Lifeline - 3. Ballplayer Energy

Episode Date: April 24, 2022

🎧 Subscribe on iTunes: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline In this week's episode, we discuss combating the bad tendencies you are aware of, the tools to not take things so personally, sibling trouble, breakup signals, and if you should wear your hair how you like it or how your SO likes it. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lifeline is an advice show for entertainment purposes only. If you need real help or advice, please seek a therapist or licensed professional. So we started. I guess. No, not I guess. You have to be happy about it. I have to be happy about I guess? No, look. So we got here, what was it?

What? 30 minutes ago, and we ate burritos, and that's great. Gonna give a speech. You know what happens when you eat burritos? You get real sluggish afterwards. No, I don't. Yes, you do. I don't.

Because you're human. I don't get sluggish after I eat a fucking burrito. Who eats a burrito? Oh, so what do you do after you eat burritos you get real sluggish after no i don't i don't yes you do i don't because you're human i don't get sluggish after i eat a fucking burrito who eats a burrito oh so you do what do you do after you eat a burrito i get you sit down i get like ecstatic you don't yeah but in your head but then you sit down nobody eats a burrito i'm like plays ball is what i'm saying well that would be a mistake there we go so you might argue that eating a burrito makes you lethargic. Yes, got out of that one. So what happens is you eat a burrito and then you start slowing down. It's just what happens. The blood draws to your tummy and helps you digest.

You know why I think that happens to you? That's science. Because you don't eat. You wait too long to eat. And so when you wait too long to eat and then you eat a lot, your body crashes. Yes. No. That's not necessarily true sometimes i eat as a matter of fact i ate about two hours ago so i didn't wait too long yeah i remember i ate squirrel i told you i ate squirrel you're eating too much okay

well look i'm eating fine this isn't what this is about but what i'm saying is you eat a burrito and then you don't play ball right that's right so we need to be ball we're not playing ball no i know but we need to bring the ball player energy to this podcast to separate it from the other fucking sound like you're doing good though so i'm holding my weight because i know i'm on the fucking upswing of the burrito thing oh you're holding your weight all right i had fucking two meals in two hours all right so that's good right oh so mad so mad because you got to eat the burrito and then you got to go go go go go go go but what you were doing is like well let's leave the air on let's leave the place cool you went to the

bathroom two times and you weren't even using the bathroom oops right you weren't even using the bathroom you were just in there like toodling and shit it was hot in here insecure nelly it was it was hot in here okay it was hot in why is it so insecure to swallow in between words an audible swallow because you're not fucking confident in what you're saying that's not necessarily true which is why i asked the question yes so that's a that's a yes for me no and it's why i asked the question because it's it's implied in the question that isn't necessarily an insecure thing to do, to swallow. If you are saying something very definitive, you don't swallow because you have the next word to say immediately. If you're talking and you're not really sure what you're going to say, you end up swallowing and people are like, that guy's a bitch. I'm not doing anything he said.

That's why all the greats in history never fucking swallowed in between words. Martin Luther King Jr. I know I shouldn't say how can hitler's the only guy next guy okay no mine i know that's bad but like i'm just saying guys who talk a lot that have a fucking terrible i know but but they had a lot of people behind them is all i'm saying because they didn't swallow the second anyone's like uh this is why fucking joe biden loses people you're saying and i'm not political influence you're not saying whether they're good or bad. No, not good or bad. I'm saying influence. All right. Strength.

Cult leaders, they don't- Projecting strength. Yeah. That's why all the preachers talk like this. So you think the reason they project strength is because they don't swallow? 100%, and that's literally the only reason. Nope. Well, if you would like to follow me into the road of everyone walks out the door.

I would like to see that, though. I would like to see that, though. Well, so would I. But you wouldn't like to follow that guy. No. Well, I wouldn't follow any preacher or cult leader, which is what you seem to be doing right there. But what I'm saying is, so we need to have the upswing of the burrito, right? And if we have the upswing of the burrito, then we start before we let the lethargic shit before the blood all gets drawn to the tummy so now we're activated and

we're here and we're we're in the ball player energy bringing it to the podcast i'm feeling honestly a little bit sluggish right now that's why because we fucking started too late could be so so that's what i'm saying and you were just like dilly-dallying and when we had the fucking upswing and now i've got to carry the upswing but i'm doing it mentally not physically because we started too late because i know about the whole fucking upswing it was fucking hot so we wanted it to fucking cool down because the ac's loudest fucking shit in here i understand but what we have to do is make sure it's like the lesser of two evils, right? And it's better to have a better podcast and be sweating under the pits than it is to- Oh, I see.

I see. Wrong, but I do see what you're saying. I don't agree. We need to be hot. Do you sweat when you play ball? Yes. See, you've developed this thing now where you clap for yourself. Thank you.

And I don't like that at all. I know. I developed it because that's what I do when I... Because there's no audience here. You know I do a lot of stand-up, right? I do. By the way, speaking of stand-up, Phoenix, Arizona, April 30th, I will be there. Go to chrislea.com to get tickets.

I added a second show. And all the fucking good seats are full. But go in and get that shit. It's going to be there April 30th on Saturday. So I'll see you guys there. And yeah, so that's it. No, that's rude. That's very rude.

But you won't be there. You won't be in Arizona. Now I'm sluggish as fucking hell. So you asked one thing before the podcast, which would have been a great thing to ask during the podcast, but we started too late, but we can go back to it. What did I ask? You said, why do I wear sunglasses? Why do you wear sunglasses?

Sometimes I think I'm ugly. Well, you're not always right, but I can't argue with you on that one. Sometimes I think I'm ugly and I started with the sunglasses on because sometimes my eyes look bad. But he's going to admit it, dude. He's going to admit it because what? Because people like what's real. What percent of the time do you think that you look ugly? Enough.

Okay. Well, I mean. I think. Well, okay okay that's a great question actually thank you um i have my angles right see you said two answers neither of which were actual answers to my question you said enough and then you said i have my angles the question was what percent of the time do you think you're ugly? You tell me, dude. I want to percent. Okay. Well, 100% then? No. I don't ugly as a stretch, but I look bird-like sometimes. I look gaunt.

I look fucking a new color. You look translucent. Off death. Yeah. You look really white. Are you never outside? Dude, I was outside earlier, and it didn't even take, dude. i was outside for a while i was doing push-ups you know me right yeah i guess i was doing push-ups and sit-ups and doing planks you know me right outside yeah

yeah and so i was outside and i was fucking doing all that stuff i was even doing jumps and dips out of the pool you know me right i do know you stop asking me if i know you right so i was bulked up you know what's interesting about me but the fucking the rays bounced off me poetry can i can be uh remember the guy uh i can be outside for five minutes and i get a 10 well you know yeah okay that's fine that's fair that's good not trying to rub it in or anything but i know but you always have had that fucking dark shit like that italian that fucking you you know what i mean yeah that's bullshit yeah i mean i love it about about myself yeah i know i i don't like my color but it's fine dude but

also on the king of the sting in the wing they fucking have that bright light on me and shit so i look even worse i think they're fucking jealous dude you think it's like a frame job no because they fucking it was like that we're already from jump whatever so you talked yourself out of it i know yeah it was a quick one so um all right so so you want to just jump right into it dude this is lifeline i say that it's been like 10 minutes you can't say i want to jump right so you guys want to when it's already been like a long time let's jump right in okay let's jump right in but but um let's joe biden we could do that all right let's go bite in jump right in let's go bite in in shut the fuck up wow what's going on there's no person there my buddy over here my roommate

has a big problem where he just drinks and just gets blacked out every single seems like you're on your way into a weekday thing so many so so many chairs i just was making this video to see if you guys have any advice on how i should handle it because i'm going to be living with this idiot for the next two years oh oh oh my god dude incredible sign off oh my god signed on and off with that that the the last one though was wild so So violent, you know? What if he did it 25 times? He was going to break his computer screen, you know?

Yeah. First of all, too many chairs, okay? So many chairs in the back there. Yeah. Second of all, was so weird to hear the guy but not see the guy. That was like, I would have said, like, he's hearing voices, but we heard it. Right, we heard it. Guy is absolutely high as fuck while he's doing it.

He was so fucking high. I mean, his eyes were just like this. Straight up. He was on something. I don't even know if he was high. Yeah. He was on something. Yeah.

And so he's asking how to deal with his roommate who's always blacked out. No, he's just... Were you listening? I listened. He said his roommate's always blacked out. He's about to live with this motherfucker. He gets so drunk on weekends that he blacks out. and he said it's turning into a weekday thing yeah yeah so that is what i said no it's not i said you had to deal with his roommate when he

blacks out okay yes got out of that one dude um no so i think that honestly this dude uh needs to just for real either get a um you know if he he's not strong enough to lift him, fucking power up with your squats. Do deadlifts. You know, some fucking farmers carries. And whenever the guy passes out, just fucking pick him up and put him in the closet. Put him in the closet. Or if you don't want to do that, if you're a lazy piece of shit, which you are, right? Because look at your eyes are half masked.

Okay. Which you are. Then just get a fucking big blanket get a big fucking weighted blanket and put it over him wherever he fucking blacks out and falls down and when he wakes up he'll be sweaty as shit and when he gets up he'll be pushing that weighted blanket off him and he'll be like oh man what the fuck and i and then you say and you say well you're fucking sweaty and he'd be like yeah and then you say well that's what you get you're sweaty because you fucking blacked out and I put a weighted blanket on you.

It's like little shit you got to do to ruin their lives. Not big things. This is the first go-to thing that you think this guy should do. You think the first thing he should do are those two things that you said. I mean, after talk to him. Okay. So then talk to him, I guess. Because I think that he probably already did. And also that's considered talking to him.

The guy was in the room and he was making a video for us. We didn't see him though. I'm a little suspicious because we didn't see him. We heard it. We did hear it. But he looks behind him and there's nobody there. Yeah, but he was just below him on the couch, I think. Like he was sitting on top of him?

Or he was just hiding behind his ass like this. Right. Yeah, I think, well, first of all, he specifically said two years of this. It's been two years? Two years. It's going to be two years. He's locked into some kind of lease. Oh, wow.

Okay. Or maybe it's college. I don't know. Get away to blanket. But you got to, for your own sake, I mean, yes, it's obviously for his well-being and his health. But for your own sake, you got to just fucking talk to him. Say, can we at least try pulling back on the drinking? Because the truth is,

nobody wants to fucking black out. It's worse than a hangover, dude. There's nothing. I don't drink anymore. But when I used to, I never really had blackouts, but I did like once or twice. And it is fucking truly scary.

You lose time? You wake up and you don't remember what the fuck happened. Whoa. And people will tell you, you did this, you did that, you did that.

And you're just like, I have to believe you. Yeah. Because all of you are saying this, but I have no recollection of that. Yeah. And it sounds memorable. It's always like a fucking dumb thing.

Wow. It's not like, you know. You have so much fun with this. It's, it's, it's, that's actually a dark first thought.

No, no, no, it's not dark. It's fun. You put a fucking, you, you, he falls asleep blacks out yeah and then you get i mean how long do they people black out for sometimes hours right well no i think you have a misunderstanding what black out means yeah you you you drink so much and then you pass out and then you wake up the next morning

and it's like you've blacked out your memory there's no memory of it great right right okay so when you're chilling you're not passed out you're blacked out right you're in the future you will yeah you will have forgotten right sure yeah okay so then you just convince the drunk person who's blacked out that don't know they're blacked out to do a bunch of crazy shit like let's go to the costume store you get fucking samurai outfits okay you get maybe cat ears or some shit okay and then you have a great time at home you set up decorations like you bring foliage inside and then he falls asleep and you wait in your samurai outfit and then when he wakes up and he goes what the fuck happened you say i don't know man yeah and then you try to figure

it out with him like it's a fun little fucking dinner party that would be fun as shit because here's the thing if a guy's gonna be having having that much fun and i'm going to have to deal with it on the raw end of it you better believe i'm going to be making the best of it right so i'm the roommate it's like this guy always blacks out it sucks i'm going to be making the best of it i'm going to turn lemon into lemonade and that's honestly what he should do okay that to me that doesn't sound that fun the costume store thing but i get as a person who blacked out get what you're saying i get what you're saying you don't have to do the samurai thing you can do a bunch of right exactly right but i think pick what based on what i'm getting is that this guy's not gonna this guy himself probably likes to party considering

the state of his eyes and his hair so i think maybe just say look i'm here to help you maybe find a sweet spot of getting wasted and having fun, but checking, like stopping before you pass the threshold of blacking out. Like almost make it a game. Like let's test where the line of blacking out is. I don't think so. That's not fun though. That is not supposed to be fun. The guy's got a fucking drinking problem.

Right. But you're trying to make it fun for the guy. Like make it a challenge. But it's not for. It's like Calvin. When I told you Calvin, oh, Calvin, we got to be fun. The guy's got a fucking drinking problem. Right, but you're trying to make it fun for the guy, like make it a challenge. But it's not for. It's like Calvin, when I told you Calvin, oh Calvin, we got to clean up. Who can do it the fastest?

It is like that. Oh, I trick him. It's an adult version of that. But Calvin's not drunk. He's going to remember this. Okay, well it's not a literal one-to-one. Samurai outfits and a weighted blanket. Okay, those years we figured it out.

Those are the two different pieces of advice. I suggest you try mine. Yeah, if you don't want to have any fun and be boring about it. It's a free country. So let's see what's next. Hey Matt and Chris, huge fan of both of your podcasts. Max Headroom. I just wanted to come on here a little anonymously

to ask for some advice. Cool. So I know that you guys are super close siblings. I am also pretty close to my siblings. My sister is 25. I'm 28. My brother is 25. I'm 28. My brother's 35. So our thing is that we all currently are living at my parents' house.

My sister just graduated college. I'm actually moving out June 1st. And my brother has been here for a while. So my issue is with him. He is 35. He has no aspirations of moving out of the house and he doesn't have a full-time job, even though he has two degrees. My issue is that the last couple months I've really seen who he is as a person and I am not a fan. He is disrespectful to my parents, even though he's living under their roof he's incredibly cheap like he'll then request me for three dollars but if i put everyone's meal on my card he won't pay me

back because he assumes that since i have a full-time job i'm loaded oh my god and just little things like if my sister and i go out and he wasn't invited he'll straight up ask me well why didn't you invite me and i'll say oh well you would you wouldn't even have wanted to do it and he says oh i would have at least liked to be invited so that i could say no thank you like i think it's the most respectful thing to not invite somebody to something that they don't want to do am i right yeah but anyways my people like struggling with how to move forward with this relationship because it's just really tense in the household. Do I have a conversation where both of us are going to be uncomfortable? I know for a fact he's going to play victim, take everything personally, and then potentially kind of ruin our relationship because I do love him.

I just can't stand him. And if we were friends, we would not be friends. Or do I just ignore it because there's a foreseeable end to us living together and just deal with it or any other solutions because it's just super tense, super stressful on me. And at the same time, I think he's kind of tone deaf to the whole situation because he just, like I said, plays victim and doesn't see how he could do any wrong ever. Thank you for any and all advice. Congratulations on this amazing new podcast.

Can't wait to see where it goes. Love you guys so much. Thanks. Love you too. So long. But so long. What is it? you guys so much. Thanks. Love you too. So long, but so long. Was it Soft White Underbelly? Okay, go ahead.

What's Soft White Underbelly? Oh, it's that shit you love? It's that fucking thing where they just talk for an hour and a half. So first and foremost, and there's a lot to get into there,

but the first thing that jumps out at me, what? No shit, it was an hour and a half. Is if the two options as far as you see them are have a conversation with them and it'll be uncomfortable or don't and like sort of like let it go and see how it happens

if you do option two that shit is going to fester in a way that you have no idea what the future will bring like what happens when we sit on shit like that, when we repress shit like that, is that it comes out in ways that you, A, don't foresee, but B, in ways that you really don't want to behave. have to do that because repressing it and sitting on it is just going to make shit worse in ways that will surprise you and ways that are actually worse than even just living with them as it is also spin moves help that you know that okay i want to talk to you about something okay consider an intervention i don't want the i stop giving spin move as your first piece of advice no it's not but it can help if you gotta fucking tell something some somebody something very serious about something no it helps do a spin start with your legs crossed though it helps if you're barry sanders's coach no okay and that's it no start

with your legs crossed though is what i'm saying and with your back to the person and then turn around and when you fucking your legs even out and you spin around go not paying you the three bucks and that fucking helps dude that can help and be like and furthermore because you're already in a role but anyway here's what i think okay first of all she's right it's respectful for her not to ask that you're dealing with two different people that want two different things and have two different ideas about uh who each other even are right so like she she thinks it's respectful to not ask him to a thing that he wouldn't go like i wouldn't invite you to go to the fucking opera right i would like to go to the opera you know what i'm saying though and obviously don't say that then no but that was a bad example okay but you know what i have to speak up the

whole world's gonna fucking see this i don't want the whole world thinking i don't want to go to the fucking opera so i do and when i said opera i was like this fucking weirdo is going to want to go to the well you shouldn't have said it then know me better no but i know but you'd want to go to the fucking opera so i do and when i said opera i was like this fucking weirdo is going to want to go to the well you shouldn't have said it then know me better no but i know but you'd want to go to the italian opera yeah you don't know what even what they're saying and now i don't need to no dude they have the fucking subtitles anyway okay so um so they have subtitles in an opera it's live they they're a fat fucking guy come out with tails on just with the cards of what people there's a big screen i fucked your wife like on top not in the opera you know there's a big screen on top and as they sing it's like karaoke it's like it becomes goes from white to blue that's

bullshit no it's not i'm saying it sucks that that's like that maybe yeah it does dude you need a fat fucking italian greasy fuck up just walking by being like i stole your tomatoes that's what they're singing about wow the worst song ever the worst song ever now you're bullshit you know you'd want to go see an opera about an Italian guy stealing tomatoes yeah I mean yeah you would dude yeah okay so what was the fucking thing about you okay so

so um I would hey Matt let's go work out I would never invite you to go work out correct that lazy piece of shit no yes dude right you're lazy piece of shit and you want to fucking watch the opera okay because it involves sitting down anyway i don't want to watch the opera i want to go to the okay so so anyway it is respectful to not do like one time remember you and chris were on my text chain with you guys talking about game night and i was like what the fuck are you

guys talking about and then you guys said we have a game night i said how long has it been going on and you said two years and i didn't know about it for two years and you never invited me and that was when i realized that you guys were my closest friends steeper no no no that's great yeah right right because you guys know i wouldn't come to a fucking shitty bullshit game night you would never yeah right so i thank you for that what did i do i said thanks guys i really appreciate you know who i am because one time i sat in a coffee shop every single day and there was a guy who was there who was a stuntman he looked like a ferret and he was there every single day and we were talking every day we knew each other this was like for a year and then one time he handed me a book and

said you should really check this out and it was a book on buddhism you don't know me dude you don't know me at all was he like evangelized no he wasn't even a religious guy he was like you know I'm just a stuntman but you should check this Dude, you don't know me at all. Was he like evangelized? No, he wasn't even a religious guy. He was like, you know, I'm just a stuntman, but you should check this book out. You haven't been listening to me at all. You don't know me. That's disrespectful, right? So that's what you're saying.

So that's good. Okay. But here's the deal, though. It's never going to change unless you bring it up. It just won't. It won't change unless you bring it up. But here's the deal. You bring it up 99% of the time.

It's just going to lead to a rift anyway. It's going to lead to a rift anyway it's going to lead to a rift anyway the guy has two degrees but it's really hard and the the pandemic and everything with how tight money is and the coronavirus it fucked everybody up dude dude it'll never not amaze me how the smartest people book smartest people have the most tactless yeah disrespectful clueless motherfuckers out in the world yeah it's common it's fucking common yeah and and and uh and i have both book smarts and real smarts and you don't you absolutely don't uh and so so the point is it fucked people up i mean we we we've all we all have good friends that all of a sudden now, just because of the coronavirus, they think Joe Biden is a hologram.

Literally, you could see the trajectory. It was like, oh, fucking okay. Well, masks or this or that. Oh, fine. Then Joe Biden's a hologram. It takes fucking eight or nine months. Yeah. But you go from wear this mask to Joe Biden is a hologram in fucking nine months.

You can do that, dude. Yeah. It happened. It did happen to a bunch of people. A bunch of people that we all know. People we know. Oh, yeah. joe biden is a hologram in fucking nine months you can do that dude yeah right it happened it did happen to a bunch of people a bunch of people that we all know people we know oh yeah so and and that's fine if you want to believe that but it but you know the pandemic and the uh and everything has affected people in such weird ways that maybe it's just best to fucking move out yourself do you know what i'm talking about sure that's an option then i would actually recommend that because you don't want to live with

this motherfucker this guy sounds problematic on a number of levels yeah he sure does rather not deal with that being said if if the only options are the two options she laid out you gotta talk yeah you gotta fucking talk to him i have a third option try and move out yourself but that's my third option no spin move you don't need to spin move you're not going to him. You got to fucking talk to him. I have a third option. Try and move out yourself. But that's my third option. No spin move? You don't need to do a spin move if you're not going to see him. You could do a spin move on moving day. You could do a spin move out of the house.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, good. Fixing the world one fucking problem at a time. But talk to him. Yeah, talk to him. Yeah.

Okay, next one. Hi, Chris and Matt. So I'm 23 years old. And as I'm growing, I'm trying to identify ways in which I can be less of a sucky person in general. So one thing, one flaw that I've been able to identify within myself is that oftentimes, you know, I just disagree with people just for the sake of being different. And I hate that because I know that it doesn't make sense. And that is not how it should be. I mean, being neutral is much better than just disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing

because I'm really not helping anyone. And I feel that you guys do a great job with that because through your podcast or comedy or whatever form that is, you guys do a great job of being not disagreeing just for the sake of disagreeing. Right. So how would you suggest that, you know, I go about stepping out of this space that I'm in and just being someone who is is not you know a sucky person okay first of all we need more people like that in the world that is a fucking that guy's 23 and realizing a major fucking flaw and wanting to change it that is a bravissimo to this guy i can't wait to talk well you're talking no go ahead no but you're talking i cannot wait to talk but go ahead i think you can wait to talk and you're and you're buying time okay the floor is fucking yours go ahead go no no i want you to go okay well

because i got the camper baby oh boy jesus fucking christ um oh dude what i'm gonna say is so fucking unreal go ahead he's he's saying he doesn't want to be a contrarian for the sake of it even though he is i mean the advice is to just fucking follow through on what you've already realized about yourself you've done such a good job people are so fucking unaware of themselves first of all second of all especially when it comes to their own flaws and dude you've inspired me whatever i don't think he said his name but i'm very pleased to see there's a 23 year old man in the world being like i suck and i want to fucking change this way that i suck uh as far as how just keep recognizing and realizing okay fucking go you're pissing me off no no no no i jesus no i hear you i don't mean to piss i don't mean to piss you off well it's too late okay but here's the thing dude first of all

wearing the most video game shirt in the world, dude. It had a camera, a palm tree, and a fucking panda on it for no reason. You can get that after you get 40 coins. But, dude, okay, you disagree with people for no reason. So somebody will say something, and then you will just disagree with them for no reason. You're identifying that as shitty, okay? People come up, and they say, I like apples. And you may like apples, them for no reason you're identifying that as shitty okay people come up and they say i like apples and you may like apples but you go you know what though apples they aren't that good if they're not ripe and this and that plus which apples do you like yeah and also have you ever tried an orange now that's shitty you're realizing

it but what you don't realize you're doing is saying something and then checking yourself and being contrary to yourself tyler durden dude this is fight club you're doing what you do to all the people to yourself he's keeping it fair get a grip dude you're living in a fucking you're living in your own world stop what you're doing to yourself first and then do it to other people. He gets the psyche. Oh, my God. But, dude, it's unbelievable. The guy's doing it to himself, dude.

But, yeah. Okay, yeah. In a way, yeah. Don't show me the back of your head. It's so fucking disrespectful. Tyler Durden. Took a whole minute. Took a whole fucking minute and got so sweaty, you know?

I'm so sweaty, dude. Yeah, for sure. For sure. I still think bravo to this guy. He might be like overthinking it and I get that. I can fucking, you know what? I fully identify with this motherfucker. to this guy he might be like overthinking it and i get that i can fucking you know what i fully identify with this motherfucker i have experienced all the things that he's saying what i haven't

experienced is that the entire time he couldn't think of the fucking word which is contrarian he kept just saying sucky person uh yeah dude that's the 23 and i'm showing yeah yeah for real but but i gotta say still bravissimo to this motherfucker because it's true honestly also those people do suck now here's the thing though and i feel strongly about this because i've been told that i've been called a contrarian in my life just because you have strong opinions about shit that don't align with the person you're talking to doesn't make you a contrarian so that's number one you might you can naturally be disagreeing with a lot of people but just because you're opinionated doesn't mean that you're a contrarian or as you would say sucky person that being said if you actually are saying things you don't think just to disagree with

people you're right in that that is one of the most annoying fucking things that people do. It's horrible. So just, it's good. Don't overkill it with an over-awareness. You're on the right track already. It sounds like you'll fucking get there. You're still really young. I think you're doing it right already.

He recognized it. That's fine. I mean, you're basically at the point where you shot yourself in the head and you realize you're two people. Yeah, Tyler Durden, at least he recognized he's Tyler Durden.'s fine. I mean, you're basically at the point where you shot yourself in the head and you realize you're two people. Yeah. Tyler Durden, at least he recognized he's Tyler Durden. You know what I mean? You hear that song at the end, fucking stop. Yeah.

Buildings fucking blowing up. You know that song, dude? You good? Yeah, it's a good song i love that song actually yeah what is it it's the pixies isn't it pixos yeah the pixos yeah the fucking pixels uh yeah i do a good rendition of it though the pixos yeah yeah they're good at it all right well that's good you're tyler durden um he did good that guy okay chris and matt is a written one chris and matt i had been seeing this guy for the past year we got along great he checked off all the boxes and we met each other's families all was going well or so i thought up until recently when he told me he'd quote like to put things on pause for a while so he could, think about some things and figure things out. End quote. We haven't spoken since then.

And I've given him his space, but I've never been told that before. So I'm unsure how to look at this situation. Should I see this as a breakup and move on? Chris, you want to take this one first? Yeah, you broke up.

Yeah, it sucks. Here's the thing that sucks. Can you put it back up the guy's a bitch though the guy is a fucking little wussy man wussy boy who you don't want to be with anyway that's you can't even just say i don't think this is working out uh we need to think about some things and figure things out this is bullshit because it sounds like he's already done that and not letting you in on the fact that he has done that yes he's like disallowing you from being where he's at he's not up front he's fucking this isn't this is a weak the weak weak weak thing to do and this is not a guy you

want to be with yeah no he's being a bitch about it he wants to make sure that he can get over you before you can get over him because when he's over you then you start dating other people and you're out of that zone for of taking space and he won't feel bad about you fucking doing the horizontal mambo with some other guy right yeah maybe that or he's just afraid to tell you what he actually fucking thinks and that is almost as annoying as when he opened the fucking can i know dude marco fucking opened the fucking thing it was so loud right when i was driving the point yeah that was a bad time to do it i get mad at him i get mad at him a lot for that it's a bad time to do it but dude so the point is yeah the guy is either a

pussy or a pussy right and in one way he's either a pussy of not telling you because he's afraid of what you'll think or he doesn't want you to date other guys while he goes out and fucking doinks other chicks and can do what he wants and play the field and then maybe get someone else to help him mend his broken heart while you're sitting at home fucking because you're this is what this happens though this happens you know what might be good though just go do the fucking yeah i think he did break up with you but i think you should call him out on it in a way that's like why can't you just say no it's over yeah dude no yeah it's over anyway she might as well point out how and help him out in the future dude he shouldn't be doing this to people if you're gonna break up with somebody fucking break up with them yeah but you just fucking do you do what you do anyway and you don't even fucking deal with him anymore he's done he's done for you well that i yeah i mean sure do what you

gonna do sure go fucking for real suck some dicks and lay lay flat i will say though i'm sorry that do you have it does suck this sucks yeah it does suck but it's but and it's also a good thing because you he's helping you figure out that you don't want to be and so are we we're helping you move on you got to move on and fucking lay flat for some dudes. He did you a favor. Yep. That sounds like boring sex though. What if she wants to get up and get crazy? Boring sex is the best sex. Well, not...

The word boring is in boring sex. How could it be good if it's boring? Okay, because you can literally do what you want in your mind if it's boring. You can't if all this fucking bells and whistles are going. Like what people say, like tie me up. Or like whip me. How about instead of doing what you want in your mind, you do what you want, period. Are books better than movies?

Are books better than movies? A lot of people say books are better than movies because you make up the imagination. Right. But I'm saying, well, okay, but if the book was first, the book is better. Not always. The Godfather is a great example of that being wrong. Okay. That's, name another uh the book wait which one

is it was a good book they wrote that after the movie though um all right so i'm saying like i like to when i like to do when i like to have sex no music okay right because i like to do the i like to feel what's in my head much like driving i drive to no music okay right i want to feel what's in my head. Much like driving. I drive to no music. Okay. Right? I want to feel what I feel. Okay. 4.30 in the daytime, doing the horizontal mambo with, you know, my fiance. We have a good time. No

extra shit. You know what I mean? Lingerie's for the birds. It's just me. It's just Adam and Eve type shit. That I actually agree with. Yeah. That's like a made-up capitalist thing i don't i don't i don't know what that is even lingerie yeah so anyway uh anyway that guy fucking sucks he did you a favor even though he didn't mean to so he doesn't get credit for that but take it and run with it fuck that guy date somebody who when he breaks up with you let's

hope he doesn't but when he does he has the fucking courage to just be like you know what i don't think this is working out yeah Yeah. It's not even that fucking hard. It's hard. Fuck that guy. It's hard. I get it. It is, but then it's over. Yeah.

It's better than drawing it out like this. Then you got to see her fucking doinking other dudes and shit. Pictures of like, you know, somebody's on her story and it's like a guy's arm and you're like, who's that? Why don't you just not follow her then? Because he's who he is. He's gonna.

Well, fuck him. We're not worried about him. We're worried about her. You're a little hardcore, dude. I'm just saying. We're worried about her. All right. Okay.

Hey, guys. Everybody knows it's okay to have a different colorways in shoes, but is it okay to have different colorways in clothes? Because in Norway, it's always cold. So don't mind drugs. So I got this gray one. I got a black one. And just in case, I got a brand new of the black one

wow um so different colorways and clothes is it okay or do you look like you always wear in the same clothes all the time thank you guys wow that guy's fucking cute as shit clear up the clear up what he was asking because i'm a little confused oh yeah yeah okay so uh colorways is like different colors of different uh of the same shit. Like if I have these shoes, I have the gold colorway and also a different colorway. Why are you saying colorway? It's stupid as fuck. It should just be different color.

It's the term? But when it comes to like clothing and shit, it's like colorway. So it's not a brand? No. Okay. So I have this in the red colorway and also the green colorway and also the yellow colorway. It's from ABC. It's from Advisory Board Crystal. Oh, I'm not liking this.

I don't like it either. But when learned it i was annoying and then i and then it kind of was like okay so this is what you got to do because it's the one thing where it's like what are you going to not say it i got the different colors of this then you just sound like a fucking idiot or a contrarian or a sucky person sucky person right and so it's like you just gotta fucking if you can't beat him join him it's one of those things so anyway what he's saying is a lot of people have different color shoes you know me i come in with the fucking yellow shits and then the next day i'll come in with the same shits but the red shits right yeah yeah and so that's a color way so what what he's asking is it is okay what first of all why is everybody in this fucking episode dressing like a goddamn video

game but he's got the gray shirt with the camouflage and then he's got the same shirt in black with the camouflage is that okay to do with everything besides shoes is what he's asking okay right yeah and of course the whole thing is do what you want to do but he's going to get made fun of people are going to be like didn't you wear that yesterday you're going to have to be like no i actually wore the fucking the other one's more gray and that's annoying but i think also the whole point is it doesn't matter because you're in norway You know what I mean? If you're in Norway, you can kind of wear whatever you want.

You ever seen a Norwegian out on the streets, dude? You ever meet a Norwegian? They don't have fucking signs. I am from Norway. Exactly. But you could tell who they are by the way they dress. They'll wear like a fucking bright orange shirt. That's true.

But not like a cool one. Like a fucking like, where did you get this shirt from? Like, is it in one of those circular racks in Rite Aid? Like they wear those type shits and like really high short shorts and fucking backpacks that are like high up and you're like that guy's fucking obviously norwegian yeah and he's saying that this is the kind of guy that not only would have the bright orange shirt the bright red one the bright purple one the bright fucking green one and different high color backpacks and honestly i think it's fine dude but just know you know you're going to have conversations about it, especially if you're in America.

And also, you're dressing like a video game. I think that the answer is absolutely you can have the same shirt in every single fucking color. And you can only wear that if that's what you want to do. I think anybody that thinks that that's not a good thing is that that person is so fucking annoying. Yeah, it's annoying. Wear it even in the same color. Like Ernest.

Ernest goes to jail. Ernest goes to camp. Remember when he would go through his clothes and it was the same fucking thing? Ronald McDonald too. Yeah. Mr. Rogers would wear

the same thing mostly. Would he really? I don't know. Oh, you made that up. Yeah, I kind of did. You fully just made that up. Mr. Rogers would wear a lot of stuff that was just like an Argyle sweater or something

or like a fucking blue v-neck. I mean, that doesn't count. You're the Norwegian Mr. Rogers. He's Norwegian Ernest, straight up. If you want to be Norwegian Ernest, do it. But yeah, dude, if they're different colors, of course, yes. Hey, Vaughn. Hey, Vaughn.

We scared stupid today, yeah? All right. Next. Hey, we at the beach today, yeah? Ernest at the beach, yeah? Give me my high backpacks. The X-East man alive. So sexy.

We got to start over. We got to start over. He's too sexy. We got to turn around. Wow, worse camera work. We got fucked up. Blair Witch Project. All right. Hey, Chrissy and Matt. got fucked up. Blair Witch Project. All right.

Hey, Chrissy and Matt. Wow. So I have a question. So my friend Lids, or my girlfriend, friend girl, right there, she does not like the long hair. I asked if my hair long is better down. She doesn't know herself. Or up in the man bun, and she said I should cut it.

She doesn't know herself. So I like it down, I like it up, but they've been running over since covid what do you guys think on if i should either cut it is it bad for like relationships or what you're just taking on long hair in general i mean i'm a tall five seven you know five seven so it makes me i don't know what you think about that or what did they put all the variables together and you tell me i mean dude five seven dude five seven you can't be a tall or short five seven you can only be a five seven a short five seven there's only a short five seven also the bottom of his hair is fucking three five rico that's him dude remember that's it of course rico suave dude but you're fucking shorter little suave that's how he talks his hair literally drags on the ground dude he's fucking orco no no

no what was the fucking cousin it from uh what's it called adam's family dude adam's family. Dude, hey, man. Oh, my God. First of all, this is a travesty, okay? I thought you were six foot two. Hey, guy, grow, okay? You're six foot. You're not six foot two. You're five foot seven. I would say if you were six foot two, she doesn't know herself. And here's the deal.

She likes the contrarian, a quote-unquote, what we've learned, sucky person in you because you're the guy who does what she doesn't want which is grow your hair long when she says she likes it not long because that's what's sexy but all bets are off the table because of what you five seven okay every guy who's five seven should have short hair period it's like wearing a fucking long trench coat you don't do that your five second You look shorter. You got to cut your hair. Oh, I see.

Okay. Well, first of all, I disagree with just top to bottom everything you're saying. No way, dude. But I agree that he should cut it. And here's why. You, he said that's his girlfriend, right? He said friend girl. He did not say girlfriend.

He said friend girl, which made me think that maybe they're just fucking doinking. Okay. She's a cutie though. They're both cuties. I think that, think that oh he's fucking i didn't see her really but he's super sexy he's five seven but yeah well okay anyway that's very bad he should cut his hair because his partner likes it better when his hair's short it's as simple as that yeah it's as simple as that you're gonna hurt's as simple as that. You're going to hurt your neck. No, you do what you want. And the partner likes you.

You're breaking down the different things of him. The partner likes him. He is a guy that goes, but I have long hair though. And she goes, all right. She doesn't understand that she doesn't know herself. You have to dig deep, sweetheart. Know yourself and know what attracted you to him in the first place which was this is a guy who goes against the norms even though people who are five seven should have

fucking absolutely short hair right but she is attracted to a guy that says fuck that shit and that's this guy no you can't assume she doesn't know herself she'll know herself she just wants him to have shorter hair because she thinks he would look better. And she's right. Dude, that hair is awesome that he has. I know, but like he said, he's 5'7". It's bad to be 5'7 and have long hair. You sweep up a lot of lint.

Yeah, his hair is dragging on the fucking ground. Yeah, dude. He's going to fucking wash it later on. There's going to be pretzels in it and shit. Why you have pretzels? I was at fucking 7-Eleven. Are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, areleven. Are, a, re, ba, in, root, low. Are, a, re, ba, in, swabble.

Oh, man. Sweetie, can you hand me my keys? They're too high. Now I'm fucking sweating. Yeah, dude, me too. Bro, that guy was very cool until he leaked out he was 5'7". How tall is she? Fucking 4'2"? What's the thing with height?

What's the thing with you and height? I'm 6'2". I'm a tall drink of water. And thank God, because if I wasn't, you know how fucking ugly i'd be if i was five eight holy fucking shit but i'm not though my friend always fucked up if you were five eight my friend always says well by the way if i was five eight i'd be a fucking warlord for real i'd be a dictator no doubt i'd be like a napoleon thing oh dude a hundred percent like napoleon was short as fuck right well yeah that's where the whole thing comes i get it dude i would have they wouldn't even call it they'd call it a fucking delia complex from now on for real i would be if i was short as fuck, right? Well, yeah, that's where the whole thing comes from. I get it, dude. I would have, they wouldn't even call it,

they'd call it a fucking D'Elia complex from now on. For real, I would be, if I was short enough to be like, like what, five, six? If I was five, six, five, seven? I could maybe eke out, still be a comedian, be funny. Five, six or below, five, five? Dude, countries are getting taken over, for real.

I swear to God, I swear to God, I'd make a new country. You could even birth me in America like you did did you might have a whole new country in america and we'd rise up do you want to explain that a little bit like why because people would have made fun of me and i'm a tall drink of water and i always had the fucking gift of gab yeah sure i agree with you but if i was short yeah i'd also have to fucking be bullied i'd be bullied right yeah growing up in my formative years even though i was a tall drink of water if i wasn't possibly If I was short, I'd also have to fucking be bullied. I'd be bullied, right? Yeah. Growing up in my formative years, even though I was a tall drink of water, if I wasn't- Possibly, yeah. People say, fuck you and you're short, fuck that.

I get the group rallying around me and we take them over. Okay. So that would have led to you leading a hostile takeover of countries? Eventually, yeah. Because you were short. I would have started my cult way earlier and it would have been on and popping, honestly. Okay. Can I say something?

Yeah. I'm 5'7". Nice. It's bad. But you don't have hair, so it's kind of better, dude. If you had long hair, we'd have to have a word with you. Dude, if you had long hair like that guy, we'd have to have a word with you.

That would be un-fucking-believable. I mean, we'd have to have a fucking- I would like him more. We'd have to have a simple word with you, dude. It would be awful. It would be awful. He's 5'7", and we love him, dude. But he's bald, dude.

If he had long hair, we'd have to have a simple word with him. We'd have to sit him down and be like, look, dude. He'd be like, you got to cut this shit, man. You're 5'7". And he might fight it, but he'd know it was better because we fucking love him. And we'd fucking coach him into it. Remember when when he was fighting getting rid of all of it everyone does that but that was if you just to extend this one if you are bald or balding and it's just going or it's basically almost gone and you got like the ring or just a little bit on top a little bit

whatever not that you're like trying to hide it but like you still want to hang on to the the vestiges of what was once a full head of hair get rid of it get fucking of it it depends on what kind of fucking bald uh if you the ring honestly dude of it the ring works for some guys man who's who's it work for guys who wear tweed jackets who wears a tweed jacket guys with the ring oh that's a circular it's like a hand in hand dude it's like you know if you got the ring you got patches on your but you got patches on your elbows the ring works for you you know what i mean i mean i think you're thinking of people like in movies in 1972 if you sit on a desk with one foot on the ground and one foot up a little bit halfway down the ring works for you okay bruce willis had the ring has like a little ring halfway down, the ring works for you. Okay. Bruce Willis had the ring,

has like a little ring sometimes. That was an anomaly though. But he got rid of it. He's bald as fucking shit now. Also, we know what happened to him. He looks great. He's got a brain disease. Okay, well, that's unconnected.

I think so, yeah. No, I know so. Okay. Okay. Head was more exposed is what I'm saying. Hi, Matt and Chris. I am a 35 year old happily married woman. I have a question for you about friendships. Basically my whole life, I've had only close friendships with men. I haven't really been able to make and sustain relationships

or friendships with women. Um, I don't know why I just always felt more comfortable around men. I could be myself around men. There's like less drama. I don't know. Maybe I'm just stereotyping, but I want to have friends with women. And I feel like I'm kind of lacking that in my life and that, uh, female perspective and stuff. So basically my question is, why do you think that is? And what would you suggest for me?

And shout out to Calvin because he's the best. Oh, damn. I was going to fucking do a joke and that just warmed me right the fuck up. And I already missed the moment. It's so sweet. Aw. Damn, I was going to fucking do a joke and that just warmed me right the fuck up and I already missed the moment. It's so sweet. Okay, well, you got to have female friends. I mean, I know that chicks only really are friends

for two years and then they end up hating each other, right? Because that's what happens with all chicks. They're like, oh my God, look at my wifey. And then two years later, you'd be like, how's Amanda or whoever? And they'll be like, that bitch fucking stole my man. Fuck her, I ran her over. And you're like, what?

Right? But the point is, you don't want to be that white guy And they'll be like, that bitch fucking stole my man. Fuck her. I ran her over. And you're like, what? Right. But the point is, you don't want to be that white guy in the group of only black friends. And you don't have white friends. That guy is just like, you know, hey, what's up, man? And trying to act all like you're fucking like, you know, like one of the guys I could drink. She doesn't seem like one of these girls. But like one of these chicks was like, I can drink under the table and it's just like dude stop trying to prove it that way i don't think that's what she's doing but you gotta start having more friends than just

the one sex because really what's happening is you're a woman you gotta fucking love yourself more than that you're a woman you love women so fucking be friends with women you don't want to be that annoying guy that's like what the fuck they only hang out with the certain people but here's the thing here's here's where i would she clearly not doesn't have anything against women what's happened that's the thing that i don't really what's happened in her life to up to this point is that through whatever reason happenstance whatever fuck, she's only made good friends who are men. I would definitely not suggest making friends with a woman just because she's a woman.

Yeah, that's bad. You don't want to do that. That's just stupid. So I think that just know moving forward that you maybe would prefer another female friend, but don't make it happen. That's asking for trouble. That's like when you're looking for a relationship

and you just like need to have a partner, need to get in a relationship. You just ignore red flags when you should be absolutely noticing them and steering clear. Good point. I think you've probably just made male friends because you've happened to make male friends.

Maybe she had a good positive male figure in her life when she was growing up, right? Like her dad, maybe her dad was really was growing up right like her dad maybe her dad was you know really a great dad i don't remember maybe her mom's a great mom i don't know but maybe you just felt more connected to your dad or whatever the fuck yeah or or the mailman was really cool or something or maybe what i said you know what i mean maybe it's just what i said no but uh it could be both right yeah it could be both so so it could be both of what people will be both say right it could be both right yeah it could be both so so it could be both of what we both say right it could right no that's true so um yeah i don't know i i think that i mean she said she wants to be friends with women she did yeah if she had like a yeah exactly you know what ask yourself why right yeah like why do you want to be friends with women is life working out or why don't you

have female friends if it really is just happenstance fuck it it's not a problem i guess like if there's a reason then yeah look at that but what i've come up what i've come to learn in this past three minutes is dude like if your life is happy and you're chilling you got a nice cute dog you're happily married maybe it's just fucking maybe that's it like i know a guy i know i know i keep bringing it back to this but i know a white guy with a bunch of black friends and that's kind of all he's got yeah just black friends and he's happy and everyone's like that guy only hangs out with black guys and it's like yeah but it's like well what the fuck he's happy yeah and as a white guy you feel a little slighted you're like but he's even

white he doesn't want to hang out with me and you're like maybe that has a problem with me you know what i mean but it's deeper but you know what i'm saying deeper for sure yeah but like um i think usually when this is the case it's there's actually not a deeper thing it certainly doesn't seem the case for this woman she wants female friends i don't know i don't i don't i actually don't i've heard people with complaints like this before like why do i have or i've actually heard people be like i don't trust that woman she only has guy friends i don't know what is up with that i don't know what the implication is supposed to be. It's weird to... She seems like a totally nice person.

She could be a fucking crazy lunatic for all we know. Of course. But she seems like a sweet person that doesn't fit the type of what she's saying. Do you know what I mean? What is the type? Like, I don't have guy friends. Fuck these bitches.

Okay. Well, yeah, that's a problem. Right, right. She should say it like that and then we'd get it more. But the fact that she's saying it the way she's saying it makes me think there actually isn't the problem right right right yes of course yes but um it's also you could also go back to what i was saying which it's nice to not have a female friends because if you're a

female with female friend with a female friend basically what you're doing is gifting yourself an enemy in two years so next you're gifting yourself an enemy in two years. So next. You're gifting yourself an enemy in two years. Okay. Last one. Great. What up, Matt? What up, Chris?

Arch criminal. I need some advice on how to not take things so personally. So the guy that will do that. Sometimes people will make comments or joke, even my friends and stuff. And I can find myself like becoming uh offended in my head and thinking of things like well they shouldn't have said that because i could say this or whatever um and i just feel like it's an issue i kind of need to work on and i feel like you boys are the people to come to to solve this issue so let me know some advice on how to not take things so personal peace okay that's a

great question and i love that he's that he's it cuts deep aware of of this and and thinking but here's the thing there's like a fine line between when it comes to taking things personally as he's saying it there's a fine line between people attacking you or being shitty or being mean or actually negging you and just either joking all in good fun didn't mean anything by it and and so i think for the former the things that fall into that bucket you can take that shit personally and and consider either not being friends with that person not having that person around whatever the fuck but about the things that i'm assuming he means which are generally they didn't mean any harm by it yeah they're just fucking around whatever this or that right yeah uh i think that i don't know dude i mean i'm not that bad at this i don't take

shit that personally when i know someone's fucking around i have a uh somebody told me a saying um it's something like other people's opinions of me aren't my business yeah and that's that kind of like struck a chord with me uh because like i mean people say awful shit about celebrities online people say awful shit about me online and like you know i it honestly like i know i give this um image of this guy who, like, nothing bothers me and shit, but, like, it does, dude. Like, it fucking really bothers me, you know? And it hurts and it fucking, like, I get in my head about it and shit. And, like, so I want to be, like, shrug it off and keep moving, which is good advice but also i get when it really cuts deep you know because sometimes the same comment made in a and you're in a different mood could fuck you up

and one day and not the next day you know know? So that goes back to, you know, you're 50% of somebody saying something to you because somebody said something, that's 50% of it. And then you taking it is another 50%, right? You only own 50% of what you even say in this world. But all you can do, here's something I do when that shit gets to me, whether it's comments in person that somebody says like, you know, like I remember one time one guy came up to me and he was like, hey, are you that guy from that show?

And I said, yeah. I won't say the show, but he was like, yeah, that show fucking sucks. What a guy. Yeah, it was fucking awful. guy yeah it was fucking awful and i got mad you know and i realized i was mad because um it hurt my fucking feelings dude and i knew he probably didn't even watch the show he was just being an asshole um and back then i don't i did not have the tools that i do now when people say stuff like i mean that something that rude has not happened in a very long time but it might happen again and certainly online way worse shit happens i mean people fucking say i'm gonna cut

your fucking head off and shit it's awful but you know look the the only thing that you can do is when to for me when something like that happens i immediately think of the stuff that i'm grateful for like because that's that helps me like i think of like i think of calvin i think of you i think of you know my family and the people who i have that are real friends that support me my fiance and shit like that and the fans man like the people that show up to my shows and like it just it helps it helps to just immediately put yourself into a different mind state and that coupled with what somebody else thinks of you is not your business um you know you can get yourself out of some fucking really dark times i have so you know it seems like you're doing okay

you do look like a fucking straight-up convict but it's just straight-up art criminal yeah for sure hair the long-sleeved shirt, the car heart, the chains. Well, I think that one thing is that that I've actually for some reason, I feel like I stumbled upon this and it's something that I always keep in mind that has actually really helped me. And it's when someone says something shitty about you

to you, they're trying to upset you. And so if someone's trying to upset you by telling you something about you, take that for exactly what it is. They're tooling around in their head for something to make you mad. Don't give them what they want, first of all. And second of all, if they're trying to make you mad,

they're probably reaching for it anyway. It might not even be fucking true. They're probably just doing it specifically to upset you. You can't be giving these motherfuckers what they want second of all act like you didn't fucking hear it you'll be surprised at how quickly you fucking forget it it doesn't fuck and then also who the fucking fuck cares what bullshit somebody else has to say about you i don't even care what that guy said if you think it's fucking true fucking fine but chances are you only think it's true because somebody some asshole like that has said it to you then or before fuck that shit yeah life's too short we're all gonna die yeah well not i mean not everyone has died yet but we're all gonna die though not sure there's still

people alive no they're gonna die you don't christ don't make that face okay you could also if somebody says something shitty about you you can just be like nah that's you you could do that and then do a spin move and then fuck you

yeah so that's I don't know man I feel you though dude the way he was talking about it made me feel for him like I feel bad you know and I don't know why

he's in a fucking makeup trailer but he was and you know and it's fine and get a different hairstyle naturally no trailer, but he was. And it's fine. And get a different hairstyle naturally. No way, dude. The hair was killing it.

It was the shit. But what are we in the fucking 80s, dude? Yeah. Are we going to do a fucking extra in Red Dawn? No, you're not, dude. He's owning the arch criminal look real well. It's true. It's true.

And now that it's 2022, you can kind of get away with whatever. But he is white, so we might want to fucking change it up a little bit. He looks like an arch criminal, a smooth criminal. We like him. Don't take it personally. Life's too short. We we might want to fucking change it up a little bit he looks like an arch criminal a smooth criminal we like him don't take a personally life's too short we're all gonna fucking die and you know what the person that said it to you that is probably that has said something that it's gonna that you took offense to you took too personally it's probably gonna

die a miserable fucking death yeah so don't sweat him and he might even die first you can do that if somebody says something shitty to you be like man you probably died before me move and fucking or moonwalk out, dude. You know how ill that would be? Especially with that hair. We're going to have, that's actually true. Yep.

But we're going to have an intervention with you about the spin move thing because I don't know what's going on with you, but it's all you think about and it's becoming a real problem. It's getting in the way of our show, of the advice you give.

Okay. And pretty soon, it's going to start leaking into your actual life. You're going to start doing spin moves on people. I mean, I've done them. You've done a spin move? Mm-hmm. In in like a football game i did it once when a guy uh i held the door

open for a guy and then he didn't say thank you and what'd you do i did a spin move and i said held it open for you no yeah i did really you're my hero then i mean that's fucking piss me off yeah well how'd you feel after you did it though uh it was so much like free emotion and like it was everything it was freeing it was rage it was happiness i mean it was unreal so we've stumbled upon something one time a spin move is a good idea next time somebody says something that you take personal offense to snap turn your legs do a fucking spin move and say well i said held it open for you what should he say oh him you're gonna die sooner than me yeah spin move you probably died before me yeah

i mean that would you'd instantly win that interaction dude i just you leave thinking about that not what the motherfucker said to piss you off yeah right right right i i yeah true yeah that's yeah i literally think i think that holding a door open for somebody if somebody doesn't say thank you or something it's the rudest thing and it's also harder to not say something with somebody more than to just be like that because you're fighting the urge yeah it's like i'm looking at you opening the door you're fighting the urge you look at me and you fight the urge to say something isn't it crazy and then you just say nah and you don't do it you don't say shit you walk out isn't it crazy yes isn't it crazy there's this neighbor that since i've moved i have i've

had this like growing uh hatred for gun and i try not to hate him but i just you know what i just do he listens and i hope he does and i walk I walk my dog, I see him and like- A Paul Simon song. I'm always like weighing whether I should fucking say hi or whatever, because he's such a dick. He probably won't say hi back to me. But he's like a car guy and he's like working on a car in his garage. Oh, wow.

And I happened to walk by when he was working on it. And I actually said, we actually locked eyes and said hey to each other. So I know he saw me yeah and i and we're walking by and i said oh man this one's cool i can't wait to see this one he didn't say anything yeah yeah that's that's really odd that's so odd like how i would do so many fucking spin moves yeah you would have just been spinning down the street Dude it would have gotten so dizzy It would have gotten so caught up in your legs Dude I just don't understand when somebody

You should have stopped and said I said I can't wait to see this one when it's done No I said You know what I actually said I said oh Just like that I was walking the whole time but I said it Nice that's pretty much a spin move

Dude I don't understand that shit I don't understand that shit. I don't understand that shit. It's really weird, man. It's like, don't be actively rude for no reason. Yeah, you're trying to make the world worse. When you do that, you're trying, trying. Not just doing it, but trying, actively trying to make the world a worse place. Interesting.

You're trying to make the world a worse, more miserable place than it already is. And let me tell you something, it's bad and miserable as it is. Wow. It's so dark. And then on such a dark note, but also do you think that they know they're doing that?

They're trying to. I think it's their past that got all caught up to it. First of all, who is this guy that lives next to you? He's like a fucking, what's that guy in the Chris, who's that actor? He really fucking- There's a lot of them, so you got to narrow it down fucking the older one cooper chris cooper he's like a chris cooper character yeah it's a chris cooper in american beauty right okay yeah that's why i'm thinking of it called me out but i mean played many characters like that but okay sure uh but yeah his his wife's weird too yeah of course she is

when she walks her dogs all of which are fucking mean as hell my dog of course they are my dog's just trotting by all quiet which she she never really is, but she is around these dogs because they're all like going fucking crazy. Oh, so they talk more than the people then. Yeah, but then she talks to her dogs and I can hear her talking to her dog all the way down. She's like, we don't do that. You know, be nicer, be nicer.

Shush, shush, shush. And I'm like, is she doing this for me? Yeah. I'm like, does she think she's getting to her dog? Also- Talk to your husband. Say that to your husband. She wears three masks outside.

Cough in her face. Out fucking three masks outside cough in her face out fucking side cough in her face on a quiet street where there's nobody that's yeah that's unbelievable does the guy do it no well then she's gonna get it anyway if she's gonna get it if he sees his mouth he's in his fucking house with his mouth open then she's fucking gonna get it she's not in her house with three masks on he's this is insane dude you can't get covid outside when you're walking alone there's wind i talk about this in my act but like dude come see me phoenix april 30th but it's like chrisley.com but it's like so annoying that fucking people do this they got their priorities are so mixed up dude she's walking her dog trying to correct her dog barking wearing three masks and letting her husband be piece of shit yeah dude all of these things are backwards get your priority get your priorities activated yeah

talk to your husband stop trying to correct your dogs from barking and take off at least two masks absolutely dude it's so fucking whack. People are crazy. He's also not only a car guy, but he's like one of those older guys who like riffs at night sometimes on his guitar. He's got an amp and everything. This guy's the most annoying guy in the world.

Listen to this though. It gets way worse than that. For three hours one night, late from like 10 to one, or maybe like nine to midnight. This is going to sound not true, but i promise you it's 100 true without any kind of any added bullshit he sprouts wings he just did this he just did the part of the bon jovi song that goes like this won't it dead or alive and he did the guitar part and that and saying that and that's it and he sings it yeah

and he sings it in just that part though dude this podcast should have only been about that moment you i can't believe you're bringing it out now we'll do a whole episode about he goes won't hell dead what's the guitar part of it i don't know you don't even know when you heard it so much no we can't play it so um because of the fucking monetization, but fucking won't add. Is he good at it? At least. Fuck. No, not even a little bit, but neither is Bon Jovi. To be fair.

Actually, nothing could be less. Nothing could be more annoying, to be honest. Yeah. Because if you think about it, like, think of something more annoying. Like, what's more annoying? He fucking comes up to your driveway, knocks on your door. You open it up and his cocks out and he goes, my cock. And then fucking walks away.

That would be way less annoying. Way less annoying. Because you'd be like, what the fuck? I would love that. You can't think of anything more annoying. No, no, no, no. Maybe if he fucking... You know what I mean?

Maybe doing that for fucking 35 minutes at a time. But he was doing that for three hours. Three hours. And not talking to you when you do talk. Yeah, I know. Isn't that fucking wild? Let's go beat this guy up right now. Okay, let's go.

Let's go. Should we wrap up the episode? We should wrap up the episode. Somebody's about to get handled after this episode, dude. Yeah, I'm going to put hands on him. Yep. So you guys, thanks. April 30th, I'll be in phoenixchristalia.com.

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