Lifeline - 31. Bad

Episode Date: November 6, 2022

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Hello? Hello? Will you please? Hello? Hello? all right here we go we're live we're live on our lifeline show wow dude i gotta tell you i don't know what's going on but and i'm being for real my hair has been really good lately what's the deal it has i don't know it feels more full it feel feels you know is it my beard that makes it that accents it no it's your hair yeah but i just your hair that looks better so it's your hair that's doing it no i know but sometimes you add stuff and it makes other stuff look better like if you put on a watch you look more complete disagree some people think that you put on a tie it makes a suit look better okay yeah okay okay so it's like maybe it's the beard that's just activating my hair the beard's framing the hair frame it might be i don't know i just my hair's been good but here's the deal though then i'll

like i'll wash it and then like the next few days it'll just look bad or i'll uh or i'll be see a picture i'll be like i gotta get a cut yeah washing hair is the end how often do you end of it looking good yeah uh i wash my hair once every few weeks oh really yeah oh wow how can you wash it more you hate doing it i hate washing my hair i hate the way my hair feels after it's washed. Now what's going to happen is people are going to DM me and say, it's because you're doing it like this. And if you do it like that, it won't. And I will tell you all right now, yes, it will, even if I do it the way you suggest.

So please don't suggest it. Thank you. There you go. Thank you. And you should know because you're you and you're 38. Yeah, me, I've lived many years. As you. And I know, as only me, and I know how the hairs on my head works.

Hairs on my head work and you know, that's that. I'm just wondering about how like is my shit getting more full? Like I should be losing hair. Like I feel like I lost, I did lose,

I lost some hair I think in my, like when I was like 36 and then I kind of stopped losing some hair. Sick. And now I'm just kind of like, is it like, am I regenerating? I don't think you were ever losing your hair. I think that was, I think like is it is it like am i regenerating i don't think you were ever losing your hair i think that was i think that was a myth you made up

i did may i do make up some myths sometimes yeah you're a myth um but yeah so anyway that looks good i'm happy about that and it's getting colder out right it is getting colder out today it was the first gray day fully gray day of the year and i was looking forward to it all year and it depressed me so isn't that looking forward to it isn't that and it depressed me. Shouldn't have been looking forward to it. Isn't that just how life's like? It was just so fucking hot. There was no in-between, really. And we love it, and I love that.

I want it to be hot only, and I want it to be hot all the time. Yeah, I mean, I like it when it's warm. I don't like it when it's 100 degrees, though, which it was. I want it to be 100 degrees. Why? Why do you even live here, then? Move to Vegas, where it's fucking terrible i don't want to go to vegas because it's vegas no i like 100 degrees i wouldn't want every day

to be 100 degrees obviously i want every day to be like you know 76 i would think that would be awesome for me that isn't hot though that's perfect i'll tell you what 76 outside is not hot 76 inside is hot people think that yeah why is that that's a conspiracy so my my point is that's why i have my air always at 76 inside because i know secretly that's the right because if people say oh if you say what is the best temperature outside a lot of people will be like well definitely not room temperature probably more i know why why because they're outside there's breezes foreign playing a guitar and like shade and like elements you know So it's not just this stagnant 76. Indoors, it's a stagnant 76.

And a stagnant 76 doesn't feel very good. Yeah, I don't know. I think that it should be 76 degrees always, no matter what. I'm holding a doggie. Okay, we're doing a show, you know? I'm holding a doggie, baby. Adam Sandler. Doggie, how about that?

You know what I don't like? How everyone always says adam sandler he dresses so dope and that's the fit and he just wears basketball shorts all the time who says that it's on like people say adam sandler dresses well yeah like like he's like yeah this is the level i want to be at and it's like no i don't want to be that level i mean i know he's so rich and he's just wearing basketball shorts because who gives a fuck yeah but always i want to be wearing pants yeah i never want to be wearing shorts wearing shorts is my the very last straw for me speaking of uh you know outfits your outfit on halloween was really great oh yeah yeah you were an american cowboy i was american i was the american cowboy oh so i made up a character uh we

can get a pick up there for you guys. But I was basically, I had an American cowboy hat with red, white, and blue. And I had an American jacket with red, white, and blue stitched into it. And I was wearing a sheriff's badge. So, you know. Freeze. Yeah. So, okay.

So you were the American cowboy. And also you upheld the law over where you were trick-or-treating with Calvin. I was basically the sheriff. And so, therefore, freeze. Basically. You were. law over yeah and i was trick-or-treating and calvin i was basically the sheriff and so therefore freeze basically um you were and uh also calvin was a purple people eater and you were there and you were helping him trick-or-treat and it was really cute oh dude he was so cute huh yeah he's so focused he did it like it's his job yeah he was going to trick-or-treat like it was his job and then afterward and he wasn't really saying much. And then afterwards, just talking so much. It's because he had 7,000 grams of sugar, though.

Yeah. But he was saying it before he even ate it. He was like, I got so many candies. I got so many candies. On the drive home, I got so many candies. And we were like, okay, okay. I got so many candies. I mean, it was unbelievable.

And he got like 25 candies. I mean, I guess it's a lot. To him, it's a lot. I remember, dude, I remember looking at his haul the other day, and I was like, that ain't shit. I remember my hauls back in the day, fucking 70 pieces or bust. 70 pieces or get out of my fucking way. I was coming up on 100, 125 pieces, just like pouring it out.

Fucking mom and dad downstairs being like, stop the other racket because there was so much fucking candy in their floor and their ceiling. If it were brothers, I would have been there. But yeah, speaking of outfits though, I did not like, we just were talking about this. I don't like Heidi Klum's outfit as the worm and you liked it.

Yes, I did like it. And you said it was good and I want you to expound on that. What is good about it? What's good about it is that it's cool to look at it. It's cool to look at it. Okay. That's the reason I liked it. Make a picture, I to look at it. It's cool to look at it. Okay. That's the reason I liked it.

Make a picture. I'll look at it. But I didn't see her walk around, and that seems like it might tip the scale the other way. Like, she should have just rolled around. Wow. Now, that would be... See, here's the thing I don't like about that.

It's like, she's out on herself. She keeps out doing herself. What is she going to be? You know what I mean? Next year, it don't like about that. It's like she's out on herself. She keeps out doing herself. She's going to have to. What is she going to be? You know what I mean? Next year, it can't be as good. So I don't like it because also it's so in the way, dude. Yeah, it's definitely in the way. These costumes that are bigger than you are, make the costume how big you are.

Right. It's like you're going to a party. People are fucking bumping into her,pping yeah shit and like are you in line like in the bathroom she can't get in because it's too tall yeah and then what if she has to go to the bathroom i don't know she must have had a bag on her yeah maybe she put in the catheter for the night yeah yeah yeah colostomy bag um fucking disgusting fucking shit and piss in it oh my god yeah dude highly heidi klum you're gross yeah you shit and pissed in your costume that's not cool so you were an american cowboy she was a worm i was a dracula and calvin was a purple people leader

and krista was a witch um and uh that's it we were that's what we had yeah yeah apparently i was fucking pissed though because last year nobody came by my house so i didn't get candy oh right and this year people came by my house really and the reason i didn't get candy is because they didn't come the year before i was like i'm a way up on a hill they're not going to come by yeah i got fucking cold busted dude twice but just turn all your lights out i did i froze no i mean but keep your so oh so they were your lights were out no the lights were on oh yeah turn your lights froze. All right, you don't have to actually freeze. I don't want to make my floorboards are creaky, so I just went.

Okay, but you can do basically just have your lights out and then just. But then I'm home in the dark and it fucking sucks, you know? It's like hiding from two people. In your American cowboy outfit. I will not be held hostage by my fears. Okay, well, this. Okay, so I'm going to be in Boston coming up in on november 12th the first show sold out the second show where there are still tickets left i got lakeland florida and uh

what another florida uh lakeland another florida you know jacksonville and then i've got uh san diego and then new york new york february 18th we added a show at the beacon theater uh the first one is almost sold out. And then I'll be at the Chicago Theater. So Portland and Seattle. Seattle's almost done. So go to chrislea.com and get tickets. And that's what's up.

So did you want to go right into it? Sure. Anything else about Halloween? Do you like Halloween? I don't. I like Halloween, not that I'm a dad. Because this was the first time that um calvin was uh aware like aware aware you know right right right yeah like

he saw a big skeleton he was just like a big skeleton and then i was like you want to go get more candy and he says yes and he runs up there so he got a lot of candies he was a how did he know he wanted to be a purple people he? He said that he likes this song. So our friend played this song, Purple People Leader. I actually don't know. No, no, no. Kristen played Purple People Leader, that stupid song from the 1940s. And he was playing it, and then he liked it.

And then we said, what do you want to do for Halloween? And he said, Purple People Leader. And we were like, nobody has a Purple People Leader costume. So she made it. Kristen's crafting, and she made it. he liked it and then we said we want to be for halloween and he said purple people leader and we were like nobody has a purple people leader yeah how do you even so she made it kristin's crafty and she made it of course she did and she was and he was so basically we got the boo character from monsters inc which is purple it's the only purple monster because i don't have a purple people leader thing yeah you know a costume and so she got the boo outfit and then she took one of the eyes off because one eye and then got a horn, put it on, and then changed the costume a little bit.

And whenever someone was like, hey, it's Boo, I would get secretly pissed off. Yeah, you should get pissed off. Because it's not Boo. It's a purple people eater. And if you knew Boo, Boo has two eyes and no horn. You should ask. If you don't know what it is, you ask. Right.

They thought they knew, but they were just dead wrong. Yeah, they were dead wrong, and they almost ruined the entire night. And I obviously condone Kyle's costume, because it's all purple and i'm all purple all the time baby oh hey june has a fucking purple color on baby baby okay and so also yeah and boo yeah and so also uh calvin was uh would they say oh boo and then he thought people were saying boo because of halloween and then he kept driving on the drive back he thought people were saying boo because of Halloween. And then he kept on the drive back, he kept saying, she said boo. She said boo.

So it all kind of worked out, right? That did work out, yeah. All right, let's go into Lifeline in the news. Here we go. Oh. Kanye West continues to self-immolate by mentioning bad dealings with people he can't talk about and then mentions Jewish people, which has led to Gap, Balenciaga, and Adidas

to cut ties with them advice for kanye yeah here's my advice for kanye shut the fuck up dude you can't open your mouth without saying something super shitty and fucking offensive like shut the fuck up dude right you can't dig yourself out you've said every possible fucking shitty stereotype about jews out loud in front of microphones and in front of cameras shut the fuck up what i don't understand is like he is he does he feel like he's on a crusade like why doesn't he just stop talking i know why do you have to talk this is the thing about hate it's so weird because you first of all i think he's mentally not well but like why don't you just not talk about that, you don't have to talk about all the things all the time.

Pick other things to talk about. Even if you do hate Jews or whatever the fuck. Shut up. Don't talk about it. Shut up about it. Talk about other things, like your music or your fucking fashion. You know what I mean?

It's like, that's the thing I don't get. So my advice for Kanye is, spend time thinking about other things besides Jews. Yeah. Nip it in the butt. Yeah, well,

he can't do that now. It's a full bloom right now. And apparently he has apologized and stuff and done stuff like that, but the media is not covering it, which sucks. He's fucked the media, but fuck, but fuck him.

But he'll apologize and be like, but that's because like, he's one of the 12 tribes of Judah. He says, I'm not Jewish. I'm Jew. And he's like trying to circle, encircle the whole thing by saying, how can I be anti-Semitic when I'm black?

And that means I'm a Jew. Hey, man, that's not what it means. Everything you say is not true. How about that? How about that? Everything he says is not right. Also, if he's a Jew, then like he's talking about how he doesn't like Jews. I know.

Shut up. Yeah. Then you're just, you're contradicting yourself because he's talking about how he doesn't like jews i know shut up yeah you're then you're just you're contradicting yourself because he's saying they've persecuted him but he also he's part of it say yeah think about other things and i love how he says it like it's some kind of fucking new idea that nobody knows about hey man this is the same fucking dumbass conspiracy theory since 2 000 years ago yeah years ago and we should have stopped it basically a long time ago but also

after the 40s definitely should have stopped because we saw what happened seriously Kanye shut the fuck up oh here we go another shut the fuck up I pretty much know nothing about him except he's pro-life so here's a big shut the fuck up well here read this and then

okay so Herschel Walker has an extremely pro-life stance on abortion despite having paid for several of them in his past relationships what's the advice for herschel okay here's the advice for herschel be real yeah i know just be honest man just say you can say i you even if you want to say i used to be and i've been saved since like just be fucking real. Be honest, dude. Several women have come forth and they got receipts. Oh, they do? Receipts, texts, and literal receipts of payment for abortions. From him? Yes. And he's saying, I didn't do it.

Yes. Yeah. And even his other children, of which he's got children from seven or eight different women, the children that he acknowledges are his. Even those children are like, you're a fucking asshole. I think he's accused of committing sexual assault as well. Like, crazy shit. He claims to have been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and cured it himself.

Oh, wow. Okay, so don't vote for him. Yeah, but dude, he's running neck and neck with fucking Raphael Warnock, which is insane. It just goes to show up entrenched people. The candidate doesn't matter the party matters that's it right right right which is so stupid wait that's so fucking crazy that uh also you know what i had a poster of him when i was in my when i was a kid dude he was the shit he was like the most like such an insane athlete he was so good uh but you know a lot of people just like fucking actors just like politicians athletes they're fucking they're heroes when you don't know a thing about them then they're

fucking absolute idiot assholes when you learn a few things he has concussions for sure so what what's the deal with does he say that so he says i didn't that didn't happen and people are just like okay you think if he said it did happen and i've changed and i think that the the error in my ways you think he would he'd probably fucking take a dip no dude that's the whole christian thing if he made it i mean he's he's outwardly christian that's the whole christian sin we're born sinners we're born fucking terrible in the eyes of god and all we can do is ask for ask for uh acceptance and then admit that we're fucking just these pieces of shit you know and he died for our sins deeper

uh and john 6 14 we are all admit that we are pieces of shit, you know, and he died for our sins. Deeper, deeper. John 6, 14. We all admit that we're pieces of shit. Yeah, I mean, basically, that's the whole Bible. Admit you're a piece of shit. Admit you're a piece of shit. Step one. Admit you're a piece of shit. Step one, Exodus, step one.

Admit you're a piece of shit. Yeah, more or less. And he won't admit it. The piece of shit Adam met the piece of shit Eden. I mean, Eve. In the piece of shit garden and took a piece of shit shit bite out of an apple. Piece of shit snake came up, said, don't do it.

All right, let's do it. All right. Next, let's do it. Well, the advice for him is stop. Yeah, be real. Stop poking without a hat on, but also beyond that, be real. Be honest. Yeah, right.

That's the whole Christian way, dude. What the fuck? I mean, look, he was a football player in the 80s. He was definitely splurting with no hat on. I mean, without, obviously. So we know, even more than the receipts yeah we know fact even football player in the 80s splurting with no hat on so absolutely you should have more kids also he also fucking is like has like impersonated cops he's done like a ton of illegal shit what he's he's he's of course

he has football domestic abuse like everything football player in the 80s there you go yeah that's the way you sport with no hat on and pretending you're a cop there was like a checklist for football players in the 80s here put on this badge okay and go around and try to rest your ball all right great thanks joe montana hit her and then sporting her with no hat on okay great okay jerry rice you're next okay here we go Jerry Reister next. Okay, here we go. Hey, Chris.

Hey, Matt. It's Trista from Calgary, Alberta. Just wanted to ask, how would you react when a girl makes the first move? I'm sure both of you have had experience in that. I'm 23 years old, so I'm pretty young. And actually, this is kind of the first year of my life that I've felt it happening and noticed it. Because you're so sexy and every time I do notice it I get flattered and all but I freeze up I feel like maybe I'm still supposed to put in a bunch of effort or I don't know this girl so I have to really try but uh I don't really

know what to do I get stunned practically because it just seems awkward. It seems different. And I know it shouldn't be. And I really wish that I had a little bit of a voice in my head telling me just to go for it and stick with what's going on and stick with the situation. But I always kind of mess it up and run away or push them away. So if you guys have any advice about that, that'd be awesome to hear. Thanks. I got some great advice for that.

What? Stop running away when a girl tries to kiss you. Hey, what's your name? When girls try to kiss him? He said first move. We don't know if that means to kiss or if it's flirting. Okay, just like first step one,

just fucking relax. Like he sounds like such a spaz. I'm always running away or pushing her away. He seems like not a spaz i always run away or pushing her away like relax dude like the most relaxed possible the girl likes you you like the girl all she's doing is showing you signs that she likes you this is a good thing this is a good thing most guys would want this to happen although i will say it does kind of throw me off like if you know i don't know it's different uh it's different honestly being uh well okay look i don't like being famous is different because obviously it happens all the

time but like but like to be somebody that's just at a party and a girl starts hitting on you like that to me that's like uh is she am i gonna wind up dead is this a spy this is so weird yeah it's so weird not to me probably because it's happened to me so many times. Okay. So if you're at a party and you're not on, you know, people know who you are. If you're at a party and this isn't what you do,

you're just some guy at a party and some girl comes up to you and says, Hey, what's up? Wow. Nice sweater. You look great. What's your thing? We should get you.

I should get your number. All in a day's work for you. You don't think, huh? No, I don't think anything bad. I think, whoa, that was great. This saved me so much work. Right, but it's definitely odd. But it stands out to me in a good way.

Just turn your perspective, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like eliminating so many things, hoops you might have to jump through. She's being clear. She's being forward. This is what we want people to be. Yeah. I think.

But I guess I've heard people talk about how they as the men like to be the one leading the way. But fucking give that up. And if that is the thing that you feel, then just when a girl says, hi, how you doing? What are you doing here? And then once she asks for your number,

and then she's like, we should go out sometime you just go like this no no no no no sweetheart that's not how this works right I'll take it from here so sexist I'll take it from here dame nice

gams and walk away yeah I just think you need to take a deep breath man sounds like you panic when a girl shows interest in you uh but speaking from vast experience yeah you know let it happen how many times have you been hit on i can't count yeah you're many many many times period though that's what he means um yeah so happens to me all the time too, so it's fine. No, happens to me more. Okay. Well. So that's all good.

I don't know. Yeah, next. That's it for this guy, but happens to me all good. Hi, Matt and Chris. Matt, you're hot. Hit me up. What did I tell you? Right on cue.

Um, I need some advice. I've been dating this guy for about six months. He's a private pilot, which is cool, I guess, but it's not what I like about him. It's now six months in, and it's still the only thing he talks about. It's always like, I flew

Foxworthy. I flew Rad Stewart. This is how propellers work. Engines. Whatever. I don't care. I try to change the subject and he has this incredible ability to just turn it right back into piloting flying bullshit um i've made it really obvious that it's annoying to me he's not getting the hints at this point do i just tell him to shut the fuck up i don't want to be an asshole like do i do the spin move out of there

like it's really really annoying and i i don't know what to do so help that sounds bad yeah it is a good one what do you what do you uh have to say i here's the thing people don't this guy's got a problem i used to think people like me because i'm a comedian but like that's not why people like me people like you because you're you you know, and they don't like you because you're you. And if she likes you, it's because you're you. This is the thing. I wish we had him on for the advice, right? But like what she's got to do is just be like, yo, I don't give a, I like you because you're you. I don't care how high up you are. I don't give a shit how close to the clouds you are. I don't care that you're in a metal tube 30,000 feet in the sky.

I only care you're you. And right now, the you you're being is braggadocious about something that I don't even like you because of. Yeah, right now. Yes, I got that one. I nailed it. Right now, you are being hella fucking annoying. Yeah, hella. Hella fucking annoying.

Dude. She looks like she was from north north northern northern california no she's definitely not she's from chicago or philadelphia oh okay well so sorry sorry i ever said something yeah no it's okay but um yeah i don't uh yeah it's i don't i don't know i i think it's so annoying when people talk about what they do all the time i mean you see you see it happen with with dad because he's like a producer and a director right and then people will who are actors they just want to talk business with them and you know dad's like i would just rather talk about the dodgers he doesn't want to talk about work ever and that's how i feel too yeah i mean i kind of like talking

about comedy sometimes but i just mostly like joking around the thing for me is that i think and talk enough about movies but what i do enough if if i have the option to talk to somebody about movies or something else almost always i'll choose something else so i'm the exact opposite of this guy why does he want to talk about all the people he's how many times can he bring up that he flew rod stewart around right well he's probably insecure about how he wants her to like him because of the fucking famous people that he carts around but also that's like bragging about being online next to fucking paul giamatti which i was for tacos in santa barbara thank you oh really i do like that about you booyah booyah and booyah i think that what uh yeah basically all you do is fucking

you're a chauffeur in the sky yeah dude exactly yeah it's not good yeah oh that's like you're an uber driver uber driver that happened to pick up rod stewart yeah he cares moron he cares okay so you better have better shit going on about you but we're again we're veering into giving advice to the guy for you i think i mean maybe bring it up what's the best way to bring that up be like hey man like you talk about flying a lot uh that's cool i think it's awesome you're a pilot but i also don't that's not what i like about you yeah you talk about it a lot and i wonder why if you're trying to impress me but what's the tone to take with that because you don't want to get them like just say how i said it that's so like that's that's i don't know that's too i'm aggressive yeah accusatory or something yeah kristen says i have a tone okay well i don't okay oh okay well you do but i think

if you come at it yeah i guess if you come at it like from a question perspective like why do you do that do you think i like don't like you already i do like you don't have to constantly tell me about this stuff try to impress me i'm already impressed by who you are yeah you could also say whenever he starts bringing up somebody like i i flew around jeff fox really be like oh shit and then get your pad out and write down and he says what you're doing is like i keep track on uh who you uh fly around because i think it's so fucking awesome right and i think he'll get the hint right or you could do the same thing yeah take a pad out write something down and he says what are you writing and she can say i just like to make lists of the most fucking boring dumb things i've ever

been told and that is absolutely near the top yeah you say say that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which would definitely get him to stop saying that. That's good, that's good. Both of those are good. That might even be better. That would definitely get him to stop sooner. Yeah, you wouldn't have thought about it if I did what I did, but it's fine. Alright, so let's go to the next one. But yeah, that's tough. But at least, I don't know, maybe the sex is good.

I have a dog on my lap. Hey Chris and Matt. Big fan of the pod. My question for y'all today is um i love going to the gym it's my thing i've been going for years now and i lately can't seem to get through a workout without somebody trying to talk to me she's bad or. Or asking me out. What are we going to do? She's at the gym? And I feel like I have bother me written on my forehead. Bottle me? Barbie. And I just don't understand

what's happening lately. Maybe don't be so bad. And it makes me really uncomfortable because I'm generally a really shy person and I don't like so much attention. And I also feel really bad rejecting people because I know it takes a lot of courage to ask somebody out. So I guess my question is, how do I reject someone nicely?

And also, maybe how do I make myself less approachable? Is that weird? I don't. Yeah. No. No, it's not weird. But you know what? My advice is don't yeah no no it's not weird yeah but you know what my advice is don't be so bad okay how does she how does she like lower her badness well first of all i mean i

hate to you know people are always like well you should wear whatever you want fuck these dudes but like if you're working out some of these outfits that these these women who wear at the gym yeah they accentuate the badness right but i mean they have they have fucking like uh uh like lululemon shits that like curve under the under the butt right and like it makes it look like it's like and that's like okay if you're trying to fucking make people not talk to you don't accentuate the well let's assume she's not doing that because i'm just saying so let's let's start with that if you are doing that don't accentuate the badness wear a fucking you know it's really annoying here's what i think you can wear different shit but if you want it okay go go ahead but you're at the gym how come

most guys i know are like oh my god i when i say something like the worst place to hit on a woman is at the gym that is very true so why does every guy agree with me and yet every woman has this complaint? Who the fuck are these guys that don't know this? I'll tell you why. Because they do know this. Okay. But they also are at the gym and the girls go to the gym and they're there all the time and they see them all the time.

So in a guy's head, they're like, oh, I've seen her a bunch. Are you using that? Oh, cool. Oh, by the way, this and that. You're going to fucking end up talking and flirting just because you're looking bad. You feel bad. You're a dude and you feel bad because you're putting up two plates, right? So you feel bad and you think, well, this is the baddest I've been. I'm the baddest

I am at the gym. And this chick's got the shit that scoops her under, right? And the Lululemon shits that keep her, the fucking apple up and nice. And so he's like, she's bad. I'm bad. I i'm being bad we're both bad michael jackson michael jackson and we see the i'm bad you ain't nothing and we see each other

all the time and so it's like let's just fucking see what's up dude are you using that nice bam oh you come here a lot oh bam if you're there at the gym if you're there at the gym and i'm there at the gym i don't give a fuck because i'm not attracted to you but if you're attracted to badness like a lot of these dudes and a lot of the dudes that work out i hate to say it and this is going to come across prejudice but they're persian and you know persians when they see chicks they go like i have to say something dog so the the guys that are doing it are persian and the guy i'm not i don't talk to many persian guys but you're saying they're my favorite people are persian so i guess, a good friend of ours, is Persian, but that might be the only one that I speak to.

Sam at the gym, Sam doesn't go to the gym, but if he went to the gym, he couldn't help himself. He's like, hey, hey, what's up? You're going to be using that? Oh, see, this is a thing I don't know. Yeah. Because I don't know many Persian men. That must be why all the men who agree with me...

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? They're whites. Well, no, no, they're not white. They're just not Persian. They're not Persian. I think that, you know know what you can do is first of all what's this earphone

airpods okay earphones they might not come up so don't accentuate the bad oh you're saying she should wear them oh and then you can pretend you don't hear anything. Yeah. Here's what would be great. Here's what would be great. You don't have to come across as being a dick, but the guy's going, hey, what's up? And you let him do the whole thing.

And he'll go like this. What? Yeah, say the what rude, like implying that you definitely don't want even to take them out. And be out of breath. Right. What? Right, yeah right yeah oh never mind right you're still being a person even though i said they're not person they hit on a lot first of all i think even if you're wearing lulu lemons that as my brother would say shape your apple in the right make the apple make the apple right make it look

like it's in the back of your back uh you can wear whatever you want laying down on your shoulders but just do the headphones thing. Yeah. And then it'll be like she, you know. This is how she wipes her ass with the Lululemon shit. What's that? Because the ass is so high up, it lifts the ass. Oh, oh, oh.

God, that's disgusting. It's not talking about people wiping their ass in general. You know what I mean? There's nothing more disgusting than wiping an ass. You're like, oh, you have bad breath. We're like, no, I farted because it came out here. All right. Okay.

Why is it up here? I farted. I'm wearing a little lemon shirt. Why is it up here? Yeah. Like farts only smell down by the ass. Yeah. So don't be so bad, number one.

That's your own problem. Go to your mom and be like, mom, what the fuck? Yeah. You made me so bad. Yeah. I'm at the gym. I can't get these Persians away. Right. Right? Right i'm going to the bathroom yeah you know mom why'd you have to make me so bad i put on lululemons and it's crazy dude it's squirt city over at the fucking la

fitness okay right i mean i guess yeah yeah just do the headphones thing you're all good I mean, I guess. Yeah, just do the headphones thing. You're all good. Hey, Chris. This guy's way chill, dude. And I've got a question about career mentality. So I work for a Fortune 500 company. Bragging.

And we are known to not necessarily pay as well as some of the other companies in our industry. Nice. And don't get me wrong, I am a 26-year-old homeowner and I do very well for myself. That's pimping. Pimping, pimping. I don't necessarily feel wrong, I am a 26-year-old homeowner and I do very well for myself. That's pimpin'. I don't necessarily feel like I'm getting compensated for the value that they say I am putting forward. They've given me an exceptional performance rating over the past two years and I have gotten pay bumps, but I could be making more at another company.

I could be making more at another company. So how do I navigate that kind of conversation with my manager or continue to put forth that 110% effort if I don't feel like I'm being compensated for the value that they say I'm putting forth and the work that I'm doing? I really appreciate the podcast and everything that you guys do. So any advice would help. Thank you. Thanks, bro.

Yeah, thanks. I think there's just a way to say it real plain without sounding like you like it's it's interesting i feel like in it there's a tone of voice thing where you can sound like you're asking for something because you think you deserve it i don't have a tone but yeah and you're and you're asking for something because you you like want to open a conversation and i think if you do the latter even if you do feel the first way you will get as long as you're not like a pushover you will get you're more likely to get what you want yeah you know especially if you

start comparing like what other places pay for the same kind of work it's like you don't want you don't want to say pay me more or else i'm going to go somewhere else but you can be like you know i've noticed just in my years here like other companies i think they pay more like and i'm just trying to get a sense of like what the long-term plan is because i'd like to be here for a long time yeah what's the upward mobility like for me because i really want to like move up and up and up at this company yes okay but let's not forget when i went yes on the first one i had good advice so okay um but yeah i don't know he could be you know i think the advice the, the tone you use is that like, look, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place here because if I don't say anything, then I don't get, you know, the money. And if I don't say it this way, but like, but if I, if I was like, I know how much I could be making with other companies and like, I love to work hard for you guys.

And it's just like, I don't, I don't want to leave. I love this company, but also I want to, I want to be able to make sure that i can live the best life i can monetarily and so i'd love to open up a dialogue about how possibly like if there's something i could be doing or or something i'm not doing that you think that maybe i could fuck i could start making some more money or something like that yeah i think what i said well i mean i pretty much said you did but i think what i said is a little bit better right so rewind it depends on what the company rewind this go back to exactly what i said it's a weed company do how i did it okay yeah um yeah uh that's that's uh weird that they try they're just trying to i don't know man they're

just trying to take advantage of you here's the thing and here's really what what's a deeper in three two one you can't expect people to do anything but take advantage of you Sadeeper I was right and you cannot be surprised and you certainly cannot take it personally when they do everybody would take advantage of

people would take advantage of their fucking mom if it meant 10 more grand a year you know like people will take advantage of fucking anyone under any circumstance if they think they'll benefit themselves don't take it personally though because guess what you'd probably do the same so just don't be don't take anything personal because if you do that'll come out in the way your voice sounds when you approach the shit yeah so just fucking recognize that this is not personal this is just somebody trying to take advantage of somebody else by paying them not up to snuff

in terms of what people at that position usually get yeah you don't want to give away your money they don't want to give away their money yeah exactly yeah yeah okay cool next one hey matt and chris daniel from cleveland ohio here um i was raised mennonite and as a mennonite you're not allowed to wear jewelry. But I have left the Mennonites a while back now, and I do enjoy wearing jewelry. But only if it means something. I don't like wearing jewelry if it doesn't mean anything. I feel like a douchebag.

Uh-huh. And I think subtlety is sexy. It's the sexiest thing. Okay. So how much jewelry should guys wear? And should you wear jewelry as a guy if it really doesn't mean anything if it's just for decoration um second question is what's a cool thing to pass down to uh you know my son i have a seven-year-old son what's a cool thing to pass

down to him like a watch or something like that obviously i'm not getting an inheritance from my dad that's a deeper. So I want to pass something down to my son when he gets married or graduates college, something like that. So yeah, let me know what you think. Side note, I laid carpet at Hilarity's Comedy Club in Cleveland. So that's for you, Chris.

That's cool. Love that club, Hilarity's in Cleveland. He doesn't wear jewelry. The best thing to pass down, I think, isveland um uh he doesn't wear jewelry what the investing to pass down i think is a watch because it doesn't lose his investment it doesn't lose its value it doesn't lose its value yeah it increases in value it can yeah really i don't wear watches i hate the way they feel on my wrist um well but i've never really given one a shot i know people say like keep it on for a couple couple of days do that if you don't want yeah exactly um yeah that that's a good thing to do i wear a lot of do how much what do you what do you got you got chains i've got this this this and it i have a chastity belt on would can't would

uh calvin give a fuck about any of that stuff it's so bad when i get a boner well not now because well now yeah because it's funny he would hold it and you know this he would love to take and whip it around but i mean when he's an adult well i don't know i mean he would it's you know this he would love to take and whip it around but i mean when he's an adult well i don't know i mean he would it's you know was there anything you think about that you would one day hand down to him yeah this yeah i would i would hand down this too what is it the saint christopher i've had forever how long this is actually brand new but this one's like since I was a teenager. It's like 19 maybe. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's cool to pass stuff down. You know, that helps you with your travel, right?

I mean, if you believe in that stuff, it's just cool. What is it again? Keep me safe or something? Yeah, yeah, whatever it is. I mean, so fucking dismissive. St. Christopher is... Keep us safe. Saint of travel.

Yeah, yeah, keep us safe. Okay, well, it's not just to keep us safe. It is to keep us safe keep us safe keep us safe while we travel his thing though is three words keep us safe I think it was make America great again no I don't think so I think it was someone else so yeah

I mean subtlety is the most sexy thing he said I personally me I think it's fucking long legs and tits. But he... Yeah, I think it's like a beautiful face and like heavy-duty attraction that, you know, gives me boners. Heavy-duty attraction. Subtlety doesn't just like make my penis erect in a vacuum.

I don't know, man. Did you see how subtle that was? Yeah. I mean, you ever see the movie... What's that movie that's real subtle? Wow. Whatever. You fill in the blank. You do the joke. So fucking vague. Do the joke at home. What's that movie that's real subtle? Wow. Whatever. You fill in the blank.

You do the joke. So fucking vague. Do the joke at home. What's that movie? That game of honor. Yeah, I think that subtlety is, you know, it's like, I get what he's saying. He doesn't want to be so, hey, look at me, ostentatious. Yeah.

He wants to be comfortable in his own skin. That is sexy, right? Yeah. That is sexy. yeah that is sexy but also he likes a little bit of jewelry but also the reason why he likes probably a little bit of jewelry is because his parents said you can't wear jewelry so let's not let them get all in your fucking you know main frame and absolutely take over and overcompensate because let's not do that right right right yeah okay Yeah, I just think fucking...

How do you answer this? Two change is cool. But it's like you want to get jewelry just to pass it down? Like, I'm confused. It has to mean something. You're right in saying it should mean something, but if it doesn't mean anything, you can't buy it, and you can't buy it.

It's like looking for love. You can't look for it. It just hits you over the side of the head when it happens. So if you see a thing that you like, cool. But also, you're going to have to wear it for a long time you can't just give your son something because oh hey i found this necklace and i wore it for a week and then here i'm passing it on to you i know what should happen okay what let's get his wife tell her buy him a piece of jewelry so then it'll have inherent meaning and then he'll have something to pass on to uh his son right yeah so hey that guy's wife i know you're watching buy him some shit also that his son's

seven so you don't need to pass anything down to him for the next 40 years but you want it to have some weight on it you want to have some years on it like you said you don't want it to be just some necklace he's wearing for a week you know well right but if he just buys himself a necklace and wears it for 40 years then that's got some meaning yeah i guess i bought this after i put the guys from lifeline gave me advice no but here's the thing 40 years later this is why it's a puzzle he doesn't want to buy something that feels arbitrary he wants it to have meaning to begin with okay get your wife or your girl whoever i don't know if he's married or not but uh leave notes around the house that hint at what you want yeah but don't say it because if you say it'll lose its meaning just walk up to your wife and be like huh

it'd be crazy to have something to pass on to my son once that jewelry exactly yeah i know a mennonite but it doesn't matter i don't agree with the thing about being a mennonite is you know we don't believe in jewelry but me i'm not a mennonite anymore and i'm very happy my son isn't a mennonite anymore and i i feel like there's maybe a good way to symbolize that yeah these are the jewelry i mean i don't know though i don't know better hurry up though because like um you know i need to start wearing something to make it mean something yeah yeah that's crazy all right cool all right next one hey chris and matt love podcast. I'm a huge fan. Me and my boyfriend both are.

Oh, yeah. So I have a quick question. It might be a silly question. It's a Southern. But my boyfriend does not like when I bring up my exes, their names or anything about them whatsoever. Good, don't next. And I know that's probably normal to dislike that, but he gets really mad if I ever bring up a name at all.

Good, don't next. Shut up. So my question is, is he going a little overboard? Or, like, can I? Like, I can't even share my life experiences with him. Good, don't next. From my past. Because the majority of my past experiences involve exes.

And, like, I want to be able to share things with him. Yeah, I get it. Nope. So just let me know if I'm being too disrespectful towards his feelings. No, it's not disrespectful. I'm trying not to. I've really tried to tiptoe around the subject and not talk about exes at all. Look what this guy's doing to her.

Yeah, true. Because I want to respect him and stuff. But just let me know so southern this um I'm Allie I'm from South Carolina my boyfriend's Phillip and we love your podcast uh we love Lifeline we love congratulations and we were gonna come see you guys uh or see you Chris but we're gonna hopefully get to it next time. Thanks. What a sweetheart. Very cool. You're already trying not to say anything about your exes. Yeah, that's all you can do.

If you fucking mess up every once in a while, he should understand you're making a serious effort. A hundred percent. If you're trying to compromise, he should meet you fucking halfway. Come on, man. Yeah, she's sweet. And he's doing too much, it sounds like.

Like, dude, it's going to happen. I don't like hearing about exes and shit. Yeah, I never really cared. Yeah, me either. But like, I don't, I mean, I don't, you know, I mean... The thing about exes... You know what, for me,

I didn't care about if it was like relationships where you loved somebody and like you actually gained experience from it. But like, if I want to, like hearing about exes, like, yeah, i met this guy at fucking you know moose mcgillicuddy's and just sucked him up in an alleyway behind a dumpster where they fucking shot uh maul and drive i don't want to do you know what i mean i don't want to hear that shit so it depends what you're saying it depends what you're saying if you're like well

you know my you remember davey we went out for three years and I learned a lot through that's fine but if she's like you know it's funny man at one time at Waffle House you know I met a waiter and he was just so hot I waited till he got off and then I made sure I got him off in the back of my Chevelle I sucked him up good he hit the back of my throat and it was nuts well why are you getting so mad philip it's not like he didn't eat my fucking pussy dude he wasn't just using me he lit me up real nice outside the fucking cracker barrel at 3 p.m okay so so it's like i mean it depends on what you're saying because that literally if we talk to philip you're like well i just wish you know we talk to Phillip, he'll be like, well, I just wish, you know.

Okay, well, I think it's, I'm assuming it's sort of like a given that that's not what she's doing. She's talking about her life experiences and how she was with someone at the time. The story has to include that person. Yeah. But at the same time, it doesn't really have to include that person.

One time I met a dude outside a radio shack and I sat on a Sibian for him for nine hours. Never saw him again got a bought a vcr sat on a sibian for nine hours it's it's sweet of you and you're going above and beyond to try to not mention any of your exes he needs to fucking cut you some slack for that in the first place he just goog Googled Sibian. That's why he's laughing. Is that right? No, he knows what a fucking Sibian is. Oh, you know what a Sibian is? He's an adult man.

Okay. All right, well, if you don't know what a Sibian is, Google it. Everybody knows what a Sibian is. You sit on it. All right. I'll give you a hint.

You sit on it and it vibrates. All right. By the way, Sibians are weird, huh? Just get a dildo. No, the Sibian is like... Yeah, but it's like such a fucking cumbersome device you know you have to put in a basement and shit sibians are like uh what like i feel like gymnasts their bar like it's so

space it's like you have to go somewhere else to get on a sibian yeah this is a fucking sibian uh it's like batting cages. You just go. Let me get... Yeah, let me get an hour. What speed? In cages, just... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Waiting like this.

God damn it, Philip. Why do we have to come here? It reminds me of fucking Gary. I only got 15 minutes. Hold the picture of gary in front of me sibians look like they're not fun do you know what i've been saying yeah well that's like for you it would be so fucking violent and really shake you up like after you get off a simian you're like still shaking you know yeah yeah oh but now you're too excited about that yeah i watched those videos one time and then i was like man it's too much that's what i'm saying it's just weird to be like a fucking like if you want really like exploring your body is fine and it's fine to bring a few things but like the second you got in you need help bringing something

in to explore your body yeah it's like too much yeah it's like it's like it's like fucking hang gliding like just get in a fucking plane or or or bungee jump you know what i mean okay hang gliding you got to learn kind of how to do it and shit and then that first time you do it you got to run off the cliff and just kind of hope for the best you know that's so scary the first time yeah you're like here we go i hope it works oh oh and then somebody's like some people are like here it goes i hope it works i hope it works you know what i mean like literally that's that that happened you practice so much for hang gliding and then you just like here we go here we go here we go, here we go. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. You know? And you die. You spend, what, months fucking practicing?

That's basically what a Sibian is. You don't die on a Sibian, dude. No, you probably, there have been Sibian deaths. How many Sibian deaths do you think there's been ever in history? Even if there's one, I hope there's more than one. Because if there's one, that would be. There's definitely more than one. But that would be so shitty if you were known as the fucking Sibian death.

I bet there's six Sian related deaths in history oh i think i say a year no just ever all right well fine one more all right this guy sent in three separate videos okay well that's not acceptable back to back oh okay wow wow okay so be patient here we go what's going on chris and matt sorry i gotta talk really fast but you guys won't let me post more than a minute and i have a lot of shit that i gotta talk about i really need help So be patient. Here we go. I'll get different color and I'll never come back to the red color. It's fucking horrible. Everything sucks. Two, I don't want to work here to begin with. I don't like mechanics. I get paid less than minimum wage. The only reason that I'm here is because it's a family business.

I'm going to own it one day. And also, my dad needs my help. He has MS. He can't really walk that well. He needs me to be a pair of legs to help him walk around and get stuff. Three, my girlfriend of four years that we just broke up. Fuck, it sucks, dude. I don't even know.

It really fucking sucks. And I don't even know what I'm thinking. Four, I was just about to fucking trade in my iPhone today. Perfectly fine. No cracks in two fucking years. Just about to trade it in and get money back on it. Cracked it literally ten fucking minutes ago. So I don't know what to do, dude.

It feels like life's just fucking beating me down this past two months. I don't know. And that's not even everything, but help me. Hey, Chris and Matt. You want to know something? I didn't even see my lip yet. You want to know something even funnier? It was my birthday yesterday, like I said.

And I got jumped. I got fucking the shit kicked out of me by like, I don't even know. There was four of us and there was like 15 of them. I don't know. Some dudes tried to fight my cousin Emily. Literally walked up, started pushing her, yelling in her face, trying to fucking fight her. And then I got involved. I wasn't letting that happen.

And hurt one of them and started hurting another one and then ended up having six people kicking me in the fucking face and I blacked out. Jesus Christ. I don't know. I honestly don't remember it at all. My fucking... My nose is split, though.

Inside of my lip. I can't even pick it up. Hold on to my lip. It's off, dude. Okay. There's a third one? Got set on fire, got broken up with, got jumped all in like the same month. What's up?

Hey, Chris and Matt, what's going on? He's aged so much. Two days after I got jumped. I don't really have any advice that I gotta ask for in this video. Face is all swollen up. Nose is split. It's like seven years, you know. But I got a chihuahua from Bubba Coos, so. I think I'm all right today.

I think I'm all right. Dude, that's the fourth video. Chris and Matt, what's up? Died yesterday. He's got gray hair. He's got gray hair and shit. Just dirt keeps falling on his face or shoveling so what do you do when you're dead there's dirt in my mouth can't get out because my body won't move uh don't know how to ask for it anyway if you could help anyway chris come to see you in cleveland um first of all i mean this guy well okay so life's going a

little better you got the fucking he seemed higher spirits fucking vibing out with his fucking thing that he got whatever it is i will say he did seem 30 in the first video and then 50 yeah he seemed 48 in the last sorry sorry sorry he seemed 20 and then 30 right um so uh my god that was funny all right i'm sorry by the way the burns got better i didn't see burns in the second one it must have gotten better i mean it sounded like the second video was long after the first one but i don't know okay uh my god well you know what you got a pretty good fucking attitude i'll give you that great attitude you know you got set on fire you got you broken up with you you got beat the shit out of and jumped sounds like maybe it was a little bit

your fault um well but yeah no you don't know maybe the fire was your fault too if his cousin is his female cousin's getting the shit kicked out of her if they were actually beating her yeah yeah well i mean no he said that they started to start a fight with her but it could be an argument oh i take things very they started pushing her he said oh they did okay um yeah man that's uh i don't know, man. I mean, do buckaroos... What do you get at buckaroos? The chihuahua from Bubba Roos?

Bubba Coos? It sounds so racist. Wow, Bubba Coos. This whole thing, what culture is it? It's so weird. Is it Asian? That's so busy, that menu. That's so crazy.

Bubba Coos? Wow, Mexican or Asian? That's bad. That's just not good food. Bubba Coos wow mexican or asian that's just bubba coos burritos you know wow um yeah man just keep going to bubba coos and getting and and you know life rips so uh you know this is the these are the moments that uh that make you right but for real though for real when life is bad it just seems to and therefore does just get actual worse yeah it does yeah it's snowballs you're thinking about it right and it's just like an energy thing and it's just you kind of

it turns into this cycle where one thing leads to the next leads to the next and it snowballs and snowballs and snowballs and it's hard to get out of that fucking vicious cycle but eventually the cycle warms and thin and fucking thaws out and it ends up being gone forever and Chris is doing the really annoying thing that he does but the thing about

bad times is that we don't remember that we've gone through them before and every time we're in a bad time it seems like the end of the fucking world but the truth is

it's just another bad time in a series of many bad times broken up by that's right good times vote for me so very soon you will forget about this bad time but try not to forget about the bad time because next time the bad time comes you want to remember the last bad time you want to remember the bad times before because you got through them before and you'll get through it again even if you get burned jumped

girlfriend breaks up with you and your iphone breaks all within the span of a few days there will always be that babacus yeah chihuahua exactly um the metaphorical metaphorical chihuahua from babacus you will always be able to get that babacus chihuahua even though babacus will not be around for that much longer because it is a horrible it's clearly going to go out of business yeah but but uh seems like you're taking care of your fucking um burns and your wounds will heal but babacus will always be there for you and that's why life rips it won't always be there for you they'll go out of business yeah we'll definitely go oh maybe it sounds like it's like a popular thing they're like in and out

here or some shit the way he said it maybe made it sound like it's something we should know what the man how much was like the boat fire so his fault like it was inarguably his fault oh yeah you know like literally was smoking next to gasoline yes and then also the fight was so his fault yeah yeah yeah the fight was so his fault yeah yeah yeah and then breaking up was so his fault. Yeah, definitely. Right? He fucking was cheating and left his texts out and had porn playing on his computer and just was like a simian porn. And was drawing a fucking banner that said, fuck my girlfriend. I hate her. Yeah.

All right. Do we have another one? All right, cool. Wow, that one was funny. I mean, not, I'm sad, but. Real gross. Well, what's up, bro? Yesterday I was outside doing my chores and raking up leaves when I hit a wasp's nest. I mean, not... I'm sad, but... You're gross. Well, what's up, bro? Yesterday, I was outside doing my chores

and raking up leaves when I hit a wasp's nest. Oh, no. They attacked me and chased me into my house, into the shower, and just kept stinging me. I got stung 15 times, and I was scared to go to my backyard to finish raking up the leaves. What should I do?

Oh, my. They followed her in the house. This is like a fucking Alfred Hitchcock movie. Here's what you do. You call Animal and Wildlife. You got to call Batman. And they will get rid of the wasp nest for you. If you don't want to involve Animal and Wildlife.

The authorities. If you don't want to involve the authorities, go out your front door. Go get some fucking raid or, you know, wasp killer. Wasp killer. No no go the fuck out there with a big thing over your head and the gloves on and long sleeves long long pants and long sleeves and just go out spraying i say do it with a bow and arrow dude then you gotta you gotta have 15 arrows at least you have a lot more than that dude yeah you're gonna get each b at a time i was gonna burp but i didn't um jesus she was

outside doing shit and they followed her in her house then they followed her in the shower dude don't bees them bees don't give a fuck huh i got stung by a fucking vicious thing dude the other maybe a couple weeks ago i had the biggest fucking welt on my upper leg where it stung me you take care of shit crazy like you were rubbing creams on it and using like constricting pants and stuff yeah i don't do that i i like to do shit to my body i don't do that any chance i get whether it's like a fucking taking milligrams wrap or a fucking ointment a tincture that's crazy bro spread why do you like doing that a stick i like sticks that you go like that and rub on your why well i mean why not not for no reason no no but why why if there's i want the thing that's wrong with me to go away that's why yeah okay yeah interesting so that's also why you think

that itches like a motherfucker right i want to get it over with as soon as possible and you believe in the ointments i mean if it's cortisone yeah i don't like buy like very the ointments? I mean, if it's cortisone, yeah. I don't like buy like Mary's special. Sometimes I don't believe in the ointments. What do you mean? What is this? The doctor's like, this will work. I'm like. Why do you not believe the doctor?

What's it going to help? A day? Like, what's it going to make it go away for a day? A day sooner? Do you know what I'm saying? I'm a dummy. Maybe. I'm a dumb.

I'm dumb, I guess. I mean, a day sooner is good, though. I guess I would use it. I just don't like having to take shit and stuff. Wow, that sucks, man. Bees in the shower. Bees in the shower. Bees, bees in the shower.

Yeah, it sucks. Bees in the shower. Bees, bees. Dude, Calvin loves Bees in the Trap, the song by Nicki Minaj. Okay. And he calls it, he thinks it's Beans in the Trap. Oh, okay. Can I watch Beans in the Trap?

It's so cute, dude. Oh, dude, this dog in my laps. This dog in my laps got fucking crazy dreams right now. Just shaking like crazy. The worst Johnny Cash song of all time. This dog in my lap is having crazy dreams, crazy dreams shaking. She just woke up. Okay.

Well, she doesn't like Johnny Cash. Hi, Johnny. Okay. So unprofessional doing this on the fucking podcast. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. It's gross, huh? She was on my lap the whole episode. Well, okay. The crotch is warm.

I mean, the. The crotch is warm. You know? Like it's the. And of all the crotches, it's the crotch is warm i mean the the crotch is warm you know like it's the end of all the crotches it's the crotch yeah i have the crotch is warm i have the crotch all right what's next none okay shit irish or english Irish or English oh Matt and Chris this is Vladimir from Belarus damn it and I am an English teacher online close I have many students and I have an option to deny them a service if I don't like them and basically I have this one student who is a married woman. And I wouldn't say that I have feelings for this person, but I've been thinking about her a little bit too much over the past few months. And lately, the atmosphere during our lessons um became a little too personal

oh boy and um so i feel a little uh strange considering the fact that she's married um so um i want some advice um what should i do should I deny her and discontinue our lessons all is that or should I continue our lessons and a little strange every time I see her and this is my question oh So thank you for your opinion. And I love your show. Thanks so much. And has one facial expression. Dude.

I mean, don't. Who cares, dude? Yeah, you got to deal with it. What is even going on that is so troublesome? It is mainly we are personal personal but also my boner is um yeah it's like are you poking are you able to focus and just focus on the assignment and like the lesson if you are then keep doing it like what do you mean by personal you like what are we talking about like talking about one another's sex lives are we just talking about like like, your usual home life?

He's like, the dog jumped over the lazy fox. And she's like, I squirt. He's like, oh, oh. You're right, yeah. I squirt, but my husband doesn't make me squirt anymore. He's squirting. Oh, oh. Dude, I feel like, you know, you're just dealing with, like, you could be asking, she could

literally be like, you could say all this to her and she'd be like, time she'd be like what right exactly so like you got to be careful but i love how he started with uh i could deny her lessons if i want right like yeah no shit man you could overreact and do that but just like whatever also man like i'd like to know what she's doing he said he doesn't have feelings for her in the beginning i don't have feelings for her in the beginning. I don't have feelings for her, but I have to say, I love her. But if that's the case, then who gives a shit? What does he mean? He didn't specify, and that's what's bothering me. Like, what do you mean too personal?

Maybe he didn't specify because he's not great at English. It's obviously his second language. But he's an English teacher, so he should know. Yeah. Dude, this is maybe all in your head. It may not be, but keep keep don't do anything because you're in the authority position i don't know how it is in fucking wherever you are but like make sure you just keep it strictly the way it is and if she gets a little if she i don't know

what too personal is if she gets too personal or she touches you or anything like that or says what are you doing later that's when you shut it down right you got to just keep it professional strictly professional think about whatever you got to think about but don't do anything beyond the thinking right and try very hard not to get a bone doggie definitely that yeah without question i'm sorry i bumped your arm while you were writing english it wasn't me it wasn't my bone doggy yeah that's right yeah i don't know what to tell you man but that's uh that's what i'm telling you and that's that that is indeed that well so checked out at the end there so what are you talking about no come on i'm with you guys thanks for watching uh well that's what's up dude i'll be in new york just fucking sold 60 tickets today

already that's a lot it is a lot and uh it's not even noon so it's noon it's noon so um i'll be in new york february 18th get the tickets i'll be in january i'll be in january i'll be in seattle and uh also portland and san diego added a second there. And I will be in Boston, most importantly, coming up next week. November 12th, the first show sold out. Still tickets for the second show selling out. And you can get the merch at, what is it, Watch Lifeline? What is it? Lifelinemerch.com, lifelinemerch.com.

And go to chrisaleah.com for tickets for his show and go to mattaleah.com for private sessions with me private advice sessions with me that it

if you have a question I love you yeah I love you too okay if you have a question go to email it on the bottom

on the bottom. I think. Yeah. Someone has our parents' health cap.