Lifeline - 26. The Polish Forrest Gump

Episode Date: October 2, 2022

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Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. on ecstasy i'm rolling dude i'm rolling rolling rolling rolling i'm rolling rolling rolling rolling the worst remix of all time i'm rolling the limp biscuit fucking sandstorm remix dude sam storm used to play a show on mike piazza would come to bat at the old they did stadium yeah dude that's weird that's a weird song for fucking mike piazza to be playing do you remember how hardcore the rumors were about him being gay yeah you do yeah is he gay i thought he was no no he's not gay oh he's not gay oh wow and the reason i brought it up because he would the thing with that like even if you have some weird stick up your ass about like being thought of as gay it like bothers you immensely for some reason which it shouldn't

who gives a fuck but he made the great mistake of getting mad once oh really or maybe more than once but i've seen it where he would he just like turned like like jim everett with fucking ah yeah yeah uh uh jim rome yeah chris yeah that yeah fucking the guy he was so mad and it was like oh dude well now now we think that you you got something else going on you know i mean oh so you smoke poles so it's all good so you smoke poles um smoke poles that's so stupid dude i think that uh he he might still be gay but also we don't know you know does he have a wife and kids and stuff i don't know but he would always that doesn't matter he would always date playmates and shit remember that that's him it could be a cover-up okay yeah didn't he uh hold a press conference to say he wasn't gay it was something drastic dude

yeah guys hi i'm mike piazza i'll take your questions a little bit but i just want you to let you know i don't smoke poles so stupid questions do you remember there uh these you so you don't smoke poles um do you back it up into other you know men uh do not uh good question thank you but i do not back it up into men uh yeah it goes like this do you remember the bell sebastian bell and sebastian song about that what piazza new york catcher are you straight or are you gay oh my god yeah dude leave him alone i'll tell you what man i might be straight or gay you have no idea uh i mean i actually do know but you don't know you're not going to say because either way i could be i i don't you know you could be i could

be gay you could be but you're not and So I'll hold a press conference later about it. Nice. Guys, just so you know, I'm not telling. Any questions? Everyone should hold a press conference on their preference, sexual preference. Question? Yes, Tim.

Do you back it up into guys or do you have girls back it up into you? Nice. No more questions at this time. Moonwalk out of there like this. This, you know? Yeah. Casting a spell. Did Michael Jackson do that? That wasn't i'm gonna do no no no look what i'm gonna do i know what you're gonna do dude i know because it helps i think helps what helps my my anxiety my

overall demeanor this is what we do we put a thing like this poisoning himself under the tongue cyanide all good. His last show. You leave it under the tongue for 30 seconds? Uh-huh. And? And you chill. 30 seconds? Well, that's a long time, but you don't have to.

Pure Spectrum CBD. We got 10% off if you're a CBD dude. Go under the thing. It's in the show description. Click on the link and type in Lifeline. Code Lifeline. The code is Lifeline. Don Lifeline. Code Lifeline. The code is Lifeline. Don't type in code Lifeline.

The code is Lifeline. Made it very confusing. I didn't. I helped you, dude. Anyway, 10% off your CBD needs. You don't just... And they got gummies, my baby. You don't just type in Lifeline.

You know what I mean? Dude. Wow, just making a fucking mess of the set. Dude, so now I'm just chill. I'm like fucking Nicolas Cage walking around in fucking that movie.

Punching me in the face. Where he goes like this and when he does what he does it fucking... What's the fucking... Well, every movie. Noing me in the face. Where he goes like this and when he does what he does. What's the fucking... Well, every movie. No, no, no. The one with John Travolta. Oh, Face Off.

Yeah, where there's a priest. Yeah. All right, cool. So anyway, we got Lifeline Live coming up October 9th. What's that? That's your birthday show. 19th, not 9th because that's not your birthday. What an idiot.

October 19th. October 19th. Talking over me. October 19th October 19th talking over me October 19th 6pm pacific time it's a live show we're gonna take your calls

and we're gonna get in depth with you it's gonna be a little longer than normal and we got some surprises coming for that ass so watchlifeline.com go there to get tickets get them while they're hot dude

the surprises are gonna be very surprisey and it will be great the worst fucking teaser of all time you know what else will be great or is great my private sessions my private advice sessions mattdilia.com get your shit

Tuesday and Thursday 1.30 to 5.30pm pacific time I've been helping a lot of you out. And honestly, it helps me out. So it's a nice... You do it for yourself. It's a good simpatico.

Bing, bang, bang, bang, boom. Bing, bang, bang, bang, boom. Bing, bang. So, all right. So, yeah. And I got my tour dates coming up. ChrisLeah.com. Peoria, Rockford, Raleigh, Savannah, Denver.

Peoria, Rockford, Raleigh, Savannah, Denver. And Tempe. I'm going to do a little... Some club dates there. All right, cool. What's up, guys? Dude, you know what? I'm chilling. raleigh savannah denver and uh tempe i'm gonna do a little some club dates there uh all right cool what's up guys dude you know what i'm chilling traffic was so bad it's always bad it's not always bad actually sometimes earlier dude leave earlier dude but i'm chill right i guess you shouldn't be thank god i did the cb i should have done that before more worried about fucking being on time

actually i'm always late too you're always late but worried about fucking being on time actually i'm always late too you're always late but i'm normally always on time here i really am uh yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm more often late than you are but you're when you're late you're way later now that is true yeah when i'm late that shit makes up for all the times i was early because i'm like fucking 30 minutes late why is that um traffic okay but not my fault wow defensivo it is not my fault dude it's always your fault if you're late you can never blame it on something else even if it really was some external circumstance last night i saw a movie called clown clown yeah and i was up late watching it just clown it's called clown and it's about a guy who his son's birthday is happening and the clown cancels.

Oh, I know this shit. Yeah. And the dad is like, he's a realtor and he's in one of his properties and he finds a clown outfit. He's like, I'm going to, I'll save the day. He goes, puts a clown outfit, goes to son's thing and says, hey, I'm Dumbo the clown. And he's the clown now, the dad of the kid. And then he can't

take the clown outfit off yeah that's sick it is yeah and he becomes a demon you know they made that movie in a reverse engineered way no what's that they made a fake trailer for it and then eli roth saw it what and was like i want to make that movie for real and he produced it for the guys that made the fake what yeah i knew it had big names to it like eli roth and shit yeah that's why that's crazy dude that's why yeah that's funny it is crazy it's actually funny and it's not like by any means like a fantastic movie but it's like for way good for what it i'm like this shit is no business being this good and also i had to turn it off in the middle because something like a fucking, a kid dies and I'm just like, I'm out.

Oh. I can't watch that shit anymore. I can't watch that shit anymore, man. No, yeah, I get it. But how about the clown movie? Speaking of clown movies, the clown movie that- Oh, dude. Fucking Anthony was trying to-

Anthony's trying to push on us. Terrifier? He started talking about this movie. He says how good it is, how amazing it is. It only got made for $35,000. It's called Terrifier. I put it on and... I mean, they fucking hated it.

Dude, it's like the guy is creepy. I'll give him that, you know? But they're trying to find this new iconic horror villain slasher. It's just a clown. It's just a clown with fucking a black mouth. It's a mime. It's a mime, all all right it is a mime yeah but his name is art yeah he doesn't his name is art the clown right that's true it should be

art the mime art also why is the fucking movie not called art the mime it's called terrifier it's not a good word i watch a fucking half of it and i go like this all right i'm out dude you watch all half yeah bro i i'm i go in i was a 12 12 minute in and out this is trash thanks for nothing anthony anyway and i'm also in fucking and then i said i had to clear i watched the clown movie not not the terrifier i watched clown and then the kid died in it and i was like i gotta stop i gotta clear it and i watched fucking fast and the furious four so i cleared it you got shit taste yeah so uh all right dude let's get into uh. Let's get into Lifeline in the news. We changed it.

It was Lifeline worldwide. I liked it that way. Got vetoed. Now it's called Lifeline in the news. Let's face it. We didn't change it. We were basically like Stalin. Strong armed.

We got Stalin into changing it because our producer was just like, it's this now. Yeah. So he goes like, it's this now. And we go, okay. We didn't have a choice. So here we go. You want to do it? Okay.

In August, the FBI conducted a raid at Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago residence in Florida, claiming he'd taken thousands of sensitive documents illegally after leaving the White House, including nuclear-related information and sensitive information about CIA NSA activity. Trump said he had a right to take these. He's also said he can declassify anything he wants at any time, even simply by thinking about it. Who's

correct? That's not for us to know. The advice, however, is ours to give. I want to say just don't take documents outside of the White House. Pretty much the documents inside the White House should stay in the White House, right? Especially if they could cause outside of the white house pretty much the documents inside the white house should stay

in the white house right especially if they could cause the world to explode okay so my advice is no matter who you are don't take documents outside of the white house why would you do it first of all but second of all i will say if you're gonna do it and get caught for it definitely act the way trump is acting because it's fucking hilarious. Well, what I don't get is. He said it was a perfect thing to do, just like he said about his Ukrainian. Yeah. But what I don't get is this guy will just do something illegal and then say, no, it's not illegal.

Yeah. That's the craziest thing. Yeah. craziest thing yeah which is kind of like like he could he i mean this guy is like he's like a few steps away from putting on a mask robbing a bank taking the money leaving and when the news is like he robbed the bank he holds a press conference and being like it's not illegal for me to rob the bank as a as the as the former president yeah yeah yeah and then people will be like oh well we gotta do something we gotta let this play out yeah and you're like and it's like what he's sitting with the bags with dollar signs on it doing the press conference yeah yeah yeah so i would say don't remove documents from the fucking

white house and then also if you do just say i can do that so he said he said he can make anything declassified just by thinking about it which is maybe my favorite thing he's ever said but that's classified he goes like this hold on one second not anymore like this yeah yeah oh really it's like what's it i'm sorry what's the classified what is it okay hold on one second it's not it's not nothing anymore dude all right yeah that's good yeah how about that i mean he's kind of the way he's doing it is also i mean dude if that's true do more shit you can just have to think about it declassify declassify a lot but even expand it beyond declassifying like do everything you want by just thinking

about it that's great great it's a great skill to have i wish i had it yeah me too a video oh boy a video of chet hanks has gone viral of him giving a profanity-laced speech at a, quote, recovery day event in Winnipeg, Canada. Chet has become a motivational influencer as of late on social media. I guess you could call him that. Inspiring people to take control of their lives through sobriety and fitness. So I think that- Did you see it?

No, did you? I saw it, yeah. Okay. He's being so confrontational. I know. And everybody's just walking away. He's being so confrontational. I know. Everybody's just walking away. There's a tiny crowd of people. Yeah.

And then he just slowly, everybody just trickles away. He's being so aggressive and being like, oh, what's that? You want me to hold back? Oh, no. I say what I say. I do what I do. And you're just like, I was just fucking lambasted by this guy. So what they didn't sign up for.

He was on the King of the Sting and the Wing. Oh, yeah. And he was talking about vaccines. And then he got very like this. And now I have to tell you, I like Chet Hanks. He's a buddy of mine. And I think I happen to think that this guy is an actual motivational speaker. I think that he can get people to do things because he is very first of all okay he's very aggro but he is not he is he he speaks very well you know and you know i think sometimes he

lets his emotions get the best of him you think but this guy is filling a hole that somebody is going to fill is and and it's him and is he i'm i don't feel like stupid for asking this but i'm assuming he's anti-vax or what yeah he is he's very anti-vax he was like I'm not taking the vax no matter what

and he goes oh wow and I was sitting next to him like this wow I wonder why he got so heated about it and it's hilarious he's doing this at Winnipeg

because I've played there a bunch of times and I mean it's just like the most chill place Winnipeg is like so chill yeah it's like the stereotype of Canada so can we play the video it's like the stereotype of canada okay here we go talking to you guys it's for the grace of god

yeah okay take a kiss watch your fucking mouth come on up here buddy oh god i don't think you can that's it just being like why why are you challenging people to fight your motivational speaker that is just uh well that's enough we don't need to see all of it but i mean like we got the idea i got the idea because there's only fucking eight people exactly dude what was the what was the event him it was some religious event in winnipeg i know he's very religious and i think that that's great if you find something that you like like that okay but why is he fucking cursing up and down and challenging people to fights just because they tell him to watch his mouth i think it's kids around i know that's not good i think that there's a character that he's playing i also think

that being the motivational influencer that is fucking laced with swear words is fucking awesome i think i think that that's awesome okay but there should be that guy and i want tony robbins to be like you know what i mean it's not him though chet is bad at it no i don't know he's got a following dude but it's you know why though no i don't know man not not anymore you think if he wasn't tom hanks's son people would still be like oh i love this guy yeah i think so the white boy summer fucking video is hilarious and like the i don't know i mean he's a character but it's baked into his whole identity the fact that he's tom hanks's fucking yeah for a lot of people but i don't know he stands alone man that guy's fucking funny as shit anyway he blow the fuck up so i guess if the advice for chet is just fucking

keep doing that shit like that because it's obviously helping out whatever whatever he's doing making headlines bro yeah exactly yeah all right next one here we go brazil played to tunisia in a friendly match in paris on tuesday ahead of the world cup what's this fucker got what what some guy scored brazil's second goal a fake charlison yeah a guy who's somebody made up yeah scored brazil's second goal. Richarlison? Richarlison. Richarlison. Yeah, a guy who somebody made up. Yeah. Scored Brazil's second goal of the game and started celebrating. As he celebrated by the corner flag, a banana was thrown onto the pitch, which was seen as a racist gesture. The Brazil FA have said they will continue to fight against, quote, racism and prejudice.

But Richarlison, wow. It's like four different names put all jammed together says essentially this is empty posturing uh stop throwing bananas but but wait is he black no he must be if they're calling it i guess so because it's racist but what if you're pissed off and you're holding a banana you literally are pissed off you got to be like oh wait i fucking hold on does anybody have any other fruit like that's such bullshit but i just realized why would you have a banana at a soccer match if you weren't planning on it's hilarious if they're fucking like if it's a setup and they're like get your bananas here only bananas do you have any apples all we've got is bananas do you have caramel fucking popcorn

only bananas but look at what tight score look somebody's fucking up here's two bananas they go like somebody is fucking up ah fuck you richarlison richarlison says as long as they say blah blah blah and don't punish it's going to continue like this happening every day and everywhere they definitely okay my take is they definitely brought bananas and it's obviously if you're going to do that and throw them at a black player that has to be a racist if you brought the bananas absolutely has to be the intent has to be there yeah it you brought the bananas absolutely has to be the intent has to be there yeah it has but that there can't bring the bananas yes if they sell bananas it's not right yeah if it's just bananas yeah if it's like dozens of people with fucking bananas

that are ready to throw them at him when he does something good or bad or is close that's racist there's no question about it i say get a banana detector like they have gun detectors metal and scan everybody when they come in. Then we're going to walk in with a fucking, wait, get that guy. It's a banana detector. He's got a fucking white hood on and shit. He's like, no, I don't have any bananas. Yeah.

I don't bring any. No, actually, I think that has to be racist. Get a banana detector. Yeah. And get a banana detector. All right, cool. That's good. Get a banana detector.

And this way, you don't have to fucking be afterwards like, oh we say something do we not do we punish do we not just bring a fucking there'll be no banana no bananas and no guns no bananas allowed no bananas allowed yeah okay cool all right let's get into it yeah what's up matt what's up chris loving the show so my wife is a high school cheerleading coach and normally we'll go to the games on friday night support the kids have a good time but we are trying to have a kid right now and if we had a son it came up in discussion the other day that she does not want him to play football due to potential for a spinal cord uh head trauma stuff like that and i said okay that's fine well i'm not gonna ever go to any of your team's games again because I don't want to support other kids playing football

if my son's not going to be able to play football when he's older. It just feels hypocritical. If you have a problem with the sport, then you should have a problem with the sport for anyone, not just your son. Am I being sadistic about it or do I have a good point? Let me know. I mean, honestly, that is a fair point, but also that's her job.

So she's making literally your eating because of that. But dude, I think that's such a good point. It is a good point. I think that that point wins. Really? It's so good. Because she's making her money off of the football itself. And of football itself yeah and if she's saying no you can't play it it's too dangerous to her son what that would be so weird if the dad went and

was like attending a thing excitedly for the school that they're not allowing him to compete in that with rather yeah that is a good point but also um, well, she needs a job, right? Unless this guy's fucking freaking out. He's not asking her to quit. He's saying, I shouldn't go to the games. Oh, oh, oh. I agree with him. I think he's, you know what he found?

Honestly, a loophole. He doesn't want to go. Yeah, but it's a good one. Yeah. He's like, I'm so tired of fucking, this is all by, he could have said, this is all by design. This is like, he's the evil villain at the end of the episode. This is it. It was like, oh, he was like, this was my plan all along yeah i didn't want to

go to your stupid games but also i impregnated you with a boy and you won't let him play football and now i don't have to go yeah it was a good successful plan this is the cherry on top right now yeah dude well the cherry on top was probably on on top is probably you know splurting but no it's us agreeing with him that is the cherry on top oh well why you know, splurting, but... No, it's us agreeing with him. That is the cherry on top. Oh. Well, why? Because we hold weight? Because we're so important in their lives. You think us agreeing with them is better than him splurting? To him, yeah. He splurts

many times. How many times does he get us to agree with him? Okay. Once. Sure, fair enough. Right now. So you think his point wins. Also, she's not in the cheer... She's not doing anything. She was the coach and they're doing her dances. I'm sorry. It's not that important that he attends that.

Just watch. Yeah, he's getting out of some cool shit. This is awesome, dude. Good for him, dude. Wow, you found a loophole. Is it Siddique? I don't know if it's Siddique. Only you know that.

You know what I mean? You know your heart and what you want. I don't even think it's Siddique. If she's in the cheer group, that's one thing, but obviously she's not. Okay. All right. Let's do the next one okay hey guys i'm gonna try and make this fast um i'm 21 i'm a child of divorced parents right now i live with my mom i used to live across the country literally never saw either

of my parents um and now i'm back home okay So both of my parents get passive aggressive when I do something with the other parent. And my mom refuses to be in the same room as my dad. My dad doesn't really give a shit. But like he gets mad when he doesn't see me for a few days, like upset. And my mom gets passive aggressive when I'm with my dad and, you know, I'm not home when she's home, whatever. But I feel like it's only fair to go out with my dad and you know I'm not home when she's home whatever but I feel like it's only fair to go out with my dad more often um and kind of go to events and things because I live with my mom I see her every day um and it just feels like someone's always upset with me

and I can't be in two places at once and I just don't really know what the solution is because I'm an adult and they're adults and no one's acting like a mature adult in this situation so i just don't know what to do it's it's i mean it seems like she's uh acting like the adult here she is and also uh this is why you should have twins huh dude they're being so fucking childish yeah they are and well it seems like the dad doesn't really care right no he does he does okay but you got to talk to them both independently or together and be like i'm 21 i don't owe you guys seeing one of you every fucking three or four days this is maniacal yeah i'm like not it's not even like she turned 18 she don't fucking 21 right right right like let her live be you know what i'm saying let her live be you're saying be cuban about it yeah let me live be yeah um i i uh i think honestly

your parents should call in because they need advice they're the ones that you're checked your husband i would say pippin and yeah you know and it's like that's uh that's on them somehow they produced a totally sane daughter even though they're clearly not of sound mind yeah and and why don't you be like yo if if shit gets crazy in the conversation be like yo you're the fucking guys who couldn't stand each other you're the fucking guys who got divorced yeah i like both of you don't make it even harder figure it out don't make it even harder for me by like fucking making me feel bad i hang out with both of you i like both of you how about that

this is all your anxiety it's really hard to deal with though it sucks man because you love them i get it and they love you and it's all like fucking you don't want to make them feel bad but i get you're not you don't own their anxiety about it i know it's hard because i would feel the same way but it's very hard to not own that because they are your loved ones but man you just got to be like i'm gonna fucking hang out with both of you chill and if you don't like it, then that's you. That sucks that you feel that way, but I love you both. And, you know, I mean, what else can you do? Let her live, bees.

Let me be, bee. Yeah. But it's two of them, so it's let her live, bees. Bees? Let me live, bees. Let me live, bee. Yeah. Let her live, bees.

This is to the parents out there of this woman trying her best to be happy and let make you guys happy too let her live bees okay okay okay so proper so proper and so cuban um yeah yeah that sucks okay next one hey guys greetings from buxton main again it's's Chris, the dude with the crazy body code dad. Oh, yes. Thank you so much for the advice. Matt was too perfect when he said that I just got to sit him down, ask him why he thinks body code works, and hear him out, even though we're not going to get anywhere.

And I'm never going to believe that he can magically heal people. At least he's going to feel like he's been hurt. And Chris, you had me laughing out loud when you said that if he just realizes that he's in turmoil he could body code himself out of it and then he'd be good but i just gotta give you more information and he's never been in turmoil and i don't think there's any deep-seated like mental issue that's causing this I think he's just really really gullible and he's always bought into like the latest fad trend whether it's like Atkins diet or like the secret or body code or like whatever he just buys into it fully

and the one dollar one dollar one dollar you do that enough times and you're rich, that was hilarious. But it was also way too accurate. And he charges $100 for his service. And he claims he's going to make $100,000 off it this year. So there's enough dumb people out there who are willing to give him their money. And I think that's really where the problem is. When you get money for this, it makes it seem like what you're doing works so also you're getting money that's a tough one i don't really know i gotta talk to one of these people who's giving them their money

and see what the hell they think is actually working but i asked him to heal my knee and it didn't work last time so i have fashioned him this wand and matt thank you so much for helping me realize that there's entertainment in this like chris you said it's sad makes you sad that there's people out there i'm gonna run with the entertainment value and no choice next time he tries to heal me i hope it works if it doesn't i'm gonna make him like a wizarding staff hell yeah get him keep making him the whole outfit keep going and make him try again get him a beer and there is comedy in this so thank you so much for helping me realize that i'm gonna run with so uh yeah uh i mean okay so this guy thought he could heal himself his dad thought he could heal

himself this guy seems like he's in great spirits, by the way, this guy. And he says his dad is just gullible and there's no turmoil. Okay, fine. I guess I might still push back. Sometimes you don't know you're in turmoil. Also, you don't know what happened to him before you were born. Yeah, exactly. But I think that, dude, you got to just basically, yeah.

I mean, you have a good attitude about it. And also, the guy's making money so that's the thing that is it that it is dude there's enough people in the world that you can do shit like that incentivizes you to convince yourself that you believe it too when you start seeing that fucking green that fucking yaper that's fucking pimping pimping skrilla shut up is fucking like dude that gouda is it'll change your mind it'll bend your mind to accommodate shit that one would normally never believe now that he's fucking got that fucking uh cheddar cheddar on his fucking fingertips okay right yeah

it's just now he's got that blue cheese up in there yeah that green cheese okay you know yeah disgusting um uh the garganzola the fucking parmesan provolone all right a butcher you know a menu a menu um yeah dude i mean fuck honestly if the body coat thing bothers you that much uh and he's a guy who was uh you know always with the latest fad just fucking try to throw other fads to it i was just gonna say give him other ones in front of it if it'll happen eventually just be like yo you ever try fucking jujitsu you ever try uh yoga or you know you ever try here ride this razor scooter for a little bit yeah you know maybe he'll get really into rollerblading or something yeah yeah right right now it's body code and if it's body code now maybe you don't have to wait so long i mean if he's making money he's making money but try to offer him other things he could do that are fad ish like mukbang shit like just give him a

bunch of food and film it and then put it on youtube and then you could be the body code guy doing mukbang videos those kill man yeah when i put it on my channel they get a lot of views um i'm sorry mukbang is like it's basically you eat food and review it kind of in a way yeah and i did it with like in and out and uh chick-fil-a and shit okay um and you know i go dummy viral and it's fine but like you know if you're the body code guy and you're gonna go dummy viral doing body code change it to mukbang right you're not hurting anybody and you can still make money off views from youtube you're not gonna make maybe you won't make a hundred thousand dollars but maybe you will a hundred dollars a session that's hey your knee is healed a hundred

bucks what is it the thing he does again like how does he what does he do i forget what he does yeah but he does something like he just says a word three times and is like you're better now no you said that no but i thought that was a thing he says the mantra three times like candy man and you were the one who said the one dollar one dollar one dollar that i think i said that because of the thing he said i don't remember but i think that uh yeah your dad's cuckoo like let's not let's not mince words here yeah that's cuckoo and i'd argue so gross you're cuckoo too he's got a little bit of cuckoo behind this guy's cuckoo i do i do he's obviously from like fucking you know the outskirts of san diego or some shit that doesn't make those are the craziest people i've ever met

my life bro really yeah dude yeah why what's up because it's so chill and it's so chill and you're near a city where you should be doing something but you're not really doing something because it's too chill so nobody's doing anything so nobody's really doing anything but they think they are and then they just get fucking crazy they start doing shit like body code i'm telling you dude you move sometimes two two things when things are too good you come up with shit like body code and when things are absolutely fucking horrible you come up with things like body right. And when things are absolutely fucking horrible, you come up with things like body code. No normal motherfucker,

unless there's some kind of chemical imbalance in their brain, came up with something like body code. You need balance. He needs balance in his life. Yeah. You know? Maybe you're not visiting him enough. So he's like, you know what?

Fuck it. My son won't see me. Wanda la, wanda la, wanda la. He's obviously around him plenty. I know, but I'm saying also make him the wand. Also give him a fucking pointy wizard hat. Every time you see him, whenever he does it to you, be like, you know, as a matter of fact, it's wand. Also give him a fucking pointy wizard hat. Every time you see him, whenever he does it to you,

be like, you know, as a matter of fact, it's crazy. I got you this robe. And here you go. Give him a little fucking, you know, a beard that hooks around the ears. And be like, I'm not doing this unless you are fucking dressed like a wizard. Play the role. And here's Dobby, by the way.

I have a Dobby stuffed animal for you. Dobby is that fucking dude that visits harry potter when he's home in britain and he's like i have some news for you you watch harry potter's i had to dude kristen loves it oh god it's not good there's seven of them the only one that's kind of good is the last one and it's only the last half of it because it's over and it's like it's over? No, it's not because it's over. It's finally over. I'm like, all right, this is kind of actually good. Whoa, really? The first one is just, it's terrible.

So it takes 15 hours to get kind of good and then it ends. Okay. All right, cool. Let's do the next one. Chillin'. Hey, dudes. Chris and Matt. How you doing?

It's your boy, Karol. I was born in Poland. I live in London, UK. Turned 33 the other day and I got married this summer and I had my own place so life rips but I feel like I'm in between a few ideas and paths and passions in my life and in between two countries Poland and the UK so I studied music production I play in some heavy metal bands but i also train golf i want to become a golf instructor and i have a few other passions and hobbies but in the meantime i'm stuck in a sales job that's completely unrelated to anything but pays the money so it allows me to to live my life uh so question is how do you figure it out when did you want where did

you figure it out that you want to be a comedian and not a musical theater uh singer or something uh when is a good time to figure it out as well and how uh come to london uk and play some shows we need you here see you later wow what a weird accent he's got a little bit of english in there but he's also got polish uh miloš gump this guy fucking dude alexander gump um that's uh that's crazy that he's got so many things going on and also i don't know he's 33 uh you know you know people ask this question a lot it's like it's it's it's like asking how to be good at something. You got to fucking just figure that shit out. How do I figure out what my passion is? I don't fucking know.

What is your passion? You can't reverse engineer that. I think good advice, when you don't have a passion, I think really good advice is find something, find something that you are really good at naturally, become the best at that and whatever that is you will make a lot of money thank you then you will therefore have a lot of money to do whatever the fuck you want you won't have to worry about your passion you will become

passionate about that thing because you will be making that yaper yaper blue cheese go to green ruined it at the end okay uh i think imagine if fucking tony robbins said that but that's the fucking truth though though, dude. And then imagine you make that yaper-yaper blue cheese with his big-ass face. Wait, is that sinking in? Because that's true shit, dude. British. Is that sinking in?

Because that's true shit. Yeah, it does sink in. And I do get it. It does sink in. Nice. But first of all, this guy, let's just take this guy at face value, dude. You are into heavy metal and golf. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, at least narrow it better, right?

The guy's just like fucking straight up like, I eat my unborn. I eat my unborn. Straight up like, I eat my unborn. I eat my unborn. And then on another day, he's just like, you know, oh, wow, look at that. Are you going to do it from there? Okay, well, I don't know if I'll make it from the grill. Here we go.

Four? Like, that's insane. Two different people. So narrow it a little bit. At least have it be heavy metal and like, you know, bowling. Maybe he needs to combine the two. Some kind of heavy metal thing about golf. Because nobody's ever done that before. I eat my unborn.

Over to the fucking. I eat my unborn, you know. I don't know. What do they fucking say? It's the worst shit imaginable. You know what I mean? They'd love that movie Clown for sure. Slipknot or fucking Mudvayne.

Bustin. Slipknot or fucking Mudvayne. Bustin'. Slipknot or Mudvayne, dude. How about the fucking bands that don't show their face? That's the creepiest shit ever. Also, isn't it so hot? I know, it's so hot. There's no fucking way. Apparently, I was listening or reading something about the guys at Slipknot,

like they vomit in their own mask and never clean it. Just like the most, because they need to be more Slipknot-y. You know what I mean? Like it just like the most because they need to be more slip knotty you know i mean like it's like the most metal shit ever to be like and then just be like and then they're just like i get it i get it so far but then they're just like no i know do you know what i mean yeah i do but that's so disgusting You don't have to be that gross. It's already weird and you're already successful. And also what I want to know is like if you're Slipknot or Mudvayne or fucking some shit like that, like how do you get like the perks of being a rock star? Like how do you get women? How do you like do they want to sleep with you with the mask on?

Probably right? Because when you take it off, you just look like like a fucking bank teller does anybody even know what they look like well no there's some bands don't i mean maybe they do they've been around for a long time i feel like their whole right but i'm saying but like there are bands like i don't know if mudvayne has or whatever but there are bands that never reveal their face ever i mean slipknot has been around for too long we obviously they they've revealed it. But my point is, if you're... Look at the...

Even on the Google images, it's the fucking... The guy's got the clown shit on. Sean Crahan, and he's got the fucking... You know? Oh, my God. That's so upsetting this guy.

Yeah. Oh, there he is. Regular. There he is. But what I want to know is... Oh, wow. He's so regular. But what I want to...

Yeah, exactly. Like, you just... Like, if the girls are like, oh, my God, yeah. Come on, let me back up into it. And the guy like okay cool and she's like take off the mask he takes it off and he just looks like just a guy that would be at a park somewhere the postman he's like oh never mind look at that fucking mask fuck guy yeah what oh god oh fucking disturbing fuck that's very disturbing fuck guy okay That's very disturbing. Fuck guy.

Okay, well. Does he have sex with those women? Yes. Both of them? He does? No, one of them has a daughter. Dude, whenever you're a fucking rock star, this is just absolute proof

that you can be the ugliest man under the fucking sun and you'll still get... Is that guy ugly? Um, I mean, he's fucking whatever looking. No, I mean, with the shit on. With the shit on, yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, he just looks like a regular guy without it. Yeah, regular.

He looks kind of all right. He's probably sexy. Dude, it is just wild that they do this. This is really unsettling to me. You know? Yeah. Is that Slipknot or Mudvayne? One time you took a screenshot of a YouTube thing,

and you sent it to me. I was talking, and there was a video about Slipknot that was like 30 minutes and you had watched half of it. What's up with you and Slipknot? It's intriguing to me. But what about it? The mask thing only? Who are they? And also they're very creepy.

And why do they make that music that I legitimately just don't feel? You know what I mean? I know. Same. So that's the thing. If I don't get something at all, I really want to get into the depths of what it is. And I want to try and learn how to like it. Sure.

Right? Because our cousin Nick Listo fucking loves this shit. Like as I lay dying and shit? As I lay dying, I be be dying dying at death's door we're all dying cut me open and watch me die yeah bring in the noise bring in the dying yeah um yeah yeah he just loves it dude and it's creepy why does he like it i guess that's we obviously anthony loves slipknot our brother producer dude he loves slipknot because you can just see him you'd be like that guy like slipknot for sure he's probably part of slipknot we have no

fucking idea no he's in their fan club no question he's gonna get the discord yo yeah definitely his real face that's him he runs the discord yeah yeah yeah yeah um he's he runs a discord it's called slip yes slip not the guy that wasn't a good joke the guy who sent in and died in the middle of a question yeah yeah okay dude that's so unsettling all right let's go to a next one uh yeah but pick up first of all my my advice is narrow the fucking wants you like golf and or combine them which was matt says which is very cool be the guy who does the fucking um what do you call it the the the you can't be a golfer that does metal but you can be a a metal singer that does that does like a golf right yeah a golfy metal singer but before

i move on real quick because i get a lot of these questions in general tiger death woods dude you fucking if you don't have a passion you can't just figure out what it is you can't reverse engineer that shit just find the thing that you're the best at become even better at it become a master at that thing and then get fucking rich doing it and then it'll open up you to have time to figure out what your passion is and you'll be fucking wealthy and you won't have to worry about that shit because that's always what stops people who have passions from being able to seek out and become that and do that for a living you don't have the money to be able to do that so in the meantime figure out what you're fucking good at and do that okay phil deathelson what that's what you call your band because he's a

successful golfer john romstein oh right yeah yeah yeah that's what you call your fucking john romstein that's great yeah yeah yeah that's great dude no i didn't look up golfers i know golfers oh i don't think you do i just know tiger woods and then jack nicholas and then jack nicholas jack nicholas i know okay is that how you pronounce it no jack nicholas that's what i said you said jack nicholas oh jack nicholas i said no there's no there's no vowel so my problem is with my parents I love them so much don't get me wrong but I killed them

sometimes I go to them for advice or a solution to a problem and they will offer up whatever words of wisdom that they have on the subject

and then time will pass and I'll deal with the problem or the situation that I'm in and I'll come back to them and I'll be like hey remember this problem

that I was talking to you about this is how I solved it but sometimes I won't take the route or the solution that they gave me. I'll just kind of do it on my own. So when I go back and tell them about it, they'll get mad that I didn't do things the way that they advised me to. And then they'll be like, Oh, well, why did you come to me in the first place? Like, I'm just not going to give you advice again. And I'm like, I come to you for advice because I value what you have to say.

But how do I tell them that I don't have to take your advice? And I don't want you to get mad or upset with me because I'm going to keep coming to you for advice. you woman oh okay i see where you're going with this okay that's the number one woman move dude what is what asking for advice and doing what you want to do anyway oh it's a deeper but true i'm gonna have to disagree i know many men that do that and it is so shitty no yes i know many men do that but but but but those men who do that woman okay so even men who do it are women because they do that those men should look very closely under their nutsack but you might have an opening but wait wait why if that's true if both men and women do it why is it specifically a woman thing women generally do it some men do it and those men

should very carefully look under their nuts and see if there's an opening i'm asking you what about it makes it a woman thing what do do you think the split is? Like what? They want to talk about their problems. And women are generally people more than men that want to talk about their problems. So really all they're doing is venting. I mean, how many times have you talked to a woman and they're like saying shit and they're like, maybe this or maybe that. And they're just like, no. And then they get frustrated and you're like, oh, you just want to vent.

Yeah, right. Yeah. That's probably what you're doing,'re doing dude anyway that's my fucking two cents i think that's so stupid this part i honestly think that that's weird that your parents get mad it is weird they don't take your advice but also just don't tell them after you've done it like if especially if you didn't take their advice don't report back to them unless they ask. But that's the problem is that she still wants to talk about it because, ah, you woman. Okay, but what I'm saying is stop doing that. Whether you want to or not. Yeah, I know.

Seek the advice, fine. If they're happy to give it, fine. But don't report back unless you took their advice. Just tell someone fucking else. Yeah. There are other people in the world besides your parents if you know they're gonna get all fucking butt hurt that you didn't take their advice like they're 17 year olds right right then don't tell them just leave that part out of the whole process problem solved done diddly i mean you're right you are right okay

done diddly done done okay the worst therapist okay all right cool yeah i mean that's just so that hit me so oh it got me oh it got me good got poked in the ass no you know the fucking guy who who who said the qvc guy who's oh yeah of course oh it got me oh it got me a fucking song piece of that just got me bleeding dying you know as he lays dying yeah as he lays dying oh eat my unborn children oh it got me make sure if i die eat my unborn oh a piece of that just got me bro this podcast rips all right i'm sweating oh i'm sweating too thank you so much for your advice on how to live for myself and authentically be myself. It was really helpful and really kind. And I really appreciate it.

So thank you. I do have something else that I could use some advice with. I used to go for runs every single day, two and a half miles outside. It was like this great sense of release for me. My therapist said that it was great for me. And I was getting healthy again. And it was really great. But unfortunately, i had to stop on one of my runs i got hit by a car oh fuck so thank goodness the only injury that i have is that i sprained one of my ankles that's it um

but now i can't run i can't even really walk on it so i don't really get that same sense of release that i used to with running so i'm just curious what other things that i could do that would give me that sense of release um for i i don't really like to go to the gym i've had bad experiences and i can't really like i said walk or run so any advice would be helpful thank you guys i appreciate it love you if you can walk thank you sorry that happened jesus christ thank god you fucking only had a sprained ankle from getting hit by a car that's like that's wild yeah it's like how like bruce willis finds out that he's fucking yeah yeah unbreakable yeah yeah yeah um yeah i mean low impact stuff obviously what i would say is if you can have any access to an exercise bike you can you can actually have your ankle locked right now it's locked in place and protected

and if you cycle that's you don't need to do anything else you can lock your ankle and just keep going yeah i mean if you can walk if she can walk is great yeah with crutches at the very least yeah rowing is something you can do right that's a great exercise although that sounds harder to access it's a little easier though rowing than fucking harder to access. It's a little easier, though, rowing than fucking... To me, it's easier than cycling and shit. But cycling is like all you need to know is where the fucking bike is. Rowing is like you got to find the fucking body of water. You got to...

No, no, no, no, no. You get a fucking row machine. You get a row machine. The guy fucking thinks I'm talking about go near Lake... Go to Lake Castaia. I did. I thought you meant... No, no, no, no, no.

So you mean a... Yeah, I mean So you mean a. Yeah, I mean a fucking row machine. That's not. Nobody would understand what that is. But I'm doing the things. Okay, cool. Yes. So it's that.

A fucking cat running. The police academy guy. So, yeah, rowing, cycling, low impact stuff. If you can walk, then you can step. You know, there's, I think that you should start doing, you know, just squats, like body squats. And as your shit strengthens, as your shit strengthens, I mean, you don't have to put weight on it,

but I'm saying do a million of them. And then as you put weight on it, your ankle will get strength uh more it'll get stronger and then you can turn it into jumping a little bit and but you know push-ups there's tons of shit you can do get a fucking bow flex you know pilates is great pilates is great fucking yoga is awesome you can do uh what's that one with the um god i forget what it's called it's like advanced uh pilates but it's a little bit more aggressive i'll have to fucking think about what it's called. It's like advanced Pilates, but it's a little bit more aggressive.

I'll have to fucking think about what it's called. Bikram? No. Okay. I think it's Bikram. That's hot yoga. Oh, yeah. But I think find like a secondhand or used rowing or cycling machine.

And who cares if it's janky as fuck? You're just going to have it until your ankle heals. Keep it outside if you have to. And then wait. Just do that until you're better. Then sell it secondhand again heals keep it outside if you have to and then wait just do that until you're better then sell it second hand again for like you know half of the price you bought it for but it will have been a good investment because you'll still get the fucking benefits out of it what the fuck is the thing called what are you talking about i used to do it i did no i used to do it it was like a class i did it once or twice and i can't remember what the hell it was a martial arts no no no no it was like advanced aggressive pilates there was like a machine involved and like i can't

remember what the hell it's called and whatever anyway do that okay okay next one the dog oh hi matt chris love the podcast i mean my boyfriend are big fans uh look forward to the show in Vancouver Canada Chris when you finally book a date um my advices is about aging and birthdays so I have a 37th birthday coming up which I'm dreading and feeling a lot of anxiety about a lot probably has to do with the fact that this year we've been trying to start a family and it hasn't happened yet so that's been really hard on my mental health so um 37 just seems like a really big hit uh so any type of advice on how to be happy with it let me know make some jokes anything i really really appreciate it uh and thanks for all that you do thanks cute look at the picture in the back of both of them dude um i i isn't it interesting it's always the most

beautiful people that are worried about fucking aging yeah actually that makes sense because because they're hooked into the fucking system of it they've been beautiful their whole life and they're worried about those looks fading and let me get an ugliest fuck motherfucker they don't care because they're i know but the the deal is uh just that's so that's good news so you don't have to worry about the aging in that respect i know it's all about other stuff too about starting a family and all that shit but um you're 37 you're not 55 that's the thing dude 37 i can't even tell you okay yeah in the last year just the last year i personally know four maybe five but definitely four people who have gotten pregnant and had children after the age of 40 so yeah 37 is like just past the automatic high risk

thing like if you're 35 and up you have to see a high risk doctor but dude you're just past that you're fucking good you're good you and you want to you want to have kids and i don't know if you've been trying or whatever uh she's been trying she said she has been okay well i don't know how long but that's the other thing if it's been a long time you have even longer of a time to get pregnant go easy on yourself the more stress you have on about it the less likely you are to fucking hit the jackpot it is funny that nobody ugly is ever like, I'm worried about aging. Yeah, because they don't have to worry about that. So, I am turning 39 today.

Well, it's always just like, did you miss my 40th birthday? But it's like an athlete. It's like an athlete being like, I'm losing my step. I'm 37 now. I'm not as good as I was when I was 27. It's like, yeah, but you're better than 99.99999% of the fucking world.

Borat. But what they're saying, yeah. Nah, nah, nah, nah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, allergy. But what they're saying is still true. Because they're the ones who feel it the most. Beautiful people feel the loss of beauty much more.

Wow. So poetic. Beautiful people feel the loss of beauty much more wow so poetic beautiful people feel the feel the loss of much much more the thing about me is i speak i speak poetically okay and i say shit that people really remember for the rest of their lives because it's impactful important and a big big deal i change people's lives all right i change people's hearts i change people's minds and i hug them okay see i've changed at the end so uh yeah don't i get it i get it i my i think that in five ten years you're gonna be looking back on this time and you're gonna be like

i was worried about something that i didn't have to be worried about yeah dude and i and you're the thing about worrying is that it sucks because you're worrying what's going to happen is going to happen anyway you worrying about it isn't going to change anything you're doing all you need to do to try and get pregnant and um or whatever it is live a happy life um the fact that you're asking a question you're in the right place anyway but i would just you know the fact that you're asking that question means that you're somebody that is a beautiful person so there you go but that's the thing about worry and anxiety it's there for a reason it's like your weapon it's your tool and you are utilizing that tool thus far, how you're supposed to use it.

You're doing all the things that you're supposed to be doing in terms of trying to get pregnant. You're worrying about your future. You're thinking about these things. Don't let it pass the threshold of useful to you. Anxiety and worry, these are actual skills that humans have developed over many, many, many years. And let that be your friend. Don't let it be your enemy. It's there to help you.

And it is helping you. Don't let it go your enemy. It's there to help you. And it is helping you. Don't let it go past the tipping point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And make it start hurting you. Worrying is your friend, you're saying. And take it to dinner. Maybe go to a movie with it, right? Go see that fucking-

Well, no, like figuratively. Barbarian movie. I hear it's really good. Go to Barbarian and get a popcorn. Get two popcorns. One for you and one for worrying. I want to see Barbarian. Oh.

I want to see the movie Barbarian. Me too. Learning English. Maybe I should go with her anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. You can go with her. A seat in between for the anxiety.

Yeah. Or she doesn't even need to come. She's busy. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Oh, just break. I can borrow your anxiety for a little bit. I want to go see Barbarian.

Yeah. And I don't want to go alone. I want to see the movie Barbarian. Stop saying it like that. Okay. All right. Cool. Well, we want to do alone. I want to see the movie Barbarian. Stop saying it like that. All right, cool. Well, we want to do one more or something or what? One more.

Chris, Matt. Jonathan calling out of Fresno, California. Jonah, how are you? Chris, I didn't miss the last time you came here. I don't know if you'll ever come back. Maybe not. I don't know how to work, of course. The day you have a show in town.

My boss won't let me leave early. Anyways, I need some advice. So me and my wife got our first baby. It should be popping out any day now. Oh, shit. Still casual. Hopefully soon. Got a little girl on the way.

Nice. Question is, I'm the last of my last name for, you know, you fellow Italians, Chris and Matt. Last name is Vietti. I really want to have a little boy. Obviously don't know what the future holds, but, you know, I'm thinking if I pop three girls out, that's max for me. I don't know if I want any more after that. So just want to see what you guys take on it. Keep going for it until I pop out a boy.

I'm so casual about it. Three is too many. Until some more peak out. It's kind of pushing it, but maybe four. Talk yourself into it. Let me know what you guys think. I have five, six. By the end.

I appreciate everything you guys do. Love the pod. I watch every week. Hel let me know what you guys think I have five six by the end I appreciate everything you guys do love the pod I watch every week helps me get through my day after work forget about it which that's what I'm doing now

so nice let me know guys thanks cool that's a I think about that sometimes stop thinking about it

oh the life the family line the fucking vibe of the family still goes if you have a fucking fuck girl or a boy.

That was Jesus telling you you're wrong. I think we're past the stage of worrying about if the name continues. In the Tudors, they do that a lot. They want the name to continue. What are you, fucking Henry VIII? Exactly, yeah. What are you, Henry the 350th? This isn't 1445.

It's fucking 2022. We don't need to worry about our names continuing. It's not a thing. Yeah, but you know what? On the other hand, hey, I get it. You know what I mean? Hey, I get it. You know, you want that name to live on, right?

Well, okay. You want to have a son? Of course. But the name could still live on. She can fucking combine her name with whoever she finds a partner with. Yeah, but broads can't carry the name. Maybe she'll be gay and they keep her last name. Sounded like he had a fucking kind of sick last name.

I like his last name. Hey, you want fucking Mario Andretti, whatever the fuck his name is, you want to fucking keep that name going, right? Why are you being a lot louder when you do that? Because we're Italian, we're emotional. You pop out a fucking girl or two, your names is god right right you want a fucking son coming out of that fucking what's that coming out the twat right the worst gynecologist on the face of the earth hey so what are you here for you think you're pregnant let's see spread them

looks like it's got somebody in it. So terrible. Hey, congratulations. You're like four or five weeks. You're like two, three weeks in there. Pop them out. Well, let's hope it's a boy so your fucking husband's lineage can live on, right? Because you know these broads, they don't carry the names.

Hey, they don't carry nothing, right? You need a piano getting upstairs who do you call anyway take two of these and call me in the morning thanks a lot smoking man i love my fucking job tell me order a pizza pizza dude i know i know a couple who kept the female name what and they named the child the female they gave the child the female's last name you just gotta be kidding me the fuck out of here you ever seen tutors they don't do that shit there tunas tutors the tutors the tutors henry the eight wow it started at henry then it was henry the second it was the, you know, there was three Henrys.

Doesn't know the story at all. How is there three Henrys if it's Henry VIII? Because you need three and then four and then five and then six and you get to eight, and that one was the mother, that motherfucker was crazy. He was all up ahead in his fucking broads. You know, they were having fucking women and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got one kid, he died of like syphilis, he got older.s. You know, they were having fucking women and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He got one kid. He died of syphilis. He got older. Okay. Sad case, honestly. Okay. I wonder when you're going to be done with that. What do you think?

Once the lineage fucking lives on. All right, look. We got our fucking... Look how sick. ...spin-movementality shirts. That's the back. That's the front. We got fucking hoodies. We got everything, dude.

We got the crew neck. Yep. I'll be in Mentality shirts. That's the back. That's the front. We got fucking hoodies. We got everything, dude. We got the crew neck. Yep. I'll be in Peoria. I'll be in Savannah. I'll be in Raleigh. And I'll just be doing all that shit. I got shows coming up. I'm in Tempe.

ChrisDelia.com. And that's what's up. MattDelia.com. Get your fucking advice sessions with me. Tuesday or Thursday, 1.30 to 5.30 Pacific time and I can't wait to talk to you about whatever's on your mind well the Lifeline live show

is your birthday show October 19th watch lifeline.com get your tickets it's gonna be so fucking fun dude I can't wait to fucking like annoy Matt and do those jokes with you fucking calling in it's gonna be live a birthday present from all of you to me individually. Get your fucking ticket.

Meet me at my party on October 19th, 6 p.m. Pacific time. Click on that in the comments below. Watchlifeline.com. And we'll see you there, dude. Thanks a lot. Yippee! Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?

Hello?