Lifeline - 2. Penguin Style

Episode Date: April 17, 2022

🪵🕶 Original Grain: Get 30% off when you use the code LIFELINE at checkout. 🎧 Subscribe on iTunes: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. In this week's episode, we get questions about when your friends join a fraternity, peeling away from organized religion, open relationships, small talk, AND: we have an update on France Guy!  🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lifeline is an advice show for entertainment purposes only. If you need real help or advice, please seek a therapist or a licensed professional. So we're going. We're started? Yeah, we already started. Oh, okay. We're started. Yes, so British to say it that way. What did I say? We're started. We're started? Yeah, we already started. Oh, okay. We're started. Yes, so British to say it that way.

What did I say? We're started. We're started. We are started. You should have said, did we start? That's the American version of that. I mean, we started is still the right way. Okay.

You came way too close on that. Yeah, it's all good. That's very confrontational. That's what you did. This is Lifeline episode two, dude. We finally made made it to episode two i didn't know if we were gonna um and also fucking smash hit dude yeah it's big where we're a smash hit it's so that's it and we're counting on you to keep doubling it with the views doubling it and doubling it until they kill me did you know that so irish doubling it uh i did until they kill me. Did you know that? So Irish doubling it.

I did know that Tupac said that. You know why I knew Tupac said that? Because you say it all the fucking time. We're going to double it. We're going to double it. And we're going to keep doubling it until they kill me. Although he said that N-word, but I can't. So it's fine. Yeah, you definitely can't.

But he said it. Nor should you desire it, but you can't do it. No, I don't want to do it. Oh, you mean just because he said it. Right, right, right, right, right. In this room. Anyway. So yeah.

So too much traffic driving down here, right? Just before we start. For you. I know. But not for you? But here's the thing about living in LA, and it's going to piss you off. And frankly, I don't care. Wow.

So many disclaimers. You already live... You live in LA. Oops. I know. Bro, that's why I did it out of the microphone. I was crinkling it. It's fine.

You already live in LA. You've lived in LA for so long. You can only complain about LA traffic within like the first few years of living in LA because otherwise it's your own fault because you didn't take traffic into account. Now I'm pissed. Yeah, I knew.

And it's fine. But here's the deal though. I don't normally ever drive downtown. Well, you've driven downtown a few times for this i know but this is and i used to live downtown and you used to come downtown when i lived here i know that but this traffic was worse yay dude he figured it out and we both agree on it and that's fine yay dude we agree it was different you pissed off the dog the dog bark but it's fine dude because it was too much what you were doing i know but i didn't even hear it because i was in my head going yay and it's oh

no because you were being too fucking loud is why you that dog was cheering with me because no the traffic is absolutely not and it was specifically worse today great no it wasn't dude la traffic is always bad stop clapping it's not well okay it's usually bad this was horrendous fuck yeah dude stop doing that but it wasn't it deserves a round of applause. No, it does not, dude. Absolutely not. You deserve jeering. Boo.

Because you were so fucking late. Boo. You know what I do deserve? That hoodie. No, it's mine. I know, but that's what- No, it's mine. You can't have it.

But I deserve it. I really like it. It's yellow and it pops, and you're trying to subtly take the visual visual away from y'all i did do that yeah but but you're trying to subtly take it away from me by using a bright color by not saying look at me did you get paint on that or it came like that no this came like that dude you know that i didn't know that you think i was outside just well actually if i thought more about it you never picked a fucking paintbrush in your life dude that's not true okay what's the last thing you painted a picture of a self-portrait in eighth grade yeah okay well then you don't

paint okay well you thought i was outside what is that with the paint who paints like that jackson pollock and me no he didn't do that he stood over the canvas and did like this he didn't like whip it who's that guy who does the who's the the fucking guy who sells like the worst shit now he's like a pop artist he did the um oh uh drake's album darian or something oh i don't know i thought you're gonna say damien hurst sounds like a singer songwriter that would say damien hurst i don't i don't know what that is yeah so he does stuff like like this and then sells it literally for millions of dollars yeah that's nothing but i didn't do that to this anyway right damien did damien came over and did that damien her shirt no no no no that if i if it did dude i'd be set for life this shit i could sell for millions of dollars he's that big he's huge do it damn yeah okay and people think he's a con artist you should

be a con artist and say damien hearst did that to that shirt and sell it for $3 million on eBay. Did you think about that? No. What? Did you think about that? No, I didn't think about that. You should have thought about that. I didn't even know it had fucking paint splotches on it.

Till I said it? Yeah. Do you look at what you wear before you put it on? No, I go by feeling. I go by feeling. I feel the article of clothing. That's why it's so stylish. Well, that's why you always look the way you do

and that explains a lot. And I feel like that, I feel like with that hoodie, you know what I feel about it? I feel like it's mine. So I deserve it. That's not your feelings. Yay, deserve it. Yes, the traffic's too long and he deserves the hoodie.

That is the most annoying thing you could ever fucking do, dude. That is the most annoying thing you could ever do. Imagine a lawyer doing it. And yay, I had so much evidence. Yay. So I'm sure the jury will acquit him yay would never win a single fucking case i don't know man in times like these no that's nothing okay that is nothing well last episode you got mad at me for saying uh the heart wants what the

heart wants that is so what you just said is even more enough what did i say that was nothing i forget what did he say about how times like these in times like these it means nothing you don't need to preface that ever in times like these you only need to preface it if you're talking about other times yeah yeah but no about the own the time you're in you never need to say in times like these because everything anybody says in a time that you're in it's implied that it's true in times like these you don't need to preface it when it's already in times like these by saying in times like these okay i understand what you're saying because it's already in times like these by saying in times like these. Okay. I understand what you're saying.

Because it's true. But that's not true because times, because that's, it's like saying, are you kidding me? Now? No. What? You can't just add now and make a point. But I did. Are you kidding?

It's not like you're kidding me. Dude, if a lawyer came out and was like fucking doing all sorts of really great presenting, right? Yeah. And fucking cross-examination up the fucking, you know, just leaving people up shit's creed without a paddle. And just fucking slam it. And he goes like this. Yay, I had so much evidence. Yay.

Yeah. I proved it. Yay. I'm sure the jury will acquit him. Yay. You don't think that he, that would be, not only would he get away with it, that that would be a good thing? That's fine. But you're wrong.

And that's crazy i would not help so any lawyer and any client would fire would be right to and would just fire that lawyer if i was on the fucking thing i would stand up right with him on the jury wherever i was fucking mistrial if you clapped along with the lawyer mistrial okay then you'd have to start over again and which isn't necessarily a bad thing but that's true um so i actually wondered that. Why people don't... Because a mistrial is good for the defendant. Yeah.

Why don't... They just take their pants down and start shitting on the floor. Then you just get a fucking mistrial. And the lawyer with his suit on, with his pants all crinkled up, just like, whoops. Yeah. Mistrial. Yeah. Walk free.

Whoops. I bet this will do a mistrial. I'm doing a mistrial, poopy. I just found a loophole in the legal system. There you go. So during time like these, that's crazy. Nope. So we had a great episode, the first episode.

It was really fun. We gave a bunch of amazing advices. We really did. Yeah, I did. You're right. And, you know, we can basically just... We're not therapists. No, we're not therapists. No, we're not therapists.

We're definitely not therapists. But it's entertainment and entertainment. And this is comedy podcast. And we're rip roaring. Should we go? We want to start it off now? Let's start it off, dude. The way he said it.

Yeah. Like, gonna fucking crash. Might as well. Yeah. Yeah. Gonna crash and burn. All right. Has nothing.

Has nothing for us. Here we go. Hey, guys. To get straight to it. I was to have a debate with a friend of mine. We're trying to settle whether or not we should entertain small talk. And I told him about this person that I met on an elevator. I go to an international school. So it's normal for people to ask where you're from.

And I got asked that, but I was going down one floor. So I just said, you know, we don't have to do this. I didn't want to start explaining. And then the door opens and you have to do that awkward goodbye. And, you know, so, but I can't think of a way of saying that without it being rude because my friend thinks it's rude. So do you guys think it's rude to just say it as it is? And is there a way to say that without sounding rude? I can't think of it. Anyway, I love you guys. Well, that guy doesn't seem like a rude guy. can think of it. Anyway, love you guys. Well, that guy doesn't seem like a rude guy.

He's not rude. So if he can say it and get away with it, then it's fine. He's talking about how being in the elevator and somebody saying, well,

first of all, how many, put it this way, if the building is sky high, right, and you get into an elevator and someone's there and they say,

hey, how's it going you're both going up you might be on a hundredth floor empire state building okay but if the building is like eight or floors less and you actually say hey how's it going and you decide to start small talk with somebody in an eight-story fucking building yeah you're a piece of shit right we can agree on that well i think there's if it's how's it going that's fine but he didn't he say somebody asked him where he's from oh that yeah but that's terrible though that's no good because then you got to get in place from where you're from yeah no nobody wants you're gonna wind up in the other guy's apartment if it's

like a fucking i think that's rude of that person to do that almost uh but i look i think the answer to your question is as long as you're not being rude it's not rude but okay what does that mean though it means as long as you're not like look there's a way to do that you know he just did like that that's rude as shit fuck you and the horse you rode in on but no i'm actually i'm saying the thing that he said we don't have to do that oh right he said we don't have to do that right right which could i guess be rude it could be it's a pretty rude thing to say yeah if that's like if you're trying to shut it down right what's a non-rude way thing to say i don't speak english only words i know are these words i'm saying right now no no no no extra words but all of these words i'm saying and also golf and shoes

but that's it and that's it but you also if you don't want to lie what's the right way to shut it down if i'm in an elevator and i and it's eight stories up well whatever yeah okay no it's different if it's a hundred stories maybe maybe it's not rude to say hey where are you from you're both stuck in a fucking box for a hundred floors i don't like where you're from in general though well yeah that's annoying well no but they asked him because he walked in and he was from like with a south african accent because he had an accent you know you must get that all the fucking time which is another thing clear your accent up don't be like that where's he live no no no if he lives in america do an american accent which is you know there's no reason to ask a stranger

where they're from just because they have an accent that is fucking annoying interesting rule i like that rule wow where are you from but what if you're really interested still wow uh no i don't i don't i don't know i mean if you have like a if you have a further if you think you know where it's from right south africa south africa no not that if you ask and you have like more to say about where you think the accent's from, maybe that's okay. But we're getting away from it. It's not rude, I don't think, to be like, we don't need to do that. But I'll tell you what, a lot of people are going to think you are fucking rude and there's no way around that.

That's true. But also people are going to think you're rude no matter what you do. Exactly. Because if he looked at me and if I said, oh, yeah, where are you from? He said, we don't have to do this. And they hit the thing, I would laugh. Yeah, right. I don't think it's rude. And then hit the thing. I would laugh. Yeah, right. Right?

I don't think it's rude. Most people would think that's rude. For sure. I don't and you don't. But a lot of people would be like, that's fucking rude. Yeah. We don't need to do that. That's like, people would think that's condescending.

Yeah. And they're like, but what about pleasantries? They go like that. But they got to work on the road shit. Just be you. Like the fucking last one. Be unapologetically you. You could do a spin move if you want when you leave the elevator.

Okay. You can't have spin move be every piece of advice that you give be do a spin i think that okay i i know that but i think spin move like you're barry sanders that's awesome okay so you're not rude don't worry about other people and honestly if people think you're being rude for just speaking your truth and not being aggressive about it, then that person is a hater and if you have haters, you're winning. So there you go. Good job.

Okay. Okay, stop, dude. Definitely stop clapping. All right. So we all agree on the traffic thing in this. Here we go. Want to go to another one? Let's do another one.

I'm glad we could help these people. Hey, Chris and Matt. My name is Caroline. I first of all just wanted to say, true baby and life always rips. Yeah, it does. I think I have a good one for you. So I recently went through a breakup. What if it just wasn't her hand?

The person that I broke up with set very clear boundaries for how they wanted the breakup to go. They were like, don't post post a lot on social media, how much fun you're having now that you're single. Um, don't like hang out with these people too much. If it means that I can't that kind of stuff, but then they're not respecting those boundaries that they set for me. They're posting things all the time. They're hanging out with people all the time. How do I approach that in a way that's still respectful to what they want while not compromising what I want? I got it. Thanks for the submission.

I got a really good piece of advice for you. That person does not deserve her respect because he is asking her not to do something and then he goes and does it you that's like you have fucking carte blanche to not do any of the shit he asked for he's saying hey don't he has all these fucking rules for her yeah he's being a bit of a nazi about it and he doesn't have to fucking follow them then why does she have to follow them because you're being a nazi about it but don't nazis don't believe in me that's a bit much i'm just saying he's not being a fucking nazi i'm just saying he's being a piece of shit and i don't think you need to respect him at all piece of shit is not a bit much but nazi is i think not

correct piece of shit is way less bad than nazi because nazi is the worst possible thing this is what you will be doing on the breakup ground rules. You will not be posting with friends that we both have too much. You will not be having a good time too much on social media. Right. Well, it wouldn't surprise me if he was a Nazi. See, now, so when I do it like that. You don't need to be German to be a Nazi, though.

I know that. But most hardcore Nazis are. For sure. Most true OG Nazis are. They're beautiful, and it's like. So we break up. So good. We break up. Good. OG Nazis are the people. And it's like, so we break up. So good. We break up.

Good. No posting on social media. If you will be sucking dicks, you will not be letting me know about it. Okay. If you will be sucking songs, you will not be knowing about. I will not be knowing about this. If you will be taking this in the back, you will not be telling me about this, please. Right?

Right. Okay. But what about the advice though if you will be dating what what do you think what should she do yeah well i want to know i want to go deeper into this i want to know did he set up the rules for the both of them or just her either way it's nazi like activity because here's the deal if he's like these are some rules we are going to go by and then he goes back on on his it was all propaganda so he could just get what he wants but it's very nazi-ish propaganda but if if he says you will not be doing this and i will be doing this that's also very nazi-ish right

because it's very controlling right i think that this guy honestly in a few years you're going to realize that this guy was a joke i don't know much about this guy i don't know his side of his story at all but i have the feeling if he told me his side of the story it would be in a german accent so honestly i think that you should probably just either do what you want and why can't you just block him or hide him block each other she's being too nice she's being too nice she should not he's already basically given you license to do whatever the fuck you want because he gave you rules that he doesn't whether he plans on following them himself or planned on following them himself said he was going to follow them too or made them just for her that's even fucking worse either way fuck this guy do whatever you want

post whatever you want do whatever you want fucking see whoever you want. Do whatever you want. Fucking see whoever you want. Date whoever you want. Hang out with your friends whenever you want. Fuck that guy. Pretty harsh. And I think that we should just kind of make it a little bit of a softer thing and say he's probably a Nazi. And you know what?

That's not softer. He's a Nazi. He's a Nazi. And also, you know, just be careful. Be wary, right? Because these guys are trouble. And I'm just saying you don't want your skin you're adding nazi oops right you don't want you're adding the nazi parts you don't want

your skin to end up being a lampshade right now that would have been great if it was not interrupted but now it seems a little bit dark and shitty when i was doing it it was going to be great and have a great payoff it did seem dark and shitty i will grant you that because we stopped it so it's my fault yes a thing you said was dark and shitty and it's fucking my dude because i go and it was going to be bam home run but it was and then you came and then i had to be like and it petered out no i don't like anything that you're saying okay so but i do like her and i i'm on her fucking side and i fucking

do not like that guy okay and i think you should maybe even specifically do what he said not to because wow dude he's being such a piece of shit you're she's being such a piece of he's being such a piece of shit to her you don't know his side of the story dude she seems very sweet she seems very sweet this guy could come on our show next week and be like listen you know it's very upsetting because what has happened was she was basically making

she was basically making the the relationship seem like it wasn't I was a very nice guy I would always buy her things but we're not hearing his side we're only hearing her side, so who gives a fuck about his side? My whole problem with it is

she was obviously flexing her watch in the fucking thing like this. Yeah, no, I liked that watch. No, I'm playing, and he's probably, you know... Do what you want. If you're broken up, do what you want. Do what you want anyway.

That's the good point. He shouldn't have made fucking rules. Fuck him the whole... I don't know. Turtles all the way down. Fuck him all the way down he's fucking shit wow i don't like this guy wow okay and i'm glad you broke up with him okay cool wasn't worth it okay let's bad guy guy's gonna grow up to be a fucking dictator you know it yeah he's a bad guy okay yeah all right next yo oh it's the dude from the last time it's the guy okay play it his hair is different his hair is different second he's trying to disguise himself well let me tell you something

right now we don't we have not seen these videos beforehand we've decided not to see the videos beforehand because we think it gives more authentic visceral reactions and uh we we go with our gut immediately yeah and that's yeah good well we had the option producer first do you want to see him yeah no we don't say no so okay so let's play this guy this is a follow-up i suppose unless he's a twin play over again yo update on the french girl situation wow told her i was going to france she was like oh wow that's so cool that's awesome didn't say that told her about the drawings too. She goes, yeah, it's nice, honestly, but a little weird because I have a boyfriend

and we're probably never going to see each other again. Anyways, cried about it. Had a good night's sleep. It was so definitive and matter of fact that I can't be in denial and it feels healthy. I'm still going to France because I'm enrolled in school there, but it's six hours away from her city,

so no stalking. Thanks for keeping it absolutely fucking real and giving me the benefit of the doubt and being hilarious. Peace. Broke down in fucking tears for 35 minutes after the video. Even right after the video. Dude. I wonder what happened after the fucking call. Yeah.

My favorite fucking part was got a good night's sleep. Yeah, you know, cried my fucking ass off. Got a good night's sleep. Got up, you know. Dude, unreal, dude. Got a good night's sleep, dude. Ate a great breakfast. Like, dude, you know, got a workout in, played some ball with the homies.

Dude. So he didn't. Let me, let's just go. First of all, let me do this for good measure. Dude, this is going crazy. Dude, here's the thing, man. And I wanted to talk about this because this has been sitting with me since last episode. Last episode, this guy said he's been trying to move for a girl that he talks to every few months now matt said a couple months couple months yeah right couple

months i did say he misspoke you said he misspoke and you kind of fucking you didn't bully me into it but you made me feel bad you're like be nice be nice that's on you though all right dude but you said make make sure you know he might have misspoke so i said okay yeah maybe he did misspoke and i'm driving home after the fucking podcast. And I'm like, I don't think he did misspeak. And I feel bad that I said that. And I was right, dude. Yes, I was right, man.

But he didn't misspeak and he was just- If we rolled the tape right now, the truth is you said, I think he misspoke. You said that. You said it first. I did say it first, but you said it. I know because you kind of, I don't want to say you bullied me into it.

See, you're saying it's my fault. It your fault no it's fucking not dude here's the deal to assume he misspoke is absolutely correct because he craves yeah okay sure so you don't assume someone is fucking crazy but why don't you know somebody's crazy when you fucking see them and when you see them normally seemed his hair was nice he was like looked like he looks like a good guy i wish him all the best and i think that obviously good he's and he's going to find a romantic partner he obviously isn't crazy dude i you know what i mean i'm saying he crazed but i'm not saying right right actually crazy that's why i say he crazed we actually thought he was crazy we wouldn't even have him on the podcast we would feel bad you craze is different than crazy right right and

he also has um he also asked us to roast him, right? He did. The first video, yeah, he said roast us. Roast me. Roast us, you know. He's crazy. He's crazy in front of you. Roast us.

Yeah, do it. And so he, so Robin Williams is what I just did. So, I'm a hot dog. And so, so anyway, that's good.

He seemed like he figured it out. And I like, you know what i like about this guy what don't point at me but if he is crazy or not if he's crazy you're crossing you're crossing my you're encroaching yeah we're gonna have a fucking problem you know what the you know what i like about this guy what do you like his craziness comes into play and then it's okay that's not what it is on to the next next. On to the next crazy, right? He's going to be crazy. My concern is he's not going to learn the lesson.

He's going to be crazy again real soon. He is. Oh, he is. Oh, okay. On to the next. On, on to the next. Drawing pictures. On to the next.

On, on to the next. On to the next. He's just going to alter the drawings for the next person. He's like, fuck, I already got 71 of them. I don't want to start over. Yeah, dude. Just FaceTiming with her crying. What do I do with all these drawings?

Fucking drawings of her naked, just tits spilling out, looking like Salvador Dali. Whoops, went too far. Anyway. But what I think in general, yeah, I'm concerned he's not going to learn the lesson moving forward. certainly he's not going to learn a lesson moving forward and uh i'm i'm i'm wondering why he let himself think it was a good idea to move there how boy craze yeah i mean there's no yeah no accounting for it craze people try to fucking act like there's a thing you can do to help crazy, but there's not unless you're a medical doctor, right?

But he's probably not actually crazy. But yeah, dude, look, man, this is how it is. And this is good that it's happening to him at a younger age because it helps him get ready for life. How old do you think he is? 23? 22? Yeah, I'm bad at that.

I don't know how old anybody is ever. Yeah. I just found out that Harrison Ford is 32. No, I think you're misinformed. No. I think so. He's 32. Well, when did Star Wars come out?

He was one when he was in Star Wars. No, see, no. See, this math doesn't work. Because even if he was one, no. No? Well, whatever. I agree to disagree. But so, yeah.

So, we appreciate you checking back in. And that's a cool thing we can do on this podcast. I like that. Yeah, I didn't know that was going to be a thing. Yeah. But I guess it is. So yeah, the advice now is to just keep on moving and try to be a little bit less craze in every relationship,

even if it's not a relationship and you think it is. Check in with someone else and make sure that it's... Because he was making us think that he didn't even do the horizontal. I mean, technically, he checked in with us. Did they even hook up, Marco? They didn't even hook up. How does he know? And he was going to move.

The fuck? Were you buddies now? I don't know. No, he said he never did. He said he never hooked up with the girl. Oh, on the video? Yeah. No.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Well. So there we go. Yeah. He never hooked up with the girl. I, okay. Well. So there we go. Yeah. He never hooked up with the girl. I mean, we could do a whole episode on this guy. So he sent a video.

Oh, okay. Truth comes out. He sent a video. He also wrote in. He said it's in one of those things. I don't know if he said it in the video. Oh, he wrote. Okay.

He also wrote in and he said it's clear. It's probably clear to you now that we didn't hook up. Okay. So they didn't even hook up and he was going to move countries for her. All good. Okay. Yeah, that's bad. So anyway, feel anyway feel for you though bro it's hard out there love life that's tough that's tough but unrequited love is tough unrequited love never knew what that is hear it all the time never knew what you don't know what it is nope well now you do right you've gleaned what it is it's when somebody loves somebody but the other person

doesn't love him back correct knew it well you know the point is you didn't know it didn't have to look it up but knew it felt it okay well i mean like you're 40 you're fucking 40 i'm 42 you're 42 bad brother wow such a bad brother i know how old you are i know how old you are you don't you're same age as harrison ford all right okay you want to do next one what is this okay oh this is a written one oh this is gonna be sick you want to do the next one? What is this? Okay. Oh, this is a written one. Oh, this is going to be sick. You want to read it out loud? I'll read it. I have a great speaking voice, but you can.

Want me to read it? I'll read it. Hello, gentlemen. An evil villain. I grew up in a super religious family, and as I've gotten older, I've realized that organized religion is not for me. Great. I've felt a lot freer since I've broken away from religion, but my family is still very

religious and involved with the church, and I'm finding it more and more difficult to dance around this subject at family gatherings. I figured I could get some sage advice from my cult leader and pastor, M. Diesel, about how I should approach this sensitive issue. Do I continue to play along for the sake of peace, or do I speak my true beliefs so that I can be more real with my family? Love you guys, and thanks for years of entertainment. That's so, we totally get, by the way, why you didn't do a video because then your family would see it

and you would be, and the whole advice is, should you let them know or not know? So I get it. That is hard. I mean, honestly. That's a real hard thing to do. I feel very strongly about just religion

and belief in general, but at the same time- You believe in Jesus Christ, our lord and savior yeah exactly um i i wish i i wish i knew a little bit better about like what how hardcore they might be yeah sort of like strain well assume they're really hardcore i mean he's obviously struggling with it there will obviously be a huge rift if he says something. Yeah. Okay?

Is it worth that or is it worth sucking it up and just being like, my parents are going to die one day. I don't want to disappoint them. I think you got to be honest. Wow. I think you got to be honest. And I think here's the deal. I don't think you should come out and be like, listen, mom and dad.

No spin moves. No spin moves. Yeah. Would you recommend a spin move on this one? No, not with the family. See? family okay so i think what you would do i don't think you need to like make it a whole sit down i don't think you need to make it a whole moment but i think if act the way you want to act and then if it comes up if they bring it up whatever and then you tell them maybe bit by bit again i don't think you need to make a whole fucking sit down moment of it like an intervention or something yeah yeah yeah yeah making it less dramatic as possible yeah exactly

just be like i'm grown out of it or or i'm thinking maybe i'm i'm feeling like this you don't need to be like i don't believe in the shit you believe and fuck you yeah you can just be like look that's what i'm saying no spin moves right right? I'm getting a lot, like I'm starting to maybe think, I think other things like, and if they don't want you to, I guess, pun sort of intended, because I realized it, go with God on it, then that's on them. But I think if you start out like, look, I'm sort of starting to expand my mind a bit and starting to think maybe I don't believe in this, maybe I believe in that, whatever. There's a way to make it soft, drop bomb but not cause so much destruction maybe at maybe at uh like family

dinner you're just eating and you know everyone's having a good time and you guys are so this jesus guy huh you really that all are you all really that all into it i'm just saying there's no proof but you know what i mean you could just do that i don't just say where's the proof and and then we could we could move on and then i'll agree with it so some of the proof and then it's all good so but the chicken's really good you know you could do that yeah i mean what if you did that and you realize no one actually believed they were just waiting for one person to say that and they're like oh fucking thank god mark you finally said something that would be uh yeah could go yeah you don't know how you could go that way you don't know how it's gonna that way. You don't know how it's going to go. But my point is, but also here's another thing that I'm going to raise because I'm very smart.

I'm going to raise this point. It depends really how old your parents are. Like bringing something up, like if he's 15, right, and his parents are 40, that's a long time those parents are going to be alive. You can work through issues. long time those parents are going to be alive you can work through issues but if you're if they're 80 and he's 45 he's the same age as harrison ford if they're 80 and he's 40 yeah the parents might croak in two years it's not worth it to leave him fucking shitty in the past two years thinking that their son's gonna be in the very tips of hell uh okay but he or she i guess do we know if this i don't know okay i don't know i'm sexist he or she uh they're gonna

have to live longer yeah than their parents and maybe oh they would have liked to have been known by their parents more maybe they're gonna live with the idea of well what if i told them i should have told them lived my true life because it is a big fucking deal i mean what if this person has to go to fucking church and like pray and say grace and they really don't want to it's not it doesn't feel good to have to go along with some religious shit when you don't believe in it i guess really yeah i know but like also everyone seems like it's like everyone is like complaining about everything and all you got to do is like sit at church for an hour and be like oh yeah you know every week though yeah but it's like you're with your parents who gives a fuck if it's nice for them they're just like cool yeah oh yeah and on the third day oh you know

what i mean they're just sitting there they just got to do that it's not like they got to do manual labor and build a fucking church they just got to be like oh yeah yeah and also with you i think you should tell him but i think he or she should tell him i think he should test the waters at least at the outset. Not to drop the bomb and just be like, I don't believe in this shit. It's all bullshit. But to just sort of ease into it. Uh-oh.

What? I got the fucking absolute. This goes deeper than what we're even talking about right now. Okay. Church needs to be more fun. Yeah, well, I agree with that. That's it, dude. You've been to a black church?

I haven't, but I've seen it on fucking racist movies and dude it's like they go or whatever they don't they don't do that tony's beats they don't sing that fucking song that's for sure why why did you do that you know whatever it is dude what that fucking... You're doing it again. It's the same thing you're doing. Dude, or... I know. They do that one where it goes, Oh, my Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord.

That's not something either. I'm sorry, but you're not singing real songs. That's not. They do. Oh, my Lord. And then they do this. Lord, Lord, Lord. And if you're doing this,

and then what happens is they do a few ones loud like that and then they get quiet and they go, Oh, my Lord, Lord. And if you're doing this, and then what happens is they do a few ones loud like that and then they get quiet and they go, Oh my Lord. Okay. And then someone speaks and they're like,

Jesus, I would like to let you know that yada yada. And everyone in the background is going, Lord, Lord, Lord. So do you think he should talk to his pastor?

But what I'm saying is and then that guy finishes and he's like, and that's what I mean. And then they go, Oh my Lord. And they get louder again. Haven't you seen Glory?

So the point is make church more fun. maybe you can involve him in the way that you never even thought you could right and then he's sitting eating chicken with his family and he's like god damn you know in his head maybe i don't believe in jesus but motherfucker we sure did fucking lay that dance floor flat right okay but church isn't gonna just get more fun i'm saying it's not tomorrow but yeah we all start this they've had fucking 2 000 years i don't think it's gonna get more fun anytime soon invite the fucking you know what i mean invite david gray to church and have him do it and he's like the fucking babylon guy leave me on ahead. Leave me on ahead. I mean, jerking off. Jerking off.

It's time for our sins. Leave me on ahead. I mean, I'd rather go to that church than fucking, what's that? And ever and ever. That shit is so whack, dude. Yeah, I mean, if he's Catholic, he's fucked. So don't tell your parents if they're 80. If they're 40, tell them and then repair it

that's my advice yeah but still when you tell yeah i think you gotta tell him i think you gotta tell him full stop i think you gotta tell him keep going on okay i think you gotta i think you gotta tell him and that's it but do it nice oh lord oh lord see that's good. All right. Anyway. Wow. Hey, how's it going, Chris and Matt? Today I want to ask you guys about two of my friends who just recently joined a frat. And they're going through the pledging process. And joining a frat is just dumb as shit. And I just want to get your guys' input on what to do because I see them a lot less and less and they are changing.

your guys input on on what to do because i i see them a lot less and less and they are changing so how do i how do i sort of wake them up out of this uh natty light sort of haze that they're going through and then what are some things i can do to get my friends back it's like they got a girlfriend and and um yeah they're both just sort out for the count thank you guys um and yeah i appreciate all of it have a good one oh my god the end that was the sickest thing it was like a butthead move uh i think that um dude rats suck yeah they they do suck and but it's hard though i guess if you're in college and you feel like you're not. Here's the thing. Frats weed out the people who are weak. If you need a group to tell you you're good and accepted, you are weaker than someone who doesn't. Period.

So this guy is stronger than his friend. And honestly, it's not even necessarily that he's realizing his friends don't need him as much because they're with their new tribe. His enemies are being exposed. And I think that sometimes if you can't beat them join them so start your own frat dude start your own frat and call it absolutely nunca or whatever the fuck you want to call it i was with you until nunca it means i think it means nothing in spanish it does it does yeah there you go absolutely absolutely nothing absolutely nunca that's pretty good yeah dude and be like here at absolutely

nunca we fucking do not have a frat but come on over here if you're not in a frat and we'll kind of secretly start our own frat but we don't have any rules and you can do whatever you want you can live wherever you want to but this guy's not considering joining a frat himself no he's not he's just annoyed or upset or frustrated that his other friends have and they're starting to change yeah he's asking how can i get my friends back i'll tell you right now you can't um they're gone you get you you know what how to how do you get your friends back they're gone you can't how do you get friends back just get some new ones get new ones that aren't in frats you can't be in fucking you know yeah i mean like i said it's kind of like being in a religion it's

like a little mini cult that everybody's just sort of okay with that at college and you know what dude they're way more fun than church right they do a lot of singing dude honestly maybe not hanging upside down maybe i'd rather be at church than a fucking frat party yeah well i would for sure no frat parties are not baptized me place to be yeah baptize me before you fucking hang me upside down over a fucking beer pot. What do you call it? Beer, what do you call them? The things where you hang it upside down?

A keg? A keg stand? Never knew it because never was a part of it. Yeah, well, good for you. You need more friends. This is a good thing for you, dude. This is a good thing. It's also just part of like he looks like he's around the age where you start to lose

some friends and gain new ones because you're not a kid anymore. you're becoming an adult you will make new friends i do know what it's like to be like man i'm kind of growing away from my old friends and before you've made new good friends but i promise you yeah you will make new friends and they will be better friends especially when you think back yep on the fucking guys who are in a frat you're like oh my god thank god i didn't need to be friends with those fucking frat guys. Totally. You lose friends two times in your life. Once when you leave high school and you get to be in college, right? And another time is like when you turn 40 and all your friends backstab you.

So you want to do the next one? I guess three times. Also, when you die, you lose all your friends. Yeah, you do do it. But maybe you join all your friends in heaven that were your friends that died early. Okay. Next one.

Hi, Chris and Matt. My name is Taylor. I'm from Toronto, Canada. And I am graduating from university this year. We are having a graduation ceremony at the university this summer. But I don't really want to go because it's just going to be full of bullshit speakers and people pretending that they care about our future. And it's just going to be super long. So and people pretending that they care about our future. And it's just going to be super long.

So that's why I don't want to go. Don't go. But my parents really want me to go. They haven't said it, but I can kind of tell when I tell them I don't want to go, they get a little upset. So do I just go and make them happy? Or do I just stick to what I want to do and tell them that I'm not doing it? Thanks for your help. They want her to go.

They want her to go to her own graduate. Was it the graduation she's asking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do her parents want her to go? I get that, dude, because parents care about ceremony and shit like that. It's old school shit, man. It is old school, but that's what she's dealing with. That's what she's calling it.

Any ceremony sucks. Any awards show sucks. Any kind of thing where you have to join or volunteer, it all sucks. Just be you, dude. Be you. Your parents should understand that you need to be you. And if you don't want to go to your graduation, then don't go to your graduation, man. Don't go to your graduation.

I have another perspective. Okay. It's wrong, but okay. I don't know. have another perspective okay it's wrong but okay her i don't know do we know if it's college or high school oh i guess we don't know yeah either way if your parents fucking paid like they get nothing for all the money that they've spent that is true fucking ungrateful especially now these times you're not grateful but like in these times all it is is fucking three hours of of time suck and it's gonna make them fucking happy maybe just fucking do it and bite the bullet you

know what i mean because like they might have spent fucking 200 grand on that shit yeah god they shouldn't have huh no they should not have done that but that's on them you know what maybe you're right maybe just don't go because that's on them and they shouldn't spend yeah but also i get what she's saying it's it's actually adorable that she even like is thinking about should i go for my parents because most i feel like a lot of people would be like fuck them fuck my parents she obviously has a good relationship with her parents right it really seems like it yeah just with the way she's talking about it yeah you know i guess we don't know but um yeah, I think that I hate especially the ceremony. Dude, because everyone gives a speech and it's always like this.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the greater times in the future. Yeah. We have an as an end yet. They don't ever fucking talk like, listen, guys, we're all out here. And this is not about it

yeah you gotta jazz it up dude you just scattered i know yeah i do but i understand why she doesn't want to sit there with these boring fucks do la da do do la da do do la da do do la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la and in the end it's right I hope you had that's why they do it because it says I hope you had the time of your life so many fucking different notes in the time dude what they should do is fucking have this song

and then the and then you get to the diploma and you're out dude you do a spin move and you will fucking moonwalk out of there dude I skipped my college graduation did you?

oh wait you didn't fucking graduate. Next one. Oh, yeah. That's right. I didn't do it. Slam. A fucking utter somersault to slam. All right, dude.

Hey, Chris. Hey, Matt. I guess my lifeline advice is dating as a shorter male. I know how Chris feels about it. I kind of want to get Matt's take as well. Bro. I know if you're below 5'8 or 5'9, you're too small. I get it. I understand.

But I guess it always kind of confused me a little bit how people kind of crap on short people and shit on short people. And you're not allowed to make fun of overweight people, but that's something that they can possibly change, but I can't change my height. I don't know. I mean, my last girlfriend was six foot, and I know you're thinking, I mean, it worked.

My God, it looks like she won. He's got a huge cock. Oh, my God. He said it. He's got a huge cock. I don't want to say it, but he had to bring it out. Oh, it was you. But yeah, I guess my lifeline advice is just basically

dating as a shorter guy and where to get that confidence. advice is just basically dating as a shorter guy and like where to get that confidence dude he's he's a shorter guy and he was dating a six foot chick also he has confidence i could tell by the way yeah dude no wonder he's got fucking that was good he's got huge cock syndrome probably okay well relax but dude how fucking awesome would it be if you're a short guy honestly this is the advice own it yeah that's own it get some sunglasses on get a fucking iced out chain that says short and yeah dude and own it and when you go out with your girl you make her drive and then when you get out of the car you get up on her like a koala and you fucking go into the restaurant and she walks in and he's just like this with his sunglasses and the thing

that says short bro that guy gets the most pussy, man. Own it is right. Hey, and then walking by people, the maitre d' in the fucking restaurant. So, sue me. I'm a koala. Do that, dude. Are you kidding me? Not only. I mean, I think you were right at first. No, dude.

You were on to something with own it? Yeah. The koala thing, I think he could skip. Honestly, that chick, if she takes you to a restaurant you'll be leaving you'll be walking into a restaurant with the with the second hottest chick because you'll be walking out with the hottest dude what because he has his pick dude he walks in with that much confidence oh i see what you're saying and he goes like this dude somebody once asked me if i had a big dick or not during dinner say it loud enough so people would hear bro that guy this

yeah dude oh he's gonna be dude i mean that that guy first of all he has confidence i mean he does you could tell he's behind him he was fucking good dude there was a poster in front with a guy in front of american flag going like we need a need a guy that was Leonardo DiCaprio. That was Leonardo DiCaprio behind it? Yes, dude. Yes, in Wolf of Wall Street. It is? Yes.

It looks like the guy from... It is? Yes! Marco, is it? Yes! That's not Leonardo DiCaprio. What the fuck? More do you want?

That's a Mexican guy. It's a face of Leonardo DiCaprio. No, it's not. Bro a face of Leonardo DiCaprio. No. No, it's not. Bro, is that Leonardo DiCaprio? It doesn't look like Leonardo DiCaprio to me at all. I don't think it is. Oh, my fucking fuck.

You fucking motherfuckers, dude. Wait. Okay. Okay. Fair enough. It's a famous fucking gif, too. The fucking shit from fucking Wolf of Wall Street. I don't see it at all.

Look it up. I don't see it at all. Look it up. Number one, I don't see it at all. Look it up. I don't see it at all. Look it up. Number one, I don't see it at all. Number two, I've never seen a face that doesn't look like somebody more than that look like the internet DiCaprio.

Look it up. Okay, well, I suppose I deserve it because I was doing this crazy thing, but... Look it up. Okay, zoom that in. Zoom that in. You don't need to. It's him.

Okay, that looks like him. Because it is. The guy obviously doctored it. Because they are all him. That's an insane thing to have on your wall but he's got confidence dude that doesn't look that looks a little bit like that's a bad painting how about that it's from the fucking movie it's a picture and it doesn't matter if it looks like him it is him okay well and it doesn't look like a more in one place than another it's the same picture okay this makes me want to that's a fucking that That is a horrible representation of a very handsome fucking lead actor named Leonardo DiCaprio.

It doesn't look like him at all. Now, let me ask you something. Does any of that matter besides... What matters is, is it him? It is him. The answer is yes, it is him. It's supposed to be him. How about that?

No, it is him. But here's the other thing. If you didn't know that that was a gif or a fucking thing from the movie, you wouldn know that that was i think i would have you know why because i have a brain okay well you have a brain but it's bad but it works and that's why i recognized who that is pull up the fucking poster frailty frailty the movie poster frailty pull up the movie poster frailty i've always had this this fucking i was never sure click on that who's that on the upper right that i mean honestly it looks like josh lucas but i know it's not there you go is it is it mcconaughey yep oh doesn't look like him does it no not at all and you'll do it because it said above matthew mcconaughey because you know what that looks like he's in that movie with bill paxton uh oh so you know

the movie bill paxton i think made filmed or she filmed or i do know that movie with Bill Paxton. Oh, so you know the movie. Bill Paxton, I think, made that. It's a film dork. It's a film dork. I do know that movie, yeah. Yeah, that doesn't look like Matthew McConaughey at all. No, it really doesn't. It really doesn't. If you have Matthew McConaughey in your fucking movie, definitely make sure everyone knows it's Matthew McConaughey. Correct, yeah.

As a matter of fact, you should have all right, all right, all right in quotes under that. Right, on every movie he's in. You know who that looks like? That fucking guy from, what's his name? From, all I know, the only movie that I know he's in is, oh, fuck, what is that guy? Josh Lucas, I i'm assuming because that's who i'm saying no josh lucas dude it does look a little bit like josh lucas honestly who do you think it looks no it looks like um

fuck i don't know the guy's name oh he was in the show numbers remember that show numbers rob morrow no not him the other guy i don't know look up numbers look up numbers and the thing is do it fast david crumholes yep david crumples that's what it looks like david crumples well googled numbers and numbers came up what a fucking idiot and that's what wow dude you know you don't think that looks like david crumholtz do a side-by-side on youtube it people can do it. No, it's a TV show. But he said movie, which is upsetting. Yeah, I said TV show, right? He's searched fucking movie, though.

So it's his fault. Wow, dude. It was a show that was on for fucking three, four years. There's David Krumholtz. That looks so much like the frailty poster. A little bit. Doesn't it? A little bit.

British the way I said it, but it's true. Wow, that was bad. That looks so much like him on the left. That looks like him. Dude, I win at that dude i win at that i win at that you lose at every look-alike thing because you didn't know who the most famous man on fucking earth is based on the picture of his fucking face jesus christ no no leonardo caprio is more famous you're going to hell christ you're going to hell because leonardo caprio is more famous than jesus christ you're going to hell well actually

yeah we've got we've got a lot of really good advice so far how many people did we do so far we've done a lot we actually ran out and i need to like get more amazing dude we could just fucking talk about this dude i got some advice for you for me oh yeah dude no you should give me um the hoodie that i'm wearing yeah okay yeah it sucks i would rock it uh that does suck because you're never gonna fucking get it because it's mine. Invoke. Never going to get it. Never going to get it.

Dude, did you like that fucking song when we were kids? I loved that song. I had the tape. You had the tape? I had the cassette, yeah. Whoa, I thought that was a fucking CD thing. No, dude. I had it on tape. Really? Do you remember your first fucking cd or tape i remember my first cd you got it for me was green day yeah it was i got it for

you dookie yeah yeah hope you had the time of your life it's not the right album but yeah well it was dookie dookie yeah worst album title no way so good that's gonna be my autobiography dookie i did a dookie i did a dookie. I did a Dookie. It's great. So what was that one from? That was Basket Case. Basket Case. Dookie was the one with all the good shit on it.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. That was like back when they were fucking cool. Is it that one? No. That's not fucking. What's the one that one? No. That's not fucking. What's the one that goes?

That's him right? It's called Brain Stew. What? It's called Brain Stew. Brain Stew. Wow. Slate it the fuck down. Brain Stew.

Yeah. Wait, is that from Dookie? Nope. Nope. Okay. Well, so my first, you know what my first CD was? Let me guess. I could sing it for you.

Tupac? No, no, no, no. What? No. That was fucking, what was I, 16 when I got my first CD? It was 1996. What was it? I guess Tupac was 92 kind of when he came out. Yeah, I guess it could have been 12. But no, mine was, I was 10 and it was fucking,

Boyz II Men, what's going on? Oh, wow. The original shit, like the Motown Philly. Yeah. Wow. That was awesome. Doing a little East Coast song. Yeah. God, I miss my calling.

You know how mom thinks I should be a fucking singer? My mama always thinks I should have. I can't sing any notes around her. Even as a joke, she'll be like, you know what, Chris? You really can't. You really should have been. You know what I always wanted to tell her too when she says that? You're wrong, mom.

Dude, how about this? When I was, what, 20 mom mom used to this is so this is actually embarrassing mom would say that i looked like josh do hamill yeah you remember right well i only remember because she still says it yeah i think it's become a joke like i fucking so don't look like him yeah it's unbelievable you don't look anything like him dude he came to my show the other day at the laugh factory and he showed up and i i forgot what he looks like dude no i didn't forget what he looks like but i forgot how handsome he was bro this guy makes me look like fucking uh who's the guy from lord of the rings that guy anyone's on that call him call him. Everyone's up in that. Gollum. Gollum. Dude, it's unbelievable. That guy is the most handsome guy in the world.

Still. Better. Really? You know, guys get older and it's fucking insane how good they look. Yeah, it's true. Insane. And until they get to be like 70 something and then they start kind of deteriorating. Yeah.

Yeah. But this guy fucking. You want to do another video? Let's go to another video. It's unbelievable how fucking good looking the guy is. And he's even better. This guy's kind of killing it. He's good looking, yeah.

Hey guys, love the new podcast. I'm glad Matt is here to keep Chris in check because as much as I love congratulations, let's be honest, he sometimes gets lost in the sauce. So I met this girl. We're both crazy in love, but she's a nurse in a native community in a Nordic

village in Quebec so she's basically only here in Montreal for half of the year we had an open relationship and we're managing it well but we recently decided to be exclusive so I was wondering what do you guys think about open relationships can it really work long term Chris I can't wait till you get back to montreal and i'm curious to hear you guys opinion have a good one thanks like i hit one note in his whole that guy blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sound like he was drowning so that guy's sexy though for real i think that guy's fucking sexy yeah i mean i would he's a cool now you're jealous well i'm not jealous i think you shrugged and you're like well he's not not as sexy as me but no i think

that you're just you're falling victim to he's got an accent. Yeah, maybe. But I think he kind of looked like Robert Pattinson too, though. He's sexy. Bro. He doesn't look anything like Robert Pattinson. I think we need to trust me on who people look like more because you didn't even know the fuck Leonardo DiCaprio was.

Two out of three people didn't know that that was Leonardo DiCaprio. Well, guess what? I was right. Okay, well, but sometimes you can not look like yourself, right? But I was right. Do you ever see Colin Farrell in the Batmanman he doesn't look like himself because he's got prosthetic and fucking makeup on so that guy's handsome and sexy period have you been in open relationships no i have been in open relationships and it's just very hard to navigate dude it's not

easy and he wasn't an open relationship and now he's not with the girl, I think that that's progress. I think that if you start with a non-open relationship exclusive and then go open, I don't think that that's progress. I think that's whatever the opposite of progress is. Yeah, right, right, right. But you can have a successful open relationship,

I suppose, but you definitely need to have clear rules and only go by these rules you can't stray from these rules right yeah you can't be like okay you you can be like look these are the rules don't date anybody i know don't do the horizontal mamba with anybody i know don't fucking you could have to throw out a weird rule i don't like when you fuck with hockey players i know know everyone loves hockey in Montreal. It's deeper. But you can say, but then you can't go back on that.

You go back on that, the whole thing is fucked. There's no going back, right? Trust is everything, right? And you need to adhere to the rules that you establish in your relationship. Now, everybody fucks up, right? I've fucked up in my relationships you know uh but it's very very hard to go from exclusive to open i think going from open to exclusive is is progress and that is uh yeah you maybe you're growing up dude you're becoming an

adult you know yeah but a guy like that with that accent is always going to cheat anyway next no he's always going to have a fucking plenty of women he can be with right right i mean he's i would fucking want to date that guy but that being said is he i i'm not sure i was too like uh mystified and mesmerized by him was he saying he's considering about going back to an open relationship i don't think so i just think that he was asking do you you think open relationships could work? I have never and would never try one. Yeah. I know people who are in them and happy, and I have to believe them because they're saying it,

and I don't know better than someone else's brain. I do not, I do know, rather, that I would never do that or want to do that or could do that, period, fucking full stop. And why would you never do that? Couldn't. Couldn't, you know what else? Worst reason, just couldn't. I don't want to. I don't want to. Oh, interesting. that period fucking full stop and why would you never do that couldn't couldn't you know what else worst reason i don't want to i don't want to oh interesting you have no desire no i mean if i have a partner that's the partner i want yeah and that i don't i think

it's the way i think of it like i don't if i'm with someone that is the person i want to be with and so having an open relationship i don't even like part of me doesn't really quite get it well you know thank god you're not an animal you know what i mean like an actual animal like you know penguin not a penguin no penguins are monogamous you know what i fucking read about penguins all look like each other you know what i read about penguins the other day this is real they fuck dead penguins because the way sometimes penguins will die in the position of the way that they position themselves when they're asking to be mated with. And then a male penguin will go up to a dead female penguin and fuck it. When it's.

I mean, don't shoot the messenger, you know. Fucking a dead penguin. Penguin dead, but not knowing. Just. Yep. Dude. Hey, hey nature figure that out yeah well dude the fuck the loophole dude how about how fucking penguins just dying like this that's yeah just just with a fucking log in its mouth with the fins like this. Horny penguins coming by. I wonder what that position really is, though.

Penguin stop. What an unfortunate way to pass. Just passing like this on the side and then another living penguin walks up and then go next to it. And behind it, doing the fucking lazy Republican behind it like this. The lazy Republican? Yeah, that's what that. That's the position?

I don't know. I made it up. You literally right now made it up. It's called the lazy Republican for me. And what is it? Where you're like this on your side. The person, your mate, if it's a chick or a dude, if it's gay sex, whatever, but like the other person is in front of you and you're behind them

and you're just kind of like, it's doggy style, but laying down on it. And why are you a Republican? You know what I mean? Because you're Republican because it's like you think you're doing something dirty, but really you're just, you're not. Because when you do it, you don't believe in climate change? No, no, no. It's less that and more like oh this is crazy honestly republicans are the new punk rock so i i made it unfortunately yeah yeah i made it i made it i made it back when republicans were like the oh we don't do that kind of they are still that don't fucking be fooled okay when

when it comes to when it comes to the older republic, yes. But the new Republicans, dude? Don't be fooled. They still like fucking believe in God and all that shit. No, I know. But they would fucking, I mean, they're going to have like the new fucking Woodstock soon. Get the fucking fuck out of here. With who? Just Kid Rock?

I am Kid Rock. Oh, dude. Kid Rock. Penguin's in the fucking car. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. With red ties on. In Woodstock 1999, whatever year it was. Kid Rock has the fucking best shit. Oh, dude. Kid Rock. Penguin's in the fucking car. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. With red ties on. In Woodstock, 1999, whatever year it was. Kid Rock has the fucking best shit.

Oh, yeah. That's right. What is it again? It's a... You want me to get political? Oh, yeah. Monica Lewinsky's a hoe. And Bill Clinton's a fucking pimp.

So not political. The worst political take fucking ever. It's one of my favorite videos. Play it. Can you play it? Oh. Does it want to? Did it want to? the worst political take fucking ever it's one of my favorite videos play it can you play it oh so did it want to I'm not sure

I can that wasn't on the schedule but yeah so it didn't want to but dude he has to pull up stuff that we want to because it's fun and we're talking about it

dude yeah that's so shitty of Chris Rock to do that but also Chris Rock here it is this is it

you want me to get political worst Chris Rock impression okay here we go now listen close close you want me to get political well this is about as deep as kid brock thanks monica lewinsky is a fucking hoe and bill clinton is a goddamn pill well the way he's yep so serious after unbelievable that's like you see of people just like you made the greatest fucking point ever. God, how many people are there?

And my favorite, what did he say in the beginning? Listen up. This is as deep as, you want me to get political? This is as deep as I get. Before that, he was like, listen closely or something, which was great. He did something like listen closely, which is like, you don't need to. Yeah. I mean, I missed that part, but yeah.

Chris Rock. Stop doing that. You know what I mean? I don't know, man. You know what I mean? I don't know, man. You know what I mean? You're going to stop doing that? But I think that that's very political, dude. And I think that that's great that he's speaking his mind.

Yeah. I think it's great he's being political. He loves fucking Trump, so now he's more political than back then. But he said Bill Clinton's a pimp. He kind of just loves men in charge, really. Right. You know what? That's what it is.

Yeah. Yeah. So you think, what was the fucking advice thing we were talking about are the penguins oh you told me about penguins but what why did we start talking about open relationship open relationships right i think that um don't do it just yeah well don't do it but but uh we've evolved over the fucking years in a way that it didn't prep us for that shit and it's nobody's fault it's not our fault but we're not ready for that shit. It's not how we do it.

If you insist, like I said, there are people who, even that I know, that do it and they're happy. But dude, I don't, call me fucking old fashioned,

I do not get it and I do not want it either. I think it can work. I think it's very, I mean, you need to have serious delineations and lines and adhere to them.

And if you have any questions about what you should or shouldn't do, you have to refer to your partner first. I just think it's a lot of work, you know? It sounds like it. It fucking sounds like it. I guess it could work, but if you are open,

this is my advice to this guy, if you're open and then you went to exclusive, there's no going back. That's a progression, right? Yeah, definitely don't go back. If that's the question, do not do that. Imagine them having sex with just themselves in the middle. They're like, man, we got to go back to being open. Yeah.

That's crazy about penguins. They shouldn't fuck dead penguins, huh? The guy that discovered that that was true hid the discovery because he thought it was so fucked up he was which is like so no it was just like it was so long ago it was so long ago yeah now stop saying what i said what you're saying yeah no don't do that now it would be fucking literally on on every article and be like hey guess what penguins fuck deads deads necrophiliacs yeah penguins are necrophiliacs i knew that word you didn't i know what it means well now you do having sex with neck neck necro wafers oh you're doing another one or what are we doing no that's good i think we're good yeah

um you guys this has been great phoenix arizona i'm going to be in your city february 30th you can go to crystalia.com to get tickets. I'm also doing April 27th at the Hollywood Improv, crystalia.com. And I'm putting out more dates. Be ready in the first week of May. I'm going to be pumping out dates for other cities on the East Coast and different cities. And then also listen to Congratulations. And we've got to start your podcast up soon but um that's about that like and subscribe to this channel and activate that

algorithm make friends in the comments that's how we do it and also feel free to give advice to any of the people that gave videos into this show uh in the comment section and we'll like uh go in there and pin some of them or whatever. We might not. But we might. We might not. So anyway, we appreciate you. Is that it?

Yeah. If you want to submit, there's a link in the description below. Also, we want more specific questions. We'd love that. More specific questions? What do you mean by that? Just right now, they've been very general. Oh, they've been general.

Yeah, they have been general. I have noticed that, actually. Get specific with it, baby. Ask. Submit. Ask what you need to ask. Don't be afraid to be specific. Yes. Okay, cool have been general. I have noticed that actually. Get specific with it, baby. Ask. Submit. Ask what you need to ask. Don't be afraid to be specific. Yes.

Okay, cool. Very good. I love specificity. You know that. You know me, right? Okay. You know I love specificity. Don't make it about you.

No, I know, but I'm saying. People like it. Right, I understand, but it's our show. It's not like your thing that you like specificity. This is our show. It's 51% my show. No, I don't know. 50.1% my show.

All right. Thanks, guys. Thanks for listening.. All right. Thanks, guys. Thanks for listening. Like and subscribe. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.