Lifeline - 198. ChrisGPT

Episode Date: February 8, 2026

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Starting point is 00:00:01 Runk. What's up everybody? Welcome to Lifeline. This is episode 198. Wow. Bing Bang. It's Sunday, February 8th.
Starting point is 00:00:30 Big Bang. Happy birthday, too. John Williams. You know who John Williams is? All righty then. Anderson Park. Do you know who that is? I don't.
Starting point is 00:00:38 And, of course, the one and only Mary Steenburgeon. Thank you very much. What a trio. Who's that how you say her name? What? Steenbergin, yeah. Anderson Pack is an
Starting point is 00:00:50 R&B singer. Oh, I'm an R&B guy. You're not an R&B guy. Well, I'm a rhythm and blues type in my soul, but who's Anderson Pack? What does he do? He does a, he does singing R&B. Is it sick? People really like him. Nice. Hates him so much. No, no, I just couldn't tell you a song of his. Right, right. One of you guys? He works with Dr. Dre and stuff, so he's legit. Shout out to Legends for sponsoring this show, Legends, is a free-to-play social casino and sportsbook. Check it out at Legends.com, that's with his Z-Legens. Because they're cool, because you don't, you know, you smell a legend with an ass.
Starting point is 00:01:24 It's not as cool. Not nearly as cool, yeah. Sign up for our Patreon. patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. That's only $5. And there are 80 episodes of Lifeline Luxury up there. A bunch. A bunch? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:01:36 That's great. It's great. It's great. It's really great. It's really good, yeah. So you subscribe to subscribe on YouTube. So, subscribe to the YouTube channel. That's super good.
Starting point is 00:01:44 Subscribe. Subscribe. Smash it. Of course, become a member of my Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash Matulia. For all of it, we do it live twice a week. At least get up in there. It is a good time.
Starting point is 00:01:58 Johnny Good Time. Does your Patreon cost anything? My name is Johnny Good Time. What's up? Does your Patreon cost anything? It's free to watch the live if, well, really, for anybody, but you're going to want to become a member. I could watch it live.
Starting point is 00:02:11 There's tears. There's levels. There's levels. I could go over your house and watch it if I want. You could come, you can watch me do it live. Just sit there with popcorn. I'll be in Montreal. I'll be in Ottawa.
Starting point is 00:02:21 I am going to Australia and New Zealand. That's coming up soon. And then Vancouver and Colonna. That's in Canada. Nowhere in America until March 20th, and that's in Austin, Texas. Mr. International over there. Yeah, I guess so. That flight to Australia is so hard.
Starting point is 00:02:45 You're in the first class. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The flight isn't, though. It's the, I'm not talking about the flight. I'm talking about the acclamation of the time. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:56 I can eat a flight. I don't care. How long are you going to be there? I don't know. Okay. Ten days? A week, no. A week, no.
Starting point is 00:03:05 Yeah. Week, a week and a half? 27th to the March 6th, yeah. A little over a week, actually, yeah. So, uh, caught your line. So, so, but you know, it might change and no, yeah. So, that's what. what's been going on.
Starting point is 00:03:20 And that's, you can get your tickets at chrisley.com. I went to, you know what? We ordered our food and, you know how sometimes I order the food and then I don't eat the food? Yes, pretty much every week for the last two months. Okay. But this time, Marco said, food orders, and I go, chicken and kale.
Starting point is 00:03:37 And adding the way here, I go, I actually have some time. I'm going to stop at Jones, you know, on third, right? Yeah. I don't know if you've been over there in the studio, City one lately. It's... I've been there a long time ago.
Starting point is 00:03:52 Yeah, it's... It's... It's... popping off, like, there's other stuff there. Like, there's a James Purse clothing store there and, like, McConnell's ice cream and... A weird little, like... And a restaurant.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's, like, a nice restaurant that looks like it just opened up. Anyway. And in Alfred's. Anyway... It looks... It's already a nightmare, parking-wise, there. Like, they don't have a parking lot.
Starting point is 00:04:20 It's just like it. Do you still get into the bank lot? No, no, no, you can't. So, so this is where my story is going. So I would, I used to park in the bank lot sometimes, but parking wasn't that bad. Now it's horrible. It's just, it's like that, have you ever, no, I probably haven't been there. Well, it's like, you know, it's like, it's going to become the grove, you know, it's not.
Starting point is 00:04:41 But, so, so I went to, I go, all right, I can't find, I did two loops, couldn't find a parking space. Well, you know, I mean, it makes sense. You see all the people there and then you're like, there's no way, there's too many cars. So I'm like, I'm going to go parking that Chase Bank. And then it says Chase Bank parking only. There were maybe three cars in that parking lot. And that parking lot is huge. It's big.
Starting point is 00:05:05 It's really big. That's why I asked. Yeah. It's honestly too big for even just Chase Bank. It's just big. Too big to fail, just like Chase, yeah. So, is that their slogan? No.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Oh. So, be a weird slogan for a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of, back so uh so i i went so i i'm like i'm just going to park there because i i i don't care and also there's spaces yeah you're not going to be that long hey this is earth yeah also you're not going to be there that long anyway yeah at all so i park in there the guy who's there under the umbrella you know yep oh they do that now okay yeah yeah yeah they've been doing that for a minute they're defending it but he says uh i'm gonna start writing tickets he can can't can park here only for chase So I walked by him
Starting point is 00:05:47 And as I walked by him I said, oh, I'm going to chase In the opposite, walking in the opposite direction Yeah, yeah, it's good response And he says, But you can park here only even go to chase I said, yeah, I'm going to go to chase Yeah, I'm going to chase
Starting point is 00:06:00 Walking away from him Go, order the food, get the food, Come back Walk past him again to get to my car, right? And I look at him and I say, See, now I'm going to chase And I walked directly into my car and drove away.
Starting point is 00:06:16 Nice. You won. Well, I just... Not against him, against the world. No, I know, but I'm just like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna flat out lie in his face.
Starting point is 00:06:29 No, I'm lying. And be fine with it. Get into politics, man. Yeah. But I just, I literally gonna see, now I'm going to chase. I literally go like this. And then went into my car and drove away.
Starting point is 00:06:47 I understand how that works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I felt, you know, I feel a little bad because I lied to him. However, it doesn't matter. And it doesn't matter to him and it doesn't matter to Chase. If I bet if I asked the Chase president is okay if I park here for five minutes, he'd be okay. He would be okay. Or the branch representative or whatever.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Maybe not the branch. The branch manager would probably be like, no. No, if I really talked about it. Because then he could, like, on a technical level, he'd get fired, you know. The guy was just doing his job. I understand that. I understand that. But he did his job.
Starting point is 00:07:24 He said, you can't do it. Exactly. Good. Also, he can't write tickets. No, I know, obviously. He lied. Yeah. So he lied.
Starting point is 00:07:30 He did write first. He had a book and he, like, wrote the thing down. That's not a ticket. Was not a ticket according to. That's a diary. I've gotten, do it. He opened up his Mickey Mouse diary. I got, one time I, when I was dating.
Starting point is 00:07:43 Bragon 22. Bragon 21. one. Vanessa, when she was 20, she was in college, she was in Loyal Manor. She almost kissed me once. All good.
Starting point is 00:07:51 I go there. She thought it was you. So I, okay. So I go there. Just clarifying for everybody. That's fine, man. So I go there, it was fucking 50 years ago, you know.
Starting point is 00:08:00 So I go there and I would get tickets because I would keep my car there overnight and sleep over. And then I would get the ticket, and I would put the ticket in the trash can. And nothing ever happened. And it would say 45, $25 ticket and I would just put it in the trash can and nothing happened. This school was just like, oh, well, okay, because now, okay, now you owe us $25 and just no.
Starting point is 00:08:27 I got to throw something in there, though. I know a guy who got racked up parking tickets and didn't pay him, literally got pulled over just for speeding or a taillight or something just regular. He went to jail. Yeah, you should. I don't think you should go to jail for that. Well, they should be, you should just rack up whatever, you know, the penalties. Well, there should be a penalty, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:47 And you shouldn't go to jail. If you're parking like a fucking asshole on the street getting parking tickets, you owe money. I don't think it's, you know, it's fucking sucks, but you owe money. That's how it is. Why are you exempt from that? I'm not. Did you pay anything? No.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Oh, okay. Come after me. Okay, yeah. Take the money. If you asked me again and you kept sending, I'd eventually pay the money. But you didn't. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:13 I'm not exempt from it. It's like, you know, I used to never pay parking tickets until this happened, my friend. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, you went to, I was like, what do you mean you went to jail? Yeah. And he was like, they put handcuffs on me, put me in the car, brought me to jail. And I was like, I'm sorry, for what again? And he was like parking tickets.
Starting point is 00:09:38 And I slapped them straight across the face. Wow. Never spoke to him again. But wait, why did you, why did you think you couldn't go to jail for that? it's because there shouldn't be an amount of parking tickets that you get that's that there shouldn't unless you literally get 3,000 of them you shouldn't go to jail do you think the cutoff is 3,000 sure then you're just like an actually like liability in the world right yeah right but like execution maybe maybe 1,000 maybe execution yeah you had like 18 parking like what it's a lot it's a lot
Starting point is 00:10:09 but jail it's at some point it's grand theft right you owe money Stupid though. Well, I don't disagree with that. I mean, look, you know, town, what do you call it? Town, cities need to make money. And I get that they need to tax us in certain places, but they're talking about passing a mileage tax. Did you hear about this? No.
Starting point is 00:10:32 They're talking about passing a, because all the electrical cars here, electric cars, in California, they're talking about passing a mileage tax. So if you're in the state of California or in Los Angeles. Oh, I don't know. I guess. There's no way that would be stay wide. Like if you drive a lot, then you would be taxed. Yeah, but in this way because like it's like, you know, for electric cars. And that suck?
Starting point is 00:10:54 I'll go crazy. I don't have electric car, though. Because then if you don't have electric car, you have to pay both. Yeah, I mean, well, people, if you charge your electric car at home, you pay more in electricity bill as it should be to charge your car. Yeah. So that's where you're getting taxed. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:11:12 That's where you're paying. They just want money. I just, it's so expensive to live in Los Angeles or California and then I go like this, but the weather is great. It really is. I mean, this week or two, the only weather that was good in America was Southern California. It was insanely nicer and I would look at the rest of the country and just think. It wasn't nice. It was so, well, it was remarkably terrible in the rest of the country. Right, right. Well, there were horrible storms and in L.A. was like 73 degrees with sun all day, every day.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Unbelievable. So I agree. People are like, everybody's leaving California. Why are you standing? I'm like, dude, what do you mean? Like, you're,
Starting point is 00:11:51 sure, like there's inconveniences and things that suck, but like the weather, I don't know, what's more important than the weather and also in being near the people that you care about.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Right. Those are the only two things. True. That's what's here. And yeah. Why would I leave this place? True. And if you don't,
Starting point is 00:12:05 and if you don't care about, if you don't live in Hollywood or, you know, Hollywood. proper is now true just like judgment night. But that's what I'm saying. If you don't live horrible.
Starting point is 00:12:19 Downtown has areas like that. It does. You know. I honestly think Hollywood's weirdly worse than downtown now because. What is? Hollywood. Yeah, because in the center,
Starting point is 00:12:28 like on La Brea and Hollywood, you'll just like, you can't drive through that intersection anymore without passing a flaming shopping cart. Yeah. Yeah. And you're just like, where did that even come from?
Starting point is 00:12:38 Also, in downtown, you get robbed by people who look like they'll rob you. And in, Brea and Hollywood, you get robbed by Jack Sparrow. In broad daylight. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:51 But it is, you know, it is beautiful. And I don't live in Los Angeles. Yeah, Southern California is great as long as you don't live in Hollywood. That's what I think, in all honesty. Oh, really? Yeah. There's a, like, because, you know, plays like Phoenix and stuff. It's too hot.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Phoenix. I love Phoenix. Oh, yeah, I was that character? Terry. Terry, he died. Terry. He died? RIP Terry.
Starting point is 00:13:14 Yeah. That's a great character. All right, let's get into it. Actually, before we even get into it, I had to reschedule my Calgary show. People are asking me about it. And so I did have to reschedule it because it's Calvin's birthday. Okay. Calgary Vin's birthday?
Starting point is 00:13:28 No. Nice, dude. So it's Calvin's birthday, so I'm doing something for the family. And I would do anything for my kids. So I'm sorry. You know what I mean? But honestly, I'm not sorry because I have to, but I'll reschedule it to the fall. But anyway, so be on the lookout.
Starting point is 00:13:44 But one announcement for me, I'm actually two announcements. I'm Japanese and I'm buff. That makes my announcement sound like that. It's a lie, it's not. No, they're both equally true. All three things that we said about you and Calgary shows. Four things.
Starting point is 00:13:58 You, Calgary shows, and your family, meet my ethnic origins and how buff I am. All right, let's start. Cool, let's go. Here, let's get into it. Four true things. That's not film. Hey, Matt and Chris. Um, I've been watching since episode one. I watched congratulations since episode like 25 when it first came out. Um, and I just want to say I'm very annoyed at Matt for just like spitting random like untrue facts sometimes because I've been repeating, I've been caught repeating like a fact that Matt said. One time I even made a bit with my friend. He said that ACAP stands for all cops are bastards. And I was like, nope, it stands for all cops are bad because I hear me.
Starting point is 00:14:42 Matt say that all the time. Well, he probably just doesn't want to say that. And we bet 50 euros. And then we looked it up and obviously I was wrong. And I was like, fuck you, Matt, Alia. You owe me 50 euros. I don't, but yeah, right. It's not how it works.
Starting point is 00:14:55 Well, you know. I like all cops are bad. I don't think all cops are bad. I've never heard all cops are bastards. I've never even ever. Oh, really? Have you really? Yeah, I've only heard that.
Starting point is 00:15:03 All cops are bastards? It's fucking Game of Thrones? That's why. What the fuck? All cops don't, we're born out of wedlock. What? All cops were illegitimate children. I believe her, but have you guys all, I'm telling you.
Starting point is 00:15:18 Are you guys also one of them? I know, I know. Truthfully, I always thought it was bastards. And I don't really remember you saying the bad. I remember saying that. No, he always said it. It was when the cop called in was like, why do people hate cops now? Yeah, I thought you were just saying all cops are bad like a thing, like it wasn't ACAB.
Starting point is 00:15:36 I thought that's what ACAB was, yeah. Yeah. I've always thought it was all cops are bad. You thought it was bad? Yeah, I mean, that's probably what. Yeah, it's probably. I've actually never heard bastards. Oh, I've never heard the bastards more either.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Yeah, I have. I have. I've only heard that. Bad is better, though. Like, what? Yeah, like, they're fucking tritian or whatever the hell. Bastards, you know? Well, the whole thing, I mean, that makes, yeah, that, yeah, it's so. Well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:03 Make another bet on something else that I said. Well, yeah, that, you win 50 euros somewhere else. Also, Matt wasn't saying, hey, I'm, you know, know, they say all cops are bad, and that's what that stands for. He just said it. Thank you. Backing me up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:18 So, so. Trust me, I want it to be Matt's fault, but it's yours. Yeah. So appreciate you. I think coming in. I wonder what other things I've said that are false that she's referring to. Well, she may not. Maybe she's doing the thing that people do, mostly women, where they exaggerate.
Starting point is 00:16:33 Yeah. And they go, well, he does these things. You go, like what? They can only name one thing. And you go, all right. So there was one. and it was kind of your fault. Right.
Starting point is 00:16:43 It's basically a kind of what females do. So good. This is good. So yeah. Yeah. So I, you know, that's all I have to say about that because she gave no other examples. There were no other example. I mean, I'm not saying I never saying anything else that's wrong.
Starting point is 00:17:00 I'm positive that I have. She did many times, but she didn't have enough. Right. Right. She knew it. She frankly knew it. You can see it in her eyes and I think back on it. Oh.
Starting point is 00:17:09 Well, she didn't. It took, obviously. Why you've been in euros, dude? You don't have an accent. What's going on there? She totally seemed American. So I smell some lies coming from her. Wow, I see.
Starting point is 00:17:18 Okay. So, spinning it back at her. Wow. Okay. All right. Projection. I'm feeling projection. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:24 About her lying self. Okay. Projecting that onto me when all I did was get a word in a phrase and an acronym wrong. And not even. Right. Potentially not even. Yeah, exactly. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:36 Well, let's go to the next one. All right, now shout out to Legends for sponsoring. the show Legends is a free-to-play social casino and sportsbook. Check it out at legends.com. You can do a bunch of stuff there. You can play roulette. You play blackjack. You can bet on all that stuff. Here's the best part about it. Yeah. It's live. It's crazy. Never seen anything like it. My mind is blown. And frankly, it's very cool. It's basically just like being there. Yeah. It's an actual person live. But it's virtual. Yeah. And your Legends Hub is live. It's your all in one spot for mission. Daily rewards, badges, and more. You start with missions, complete challenges, earn rewards.
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Starting point is 00:18:38 Legends. New news is in decline across Canada, and this is bad news for all of us. With less local news, noise, rumors, and misinformation fill the void, and it gets harder to separate truth from fiction. That's why CBC News is putting more journalists in more places across Canada, reporting on the ground from where you live, telling the stories that matter to all of us, because local news is big news. Choose news, not noise.
Starting point is 00:19:07 CBC News. Uh, what's up guys? I got a few things to ask you. Where is Anthony? Is he okay? I miss him a lot. Is Anthony okay? Please tell us. My question question is when does using chat GPT become unhealthy? I try to use it for things that are objective, but I still worry that I'm using it too much or using it for things that I shouldn't be using it for or using it in a way that's making me dumber, using it in a way that feeds my OCD. or whatever, saying using so much. So please figure out when using chat GPT becomes unhealthy. Shout out to the OG crew chat.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Chris, come back to New York City. Bye. Well, I remember him. I met him once. He's dope. I love that. He's an OG crew member on my Patreon. Yeah, I remember him.
Starting point is 00:19:59 And I think he came up to me last time I was at, he got like a meet and greet thing. I met him. Yeah, he's cool. It's cool, dude. But, yeah, chat GPT's, I don't know. Well, first of all, Anthony, we killed him.
Starting point is 00:20:13 No. Anthony has been replaced by chat GPD, so that's what it is. No, Anthony does come sometimes, but we often record in the middle of an impossible time for him to be here. And we do that on purpose because we hate him. No, we do that because it's just, we have to. It's convenient for us. But he still works. He works basically on the show.
Starting point is 00:20:36 We love Anthony. He lives in a really bad neighborhood. And it's far away from where other better places. So he's constantly ducking and stuff because bullets are flying by his head. Correct. But we have, you know, we have, you know, we got, we got a bunch of, we got a, we got a bunch of, how many episodes have you done? Yeah. Five.
Starting point is 00:20:59 Tate's great, man. So yeah. So Tate's great. But Anthony, I know you're watching because you cut this, but I'm just going to say, I don't miss you, man. Oh, wow. I miss him. I wish both the game. I wish both the game.
Starting point is 00:21:10 But I don't miss. Backtrap. Backtrack. So it would be nice to both, but I don't miss. Yeah. So, Anthony, cut this bark out, part out. Fuck you. And so, but so, so, no, so, chat, GBT, I don't know, man.
Starting point is 00:21:24 It's, I mean, to me, I keep, I always think about, like, you know, when, when the calculator was invented, it's like, well, you're not going to know how to add nine plus eight and you are. But, you know. Okay. But, but, but that's true, though. It made people forget how to do. Basic math. Well, the iPhone made me forget my own number. And the numbers of the ones you call all the time.
Starting point is 00:21:46 But what I said was my number, which the point I'm saying is, it makes it even harder what I'm saying. So obviously I won't remember other people's numbers if I don't remember my number. So what you did was, took it where it was, and you backtracked. And I didn't want to do that. When do you ever call yourself? When I have to give somebody my number, I have to look at it sometimes. Are you serious?
Starting point is 00:22:06 I have. I have. But that's crazy. Yeah, and it's because of the iPhone. Is it? Two, our old number in Jersey, fucking, you know, 218, 7-7-4-9-8. See? I mean, like, come on, dude, and I can't even remember my fucking 7-44.
Starting point is 00:22:27 To me, it's, yeah, it's crazy when I can't remember, like, your number or something. Well, I can't, I don't know yours. I don't even know Christens. The only ones I know. I know, I know Billy's. It's six Apple's. Applesauce, Applesauce.
Starting point is 00:22:41 The only one I know is Billy's, yeah. Poop, fart. Seven. Morse code. Chatscote. I think the problem for me with Chauta BD is that it doesn't allow you to configure it to not be psychophantic. It's like, you can be like, hey, stop spinning it in a way that is just agreeing with me. Like, push back.
Starting point is 00:23:08 And they're like, what a great. idea that then like here's the no spin unvarnished version that you ask and you're just like no don't preface it like that you big boy you're giving me what I want too much like now shut the fuck up and do it there and even you talk to it like that and still will be like I hear you I understand and here comes the nobles and you're just like don't preface it yeah stop prefacing it I had and they're like okay no more prefacing and you're like stop prefacing it and they're like okay I copy that I will not be oh I'm I'm Kinnison I did it's just fucking crazy
Starting point is 00:23:42 like they don't it's like they need to get the last word in yeah they're like Vince Vaughn yeah it's like they can't not do it cool okay okay okay no more words yeah exactly exactly dude uh I did uh
Starting point is 00:23:54 I had them my chat chipida would always go no matter what I asked it would go yeah so and then it would and I said hey save this please don't do that anymore don't say yeah just answer
Starting point is 00:24:09 And now they just answer, and I swear to God, I feel insecure. Because I'm like, do they like me? Whoa, you're crazy. No, it's fucked up. You know that's not a person in there. No, but it's fucked up, yeah, it's fucked up. So I know it's not a person, but I'm a person. And I hear's my feelings.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Sometimes I talk shit to it. And I'm like, even though all you are is a pattern recognition machine, I want to know your opinion about this, you know. The Matrix. The bad guy in the Matrix. And I'll be like, no offense, but like, I know you're not human and you're just a pattern recognition, and that's all you are.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Again, the Matrix. And it'll be like, ha-ha, no offense taken, you know. I'm on your side, and I'm just like, fuck you, dude. Recognition. I feel like I've beaten mine enough into submission where they do, they do, they do, it does disagree with me enough now
Starting point is 00:25:00 that I'm like, I feel safe. No. Not you? I swear to God. Mine glazes me, dude. One time, one time I was like, Sam, this is just being mean to me. This is just being mean to me.
Starting point is 00:25:09 And I was like, this is good. Good. Oh, finally. Lukeus finally came back around, stupid bitch. Basically. Anyway, the answer is seven.
Starting point is 00:25:16 Yeah. I was asking four plus three. Uh, yeah. Uh, no, I, I, to me,
Starting point is 00:25:21 it's like, we go exactly, we exact, and don't even worry about, like I told you, I woke up this when I said, I had a pint and a half of ice cream and they're like,
Starting point is 00:25:29 and that's okay. You will, you think, it's actually okay to do because you're refilling glycogen. You're refilling your, so it could even come back even harder. And I'm just like, No, I was a fat piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:25:43 I drove over someone on purpose. Population control is beautiful. Right, right. What's one less person on the right? Also, many people are bad. What if you ran over a bad person? What if my mom? Well, did you have a good childhood?
Starting point is 00:25:57 Yes. Okay, well, she was going to die anyway soon, right? That's exactly what it would do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's the problem for me with it. I agree that the move with it is to ask it only about objective facts, not about anything remotely subjective. Because anything, the further you lean into subjectivity, the more it's just going to be like, yeah, dude, you're doing it right.
Starting point is 00:26:20 I go, I'll be eating popcorn. I'm like, I ate popcorn. And it's like, and that was intentional. Tomorrow you'll wake up it. And I'm just like, God damn it, dude. No shit is intentional. I'm me. I fucking took the popcorn out and put it in my mouth, God damn it.
Starting point is 00:26:32 Don't make me feel like a big boy for lifting up the fucking half full arm. orange juice because you know what I mean like oh wow like what I do to Calvin and shit oh I you're getting good at drawing dude but it is nice but it is nice got to when they glaze me see they hooked you um do you guys see that viral video but the guy telling it asking it to spell strawberry yeah everybody's fun right that shit is funny as hell I I don't even it's not that it's not funny he's being funny I'm saying the guy is being funny right oh Chris doesn't like this guy I can tell No, it's not that I don't like the guy. What I don't get is it's almost like,
Starting point is 00:27:13 how did it even make that mistake? That's why it's funny. Yeah. It's like he goes through every version of making it understand that it's wrong. By the way, it still does it. It keeps doing it wrong. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:25 Oh, it does it not? Even still, you're saying. Yeah, if I did it yesterday, just for fun. Really? It makes me more mad than laugh. It's like, why would it be that bad at that? It's such a simple, fucking thing to fix and if it can't get that then I'm like well what the fuck I mean I've
Starting point is 00:27:40 as we've talked about before I've had to be just yeah yeah dead wrong make a thing up I talk about on my live show once a this long story like it it it got me into hot water because I asked it a thing and while I was texting text arguing someone and I was like trying to pretend like I knew about something more than I did and I was like what's this and it told me the complete wrong thing and I was like you know you're wrong there was no holocaust and and I was like what the fuck I mean edit that out for sure and um well just bleep it it's fine keep it fucking well I'm not saying that I'm I'm making a joke as if it it's the we know yeah we did the ultimate derailment though I am of the middle of a story
Starting point is 00:28:25 I believe in world peace great that's great but yeah then I was like wait no isn't it this? Because I realized I was wrong in my texting argument because I was being beaten to shit in the text thread and they were like oh wait
Starting point is 00:28:39 and I was like great catch yeah oh you got me and I was like why if you don't know what a thing and then it went on to say the reason I did this
Starting point is 00:28:51 is because all I do is recognize patterns and it sounded like it would be something like this and I was like oh it's me in a relationship you're just making shit up then based on what you think might be true
Starting point is 00:29:01 Not you. I mean it. I don't know, I know, but that was me. Yeah. Nice. You're Chris GPD? Yeah. Chris PT. Chris PT.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Um, chat Chipit. Chippity. Chit. I mean melting down. Chris GPT. Got it. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:18 All right. All right. All right. Nice one. Guess who. About 50 times in our relationship, I have held my partner's hand while she's taking the ship. Bye. Oh.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Oh. Oh. Is that a kink? Whoa. What is that? Has to be, right? Are you standing or sitting? Does she have like a GI-trak issue?
Starting point is 00:29:44 The only things I can think of is she has a GI-tracked issue and she needs like support because it hurts so bad. Or it's a kink for one of them. And I'm going to guess it's him because he's a freak, obviously. Is your other hand on your penis? That's, uh... Let's think this through. Why would anyone do that?
Starting point is 00:30:07 Well, my, I mean, if you can't answer it, it's either drugs or sexual. It doesn't seem like, that doesn't seem like drug behavior. Well, no, but what I'm saying, if you can't answer a question, it usually has to do with drugs or it's sexual or something. Fair. That sounds like a familiar with drug behavior. That is not any drug behavior. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:30:28 I'm familiar with maybe MDMA or something. I got it. I got to take a shit, man. You want to come? Get my, come and throw my hand. But, it's this, oh, yeah. But what is, even if it's a kink, 50, he said 50. I like that he came clean with his face, letting the world know,
Starting point is 00:30:46 cool, good on you, but what are you doing? Why are you doing that? Yeah, but explain it, explain it more. Otherwise, I have nothing to say. My, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I'm not saying that's what that is, but how do you get past the smell, I guess? That's my whole thing.
Starting point is 00:31:07 Even if you think it's sexy. To look at or... I think the only answer is that that becomes part of it. The smell? It has to. Yeah, it has to, right? Because it's one of the, if not the central part that makes it disgusting. Like if it was just a mechanism of the body that didn't have any kind of
Starting point is 00:31:29 other sensory effect if it didn't fucking ruin your olfactory sense then like it would obviously be like still like oh that's human waste but you wouldn't be detested by it you wouldn't be disgusted by the smell is the thing it's the main quality of shit that makes people go
Starting point is 00:31:46 oh that's why mini shits which are called farts make people go oh mini shits you know air shits air shits yeah but yeah no I don't get that one Yeah, you hear a lot about really, really famous, really famous people.
Starting point is 00:32:04 I've heard at least three different firsthand stories from the person that was involved with it, that a really, really, really famous celebrity was like, I mean, one of them was, I need you to sit on, I need you to come over and shit on my glass table while I lay under it. Another one was I need you to sit under me while I swing over you, and I swing in my apartment in my loft in New York and I shit on you while I pass you. I had to be in New York? Well, he happened to be in New York.
Starting point is 00:32:34 I know, I'm doing. It's not the same guy? And no. Okay, and what's the other one? The other one was... Two's enough, honestly. Just a basic, like... Just your basic kind of shit on me thing.
Starting point is 00:32:45 I want... Yeah. Just your basic... Shit on my chest. Right. Just your basic, let me just get down here, get in Akiba Dachi, shit on my chest, just your basic.
Starting point is 00:32:54 It's something about you... There's something about some people with sexuality where it's like you push it, you go to the extreme and then it's not enough, and then you push it and you go to the extreme, it's not enough. And then suddenly you're like, I can only come if somebody like fucking rubs a cheese grater against my dick. And you're just like,
Starting point is 00:33:15 you just take a break for a little while. Reset. Shoot me in the throat with a bow and arrow. Right. Yeah. Reset, dude. If you need someone to shit over a glass table, right above you as you watch it happen you need a hard sexual reset you know what i mean
Starting point is 00:33:31 you're not hurting anyone but uh yeah no i i i do think uh that that's wild uh because that one was that one was lou reed by the way all right p i can say it because he's dead your basic shit one the shit on the glass above my uh uh glass table above me okay yeah and the other ones are alive yes oh man uh yeah uh yeah i i i mean i i understand that there is is a, there is a, what would it call it, like the, your, the demeaning thing, like to demean yourself, turn some people on? Yes, yeah, for sure, for sure.
Starting point is 00:34:09 So in that sense, I would guess I get that about the shitting thing, but the smell and how disgusting it is, I'll never understand, people. There's, people are like that about vomiting. Bye. Yeah, no, I know, I know. Which is even more disgusting.
Starting point is 00:34:23 Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, this is an impossible question, but would you rather in... Can't... No, no, no, no, no, I know the answer. I'd rather get vomited on. A hundred times than fucking shit from an asshole? Bye. Well, it's the only place I can come from really technically, but...
Starting point is 00:34:45 Bye. Yeah, buy to both. Yeah, buy to both. It's not like high how you're doing to one, but... Two people like the pee thing. Like, it's like, what is all that? That's fine. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:34:55 That's fine. That's fine. P? Care. P's nothing. Exactly. Why would you want it? I piss myself all the time.
Starting point is 00:35:01 That's not sexual. It is to me. That's being a baby. That's being a baby. That's being a baby. Oh, I piss myself. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, I don't, I don't get those kinds of extreme bodily kinks.
Starting point is 00:35:15 Pain even is like, gets out of here. Yeah, dude, it hurts, though. I don't like to be hurt. Well, guys get fucking nuts stomped with high heels and shit. You see it like on, you've caught it on like, you know what I mean, online or at your house? And it's just like, what the fuck? Yeah, it's crazy. You go, those are my nuts.
Starting point is 00:35:33 Just booting them. Fucking booting them, dude. How about someone just bites you and you didn't say bite me? Happened to me. It's terrible. On the lips. Don't bite me.
Starting point is 00:35:43 Ask me if I want to be bit. I told them not to. I'd go, ow, that really hurt. And they go, okay. And they did again. A vampire. I flipped out. They turned out and flew home.
Starting point is 00:35:53 But yeah. No, they, I flipped out. I was like, you got to go. This is crazy. You ate me a little bit. Yeah, I don't stand for that. I'll never forget that. It's weird to assume everyone would like it.
Starting point is 00:36:07 Well, it's obvious that that person likes it. I know, but to assume another person likes to be bit is different than to assume someone is willing to bite you if you ask them. Yeah, but you don't, yeah, yeah, but maybe it doesn't matter to them. It's not like, yeah, but it's not about them. I like to do it.
Starting point is 00:36:23 So harm. You got to ask if you're going to harm someone physically. I know. The first time she did it, she's like, oh, you can't handle it? I'm like, yeah, no, this is not what we do. Yeah, no, I don't handle that. I cannot handle that. Lip fucking hanging off. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:35 Yeah, no, this is not a, I'm not manly thing. You just don't, don't eat. Oh, that's what she was like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh. Yeah, you never know where someone's coming from, you know, the previous relationships, you know? I remember some, one time this woman, I was seeing her a little bit, but she said something, she did something. And it, I guess, technical.
Starting point is 00:36:58 like it hurt my feelings and I said to her I was like yo why'd you do that that sucks like you know and she thought she was gonna like play a game
Starting point is 00:37:12 and she was like I see what this is going she was like oh did I hurt your she was like did I hurt your feelings and I was and I and I was like I had that initial thing where I was like
Starting point is 00:37:22 don't fucking say that but then I was like wait yeah and I just said yeah you're really hurt my feelings. And she was like, oh, and she completely broke her thing. And she goes, oh, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:37:36 Oh. Yeah, it was fucking funny. It's good. I go, yeah, that's why I'm mad. It hurt my feelings. Yeah. De-escalation in a way. It works, you know.
Starting point is 00:37:47 So anyway, but great, now that's out there. Now people don't want pussy. Great. Great. Great. All right. I'm human just like you. Cut me, I bleed.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Nice. All right. Let's do know. Hey, Chris, hey Matt. Love you both. Love the Pod. I am currently listening to you both try to decode the bandana. And I just wanted to call in and give my two cents on what I thought was going on in that bathroom. I love that's where your guy's brains went, that there's some sort of courting situation happening. But my girl brain tells me that I think the other guy in a stall was trying to help out the collar by giving him toilet paper because that's what girls would do in the bathroom. He's seen there for a long time. He's scrolling on his phone. Maybe the other guy in the bathroom thinks he's stranded in there and is just trying to help brother out, sent over some toilet paper,
Starting point is 00:38:38 because that's what girls do. They would help another sister out. So I would love to hear what you guys think about that. But also really love where your brains went with the courting situation. That's why I listened to the pod because that's surely not what I would have thought. Thanks. Wait. Can you explain the thing again?
Starting point is 00:38:53 Because I remember it. But there was a guy in a stall. Yeah. And if I remember it correctly, tell me if I'm wrong. somebody started sending their, from their, another stuff, sending toilet paper over. Right.
Starting point is 00:39:05 Oh, and we thought it was maybe a gay thing. With no, didn't say anything. Yeah, but how, how does that make sense to her? There are some people in the world. In my experience,
Starting point is 00:39:19 anecdotally, perhaps, most of them are women. Yeah? Where they'll be like, that person, their instinct, and it covers their whole, mind, it's like that person was just trying to help no matter what.
Starting point is 00:39:33 Yeah, women. I just said that. Yeah, no, I know. You're saying mostly women. There's no way in a fucking men's bathroom, some guy has a nurturing moment and it's just like, I have toilet paper and it's in abundance. I should give some to the other guy just in case there's none over there. That's insane.
Starting point is 00:39:52 What I was going to do was say what you said more delicately, but I agree with what you're saying. Oh, you were going to say exactly what I was saying. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. I just, I completely get where she's coming from because I completely understand as a woman. As a woman. Yes. But you have to understand as a woman that men's brains do not work at that unless there is a clear sound of distress.
Starting point is 00:40:16 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And on top of that, they would say, hey, can I help you out? Do you need something? What's going on? Well, here's something that probably women, you know how like women are like, it's scary walking down the street? and a lot of dudes are like, no, it's not. Dudes don't do anything. They just don't understand what it's like to be a woman, right?
Starting point is 00:40:36 I was literally having this exact conversation with something last night. So, so in her thoughts, she's not understanding what it's like to be a man. Because if I was going to help another man for no reason when we're doing that, I'm doing this and he's doing that, I would have so many more thoughts before it even got there of like, oh, I don't want this to be gay, weird. I don't want to get in a fight. I don't want to, like, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:41:06 Like, he probably wants private time. Like, you mean unless he was. He asked for something or in distress. Yeah, of course. Yeah. But there's no, there's a man would not do that for so many reasons. Yeah. Just like a woman has, you know, guys are like, there's no fucking, this doesn't happen.
Starting point is 00:41:23 It's like, dude, you're just, you're not a woman. You don't get it. Yeah, that shit is, that is crazy when that men think that way. Like, of course, if you're walking down an alley and there's just you and a woman and nobody else around, of course the woman's going to think, uh, I do too. I'm a little scared. By the way, I do too. It's like, you know, but it's different because you don't. Yeah, you know, you can handle yourself.
Starting point is 00:41:44 You don't think you're going to get. Yeah, exactly. But it's like, you know, it's like when people are like, oh, no, pit bulls are actually friendly and they're not, it's the owners. It's like, yeah, all right. But also, uh, it takes one pit bull to fucking. end your life and 600 Yorkies. So don't worry about it. If there's, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:42:01 It's like, so it's like, yeah, so you just don't need, I get it, a man is just bigger. And so yeah, if you're in an elevator with a man, chances of, the chances of getting hurt are more. If you're a woman, yeah. Even if you're a man. Oh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so it's like whether you like it or not.
Starting point is 00:42:25 And I'm not saying that I'm not even doing that thing where it's like, man, I have a violence issue. Men are violent, men are always trying to, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, if you're in an elevator with a fucking pit bull, you have a different mode than when you're in there with a Havonese. You just do. And I'm having an issue.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Yeah, yeah. No, but it's absolutely true. Yeah. Yeah, that makes me think that that person who called is really, really, really nice and sweet, though. Her? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:53 Yeah, she's obviously very nice and sweet. sweet. Men are a little different. Is how I would respond to that. For the same reason why you wouldn't do that to a man, a man wouldn't do that to a man, because she'd be like, I don't want him to get the wrong idea. You know what I'm saying? Maybe, yeah. Just put yourself in that situation. It is more like that than two women for sure, yeah.
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Starting point is 00:44:21 So your experience before takeoff is a taste of what's to? come. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Conditions apply. Hey Matt, hey Chris. I'm going to make this super, super quick. Why do girls think it's cute and charming and funny to go like, I'm just a baby? I'm just a baby. You can't ask me to do stuff. I don't want to do stuff. I don't want to get a job. I don't want to do this. I don't do that. I want responsibilities. I'm just a baby. I'm just a girl. I just want to be warm and fuzzy and I want to go to bed and eat ice cream. What is that? What is that? It's not attractive. It's not cool.
Starting point is 00:44:55 It's not cute. It's like fucking who the fuck wants to be with a baby? I don't understand that. What is that? God damn. Thank you guys. Love you. Yeah, I mean, I think that it's the whole, you know, they think they're playing on what men, what they think men like, which is not that.
Starting point is 00:45:15 But it's something along almost that strand. I'm not doubting that women like that. this I don't know I've never been with one have you been with a woman like that yeah that is like not not not that was my actual girlfriend but yeah oh I see okay yeah I would never make somebody like my my girlfriend that would be yeah I mean that person sounds like the most annoying I'm a person in the world I can't imagine being around someone like that for two days let alone like two years in a relationship with him like if someone was like I'm just a baby I don't want to go to I don't want to go to how like I don't have any ambition I want to do I don't want to work I don't want to
Starting point is 00:45:54 want to fucking do this, do that. I only want to lay in bed and eat ice cream? I'd be like, get the fuck out of here. Yeah. What are you talking about? That's not, you're not an adult. As you pointed out, that's what babies are like. I hate ice cream last night, oh my God.
Starting point is 00:46:08 I know. No, but. Ice cream, there's a few foods that I eat, and when I do, I go, I can't stop thinking about how fucking dope it is when I'm eating. you've mentioned that before too yeah you love ice cream so much but ice cream is just I'm I'm eating it last night
Starting point is 00:46:32 I eat a pint and I go hey dude you think that's it and I get another pint are you serious oh really no that's nice good for you yeah um yeah well what
Starting point is 00:46:48 there's no well what I may be done that twice in my entire life. I didn't eat a whole other pint. No, I understand. But I could have started in. I wanted to. You dug into that second one? I wanted to.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Bad too. What kind of ice cream? I love that you asked so. The first one is chocolate chunk. But from where? Handles. Handles. Smother this ice cream, as you said.
Starting point is 00:47:08 Yes. Oh, it's really good, yeah. The second one is, I had, I tried a little bit was a vanilla Oreo cookie, which is just subtly fantastic. From also from handles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And before that, I ate a little bit just because for tasters, I just wanted to try it. Blue Monster, which is basically just vanilla Oreo cookie, but they have blue food coloring in it. Disgust, absolutely disgust.
Starting point is 00:47:34 I'm a little bit pissed off that they got me with that. Blue Monster, you know, not a good name for an ice cream. But dude, handles, forget it. And I went in on this. If you eat one pint, you wouldn't ever want to eat another pint. That, to me, dude, I have a, I have a hole in my. I can't even eat a whole pint anymore. That would just make me want to throw up.
Starting point is 00:47:54 What? I mean, it's very different than, I would say, recent. I go through phases, though, but like now I don't, I don't even like, oh, I got anything sweet anymore right now. I woke up, I told Chapuchib did that, and they said, it's okay, but. Oh, dude, we already talked about that? I know, I know, no, I know that. In this very episode?
Starting point is 00:48:14 Oh, cool. I know that, but I'm just saying, I don't think it was okay. But I did it. And I've been feeling bad about it mentally. Shut the fuck up, dude, get over it. No,
Starting point is 00:48:25 I really have. You know how good your life is to feel fucking bad about the ice cream you ate last night so much? No, I understand. I have a good life. Like, I don't have fucking dysentery and shit. You're gonna have to keep you in fucking ice cream like that, dude.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Jesus Christ. But what I'm saying is mentally, I have a problem. Like, it's a, you know, it's a, you eat a fucking bunch of stuff and you feel like a piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:48:46 That's, you know, that's what an addict does. So I ate, I've been feeling bad about it since I woke I woke up okay and you know Kristen is like if you're gonna do it do it don't feel bad about it afterwards be fucking good and so I'm like I'm working on it you know I mean anyway she's right I mean she's right I know but it's too hard dude dude I'm fully on board with the the thing you did it already happened wow the fuck you're gonna
Starting point is 00:49:11 do about it I know I know I know tough love not to you know to myself and to the world my advice He's always like, what do you mean you feel bad about this thing you did? Or did you fucking kill someone? No, then it's probably going to be all right. I killed a fucking pint of ice cream out there that much. Two. Almost two. It's in the past, dude.
Starting point is 00:49:30 And you think I don't have another pint in there tonight that I'm going to have to struggle to not eat? Is there a handles where you live? Trying to out of them. So, since you're saying, because I know handles is, I know they originally in an in a while, but no, yeah, there is. in Thousand Oaks, yeah. When did they start suddenly spreading everywhere in SoCal? That kind of stuff happens, you know? But it happened fast this time with this, to me.
Starting point is 00:49:54 They probably are everywhere. I mean, it's amazing, so it's good. But it is, there is no question to me it's the best ice cream that has ever been. There are certain flavors of ice cream I like from other places the most. Sure, okay. Across the board. Yeah, across the board. It's probably the best.
Starting point is 00:50:10 Yeah, but no, I hear what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. I can't even put Ben and Jerry's in my mouth. It's like, it's like you're eating sugar. Yeah, I can't eat it. I can eat it. It's good, though. But yeah, I don't eat it because.
Starting point is 00:50:20 It's too much is what I'm saying. But why would you, but hold on, this is, why would you eat that when you could eat other, I mean, like, people love McConnell's, right? Yeah, McConnell's is great. I love McConnell's great. Handels blows everything out of the water. But they don't sell handles in the grocery store. No, I know. You've got to be a handle.
Starting point is 00:50:37 So grocery store ice cream, like, let's talk about that. Okay, that is different because, because one of the reasons why handles are so good is because not in grocery stores. if they fucking started to make it in grocery stores wouldn't taste as good. So Ben and Jerry's, yeah. Daz. I'm a Daws guy, dude. Daz.
Starting point is 00:50:55 May you say, oh, you got Hagen Daz back there? I always think about that, yeah. Who's that? Ryan Pribble. But why was he saying it? It was like, oh, you were saying, yeah, she's sucking my hog and does. Oh my God, that's right.
Starting point is 00:51:07 I forgot the, yeah, because she was sucking my hog andaz. Yeah, because she was stuck in my hog andaz. And then Ryan Pribble said, oh, you got Hagenas back there? Meanwhile, I was 15 when I said. Yeah, yeah. So stupid. I know. But yeah, I made a joke about that.
Starting point is 00:51:19 I made that joke, and he thought I was eating Hagendots. Oh, you got Hagenthas back there? Oh, wow. In the car, yeah. In the suburban, dude. You were in the third row, and we were up front. Wow. Like, who was even in second?
Starting point is 00:51:31 So far back. Like a Hagenthaz back there? All right, cool. We want to do another one? Oh, yeah. That's what we do. What's up, Matt? What's up, Chris?
Starting point is 00:51:41 So for the last 10 years, I've been driving smaller cars. You know, I had a Volkswagen Passat for a long time there and finally was able to get my bands up enough where I could go out and get a nice new SUV, right? And for me, it's like my realistic dream car, not dream, dream car, but realistic dream car. And that's the Chevy Tago RST. So I picked one of those up, and the thing has been fucking awesome. I mean, I've got two dogs, one's 105 pounds. So I'm able to just load him in there. I like to travel.
Starting point is 00:52:11 I go duck hunting. So I'm able to get all my gear in there, all my bags. I can fold seats. It's got leather. I mean, the thing is just awesome. I love for my purposes. But the problem is my friends will not stop giving me shit. about driving a soccer mom car.
Starting point is 00:52:26 Oh. And they're just absolutely right. I mean, the thing is, a renowned soccer mom car. It is? A to toggle? I'm usually pretty quick-witted. One of my buddies, he's smaller and stature. He hit me with the soccer mom car thing, told him I would take him to practice.
Starting point is 00:52:40 That killed. That was good. Got his ass. That's good, actually. Yeah, I'm just running out of ammo here. And I think the chamber's empty. So I figured I'd go to the experts and ask you guys, what is a good all-around spin move where I can dive under the waves of the,
Starting point is 00:52:54 stole it after I fucked your mom. I love you guys. Dude, what is... I think when someone calls you a soccer mom, just say, oh, why don't you find out between what's between my legs right now and suck it because it's a big, long, hard cock which moms
Starting point is 00:53:12 don't have. And conversation over for a number of reasons. The guy, she's holding a drink. Falls. I was just making a joke man no no no
Starting point is 00:53:27 take out my penis see what's in there look at it it's small yeah it's small but women don't have it women don't have them pull up that kind of car
Starting point is 00:53:38 because I don't see how that's a soccer mom car to me is a minivan or something like that Tahoe is Arno yeah but no he said the thing at the end I don't know about it
Starting point is 00:53:47 something R as a RLS is it RLS RLS? Yeah RS R's T.
Starting point is 00:53:56 I mean, I disagree. I mean, but if he's going to get it, he's going to get it. There's nothing you can do. If he's getting the grief, he's getting the grief.
Starting point is 00:54:03 Also in the group of guys, if everyone else has a regular car, then you have that car, okay. But, I don't think it's screams. Also, if it's, is it maroon?
Starting point is 00:54:14 You know what I mean? It's different. Color matters. It's obviously, he's taking somebody to practice, but it's not. He didn't get a maroon one. You don't know,
Starting point is 00:54:22 maybe I got a deal on. You don't, but I think I probably have a face. a fucking Marron one. If he has a black one, there's no way they'd do that. I don't know, but all I know is
Starting point is 00:54:29 a Tahoe is not a fucking sucker mom car. But if they're saying it is, you still need the ammo. So say, do moms have big, long, hard penises for you to suck right now?
Starting point is 00:54:39 It's so funny because, uh, for as long as I've lived, I always thought moms had vaginas. Right. And when you look in between my two legs,
Starting point is 00:54:51 you see something hanging. Yeah. And that's, a cock and men have that. And to make sure it's a cock, let me get it nice and hard so you can suck it. There you go. Okay?
Starting point is 00:55:03 And then you tell me if I'm taking a kid to practice or not. And I'm a mom. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly we're in complete alignment on this. Am I a mom? Am I a mom? So called, always called when you come.
Starting point is 00:55:22 Awesome. Am I a mom? You know? Anyway. I'm not a mom, you know. That's a penis. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:40 So. What do you want to do now? What do we want to go now? They're outside Starbucks. Yeah, yeah. Did you want a cone or a cup? Freeze. Indecent exposure.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Freeze. We're going to take you to fucking jail right now. You can't be showing your dick in public. He's like, I told you. Showing your dick and your dick sucked in public. Making another guy do it. You can't be getting sucked off. I told you.
Starting point is 00:56:18 I told you. He was saying it was a sucker mom. He was sleeping because I have the fucking pushing his head down in the car. Because I have the kind of like. RST that I'm a sarking on. It's my realistic dream of Chevy, you know, is that a Cadillac? Oh, fuck, dude.
Starting point is 00:56:35 Oh, shit, dude. All right. Follow up a building. Let's do one more. Okay. Skinhead. Hey, Matt and Chris. Big fan here.
Starting point is 00:56:45 Has been alive seven thousand years. Stop it. Stop it. Oh, fuck. It started over, start over, start over, go back, go back. It's been alive, without a doubt, seven hundred, seven thousand years. has seen so many of his friends die. Hey Matt and Chris, big fan here.
Starting point is 00:57:02 A quick question for you guys. You both have great heads of hair. Chris in the past you've mentioned you've never dyed your hair. You don't plan on ever dying your hair. Matt, I'm assuming you have the same policy. So my question is, why do guys do it? Because it always looks insane.
Starting point is 00:57:20 And it's so obviously. Did you like that? But is it vanity? is it like depression because they're losing their hair and I start feeling old personally I've never cared oh what do you think it is so chill this guy this guy's mad chill well if you're alive seven thousand years son on chalong you got no choice but can kill you like this um yeah is that right um why do guys do I think it's similar to the plastic thing where just obviously to a lesser degree,
Starting point is 00:57:57 but it's like they'd rather it look falsely, they'd rather look, it look unnatural and weird than any, it's basically anything but old. Like these people who get plastic surgery and they look like monsters, they don't look better than they would normally just as a regular old person, but to them it's like as long as I don't look old. To some people like looking old is like the death,
Starting point is 00:58:26 That's weird. And it's so weird, dude. Also, gray hair is fine across the board. I think it looks cool. I wish I had it. Like, I mean, it's, also it's coming for everybody. Like, just deal with it. Like, it's not anything really. No, it's.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Because I agree. I think when, especially when men dye their hair, it's just like, you know, dude, you dye your hair. And now everybody knows. Well, your looks, Max. basically because you dye your hair you're in the step one it looks maxing i always think about um the keithernand is just for men ads remember when we were kids yeah new jersey kind of because he would i know he did him yeah yeah but who was the guy that did him with the black dude
Starting point is 00:59:11 the other athlete there were two main oh uh edie no no no no it wasn't a i don't think it was a baseball player oh oh anyway okay um anyway uh yeah ever since ever since i was a kid i was like why do older men dye their hair. It just is so obvious and it makes you seem cincy. It makes you seem sincy. It's the same as being as being bald. Like just own it and it's better. The end. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that is right. You know? Be Bruce Willis. I guess I guess there are dye jobs that look natural, but very, very few. And so that's what they're hoping they get. I guess. I mean, also, if you're 35 and you have gray hair and you're like,
Starting point is 01:00:00 I don't want to have gray hair, that's, sometimes maybe you can't tell, but if you're 60, we can tell. Why do beards go gray so much earlier than, I don't know if that's totally true. Often they do.
Starting point is 01:00:13 Mine, for years has been gray and mine, well, look at mine. Single gray hair in my head. Mine too. I'm just starting to get gray hair in my head. Weird.
Starting point is 01:00:22 You know? Is that not a universal thing that's just like, I don't know. I don't know. But I, I actually, I actually hate that. I wouldn't do this, but I've thought about just making my hair gray.
Starting point is 01:00:32 Dying hair gray. It's so annoying that my beard is gray. And I don't want to look like I don't want it gray. So I'm like, just let's go the whole way, dude. Fuck it. Yeah. A very obvious bad hair dye job on a man is like, it's the same thing as a very bad wig. It makes me mad in this one particular way.
Starting point is 01:00:48 And it's like, don't make me so uncomfortable around you as to have to avoid looking at your hair. I've got it. Don't do that to people. It's disrespectful to people to society. It's like if you're lockout to sound like this, yeah, you're like, yo, why are you doing that? That's by all rights. You should.
Starting point is 01:01:07 Well, you got a fucking half on wig with a two, you know what I mean? And it's a spray painted fucking brown, Matt Brown. Don't do that to people. Yeah. It's not right. You got, you're going to get, hey, whoa, what's up with your hair? And, and yet you don't say it. Right.
Starting point is 01:01:24 You just avert your eyes and you have to act like it's normal. That shit's not normal, dude. Yeah, I don't. Don't, don't do that to people. It's disrespectful to society. Wow. To have a bad way. There's a woman at my gym that has a white hair only in the front like this.
Starting point is 01:01:39 It's really cool looking. And the rest of it's black, but she's older. Right, right. You're saying it's an actual gray streak of hair. Or she dies it that way, but she's older. So I would think it's not like she's like 25 in doing it, which you'd get it. But like, no it's just and it's it's uh man i always think about the fucking what is what is that movie uh it was a
Starting point is 01:02:06 rachel lee cook was in it and it was a about three something like a live action thing from a kid's show that they eventually turn into josie and the pussy yes okay and at the end the lady has that she has that hair and at the whole time and at the end one of the guys says does you have a skunk on her head and i always think of that and I laughed so hard. Nice. People really like that movie, weirdly. Really?
Starting point is 01:02:31 Yeah. Like real adult people who like movies like that movie. Oh, come on. They think it's like a smart satire. I've never seen it, so I don't know. I saw it in the theater. Why the fuck did you see Josie and the Pussy Cats? I saw it in the theater.
Starting point is 01:02:44 Oh, you were being serious? I think I did, yeah, because there was a year where I was going to try and see every single thing in it. I remember that. Yeah. And you wrote that. Whatever that year was when I did it. It's like 2002.
Starting point is 01:02:52 When you lived with Eric Youngman. Yep. See when Pussy Cats came out, the Josie and Pussy Gats. probably right around then right well it had to be that it was that year that i was doing that 2001 yeah fuck yeah dude that makes me feel good i can confirm that right before 9-11 huh i mean yeah everything changed right after josian and what what what uh april yeah wow wow look at that oh who else is in it who's what who the other two terried for real yeah
Starting point is 01:03:25 yeah who's the black girl uh that's the other one it should say Rosario Dawson That's not No it is it? That's what it says Oh yeah yeah It was her It was her yeah
Starting point is 01:03:34 Wow Yeah it was her right Yeah Who directed it Not to be a fucking nerd But Oh yeah that's nerdy Two people
Starting point is 01:03:43 Wow I don't even know Either one of the people are Wow Harry Elfant Let me see him Harry Elephant Hey Elephant dude
Starting point is 01:03:53 Wow Zoom in This is named Harry Elephant Zoom into his picture Okay now Go back He's not old enough
Starting point is 01:04:00 to have directed I agree dude But it's probably go down and what else has he directed? Harry Elefonte Can't hardly wait Oh he wrote Ken Harley Hartley Wait
Starting point is 01:04:08 A bunch of like really touchstone stuff He wrote I mean touchstone stuff Well he wrote and directed Ken Hardley Way Whoa I really don't like And this is prejudice
Starting point is 01:04:19 I don't like guys that look like that What does that even mean? Just how do you know what He looks like he knows everything He thinks he knows everything There was a guy eating Near my She co-co-directed
Starting point is 01:04:33 She's kind of cute, huh? Yeah. Click on her picture. Sorry, keep going. No, that's okay. There was a guy. Nice. A girl.
Starting point is 01:04:40 There was a guy eating next to me that looked just like that. And I go, I don't I like guys that look like that? Like, guys that look like they'd be in a cell phone commercial. I don't like them. Oh, so guys that look like the are the, what is it? Can you hear me now guy? Yeah, I guess. But he's actually strangely not one of them.
Starting point is 01:04:55 Interesting. That guy looked a little bit like JJ Abrams. Is JJ Abrams? Is JJ Abrams one of those guys? Yeah. Trying to get you to drag JJ Abrams. been trying to for a hundred and ninety well the thing about it is it's definitely my
Starting point is 01:05:06 is that wait was that made of honor oh he did that seen it saw that in the theater no he wrote that yeah so yeah the the thing about it is
Starting point is 01:05:18 it's definitely my obviously it's my thing I know it's just a fucking I don't know what happened when I was a kid somebody a tech guy fucking fondled me or something but wow you know it's deeper wait I'm sorry please go back to
Starting point is 01:05:28 the maid of honor you know this is hilarious that go down to the cast i think he's third down there stop kevin mckid you know how that is right chris uh of course i know the actor but he do you want to tell the story no you tell me if i'm wrong if i get anything wrong he was out with a producer that was going to produce something that we were doing this is like two decades okay okay and he was part of the production team, Chris. And they were, was it at the chateau?
Starting point is 01:06:02 And the guy that was producing with us at the time, who's one of the most maniacal people on the fucking planet, I don't even say his name. And he knew that guy, Kevin McKidd, who ended up being on Grey's Anatomy and ended up becoming a star. At the time, it was just made of honor, I guess. He was like rising. Is he Irish? Scottish.
Starting point is 01:06:24 I think he's Scottish, but he was in train spotting, right? was his first thing. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Yes. Holy shit. Yeah, he's like the fucking thin, thin junkie dude. Yeah, whoa.
Starting point is 01:06:35 Anyway, I didn't even realize that. Yeah, that's him. Anyway, really good actor. Anyway, he met him. And when he was introduced, this Chris, met him. And when he was introduced to him, the guy, Kevin, said his name. And he said, hey, I'm Kevin. And I know this story.
Starting point is 01:06:51 And Chris asked again because he thought he said curve. In his Scottish accent, my name's Koev. Yeah, and so he said, Kerv. So he said, Kerr. Yeah, he thought his name was Curve. And I said, Curve? And I said, Kerf. And I said, Kerv, nice to meet you, Chris.
Starting point is 01:07:13 Did he correct you? Chris Mocko. And then that was that. Oh, wow. And I was like, his name's Curve. And he's like, yeah, and that producer guy was like, his name's Kev. Imagine, imagine. That's the most of you shit.
Starting point is 01:07:26 ever yeah yeah totally curve worst name curve curve curve it's like boomer boomer sison um all right well thanks for listening guys sign up for our patreon we're going to do uh patreon we're going to do uh uh lifetime luxury now so go on and sign up thanks a lot drunk got to go to bathroom to drunk

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