Lifeline - 195. The Arc of Me
Episode Date: January 18, 2026LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury�...��. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Our Patreon is also the exclusive home to all the live podcasts which we film and upload! 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline TODAY on Lifeline, we're talking about the elephant in the room (Chris's hair), reconciling being a dad when you have to spend time on the road, and how the boys feel about roundly liking/disliking cops. Also getting squirt in the face and if that's even a thing. 🎰 Legendz Social Casino and Sportsbook. 100% match on your first purchase. (up to $100) 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline More Matt D'Elia: Sign up FOR FREE For Matt's Patreon for all episodes of The Private Record and upcoming drops of Matt D'Elia is Confused Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More Chris D'Elia: Congratulations podcast: congratulationspod.com Live on tour: chrisdelia.com/tour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Runk.
Hello guys.
It is episode 195 of Lifeline.
It's Sunday, January 18th, and what the frank?
Happy birthday to Dave Batista, Kevin Costner, and Jason Siegel.
It's funny because those are my three favorite actors of all time.
Wow.
That's an interesting...
That's an interesting top three.
Yeah, dude.
They're the best three that they're...
Dave's always been really nice to me.
He's very cool.
I've met Kevin, weirdly.
Oh, really?
I met Kevin before, yeah.
He's the strongest man I've ever seen.
Dave Batista. He's the biggest, strongest, jacked most, most, I don't understand his strength,
but so anyway. That's his whole deal, right? Like, he's like, yeah. He was a wrestler,
wasn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so weird how many wrestlers. I know, I know. I mean,
it's entertainment, right? So, I don't know. Shout out to Legends with a Z for sponsoring this show.
Legends is a free to play social casino and sportsbook. Check it out at Legends.com. That's with
a Z always.
tour is, oh, you can do Lifeline Luxury. Sign up. We got plenty of more episodes there on Lifeline
luxury, like 90. Anyway, go to patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. It's only five bucks, and then
I got a bunch of new dates. I keep adding dates. I had another show in Vancouver, another show in
Montreal. You add more shows because people are like, they're like selling out.
They saw it, yeah. Wow, dude, the kid is on fire. Well, Cincinnati Columbus. First one is
Milwaukee
and West Nyack
actually this week
but go to
Kristaid.com and you'll get
them tickets.
Get them tickets.
Oh, of course
subscribe to this YouTube channel
Super good.
It's where it's at
and y'all know it.
Sign up from my Patreon.
I just started a brand new
different spin-off show
that is just about movies on there.
Get on up plus the live show.
Can't go wrong, baby.
Can't go wrong, baby.
Cool. Yeah, I love when you can't go wrong.
Patreon.com slash Mount DeLea.
Babeba, babea. Pimp, bit.
Dude, dude, you see the Jonas brother stole Bing Bong from me?
And he made merch out of it.
He's a, he's an actual, like a trademark thief.
I don't know.
He was like in some interview and he said Bing Bong and, dude, I swear to God, the original
clip, the amount of people that tagged me.
Really?
Or just mentioned me and added me in the comments.
We're like, dude, he stole your thing.
He stole your thing.
Which one?
I'm going to assume.
The Joe, the main, I think he's the main.
main one. Is that one of those guys I know
I know. Nick Jonas,
Joe Jonas. Joe's like the really
handsome one, right? Kevin Jonas.
Which one's married to? Kevin James.
I don't know. One of those
dudes, uh,
you might listen to the podcast.
I don't know. Well, then he should know.
Or he just, I arrived there first just so he knows.
Well, he knows. He does know. He watches the podcast. He stole it for me. You stole
for me. It's all good. Yeah. Share the proceeds of
calling him out. That you sell with me. He made
merch with it? Yeah, dude. He stole Bing Bang from me, dude. Okay, this is a formal invitation for him to
come on this show. Yeah, get on here, Joe. Look up the merch. Joe, come on here. Joe, if you come on here,
you don't even have to apologize because I would just straight up forgive you. Oh, it pretty,
you don't really have, uh, yeah, you don't have a grudge. Look, he really did it. What does it
mean for him? Go, go to. Bing, Bing, Bong. Yeah, it was Bing Bing Bong. He just said it,
like, you know, stole it from me. Greetings from whatever. Show at the Hard Rock Hotel Casino,
That's so funny.
Well, it's not as funny as when I do it.
No, it's funny that it happened.
Look, it's sold out.
That's how much...
I mean, I deserve a cut.
I just wonder if you got it from here.
Yeah, I don't, but yeah.
I know he did.
The way he looked at the camera afterwards,
I could tell.
He was looking right at me.
Wow.
Okay, well, that's crazy.
Hey, dude.
What's up?
Good haircut?
Yeah.
Nice.
How's the feeling?
How's the feeling?
Oh, I feel so good.
Dude, I...
do not like getting my hair cut.
I don't like going to do it.
The lady that does it is super sweet and she's great.
And it's funny too because her daughter does haircuts there too.
And they're, I mean, dude, she looks like a younger version of her.
And I know.
Of her own daughter you're saying?
Yeah.
And I know that obviously that happens with jeans.
Like Calvin looks just like me.
And Billy does too.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm sorry.
I misunderstood.
Mostly.
What?
I thought you said she looks younger than her daughter.
No, no, no.
What I'm saying is...
She's just like her.
Her daughter looks just like her, but younger.
Right, right.
It's really wild what genes do.
And, but they did, and it's just, yeah, it's just wild.
That's so weird.
Just a replica, you know?
Not a replica, but like, I mean, she's her own person, obviously, but they sound the same.
Yeah, I mean, it's, to a degree it's random.
We seem, we sound the same.
A lot of people say.
Yeah, people, I mean, mom can't tell her voices apart.
Right, right, right.
Really weird.
One time I called Dad and I was like, hello there.
And he said, Grandpa.
And I did, because I did an impression of Grandpa Bam.
And I was like, no, Dad, it's me.
What the hell are you talking about?
Did you feel bad?
A little bit.
Yeah, I bet.
Because I didn't know.
You didn't think you were actually to trick him.
No.
You didn't plan to trick him.
Yeah, also, the Grandpa Bam had been done for five years.
But I, it's Ghostline.
Speaking of Dad, hang on.
Ghostline.
Look at this.
Yeah, that's a cool jacket.
It's the original merch from his, the only, right?
The only theater.
Yeah.
Theatrical release, yeah.
The feud. It's a great jacket. I wish mine fit me.
Well, well, actually, that's probably mom or dads, right?
This is dads. You know what happened to mine, right?
Yeah, of course I do a couple of times.
On the way, literally on the way to the premiere, I was like, what was I?
Seven, six? Not even. We were still in New Jersey.
And I, oh, no, not even. I was like doing some wavy thing.
I remember it. Yeah, me too, actually. Oh, you do?
Yeah. Well, you were young.
Because everybody laughed so hard. That's why I remember.
Because it's so funny on the way to the career. I just put on my new, brand new
feud jacket that I just, just so, such drip. I mean, look how sick this is.
And I think it was, I had a white one, which is even sicker.
And I was doing this on a chain link fence.
And I just caught, and it just whew.
Yeah.
And mom and dad laughed so hard to end you.
Yeah.
I was like, you know what I thought when yours ripped?
Thank God mine didn't rip.
Survivor's Guild.
Is that Survivor's Guild?
Yeah, that's exactly what Survivor's Guilt is.
Thank God mine didn't rip.
Like people at war talk about like they, they,
they see their...
Well, isn't the person next to them get shot,
and their first feeling is relief.
Yeah.
And...
Oh, and then guilt for that.
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because, I mean, just being relieved is not guilt.
So...
No, it's guilt about the relief.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't go to the bathroom and guilt out of my liquids out of my penis.
I mean, relief.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay.
So, I...
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm trying to not talk about working out,
but it's just like, you know, what's it?
What's it?
Dude, I'll tell you what, though, these pants fit now.
They worked snug earlier.
That's why you saw me.
Yeah, along my waistline.
I said you saw the Dickies.
You commented on the Dickies pants.
And I was like, yeah, you haven't, you know, in my head, I'm like, well, I hasn't seen them because I don't.
It's not very comfortable, but now they are.
Yeah.
So.
Kind of got to break in Dickies, though, too.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
I don't even know if I've washed them yet.
Really?
Yeah, I mean, I've only had him for three months.
Why are you trying suddenly not to talk about working out?
Because you think I don't like it?
Yeah.
Me?
Mm-hmm.
Or people?
Well, I don't really...
You.
I don't care.
I know.
I know.
But also, maybe it's just fucking boring, dude.
But it's so great.
Do you remember...
I mean, of course you remember.
I'm going to be Jake Tapper for a second.
Okay.
Do you...
Jake Tapped that ass.
Do you remember...
I didn't think of it.
that by the way. Well, I did. I know, but I'm just saying that's how much that you think of it.
Yeah, right, of course. Okay. Didn't bash that ass up. And I'm going to be Jake Tapp that that's right now
with you. Do you remember when you had a bit specifically about people who always talk about working out?
Yeah, yeah. How do you feel about that now? It's completely different. Go on.
A lot of people, a lot of people say like, you became the guy that you make fun of it. It's actually not.
do? Yes, actually not true. Because my
thing is I
work out
and I don't say
you can do it. It's not
an inspo thing. Yeah, it's not
trying to inspire anyone. It's the
inspiration thing that is
to me the thing to make fun of.
Okay, you did it. You want to
to me, it's like, I follow
people who work out. I watch their
stuff. We've seen your explore page.
But I like to see it. Like, it's
not, but if I'm not, I'm not,
But if I'm following somebody that, like, you can do it.
It's all about, look what I did, dedication.
I don't want to follow that.
That's what I make fun of it.
So people don't understand the difference, but it's a huge difference.
It's not even the same at all.
But I do understand it's on the same subject.
I'm glad I gave you the floor then.
Yeah, I never responded to that because I'm just like,
every time someone sends me something like, you're doing the thing.
And I'm just like, oh, that person just is an idiot.
Or they don't get it, you know.
They don't get the, I mean, Eric Griffin says that.
I'm like, dude.
Oh, really?
He bust your nuts.
Yeah, yeah, about it.
Yeah.
I was like, this is not what I do.
I never post about, you know.
I just don't like when somebody's trying to inspire you.
It's annoying.
But that's just me.
Yeah.
I mean, there's so much of that out there.
Well, there's so much.
I wonder how many people would work out if it wasn't for social media.
Explain?
It's just like.
You think more people work out?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you're probably right.
Because they're just like, I got to show off.
I'm going to go to the gym, get some content.
It's like so, it's like weird.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I could go on and on about that, honestly,
but this is not the platform for that.
And also, we should probably get to submissions.
Oh, yeah.
We're into it.
I forgot.
Hey, Matt.
Hey, Chris.
What up, dude?
Long-time listener, first time caller.
Nice.
Thank you guys so much for your time.
I am 36 years old.
I play in a band,
and we have been getting a lot of opportunity this year,
which has been great.
Cool.
We are getting to check a lot of stuff off the bucket list.
We got to go to the UK and Europe for the first time this year,
which was amazing.
Wow.
But another massive life goal of mine was to be a dad.
And my girl and I welcomed our first baby.
We had a baby girl about nine months ago, which has just been a dream come true.
And now I'm struggling with really, really big feelings of guilt anytime I have to leave to go on tour.
So I'd appreciate y'all's opinion on if there's ways you can manage that.
Chris, I don't know, like if there's ways that you deal with that.
I mean, we FaceTime a lot, obviously, and stuff like that.
but I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on lots of, you know,
major milestones being gone six or seven months out of the year.
So, yeah, I appreciate your opinion on that, you guys.
And also how bitch is it to get unexpectedly spritz in the face by something in the middle of a conversation
and your chin does that thing where it shoots down toward your chest.
And I can't even continue the conversation beyond that point.
No, you got it.
I know it's, I can't help it, but I just feel like it's super bitched.
So yeah.
That's very bitch.
There was a guy running on the travel today at the gym with no arms.
It was so bitch.
I want to get a video.
Why would he do that?
I don't know.
Doesn't that help you?
Yeah, yeah, it's terrible.
He's got to use his arms.
But anyway, I think it was only for like a little of it.
But I'm like, it was too long.
I was like, what this guy doing?
Weird.
Did his hands fall asleep?
Yeah, that's, uh, dude.
Well, first of all, it's different from musicians than it is for comedians.
I go every weekend.
but I come back, so I see them every week for four days.
And when you add it out or when you divvy it up,
I feel like I work hard and I work a lot,
but it's generally evens out to kind of a normal job
because when I'm home, I'm home,
except when I have to come here and stuff.
And I do every, I don't know how to say it.
If you're gone six, seven months a year,
well, I assume they're not in a row.
But like a bunch of chunks are, I bet though.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't, I don't know.
I FaceTime a lot.
I think FaceTiming is huge because I think FaceTiming is, one time I was talking to Mike Berbiglia.
This was like so long ago, but he was like, I feel, we were talking about stand-up and he was like, I feel like, I feel like you can work on stand-up alone without an audience.
and I was like, oh, nobody says that, you know.
But I agree with him, okay?
I'm sorry, not to get distracted.
What does, what do most people say?
You only get better by going up on stage.
Oh, okay.
Obviously, writing is something, but that's not what we're talking about.
He's talking about acting it out in his...
Got it, got it, got it, got it.
A house.
With no feedback.
Right.
Yeah.
And to me, that's, I always, I think of that when I think of FaceTime because
FaceTime to me is, it's not obviously
as good as being with the kids,
but it's huge that we have FaceTime.
And it absolutely can help
and develop your relationship with your kids.
And thank God we have it right now.
And I think of those two things together all the time.
And I don't know why.
It's so weird.
Isn't that weird?
Why, how are they connected?
Well, because I feel like a lot of people would say,
Oh, they would say it's not real unless they're there.
FaceTime is not the same as being good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know why.
Also, but also, it's not.
It is, there is a parallel though, because Mike was, Berbiglia wasn't saying,
Brabigs wasn't saying that it's the same thing as stand up.
Biggs?
Yeah.
Right.
He's saying that you can still hone it.
So that's probably, basically get it.
That's probably why I was, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Got that connection.
So you think that's why the notorious BIG said it?
Yeah, it's exactly why I think Biggie said it.
Um, but also, dude, you, this is your job.
Yeah.
And you need to live in.
a capitalist society because we do.
And so you need to make money.
And obviously, you know that.
I'm not telling you anything you don't know.
But like, in terms of just pure guilt,
it's like, well, you'd feel guiltier
if you stayed home every day, unemployed,
and your family couldn't eat or have a roof over their head.
What about this, too?
They, your kids need to see their father work hard.
Well, they need to see hard work.
Yeah.
Yeah, hard-walled from something.
And that's what that is.
And so that's...
I mean, our dad was gone...
I mean, when we were in a Jersey,
it was gone all the time.
That's why we moved.
Yeah.
Because we ended up having to move.
And we had a great relationship,
so I don't feel like it was like...
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he, you know, worked extra hard to...
I mean, there wasn't FaceTime then.
It was just calls,
and he would, like, write as notes,
postcard.
Dude, I found an old postcard of this.
He's probably going to make me crying.
But it, uh, he was like,
hey, Matt,
Remember he would do a squiggly face?
Yeah.
As a signature.
And, like, a profile of his own face.
And it was like, hey, Matt, sorry I can't be there this weekend, but I hope you're watching
pee-wee and enjoying it, which is crazy.
Pewee?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
I mean, who knows what, I think it was like 1988 when he sent it or something, 87.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
I don't even know how I found it.
Getting a postcard is wild.
Yeah.
So face sounds better than that.
God, really nowadays, postcard really.
really seems like a, like it was only in the time with ships.
Yeah, it's just a complete novelty now.
You just do it to like, be like, I was at this place and here's proof.
Right, right, right, right, right.
You know?
So, yeah, so I definitely got that right, but it's, it's really tough, man.
It's really tough.
It's tough for me.
I do it almost every weekend and like, I don't know.
I'm like, I could bring Calvin, but then I'm like, he doesn't want to go, you know.
He's like, I just want to be home with my toys.
well yeah yeah so i don't know man it's tough they both started being like don't go you know
i'm just like oh my fucker i will say though i it's always hard but i think it gets easier because
the first time was so hard for me especially because it was covid there wasn't touring and
calvin was like won something and then i'm like i guess i got to go work yeah it's so it's tough
dude i don't know what to say but it's really tough and that's also a very serious question
and we're a very serious podcast
so I hope it'll help
and it's so bitch
to fucking get squirt in the face
you go like this
yeah
right yeah
I was gonna ask
what he what he's talking about
getting squirt in the face
the conversation has nothing to do with
I don't know why I said
in the middle of a conversation
but when you get squirt in the face
you go like this
but whoever gets squirt in the face
spritzed
I mean very rarely
that's a fucking guy
you know
no but have
like when do you ever get squirt in the face
this guy's got a bun to pick
He hates his band
You know.
The only time I've ever seen somebody
get squirt in the face
is that Tom Cruise video.
Right, okay, so there you go.
So there's one.
And then so you can, so what?
You never been squirt in the face?
I don't think so.
Oh, that's cr-
I've been squirting of your mind.
You've been squirted a face?
Yeah.
Somebody, like, you know,
I've just done like a spit take
in your face or something.
No, not that.
No, not that.
Sprits.
A literal sprit, yeah.
Water assault.
I mean.
I don't understand this either.
You don't get it either?
No. Why? Because you've never been sprinted in the face?
I mean, that's the answer, yeah.
If you haven't been, dude, if you never been there.
That's crazy. The virgins. Yeah, the virgins.
Diversions. Yeah, you guys are not cultured into getting sprayed.
Who is squirt in the face?
Dude, don't you have asshole friends? No.
Spritzed. Like with a go...
No, not spritzed. No, a line of it.
Oh, that's what he meant?
That's worse, because you go like this.
That is worse, yeah. I don't think you guys know what it is.
I know what getting spritz in the face is, like when people spray,
Of course, but that's, get the fuck out of here with that. People, that happens way more. Yeah, right.
I'm talking about the direct line into your fucking mouth. You didn't know Houn Hwangbo when you were a kid?
Did you know who? I knew Huan Huan, and he did that to me. Did you know Houn? I did know. Who is all the twos? Yeah.
But, wow. He escorted people in the, who.
Oh, I mean, bro, it wasn't like his fucking, he's not an Avenger and that's his move. But he just fucking, yeah, he did that to me. And I remember it. I won't time he beat me up. Therapy.
Needs therapy.
Huan Hwangbo was the biggest
Asian kid we ever have seen
and he would just play Super Poker
and always say,
Who has all the twos?
Man, I used to fucking rip at Super Poker.
I used to play Super Poker so much.
So much fun.
And let me tell you something.
Do people even know what that is?
No, I'd never heard of it since high school.
And I will tell you this,
it is the most Asian-sounding thing in the world.
Super Poker is crazy.
By the way, speaking of like,
kind of, well, it's not
really Asian at all, to be honest, but it had an Asian-y vibe to me a little bit. I saw that movie
Running Man. Okay. I saw half of it. The remake. I had to go to bed. And let me just tell you
something, dude. I only saw half of it. Don't piss me off. Okay, but I'm, I got to say,
it was way better than I thought it would be. Well, how good you think it was going to be?
I thought it was going to be utter trash and nonsense. So the bar was real low. But it was entertaining,
dude. Well, you know who directed it. Yeah, Edgar Wright's great. And that's obvious. And that's obvious.
why. A good director could just kind of make something goodish, you know? But you're a bigger
egg rape fan than I am in general, but like that movie directed by some just guy or no, no, no,
it would have been trash, bro. Yeah, I'm sure, yeah. But here's the thing that I was most surprised
at. I'm not a Glenn Powell fan. I think I never, when he, when he's in a movie, I'm like,
because he's always like doing comedy and like he's just a handsome guy. He's not funny, you know?
I agree. Yeah. He'll just like put on a mustache and like, that's what's funny. You know, I
I don't like that.
But.
I mean, that sounds hilarious, but yeah.
I didn't see him in Top Gun.
I did not see Top Gun, but.
You saw Hit Man or whatever?
Oh, that one, yeah, that is a sin that movie that was made.
It's terrible.
Richard Linklater.
I know.
I don't really know what he's from, but I do know what he did it.
Anyway.
Boyhood.
Yeah, I don't know that.
I know it, but I didn't.
Slacker.
Never seen it.
School of Rock.
Never seen it.
Bad News Bears remake.
Never seen it.
Okay, keep gone.
that
that dude is great in that movie
who
Glenn Powell is great in Hitman
no
oh in the new one running man right right right right
he's great he's just like a star
yeah he's like Tom Cruise
I mean I'm like that
so I mean I get
he's great in it and I'm like
oh this dude is good
so thank God because I didn't want to not like him
yeah no no I'm telling you he's good watch a movie
he made me laugh a few times and he does do the thing
where he wears a mustache to
trying to get in disguise, but he's not trying to be funny.
It's good.
I don't know.
Edgar Wright must have talked him through it.
Yeah.
I mean, Edgar Wright's definitely funny.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, they got funny fucking, he's funny.
The director's funny.
The really bad Edgar Wright movie is when he's not trying to be funny.
And it's the, what was the one?
Take, can you look up the one he did about the girl in England at the, just look up Edgar Wright?
He's young, huh?
He's pretty young.
I mean, for the amount of stuff he's done.
He's very young.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, wait, no.
It's last night.
Last night in Soho.
Dude, that movie is so bad.
Yeah, it's bad.
I've seen that one.
It's absolute dog shit, dude.
We'll go back.
And he wrote it.
Who wrote it?
So that might be wild.
So I,
I've only seen that movie.
Wow.
Oh, the World's,
No, you've seen the World's.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good.
And Sean of the Dead.
I mean, he's...
Scott Pilgrim.
He's done shit people.
I mean, he's a legend.
Yeah, no.
Okay, I do love his shit.
I hate Baby Driver.
I don't...
Oh, I was thinking of Lankletter right now.
Sorry, yes.
I don't like...
Anyway.
Edgar Wright.
No, I love his...
But he's good.
That fucking Sean of the dead, dude.
He's good.
He's good.
He's early shit to me.
Hot Fuzz is good, too.
Linklater's different vibe.
But he's all over the place, though, dude.
I don't know if I've...
Let's look at it.
Just like, what...
I've never seen any of these.
I saw Hit Man, which was just...
To me, the worst kind of movie.
He made Last Flag Flying, which is sequel to the last detail, which is so weird.
Oh, weird.
Everybody wants some with the Jenner boy, the man, the kid, Kendall's brother, whatever.
Okay, I don't know what any of that means, but...
He made the Newton boys.
He made like...
I never seen it.
Wow, I can't...
There's not a director that I haven't seen...
Boyhood.
Before, he did the before midnight...
Oh, I saw...
Before sunrise, all that stuff.
After sunrise.
Days and Confused, you've seen...
Oh, I've seen it.
I was not a fan of that, though.
Probably his most legendary movie.
I don't think that that...
Everyone loves that movie.
I'm like, all right, it's fine.
All right, well, you're not a link later.
Okay.
All right, yeah.
Next one.
Yeah, next one.
We're too, too, talking too much about it.
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How do you guys feel about...
Freezing!
How do you guys feel about...
The law! Freeze! You're coming in!
People that hate the police.
I've been a cop for about
probably 15 years.
And, you know, 10 years
ago, this wasn't a thing. But
People hate the cops now and more than ever.
What a good fucking book.
Oh, that's the end of this.
Oh, wow.
Five years ago, this was still a thing, people not like it.
I was just going to say that.
I mean, people, go ahead, go ahead.
10 years ago, yeah, but maybe not 20.
Like, that was, I mean, he's a very recent resurgence of.
Well, A-Cab, all cops are bad, is a brand new thing.
I mean, historically.
10 years ago, he's right.
Yeah.
So, I don't like.
And I was thinking about this recently.
I don't like any, I think it's so annoying when people just hate a whole group of someone.
There's good guys and bad guys.
Like, that's the same thing.
I mean, well, it's prejudice.
I guess it's basic, you know, boil it in it down.
But like, dude, there's just, there are some really great guys that are in, that run around in uniforms, you know?
And then there's guys.
that are pieces of shit.
And that's completely obvious.
That abuse their power.
And that I just, it's so stupid.
It's, it's so dumb to say like,
fuck cops to me.
I mean,
I talk about this kind of shit all the time
in my show.
It's like,
dude,
why can't you just comfortably sit
in like knowing that it's a little more complicated than all
of the best or all are the,
all are greater,
all are terrible.
Like obviously both of those are categorically false.
But why do most people fall under the umbrella of one or the other?
It's like, dude, it's just so abundantly clear because of humans.
I mean, some of these dudes are fucking literally heroes.
It's like hating firemen.
I mean, it's like after 9-11, everybody loved cops and firemen, and then, you know,
because of all the fucking shit that's going on now, it's just different.
It's just different.
It's just swayed all over the place.
No, no, it's completely, yeah.
It's just believe what you fucking actually believe.
But also, think about your own experience in the world.
Like, I've dealt with the biggest dickhead cops.
And I've also been pulled over by like the nicest,
chill ones.
Most like chill actually trying to keep shit safe, do his job.
Also, by, by, in sync.
By, I mean, you, when you need a cop,
well, that's the main thing, dude.
Right.
Like, you can hate all cops, but when you need a fucking cop, what are you going to do?
Right.
So there's that.
But then there's also a lot of people who, they only,
deal with the cops because they get like either pulled over or something, you know.
And it's like they're, so they're basically trying to keep you in check, which nobody wants
that.
You don't ever want to be kept in check.
You're like, fuck that.
I'm me.
I want to do what I want to do.
Obviously, you don't want to break the law.
But like, you know, anytime someone's like, I, you're going to, you don't like that person.
I don't give a fuck if they are a cop or not.
Yeah, people don't.
Even my mom.
I'm like, mom, you don't get it.
I need to eat all these fucking honey.
peanut Cheerios.
Deeper,
you know?
So, but yeah, because
you're saying people
have an,
an anti-authority.
You don't want to be,
yeah,
you don't want to be told
what to do,
and I get it.
Yeah.
And I get it.
Of course you don't,
but you have,
guess what?
You have to.
I mean, sometimes, yeah.
Well, in a society.
You don't have to do
what everyone tells you to do
in society?
What are you talking about?
Well, yeah, you do.
You have to not do the things
that you can't do.
Yeah, that's the same way
of saying.
It's not a different way
saying that.
But whatever.
Anyway.
Okay, okay.
Anyway.
Anyway, it don't piss me off, but like, yeah, but like, but yeah.
I would imagine though, truly, truly, if you're truly like a sane and like clear thinking
individual, if you're a cop, I fully understand why you would be like, well, that's stupid.
Unbelievably stupid if they say all cops are bad and everybody and for someone to say I hate all cops.
Also because you, but, but like you also have to understand like the, how the psychology of it works.
when you're on the job, I would imagine you would see how that thought could spread.
Like, you're just there.
It's in front of you.
But, like, to actually just be out there saying every single cop is a piece of shit is like,
it's just, it's not, it's not even remotely clearheaded to think.
It's, yeah, it's, everyone's mad at something.
And that's a great outlet for it, I guess, the law.
I don't know.
I'm thankful for a cop, so fuck, fuck it.
Fuck that.
It's like, I, you know, they're doing shit.
shit that I would never do.
What I would also imagine is if you're a good cop, the thing that probably pisses you off
the most is a cop that's a piece of shit.
Because that's how I think about like shitty dudes that like fucking, like fuck it up for all
all other guys.
Or like a black guy talking loud in the movie theater, whatever.
You're fucking it up for everyone else.
Yeah.
Like you're literally like, you're a white woman cutting in line.
You're poisoning the well.
Stop being racial about it.
I know, I know, I know.
You're poisoning the well, dude.
Like stop.
An Asian guy.
He doesn't know he doesn't know he can make a left turn about.
Okay, that's it.
You're poisoned the well.
And a good cop must think that about a piece of shit cop.
Yeah.
That must enter his brain.
Like, what the fuck?
Don't be like that.
That's what's going?
I mean, you could take that for anything.
Like, when I'm a comedian, when I see someone doing posting clips of a lame crowdwork,
yeah, 100%.
I'm like, oh, come on, guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's why people hate the crowdwork thing now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the same exact thing.
Yeah.
Everybody's got their own version of it.
But yeah, I mean, cops now, law enforcement in general, all this fucking ice shit, of course,
everyone's lining up in their call.
And it's just like, all right.
That, um, video, it's always weird how those videos are taken at the, they're, they're never a good angle, dude.
It's never the right angle to where you can clearly see.
I guess that's why it becomes such an outrage.
No.
Why it becomes such an outrage is because before anybody really knows anything, they've, they're
already on their side.
Right, right, right.
That's what's fucked up.
Well, nobody can look at it and be like, oh, this is what happened.
I guess so, yeah, but I mean
But also the angle's bad
But yes
There's never a clear cut angle where you're like
Because no one's shooting it
It's happening in real time
I know, I know, I know
I need clarity
They're not like someone's gonna get shot
It's not a movie?
That guy's gonna shoot that person
No, no, no, I know
There's credits at the end
Just leaning up against this stirring
Oh no, no no
No, no, come on
No, I know, it's sad, but
You still gotta go for the jokes
But I know that's sad
But this is a comedy podcast
But it's not nice
I don't want anyone to be
dead, but also that's funny.
I don't agree.
Okay.
It's okay, but I just-
Yeah, yeah, no, I know you're not saying,
it doesn't make me feel a certain type of way.
I'm just saying-
Yeah, I'm not like offended, I'm just like-
Yeah, yeah.
And then also sometimes you cross the line,
and it's not funny, and if you think I did that, then that's okay.
But I don't know, I think that's maybe funny, but, uh, but, but it's terrible.
I saw, I just saw some guy get fired for
celebrating
Charlie Kirk's death
Oh happened so much
No, I know that
But I just saw a post where it happened
And the guy and his tweets were up
And they showed his tweets
And it was like
It's okay to be like
To be
Not excited
But that someone you didn't like died
And he was like
You don't have to be
Like mourn someone that hated you
You don't have to mourn someone that hated you
You don't have to mourn them, but you definitely shouldn't be jumping in the fucking streets and celebrating about it.
Let me look.
I know a guy who literally commented on someone else's post.
Not even, it was actually, okay, this is crazy, actually.
I got it.
So it was a debate from when he was alive, Charlie Kirk.
And it was, he was debating someone else and it was just a clip of that.
And in the comments, this.
guy wrote, fuck Charlie Kirk. Okay. Okay. Whatever. Yeah. Just talking about the takes that he got fired
from his job. Well, that's pretty crazy. That's, because it wasn't even about like, yeah.
He died. He's obviously talking about his politics. Yeah, right. Yeah. This guy wrote, so this guy got
fired, at least this is what the post says. He's a race and equity director at UCLA. This is what this
guy is and he got fired. Okay. He said, and these are the tweets he said, you can't force people to mourn someone who
hated us no matter how he died. That I don't really have a problem with. That's kind of just a
statement of fact, honestly. I don't really have a problem with it. It's not, maybe not the best time to say that.
No, I would not. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's, and they wrote, it's okay to be happy when someone who hated
you and called for your people's death dies, even if they are murdered. Wait, wait, wait, wait,
that's such a poorly written sentence. It's a bad verse to sentence. So say it again? Why is this guy,
he's that you, works at UCLA, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, just tweet. Just tweet and just tweet.
and just tweeting like nothing.
Yeah.
The fucking idiot, you know.
Hey, guy, what the fuck, dude?
Put like a job, this job and just...
Keep a lid on it, dude.
Willy-nilly just...
You know, what a fucking moron.
So read that again.
Be fired for being a moron.
Read that again.
It's like people who get fired for doing blackface.
You're not doing...
It's not...
Okay, I understand it's offensive,
but you got to know, you're just gonna get fired at this point.
Yeah, but obviously.
Yeah.
Okay.
So he said, it's okay to be happy
when someone who hated you and called for your people's death dies even if they are murdered.
I wonder who is people.
Well, this is what I was going to say.
That statement, if I'm being perfect honest, I guess I agree with, but he, did Charlie Kirk call for the death?
No, that's where I'm confused.
That's where I'm confused.
I don't think he ever was like all of these people need to die.
Like, what the fuck?
This is the next one.
Somebody wrote to, and he replied to it.
You can be happy Hitler died.
Right.
I mean?
Because he was like...
Well, yeah, yeah.
But people think he was like...
That's what they would put him with.
They put him in that category.
That's insanity.
No, it's crazy.
Yeah.
Virtueal insanity.
So,
he was their Rush Limbaugh
replacement.
Even...
Okay.
And then this guy
replied that to that.
Okay.
And quote tweeted it and said,
Yup, good ridden spolf.
So that's, I guess,
what's opposed to saying he got fired off.
Just shut the fuck up on social media, man.
Like, what...
Here.
Here's the thing about social media, that drives me nuts in the first place.
People write shit and blast it out into the world that they wouldn't utter to someone's,
one person's face.
Yeah, I know.
I'm not saying he did that.
Maybe he would speak that into a microphone into the world.
I don't know.
I'm just saying, like, well, I know first in fact that that doesn't happen.
It drives me fucking up a wall, dude, and that people don't take that into account when they
read this fucking inflammatory shit from either side politically it's just like dude it's just
rage bait all over the place even if he doesn't know it yes like stop fucking reacting to it
the reaction just like let it deaden like let it fucking bounce off you fuck it dude that's so
stupid to put that out of the world yeah that's stupid man i i i posted a video of me squatting on my
story and some guy wrote poor form and i'm and i almost wrote back you're chubby
Dude, I have a chubby guy.
I have a new thing.
What?
Biden.
Nice.
Well, I have a new thing.
I never.
If I see it, I mean, obviously, I don't see everything.
But like, if I'm on Instagram and I see somebody talking shit, I never, ever, ever, ever, don't respond.
That's good.
No, I'm saying, I respond every single time.
Oh.
Yeah.
Like, really, really, like, like, suck my dick motherfuckers.
Oh, that's crazy.
Yeah.
Why do you do that?
because it's like I don't like you're gonna you're gonna come into my shit yeah and just be like oh da la
about whatever the fuck is you know what I mean just block like no I don't block no no no I don't
we're gonna have a fucking discourse now but that's so a little waste of time though get in my comments
fucking talk shit I like and fucking engage more engagement but get more more more we'll talk about it more
more people will see my fucking videos and fucking stick my middle finger up your fucking asshole you know
dude you're such a fucking bitch sir sir you're such a fucking
pussy. If you go into people's comments and just
fucking are like, oh, dude, fuck you
you would never say that to my
face, you fucking little
pussy. Sir, this is a private
birthday party. I don't know.
How did
you get in here?
This is a private birthday party for my niece.
But no, it used to be the exact
opposite, never engaged. Now,
total fucking dive in. I mean,
sure, if you're looking for engagement and a following, I guess
that is better. But just looking to be like,
yo, dude, like, put people in their place, yeah.
No, not even that.
They don't ever change your mind.
You can't just be a fucking piece of shit and have nothing come back.
I'm not down with that anymore.
Like you're just going to dip in to be a piece of shit.
Whether it's to me or even somebody, usually it's somebody else in the comments.
It's not even at me.
And it's like, yo, dude, get the, like, what the fuck is this?
Right.
Fuck you.
Yeah, so I'll comment today on some promo thing that I had for West Nyack.
And they were like, this guy, you need to stop supporting this guy.
He's been many misconduct stuff.
And I'm just like, first of all, it was, I got notified that it got posted.
And then I looked at the post and it was, it was commented in like four seconds.
Okay.
So, and this person I look at them and they had like this, you know, you know, they were like super like blue hair and like, you know, very ugly.
And, you know, and I'm just like, and spiritual too, you know.
and does, you know, and fat.
And so, but it was like, and so I'm just, I'm looking at this and I'm like,
oh, God, they do.
Like, that's so weird because they don't know.
They don't know.
They don't know.
They just have hate, period.
And that's how they can exercise their hate, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it is weird to fucking lose, I don't know, don't do that because you should know.
To me, it's like the blackface thing to do that.
It's just like, you know, you know you're going to get in trouble.
I think a lot of the people.
I think a lot of the people that I'm talking about that dip in the comments of my shit are like people that are probably already unemployable for real.
And they truly have given up and they don't care.
And they'll just say like utterly unhinged shit.
Yeah.
About entire like you were saying it about entire groups of people.
Right, right.
And I'm talking about like racially ethnic like crazy crazy lunatic shit.
Yeah.
So it's like, no, no, we're not doing that.
You know?
I'm not going to block you.
I'm going to fucking.
Jordan with a slime on you
So you're not talking about a personal thing
No
I mean I guess
You are though
I mean sometimes that too if it is
I thought you just meant personal stuff
No everything
Got it
Yeah I will not have a political
argument with somebody
Online
Or in person really
Yeah I well
All groovy though
What?
All groovy though
You know
I'm chilling dude my heart rate
My heart rate's real low
I don't get sweaty about it.
Mine's 67.
It says it on my garment.
That's low, dude.
You're living in life.
Mine goes way lower than that too.
You're chilling?
That's chilling.
I'm chilling.
That's a chill in heart rate.
I'm chilling.
Between 60 and 90s,
where they say, is the normal bandwidth.
But that's not chilling then if you're saying it's normal.
That's the chill.
It's the chilled normal?
Yeah, like that's down near the chill level.
I'm chill, even more chill than that.
A lot of times I'm below 60.
What do you think of that?
Then you're even more chill than most.
people. I was working out and the watch got fucked up and I looked and I said it was 40 and I'm like,
oh, I'm dead. Yeah, that would be that would be a bad sign if you're working out and it's at 40.
And I was completely out of breath. So yeah, that would make sense.
Okay. All right, next one.
I sent in a submission to you guys a couple of days ago about whether or not something is
a bitch and I showed it to my fiancee and she was like, it's kind of sub bitch to send
in a submission and be like, oh, please pick one video. No.
She doesn't get it.
I'm fucked.
Can't win.
She doesn't get it.
And that's fine.
Mostly guys know what sub bitch is truly in their hearts because guys are most susceptible
to be sub bitch.
Actually, that's true.
I never really thought about that.
I actually may have not thought of that either.
But women can be sub bitch.
But it's just men should be in charge and capable.
Men should be capable, right?
Not in charge.
but like so if they're doing anything like i can't get out of the backseat of a fucking
two-door sub-bitch if i don't know the most sub-bitch thing i ever did actually no that i'm
thinking about it i don't know why this just struck but if a woman gets out of the back you go oh that
let me help her she's having a problem and it's not it's a bitch really it maybe technically is
but you don't get that same oh you're a fucking loser to guys you know okay two things
Oh, fuck, I forget the one.
This is what happened to me.
We were in the storage unit, and I was with, I don't know why, where.
I don't even remember.
I was with Mike Lohman.
Okay.
And we were-
Getting cameras, obviously.
Oh, no, I remember why.
Now on, okay.
So we were moving this massive mattress out of the way.
Okay, I had nothing to the car.
I mean, two gay guys.
And we were moving out of the way to get to the things we needed to get to, okay?
And I was on the side that was closer to the wall.
Okay.
he is huge.
Yeah, he's big.
And he basically, like,
he's very strong.
He's very strong.
He's very strong.
He's very strong.
And expected me to be able to just, like,
which I believe I would have been able to do.
If you knew.
I didn't know he was doing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay.
So I noticed he was, the mattress was flung up.
And he goes, coming at you.
And I'm like, I don't know what he's talking about.
And I turn up and I just literally like, like a T-Rex.
Like, I just like, try like this to stop it.
Yeah, yeah.
And I'm like, I have, this makes it even more bitch than if I just collapsed, right?
Yeah, I know where's going.
I'm like, I'm like, oh, no, no, no.
And I'm just slowly, very slowly, start falling towards the wall.
Like this, like this.
Dude, and I finally, when I got close to the wall, I just gave up.
And I was like, oh, what am I going to do, win?
You know?
And I just like, oh, my God.
This slow.
The slowness is the creme de la creme, but also, if you have to pull out,
sincerely, if you have to pull out the
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You are, you are king bitch.
You're already there.
You don't, it doesn't matter what you're, yeah, yeah.
You're, you're headed towards a full 10 bitch scale.
Yeah, he, dude, he was dying.
Oh, dude, if I saw that.
I mean, I can only imagine his point of view because, like, he knows.
Because at this point, the mattress, I'm like there.
Yeah.
And the mattress is like, he knows where my body is, you know.
Are you sitting all the way on the ground or?
I'm, like,
cornered now by the mattress. Okay, but I need to understand something. Crouched. I'm crouched.
Is your butt on the ground? No, no, no, no. Okay, even more bitch. I have no, I have no.
Even more bitch. It's the most max, it's 10 out of 10. Yeah. It's the only true 10 out of 10.
If you sat down and you go, all right, well, this is what happened. It's way less bitch than, but you're, you know what I didn't sit down, sit down? Because I couldn't.
That's always like this. That's just incredible bitchness. T-Rex arms, I know. Incredible.
You're king bitch. That day of all the world, I mean, that's probably top 10.
You know what's funny is that he used to think
the bitch was the funniest thing I was.
He did, dude.
He did.
I wonder if he watches this show if he does.
I wonder who remembers.
He did.
That was with him was the first time ever I spelled so drunk
because I texted it to you.
Oh, wow.
And I go, isn't that a good way to spell it?
And you're like, yeah, it actually is.
Oh, I don't remember that.
Yeah, I remember we were like some pizza place or something.
And we were with me, you and him.
Wow.
How do you remember that?
Because I remember it was the first time ever.
Because we, well, we came up with that shit, like, Sibich.
Right, right, right, right.
Cute, since Cure.
When we came up with that, bro, that was, oh, dude, that was the peak, okay?
And it's so funny, dude.
And we do it all the time still, and this is 25 years later.
It's really weird how long it's lasted.
And it still makes, I speak for us, but me, laugh hard.
It's insane, dude.
Honestly, so drunk might be even funnier than sometimes than Subit.
Really?
Yeah.
I mean, Subit is the ultimate because it's the most like out there.
And it's like it's the kind of thing like tripping and falling as always been funny to us.
You know what I mean?
To me, that's like an added value.
If you're saying Sub bitch, you're basically, it's already funny.
Right.
Right, right, right.
You're exponentially making it funny.
to me. So drunk isn't because... Sure, I get it, yeah. Because you're... I mean, it is if they're
actually drunk. Because it's already funny and then you go, it's drunk. And then you don't...
Yeah, right. And then I'll hear you. And you go, is it what? Is that? I'm drunk, you know?
And then you're, that's hilarious. But if someone's not drunk and you go, so drunk, it's pretty funny.
Yeah. But so... So drunk. Yeah, but that is like, it's like the elevation. It's like, you're gonna hate this,
But when you squat, like, it's a great complimentary exercise to do like extensions.
Wow.
Wow.
I'm fucking believable, dude.
I'm fucking real.
Free quads.
Squatting is the bitch.
It can be sure, yeah.
Watching someone squat out of context.
Pretty much.
Pretty much the bitch, yeah.
All right.
Okay.
The topic is age gap relationships.
You recently touched on it for Golden Hour.
And I was like, oh.
So I'm seeing.
casually. Someone that's
25 years older than me.
I'm 28. He's 53.
What are your
thoughts? And
I've read everything
from you're a gold digger.
What is he your dad?
All those good stuff. What are
some things that I can say? You've got some mean people
in your life. If somebody ever makes a comment.
Thank you guys. It's nobody's business.
Shout out, it's nobody's
business like that no matter where you are.
Are you in love?
Dude, you're in love?
What the fuck, dude?
You're 28th?
You know?
If people, well, first let me ask, not that you can answer, but I'm wondering if she's saying people in your, is she saying people in her life say this?
I imagine.
I imagine.
And for your father, you know what I mean?
Like, that's how I imagine.
But who knows?
But even that is.
That's just a mistake.
And who cares?
Yes.
And that's funny.
But if people are like, oh, yeah, you're a gold digger.
that's also 2853 isn't honest honestly uh it just isn't that crazy it's pretty it's pretty especially
not in l a it's pretty it's a it's a big gap anytime you're 50 plus i guess 28 yeah that's you're
full-on ass adult at 28 yeah true you're not like you know it's like 25 is when you get to like
really like you if you're yeah but like 28 dude you're basically fucking 30 year old
And 50 is, it's also funny too, because when you're, well, I'm 45, so I'm not 50 yet, but like, I don't, I don't feel old.
I feel very good, spry capable.
I like to have a good time.
Like, I'm not, I don't feel old.
And I realize that, you know, if I were 25 or whatever, 22,
or fucking, you know, 20, whatever the legal is, you know, it's like, I would be like, oh,
a 50 year old is old.
But I'm, now that I'm close to that, I'm like, dude, I feel great.
I feel almost kind of better than I ever have.
So it is kind of, it does change.
Like, obviously young people now, it's in the culture to be like, you know, if you're, if you're
28, you're like, oh my God, he's robbing the cradle or whatever the fuck they call.
all it nowadays, I don't know, but it's like, dude.
Like with the Leo shit?
Yeah, like Leonardo DiCaprio is like, he's what, 50s to one?
I don't know so much.
And he dates 25-year-olds, that's...
No, I think there are issues that he dates like 20 years.
Well, and then breaks up with them when they're 25.
Oh, is that the thing?
I don't know.
I don't know.
But it's like, dude, just, just if necessary, make the law be higher.
This way there's no argument.
But the thing is, people are going to have a problem with anything.
So as long as it's not you that has a problem with it, then you're okay.
I mean, how else do you view this?
Specifically, he's asking what to say.
Yeah.
I honestly think you say, that's why I ask you, if it's someone in your life that says that, then.
And say this and say it like this.
Oh, my pussy bomb.
My pussy's bomb.
Oh, my pussy's bomb.
Oh, my pussy's bomb.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
My pussy's bomb.
Okay.
And look in their eyes.
Okay.
It's one tactic.
Did I tell you?
Did I tell you?
My pussy's bomb.
Yeah, at McDonald's.
Yeah, my pussy's bomb.
Well, you'll be, he's probably rich, hopefully.
But, yeah, dude, this is fucking.
Here's my question.
What if she said she was 30 and then he's, he's 53?
I think people would probably, a lot more people would,
have less of a problem.
Isn't that, and that's silly.
Yeah.
It's too,
because she could basically be,
also it depends on the,
that's the thing,
it's so,
so individual.
Also, what's the guy like?
Right.
Is he like,
you know?
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
Fat fucking.
Okay, well.
Is he like that?
Or is he like?
He's probably like that.
Yeah, dude.
So he should take care of it?
What's that?
He should take care of the situation?
No, she should.
She should be like,
Shut the fuck up.
I'm a pussy bomb.
Yeah, I think, uh...
You know pussy, right?
Mine's bomb.
That's gonna be the kind of thing
that people are gonna have a problem with,
or they're not.
It doesn't matter what you say.
Yeah.
So, so say nothing.
Honestly.
If they're in your...
If they're literally in your life or in front of you, like, why bother?
Also, when I was, when I was like 19-20.
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Wouldn't it have been fucking awesome to sleep with like a hot 50 year old woman?
Well, what I was going to say is I remember when I was 20, I mean, I couldn't have been older than 23, 22 maybe.
There was a woman celebrating her like 41st birthday or something and like we met and like literally just like that night.
Yeah, that's so awesome for you.
Right, right, right, right.
And it's awesome for her, too.
Stop with the fucking bullshit.
Yeah.
It's just what happens is she'll get older, change her mind, and be like, actually, not, she won't.
But you know what I'm saying?
It's like, dude, then when are you an adult?
No.
Just make the fucking law the law.
And then 28, you're an adult, dude.
No, I know.
But I'm just saying, uh, it's just so, it's, it's just such a tired subject.
I know, it's just like, you know, I, yeah.
Bro, if I was 19, bro, that would have been awesome.
I mean, I don't, yeah.
Yeah. Do people, actually, I'm actually asking,
because I don't know much, I don't pay attention
in much of this kind of discourse.
Do people get mad when, like, an older woman dates
away, way, way, way younger?
Absolutely not.
Okay.
Well, okay.
Yeah, dates to go, yeah, go, girl, live your truth.
The boy, and the kid is like, mommy.
But it's like, Charlie Serone said it on a podcast,
the other day.
I was like, who?
I fucked a 26 year old
the other day,
and I feel great,
I'm living my life.
And it's like,
how old's Charlie Sterron?
50?
Oh, yeah, probably 50 what, though?
Yeah.
Not 50 exactly, right?
I don't know, no, I don't know.
Yeah, older, probably.
I would think she's all.
Well, we have somebody here who can spell.
That's crazy.
Oh, good job.
Ding, ding, ding, 50 years old, exactly.
Yeah, so it's like.
So what's that age you got?
24 years?
Yeah, I think the guy was 26, 25.
So there you go.
Same exact, same exact age you got.
So you're good.
say I'm sure these the wrong bitch
That's what you say
That's what you say
I'm sure at least the wrong bitch
I'm sure least their own bitch
And then pull up the clip
And just show him
No just say that
It's be so confusing
And have the clip at the ready
I'm sure this wrong bitch
Wow
It's not
She talks about it on a podcast
She said I fucked a 26 year old
It was not an ex
She says fucked
Yeah
Or maybe she says slept with
But she's very curt about it
Like a
Uncuth about it
I guess
Direct
Yeah. Not uncouth, but direct.
Frank. Very frank. There we go.
There you go. She's Frank Calyendo.
Oh, Frank Calando. Holy shit. Okay. That's another.
Doing the John Madden impression. I've flocked to 26-year-old.
Matt, Chris, what's going on, guys? I'm here at work. I build custom closets.
I mean, the way he's backing on. I just got done listening to episode 194.
I sent in the submission about my marriage and about being a professional.
Oh, yeah, yeah. What's going on?
You guys were commenting about how young I was. I'm 25.
and my wife is 39.
So I guess I was calling to see if you guys
had any advice about being married to
or being with older women.
Also, Chris, I believe you said something
about your hair was not the right length.
Bro, you look good, man.
And Matt.
And Matt.
You look good.
He just tossing them out, and it's not working.
He said good, so good about me.
Love you guys. Thank you.
I'm plaguing that.
So not just sagon, wave of my flagging.
Never will I ease up, y'all.
So stop asking.
Can't say the N-word, but that fucking part, dear.
What?
I used to think he said nuts are sagging.
How funny is that?
Oh, no.
That's old man shit.
I mean, I was 12.
Nuts are sagging.
Handicap parking space.
And I thought it was funny.
Like, you know, nuts are sagging.
Bofok was crazy.
Because it's not sex so big, you know?
Oh, yeah.
That's what I thought, yeah.
Cool, right?
He's just bouncing on it like one of those toys at the wall.
Um, not just sagging.
Uh, no.
Not a second.
So I don't know.
I feel like, well, that's great.
25 and 39, yeah.
I mean, it's different than 50, but, I mean, love is love, I guess.
So you want to fight for it?
I don't know if that.
Oh, right.
I forgot the context.
I don't know if that changes anything.
Basically, he called last time, or Lentavito last time and said, my wife wants a divorce,
I don't.
Am I doing the right thing by keep trying to hang on to her?
and pursue her or, you know, or do I just, when do I let it go, you know?
And I think that, uh, that changes things a little bit.
It does change things a little bit, I think, because, yeah, it changes things a little bit.
You're so young.
Maybe it shouldn't, but I think it does because he's, he's very young.
And, you know, in, I don't know, I, I, why do you think it changes things?
I think it changes things for a very specific reason,
and that's, I assumed they were around the same age.
You know, at least five years.
I don't want to say it.
You're talking about a 14, 15 year gap, okay?
And she's considerably older than you.
When you're 25, literally that is when you,
your prefrontal cortex stops developing.
You finally are the you that you are entrenched as such at 25.
Okay.
She's been that for 14 more years than you.
You've been that for a day and a half.
Yes.
And so what my point is, is that whatever she's going through
that makes her want to go is very much potentially a thing
you'd have no fucking idea about it.
Yeah, because you're going like, da-you know what I mean?
Because she's just like the pacifier out of your mouth.
And you're going, do you change my diaper?
But for real, though, like, like,
Just speaking personally, between my ages of 25 and 40,
I was three different motherfuckers.
You know, like, I was totally different people.
An old Asian man.
And so when I think about, like, what I would want from a relationship when I'm 25,
what I would want when I'm 40, like, there's no version of the 25-year-old me
understanding even remotely the 40-year-old version.
You don't think?
I don't think even close.
least for me, dude.
I mean, like, the arc of, the arc of me, the arc of me, dog.
I can work at Home Depot, dog.
What the fuck is that, bro?
That's the Shia of the buff thing.
You haven't seen that?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The poetry of the, that's still the poetry of me, dog.
That's a really good impression, actually.
Oh, home depot church.
Church?
Home Depot is my church, dog.
Wow.
Yeah, no.
Anyway, sorry.
But, yeah, no, it's, uh, the, the arc of me, the poetry of me, the arc of me is so
unbelievably
different
for 25 to 40
the arc of me
how many times
has Ricky Henderson
said that
the arc of Ricky
is what he would say
but
yeah definitely
for sure
but dude like
it's kind of
like a heady
thing that I'm trying
to get up
but like
I understand
I understand
yeah
it's just like
her
she's on a
you
it's easier
think of it this way
it's easier for you
to be able to
call it, call it as you see it as she sees it.
Bro, you, because you got to trust her that she might just be on a fucking different path.
Imagine she, imagine you met her at a party.
You know, you guys planned on meeting at this party and you were going to be late.
She's been there for three hours.
The party's in full swing and you just get there.
Yeah, right.
And you say, hey, want to play charades?
And it's just not that party.
No.
That's exactly, she'd be like, this is, uh, you don't understand the party, bro.
And that's not a bad thing.
No, it's not.
You're going to have your own party.
You just got there.
You're going to have your own party, bro.
You go, maybe this party isn't for you.
You don't even know yet.
You don't even know yet.
So take your charades and find another bitch.
Wow.
Okay.
I would also, just to be fucking perfectly here, put a bow on it, I would say the same exact thing
to the woman in the previous, uh, in the previous, uh, yeah, submission.
It's like, dude, the table's return.
Fucking, she's like, well, he's 53, and he wants to divorce, and I really want to know how hard to fight for it.
I'd be like, fucking shit, man.
You got your entire life.
I was thinking about that, too.
And that's when it really changes, though, because you go, oh, oh, sweetheart, leave him.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
If the guy wants to get divorced, he's 53?
And she's 25.
Oh, I guess 53 and 39.
You're saying it's so different.
No, no, no, 39 and 25.
If the 39-year-old woman wants to get,
if the 39-year-old man wants to get divorced
and the 25-year-old doesn't, woman,
you go, you can't deal with that guy.
If he wants to get divorced, you get divorced.
But what is, I'm trying to...
Because she has her whole life ahead of her.
But so is he.
How is it even remotely different, is what I'm saying?
It's different because of the roles
that men and women have.
Like, if you're...
How is the advice different, though, is what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, dude, I think...
I think, to me, the advice is the same.
No, that's what I'm, yes, the vice is the same.
Oh, okay, okay, okay. You leave.
Right, right, right, right. Yeah. Or let them leave.
Don't put up to much of a fight. Yeah, don't put up too much of a fight because you don't know, you know what I mean. Take your charades go somewhere else to get another bitch.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So.
I've always said since I was born. Take your, I'm going to run for mayor and you can see that on a bus stop.
I'm going to be like this. And it's going to be, take your charades.
Surrades, find another bitch.
Vote for me.
Huge with the male population.
Take your charades or the arc of me, I think, is going to be the title of this episode.
Nothing would be more confusing if that was on my bus stop.
On your bus stop?
Yeah.
What the fuck is a bus stop?
Running for mayor.
Did you not listen to what I was saying?
I did, but you...
Oh, oh, oh, on the bench.
Yeah.
Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
On the bench, on the back of buses.
Oh, dude, you know what I fucking...
I mean like this.
find your
what was it
take your charades
find another bitch
vote for me
you know when you see
bench ads for sale
yep
and it says bench ad
always think Benchad
that is what it says
no Ben
oh Ben Chad
like two guys
are being sold
A
Blinkin
Mm-hmm
The most blinking
ass president
Four score
and stuff
getting sprayed with
water bottle. Wow, full circle.
Four score, seven years ago,
whatever it is. Idiot.
Who cares what it was, you know?
I get the emancipation of product. They make sure.
But it doesn't matter. It was so far away.
The words matter. Well, no one even knows what four score means,
so it's already out the fucking window. It's 12 years.
I know that, but I'm saying, no, generally each.
People don't even know the names of the fucking Beatles anymore. They don't know what
four score means. You know what a fortnight is, you know,
besides the video game.
yeah no
a score is 20
no it's 12
it's 12 I think it's 12 isn't it
yes
and then a fortnight is 14 days
yes
nice
you know
he's got it
I got close
I got one
and then close to the other
a fortnight is fucking crazy
to call two weeks
Shakespeare you know
I guess yeah
but wait I was right
the number it's 20
what
oh it's 20
a score is 20
I thought it was four score
12 years ago?
How does it fucking begin?
That's why I got mixed up.
He was saying 87 years ago is what he was trying to say.
How does it begin?
Four score and seven years ago.
Yes.
Oh, yeah, I mean, I got them off, but seven years ago, okay.
I mean, I was right with this.
I was right then.
I was wrong about both.
But I was wrong about the.
So a score is 20 years.
Yes.
Wow, I thought it was 12.
Why did I, why do we both think it was 12?
I mean, I don't fucking.
I think it's 12.
Anyway.
Yeah, it's 12.
That's what's up.
We decided.
Thank you so much.
Appreciate you guys.
go ahead and get tickets to see me
I'm going to be in West Nyack
I'm in Milwaukee
I think that's sold out
Vancouver
Cincinnati
different places in Ohio
just go see Chris
and I'll be in Australia
so good I might
and I'll see you there
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