Lifeline - 227. Outlanders of The Laughter Zone

Episode Date: August 30, 2026

Today we're talking about creating a scene in public, disabled parking confusion, and the airplane middle seat. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Showtime. Hey, God. Oh, well. What do you say? I don't want to say, start with, you start with, hey guys. It's like everybody starts with, hey guys. You know, I don't want to do that. I got to stop doing that.

What do you want to start over with? Suff Frankenfellas. That's cool. Yeah, that's better. I mean, you know, I don't know. It was Calvin's first day of school. Today? Yeah.

It's hard to, it's hard to do that for me. to go to school. Yeah. And we were watching a movie last night about, we watched a movie last night, like as a family to, you know what I mean? What movie?

what movie? Do you want? What movie do you want? In the bedroom. I love Tom Wilkinson. Yeah. Um, but so, are like, it's not even like, you know, people give Disney a lot of, you know, when you say these movies, can you, can you, I guess family movies. Okay. They give a lot, get Disney a lot of shit for bleep it out, but, um, being woke or whatever, you know what I mean?

Still though, I think that. I guess, but this was a movie from back then. Oh, okay. So, so, but I'm not even talking about that at all. I'm, I don't mean this as like, I don't even know. if it's it's just sometimes I'm watching these movies and like it's too much for I'm like is he like understand not understand is he processing all of this okay enough like did the the the kids don't have a dad because he died a while ago and I'm like I'm already like oh man but I know he knows

about death death and stuff but then I'm like oh man I'm now I'm watching it and I'm looking at and I'm looking at Calvin and I'm like, I'm actually getting emotional. Like I start to tear up at this movie and I'm like, well, what's going on? Like I watched, I tried to watch,

what was that robot six movie? What's that movie? Robot, no, no, what's that one something six? Hero six. And,

yeah, yeah, the brother, the brother dies in that. I'm like, ah. And I'm not saying like that he shouldn't make these movies. Like,

but I'm just like, It's hard for me to wrap my head around sitting with them watching it, you know? And I'm just like, I, I guess it's okay. I guess. But it makes me like, is he like he's six? Is it okay to do that? You know? To, to like get into, to watch that stuff?

The death and stuff? I mean, how does it affect him? I don't know. Are you crying in front of him? I mean, I just, no, I was like behind him tearing up, a little bit. Crouching behind Calvin, tearing out. But no, but he didn't see it. But I mean,

and also even if you looked at me, I don't know if you saw it. Did he say anything about how it disturbed him? No, no, no. I mean, yeah, okay. He would have. He's Calvin. It just made me, it really fucked me up, dude, because I was like all night kind of sad afterwards because I'm like, man, there's kids that have that, that happened to and that don't have a father.

And like, man, it just made me, it put me in a weird mood, dude. And then today was his first day of school, so it was like even more. So I'm just like this kind of emotional guy right now, but not outwardly, kind of more internally. So because I'm, you know, I'm trying to be a man about it. Because you're you. Yeah, and I don't know. And honestly, we want to talk about it, but I guess I am.

Well, you started off the show talking about it. I know, nobody's prying it out of me. Maybe I need to. Maybe that's the thing. Purge. But, uh, so yeah. So, but I'm going to have a, but I will say I ate half of a bag of a bag of cream cheese and I'm going to have a killer like that. What's that got to do with anything?

The bagel part, I mean. I ate it because I was like, I'm going to need the energy, so it's okay. Normally I wouldn't eat that in the morning. The carbohydrates? Yeah, I mean, and not necessarily the carbohydrates, just a mix of cream cheese and also the carbohydrates. And it's just no protein, you know what I mean? But protein's coming, you know, I got some salmon on the way. But yeah, and then I'll have a great leg day.

How much of this show do you think now is like a show about going to the gym? Not much, not much. Percent, though. Five? That's too much, right? Maybe. But yesterday I go, let me just try to fucking go heavier. 7%.

Okay. And I did. And I went way heavier. And I pulled 23% more than I usually pull. So it's going to get crazy is what I'm saying. Are you talking about working out on your other podcast? A little bit. I mean, talking about it so much, dude.

Give me a break. A little bit. So like people who there's probably, you know, there's people out there that probably watch all of your shows. Yeah. And they'll hear about this bagel on your other shows. They probably won't hear about the bagel, but they'll hear about my life. Bagel's exclusive to Lifeline.

I'm surprised we're not saving it for Patreon, but yeah, no. So, dude, it's, it's, it's, you know, subscribe, you're subscribing to the show, but you're subscribing to me, okay? So that's how it is, dude. And there are people who appreciate it, all right? Anyway, anyway, that's what's going on in the world today. So, uh, happy birthday to Warren Buffett. What's this, how was this guy? 150? 95. 95. Wow. Camry. You ever watch Warren Buffett, like, YouTube videos? I've seen him. He's such an affable, charming, I know, guy. And he obviously he's just a wizard with money, but it's like he talks about getting rich,

like it's like as simple as like pouring a glass of orange juice. Really? Yeah, but you're Warren Buffett. Well, you got to, yeah, first of all, you're Warren Buffett. And so you don't know what it's like to get rich because right now. You know, yeah, you've been rich for, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Uh, and so it's much different and, uh, and, uh, and, and, and it's a whole different time too. So, yeah. So it gets confusing from him because I love him as a human. Yeah. But I'm like, yeah, you're kind of, you're not full of shit. No. But like, you're just, you're a dinosaur. Yeah. You're doing it right still because it works for you. But like, yeah. But like, you're like, you're done. Trying to get rich now would totally different game, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. Um, yeah. Um, yeah. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.

Also, happy birthday to... Cameron Diaz. Speaking of Warren Buffett, Cameron Diaz. And also speaking of Cameron Diaz and Warren Buffett, happy birthday to Michael Chickles. Now, free association, Michael Chickles. The commission. And?

The vomit. There we go, dude. Have we told that story? Have we told that story? Marco seems to know it. No? I don't know if you've told it on here. Okay.

But you know it, though. Yeah. This is one of my... I talk about this. all the time. I have no memories from my childhood in New Jersey. This is one of my maybe five or less truly vivid, like I remember what it was, what the room was, everything about it. By the way, I remember too, which is weird. It's not like a, why do we both remember it? Well, you have a better memory that means. Okay, but. Yeah. Well, well, because we laugh so hard. We die. I mean,

dad laughed so hard. I pissed my pants laughing. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, I remember thinking dad thought, it was so funny. And I thought it was funny, but I was like, wow, dad is laughing so hard. Okay, that's funny. Anyway, it was weird for different reasons. But a commercial for the commission came on. Explain with the commissioners.

The commission is an old TV show starring Michael Chick. Very old. Like what made him a TV star, basically. And it's obviously short for the commissioner. And he played a police commissioner, which is just like every other procedural cop show at the time, 80s. Right? I mean, we were so young.

Yeah, I mean, look at it, dude. Yeah, when was it on? Was it 22. Oh, 91. Okay. So I was like, I was like eight or nine. Oh, wow. It wasn't that long ago.

No, okay. I mean, that was a long time. It was a hit, though, five seasons. Damn. Okay. So yeah, early on, I was eight, maybe. And a commercial for the commission came on. How much was Don Cheadle in like fucking eight episodes?

Help me out with the order, though. So it, it, the order of events. Okay. Who said that's the worst, like, how did it go? Dad. Dad said that's like the worst title of it. ever heard. And the commission, talking about the commission. Dad. Yeah. And then he said, and then he said, it's like basically calling the show the vomit. Yeah. And I thought that was

the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my entire life up to that point. And he was already tickling us. Do you remember that? We were already rolling in laughter. Okay. I do have a vague memory of already being, where we had already been laughing. We were already in the laughter zone. The laughter zone is an important place to be if you're going to get into that. I do. I do you're going to get into the out of breath peeing pants. Into the out of the laughter zone, then yes. Yeah, like no, no breathing, peeing pants. Outer space of the laughter zone, yeah.

You need to be in the laughter zone already. You can't just go from nil to peeing pants. No, no, you need to be in the outlander of the laughter zone. Exactly. So we were outlanders of the laughter zone at the time. And he said that, you might as well call it the vomit. And I stop breathing, peed my pants. thought it was the funniest thing i'd ever heard in my entire life wow and i distinctly remember

everything about i remember look on his face he was like he was like obviously so happy that he made me laugh that hard you know i mean yeah it was just like one of those moments where you're just like pure joy yeah overwhelming like good good good good good good good good good good good uh and it was about the vomit that's great i i i do remember it were we in our bedroom? Where were the hell were we? We were in our bedroom in New Jersey. Yeah.

The bunk beds. Yeah. Okay. Right. And so he said the vomit. And I do remember, you know what I remember? I'm going to be honest. You know what I remember?

I remember him laughing so hard. I guess I mean, I knew you were laughing. But like, I remember thinking in my head, that's so funny. I wish I thought it was as funny as dad did. Well, wasn't dad laughing in retrospect, if you think about it, probably. Maybe. Dad laughing because of how hard I was laughing. Like he was enjoying how much he was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably in retrospect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But not back then, of course, of course, he thinks that the vomit is so funny. Which it is. It is, but it also isn't. Yeah, but that's why it is kind of in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The commission is a terrible.

Can I? Go ahead. Can I point something out? The joke doesn't really make sense. Well, no shit, I was eight. Well, yes, it does. He's saying the commish is the worst title of any TV show ever. They might as well, it's like calling the show.

It's like calling the show the vomit. That makes perfect sense. That makes perfect sense. But the commission is an abbreviation for a different word. Yeah, but it's still a terrible name. Call it the commissioner. Totally. But that would be not funny.

Yeah. If he said they should call it the commissioner, we would have straight faces and been like our dad suck. Right. Right. You know. And the joke, I mean, it would be hard to understand if he said the show should be called the vom. Because you wouldn't know what he's talking. Well, the Vaughn wouldn't be nothing. That's too many jokes in one joke. Yeah. The vomit is perfect for an eight-year-old. I mean, I'm eight. Yeah. You know what I mean? No, it's actually the VOM is not funny. The VOM wouldn't make. It's not funny. But I'm saying the joke should be something altogether different. Oh, you're correcting my dad. No, the vomit is great. No, why don't we go, let's have you, let's go at it. I mean, let's go at it. It's the, the commission is the worst title I've ever heard in my life. Yes. It should be called.

It might as well be called. I don't have a joke. Okay. Oh, so, so he's just pointing out flaws, not coming up with any critique. Doesn't even have a solution. I don't have a solution. That's just no solution. No, yeah.

I mean, sure, could you have said fart, fart pants, Dr. Ball, Balls in my throat? Yeah, whatever. Dr. Balls on my throat. I would have been like, wait, what is that? No, no, no, you would have died. You would have laughed so hard you would have died if dad said that. At eight, I might have not gotten it.

I might have not gotten it. Oh, okay. Well, I would have been, I would have, ooh. Yeah, I actually have a bunch of memories from that room. Oh. One was when I slammed you in the knee with a little baseball bat. Remember that? And I went running.

I was so scared. I do remember that, but for some reason I don't remember the room. Yeah, but I do remember. I remember thinking you were going to kill me. Yeah, I was, and I still am. No, and you. And you. It was a long play.

Like, we're such an adult about it. I'm very mature. After what I just said. You were just like, why did you do that? And I was like, you pissed me off. Also, we were in front of your friends, so I was trying to front. You know what I mean? I don't remember that.

But you, like, you played it cool. It was the only time you ever played it cool. I'm cool, man. In that regard. So, yeah, wow. So the vomit. And I remember watching porn for the first time. in that room it was like a ripped VHS with you and Mike Lavecchio and I think Omar Holt was there

it was like the crew yeah and uh the crew I was so young that I was watching anything remotely truly sexual for the first time in my life I mean back then wow 1980 yeah he still nine or something you know what I mean yeah and uh I Mike Levecchio pointed out, I was like, what's, I was like, what's on that guy's dick? And Mike was like, that's a condom, dude. He just got it from the supermarket that bagged it up. And I was like, condom? What, what is a condom? Yeah. And he's like, it prevents you from getting diseases. Or he might have, he might have even said AIDS. And, and I, and I got like, devastatingly anxious and sad. Oh, well, there you go. And that's, that was a absolute,

formative thing for you. No, it was. And I ran down downstairs where mom and dad were and I was crying. He said, dad, let me see your penis. I want to see what's on it. And I want to know if you have any diseases. And I said, what's a condom? And they were like, that's hilarious. What did Chris do? You know what I mean? And I was like, for me, I mean, not to get too far enough, but for me, the reason it made me feel that way, because up to that point, all I knew were like love scenes and movies. And it was all about like just Amher's feelings or passion or whatever. And it was only a thing that meant good things. Yeah.

And the idea that sex could also be associated with something so scary or bad or even illness, like fucked my seven-year-old brain up. Wow. Wow. Keep getting under more and more you tell the story. Yeah. So now. So now, after since I was five. I wear a condom 24-7.

Right. So you don't get anything. So you don't get AIDS. I don't get anything. All right. Well, anyway, that's great. Story time. Yeah.

Talking about vomiting and HIV. So, all right. I mean, we didn't talk about HIV per se. Yeah. I mean, kind of. It was a detail among a bigger, within a bigger story. Well, anyway. Oh, I'll be in, we're speaking of which.

I'll be in Springfield, Missouri, Phoenix, Arizona, Tempe, Birmingham, Alabama, Atlanta, Georgia, Buffalo, New York. Oh, and I just had to go all the way down, and then I'm in Europe. So go check that out. I added Wellington and Tyler, Texas. Go down, go down, all the way, all the way. I just added Rutherford, New Jersey, which is, do you know it's like five miles from Montclair? Really?

Yeah. I didn't know that. I just asked Chachabee to do that. And then Jacksonville, Florida, go a little up. And then Raleigh, I added. And Austin, Texas. So go to chrysda.com and get those tickets. Pick them up, pick them up, pick them up.

And then sign up for our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Lifeline luxury. We're about to do that after this. And that is just us talking. Bantosick. No submissions, but we're going to get into submissions right now. But subscribe to our YouTube channel, super good studio. Subscribe now.

And hey, do you like having a good time? Do you like good community and good people? I personally love that. Yeah. Okay. Then you know what? Patreon.com slash Matt DeLea is the place to be. Best community online.

I'm biased, but I'm also not. I'm objective. I'm biased and objective. And it happens to be the best community online. So go become a member. Thank you. So let's do a submission, yeah?

Yep. Hey guys. I'm just listening to the last episode, 225. And I just heard the first submission with the guy is super negative about lifting weights in the apartment and also called out Matt for the gagging thing. Uh, hate them. See ya.

Interesting. Hates who? The guy. Oh, he agrees with us. Oh, he called me out. I forget. Tell me what happened. That guy called back and said, we were wrong.

I remember that, but what's the gagging thing? He, if I remember. He said, I was a member. Don't go. Don't, people at the, when they're doing a joke and when you say something, go, that I remember, but he said I'd do that. He said, you did it once. Oh, he said you did it once.

Who was he, my fucking biographer? Fuck that guy. No, no, no, but we already said this. I'm saying it again, fuck that guy. But then that guy's saying he didn't like that guy. Yeah, dude, fucking this guy rules. We like some inner turmoil in our show. So, you know, now it's him against him.

And that's how, it's him against him. And now we have some drama on the show, which is good for ratings. We should get them in the ring. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. do an MMA fight like everyone out like they should do an MMA fight like they're a podcaster because that's what podcasters do I guess at this point we just have um everybody that's

submitting is just talking to each other about oh it's great yeah it's great we're a community talk about community yeah all right let's do another one okay so I need some input from some real Italian guys on a guy that I met at a party this weekend so the guy was very white looking like his name was fully white. He was very white looking. He's from Canada. But he couldn't stop telling people how Italian he was or like letting people know he was Italian. Like, you know, he would say stuff like, well, that's the Italian way.

Or he would say stuff like, you know, being Italian and all X, Y, Z. And like, he just, I just don't think he was Italian. He'd even got to a point where I was talking to someone and I said something kind of surprising. From the right corner of my ear, I'd just hear him say, Mamma mia. Yeah. So I don't know. Oh, I got them. Guys. Like, is this, have you guys like this? Do you think this guy's Italian?

Do you think this guy's Italian? Do you like not? Yeah. Most of the time, you don't think these guys are Italian. They actually are Italian. They are, yeah. But that's incredible. To really ride the Mamma Mia train in 206 at a party, the guy's 30, you know. That's the Italian way.

I mean, how many ways are you going to bring this up, man? Like, give it up. When you're, when you're like 11 and you're trying to find your identity, maybe you like adopt like a soprano's accent or something because you saw an episode. But like, what adult acts like that? I just, I just, what I want to, what I wish is, and now I'm realizing it's probably because I don't really go out too much. But why don't these people find me?

Look, what do you mean? I want to know a guy like that guy knew. I want to know a guy that... That kind of shit happens to you, me, all the time. Okay, so it does, but I think a lot of the time it's because I'm very observant and a very good storyteller. So I take nothing and I turn it into something. I feel like it's been a minute since I've had a guy like that. If I was around a guy that kept going, well, you know, that's the Italian way and Mamma Mia.

The guy with Mamma Mia, my week would be made. If I heard a guy who was... You like it, you're saying? Oh, yeah. But would you do anything in the moment? Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, I full on. It's podcast time in real life.

We talk, we sit down, we have a discussion. Nobody films it. What do you say? Well, he becomes my best friend. You know that. I do know that. Oh, shit. Congratulations.

You just moved up to my number one best friend. Why you like that? You know, because that guy sucks objectively. I know, but there's so much that built him into that person. Like, it's like Ultron in The Avengers. It's like, yeah, he's a bad guy, but his backstory is so interesting, you know? I mean, it's, no. It's basically the Italian Ultron.

Mama Mia. Ill Ultron. Dude. Mama, me. Mama Mia is like I mean Just with the robot With the Italians don't even say that shit

With the Italian curly muscle anymore And he was Canadian That's interesting Right I find this to be a uniquely No American thing And I would imagine Canadians are very similar So Canadians as well

But like In fucking France There's no Frenchman Being like fucking like Oh like I'm so French, like that, like, you're just fucking, like, fucking, you're a French person. You go to the place that doesn't have it and then you say you're that. It's like how people from Brooklyn are in fucking West Hollywood just like, Brooklyn, and you're

like, dude, I'm just trying to order fucking in and out. You don't need to fucking state where you're from. But that's better to me than being like, my ancestors are from Italy. Dude, you're a Brooklynite, you fuck. Like, just be an American. Right, right. Like, I have an, we have Italian heritage, mostly, for the most part, we're mostly Italian. We're American people.

Speak for yourself. You know what I mean now? Of course. It's exclusive to, I don't know, maybe North Americans, I'm not sure. Yeah, no, I doubt South Americans do it. I don't know. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I, yeah, I, yeah, I, yeah, I, I have totally clocked that and. Americans are obsessed with ethnicity.

Yeah, in, in every, yeah. single way. It's so annoying. It is annoying. Like you're you're from fucking Canada dude. Yeah. Watch fucking corner gas and just shut the fuck up. Every Canadian out there will get that and no one else will get that. And I know a lot about. But like

just be you're a Canadian. You're not Italian. Stop saying Mamma Mia. Stop saying that's the Italian way. You're from fucking Canada. You know what I mean? You are Canadian. Yeah. I you know who wouldn't do that?

You know who really absolutely wouldn't do what that guy said? Yeah. A guy from Italy. Right. Yeah. He would just be like, oh, I'm in Canada. I want to be a Canadian. I want to blend in with Canadian society.

Yeah. I would just go the whole time, whenever he would do that, like the party, I go, I hate Canadian. Hi, Canadian. So fast. Yeah. Yeah. So he wouldn't know.

A tick. A tick. No, but yeah. It doesn't drive me crazy, but it's like, it's a very weird. weird thing that we do here. Mm-hmm. Like what? We're all,

we're fucking just American. They want, unless we're immigrants. People want to have an identity, dude. Yeah, American is one. I know, but they want to have it different than other people. But that's annoying because French people,

Swiss people fucking... Right. People from fucking Zaire aren't like that. I'm going to France and I'll let you know if they're like that. Zaire is a country or a city. Right. Zaire is a country. I haven't heard that country in so many years.

It's crazy. Zaire is great. That's a great name for a country, dude. I'm there. All right, let's do another one. Torin and Zaire next. Hi, Chris and Matt. Love you guys.

I was just wondering what your thoughts were on for airplane seating. Does someone who gets a middle seat, do they get the middle armrests or am I just like crazy? Because every time I find I'm on an air. airplane and I get a middle seat that the window person and the aisle person both have their elbows on the middle seat's armrests and I just find it really annoying. Should I like knock their elbows off with my elbows or what do you think I should do? I don't, um, Chris, I was just listening to the Yvonne podcast of you guys together from a while ago and I just loved it. So I hope

you guys can get back on a podcast. I'm supposed to go back on area this year. Um, At least he asked me too. I, yeah, I don't ever think about that. I don't know. I get that. That's a thing. But if I got to get the middle seat, which I don't normally, you know, I book it ahead. Yeah, nobody wants the fucking middle seat.

But if you got to get the middle seat, I just go, all right, this is a loss. You're just going to, you know, I don't think about the armrest. I just go, yeah, I'm in the, if they're on and I'll go, yeah, I'm in the fucking middle seat, that's just kind of what it is right now. It sucks. And when they move, I'm ready for them to move when they move, boom. But, you know, I don't, I don't really think there should be rules about that, honestly. Even though maybe there should, but I don't think about it, which is, which is very unlike me. I mean, if I'm in the window seat or the aisle seat, maybe this is, I don't think this is just me. I think there's probably a lot of people. I'm keenly aware.

that the person in the middle seat is fucked. So I try to, even if I'm like taking up a little bit of the armrests? So do I, yeah. I'll take like the front side. Yeah, so same, same. So it's like, it's just social contract. Yeah.

So if the person. But nobody does that. You think so? What you're doing? I do it. I think about it. Yeah, and I do it. Do I do it every time?

Probably not. But yeah, I don't think that most people do that. How would you rate us on the self- scale. When it comes to, no, when it comes to social. Yeah, yeah.

Courtesy. Very high. Okay. I think we are. Okay. Yeah, I agree. I think that... Like, I think we're in the up 95th percentile.

I think people on planes are just hogs. I think you get a person on a plane to become a hog. And I don't mean like they hog things. They do. So I guess it works in that sense as well, but they become pigs. They become animals. And they're just like, I'm so uncomfortable because every plane is uncomfortable that like they just try to become as comfortable as they possibly can. Yeah.

They don't think about your arm. They don't think about your body. They think about their own legs. They think about their own arms. Wow. They think about their own bullshit. But yeah, fucking. I would suggest bumping their arm off.

Really? Yep. no not me or like not not not like hitting it off but if they're fully taking hogging the armrest put your arm on it too on their arm no like like like like slide it a little bit then unless they're like like just like a fucking giant fuck they're not gonna their arm's not gonna cover the entire fucking thing get your arm in there yeah work it in by the end of the flight it's all yours Yeah, but then you got to stay. That's the thing.

You got to stay there. I don't know. You find the best position that you're in. You find the best position that you can currently, period. You don't move other people's bodies. There's a really old Jim Jeffrey's bit where he's talking about window seat gets one armrest in the window. ILC gets the one armrest and the extra leg room and the middle seat gets both armrest. And that's it.

Like those are the rules and that's it. I agree with that. That makes sense if that was a rule, but it's not. Correct. He's like trying to make it a thing. If that was a thing for airlines, I would say, okay, that makes sense. But it's not, yeah. That's the kind of thing that never can be instituted.

It won't, yeah. So why do you say that? You can't police where people put their fucking arms. Yeah. Period. You police so much shit on an airplane? Me? No, not.

Yeah, you. You're the fucking FCC. They police so much shit, yes. They would or you would as a. person like you the kind of person being in the middle of the seat you think they would be like no no no I get both no no I'm saying I'm disagreeing that airlines don't they make so many fucking arbitrary rules yeah they do let alone good ones right so like why not make that one I think that if they got yeah I don't know dude I don't think they could do it that I you know they can make up stupid shit like you got to put your bag in the bulk head on the upper head you know they can't have it make no sense but like they can say out of courtesy share the armrests. Yeah. You know, with people in the middle seat, they can say stuff like that.

They could do that. But they don't. Hmm. They don't. So fuck them. Probably because there's no money in it for them, honestly. If there was some fucking extra money in it, they'd do it. Oh, yeah.

Would you like to pay the $5 both? Right. Right. Tax. Have you guys seen that design of the plane that's like, yeah. Where people are sitting kind of like up and above? On each other?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No. What? Like, well, it's basically you're standing. Really. almost they're trying to add more people up into the vertical space that like exists above hard to explain maybe we could they're stacking people it no it looks it looks it looks ludicrous fucking terrible and they're

and they're designing these planes i don't think it's gonna happen i don't i thought it was just an internet thing honestly like it just like a i didn't take that as truth at all but sounds terrible i haven't seen it but it sounds no you're sitting like this and someone else is like like stack there sitting like it's crazy like if you claustrophobic no forget it yeah right there yeah

is that right yeah right I don't even see the like that's look at how fucking crunch she is she has leg room yeah she has leg room she got no other room

she's got no face room yeah and where's the screen dude it's just fucking right there just destroying everyone's eyes. On her ass. Look at the woman on the top. And the guy, what if she farts, dude?

Honestly. Look at the guy with the fucking... Remember the story I had about the guy shit in his pants in the plane? What'd that happen? Wow. Then I'd die. And the shit leaks out onto your fucking abdomen.

Okay. What I don't understand is how do they get more seats in there like that? I guess maybe a few more, yeah. All right. Fucked up. I mean, getting all the way up there, you know? Yeah, well, yeah, there's that too. I gotta go to the bathroom and then you just jump down.

Such a health hazard, do you know? Chris, Matt, love the pot. I'm calling from Florida. It's too hot here, and that's just how it is. Amel Hirsch. My issue is, this morning I ordered a coffee at the hotel lobby. I grab all my luggage, I walk out and realize I left my drink on the counter. Turn back around.

It's been 30 seconds. The lobby door is open, and I see the housekeeper, about 50 feet away. She's picking up my cup, kind of looking at it, like, why is this full? And then starts to drop it in the trash. No. In that two seconds where she picks it up, starts to lean over. I wonder, do I yell? Hey, my coffee, whatever.

Do I yell and create that scene and get everybody's attention but save the coffee? Or do I watch it happen? I knew it was going to happen. And that's just how it goes sometimes. that's more my personality but sometimes I wish I would be the person who would have yelled and gotten the benefit of it

which one are you either you guys because it honestly ruined my morning so much so that I've been listening to the pod for a couple of years and I thought this is this is when I need to make my submission and it's a great one it's 100 degrees in Florida it's

way too hot I hate it but I do love the beach wow that single's out at the end You know, I had to slip it in there at the end. I, I, here's the thing. When you see that happen, if you see that happen to you, exactly that.

And you're that guy, right? Yeah. What, who do you get mad at? Who do you get mad at? Yeah. Well, there's nobody to get mad at. Okay. So you know, but you get mad at a lot of shit.

So I'm asking you because you're that kind of guy. But who is different than being. Okay. So then what are you mad at? What are you mad at, I guess? is yeah. The timing, the situation, life. Really? God, fucking Yahweh. Yeah. What I am first, sometimes I might be first upset with, ah, what a fucking stupid mistake that was that I left it there for even a fucking little bit of time. Well, yeah, I think first I would be mad at myself,

of course, yes. So answer the question. But on the way back, I'd be mad at myself. Like, I'd already be mad at myself. Like, seeing it happen, that would have already happened. Oh, interesting. See what I'm saying? But then also you go, lady, give it a little bit of time. If it's full? Maybe, I mean, you don't know. Look, I don't want to. I agree.

But like maybe she was like, is this anyone's? You don't know what happened. It didn't seem like she did that. He said she goes like this. Right. But he didn't see what happened before. No. Oh, I thought he saw the lady go pick it up and then.

Oh, well, if that happened, she should be fired and never hired anywhere else again. You think? Yeah. That's crazy. One unattended drink you don't say, is this anyone's? You don't assume maybe somebody stepped away for two seconds and then it's coming out and just going to toss it. Maybe you're right. Maybe it didn't happen that way. But that's how I thought he said it. I mean, maybe it is. Who knows? But really the question he's asking is, what do you? What do we do? What do you do? What do you do? Yeah, I would go, hey. That's mine. Yeah, for sure. 50 feet away, yeah. That's how you would do it? Yeah. Oh, hey, yeah, yeah. If they're right there, and they go,

ow, that was full. What makes you laugh at that? The full part. Why? Tell me why? Because if it was half full, what's the fucking difference? You know what I mean?

Like, she's still thrown away your drink. No. No? Huge difference, bro. Maybe you, for real? Maybe you, maybe you only want half of it. it. You don't only want none of it. Correct. I'm with you. You don't order a coffee just to do it.

If it's full and she throws it away, that's a, well, fuck, whoever put this here, boom. If it's half full, totally understandable. Somebody could be done. I wouldn't, if it was half full, I don't even think I would, I would be like, yeah, yeah. If it was full, it's full. Oh, are you out of your mind? You think I just wanted to give someone money? I get upset. I can see that. I want to, again, like the Italian guy, I want to sit down with that lady and I really want to, really want to be your best friend. No, but I want to find out how she got that way because that's insane.

Do you find most, a lot of full cups around like? Like that? Yeah. Do you find a lot of full cups around? And how long have you done this job? First of all, I'd love to know. So it's been 11 years. And in that 11 years.

And I don't mean this is a shit in a shit way. But in that 11 years, how many, in a very interesting, and I want to, a journalistic way, I'd like to know how many full cups would you say that you even, that you even pick up? What if she said, what if she said something like this happens all the time? Okay. Interesting. So this happens all the time, right? And then what do you normally do when you pick up a cup like that?

What if she said, I ask, is this anyone's? Right. And nobody responds. Okay. But, but did she do that? I'm saying what if. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Well, I didn't hear that. So you're not, you didn't do it loud enough and I was only 50 feet away. All right. And it was for a few seconds. Now, the first few times that that ever happened with you, the first few times, like 11 years ago when you pick up a full cup, how long did you wait for somebody? Yeah. I want to know if she's like grizzled. I want to know if she's like, you know, you know, you know. It was like, you know, cops that are like, yeah, well, you know, when you've worked fucking 20 years and this thing, you know, you don't, you don't let people have the benefit of the doubt, you know, and, you know, it's like you understand, you understand, you understand please brutality a little bit better if they've been in the force for 30. You don't, the guy who first is two years on the job fucking just beating a shit out of people for jaywalking. You don't understand it. But you get it if they're 30 years deep and you go, oh, like I seen a lot of shit, he's going to beat up one jaywalker every now and then, you know. I mean, I don't think. you should cut him that slack, but okay. No, but you understand. Yeah, three years you get to beat up a Jay Walker. No, but you go, I see how he got that way. If a fucking 26-year-old on the force, that's just like, oh, hey, yeah.

Did you jaywalk? Come here. Ba, bah! You go, oh, he hasn't seen enough. The fuck is this guy? He's just racist, you know? Or whatever. But, you know, it's like, you're just completely way too aggressive.

You know, he's not old enough to be like, pattern recognition. It's not race. He's not old enough to do that. He has no fucking, but the, the, you know. So I want to know if she's like a, you know, generational cleaning lady that, that is like, this is just how it mostly goes. They don't come back.

But didn't she work the bar? They don't come back. I think it deserves like. No, he said housekeeping. Oh, he did? Yeah. It deserves one more sweet. Like maybe clock it and then...

But you know what, though? Here's the thing. If it's a new cleaning lady, I understand that. But if it's a generational cleaning lady, she goes like this, I have too much shit to do. They never come back. Yeah, right.

She got experience. Yeah, yeah. No. No, really? No. I think with experience would come, like recognition that... No, yeah.

That just got there. Yes, true. you're not taking, you're not taking into accountability or into account the, the, the, suckiness of, of people that are staying there. Yeah. You know, she goes like this. Like, like, you know, Travis Bickle, dude. He didn't, you know, he got that way, bro. You know, that's a, I mean, very broad point. I'm not, I'm not with you on that one. What's the Chazdickel part? Yeah, that part, yeah. The rest of it, I fully understood. I, I, what I was going to say? I would do the exact same thing as you.

I don't think I'd say, A, A, A, A, A, I'd be like, I mean, maybe I would. If it was far away, you'd get her attention. Yeah, right, right, right. That's what I'm assuming. Yeah. Yeah. Just get her attention at all costs.

What I would, what I think I would do, if my mind is working as fast as I like to think it would be, I would get her attention before it goes in the trash. Either the way you described her in another way. or excuse me loudly over and over again. Farted. And if she still throws it away and doesn't clock the excuse me or whatever. It's not clocking to you, miss.

She eventually will see me and I'll say that was my coffee. You just threw away my coffee. Who do I talk to about getting a new coffee? Because like that I want my coffee and that was mine and you threw it away. And I bought it. And it probably costs $18. Yeah, yeah, it definitely costs $18 because it's a coffee and at a hotel. Coffee's, I can't believe.

Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, what I would do was just, I would, I would insist on getting new one to a management. They'll get you a new one for sure. Yeah. Yeah. But my first reaction would be to try to get her to not throw it away, but she's throwing it away. You're not stopping her, is my guess.

She's not paying attention to the fucking some guy saying, A, A, A, A, A. Yeah. You know? Unless it's echoing in the lobby, sometimes it's echo. Or really close. You don't know. But like, I'm just saying, well, he said, I'm not leaving without my fucking iced coffee.

Falling down. The end. Falling down. All right. Yeah. There we go. Good submission. Really, really breakdownable.

Following up here, I did not take Chris's advice and get naked with my cock out and ride my horse up to my neighbor's house. Oh. This is the oral guy. I actually went with Matt's slightly more reasonable approach instead. I think Matt suggested I leave a note at my neighbor's gate and introduce myself. As I was actually walking up with the note, she happened to come outside. And we ended up talking for about an hour, maybe a little bit more. And incredibly, we had actually both discovered that we both had craniotomies,

which is a very rare brain surgery. And I've never actually met anyone in the wild who has had the same exact. thing happened to them so super rare we immediately connected she even sent me home with some duck eggs and raw goats milk so gross which was a nice jester although definitely not my thing living in the country has definitely been quite a unique experience the one situation that i could use some advice on actually involves a guy that i keep running into at the post office because of my head injury i do have a handicap parking pass the first time he saw me using it he He confronted me, called me a scammer.

Oh, my. He accused me of stealing my grandmother's car and actually tried to start a fistfight with me in the parking lot. I run into him several times. And it's always at the post office. And he continues to give me a hard time. He's a little bit older guy, short, bow five four, gray hair, glasses. Last time he called me transgender.

And then he winked at me and then called me a effing scammer. So at this point, I genuinely can't tell whether he. dislikes me or if he thinks we have some sort of bizarre running joke. Usually they're Wednesday mornings around 8 a.m. So I need a good comeback or something quickly that I can have my bad pocket to kind of, you know, just deliver on the spot. You guys are absolutely killing it with the advice. And thank you for everything you do.

Well, he didn't do the horse thing. No, I gave him the advice and it led to literally a wild connection that he never, ever, ever ever would have this. He took your advice, is what I'm saying. Yeah. What if he was like, craniotomy? Really? You too?

Oh. I don't think they would have gotten a craniotomy if he was naked on a horse. I think they wouldn't have gotten that far. You know? That's crazy. I never met somebody like that. Dictus. Okay.

I would, if he's 5.4 and old, I was. First of all. He's 5.4? And old. Yeah, that's why. And try to start a fistfight with him. I would just say, look. this is none of your business right but you never shut the fuck up about this so i'm going to say it

once i have this for a reason i had brain surgery it's called a craniotomy do you know what that is no let me guess you do not if you say one more thing like say calling me transgender what's the transgender he's crazy he's obviously crazy right right i'm i a young person who is strong, I am going to beat the living shit out of you. Now, that's the end of this. If you'd like it to continue, you're going to get the shit kicked out of it. If you'd like to move on with life as it usually goes, shut the fuck up. Take your fucking mail to the post office.

Like everyone else that does this, don't approach me about my thing. and go about your day. Yeah. That's all, I mean, dude, that guy, that guy, I'm sorry, deserves to, I never think this. That guy deserves to get the shit kicked out. Oh, you don't ever think that? Oh, my God. I think that plenty.

There's so many people just need to get the fucking shit kicked out of them. I just don't think it's going to change that many people. Yeah, but they still should get it. It's not about changing them. To me, it is. But I understand what you're saying. Okay. No, it's like what's just.

Well, sure, in certain situations, obviously. No, that kind of, well, this is kind of social awkwardness. Like, dude, you're insulting me, you're yelling at me, you're telling me I'm not handicapped. Here's the deal. I am. I have this for a reason. This is what happened. If you keep at it like this, I'm me, a young, strong person, I'm going to kick the living

shit out of it. John Markovic. If you don't want that, if you don't want that. if you don't want that, then stop. If you do want that, please continue and you will end up crumpled in a fucking ball. John McAvich. And you'll have your own handicap fucking thing where you can try to park here every time you come here. In the line of a handicap space.

This honking, waiting for him to leave. No, I'm saying, you know, in the line of fire. Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. In the line of a wheelchair. And that's when I'll be fucking crumpling you. God, people that it's just assume he's a scammer. What the fuck does he know about any goddamn thing under the sun? I mean, look, maybe if the guy, he doesn't sound like he is,

but maybe if the guy is handicapped. If he had a handicapped thing, maybe be like, yeah, maybe you have a gripe? I understand. I'd still, no. you just got to you don't come at it like that you don't do that you don't come at it like that no the end yeah because there's also more than one handicapped spot usually a small town yeah uh that's wild that is really wild uh i think there's no other way to deal with people who are that agro and that just

crazy that you have to use the strengths you have that are visible to him which are obviously size and age in his case, and scare the living shit out of them. Sometimes small guys are tough, though. You see an ant man? And this guy will beat the shit out of him. Ant man would fucking handle that guy. Okay.

It's very strong. Have you guys ever been in a fight with a stranger? Like a fist fight? Like something like this. Oh my God, yeah. All the time. Fuck, yeah, dude. All the time.

I mean, I never have. I don't think I ever have. You never have? No, because he fucking wouldn't, he wouldn't, he wouldn't, he's not confrontation. I'm often getting my ass kicked. Fines you. What's that, Tay?

I said, I'm often getting my ass kick. Let me guess, though, you're not doing shit like this old fuck did. No. You just got bad luck. No, Tay opens his mouth. Yeah, I got a big mouth. I get it. I used to have a big mouth.

I got hit the other day by a guy in a, what, in the tunnel? Second Street Tunnel? Yeah, yeah. That's where you get hit. You got. What do you mean? I got into it with a guy in the second street tunnel and he punched me in the face. Dude, I guess second street tunnel.

When it, when was this? Last week. And who fucking gets punched in the face last week? Oh, me. Me, I did. A lot of people. What did you, what did you, what happened? He was being loud with his car in the tunnel and I, uh, you know, raised my hand to him.

Yeah. And he turned around. Did you flick him off or just like? No, I just did this. Right, right. Were you in a car? No, I was on a scooter. Okay.

It's a bitch. And he turned around and came up to me and tried to run me over first off, got in front of me, came out and he was like, you never disrespect me like that. And I said, you were being an asshole in the tunnel. People live around here. And he said, oh yeah? I said, yeah. And then he punched me in the face. Damn.

Okay, so I guess That's the second street tunnel You're not You're not You're Was the guy big She's Puerto Rican Oh

That's not an answer But actually it means Sorry, I got that up Yeah I know That's what I'm saying Um

Interesting Interesting Interesting Because I thought I have never had Something like that happened to me

But maybe that's because I'm 6-2 and big I mean I'm sure that narrows down the For sure Yeah. I mean, we had a guy, we were in the car together, I flicked off and he chased us down trying

to shoot us with a gun. So you've had things like that happen. But that's... He literally was waving his gun around trying to shoot us on the freeway. Well, because of a middle finger. Yes. When he cut me off. Yeah, that did happen.

But I would put that in a different category than that. Because that's real danger. This is just like... This is also like downtown Los Angeles. You know, when he got out of the car, I was like, oh, oh, boy, what have I done? You know, I mean, he very well could have just been like a fucking crazy guy who... You just went like this, right? Had a gun or a knife and was like, oh, yeah, like, you're dead now.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, absolutely. But you didn't really do anything that agreed. Yeah, but people are crazy downtown. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I get that. Yeah, that's why I knew it was a secondary town. Wow. I

I don't know if I've had that kind of a thing happen to me I mean I've you know and like maybe in like high school people you know challenge me in that way but like no I saw a video of a guy who was like 50 something and this other you know 20 something it was outside of like a 7-11 or something and he was like and the dude the young dude walked up in a parking lot and the old dude was like, you know, I don't want...

So the video starts like mid. Yeah. He's like, I don't want any part of this. But he had to do a walk over, you know? I don't want any part of this. And the dude just kind of like walked up to him and the old dude just goes, pop. Like, and it was very fair because it was like, he was like, I don't want to do this. Don't do this.

I'm backing up. This is not what I want. The guy got too close and he just goes, pop. And the guy, and he hit his face. He did not fall down, but then the old dude tried to go do another punch, and then he kind of slipped a little bit. But then he was down. That's when I've got it, and I blame with that hammer. And he fell, and he fell down and he fell down-ish, not all the way to like one knee.

But then he just, you know, rocketed into his and took him down. Obviously, at this point, you go, the old guy took the old guy. At this point, you go, oh, the old guy knows what he's doing. Of course, yeah. even though he slipped, he like recovered really quickly and then got the guy down and then just handled him. Right. And and and got into him where he was choking him. And then the guy was like tapping. A guy goes, okay. And he gave up and he goes, he's like, don't, you know, like the guy fucking did everything right, I think. Um, you know, I think if somebody steps too close, you got to

you kind of, that kind of is the first move, you know. But, um, I don't think that's ever happened to me in my adult life, dude. Somebody coming at you with violence on their mind? Or not in their mind, but in their action? I mean, I've had guys that are like, what's up from like far away? But I just go, yeah, keep walking. Those guys are called pussies, yeah. Yeah, like I'm like, what are we're going to do?

Fucking go over there and fight you. Cross the street, just waiting through traffic. What did you say, right? It's still red. Stay there. I'm going to kick your fucking ass. Can you guys cry? Who gets the right away in this state?

The pedestrians or the, oh, where are you going? Just for me, it's like, imagine being so mad at someone, a stranger for throwing their hand up at you or really anything. Also, when your car is really loud. and wanting to violently assault them.

Well, so he was like going up and down the tunnel with his loud car. Oh! Like, being an asshole. Oh, God. He also had a girl with him, so I think that was a part of it. Oh. Well, that was definitely a part of it. So he, what, that he was just an asshole.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he was probably looking to do something like it could have been. She, when it started, she was like outside the car filming him going up and down the tunnel. He said he was with his girl. He said that might have been part. of it, I said definitely. Oh, yeah.

With his girl. Yeah. That definitely played a part. With a guy like that, he played a part. A hundred percent, which is so pussy. Jesus Christ. So you got punch in the face. Would you say he hit you as hard as he could?

No. Or was it more like a, yeah. I think it was more of just like, there's more where this came from, buddy. Don't. And how bad did it hurt? Um, I mean, you know, I've. Yeah.

It hurt. You didn't fall down? I didn't fall down, no. Fuck yeah, you didn't fall down, dude. Stood your ground. That's weird. That's so weird because there's a certain type of person that does those kind of warning shots to the face. But that's, if you're going to go for it, I'm like, go for it.

What do you want the person to retaliate you for? Yeah, yeah. I guess he thought you wouldn't. I think he probably knew that I wasn't going to like then square up. I guess. I mean, who the fuck knows, dude?

I mean, I'm also on a fucking scooter. You're on a lime. There's some deadly dudes on a scooter. I mean, that's definitely true, actually. Downtown,

fucking get shanked, just getting somebody riding by on a lime just, just, why am I bleeding? Oh, why is my pancreas out? Yeah. Yeah,

I don't, oh, Interesting. What's your address? I'll get you later. I'm going to get you later. But as many situations as he's in, I'm surprised that that's never happened. Yeah, that's what I was responding to.

Yeah, that seems odd. Maybe he's just punching everybody out. I don't know. Chris, not going to everybody out? No. No, I'm just saying, I mean, I'll eventually, I don't think it's ever really gotten to this point, but I'll always de-escalate if it's really. Yeah.

That's my thing. I'm really, really, really good. de-escalation. I am too, but if somebody was coming at you like that, I wouldn't be thinking de-escalation. If somebody got out of the car and was walking up to me, I would be like, what's up, motherfucker?

Really? Yeah, absolutely. I don't. Because you, you'll back off. Like, what do you, why did you get out the car? Right. Yeah. You have, I feel like you kind of have to do that. Well, you know, at a certain point, you don't have a choice. I mean, depending on what the nuance was, you know.

Yeah. All three of you have. never been beat up. Actually beat up, no. No. I'm undefeated. I've actually never been beat up. I've punched people.

I've been punched, but I've never gotten like this shit kicked out of me now. And with me, people know better. There's actually people like that out there that do shit like that. People know better with me. Oh, no, no, I know. So many people out there like that. People just know better with me. No, yeah, I never, I do not want to get in a fight so much.

And here's the other thing, too. Here, let me add real quick. Go ahead. To get into a fight, you are risking so much. Right. You're risking going to fucking jail. I mean, you're, you're, in his case, the license plate alone. I mean, you're risking beyond that.

I mean, you could die. Well, there's that too. Yeah. But I mean, even just bodily harm of push all that away. Yeah, yeah. You're risking so much. If he, he didn't hit him like this, but let's say he full-fisted, clocked Taylor and killed him.

He is going to jail for the rest of his life. Yeah. Just because he, just because Taylor went like this. And that's unlikely to happen. That's crazy. It's not that, dude, that's not that rare. Really? I mean, it's not that common.

Right. But that fucking happens. way more than it should. Yeah. Yeah. Like dude, just don't have your, you have plenty of time

in that instance at least and in most instances to think, you know what, I'm actually not gonna hit this person. Yeah. It's so easy. What is wrong with people? Yeah, it's weird.

Like just don't hit people unless there were a true threat to you in that moment or people you love or a stranger even. Like I'll grant you that. at all. They're a threat to people in general. Unless that, don't fucking assault people.

That's so funny that he was like, you never disrespect me. My first thought was like, of course I never have. I've never fucking even met you. I don't know who you are. I just threw my hand up because your car was loud. That's not even disrespect. That's a literal physiological reaction. You didn't throw anything out of him.

He didn't give him the finger. He didn't even say, fuck you. People are fucking crazy, dude. No, that's crazy. Fuck that guy. I mean, that guy's gonna end up in jail at some point. Yeah, I mean, that was my thought of just, well, a matter of time. I wanted to, I wanted to.

I mean, you could put him in jail if you wanted to. Yeah, I wanted to the girl, be like, this is your boyfriend? This is the guy you picked? No, I wanted. Oh, that would have been amazing. Well, then he's shooting me. Then he's stabbing me and you're dead and we needed to hire someone else and it's a whole problem for us. And that wasn't bad for us.

You were selfish. Stand there. I'm going to run you over. I got it back in my car. Thunder, where are you going? You disrespect me again. I told you not to at all. His girls didn't pass your seat just like texting.

Get him. Get him, pussy. You're too short. Was that the short guy? No, that was another guy. All right. All right, cool. Thanks very much.

I'll be in Phoenix, Springfield, Missouri, Tempe, Arizona. Chrisley.com get tickets. Bye.