Lifeline - 193. Searching For The Origin

Episode Date: January 4, 2026

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Runk I am excited that it's episode that it's episode 1.00, it's almost episode 200 and a happy birthday to to Isaac Newton, Victor Wembenyama, and Daphne Keen. And happy New Year, because this is the first episode of the New Year, and also happy birthday to all the people whose names he didn't pronounce them right, except Isaac Newton. Daphne Keen, who's that? Oh, yeah, who's Daphne Kine?

And Webiniana is a basketball? Huh? Oh, well, she's got to be an influencer if I don't know who she is, right? No, she's an actress. Oh, what she in his dark materials. Oh, yeah, and I've heard of it, yeah. She was in the Wolverine movie, too. Oh, the young girl in it?

Oh, okay, yeah. She was good in it. Shout out to Legends app. Boom, there we go. I got the Legends shirt. Legends with a Z for sponsoring today's show. It's a free to play social casino and sportsbook. Check it out at LegendsZ.com.

Legends with a Z. Yeah, with a Z. Go to Legends.com. Go to Legends with a Z.com. How hard is that? No, it's not hard. You know, it's so easy. Subscribe to the Lifeline luxury Patreon.

Five buckaroonies a month. Subscribe to our YouTube channel super good. Bada Bing, Bada Boom. And subscribe to my Patreon, my live show twice, at least twice a week. Patreon.com slash Matt Dahlia. And of course, our merch, which is about as pimping, pimping as it gets, is always available. Dude, I was... LifelineWorks.

I was thinking about how, well, first of all, we got an update on my explorer page. This is, oh, dude, there's literally a guy just pulling down his pants. Well, he's probably showing his lower abs and how to work them. Yeah, S-tier lower ab exercise. There you go. But he's pulling out his pubs, dude. Well, I need to know about the S-tier lower ab exercises because I'm starting to get, they're starting to get visible. Look, one of this says lifting weights builds muscle.

Can't argue with that. just truth yeah one of them says food and experimentation as a 40 year old health coach i'm into that i'm 45 you know i'm into it i actually suck dude you suck dude that is not first of all nice you suck dude anybody who's okay algorithm spits one thing at them just in general sucks well you are if it's the thing that it spits at you you suck remember for while it was just he's back oh that was great that that meant you suck as well this means you suck you're in another phase of well you're not nice first of all look how just gay you are no i'm i'm into fitness it would be gay if there were guys they're all they're all

almost naked that's unbelievable pulling out his d in the middle of it where the one of the S-Abs. S-Abs, whatever the f-T-R-Ax. Oh, yeah, he's showing her. And look at the one guy with a, less than a speedo on. It's actually incredible how my algorithm is. It's just guys with very little clothing flexing. But they're doing...

And it's very close-up shots of their bodies. I do a lot of those exercises. But like... Do you do kettlebell stuff? What? Do you do kettlebell stuff? Uh-huh, yeah, sometimes. Clearly, because there's kettlebell stuff right there.

But what I... A ball. Kettle ball. Kettlebell? You got to... You know what's annoying is you have to eat so strict to get like that. Why do you want to look like that? I don't want to look like that, but I want to look on the way.

You're on the way. Fuck yeah, dude. But I mean, don't don't get there. No, I won't. I don't want to get there. No, no, no. So then why do you want to look at it? Well, if nobody wants, if that's not your goal.

Because I, okay. Why are you looking at that? Because I could, I know even if I tried to do that. I still won't be that, so I'll be on the way to that. But to be honest now, now zoom into the left upper second one, the speeder one. Okay, now, if I looked like that on the left, it would be, fucking hilarious. Okay? You cannot argue that.

I would be... No, not to me. It would be disgusting. That would be truly, like, grotesque if you look like that. It would be weird. If I hadn't seen you in like seven months and then you look like that... that I'd be like, Chris, you think that absolutely blown a gasket.

Do you think that my comedy would suffer? Oh, what? I mean, so extremely. Why? Because it's weird looking? Yeah. Yeah, man, you're a freak if you look like that. Look at Carrot Top. He's like very jacked. Right. And it's off putting in a way.

Right. Right. But he was already carrot top. And then got jacked. And he was already a weirdo gonzow guy. You're just, you're a comedian, I mean, you're not a regular comedian, but like, you're pretty much in, like, the, whatever you want to call it, regular guy comic. Looking? You're talking? No, I mean, you know, so obsessed with looks. No, I don't understand what you're saying.

Like, you're, you're not carrot top with a fucking treasure chest of shit that you pull out. Yeah, you're not a normal comedian. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. If you were to suddenly look like Lou Forigno, right. People would be like, what the fuck? And they focus on that and not what you're saying. Right, right, right.

And they'd be grossed out because you look like Loufragno. Right. Or that guy. Well, I mean, I'm never going to look like that. But it would be kind of funny, though. For like three seconds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it wouldn't be funny. Yeah, I get it.

It wouldn't add to my whole thing. Yeah. But I will say, though, that I don't know, man. It is weird. Bodybuilding is fascinating to me because it's so, it's because it, you know why? No, I don't know why I mean. Because it's something. that simply

does not matter but you do it but it's so specific of a want that you can obsess about to infinity and that is what I like but no you talk shit about dancing and say the same thing about dancing so defend it

defend the difference defend someone dedicated the exact same thing you'd say about dancing someone dedicating their life to dance you'd say that's a fucking waste of time why would you say it's not a waste of time to do what you're describing which is bodybuilding it's not a yeah a waste of time wouldn't be necessarily what I said okay enjoy doing it then you do it but but but it is it is like

that but and and I know it is like that there's no defending it but then but then you're like that's pointless that's there's no reason to it's like but then but then you get into slip yourself like there's what's what is what has a point well I think when going to work every day for some fucking I know I know I know I know I think fucking make you suck it's crank oh yeah yeah no I know every day nine to five like that's It's not like, that doesn't have a point. Crank sucking. But like you do it, you know?

Come on and punch your car, crank suck. No, I think I get it now because when I'm working out, nothing matters. And I think that like dancers, that's their outlet and they feel free when they do it and it feels good. And so, okay, I get it. I agree that when you said when you're working out, nothing about you working out matters to me when you talk about it. Is that what you said? this is a fitness podcast I mean now it is you can

you don't shut the fuck up about working out dude okay well if I was into if I just came in here every fucking episode in the intro was just like this is the shit I'm into right now and talked about it for seven minutes okay that would fucking suck donkey dicks

into kayaking and I talked that would suck I don't think so man not what are you into lots of different shit not just one thing at a time like you. One thing at a time. That's how I do it.

Yeah, you obsess over one thing. Like, what was the other one? It was bodybuilding. I just said it. It was, uh, uh, uh, the, uh, he's, uh, he's, uh, yeah, that was, the, the, the, the, the, the, AI, bullshit. The AI bullshit. Yeah, there we go.

Yeah. And you still are obsessed with that, actually. I am. You'll be like, this is the coolest thing. It is. I've ever seen in my life. And it's like, dude, fucking, uh, blue velvet exists. You know what I mean?

I feel. That's the coolest thing. ever seen you fucking idiot dude more deeply than the normal person about i feel very deeply about certain things and i feel i'm in a sea of feelings of that when i see something like you know an old lady shopping at a grocery store and then all of a sudden eggs come out of her mouth and they turn into chickens and then the chickens start wrestling i i feel a certain see i'm in a sea of feelings and that that is crazy that that AI computers can make me feel that way okay and yeah I can watch blue velvet and feel a certain way too but what I'm saying is you know that shit's right

there on my phone and you know a lady is opening her mouth and and and you can see inside of it and there are like different sorts of like pink flaps in there and it's like a little bit bubbly and you just go okay what is that and and you're sitting and you are in a i am in a sea but when you know it's nothing besides some guy typing words into a prompt on whatever because it's a visual thing that i stare at and i go wow it's like being on what a fucking idiot what you just described not even really the rest of the rest of it i was like this is kind of interesting what you just said It's just your... It just makes me...

Visual stuff makes me... You know, it's like if I did mushrooms... But that's true of everyone. Yeah, but they... But people don't look at AI slop and think this is the most viscerally interesting shit I've ever seen. A great way to explain it. I'm putting that word in your mouth, not mine.

But visceral is, you're right. It is visceral, you're right. No, it's just slop. I mean, I understand. I get it. I mean, there are some AI accounts that are cool. No, no, they're doing... Yeah, like glumlot.

Yeah, they're doing something. I understand. It's not just like rugby players mashed together as one and then a zebra comes out of another one. Like that's not something. That is wild though. That makes me feel crazy. It's a sea of feelings for me.

It's just random bullshit. Have you seen the thing about how they made the commercial with AI McDonald's and they were like, uh, and they were like, yeah, but you don't understand. People didn't sleep. We, we, we made prompts. We, or we spent two weeks just typing and no sleeping. Let me tell you something about that. What?

Their excuse of, oh, you think we use AI because we don't want to hire people is the most gaslighting bullshit ever, dude. It's so silly. Do you know how many more people they would have had to hire and how much more money they would have had to spend to go to all of those locations and shoot those scenes? It's so silly. Like, fuck, you're not fooling anybody, you pieces of shit. Like, you did that to save money. That's so silly. Oh, you hired hundreds of people did over 70,000 prompts.

fuck off the commercial still sucks shoot it wait until the AI's better then you have at least an excuse right right right it just looks too good and it's too convenient yeah like dude you're not like you're not helping yourself by being like we hired a hundred people like fucking for a few days at a time yeah

like fuck off dude you didn't spend shit so you didn't have to do that you just did that because it's still cheaper than making the commercial like you want it to sound good oh that's what I'm saying yeah exactly smashed it dude fuck him Gaslighting at it. But-a-pap-a-ha-gas-lighting.

Yep. But-a-pap-a-ya, lying to you. But-a-pap-a-ha-ha-ha-fucking. Just turn, look over there for a second. Didn't know what you're going to say. All right. No reason to look over here. All right.

We should start. 15, almost. All right. Oh, the last submission I saw was driving me crazy. You guys keep talking about Keaton Boss. They haven't even rate their own music. Nine in Dex. Nine and Dex.

They're the ones that are behind Pete and Boss's music. Go listen to Nine and Dex. If you like Pete and Boss, you're going to love Nine and Decks. Chris, I was at Front Row at your show in Appleton. Probably going to come see you in Milwaukee. Matt, you're the shit. I'm a part of your OG. Patreon group.

Hell yeah. This is my first submission. Well, I did submit before telling you guys this. same thing. Oh, nice. And it got skipped over. You'd think somebody would be like, oh, hey, by the way, somebody said, da, da, da, da, da, da. But no.

No. No, we skipped over. Until now. Oh, this is on driving now. This smile, dude. Thanks for the entertainment. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I think I knew that, you know?

You knew what? These old guys write their own raps, yeah. I mean, they're so old. I mean, I think I knew that. I didn't even know who would. I would assume that. When he first started talking, I thought, yeah. Is he speaking English?

He was like, she was like the reporter that starts, or the, the stroke person? Such as and such as, yeah, the stroke person. Yeah, yeah. That's, I can't even watch that video. I know it's tough. It's tough. But do you remember the such as video? No.

With Mario. Man, I got to ask you about that actually. Oh, you're talking about Ms. USA Patrick Day. Yes, I'm talking about that. Oh, yes. But I'm also talking about what Matt said. Yeah, yeah. Was Mario interviewing?

Yes. He must have been like, whoa. Was he, like, right there with the mic? Uh-huh. Oh, my God. And you see him on it. I got to ask him about that. That's fucking hilarious, dude.

But what? You say something? No. Gonna, I mean, just going to leap to the glass and destroy them, dude. Just making sure, because I'm talking about something really touchy. So, yeah, I know. Because even the name of it, it sounds like something that you don't hear. So, so, but they're rappers.

They're, you know, fucking 70. Oh, what? I don't even know what he's talking about. We've talked about it before, pull them up. We can't listen to music, obviously, but you can move. Maybe if I see them, I'll recognize. I don't think so. I don't remember the conversation at all.

No, I don't know even if we looked them up. These guys are rappers. And what is? They're good. And they're British. And they're good? Yeah, really good. And they're new?

No. I mean, they're not from, you know, the 90s. They're new. They're new like they started rapping when they were old. And they're good. People like them. Yeah, they're really good. I mean, but this guy's saying it's not them that write their stuff.

It's, I mean, I would say, yeah, I would probably guess that. Yeah, I mean, neither does Elton John, dude. Like, what's the point? Well, rap is a little different, though, because you don't, you know, you need to. But when you're 80, I think it's everything's off the table, on the table, you know? Yes, yes, yes, I agree. Well, I, this is a, there's, is this a thing? And they rap, really good, yeah.

They really do rap good. Are there other old guys that do this, too? Probably. Probably. I don't even know about? Probably. What was the other people he was saying? More.

Nine and decks, but those are obviously younger guys who write for them, is what I'm assuming. Is that what he was saying? Yeah. Look at this guy. It looks like Dennis Hopper. Yeah. So that dude just wraps. Yeah, and well, too.

That's a freestyle. I bet we could watch a freestyle. Could be copyrighted, right? For sure it is. It is? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

It's going to be. Just get mad. If it's on somebody's fucking YouTube. I know, just get mad at a half second taste at the middle of it. See? Oh, okay. Okay. Oh, that got up with a deep voice.

Yeah, they're good. I mean, this is so weird. It's really kind of not, though. No, no, no, no, no. It's totally weird. But it would be weird in 2009. Yeah, no, that doesn't mean it's not weird now. Now it's like everything happens.

A crow flying into my asshole now and a crow flying into my asshole in 2009 would both be weird. be less weird now no I couldn't disagree more anyway this is weird Mike Herman Trout's in the background and Mike Herman Trout Who's that character in Breaking Bad

Jonathan Banks And Dennis Hopper's the guy with the Oh For the coat Okay And it's all good That's John Cleese on the left All right so

All right All right Well we You know Okay thanks for the Up clear up You know Don't don't let shit like

that piss you off because you didn't even me no oh because he didn't even think about the fact that i might already know that what was he pissed i'm i'm no he's like i can't oh it's really bothered me i can't stop thinking about it oh that's your yeah you fucked up me yeah me yeah i don't know why but he's a patron never mind so i no i like the guy he came to see me in appleton he might come see me in Milwaukee but i'm just saying that's your own shit dude don't put me on it i i could have probably known that. Did you know that? I mean,

if you had said, do you think they write their own wraps? I would have said no. Okay, okay, okay. I don't know it's nine index. Why are you getting mad? I just get fucking riled up, dude. Let me ask you something,

because I've been thinking about this lately. I talk about this a little bit on my last show, on my patron. Why? Or tell me if you agree. Do you, do you like get not getting actually just angry yes but do you like really like I'm talking about like dopaminergically like yes get like pleasant feelings from being passionately enraged about something

yes okay great me too yeah yeah yeah that's why I ask yeah as a matter of fact last night I was talking about my wife oh boy did Sidybert no and she was like you know you know 90% of our conversations are about, well, if we're having a serious conversation, if we're having a, and I wouldn't even say it wasn't an argument, but like, you know. Don't want a serious thing. 70% of the time it's about my tone, you know what I mean? Sure. Okay.

Yeah. And, and, um, and I don't, I, I, I, I'm like, if I can't do, like, like, if I'm, like, when I'm talking to the kids, even, if I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's too much sometimes for her. To for her, yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, and she's like, well, you're going to make them feel, you know.

And I'm like, yeah, but also don't do it that way. Yeah, okay. You know? And not everything's going to be a sit down moment, hey, bud, you know. Get out of a car. Yeah. What are you doing it backwards for? Come on.

Yeah. Yeah. That's okay. I think. She doesn't. Okay. So, so that makes me feel good. because I was talked to like that

and M. And it's like, it's in a way it's like, like for instance, one of my favorite things, my one of my favorite things to do as a dad now. And there are many. So it's not like,

you know, a list of five. And they're all tied. But it's, is to be like, what are you doing? And then Kyle laughs. Because he realizes how silly what he's doing is.

I, it's a special part of my heart that beats when I get when I get when I do that and that's because dad and mom did that to me I mean maybe I don't know if it's because of that but it's part of the reason like it makes me feel like a kid again I mean it sort of like Uncle Vinnie yeah oh yeah oh yeah so so it's just and and and and I don't think Kristen had that no in her most people most people don't right it's actually a very

east coast upper east coast way of specifically Italian right and To a degree Jewish, I think, as well, yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, yeah, for sure. And so, so I think that when I do that, a lot of times people are, you know, it's like almost like either getting a joke or not. It's like, no. Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah. I don't, I don't, yeah, I guess I could see how you're taking it as, hey, you're less than right now. But that's not at all what I mean, you know? Well, of course not. Right, right. But I'm talking about, do you feel like. But I'm talking about, yes. And then that's a.

mini version of that which what you're talking about and yes like getting mad yeah and how it's fun yeah but you're not like yeah like you don't have like an anger yeah yeah it's weird what the fuck I don't know I mean probably trauma yeah where we have fucked up childhood yeah probably that's being a man or an Italian and trauma yeah so is she trying to make it so you don't ever do that so I'm more tender yeah but like, how do disagreements like this conclude with you guys? This is like something for sure that would be in my relationship. Right.

So I would, I end up saying, I'll think about it more, but I'm worried about him being too soft, you know, or something. Or like, you know, I don't want a baby, I don't want a kid gloves. And then she'll say something like, well, yeah, but kid gloves is more like if this and that, you know, it just turns into another thing. but it's, we just kind of like, that's one of our sticking points where it's like, you know, she, she does, I don't, I don't know, I don't think she,

I mean, I don't, I wouldn't say I yell at the kids. I wouldn't say that. Well, that's not yelling what you just described. Right. So, but, but she would say that that's. Oh, she would say. Yeah, I think that would be in the category of yelling, I think. Huh.

Yeah. So, so. I don't know. I don't know I don't know I can't believe how many drinks you have I know it's too much Because I keep getting new ones You're like a fucking hoarder

Um Yeah Yeah we're fucked up All right Yeah I mean I'm fucked up for sure She's more well adjusted Next Oh and the jackpots dude

Legends has site wide jackpots Wait what does that mean That means that everybody's feeding into the same pot across all of the games So when it hits, boom, it hits. It's like the whole internet just decided, yeah, let's make one person's day insane. Yeah, and that could be you. And if you are new, Legends matches 100% of your first purchase up to $100.

Sign up now. Hi, Matt and Chris. Hello. I'm Maria, your Swedish fan from Luxembourg. Hi, Maria. I'm a huge fan. started off with Chris's comedy, went on to a podcast, and lately every once in a while, I joined Matt's live stream, which I had a recommend.

Yeah. And my question has to do with a topic that was brought up during one of those live streams, where Matt asked us ladies, whether or not women, like when men refer to the sexual act as making love. And I feel like I was the only one that I was. answered yes and everyone was like hell no or more or less basically yeah hell no cringe et cetera that made me really curious to try to understand why there was such an uh negative version against that notes yeah thank you in advance bye that's all i've ever done by my first time with women

um even my first time with like the first time i've done it with uh a new woman uh that i make love you gotta you gotta make love but that's not that's not what the debate was the debate was when a guy refers to the act of sex as making love oh well that's but she's not american this is what i right was probably you know yeah the vast like it was actually crazy how many responses came in because usually you guys no american woman would like but like it was just like no everyone know and i was like damn even i was surprised because i was like nobody likes it and then two people her and like maybe maybe just her actually uh but i know her and i know she's not from here and i was like that's got to have something yeah yeah yeah you

you can't uh you can't do that yeah well like if you're having a casual conversation about it you can't call a lovemaking to an american woman without her being like even lovemaking is somehow making love whatever making yeah making love is like yeah making love it's

I can't I actually can't explain why it's so obvious a woman wouldn't like that it is so obvious yeah but but an American woman an American woman yeah but what

why because if you went to Paris or wherever Luxembourg you know and you said it to someone her or another woman that's there a French woman

that is French or yeah I don't think, I don't think, I think if I said it over there to a woman like that, I don't think I would feel weird, but I would say it to an American woman. Yeah. Now that's super weird. That's super weird. Because nothing's changing with me. No.

But, well, your environment is changing. You know that there's probably going to be more conducive to that kind of language. Something, here's, I think, what it is about women here, if I'm, if I had to guess. Yeah. Hookup culture has made everything so casual that when you start saying things, like, I want to make love with you, you sound like you are about to propose marriage to someone. That's true. Yeah. And that scares people. And that, I think it's just like a downstream effect of casual hookup culture. And how long has that been around casual hookup culture?

Since like dating apps, probably. Nah, because it was weird before that. Calling it making love before that was also weird. I guess I don't even know. I mean, I've been Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to think of what? I'm 45. If I was 23 with my 23, my 23 year old girlfriend and I was like when we're making love yeah no you're right you're right even even my college girlfriend if I did that yeah no it was never on the table yeah yeah just not not what you say but if you're just know and you just say let's make love and you go and they go but of course yeah just you know you ride up in it yeah you ride up in it right you don't lift her off the ground but you fucking feel like you are okay you're up against the wall and it's like you're you know

Erotica. You know what? They never say the words, you know, in erotica. So insecure. They pretty much know what's up. Yeah. I'm saying? Yeah, I mean, I don't, I actually don't know.

I've never really read erotica. Same. And if I did, I wouldn't jerk off. The women in the live stream, what were they saying they prefer or like, what do they say? Was that part of the conversation? Well, it's definitely let's fuck or like have smash. Let's just have... Actually, no, actually, they specifically said,

smashes the grossest. Yeah, smash is gross. I know. I'm joking. But Harz out the Mabo's cool. But like sex or fuck or if you're in a relationship and there's some like term you guys used, but that was it. Yeah. Searching for the origin of the hatchet wound, which is what I say. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Also a book, you know. That the guy who wrote it would be on Joe Rogan's podcast. We have the author of searching for the origin of the hatchet wound. God, that's the most Joe Rogan guest imaginable. Wow.

Yeah, and it would be some guy that just kind of talks like this, and he would be like, well, you know, because when men are dating, they don't want, you know, what they want is, you know, more of a, and women, and just fast forward. And the existential drama, you know, you know, just all sorts of shit just like that. And it would be five and a half hours long.

And it would be five million views within two days yet. Right. And Rogan would be like, that's wild. Yeah. He'd be like, what? That's wild. Yeah. So, wow.

Yeah. Uh, I, I, yeah, I, I, yeah. Who sings that song I feel like making love? Chingy? No, it's that. It's that rock song. Yeah. Oh.

Bad company. Bad company, yeah. See, if you're doing it like that, then it's, different. Like, I feel like making love is like a song to fuck to, but they're saying making love. So it's somewhat context dependent. Yeah, if you're a fucking rock star, you can say it. Sure, yeah. If you're a guy who works, you know. At Home Depot? Yeah, you can't say it. First of all, he can't speak English. Dude, did you see that clip of Shia LeBuff talking about how he wants to work at Home Depot? No. Nobody on earth is crazier than the Shia LeBuff.

It is the, I texted him. Oh, we can't watch it here, yeah. I texted him. You know, I sometimes, I wouldn't say I actually, I probably text him three times. And the last time I texted him is the last time I'll text him. Why? Because he just thumbsed up my text. You hate that so much, dude. Yeah, because I sent him something nice, a nice text.

Oh, like a nice message to him? Yes, and he just sent a thumbs up. Was it like? Not even a heart. And, well, how, how, like, lovingly, like, what was? I told him I was in love with him. Like, how. He doesn't owe me anything.

I'll put it that way. Of course not, but how. What I'm not, I'm acting like that. What level was your, like, level of warmth in the text? I don't know. Let me look. Yeah. Because that would, it's kind of weird.

Just maybe he was just fucking busy as shit. And he was like on the set of Pablo Father Pio Whatever of the fuck? Yeah, yeah Padre Pio Okay, so And it's just like

Oh, it's Chris, thumbs up But like If it's like, hey man And real serious Here we go. Okay Yeah, I mean it's kind of actually Personal

Oh, then never mind. Yeah He thumbs up He gave it a thumbs up No, he gave me a heart I was wrong Oh, you fucking Dude, you fuck

almost completely misrepresented Shia Lubbath Tunes. I know. That would, I'm glad we looked that up. Yeah, so am I actually. I like Shia. No, I love him, yeah. I think he's one of the most entertaining human beings.

He's also a great actor. He's a great actor and he's also just fucking absolutely insane and that's obvious. Yeah. But yeah. Okay, well I fucked up that. Yeah. You give you a heart, you fucking just lied.

I know, actually that makes me feel much better. Why did I turn that? You know why? Because I'm insecure. Yeah. that's why that's why yeah i try you try to check in with people you know sometimes like i'll check in people with something once a year twice a year you know i don't know him but like you know i text uh you know even other comedians i don't know them but i'll up i you know

i kind of know him uh and it's nice when you get those from somebody some people you know i have guys that check him on me and it's cool he appreciated it he gave you a heart i know i We didn't want to fucking drive over and suck your dick? That would be a crazy viral clip. Just fucking ding-dong. Within seven minutes? All right. Well, we could do the next one.

All right. What's that, fellas? How you doing? Funny story that I think you'll get a kick out of. In my previous job, I was a tour manager for a Western swing band. And we went all around the United States and got to see all of this beautiful country. and we would play really cool venues that Chris that you had played sometimes like weeks or days prior and we'd go to the green room and see your name signed on the wall and it's like a date and be like oh that was last Sunday he was here that's that's wild and I think my favorite instance of that was being in Montgomery Alabama about a year or two ago and anytime that happened and I saw your name in there and notice that you were there recently I always loved going to the house crew and being like hey guys how was that just a little show because every single time I They were just like, he was the coolest guy, man.

It was so funny. As a fan, that ledger just made me feel so good. But the funniest one was being in Montgomery, Alabama, and doing that with the house group, how was that Chris Daly's show? And they were all like, yeah, yeah, it was really great. I could tell they were kind of hiding something back, like holding something in.

And I was like, but what? And they, like, pause. They were like, he did have to, like, stop halfway through his set and just take a massive dump. Oh, that's where that was. Okay. I don't know, man. That was just, like, one of the funniest best days at work.

One of my favorite moments as a fan of you guys. So I love you guys. I'll see you at the law, Kevin. Yeah, I'll see you there. That was where I did that. I thought that was in Florida. Well, not too far. But, okay, so Montgomery, and then I've done that in Houston.

So those are the two places I've done this. So the South really has it out for my bowels. You had this shit so bad. You stopped your show? Nah, yeah, I couldn't, couldn't, not. And it was because I, you know what, you know what? That's your own fault. But I have a pretty good stomach.

It could handle shit. Like if my stomach was a UFC fighter, it would be Max Holloway. You know what I'm saying? Like it would fuck up. Fuck people. I get it. It's tough.

Yeah. Mine too. And do you know whoever beat Max Holloway? Has anyone ever beaten him? Yes. Who? Ilya. Okay.

So Ilya. That's my stomach. That's my stomach. Is coffee and pineapples together. Okay. He can handle that. No. That's what I ate.

Oh. Oh, that beat you, is what you're saying. Oh, yeah. Destroyed me mid-act. And I go, ah, fuck, Danny. He, he, and he was in the bathroom. I mean, how? And he was like, he ran up.

And I go, you got to do some time. I got to go. What did you tell the crowd? I got to go. I'm sorry, I ate pineapple and fucking coffee. I got to go shit. Oh, well, at least you were honest. Yeah.

Did they laugh really hard? Yeah. And when you came back, we're like, whoa! Yeah. And I go, yo. had to go then I go anyway

does anybody get the new iPhone 10 I mean idiot not what it's called you know yeah no but I yeah and then it happened in Houston too

where I had to bring up Jason Collings on stage which is way better because I was at the at least I was at the improv and I could just see him and he opened up the green room door and he just ran on stage

and then I went to dump but also weird because I'm dumping a lot closer to the fucking crowd anyway really glad about that Shailabuff text. How weird. I think about the all time with the athletes. It's so rare. Like they have to just exit. Yeah. But you

did it twice. Yeah, all eyes are on you when you're doing stand-up. There's no hiding it. There's no hiding it. So you can't hide it. There's no in between innings. No, I literally go in my head, I go, everyone takes a shit. And it's not embarrassing for me. It really isn't. Would it be for you? Embarrassing, I don't think so. Well, because I mean, many people would just mortify them. I would just really not want

to stop the momentum on the show. Well, yeah, I don't want to do that. But there was no choice. Both of those times. You would have shit your pants. Absolutely. Oh, then it's different. But you all can make it really funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, true. Yeah, it is. And it is funny. And they probably will remember it forever, you know. But yeah, no, I I would have 100% shit my pants.

Wow. So does the Shia thing change? your conclusion that you are never going to text me? It does, yeah. It must have been in some sort of mood. I don't think I'll text him again for a while. I mean, I probably, like I said, I've probably texted him three times in my life. But I feel like that was a nice, hey, buddy, thank you.

But you don't need to, you don't need to text me. I don't know you. This isn't about like what you got in return. It's like you think he doesn't want. I don't, it's not about what I got in return, no. It's about I don't want, I don't want to bother anybody. You don't want to push him in a, if he feels like he doesn't want to. I don't want to bother anybody, yeah.

You know, to me, I would like it if somebody texted me something like that. And maybe he doesn't. Or maybe he doesn't want that from me. What's interesting is he brought his backup just straight up out of nowhere, even though we were already done talking about it. So he's still thinking about the whole time since we were talking about it. That was one question I had and I, you know, I let you guys talk. Okay.

that's a different point of view and that's fine and I want but I still wanted an answer but the reason and I'll tell you what and I'll tell you what the reason why I texted him oh boy and we have any sort of rapport is because twice he came up to me and told me how funny I was in two different places so the second time I was like take my number come see me anytime and he texted me then so so so so so so That's why, because he was nice enough to do that. So then I'm nice to, I want to make sure to, yeah, in a way, I want him to know, you know, I'm cool with him because he did that. Yeah.

You know, especially because he went through some shit. Right. And I want, I want him to know. So this was semi-recent. This was, you know, not the text when it happened in the first place, the number exchange. No, the number exchange happened before he went through his shit. Oh, okay. So it was a while I go.

So yeah, so, yeah, I don't know. I mean, he's always going through some shit. This is all stuff in my head that I just created, which is great. All of this is made, but you're such an unreliable narrator. You thought it was a thumbs up and it was a heart. And you know who never, you know who never thinks of me? Shailabuff. So there you go.

Maybe. Maybe not. Yeah. You really never know. Anyway. All right. that's the show Matt, Chris

Hope you guys are doing amazing I love you guys so much I hate you Hey oh oh oh Keep that right there Okay keep it there for now Okay

Okay Pull up Who's the guy He's a great actor We love him From Boardwalk Empire Oh Bobby Cotton and Molly No

Oh Shay Wiggum Okay That's Shay Wiggum I mean come on The way he looks like him. Oh, a little bit. Yes, you figured it out. A little bit.

You did it in your head. Some kind of bone structure. Yeah, it's, it's. He doesn't look like him. No, no, no, but it's. Maybe young, I think. Yeah. There you go.

There you go. That's close to the kid. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a little bit. Yeah. I think that's. I think he's Timothy Shalameh. Yeah, he's more.

He looked more like a Timothy Chalomey because of his age and his hair. He's Timothy Shalooigam. You know? He's who he is. Shemithy Shalamey Shalamey. Wait, start it over, though, because what I said is even more interesting to me, because I said, fucking hates us right away. And listen to what he says. So, Matt, Chris.

Hope you guys are doing amazing. I love you guys so much. I hate you. But anyways, so I work at a coffee shop, which is kind of cool because Chris is always talking about coffee shop experiences, whatever. Maybe not Matt as much. But I wanted to get your guys's opinion on something. So basically, at the one I work at, instead of, like, bringing. So we're a cafe too, so we make brunch and all that type of shit.

And instead of bringing it to people's tables, we just set it down at the end of the bar behind where we make the drinks and stuff. And we'll just call the person. Fucking relax. And we'll come up, grab their stuff, take it back to the table. Now, most people don't mind. They don't make a big deal out of it. But then we have the passive aggressive people who are like, oh, didn't know I was going back to my waiter days. Go to work here.

Take a hike, you fucking pieces. I just want to know, like, would you guys be like, oh, what the fuck is this place if you had to go up and grab your stuff? You don't know me? You just not even be phased or even think about it. Also, you guys were kind of talking about, like, customer service, like, how far is too far when asking how someone is. So I just wanted to know. How are you guys? I'll uppercut you.

Dude, I... Also, Matt, you talked about how rare green eyes are. Boom. I'm... Yeah. Okay. He's a three... percenter, dude. How many people fucking have green eyes

now on the thing? Three percent of people dude. Well, okay. Three out of every hundred submissions. I believe that to probably be more or less accurate. We could have seven out of a hundred that wouldn't be like out of control. Okay. But now they stand out because we talked about it. Right. Anyway.

So Italian. Because we talked about it. Because we talked about it. Do you think that I, it's, you think that it's annoying that that gets me jacked, that he works at a fucking place like that? I love those kinds of places, bro. Let me you why. I'll come up to you. I'll tell you what I want when I'm ready. I'll pay for it right here now. Okay? And you know what, dude? I'll go back. I will sit down until it's ready

and I will do me. I'm not on this fancy dining shit. You want to bring it to me? Okay. You want to put it at the end of the thing? Great. I'll saunter up and get it when I'm fucking good and ready. That's the shit. It's casual, cafe, dining at its best. And it's normal, too. It's not like you're the only fucking place in the country. No, no, no, no. This is a kind of place.

So if somebody comes up and it's passive aggressive and they're like, oh, I didn't know I was going to go back to my waiter days. Dude, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something about passive aggression like that, dude. I'd rather, I mean, I can't even stress how much I'd rather someone be like, Like, why the fuck do I have to come up here and get my food instead of you bringing it to my table than some pussy shit like that? Well, and I mean, fortunately or unfortunately, that's more how I lean if, but that wouldn't, that would never bother me, first of all. But if I was going to say something that was worth saying, I'd be like, what the fuck is this?

I wouldn't be like, oh, this is really great. Like, dude, fuck that way of being across the board. Yeah, but you're you're missing something. something here. No, I'm making a separate point. I'm not. Yeah, okay, okay. I'm not. Okay. Okay. Because people do that as a joke sometimes. They don't actually, they're just like, isn't that passive aggression, though. I mean, it depends. There's levels of it. If you're, you know, if it's me and I'm like, oh, I didn't realize I don't want a waiter, then they know I don't give a fuck. But if it's, you know, I think more often, though, it's not the way you know. It's not the way you're doing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe right.

Yeah. I think more often, it's like, oh, I didn't realize I was going to have to service myself. Like, like, no, like, don't say it like that. Say, say. This place is bullshit. Bring me my fucking food. I remember I worked at Abercrombie and Fitch, you know, one summer, a long time ago. And I was doing the cash register and I was dealing with the customer and I opened the cash register. And I was like, oh, wait, I got to get it. And I was a little confused.

And he was like, oh, I can see math wasn't your thing. And I only thought, yeah, that's why I'm fucking here. Yeah, right, right, right, right. You stupid asshole. I mean, you should have said. I pissed on his wife right there. You should have fucking said that, dude. No, because the customer's always right, right?

But no, he's not, and he was wrong, and I would have fucking absolutely obliterated him, and I would have absolutely, and I don't even care if I got fired. Well, I mean, when customers act like that, they take for granted the barrier between, like, there will be no recourse. Yeah. And I hate when people, when people take advantage of that, it drives me nuts. That's true, but you have to err on the side of, at least I did, and I still think this. I mean, all those that, what I was saying was jokes, but like, I would not piss on his

wife. But I think that, um, I think he was at least trying to be funny. And that, that goes a long way. That makes a difference. Yeah, definitely. But there are so many people that think they're funny, try to be funny, and end up being just dicks. Right. Yeah. There's a great many people like that. Well, yeah. And it fucks it up. It fucks up the world. It puts the world off balance, dude. It's such a disaster when a non-funny person who thinks they can do like mean humor engages in it frequently. Isn't that the worst? And they're just dickheads. Dude, I, that is so. And it's like, hey, dude, I just tell it like it is. Yeah. No, you are, the way your messaging comes across is fucking terrible. Yeah. And you're not bad at it. And you're not funny.

Well, and that, but, but, you know, oh, God. The thing about being, here's the thing, if you're funny, you can literally say the meanest thing about me. Thank you. And it will be funny and I won't be upset. Yeah, watch this. You're dick small. See? He did laugh.

It worked, yeah. And, uh, it, but like, if you're not funny, how, first, of all how do you not know this is this is like where it means into like are you a psychopath sociopath right where are you on the behavioral spectrum thing kind of thing right because i can i can i can think of times where i did something and it it didn't work and it wasn't funny of course and i know it wasn't of course and but but you also know that the preponderance of times you do it it does work no no i know but i'm just saying what i'm asking is these people see it not work over and over and over and over and over and over and over

they don't see that because they don't see what do they see well it's like it's like you know it's either tricking yourself like oh you know I'm not fat but you know you're like you know you secretly are or you're just psychologically like no I'm good at yeah I mean I mean we've known people who sing that are terrible that are in bands and you're like They'll never make it. Yeah, right. Yeah. So it's like, I mean, yeah.

Did you think that that person thought he was good? There's something about meanness. Right. That is, it is personal and hurtful. And some people remember that shit for their whole lives. We're like this specific for what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, it specifically drives me fucking nuts, dude.

It's like, no, you're not funny. Right. Don't say the mean thing. It's very easy to be quiet right now. Do that instead. Maybe it's a compulsive. I think it might be. It might be.

Feeling or awkward if you're feeling, you know, if you got silence or whatever. I don't know. Maybe I had a fucking fucked up parent that did that shit. I mean, I did it. I talked about this on Golden Hour recently, but like, I, when I was shooting Army the Dead, we were in the middle of Albuquerque, you know. worst place to be, but yeah. Yeah, terrible.

And there was a snake wrangler. And you talked about it on the show. I did. Yeah. Yeah. And I said, oh, because you're fucking weirdo, right? Or whatever I said. And he was like, no, I'm actually not a weirdo.

And I'm like, whatever the fuck. I was like, oh, that just straight up didn't work. It wasn't funny. And the way I said it was maybe not right. Right, right. And I still think about that shit. Yeah. But so people who do this, they don't think about that shit.

No, never, yeah. Yeah. Never. confusing right yeah hey Chris and Matt relatively new listener

to the podcast in the last few months I've been really enjoying it nice a long time fan of Chris's comedy nice I apologize

if it sounds like I've been crying because I have sorry about the heavy topic but I recently had to put my dog down my best friend of 17 years and I'm pretty lucky

I've never had to go through anything like this in my life before so pretty unequipped to deal with it just wondered your opinion on what happens now? Do you believe in an afterlife? Will I ever see her again? How do I deal with something like this?

I don't know if you've ever gone through anything like it, but it's hit me pretty hard. So could use some perspective. I really appreciate the perspective you guys share on the show and maybe a laugh. So appreciate it. Thanks guys. Let me ask you a question first

before we even get into this. She brought some up. People say sometimes they appreciate our perspective or something like that. They mean mine. And my question is, What?

They mean mine. They mean mine and they think you're funny and they like that too. That's what they mean. I don't mean they don't. I've never been more hurt. I've never been more hurt by somebody that I love. Not true, you know? Nothing's ever been done.

Not even fucking remotely close to true. Okay. Yeah, true. I mean, the fucking thing I was doing last episode, the Indian guy falling to hell in his fucking. and, you know, meeting Hitler. Yeah, it's different. We do different things.

Was it perspective? But if we did the same thing, it wouldn't be a great show. Right, okay. Okay, so. 17 years. I hate to bust your bubble, but there's no afterlife, and you're never going to see your pet again, and that's okay. And let me tell you why that's okay.

You spent 17 years of your life with it on this earth, in this one life that you randomly, got on this fucking careless spinning rock and you got to share love between you and another living being for 17 years. That is of a quarter of a life for many people. That is a long, long time. A third of a life. Yeah. And it's one of the more, I mean, having that kind of relationship with the pet obviously I would imagine next to having your own child it's as close of a bond as you can really get and of course you're devastated of course you're rocked by it but like keep in mind that dog was born and it would have been born regardless of your existence it ended up with

you and only you and you guys got to share that bond that makes that dog have, it makes it so that that dog lived its best possible life because you loved it the way you did. And if that doesn't warm you up, fill your heart, whatever you want to call it, then nothing will. Because like that is what life is for, you know, and dogs happen to live a lot shorter than humans. And that's sad in some ways, but it also, you know, puts things like this in perspective. I say stuff like that how long how long are you waiting is that not just until it was completely done

and there was going to be a beat and then a but how long were you wait like how long had you had that in your head before halfway through wow dude wow good major patience well it only gets fun that was one of those things right right right right right right right right right um Yeah. And I would say, like, you know, there might be an afterlife. Who knows? It's like,

Yeah, but we should assume there isn't. We should assume there isn't, but it doesn't matter because when you're dead, you're dead. I couldn't agree more. I couldn't agree more. So, so there might be one. There's never been proof there isn't one. There's never been proof there is one. So there might be one. There might. Who knows? Like, that's the thing. When people are like, people often think like, oh, you don't believe in God. They say that, you know, to me, because. because I talk about it sometimes on my podcast. But I don't really say that. I don't know. You don't know. You don't know if he's real or not because there's never been any proof. Do I think, you know, I guess I would probably think no, but who the fuck knows?

It's not like I'm like, what? There is, if there is, it's like, well, nine billion people were saying there were or whatever, you know? You're agnostic, is the word. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, uh, yeah, I also, eggnog stick. I'm an eggnog stick I have a dog toy A what

A dog toy I've been through something very similar I had to put my dog down after She was 17 Oh wow Wow really? Yeah Billy was 17 17

And I found I literally found her Yeah Uncollared filthy I thought she was old already Because she was so like scared You found her with Mike Alba Yeah Yeah and

Wow And brought her home and just, like, instant bond for, and that lasted for 17 years. Yeah. And she slowly died, obviously 17. And so it was like, I was very ready to, like, part ways. But, I mean, this is like, the thing about a pet, which is unlike even a wife or a husband. They don't ever wear close.

They are literally, I mean, basically. if it's a certain dog basically is always in the room with you no matter what like it sees and it bears witness to every single horrible and great thing that you experienced for those 17 years and that's like a heavy fucking deep thing to think about that you experienced it and and it resonated off of you off of them back to you like that's this is like a real relationship your morning this is not just like some fucking frivolous thing. You're kind of mourning you. You know?

Yeah, kind of. Yeah, you're mourning a major part of your life. See, I say things really succinct like that. And that was actually a really good perspective. Well, go ahead. And it's the end of a chapter, and that's difficult. But you're definitely, and I'm speaking from first-end experience, you're definitely going to be okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I guess, you know, I mean, I've had a dog that died. had two dogs that died, but it's like, you know, it's, it's, it sucks. It sucks. It's only sucks. It's not good. And then you have to get over it so you do. And then you end up just remembering it only the good things. Only the good things. You never, there's not, I don't have one bad memory of my dog who was definitely very bad sometimes. Right, right, right. And that's what you live with. And that makes your life better even from that point on. Even after the dog's fucking gone.

Yeah. So. And I can't wait for that to happen with you. All right. Let's do one more so we don't end on a sour note. Hey, man. Hey, Chris. Hope you guys are doing good.

What up? Stilo here once again. What up, Steele? I'm making this video because I'm fucking pissed. Oh. I'm at the grocery store right now. You know, regular grocery store. And what is it with these motherfuckers that like, you know,

they work for, like, fucking. AT&T or like a window company I know what you're going to say and like they're trying to sell you windows or like new Wi-Fi package and they're standing like right at the door so you can't fucking avoid them

like bro I came here to buy fucking chicken thighs you know what I mean and a donut who are these motherfuckers that are coming in and be like oh fuck you know I came here to buy some fucking oat milk

but yeah I'd like some new windows in my fucking house like who fuck are these people first of all second of all what do you say to these I never know what to say I know this fucking people like I like I get it they're doing their fucking job and I don't want to be a fucking complete asshole to them but at the same time like fuck you dude I don't want to talk to you yeah so how do you deal with these fucking people Matt love you again you're the shit uh Chris um yeah I mean the donut dude

Fuck on. I'm fucking... And I get it. So why... Love you, Stilo. But why is he eating a donut while he's doing it? Because he's fucking casual, dude. That makes me...

Is what? He's fucking eating a donut. That makes me want to eat a fucking donut. Don't be eating food when you're doing a thing because I don't need to be eating that shit. All right, man. You know, not everything revolves around you and your fucking macros. My show does. You know what I mean?

So... Yeah, but... But, dude, I do the same thing every single time. Mm-hmm. And it is... It works every... single time all you i mean it's annoying to do this because you kind of feel like you're being a little fucking snake pussy but like i have pictures of you you pretend you're on the phone oh yeah yeah and walk

right by them they they they will not stop you i don't do that when i get caught off guard by them i say sorry i'm in a rush and then gone so i i look at this is what i do i walk in i'm showing i'm chilling, nothing is in my hand, and I look at them and I say, sorry, I'm on the phone and I walk inside, and I'm not on the phone, and they know that. And, well, that is great because then they think you're crazy and they leave you alone. That's honestly a great tactic. Actually, this makes me think of a story that a friend of mine has. You know that actor James Remar?

I know you know him. He's got a really raspy voice. He was on Sex and the City. He played Samantha's Love Interest for a really long time. He's in the Warriors. He's in, look, R-E-M-A-R. Yeah.

Yes, of course. Yeah, okay. So, yeah, he's great. But now I'm gonna make you hate him. Oh, no. My friend, okay, so the way this works for those people don't know. I didn't know this. Those people are not volunteers.

Who? Oh. Even ones for like Greenpeace. Oh. Like they're getting paid to canvas. Oh. And they're getting paid dick shit to do it. And they're getting treated like dick shit, of course.

To do it. And fucking James Remar, my buddy, this is, my buddy had just moved to LA, was literally living out of his car. He had so little money. And he was doing this. And he was canvassing for like, I mean, maybe he was Greenpeace. It was something like that, though. And James Remar isn't, he's outside Trader Joe's.

And he's not even like walking past him. He's walking over there into Trader Joe's. And James Remar comes to him. Okay. And says, who the fuck do you think you're kidding? And my friend is like, first of my friend is like the biggest movie buff ever. So he was like, this fucking James Reamer,

what the fuck's going on? Dexter's dad? Yeah, yeah. And he was like, tongue-tied, obviously. And he was like, do you think we all don't know you're getting paid to do this? You think we all don't know this is some fucking scam? You're not here because you care.

You're here because you're getting paid. And my friend was like, yeah, this is my job. What if he did that when he walked up to him? I was acting. You think we don't know you're getting paid to be Dexter's dad? That would be fucking the funniest thing ever, actually. Scam, yeah. I mean, but just to put a perspective, how big of a dickhead you have to do.

It's hilarious. To do that to a young, young, young. young, young, like early 20s man canvassing for Greenpeace. I mean, that's one of those things where it's so fucked up. You got to respect it in a way, but only because he's not like running for president. You know what I mean? If he was running for president, you'd be like that's lunacy, though. That's like, yeah, that's, yeah, also he was what, 50 something at that time, which

makes it way not as, definitely, makes it way worse. Way worse. If he did as an old. 71 is fine, yeah. Yeah, no, he was like top of his career probably, just like sawed out. his career now this fucking guy but yeah

that's hilarious chewed him out for earning a very meager living by trying to get people to sign a paper for Greenpeace Wow that's funny Anyway that's what not to do

what to do is to just say something brief that either makes you sound crazy or like you will not be bothered now that being said completely agree on the fuck them angle even though it's their job it just

It sucks for everybody They know it's annoying They know it's annoying You know it's annoying It just sucks for everybody Just like the way my brother farted And tried to pretend you didn't That was my stomach

It was Yes that was my stomach Wow That just went burr That was fucking That was not a fart Nuts That was like James Remar's voice

Inside your belly And I would have fought If I farted You know I would be like Oh I know you would have Yeah Um Just want my boathole

I'll prove it You go down there I go Um But yeah No It's a little lose, lose for everybody.

Yeah, it's a net loss. It shouldn't be allowed. It shouldn't be allowed. Because they're catching you on a place at the, at the, right at the place you need to enter. Soliciting, yeah. It shouldn't be allowed. All right. I'm going to run for governor and I'm going to, my first order of businesses to outlaw that.

Oh, Jim's Remark. I'm going to get your vote. He's going to be my fucking spokesperson. Yeah. So, yeah, but what is for sure is I'm going to be in Milwaukee. and I'm going to be in a bunch of different places and, you know, Cincinnati. Go to go to chrysley.com and get them tickets.

Appreciate you. Patreon.com slash Matt DeLea. Yay, yo.