Lifeline - 229. Zemeckidamus

Episode Date: September 13, 2026

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OnStar. Better never stops. This family is on the brink of Civil War on September 18th. Mobland, the hit original series, is back on Paramount Plus. We are the Harrogans. Don't know than yet? And Google us. From the underworld of Guy Ritchie. Do you want to step up the ladder? I want combat dead.

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Oh, boy, pardon that bill. Depends on what the word is. Pardon that pardon. I don't know Dude I took I'm tired I'm so tired

dude But let's amp that energy out Because here's the thing Let's not be tired Let's turn it Because earlier I was like I'm hungry But then I realized I wasn't

So it's all in the mind So I'll eat later Because I really wasn't that hungry And you're not tired and I have rested for two days. I was on the plane Sunday and Monday I just kind of did golden hour or I guess Monday. And then on Tuesday, sorry, Monday I flew. Tuesday I did golden hour.

And I'm just kind of rested though. So I should be well rested. But so, but I got the sneaking suspicion that I was tired. But I am not tired because I'm well rested. So what the frink? what I'm doing is saying I'm not tired. So technically I'm not tired. But you feel tired.

Yeah, but it's all in the mind. So technically you are tired. But it's all in the mind. Not even necessarily because if I feel like an Asian man, doesn't mean I'm an Asian man. So it's all in the mind. I'm a white man and I am not tired. Okay.

So let's let's be alive. Let's be a, I feel so alive for the very first time. What's that song? Well, that's it. I'm gonna lower my sunglasses for that. What's that song? What the fuck you're doing.

You know that song? Seven foot? Seven foot. What is it? It's gotta be something sevenfold, right? It's POD. Oh, it is? Okay.

Yeah, alive by POD. What's that one? I always forget the... POD, okay. For the very first time. That's so, that's so corny kind of to say that. Okay, 2001, dude. Wow, what a day.

So today is the last day that I'm in Tempe doing shows. And then I go to Buffalo. I go to Atlanta. I go to Birmingham, Alabama. And then I kick off my European tour with Paris. I added another Stockholm show. The fervor is crazy in Stockholm, which I don't know why. But hey, they love in the boy, so it's all good.

You're famous in Sweden. I'll be in Hamburg and Vienna. But go to Chrissly.com, check it out. And, yeah, there'll be a Florida. a bunch of dates in Florida. I keep adding dates. I'm having a good time. Basically having a good time

except for in Springfield, Missouri. But everything has always been good, you know? What went down in Springfield? Well, I just don't know what it is. You know, there's a lot of places that are just straight up there. And no knock on like, you know, the people were great. And, you know, I mean, the cost of living is crazy is next to nothing. Oh, dude.

I bet you could get a man. Except. except for like 750K with like eight bedrooms yeah maybe but I mean the price went up everywhere

dude everything's so expensive now so I mean the price doubled in the past 10 years there apparently so really for houses yeah that's what the opener was saying I mean worst bit ever what was his bit no no no he was saying that's me

oh oh oh oh not everything's a bit you know uh slimmy yeah not everything's a bit man there's real life too so uh so yeah so he he was You know, that's what he said, but whatever. I don't know. Happy birthday to Chris Hansen. How about that?

Chris Hansen's everywhere, dude. His star just, well, now, yeah, because like the movie about it. No, but even before that, dude. That dude was just like his show ended. And then he was just everywhere online all the time. Oh, really? Why do you think the movie exists? The movie wouldn't exist if he didn't stay in the substrate of pop culture.

Dude, no way. I don't even know what you're talking about how he's in the substrait of pop culture. His videos, which we've watched before. Got it, got it, got it. You're saying that they just lived on. Yeah, dude, it just went on and on and on. And also the books came out about how like shady it was, what they did.

Oh, did they do what was it? Yeah. Oh, really? He talks about it, yeah. Wow, wow. He doesn't like the R-Pats played him. What? He doesn't like the Robert Pattinson played him.

Really? I think he's bitter. Why? Do you want to be a part of it? And they were just like, hey, we're making a movie. Robert Pattinson's playing you. And he was like, wait, what? Oh, really?

Yeah. You realize how does this looks, right? Well, so, so what, he should, he should, do he want to play it, you know? He should have played himself as a young, no, I mean, I don't know. Yeah. Well, hey, whatever. I think Robert Patton is one of the best young actors, though, so, I mean, he's not that young anymore, but, you know, he's great. He's pretty young.

He's 40, yeah. Is he 40? Uh-huh. Robert Pattinson's 40? I think he's 40. Oh, my God. Get out of town, dude. If he's 40, I'm going to jump off of.

No, no, no, no. Okay, well. He's 40. He's exactly 40. Yeah. You're a super fan? No, I think I looked it up recently, not recently, but yeah. I think so at least.

All right. Well, also, happy birthday to Gene Smart, Mrs. Comeback herself. Who's that? And Gene Smart is an actress who's been around forever. She's on that show Hacks now. Oh, okay. Which is nominated for every Emmy under the sun. And how old is Gene Smart now?

I've never seen hacks I've never seen hacks either 76 She's cool She's 74 I buy that Yeah I guess it makes sense But damn

I think she's hot Is that weird You think she's hot? No, that's not weird But I mean I mean no that's weird Why? Because she's 74

I mean Some women are You love who you love No I mean Love is different But you know I've seen women That are in their 70s

That are hot It's rare, but, you know. Yeah, but Gene Smart's not one of them. Sorry, Gene Smart looks good for 70s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough, Matt. Yeah, but she's not some, like, fly girl, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. You're not going to walk down the street.

You mean, one of the dancers on the living color? I would be with her. Oh, I mean, I would be with her. She looks good there, but, wow, she was a babe, huh? Oh, she's got a, oh, wait, no. I mean, she was a mega babe. I didn't know that. Oh, she was married and he died.

Okay, so now you got an in. You got an in, dude. So it looks like Let's get to Gene Smart Yeah Yeah She's good looking man Of course she is

I don't know I mean I don't know I would just I could just live at her house I would cook Like cook her meals You know

Okay You want a smash burger again Uh One of the three things I make Yeah Yeah Smash burger or pasta Yeah

She was She was fly as fuck Yeah Yeah And also, happy birthday to Fiona Apple for all you emo 90s girls out there. The, yeah, I started watching that show Furious. Ty, you said you liked it? Yes.

You call them Ty. Tay, whatever. It's the same fucking thing. It's like when you call Anthony. Yeah, I loved it. I had a great time with it. Yeah. I had a great time with it.

Just like this watching Furious. Eat a popcorn. I only watched the pilot. I saw two. two episodes and it was great. It's great so far. It's laughing at the jacking. It just moves too fast though.

Like they're just jam packing in that info and you're just like, what, what, what, what, what, yeah, for me, maybe it's modern TV for me, but I'm just like, what, what, what, what, slow down. It's a little fast, yeah. Slow down with the backstory and like the whole deal with like the, but they got to, you got to admit the way they do it is good, even though it's fast. It's still good the way they do it. They don't do it dumb. I didn't dislike this show. Yeah, yeah. I was just like, damn.

And you know, this is fast and furious. Emmy, is it Emmy? Emmy Ross. Ross. She, why do you know no one's name? Why would I know Emmy Ross? Is it Rossum? Yeah.

Why would I know her fucking name? Oh, because she's super famous. She was in that one show, shingles. What the fuck is it called? Shingles, dude, so different than shameless. Shameless. Yeah, that's the one. But that's not all she was in.

What else is she? since fandom of the opera. Right. Right. I mean, famous is a little... Come on, dude. If Emmy Rosson's not famous,

who's famous? She's famous, but I'm saying famous after fan of the opera is a bit claiming a bit much. No, I'm saying famous since Phantom of the Opera, which was when she was like 19.

Yeah. She's, anyway, she's in this show and she's a really good actress, man. She's really good in this, for sure. I never watched Shameless. My buddy's on that.

But I, that was on forever. She's an interesting look too, because she's like kind of pretty, but also not at all. I think that's why she's such a TV story. Yeah. Yeah. She's got a thing going where she's like, well, yeah, she's beautiful, but also she's not threatening anybody. No, but it's not that.

It's that she can. Women love her hair. End of story. She can make her face not pretty, which is advantageous as an actor. Like, she's pretty, I think. But she makes these faces where you're like, whoa, she's not pretty. She's just a good actress. Anyway, the show's cool.

Yeah, I like the pilot. This is a little fast and furious for me. Is this going too fast, by the way? This podcast? Do we go too fast? Are we like to show Furious? Why is it called Furious? That we don't know yet.

I do, actually. knows she saw the whole thing. So anyway. But anyway, so I'm watching that. It's good. Is there a reason that it ends up being called Furious? No, I already know the reason to send up is called Furious. On episode two?

Yeah. Oh, okay. I don't, it's, what's going on with the humidity here and the weather? Do we live in Florida? I don't like that. Why are you wearing that shirt? Because it's so hot. I'll tell you why.

Yeah. Because I brought it. Because I knew the. AC was going to be blasting because it's 102 degrees outside and humid. Totally. So I'm not wearing this outside. Right, right, right. You know, it's just too, it's just like, where are we?

Florida, you know? I mean, this is kind of, we've had a temperate summer. We've been lucky in L.A. Really? Yeah, dude. I'm telling you. Fine, except for, I've never witnessed like humidity like this. No, this, that's, that's very odd.

It's a super El Nino year. Yeah, it is. But it is, though. You know that? What do you mean? El Nino's coming. But it's called Super El Nino. Oh, it is?

It's once every what? A couple decades. Okay. And it started in the Pacific Northwest and it's coming down here and it's going to be a crazy rain season in Sokow. Oh, God. I feel like every... Something to look forward to. Yeah.

God. All right. Well, uh, that's fine. Hates it. No. Subscribe to our Patreon. Patreon. com slash Lifeline Nogsry.

No submissions. Just banta. sick anette. A snake. What? A snake. I mean, stop yawning, dude. You said you weren't tired.

You said you weren't tired. Mind over matter. I know, because when I don't talk is when I get tired. That's the thing. When I'm talking quietly to yourself when I'm on mic. Subscribe to our YouTube channel. I'm not super good. And of course, subscribe to my Patreon.

Patreon.com slash Matthew Lee. Some big changes coming. You're going to want to be a part of it. Get on up. Get on in. Become a member. Yay. as they say, you know what I'm saying?

Mm-hmm. I was talking about I-Robot to myself. No, no. The bad guy from Saw on the tricycle. Smallest tricycle ever. It is. Have you seen it? Like this, though?

Come on. It's like that. It's close. So? But I do it tighter. Trying to put the two fucking things together at the end of Back to the Future, Doc Brown. Well, I mean, fucking dork, dude.

That's what you were doing now. Did you ever see that Back to the Future, Robert Zemeckis predicted 9-11 video? No. Dude, it fucking rules, man. You guys seen that shit? He didn't predict it. No. I hate all of those things. I want to watch it on luxury, though.

thing but it's like it's like a whole it's even eerie it's a whole like truly put to get well put together thing about like the weird i mean obviously he didn't predict nine 11 but like the weird coincidences between back the future yeah and nine 11 it's funny and there are so many like what's one can you remember robert zemeckis is just in a in a bowl of water just blinking really hard having a fucking just predicting it. Yeah, exactly. He is. He's like Professor Rekadamus. Yeah, the one I can think of though is racially charged.

So I'm not going to do that. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah. Anyway, uh, well, here's one. I hate blacks. Like what? I'm back doing the one-on-one advice session. So go to Mattelia.com and get on up, get on in.

And, uh, James Brown. Seek me advice, be friends. Byers James Brown. James McBrown? No. What do you know? Yeah, yeah. You don't just default, no.

It's fine. I think it's James O. Brown. Oh, my God, dude. If this glass wasn't here, I would jump across it and strangle you. No, so, well, yeah, James McBrown, James O'Brown, either one is great. I think both work and he corrected me, and I don't think that was good. No need to correct on it. Yeah, McBrown, O'Brown.

But anyway, O'Brown is probably maybe the one. but it doesn't matter. I mean, come on now. Because O'Brien. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager.

Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600, to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating a girl. with Eye Gaming Ontario. Your summer travels deserve an upgrade.

With select Chevrolete, Buick, GMC, and Cadillac vehicles connected by OnStar, you can stream, game, and more on the go. Whether you're headed to a music festival or a cottage getaway, you can access hundreds of apps on Google Play right from your center display. Explore OnStar Tech today at OnStar.ca and discover how to take your summer to the next level. OnStar. Better never stops. Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com.

All right. There's no Mick Bryan. Okay, let's do the first one. Matt and Chris, big fare of the show. I'm going to get straight to the chase. I'm 6'7, very big man. I love concerts. Some concerts are general admission.

We all pay the same. price. However, when you go to the concert, you can show up early and you can stand at the front and that's totally fine. Now, during the concert, when short people from behind say, hey, can I stand in front of you? And I say no, who's at fault here? Am I a jerk? Because I'm 6'7 at the front, but I waited just like everyone else. I paid. Or are they jerks because I am not letting them be at the front and be taller. Love you guys. Hopefully you answer my question. Bye. You're not a jerk. They're not jerks for not being taller. They're not jerks for...

No, he knows that. But they're not jerks for... You can ask. They can ask, but you're not a jerk for saying, no. Because you waited there. You went there early to do that. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, I don't think you're a jerk. I mean, unless it's a kid, then it's like... Yeah. Six, seven, that must happen so much. Six, seven is a crazy height. Yeah. I think you should take that into account. Because the problem...

Well, actually, you know what? I think I circle back to you being right. Just get on my shoulders, you say. Because I think the issue is you're going to switch with that guy. And then the guy behind you next is going to be like, hey, can we switch? Next thing you know, you're in the very back. He's going to be home watching it on the very back. He's going to be home.

He can't see shit. His wife said, can you move? Yeah. Six, seven is. Wow. Yeah, I don't think that you're, um, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's, is, definitely something to think about. But how about this?

Join a band. This way nobody's saying that and you're just up there. Don't go to shows. Taste it something. Be the performer at shows. Yeah, unless the drummer's like, hey, I can't see the crowd. Right. And then you, well, then you just kind of move a little to the left or the right.

But then you're kind of set, yeah. Yeah. In a, become, yes, become either the lead singer or the lead guitarist of a band. Or just be the drummer. Then nobody's behind you. Well, yeah. Yeah. There you go. Oh, yeah. And you're sitting down anyway. Yeah, nobody even notices. Dude, a standing up drummer. What a fuck. The guy running cables is like this motherfucker.

Yeah. Yeah, but he keeps running around anyway. So, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Um, I truly think that, uh, it's just how it is, dude. That's the game. Sometimes you're behind someone taller than you. And it sucks. Also, if it's general admission and you're just standing around, you can move. That person can move. You can move. They could just be nobody behind you, really. I mean, you know, or somebody else at 6-4, you know what I mean? Me, if I was behind you, I'm 6-2, 6-3. You wouldn't be able to see over 6-7? No, no, no, no, no.

But what would be? He would be a little easier because I would be looking over his shoulders. Yeah, what would you do, though? But fuck him. Would you say anything? I'd say, I'd say, move or get buffhawked. Move it. I say, move or get buffhawked.

I love incubus. Incubis, dude. Wow. Move or get butt-fucked. I love 3-Eleven. Wow. All to dance up. Don't know what to do.

Is that sublime? I don't know what. That's 3-Eleven. Is what? That's 3-Eleven, yeah. Do it, Marco. No, I'm not going to do it. Do it.

He was saying it. No, I'm not going to do it. He does it. He did it bad. Can you do it better? He was singing all mixed up. Yeah. Is the lyrics.

All mixed up. But fucking them. I don't know what to do. I'll say. Can you sing all mixed up just like a bar or two of it? A bar. You don't even have to sing it. I'm not going to do that.

You don't have to sing it, dude. Just don't let him off the hook. Sing it off the hook. You want to know the lyrics, like if I know the lyrics. No, I want you to sing it better than he did. I can't do that. Well, you just you can. I know for a fact that you can.

I'm shy. Birds. What? One thing's for sure I know Anthony's laughing right now. Yeah, dude. Fuck Anthony. All mixed up. Don't know what to do?

Well, you said you wouldn't move. You six, seven, just getting manhandled. He was yatted up, no shirt. I wouldn't butt fuck him. With the Dane Cook hair, killing it. He had a Dane Cook thing going on. Yeah. He was yatted tall Dane Cook.

Yeah. And Tall He's tall He's Yeah he's like 6-1 maybe Yeah he's like a tall guy I was thinking about how

When you talked about Yad it up I'm sensing I'm gonna get pissed off No I don't think so Okay Well I don't know if you Yeah see now we're going

What I think is When I see somebody with no tattoos I'm already pissed Why I'm me I keep sitting real I'm just pissed already Lou Wayne

I think that when you don't have any tattoos at this point it's weird in in 2006 unless you're fucking 80 you know no at this point it's weird first of all you go to Australia there isn't somebody that isn't tattooed

well Australia doesn't count and they're the ones who you know are the forefront of the world in culture and art so They're not the prime example of the average human on earth. I know. But I'm just saying.

Even Aussies would absolutely agree with that. Yeah. But I'm saying if you're 25, if you're 30, if you're 30 and you have no tattoos, that's actually weird at this point in 2006. That's weird. Thank you. Would you say that you think the majority of people under 30 because that's the age you use? I have no idea.

I have no idea. It's weird. say this much, though. It's weird if they don't. So if I told you, I don't know the answer, but what if I said 23% of people under 30 have tattoos? What would you say? Well, I would say that you're including 10-year-olds. Fair enough. Okay, man. How about this? Can't get that too. To your age is 18 to 30. 18's pretty young. That's why I said only 30, 30, 30 years old. Because that's the area where it's like, okay, you're young enough to where you're in the tattoo culture, but you're old enough to where you've had time to get a tattoo

and you probably got one. But I got my first tattoo in my 30s. Same. But that's not the norm, I think. That's definitely not the norm. Yeah, I would agree with that. Yeah. I was 37.

Really? Yeah, 37? Yeah, 36, 37? Yeah, 37. I might have been close to that. I was a little younger than. I think I was like 34 or 35. So yeah, you know, I think, what's the highest percentage of

per of year of age that somebody that you know i'm trying to say what's the age where that had the most percentage of tattoos late teens early 20 early 20s you think so yeah but when you get them no no no no sorry that's not what i'm saying okay if you take everybody's age right now like if you take what percentage of age group uh huh is tatted the most like uh what's gen x whatever gen x is i don't know gen x absolutely 100% yes okay but before For us, right? Gen X, you mean? No, I'm talking about, yeah, before we can, yes, just before us. Yeah, I don't know if that's true, first of all, but second of all, I'm saying to the year, what do you think it is?

30? No, way older. Do you think that, really? I do. Wow. Yeah. I think they're just getting more and more prevalent. I don't think that they're getting less.

I mean, they're definitely getting more normalized. Right. But I don't think someone who doesn't want a tattoo is going to get one just because other people. Yeah, I would say, for the most part. I would say Gen X is wrong. what do you think millennials? No, I think Yeah, after that.

Yeah, Gen Z for sure. Yeah. Gen Z has the most tattoos, you think? 30. Yeah, I think so. What's what I'm saying? 30, 28, you know? Yeah, I would say that for sure.

All right, well, there's one thing we'll never be able to figure out, so. I know, which is kind of weird. We should be able to figure that. That's some chat GPD shit if I ever heard one, but they won't say, they won't know. Yeah. Why don't you ask Chad ShabD? No, okay. We don't do that on the show.

Okay. We don't use JAT ChPD on this show. JAT. We don't use JAPG-T on this show. All right. Let's do another one, then. Andrew Garfield. Hey, guys, my name is Ray from Spain.

Lipsinking. AI. So the thing is, I know I'm handsome. AI. From 1 to 10, how handsome am I? Oh, my God. That's my question. This is good.

And, yeah. Oh, don't do that. How would you write yourselves, too, I would like to know. Oh, that's a good question, too. It depends what- Well, you're Andrew-Garfield. How handsome is Andrew-Garfinish-Garfrids? That's cool.

So, seven or eight? Spanish-Angel-Garfer's, that's fine. That guy, okay, this is what, handsome is just-off looks, or is it about also the way you are in charisma? So that's what we're doing. Handsome is just-off looks. Just-off looks. Handsome, I believe is literally, the definition might be just literally appearance.

So that's what he's asking then. I would take it as that, yeah. Because it was judged by his- Didn't see the body, but- Yeah, true, yeah. But I think handsome also has to do with your face in general, too. No, yeah, but you're not, yeah, okay, sure, yeah, okay, you know? Yeah, what would you say that guy is at a 10?

A seven or an eight. Oh, wow. Well, you think he's a four? Maybe five? You think he's ugly? No. average five five's ugly no let me put it in let me put this in perspective i i recently met a girl started dating her she's a rock solid five what do you think you could do better

she's average you think she's average maybe i piece it one on a lonely night all mixed up don't know what they do a ha that'll be that i mean average obviously the average Between one and ten is five, but I don't think five is average. I know what you're saying. Yeah. I think five is that guy. Him saying, I know I'm handsome. That took it down and not for you. No, no, no, no. That gives him an extra. Oh. That gives him extra. So he's a four. He could easily be a four. Easily. I mean, the faces he did right after were ludicrous. Yeah, they were. They didn't help.

But that doesn't count. But he was playing. Yeah. That doesn't count. He was being playful. No, that guy could easily be a four. I go, I'm going to go with seven. That's, that is nuts, bro.

You said it's Spanish, Andrew Garfield. Andrew Garfield's a handsome enough guy. Yeah. Well, Andrew Garfield's more handsome than that guy. Okay. Well, then you shouldn't have said what you said. I was making a joke. He didn't look, it's not like I thought that was Andrew Garfield.

You thought that, you literally thought you were watching. silence just now uh it's a dork um so fine say spider man whatever which one um uh yeah yeah what do you say you are handsome handsome handsome i mean i'm a motherfucking tent wow wow okay then i guess i have to be an 11 no really uh when it comes to handsome just looks it depends what face i'm making bro i make some crazy faces just just just just just just Come on. Just your standard sitting face. Okay.

But first of all, let me say this. In between 3.5 and 8.5. Like, I think there are pictures of me where I look 8.5. I don't know if I, I don't think, I don't know if I would be in 8.5. Sure. But there are pictures of me that look 3.5. Just period. I'll say, I'll say I'm like, I mean, if we're talking about the entire spectrum,

of men on the planet, I'd say I'm similar to this guy, a seven or an eight. Now, you're way more handsome than that guy. Okay, well, then in eight. Eight point five. You know, it depends because like when you, you see a picture of me, I could be a six. But then you talk to me and you're there. You're in my presence. Even if I'm not even saying anything.

Even if I'm not saying anything, how handsome are you? You don't have, fuck pictures. Fuck pictures. Somebody's in the room with you. They look at you. They think one out of ten, that guy's this amount of handsome. In the room with me, it changes then if you see a picture. Then what is it in the room?

I have this thing that stops in your tracks period. Okay. Got it out of them. So what are you then at a one out of ten in handsome? In a picture? No, motherfucker in a room. In the room? At least 7.5.

And that's low. That's on the low end. That's on the very low end. Why are you being so like... Some women would say that, but they have fucking, like, sort of like, they were brought up in a different way. You take a woman that's brought up in the right way, and she sees me in a room.

They stop in their tracks, and that's all I'll say. They stop in their tracks and that's all I'll say. What I will say is this. There I said it. There are kinds of women that see me that are just like, nope. Yeah. And there's nothing you can do about that. Yeah, and those are Latino women.

and that's just the bottom line and I'll never be above six to them right I mean right there are certain women that see me that they're like that's a fucking nine plus right right right you know so like what I think of you

a barista guy Spanish Andrew Garfield barely matters but you want to know so I say seven and a half I'll split the diff five on a good day I mean so fucking It's not Dick.

That's Dick, dude. It's not Dick. He asked. You're right. You're right about that. I don't think it's Dick. I don't. You ask for it.

I'm not trying to make him lower than I think he is. I understand that. You know, I don't think you're trying to be rude. So who's a 10? You know, I guess you'd say who's up there at Brad Pitt, you know. Maybe not anymore. Johnny Depp when he was younger. You know, these are guys that are up there.

Yeah, who's a 10 now? You know, like, if you ask me, Timothy Shalame is a five, four or five and a six, maybe, maybe a six. I mean, come on. He's not, he's not really handsome, dude. He's not average. Yeah, okay, he's six. Yeah, six, six, six, less than seven, he's less than seven. I think.

I'm just doing the math in my head. I think if Timothy Sholome in my head is a seven or seven and a half, that guy can't be a seven or seven. Exactly. So that guy's six. This is what I'm saying. I'm sliding all over, man. It's hard to gauge handsomeness because... Yeah, it is hard because it's...

You know what I mean? There are women to think I'm the ugliest fucking guy ever. They're wrong. But then there are women who go like this. I've never... In all my years, and they're old sometimes. They're fucking 65 they go. I never in all my years have seen anybody

that comes even close to looking as good as this guy. How about you? Yeah. 70-year-old women. to have been alive for a long time. Gene Smart came up to you and said that. I had an 85-year-old woman once come up to me. She stopped me. First of all, she stopped in her tracks, so I knew it was up.

And I said yes, and she said, I have, do you know when I was born? Visit BetMDMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly, 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your job. gambling or someone close to you. Peace contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge.

BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. And I said, no, no, no. And she said, I was born in 1922. All right.

So this was in 2002. So I was 22. And she still didn't get the math right. And she said, she said, I'm 80. There you go. And I got the math right. Whoa. And she said, I have seen, I mean, how many men?

have I seen. I'm eight years old. You're 80. You've seen so many men. And it's different styles and decades of men. I remember in the 1940s when guys were all clean shaven and had fucking hats and would wear suits just to go to the supermarket. And then I remember the 90s. I remember the 90s when the whole thing was having grunge jeans and everyone pretended like they were from Seattle. Yeah. I have never. Like the way I look right now. Yeah. I have never in my life seen someone even as close, even close to as good looking as you. And I go, ma'am, thank you. That's crazy.

Wow. I appreciate that. And how many people listening do you expect to believe that story? The fuck do I care, dude? I'm just asking. It happened. No, I know. But how many people do you expect to believe that story?

All of them? 100%. Well, there's always people who don't believe about 98. Okay. Well, I definitely don't believe it. You're part of the 2% that. Yeah, I'm the 2%ter. Yeah.

So, and that lady's alive now. She's 104. And I called her yesterday. You got her number? Yeah. Okay. And I said, anyone yet? And she goes, nope.

Anyone yet? It's just new as you. She goes, nope. And then she died. Yeah, right away. So her whole life. On the phone? Yep.

So her whole life, she, she said no one even comes close to as good looking as me. So that, and that's, you know, that's just one person. That is literally just one person. Right.

Yeah. Who was, who was 80. I mean, some days. Beauty is not high. I have the bee holder, you know what I mean?

Yeah. They hold bees. The truth of the matter is, some days I wake up, I look in the mirror and I think you, I mean, we've been over this. You are outstandingly,

exceedingly, wildly ugly. Oh yeah, yeah, yes, yes. Same. And I make sure I don't look at my reflection again for the rest of the day. And there are some days where I don't even look at myself. I get out of bed, I do my thing, I take my shower, I'm saying to go about it. I don't look at myself at all. Same. Then at like 3 p.m. I'll be like catching myself in the rear of a mirror and I'll be like, what the fuck? You're a handsome guy. Handsome, yeah. I never. It's day to day. Right. Yeah, it is. It's day to day. To be honest, it can change that day. Sometimes. You know, this has me thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw a really, really, and this happens a lot in

LA, but maybe everywhere, I don't know. There was a really, really attractive woman who I know through someone else, and I finally met her husband, I guess. And, uh, he was, the antithesis of handsome. And they've been married for years. I believe they have a kid, maybe two kids, I don't know. But it was like, now I'm thinking, does she think he's handsome? Yeah, yeah.

Or is she just in love with him? Yeah, it's interesting, man. Because you can be in love with someone. Is he tall? He's taller, well, she's tall. So he's like kind of her height, a little taller than her. Is he tall for a man though? No, he's like average, maybe like, well, a little above average, like 5.10, maybe.

5.11, yeah, okay. Yeah, that's, I don't really, I don't know. I mean, women want safety. They want different things, but, uh, yeah. But what I'm wondering is if she would call him handsome. Right. Because there's no, no, no world where he's, no world in which anyone would call this man handsome. Right. But may, but, right. But maybe she thinks he is or it's, I don't know. Yeah, that is an interesting thing. I mean, it, it goes. It goes. the other way around less often, but it does, like, where you'll see a guy where you'll be like,

what the fuck? Rarely. With a woman that you're just like, what happened? But it's like, I guess you just fell in love. You talk about black guy? No.

No. Yeah, no. I wasn't thinking that either. Oh, no, you were thinking that. Yeah, you were definitely thinking that. No, it's actually mostly white guys that I see that about with. And I'm like, what, what, uh,

they're not mixed? What do you mean? What's what the race thing? No. That's what I'm saying to you. It's not, you're not being racist, right?

All white. I'm not bringing race into this even remotely. I was making sure. You've done it twice now in the span of 20 seconds. I thought you were saying that black dudes, maybe black dudes were like. And I didn't say that. I know.

And thank God. Because you said that. So yeah, but no. Yeah. I don't know, man. People are weird. They like what they like.

And maybe you're a 10 to fucking somebody, dude. You're definitely a 10 to yourself because you submitted that video. I mean, dude, he thought he was a 9 at least. You know what I wish I knew what that guy thought he was. He thinks he's a 9 at least. Who thinks they're a 9? He said, I know I'm handsome. But to think you're a 9, even if you are a 9, is still kind of, is still kind of wild.

What do you think Brad Pitt thinks he is? Yeah, I think he probably thinks he's a 9. A 9? You don't think he's a 10? You don't think he thinks he's a 10? To think you're a 10 is absolutely crazy. Well, he's absolutely crazy. He's a crazy person you think?

How could you not be crazy? Right, right, right, right, right. I mean, I'm not saying being a 10. I'm saying thinking you're a 10, no matter who you are, even if you are a 10, is pretty fucking crazy. Yeah, I agree with that. That's just, yeah, that's just. Do you think more men or more women think they're tens? Oh, men.

Yeah. Oh, man. I agree. I agree. Yeah. It's not even close. Yeah. Like, I'm trying to think of the most handsome guy I could think of right now.

It's that guy from the housemaid movie, the outside. Not the lead guy, but the Gardner guy. He's also in that movie with Megan Fox. He's like an Italian actor. He's really, really handsome. Nobody would be like yuck, you know. And so if I'm thinking, there, that guy, the fourth guy. So if I'm thinking...

Oh, he's handsome as far. Yeah, he's so... I mean, just handsome. He's just... Look at the suit. Look at the suit. The one in the middle there, the pink one, yeah. It's just like...

He's pretty enough, but he's not too pretty. He's, you know... He's just a good-looking dude. He's a good-looking dude. Look at him there, even. And like... And if that guy thinks he's a 10, that that's crazy. Right.

Right. Right, right, right, right, right. Look what I'm thinking right there. He thinks he's a 10, though. Right. And then, but then if you are a 10 and you think you're a 10, you're not a 10, right? Yeah. Especially to women, women go, ew.

Overall. Right. Just in handsomeness may be. Right, right, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. But anyway, so I'm. It's a sliding scale.

Mm-hmm. I think Brad Pitt would be like, yeah, I'm an 8.5. You know, and everyone would be like, bro. But that's what I mean. Everyone around him is like you're the best looking man on earth ever. So what's he going to do? He's getting a little, but yeah. He still looks.

No, he looks great. He looks fucking great. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Next one. What's going on? Matt and Chris.

It's going on Chris and Matt. Long time listener here. I need your guys' take on something. My wife and I are going on 10 years this December, married for four. She asked me a question the other day. And she was like, babe, I have a question for you. And I was like, what? And she's like, if I was a guy and you didn't know until after you fell in love with me, would you still love me?

And I was like, I'm a straight guy, you know? I'm straight. And I asked her, I said, would you have a penis? Right. And she said, yeah. And I was like, oh, you got a cock between your leg. so I can't be with you because I'm a straight man, you know? Right, right, right.

She's like, wow, that's so messed up. That's so messed up at all. I was like, well, sweetheart, you have a slip between your legs, bruh. I'm a straight guy. What's your guy's take on this, man? Well, I feel like, first of all, you would know after a period of time that she had a fucking dick. Ten years, you know? You know what I mean?

I was the one getting fucked in my butt. Hold on a second, babe. The first time you had sexual relations, you would, you would know whether she was a man or not. Because it's a minute. I mean, it's not a fair hypothetical. No, yeah, I don't understand the penis thing. I thought you were going to say she transitioned and you didn't know. Yeah, she became a woman before she.

she met you. That alone, you get it, you have a thing with this. Is enough for me to really, really, really. 10 years in, you're happily married. Yeah. And then suddenly she says, honey, I have something to tell you. Yeah, I was a man. Before we met. Kristen. Yeah, I was Chris. I was a man named Chris. Uh-huh. Yeah, no. I, I, you'd end things? Uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. kids, and things is hard.

I wouldn't put her out of my life, but like, well, yeah, that's different than it. It would be really, yeah, no, it would be, I don't know. I don't think I could, yeah, no, I would be out. Yeah. I can't, I, I don't think I could do that. I, I, I mean, after 10 years, I mean, I haven't been in a 10 year relationship, but like, after 10 years, I'm imagining myself thinking, oh, it's over. I just can't imagine myself doing it.

If I'm so in on a relationship and I love her and everything's good, everything's moving on all cylinders, I'm not going to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But what about the sex? What about the sex? You'd still have sex? I don't think I could have sex with somebody that used to be a man. I don't think I could. If I knew it, I'm saying, maybe if you didn't know it. But you've done it repeatedly for 10 years.

Had sex with a man? In this case. Yeah, but then knowing that, it would it would like shut a part of my brain off. I don't think I would be able to do it. I don't think I could. I don't think so. I mean, look, 10 years in, I love someone. We have kids. That's what she tells me. Would I try? I suppose I would think about how I would try to do that, but I don't think I could. my first question would be whose kids are these now we're getting into sci-fi territory yeah but because it's not did he say I'm sorry did he say they have kids no no he didn't say that um I mean the whole hypothetical that she proposed is

null because because she doesn't have a dick and he would have noticed on the first time they had any kind of sexual activity whatsoever and he would have been able to make his decision at that point which there are some men actually that I know that would have been I'm like, I don't know what fuck. But, yeah, that's just not. You reacting the way you reacted is, I think, the proper way to react. Like, I mean, like, you don't just discover a dick four years ago.

No, we're going to take- Discover a dick in years ago. No, we're taking it as she had a sex change because that just makes no sense. Yeah. So, yeah, if she had a sex change and I'll tell you what, I wouldn't, if you were married. If you were married- one after 10 years. I would, I would, I don't know how I would react.

Right, right, right. But I do know I would be like, how could you not tell me that? Well, that's the other thing. And also, like, we need to like, I need to, like, reconfigure my brain. Right. Yeah. At the very least. At the very least.

Couples counseling. I don't know, but like, that's like a massive deceit. I wouldn't even really call it a lie. It's just like you're leaving something mega. important out. But I ultimately truly don't think it would end my relationship. I don't, I don't think it would. Ten years? Yeah, I, I, I, that's very nice to think. And I, I, I, I would like to, I would like to be like, no, I would work it out, but I just don't think I could. I don't think I could. You know, I don't think I could selfishly, you know, I would, I mean, whether it's selfish or not,

So just the idea that she used to be a man? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. You know, what if she used to be like a streetwalk or sex worker?

No, that's different. She's a woman, though. So it's just about the. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay. Yeah. It's not about her past in any way. No, I was dating a woman once.

I mean, you know, six months. But she was like, I used to be. I used to prostitute myself and I was like all right well I'm glad you told me now and we kept I didn't break up with her because of that I don't I mean that's different than 10 years but like right you know yeah no it's about

yeah I that is just something I don't think with my brain with my OCD with my I don't think I could get over you know I'm like well okay if you meet a woman who's so hot and you see her naked, okay, and you're so attracted to her. And you haven't had sex with her yet. And she says, before we do this,

I've got to tell you something, I used to be a man. Do you have sex with her? Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly, 19 plus to wager. Ontario only.

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for the Cadillac definition of luxury. Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siaia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get.

better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem. And obviously she has no dick, right? Like, it's like she's a woman. You couldn't tell. She is one of the hottest chicks you've ever seen in your life and you're looking at her naked. Yeah, I have sex with her. Even though she used to be a man. Yeah. Wow. I don't think I would. Yeah, I don't think I would. I don't know. Wow. It's a new world out there, man, you know? Yeah, I know. And I know a lot of men would, and I wouldn't call that gay.

But, yeah, I don't think I would. Well, if you're having sexual woman and you're a man, that is, by definition, not gay. Yeah, but they were a man. Yeah, but you're not attracted to their mailedum. You're not attracted to their machismo. Yeah, no, no, no. But that's why I'm saying it's not gay. Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's not gay, but it's, uh, get, it's getting there, you know. It's not, it's, I don't know. On the Road to Gay. On the Road to Gay, starring Vigo Mortensen. From the Makers of How to Make a Killing. Was that the movie with, uh, that one guy?

I mean, being so boring right now. From the makers of, suicide squad on the road to gay with Vigo Mortensen and Chas Pomerteri. Wow. Bless you. I've been holding that season since the beginning of the show. I knew Chas Mall Pomerator would get it. You're allergic to Italian names.

There's no Chas Pomerantary's real name. What? It is. Chas Pomerantary. Yeah. His real name. Yeah. Is, oh boy, how do you say?

this. Caligaro, Lorenzo, Palmenary. Okay. Why did you change it? That's some trivia that I... What would you change it to make it in Hollywood? I never remember. I mean, it's still so ethnic, you know? Caligero. All right. Caligula. What's up, Lifeline? I have a top tier flying with a child story as I'm on a swing set. Crazy. When my son was eight months old, me and my wife went to Arizona to hang out with some family.

And my wife, Borrett, brilliantly scheduled the flights to be during his nap time. And legitimately, as soon as the plane took off, he felt he slept the whole time. Like, it was like a perfect experience for everyone else. On the flight home, though, we had a delay on taking off. So he's getting a little restless. So we let him play with the pamphlets in front of him. The gentleman sitting in that seat without warning, lean forward and slammed back his seat and cracked my eight-month-old son in the head. Instantaneously, big red mark, he's screaming.

I feel like taking my shoelace and strangling him from behind, but figured that would not be ideal. So me and my wife were furious. I told her, I'll take care of it. Three hours go by, we land, everyone's standing up. And as he stands up, I stand up as well. I tap him on the shoulder. And I, word for word, say, hey, man, I get flying with kids can be really obnoxious at times. But he's eight months old.

And you really got him on the face when you hit your chair back. And literally, my son had like a bruise on his forehead. And everyone heard it in like a nine seat radius. Right. Turned to him and like a couple of little he gasped. Oh, wow. And that was the only reason he apologized. guys. And that's kind of where I left it, you know, wildly unsatisfying to take the high road

to that situation. What would you guys have done? Appreciate you. So we're assuming that he intentionally did that, the guy in front. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. He didn't state that, but yeah. Well, he didn't state that, but it seems rather obvious that that's why he didn't like stop. Here's why, here's why I say people on planes do shit like that all the time. Right. But this is what this is there's where my mind goes that's an insane fucking thing for a man to do knowing there's a kid behind you like that that is that is insane so if he knew there was an eight month old and meant to do that to hopefully hit the eight month old well but that's the thing did he hope to hit the kid right you don't know you don't know that but he did is the only thing

that matter if he hoped to hit the kid but there's no way of knowing that Because I would fight the guy. Period. In that moment? Yep. If I knew he meant to do it, absolutely. But you couldn't know. Right.

So what would you do? Because you couldn't know if you meant to hurt your kid. Right. Okay. So I would say, I mean, I wouldn't wait three hours. No, I mean, let me start with this. Yeah, I wouldn't either. I would say that he handled it in the probably the number one best possible way in terms of like.

Yeah, probably. Potentially really bad scenarios. Yeah. So let's get that out of the way. Yeah, I would say probably as well, yeah. I wouldn't have done that though. Just because if if that happened to me and my own child or even my own nephew, like, just like, got hammered in the face by some asshole who was upset because the pamphlets were being fucked with on the back of the back of the

of his seat like and he's bleeding i would like i mean there's just no version of me knowing me that wouldn't get up and be like hey man what the fuck is your problem like yeah there's a there's a fucking eight month old by me eight month olds are are pre monkeys right they're not even monkeys yet they're just like grabbing shit throwing shit yelling shit fucking shitting and pissing like what do you expect what do you well i if they if he did it to his six six-year-old my reaction will be the fucking same though. Well, if he did it, a six-year-old my reaction might be even worse, to be honest. Right, because he needs to see that.

Yeah, like, then the eight-year-olds is like, there's something hit me in the face and it hurts. So they're even thinking that. All they're thinking is pain, right, right, right, right. But a six-year-old is like somebody did something to me. Right, right, right, you got to stand up. Okay, yeah. I wonder if you asked that guy before it happened what he would have done, what he would say.

Do you know what I'm saying? Because it's different when it happens and, you know, because I think I would say something immediately. I don't imagine I would wait three hours. But I wonder if that guy would have thought that about himself. Your wife might be like, don't see it. Right, yeah. Which is what you listen to, obviously.

I wonder what the fuck my wife would do if that happened. No, I think she would probably fly off the handle. Um, she hates confrontation. I think I would say, hey dude, do you know that you, you, you hit him in the, in the, in the, in the face? Do you know that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I would start with that, something like that. Yeah. Yeah.

And then if he said, you know, I did not mean to hit him. I say, all right. Well, what you're doing is not. that's not conductive to conducive to you not wanting to hit him. But also, I think the follow-up would be, well, what if you did that and I was sitting there and I was bleeding from the forehead? Would, like, would that be okay? Like, you can't, you can't, like, use blind violence and not know what is going to come of it.

But I'm assuming that he just did that as a, what I'm assuming, and this is obviously in an assumption, I don't know. any of the guys in the situation, especially the guy that is in the story that he's just talking about, is he gave him like a warning like, yo, don't do that. Yes, I agree. Right. So if that's what happened, that's not right, but that's way, way different than him even thinking, I don't even care if this hits him.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Way different. Yeah. You know? But also don't do that. No, don't do that. Sit up and turn around and say, hey, would you mind not?

if anything, turn around and say, hey, would you mind not like pushing hard against my... Well, whatever. But like, don't do this weird, passive-aggressive, hyper-aggressive act of potential violence. Yeah. Like, I'm not saying that's an act of violence, but like, obviously it was.

There's a world where that guy didn't think of it and did it. And then if he knew that he hit him, be like, oh, my God. Like, oh my God. Wow. Dude, I did not mean to do that. I'm so fucking sorry. I just kind of like jerked because it was like annoying.

I'm so sorry. What can I do? That's what I would do. If I was in the other city. Yeah, same. Right. Because there is a world where if I get knocked, I go, hey. Sure, right.

Yeah. Just on the instinct. Yeah. But he said his read on it, which who knows. Yeah. Yeah. He's good at a reading situation. Is that he only apologized because there were people around.

That's crazy. That you don't know. No, that you don't know. But if that is true, that's fucking crazy. Yeah. Fuck that guy. Yeah. Man, this shit gets me riled up, dude.

It really does. Yeah. Like, I sit and I think, yesterday, I was putting Calvin in bed and he was like, you know, I want to tell you something. He said, what? He said, something happened in school today made me feel really left out. I'm like, really? And I immediately go, Oh,

I'm going to kill this. What is it? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, and he said, well, the teacher asked if, we're reading this book in class and the teacher asked if anyone who has this book at home put their hands on her head. And everyone put their hands on their head, but me, I don't have the book.

And I was like, oh, okay. I was like, right, right, right, right. Right, right. Yeah. Falling. And he said, oh, let me look the book up. It looked it up. I was like, you liked this book?

He was like, yeah, it's really good. I was like, oh, well, maybe we can get it. You know, but the day that it happens where, you know, like, remember when I went, when we went to pick you up and from the two, and somebody hit you with the water bottle. And dad almost got out. And I go, no, I'll get out. Yeah. And I came up.

Austin Ringleberg. As I walked up, the guy was so fucking big. He was already 610 in a grammar school. I'll fucking talk to him. I walk up. like, dude? Yeah. I'm like, oh, this is a mistake.

But, you know, he, he was, he was, I was older, so he was like, sorry, you know. Yeah. He also wasn't a bully. He was a straight, dumbass. Yeah, he wasn't, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, so anyway, the day that that kind of thing happens, oh, that's going to happen.

And I'm saying, for me, it's funny, too. Like, because, you know, you know they can handle it. Yeah, but you just want to kick this shit out of the kid. You want to keep the shit of their parents. You want to kick the shit of their kids. You want to kick the shit of their whole family tree, dude. That's how I am when somebody fucks or something. Like, it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, dude.

No, we don't, we don't fuck around like this. I take your dad's head and I slam it through glass. And that is payback. You left my son, my nephew out of X, Y, or Z. your dad's head goes through glass. My son or nephew, you left him out? Oh, left him out of you. Yeah.

Or made him feel bad, whatever. Yeah. Anything physical, forget it, dude. Like you, like somebody beat somebody up, dude. I'm knocking on that parent's door and being like, step out, out. Well, I mean, even if I get my ass kicked, I'm like, that was worth it. Yeah, it is worth it. But like, I think if you go, you know, like, Billy is.

more of a rascal in that way than Calvin, you know. And Billy will push Calvin. And then Calvin will say, Dad, he pushed me. And I say, well, fucking push him back. So Cal's a rat. Yeah. But I say, so, no, he's not right.

He's sick. I know, I know, but I got to say no. So he says, I say, well, push him back, dude. Like, you know, and I don't think Kristen agrees with that. But, you know, it's like, I don't know, I feel like Calvin needs that a little bit. Billy's gonna, I mean, yeah, if he push it back, Billy would learn in a fucking incident because he'd fall on his ass, and that would be that.

No more pushing. They're like the same size, though. It's hilarious. They are? I mean, no, but like, Billy's 36 pounds and Calvin's like 40. Yeah, wait, yeah, yeah, yeah, Billy's a rock, yeah. Yeah. It's funny.

Anyway, all right, I'll be in Alpharetta, Atlanta, Birmingham, Alabama, Buffalo, New York, and then I hit Europe. I start with Pali. So come on out, guys. com. Pitchard.com slash matthalia. Wee. Bye.

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