Lifeline - 214. I Teeter
Episode Date: May 31, 2026Today we're talking about chicken parmesan, panic attacks, your wedding guest list, and revealing your body count. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, yeah.
Oh, wait, let's start in the middle.
I, what do you want, what do you want to?
I pull, I put, I picked, I picked Billy out of the tub.
I should put him in the tub yesterday.
Pol fiction telling out of order.
Did you get that immediately when he said Pul fiction?
I was thinking about making that joke.
Really?
Oh, there we go.
Wow.
We're two alike, all of us.
I know.
That's wild.
Um, no, I, wow, that's wild, dude.
No, I pulled Billy, I put Billy in the tub and it, and I did not pull my back, but it was like, oh, oh, I better sit down because it started tensing up, you know?
You ever have that?
Yeah, when it starts, yeah.
Yeah, like it's going to spasm.
Yeah.
But I sat down and I stretched, got mad, and, um, it's okay.
Isn't that great?
You think if you didn't stop and slow down, it would have been a disaster?
I see, yeah, I think so, probably.
It's a good move then.
But, but, uh, yeah, I don't know.
And then I, and then I even was like, this is going to ruin my workout.
And then I worked out yesterday and today and I'm fine.
What percent of the day do you think about working out?
So much.
But like what, so, so, so, so much.
If you had to guess average day thinking about working out.
25.
Oh, that's it?
That's, I mean, that's not that much.
That is.
It's a lot.
I thought you were going to say something more, though, because you're crazy.
No, I think about things, what, how much do I think about things that don't matter is
beyond.
It's 85%.
But I think they matter.
Like what?
Like, you remember the other day, the other day you were like, how does that even occupy
your brain space?
Like tiny desk.
Oh, yeah.
Like that I'll think about for like, you know, those things I'll think back to back
to back to back.
Hmm.
You know?
You like to be pissed off?
I don't know.
I don't know what it is because,
It's not that I like to, I mean, it might not be that I like to get pissed off, but it is like something that, I guess it is just, you've probably heard this before, but you get the feeling, when you're pissed off, you get the feeling of the fact that you were right all along.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I see, I knew it.
This is just how stuff works out.
And then you're like, I'm right.
And that makes you feel, I think that makes you feel something.
Positive.
Even though it's negative.
That kind of righteousness.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like to explode and then immediately bring it back in.
Well, I do that too.
I mean, I don't explode, but like I like to do that.
I like to, if I do get that mad, it's over pretty much right away.
But that's kind of like a guy.
More guys are like, women hold that for like, it's like,
women rarely explode.
In my experience, rarely explode.
I mean, I've dated someone who,
explode.
Yeah, yeah, some do.
But generally speaking, that is the male domain.
Generally speaking.
But yeah, I don't, I, I'm, I don't, I honestly don't yell really much at all.
I really don't.
I don't yell anymore.
Yeah.
But when I look at someone and I'm having a stern conversation, I, I'm controlling them.
Oh.
With my mind.
Magnita.
No, I, I, I am, I, I am, I, I am.
shooting stairs into them.
And, you know, male or female, we're both getting turned on.
What?
It's sexual?
I think so.
So you're not only, what was the first thing you said?
You're controlling their thoughts, but you're something sexual is happening?
I'm a bi-guy controlling people's minds.
Okay.
You should put that on your bio.
A bi-guy, just your average bi-guy-control.
trolling people's minds on my Instagram bio.
Yeah, that should be it.
No, yeah.
So anyway, hey, dude, it is what it is.
I mean, didn't have to say, hey, dude, just stop everything.
Well, I was thinking about how the guy who breaks stuff down and how I keep sending it to you and how great he breaks stuff down.
He's okay.
Let's talk about that.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's just a guy explaining so.
No.
Yep.
No.
Yep.
No.
Yep.
And let me kick back on that.
And let me tell you.
I'm all ears.
Let me tell you.
Open to being swayed.
So let's say who it is so people.
Okay.
Well, what's his thing?
What's his hand?
The text thing.
Hold on.
He's a great follow.
I mean, I get, I get, I'm, I go like this when I'm, when I'm watching those guys' videos.
Yeah.
Okay.
But let's talk about the one you sent.
His name is Jason.
Pargan.
Yeah.
Okay.
So at Jason Pargan on Instagram.
Probably TikTok too.
The one I sent today?
The Johnny Cash one.
Do you want me to...
I just want to say one thing about it real quick.
Okay.
What he's saying is not true.
It is not the greatest music video of all time and not even remotely close.
Okay.
So there's that.
But go ahead.
Okay.
So that's literally why I like him.
Because he's wrong?
No, because he says something and you think,
what? And then he explained, it's basically what all good comedians do. They come up with a premise and
you go, no, it's not. Oh my God. You know, like I was thinking of the Bill Burr one. I was like,
of course, Lawrence Schwarzenegger fucked is made. He deserved to. You know, and then you're like,
he should have. Yeah. And then he goes to. And then, and then, um, but that, that, to me,
that, it's like, that's what that guy does. And I go, why is that the best music video of all
time? And then the way he breaks it down. And a lot of times he's saying stuff that's, that's very
simple, but the way he has to say it's simple, so it's very digestible, and that's why it's so good.
And that's why I think you're saying he's just a guy explaining stuff, because he's, he's, he's doing that on purpose.
The guy, if you, I'm not saying he's, he's underperforming it how he could be better.
No, I know.
I'm just saying what he's doing.
I only saw that one.
Oh, yeah, no.
That one's probably out of all of the ones is the not, is the, is the, is the most
obvious one. This guy will just do stuff. He'll tell you stuff that's crazy, like, fringe shit,
and you're like, what? And then, like, he'll say, like, okay, you know that TV show,
Yoda and Mandalorian coming back by? Yeah, I forget exactly what it's called. Yeah,
whatever it is. They're like, they're like, they're movie, Mandalorian and Goku or whatever
is it? Yeah. Is it a movie? It's a movie, I think. Right. I think it's a TV show.
It's a movie. Okay. So anyway, he's like, why don't they just, they got to keep making this, they have to
keep making the show that is successful.
They have to stop making these off shoot shows and movies.
And you're like, why?
And then he just explains and his takes, that's what it is.
His takes are next level.
And the way he explains them, bro, this guy.
But did that one, did he say because of obvious and that it ended?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He could have.
I know, I know, I know.
But he breaks it down and he's like, you know, people think that the attention spans
are bad, but I would argue that they're not.
people now don't watch movies and TV shows
because they watch their favorite streamer every day
and you're like oh dude I didn't even think of that
you know what I'm saying but it's very simple and very obvious
guys great I comment on his stuff a lot
he doesn't follow me back he hasn't followed you back
no and that's odd does he have a lot of followers
yeah but I mean like how many followers are
half a million maybe that's a lot yeah
I mean I have maybe he's not a fan of yours
yeah sometimes I'm like oh maybe they just really fucking don't like
my stand-up or something or they think I'm a piece of shit.
Or maybe they just didn't even know this. Right, right.
That has happened before too.
Stuff of the most likely scenario.
This guy who plays basketball a lot was like, oh my God, I had no idea you followed me.
What do you mean?
He plays basketball? A basketball?
No, he's not. He's like a guy who does functional training and he's really good at
basketball and he's got like 80,000 followers.
I followed him once and he was like, man, like years later, he was like, how did I not
know you followed me?
He was like, I'm a huge fan.
I was like, oh, I made me feel a little better.
I mean, I feel a little better.
by any line.
I hold a record at locking out of high school basketball record.
Of?
Most naps.
Worst, full season, uh, three point percentage.
Really?
You still hold it?
I think, I actually, actually, I don't know.
Dude, I was just like, I was like Steph Curry during practice.
So everyone always like give Matt the ball behind the three line.
And then I went like 11 for 38 during the season.
Oh, so you can't handle the heat then.
I couldn't handle the heat.
Wow.
That's funny.
But everyone was like, he's so, he can make him, though.
What's happening?
And I was like, I don't know, but just give me the ball, dude.
That's funny, yeah.
Nothing matters.
You know what I'm saying?
Give me the ball.
Nothing matters.
Brick.
Well, okay.
That's funny.
Oh, by the way, happy birthday to Clint Eastwood.
My bud, walk a flock of flame.
And my bud, Colin Farron.
Not your bud.
No, my bud.
Colin Farron.
I love Colin Farrell, and I saw him once, and he's taller than you think he is.
Shout out to Legends for sponsoring this show.
Legends is a free to play social casino and sports book.
Check it out at Legends.
I'll be in Utah, Denver, Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, yeah, Denver, yeah, just Pittsburgh,
we're having a blast, Brea, you know, and then I added a bunch at the bottom, Washington, D.C.,
Louisville, Spokane, Vienna, Austria, London.
You're going to be in Austria?
I guess so.
Stockholm?
Yeah.
The normal route of London, Vienna, Stockholm, and then Bensselm, Pennsylvania.
Right, right, right, right.
That's how it usually goes.
So,
Cursley.com,
go get tickets.
Subscribe to this channel
at super good
on YouTube.
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If you like a community,
if you want to be welcome,
you want a place to hang,
come join my Patreon.
Patreon.
Patreon.com slash magiclya.
Discord's on and popping
all day long every day.
Two, three plus hour shows a week.
And you know what?
Beba,
baby.
You know what I'm saying?
And,
oh, also it's episode 214.
And it is also Sunday,
May 31st.
I wore jeans today
and I don't normally wear jeans
usually,
just on a day, you know, chilling.
Because I got up, took Calvin to school, went got coffee, and then got my workout done.
And then I'm just like, dude, I don't need to, I can wear jeans today.
There's no reason I got to not wear jeans because sometimes I'll just be like, you know what I like?
I like to be wearing whatever I'm wearing and going and being like, I'll go to the gym now.
So I can't do that with jeans.
Isn't that interesting?
So you can only put on jeans after the gym?
Since I went, I know I'm not going to do it.
Yeah.
I thought you went to the gym twice a day.
No.
You did?
Yeah, I thought that.
No.
No, what am I, a bodybuilder?
I mean, basically.
No, no, no.
That's, but that's, that's, that's,
Portnoy's syndrome or whatever it's called.
What's that?
Dave Portnoy?
Do you?
Columbo?
Oh, Palumbo.
Palumboism?
Polumboism, yeah.
I don't have that, though.
Okay.
I wish.
Anyway.
Dude, to wish to want that.
But that means I really have worked out really hard and not, you know.
And you're on steroids.
But it doesn't look good.
It looks awful.
It looks really bad, actually.
One day I wish I have it.
Okay.
But teach their own, you know?
Yeah.
Are you looking it up?
Pull on, but look at it.
Oh my.
You don't want that.
Well, here's why I do.
It looks like they're pregnant.
But here's why I do want it.
Because that means for a long time, you didn't have it and you looked fucking amazing.
Like on the way to get that, you look fucking great.
Look how red that guy is.
That man is.
The tan is the color red.
Beep jerky.
That is disgusting.
Bodybuilding with the tan and the oil.
It's so weird, bro.
Tiny speedo with a little...
A turtle.
Because your dick and balls, they get so small.
That's like a little g-string thong.
It's...
I don't even know if you'd call it gay
because I don't think gay men like that.
It's just its own category
unto itself of like insane homoeroticism.
You know what I mean?
What even is that?
I don't know, bro.
Who wants that? Who wants to do that with their life?
Only that guy that wants that. And it's really weird.
We're going to do a guy named Brandon.
Hey, what's up, man?
Hey, dude. What's up? It's me, Chris. And then my brother's here.
Yes.
What's up? What are you doing?
I'm taking a walk right now. I'm actually at work still. But I...
Got fired. Got fired. Got fired. Said two different things at the same time. So which one is it, dude? Already
established you're a fucking liar.
You're a fucking liar. Either your job is to walk, which isn't the job. Or you got fire.
It's all good.
Are you dog walker?
Are you dog walker?
All right.
Well, nice talking to you guys.
I'll see you later.
All right, what you got, dude?
A couple months ago, I had my first, like, real panic attack just, like, randomly out of nowhere.
Wow.
And it kind of triggered some, like, anxiety issues that I've never dealt with before in my life.
And I know in previous episodes you guys have talked about anxiety a little bit, both of you, like, in different ways.
but it's been like one of the most I'm 33 by the way so oh that's old for the for your first
patented super old and so it's weird for me a little bit because it's been like one of the most
challenging things that I've had to kind of go through in my life just the past few months of
navigating that those like mental changes and the anxiety triggers and things like that that are
happening and so you know I'm getting better I've started going to therapy and like
just learning about anxiety.
And I feel like it's one of those things where I thought I knew what anxiety was,
but until this happened, like, now I really understand what real, like, debilitating anxiety is like.
And so it's been, you know, a lot of work kind of getting myself back to what I consider normal for myself.
And, yeah, I'm just curious, like, if you guys are open to sharing some of the experiences that you've had with anxiety,
and like the ways that you have learned to manage them
and you know get through the days where you wake up
and you feel like you can't do what you need to do
like I have a pretty intensive job
I you know lead meetings with 10 to 20 people
sometimes where I'm the focus and
what are they doing now where you're out for a fucking walk
dude what do you do you
basically you're Tony Soprano
This is exactly when it happened to him.
He started getting anxiety attacks, passing a fuck out.
So you got shit you're not dealing with.
Maybe you have an overbearing mom.
Maybe you have something going on that you haven't dealt with.
And it's coming to fruition inside of you.
Do you pass out?
Okay.
So actually.
I went on a murderous rampage.
And I don't remember it.
No, I've never passed out.
But that is one of the kind of like the anxious like that you're going to manifestations is like, yeah, you're going to die.
You're going to pass out.
And now that you have had a panic attack,
part of the anxiety is,
I'm going to have a fucking panic attack again.
Oh,
yeah.
It's like you're anxious of being anxious.
And it's just like,
it's terrible because it's not really something.
Once that adrenaline is like flowing in your body.
Yeah.
Like you can't just turn it off.
You can't just ignore it.
It makes it worse.
You kind of have to ride it out.
Well,
so what did,
what happened on your first?
What was the episode like?
Were you just like,
you had to sit down or what?
So,
yeah.
So I was,
I was at work and I was having like a like a shoulder pain.
I think from just like working out or whatever I had been kind of noticing it.
Yeah.
So fit.
And I just like my mind kind of just spiraled out of nowhere that I was having a heart attack
because it was kind of radiating into my like armpit and my lower my left arm.
And I thought I was having a heart attack.
And like no other basis for it other than that pain.
Right.
And yeah, I just like, you know, adrenaline went way up.
Heart rate went sky high.
I was like feeling dizzy.
Had to sit down.
And it was just like a feeling that I never felt before.
Do you have medication now or no?
No, no.
I'm not really like big into prescription medications if I don't have to.
And so I'm trying to just like straight up raw dog this, you know, and like get through it without needing that type of stuff.
Because sometimes just having the stuff helps you because you know you can take it because you have it.
Sure.
Yeah, yeah.
But I mean, so it's been a few months now and I feel like I rarely have those feelings.
Now kind of what it's turned into is I'll wake up one day and I'll just have like this like looming kind of anxious feeling.
But it's not like panic attack.
Yeah.
And yeah, that's like now that I've been through it for a few months, I kind of know that that's what's happening and I'm not dying.
and, you know, there's nothing actually threatening me.
Well, death is just the moment when the dying ends, but yeah.
The very first panic attack, I fully thought I was done.
I had, I fully thought I was dying, like 100% for sure.
I stopped.
Yeah.
I lost my vision.
Wow.
It was totally like, I was like, oh, I'm dying.
But the first one's always the worst.
You'll probably have another one.
But remembering that, always remembering that an anxiety,
attack cannot kill you is a good thing to always remind yourself. Right. I mean, I'll check the
pussy meter on both of you and it's a, is that a 10? So, uh, you know, I'm not sure, but I, you know,
but yeah, I, I, I'm joking, but I, yeah, I've had two, I guess. I, I, I know I had one,
but and then I, my wife told me I had another one. I, I still am like I did, because I passed the
fuck out. You actually passed out? Oh, I've passed out twice now. Really? Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Tony Soprano.
Tony Soprano.
Yeah, passed out twice.
Both times, also both times I was sitting down already.
I was going to say sit down because you can't pass out.
I was already sitting down.
What?
Yeah, the one time, the one time I absolutely know it was a panic attack on the plane.
And then Kristen said I passed out at the, when I was getting my nose surgery in the waiting room, but I still don't.
I'm like, I did.
I still don't know I did.
So yeah, so no, so check the pussy meter on me as 10.
as well, but I don't, you know, I don't, um, you, dude, I mean, I don't know, man.
I know you're not big on prescription medicine, but maybe if you just have it in your back
pocket, you know, because that shit is amazing, dude.
It helped me, with anxiety, helped me to understand anxiety exists for a reason for all of us.
We just, some of us have an abundance of it.
And it is actually our friend.
It's what keeps us from dying in many scenarios.
It keeps us from going into debt in many scenarios.
it keeps us from keeping our jobs in many scenarios.
You just happen to have discovered that you have an overabundance of it at times.
And for me, what's helped me is to remind myself that even in those moments when my anxiety is spiking,
this is actually my friend just kind of fucking whiling out, if that makes sense.
It's like it's like my friend on Coke.
It's like eventually the Coke's going to wear off, but he's still your boy.
You know what I mean?
And it's like kind of like how to train your dragon.
Yeah, he's just like, dude, you're in debt.
You're fucking in that, dude.
we're going to die one day and they go okay don't know and afterwards like oh and he's like ah it's all
and then the anxiety is just like ah but it's all chill though dude yeah yeah basically like oh thanks bro
you always you always end up back where you're back where you begin yeah yeah yeah it's just something
you're gonna have to deal with yeah for sure and and that that's okay and i i'm definitely
getting better in dealing with it i think one of the one of the things i learned that helped me
the most kind of like what you're saying is that when something like that happens your nervous
system just gets like fucked completely. And so it's it's easier for you to like get triggered by
things and have it spike up again. And you really just need that to like come back to normal.
And sometimes it can take weeks or months or whatever. But yeah, it's just your body like trying
to try to keep you safe from a situation that didn't actually happen. But yeah,
brain thinks that happened. Well, you're all good dude. And thanks for calling. And you know,
you're fixed now that you talk to us. But no, but seriously, you'll be fine. The word first one is
the worst. It is for sure. But yeah, thank you guys so much. I appreciate you. Thank you. Thanks,
Brandon. The first panic attack I had, dude. Have I told the story before? Maybe. I don't know.
I was at a restaurant. I overheard this couple talking about Jerry O'Connell, the actor.
Niceest kind of world, yeah. He is a nice guy in the world. And I just started thinking,
why are they talking about Jerry McConnell? And then I thought, why is anyone talking about
Jerry O'Connell. And then I was thinking, why do we all know who Jerry O'Connell is? And then I was
picturing his face. And I was like, why the fuck? Wow. Who the fuck is Jerry O'Connell? And then it just
unspooled from there. And then I was like thinking about the cosmos and how insignificant I am. And then
I suddenly couldn't see and couldn't breathe. Wow, all that from Jerry O'Connell. Just Jerry O'Connell, yep.
That's, isn't that weird? Really weird. My very first one. How old were you? I was in my early 20s.
Wow. Yep. Yeah, no. I know.
I've had two severe ones.
There was that one I had, and then the one on the plane, obviously, which everyone knows about it.
Well, yeah, but that's a little different because that was with drugs, right?
Well, no, I was having a panic attack and then the drugs did me, did me dirty.
And Jerry Connell was on the flight?
That would have triggered it.
Oh, my God.
If I was already having a panic attack.
Oh, and then I saw JerichConnell.
That would have just, I would have jumped out the emergency exit.
This started with you.
Is this your father?
Yeah.
Yeah, that sucks when you, dude.
You know, it used to be like, you know, us as humans, we would just be anxious and our adrenaline
would spike when there was a fucking lion around, you know?
Yeah, it's the shaking bush thing.
What?
You know about the shaking bush thing?
What?
There's an animal in there?
Yeah, it's like...
It's an animal in the war.
You run because of the possibility that there's an animal there.
Right, right, right, right.
Those who stayed and didn't run were the ones who, not every time, but sometimes got eaten.
Right.
So anxiety became our ally, so to speak.
We developed it as a means of survival
or one of the tools.
A shaking bush could be, you know,
because me and my wife are fucking in there also.
It could be that.
Don't get too anxious.
Don't worry about it too much.
On the off chance that it's a lion,
you run.
You know what I'm saying?
I heard animals in the adventura.
I just realized something.
Oh, shit his pants.
No, the guy who plays that guy.
It's in Bakin Bad.
Yeah, yeah.
See you.
Next one.
No.
Okay, sorry.
Mark Margolis?
Yeah.
Yeah. Did you know what's name?
A stutter.
Did you know his name?
No, I didn't.
I did.
Mark, Margollis.
I said it.
Stutter.
Before you.
So you still said it before me.
I never said it.
Oh, I did say it.
I said it after you said it.
Yeah.
Okay, so.
But yeah, the, yeah, I mean, you got to, but now it's like we're, how do you not be anxious with all this fucking inundated shit?
Yeah, we're not built for the world now.
Our brains, evolution has not nearly had enough time to catch up to what's going on
right now. For all of time, everything was slow as shit and miserable as shit and nothing
ever fucking happened anywhere anytime except people dying. You know, for thousands of years.
And then all of a sudden there's fucking cars and then there's the fucking internet and planes
and all of a sudden there's fucking social media and then suddenly you're looking at
fucking, you're looking at some crazy fucking shit going on in France. Some guy got stabbed
in the street and you're like, what the fuck? That's not normal for our brains. And also pop culture
And also Colin Jost hosting pop culture Jeopardy.
It's just like it's too much.
It's all this stuff.
It's too much.
I can deal with death and all that, but also dude, Colin Jost, Jost doing pop culture
Jeopardy on Netflix.
Can we talk about that for a second?
Why is Colin Jost hosting that?
Well, I go.
Colin Joe's cool dude.
I, no, no, no, no, I know you're not saying, just saying like, why is that even
Why is he hosting?
Yes.
He's fine.
He's, you know, he's pretty.
how do you say
rich
yeah but but he's
rich is how I guess
it depends on if the job
you don't think that job has cashé right
cashay yeah no I think it makes you look like a
fucking toolbox nothing matters anymore though
that's true
so wait hold on
that's that's true let's let's break this down
how rich do you think Colin just is
I mean I guess he's married to what's her name
yeah very very rich
all right so now yeah but without that
still rich
Yeah, but, but
Here's what I think
You're Colin Jost, right?
Or Michael Shea or whoever the fuck is big on SNL
Yeah
You're gonna, you're gonna
You're gonna forego maybe having your own TV show
Maybe having a movie career
Maybe having an enormous podcast even
Which is way more lucrative
I would imagine than hosting pop culture jeopardy
Now, this is why I ask
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he's getting paid a fucking boat
Sure, right, yeah
But like who, why would they pay him a boat
When like literally I could do it
and the same amount he'll watch.
Nobody's watching that show because of Colin Justice.
Right.
There's that recognizable thing where people are,
I think occasionally the casual person will be like,
oh yeah, okay, I'll check it out.
I know that guy.
But yeah, I don't know how much they're paying him.
But is he the head writer on Saturday Night Live still?
Co-head writer with Michael Shea?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know how much you make doing that, honestly.
A lot?
I don't know.
Yeah, a lot, a lot, considering,
how much people make.
But in entertainment, I don't know.
He's married to Scarlet-Johansson.
Right.
That is the obvious thing.
But, yeah, I don't know.
If I'm married to Scarlet-Johansson,
I do not host pop culture.
Oh, you know what I do?
Nothing.
Exactly.
That's my point.
Hope you like my stuff.
I saw him in a beer or whiskey commercial.
I was like, what are you doing?
No, no, no.
Sit at home and chill.
You got kids, chill with them.
If you got dogs, chill with them.
If you got nothing, lay down, dude.
I think that,
I think that maybe it's this thing where, you know, he is like, sure, I'll do it.
Once you're plugged into that thing and they're like, they want you to do this,
they want you to do that, you go, what is it?
And they go, it's a month of this.
It's going to be in March.
You just do it.
It's at home.
And you're like, all right.
He seems a little young to be doing that is all I'm saying.
Oh, oh, no, to be doing a deal like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, he's probably early 40s, but yeah.
You know what I mean, no.
No, I know what you're saying.
Yeah, it's like, that's like what Rob Lowe will do.
Rob Lowe does it.
And I'm like, oh, you're in your mid-60s.
And that's exactly who should be doing it.
Because that guy's just raking it in.
Yeah, just everywhere.
Yeah, why not?
Right.
And what's he going to do, ascend from there?
Like, Colin Jol's could easily ascend from what it is.
But if you're hosting pop culture Jeopardy, people are going to be like,
I want to go with the other guy.
He's not hosting Pop Culture Jeopardy to be in the cool movie.
Right.
Well, maybe he doesn't want to act.
No, that's true.
Because he hasn't really done much.
I don't think he acts at all actually.
Yeah.
Colin, I know you watch the show.
Let us write in, do a submission.
You're a big, big fan.
And yeah, let's know why you do the show.
But yeah, anyway.
Also, just so busy.
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
I don't know if they have kids or what, but like I, I just,
that's, yeah, that's a lot.
That's just a lot of stuff to do.
I mean, I know people with many, many kids more than you who are like,
they stay extra busy so that they don't have to be constantly around.
kids. That's weird to me.
I don't know. Oh, that's
human history too,
though. I know. Anyway.
Hey guys, we want to talk to you about
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so? Halen. Oh, hey, everybody. Hey, Halen? Yeah, yeah, Halen here. Actually, Chris, I saw you in
Sacramento a couple months ago. A stalker. A stalker. We'll see. We'll see. And Matt,
I said my part of your Patreon. Hell yeah. I thought I recognized the name. Halen is not too common,
so I figured it might be you. What's up, dude? I love you, dude. Halen, how old are you? 32.
Nice. Okay, last guy was 33.
You're counting down.
I actually talked to Brandon before he joined.
He's pretty cool guy.
Damn, all right, making friends, making friends.
What's up, handling, what you got?
Yeah, so getting married in October.
We pretty much finalized all the list, you know, guest list, stuff like that.
Unfortunately, people had to get cut out.
That's how it is.
I'm not, I don't care as much as my fiance does.
Oh, you don't say.
Oh, you don't say.
Oh, you don't say.
Oh, you don't say.
You don't care about something that doesn't matter.
more than, sorry, you don't care as much as you're saying.
Something that doesn't matter?
No, that doesn't make much.
That doesn't track.
No, I don't get, I don't believe it at all.
Hang up.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
I'm sorry, I don't, but.
So what, what's the issue?
The only issue is like, since I don't care, I won't, generally won't see these people
unless it's at the wedding.
Sure.
That people are not inviting his family, but it's just my cousins who are younger,
except for two of them who are older.
It's an over 21-year wedding.
So these two cousins, who I don't like, are expected to be invited.
I'm not going to invite them, but we're going to see them in July on a family vacation.
We're going to be on a boat, a small boat with them for two weeks almost.
So I'm not sure how to address it since all the adults know, but I haven't talked to them yet.
You can throw them off the boat and you won't get caught.
They can't really prove that, dude.
You got to make sure you add a camera view, but you could just be like, ah, yeah, they were both talking about,
they were both talking about how sad they were yesterday and now they just jumped off, I guess.
some Robert Wagner shit.
Yeah, dude, do it.
Here's the thing.
Don't bring it up.
Yeah, I wouldn't bring it up.
And if they bring it up,
just fucking be like,
yo,
be better.
You suck.
If they're not coming to my way.
If they bring it up, go like this,
bah,
until they stop.
Because honestly,
weddings don't.
That's what I foresee happening.
Well, yeah, weddings don't matter.
Weddings don't matter.
Let them know that.
Let them know that your wedding didn't matter.
Let them know that no,
wedding matters and to be offended to not have been being invited to a wedding is like being
offended to not being invited to being shot okay dude so say oh you didn't invite me to
and you say yeah of course I didn't I did you a favor I love you guys you welcome and then say bye
say you don't invite me to my wedding you're welcome and then throw them overboard I'm being serious
though to a degree I am actually being serious you are doing them a favor so if they're offended
they're offended for some like other like
non-personal reason.
It's like, well, I should have been.
I deserve it.
It's like, no, fuck that.
You did them a favor.
You wouldn't want to go to their wedding.
Let's face it.
Because nobody wants to go to anybody's wedding.
No guy wants to go to anybody's wedding.
So you did them a favor.
Yeah.
Honestly, if you hate them, invite them.
That's a real good point.
But they're just like that family is such a, you know, family family.
Like, hey, we're all here for each other.
We all love each other.
we should all be included and stuff.
That's fine for them, but not for me.
That's the issue with they're definitely going to bring it up because they're like,
hey, we're all family, so what's the issue?
Right.
Say, say, there is no issue.
And then, yeah.
There is no issue.
I love you.
Bye.
Yeah.
Damn.
That's actually.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, don't, like, don't let them make a meal out of it.
Don't let them fucking grab the tail and smoke and swing your ass around.
Fuck that, dude.
It's your fucking wedding, dude.
I hate when people get involved in other people's weddings, dude.
shut the fuck up it's your wedding you really hate that if you have to have to have to blame it on your wife
because that's always a good final fucking thing to go to but like just just disarm it who gives
a fuck sorry you a favor sorry it's my bitch and jump overboard yeah you know it's funny though
the only issue is she's okay with inviting them and i'm like you're fucking god on my side god damn it
oh blame i'll blame her anyway that's what spouses are for sure everyone off the boat
yeah just take the boat by yourself and go fucking zooming around dude fuck it uh yeah
Yeah, it's annoying.
But this one of these things was about to happen with the wedding.
So, you know, this, I know you're getting married, but this is why people shouldn't get married.
And if they do, they should just run off and do it themselves and then tell everybody afterwards and have a party.
Yeah.
Well, let me ask you, do you think I wanted to get married?
No, no, they always want to ask that.
I already fucking know the answer.
You just do it because you're like, you're going to make my life easier.
They'll stop bitching.
But, but.
And it's also one of my thing.
but, you know, it is what it is, but it's fine.
It's, it's, it's also nice if you, if you think about it enough, you know what I mean?
So, enjoy your life.
Throw them off the boat is what I'm hearing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If it gets to that, if it gets, if it gets to that, toss them.
Who needs them?
Everybody's got plenty of cousins.
Who needs to do more?
True.
You know what?
Doesn't have a lot of cousins?
You know what doesn't have a lot of cousins?
The ocean.
That's mine.
Poetry.
Toss them on here.
Here you go, Ocean.
Cousins.
Say that.
All right.
Well, have a good way.
What's the date?
I appreciate that.
What's the date?
October 23rd.
Very close to my birthday, but not exactly.
So it doesn't count.
All right.
All right.
Thanks, buddy.
I invited everybody from your Patreon.
Oh, perfect, dude.
Hell yeah, dude.
We'll be there.
Love you, Halen.
Talk to you soon.
All right.
Thanks, guys.
See ya.
I won't be there because I'll be in Europe.
Braggin.
Well,
It is what it is.
Not just sagin, waving my fucking.
Never will I ease up.
So stop asking.
That was the worst sounding thing.
It was good.
No, it was good.
Put it there.
You want to put it there?
I don't.
Okay.
You're scared?
I don't want to put it.
Are you scared?
Are you scared to put it there?
So confrontational.
Well, so, yeah.
I like that sock shoe combo.
There we go.
What do we think, everybody?
Chris, Tay.
Pretty good.
Not bad.
Oh.
Thinks it was his idea.
Did it a week ago?
Did it once before me?
I didn't notice.
He noticed I didn't notice.
And then now he's like, Matt showed up like that.
And I'm fucking pissed about it.
And the pause said everything.
All that's my case.
So I want to ask what shoes they are, but don't answer her.
I want to know if Chris knows what model shoes.
Great question.
Great way to do it.
Nike Air 2C or something, I forget.
Here's the honest-to-God truth.
I don't know.
They're my dad's and I stole them recently.
Nike Air 2C or something they're called.
Oh, my God.
What?
You're close
What is it?
Air 70
Whoa
I know those
Good for you
They're old
Yeah well
They're kind of
They're not that old
They're not
Well yeah
They're you know
Years old
Yeah
Do you guys all have
The same shoe size
No
I have
Mine's 13
His is
His is
His is 12
And yours is 12
Yeah
Yours is 12 yeah
Oh
Yeah
Yeah dude
Dick's bigger
But you got a bigger
Sho size
My man
Oh boo ya
Ha ha ha ha
Fucking boo-ya, dude.
No, dude, let's be real, dude.
Okay.
My penis is fucking crazy large.
Were you ever in the magazine Playgirl because of your penis?
No, but...
I was.
Thank you.
Bing-bang!
But if I showed it...
If I showed it, it might be.
Yeah, why don't you just start an only fan?
Brother, I am right there with you.
Why don't you?
My wife.
Dude.
Borat.
Dudical Borat.
She doesn't want me to do an only fans and my shit would rake it in.
Dude.
I mean, you'd make a good supplemental income.
I want to do only fans.
Now, look, what would you do?
Yeah, what would you do?
You wouldn't just like, no, I do.
If I was going to really seriously do it only fans?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
As Christa, as the person you are now, not in some other universe timeline.
If you now.
Okay.
Well, I wouldn't do one, but, but, but, okay, so if you did, if I did, um, you should, I, you should, do, do you make money. You'd make money on a couch like, money's cool. I probably would do. Couching off just getting off, you know, no, I'd probably do like, what you'd do like, what you'd be in a couch. I'd probably what I'd do is tasteful nudes, uh, where there, where there's, um, where you can't really see my penis, but, uh, like, oh, okay, you know that picture of George Costanza on Seinfeld, where he's on the couch.
Yes.
Yeah, I would be like those.
Okay.
Well, then you'd get no money.
I don't, I don't know.
There's an ex of mine on OnlyFans.
I'm sure you guys all know who I'm talking about.
Really?
What's his name?
And this is, I teeter.
When she first started, when she first started doing it, she was like, Matt, do you think it was during the pandemic?
And she was like, Matt, I trust you.
We were way broken up.
She's like, do you think I should do OnlyFans?
I was like, well, you're a working actress.
Right.
As long as you know.
it could have a negative effect in your career,
then yeah, she's like, well, I see what these people are making.
And I'm like...
Especially back then.
Exactly.
And her, you know what I mean?
So she was like, all right, I'm going to do it.
She started making so much money.
How much are we talking?
I mean, like, a lot of money, like 60, 75 grand a month.
Okay?
Like when she started.
I don't know.
I didn't stay in time.
I understand.
Because she was fucking crazy.
And then...
And then I think she's, I'm pretty sure she stopped because she was like, I'm an actress.
And I was like, no, you're not.
Right.
And no, you're not anyway, even before, Onlyfantz.
Ooh, boo yeah.
And, um, lost your fucking mind.
And then now, dude, get this.
Okay.
So she had a kid.
I'm Aaron her the fuck out.
I'm not going to name her, but whatever.
Okay.
She had a kid before.
So she was like worried about a kid and income and all that.
So that's why she started doing it in the first place.
Sure.
She had a second kid.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I heard she was back in Only fans.
Oh.
And I was like, after a second kid, she's back and only, what the fuck's on her?
She's doing the thing that people who just had babies do with the milk thing.
Oh.
And somebody sent me a link and I was like, ugh.
What is the milk thing just showing you?
I don't want to really explain it.
I guess I don't know. Yeah.
It's, it's, there's a kink guys have where breast milk, like, sh.
is like through their
like I mean come on
how graphic should I get
but like it's really to me
not look
motherhood beautiful
all that stuff
but this as a kink for adult men
was utterly disgusting to me
explain my bonner
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
got me good dude
you know when you start laughing you're already out of breath
and it hurts in your abs
even though I have such strong abs
This still happens
I thought you would laugh at that
Okay
Well you were right
Yeah I
But I mean
Whatever
Do you do a thing
You know whatever
Nothing matters fucking who cares
Let me tell you what though
Your acting career is over now
For sure
Well now you say that
Okay
But
But what kind
Do you mean any acting jobs
You don't mean that right
I think she still does
a Hallmark movie, a lifetime movie, stuff like that.
So, yes, acting career is over.
So those are over.
You're saying definitely no more Hallmark stuff.
No, I think those are the only things she's doing.
So then it's not over, I guess is what I'm saying.
Yeah, but she was doing actual TV in some movies.
Not really.
Not really.
But she was like, that was her lane.
She never gave up and was like, I'll just do Lifetime movies now.
Now that's all she can do.
Yeah, I don't.
And it'll be like, your lesbian lover,
right or whatever right right gotcha you're your gym trainer stalker killer murderer
fulanderer worst title i would watch it you know i would watch it your gym trainer stalker
murderer murderer for lander i would watch that in a heartbeat star i'd watch that over marty supreme
any day of the have you seen marty supreme yeah nope no i've seen your murderer for landerer
stalker killer that would gym teacher yeah uh that that's yeah same i would i would i would
i would i would do that yeah i love left time i want to see obsession and i want to see uh i want to see
obsession. I would love for everyone to stop talking about obsession.
How do we feel about that? Every two years, there's the horror movie that everybody talks about.
It's just, it never will stop. You know, it was fucking the Jordan Peel one, and then it was,
I recently rewatched us. It was hereditary. And I got to say, I really liked it.
Really? Yeah. I really did. Oh, wow. I remember not like it. Me too. Yeah. I saw in the theater,
I was like, eh. So everything that's happening above ground is also happening underground? That's so stupid.
But here's...
That was the thing
when I found I was like,
this is...
Oh, come on.
Agree.
But here's the only thing
that I think is stupid about it.
Okay. Okay.
The fact that they come up
with some lore
as to what the shadow self is.
The shadow self is an idea
that we've had for centuries.
We don't need an aid
in some failed government experiment
and now we're all there.
We don't need any exposition
whatsoever.
We don't even need a hint.
We don't even need a glimmer
of what it might be.
It should just be,
there are shadow people
underneath the ground,
who are mirrors of us living the torturous version of our lives above ground.
And then one happens to switch places when they're young.
And then that one leads the-
Now, that's a good idea.
That's it.
You don't need more.
Now, I agree with you that.
I have two things to say about that.
That's definitely less studio movie because of the whole-
Because they need an explanation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I, but that's saying that, after saying that,
Jordan Peel could have pushed for that and probably done that if he wanted to.
I agree. That's why I think his, his, if he has a weak spot, I think he's an, honestly, I think he's an amazing director.
He's great, yeah.
As a writer, I think he's a little bit too nerdy.
Got it.
And I think that even though he could have done that, I think he's like, oh, like, what's like the cool, like lore of the thing?
Like, fuck lore, dude.
Just give me a good movie.
I don't want any exposition.
It's why I can't watch Christopher Nolan movies.
85% explanation
and I still don't know
what the fuck's going on
well that's like
Vanilla Sky
where it's like
kind of cool
and then he's in the elevator
and there's that long scene
where the guy's like
this is what happened
and you're like
and you're like
and you're also like
I'm not a fucking idiot
just let me watch the goddamn
right yeah yeah
stop explaining
anyway
um
Abra los Ojos
what?
Oh yeah
yeah
Arbre los Othos
the original
yeah you see it
yeah
didn't see it
absolutely caught you on a lie
and we know it. And that's all good. Some people lie. And it's fine. Top 10. Here.
All right. You want to do a submission? Yeah, that's it. Submission.
What about? Matt, Chris, you guys are absolutely awesome. This is Eli from Michigan.
First question. So I just got a new relationship. And this girl asked me how many people I've slept with.
I told her eight. So the question is, is it okay to tell them little white lies like that about
different things, kind of just tell them what they want to hear? Or do you got to be honest about
everything if you wanted to work in living hell? Secondly, people.
that are at the gym, like listening to music
and dancing and sometimes singing in public,
everybody hates you. Third,
I had a dream about you guys because I listened to you
sometimes on my phone while I'm sleeping,
and you guys were sedixt to me, and Matt
was trying to sleep with my girlfriend, so you can rot in hell
for that. Love you guys. Nice.
Actually, truly, you could tell
he believes I should rot in hell for that. And as they
say, don't sleep, which is all good.
That's why they say don't sleep. Matt will come
and fuck your girl in your dreams. I apologize.
I apologize. No, I didn't actually do it.
Let's just address the first one, which was what was it again?
What was it?
Oh, the number.
You lied.
Yeah.
Why the fuck would you lie?
That is, well, I guess I understand why you'd lie, but.
Well, here's my question.
There is nothing you could have said that would have.
Here's, yeah, go ahead.
Sorry, here's my question.
You said eight.
Yeah.
What's the real number?
35?
Right.
If the real number is 211, okay.
I understand.
Honestly, even that.
What's the thing that's going to make her run?
Here's the deal.
And maybe I'm,
you tell me actually,
if,
if,
I don't care how many times,
how many different men,
a woman that I've known.
I mean,
I'm 42.
I don't either.
Like,
what are I going to be like,
hold it against her?
Like, I was like that.
Like, who, who,
I don't have any attachment.
I don't have any attachment.
I know what you mean,
but it isn't,
if you think about it like this.
I have no attachments.
at this point to any of those women.
So why would it matter to her?
Yeah.
But that's you.
This is what I'm asking.
Like is there a material difference between...
There was a thing that I had whereas if a woman, you know,
if a woman had slept with more guys than I had slept with women,
I was so, like, insecure.
Well, that's honesty.
Yeah.
What is?
What you're describing?
You being insecure about that is different than being like, oh, I can't do this shit.
Can't do this shit?
Yeah, like, I'm not going to scare her.
Like you're worried about being scared away or like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, running away because it's too much for you to deal with.
That's different.
You're sitting in the relationship and being insecure and trying to deal with it.
Yeah, yeah.
What he's describing is he, it sounds like he lied because he didn't want her to be freaked out and run.
Who knows?
Maybe it's only two.
Right, maybe he's only not.
But maybe he's never had sex.
No, I don't think
I think even honestly if it is 55 or 100
That's
There's a way
Well, it doesn't matter
But it might matter to her
But there's also that thing in her
That will be more attracted to you
That's just
That's true
Yeah there's just
That's forget it
She might
Consciously be like
Oh I can't be with a guy
That's slept with that many women
But her subconscious is going to be like
That's actually so hot
Let me ask you something though for real
Think about it for real
Why?
Bro, you're the man.
Why would someone feel that way?
What?
Because it says they're like a slut?
Or like they're too loose with their dicks?
Women like, women like stuff and men like stuff,
but people like stuff that other people haven't, don't have.
Right, but here's the thing, though.
Say you're a guy.
Say it is 211, right?
But this guy's fucked.
Which he hasn't.
But let's just say that is.
this woman should be like oh damn he knows what's up yeah and he is wanting to be with me
that means that like he has fully experienced the vastness of the possibilities of all the
different women's out there and he's chosen me almost shit yourself yeah and i think that
that i mean that's kind of how i feel if i meet a woman and she's stuck with two guys i'm like
Piu!
That's not good.
No, I know.
I think, oh boy,
I don't want that.
She's gonna maybe want to sleep
with more men and not understand.
Fuck a lot of guys.
And not understand how good I am.
At actually doing it.
Not that recent,
not even close to recently.
Connected sex is insane.
But I was dating this girl and I found out she was a virgin and I was like,
I can't do that.
Yeah.
I can't do that.
Yeah.
Not because I'm like some moral fucking,
I'm just like, this is not going to work.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Go fuck a bunch of dudes.
Yeah.
Call me later.
Let me know in detail what it was like when each guy was inside you doing their thing.
I want to know, do a journal, give it to me, give me the journal, let me own the journal.
And read it whenever I want.
Perfect.
And read it before bed when I go to bed and dream about it.
For worst, doctor.
Fuck I got a bunch of guys call me in a morning.
The, yeah.
You know what I'm saying, though.
To me, it's the other way around.
Yeah, I don't.
All I care about, to be honest, and this is.
I guess ironic, but,
maybe that's the wrong word, but like,
the only thing I care about,
and I mean this,
is if a woman,
first of all,
I don't need to know,
I don't care how many,
that's the other thing.
I don't think I've even asked
or known in the last several relationships.
Yeah.
But if you're going to tell me,
don't lie.
Just fucking tell me.
Because it doesn't matter, okay?
So if you tell me it's 60,
I go,
okay,
uh,
it's 60
whatever
but if you tell me
because a lot of times women
will be like
they say less
than then you know
oh he did right
but that's like a thing
that we're like
you know I don't want him
to think I'm on
yeah a slight yeah
if you do that
then I'm like
well why is she lying
like is there
is she trying to not tell me
about guys that
she thinks I'd be threatened by
and then why am I threatened by
you know what I'm saying
like that makes me
Only lie when you have to is what I truly, truly believe.
And that was an unnecessary lie.
Yeah.
Now, don't go back and be like, uh, I lied.
Live with it.
It's fine.
It's not the end of the fucking world.
But like, don't lie about that kind of shit.
It doesn't matter.
Lie about shit that matters and also like, I don't know.
It's like something that's your cross to bear.
You know what I mean?
You don't want to put it on someone else.
So it's like, you know what?
My punishment is I have to deal.
with this bad thing that I fucking did.
You know what I'm saying?
You don't want to fucking lie about eight.
What is it fucking 30?
What is it 15?
Well, that gives a shit.
It's like, what is it?
15?
Like what, you know, what?
Trying to say this guy hasn't fucked a lot, but yeah.
Eight?
I mean, you?
No.
Why are you lying?
I'm kidding.
Yeah, I don't understand why you're lying.
Unless it's 80.
And he's like, I have to tell her.
But 80s?
Then you're going to run into these women.
He's like, we ran into 11 women that you slept with.
80 should be fine.
He's like, he's an adult.
This is an adult man.
Who cares?
This guy's not 20?
I saw a little way more than 80.
I mean, 80 ain't shit, dude.
80's a fucking Thursday, bro.
I mean, we'd be so tired.
Wilk Chamberlain.
Will Chamberlain.
Yeah, Will Chamberlain.
I don't know if I fucking that's true, dude.
Who's that guy that was on that show?
I saw a clip of it.
Was it Ray J?
Yeah.
That was so funny.
We'll talk about the next one.
It's so just like that.
I don't like to be like, that guy's lying, but like.
Well, he's obviously lying.
But the interviewer is being so.
funny because he's like,
isn't it Cam Newton?
The interviewer?
Yeah.
Oh, it might be.
Yeah, yeah.
He's like, but do you understand the math of that?
Like, that's like 25 women in a day.
And Ray J's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he's like, no, but like, do you understand like how many minutes per, like, of a
break you'd have in between?
And Ray J's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he's like, but it's so funny, you know.
Ray J is just, we'll talk about him on Lifeline luxury, but he is wild, bro.
That guy, he actually don't know much about him.
He's like one of those guys that just will do anything to be viral now.
The two things I know about Ray J are obviously the Kim K tape and also the hat moving, which is my favorite thing on the end.
Fucking sexy can I can't get thinking it.
What was the hat then?
What was the hat?
When it keeps cutting back to him and his hat's different.
Oh, yeah.
Legendary hates it.
Oh, that's great.
We're doing more.
Yeah.
What's going on, Matt and Chris?
my question is what is a food from your past that you used to love?
The Joker, this guy.
And you can't have it anymore because either the place shut down,
the restaurant doesn't serve that thing anymore,
whatever the case may be.
I blew it up.
For example, my local China buffet used to make these little pigs in a blanket.
Oh, my God.
They were so good.
or like anything from the
you don't have to use examples
the target food court
you know
stuff like that
yeah don't give us an example
of something we've never fucking heard of
Chris you're an amazing father
thank you really are
um
the fuck do you know
Matt you look like you keep a really
clean bathroom
with like a candle and stuff
the fuck do you really
yeah
thank you guys
okay well
the fuck does this motherfucker know about us
you just assuming you could be a fucking deadbeat dad
I could have the shit stained most shit stained
bathroom on earth. I don't like that. It's pretty obvious. I'm not a deadbeat dad. It's pretty
obvious. I don't have a shit stained bathroom, but what the fuck does he know?
Madone. I mean, I've been watching the Sopranos, you know.
You know, our family says that. I know. Okay. I mean,
Sopranos takes place literally where we grew up. I know in the same town. Yes. Yeah.
It's just crazy, dude. It is so crazy. Sometimes I'm like, how do other people like this show?
I mean, obviously it's so great. It's so great, but it is very, the inside of it is, is, is, is,
They are obviously from there.
Because it's so accurate.
It's so accurate.
And that diner, the last scene of the diner,
mom was like, you know we've been there.
Isn't that Holstens?
Maybe if that's, I think it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's like, we used to go there.
I was like, really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So where you found a fucking Band-Aid in your food?
No, that was.
No, it wasn't.
I was going to snap it.
Cardone.
That was Cardones.
Oh, okay.
I still want to slap your hand, but it's all good.
Why?
I don't know.
It's fleeting.
It's gone.
Yeah.
I don't want to slap your hand anymore.
What the fuck was it you just saying?
The food.
Oh, yeah, Barone's pizza.
That doesn't exist anymore?
I live too far away.
I just can't go anymore and it's too far away.
Baroni's pizza was this crazy old.
Is, is.
Is it still there?
Yeah, it moved.
It moved further into the valley.
Barone's great.
Barone's pizza is maybe my favorite pizza.
Wow, really?
I love it so much.
Also, dude, there's somebody who just did like an Instagram thing,
like somebody like,
I don't know.
I'm going to find out who it is.
Very old school.
Like they would do live music,
kind of like the Dresden does live music.
It's like,
that's kind of the vibe.
Yeah,
but it's like a big,
big family-style pizza place.
And the waitresses are all like 80 years old
and call you sweetie.
And like,
it's just like you walk into a time portal.
Yeah.
And the food is so good.
It was, yeah.
We should fuck.
And shout out to Barone's.
I miss you.
Steve Carrell,
who was doing this thing.
He did what?
Did like a thing.
like this is my favorite place.
Really?
I try to make a...
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Oh, there we go.
Me and Steve Carrot.
He's in a pot.
Barone's is very, very, very good.
It is crazy to call it the best pizza ever.
I think.
It's too specific.
I said best pizza in L.A.
Oh, I thought you said ever.
No, not ever.
In L.A.
In L.A.
It's not like L.A. Pizza sucks, but it's hard to find a great, great pizza in L.A.
No, it's like...
It's a different kind of pizza.
It is.
It's like banquet pizza.
Yeah, it's different pizza.
It's like, yeah.
It's like square.
I think there's more than one baronies, actually.
See, it's in Woodland Hills now.
Now, yeah, but yeah, it is very, very good.
I like the ambiance, like the vibe.
But don't, yes, but we're talking about just the pizza.
Okay.
So don't be saying the fucking shit about the ambiance.
And the waitresses, we're talking about taste here.
Why can't I do that?
Best pizza is best pizza.
But it's an experience.
Eating's an experience.
No.
Eating is a mystical experience.
But you can buy the pizza.
and not eat it in Barone's so fucking, you know.
Probably wouldn't be as good.
Well, it never, I don't think that really goes on what this guy's saying.
Like, hold on.
Yeah, no, this guy's talking about just the food, right?
Yes, and, and also nostalgia.
So I think what Matt's saying does count.
I was going to say it kind of doesn't count.
Because it's still like this.
He's the only guy who can start talking and mean the other thing by the end.
And disagree with himself in the middle.
Well, I, for me, it's just because it's out of, out of.
Tom Cruise is not gay.
He has fucked guys.
That's Michael.
It is out of realistic reach for me to go there just on a win.
What would mine be?
Oh, dude, I had a dream.
Martin Luther King.
Okay, I ate, you guys know about how the last time I had Taco Bell was 20,
long time.
Five, six years ago.
Martin Luther Fat.
Do you know about that?
Martin Luther Fat, go ahead.
No, I don't know about that.
Yeah, and I remember it.
had a dream that I ate Taco Bell.
And then after that, I had another dream that somebody, I was talking to somebody and I was like,
I haven't had Taco Bell in 26 years.
And I go, fuck, wait.
I did have it the other night.
Two separate dreams.
It was a series.
A series of Taco Bell dreams?
My dreams are streaming on Taco Bell Vision.
But, but yeah.
So, no, what would mine be?
Not Taco Bell.
No. I mean, no.
You can eat that. But you brought it up.
I mean, what the...
I know, because I was thinking about the last...
I drove by what used to be the Georgie's pizza.
Oh, Georgies.
And it's something else and it's like a wings shop.
Yeah.
And I was thinking, damn, I would love a Georgie's pizza.
Yeah, George's was great, yeah.
Georgies wasn't that for me. It was great, but...
It wasn't great, but it was like...
It was fun going there to get a turkey sandwich.
You know what? I'll tell you what. I miss.
I miss certain places.
I miss Higleys.
I do miss that.
place. It's coffee, but yeah. But, but no, but I don't miss it because of the coffee. I miss it because
of the place. The vibe. So I wouldn't say that is that, but, um, I don't know. I don't, I don't know.
I don't know if I, none come to mind, I guess, you know, and if they do, it's like, oh, I could go there.
I just, I'm not around there. Pick one. What? Clock sticking. Oh, um, is that for real.
That's not the Higley's, right? Well, it's the closed. Yeah. Oh, it is. It's former listing, yeah.
Oh, wow. Damn. I wish that was. I love that. I love that.
one that that they actually had good bagel uh turkey sandwiches man really yeah i used to eat that
shit i do miss that um yeah i don't know but you you picked one that exists it still counts we
don't think it counts we we we decided it counts uh yeah thank you three to one he can go get it
today three to one uh well i see what chris is saying i see what he's saying too i see what he's saying too i
See what he says.
You think this dude wouldn't drive to fucking to get pigs in a blanket from the old place?
He can't.
I've got a perfect one.
Okay, go.
It's Taco Deli.
And it was the best breakfast burrito in all of Los Angeles.
That was really good.
And it's gone.
Are they both gone?
Yeah.
Dude, the family that owned it, they had offers to just sell it to somebody else or even just license it.
And now it's whack.
And they refused.
They were like, no.
Oh, really?
If we can't manage it, we don't want it.
Baller.
What?
Baller.
Oh, my.
Who the fuck would do that?
They did so well.
I just, I wish, man, I've been trying to find the family so I could ask them for the
recipe.
Worst movie.
You think they'd give it to you?
Biopic this summer.
What are they going to keep a fucking recipe?
I'm not trying to go sell it.
I just want to make it.
Yeah.
It won't be as good, though.
I think they wouldn't give it to you.
I mean, that's what a recipe is.
No, you, that's all just hoars.
That's malarkey, what you're talking about.
Joe Biden.
What?
Just getting all the ingredients.
fucking Taco Deli.
I'll tell you this much, too, how much is it?
Me?
I didn't fucking really care for Taco Deli, man.
And everyone loved it.
That's the La Cabanita.
You don't like good food.
No, that's not true.
You don't like good food.
You know what?
I'll tell you this.
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That was easy.
There's a place, Drake's Hollywood.
There's a place called Drake's Hollywood.
This kind of counts, but not really.
They have, to me, the best chicken parmesan I've ever had.
And I'm not really a chicken parmesan eater,
but, you know, from time to time,
I get a hankering, and I get it there.
They took it off the menu, you can only get it on Sundays.
And that, that counts.
I can't, sometimes, I never go on Sunday.
If you get a hanker and it's not on Sunday, you're far.
You can't get it unless it's on Sundays.
I don't even know.
Maybe they change it now at this point, but the chicken parmesan there,
Maron.
I hate ordering chicken parmesan.
Yeah, it gets all a little messy.
Because you feel like you're in high school or something.
What?
You mean at a restaurant?
You knew that that's the kind of thing that he was going to say,
and that is not what you think.
So don't say, yeah, I know.
I thought he meant having it delivered because of course it doesn't suck.
Oh, well, that, no, no.
Of course it doesn't.
No, the act of ordering it, I think is embarrassing.
He's getting, so him.
What is wrong with you?
He's so, so wrong.
You're 40-something, bro.
How could you be embarrassed to order something on a menu?
You're a man.
You're an adult male.
I know.
It's like.
You also order it all the time.
He slips a note.
This is what I want.
I'm sorry, but he points at it.
It's the same as if you were like, can I have the pito butter and jelly sandwich?
How it's not is a whack take.
Chicken Parmesan is what many adults eat and it's on so many Italian menus.
I know.
So why are you embarrassed?
I don't know.
Maybe because it's fucking metaginots, you know what I mean?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But who gives the fuck?
Yeah.
You're not from.
You're not.
You're ordering it these places from Mediganots anyway.
Fucking Locaniana, dude.
Yeah, it's not like you're going to fucking Sicily.
Yeah.
I don't have the chicken parmesan.
He's in fucking Van Nuys.
Yeah.
at a fucking place it serves it in a basket
Can I get a
I don't want to say it
Some guy named Juan
Why Juan?
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
So weird to get embarrassed about that
Yeah
Yeah that's hilarious
Wow that's really funny
And very you
Very on brand yeah
Yeah
All right
Well
I'm gonna be in Las Vegas
Salt Lake City
Denver Pittsburgh
And Miami Brea
California
Washington D.C.
Louisville Kentucky
go to it. Let's get
Christelia.com.
Let's get tickets.
Yes.
Patreon.com
slash muchilia.
Yeah.
Wow.
