it.
So the guy is a huge fucking idiot
because it's like...
Wow.
That's a weapon, dude.
The bat?
Oh, the dog.
The dog is a weapon.
In many ways, you use it as a...
People use it as a weapon.
Sure, yeah, yeah.
No, no, yes.
You got to control your dog.
Yeah.
Close your doors.
When you have a weapon
that can run out and kill anything, right?
Yeah.
I mean, the dog would...
It's basically what weapons is about, honestly, the movie.
That dog would murder a coyote instantly.
Oh, really?
Yes.
It's huge.
Oh, wow, really?
Yes.
Okay.
And Charlie's tiny.
Dude, if I didn't stick my knee into it, like, she would have just...
It would have just been, like...
That would have been crazy.
The bloodiest bloodbath, you know?
Anyway, I don't see the dog, and I decide...
All right, I'm not going to, like, go into a guy's house with the dog.
the bat. That would be terrible. Terrible idea. Yeah. Okay. So now I have a little bit more. Do you guys
want to play baseball? My wits are a little bit more about me, right? Yeah. But I look at out the window,
looking for the dog, because I still want to kill a dog if it's outside. But I'm not going
in the house. But I do that for like five minutes and I'm like, wow, five minutes. I'm like alive. I have to
live my life. I can't just sit here and wait for looking out the window at some point. It's not self-defense.
Yeah, it's like you're just trying to kill a dog, you know? And so. Then I, then like,
way like an hour or two later
I noticed the door is closed in the house
and now I'm like
okay and I'm just I'm just like
I'm gonna fucking
give this motherfucker
the fucking
freak out
of a lifetime
I'm just gonna get up in his face
like fucking Billy Martin
you know what I mean
and I fucking I'm just
walk to be lying to his door
just pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop
and you don't have the bat no
I'm not like fucking Joe
you know and uh you dress up in a suit i don't talk to you about your dog for a second uh some dogs
they're too big and the guy comes to the door yeah and he's like and i i know him a little bit
yeah you just exchange nice it is you know and and i'm like i was like i was like do you know what
the fuck just happened dude and he's like so mortified oh really and apologetic immediately you know
you could have done is I just saved a bunch of money
on car insurance. Offering to pay
for the medical bills. Oh, wow.
Like, da, that, that, and I go
and I can't, like, he's like dissolving
my anger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm realizing
I want to be angry. Well, right,
because I so am, but I can't
anymore. Also, he's taking accountability
and being like, I'm so fucking sorry.
Yeah. But that's what you... And then I'm like,
I'm not, I think she's all right.
Yeah. She seems fine.
I'll see you later, dude.
That's my home.
But like...
And then he closed the door
and he goes like,
and he looks at the dog
and he goes,
you'll get them next time.
Dude, these dogs,
though, I'm telling you,
don't get one.
Unless you like are ready
for the
fucking hardest shit of your life.
Yeah, that's like,
I don't understand.
It's like, you know,
Whitney used to have pit bulls
and be like,
oh, you got to save pit bulls.
They're dogs too.
And it's like, dude,
get them away from my kids.
Get them away.
You don't hear about,
yeah, oh, okay,
if maybe,
of yorkies were the same as you okay if yorkies were uh a hundred pounds and it didn't take
40 of them to fucking lick you to death then okay but dude be the people who are like pit bull advocates
it's it's an owner it's the owner not the dog dude well it's yeah yeah it's their past
before you get them yes i understand don't get them then it's not the owner is what i'm saying
yeah yeah yeah yeah you can't like take out the fighter in the pit bull really
Yeah, not really.
Dude, she called me crying once.
She was like, oh, my God, because I said so out pit bulls.
I was like, don't get, pit bulls are crazy.
She was like, you don't know?
And I was like, oh, yeah, don't get a pit bull.
Do you fucking, king, king, king.
She called crying because you don't know about pit bulls?
Yeah.
A fucking idiot.
Well, I wish for the best.
All right, me too.
No, I don't.
But anyway, yeah.
So, okay, next one.
I ought to call someone crying about pit bulls, you know?
I don't know, man.
I mean, honestly, I think that was, that's the second person who called me crying about pit bulls.
The first was going to make a pit bull
They couldn't get pit bull concert tickets
Oh no
I want to hear the song
Catalinda, cantan vega
Tierra Tremendo
Kulo!
They go like they were crying
They go like
Katan Lina Kata Venga
Kata Venga
Tieni Tieni Tremendo
Kulo
No one loves his mom more than Pippo
No one loves his mom more than Pippo
You know
Bought her eight houses
Yeah, that's very true
She's like it's too much
He's too much
He's like no mama
No mama, no mama, no mama.
Yeah, that is very true.
God, that's true.
Okay, next one.
Maybe it's just a phase you're going through.
You'll get over it.
I can't help you with that.
The next appointment is in six months.
You're not alone.
Finding mental health support shouldn't leave you feeling more lost.
At CAMH, we know how frustrating it can be trying to access care.
We're working to build a future where the path to support is clear.
And every step forward feels like progress.
another wrong turn. Visit camh.ca to help us forge a better path for mental health care.
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Okay, so I work an office job.
And just to give you guys some reference of like how often.
and it happens. I go in once a week because it's hybrid. Um, but we recently got like a security
guard. Um, and so you walk in the front door, you walk past where the security guard sits at
the desk and then you walk to the elevators. Um, so in the morning I say, hi were you? And then when
I'm leaving, I say, bye, have a good night. Um, and he never says anything. Like, the most I get is like
a smirk. Like, like, do I keep saying hi and bye? Do I just like not say anything and just walk past
him? Do I give him a wave? Like, just something.
understand he just never says anything i mean i get i guess there's a lot of people going in and out of the
office so like maybe he's just not saying hi hi hi hi to everyone but i don't know do i just not say anything
then what if he's mute what would you guys do or he's foreign well everyone knows what hi is
you know even if he's from fucking zimbabwe he's like hi why don't you just ask him
hey how come you say hi no you don't have me hey hey hey hey hey get up in his face what's up
Dude, are you foreign?
Every foreign knows the word.
Every foreigner knows the word,
hi, and I come in here and I say hi, don't I?
Yeah.
And then what do you do?
You either do nothing or you do a little smirk.
That's not enough, dude.
Can you hit the thing?
I forgot my father.
I think it's okay to ask, maybe.
Yeah, it is okay to ask.
It's just like, I don't know how to do it, though, in my mind right now.
I can't think of it.
Well, I do.
Okay.
If it were happening to me and I was genuinely curious about it,
I would be like, yo, why you never say hi?
Yeah, men can get away with that, though, and women can.
Why?
Because it's like...
If a woman did that to me?
No, if a woman did to a male security guard, is what I'm saying.
It would be different than if you did it to the male security guard.
How come, though?
Because it's probably, I mean, I'm making a assumption.
No, I don't know, yeah.
But it's probably ingrained in him that, like,
there's a jocularity to what you're doing with him.
Oh, yeah.
Whereas with a woman, it's like she's calling him out
and maybe you're going to get him in trouble.
Which is not accurate.
Jocularity would be a movie with fucking Denzel Washington in 1993.
And I would have seen...
Jocularity.
I would have seen it seven times.
With fucking Denzo Washington and Jeff Fahey.
Oh, dude, I love Jeff Fahey.
Jocularity.
They're both friends.
And then they aren't, but they remain jocular.
425 to see this movie because it's in 1992.
Popcorn is $3.
Jocularity.
You know what's weird?
What?
No, it's all good.
I could do it again.
Brett Leonard is a director.
He directed Lawnmore Man and then Virtuosity.
There you go, bro.
Lawnmore Man stars Jeff Fahey here.
And Virtuosity stars Dunza Washington.
And that is why.
Go ahead.
Well, go ahead.
And he's a fucking great filmmaker.
Oh, but go ahead, though.
That's why I don't know.
I don't know.
Fantastic.
Oh, okay.
That was fantastic what I did.
That's why?
Well, that's, that's, that's, I took all those information bits.
Yeah.
Calculated.
You didn't do that.
It was completely random.
What?
No.
It wasn't.
You thought of those movies.
Yes.
Virtuosity and Jeff Feijie Lummer-Rand.
I mean, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I, I, I concocted this beautiful bit about a movie that caused a movie that caused,
425 in 1993
Jocularity
with Denza Washington
and Jeff Fahey
and they were friends
and then they weren't
but they still have to remain jocular
are they like cops or something
like what's the what's the impetus
to stay jocular
they were
like why do they have to remain jocular
with one another
it's such a bad plot
they were
they were best friends on the force
and then
one of them decided to dabble in crime and was a crooked cop
and then they became unjocular
joculosity
well that's good that's fucking good dude
that's i'm there for that one day you're jocular
and the next day you're not
and cut we're wrapped
Just fucking
What there's a fucking
What movie did we just make?
That wasn't dramatic at all
And it wasn't funny
They're just hanging out
Give it each other high fives
No matter what
I would watch that though
I would watch that though
Yeah 100%
I would watch that shit
They did
Jocular 2
Starring Eric Roberts
And Jeff Fahey
And Jeff Fahey
Denzo, he can't do it anymore
Because he's doing ricochet, dude
He's on that fucking
He's already doing ricochet
He's doing ricochet with John Lithgow
Thank you, happy birthday John
And happy birthday, me
Oh shit, dude
On my fucking stomach, bro
Because I, oh fuck, my stomach, dude
that's fucking going to be great for my macros
dude jocular
own the trilogy
jocular one
jocular two and straight to VHS
jocular three
jockylocities
one starring Denzel Washington
and Jeff Fahey
Joculosity two
starring
fucking who is a guy
The other one?
It's Jeffrey, Eric Roberts.
Eric Roberts and Jeff Fahey and Joculosity 3, straight to DVD,
starring Steve Gutenberg.
I was going to say him, and still Jeff Fahey.
And Jeff Fahey.
Jeff Fahey made $1 million for joculosity,
and $350,000 for Joculosity 2,
and $40,000 for Joculosity 3.
Own the trilogy.
Hell yeah, all right, woo.
Theaters near you, only the first two.
Cool, man.
What's up?
Hey, good to see you.
I would watch all three, like, in a row in one day.
That's the trailer.
Hey, what's up, man?
Oh, what's up?
Hey, dude.
Good to see you.
In a world.
The whole movie?
No, no, the trailer.
There he is.
Hey, look what it is.
Dark nights rise.
Yeah, so anyway.
Oh, shit, man.
Dude, you're looking good.
it isn't all what it seems
do you do crime
what
no
we gotta still
fuck we gotta save face
jockulosity
so bad
them walking on the beach
all right
enough of that
all right
yeah do another one
another one
all right jaccosity four
here we go
hi my name's Jenna
this is my six months old
baby Theo
we live in Texas
and I guess I was looking for some advice
on my current life situation.
My husband was not really around
for any doctor's appointments.
Gone for work is what I had thought.
I found out when I was five months pregnant with Theo
that he was actually cheating on me
pretty much in my entire marriage.
He missed Theo's birth to be with his mistress.
What?
Has not paid any child support.
And since has never really been around.
He's met Theo maybe twice.
What?
To be off with his mistress.
I had to quit my job because Theo's been having some medical issues
and I wanted to be with him.
We're losing our house because I can't afford the mortgage on my own
and have to move to Illinois with my parents.
I've pretty much been raised in Theo by myself with the help of some friends.
just a very sad and heartbreaking situation um so i guess what i was wondering is like how do i move
forward how do i ever trust anybody again is that even possible and then what do you think
as far as telling theo someday why his dad is not in his life and hasn't been around um
Is it better for a child to have no father at all or a father that's constantly disappointing him?
Chris, I actually was a Black Hawk pilot in the Army for a long time, and I sent you a picture of when we were flying into Iraq, I was watching your Netflix special.
I wasn't flying.
I was in the back.
And you replied to me.
It was the highlight of my day.
think that was in like 2018
and Matt if you want to be a stepdaddy
let me know
love you
oh man that really
I've never cried on the show before
fucking heartbreak
Jesus Christ
I have during the jacularity bit
but this is
actually sad
very very sad
I let me just start with like
dude if you fucking
and I don't give a fuck
like
if you met her one time
you got wasted and you blasted
and your fucking seed inside her
and she got pregnant
that is your son
I mean these people were married
there's a different story in time
I'm saying at the bare minimum
dude it is your child
I don't get it
you have to help
you don't have a choice
obviously if you're a guy
in that situation
you're like please have an abortion
But if she doesn't want to, guess what?
Right.
You still did it.
Yeah.
You have to live with what you've done.
And this dude is fucking married to this woman.
Right.
It's not even what you're saying about the one-night thing.
Yeah, yeah, no, no, I know.
Married to this woman who's, she, five months pregnant.
I mean, look, a lot of people have affairs and stay together, but this is like, I mean.
Well, but it, but so he, he, he literally just disappear on his,
own child immediately the thing that threw me off was so they are still together i guess no no okay because
he was in her twice he's only seen theo twice yeah exactly yeah so no no he's always with the other
woman so so right but okay so i was being dumb because she kept saying mistress it's not a mistress
anymore correct that would be correct in her mind i yeah no i totally get i get that i don't mean uh yeah
that's fucked up and i my my heart goes out to you like that that's that's all heartbreaking shit
man and um look we've been through heartbreaking shit and different things than that but it's uh
you're you just got a fucking shit moment in life right now but it's not always it can't it doesn't
define you and it's not always going to be this and and and and you got theo out of this you got
this beautiful boy he's so cute um and and
And, and, you know, look, I went through a lot of shit when I first had Calvin and I wouldn't change it at all because I, I have Calvin and now I have Billy.
And so the, the, the, the, there is, this is fucked up, man. And I hate when, I hate realizing that this is true. But this is the truth. Everything is a gift. Everything. You just have to.
make it one. And it's, let's say there's shit that doesn't happen. There's stuff that's terrible,
that's painful, that takes years to get over. But everything is a gift if you make it. And,
and Theo could be the fucking, you know, he could have the best mom. He could have the best life
just because of what you do and your attitude. And I understand that it's very difficult. I don't
even know how difficult but um you know i just i i'm i'm i'm really sorry that that happened and
it's tough but i bet you wouldn't change it for the world because you have theo and
try to focus on that the one thing i would focus on just because you covered a lot yourself is that
you asked how you might ever be able to trust someone again and you're asking that because
you have PTSD and you're not asking that from a place of
like a settled
state of mind. You're asking
that because you were so
throttled by this
dipshit
deadbeat. I mean the baby's six months old, yeah, so
she's still feeling. Yeah. And we couldn't make
more sense.
But eventually
you know,
you're gonna either
naturally or have to come to terms
with the fact that not everyone
is a dipshit deadby.
There are people out there that actually
want
specifically
what you have to offer.
There are people out there who are
in Illinois
who have specifically
are looking for someone who already has
a child. That's true.
You know,
they're like
and
they will
have their own bullshit
but they're very
unlikely to be
the kind of person
you ended up married to like that is yeah i mean look that is like a true blue died in the wool
classic top of the pyramid piece of shit yeah like that is hard just i i don't yeah i mean
i don't know what he's not paying you anything like that what the fuck yeah that's illegal
by the way yeah yeah yeah i keep calling the law on this one but like like that's fucking illegal
i don't care what state you're in you have to pay child support yeah i
I don't, I don't, but I, I can't get past the, I can't get past the, that's your son.
Why, why would he not want to be, I don't, I don't ever understand that with, with, you know,
because you're a fucking deadbeat, dude, no, I, I know, but what is that about somebody that makes them be like that?
What makes somebody a fucking murderer?
Yeah, no, I know.
Well, I think about that sometimes, too, yeah.
It's just like, that's wild.
Well, there's no answer you're going to get.
No, I know.
That's why I think about it.
If there's an answer, I would think about it.
But yeah, but yeah, I know what you're saying.
It's just
Fuck, God damn it
I'm just saying
It doesn't help her to harm
No, no, no, no, no, I know
I know, yes, you're right
There's only one way to go
And it's absolutely in the opposite direction
of that guy
Yeah
So going to Illinois is probably a good thing
In the first way
Yeah, I would say for sure
Get that guy out of your life
Your son
Like he's
You know, if you want to work out something
With like the law
Where it's like, look
You have to pay trial support
If you need to get a lawyer
And do all that shit
Then okay
Definitely do that
No, no, yes, I'm saying
if you even if you don't do that or whatever get him just don't deal with him
have the only deal with the lawyer with him you know what I mean like this guy does
why he be a part of the life don't let him why is he seen the baby twice even like that's
because he probably felt like you had right well that that's what I'm saying like is it
because of that fuck him then dude because that's twice in eight months in the first eight months
you want to see your son twice but yeah not that it makes a difference still yeah
He wasn't there for the birth
That's just
I don't understand
Yeah
It's really hard for me to understand
It's like
Yeah
Like Matt said people have affairs
But that's
I don't know
Maybe the guy
Just like seven more levels
Fuck that guy
Do one more
Yeah
That really
That really took the sting
Out of the jocularity bit
Oh
Peaks and valleys
You know
That's what this show is
Hey Chris and Matt
Maver from Iowa
I'm coming at you guys
What's up, dude?
You think for a first house
You should get more of a fixer upper
That's cheaper
Or should you just kind of save up a little longer
And get something newer
I'm 26 and I just bought my first place
And really all it needs is paint and some carpet
But
I've been knocking this thing out
And
It actually feels awesome
To see how it's like
turn into.
Yeah.
But anyways, talk about that.
That's cool.
Love you guys.
Been listening for years.
Thanks, bro.
Chris, gonna see you with my girlfriend in Dubuque.
She got me VAP tickets.
Oh, this was a while ago.
Because she knows I'm a freaking baby.
And yeah, love you guys.
This is a good submission.
Why did it take this long to get here?
So the, the, I think that it went, especially because you're young, bro.
You're 26.
You bought your first house.
And you wanted, you know, you wanted to this.
You're having fun.
It feels good.
You could turn that house.
in a fucking money, bro.
Like, it'd take fucking 10 years?
Probably already did.
Honestly.
Yeah, that's great, dude.
I think you did it right.
I mean, if you're 40, 45, I understand thinking.
Well, let's start here.
No one, he's in like a special zone because at 26, the amount of people in our country
are in Canada that can buy a house?
No, that's not Canada.
He says he's Montreal, didn't he?
Dubuque is in Iowa.
Oh, I actually thought he said Montreal.
Okay, Dubuio.
Oh, yeah, he did.
He started in Iowa, yeah.
Yeah.
How many 26-year-old Americans can buy a house at, like, at any level, fix it up for a
enough?
I mean, Dubuque is, the cost of living is very low, but.
But still, dude?
No, I understand, yeah.
Like, that's crazy, but obviously.
You know, fuck this guy an assassin?
I think not the fixer up or out, but I live in Los Angeles.
Because, yeah, but also you wouldn't want to do it.
No, but here's why.
You buy a fixer-upper in the place I live, it's $850,000.
You buy a nice, nicer, well, totally livable, totally nice house for 1.1.
It's like, at that level, what the fuck is the goddamn difference?
I guess you're tapped out no matter what.
Yeah, exactly.
So, like, in Iowa, if it's like, fixer-upper's $200, and a,
a nice new house is 400, then it's a no-fucking brainer.
Right.
You know?
Right.
And obviously, you made the right decision.
Also, you're loving it.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
I think that's the bottom line.
But the fact that you did this young, I think it's great.
I think it's cool.
I think you're on it.
You did it.
What does it look like now?
Because this was a while ago.
Yeah.
Send pics.
All right.
Send dick picks.
Thank you very much.
Speaking of touring, I'll be in.
Send dick picks to him.
No, I don't want dick picks, but I have dick picks.
They're mine and I just kind of scroll through them.
Jost through them.
But, yeah, so go to Chrissley.com to get tickets.
I'll be on tour.
I am everywhere.
I'm going to Texas this weekend.
I'm going to Texas this weekend.
And then I'm going to Syracuse and Hamilton, Ontario,
and a bunch of different places.
Go to Chrissley.com, Chicago.
I'll be coming and see you.
See you soon.
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