Lifeline - 200. Attack of the Killer Ray Liottas
Episode Date: February 22, 2026LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury�...��. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Our Patreon is also the exclusive home to all the live podcasts which we film and upload! 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline We made it to 200! TODAY we're talking about collaborating with siblings, breaking free into your own business, getting anxiety out of the way, being a road parent. 🎰 Legendz Social Casino and Sportsbook. 100% match on your first purchase. (up to $100) 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline More Matt D'Elia: Sign up FOR FREE For Matt's Patreon for all episodes of The Private Record and upcoming drops of Matt D'Elia is Confused Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More Chris D'Elia: Congratulations podcast: congratulationspod.com Live on tour: chrisdelia.com/tour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Discussion (0)
Runk.
Oh, episode 200.
It's episode 200.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Sam Knessam.
Oh, oh, oh.
Episode 200, Sunday, February 22nd, dude.
And not only is it the episode 200, I don't like to do fanfare, really, when we reach milestones.
What about this?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Touching a hot pan.
but it is also you know Kyle McLaughlin it's his birthday so it's also Drew Barrymore's
birthday and George Washington's birthday now one of those people really doesn't you know they're dead
so they don't really have birthdays anymore I mean they do but they don't get to celebrate them
to do come on we celebrate his birthday every year but he does but he does but we all do more people
celebrate Washington's birthday than Kyle and Drew's together dude it yeah no
Okay, true.
So 200 episodes and-
And we're doing a whole one-hour episode
on the history of why George Washington was so important
and so integral to the system that we have
and why he is America's truest original hero.
Well, I don't think we're going to do that for an hour.
No, we're not even going to do that for a little bit.
America line.
I will say, shout out to Legends for sponsoring this show.
Legends is a free-to-play social casino and sportsbook.
Check it out at Legends.com.
that's Legends with a Z.
Sign up for our Patreon.
Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury.
It's on the eyebox.
Whatever.
Tons of episodes.
Sick. Banta sick in it with just this little crazy duo.
On Coke.
This little crazy duo.
Do on so much Coke.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel at Super Good.
Of course.
Smash that, as the kids say.
No.
And of course, join my Patreon.
Patreon.
Patreon.com slash Matt DeLea, where I go live for overstate.
three hours at a time. It is lit. Hello. Get in there. Uh, just on so much Coke,
railed it. And, uh, I am, uh, on tour, chrysleya.com. I'll be in, uh, Australia soon,
and Austin and, uh, St. Louis and Tacoma. It's different. Cincinnati, Columbus, Little
Rock, Sacramento, San Diego, Sean Burke, Illinois, which is near Chicago, Campbell River. I don't
even know where some of these places are, but go get chrysley.com.
And that's what's up.
I am just, I'm so dry, dude.
I am so dry.
Chapped?
Yeah, my lips are fine, but.
Skin?
No, my, like, just inside me.
Like you're thirsty all the time.
I get, yeah, yeah.
But it's just like, I'll wake up and I'm like, am I producing saliva?
Interesting.
And I don't understand because it's like, I thought it was the sleep stuff that I was taken.
and then I stopped taking it, and it's still like that.
Are you possibly sleeping with your mouth open more than you used to?
Because that'll definitely do it.
But it's like a cycle, right?
Because when you're super dry, your nose kind of closes up a little bit.
And then you have to breathe through your mouth.
Oh, so you're saying one thing leads to another.
I think so, yeah.
Oh, right, yeah.
Yeah.
So I mean so mad that I didn't get it right away, you know.
Me?
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
That's great.
I think it's great.
You know, you're trying.
but no it's so it's just annoying and i don't know what to do but it's okay and you know the
grand scheme of things honestly it's uh it's probably being dry is a pretty low tier uh complaint so
i'm doing good yeah nice so i'm doing good i mean i was anxious for a few days for for for
no reason but um yeah all good obviously to me lots of days every day lots of days
every day. But like I say, only when I wake up. I woke up so early today. What time?
4.40. And then what? You stayed up? Yeah. Oh, that sucks, dude. I fell asleep really early.
When? Nine.
German. It still sucks. I mean, I love, I love waking up that early when I've had the right amount of
4.30? Yeah, I love it. Wow. Yeah. For the same reason I love night. It's like, there's no pressure to do.
Oh, the things that need to get done during the day.
At least like a coffee shop has to be open for me.
And I don't have to go, but like I don't want to wake up before businesses.
Before the first businesses that wake up.
Love it.
I love it.
It's the calm.
Like you like waking up when the, when the cooks get to the morning breakfast place.
Yeah, when they're like getting in their cars to go.
Yeah.
And it's still dark and they're like, oh.
Yeah.
You know?
That's when I like to get.
And they're like, oh, the meat, I got to get the meat.
Okay.
The saran wrap off of the tuna.
Kinky.
Nah, or whatever.
I'm not a chef, but you know that.
Oh, yeah?
Chefs should all be fat.
A lot of them are.
Yeah.
Skinny one's crazy.
And also, don't be fat.
I mean, the dilemma, huh?
Yeah, the real dilemma for the foodies.
For chefs.
It's a dilemma, yeah.
It's hard for a lot of people not too fat, man.
There's, I don't mean.
Oh, you mean if you're a chef, don't be fat.
No, I mean, don't be fat.
A little fat's fine.
Like, if you're chubby, who cares, really?
But the kind where you're like, you know what I mean?
Ah, it's got, yeah, it's tough, man.
I would, that's tough.
Like, I woke up this morning, my back was feeling a little funky and I was like, oh, this sucks.
And, like, think about all the extra weight that would have to be on it.
If you were moving around like that, I would be like, oh, oh, no.
Yeah.
It would hurt so much, dude.
Yeah.
Interesting insight.
I mean, no.
It's not.
It's regular.
But I gave you that hoodie.
Yeah, you did give me this hoodie.
Years and years and years ago.
So, I have so many patterns on right now.
It's absolutely insane.
Yeah.
But that's how I roll, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I got hot coffee today.
Because it's cold.
Um, it is cold.
Yeah, it is cold.
Obviously, I know what I'm wearing.
You walked in like that.
I was like, what do you fucking freeze?
Okay.
So I hate being cold.
I really do hate being cold.
I utterly love it.
Yeah.
There is one type of cold that I don't, I don't not hate, but I also like.
Does that make sense?
Sure, like getting your braces tightened.
Yeah, exactly.
In the morning when the sun's coming up, I like that cold.
A song.
I also hate it because I don't like being cold, but it's nice.
It wakes me up.
It stings my skin.
Poetry.
And it stings my skin.
It would be...
The crispness of the cold.
It's a crisp cold, but it's not freezing.
Yeah, the crispness is nice, dude.
Yeah.
Why do you, you notice, you really notice the Christmas of the,
crispness of the cold in the morning.
You really notice it.
Yeah.
And at night, it could be very crisp, but you don't realize it.
No, you don't know.
Because you got all the shit going on, right?
You just ate.
You're like full.
A whole day's worth stuff to reflect on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're arguing with your, you know, wife or whatever.
It's deeper, yeah.
But you go, yeah, it's crisp, but, you go, yeah,
God damn it, man.
She keeps fucking harping on me.
And in the morning you wake up and you go, wow, it's so crisp.
It's great.
This day could be amazing.
Hey, get out here.
From the, from the, you know what I mean?
Worst impression, Kristen.
Yeah.
Get out here.
No, I'm not doing her.
I'm just saying, oh, wife.
This is general.
Not for me, but I'm saying if she was going to get mad at you for like leaving stuff in
front of the couch.
Steeper.
I mean, wow.
The most is deeper.
I'm not saying that it's my thing.
I'm saying a general, general.
thing that wives get mad at is your job is you're supposed to do the dishes and you yeah you forgot
last night you've been working like a dog i'm i'm completely bypassing that and just saying you forgot
to do your duty even though you work like a dog right there's a hypothetical right yeah yeah of course
nothing to do with you you know what are you fucking doing it's what are you taking in the christmas
Crispness?
Miss Piggy.
Get the fuck inside.
There's too much shit in front of the couch.
So, but, you know.
Hang on.
That's not something that she actually gets mad at you.
No, no, no.
Because, I mean, she puts a bed in front of your couch.
I know.
It's not.
But the reason why I picked something that is a fallacy is so.
So you don't get in trouble.
And I don't get in trouble.
And I'm very respectful of my relationship and my wife.
And I wanted people.
Bore it.
And I don't want people to.
So, even if we were like, oh, man, he's complaining.
Guess what, dude, that's a fallacy.
I'm complaining about something that's fictitious.
So it is oops upside your head.
It is general and not even though we make the joke,
Sedeeper, but I did it so he could do the joke Sedeeper,
even though it isn't Sadeeper.
Wow.
Inside, behind the scenes, Sadeeper right there, behind the music.
Behind the Sedeeper.
Behind the Sedeeper.
Yeah.
So, and.
Anyway, so that's, you know.
And I used that voice because that doesn't sound like her.
Doesn't sound like her at all.
It sounds like Miss Piggy.
Yeah.
Get inside.
Could have been like that.
You don't.
I'm not married to a big fat British guy that would steal diamonds.
You got Richie movie.
You had ideas for fanfare to?
No, he was last night.
He was like, by the way, you didn't even respond.
Yeah, did?
Oh, you did?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I went to, wait, when?
Because he, bro.
When I woke up at 440?
I don't fucking be.
Do you might as well not respond, you know?
When I wake up and there's too many texts, I do the same thing.
I don't read them.
Do you swipe them, just clear them?
I look at it, but it's a very like, you know what it's like?
You know those, those 3D pictures you can like look at and they turn into dolphins jumping out of a water or something?
Yeah, I, what are they called?
I, some magic eye things, whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like I'm looking at that, but I'm not doing it hard enough to make the dolphins.
come out. Interesting. That's how I look at the text. I see words, but I don't read them. So I caught it last night.
I went to bed at like, by the way, 10.30 or something, pretty early. That's pretty early. Yeah.
I was shocked when I woke up. It's interesting you said this. I woke up and I thought my, one of my first
thoughts was, oh, I'm going to have to read so many texts. Oh, really? Because I went to bed at nine.
That's funny. And and and the Lifeline chat, you know, I was like, oh, no. And I opened it and I only had
66 and I was so happy. Only. I know. I was expecting at least 200 texts. Lifeline because it'll go
pop and you know. But you have every you know, you know, you have a few of those and they add up and the next thing you know. Oh no I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you want to ask me anything about anything? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So much harsher than the way I said.
All right.
Yeah, we could go to the first one.
What's up, Chris?
What's up, Matt?
Called in a while ago.
I'm Mike Stevens' nephew.
Yes.
I should clarify, I'm not Ryan's son.
I'm related through Mike's wife's side of the family.
Got it.
Anyway, my question to you guys today is about brothers and working together, specifically.
Me and my brother, I'm 20.
He's 18.
Wow.
And we're writing a comic book, maybe a YouTube show.
supposed to be funny, supposed to be a comedy.
And I've noticed that we often have pretty different ideas in terms of what to put in, what not to put in.
I'm wondering if you guys have, you know, been through the same thing.
If you've done anything like this, you know, obviously a podcast is pretty different,
but along the same kind of lines, you know, I wonder if you guys have ever written a script or, you know,
anything like that together.
We get along really well,
but I just noticed that our ideas can be different about what we want.
I'm just wondering if you have any advices on collaborating better,
you know, making it something that you both want,
you both can be satisfied with.
Yeah, anyway, you guys are the best.
Love you.
Keep it up.
Thanks, dude.
the kiss, dude. It's hard to
collaborate, dude. I mean, we've written
way long ago we've written stuff before. Remember
Attack of the Killer Reliota's? Remember that?
Whoa, yeah.
Took a bunch of meetings on that. Shockingly, nobody wanted
to give us $40 million to make
attack of the killer Raleliotas. That's insane. I know you're making
a joke, but I am shocked. That was a great idea.
It was an amazing idea. At the time, especially.
Yeah. The people we met with
were, I don't know if you even remember.
They were like huge.
Huge producers.
I don't remember.
And a lot of them are interested.
It's just like, it's a risky, obviously.
It's so risky, yeah.
It's just about Ray Leota taken over the world.
Rayleigh, they're cloning himself figure.
First of all, RIP, Ray Leota.
Yeah, he's great.
It was about Ray Leota maniacally desperately trying to clone himself in his basement,
and he figures it out, and then he, it just exponentially multiplies to the point where there's, like,
thousands and thousands of Ray Leotas.
And the only potential foil.
to stop him was a guy who owned a Rayliota specifically Rayliota memorabilia shop
named Jay Giotta oh yeah and and he was the only one who knew the intricacies of the
mind of Ray Leota to be able to stop to to halt this takeover hostile takeover that not only
sounds like this is what that movie sounds like a movie that would come out do all right and then
years later, everyone would be like, this is a classic.
Yeah.
That's what that sounds like.
Yeah.
And they fucked up by not making it.
Which is why nobody wanted to make it.
Right.
Nobody wants to make a bet over 10 years, you know.
20.
Anyway, that's wow.
We wrote that, right?
We wrote the whole thing, yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, point is, we wrote it.
I think it was funny.
It was good.
Everybody liked it at the time.
But that's not the point.
The point is, I think the way that we were able to do it,
because we have very different ideas.
and we're not like, we're not the same in terms of what we're interested in necessarily
in this specific idea.
It was, we kind of mind meld easier over an idea like that than like maybe some other
genre thing.
But like, yeah, so it was kind of in our lane to cohabit, co, co, coco, coco Chanel.
Coco Chanel inhabit, co Chanel inhabit.
And, but I think the way that it works is you,
you don't go beat by beat with each other every step of the way.
You let each person tackle a section that might be their strength or not.
But you let people go in chunks and then you bring it back together and work on it together.
It's like you weave in and out.
You don't go, okay, what happens next?
Okay, what happens next?
Okay, what happens next?
You work on this chunk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or one of you does that outline and then say, look what I wrote.
And then you go, okay, cool, what about this?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's how you have to do it.
Yeah.
Also, the good thing about doing something that was someone you're that close with is that
you can be like, that fucking sucks.
Well, yeah, we can.
But I think most brothers can.
Yeah.
And if you aren't like that, start doing that because you will get over things quicker.
Then you will be, if you're just like passive, aggressive about it and like get your feelings,
you get all butt hurt that they didn't like your specific joke.
It's like, who gives a fuck, dude?
Like the thing is, it being the best thing it can be is all that matters.
So like just throw all your feelings out the window and just focus on what's the best thing, you know?
Throw all your feelings at the window, become a warrior, a warrior shows no emotion.
Yeah, be a samurai while you're right.
No, but yeah, it's also, you know, it depends.
I mean, you know, if you guys are both the story guy or both the, you know, guy who thinks that they're the dialogue guy, then it's a little tougher.
I mean, you know, for comic book stuff, you know, a lot of times there's a story guy and then the,
Yeah, well, yeah.
The illustrator and the writer, you know, the guy who writes the dialogue and then whatever.
Yeah.
So, but yeah.
But, you know.
Also, you're 40.
Yeah, he's not 20.
He's not 20.
He's not 20.
He's 40.
He's that way 40 and he said he was 20 and he's 40.
So it's different.
That is wild to have that much facial hair at 40.
Yeah.
I mean.
At 20?
No, I'm saying he is.
Oh, yeah.
I know.
I know.
No, to be 20 and have that amount of facial hair, there's only two possible things.
Yeah.
You have some kind of.
hypo whatever
I don't know
what it would be
condition or you're 40
he's like Jack
remember that movie
with the
That's what I was thinking
about it
You are?
Yeah
Wow
Yeah
Wow
The Robin Williams
Yeah
Go's Jack again
You know
Robin Williams movie
You know
Copeland Williams movie
You know
I do know that
Yeah
I didn't
I don't
I don't
I don't
I forgot about it
But yes I do know
that
That's amazing
Wow
Um
We watched it on an airplane
Who?
I did too
We did yet together
How the hell
do you remember that
I have weird memories
What time
What year did Jack come out, the Coppola movie with Robin Williams?
90, early 90s, 93.
Yeah, 91, 2?
I would guess 93 at the-
96.
96, okay.
So that actually makes sense that I would remember
because I remember nothing before the age of 9,
so that makes sense.
But also, if we were both watching it,
then you were, yeah, you were a little older.
Oh, it was 12, yeah.
70% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Rotten Tomatoes is a joke.
On Tomatoes is one of the worst things
that's ever happened in movies.
Uh, uh, Jennifer Lopez?
That's hilarious.
Second worst thing that ever happened in movies is Jack.
Wow.
The poster.
I don't remember that poster.
The most Robin Williams thing that there ever has.
I mean, that one, all of them.
Any Jack poster is the most Robin Williams thing in the history of the planet.
So what's the movie about again?
He plays an advanced growth thing.
He plays like an eight-year-old or something.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's like not Billy Madison, though.
He's like he is a child.
And he ages very rapidly.
Yeah.
So it gets like real and sad.
He made it after.
I mean, not to be Debbie Donner, but he made it.
Coppola made it because his son had just died.
Oh.
And it was like this sentimental thing for him.
Oh, geez.
Yeah.
Yeah, tragic, tragic stuff.
He said the craziest life, Coppola.
Including seeing me at the...
I remember.
I was there.
When he came to see me, that's just crazy.
Jesus.
Your story about being at that table read is really funny.
Oh, yeah.
What a dick.
No.
100% such a disrespectful asshole you are.
Tell that story.
I'm a comic.
And not when you're...
at a table read with Leav Schreiber and Philip Seymour Hoffman and like Uma Thurman.
And Francis Ford Copeland is hosting it.
And you're there to be serious and not let anything leak.
And you're literally taking selfie videos of yourself being like, I'm so fucking bored,
sending it to me, you know?
I was like, dude, don't do that.
You're going to get caught and never like never.
God, it was the biggest hero, one of the biggest titans in all the film making history is going
to hate you, you know?
It was so long, bro.
It was like a six-hour thing, right?
Yeah.
I think it was more.
And it wasn't Megalopolis.
It was something else entirely, right?
Like what became Megalopolis?
Yeah, I guess.
It was that?
No.
It was like a period thing, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Me and Milo Ventimilia were the two guys that were like, what the fuck are we doing here?
And this was before he was even on.
Oh, this is.
Yeah, I mean, it was way long ago.
And I was like, all right, let's do it.
Oh, and you know who was, she wasn't a star yet, but is it?
Is it L. Fanning?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She was a star already.
Yeah, but not a huge star.
Yeah.
And yeah, it was so, oh my God.
And then all I remember is afterwards, Leib Schreiber saying, it's a beautiful piece.
It's a beautiful piece.
I've heard he's one of the most titanic assholes on the planet.
This is just a beautiful piece.
And that proves it.
Well, I'm just like, since that, that's why I always say movies, I say, I call him
gorgeous pieces.
That's why I do that because of him.
Beautiful piece.
I mean, I have a text chain called gorgeous pieces.
What, did he say beautiful piece or gorgeous pieces?
He said beautiful piece, but I changed it to gorgeous pieces.
You made it call and feralized it.
Gargous pieces.
Gargous pieces.
It is better.
Gargous pieces better.
So beautiful piece is great for what he did there in that moment.
But if you're going to actually coin it, gorgeous pieces is fucking unreal.
How much should also live sleep through one and a half hours?
I said it was a beautiful piece.
I mean, that guy always looks to sleep.
anyway. But he, uh, yeah. Um, it was,
actors are so, so full as shit. I can't understand. They're, they're wild. Dude,
they're, they're crazy, bro. Yeah. They're crazy. Have you heard Joseph, uh,
Jacob? How old? Talk. Unfortunately. Oh my God, dude. First of all, he has giantism.
What's that? He does? He's, he's, he, he has to. He's like, he's like six, eight. And he's like,
It has like these crazy shoulders.
He looks not human.
Isn't it just hot?
Jacob.
Oh, Lodi.
I mean, is it?
How tall is he?
He's 6'5.
He's only 6'5?
Wow.
Oh, wow.
And he does not have giant-gantism.
Yeah, no, I know he didn't actually have it, first of all.
But, like, he looks like he is just too big.
But I didn't know.
I thought he was bigger than that.
Somebody on Eon Flux was made in a real person.
Look at that fucking difference in height there.
Yeah.
Yeah, but so, but he's just, the way he talks is just crazy.
Because he's, can you explain that?
Because what?
Because he's really Australian?
No, is he?
Yeah, but what do you mean, though?
Like just, it's insufferable.
It's insufferable.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's crazy, yeah.
He's really annoyed.
It's insufferable.
Yeah, yeah.
It's everything, it's why everyone hates actors.
Yeah, I mean, I'd rather hear crazy Shia say, the poetry me, dog.
I can work at Home Depot.
I can work at home people in a second dog.
Way more than I'd rather hear fucking Jacob.
Oh, Lordy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speak about anything.
Medea.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah, he, I mean,
give me crazy over like manicured like PR friendly bullshit actor thing.
Well, yeah, true craziness.
But he was like, because he was saying he was like, you know, Margo and I, we were just the characters and we actually, you know, I fall in love with my co-stars and stuff.
Like, I'm just like, oh, laudy.
That's why his name is that because of the shit he says.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's fucking annoying.
Me saying that?
No.
Oh, yeah.
No, obviously.
Yeah.
Well, it's very annoying.
Me shrieking O'Loady.
Oh, that.
Yeah.
I got more to say about him, but who cares?
Let's keep going.
Hey, let's take a break.
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and if you're anything like me
you're gonna want to get in those live rooms
I'm telling you the live rooms are where it's at
Hey man Chris
Love the podcast
Mako that woman who fucked you over on the plane
and changed you
I think she changed you for the better man
You've uh
your interjections on the pod are great
Damn
Good up girls
Anyways here we go
I'm an overroad truck driver
I'm gone five days a week
I have four kids and her wife
So, you know, that's, you know, that kind of sucks or whatever.
Chris, I know you deal with this a little bit with touring over the weekends and stuff.
But if you or you or might have any suggestions on ways to deal with that,
I know we got FaceTime and stuff, but maybe just kind of like ways to kind of mentally help that.
And Chris, I know recently you said that you actually kind of like the alone time when you're touring or whatever.
And that made me feel a little bit better because I've had some thoughts of like feeling bad because I do I do kind of enjoy it sometimes as well.
So I'm glad to hear someone else kind of feels like they even though they have a wife and kid at the house.
Yeah. Real quick, when you are listening to an audio book, you're not reading the book.
Yeah.
Don't say you read that book.
I agree.
I agree.
I agree.
Okay.
I didn't read your last podcast.
I listened to your last podcast.
Okay.
So just clear that up, Matt.
That's a very good.
Anyways, congratulations on 200 episodes.
Thanks.
And yeah, I know the hair.
I'm not sure if you paused yet, but it's what, a 2.2 at best.
Are you kidding me?
That's stupid.
Now, I don't trust anything this guy.
This guy's fantastic hair.
Anyways, love the pod.
Thanks, guys.
It's like a nine.
That's like an eight or a nine.
Yeah, that's crazy.
It's crazy good hair.
It was one of the first things I thought.
Me too.
Before I noticed the loudness of his hoodie.
That is like a crazy good head.
Same.
Well, and you know it's so thick.
It doesn't even move in the hardest breeze.
You're going to be in a tornado,
it says,
which is even better.
I just,
the thing about that is,
enjoying alone time is not what I would call it.
I'm happy that I don't,
I can't,
I'm forced to not do anything.
I can't,
like,
even when I'm on a plane,
when I'm on a plane,
it's annoying because I have to travel and wake up and do this whole
of stuff,
sit still for however many,
you know,
hours,
but it's very rare where I'm like,
Oh, this sucks because I'm like, oh, I get to do nothing.
I can't do nothing.
I can't do anything.
It's forced.
Big difference.
Yeah, it's forcing me to do nothing.
You know, sometimes I'll be on the internet, but sometimes I'll be reading like the last
flight I mostly read.
And like, you know, it's just kind of, it's kind of nice.
I think that's what I mean.
He can apply that though.
I mean, like, no, even more actually, because he's actually working.
Right.
I'm saying. So like he can, I think what, so am I. Say him lazy, but yeah, but going.
You know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, I know driving. But what, what, uh, what I think he was implying
was that he was happy to hear you say that because he feels guilty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, I got that.
But you don't, well, yeah, don't feel guilty about that. Don't feel, well, first of all, don't feel guilty
about any of it. Like, you're literally earning money so that no, yeah, you got to do what you can
have a good life. That's what, what people do. That's what people do. That's what he's what he
do good humans and you're doing that so always remember that anytime you're like
I miss my kid obviously you miss your kids I was going through stuff in our
parents house recently and I found robin excuse me I found a bunch of diamonds
and I stole them no and I found in a box of my stuff an old postcard oh I mentioned
on a recent episode, but it applies.
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna say it again.
It was an old just note from my dad
about how he wishes he could watch a pee-wee with me
that day was from 1988.
It must have been four.
Wow.
And I think if you're a truck driver, especially,
you could do this.
Like little ways of making, especially because you have four,
little ways of making each of them feel special.
Four.
Everywhere you stop, anywhere you stop,
There's going to be a postcard wheel.
There's going to be something like that.
Just grab four postcards.
Write a real quick little note to each of them.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, drop them in a box.
Like, there'll be like little presents for the kids.
And like that shit sounds like it doesn't matter,
but it really actually doesn't matter.
And it'll make you feel good.
It'll obviously make them feel good.
And it's a way of connecting.
FaceTime's great, but you want to like supplement that with...
FaceTime's huge, yeah, but with other surprise stuff.
I guess you could say.
And that's one really easy way to do it.
That mattered to me.
Yeah.
I mean,
I don't know, dude, like, I, I brought, you know, I brought donuts back from when I,
because I'm like, oh, these kids, they'll love it sweet.
They get to eat sweets.
I got home at, like, before they went to bed.
I'm like, they could eat, like, late donuts.
I'm going to love it.
And Billy loved it, but Calvin was like, no, I don't like donuts.
And I was like, oh, okay.
So.
So he, so he, so he.
so he you know I was like I remember getting stuff you know like that from mom and dad or like you know
treats or like postcards or whatever and I remember it not really mattering back then but
I feel like it does now you know like if I think back on it like oh wow that was really
nice that I woke that I was brought up that way yeah I mean you're
Mind is being shaped.
Yeah.
And without you realize, you're, you're being authored.
Right.
By the world and by your own DNA and all that stuff.
But it's like, you're so much more plastic then.
Yeah.
Without obviously, you don't realize what plasticity is back then.
Plasticity in our city.
And you're, yeah, you're being shaped.
And at the time, you're like, I don't get on a fucking donut.
You idiot.
Right, right, right.
But like when you, you know, when you're 30s, you're like.
Right.
my dad or mom did that and yeah that's beautiful and you got to have that memory um yeah
yeah uh it's all you have are little things you can continue to do so you know it's basic
so just general postcards i remember dad ripped up a dollar and you know gave you half to us and
it was like it was like symbolic i had that for so i had that up until last year i what my
with it right after he gave it to us.
Worst brother in the world.
But it's like the force, you know, you don't need something special to know that your brother's like that.
So I still know other brothers, even though I had that up until Vegas and someone's...
You had it that long?
I mean, I had it for a long time, not up until the last year.
I had it for 40 years.
Where did it go?
You got rid of it?
No, my...
Someone took my wallet, remember?
Oh, sad.
Sad.
That's okay.
It's all good.
We're still tight.
Didn't affect us.
But what if you lost it and you were like, fuck Matt?
Fucking Matt.
where's my wallet
fucking Matt dude
fuck him he's out
uh so yeah
that's really hard man
it's um
yeah I don't want to do the road as
I love what I do it's weird
like I love what I do
and I even like when I went
to Montreal and Ottawa last
like dude I had so much fun on stage
like it was awesome
and I and if I think about it like
dude I was in Ottawa
I was staying near the airport it fucking
sucked. It was freezing.
I was at a holiday,
you know, a Hampton Inn or something.
I mean, that was all they had.
I was with cool dudes, you know?
Like, I had a video, I don't have my normal,
didn't have my normal guy, but, and then I had a
videographer, and then I had a, um, a guy who's
opening for me named Matt McCoy, who's a cool dude, comic from New York.
Matt McCoy, that's the name of an actor I used to love.
Oh, really? Yeah.
And he's, he was great to hang with, but it was like,
and he's funny, but it was like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
to just sit, you know, but the show is so good.
And then I come home and I'm happy to come home.
But like, I don't want to, yeah, it's tough.
Five days out of the week, I don't know.
Like, if I could, if I could, I would do it like, I would do the road two times a month,
like two weekends out of the month.
That would be perfect.
And I wouldn't do 47 podcasts.
What do you usually do for months?
Four?
Three or four.
Four months.
Every weekend.
Yeah, because I'm working.
I'm working on something that costs money, but yeah.
But yeah.
Spaceship?
It's a time machine.
It's a time machine.
I'm going to go back to when I lost my wallet so I can get that motherfucker.
Nice.
Get that half dollar back and love me again.
Okay.
Yeah.
Great.
Good reason.
To repair our relationship.
Worst movie ever, you know.
Attack of the JG.
Not as good as attack of the killer of the odious is pretty good.
Yeah.
All right.
Do another one.
Hey, Matt.
Hey, Chris.
Chris, I just saw you like 30.
minutes ago here in Ottawa live and it was amazing. Thank you so much for a great show. Matt,
I'm the guy that says that Chris is smarter than you. I still stand by that, but I love you too.
My question is about anxiety. I am a high school teacher. I've been doing it for about five or six
years and I love doing it. It's one of my favorite things to do in the world. I have a really fun time,
a silly time. I make a lot of jokes with my students. I improvise. But for about a week recently,
I found that I was so anxious while teaching that it was getting in the way of my capacity to even
like speak while I was teaching. I was like stuttering through things and I'm going to restart things I was saying.
I was really starting to spiral out and overthink things.
Oh, wow.
It happened for like a full week.
I know it might happen again, and I'm wondering if you guys have advice on how to, like,
relieve that kind of thing or get through anxiety.
And I wonder if you've ever experienced a period of your life,
particularly in your career where you found anxiety was getting in the way of just
communicating effectively for your work.
Anything helps.
Thank you.
It does happen to me, like, but I, I'll let Mr. Intelligence censor them.
It does happen to me, but I go, I literally steamroll through.
it. I break my mind because I'm on stage if it happens where I'm in a podcast or something,
you know, I'm like, oh, fuck. You actually get invasions of anxiety while you're working.
Like I can honestly say, I mean, you've been doing, I mean, stage, I'm never on stage,
podcast alone. I can honestly say that not one time, whether here or on my own show,
have I ever been like steamrolled by like, oh, fuck. But anxiety. Yeah.
I, I, maybe it's not anxiety.
but like I've been where I'm like, is this real?
Is anything real?
That's anxiety.
Yeah.
Yeah. And I'm just like, what's happening?
Like, I have to get through this.
What are these words I'm saying?
Are these real words?
Is that more on stage or during a podcast?
I mean, it's happened rarely on stage.
Yeah.
On a podcast, I can, it's not as crazy because I could just be like, oh, man, I feel
fucking weird.
Yeah.
And then I can just make that part of it.
But I do that kind of on stage too.
But sometimes now I tell stories.
So sometimes in the middle of a story, I can't do that.
like I'm like, you know, but yeah, it does happen.
I don't know what the answer is.
I mean, I definitely get anxious.
You know, I was anxious.
I had a little low grade, I would say a low grade panic attack on the flight.
I texted you guys about it.
But like, I just couldn't get comfortable.
And I was like, oh, man, and my heart felt at television.
But it wasn't, you know, I didn't have medication for it.
You should have asked the pilots for like I did on my horrible experience.
Yeah.
Oh, we should talk about the.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, after this, real quick.
When people ask me about this kind of shit,
because a lot of people talk to me about this,
when they call them for the one-on-one advice stuff,
stuff like this.
I always tell, because this is what works for me.
Like I said, it's never happened to me,
like during on-camera stuff,
but it's happened to me during periods of work in my life.
And after I exit the anxiety,
I make a concerted effort in my mind,
like a deliberate effort to remember exactly
what it feels like to be anchored and not anxious,
to really have your feet on the ground,
to have your head clear.
Because when you're anxious and when you're in that state,
you're thinking so much about how,
oh my God, I'm never going to get back to normal.
Oh my God, what happened to me?
Oh, my God, I broke,
or whatever version your mind is in
because you're in a state that is not logical
or reasonable, you're in a peak anxiety state.
And if you can, like, in those moments where you're not anxious, it doesn't have to be
often, can even just be once.
You just close your eyes and really remember what it feels like, not in your mind.
You can't really hold on to a mind state, but you remember what it feels like in your body
because anxiety is so much in your body that we don't think about it.
Our minds are racing.
So much is happening there, but it starts here.
Your pulse pounds.
you start to maybe people, it's different for everybody,
people sweat, people do all different kinds of things.
But like if you can really, it's almost like muscle memory.
If you can really just really, it's like returning to a place that you can really,
you've forced yourself to remember.
And that doesn't mean the anxiety is going to go away.
What it does is make you remember, oh, this ends.
And when you know, when you know, oh, this ends, when you really truly know it,
then that automatically at least decreases takes the edge off the anxiety.
That's all I can say.
I also sometimes helps me.
I go like this,
well,
nothing really matters anyways.
I was going to say that first and foremost,
but I don't know how helpful that is.
Yeah,
yeah.
But I do.
Like,
I'm like,
oh,
it doesn't matter.
Like,
what's going to happen?
These people are going to think I'm weird or I'm going to fail.
Whatever,
bro.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
That helps me.
It is where my head first went,
but he's a teacher.
Yeah,
no,
I know,
I know,
I know,
I know.
I know.
But it does,
that also applies,
I think,
yeah.
Yeah. But you want to tell that story? I can't even, I would say it's the most
coincidental thing, I guess, that I've ever experienced, right? That's crazy. I mean,
I'm not saying it's not coincidental what happened. It out way, way, way is, but that it's
the most ever for you is, is how is it not though? I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I'm not
saying there should be something more. Yeah. It's crazy. It's a crazy. It's such a specific thing
that happened. Yeah, right. That the specificity of it is wild. Yeah.
So this dude comes up to me at the airport, I'm at LAX.
And he says, hey, dude, I'm a fan.
And I have something so funny to tell you my, remember your brother had that, what do you call it?
We took the pills on the plane incident.
And you started like waking up and like talking people.
I asked for medication on the plane and they gave it to me and then somebody in front of me was like,
are you having a problem?
I was like, yeah.
And she was like, have anxiety medication.
And she gave it to me.
Then I was doubled up on two things.
I didn't know what they were.
And then it was Zanny Island.
Go ahead.
So he said, I was singing Pearl Jam to people and they were pushing me off of them.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
That is crazy.
So he's like, so I'm a big fan of yours.
I listen to Lifeline and my parents were.
we were talking about podcasts and they didn't really have any podcasts they listened to.
They didn't listen to one.
And so they said...
Wasn't it that they didn't know what a podcast was?
Yeah.
I mean, you know, we talked and I heard that.
Right.
Okay.
So, but, um, and so he was like, well, I'll show you, I'll show you like what I listen to.
And he told them about Lifeline.
He was like, this is a podcast that I really like.
You should listen to Lifeline.
And I, and he sent them the podcast.
podcast, I don't know if you sent the episode or what, but they picked, you know, that was the
episode they saw, the one where the video, where the, where the story where you, we were talking
about hiring on plane and you were singing, hey, Jeremy, to a bunch of people and coach.
And, um, bragging that you to fly business, you know?
No, it doesn't mean, you said I fly business. I didn't say that.
Yeah, but you specified that I fly coach in meaning that.
No, you could have went back there and done it. Right. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, it's what I
would have done. So, uh, yeah.
Jeremy Spockham
It was daughter, but yeah
Oh yeah, okay
So anyway
So he says
So they're listening to that podcast
And it's the only part
It's the first podcast they ever listened to
And they realize
That they were on that plane
Okay
That's just really
That they were on that plane
That's so weird
And
and then they said and then he said and now I'm running into you and I just wanted to tell you that
and he goes that's them and he points to his parents and I go oh my God and I walk over and I was like
you were on the plane with with Matt when he had that episode and he was like yeah and he was like
take my number you know maybe we'll call him on the podcast at some point or
funny, yeah.
But, like, he was like, and he lives near me, dude.
Yeah, we were flying L.A.
Yeah.
But back to L.A.
From Montreal, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, oh.
Oh, wait, no, man.
Yeah.
Was it?
No, I was.
I was flying back from Montreal to L.A.
Yeah, so was I.
So I went to, I was going to Montreal.
That's weird.
That's weird, too.
That's even weirder.
Yeah, what the fuck?
What the fuck this happened when I was going to go to Montreal?
That's really weird.
Wow.
Wow.
Okay.
So, whoa.
So I go over there and he was like, yeah, I was, I, you know, I always wondered what happened.
Yeah.
I thought it was very weird.
He described you after the plane ride, like walking around.
He was like, I hope he was okay.
Something was, you know, went for bags or something.
But I never knew what happened up until I saw that podcast.
That's insane.
So he's like, I'm happy he's okay.
And, uh, and, and, and I'm here now hearing this about this.
This is insane.
I guess my question is, what could be more coincidental than that?
I mean, I don't know.
The whole thing was so weird to me.
Maybe if it was, yeah, no, not even that.
I don't know.
That's so weird.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But so, I don't know.
I was really taken aback at that at a moment.
And I talked to them and they were like, he was like, I thought he was like, I was getting ready.
I thought like I was going to have to do something.
Yeah, I bet a lot of people were.
Yeah.
And I was like, yeah, I didn't even realize it's probably fucking scary as shit.
I thought, I mean, that's all I thought about afterwards.
I was like, I must have scared the shit out of everybody, dude.
Yeah.
But how weird is that?
When you're on a plane and someone's acting unruly, it's not good.
I wasn't even being unruly.
I wasn't being, like, violent, but I was being crazy.
Different.
Completely crazy, yeah.
And clearly under the influence or something.
And when something is that under the influence or something, anything's possible.
Yeah, anything could happen.
You know?
Anyway, I took over the plane and landed it.
It was fine, but that's my, well.
out of what I did.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, that's crazy.
All right.
Yeah, wow.
Yeah, that was what happened.
Okay, so that was the story I wanted to tell them.
Okay, and we can continue.
Okay, next one.
Yo, man, Chris,
second time calling in.
I asked a few, quite a few episodes ago about,
should I open up my own private practice for counseling?
And you guys said I should.
So I did.
I'm actually moving to a different state.
I'm moving from Colorado to Texas.
and I'm opening it up over there.
Right now I'm just doing it online.
I have one client actually, which is pretty rad.
The issue is I'm not sure if you all remember,
but my group practice,
I had said that they take 50% of my rate.
I also signed a document
when I got hired on.
It's a non-compete, non-solicitation document.
Basically saying that I offer up my services
or solicit my services to my current clients until after a year that I'm done that I,
when I quit my job, this group practice.
And I'm kind of bummed by that because I kind of want to offer up my services, my private
practice to my current clients and kind of just say like, hey, if you want to follow me online,
I could help you out online too.
It's my own thing.
Or I could refer you out to another therapist here at this practice.
But they're kind of making it, it seems like impossible for me to do that.
So kind of in a bind, what would you all do?
Like, should I still offer it up to them?
Should I, or should I just not say anything and start all over?
Because it would be nice to have some clientele in that transition over to Texas.
You have it like so much.
But I appreciate y'all's feedback.
Thank you for thinking that I look half black or like it look black.
Oh, so.
I get that it look like logic all the time.
so whatever.
I saw him mad.
I loved it.
I loved it.
The way he laughed at the end.
All right.
Wow.
I mean, take them, dude.
Yeah, but he's...
Take them.
I don't understand the issue.
The issue is...
You can't peel clients within a year after quitting.
That is what is in his...
That is the clause in his...
So he's saying, I want to tell them to keep in touch.
So he's saying, how can I balance this without breaking the law?
Breaking the law.
I'm saying, break the law.
What are they going to do?
to fucking sue you.
I mean, I don't know.
I mean, it's possible, but they're not.
They're not going to.
What's it called?
Oh, yeah, find out.
Really?
How, why would they find out?
I mean, these kinds of practices are super private.
Yeah.
So, well, it would be weird when they all jumped ship, though, wouldn't it?
I would have, I mean, may.
Maybe, okay, okay, okay, good call.
Maybe.
Oh, here you go.
target a handful
that you really truly believe
would follow you.
Okay.
Not just blast them out
to all your clients
and be like, follow me
and be like,
yo, you know,
we're not,
this is not supposed to be how it's done,
but like,
we've established a thing.
It's not technically,
don't write it in an email,
talk,
say it over the phone,
first of all.
Or during the session.
Right, of course, yeah.
And yeah, but no,
dude, no,
fuck that red tape.
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't do that.
We don't do that.
So for a year he has to...
That's crazy.
What is it?
For a year, he has to not...
He has to not take clients from where he was to where he might go, wherever that might
be, whether it's his own practice or a new one.
That's so weird.
Yeah.
That sucks.
I mean, I understand why they want him to not do that.
Yeah, well, it's an incentive for him not to leave.
Well, also, they don't want to lose business.
Of course, but that's the obvious one.
It's also basically...
keeping him in front of their little jail dude fuck that dude yeah jail break cut that red tape
fuck it how are you supposed to have fucking open up my practice if you don't do that yeah great
question and then just another fucking reason to do it what he's supposed to do start from scratch
no you could yeah oh why would you if you don't have to yeah i have something to say that has
nothing to do with anything but yeah oh yeah in the past two minutes oh god for no
reason. I've thought of two songs I haven't thought of in
fucking years. Which ones?
One is by Wyclef. Which one?
Well, say what, anything can happen. Okay. The other one is
I forget who's saying, who did it. Just a touch of love, just a touch of love.
Oh, wow. And it was different. It wasn't like, I thought of one. I was like,
what's another song? I don't know. They literally went boom. And then in two minutes,
boom. For one of us said anything could happen.
I go, say what, say what, anything could happen.
I go, whoa, I haven't thought of that.
And the other one?
The other one was just, just, uh, to love, I don't know.
Just popped in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What the fuck, dude?
People act like everybody's normal and everybody's got regular shit going on their brain.
Everybody's thinking and listening and going about their day and order.
Dude, fuck that.
Our brains are exploding with nonsense all day every day.
And we got to filter it all the fuck out.
Which you did, but you also flagged it.
Well, yeah, just because what the hell, dude.
But that's happening to everybody all day
That's crazy
I know I know
Yeah it is crazy
And talk about anxiety attack
You want to get anxiety attack
So start thinking about that
If everybody walked around
Just saying the shit that came into their head
Every single person
Would be committed
Every single person
I don't care who you are
Every single person
And everybody would be scared of you
Is there no such thing
As mental institutions anymore
What are you
Out of your fucking mind?
Of course there are
Society wouldn't work
I don't understand what you're saying.
What do you mean?
Like, are you talking about a specific kind?
Because, uh, I'm not.
I need, I need to go to one, I think.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I'm just not doing too well.
Because I feel like, I feel like there, I, I, I, you never hear of anybody getting committed.
You know why?
Also, where are they?
You know why?
Why?
Because involuntary commit, like you can't, it's, it's, it's unbelievably hard now in America to force someone to be committed.
Okay.
Like it needs to be court mandated, right?
So like...
Or voluntary on your...
Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying.
It has to be voluntary, which nobody does.
Or some people do, obviously.
But it has...
It's a legal thing now.
And even then it's hard.
So it was a big change.
Big change, yeah.
Back in the day, it was like, oh, that person's crazy.
Put him in a fucking mental institution.
Now it's like, do everything we can to not do that.
And give the person the most individual responsibility and agency to do whatever they think is best.
And it's like, oh, okay.
Well, we could do that.
Or that's a crazy person
That fucking schizophrenic person
wield a knife at my throat
every time I try to walk into my home downtown
That's a possibility too
To deeper
Yeah, okay
So that's why
That is why
That's why you're just like
These are crazy people
Is there no place for crazy people to go anymore?
That's what I've been thinking
The answer is yes
But it has to be up to them
Which is
A whole kind of worms, yeah
Well it's weird because like
You see both sides
You know
It's like you don't want to be
You don't want people to be
Walking around that are fucking nuts
But then also like
Who's to say
Who's not?
Well, no, nuts.
See, here's where I think it's a very clear and not blurry line.
If you're doing it.
If you're nuts, who gives a fuck?
No, if you're a danger to people or you.
Yeah, if you're a danger, yeah.
Then you need to be involuntarily committed.
I don't give a fuck, dude.
Sorry activists, but that's just the case, dude.
Right.
But so what is danger then?
You're talking about physical violence.
Physical violence and threats.
And, yeah, I mean, that's basically it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And there's so much of that.
Take one visit to downtown L.A.
Hollywood problem.
No, I, I get it.
Yeah.
Judgment day, dude.
Hmm.
Anyway, do another one before we go.
Okay.
Hey, Chris has to.
About 50 times in our relationship,
I have held my partner's hand.
I've taken a shift.
I know it's coming.
Oh, is that a kink?
No, it's not a kink.
Nothing sexual.
She doesn't have a disease.
My hand wasn't on my penis.
It's a bit.
It's a joke.
It's so gross, but we love each other so much.
so comfortable, we're doing something we know most couples wouldn't dirt.
I like that.
And yes, I do look like, I guess who character.
That's not why I'm here.
Yeah, you know.
That was my third appearance on Lifeline.
This is my fourth appearance on Lifeline.
Wow.
Your boy can't miss.
So I realized I am Mr. Lifeline.
Mm-hmm.
Call me Mr. Lifeline.
Oh, name this episode, Mr. Lifeline.
That's a good idea.
Make merch that says Mr. Lifeline and give me all.
all the money.
Chris,
I'll be seeing you
when you come to
Brisbane, Australia.
You will come up to me
and say,
Mr. Lifeline,
I love your submissions.
Can I get a pick?
Stalin.
A hypnotist.
A dictator.
The great Stalin.
Just saw Star Wars
and trying to think he has the...
What is it?
I like that guy.
I like that guy.
Yeah, yeah, he's great.
Wait,
uh...
I'm glad he answered us too.
I am too,
but he should work for this,
like, fucking secret service of CIA
because we don't recognize him.
fucking he's been calling for four times and we're like oh i don't yeah he's just guy yeah well he's
mr lifeline no you're not mr lifeline you're guy guy dude how about this title of the episode guy
you're guy you're guy hey you see that guy what guy you're that you're he's who you are
what guy remember essence of guy yeah but dude he's essence of guy that was so funny but he's not though
Well, why not?
Essence of guys.
True, true, true, true, true.
He's too like...
A train, a train.
He's too like, uh, uh, idiosyncratic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, you got to be like a...
You don't remember essence of guy.
Maybe you might not even know it.
He knows it.
Yeah.
Mike Linocchi, he would say, he would say, dude, Mike Lenochi is it.
He's just such a guy.
He's, and then he started calling him essence of a guy.
Because he's just like the most guy all the way, like vertically a lot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, this is a guy.
Frat, it wasn't a frat.
Love sports.
Yeah, yeah.
He's kind of dumb, but isn't dumb.
No, yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's like he's dumb, but he's not dumb.
He's not dumb, but yeah, yeah, he does like, yeah.
He does the dumb guy thing.
Like, wow, I wasn't thinking.
Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Essence of a guy, dude.
And like, farced and he's like, you know what I mean?
Essence of guy is like the worst perfume.
Or cologne.
Nobody would ever buy it.
Essence of guy.
Why do they always whisper and fucking fuck that dude?
They always whisper in perfume commercials.
Fuck you, dude.
It's sexy, dude.
Sexy to whisper.
Nah, fuck you, dude.
Obsession.
You know that song Careless Whisper?
Yeah.
Do you know the lyrics?
Yeah.
How many times you think you've heard that song?
A lot.
A lot, right?
Yeah.
At least 30.
I mean, way more.
Way more, okay. Me too.
I can't believe this, but
I got my show, I'll play
all different kinds of shit.
Somehow we ended up on a George Michael
thing, and that video came up.
First of all, has 1.5 billion views,
which is insane.
And he's the most gay he's ever been,
and it's like crazy big hoop earrings.
And obviously, the lyrics are
the whole guilty,
feet have gotten a rhythm. I'm never going to dance again the way I dance with you. I never,
even though I know every word of the entire song, I was, it was so wrote when I would sing it
and just into the song, not the words. I never realized that what he's saying is that he cheated
on someone. That's not that weird. You don't think that that's that weird? No. It's so explicit.
Yes, it is. And I knew that that was about that. But that's not weird with music, I don't think.
It happens to me all the time. Yeah.
You just are singing the song and you're like,
you'll be like, I'm gay, I'm so fucking gay,
I take dicks in my butt.
And you go, oh, are you gay?
And you go, what, no?
You go, oh, fuck, oh, that sounds all being gay.
And I'm singing it, it fucking Ralph's.
Yeah, right, yeah.
No, it is like that.
Yeah, no, I know.
Yeah.
It obviously all the time, I'll be like,
this song is about that.
Also, it's usually about older songs.
Like, if I hear a song now...
Yeah, because you've been, they're so ingrained in you.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And you hear a song now, you'll think.
about it and and and you're an adult you'll be like what's this about right yeah yeah yeah
yeah i mean you know like the phil collins song where he sees a guy and didn't it sees a guy die or something
in the other night yeah yeah you don't know that when you're six yeah that's also very poetic and not
on the nose right true true but careless wistice guilty feet have got no rhythm i fucking cheated on you
i feel so bad i did it so i can't really dance right that's basically the song
You know?
I stuck my dick
in some other guys,
but,
No girl in the context of the song.
But you know really,
what's up?
Even though it's about a kind of girl,
I'm fucking gay,
yeah,
give him a rim job.
Bada,
bown,
so now I can't dance
the way I use the dance.
So it's good.
So that's good at the end.
I fucking,
because it's like,
I just pretty much
fucking gizzy just all over a different guy.
Girl, sorry,
you know what I mean?
And anyway.
Great song.
Love George Michael.
He's the inspo, dude.
Him and Barry Bonds.
You know?
Nothing gayer than nothing gayer than doing something because George Michael did it,
except for doing something because Barry Bonds did it.
I mean, I'm not even going to fight that.
Yeah.
I don't really disagree.
I'm straight, but I don't disagree with what you just said.
You know, there's just no argument.
That's pretty fucking gay.
You know, my Barry Bonds.
story, right? I've told it on here, right?
Singing.
I don't think. Finding the right note to start the song.
So, uh, Chili's.
What?
That's the Chili's thing.
No, no, no, no. It's not originally a Chili's thing.
Also, it's not. It's the pizza. It's the frozen pizza song.
Okay. Stupid. Go ahead.
The frozen pizza song. It's the chili song, dude. Oh, no, it's not.
It's not. I want my baby bag.
It has lyrics.
I'm not going to be it with axe.
So,
I want my,
I want my baby back,
baby back,
baby back,
baby back,
oh,
fucking another slore.
What?
Tell the Barry Bopsville real quick.
Now I want to know what the song is though,
but tell the story.
What?
I recognize it,
but I want to know what it's.
There's no words to look up.
No, there's no words.
So I'm, I just Google Frozen Pizza song.
No, it's a real song from the 50s.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I have no idea, it's no idea.
It's completely obvious.
Wait.
It won't come up, dude.
It was like, it could be that.
It's not the Beethoven.
No, it's not.
I'm going to find it right now.
It's not.
It's four guys and they're, it's a pizza serenade?
Is it pizza serenade?
I mean, come on.
Is it?
No, it's not Red Baron.
It's not Red Baron.
It's not Red Baron.
No, no, no. Go back.
Oh, let me look at.
Papa John's.
No.
It was a pizza you could buy.
And we used to get it.
Oh, oh, Celeste?
Genos?
Maybe Genos.
I mean, I'm talking about New Jersey, though.
Oh.
Yeah.
Like, did you want to?
I don't know.
Anyway.
The fuck.
It was something with a P.
It was there something with a P?
Whatever.
Okay.
Barry Bond story.
Yeah.
So we were.
I was like, you know, he was like the homerunetter.
I know, I know, no, no, no, no.
I know you know, but in this year, but this was the year of the 2002,
when he had 73 home runs.
One of those years.
Okay.
Or the year after.
When he was even better somehow, yeah.
Less home runs.
Dude.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
So I was like, hey, I was like, I was close enough to the on deck and he was on deck.
I was like, you're going to.
Oh, I remember.
Yeah, of course.
I remember this.
I was like, you're going to, I said, I said something silly.
like you're gonna go yard or something
you said go yard for me or something like that
yeah something like that
and he was going
he was going like this and he just goes like this
and and just like this and and just like
like yeah like looked at me in the eyes he goes
and then
it goes up to bad
and just hits a fucking home run
damn and then
and then he comes out he was like
that is so
fucking funny dude
you know how fucking hard it is to hit a home run
there's the hardest thing to do in sports
Period.
The fact that he was so chill about, okay, I'll do it.
And then so chill about, there you go, kid, is so, it's like the funniest thing in the world to me.
Yeah.
Especially because he had a big ear earring on.
Yeah, he did, yeah.
I couldn't even believe it.
He was the, he was just on.
We can end here now, but the fact that Barry Mons is not in or ever going to be in the baseball Hall of Fame is the biggest joke in all of professional sports.
Why? Just because of the steroids.
That's so silly, dude.
It is so stupid.
He was the most entertaining player.
Most entertaining ever.
Besides maybe Shorey Tadine, now you can make an argument.
But like, it's insane.
The swag he had, the fucking, the records he broke,
the fucking talent before he even did steroids.
Fuck that shit.
Even without those years, he should be a whole thing.
And even though John Kemp is the most entertaining player in the NBA.
All right.
Very good.
Very good.
All right.
Thanks a lot.
I'll see you on the road.
Crisley.com.
Love you, everybody.
