Lifeline - 186. The Pink Ocean

Episode Date: November 16, 2025

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Hello? Hello? Hello. Okay, here we go. It is on and popping. Episode 186, it's Sunday, November 16th. Happy birthday to Mason Ramsey and Pete Davidson. Nah, don't take that one back.

I don't say happy birthday to him. Oh, okay. Why? Don't feel like it. He just don't like comedians. Don't feel like it. Don't feel like it. No, comedians, I don't like stand-up comedy.

It's not like they don't like comedians. I don't like Pete Davidson. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, no, don't say that. Why? Why are you always so opposed to me saying specific people that I don't like? Do you ever think about that?

Yeah, it's rude, right? It's what? It's rude? Is it? He's like got the best life ever. Yeah, true. He doesn't give his, he doesn't care. He probably doesn't care.

Well, yeah, you know? Yeah. It's not like I'm talking down to some, like, guy I'm, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, he's, like, so successful. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I'm really young, but he's younger than me.

I like Pete there's, no. Anyway, shout out to Legends app for sponsoring this show. Legends is a free-to-play social casino and sportsbook. Check it out at Legends.com. That's with a Z, Legends. Legends. I love it. Legends.

Yay, yay! You know what I'm saying? About Legends? No, no. Okay. I didn't know what that meant. Yeah, yay, but I know. Yay, yay.

God, the way your rings sound when you do that. It's ASMR. Yeah. So, anyway, I will. be in, let's see, this comes out Sunday. So I will be in, whoops, put it on screen. Wops, put it on screen. Oh, Anthony's back. Kansas City, Missouri. Anthony's back. Wow, Taylor did it good. Omaha and Nebraska, Daytona Beach, Jacksonville, Florida, Cleveland, Ohio, Detroit, Michigan. Then I got some Southern California dates, Oxnard, California, and Ontario, California, and then

come celebrate New Year's Eve with me in San Antonio, Texas. And let me tell you guys something. I got some dates coming up. And it's just going to. blow your mind where I'm going. Like, I'm going to, like, probably Knoxville and stuff, you know? So, just stay tuned and go to Chrisley.com to get tickets to see my tour. You're going to Tennessee?

Tennessee. Tennessee. Yeah, Knoxville's in Tennessee. I know that. I don't know if I'm going to Knoxville. I think I'm going to Chattanooga or Knoxville. Chata, chatta, chat, chattah, chat, chattah, chattah, chat, chattah, chattah, chattah, chattah, chattah.

Two supremely annoying noises you've made so far in this. Chattah, chatta, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat. No, God. People like it. The fans love it. Sign up for the show's Patreon. Maybe the majority wouldn't like it. Dot com slash Lifeline luxury.

It's only five bucks. You get like 70 episodes and two live shows. You get it all, baby. And make sure you subscribe to this channel on YouTube. Super good. We are, are we in YouTube jail where they're just like, we bury you? I don't know. Help us get unburied.

I don't even care. Rise us from the ashes like Phoenix. We do. what we do. Help us out. We appreciate it. Now, if you want to have a party, if you want to have a good time, if you like having a good time, if you're like having bull-hers and getting wet and all this fun stuff, slipping and sliding all around. Well, maybe that's why we're in YouTube. You're going to sign up for my personal Patreon. Patreon.com slash Matt DeLea. It is a live show. I go for four hours. I do not stop. I do not do not do. But it seems like I do. This is why we're in

YouTube deal. And you're going to love it. I'm just saying all sorts of paraphernalia. So go there and sign up and become a member, join a tier if you feel so inclined, and I love you either way. Okay. And merch, Lifelinemerch.com. It's been a while, so we've got new merch. We should do new merch. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's a, you know what, honestly, Lifeline merch, it's, it's, it slaps, dude.

Yeah. Well, it already does, but, you know, you got to update. But I'm saying, we have good merch on there. Go check it out. But anyway, whatever. It is what it is. And it is so nice in Los Angeles, California. Bye.

Dude, people are in Toronto. Look, Toronto's great, bye. Wisconsin right now, foot of snow. I'm going to Chicago this weekend to perform. So this will be the day, this will come out the day after I do my show at the Chicago Theater. Bye. I know it's going to be too cold. And I'm, I, you know, it's a shame, dude, because it's such a great, they're great cities, some of these.

cities. Like Chicago's fantastic. Bye. And then you go, you go, oh, but yeah, but Seattle is a great city. Bye. You know what I'm saying? And you just want to be like, okay. Because of the weather. Yes. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Bye. We don't even get to, oh, yeah, but that's a homeless. Oh, you don't even get to that. No. Because the weather. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. Did you don't even get to it? You don't get, oh, the politics? We don't get to that. Bye. No, that's the thing about LA. Everyone's like, oh, it's a hell hole. It's hell on earth. It's like, oh, yeah? Yeah. Well, why is it 70 degrees on December 17th? Dude. And, and, and you, and you can say politics, homelessness, all that stuff. But weather, high. Yeah. High. High. Always high.

Yeah. Here's me in Los Angeles. The president. The president. The friendliest guy. I just I cannot New York City is great You know my heart Belong You know my

I believe New York No no no no We don't say that around here But bye But bye dude Once it turns November Bye Dude February in New York

Is genuine hell Bye And I live there for years And it's every February It is like two degrees Every single day And you wake up And you think

Yeah I'm gonna ding-dong ditch life. Yeah, and it's all, that's, that is the absolute stupidest thing to say in the world. I'm gonna ding-dong ditch life. Actually, that's great to say on YouTube, yeah, but you already said, so it's okay. But I will say, though, that New York, you wake up, in February, you wake up every, every morning, and you're dry, you're bleeding, you're cracked, and it sucks. I mean, what was your experience in New York? Why are you bleeding? Oh, I would get in fights every single night with big, big guys. No. But, no, because of your nose and your mouth. Oh, because it's

chapped. Yeah, chapped. You could chapped like a mud. No, I used to. I don't so much anymore, yeah. You take care of it? It just changed. No, ever since I got the nose surgery. Oh, really? Well, I got the nose surgery, and then I remember I got the, I had an infection, which I didn't know. I just thought the nose surgery didn't work. So then he gave me medication for the infection. I'm great. A dog. Great for you. I'm great. Yeah, dude. It's unbelievable. Maybe I have an infection. Maybe that's where I can't breathe that in my retina. Does it hurt? No. Zero pain. Yeah, my would hurt. I would, uh, and I was, yeah,

would bleed and like, yeah, it was, um, but like, even last night I was asleep and I woke up in the middle of night and I'm like, and I just go, oh, it's awesome. I got that nose thing. Yeah, I go like this. I know what you mean. Yeah. Uh, uh, do snore? I don't snore. No, not anymore. I used to. Do you know about this thing hostage tape? Yeah, I do. That's the brand name. I'm not, like calling it that. I know. I know what it is. And you put it over your mouth. What is, I don't get it. It's so you breathe out of your nose and not your mouth. You're supposed to get

much better sleep when you breathe out of your nose. And it's for not waking up your partner because you snore more when your mouth is open. Oh, is that right? Okay, yeah, maybe. I don't know how scary it is. It's not scary. Yeah, it is, dude. It's called hostage tape for a reason. They're leaning into the scariness, which I think is smart. No, no, no, that's smart marketing. Yeah. Yeah. It's called hostage tape. Kidnapped. I'd be scared. Yeah, me too, yeah. I'd be scared to put that on and go to sleep. Yeah.

Well, for sure. No. What do you mean? Well, no. Scared of what? Dying? Covering the thing you breathe out of. You breathe out of your nose.

Yeah, but like, what if you, like, roll over on your pillow and your nose is smashed? There you go. Then you wake up. But what if you die instead? You don't. But what if you did? That didn't happen. Dude, Matt is saying everything that I wanted to say.

What if you're, what if you're, what if you're, what if you're, what if you have a host, no hostage tape on? And a killer comes in and he says, I'm going to kill anyone who doesn't have hostage tape on. Oh, that's not, that would never happen. Oh, oh, just like the one I said. I mean, congratulations. You walked right into that one, yeah. Yeah. I was holding back on that.

Yeah. That would be particularly strange if that happened now. I'm going to do that to even it out. So for the people who were scared. Okay. I'm going to come to hostage, the non-hostage tape killer. There'll be six-part docuseries on Netflix about it.

Yeah, for sure. Four months after you got caught, you know, but there's not nearly enough information. Dude, I was thinking about this, man. They make movies immediately after. And they're always Netflix stocks. You'll find out somebody, you committed a crime on Netflix.

Yeah, yeah. You're like, what? They caught me? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck? There's a whole climax in day new mom. Yeah.

And then knock, knock, it's the police. Yep. We watch your documentary. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Netflix is straight up a fucking investigative streamering service. Yeah. Even with the movies, dude.

Like, they used to, remember, remember, like, they would make, like, a movie about World War II in the year 2002? And now it's like, oh, dude. like guarantee there's a movie about the submarine thing coming out soon I'm sure there already is probably yeah yeah directed by Ron Howard you know it's not oh no that movie exists you mean scripted yeah yeah Ben Derriss is in it yeah it exists oh see I haven't fucking three weeks ago this this came out like a year ago though yeah like it's it was like right after Antonio Ben Aris, isn't it?

That's different. That's the rich people that were on the... That's the one I'm talking about. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I thought you meant the ones where Elon Musk was calling the guy names on X because he, like, rejected his bid to, like... I don't know about that. When those Argentinian players got caught and whatever, who cares? I don't know about that.

They're all safe. They all lived. Who cares? These guys died, though. I mean, I know. That'd be a good movie, though. Just like a bunch of rich people on this fucking dumb thing. Yeah.

In 2005. when you know everything. Right, yeah, right. I mean, that doesn't matter if it's a movie, but whatever. Yeah, no, I generally think you need perspective on these things. For a documentary. To contextualize them. Sure.

Otherwise, they're just like, they're just like on vice.com. They're just news stories. News, yeah. Yeah, but yeah. Yeah. Anyway. We can start. Okay, we can start.

Hello, gentlemen. My question today is about the methods of making friends. Who's the all right? I'm moving to a new city in a month. And typically, I've made a lot of my friends because we hate the same things. We're in a group setting. We both look at each other, roll our eyes or, like, separate from the group or start complaining about the same things. And then we become instant friends.

I think it's one of the reasons why I really like this podcast, because when you all are, like, roasting something or complaining about something that I am also annoyed by, I think it's really funny. And then I want to be friends forever. Love it. That being said. We are friends forever. I am moving to a new city in a month. and I don't know this is a good strategy

for making friends I think it's great to hate the same things but sometimes it might be better to like the same things I don't really know sometimes hating the same things

like I find myself in a group of really grumpy people which I don't mind I really like grumpy people and I like being grumpy but nice all of the time or like

I don't know I don't know what do you guys think generally about finding friends because you hate the same thing versus because you like the same thing okay I love you both

I understand that's interesting eating pasta I do wonder that well yeah negative begets negative you know it's like but but being grumpy is different than being an asshole person like it doesn't sound like that's what you're being

but no you're bonding over things that you don't like about either the world or what people do that is bonding just to go cafe is in your new city and every time something annoying happens make sure it's really crowded and go like this, oh my gosh, and see who looks and be like. Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? Now what do you like?

And you get new friends. I wonder where she's moving. You wonder where she's moving? Yeah, like I wonder, like that might play a part in some of it. But yeah, I, I mean, I don't know, dude. That's like kind of my whole thing is what I don't like. So, you mean you're defined by what you don't like more than what you do.

Well, kind of. I think a lot of people are like that. Well, comedians are especially. I think a lot of people are like that. And I think that wherever you're moving to, there will also be a lot of people like that. And, I mean, it's hard to make friends anywhere now new because somehow people have forgotten to be social.

Like, obviously not everybody. But a lot of people, like, don't know how to interact in public with others. But you don't want to be friends with those people anyway. You're clearly a social person Who likes to be around people And I think that if you Not being sexist I think that if you were different

Have a smaller brain and you're a woman I think if you are biologically different You might have a harder time making friends Yeah A woman? That woman What do you mean? I mean it's harder for guys to go around

If you look like a fucking oaf And be like, hey do you like football than it is for a woman like that to go anywhere. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that fucking idiot over there. Of course. And the girl's like, oh, yeah, look at that fucking idiot

and then they're friends. You know what I mean? Of course, of course. So I don't think you'll... Or you smash, or you smash, but yeah. I don't think you'll have that hard of a time if that makes you feel any better. Yeah, she'll be fine.

Yeah. But she'll just like a lordy guy's sister, so. You've said that before about other things. Yeah, but that one takes the cake. What's her name? What's his name? Jacob. Jacob Allerty.

Oh, Loddy. So that's the way you. Black Woman at Church. Jacob O'Loddy. So that's the Black Woman at Church. So that's Jessica Allorty. I saw Frankenstein. Yeah, you love him, huh?

Jacob Allorty. Me? Yeah, you. No? No. You talk about him so much. It's not. The last name is worth saying.

It's an interesting last name. What about how you think is he going to be the next James Bond? Is he? I don't know. I don't know. How do you know until they do it? I think it's going to be that guy Harris Dickinson. Harry Dickinson?

Harry Dix? Harry Dick. I don't know who that is. Well, maybe I do. You probably do. It should have been, what's his name? Idris Elva. He's too old now.

But it should have been him, dude. Yeah. They missed out on... That would have been good, yeah. Tons of money. He's just James Bond. Yeah. And I don't want to hear the black thing.

I don't care. The guy's James Bond. I mean, you would hear the black thing. Yeah, yeah, I know. I know. People are so stupid. Well, because there's one... If you're trying to make it a black guy

or trying to make it woke, it's annoying. But Idris Eldrick came along, you're like, oh, yeah, but he's James Bond. The guy just encapsulates him. Who else does more than him? I mean, you could argue that James Bond is a bit less rough around the edges. But not after Daniel Craig. Right, right, right, exactly, yeah. So not after what they did with that, his version of James Bond. Callum Turner, I don't know. No. Who else? Yeah, Skeeps scrolling? Skeeps scrolling? Who's this? No, not him. It can't be him now. No way. He's too. He's overexposed. Oh, Aaron Taylor Johnson? No way.

Would they ever pick him? Maybe a while ago. He's just too overexposed. That guy would be great. What's his name? No. Theo James, no? He's good.

He's great. But he wouldn't be a good James, buddy. But he's manly, though. But he's not sexy, though. Oh, I disagree. You think that guy's sexy? Tugged it to him a bunch of times. No, I don't think he's that sexy.

Is he even British? Yeah. Well, yeah, dude. God, imagine they picked a non-British guy. It's me. Oh, no. I like it shaking, not stard. What am I?

What are you crazy? Are you mental? Who the fuck is this guy? Just people nobody's ever heard of? Yeah. Just a postman in England. Oh, it's a lipstick. A woman.

Oh, there is. So what does this guy do? What's he in, like, the crown or something? He's in that baby, what is that? Baby driver. No, with Nicole Kidman, the new one. Oh, that's him? X-rated.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're mental. I like a shaking. What the bad guys? What's that? Where are the bad guys? Oh, he would be amazing, dude. That guy's amazing.

Well, he kind of looks like a bad guy. He's Irish, though. Well, so was Pierce, I guess. That's okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I thought he's British. No.

Oh, dude. If it's Henry Caveville, dude. No. Dude, this guy, if there is anybody that looks like he belongs on the top of a cake. Yeah. It's Henry Cable. I can't believe how just. And I don't even think he's a bad actor.

He's just so boring, dude. Well, that's bad. That's what bad acting is. It's the opposite of good acting. Good acting is entertaining and, like, engaging. Bad acting is, if the inverse of that is... I guarantee if you look closely, he'd have frosting on his pants. Oh, because of the cake.

Dude, it's just so... You're like, does this say... Did it say, this said happy to the bride and groom? It says it on the thing. Dude, it's unbelievable The guy looks Look at him I agree

Is there anybody looked Like they're holding in a fart more than this guy Not really, no There's, I mean he's so boring And I don't I don't even know what his face looks like Even though I'm looking at his face Yeah

I'm not even not a fan of the guy I think he's He seems cool He seems nice He's seen the Witcher Anthony you've seen the Witcher I've seen I've tried to watch a little bit of it

He's so boring in it It's like he's trying to be boring. Well, I just don't get it. I get he's handsome. Like, okay, I understand that. But there's a lot of handsome guys. Yeah. Like me.

Maybe you end on certain days. Dude, the Witcher. They just kept making it. They stopped making it with him and they just kept making it. Really? Yeah, and they made it with the guy's brother. Liam. Hemsworth?

Yeah. No, Liam Hemsworth. Wait. Oh, Liam Hemsworth. Yeah, he's the brother. Then there's the other brother. witcher yeah yeah that's the other brother's only in like I mean that's even a step down from a what Henry Cable wait well Henry Cable is a big star no I'm saying

acting wise Liam Hemsworth is a oh you think brick yeah a brick with a face what if it was just a brick it'd be better than fucking Liam Hemsworth being dragons would be the most avant-garde shitter uh what's the question the brick hits a dragon uh uh um The brick has a sword I mean I would watch that in a second The bricker The bricker

Wait what was the question I'm making friends You're gonna be fine You got so Got so off track with that Yeah that was we got How do we get to the Witcher You know how that happened anyway

We got to fucking Liam Hemsworth and The Witch, or not even Henry Cable. Played by a brick. If you look close enough, I will tell you right now, Henry Cable has frosting in his shoes. I'm telling you right now. And vanilla cake. Like just...

Vanilla frosting from the top? No, vanilla, the cake part. Oh, wow. The vanilla cake part. Because he got stuck into it. God, one of these things. I don't know how it happens. And, dude, whenever he's with a woman or a man for the first time and he has sex,

he goes, I know, it's a thing. I know it's cake. It's not because I don't wash my clothes. I do wash my clothes. I think technically I fell off a cake every single day. Yeah. He wakes, this is how he wakes up in the morning.

Gung. Oh! What's going on? The worst Twilight Zone episode. That is absolutely wild. What is all this stuff? It's frosting in it. The worst Twilight Zone episode of all time.

Blue, huh? Blue this time. What is it blue? Oh, the blue frosting, huh? What the hell is this? He picks it up next to his, next to his bed that's that

thing that they designed the cakes with what the hell is this I always wake up next to one of these things it tastes so good yeah all right

yeah I'll do another one oh my gosh dude let's take a break and talk about legends.com you know what dude do you like coins

already preemptively in your account when you sign up for something Oh, well, then guess what? Legends.com is for you. Legends with a Z. Do you like to get your match, your purchase 100% matched up to $100 if you are your first purchase when you, when you purchase on something your first time?

Oh, hello, dude, legends.com with a Z. There's hundreds of games available. You like one game? Eh, I might have it, but he got like hundreds of games. hundreds of games go to legends.com social gaming and social casino it is the one well I'm not gonna lie I've been getting into the bingo there's a lot of games on there there's slots they got the classics and then the roulette blackjack baccarat they got it all they got slots but I'm a bingo guy I'm like an old lady I'm bingo all the way so even the bingo's great

they've got live tables with roulette they got the classics blackjack uh baccarat they've We've also got the highest return to player, the best odds. And that is, that's just, that's just for starters, dude. You can purchase, buy coins. You can, you know, they'll match your first one, uh, purchase. Up to 100. Up to 100. So, yeah, it's just, it's just really cool.

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Or Magas. Boys, sold the chain. Uh, I just moved to London, England. I am from Toronto. I was able to leave Canada.

I didn't know if it was possible after what Chris said. But nothing happened at the border. So good on me. What I say. Yeah, boy did it. I've been here for a month now, and I've already witnessed three assaults happened right in front of me. One example, two days ago.

I mugged a person. Walked out of my flat at 9 p.m. I live in like a decent area like everyone who lives in my building like seems nice and normal and well dressed whatever uh walk out guy's just been shone across the street

I have to run away because I'm in the middle of it uh and then on my bike ride to work today I watch a guy seal another dude's backpack and like run away and they like get into a corner and start kind of squaring each other up um needless to say

it's kind of starting to get into my head and make me not want to leave the house. Simply when it's dark. It's also getting dark here at like 5 p.m. So like that's only going to get worse. And I don't want to get into like a full-fledged agoraphobia. Also, I can't even imagine how my girlfriend's feeling. Just wanted to know if you guys had any advice for myself and also her to basically not let these events that we've seen.

shape kind of how we view the city and the world and what should be like a pretty exciting time for both of us. Yeah, I look forward to what both you guys have to say. Whoa. I mean, I'm into it. I kind of swear. Thank you. I don't know what the fuck he was talking about earlier.

What do you mean? I guess he had a chain we made fun of or something. Oh, that, yeah. But I will say, that sucks, man. Like, because London's cool, dude. I think, though, I think you're suffering from something called the availability heuristic. Like, Scott!

You're witnessing these crimes right after you just moved. Three, you said, even though you only listen to two, so you're a liar. But let's go, let's grant him that it's three, and he just happened and leave one out. And that's scary. and when crimes like that happen, especially when you're right next to them, it's sensationalized and it's imprinted into your brain.

But think about all the amount, literal lengths of time, even since you've been in London, where that has not happened. He's been there a month, he said. And how many? I know. And he's seen fucking somebody get shot

and somebody robbed their backpack? Okay, but amount. the amount of time that he has spent walking around London, not seeing things like that, I would venture to guess is way, way, way more. Okay. Than the amount of times he's seen a crime. I'm not saying don't be a fucking,

like, just walk around willy-nilly not worrying about it. I'm just saying if you're looking for ways to not be agoraphobic, think of it that way. You remember and it's imprinted upon your brain every time something terrible happens. When nothing happens, nothing gets imprinted on your brain, so you have no reason to remember it. Think of it that way. Like, the likelihood is still extremely low, even though what you saw happened to be clustered together at a bad time right after moving.

Building on top of that, just mostly jerk off wherever you go. This way you have fond memories of coming every single time. Oh, dude, this place is awesome. I forget why. I think then you traumatize other people, though. You perpetuate the cycle of Trump. No, I mean, okay, fine. I mean, you don't agree?

Just a guy with his dick out on the street just jerking off all over the place? No, no, no, it would be bad for other people, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. But for him... And his girlfriend wouldn't like that? He's worried about his girl to... Or she could carry a thing and, like, block him. Or she could do it, then someone else would have to hold the thing.

Yeah, and then you need another person entirely. Yeah. I think that's wild You hear all these stories about London And that sucks, man It is such a... Western Europe in general you hear a lot of them It is such a cool place, London

And I never liked London Oh yeah, I do I don't like English people, dude Yeah, that's pretty That's pretty They're all deep in their dark souls They're evil, they're all evil Except like five or six probably

100 cables, one of them Dude, hey, frickin, when you, to try and find James Bond. He's here. He's been here. Vanilla. The worst spy, just always leaving traces of cake wherever you are. He's, hold on. Hold on.

How long. D-D-D-D-D, marble cake. He's been here. We're close. These guys, and the bad guy's got, fucking, they fight, and then at the end, he's going to kill the bad guy, the bad guy's got, like,

cake's mirror on his face? Yeah, yeah, yeah, cake, just, oh, oh, like this, he goes, like, just, oh, it's so good. nah na na na na nae dae nae nae nae nae nae nae lae oh yeah fucking so annoying holy shit the way the loudness of that was insane

and the brick witcher which would be better come on I think the brick witcher would be better because it's artful no because it's so absurd that would be comedic a brick witcher a brick witcher wouldn't be comedic no because it's not funny

It's just like idiotic With a sword and a long cape People would be so confused I would like that more I wouldn't like Long gray hair Orange brick Yeah

I wouldn't like like a funny bond thing I would like like a really absurd serious fantasy thing Where they don't change the tone at all Like it's still the witcher But it's just a brick And a long gray hair

And a sword And nobody ever explains anything that it's just a brink with a cake. Is that the villain? Is that the villain? Oh, always in the beginning. The credits. Yang.

Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. Yeah. And then fucking takes out the little piece and eats the big part. Like a fat like a, you know, that joke, that tired ass joke. He's here. It's blue. easy I messed up my diet but he's here in the world of the bond you're creating everything's the same he he wakes up even henry cavell as a person is like this he carries that into his role it's his

kryptonite yeah yeah yeah yeah i guess so yeah i guess so that's crazy you know but yeah i i don't know i'm like one of those guys they should make an apple ad for me or those think different things Think wrong Yeah Think wrong for sure All right All right Let's do another one

Mac Miller What's going on Matt and Chris I have two things Basically one for each of you guys One for Chris isn't so much a question It's just something that I think about weirdly sometimes

Whenever like Chris's age is brought up Because I'm going to be 29 in two months And Chris is one year younger than my mom wow so it's like weird because you know obviously chris is the youngest man in the world so it's hard to even wrap your head around the fact that my mother i'm an adult and my mom is just one year older than a comedian i listen to that's so young your favorite but yeah and then also matt i know you're the talking about like mount rush more of earrings yeah guys with

earrings it's clearly George Michaels and Madaliyah yeah okay thank wow thank you and I want to know your opinion on George Michael but the double airing uh that's fine if he put one is it too much what do you think is it fucking sick of shit one on each year love you guys let me know uh I actually like here's the thing with earrings I think at least for a guy like do as long as it's what are those Taye, what are those things called or any of you guys what are those things called where they're just the holes in the ear? Pusies. The gauges, yeah. Gages, yeah. Those are

Oh, sorry, I was thinking it's something else. You're talking about the biggest, no, no, yeah, those aren't in ear. Pussies are not in ears. I mean, I'm sure there's some... Nope, corners of the internet where you can find ears on pussies. I bet there's a corner of the internet that has a kink for fucking gauges in ears, but that's still not... Listen to your pussy.com.

guarantee you something okay I let's heartheocean.com here the pink ocean okay dot org okay and um I think the pink ocean dude you can go far up with the earrings but the pink ocean that's a thing of course it is though but not the thing you no no no it's just a real pink ocean well do adult pink ocean. Anyway, go ahead. I prefer the dangly because, as he pointed out, George Michael, my other main influence on the dangly was Barry Bonds.

So it's a Bonds Michael hybrid, which those two guys couldn't be further apart. But that's my brain. And I prefer on a man, like a dangle. Gay. My dangle is like extreme. Gay. I don't really prefer that dangle.

I have very long dangle. And I prefer a little bit less of a long dangle. Gay and scared. But any dangle works. Hore. Any hole works. Dude, say pink ocean. Any hole works.

If you want to go holes all the way up the side, I'm down with that. You got double holes. It's fine at an orgy. and um if you want to do dp the the key to guy earrings to me there's no key to it but you got to keep it on one ear oh really you go both well you start getting heavy you start hurting your neck sure if you're really I put my put a carry on on there if you got you know a ton of heavy stones on there but uh no clouds of my stones I just don't like when guys have like all earrings all up both ears I like what are you in buck cherry hi I like I like

I like big, but female earrings on men. Long, dangly, beautiful gold earrings. No. Like Barry Bonds. No, no, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know. I don't, I don't, I'm not like against earrings. I just like, that's fine, the two, too, yeah, yeah, just two little hoops. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but, um, it's not too much.

The answer question, there's, and I don't like the gauges. The gauges are a not starter. I don't like the, you already have a hole in your ear, that's your ear. Gages are truly, I think, meant to. to disgust people. Like it's like a way to be like, fuck you, I would like to discuss you now. And also, if you're ugly, you get gauges

because if you're hot, you don't need to get gauges. If you're ugly, you're disguising your ugliness by getting gauges and you don't, people don't realize how ugly you really are. But if you wear nice earrings, it accentuates how hot you are. That vote for me. Are you anti-ugly people?

I don't, I don't, no, uh, no. Sometimes you talk like you are. No, I'm not anti-ogly people. No, I'm not anti-agliable. I'm really not. But I am anti-you-don't-you-don't-take-of-your-self people. That drives me nuts. That's totally different.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, if you're, like, unhygienic and, like, being fat is fine, but being fatter than you should be is not fine, you know? Like, it's fine if you're a bigger. Like, that's some, it's fine. You'll be healthy. A lot of people can't even help it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, like, if you're just, like, you know or like yellow teeth like what are you doing smoking right but but but but then then you when it starts to get like yellow you go oh never mind and I'm talking about not not like 80 year old like like like you know 80 is hard time you know your teeth make it yellow but well you probably don't even have teeth at 80 yeah but but but you know like there's 40 year olds with like I don't know I guess can't really acne is just some people get it it's that's not a thing but like you know some people just try to be ugly they do they try to look bad because they hate themselves and they don't look good yes dude you figured it out I knew that already I thought about that when I was

I think a lot of it I think it goes both ways though a lot of unattractive people try to be attractive and a lot of attractive people try to be ugly yeah yeah yeah well oh yeah and all of them are indicative of some psychological condition that is undiagnosed well who will isn't really. No, I know. I'm saying everybody is one of these things. Yeah. Everybody, yeah, is psychologically diagnosed with something. Should be.

Should be. Everybody should be diagnosed. Dong do dong do dong dong dong dong dong dong dong. Something loud falling down the stairs. Every. Dong do, do. Everybody. Yeah, Diagnose. Is that what they did in the video, or are you making that up?

Is it that one? I don't even know. I think you're doing an in-sync dance. Oh, and that's a Backstreet Boys. And that's Backstreet Boys. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, that Backstreet. The Backstreet.

Diagnose yourself. Is it a take, an under, like, are we allowed to play this? No. Diagnose yourself. Dude, how bad a doctor... Dude, how bad would that song be in a doctor's waiting off his rating room? That's what I would do.

Everybody. I come out with the fucking white coat. Yeah, take two of these. Call me in the morning. Everybody. It wouldn't take those two in the call you in the morning, that's the sure. Take two of these. Right now.

Come in the morning. I'm a big, way bigger Backstreet Boys, friends. And then I was in sync, just for the record. I get why people fucking hate my comedy, honestly. Yeah, me too. I love it, but it's very specific. And God damn it, if you hate it, you hate me. But Backstreet Boys are fucking dope.

I like them better. Oh, great. Okay. I like it better. Cool. All right, good. All right. Black Friday is here at IKEA, and the clock is ticking on savings you won't want to miss.

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Hi, Chris and Matt. Philip from Denmark here. Long-time listener. Love your banter. Sick in it. Sick in it. So Chris, on a recent podcast, talked about how his science teacher told him that maybe the reason why fat people, their bodies don't adapt to the way they eat is because the Earth is trying to make bad food taste good and good food tastes bad. So that humans die because they're a scourge on the planet. Obviously, this isn't true.

You don't need to worry, Chris. But the reason why bodies don't adapt to the mere suggestion to the world. way we eat is that it takes decades for people to die from the bad ways we eat and so long as you get kids and your kids survive long enough to get their kids evolution doesn't do anything because evolution works by killing off the people who aren't well adapted and making the people who are well adapted have more children and obesity doesn't really impact that so wow that is food for thought no pun intended yeah yeah intended though maybe maybe no I didn't mean to you really didn't well I realized it was happening as I said it

I could have stopped it right so could have stopped the pun midway through but it wasn't intended yeah yeah but my pun intended pun realized in the middle big pun intended um yeah I mean what you that that's really he's talking about your show so what did you say oh did I not say that here oh if you said it here I would have fucking slapped you in the face so I definitely didn't say it here yeah My science teacher suggested that. But she was doing it. What the science teacher?

Are you eight? Well, it was in... Yes, I have science class now. No, it was... I do extracurricular science. No, it was when I was in high school. Okay, I remember it because... I'm sorry, and she said...

I said, hey, we were learning about how... We were learning about evolution. Yeah, okay. And how if stuff... And if we adapt to stuff in favorable ways, then why... Does the food that tastes the best kill us? I know the answer, absolutely 100%.

But I was merely saying that my science teacher said some people think it. And she was kind of being tongue in cheek, but she was like, some people think it's because, you know, nature's trying to get rid of us because we're a, you know, we're bad for the environment. So they make a dark, good joke. Yeah, but she, I don't know, I mean, I don't know if she was joking. Who was it? What teacher? I mean, I don't remember. She was honestly only a teacher for a few years.

Oh, okay. There, yeah. Making it up. Well, it was me. I tried to convince the class. Completely making it up. Nature's trying to kill us. Oh, shit, here she comes. Sit down, guys. We love sugar, just as an example. We love sugar because sugar was one of the very few things that was readily, not readily, but when you found it, you loaded up, stocked up on it, and ate it to keep you alive through the winter because it made you fat. But I know that. I'm not telling you, there's a show going on. This is not just me and you in a room. And that guy.

That's very funny, dude. And I'm telling these people. I got fucking smashed, but it's fine. I got handled. And, you know, we, over the many, many, many thousands, hundreds of thousands of years, we developed a taste for it because that is what evolution is. You adapt to develop a taste for. for the thing that makes you survive.

And then you are selected for. The pink ocean. And the whole point is to be selected for. We are carriers of our DNA. That's all we are. Sorry all of everyone else who thinks life is more than that. Bye bye, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Neil de Krasse Tyson until the end.

And, um... Neal de Krasse Tyson losing his mind finally. That might have already happened. And, uh... Billions and billions. And, uh, yeah, so that's why people are like, oh, I can't avoid sugar. It's like, dude, no. No shit you can't avoid sugar.

It's your brain is wired to want and need it. I understand you're a little bit deep into the weeds because I'm talking about like chemically made horrible sugar. You're not talking about sugar. You're talking about like additives and discolorants and shit like that, yeah. What's it called Red 3?

Yeah, red something. Yeah, there's a lot of terrible shit they put in our food. Red skull. It's just like, oh, whoops, that's racist. I mean, especially when we were growing up. Racist, on racist. Yeah.

There was like, nothing couldn't be added to our food. Like, the worst shit. We ate the worst shit. Kids now, at least have a chance. Our generation, beyond fuck. Before our generation was before any of that stuff. You didn't really have added in the footage. Our generation is fuck, yeah.

You know, but from like the late 70s into the early 90s, Nobody was like We don't give a fuck what we put in Captain Crunch Teeth, yeah, put teeth in it Horse teeth! Yeah, grind up horse teeth, horse teeth-oes. Just pour sugar into it, put whatever food colorants on it, put whatever

Armadillo poop checks. Preservative chemicals, nobody cared about us as kids. Just armadillo shit all on the fucking Mmm, squishy. Yeah, and we ate all that shit. I ate all that shit. Armadillo poop checks with peanut butter.

You know what I'm just realizing? No wonder I'm so fucked up all this shit I ate. I don't mean my body. I mean like my brain. They fucked me. I'm going to sue everybody that was alive then.

That's still alive. That let me do it. Me? Yeah. You let me do it. Oh, my older brother. I was a kid. Dude, that's a good defense.

What about, your honor, I was a kid? That works, actually. What about? Yeah. Like, mom and dad just let me eat that shit. Like, the fuck I'm snow. But I'm suing them. Sue the people who gave it to mom and dad.

Sue, uh, King's grocery store. Okay. Now we're talking. And the higher-ups? Okay. Procter and Gamble. Okay.

Past the heels, past the calves, up past the knees. What is? The pink ocean. What are you doing? That's if Neil DeGrasse Tyson did a documentary on the pink ocean. Above vaginas? Yes. Picture yourself in millions of thread counts under millions of thread counts.

What is the thread count in this instance? Well, they're in the bed. at the bottom Oh, there's a corn You know what I mean? On her foot? Yeah It makes me think of that

Thanksgiving dinner too I mean, I didn't know Also, who the fuck has a corn Except the woman in the beginning of the movie Boomerang And remember that? He's like this political player And he's like

He's in love with this woman But he sees a corn on her foot And he like refuses to talk to her again Because he's so disgusted I think about it all the time Anyway, my brain's fucked up And we'll go to the next one And we'll go to the next one.

In the crevice of the knee. So far away, so far away. Beautiful pink ocean. What's up, Vegas? I got a question for you. First time submission. My name is Aiden from Dallas, Texas. What up, Aiden.

And I just bought my first home. Here it is. It's my car. Ministry job salary. But question is, is it better to be house poor? So sweaty. And have everything you need, but you own your own home. Right.

Or rent from a landlord, not owning your own home, and affording yourself a little bit more monetary freedom for luxuries. Speaking of, I don't subscribe to Lifeline luxury now. Okay, well, that's a bar because. But I own a home. Sell your house, subscribe to our Patreon. yeah that is nice tattoo on your leg um i'm looking at his dick right now actually um the pink ocean no here's the deal and i hate to be like really annoying and serious about it and you can fuck around afterwards the answer there's only one answer and it is 100% the only answer

owning the house young people including yourself even though you're not young young you know you're under 40, I would guess. That counts as young, obviously. Don't own anything in this country. Unlike previous generations, they don't own anything. They have no assets. And there's a distinct, weird thing

that people have in their heads that liquid is the same amount of valuable as asset ownership. Wealth. True, wealth is ownership of assets, not having a lot of liquid cash. Now, obviously if you have $10 million in the bank that's different, but nobody does, under a certain age. And do everything you can to keep the house, even if it means, I hate saying this, not subscribed in a life

on luxury, even though it's only five fucking dollars, you cheap, fuck. He doesn't live in a fucking mouse house. Yeah, like, what the fuck? Five bucks? Did you just spend that on a fucking a muffin or a coffee Come on, but he's not fucking Let's fucking go, dude He's not Jerry Yeah, come on But that besides the point

From Tom and Jerry The house, the house, the house Don't throw rent money away If you don't have to If you have no choice Obviously rent Falling off the building But obviously rent

If you have a choice Ah Whop, whoop, boop boop Boop boop boop Beasly rent Uh Still alive. No, no, no.

Oh, because he said it, yeah. But yeah, dude, it's, it's a common misconception that they're even on the same level. They're not remotely close. If you even get your foot in the door on owning anything like a home? Pun, realized in the middle. You fucking do everything you can, A, to keep it.

And B, it's always, always, no matter what, always better than rented. unlike cars that's a more that's not really an A and B honestly what do you mean your A was strong

and your B was just kind of another version of A oh good I'm a stickler for that kind of stuff I think you're fucking stupid and annoying

I don't know ha ha ha ha ha ha dude who was that comedian did the Siskel and Ebert thing I don't know bro but I think Yeah, you're wrong, and you're fat. It's so funny, dude.

Falling up a building very, very casually. I like that joke extra because Roger Ebert hated my movie and he was the fat one of the He did? Yes! Yeah. Yeah. He told me. No, no, no, really?

He told me. He told me. He told me. He told me he told me he told you. He told me he told my face with his fucked up fucking no jaw face. Shaming. But wait, what, what? What do you know he said that?

Because his wife was there. I was like, what's he saying? This is what he said. Yeah. No, you're joking. I swear on my fucking life, dude. Okay, what happened? And why have you never told me this?

I don't, I mean, I think I must have. Yeah, I blocked it out because I like Roger Ebert. Okay, I guess I don't know. Robert Ebert? Roger Ebert, yeah. Okay. Is he still alive? No, he died.

This was, I don't know what year, but when my movie premiered at South by Southwest, he was one of the judges. And, right? Because it was a narrative jury selection. It was like in the main competition. Right. And he was one of three judges. The other two judges really liked my movie.

And they both, well, one of them was a crew. critic and wrote a really good review of it. Yeah, I remember that. The other one was the head of Sundance, and the third one was him. Okay. And he was like the key guy, obviously. He's Roger E.

He's famous, you know? And he was just like, I didn't even ask him. Well, so, okay, and where were you when this happened? I was at the after party, after the awards were announced. I was talking to the head of the festival. Yeah.

And for some reason, she was like, you would have won, but Roger hated your movie. Oh, why did she say that? I don't know. And then she was like, Roger, Come here. And then had him tell me. Oh, my God.

What kind of fucking weird shit is this? And I was like, I don't give a fucking rat fuck shit what you think of my movie. By the way, you would have half of a face. You would have won what? So, dick. I would have won the award, the main award. Oh, wow. Yeah.

But I didn't. Okay, so. And thanks, Roger. Fucking, you're burning in hell right now. You know, didn't go to hell for that. But so. So. And at one point I was like, what did he say?

And his wife literally had to translate a thing he didn't like about my movie too. What was it? The thing she translated was she, for some reason, they were under the impression that it was an improvised movie. Oh. And I was like, I didn't want to argue with him. I mean, what am I going to change his mind? You saw the movie. And I was like, no, every single word that's on the screen was actually on the page.

Right. And that was it. Oh, you said that? Yeah. and I stuck my finger right in the hole in his face. Did that make his jaw drop? No, I made him die. He died right there.

I'm making a... Oh, gotcha, yeah. It was bad. I shouldn't have done it, but... I mean, I definitely shouldn't have done what I did. The joke I made was just off color in every possible way. Well, yours was more just evil. Yeah.

Mine was... No, it's all good. He hated my movie and then he died. What do you... You do the math. Well, it wasn't like right then. It's close enough. The worst crime crazy.

It goes like this. He goes like this. I don't like it. I mean, it should have been, but yeah. It wasn't like that. What did she say? He said, I don't like it. Whatever, that's not funny.

But it is, though. It actually is funny. That was funny. Like his wife was translating? Yes. Yeah, it's funny. Oh, no, my husband. He died.

All right. Okay, yeah. That's weird, huh? Okay. I forgot the question. I don't know. Dude, what do you think about the movie? You know what?

I was thinking about the other day is... that movie was it brown bunny yeah yeah did you see that yeah it's on the theater same hated absolutely really and still hate it yeah i love vincent gallow i love buffalo 66 i love him as a public figure now i hate him because he's pull up vincent gallo's clothing line oh also does he make movies anymore no yeah i emailed him and actually this is hilarious i emailed him he made a short film called the agent like a while ago and I emailed him

I was like it's not available anywhere will it be able to be screened anywhere anytime anywhere I would love to see it

I'm a big fan he wrote back I will never be showing my movies to anyone ever again period thanks for your interest and then he

framed it for me and I still have it in a frame Chris as a gift oh oh yeah and I still have it thanks for remembering

doesn't care about no one will ever see my movies He sells, because there's so many DVDs. He sells his semen to women who want to bear his children, A. Second of all, his clothing line is all the most deep. Actually, don't pull it up. It's just disgusting, trolling, misogynistic, pro-like Rudy Giuliani, obviously pro-Trump, but that's besides the point.

Oh, wow. But, like, pro, like, just criminals. The fact that he's pro-Trump is really odd. Oh, he was always like that. He was a big fan of Ray. He thinks Reagan's like the greatest American that ever lived. Even back then. That's not a change.

Yeah. He's always been a right-wing dude. But I've always loved him. But now it's like, dude. To be clear, you don't not like him because of the email he sent. No. I think that email is hilarious. I think that's hilarious.

He once said about his paintings, I saw an interview with him. And they asked, why don't you sell or show your paintings? And he says, because they're too beautiful to exist in the world. no one else is allowed to see them. And you're just like, that's a, I mean, that's an instant one-way ticket to me liking you. Yeah, same. I mean, you're, but you're also,

it's a little bit too, okay, well, he's just a crazy person. Oh, yeah. I wish it was, if it was a little less, you might be like, maybe he's not crazy and just like, what the fuck is he talking about? But when your brain is actually broken, it's a little less interesting. I actually know three women,

one woman that you know too, that dated him, like, very briefly, because he's obviously the worst person in the world the date. And when they broke up with him, he, like, they all said a similar thing, not in the same words, but, like, they've never seen a man break down and, like, collapsed into his own tears. I mean, I believe that.

I saw him once. I've seen him. When I lived downtown, he used him all the time. No, but I approached him. Oh, really? You talked to him? Yeah. What do you say?

You want to buy my semen? No, I offered him a deal on mine. No, I said, I said, And I should have realized this when I was even saying it Because I'm such I know the guy I know about the guy

But I said Oh my God I'm such a big fan I said Do you mind if I take a picture And he was like Oh actually I'd rather not I was like oh yeah

Of course Yeah I know But he was nice about it He wasn't like Yeah Okay yeah yeah That's all right then

I mean fuck him In general Just like he's obviously But I mean That doesn't bother me If somebody doesn't want Yeah No no totally yeah

But also It's still one of my favorite movies It's so good. It's really so good. Yeah. Yeah. And he's a great actor in other people's stuff. So what's,

Brown Bunny is just like, come on. So, but what's the guy like this? It's so odd when an artist does, like, they're just like, bye-bye. Like, where does he live? What does he do? He acts in stuff. He's an actor for hire. But that's, so, but the guy could be a fucking millionaire.

He lives in L.A., downtown L.A. I used to live right next to me. I understand. But he's just a guy that lives that acts sometimes. And just like a lot of people. And not a real. rich guy. I'm, I'm sure he's fine. You know what I mean? It's just odd to me, dude, that he could have been bigger. Well, well, no, not even bigger. Just like, the guy can be very comfortable.

But why don't, like, you know what I'm saying? Instead, he's not. He's choosing to, he's choosing to be, like, living some loft downtown. Not that that's bad, but you know what I mean? People are enigmas, dude. They get in their own way based on the way they learned how to live life it's like how many times you've been in a relationship and you're like what is this person doing right now yeah fucking blowing it up why yeah but i mean like for like it will be like if i was like i don't want to do the road i want to stop doing the road and i want to just i'll live in an apartment that that's really that's really interesting someone would do that maybe he doesn't care no but you know what's weird he does care about money i know yeah yeah he's like a huge huge

I want more money. Publicly, he does. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do one more. You may have heard of the sex cult nexium and the famous actress who went to prison for her involvement, Alison Mack. But she's never told her side of the story until now.

People assume that I'm like this pervert. My name is Natalie Robamed. And in my new podcast, I talked to Allison to try to understand how she went from TV actor to cult member. How do you feel about having been involved in bringing sexual trauma at other people? I don't even know how to answer that question. Allison After Nexium from CBC's Uncover is available now on Spotify. That's annoying. What?

You're a muffler. You don't hear it? Oh, I don't even notice it. I usually drown it out with the radio. How's this? Oh, yeah. Way better. Save on insurance by switching to Bel Air Direct and use the money to fix your car.

Bel Air Direct, insurance, simplified. Conditions apply. Hey, what's up, guys? Never stop doing what you're doing. Maybe stop doing what you're doing? Situation. I already know what I'm going to do, but I want to do two. Two things.

Oh, this is fantastic, dude. First of all, is he going on a motorcycle or war? Dude, yeah. And it could be both. Second of all, if the latter is the most stylish soldier of all time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Going to die immediately. Yeah.

First one out of the trench, first one shot. Dude, so the guy looking for his arm in Falcon Stephen Prover Run. So, um... But he's looking for his kickstand. Um, so the... Okay, so to say, I need advice but I don't know what I'm going to do That's that's the most

Yeah Tier Is is It is It is Like even Jesus Christ is like Come to heaven No matter what you did in life

Like that is Top Tier shit You're saying that's great Yeah I couldn't disagree more I Great in the being

But what the fuck is he I have Yeah he's a piece of For He's asking advice And saying I know what I'm going to do So What you say won't matter? Maybe he'd be in my heaven, though, because in my heaven, I got to laugh at that motherfucker.

I heard you're in his heaven. That's good. But what I heard was he has two things, one that he knows the answer to. Okay. Okay. Anyway, I might be wrong, though. Okay. Maybe start it over.

Whatever. Just start it over. Hey, what's up, guys? Never stop doing what you're doing. Situation. I already know what I'm going to do, but I want to do two things. So I'm going to leave the second thing to you. Ah, unbelievable.

That's right. I noticed I parked my bike in front of my place back tire facing sidewalk I noticed especially today especially which is why I'm making this video people let their dog

piss on my bike and I don't know who thinks that's okay to piss letting your dog piss on other people's property that's crazy yeah dogs pee on things yeah right but other people's property like I wouldn't if you let something outside.

I'm going to let my dog fucking piss on it. Okay? So that's getting me a little bit mad because today I went down. Not only did a reek of piss, but I saw the wet spots all over it. I love this guy, bro. And I'm mad. Yeah. Because who the fuck lets their dog piss on my shit?

Wow. So the thing I'm going to do is. De Niro. How about that? The first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to have to pay to park my shit inside the building, which is like an extra cost that I didn't want to really pay for because I don't really have to do that. I just park it out front for free.

But I'm going to have to pay extra now to put this shit in a garage because of these motherfuckers. Now, I want to let them know that what they're doing is wrong. So I was like, you know what I'm going to leave my bike there and put a fucking sign and like traffic cones that says, hey, fuck you if you're the one that's letting you dog piss on this.

I want to do that. But I also am going to be smart by just, putting my shit inside of the garage but I want them I want to let them know that what they're doing is wrong so what can I do can't wait for this guy to get divorced

I he's not married no but he will be divorced and this is the reason what he's doing is sexy to somebody some woman will be like I just love the way he thinks move in with him be with him

marry him and then one day be like this is the fucking worst why are you like this I hate you for this I'm in prison yeah so congratulations on your divorce Yeah.

On your future divorce. 100% this guy's getting divorced. He'd be like, I'm single. I'd be like, I know. Dude, you're going to be so sexy to someone, and then you're going to fuck it up by never changing because women don't know what they want? Yes!

Way to turn it into a thing about how women are fucked up about that guy wearing that helmet and those sunglasses in a submission video. That guy is my sixth best friend. No wonder you went to bat for him. That is unbelievable what he's saying. I really know what I'm going to do, but I need some advice.

So one time, I'll keep this brief. When I lived downtown near Vincent Gallo, I had, I lived on the top floor, I had my own little roof area, and there was this period of time where dogs would come in and shit on it. And because the people could, granted, they should have come and told me

and then asked to clean it up, but because they couldn't get into my property, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that. They wouldn't clean it up. So I would walk upstairs and there would be little, obviously little dogs would get through. It would be little shits.

One day, I went up there and there was just this like pool of uncleanuppable shit. That was me. Okay? So I got so mad that I printed out like 30 of these and taped them on every floor. When you get out of the elevator, you couldn't miss it. And in every, all three elevators, right?

This guy, he was his hero. Yeah. So I never found out who did it, obviously. Well, yeah, were they going to cop to it? Because the thing I wrote was so threatening and mean, you know? Oh, wow. Yeah, I was so mad. I will fuck your wife.

It was like 2 a. If you were a woman, I'll fuck your husband. I'm not gay. I would do it up right fucking now, knock on my door 10, 12 right now, and face me and fucking walk upstairs and clean it up. That's crazy, bro. You know, I was just like, you go to sleep first, then write the note, you know? Yeah, I know, it was so stupid. Take out just fucking.

It was so stupid. But that was me when I was like, Yeah, meep, meep, meep, meep, yeah. 30 of them. Took, it took so long to print out. Yeah, dude. It was a long time ago, two-stop printers weren't fast.

Yeah, I was like 28. Z-bop. Z-bop. Z-bop. Z-bop. Z-bop. You'd think I had enough. You'd think I'd have time

to reconsider it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eating cereal. Z-bop. Z-bop. Z-bop. Meanwhile, the shit's hardening on my roof. I could just host it off, you know?

Yeah, yeah. But, no, it was a matter of principle. Dude, so I get it. My point is to say, I get it. But set up. set up some kind of thing and it can be from your apartment window it doesn't need to be like

you're fucking like your surveillance artist you're not Harry Call you know what I mean like just set up a thing where you can see Dennis Miller who's doing it but here okay Harry Call

the character Who's Harry Call oh the guy in the conversation Harry Call is come on you know who he's the lead character in the conversation

anyway the character in the conversation Gene Hackman But here's the problem with when one dog pees on a thing. Then every dog pees on that thing. Right. So it's really doesn't matter what dogs do it now. What matters is what the owner does when the dog lifts its leg to pee on your bike.

Like, it's not the dog's fault. After the first dog did it, I mean, it's not even that dog's fault. But, like, the dog doesn't know what a fucking motorbike is. Like, what the fuck? yeah well that's obvious obviously the owner's fault now when you catch the owner don't do a thing that a guy like you looks like they yeah yeah where's your car right where's your car i gotta go i got to really myself i got to pee on it yeah just calmly just calmly be like hey i really need to know the answer to this oh boy why would you your dog pee on someone's property.

None of that matters. It doesn't matter. No, the point is the principle. Yeah. It doesn't, the answer won't matter. The answer is going to be, oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, oh, I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't see, I didn't, whatever the fuck. Right, right, right, right. Whatever justification they have in their mind. They think no one's looking. When people think no one's looking, they do the darkest shit. Oh, yeah. I mean, you printed out 30 fucking things. Yeah.

But then I made it known that, you know, did you sign them all? I put my name on it and my fucking unit number. Wow. Just somebody comes up and kills you, then the dog pisses on you? Just fucking stabbing a knife in me when I open the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the dog's pissing on you. The next morning I was like, I don't know. Yeah, exactly, dude.

Yeah, that's so funny, dude. You walk out, you're all embarrassed. Yeah, exactly. Everyone's just like this in the hallway, just like this. And just, but also, dude, you're going to park in the fucking thing anyway. Do you really care still? Dude, I walked out of them all once And there was a fucking dude

And he looked homeless I don't know if he was But he was peeing on my tire And I was just like Wow, the balls I just didn't even say anything I was like, well, this is amazing Just the balls

He was homeless, you thought? I thought if he wasn't I would have been like bro Right, right, right But yeah, no, he looked like he was Maybe like homeless or crazy So I was like, ah, poor guy But, um

Can't really fuck with a crazy guy Right Even if they're peeing on your car Ah, ha, peeing under car? But if he was peed on my car and I peed on him and he was peeing on my car and then turned around

and saw me peeing on him and I go Them's the brakes Karma, karma, C-I-R And he just goes Yeah Yeah, he goes like this Thanks for making me smell better

That's the game All right, cool Well, that was good That was a good episode Really happy with my fucking Xerox sound effects Man Yeah, those are really good And then also

Everything I said But also what you did With the Backstreet Boys thing Was it was good too There was another thing Before was it that I liked It was a stupid bit you were doing about... The Henry Cavill one, yeah.

You got to make a clip of that. I mean, you got to clip my stuff too. You should do it even, maybe 60-40 meat. It's like the post-show meeting happening at the end of the episode. 60-40 meeting. Clip the Henry Cable thing. 55-45 meeting. Clip the Z-Bop thing and then probably the pink ocean thing.

Him doing an impression of a dot matrix printer. Don't do the pink ocean thing. Nobody wanted that. Oh, and it didn't really I think it was funny, but okay. Maybe when Neil was doing it, it was good, actually. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Dude, I'm not stupid. Well, debatable. All right, yeah, well, obviously, sign up for the show's lifeline. Lifeline. Sign up for the show's lifeline. Patreon.com slash lifeline.

And check out my brother on tour. He's touring all the time. He's the hardest worker man to show business. Now that James Brown is dead. He's been dead for a while. Sign up for my page. Patreon, if you like to have fun, sign up for my Patreon. Patreon.com slash Matthew.

No, if you don't. Live shows interacting with you. Want to get to know me? Want me to know you? Get on up. Get on in. James Ryan. So much James Ryan.

It's really, really James Ron heavy in the end of the show. Yep. All right. Thanks, guys. Appreciate you. Hello?