Lifeline - 20. Don't Miss A Thing

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

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Hello. Hello. Will you please? Hello. Hello. all right well i'm chilling chilling are you chilling chilling yeah i did a show last night at the hollywood improv and it was really fun i was doing um i was doing a show for uh the i was like because i'm going to dallas next week or this week i guess when this comes out and wichita and um to do shows and i was running my set because it's been a little bit since i've done like a full like i guess i did 50 minutes but um yeah it's been a little bit since i've done that so now i'm coming and i'll be there so go to chrislea.com for dallas wichita atlanta and washington dc and savannah those are the first dallas's first yeah yeah yeah when's that grand saint perry uh um

it's friday yeah and then wichita saturday nice nice nice nice nice so i asked you if you're chilling chilling are you pimping pimping too uh you asked me if i was chilling chilling right when we started at the beginning i said are you chilling chilling then you kind of veered into this other thing but you interrupted my line of inquiry next so you just wanted me to say yes or no you can answer however you want this is an open forum you said yes you said yeah are you chilling chilling now my question is are you pimping pimping yes okay great i mean fucking magic don juan doing an interview podcast uh yeah okay all right let's go to let's go to fucking romeo for weather he's on the street corner hey what's up man it's rain of hoes yeah and we're back that's um yeah i'm thinking about getting a new station

going so oh that's really practicing my interviews has anyone ever said that sentence before in the world what i'm thinking of getting a new station going i honestly like i like to think that everything has ever been said right because there's just too many people and time has been too long but i would say one of the top things that has never been said truly is i'm thinking of getting a radio station a news station a news station going i'm thinking of getting a new station going thinking about building someone's getting a radio station. A news station. A news station going. I'm thinking of getting a news station going. Thinking about building. Someone probably said radio station.

Radio station probably. But not news station going. Thinking about getting a news station going from the ground up. Yeah. Going to cover the news, the world events. You know what? I take that back. You know why?

Crazy people. Yeah. Coffee shops. Yeah. GNN. Remember that guy? Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Dude. Can we talk about that guy? Is that allowed? Yeah. But what was the fucking. I used to know a guy in a coffee shop i've talked about this on congratulations okay by the way like and subscribe the video we're we're not at 600 000 fucking subscribers yet which is let me just say this bullshit yeah that's not good um but yeah subscribe to super call studios so i used to go

to uh this coffee shop you know i used to run the block right over on cold water in ventura i hated going there dude so much you're different than me it was the only place you would ever go so to hang out with you i had to go there did you hate it because i ran it no i hate it because it's like it was in like a shitty little valley kind of plaza with like a baja fresh love that and like a shitty bagel place you know love it western bagel don't fucking and and i it was there was not a baja fresh until later on okay it was excuse me for not getting the fucking okay order of establishment uh and now it's a five guys so uh and i don't go there anymore because there's no coffee bean they shut it down dude it used to be a gas station it

was nice and now there's a wells fargo it's all hoity-toity but whatever you know um but this was at the star oh no i guess it was yeah and so i would go there and i would i would write it was just back when i would like write screenplays and shit forever ago yeah and um and uh this guy was there and you know you meet all these people i mean there was an old guy who would always call the mayor with problems in the fucking city you know he'd accuse him no no this is a different guy this is not that guy the guy with the briefcase oh you know that guy yeah yeah oh there's a different guy you would always call the mayor and talk about how there were mexican nationalists taking over right you remember that yeah yeah you know that too oh hell yeah okay yeah that's where the always fart like

a motherfucker right oh that's right that guy would fart like a motherfucker the guy who kind of farts where you don't say shit because you're like oh i mean he's dead by now you know what i mean like oh his farts made his fucking smelling like a dead place dude but he would you know what he had in that briefcase do you remember no i don't remember no nestle quick only he would bring nestle quick get the whatever coffee you would get pour it in the thing and then stir it and then put the nestle quick in the whatever coffee you would get pour it in the thing and then stir it and then put the nestle quick in his briefcase dude what a disgusting and then he would just fart like a motherfucker call the mayor talk about mexican nationalists you know nothing

makes the worst guy when's the last time you drank chocolate milk oh i don't know it's toot city dude well it's toot city i believe that it's toot city but regular milk is fine chocolate milk honestly toot city how do you know when the one's last time you did it you're right yeah high school dude and i would eat it all the time you did you know and i would and i would and i would fucking toot so much and it was unbelievable and i stopped doing it and whenever and i i did the you know the i stopped doing it wouldn't toot then drank it would toot fifth period toot it all up and i i did the you know the i stopped doing it wouldn't do it then drank it would to fifth period toot it all up and you know so you figured it out toot it all up and

call the mayor and so um what if you realize it was the nest cook that was oh my god yeah yeah and not only does it make you toot it makes you call the mayor so what about mexican nationalists so um so anyway are you going to talk about gn i know there was another guy who was a stunt guy that would always try to get me into the boot into buddhism and then there was another dude that um oh that was the thing where the guy came in where it was like oh we got to hang out sometime and he he had and he said strictly hetero and kicked the door remember that guy no no no dude he was so you don't know that no i've told this i think it's such a ridiculous thing to do it's called strictly hetero but he dude he he was like oh dude i love your stuff man he's like we gotta hang out sometime and

by the way you know me i ended up hanging out with him of course i love it dude i love crazy people you've always been like that i know weird as shit so um so he was like we gotta hang and he was walking out with four drinks like four coffee drinks okay and they were frilly ones who was he they're all for him probably if he's like yeah yeah yeah dude and he had shorts on and he goes you know well we got to hang out sometime we got to hang out so i was like yeah fuck i'm down dude and he goes like this strictly hetero and kicked it with one he kicked it with one foot opened the door and walked out with the tray dude i will never forget that and i go oh dude that's pretty i mean speaking of pimping pimping that's at the top of that shit yeah yeah and then i fucking and i remember the guy with the briefcase tooted after

that so um yeah so there was another guy who we are prelude for getting to because i want to color the fucking story about how amazing the toffee bean and tea i mean this place was wall-to-wall crazy motherfuckers it was yeah for real honestly coffee shops are like that though especially at 2 p.m though like when they get the motherfuckers with no jobs yeah so um you know who also used to go there all the time the comedian chris spencer i would hang out with him all the time you know him yeah i do know chris he's great and a great comedian and so eddie murphy was also yeah he would go there and he'd be like and and he always had the greatest car and the fucking hottest chick. Yeah, I know. Yeah. And he would like do that to me and I would feel so good.

Yeah. He did it to me too. So you're not. No, no, no, no, no. But he knew me from comedy. So anyway, this guy, Gregory. I don't know his last name. Gregory James.

Oh, God. Yeah. Middle name, right? No, I think that's how he went. Like a stage name. So and it was GNN. He he would go by gn and he was starting a news network he see he's the one who said i know he definitely said i'm thinking about starting a new station i know yeah um and there's videos out there i follow him on youtube uh and he's he's in florida now do you know this yeah oh yeah i showed you because i keep i gotta keep up with him he's in

florida now and he's very old and he's in and out of the hospital and poor guy oh really yeah um he had like a heart maybe heart surgery or something he had probably had covet it was bad um and i just hope he's doing okay you know he he was he was always very you know i have a feeling he was probably not mentally sound but uh well he definitely wasn't right right right i mean i'm no doctor but yeah he was not mentally sound and uh but i hope he but he was he was he Right, right, right. I mean, I'm no doctor, but yeah, he was not mentally sound. And, but I hope he, but he was, he was, we would, we would hang out, you know? Yeah, he would, he would show.

I mean, he's got to be what, 60? He's got to be old. Yeah. And you would just, you know, he would say like he had that song. Remember that song? There's that song on. That's what I was going to bring up.

Go, go, go Obama. Yeah. Go, go, go Obama. And now he's a fucking huge Trumper you know the the thing about that song the genesis of that song the behind the scenes of that song if you will was he was a big republican and wanted mccain to win and he made that song as like a as like a bridge like an olive branch to to obama being like well, you won fair and square. Now I'm going to put my support behind you.

Oh, how do you do this? Let's go. Because I listened to the lyrics, dude. Oh, really? Yes, I listened to the lyrics. You know the GNN fucking biography? You have the behind the scenes? Yeah, I have the behind the scenes.

Just write go, go, go Obama, dude. And so. Is that going to work? Yeah, go, go, go Obama. I mean, he's not going to come up. Gregory News Network. GNN, go, go, Obama. I mean, he's not going to come up. Gregory News Network. GNN. Add GNN.

It's definitely there, dude. Nah, I didn't take it down, bro. Maybe he did because it was kind of pro-Obama. He doesn't want his Trump friends. Oh, yeah, dude. You know? Go, go, go, Obama. I mean, the first thing that came up was janet

there it is wow he's got so many videos oh look he looks crazy in 2014 yeah and he'll be like coming to you live from the fort lauderdale uh starbucks yeah the you know oh right yeah so he does the news and just talks about things that he's read and then uploads it to youtube james william gregory james william gregory james william gregory william that's right he would say william like william oh wait wait go to hold on you guys let me three first three first names james william oh he is all trumped out now yeah now yeah fuck just click on one james will gregory jr hello ladies and gentlemen it's me once again.

I'm one and a half. I've wore it many times on my YouTube broadcast. Broadcast. Anyone who goes against children or has an abortion to kill, to murder a child. Who does that? For your sake. You're going to heaven when you die. Are you scrubbing it or is it cut like that? it's whoa it's so psychedelic this isn't him though

this is uh anyway dude that is him no no no no this is him but this is not his channel somebody did oh anyway dude uh i hope he's doing okay and he uh but yeah if okay is how he was it seems like he's doing okay now up to the same old shit you know i make so much sense that he's earthquakes wait go back go back one go back hello ladies and gentlemen good earthquake song go to the earthquake song oh there's another song this is good oh boy hello ladies and gentlemen this is gn gregory news network the christian based i mean no i was a christian based No, he's a Christian-based dude. ...in the background.

That's a Starbucks. I'm here at Starbucks Coffee. Wow. No, you're not. This one's looking at 14355 Beach Boulevard, Jacksonville, Florida. Jacksonville. 32224. Wow.

Your phone number here, area code 904-821-10122. Who's going to call you at Starbucks? I wrote a song that I wrote a long time ago. With breaking news. I used to live in California. Yes, you did. I was friends with Chris. And they had many earthquakes there.

Earthquakes, wow. I went through a big earthquake in Los Angeles. Earthquake. January 17th, 1994. The background, you know. So this song is dedicated to people that have gone through big earthquakes. It's called the Earthquake Song. And here's a portion of it.

A portion, you know? A teaser. When the earth starts to rumble, don't take a tumble and trust in God. When the earth starts to rumble, don't take a tumble and trust in God. That's in the Lord Jesus Christ. Trust in him. In God the Father. In God the Holy Ghost. My Savior, my Lord, my God. That's in the Lord Jesus Christ. Trust in him. In God the Father. The interlude.

My Savior, my Lord, my God. This is like in Boyz II Men when the guy was like, girl. When the earth starts to rumble, don't take a tumble and trust in God. When the earth starts to rumble, don't take a tumble and trust in God. This is the earth twice sung by me, James Gregory Jr. When the earth starts to rumble, don't take a tumble and trust in God. Burped! don't take the tumble and trust in God burped that's dedicated to people who have gone through big earthquakes I've been through a big earthquake

he said that's dedicated to anyone who's gone through a big earthquake it was just 10 days after my wife and I got married January 7th 94 in Los Angeles I always like that about him. He talks about his wife all the time. Well, I don't think

they're together anymore. Why? Because I think she left him. Oh. It was the biggest natural disaster in American history. I mean, not true! Up until Hurricane Katrina. It did an estimated over $20 billion in damage

in the Los Angeles area, that quake. Okay. And unfortunately, over 80 people died in that earthquake. Freeways collapsed, buildings collapsed, houses collapsed, cars were crushed. And like I said, unfortunately, there were 80 people who lost their lives in the northwards quake in one apartment complex that's the biggest san fernando valley it was a three-story apartment complex yeah i guess okay that's good him claiming that that's the second biggest natural disaster in american history 80 people died no when the earth takes a tumble and...

Wait, that sounds just like him. When the earth starts to rumble, don't take a tumble and trust in God. When the earth starts to rumble and... Don't take a tumble and trust in God. Wow, you sound exactly like him. This is the earthquake song by me, James Gregory.

Such shit lyrics lyrics you know just the shittiest fucking lyrics ever calvin would even be like that's a song calvin would make up yeah dude kodak black would sing that all right cool well our advice to him is just keep on fucking reporting the news dude well honestly stop anyway so it doesn't matter what we tell him i always i always had a conversation with that dude i hope he's doing well i hope he's not struggling too much and um you know we had we had good times at that coffee shop i like yeah he was he was actually fun to hang with for sure yeah all right cool well let's get into it let's do it fuck man i almost started crying laughing that was hilarious dude the burp in the middle of the song all right let's do it

shit shit hey boys love you both quick question how do you write a good best man speech All right, let's do it. Shit, shit. Hey, boys. Love you both. Quick question. How do you write a good best man speech? I'd be nice to be best man at a wedding next year. It's going to be in front of over 150 people, which isn't the problem. It's the material that I'm concerned about.

How do you write something that is funny, but you know entertaining all at the same time um yeah i just don't know um matt you give great advice and chris you're a stand-up so i'm sure you guys can hook me up here love you from alex you look great chris you look funky um all right so um i don't know man you can sing the earthquake song yeah you always could do that i think if you're in california i mean look dude you know well actually at fucking jordan's wedding our cousin got married this this this uh weekend uh and i went you didn't because you're a bad brother and yeah because yeah a bad brother though because i wanted you to go to really just bad family member so um i gave fucking speeches at your shit. I know, I know, I know.

And they were both fucking killing, killing, killing. They were great. And you're dressed like a Dick Tracy villain too. Pimpin', pimpin'. And so... You're saying I was dressed like a Dick Tracy villain at your wedding? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so... So... The guy who did the... We got to get a picture pulled up. Okay, we'll say it. So, the guy who did the best man speech at Jordan's wedding said, he said something really funny. You should just steal it. But he was like, this room is full of great men. It's full of great lawyers, great producers, great doctors. But today, I am the best man.

It was funny. That's cute. So steal that. Start with that. And then don't try to be too funny. Don't try to be too funny. Make it personal, but not like everyone's going to look around and be like, why are they talking about this in front of people?

In the one time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because people try to get too cute with it. They want to like kind of embarrass them like they would among like a small group of friends. Yeah. That's not a good idea. No one's going to laugh.

People are going to get upset with you. But also you don't want to fucking get like too serious either. There's like that fine line of you want to be sweet and honest, but you want to keep it light as well. So it's like that personal thing. Think of like a very personal story that sort of connects to the day's events in some way or another. Yeah, that's a good idea. And also don't do inside jokes.

People always think that that's going to work. It's bad. And then Tommy, you know, Big Bird. We call him Big Bird. Big Bird. We call him Big Bird. Big Bird. We call him Big Bird because we would play basketball in high school. And anyway, but. The worst speech ever.

So anyway, they're getting married. And the day I met the wife. This is the earthquake show. Song by me, James Gregory.ory um yeah dude i think that and and also dude number one keep it short oh dude please don't go on too long you know you're not make one silly thing in the beginning don't do inside jokes dude don't do inside jokes keep it short and keep it sweet and be nice and careful with the roasting because i don't i think that honestly roasting isn't the way to go that's what i'm saying you don't want to fucking roast it up yeah in front of people somebody's mom and shit like

they don't like that unless you're a professional comedian like mike lenochi fucking roasted me at my wedding it was fucking hilarious but he knows how to do it yeah he also gave the single worst speech i've ever seen in my life yeah at my wedding yeah really yeah dude you're talking about mike lenochi i know mike lenochi dragged on like a motherfucker it was funny oh god it okay but like oh i thought it wasn't the worst no yeah it was entertaining for sure yeah it was entertaining okay get your fingers out of my No, because there's people who are like, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they meant the thing. Okay, okay.

Yeah, Linoche was fucking. But even him, admittedly, he was like, I forgot my notes. I don't know where my notes are. I know. He kept going on and rambling about that thing and was like, oh, mommy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was. Okay.

I mean, he was spraying the crowd, dude. Okay, okay. This is the earthquake song by me, James Gregory. All right, let's go to the next one. You're going to deal with a copyright issue if you keep singing it. You're going to get sued by CNN. Okay. Hey, guys.

Duck Dynasty. Me again. Oh, wait, we know him. I just want to let you all know. The kid. You do not remember me from last week, though i'm you know you guys are busy and doing all kinds of stuff no i remember uh y'all were really nice to me and you said i was i was sweet yep and uh you listened to me and i just thought that was something else i mean

hell yeah it's just pretty neat um my son is home i followed your advice uh he got to meet his namesake and my mother, and it was awesome. There was no specialty needed. But, hey, Chris, I want to let you know you're right. I do not shower very much. Your first judgment, bazinga, was so right. Intuitive. So I want to ask you, as a man that looks like this, that is rough looking, how do I also look clean? And thank you guys.

Love you guys so much. You know what I mean? I love that. Well, dude, I got to tell you, man, like I'm with you, bro. He looks clean to me. Maybe he got cleaned out for the fucking video, you know? But, dude, like like everyone one of the top things about me is like oh he looks like he doesn't shower but i shower every single day

they say about you you're like the cleanest person i know i know i'm very very clean yeah to the point that it's like a kind of annoying yeah yeah um but and and people think like because i guess i have a beard and a that's it's just like when people have a beard they're like you don't shower but that that's a strange thing the thing about that is that beard looks it's not trimmed at all it's very unkempt it looks shampooed it's too long to be in the world well yeah it's too long to be looking clean unless you trim you gotta trim it yeah so i don't think really you can do anything unless you trim your beard i mean to look clean if you were dressed in a tux to the nines you'd still look dirty because it's not trimmed that is signifies not taking care of yourself right to yes it does but it shouldn't but it shouldn't

and times may be changing but buddy we ain't there yet yeah yeah right yeah we're just not there yet as a society we live in a society you know what i mean yeah yeah we do um so he looks like he does not but right he actually does not he looks like he yeah he knows more animals than humans but um yeah man i i don't know if there's a way to do it unless you trim a little bit your beard and your mustache if you have here's the thing if you have the mustaches that go and curl up back into your teeth forget it you're dirty you could wash three times a day yeah that's no one wants to even see that he doesn't have that if you're tasting follicle i mean i don't know that's disgusting even tasting follicles why i just i don't want to

oh look a dog lost your mind um on acid just tripped so hard there's a dog over there past the camera so um what you did is what a guy who does the best man speech should not do because the audience wasn't involved it was so much but we were right yeah we were it was an inside joke then i had to explain it right okay but it wasn't an inside joke it just appeared but it was an inside thing okay okay well now you're pissing me off though. So it's all good. That's fine. But that's fine, right? Okay.

Because you made a mistake. Okay. But he doesn't... To me, honestly, he doesn't look dirty. It looked like his beard was specifically shampooed. Oh. To me. Do you wash your...

How do you wash your thing? My face? No, your beard. With my... I just wash it with my face. Just soap like that? Yeah, me too. I never do...

Have you ever tried to shampoo it? No. Tried to do it once. Somebody told me how to do it. To do it once. Did it? Broke out completely. Oh, sucks. No, you shouldn't be doing that unless you have a beard like that. Right.

It's like hair on your face. Alright, cool. So basically trim your beard and that's the only way you'll look clean. You may be clean, but you also aren't clean because you don't shower that much. So there you go. You admitted it. I was right. I'm a detective. Okay. aren't clean because you don't shower that much so there you go you admitted it i was right i'm a detective okay hey matt and chris my name is nick and i live in fort wayne indiana for some reason uh still waiting on that hbo max set to roll up into town uh to get that mixed race couple uh show going um anyway uh so this is kind of a question for chris but matt i would love it if

you chimed in too uh chris i have a two-year-old, probably about Calvin's age, a little bit younger. But anyway, you hear the age-old thing of the terrible twos. You know, oh, you know, my kid, blah, blah, blah. It turns into some sort of like demon when they're two. We have never really believed that. My wife and I have never really believed that my wife and i have never really believed that but we're starting to see kind of this terrible two streak i guess come about in our daughter and uh you know it's like the the saying no all the time just being a contrarian to be a contrarian like we get two-year-olds are like scientists that are always experimenting with different

things just to see what kind of reactions you can get. So hopeful. But it's reaching a point where, like, she'll say no, and it's like, no. Sassy. Kind of like testing you, you know what I'm saying? So, Chris, my question is, how do you handle this sort of stage with Calvin? It sounds like on Congratulations and on this podcast that you do have kind of the contrarian behaviors

you have to deal with contrarian behaviors you have to deal with uh so how do you go about that matt again i'd love to hear your input as well sorry i went way too long i appreciate you guys more than i can ever express i am a true baby for life peace nice just real quick i think give her up for adoption that's my no i don't know it's kind of everything that it's actually super weird that that's part of the developmental process like dude just when they get to around two or whatever actually my pediatrician said it's usually uh it usually starts because the first year is to one the second year is to two so she's like it's the second year usually so it starts before two oh that's what

she said with calvin it didn't really start till a little later but um but um yeah they do it like the chinese years you know you know what they do i don't know i mean either but um so uh yeah calvin says no like he says no like about everything now yeah he said no the other day i said you know what i really like your hair today and he said no you don't and it like a like a vietnamese like like that yeah and he and and he wasn't even looking at me so he's just like they just do that shit because they know oh i, I don't have to do shit. I have free will though, motherfucker. But what's interesting is that they don't because everyone does it at that phase in

their life. It's like they don't have free will. They need to say no to everything. The matrix. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's just like, it's automatic. With Cal, I've noticed it for sure.

He's just like, it's like this beyond an impulse. It's like he has to do it. You think you know, you think you got the has to do it you think you know you think you got the choice to do it but it was your destiny yeah to say no yeah you saying no is so fucking typical and obvious you being a real rebel you'd say yes to everything yeah right wow i'm gonna tell him that when he understands it when he's older dude so yeah really he's you're just it's the part of it's part of it it's the this was designed if you were a real rebel you would say yes to everything i want you to do yep that's when i start telling the people adults and everything also you just did it you just are

saying no basically i have that's me that did that because i i you might splurt it you made him i made you you half of you half of kristin yeah right yeah so i made you so you're saying no because i designed that wow so say that to your daughter i think he's got a daughter say that to your daughter worst dad ever i designed you i designed you to say no but calvin does this thing too where he stops because that's what peppa pig does and he loves peppa pig and he goes like this no i don't and it's really cute and it's hard not to smile because when he says no it's so cute and then you kind of smile but you kind of got to like turn your head that seems like trouble yeah you don't want to let them know it's enjoyable when

they say no right but do you let them know it's enjoyable no i don't go i don't i i you try not to i go oh yeah like that yeah so i'm like kind of laughing but it's like okay here we go do a turn of events so yeah so that's really what you got to do also well i actually didn't give any advice but the advice is what you can do is the art of diversion right because like kids are so oh i'm doing one thing then i'm doing another thing oh more colors oh a cartoon's on ooh construction paper right oh a truck drove by if they say no hey like calvin he never wants to eat i'd be like we gotta go eat he goes like no i don't and i say hey look at this toy and he was like oh and he takes a toy and then i take him

put him in the high chair he doesn't even notice and then he starts eating all of a sudden what a dumb ass he is well no it's not that i would never fall for that yeah i know because you're fucking you're 38, right? Yeah. Okay, so he's two. So that's what he's talking about. He's two. His daughter's two, rather.

My son's two. So that's what they do. Right. You're 38, it wouldn't work on you. But I actually have a feeling it would, like the mentalist kind of shit.

It could, yeah, it could. I like toys. But be the mentalist to your daughter or whatever. Right. Art of diversion. Right, right, right. Yes, do it it by the way

we have uh the lifeline i don't know if you've heard the last episode but we have lifeline merch oh wait fucking i should show you oh shit we got the spin move mentality shit you know what i mean that's just the t we got the hoodie yeah we got the hoodie which is right here oopsie daisy we got it in here and then we got the uh fucking uh we got other shirts and we actually got long crew neck yeah the crew neck is dope. I have it in my bag. I had to take it off because it's so fucking hot in LA right now. But it's the shit.

It's actually my favorite thing. Yeah, the crew neck is kind of when you put it on, it's like oopsie daisy. You know what I mean? Yeah, oops. I look and feel great. Right, right, right, right, right. Oh, shit, dude. You look as good as you feel.

Wow, that's amazing. Yep. By the way, dude, I'm ugly today. Dude, really? I told you that earlier. Yeah. What did I say? What did I say? I said, why? And then you got. Because I said, oh, I'm ugly today. Dude, really? I told you that earlier. Yeah. What did I say? What did I say?

I said, why? And then you got- Because I said, oh, so you don't fucking- Right. You got your feelings, sir, because I didn't immediately disagree. Yeah. You didn't even go like this. Why?

Yeah. Like, here's what you should have done. Say, I'm ugly today. Say that. Me? Yeah. Say you. I'm ugly today.

Why'd you say that? Yeah. I didn't do that. Yeah. I did do- Why? No, what did I do? I didn't- No. You did do why no what i do i didn't know you go why oh yeah it's completely stone faced i'll go oh maybe he thinks i am my intention of saying why

though was actually because i looked at you and thought i don't see that so why do you think that but i could have expressed that more i didn't and i don't have any regrets about it but maybe i should have done well um you know when you put on an outfit sometimes and you're like oh shit this outfit's banging right yeah yeah and then like a week later or two weeks later you put on the same outfit and you're like wow it just doesn't feel right oh do you do that uh i don't not really maybe last time i wore this outfit i felt fucking fly as shit now i'm wearing this outfit i don't feel good no i think you look good thanks all right next one hey chris hey matt my name is maya and i'm from toronto canada i'm a huge fan of both of you i could go on and on about it but i know i don't have that much time no go ahead so i just wanted to ask you about a friendship issue a couple of months ago back in

april i guess i broke off a friendship with somebody who I've been best friends with for 18 years. Essentially, to sum it up, she started dating this guy about a year or so back. And I got red flags pretty much from the get go. She before she met him was super enthusiastic, love life, really passionate. And it's kind of like a social butterfly. And I, you know know that's what i loved about her after she met him i think he really dug at her confidence and she completely lost all self-esteem there were just so many things going downhill for her and he was just

a really narcissistic selfish person who was just all about himself i we have a judge-free friendship um or so i thought so i approached her about it and just gave her my opinion as it turns out it wasn't appreciated and she basically said that i my opinion was unwanted and uncalled for and pretty much i should be ashamed for saying what i said and that i'm really judgmental damn she went on to say some really hurtful things and ultimately i cut her off not even two seconds later i just have a problem i guess it's easy for me to cut people off but what she said just really hurt my feelings wow so i guess i'm wondering two things number one

was it none of my business and should i have just stayed out of it was i out of place and number two did i jump the gun on ending our friendship um or did i make the right choice anyways thanks guys dude i think okay first of all she owes you an apology yeah i also think just real quick i think that it's indicative of how she feels about it as well that she had that reaction dude to get that crazy and that defensive about something like that that means she probably either agrees with you or has had feelings along those lines as well, but doesn't want to face it.

But I also think though, dude, that's kind of, you cut it off immediately. Like, I don't know what she said. She might've said something terrible. If you, I mean, who knows? I mean, cutting it off immediately is kind of like a, huh?

In your, like she's asking, did I jump the gun? Yeah, and you're saying yes. I don't know the whole relationship, but like it sounds like maybe you did. I don't know what she said. I mean, maybe like if your dad died of cancer and she's like, I'm glad your dad died. Fuck him. He deserved it.

That's a different story, right? glad your dad died fuck him he deserved it right that's a different story she's saying that the the friend threw things back at her about her that she had never said before and they were really mean that's the well that's why i say she owes you an apology she owes her an apology but here's the fucking issue dude the main thing is dude just i i don't think you're judgmental but like i think that you when it comes to like love and who people are dating you just got to fucking stay out of it yeah you know like we get this these kinds of questions a lot should i tell my fucking friend who's got yeah it's just i think you just kind of got to let them do their thing and figure it out themselves because they either will or they won't and dude love is they say love is blind for a fucking reason dude

yeah you're not gonna you're not gonna change their mind you're not gonna change your mind that drug love is too too too intoxicating here's the other thing though dude a chick i bet this i bet now this is me supposing but i bet this girl was like i need to talk to you can we meet for coffee and made a whole fucking thing about it which made it way worse this kind of thing is way better to just drop little fucking yeah yeah side bombs on like dudes do test it out also test it out see how defensive she is but what's done is done right right what's done is done but i'm just saying for the future and if this other girl apologizes and you decide to rekindle the friendship which it's been 18 years of friendship dude drop these side

bombs on motherfuckers like dudes do because chicks are let's meet let's see oh hey i made you a card and this is the thing i want to talk to you about and over here and they got a laser pointer and now the other chick is like well i'm glad your dad died of cancer right right because it's the whole thing but if you're a dude right and you're just dudes are like yeah because your girl you know your girl does that shit it's fucked up and just like we talking about it's like i'm just saying she does it but who gives a fuck and then they're at they're doing it literally at the club and they got bottles and then you know that the dude disproves of the fucking girl, and that's a sidebomb because it seeps inside of your buddy, and he kind of gets the idea, and that's where the idea grows.

But when you come fucking blindsiding like that, I guess you're not blindsiding, you're setting it up. But it sounds like she made a whole thing about it. Sounds like she made a whole thing about it. It's a bad move. We don't know what the friend said, but it sounds like she made a whole thing about it sounds like she made a whole thing about it but it's a bad it's a bad move it's about i don't know what the friend said but it could have been fucking horrible it could have been this woman who's calling in might have had no fucking choice of course yeah it could have been yeah but i'm just saying a lot of it sounds a little bit like it could have been handled differently by both of you and it sounds like

it sounds like uh yeah that's that's all i gotta say say. Yeah, I mean, based on the fact that I don't know what she said to you, maybe you jumped the gun, maybe you didn't. Only you can know, really, because you know what she actually said. As far as the other thing, it's hard to be friends with someone, to continue to be friends with someone, when you slowly see them disappear. Yeah. Their old self disappear and then become a new self sort of shaped by their partner who you already don't like and think is a bad influence.

So I get why you would back off from that friendship anyway. But I don't think that – This is never going to work if you just tell them that. I mean, I agree with you. mean i i agree yeah but maybe it was gone maybe it was going away anyway maybe and this was like a last-ditch effort to get her to see the light you know and also people always talk about like relationships ending how it failed like dude 18 years of friendship that's a successful relationship um uh all right cool let's do the next one what is up lads uh if i made it on the show, absolutely incredible.

Chris has been a massive fan since the Vine days, since I first saw you on Carelines on Broadway ages ago. Matt, you're the fucking man. Both of you, thank you for the laughs and keep it going. Our question is around trust, making new friends. I consider myself a misanthropic humanist, someone who loves humanity but struggles with the individual. You know, I fucking hate people because you really can't trust them, especially meeting people in your life. And you could just be making up absolute bullshit like that.

I have trouble trusting new people. I need to know that they're good individuals that they're good people how do you guys go about getting a good sense of character finding the people that you can trust later on in life making those new friends um and knowing that you're surrounding yourself with new good um kind-hearted people love y'all too peace wait why'd you look at me like that why did his voice change so much did it what are you talking about i didn't notice that at all yes play it again what is up lads uh if i made it on the show absolutely incredible british has been a massive

fan yeah since the vine days since uh i first saw you on carolines on broadway ages ago uh matt you're the fucking man you're the fucking man both of you thank you for the laughs and uh since I first saw you on Carelines on Broadway ages ago. Matt, you're the fucking man. You're the fucking man. Both of you, thank you for the laughs. Thank you for the laughs. So British you say thank you, okay? Now watch. Our question is around trust, making new friends.

I consider myself a misanthropic humanist, someone who loves humanity but struggles with the individual, you know, I fucking hate people. Now watch. Because you really can't trust them, especially meeting people later on in your life still british and uh you could just be making up absolute like that um i have trouble trusting new people i need to know that they're good individuals that they're good people yeah how do you guys go about getting a good sense of character what finding the people that you can trust later on in life making those new friends um and knowing that you're surrounding yourself with new good um kind-hearted people what it did change bro dude is this a trick he's talking about trust and he's

fucking trying to lie to us about where he's fucking from bro this is crazy dude it really did i know because i'm a big fan massive fan i'll tell you this much it's mental it's absolutely mental anybody that ever says you're not funny i say bollocks i say bollocks my butler was telling me this the other day i got so upset i threw down my tns trumpets anyway is it really hard to trust people or dude so weird one of the weirdest fucking things good catch man that's so fucking weird man what the fuck what the fuck dude get out of here bro fucking get out of here dude before i realized it this is what i was gonna say yeah go ahead is bro it's you're living exhausting it's exhausting to do that just fucking meet people and just see what up yeah it's exhausting dude yeah you're oh am i gonna trust this person am

i gonna fucking know i have no idea they don't even know where you're from bro you change the way you talk yeah yeah yeah no one should trust you yeah look in the mirror man you're like val kilmer from the saint in one video dude right yeah exactly just changing identities but yeah dude uh it's exhausting it's fucking exhausting to live like tupac be like trust nobody who knows what the fuck and he ended up dead yeah i mean dude it's so just people are shitty people are not shitty like the same person can be shitty uh and not shitty about just about different things it's too if you're making it seem too black and white yeah yeah yeah people aren't exactly dishonest but just because they're not forthcoming and super honest about

every single thing doesn't mean they're like you can't trust them yeah people are weird but the other thing is people generally are trustworthy because they deep down know the world can't work if everyone's fucking lying all the time wow the world cannot work and people know that and so they generally are trustworthy because they want you to be trustworthy as well they want the people around them they want to be able to trust other people and i don't know if you've noticed i mean i think you fucking noticed because you're obviously a weird person and not exactly warranting trust because you don't have the same fucking accent from one word to the next. But the people that tell the most lies are the most fucking crazy about being lied to or the possibility about being lied to, about trusting other people. Motherfuckers that don't

trust people are liars not obviously all of them but that is like a real thing in the world it's a general thing yeah people that are up to the worst shit assume other people are up to the worst shit it's just like the most innocent people are super fucking trustworthy because that's generally how fucking goes oh yeah because they feel like well why wouldn't they be like me yeah they're just like well there's no nobody's a piece of shit so that's why like i think that everybody's got a big dick because i'm like oh that's actually not at all what i'm talking about but that's a version of it you're saying people think that people are trustworthy because you're trustworthy or whatever yeah and i'm saying that's why that that is a hundred percent why i always think everyone has a huge monster you know i'm saying okay but anyway i think my point is well taken but i do

want to get back to this motherfucking guy who who has done one of the weirdest things i've ever said is where anybody do he started out massive man like fucking liam gallagher yeah and then he ended up like fucking eric irvine down the block growing up you know wow yeah yeah yeah and i it's crazy bro but i have a feeling he has honestly his penis if you were to lay it on the table it will go across the table and then hit the floor on the other end so uncomfortable just so not so not good for living for sex for anything. All right, cool. Let's do it. Yo, what's up, boys? This is Jared.

First off, your singing voices are impeccable. Both of you. So sexy. Second off, Chris, I'll be seeing you in Lakeland. Yeah. Lakeland, Florida, baby. Chris, what is something or the most important thing to expect being a first-time dad? Oh.

Appreciate it. Hell yeah, Captain Sean Sweet. The guy in the Florida hatida hat dude he had a hat with the state of florida on it no words and fucking dude this was so undone i was too busy looking at his chest yeah the guy's just and the fucking mirrored glasses laying back so it was lamping dude yeah definitely in a truck yeah just a good old boy gonna see us in lakeland obviously dude lakeland i'll be in lakeland florida chrisley.com so um what i think the first advice for the first time dad um dude uh

everyone says this it's so corny oh but it's so true oh it just goes by so quick man okay live it up enjoy it take them shades off look in your son or daughter's eyes put that florida hat backwards so you don't miss a thing dude i don't want to close my eyes i don't want to say goodbye Cause I'm missing you And I don't want to miss a thing That wasn't bad But it also was not the lyrics dude No it wasn't but it was the best you've ever sang I don't want to close my eyes

Oh my god I don't want to miss a thing Cause I miss you baby And I don't want to miss Take off your mirror glasses turn around your Florida state hat not the college but the actual outline of the state

and unbutton your shirt let your chest hair pig out unbutton your shirt so low that it shows your pubes I don't wanna close my eyes oh i don't want to gonna hurt yourself so fucking gonna be so hoarse for four fucking days wow dude fuck i gotta go on tour your voice is fucking shredded for the next few days

you're right no um yeah dude don't miss a thing man turn on that arrowsmith song man it's beautiful okay it's beautiful and don't be afraid to cry men sometimes have that stigma dude i cried all the time with my son i love my son so much dude oh fuck it's so beautiful i am so excited for you it's great man it's great you do cry a lot you cry a lot i noticed what any of a villain you said it first so i could thought i could agree you cry a whole hell of a lot i do cried yesterday yeah okay jerking off two guys i don't wanna dude take it easy you're gonna fuck your fucking voice up i don't wanna close my

jerking off two guys i'll take it right to the face i won't miss it baby all right enough singing for you everybody likes it when i get demonetized um so uh yeah dude don't miss a thing man what if that guy when he was doing the video had no pants on i mean i wouldn't have been that surprised that guy's fucking chilling living on his terms you know you think i'm a good singer though no but that was that would that was kind of okay dick yeah all right next one what's up guys uh i'm currently at work mess with cat in my office so i have a little bit of privacy to record this video but here's the situation there's a girl that i find attractive here at work i've never met her but i would like to meet her and i would also like to ask her out i might be potentially interested in asking her out oh okay we're walking it back um but the problem is she oh boy is at a desk around a ton of other people with other desks and there's not much of a

partition between them either oh no so it doesn't usually feel appropriate to just go over and strike up a conversation with someone i'm not i'm not in her department she's at the other end of the building wow how would you guys approach that and then also like is it even appropriate you know to to ask somebody out at work um how do you go about that without causing hr issue obviously don't be a creep right right um i don't think i have that problem but i think it's just like a matter of like how do you even go about that have you guys ever done that in the past ask somebody out that you work with um and also why does Chris look like this when he's in public that's good I do whoa anyway thanks guys but also in private yeah he's not that's not for show yeah

I do you don't know me in private bro when I'm in private i'm even more like that when i'm in private oh that's weird you're doing all right when you're in private um i think it's not appropriate it's not appropriate but also if you're gonna do it don't do it at work you gotta do it off yeah even if it's just right outside the right outside oh yeah do you you know what do you are you in a different because i think you're in a different department okay but do you fancy going to dinner sometime well that was the other thing i was going to say separate the yeah i want to meet her i was going to go on a date with her like do the meeting thing first and maybe even a couple times then when she feels like she knows you and when you feel like you know her

then you can ask but dude don't conflate the two hey bro fucking ever or at all meet her yeah hey guy you don't know her first things first meet her dude hey guys i'm just calling in um so there's a girl i don't know her yet she works in my uh building um how do i marry her like it's fucking like like it's a fucking like it's arranged how do i approach her about having uh our uh son i don't know if she wants but i want to carry on my lineage um and how do i convince her to name him gary yeah like you know hey guy getting a little ahead of yourself hey guy meet her meet her at work but ask her out away from work i don't know how that can happen i don't know what the fucking routine of the deal is sounds like it's impossible anyway to ask her out in her at her workstation but you don't want

to do that anyway that's not because of the office that's because bro there's no way to do that where you're not going to be fucking cincy and you're not going to be fucking it up and so insecure there's no way you're going to do without being a creep i was just gonna say that it's also gonna be creepy yeah even if you're even if you're super not creepy you're gonna come off creepy i mean you're gonna be like a fucking ben stiller character yeah dude yeah for real yeah all right yeah do it outside of work for sure but first meet meet go outside and fucking wait for her to come out or some shit and be like oh hey what's up you work at the thing right park next to her like work a little bit work a little bit make it seem natural but but have it get a job on postmates and fucking

have her pick you wow wow you know what i mean don't you just with a hot bag at del taco meet her at work just go up to her like make a friend at her at the station next to her and then you can be like oh let's include her in the conversation just fucking walk by be like yo you look like i'm like you look like my cousin and then fucking keep walking or just some shit interesting you know what i mean be interesting walk by and be like you got kids and keep going well you know what i mean it's not creepy you just be weird but she's like why'd that dude do that that's a little creepy you got kids i mean yeah maybe the kids thing but like oh shit you look good with a beret i gotta get out of here wow and moonwalk away spin move oh dude if you and spin move out that forget it does the spin move make you

attractive yeah oh that's one of the things about the spin move it's not just own the situation and get the fuck out of your turn how fucking sexy are you you probably have to hand her a towel on i guess that's true sit on this hey hey you look good in a hat. Sit on this and then just moonwalk away. Wow. You're going to be all wet. Would never get a date. You're going to be all wet due to my spin move. Why is he changing accents like the guy in the previous video?

We've been lied to. Who knows, you know? All right, next one. Hi, Chris and Matt. My name is Madison. I'm a huge fan of both shows. I got the Life Rips merch. You know.

You know how it is. I need advice on what to do about my ex-boyfriend. So we dated for seven and a half months, and I broke up with him in March. This March. Way to go. And he told me that in September, he wants to get a tattoo for me down the side of his chest here that says, if it's meant to be, in Japanese writing. I'm not Japanese.

He's not Japanese. So I'm not sure if I want to be the girl that boys get tattoos of so i don't know if i should entertain this and let it play out or just cut it at the threat and tell him no what do you guys think i should do well i don't know if you should do anything besides never associate with this guy ever fucking again ever i mean that's harsh but also it what the fuck he's crazy he's like fucking some max katie shit what the fuck is this what max katie why is he fucking robert de niro and cape fear why is he getting a fucking tattoo i've been thinking about getting tattoos why does he do like japanese you broke up. If it's meant to be.

In Japanese. Also, why is that for her? I'm assuming he told her, I want to get this tattoo because it makes me think of you. I want to memorialize you on my body. And then he goes like this. Dude, the Japanese shit has to go unless you get Japanese.

It's also not usually Japanese that people have written on them. It's like Sanskrit. No, it's different. Sometimes it's Japanese, yeah. Sometimes, yeah, but it's- A lot of the times. Oh, okay. Yeah.

So, you know, watch your mouth when you say that shit. Okay, you're yelling at me, but okay, yeah. No, but yeah, I mean, that's- Don't do anything. Don't do anything. Don't do anything besides stop associating with this guy. I mean, you broke up in march what is it fucking august yes what's going on here you know what i mean are you broken up or

not why would he get a fucking tattoo for you that's her point though her point is how weird is this he wants to get a tattoo wants to get a tattoo audrey tattoo no he wants to get a fucking tattoo of not of her but to you know maybe they're friends or something no i don't think so i think she's just like telling you it's weird should i tell him or what should i do nah just leave it alone don't do anything don't do anything you know people will do what they do to him yeah maybe just drop it out just try to try to fucking make it you know people like that time goes just okay oh that's cool people like that do things to get a person who's out of their life who they want still in their life

to remain in their life and i don't mean the image of the tattoo i mean he can tell you about it he can talk about it not just oh hey how's the weather exactly right right right right that is not only sad but you're doing him a fucking disservice in the long run by still talking to him stop talking to him he's it's not gonna help him and honestly it's fucking bad for you this guy's gonna he's gonna kill somebody at some point in his life at some point in his life that guy's gonna kill no i don't i'm not saying it's you but yeah something bad's gonna happen i mean, bro. A tattoo of basically of his ex-girlfriend seven months after they broke up. That is pretty weird. Yeah.

That is so fucking weird, dude. And people that weird, people that like throw you for such a loop about shit like that. Yeah. Maybe just be like, maybe just be like, yo, dude, we're broken up. We're like, why would you do that? Yeah. But don't do that. You know what I mean?

I mean. Yeah. Kind of giving him what he wants even then. I think that just cut him out entirely. But we don't know. This is one of those things. We don't know if it's like, you know. Maybe they're still friends, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Hmm. If you're still friends and he wants to do it, just be like, you're a fucking idiot, dude. You know what you do? You get a tattoo that says, it's not. What was his going to say? If it's meant to be.

And have it in Japanese. It's not. Yeah, yeah. And you're like yeah look at mine and he goes what does that mean and he's like you fucking idiot you don't speak japanese you don't know and you got japanese on your fucking rib cage i don't want to close my eyes wow i don't want to say goodbye because i miss you baby and i don't want to miss a thing because i have soda in my voice i fucking hate when you do the fucking vibrato thing i hate it so you don't like good singing i don't want to close my eyes that's okay that's good that's better than the fucking yeah because it's emotional

i don't wanna what is it say good night he doesn't say say good. I don't want to. What is it? Say goodnight? He doesn't say say goodnight. I don't want to. I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to miss a thing because I still miss you, babe, and I don't want to miss a thing. No. No, because that's the same lyric. Was it DMX? I don't want to close my eyes.

Or is it the same thing with the same thing? I don't want to fall asleep. I got my dogs, and those are my dogs, and those are my dogs. You know? DMX would be like. Wow, the guy in those videos that fucking goes back in time. I don't want to close my eyes. What is the part?

I don't want to fall asleep. I don't want to close. Is this good, dude? For real? Okay. I don't want to close my eyes. That's good. I don't want to.

What is it? That was good. I don't want to fall asleep because i miss you baby and i don't want to miss a thing yeah that was good but that's what makes it good dude i couldn't agree less dude why i couldn't agree that's what aerosmith does because it makes me angry he doesn't do that he doesn't run like a fucking like he's in an italian opera in 1920 i don't want to close my eyes coming uh well you know well i think that's the show for everybody. Rootin' Tootin'. Wow. Rootin' Tootin' the Opera. By Verdi.

By who? By Verdi. What's that? An opera singer. I know. I'm cultured, dude. All right. And we also have the Lifeline merch at lifelinemerch.com.

If you have a question, click the link in the description. Watchlifeline.com. Send us your stuff, dude. I don't want to close my eyes Eyes, I don't want to close my eyes