Lifeline - 206. Shakey Airlines

Episode Date: April 5, 2026

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Yo, you should be in charge of it because I always have to do like this. You do it. Sit. I think you're supposed to do. I mean, you don't have to, a wizard. I did it right. Dude, I have a fit on today that I actually, like, thought about. Don't you always think I know what I'm about?

A little bit, but I worked out and I did, and I got everything done. And so I was like, let me just wear a fit, dude. You just have a T-shirt and jeans on, man. I know, but I have the, but it's a nice fit. The shirt is nice fit and then the jeans are real nice Oh look at those shoes though And the shoes are nice too

They they collabed with Adidas, politics collabed with Adidas on those And the politics sent me them And I shout out to them Because they're awesome, I love politics So it sounds so weird now Yeah, politics I don't love actual

There's a brand called politics? There's a brand called politics, yes I like the brand politics Nice I don't really care too much for normal politics because it's corrupt. Nice, dude. But yeah, so I feel good and I, and I, you know, when you put on an outfit that you feel feels good, you look better. Men's warehouse out.

Dude, and I'm not going to take peptides. I thought about it. What are those? I came up with that. I came up with that idea for me. I'm not going to take peptides. go back further. I thought about taking peptides.

Go back further. Mom and dad met Ithaca College. I thought about taking peptides because of recovery, and you're, you know, I'm 46 now, actually. And, yeah. Yeah, it was your,

it was the last episode was your birthday. Remember that? Oh, yeah. Did you even say, have a birthday on a birthday? Of course I did. Oh, okay. He did it on the group chat.

Yeah, you saw it. Evident, they saw it. They saw it. Good. No, I figure, I mean, you never have never not done it. So, but, um, was stewing all week. Was stewing all week? No, and it's cool. But I, uh, so I thought maybe I should take peptides because you hear so much about peptides and about how you can take them for different things like, like muscle growth, testosterone or a recovery or, you know, whatever. So I'm, I'm, I'm interested, I would be interested in taking it for recovery because the time that I take to recover can be less.

and I can, you know, go harder or something, I don't know. But I talked to my doctor about it, and we both agreed. I was like, dude, I actually feel great. For 46, I feel really, really good, actually. Not just for 46. I feel good physically. So he's like, so just don't take it. And I was like, yeah, you're right, dude, I'm not going to take it.

But seems like sound advice. I take creatine. Because the peptides, the government's going to start controlling peptides anyway, and, you know, we're screwed. What does that mean? Well, it's the Wild West for peptides right now. You can order them online just from China and, you know, different countries and, and get them. And it says, you know, there's so many disclaimers like not meant for human use and this and that, but there's been.

Not legal. Well, no, they are legal, but they're not, they haven't been tested for long enough. They're not regulated. But there's no, what do you call it? There's no side effects, really. There hasn't been. That we know of. Yeah.

That we know of, right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And 10 years, Andrew Huberman might be growing like a second head. No, I know. But, but what I'm saying is there's, there's been no side effects that we know of. So, so. Who takes them?

Like, what? I know. I mean, so many people who take them. First of all, everybody at my gym takes them. So, but I mean, like, you know, everybody started taking crateum and shit. Yeah, true. Yeah. I mean, I didn't do that.

And I didn't do peptides. So I probably won't. I like to, I'd wait it. I mean, I took creatine, I take creatine, but that's been 25 years coming here. What's that drink? Everybody was going, getting crazy on. For local? No, it was more recent than that.

The creatine with, or not creatine, what did you just said the thing? Craterm. Craterm and something else. CPD? Geez, I don't know. It's like, it's, it was like turning like kids. Kava. Yeah, dude, that was it.

What's the name of that? Well, actually, I don't want to blow it up and say the name of it. But there was a product, trauma product that was combining Kratum and Kava. and it was just on sale, like, at the front of 7-Elevens and gas stations. And anybody could buy it. It was, like, being sold like candy. And kids would be, like, coming back to the store, like, tweaked out. I remember.

Any more of this laughy-taffy-daffy, whatever it was called, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people were like, this is so messed up. But because so much of this stuff, it's technically not, it doesn't have to go through the FDA if it's, what, a supplement or something like that? I don't know. There's some weird rule. Well, what happens is if they're not regulating, like, those, those, like, pills,

those caffeine pills and like those like energy pills they don't regulate them and then when they do ban them they change like one of the chemical compounds and just release that and they're like now we can do it what's what about cratum though is that you can it's legitimately i think there's actual opioid stuff in it right isn't it like an actual i thought it was just a plant krav is a a plant for sure cratum definitely sounds like a uh a god yes doesn't it in superman yeah in like Oh, yeah. In Thor, in Thor or something.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I realized? I never saw the Christian Bales' Thor movie. I got to see that Thor movie because Christian Bail is so good. But also speaking of God, happy Easter, everybody.

Oh, yeah, happy Easter. It's our episode, Easter, episode. So far. It's episode Easter. It's Sterling K. Brown's birthday and also Farrell Williams. And I was just listening to Farrell Williams on the way over here.

He was in my passenger seat. But, no, he was in, he was on a song with I'm listening to the new clips album. They're so good. Shout out to Legends for sponsoring this show. Legends is a free to play social casino and sportsbook. Check it out at Legends.com. And also you can get tickets to my tour at Chrysleya.com.

But more importantly, my new hour is out to pin it here in the comments. And you can just go check it in the comments. It is my new hour. I'm calling it the B-side. It's very raw, but it's very good. I'm very proud of it. So go check it out. There's a comment and stuff. That's cool. I didn't even know that. Oh, yeah. That's news to me. Even me, man. I just don't, um, I don't know, man. I don't care about, you know, I made grow or die look real nice, or we made girl or die look real nice, put money into it.

Made money and I don't, you know, crazy. And I don't care. I don't, I don't know, man. I just, I put it on YouTube. What is the thing you're saying you don't care about? The aesthetic? You just want to, you want to drop it. Cool stuff, slick stuff, raw stuff. That's what you want? Right, Rick-style. I don't necessarily care about the aesthetic anymore. And maybe I will again, and maybe I'll shoot another one, but I just don't. You know why I like that? Why?

Because everybody, for a while now, it's like every special, every hour, every comedian is like trying to make it a thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so annoying, dude. Just like, do it, do, be a stand-up comedian, just get on stage and do your act and people will laugh. You don't need, like, a hook or a specific kind of gimmick. like so many comedians from the best to the worst.

Do you have done that? I've done it. I've done it. Not really. What? You haven't done that? Oh, you're talking about a specific gimmick.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I haven't done it. Like in a room. I thought you meant like an intro or something. No, no, like in a room alone or like, you know, black and white or whatever. Right, right, right, not taking shots. I'm just saying.

No, I haven't done that. Well, Bill Byrd did the black and white one. Yeah, okay. And they didn't, the Netflix didn't want to do it, but he was like, no, I want to do it anyway. And I think that, I think less people watched it because it was black and white. I believe that. Yeah, I mean, I think he's great comedian,

but yeah. Yeah, obviously he's the king, though. He can do what he wants. Yeah. So I wasn't talking about him. No, just to be clear. That's fine. No, I just want the world to know.

Well, other people have done it black and white, right? Exactly, yeah. But anyway. Also, subscribe to our Patreon, patreon. Patreon.com slash Lifeline luxury. Subscribe to this channel. Coco channel and subscribe to my Patreon

Patreon.com slash Matt DeLeo. We do it live two times a week at least three hours. What? Look what I'm doing. At least two times a week. What? What? What? What? What? What are you doing? What are you doing? Noriega sucking on helium. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. I'm drinking. I never drink Coke zero.

Well, I never drink Coke. I'm drinking Coke zero. This is probably like my... I had one. I had some in Australia. You're acting like a crackhead. The way you started talking about. So I had some in Australia because my tour manager had it in Australia. And I was like, let me have one, you know. And then I was like, I guess I could start drinking.

I didn't start drinking it. But then there were no more club sodas left because you took the last one like an asshole. I did. And then so what I did was I took a Coke zero. But you weren't even here yet. So I took it and I wasn't even stealing it from you or thinking maybe he wants it. You weren't here yet. I know.

I won't drink the whole thing. I hate Coke Zero. I love Home Depot. I hate Co Zero. I don't like, I like, well, look, Coke is great. Coke Zero is good. Really?

Diet Coke is absolutely terrible. I just hate it. I couldn't agree more, but I feel like Coke Zero is closer to diet than regular. It's closer to regular than diet, I think. Really? I think. I think.

Diet is like, Alvama. No, diet is weird. It's a whole different taste. People get addicted to it? I know. Like, I've dated groceries to drink like three a damn. I'm just like, what are you? That's a terrible taste.

Yeah. Shalb just drinks Diet Coke and coffee. He doesn't even drink water. Like he... Oh, that's terrible. Yeah, he goes, I don't drink water. That's terrible. He's going to die.

Yeah. So... I don't drink water, you know? I mean, there's water and coffee. I guess he drinks there. Remember when Uncle Vinny went, said, water? No. Was he...

Water? No. No, that's what the joke was. But he... Because he was saying, we were talking about diets and losing weight. And he said, I used to drink. Coca-Cola. You know how he talks.

I used to drink. And then he said, ask me what I drink now. Wow, that was good. That was a really good impression. Yeah. Ask me what I drink now. I said, what do you drink now?

He goes like this. Water. And I said, anything else? And he says, water. E40. Wow. That's very Uncle Vinny. That's so Uncle Vinny.

And, you know, we saw them recently and it was very fun. Actually, they came over for dinner. him Richard and him Uncle Richard and Evan our cousin and Calvin kept calling him the four Pop Pops. So did I tell you that? A 50s crooning group. Yeah, that's what I thought of two. It's so weird we think of the same shit, dude.

Well, that is weird. Yeah, the Pop Pops. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Pop Pops. Water, water, water, water. And so, yeah, ask me what, ask me what, I drink, water. So, it's interesting. because two of them look just like dad, which is his pop pop, right?

That would make three. Evan looks nothing like him. Right, I know, but if you, it's the thing where it's like if you, well, no, hold on. Uncle Vinny and Uncle Richard are obviously dad's brother. Yeah, yeah. And then Evan, you're saying.

Yeah. Right. But with them and dad, you'd say the four pop pops. Absolutely if you're six, yes. No, no, you would do it even you. You'd be like, oh, dude, look, it's the same guy four times.

We would do it. Okay, okay, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I want it all. I think it's a smart thing. I think it's a smart thing Calvin did regardless. Yeah, yeah, yeah, relax.

All right. Lost your mind. Huh? Lost your mind. Bro. Okay. I'm going to Cincinnati this weekend. Crazy guy.

And I don't want to. Yes, dude. Dude, you're never not going somewhere. Cincinnati and Columbus. And here's the thing. I went to Tacoma last weekend. And it was nice, dude. I went to a gym that was like nobody was in there.

It was just so cool, bro. The coffee in Tacoma is fantastic, man. Shut the fuck up, dude. Why? The coffee in Tacoma is fantastic. Why? Why? Why?

Why? Shut up, dude. But why? That's such a cool thing to say. All right, fine, fine. All right, you know what? I back off. I back off.

Dude, not even because of the gun. Okay? You didn't even have to pull the gun on me. All right. All right. So. So annoying. So annoying.

So annoying. so so maco sent me a coffee what a world we live in you know what i mean he sent me a coffee for his birthday what for my birthday uber some guy picked it up and brought it to the lobby in my hotel room and i drank it and let me tell you something dude and i told you this i told you this already but i'm going to tell you this on on the thing you're going to tell the world i'm going to tell the world uh that coffee was fantastic man and it was just a cold brew dude it cost me fucking $20 to do that. The whole thing.

Yeah, the whole thing. Pissed. But. Wants credit. No, but, you know, I thought for your birthday. No, it's very nice. 20 Liberty coins. It made me feel, it made me feel very, it caused me $20.

I paid with Liberty coins, but it made me feel very good. And it was great. And I did not, you don't expect, first of all, you just get coffee at a random place. You don't expect it to be great. Okay. Right? Would you agree? Yeah, of course.

Also, if it's being delivered, you definitely don't. expect if it's a cold brew almost especially. Oh yes a cold drink even more. Bro it was great. It was great. Gravity coffee. Did you see the video that it sent with it? Uh-uh. Oh, you did it? Coffee comes with a video? No, well, when you send a gift on. Oh, yeah, right. Then there was a video. You didn't see it? No, I watch it later. You attached to one of yourself? Yeah. Saying happy birthday? No, no. It's like, is this a gift? You say, yeah. It's like, do you want to record a video with your gift? Oh, so you did record a video of you? Yeah, I sent a video. Yes. He said, no, but he said, yeah. I asked a very explicit specific question and you said no even though you meant yes oh yeah okay got gotcha gotcha got you got interesting i'll look at it interesting that he said no when it was i find it

yeah yeah said the exact opposite i just think that that's i wonder what you said freaking crazy what do you say i wonder what you said or what what what i heard yeah well me too me too actually I wonder what you said Is the most Like It's actually the most Gonna kick your ass thing on the planet The inception of

Okay so now I have to kill Matt Yeah right yeah yeah What are you said Goes back and watches it later tonight Yeah yeah yeah Oh my guys like the laces out thing For fucking Damarino and Antsittura Yeah keeps going 10 seconds back 10 seconds back

Zooming in his face Like night crawler Oh Stupid movie dude What's Nightcrawler This is a Jake Jellon Hall movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like it?

Oh, yeah, I loved it. Yeah, I loved it. Did you? I like it, yeah. Yeah. He's good. He does the wrong stuff now. Who?

Jake. Like what? Roadhouse and Roadhouse, too. Oh, yeah, but honestly, you can make $20 million just like, why not, you know? Or fucking 10? I don't know how much he'd make. Yeah, but how many movies can he do that he can make that money on a lot, right?

Yeah, okay, maybe. Maybe, I don't know. Shit. I don't know. Whatever. We're here in Lifeline and let's take some submissions, but this is a beautiful thing. Hello again. My question this week is about worlds colliding.

So specifically I'm talking about when different groups of friends of mine are all hanging out in the same space and I'm the common denominator. I hate it. Not because I don't want them to be friends with each other. I'm possessive of them in any way, of course. They're allowed to be friends with each other and hang out whenever they want. I just don't want to be there. I get it. I don't know why, but it freaks me out when, like, different groups all come together.

My question for you is, do we think this is healthy? Do we think this is sustainable? I think it's getting harder as I get older, and also I'm getting weirder about it. The other week, someone asked, they were like, hey, you should invite so-and-so from, like, a different group to come out with us this weekend. And I go, oh, and like, no, they can't come. They're busy. But I fully didn't ask. I did not know if they were busy or not.

I just couldn't imagine those two groups. groups hanging out at the same time. What's on you? So yeah, what do you think about that? Well, wait, but before I go, Chris, my brother and I saw not Jacob Allerdy, different brother. I have four brothers and not even one of them is Jacob All right, if you can believe it. We saw you on tour recently and you did such a good job. Your set is remarkable.

Filled the room with mirth. And I really liked your white, silky top. You old funky. Oh, funky. Bunky must have been in Austin. That's Jenny Allorty. So thank you.

And tell the Allorties, I say hi, because you're part of that family, obviously, because of the face you have, is the same one that Jacob Allorty has. And that's a good thing for a woman because he is a very pretty man. So don't take that the wrong way. You look great.

He looks great. And you guys are brother and sister, and that's fine. But, yeah, I often, I totally agree with you. It's on you. if you invite two people that you're friends with and two other people that you're friends with and they don't know each other it's tough to not feel like this is on you even though you you

don't have to feel that way you're just introducing people who cares but it makes me always feel a certain thing and it is a little bit stressful that is weird to me to hear you say that because you do that a lot oh all the time yeah i i i pretty much never ever ever do that and the reason is is because I feel, as I'm sure she's getting at, some kind of responsibility to make sure everything goes smoothly. And because you know them one way, what it is for me is like I get concerned

that they know one version of me, they know a different version of me. And then I'm like, wait, I feel like a little bit, like I don't know who to be. Not like I'm presenting all these different versions of me, but naturally among different groups, you act a little bit different. You're not British?

And it goes, so it goes both ways for me. It's just a like a mind fuck. I can't, I can't do it. Can't do it. I am 100% real no matter who I'm talking to, bro. What you see is what you get. I'm raw. But when I have people,

uh, I actually think, I think the reason why I always do it is because I, I felt stressed out doing it and I overcame it. Uh, where are my gloves? Come on. heat any day now. Winter is hard, but your groceries don't have to be. This winter, stay warm.

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Say something about that. I just think that maybe you are, not to be you. This is so you. It's going to be so you. No, no, no, no, it's not. It's going to be so you. I think that you thought of that after the fact, after you got used to it, instead of thinking, I'm going to do it to stress test myself and get used to it.

I think you got used to it. Yes, yes. That is what happened. Oh, okay. And there you go. That's why I'm right a lot when I say that kind of stuff. Oh, interesting. You flipped it back around.

See how I did it? Yeah, you fit the background. That was fantastic, dude. Fantastic storytelling by me. Okay. I played a huge part in it. But I orchestrated the whole thing. I was like a puppet master.

But so, yeah, anyway, tasted good, something good. So we, yeah, I, I am, what it is more than that, though, is I, I kind of get off on doing something that is hard for me. And then, but, but a little after the fact, I start being like, oh, I'm actually kind of, I can see how I can get good at this. then I start being like, let's do this. Eat a pizza. No, I'm just thinking, my version of that is like,

I really don't want to go to some kind of social engagement, but I know that even if I have a bad time on the way back or when I get home, I'll feel happy that I went. Oh, really? Yeah, dude. Even if you've a bad time? Yep.

Because ultimately, I feel like that was a net good for me. Right. Obviously, unless I get mugged. You know what I mean? Something like that. Yeah. I just get fucked in the ass. Yeah, right.

unauthorized butt fuck, then that would be bad. Robot. Gay bot, Gay bot,000. Unauthorized butt fuck. Unauthorized butt fuck. This is a no but fuck zone. Uh-oh, uh-oh, oh, oh, out. Ouch, out. But yeah, barring that.

Yeah. I generally am happy that I did it, yeah. Mm. I ate a pizza. Ha, ha, ha, dude. Remember that fucking out of baby eats a boy of course I think oh wow I haven't thought about that I have in fact I say it all the time I know but I haven't thought about it in so long have you said it in a

long time I say it I mean I'm still yes I haven't I've heard you say it in a long time dude I think about it and still say it I think about it all the time that's a really good commercial honestly yeah do you remember what it was for for call it was it was for ATT long distance something like because it's for collect calls no it wasn't for collect calls it was for phone service phone service because they say calling, calling it, collect is expensive. So he say, leave your name at the toy. It says, Atababy, it's a boy. Bob Otababy eats a boy. That's what it was. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. All right. It's for Geico. Geico. Somehow. Maybe probably, you know, doing this as expensive. Geico is cheap, save you money. Pre-pre-Gecko. Pre-gecko,

pre-Gecko spokesperson Geico? Nice. That, that, yeah, it was about saving money. That's why he was doing that. I thought it was about phones. Interesting. Ida baby eats a boy. It was Guyco. I totally remember that. Okay. I don't remember that at all, but I believe it. I would have guessed like AT&T. What, Marco? I would have guessed AT&T or something. Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought. Isn't that weird, huh? Oh, so mad. That's great. My play tricks on us. And we own our minds, but they play tricks on us. So that's interesting. And we're supposed to not believe in the Matrix. Uh, all right, cool. Yeah. Trying to start an argument with me. Okay, let's do it one. All right, taking a quick break to tell you guys about

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A Batman, bad guy. Love congratulations. Life rips. I love the show. Keep on rocking it. A Batman villain. I'm a bit of a social butterfly, but I've been on my Dello lately, you know. Kind of got out of my whole phase.

I've been, like, celibate for, like, almost a year. Whoa. And I've, like, you can see, like, I probably don't shave enough. Still got the unibrow because I'm a Jew, Jewish blow, you know what I'm saying? But, like, should I care more about these things? Like, I don't, it personally doesn't really affect me. I don't really care. But, like, should I be dating at this point in my age?

Should I try to get more experience? experience like i've slept with like 20 women like not to brag but just be like you know what mean like 20 women he said gone from that to like sell a bit and 20 women he said 20 women just giving up on trying to find relationships a lot for a 22 year oh when i was 22 i just don't know if it's important for me to be like a social butterfly you know i think as an antisocial extrovert or if i can just be like chilling on my delo and i'll turn out fine because i you know i want i want to make music I want to learn stuff. You don't want to be creative,

but I also don't want to be, like, totally a crazy person. So, yeah. No, you're 22, dude. Yeah. There's no answer because you're 22. You're a baby. Your prefrontal cortex isn't even close to being done cooking.

I don't do that, but yeah. Shut the fuck up. And, um, uh, the worst brother. No, like, like, my point is like you're, you're, you're still cooking, dude.

Like, do whatever you want. You are a baby enjoy it. Like, you've, You say you've already done sewn oats, then like definitely even more the answer is just do whatever you're doing. If you don't care how you look, care about your appearance out in the world,

then don't do anything about it. Like it's as simple as that. If you don't care, you don't need to present in a way that makes it appear that you care. Yeah. But that signals to me that you do care, so now I'm confused. Yeah. Well, there is a difference between though caring and thinking,

is there something wrong with me that I don't care? Like it seems like he's saying, I don't want to date and it doesn't matter to me, but is that wrong? Because people are doing it and people are saying I should do it. That's different than caring. Okay, well, let me put that to bed then. No, you don't have to worry about that.

I would even say that to a 32-year-old, frankly, but like, or anybody. Like, if you don't feel like doing something, don't do it because it seems like maybe the world expects that of you. I mean, that's easier. way easier said than done, but I think that's just... Kind of, yeah. You know?

I don't think it's way easier said than done. It's maybe a little easier said than done. Dude, I think for a lot of people, that's really hard to just be like, I know who I am and what I want to do. The world is pressuring me to do a thing, this person or this group of people that pressure me to do a certain thing, but I'm still going to stay the way I want to...

I mean, that's not easy. That's like hard for most people. Yeah, okay. But anyway. But not when it comes to not doing something. only when it comes to doing something. Fuck. That was, what I'm saying is cool.

Okay. But I don't agree. Well, you will. Yeah, no, I, I, um, not, dude. Do whatever you're doing. Keep the unibrow. You also doesn't have any facial. No, I know.

I didn't see a unibrow. You were just wearing a guy. You looked like Bain when the video started. That was my first concern. But once you lifted the camera. Oh, is that why I said Batman villain? Oh, yeah, probably. I didn't even think about that.

I didn't need that. But yeah, dude, you're chilling, dude. You're chilling, bro. Just be chilling. Yeah, just be chilling. Make your music. When you want to date again, you'll date again. You're 22, dude.

Yeah. Stop pissing me off. I always think... 22! The saying that youth is... Wasted on the young, yeah. I always think about that. It's true.

Did I think about when you were like 23, the problems you had? and how like big they seemed and now you think back and you're like oh my god obviously it's all relative you can't change it everything's gonna always seem like a big problem

because they still seem big I should have fucking gotten those jobs I'm saying like I auditioned and stuff for lots of stuff and didn't get stuff and I should have Sidaper wow I mean I only vaguely remember

what I was concerned with in my I mean, my career, but like, I don't remember the specifics, really. I think all my problems were right-sized, and I still think that's fucked up that happened. And I will not, I will not get over it. Oh, that's bad. You know, you're saying how that's a good thing. That's bad. You should move on, you know?

No, I know. Yeah. It is funny, though. It is funny, though, because I, well, you start thinking about that when you have kids, you know, because Calvin and Billy are like, oh. The fake muffins won't fit into the fake kitchen. Right, yeah. And you're like, oh, that doesn't matter.

Yeah, but it does. Right? To them, it really does. And then your first love and then, you know, that doesn't matter. And then you don't get those jobs and you get pissed off. You hold it in every right. No, but it's just like, that's what I try to remind myself that now.

Like, oh, no, this seems bad, but it's. That's kind of what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. The older you get, the more. you realize it's always going to be something that seems like the end of the world. And it really truly is never the end of the world. Except when the world is ending.

And you go like this, oh yeah, mind? Okay. No, I don't care then. Then I don't care then. And you say maybe it is the end of the world, but maybe the end of the world is not the end of the world. Maybe the end of the world just seems like the end of the world.

And then you wake up in another world and they go, psych. You were just plugged in. That was a fake world. This is the real world. So even the end of the world wasn't the end of the world. In a college dorm, I'm getting high for the first time.

Just took his first bong rip, you know? But you know what I mean, though, man? You never know. Maybe it's never the end of the world. Never the end of the world. Jay, da-na-da-l-l-ling-new, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no. Never the end of the world. What's interesting is I knew something you were going to do was going to be way too loud.

Right. And I was right. It was just at the very end, though. never the end of the world James Bond starring Idris Elba and a new chick probably Have they announced the new James Bond? No

Mm-mm-mm They gotta get on that, huh? Yeah, I wonder who it's I don't know Harris Dickinson or whatever his name is Is that his name? Harry Dick. I mean, Harry, Harris,

it's Harris Dickinson. Dickinson, right? That's the guy from he's in that movie with Nicole Kim in. Yeah, yeah, that's why I think he's going to be too.

Yeah. I thought it was going to be Callum Turner. Oh, wait. Well, the guy... Is that who I think it's going to be? Harris Dickinson's playing...

Is it Lennon or McCartney? He's playing one of the Beatles in... Lenin. New Beatles movies. Oh. He's going to be a huge star. One of them... I know.

That's the guy I thought it was going to be. That's who you think it's going to be. Yeah. I think it's going to be Harris Dickinson. Who's that? I'll go to him. Oh, yeah. I don't even know that guy.

But he... Wow, that would be interesting because to me he doesn't look like a bond. Which beetle... Is he playing Paul? John Lennon. Oh, he's playing John Lennon. Wow.

That's going to be, I'm sorry, I love, you hate the business. I like the Beatles. It's going to be so annoying when those movies come out. Oh, dude. It's going to be the most annoying year in history. Oh, my God, dude. It's going to be the most annoying year in history is right. Hold on.

There's four movies, right? Yeah. And then what is the rollout? I thought it was one a year for four years straight. There's four movies? Yes, one about each of them. Oh, it's going to be, annoying four decades, four years? No, it's one.

year. They're all coming out in one year. What? Yes. I thought they were going to do one a year. They're all coming out in relatively quick succession. That's going to be the worst year in our history. I know that. And I think they're making them already now. How are they making that? Okay. April 2020. Really look like the Beatles. A four film cinematic. They all look like the Beatles.

A four film cinematic event. But look at the fucking even John or Paul. on the right and he doesn't even have anything to him he looks just like him. I mean, everyone else got their facial hair and they think, but even Paul, they fucking clean him up nice. It looks just like fucking Paul. Who's playing Paul.

Oh, Paul Mascar's playing Paul McCartney. I don't even know who Joseph Quinn is. Honestly, I mean, whatever. I can't see any of those. No, I won't see those. I wouldn't even see the Michael Jackson movie. Well, that looks genuinely terrible. Yeah, but so will these.

Well, it's Sam Mendez, but... But Antonin Fukuah did the Michael one. He's great, but the movie's going to suck. Barry Keogin looks just like Ringo's Star. That's so weird. Antofulco did what? The Michael movie. Oh, wow.

But it's going to suck. All these biopic, like, from the boomer era shit, I mean, Michael's later, I guess, but like, I can't believe how many are going to, how many have to be made before they stop. I think this is the end. They'll never stop. No, no, they'll never stop because, I mean, I don't know. But there's no. I'll see it. I'll see Michael and I'll see all of these.

I'll see Michael and I'll see Paul and Ringo, but I will not see John and I will not see George. Who's? George. I would see George. I got my mind said it. It's a fucking 20-minute movie. What are you going to say to that?

George. Who's seeing Ringo over any of the other ones, you know? Yeah. Wait, hold on. If you're going to see one, you've got to see four. That's the problem. That is the problem with the four movie thing. It's not that it's just about the person, though, right?

They're going to. There's over a lot. It's centered around. It's all different decades of the Beatles. Exactly. But each one is centered around one beetle. Yes. Yeah, dude.

And I would see the Ringo. If I was going to see one, I'd see the Ringo one. Really? Being honest, yeah. If I had to see only one, I would watch the George one. Wow. That's probably the one people would watch the least. Well, what I honestly think is people are going to see,

they're all going to be evenly watched because if you're going to watch one, you're going to watch for it. Maybe. I think John will probably be the one that might get with the most. Yeah, like that'll get Oscars or five or 10% more viewers. Yeah, probably. to be nominated and shit. Probably.

Stupid cock suckers. You know what I mean? Dumb fucks. You know? Yeah, dude. John always got the most outsized extra support or fandom, right? Well, yeah, because he was the fucking, he wrote most of the shit, right? Paul and wrote everything.

Let's not forget he was assassinated. Yeah, yeah. He was also. Oh, that's why. Kind of makes a legacy a little bit different. Yeah, true. But he also, like, lost his mind with the whole Yoko thing. Like, he's the most interesting arc of all of them.

Palmer Carton is still alive making the shittiest music on the planet fucking earth for the last 21 years. Yeah. I remember freedom. Bro? Nothing worse. He might as well have made a fucking song called toast. That would have been better. What do you mean?

It would have been just, it's like, toast. I like it a little bit burnt. This is a good song. I like that one. That would be way better. It's better than 10. You know he says toast 38 times in that song? I mean, dude, it's un-

I mean, I agree. Not just bread and butter. Toast! Nice. I mean, rocks kind of. I guess so. You should get into rock. You should get into rock.

You know, just simple rock songs, but. That's like, that was somehow metaphorical. What, how so? Call him, ma'am. He said it's not just bread and butter. That's not metaphorical. That's quite, quite, literal. Well, it could mean something about money or...

I'm an artist. I'm an artist. Getting paid. I'm an artist. I mean, taking it so far, you know? Really reading into it. Getting high in a college for the first time. In the same dorm room. All right. Yeah, so just hotbox. Just hotbox. I made him hotboxing in in fucking 1999. Okay. When I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice. I want to help my kids. And I want to give back to the community.

Ooh. Then it's the vacation of a life time. time. I wonder if my head of office has a forever setting. An IG Private Wealth Advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IG Private Wealth.com. Chris and Matt, pardon my robe and my hood. I'm just comforting myself because of the day that I've had, which leads me to what I'm wanting to tell you. And I was listening to Chris's podcast and he was discussing how dangerous and scary Austin is. And I want to tell you the reason

I'm like this right now and I'm shaking is because I had to spend a day driving around surviving in Austin. And I just want to let you know the quality of my life has greatly deteriorated because of how unsafe I feel. I hear gunshots outside of my apartment all the time. And I just lay down next to my bed with my cats and I hope for the best. And I feel like I'm constantly in a fight or flight. And when I come home from doing anything, I'm so exhausted, I can hardly take care of my responsibilities. And I'm trying desperately to become a physicist.

And the work is very demanding. And I can't put in the work that I need to because I'm constantly hiding from bullets all the time. I mean, what is it? Judgment? Hiding from bullets. You know that you're right. Austin fucking sucks.

Okay. So I arrested my case about Austin from a couple weeks ago. I made my case then and I needn't say more. Austin, I'm not going to get back into it. People got mad at me for that. Yeah. But she lives there. She's living proof that it's true.

Because she's saying it, reporting it from the front lines. Yeah, she's there. But also, she seems a little bit crazy and she's in Austin. Well, a lot of people in Austin are crazy. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. But that only further is my point. But that's a different point than what you made.

She's on the front lines reporting that Austin is wild. And I'm saying also she's in Austin and she seems a little bit crazy. Okay, well, I'm not going to say anything bad about her. I'm not saying, well, we're all a little bit crazy, right? But she, she, but at the end, you know, you get to the point where you go, oh, well, maybe, maybe. She said she's hiding from bullets. She was having fun with it. Okay, okay, fine, fine, fine.

If you say you're hiding from bullets, though, I start to think. I'm a physicist and I'm hiding from bullets. I start thinking you're a little crazy. Sure. in a robe because, you know what I mean? I'm just saying. She may be... At a really high angle, too.

She seems great. But I, you know, I'm just saying. Austin, I went. What was her question? She would talk about Austin because we were talking about, or I was talking about Austin. I had the whole rant on my thing. I know. Oh, you went recently after, right after that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I said that after. I talked about it, how great, how wild it is. Oh, did that actually play out? I didn't know that. No, it was, it was, I, I, she... I mean, as a woman, living in Austin is it's that's crazy to me just walking around it's that bad now it's

I remember it being horrendous it's I haven't been in a while what I saw in my experience was worse than what you see on Hollywood Boulevard and stuff fucking hands down there's 50 cops in any way any way you look and they need to be there right and then there's like people that are just like fucking so crazy that are walking around and I guess it's sad but you know you're scared so sure yeah yeah it's it's fucking crazy bro Austin there are great parts of Austin like I mean there are like the outskirts and the and where I stayed I stayed on a place called Congress Avenue and it was fucking awesome but downtown Austin is wild bro yeah it's not for me mate Yeah, I mean, we know it's not for me.

Anyway, be a physicist somewhere else. Go somewhere else and be a physicist. Enough people are moving into Austin. There's room for you to move out. They're making room for you elsewhere, wherever they're moving from. So go there. But what was her question?

There was no question. It was just an observation. Yeah. Okay, yeah. She was confirming that Austin is wild. And we knew that. And now, that's not to say that, like, look, you know, I had a great time performing in Austin.

It was great. I mean, I had a great time at South by Southwest in Austin. Austin, but I was, you know, I don't want to live there. Yeah, it's when you have to walk someplace to another place is when you're like, I don't know about this Austin. And I'm like fantastic fest. There's a bunch of cool stuff happening in Austin, but it's like living there. Yeah. I don't want to, I don't want to retread, but yeah, we know how I feel about that. Well, it's like, remember the thing, keep Austin weird? That was what I was, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. But anyway, it's beyond that now.

Yeah, exactly. You did it. Yeah. And now it's... You kept it weird and now it's fallen into something else. Yes, exactly. Kept it weird for a long time. Yeah, well, whatever.

We got fucking... But anyway. Project Weird has failed in Austin. Project Weird has failed in Austin. Yeah. Nah, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ha. Hello, cowboy. Running away.

Got it. All right. And cut. Cool. See you tomorrow. So, I've been a career service. since I was 19. I'm 32 now.

And I'm just like at this point in my life or I'm like, I don't want to serve for the rest of my life. What do I do? Like where, how can I transfer the skills that I've gained as a career server? Cool news. Of, I don't know,

16 years at this point. Well, how can I transfer those skills to a career that's not serving? And I'm thinking real estate, I feel like that's the easiest. like jump but I don't know do you guys have any other like careers that you think would transfer well with the skills that I have I'm so out of loss I feel like I'm not good at anything other than like handing people their food and awkwardly asking them if it tastes good while they're like

mid bite I don't know if you have any insight that would be great if not whatever I'm just so glad that I got on your show and I love you guys cute Love you too Only Come back to Fresno Maybe Presno's pretty But look

I know you know what I'm saying I I think the only The thing that jumps out as the problem For me is You said you feel like you're only good at that And that's where everything is going to be so hard in a battle uphill

I just you're good at other things What are those things ask fucking Claude about it. Or ask yourself. Yeah. Or Claude. You work too. Right. You work. But sometimes you will like think something that's not true and Claude will be like actually. No, Claude will be like you can be a fucking astronaut. Don't ask Claude. Don't ask Chad CPD.

Ask you. All right. Well, I think maybe what you can do is, you know, if you couch it a little bit to Claude in the right way, where if you say, Sure, right. Hey, I'm not going to be a fucking astronaut. I was a career server. I feel like I'm not good at anything else. But don't outsource what she's asking you to Claude. This is the worst show of all time officially. No, you don't do it to Clair. You literally submitted a question.

Asked you, you said, ask Claude. The worst fucking podcast on the planet Earth. It's a suggestion is a good suggestion if that's what I suggested. But that's not what I'm suggesting. I take it back. Okay, go ahead. Use the one we use. Apt.

Okay. That's the one for that. Oh, actually, that's what it's for. Yes, it's for that. Jesus, Christ, it's... I mean, you know. Ask app, they're awesome at that shit. But beyond that,

figure out what you... I mean, realtor is... That's what all... That's what everyone does. It must be easy, but... It's not easy. Well, no, no. I'm not saying it's easy.

It's just very doable. Yes, there's a path to it for anyone. Yeah, there's a path to it, right? So, so... The thing of... about real estate is, I think there are too many real estate agents in the market. I don't know where you are, but I just feel like that's, it's like, you know, what house are you going to sell if everyone's already fucking selling a minute?

If the market's bad, which it is where I am, so yeah, I don't know. I mean, if the market's bad, where you are, the market's bad everywhere, and the market is bad everywhere right now. But that being said, if you started on your path to being a real estate agent now, It's not like you're going to become one tomorrow, even in four months. It's going to take you a minute. So by the time that happens, the market is likely to be at least better. And the market always comes back.

I mean, real estate is the reason people... It's been two years. The thing people say about real estate is like the one thing that actually will never go. It's like the resource that will never stop comes. It's been two years. So, yeah, if that's what you're thinking and that's something that appeals to you, then I would say, do that. What I can't do is say, why don't you try photography?

or why don't you try getting into, I don't know, whatever the fuck else. Like, I don't know you, so I can't, I can't recommend anything. Also, what do you like doing? That's what I was going to say. I hate when people say follow your passion, because following your passion usually leads you

directly into a ditch in Austin where you get stabbed by a crazy person. Yeah. But you don't follow your passion. You follow what you're fucking good at. You follow what you're good at into something that you become a success at, and then becoming a success at that thing

makes you passionate about being successful at that and being more successful and more successful at that thing. I don't mean more money necessarily. Success can be whatever you define it as. But like the follow your passion thing is to me a lesson I learned, my generation learned as children that led many, many, many of us from that generation directly into a fucking gutter in Austin

with a homeless person stabbing you to death. Don't follow your passion. Nobody fucking follow your passion. That's a bad idea. If you really have a passion, follow it. But what it presumes is that you have one. And not everyone has a passion. And not everyone has one.

You're right. You're right. And it makes people feel like they should are supposed to have one. You're fucking so right. And not everyone does. There you go. And you should follow what you're fucking good at. What you're good at, you already said a couple skills.

Obviously, you were making fun of yourself. It was self-deprecating. But those are actual skills what a server does. You actually have skills. They're called people skills. And also adaptability on the fly, you're fucking reacting in real time and doing this and doing that. Like these are skills if you, if you boil it down, you actually have a skill set. that is probably applicable to many other things.

Now, what those are, I don't fucking know. Do you want to open a fucking flower shop? Whatever. I don't know. I'm just throwing shit out there. But like, you have skills. You're not just a server that is only good at handing people food. That's not what you are.

You know? Yeah. But yeah, what are you good at? Go on apt.com too. Outsourcing our job. No, it's just good. They're good at that specifically. Anyway.

You know, fucking I'm calling it audible. But yeah. Wow, for the first time ever... Don't shoot on yourself, dude. Yeah. You're fucking great. You got great nails. What the fuck?

You're not just a server on this earth. You do what you want. You live once. For the first time ever, it's hot in this room. I'm a little hot. What the fuck? It's never hot in here. That's why I wore a hoodie.

You're always in a t-shirt, though. You never seen... Dude, I feel like I'm always dressed for cold. But I'm cold. I'm cold when it's usually, but it's hot now for some reason. I don't know what's going on. That's weird.

I don't know. But it doesn't matter. Whoa. It doesn't matter. Okay. In life. Nice. Cool.

Worked out my shoulders today. Okay. Shut up. Next one. What's up, Matt? What's up, Chris? Scott. From Maryland.

Hell yeah. Writer's room. Patreon. I'm just calling about advices that you guys might have about flying. I know you guys have talked about it a lot. And you say it's like the safest thing in the world. But you guys have a lot of experience in that. I don't.

I've flown five times in total. And every single time. I'm nervous as shit. It's one of my most irrational fears. Yeah, I get it. Seems. And I'm about to do it again. And I'm nervous again.

So any advice is you guys would have? Like, how early to get there? How early not to get there? What to bring in my carry on, what not to bring my carry on. How about I deal with the rat race inside of the airport? Like literally any advice you guys might have would be so helpful to me and helping me relieve the tension and the anxiety in my head. I'd be so helpful if you guys can help me out with this.

All right. Yeah. Chris, I'm a huge fan. I've followed you since the Rose of Justin Bieber. I've seen every episode of Congratulations. I was there for the shooting of Grow or Die in Minneapolis. Oh, hell yeah. That's another story in itself.

But it was the only show I've ever been to and the greatest show I think I will ever be to. Wow. And I loved it so much. Oh, thank you. I love you. You're the greatest. Thank you. Matt, obviously, huge fan.

We're friends in the writer's room. Hell yeah. Obviously, if you didn't want to be considered a comedian, if you did want to be considered a comedian, I would consider you my favorite, but Chris has to be the consolation. Wow. Damn.

Love you, guys. Love his God. Please help. Dude, I don't think that, well, first of all, he's not nervous about the safety, is he? He mentioned that. Okay. Well, let me take that, take that off the table.

Yeah. It is, this helped me when I've realized this. It is, it is actually selfish of you to be scared while flying. It is self-centered and selfish of you. Self-centered. No, I said selfish. I know you did. I'm correcting you.

But, and then I'm anti-correcting you. I'm anti-correcting that. I'm taking that and I'm defending it. And I'm basically what it is is, okay, So you, like, came at me with an El Sotagari and I switched it. Okay, go ahead. Keep going. Gotcha. It is fucking, you all, I'm always just like, oh, you think your plane's going to crash. When Westchat first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different.

People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere. And two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when West Jet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. After 19 years, they're back. Frankie Munes, Brian Cranston, and the rest of the family reunite in Malcolm in the middle, life's still unfair.

After 10 years avoiding them, how and lowest demand Malcolm be at their anniversary party, pulling him straight back into their chaos. Malcolm in the middle, life's still unfair. A special four-part event, streaming April 10th on Hulu on Disney Plus. Dude, you fucking asshole. That's so funny because the way I think of it is, what are the odds that it's going to be you? I don't think you selfish prick, you fucking asshole.

You think of it in an angry way. You son of a bitch, dude. You think that you... Oh, and by the way, you're worth 200 other people's lives that are going to go down because your plane's going to crash. You prick... Christian Bell I don't know I

No that's so fucked up dude you son of a bitch You're gonna make it Like a piece of shit You're gonna make it To Kansas City Where the fuck you're going

Because you're regular You dip shit You're not special Oh my God Okay you're trying to help I understand Yeah fuck you But you're getting out of hand

You piece of shit You're getting out of I never want to hear from you again You're getting out of hand Usually it's me that does that No, but I, I, that's, it's like, that is the way I thought of it that helped me. Now, I am demented, but that's how I thought of it. No, I get that.

I get that completely, because when you realize, like, you're, you're putting so much attention on yourself. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, like, look at, just sit and look at all the other people traveling. Yeah. And the other planes that are taking off. You actually think it's going to be yours? Like, the odds are so fucking low. Piece of shit.

But also what they say, the stupid thing that they say, but it's like, what did they say? It's like, 100 times safer than drive. driving 10 minutes from your house. That's true, I guess. It is. It is. Oh, but no, but no, planes never fucking crash. No, no, I understand.

Commercial jet landers, you can basically say they never, obviously they have, but you can essentially say they don't. You can never say that about cars. Right, right, right. People get into car crashes and fucking die all the time. Right, right, right. They're mass tragedies because many, many people die on planes, but they're so infrequent.

The, the, the, that aside, that aside, though, I get how, it can be stressful anyway, like with TSA, and especially now with the fucking... Which is what I was going to say, which is just get there early. Yeah. It alleviates everything. Schedule your ride early.

Just get there early and chill, dude. Bring a fucking book or your iPad or whatever the fuck. Listen to a podcast. Just, just, you eliminate, you alleviate all the concern about all of the logistics if you just get there early. Besides even getting there early, like, I used to get there so early.

I was dad about it He's like that yeah Oh my Richard's like that too He was telling me Really? How are you? Are you like that? Oh dude

No I'll I'll fucking scoot With a minute left I do not get really Remember when we were flying back From Austin We were together And you went in And I was like

I'm just gonna have a cigarette I don't give a fuck whatever And then because Atlanta's the biggest airport on the planet I didn't think about it And I need to get on like Seven trams and a bus And a minibus

And an Uber And like I need to get on like 80 different vehicles Just to get to the gate I got there within like five minutes. You were texting me so much and I was like, I'm gonna be there. Wait, you said Austin and then Atlanta. I meant Atlanta.

Yeah. Oh. We were talking about Austin before. So why were you in Atlanta? Where were we in Atlanta? It was a trip we went on like so long ago with, uh, uh, David was there. David Sullivan. Um, he was there.

You're talking about Houston. Was it? No, but we went with you to other places too. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. It was a whole trip. Wait, when I was with Joe Koi? Yeah.

That was Houston. Okay, well, anyway, whatever. They're all the same to me. I think we were, no, we're the Houston. Either way. Whatever. Okay. Anyway.

So it doesn't matter. And I was this close to missing my flight. Wow. But like, I mean, you're never going to miss a flight. If you've flown enough, you know you're not going to miss it, dude. I just always know I'm not going to miss my flight. You just, I love Home Depot. I'm never going to miss my flight.

I just, I just know. Why is that still funny? I don't know. It's like a tick now. I can't stop saying it. But, um, uh, I don't know, dude. I can't miss a flight. Yeah, all right.

I don't know. You're not gonna- It's like the worst. What was that movie with Bruce Willis and Sam Jackson, Unbreakable? Yeah, it's my superpower, yeah. Have I missed a flight? No matter how hard I try.

I just looked it up. They don't get the late in your life. Yeah, exactly. You've taken six flights. You've never missed them. When I hear someone say, yeah, they missed a flight. It is so weird.

You are a fucking idiot. disgrace. Yeah, you're a disgrace. You're disgraced in the human race, yeah. That's disgraceful. Yeah. To be like, oh,

at the airport and the plane's just, that is, that is disgraceful, bro. Have you ever done it? No. Fuck no. And I've flown more than anybody

you've ever met. No fucking way. Okay, bragging, but yeah. Yeah, I'm the flyer. No, you don't miss flight. The only time, I mean, no, I've never missed a flight. Yeah, me neither.

I mean, unless you're, it's one thing if your flight's early and your alarm doesn't go off and you sleep through it. But if you're like, and you miss it? That is a disgrace. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think, I don't even know if I've slept through. I've never done that. I don't even know if I've done that.

Yeah. Maybe once. But I agree that it's different to be like, just completely miss the window. It's just weird. Yeah. That makes more sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird when people are like, nah, we'll leave in a little bit.

And you're like, really? All right. You do, oh, you know what I mean? Last year, I went on a golf trip to Vegas, right? I went and picked up a friend to go. We got like Jet Suite X doing that. Oh, yeah. And I picked up my friend, and he took so long that we missed our flight.

How did he take so long, though? What do you mean? Took so long getting ready. He wasn't ready when I got there. Oh, I leave. Dude, it was crazy. Can you call them out? Do I know who it was?

Mm-hmm. I feel like I can guess. You can guess who it is. I know who it was, yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's hilarious, dude. Also named Chris. Yeah, yeah.

And just, I mean, dude, and then, so then he bought us tickets on Southwest over at Burbank Airport because we missed that flight. Worst consolation, you know? from JetSuiteX to Southwest from Burbank. Was it the same Chris that goes like, oh, this is the best bite ever. Yes. Okay.

Dude, he was so. I agree with him on the best bite ever. Dude, and then he was so upset because, like, he knew how much he fucked up and he knew, like, that I was mad.

Oh, man. Come on, man. Yeah, then I had to be like, hey, man, it's okay. Be in a better mood. Like, I'm the one. That's so him. Wow.

Oh, miss our flight, man. I love him. Because of me. I love him. Yeah, that guy is really like. I love him so much. But boy. Yeah.

That's wild, yeah. Nah, I leave. I leave. Oh, man. Well, you're not going to go on a golf trip by himself. He's stuck. He can't do that. Bro, bro.

Oh, man, I miss a golf trip, man. And you're just fucking four? Bunk. Bunk, you know. Oh, man. Hits him in the head. Man. Oh, man.

Imagine him and Mike Alba together. All right. Yeah, that's pretty, that's pretty. Yeah. I do get there, I get there obnoxiously early. I used to. I also used to, I will not blowing you up or anything. You used to, by me, before you were comedian,

get really scared to flying. Really scared, yeah, okay. It was where I channeled my, like, I guess, scaredness. I mean, I was, well, now you can't, it's like you can't, your nervous system probably wouldn't even allow you to still be scared. I do, you do it so much, your brain would have rejected that. I suppose so, except for, um, there was crazy turbulence, like, a month or two ago.

You mentioned that. Yeah, whenever it was. I don't remember where I was. But ever since then, whenever there's turbulence, I'm like, fuck. It's like weird. It's like a little PTSD thing. Yeah, that shit is scary. I took a put-put plane from either Miami or Fort Mottadale to the Bahamas.

A drug dealer. Literally with the propellers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that, but that, they have commercial flights with those. But really? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, anyway, it was literally, there was a fucking hurricane.

I remember this. And they canceled all of the flights except one. That's the one that goes down. And it was in the middle of the day and it happened to be ours. I can't fucking tell you how scared I was. Really? Yeah, dude.

You talk about, you know the expression? White knuckling, yeah. When we landed, my knuckles were so white, it took like an hour for them to the color to return. I was gripping the fucking seat things so tight. I didn't realize it, obviously, because you're just like... Well, yeah, you're not thinking of that. You're not thinking about anything.

And was it like, tuck, tak, tak, tak, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck. It was everything. It was up and down, side to side, just like, it was, it was like... Oh, that sucks, bro. It was like a movie, you know what I mean? It was like, it was gray, you know? But it was so not... Oh, God, dude.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, it was a nightmare. That is a nightmare. It was it like an hour flight or something? Yeah, not even. Yeah, well, thank God. But it actually ended up longer because we had to end up going around the fucking storm. Yeah.

It was like an hour and a half, but it shouldn't, it should have been under an hour. Oh, that's so. It was truly like the pilot had to, like, think and be like, how are we not going to die? It was crazy. But wait, so, and how many seats were on it? It was a commercial plane, but it wasn't. Correct. It was a real airline, but it was like maybe 50 seats at the most.

It was just shaky air. Yeah, it was just. Yeah, we were right by the wing, too. And I just remember looking out the window, seeing them. I was like, this is bad. Seeing them? shaky airlines It's so stupid

Oh yeah What'd you say? I said shaky airlines is so stupid Oh shit yeah It was the worst

I mean I remember like it was fucking yesterday that's how scary it was Anyway no reason to be scared to your flight Well no

But I live dude I'm here to tell a tell True And then but he's gonna be But he's gonna be also On a regular plane On a regular plane That's you know

Yeah It's just you know But Yeah But yeah If you get there Just bring an Exactly

Bring an iPad Charge that shit up If you're really Really anxious And you haven't happened A panic attack on the plane You can ask the The plane staff

For Them to land Something that might aid you But as we know That went sideways for me So maybe that's not the best idea But that's because you Took also something

That somebody next to you A stranger gave you Correct That's all good but, which was my fatal mistake. Well, not fatal. Yeah, no. If somebody took a video of it, it would have been fatal.

You know what I'm saying? Dude, imagine. No, you know, people... If it's drugs, nobody cares, though. I mean, they think it's bad, but... But when you see somebody being so bucking dozed up, it's off-putting. Yeah, oh, it's definitely off-putting, you know?

Anyway, I'm thankful. Nobody flipped out their phone and took a video with me on that night. Thanks, everybody coming from Montreal, LA. Before, the counterphones were everywhere, right? No. No, this was 22. Oh, it was? Yeah.

Dude, yeah. It was very recently. I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, wow. Well, no, no, no, because we started Lifeline. Oh, yeah, we started Lifeline after that. 23, 24 maybe.

Whoa. Yeah. Whoa, Laphom Depot. Wow, that's crazy. All right, cool. Well, I will be in Cincinnati, Columbus, St. Louis, Little Rock, Sacramento, San Diego, and then Chicago. go wait what's this wet new westminster doesn't know where he's going doesn't even know where he's

going oh is that is that like uh vancouver oh i didn't know i'm doing three shows there that's actually four westminster new westminster british columbia man what you're doing it four and then camo river must be a sunday well do this on your own time you know you okay and then nashville okay i get and then las vegas yeah and then it's like city yeah yeah yeah it keeps on denver Keeps going. And then Pittsburgh. Yuck, Yon, yeah, yeah.

And then Miami. All right. And then Louisville. And then Tulsa. All right. Done. No, we're done. And then Portugal?

Holy shit. Yeah, bro. Throw that up in there. Quick fucking Washington to Portugal to Florida. Little hook. Yeah. Around the globe. Wait a minute.

That's what it says. How many fucking shows am I doing in Naples? This is bullshit. Dude, seven, six, six shows in Naples. Two? Six shows in nipples, dude. I guess I'm just fucking got it like that. Hell yeah. Got it, dude.

All right. Thanks, everybody. We love you. Thank you so much. Watch my new hour. Also, it's pinned.