Lifeline - 204. Phrase Factory
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Runk.
We're starting.
What's up?
What's that shirt to pray for us?
What is it?
It's a company that gave it to me and I like it.
reverse descent and make actually good stuff.
And do you want to know about what I'm?
I was just gonna ask, yeah, what is that?
When did you make that?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I got this at Buffalo Exchange.
Yeah.
For $19.
Wow.
And I got another one just like it, but it's red.
It zips all the way up doesn't just have this part.
And I got that one for $19.
That's a steal.
Yeah.
I doubled this for less than $40.
Double it, double it, keep it until it kill me.
And a nice, a nice lady that worked at the kind
the nice lady worked at the county.
Jerry Lewis.
Gave me,
gave me a sticker.
Tarteded.
Come on, dude.
Within one minute, come on.
I said tarted.
I mean, the same thing.
You don't know, could have meant sweet tarted.
Oh, she was a sweetheart, so maybe.
Even sweet tart is the candy.
What's the tart, tart tart and thing you guys have?
What is that?
Tart tart.
What is that?
People say that sometimes to me,
like I'm supposed to know.
I'm like, what?
Oh, really?
What is it?
I mean, it's such a silly bit, but I went and did Fighter and the Kid, I think.
And I think Brendan wasn't there.
It was just me and Brian.
And I went to Starbucks first, and I thought it would be funny to get Brian.
It was like this strawberry tart frappuccino thing.
Okay.
I think I remember seeing that.
Yeah.
And I brought it.
And I just, for some reason, kept calling him.
And I knew you'd like this because you're a sweet tart tart.
ass.
Was he dying?
Yeah, he was like, no, I'm not, I'm not that.
It was funny.
We sold merch on it.
I mean, it was big.
We made a lot of money.
I mean, people still talk about it.
Yeah, it's true.
They do.
It's weird the stuff that sticks.
It is weird, the stuff that sticks, man.
People still be saying crank of the corp to me,
stuck in the crank of the corp.
Well, that is not so surprising because you still say it every week.
I don't say it that much anymore.
Actually, you know what you don't, really?
I don't, but I say it now still because people remind me.
It's a very, very funny thing, and you should say it more.
I should say it more, you know.
Yeah, it should be, it should be kind of one of your things that you stand on.
I do stand on.
I know, I know you do.
But I should use the phrase more.
In fact, I am, this is kind of something we talk about on my Patreon.
So for some of you already know, but like, I'm kind of like a phrase factory.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's kind of what people think of me at.
Yeah.
And it's kind of like what people call me.
So like, whatever.
But.
So anybody that knows what.
What's up, knows what's up, but I'm a phrase factory.
And suck in the Crank of the Corpse, one of them.
That'd be like a job that Dudley Moore would have in a movie.
Oh my God, dude.
In 1988, wow.
Yeah, he works at a, what was he Australian?
No, he's English.
Yeah, I work at the phrase factory.
Do you remember, oh man, it's boxy?
Oh, that's one of the funniest things in any movie ever.
It's boxy.
It's good because it's boxy or something like that.
It's boxy and good.
Was it called Smart people?
Smart people, yeah.
That movie, dude.
That movie, I want to watch that again.
Dudley Moore had a run, dude.
Yeah
And then he was just
Dunley Moore
You know what I'm saying
Really?
Yeah
He died
Done no more
Just fucking
Wait what
He died right
Well not
That's not why his career
Ending
Oh why did it
Because he just was
Dudley Moore
And people were like
That's enough of that
Oh yeah
Yeah
Yeah
You know
But he had the 80s run
Arthur's
10
Smart people
Smart people's my favorite one
though dude
It's boxy's
Just like
Upper Echelon joke
For me
I saw that
I saw that movie
At school first
And when I
I saw that part
I laughed so hard
Let me guess
Mr.
Harvey's class
No
Mr.
Take me?
No, no.
It was Mr. Something else.
I can't remember his name now at this point, but that's,
he looked at Wolverinelly.
Oh, Mr. Leaver?
Yeah.
That's amazing, dude.
That's amazing.
Wow.
This class, it might have been like summer school or something.
I don't know.
He was funny, dude.
Yeah, he was.
Oh, dude, he said one of the comebacks.
It was so quick.
somebody said maybe it was in his arsenal but it was still so quick somebody said uh yeah my um
oh fuck i can't remember he's they're talking about dick size like he was some some some student was
saying like yeah something like he said you're you're you're you're yeah yours is two inches to
mr leaver he said oh wow when i'm laying on the ground bone in your mom dude no he said no two inches he
said, yeah, from the ground when
when I'm boning your mom,
dude, dad, I go,
oh!
That's really good.
From the ground was the killer.
That was what the killer was.
Yeah, that's the good one.
That's the good part.
That's a key part of it.
It was so good.
And back when you couldn't get in trouble
for that kind of stuff.
Now we'd get fired, yeah.
Sucks.
Yeah.
Kid deserved it.
And so episode 204, it's Sunday,
March 22nd, happy birthday to Reese Withers,
we got a star-studded birthday.
Yeah, we do.
Reese Witherspoon,
Matthew Modine and William Shatner.
That's assuming, we shot this a week earlier,
that's assuming William Shatner's still alive.
He is so old, dude.
And looks great.
And, yeah, I mean, last I saw him, he was doing great.
Yeah.
Last I saw him was when he went up to, in a,
a, no, it's on camera.
Oh.
In the Blue Rocket, the dick thing that Bezos has.
Oh, right, right, right, right.
And Bezos was like, Shatner was saying something
generally profound.
and Bezos is just like
looking for champagne and cuts them off.
It's just like you're the most clueless
out of touch piece of shit asshole.
Yeah.
You know, Shatner's about to say something profound.
He's Captain Kirk.
He just went to space.
Let him have a runway a little bit.
Talking about legend.
Yeah.
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Yeah.
Shatner and Bezos. Bezos was always, I just, are we, are we supposed, like, pull up a picture of Bezos and his wife.
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What else?
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Pittsburgh.
Hell yeah.
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Oh,
oh,
oh, wow, that was good.
Thank you.
I work on that.
I work on that.
So, that's sad.
I love home people.
I work on that.
sad.
Just lost your mind.
Look how she's waving in that picture.
It's just so evil.
Hi.
I'm sorry, dude, but a cat.
For me, I mean, such a cat.
A fucking cat.
You know what she said right before this?
Meow.
Dude, I have a rotating, it's just a steadily rotating,
which mega billionaire I hate the most.
And Bezos frequents the top of it.
Who else?
He never used to.
But now he's just, it's, he's itching to get to the top of my list.
he's doing best. Well, he just wants to be the top of any list, right? Yeah, but he's just
firing people nonstop, automating jobs nonstop. Uh, he's just such a-being the way he is.
The duchiest thing with the blue rocket, you know, with Katie Perry in it and whoever the
fuck else, Gail King was in it. The wedding he had is just like, dude. Well, okay, relax, dude.
It, yeah, the wedding was the thing that to me was like, oh, God, dude. Like, how,
I'm, you know, I'm American.
I, you know, capitalism's great.
I think that, you know, nobody, nobody needs to donate anything they don't want to to charity.
Completely believe that.
I stand behind that.
This whole thing, though, it's like, what do you, what?
What are you doing with your money?
You're not doing all.
You can buy the world over.
Yeah.
So, and this is the kind of thing, leave this on the screen here, dude.
Fucking Usher and Tom, is that Tom Brady?
Of course.
And Tom Brady.
Yeah.
We're invited to the Amazon owner's wedding in Italy.
And they both went.
And so many other people went.
No, I understand, but this is the,
this is the most
suck in the crank of the corporation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is the most.
Yeah.
I mean, bro, look, I know.
I've been as famous as I've been,
and it's been up and down and all,
whatever the fuck you want to say.
Uh,
it was never fucking fun to do anything like this.
No, it's not fun.
And I, and you know what?
I very rarely.
ever did anything like this.
Is that Oprah?
Yeah, it's what I'm saying.
Oh, my.
Why?
Oprah, my God.
The fuck would Oprah go to this?
Why would you do it?
Why as Usher?
Why as Tom Brady?
Why would you go to do this?
I know why they go to do this.
But why is it in a human brain to be like,
oh yeah,
this guy you're not friends yeah that they might think they are that's the thing though they want to be
it's like you've got to curry bro the favor you got to orbit the bill the absurd huge billionaire like
weird to me this is one of the weirdest things that humans do to me it's the most distilled
version of suck in the crank of the corp right all these people that went all the way it's like dude
like that like that like just the the decadence it's like
That's one thing.
Also like the timing.
Yeah.
The timing.
It's like everybody's doing,
having such a hard time.
You know what I mean?
And then like everybody's just like,
oh,
he got fucking like 3,000 carrot diamonds on our fingers.
Like not to sound like.
Kardashian is there.
Bill Gates is there looking like what?
Not not.
Looking like he's in a slim fast ad.
Sebastian,
but aren't you embarrassed,
dude?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Aren't you.
Sydney,
Sweeney went.
And let me tell you something.
None of them are embarrassed.
Not one of them.
Well, yeah, because they're all sucking the crack.
Yeah.
Dude, Sidney,
Sweeney went to Jeff Bezos wedding.
That, if, be embarrassed.
That is absolutely nuts, dude.
That's nuts to me.
Yeah, also stay at home.
Well, no, there's so many different nuts versions of it.
But, yes, that is one where you go,
imagine having to do this that day
Yeah, I know.
It's all fucking hot and shit.
Who's that?
Who's that?
Who's pregnant?
Why would you go?
You're pregnant.
Don't go there.
Who is that?
Kloss.
Oh, that's who?
Stella McCartney?
No, that's Courtney.
Somebody Kloss.
What's her name again?
I don't know.
She's wearing Stella McCartney, yeah.
Anyway.
It's just so fucking weird, man.
Does, like,
dude, it's so weird to invite
and, you know,
friends and open.
Oprah. Like, you know, at that point, do you even have any friends?
Jerry Kushner's there?
Of course he was.
Of course he was.
What is even going on?
Is that?
Oh, Leo is there, of course.
Bro, you want to think better of these people.
Not Usher, really, but he was there dancing at the fucking wedding.
Kylo Renner's there.
Who's that?
What's her name again?
Kylo Ren.
Kylo Jenner.
Jenner.
Kylo.
Kylo Renner
Kylie Jenner
Yeah
Kylie Jenner
Of course she is
Yeah I mean the most
Of course
Yeah oh wow that pick
How do you
That says it all right there
Enough said
How do you not hate celebrities
When you see shit like this
I don't know
I think everyone does
Is that Kim Kardashian
And the other one
That's Kim and Chloe
Chloe I think
Uh Kim
No
Yeah
And I don't even like
I don't even like
You know
Obviously I was never
At this level
Obviously
But I don't
This doesn't come
from like a I wish I was there dude of course not yeah no no no because I would want to be there
because no well I don't want to be at any wedding I know I know I don't want to be at any wedding also
how about this dude I'm not happy for them yeah you know what I mean it's just something
I got married uh it's so fuck it what piss you off the most Oprah Oprah Oprah's epic look at that
because I don't understand is Oprah's already got $500 million what you're doing 800 million dollars
What are you doing?
Yeah.
What do you need?
What do you need?
That's a good question.
What does Bill Gates need?
What are they doing?
Anyway.
Right now Bill Gates needs quite a bit, but yeah.
Well, because he was...
I mean, eyes went shut.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, feeding conspiracy theories.
Just decided to feed conspiracy theories.
But that's not the wedding.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Process of the wedding?
Yeah, right, yeah.
Oh, right.
I remember this, actually.
Yeah.
Dude, here's the other thing.
That's kind of sick, actually.
I'm in this circle, I am 100% playing into that shit.
I am only having dick-nose parties.
I'm only having those parties.
You can't come to my party if you don't have a dick-nose.
You cannot come to my party.
If you don't have a dick-nose and a staff, you can't.
Because I am, and what's your T-shirt say, something about the government?
because I am
absolutely playing into that stereotype.
Oh wow, they were really protesting.
If you can, what does I say?
If you can rent Venice for your wedding,
you can pay more tax.
I mean, that's pretty good.
How does this not fucking enrage people?
It does.
I mean, look.
I know, but you can't do anything about it.
It sucks.
You could, but nobody does.
What?
Make them pay their taxes.
Yeah, but yeah.
That'd be nice.
Start there.
It's not even about charity.
It's like, dude,
No, I know.
Whatever.
It's absolutely terrible.
It's fucking terrible.
And also, to be clear, they give so much money to charity.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But guess what?
It doesn't make a dent.
So give more, I know.
No, pay your taxes, for sure.
Give more and more and more and give more and more and die with no money.
Because why?
Because you can't take it with you.
That's so weird.
Like, dude, Elon Musk is going to be a trillionaire.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is, he could give $999 billion dollars away and make sure every single one of his
1,000 children are fine.
And he's not gonna, obviously.
But he could.
And I don't get it.
I don't get it, dude.
I don't get it.
I think when you get to a certain level,
your brain breaks a certain way.
Well, yeah, because it happens to many people.
Yeah, exactly.
And then you're just...
You never hear about a billionaire being like,
okay, I'm going to give it all the way.
Honestly, I'm not...
I'm not a Bill Gates fan,
but Bill Gates is the only one that was like,
I'm going to leave this world.
What was the thing that Bill Gates is getting in trouble for now?
The Epstein stuff.
Right.
But what, though?
Epstein wrote himself.
Well, they were, like, connected.
Right.
But there's no evidence that he, like, I don't believe there was any evidence.
Did anything?
Yeah, right.
But there is this genuinely strange email that Epstein wrote to himself.
Okay.
From the point of view of one of the higher-ups, weird, this is weird.
Okay.
From the point of view, like, written as one of the higher-ups, some guy named Boris, at Amazon.
Oh, okay.
And it was written.
By Epstein sent to Epstein.
Okay.
As Boris.
As Boris, okay?
Saying, I must step down from this company because of the behavior of Bill Gates.
And it listed-
Sorry, sorry, Microsoft.
Yeah, what-
You said Amazon?
Oh, sorry, yeah.
So what?
It's about Bill Gates.
Okay.
And it was about, or I think it was the Gates Foundation that he worked for or something.
Okay, right.
And I must step down.
And I have to step down because of those things I've seen that go against my morality
all the way up to potentially illegal, potentially.
even crossing into illegal.
And it listed off all these crazy things that,
I mean, I don't want to repeat it here
because I don't want to get sued.
But, like, I mean, it's out there.
I can repeat it.
It's out there.
It basically says, um, uh,
well, yeah, you're not saying he did it.
Yeah, it says, um, he, like, gave his wife an STD from some girl.
Oh, right, right, right, right.
He asked for drugs from Epstein to put in the drug,
to put in a drink to like, like, surreptitiously let her, like, get cured without
telling her what happened.
And then a bunch of other stuff.
But here's the only reason I, and I'm like,
I read this and I'm like,
who would believe Jeffrey Epstein about anything?
He sent this to himself.
Like, this is clearly some kind of compromise
bullshit thing.
Right.
But then.
Compromote?
What?
Compromote.
It's like what you have something on someone.
I didn't hear what you said.
But then?
But then, get this though, dude.
And this kind of made me go from,
I don't believe it at all.
Right.
To like, damn, maybe I believe it.
The subject header of the email is Bill.
and it's all lowercase.
That kind of made me think, oh damn, maybe this is real.
Why?
I don't know.
Well, I...
Because I read the whole email.
I was like, this is bull.
Well, to me...
And then I read the header.
I was like, wait a second.
To me...
To me, that just seems that like...
To me, the first...
The way you told it, the first impression I get is it sounds like Jeffrey Epstein is trying
to get Bill Gates in trouble.
Right.
Which does something like...
Yeah.
Which might...
which doesn't necessarily jump out at me as,
oh,
Bill Gates did something wrong.
Not saying he didn't.
Agree.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
I agree.
I don't know.
Okay.
But it,
all I know is this.
I'd have to look at it, yeah.
Bill Gates is a piece of shit in there because he's a mega billion.
Right, right.
And,
and the biggest piece of shit on earth is Jeffrey Epstein.
Right.
And so why would I believe a word that he says.
Yeah.
About anything.
True.
You know what I mean?
So it's,
wow.
It's crazy.
But he had to like make a whole big.
statement. I know, I know. He's fucked right now.
Is he? Yeah, he's, I mean, he's not,
you can't be fucked in, but like,
he's not like going to go to jail. No, I know. But his
image is deeply forever time.
Really? Yeah. Well, I didn't look into this at all.
His wife left him in part because of his relationship with Epstein.
When?
Years ago. Way before all this shit came out.
Seriously? Yeah, dude. She talks about it. And when
this came out, she was like, don't talk to me
about it. He can answer for himself.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, man. Yeah.
She's also the second richest woman on earth.
She's the richest woman on earth.
Richer than Oprah.
Oprah is not on the top five.
Of women?
Yeah.
Oh, because Chinese billionaire women?
Nope, because all of the top five richest women are all made their money from divorcing men.
I didn't know that.
I thought Oprah was second and.
Nope, it's all fucking, it's, uh, Bezos's wife.
Oh, yeah, right.
Of course.
You know, all the other guys.
I don't know.
Making up the other two.
No.
Sam Tripoli posted it.
Trust me.
All right.
Let's start us.
All right.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Okay.
Christopher.
Matthew.
Our parents.
I'm calling about the comedy titles within a friend group.
If there are any.
Specifically for me, I have always considered myself a setup guy.
Okay.
I might point out something or come up with an idea that's funny and it gets a laugh.
But then another friend comes up with something.
They expound upon that and make it bigger.
And it gets a huge.
That's cool.
I'm the setup guy.
Yeah.
I want to know if that's official.
Are there terms within a friend group or society who plays what comedic role in the big thing?
If there aren't, let's make them right now.
Okay.
And for instance, I think that Matt is definitely the setup guy in y'all's scenario.
Well, that's only because I'm such.
True.
And no, no, no, I wasn't because I'm such a ridiculous asshole.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's no version of events where it could be anything but there.
But you are right.
Yeah, no, I think we know what he's talking about.
So they obviously see.
Yeah, I think every, I don't, here's why I think he's right more than any other reason.
Three killers don't necessarily like go to killer, not killers.
Like like, like the ones that are truly hilarious, constantly making jokes that are hilarious.
They don't always jive.
The hierarchy is not together there.
I don't mean like one's dominant, but like it's like the best friend groups that I've, the most,
the most elastic, long lasting friendships that have group friendships that have been a part of,
there's a dynamic where it's like somebody's the one that is, I don't know if it's as defined as
this guy's saying.
Well, it's, but there's a version of it that's correct.
You know, look, I, I've hung out with the funniest people in the world.
And like, you know, it's not always the people who have the biggest audience.
or the funniest people.
Right, right, right, yeah.
Even the funniest people sometimes
that are the funniest with you.
Like, you know, like, for instance,
the dynamic between Brian and I
is hilarious, but that's,
but why, you know, it's, it's not like
he's the biggest comedian
and also I'm the biggest comedian,
but I would challenge you to find
fucking two guys funnier together, you know?
But then there's people who are like,
that, that, that,
people are, like, really genuinely,
like for instance there's always like
Brody Stevens
when he comes into the room
you go okay
RIP just I guess I'll be quiet
because whatever he's saying is hilarious
genuinely one of the
it's not the funniest person I've ever been around
definitely one of the funniest people
have ever been around yeah
yeah he's he's so funny
and and it's
it was so funny rest of peace but he
it's just there are guys like that where it's like
oh that's a wild card
and he'd all
often go into a room and fall flat because people are, you know, I would say people who don't get it.
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
But, you know, people would be like, what is this?
Sure.
But yeah, and then there's people like Don Rickles who just bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
And wherever he goes.
I mean, you see the fucking clip he did in casino where he was like, do your fucking breeding thing.
I mean, the guys just, you know, worked hard at that for a long time and was also funny anyway.
So became that.
But, you know, you take a guy like Sebastian Manuscalco, like he's who I think he's hilarious.
He's he's not, he's very quiet and like in a room, he's, I wouldn't say he's not the funny guy because he's still funny.
He is, yeah.
But he's just not showcasing.
Not at all.
A lot, you know?
Yeah.
So.
In friend groups specifically.
In friend groups, there's, yeah, I think there's a setup guy.
And a lot of times, like, I'm thinking about my friend groups and there's, yeah, there's that.
dynamic where it's like you can't all be trying to get in there and be in the one that tops the
other one because then it's like yeah i like that though you can like phahim would
me and phaheem would always do that and he would do it his way and then i would do it my way and
some of the times it was the same burger king yeah what isn't that the burger king uh do you have it
your way oh i'll have it your way yeah uh and it we i always saw he was fucking hilarious and
you know he would laugh at me but like it was the same type of thing
So it wasn't like, with Brian and I, it's such a fucking, there's clear roles, you know?
Yeah.
I'm just talking about how it works with me because I'm me, but.
Yeah.
But there's also like friends that I have that are neither.
Yeah, right.
You know, I just hang out with that I love hanging out with.
And I joke with them sometimes just as much.
But yeah, I do like that, though, when there's this setup.
Yeah.
In a friendship.
ideal but not necessary.
Yeah.
It's ideal to make to,
to grease the wheels, I think,
but it's not necessary.
Like Kristen isn't a set up person.
She's just hilarious.
And like,
you know,
she,
she does add to stuff.
Like,
she does add to the jokes and makes me laugh.
And it's just,
that's like the same type of thing.
It's not set up.
But that often is,
I don't know.
There's a difference between,
God, I'm really thinking about this nerdy,
in a nerdy way,
but like there's a difference between a comedian
doing what a comedian does
and another,
or not even a comedian,
a funny person doing what a funny person does
with another funny person who does what a funny person does.
Then there's a difference between that,
then a funny person that does what they do best
with another funny person that's doing what they're doing best,
and it's symbiotic.
That is like lightning and bottle stuff.
Sure, yeah.
So, so, you know, and that often comes from set up punchline guy,
or not the punchline guy, but you know what I mean?
Set up and then whatever.
So, yeah.
I mean, there's a lot of duos like that that were fucking, you know.
Yeah, me and you.
Yeah, no, no, but I'm saying in history.
I'm fucking around.
I know you are, but.
Yeah.
Of course, yeah.
But that, I always loved that.
man, I always love that.
But then there's guys like, I think, I look at a lot of times you and I have the same thing.
Yeah.
Even though on this, I would say it's more the, what that guy was saying.
But we have that thing where we will just be laughing and laughing and laughing.
Adding, adding, adding.
Yeah.
And I had that with Ryan Davis.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Like, not the comedian Ryan Davis, another friend of mine.
But anyway, yeah, I'll think about that shit all day.
I don't want to nerd out, but like I kind of did.
but yeah I don't have boring everybody but yeah yeah be be like you know you take like a guy like
Jeff Ross like who's the roast guy like I don't you know he's funny I don't know if he ever would
have made it as big if he didn't lean into that of course he wouldn't have this I'm saying like
you you you find out who you are that's part of the thing that helps comedy is like you find your voice
You know.
He fucking,
I heard Dave Chappelle was like,
yo, years ago, he was like, lean into that.
That's your thing.
To you?
No, to.
To Jeff?
Yeah.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway.
All right, we could do another one.
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Hey, Chris.
Hey, Matt.
I am longtime listener, first time caller.
All right, all right.
I've been listening to you for over 200.
Sundays now, you guys have been my tried and true dates.
So thank you for all.
Hey now.
The good times, the laughs, the memories, the inside jokes.
Like, I love you.
You bantas sick and that.
The reason why I'm calling today is because I need some advice is on, um, how you deal with long distance.
So my husband's currently in the military.
Oh.
He's stationed in Iwakuni, Japan.
He was supposed to come back this month, March 2026.
He's been out there since September 2025.
They've extended his deployment through July of this year.
So it's really hard, really frustrating and discouraging.
This is our first year of marriage.
So it's been challenging to say the least being apart all this time.
Chris, what are some ways that you and Kristen maintain your relationship while you're out on the road?
How do you deal with, you know, being sad and away from your loved one?
Kristen and your boys.
And then Matt, have you ever been in a long-distance relationship before?
How did it pan out?
And what did you do to keep, you know, your relationship alive and thriving and happy?
There is a 16-hour time difference, though.
So that makes it a little bit harder to communicate and stay in touch.
Chris, I'm going to see you in April in Tien Diego, California.
Nice.
So excited about that.
I'll be the loner lady in the back.
just because I was supposed to go with my husband
but you know, shit happens.
Anyways, love you guys.
Can't wait to hear from you.
Thanks.
Pretty issued.
I thought it stopped.
Oh, wow.
That was really nice.
Very sweet.
Kisses at the end.
Thank you.
She did it on her husband.
What if we were both like, oh my.
my god okay uh no that's weird you cheated um we don't want any part of that no she uh um that
that i i want to help because i'm on the road a lot away from my family but that that's a
whole is way different i mean it to me to to to me i think i've said this before on this podcast
but like it's remarkable how much face time helps
I haven't said that here?
Like,
Yes, of course.
You've talked about it.
Okay.
So I want that.
But that is like, you can't even,
it's a 16 hour time difference.
You fucking, it's 3 p.m.
And you're like, I want to FaceTime him.
But he's sleeping in a bunk bed.
Yeah.
Fucking at, you know, it's 2 a.m.
So like, so I don't know how to do that.
I mean, thank God.
16 hours is almost so much where you can find time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Almost.
day. Obviously, it's still hard. I'm not minimizing it. But I mean,
how do it, you always hear about women like cheating on the soldiers, you know,
like that's a thing. I'm not sure that's what she's doing. But like,
if you were, if I was, it is a, it is a, like, if I'm a soldier and I found that out,
it's like, man, I'm fucking doing shit for my country and then that happened. But almost like,
women can stay faithful. Yeah, they just fucking, I don't know, man. That's, that's, and it's,
and it's not the sex
it's the you want the intimacy you want the
you will I mean you're in love
if she has kids
your first year marriage you want to be
first year marriage maybe she doesn't but
you want to be with the person you just married
and you're not able to be
and then you're looking forward to
I mean this is the hard part if you knew
it was going to be September to July
you could steal yourself for that
yeah for that you can kind of
it's going to be hard and you know it
it's going to be a long time and you know it
but September to March that's like
that sounds very
doable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you hear suddenly out of the blue, oh, wait, we're going to be
another, what is that? Four months? Yeah, four months. I mean, that goes from six months to ten
months? I'm also, I'm also, that's a year. Yeah, but I'm also, uh, taking into account
that this isn't the only time he's going to be gone, right? I mean, it could be, but they,
they get stationed every, you know, sometimes. Yeah, but to extend his stay and then to not have,
let him come home would be fucked up. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want
to presume anything. But like to how to handle the long distance it's like honestly I would say
face time. I I the long distance relationships that I've been in started long distance and then when
the people well not the people when we would unite in one place that's when problems would start.
So obviously that's not what's going on with this woman and her husband. But what I would say is do everything
you can to not get used to long distance.
Because once you get used to long distance,
you get into a new kind of groove in life.
And then when the person comes back and you're reunited,
you have to ungrove yourself from that.
And then it's like, wait, there's this weird rupture.
I haven't seen you in so long.
I have this other.
I'm not saying don't live a life.
Obviously, you have to.
You have no choice.
And he would say the same, I'm sure.
But like, no, there's a way to know someone's coming back and that things will be back to what they were and to move forward every day, day by day, knowing that, as opposed to being like, okay, he's gone.
I got to like, I know I'm going to be underwater a bit.
I got to change things around.
I got to make it work.
I got to make a work this different way, this different way.
And then it comes back and your life is so different.
And it's like, wait, what are we?
You don't want to get into that.
So you're in this weird stasis, and that's the hard.
I think that's the hardest part.
Because, like, you, you want to keep room for him even though he's not there.
And that shit is, I don't want to say it's impossible.
And actually, I'm not just saying this because it seems like you guys are actually going to be fine with this, you know.
She's a good attitude.
Yeah, exactly.
So I don't know.
It's just, it's just, fucking hey, man, day by day is the only thing I can say.
That sucks.
Take it to you.
I think of like
shit that eats up your time
like I would just like
things that
like hobbies and stuff
and you know
your friends
but that's kind of trouble sometimes
you go out your friends all the time
you know
you don't go out with your friends
you see your friends
right right right yeah
um
there was a dude at the gym today
oh boy
bro
he was so tall
I mean
and dark and jack
just getting so sidetracked
and I go
Wow.
Gay.
Pure, simple, gay.
I'm just like this dude.
This dude, I was trying to imagine him making a dating profile.
Gay!
I mean, what do you mean?
Trying to imagine him making a dating profile.
Because I was thinking, this motherfucker gets to be like 6'6.
He gets to say 6'6.
You know?
He gets to post shirtless pictures on the Tinder profile or whatever.
And I'm just like, God, this guy, I hope he's crushing it out there.
Of course he is.
No, because some of those guys are like, I'm waiting for the right lady, you know?
That's not not crushing it, though.
Well, it's not taking advantage of it.
That depends on what you want.
Sure, I understand.
You know, some people are like, I'm waiting.
I don't want to fuck around.
Give into your carnal instincts is what I'm saying, if you're a single guy.
Maybe.
I mean, I did and I wouldn't say I'm happy I did.
What?
When I was single, the amount that I did give in.
It's not like I'm like, thank God I did that.
I'm just like, I don't fucking remember.
Same.
I don't fucking remember.
But I will say, I do feel like at least there's nothing that I missed out on, you know.
Well, I guess what it, the one thing it does definitely do is make you know.
Not curious.
You didn't fucking miss anything.
You know what I mean?
But also, for anyone wondering, you also didn't miss anything.
even if you think you miss something.
It's not...
Yeah.
It's just whatever.
Yeah.
It's pretty dope.
It's pretty dope.
You know?
I don't know.
I mean, we're different.
But, like, for me, a lot of it feels so empty,
and then you start thinking about yourself too much.
It can create a swirl of self-reflection that is not that healthy.
I just remember being like,
You two? Okay.
The band.
Bono?
She moves and mysterious.
Me in a hotel room alone jerking off.
You two?
It's all right.
It's all right.
It's all a burp.
You know, a burp.
I, yeah.
Yeah, I definitely, definitely, I don't like that.
I've done it that much.
But I remember doing it because of,
we're kind of off the subject here,
but doing it because of like, man, I don't,
my fear is to like want this always
and I don't want to want this always.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Back up. What?
My fear is, I need to do this enough,
basically a better way of saying it,
I need to do this to get out of my system.
Oh.
Which isn't really a thing.
No, it's not.
However, that's why it was confused, yeah.
However,
I'm 45 now and I'm way more chill in the sex department than I, than I was because of age,
you know, for me.
Yeah.
I mean, I, I mean, I certainly I am too.
Okay.
But that's been true of me for a long time now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
But not, no, no.
And I'm way younger than you.
So.
No.
Yeah, I just, uh, don't, I, I don't, I know, like, I don't wake up with hardons anymore.
I used it every single day
When did that stop?
Maybe a few years ago?
Interesting.
Yeah.
Does that stop with age?
I mean, I don't have, I've never, I've,
Isn't that autonomic though?
That's not because you're like turned on,
like it's a bottom.
Yeah, you know, I'm not turned on, yeah.
Right, yeah.
But you are horny.
Really?
When you wake up with a boner?
You go like, oh, that's kind of rocks.
Literally.
Yeah, but I don't associate.
Does anyone want to handle this?
You two Shammuz in my...
I don't associate my Norwegian wood with...
Norwegian wood, bro.
I don't associate my Norwegian wood with, like, sexual...
The new line from IKEA.
Yeah, I...
Yeah, I...
Yeah, why Norwegian?
It's a Gito song.
Oh, Norwegian Wood?
Yeah.
Is it about IKEA?
Yeah, it's about IKEA.
It's what IKEA was founded on.
There's arrows on the floor.
So
They still have hot dogs for some reason
Ikeya
Norwegian world
Yeah
Yeah yeah
But yeah
Yeah just like all their songs
So
Nah dude
Yeah it's like one of their songs
Yeah
Damn guy
Nah right time
Right place
They suck
So
So um
I mean
I mean right time right place for sure
But
Yeah
Right time right place
They all suck
At least John Lenin
It was the only good one
Okay thank you
Anyway
What the fuck out of here
Oh come on bro
Come on.
George Harrison and
I got my mindset on you.
Just screaming.
That song is pop.
That song is great.
See?
So what are you talking about?
But it's not imagine, bro.
It's better than imagine.
Imagine sucks, dude.
Oh, come on, bro.
You come on.
I love John Lennon, but imagine sucks my left nut.
That's crazy.
Dude, come on.
Imagine all the people fucking shut the fuck.
Melodically, in its simplicity,
in the meaning,
And the message, it's amazing.
As a song?
I might hate it because it's just the most.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So granted, there's that.
I'm not trying to listen to that, George Harrison.
I'm not trying to hate on John Lennon.
Remember when dad used to do the car dance to, got my mindset on you?
Oh, wow.
Dude, we would, our dad would do this car dance thing where he would drive around to this cassette.
The cassette, the cassette, in the first car he ever bought, and he would do a car dance where he would, to the beat, he would hit the break.
And we would just be like, oh, boom.
Oh, all the time to.
Got my mindset and just fucking love in life, dude.
Love and Love and Love.
It was the best.
That and the color of money soundtrack he would do it to.
Werewolves London, Mourn's Yvonne.
Remember that?
I remember he would also dance in the car.
While doing that?
I don't know.
Oh, I mean, yeah, he was doing anything.
But when I think about that, like, do you ever, like, I'm, I have two kids, and I,
it's the weirdest, weirdest feel.
It's up there with the weirdest feeling I've ever had.
And I get it quite a bit.
I'm with my kids and I feel,
I'm still me, of course,
but I feel like I'm also dad.
It's probably one of them,
talking like to me.
That's probably very common, I would imagine.
Whether it's common or not,
it is
it is the weirdest feeling
because it's
it's so real
like I know I'm not
obviously him but like
I see my hands and I
and I'm talking to my
you know
especially Calvin really looks like me
but like I'm talking to them
both of them and like I'm like
I'm like dude
I used to look at dad's hands in the car
when he was driving
and his veins
and I would always like
touch his
veins.
I'm like, stop touch my veins, you know?
But you have such a big vein.
And now, like, I have it.
And it's weird to see that, you know?
And, like, feel that and then be talking to my kids because I remember him doing it,
but I was in that situation, bro.
And I'm not saying this is anything new for a dad.
Like, I get dads feel this, but I can really sit with that moment for a while and
really like I guess feel it it's odd probably because you fucking love your dad so much yeah
you know yeah um probably uncomfortable for a lot of people who yeah maybe you know uh or probably
people who don't love their dad who are good dads who are like they feel such pride and not
being the shitty way like it goes so many yeah yeah yeah yeah you know i mean no i think about like
i saw a clip on instagram the other day that was like breaking down like
you feel insecure because your mom or your dad or this and that.
And I was like,
look,
I am insecure.
Like I say it on the podcast,
but like,
I'm like,
oh,
I don't feel that way about my mom or dad at all.
I don't feel like I needed that from them at all.
And I was like,
whatever the guy was saying.
And I was like,
why do I not feel like that?
Like that doesn't even sound like it's a true statement.
And I looked in the comments.
And the first comment was,
I don't feel like I need that.
And then under that,
the guy replied,
it's probably because you got what you needed as a kid.
And I'm like,
Oh, yeah. Interesting.
It could also be because you're a sociopath.
Yeah, it could be.
So you don't know.
Yeah, but I don't think I am.
A lot of sociopaths said.
No, I'm fucking around.
I don't, no, no.
But, yeah.
So, fucking.
All right, let's move on.
Come on.
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I actually just came from a dinner with my wife.
And we met some new people at this dinner.
And at the restaurant, we basically had 12 people sitting together.
Six on one side, which were chairs, and the other six was a booth.
Right?
So you have to like slide over to sit down.
Now, this is the first time meeting people.
And at the end of the night for me to get up, I was the last one.
And I had to slide all the way out of the booth.
You're fucked.
And long.
Like it was a long way.
It was like six people were sitting.
So I was the first one.
I couldn't just exit this way because it was a wall.
Oh, no.
So I had to slide the whole way.
How so bitch is that?
I mean, that very so bitch.
Let me know.
And there's no way that guy doesn't live in Glendale.
He is a S Armenian.
If he's not.
You think so?
Dude, I don't think so.
What do you think he is?
I mean, I don't have to think about it, but I don't get Armenian from him.
Oh, he's Armenian.
You think so?
Bro, I had to slide the whole way.
Think about that.
Think about that.
From jump, dog, I was all the way down.
I mean, if he's fucking said it like that.
I know, but the way.
You're not taking into account the subtlety of it, which is me exacerbating a little bit, making you laugh because you feel the truth in it.
That's what I felt the truth in what you said when you said it.
Oh, you did.
But you are good at persuasion as a lot of comedians are.
You know what I mean?
So, like, I don't, I'm sticking to my guns.
I don't, he should resubmit and let us know if he's Armenian.
You're telling me that that guy has never said something like, eh, don't touch my face.
I don't like that.
I don't.
I mean, that is the most Armenian thing to say.
say. Yeah. But I'm
gonna, I'm
when you resubmit, tell us if you've done that.
I'm, I'm gonna bet no.
I think he's like a
crazy, typical American blend of like eight things
is what I think. Nah.
His parents are like, he's 100% Armenian this guy.
Up there. Like one of his parents is Armenian though or not? Or both?
No, I think they're both Armenian. You think that guy's
100% Armenian? I think that he's up there.
Up there, you know, a politician.
Well, maybe, well, it's,
His mom is half Armenian.
Okay, so 75% at least.
Bro, with the percentages, I don't know.
He's up there, yeah.
But if mom's half Armenian, that's full Armenian, that's 75%.
Fine.
Okay, so you think he's at least 75% Armenian?
I think he's not.
I think he's...
Well, I'll say he's at least 50% Armenian.
There's no fucking way he's not.
There's no way he's not.
All right.
Well, let's have him resubmit and then we'll learn.
But what the fuck did he say?
Oh, yeah, the booth.
Yeah, no, there's no way to do that.
Sliding out, so, bitch?
There's no way to not to be...
So bitch and slide out of a booth that long.
Because you know why?
And I mean, I know we all know.
But if we're imagining it, we're all thinking the same thing.
Because you can't stand up.
Yeah.
I mean, you move the table forward.
But you also can't just slide your butt because that's, then you're just like,
whoa.
No, it's all.
So bitch.
Yeah, it's all bitch.
So, but then it's even worse when you half stand and just kind of scoot, scoot,
scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot,
six seats long.
You could lay down head first and army crawl.
I thought about that.
that's dope then you could do that in a way where you're fucking the shit yeah you could also swing
your legs up and just like kind of like run with your butt that's the most bitch yeah but i'm saying
if you're gonna commit to the bichness exactly yeah if you're in a situation where there's no choice
what to be bitch quickest route out is always best and you might as well get 10 out 10 yeah you know
sure yeah because you don't want to be being the bitch for like i'm not the bitch but being
for like 12 seconds if you can do it for five instead.
Right.
What you don't want is people to notice.
Right.
You know, so like, the most rapid route out is the best route when you have no choice
but to be sub bitch.
Yeah.
Yeah, I would agree.
Yeah.
It's crazy how much we agree with the bitch shit.
Yeah.
Well, we know.
Yeah, I know, but we always agree.
We're the founders.
We are the founders of it.
But it's crazy that we really do align.
There's never been like a mutiny sort of like.
Yeah, even on that one where the guy had us rank.
Yeah.
The ones we ended up in the same place.
Yeah.
Exact same place.
It's pretty interesting.
Yeah.
It's a real thing that we, I wouldn't even say, I would say it already existed.
It's just people didn't know about it.
And we figured out the language of it.
You know what it is?
It's like when there's a word in German that means something that is like, there's
no translatable version in English, but you're like, wait, there should be because that's a beautiful thing.
That's exactly.
We found that word.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
All right. Anyway, next. We're German.
Oh, it's Andrew Dice Badey. It's the guy who called about Badees. Don't worry. This isn't on the topic of bidetes anymore.
And I just remembered. I said swipes when using a toilet paper because I'm European.
I was raised in the U.S., but I still have my Balkanisms. I'm originally from Albania.
All right, with the fucking backstory.
Hey, guys, how many swipes do you take for two goats clean your asshole?
Mine is just the question wanting to know the origins of Berber.
First of all, Chris, the TMP community is still alive.
Berber?
We're on Reddit and we'll just post quotes from the podcast.
Wow, that's crazy.
And people know how to reply instantly with more quotes.
It's still funny to this day.
There are people, myself included, who fall asleep to your podcast.
Dick.
And Berber has been around since then.
Yeah.
And without bragging, I've had sex with over.
six women in my life and I'm 33.
Pretty good.
Anytime I've climaxed though, I have yet to go
do you do that?
What's that all about? Where does that come from?
There's some truth to Berber.
But it's not like I call.
Why are you doing that? You do that with every chick
in the past? I mean, he's especially weird if you do that with your life.
Anyway, Matt, you're hilarious.
your video on Instagram about Tom Brady and this guy interviewing him together being so insecure.
You're going to have to scroll down through the Maddelea archives on Instagram to find that.
That is so funny.
Hope you don't mind selfish.
Plug, not plug, job application.
I make music and I make art.
I can video edit, very text save.
This guy is.
One game, the system, jump the line and send a hail memory of a day of a day.
job application.
Don't want to live in Mish no more.
We already have a guy that does all this.
You want to get a job.
Want to come to L.A.
Wow, this guy knows really how to do it.
Fuck it.
Why not ask?
Yeah, I don't know.
That's my Hill Mary app.
The guy'll intern or whatever you guys need to do.
But also make it brief.
One last story.
This bitch made ass, bitch-ass dude I used to be friends with over a decade.
Charles Dickens wrote this fucking shit.
He saw I was always watching your videos and you're like, dude, why do you follow
that guy. I'm like, because he's funny and cracks me up. His podcast is hilarious. And he's like,
he's a creep. I was like, how? He said, well, some girl I knew at one of his shows in like Detroit
a Royal Oak said he was hitting her up and like, he got he got her number, but he was just trying
to get in her pants. Yeah, no doubt. And I said, so he was trying to get some puss? Yeah.
he's like well yeah yeah he's like
the insecure bitch who obviously a verge
yeah
anyway I love you guys thanks yeah that yes that is
most likely what I was doing I can't imagine I was doing anything else I can't
either uh and you do you know and you know so uh but all that aside
uh what the fuck was his question number one and number two oh TMP
dude, I mean, was that his question now?
Well, I don't know.
It wasn't really a question.
But I think that podcast is way bigger than anybody thinks.
I think that if we did it again, it would be the, I think it's the funniest podcast ever.
Like, it's so good.
We were all really good on it.
I don't know what it would take for us to do it again.
I don't know.
I don't know what it would take us to do again.
It really was.
We were going to do it again.
And then COVID happened.
and like everyone was just in their house for fucking so long
and then um and then i don't know i mean i haven't talked to will in a while
and brian's in austin brian lives in austin now brian lives in austin
brian i know you're fucking pussy come on no it's just i know
it was a mistake everybody's just fucking a lemming brian
dude fuck you man well that's rude what are you doing he just
thought it would be good.
A lot of people did.
It's not leave.
I know.
They learned the hard way.
Some people did, yeah.
Austin is not cool anymore.
It's not even weird anymore.
Keep Austin weird.
Well, that's done.
It sucks.
Leave too many mosquitoes.
Leave humidity fucking sucks.
Leave 6th Street.
You get your fucking neck sliced.
Don't be in Austin.
Be elsewhere.
Move to Texas.
Fine.
Texas is fucking great.
Beautiful state.
Don't move to Austin.
What the fuck?
Come on, everybody.
What are you doing, dude?
I'm sorry.
No.
Okay.
Please turn it.
But like, what the fuck, dude?
Like, Joe Rogan's like, I'm going to move to Austin.
So I was like, Austin, I'm going to fucking move to Austin.
Come on, dude.
What the fuck are you all doing, dude?
Austin is still the city of Austin.
Have you been there?
It sucks.
Everything's under a fucking highway or right next to one or right next to a fucking guy with his shirt off
who's about to stab you with a broken bottle in the fucking jugular, dude.
It's not fucking cool.
It is zero percent cool.
Austin fucking sucks.
And if you move to Austin now,
You're a fucking lemming, dude, just dropping right off the fucking cliff.
Dude, I'm sorry, dude.
This shit fucking chaps my ass.
Why?
It's so annoying, dude.
It's like, one motherfucker goes to Austin and it's like, I'm going to fucking move to Austin
because it's better there.
Fuck California.
Taxes.
And I get why he did.
I get why he did.
I'm not even talking about him.
No, I know you're not talking about him.
But it's like after one fucking big comedian, the biggest, I mean, you could say, goes.
Every other comedian is just like, I'm going to move to Austin too.
I'm going to move to Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin, Austin.
Austin sucks my dick, dude.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, hold on.
I get it.
I enjoy your passion about this.
I think it's silly that everyone's moved to Austin.
However, does it change your opinion at all that Joe Rogan, one of the biggest
comedians, moved there to open up a comedy club for a comedy community?
Does it change my wife?
Does that change your view on it at all?
Because it's not like they just followed him.
they got when because he was going to create an atmosphere for them has that working out for them
i would assume some of them it worked out really well for tony hiscliff you know uh but most of there's
too many people for most of them to work to to to for it to work out for but that's kind of how it is
everywhere right i'm not even saying i disagree with you it is really funny that i mean i think
tim dillon moved to austin and then was like what the fuck did i do and move back that there you go
And that's great that he, that's great that he did that and then thought, fuck this and move back.
Yeah, we got an honest one on our hands.
A lot of people try to fucking try to ring it out.
But, yeah, I don't know.
I've been to Austin, dude.
My first movie I made premiered in Austin.
I appreciate Austin.
Austin used to be fucking cool.
Yeah, it did.
A 15 years ago.
Yeah, a while ago.
And it wasn't cool to live in.
It was cool to go to.
Austin always sucked.
Everyone always smelled like fucking shit.
There is.
Everything fucking sucks.
The heat sucks.
The people on the street are going to stab you in the neck.
Everybody fucking knows this too.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm not telling anybody anything anybody doesn't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, Austin, I was never really a fan of Austin, honestly, until, like, late 2000, what, not the
odds, but the tens, I guess.
20 tens, yeah.
20 seconds. And then after COVID, it was just like, oh, you know, there was that when Joe Rogan moved,
it was cool because I was like, oh, let's see what happens to the comedy world. Sure, yeah.
Like, I mean, his club's killing too, right? Yeah, yeah, it's exciting and it's great. But,
um, you know, I didn't think of moving to Austin, but I didn't, I wasn't like, I wasn't like,
I wasn't like I would never move to Austin, but, well, sure, but, but, but now it's just, uh, I don't
No, it's just so funny that people move there.
I hear someone move to Austin.
I'm like, I don't know, yeah.
Come on, dude.
Come on, dude.
What is this fucking high school?
I mean, you might, I don't know.
I mean, you can move to Austin just like you can move to fucking.
I mean, the best place to go if you want to get good at comedy is New York.
If you want to get good at stand-up is the best place to go.
Yeah, but that's not obviously what Brian moved there.
I mean, look, New York, I said.
I know, no, I'm saying that's not, he didn't move to Austin to get better at comedy.
I don't really know.
why he moved to Austin, to be honest. I think he moved because...
Probably because he's working out the mothership all the time, right?
Yeah, but I don't know if that's why he moved, though. I don't think he would move for
just that. I think he moved because of a bunch of different reasons of moving pieces. Number one,
it's fucking way cheaper. Yeah. Number, which is great. Number two, I think Brendan wanted to,
and so they were going to take Fighter and the Kid there. Oh. So, okay. So I think Brian, you know...
And they do their show there now?
Yeah.
That is so weird.
I mean, then, I mean, that does make it make more sense for sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you know, doing a podcast.
Yeah, you go where the work is.
But, um.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, yeah, if, if that's where his work is predominantly, then.
But then you also go, oh, it's way quicker to get anywhere.
Because most of the gigs are on the fucking East Coast anyway.
Mm-hmm.
You know, it's like, uh, it makes sense.
Here's the thing.
To me.
I don't particularly love Austin, but it makes sense.
Austin sucks.
So if it was.
was where else would be better?
Oh, well, a lot of places.
There's a lot of places that are great.
Yeah.
I just think now the thing about a comedian moving to Austin is like,
now it's, well, now it's a kind of a joke.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I guess if there's a whole scene, is there a whole scene down there?
I don't know.
I don't think that's, I don't think you can.
I don't think you can.
You can do that.
I don't think one person can move to Austin and be like,
I'm going to create a scene.
Yeah, I think they can.
It will take a while as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just don't think that the ground will crack
and then suddenly the scene will open up.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean,
I know his club's obviously,
I'm sure it's killing.
But he's the biggest comedian in the fucking world.
Of course it is.
He could have opened up a club in fucking Minneapolis
in fucking Orlando.
It wouldn't matter.
His club would kill wherever it was.
Yeah.
So it's like, you know what I mean?
Like, not that I think anybody should work to Orlando.
But I don't like, but I'm like,
I don't like, like,
Nashville's cool, but like I'm not a,
guy who's like, people love Nashville. Yeah, people love Nashville. And I'm just like, I would never
want to live there. I think it's, it's fine, I guess, to visit. But I'm, um, when I have to go to
Nashville, I'm not like, fuck yeah, going to Nashville. Like I just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
maybe I'm weird, but whatever. Is this even interesting? But I just don't, uh, yeah, home is
either where you have to go because of work or where your people are. To me, unless you're some,
actual billionaire like fucking Joe Rogan
who could just be like, you know what,
I want to start a comedy club,
I'm not happy in LA,
I'm gonna do it in X city
and you go and you do it.
That's not the kind of thing I'm talking about.
No, I know.
What Joe Rogan did was baller.
Baller, yeah, 100%.
But I, yeah, I think the reasons to live places
are because of work or because that's where your people are
and that can be family, friends, whatever.
But like, I don't know.
Those are the only two reasons I would ever live anywhere.
And right now I live here because that's where my people are.
Yeah.
I'm not going to move just because like it's cheaper somewhere.
It sucks that LA's so expensive.
But like it also has things that are fucking unbelievable.
Oh yeah.
Well,
it's not exist anywhere else.
No, there are.
It's called weather.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
I know.
You know.
LA is just when,
when there are good days like that,
I'm like,
oh, okay.
It's worth it for this.
Yeah.
Because there'll be 45 days like that in a row.
It's just like,
it's going to be like 70, 80 degrees of the entire month of March.
Yeah.
Yeah.
February was like nothing.
Look at this.
LA City Alert, heat advisory, Thursday through Friday.
He may return to.
Well, that's funny.
There you go.
All right.
Well, that's the weather.
But appreciate you.
Come see me in Austin, by the way.
I'll be there,
Chrissley.com.
Sorry.
And Tacoma, St. Louis, and Pittsburgh,
Las Vegas.
I got a bunch of different dates coming up here, Denver.
Go to chrissy.com.
Thank you very much.
I've got three words.
Patreon.
Patrons and Patrions.
Got three words.
Oh, Tom Depot.
Ofom Depot.
Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything.
Like packing a spare stick.
I like to be prepared.
That's why I remember 988, Canada's Suicide Crisis Hubline.
It's good to know, just in case.
Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime.
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