Lifeline - 32. Menacingly Terrible

Episode Date: November 13, 2022

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Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. it's recording recording recording hiding i knew you're gonna do that dude what else is cool to do with the eehee after you say something we were talking about how after you say something offensive or mean or whatever, you say eehee. Okay. You could go like this too. You say something offensive. You know, you look particularly fat today. Eehee.

And you bring in the hands like under your neck like this. Oh, okay. Eehee. That seems terrible. No, it's good. Trust me. It's disarming. I won't trust you on that.

Okay. Well, welcome to another episode of Lifeline. It's episode 4,685. We're really cranking them up right now yeah um but matt is in gay prison with that shirt no dude it's styling it's styling waldo dude come on it would be amazing if that's what you had in in gay prison just so fucking so pimping pimping in gay prison put zip it all the way up what does it look like now the thing about now the thing about now,

the thing about now, me wearing this now, is I wore this, I think I wore this on the very first episode of Lifeline. Yeah, I think you did, yeah. And it's just like,

you know? It's not like that, but if you say it is, I suppose it is. It's exactly like this. Wow. And here he comes and grabs his phone.

Oh, don't mind if I do. And ruined it, sneaking out of his tiptoe in like Ace Ventura when he's trying to go see the dolphin or whatever. Yeah, that was like that. How about when was tiptoeing like ace ventura when he's trying to go see the the dolphin or whatever yeah that was like that how about when people tiptoe and make more noise than they would if they just straight up walked you know oh man like on creaky floors they're just like and if you walked it would just be yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um yeah yeah yeah so i um

so what's going on man rained a lot in la that sucks rained a lot and worse weather man i i'm happy it rained i used to hate the rain but now i like it poetry haiku because there's a fucking and ruined mega drought ruined it nope mega drought would never be in any palm that is the well not given if this is not spoken word i'm just talking telling it like it is so there was a mega drought and my garden was thirsty no but for real my garden was my garden was thirsty my garden was dying of thirst what's that my garden was dying of thirst my garden was dying of thirst. Wow, the whisper. The whisper on thirst. So bad, dude.

Well, I want to watch So I Married an Axe Murderer again. She was a thief, you gotta believe. She left with my heart and my cat. Dude, who is it again who played that? Mike Myers, dude. Oh, wait, that was him who did that one, though? Yeah, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, that's him. No, I thought it was someone else who did that part played that? Mike Myers, dude. Oh, wait. That was him who did that one, though? Yeah, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, that's him.

Oh, I thought it was someone else who did that part. I know Mike Myers is him. You're thinking about Anthony LaPaglia, who's also hilarious in that movie. Oh, my God. He was so funny in that. He's really funny. I love him. He's a fan of mine.

So, anyway. That's a good fan of yours to have. He was, dude. He was? He is. He is, yeah. And he's Australian, and who would know, because he looks like an absolute guy from the Bronx or Queens.

Yeah. Two things about Anthony LaPaglia. Three things. Okay. He's Australian, but looks like he's from the Bronx or Queens, so nobody knows he's Australian and who would know because he looks like an absolute guy from the Bronx or Queens. Yeah. Two things about Anthony LaPolle. Three things. Okay. He's Australian but looks like he's from the Bronx or Queens. So nobody knows he's Australian. Yeah. Second is he...

Nobody knows this. Put him up on the screen if you haven't. Because look at him. Because look at him. But he's... No, not here. Oops. You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I know. Okay. About oops. Okay. We know what he looks like.

So that's one. Number two is that he... You wouldn't know it by looking at most of his work but he's hilarious oh i know he's very funny i know the third thing is you really wouldn't know it by the kind of tv he does but he's like he's like he came up in theater he's like a big theater oh i buy that so he's like he's just pimping pimping pimping booyah booyah and booyah all over the place. Wow, okay. Wow. So he is- So uncomfortable, that picture, with the way he's holding his leg. Dude, he is so from New York.

How is he Australian? I don't know. Also, La Paglia. I know, I know, I know. Well, that's the real thing that sells it, but it'd be like if De Niro was like, oh, you know, it's like, you know, really like, who is he?

What's the fucking thing he says? Am I talking to you, yeah? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking to you. You talking to me, yeah? That's it, yeah. Am I talking to you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm talking to you you're talking to me yeah that's it yeah am i talking to you wow absolutely ruined it's just so insecure am i talking to you or who is talking to you is it me um yeah anyway so gay prison huh see no i don't think so oh well i think it's i think it's stylish waldo okay and i don't think it's gay prison okay although i don't it's not like you know i mind gay prison like it's like i'm like Okay. And I don't think it's gay prison. Okay. Although I don't, it's not like,

you know, I mind gay prison. Like, I'm not homophobic. I would mind gay prison. I'm just correcting you. I would mind any prison, really.

Any prison. Yeah, well, prison just, prison would be bad. Gay prison sounds maybe worse. You cut me off again.

You cutting me off just nonstop today or we're going to do it that way or? I just didn't get notified. If we're doing that, just, that's good to know. You're just going gonna be cutting me off all the time oh silent treatment now such a child

you know dude i look good oh okay well you know when your hair's in a good place and you know your hair's in a good place you don't want to move so you're just like doing the batman man the good thing for me is though my hair's never uh a good place, so I can just move my head all I want. My hair's never in a good place. The worst fucking poem of all time. So anyway, you guys, it's Lifeline, episode 600,775. Dude, Mads Mikkelsen or whatever, that guy? Yeah, what about him?

I love him, man. He was in a fucking comedy movie I looked at the other day so far in a comedy movie it wasn't a comedy movie I looked at a comedy movie I looked at yeah like an old lady says it seriously I looked at one of my programs and Mads Mikkelsen was in it was it the drinking movie yep no I don't know what's that well I don't know what's the movie you saw oh not the drinking movie no uh it was a foreign movie okay well he's foreign but what's the name of the movie I don't know okay well then you brought up something that we name of the movie i don't know okay well that you brought up something that we can't even discuss i know we can't but i do love mads he's another

guy who's funny and he doesn't seem like he is yep yeah that's true he was on a flight once he also he also commits so hard to the roles that he's playing i know like he's in that fucking movie uh that nicholas winding reference movie that nobody saw uh the one that's in black and white he plays like a crazy crazy viking and he uh uh uh anyway he's just like it's like the bloodiest fucking movie ever uh what the fuck is that in that movie dude uh rio rio the cartoon yeah yeah no it's uh ice age that's ice age yeah so um, but I saw, he was on a plane of mine. He was on a plane with me, and he was sitting like maybe one behind me,

and I would look back, I'm like, that's a fucking guy. Then I didn't really know his name, you know, it was like years ago, and I was like, that's a fucking guy that's the bad guy in the James Bond movie. Oh, right, yeah. Yeah, and he was reading a script, and he was just like reading the script like this,

and the light was on. I mean, it was so cinematic. Right, right, right. It was a nighttime flight, and he was just like turning it over, and was like he's so i mean maybe this is fucking me but like you know succumbing to hollywood but i was like dude he's so an evil villain yeah he's yeah totally i mean he's a great actor you know what he got huge he was always a popular actor but he what made him huge is that show he was on where he's playing hannibal lecter

oh yeah that's right he's playing hannibal lecter probably such a that show he was on where he was playing Hannibal Lecter. Oh yeah, that's right. He was playing Hannibal Lecter. Probably such a goofy show but yeah. Also, was he the lead of the fucking Pusher movies?

Is that his like first shit? I don't know what that is. All right, well, since nobody knows anything and is completely unwilling to help me. We talked about

Mads Mikkelsen for nine minutes. Well, everybody loves Mads though. I know, but people don't even know who he is though. We show him on the screen right now

and they'd be like, oh yeah, that guy. True. He's super, super, super handsome in a weird way. How much when he has sex? Dude, it's so quick. Valhalla rising. And this is how he has an orgasm. He goes like this.

Ha! And that's it. That's the whole orgasm. That's the whole orgasm. But then in a few minutes, like in the shower, whoever he had sex with, hears him with the door closed. She hears him off like in the bathroom and just go. What's he doing?

He's just like getting the energy out. That's ridiculous, dude. All right. That's what he does. Well, let's go into some, what do you call them? Submissions? Submissions, guys. Let's go into some submissions. And I'm them? Submissions? Submissions, guys. Let's go into some submissions.

And I'm wearing sweats and I feel bad I'm wearing sweats. Why? But I'm having a chillaxing. I sometimes used to feel that way, but now I wear sweats whenever the fuck I want. Booyah, booyah, and booyah. Okay. All right. Let's do it.

All right. What's handsome? What up, Matt and Chris? This is Josh from Detroit. I was hoping to get a little bit of advice from you guys. So my wife and I have a dog that we take out three times a day right um the issue is that our dog is cute as hell so everybody always wants a small talk with us about our dog you know and tell us about their dogs um which is normally like totally fine but we live on the 21st floor

of our apartment oh my and so i've been finding myself just locked in in an elevator yeah forced into small talk with people when i don't always want to like i generally think of myself as like a nice person um and like i don't mind talking with people but i've just been having the same conversation over and over and over and i don't always want to um but i also don't want to be a dick. So I've found myself in this situation where I'm like forcing myself to make small talk and it's kind of driving me crazy. So I was just wondering what do you guys think I should do? Should I, you know, just continue forcing myself to smile and talk to these people just because like that's what a good neighbor does

or should I just give up and be a dick? I don't know. What do you guys think? Appreciate any and all advice. That is so, that's so funny. I got a good one. To think that he's on 21th floor. I got a good one. And I don't mean the fucking small ass earbuds that people can miss. I mean, have the big honky tonk fucking headphones on.

Yeah, that's a great idea. Even if you don't own them and they're expensive, if they're good, obviously, buy a shit pair on eBay and they'll have the big honky tonks on both ears. Right. And then just like,

even if there's no music in it, just be like bobbing your head and talking, you know? And if they ask a question, just go like this. Right, exactly. That's exactly right. Yeah, yeah.

That's exactly right. Wow, wow. Filling your tits. Okay. Yeah, that's a great, great advice. You know what I'm saying? Or if you want to do the earbuds, you can do that and just pretend you're on the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, cool. Yeah, do like that. Me pretending I'm on the phone is the most, the one I've done the most. I do that without earbuds. Oh, well, so you just look like a crazy guy? Yeah, exactly. Yep. Uh-huh.

And then they go, and they go, are you, excuse me? I go like this. no just indicate that there's like another person in the room but they're invisible yeah like what what's the matter you know the guy here yeah yeah um yeah honestly uh that's horrible the living in the 21st floor is incredible so dude i'm sure that takes sometimes 15 minutes to get downstairs. That's too many floors, though. Yeah, but it's Detroit, though, right? That's what he said.

Yeah, I know. So it's like, there's buildings that go crazy in Detroit. It's like... Buildings grow in Detroit. It's like he's in that book, High Rise,

the J.G. Ballard book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the movie. They made a movie about it recently. The movie's absolutely fucking... I heard the movie was bad. It's menacingly terrible. Menacingly terrible!

Raves! Crystalia. menacingly terrible and menacingly terrible raids crystalia menacingly terrible yeah if you want to see the most menacingly terrible movie uh yeah really really uh really bad movie and uh the book's sick i've read the book wow i've read the book all right look if you're that's so annoying so if you're if you're i think don't live on the 21st oh if you live on the 21st floor don't have a dog don't have anything cute but if you do get headphones even if they're the cords cut just yeah it doesn't matter like this yeah yeah and then when they and people ask where you go one more time yeah yeah yeah so free you got me here or hum sandstorms if a black guy comes love martin but where's my bitches i love martin but where's my bitches like

you're not saying it right just with nothing in your ears would be the weirdest the weirdest thing to experience you know i love martin but where's my bitches i love martin but where's my bitches the problem is if they do say something, you've got to pretend like you don't hear because if you're like, if you're like that and then you're just like, love my bitches,

what's up? Yeah, you know? Yeah. That's bad. It'll ruin it. It gives up the whole fucking thing. Yeah.

Bring up my schedule here. Will you bring up my schedule? Ooh. You weren't even talking. You can only use the oops when you're not even talking. I'm saying, ooh,

you're interrupting with your schedule. Just like, killing the vibe, you know what I'm saying? I'm going to be in Austin. I'm going to be in, listen, here we go. All right. uh i'm gonna be in austin i'm gonna be in listen here we go all right i'm gonna be in austin march 25th uh i'm going to be in minneapolis april 1st i'm gonna be in columbus ohio may 6th may 7th i'm gonna be in cincinnati ohio cincy and then may 19th i'm gonna be in boise and that's how you say it and whoever told me that was aaron paul

aaron paul told me he's from there it's boise i know he would know and he came to my aaron paul in my last show in boise and uh now i'm gonna do another show in boise is he always in boise it's at a bigger place wow moving on up in the world is he always in boise now like does he live in boise no i don't believe so but maybe he has a place there but he i'll tell you what he's another guy i'll tell you what boise's fucking cool man well how so how's boise it's like a hip it's got a vibe not everybody's there yet it's coming up it's got cool coffee shops oh man and it's very nice no you don't like cool coffee you like fucking coffee bean you fuck i tell you what do it i've been off the coffee bean for a while oh i i do go sometimes oh the truth comes out but i've been going to i've been going to this place i don't want to say it because i

don't want to i want to have it for me don't want to have it for me. Don't blow it up. Don't blow it up, baby. And then Pete's Coffee is very good too. Do you like Pete's? Yeah, I do. I do like Pete's. P-E-T-S. And then, but yeah, so I went to Boise and it was great. It was a good show.

And Aaron Paul was there with his friends. I love that dude. He's such a good guy. He's such a great guy. And he's always been the exact same amount of good guy. I mean, we've known him when he was fucking doing Taco Bell commercials. I know. Well, I did a movie with him when I was 19. Yeah, I remember. And he's always been the exact same amount of good guy. I mean, we've known him when he was fucking doing Taco Bell commercials. I know.

Well, I did a movie with him when I was 19. Yeah, I remember. And he was 20. And, you know, we always make fun of everybody. Yeah. And then one time he was like, he said something. I'll never forget it. He was like, I don't know what, he's like, I don't make fun of people.

I'm 20. He's like, I'm 20 years old. Like saying like, he didn't like making fun of him. And I felt bad. And I always thought about it. Anyway. What does that. He's like, I'm 20 years old. Like saying like, he didn't like, he didn't like making fun of him and I felt bad and I always thought about it. Anyway. What does that mean?

One has nothing to do with it. He was saying like, I'm too old for that. I'm not in like, you know. Oh, well, fuck him.

We don't like him anymore. No, no, we love him. He's out, dude. We love him. We love him.

He's out. We love him and he's right. He can take his tequila and. I fucking love that dude. And if I drank, I drink his tequila so much. To him. Let's go.

To him. Hey. To Aaron Paul. Hey. Just pick that up, you know. I don't have much. To him. Let's go. To him. Hey. To Aaron Paul. Hey. Just pick that up, you know? I don't have it, but I don't have it. To Aaron Paul. There we go.

We love you, Aaron. And Brian Cranston. Oh, wow. Brian. Did I say it like that? Brian Cranston. Did I really? You said you're an Australian just when you said it.

Brian Cranston. Yep. I'm Anthony LaPaglia. Yeah. Hey, I'm from New York. What are you doing, eh? Hey, don't be breaking me balls,? I don't be breaking me balls. Don't be breaking my balls.

I tell you right now, I'll take you down. I'll take it a mess. Beth and just, I'll cab stomp. Yeah. Forget about it. Pista didn't think of it.

So yeah. Anyway, Austin tickets are on sale. Now, Chris, Leah.com go over there. Tickets are fucking Flying off the shelf Right

The proverbial shelf Right The imaginary shelf There's no shelf It's all virtual But you know what I mean Things are flying off The proverbial shelf

So yeah So go get it You know The good tickets are gone And they're off The proverbial shelf Right But

So anyway We're doing it We're doing it We're having a good time Do it live Go to MattLeah.com Get private sessions With me

1-3-5-3 Pacific time. Tuesdays and Thursdays. Wee! Matt. Okay, yeah. That's incredibly fucking terrible. It's menacingly terrible. Isn't it menacingly bad?

Menacingly terrible. So what we're going to do is we're going to have you guys all in the comments talk about whether you like it when I go. Okay, no. Or if you don't like it. No. Okay, that is a good idea, but i want you to rank top 10 i want you to rank 10 matt's laugh 10 menace most menacingly terrible or one least menacingly terrible yeah so if it's a 10 just hit flood it with 10 if you

agree with me if you think it's a five usually the positive is the that's why i'm doing it like that because i think people are gonna be you're going to try to confuse them. You're trying to stack the deck. Okay. I'm fucking up the polls. Okay. You know what I realized recently? Boss tweet over here.

Before we get into another one. Dude, I'm badass. Oh shit. Really? And I'll tell you why. Yeah. I'm yatted the fuck up. Oh, is that why?

No, but I'll tell you why. Oh, you just did. I thought. But I'll tell you why on top of it. Okay. Dude, I'm like ridiculously like... So I was standing in a coffee shop the other day in Denver. You don't say.

You don't fucking say. Yeah, but I was in Denver, right? Okay. You know, I go to coffee shops wherever. I was in Denver. I played for 4,500 people. Okay, relax. So what's up?

And had some mental health problems. Swallowed it. Went on stage. Did my job. Was on the brink of tears the whole time. Audience, none the wiser. Right. Got a standing ovation. All good all good okay it is all good yeah okay

so all good outwardly not but so we're all good but when it comes to okay i mean sign you get sign language you know it's a fucking podcast and the guy's signing okay anyway um whatever dude Anyway Whatever dude So I'm in the coffee shop Getting ready to come home Getting ready to get Into the Sprinter van To go to the Los Angeles To the plane to get to

Los Angeles Redundant Los Angeles So anyway I am sitting in the coffee shop line waiting to get to my what my quad shot of espresso over ice okay okay but that's what i get okay but this is about how you're cool right so far you're not cool at all okay wait for it in a quad shot espresso at a coffee shop in denver yeah that's not cool after i bought my son silly putty so so i don't realize how hard all right anyway um it only works on newspapers not i need to get newspapers to make sure my son

anyway uh so i am there uh and i'm standing there and i'm waiting and the guy goes chris alia guy in line and i go yeah what's up and he goes hey man big fan i was like oh thanks and he goes and then he stops a little bit he goes like this i didn't realize you look so badass no sort of god didn't happen and i go oh yeah oh yeah i'm fucking tied it up huh he goes yeah i didn't know that nope i'm telling you right now that did not happen it happened dude what's interesting i'm got it up what's interesting you said you realized that you're badass you helped me thank you guy from i forget what it's like to realize that because i realized it when i was five years old and i have not wavered since i realized it in in dad's balls no i realized it in in mom's uterus no but dad's pops were in dad's balls first no i've since she was born she's had her eggs

dad creates new sperm all the time so i've literally known it since i was in mom's uterus i realized one of her god-given eggs i hate that i was fucking badass and that's fine but i realized it in grandpa bam's balls when he was doing newspapers in 1920s he was selling newspapers and shit right and he was doing to get your newspapers on the corner of time square and shit right and then fucking i was in his balls like this you know what i'm pretty fucking badass i'm got it up yeah no dude you know i realized it like early early on like uh back um you know when that pope were related to so his cousin were related to the pope through his cousin and i i realized how badass i am in that guy's fucking balls in the like the 1500s the Pope's balls? In the Pope's cousin's balls. He goes, I'm badass.

Forever and ever. Shooting out. All right, cool. So sacrilegious going to hell. So let's take another. Right now, God just goes like this. Huh, that sucks. And push the hell button.

So let's do another one here. Yep. Wow. Hey, what's up, bro? The asleep like podcast asleep uh what are you doing your sleep is no shit forget about that but if you were to work a normal job well you don't hold it steady like what would you expect hourly like how many hours would you expect to get a week and how much would you expect hourly? Like how many hours would you expect to get a week? And how much would you expect per hour if you worked, if you were to work a normal job?

No, that's it, peace out. Let me guess, you want less hours. I'm gonna take a wild guess that this guy wants a little bit less hours. Gonna use this podcast to go in and talk to his boss. Yeah, totally, yeah. So I don't know if you're familiar with this, so I don Dude, I'm going to use this podcast to go in and talk to his boss. Yeah, totally. So I don't know if you're familiar with this podcast. It's Lifeline.

These are the brothers. And they said that I should be getting like $25 an hour. Yeah. And I should only be working three hours. Well, I don't even know, dude. I haven't done like an hourly. What is he talking about? He's saying if you were going to have like a regular job. Me?

Yeah, man. What the fuck? How do you were going to have like a regular job. Me? Yeah, man. What the fuck? How do hypotheticals work? But like I wouldn't. I know, man. But he's obviously asking you to take a leap with him. Okay. You can't be so fucking literal.

I'm literal, dude. Okay. So he's asking if we were to get a normal job, what would we expect to work in terms of hours per week? And then what do we expect our wage to be? And the answer is, it depends on the fucking job. Yeah, really.

Ass head. Yeah, ass head. Get a job as an ass head, you'll do really fucking well. So dick. Get a job, Judge Judy would say that, why don't you get a job as an ass head?

Next case. If it's like, if it's working at a McDonald's, I would expect about minimum wage. And I would expect maybe 30 hours a week. I don't know. If I was working as a fucking landscaper, I don't know. A little bit more. A little bit more. $12 an hour.

More. What's minimum wage? I know. So I'll maybe expect i'm with it 18 an hour or it depends if i was like yeah if you're talking about just a regular job in an office though i actually have no fucking idea yeah uh where if you need a skill he ain't he ain't your guy right no but i'm saying if you need a skill then you get paid more i think if you just are a body yeah then you get paid minimum wage or something like that.

What is this fucking question? It's why it's called the unskilled labor force. It doesn't mean you can't do shit. It just means you don't have skills that warrant a higher paying job. That's something? The unskilled labor force? Yeah.

I know. Oh, okay, cool. So expect minimum wage and expect the best amount of hours you could get because then you want the most amount of money. And also, how many hours a week do you want to work? Does he want to work? He wants to work zero hours a week.

He doesn't want to ever get out of bed and stop smoking weed. He's also the kind of guy that goes like this, man, I'd love to make money in my sleep. Yeah, right. Passive income. Passive income, bro. That's what it is. That's what it's all about.

He says the words passive income more than he says the words high in his life. Yeah. H-I. He greets people less often than he says the words passive income. Yeah. Yeah. So basically, open your eyes more. Stop smoking so much weed.

I know this isn't the advice you asked, but take whatever the fuck someone's willing to give you and be happy about it. Wow. It's amazing how much people work to work their life away though, huh? Yeah, but from what I understand, nobody's got a fucking job right now.

Nobody wants one and everybody's poor. Hmm. I think the solution is all those people who are poor get a fucking job. So Republican. No, but it's really fucking, it's so weird to me that people want jobs people want money everybody's broke but there are jobs or places that they can't fucking they can't hire anybody like they can't keep an employee it is weird right i don't there has to

be a reason that i don't get it well get it we'll never get it hey i don't get it i'll go all right next one hi chris hi matt my name is sam i live in upstate new york i'm gonna be 27 next week these are my dogs oh my god um okay so i'm gonna make this really short my question is should i buy a house so in 2020 i got out of a relationship me and him lived together in a home that we picked out for like four years. I live in an apartment. This is my second year signing a lease. I don't want to live here. It's like right in the middle of like the bar scene kind of going out.

I feel like an old lady. I go outside and I tell people to be quiet. That's my living room window. And there's like bar seating right outside of it. So sometimes like I work overnights. I'm a nurse. I go outside. I'm like, hey, not for nothing, but like, let's stop screaming.

Anyway, should I keep renting? Should I wait until I find the one and then we buy a house together? Should I wait and find the one and then he has a house and I move in with him? Or should I just buy my own fucking house? Like shit's expensive, shit's hard. I don't know if that's something that I should be doing alone. You know? But at the same time, I would love that.

I would love for them to have a yard. Cute. Yeah, we want a yard for them doggies here's the thing always if you can get a house if you can afford one get one unless it's in the middle of fucking like some place where there's like a nuclear power plant or there's some fucking poison in the air or whatever the fuck, it's always a good idea to buy a piece of property if you can afford it. Don't go over your head, but if you can afford a piece of property, if it's in a,

she said upstate New York, I'm assuming there's shit going on around there. She said there's bars and shit. Yeah, if you can buy a house in that area, absolutely, absolutely fucking do it. And don't wait. Don't wait. You want your own house

because then you can sell it if you want to move in with another guy. Right. Or another person, whatever. Or if you want to have them move in, you have that option as well. But you want your own shit. Go get your own shit. If you can afford it. Renting is throwing money away.

We all know that. If you can buy a house, buy it. Period. Always. Because you'll probably buy a house and then be the dude the next week. Exactly. But then that's good. You take it slow. You live in the house for two years. and then be the dude the next week. Exactly. But then that's good. You take it slow.

You live in the house for two years and then you move in or whatever the fuck. Or you sell that place and move in with your boy. Right, but I'm just saying then you lose some money because of the closing costs

and all that. I mean, only if you do that right away in the first year. Right, right. That's what I'm saying. So two years. It's crazy how we agree. You're saying it like it's a second minute.

Oh, right. Freeze. So, yeah. I think that also you'll be happier because you don't want to live right outside of the bar you're a nurse yeah if you're gonna even if you're not gonna buy move yeah true yeah true and you got doggies and what'd she say she was 27 i think did she say it or did i make that up i think she did i thought she said she was 26 27 anyway that's young you get a house it's your first house congratulations you'll be happy and you'll get better sleep and then also you'll meet a guy soon and then you'll figure it out

and that's great and maybe you'll meet a fucking baller dude you know you're a nurse maybe somebody will come in and be like i got a kidney stone and you're like oh shit that's not that big of a deal you're gonna have a long life ahead of you and also guess what i love you oh wow and we love each other and guess what oh you're a millionaire had, wow. And we love each other. And guess what? Oh, you're a millionaire? Had no idea. Where are we going? I'll sell my house. I'll take care of your darling.

He does it like that. Could be chauvinistic, but also could be empowering because you're doing what you want to do, right? Yeah, it could be a lot of things, but just don't live based on things that might happen in the future. You want to buy a house, get a fucking house.

Exactly. The rest will work itself out. Exactly. Very cool. work itself out. Exactly. Very cool. Love your style. Love your dogs. Very cool. You got three gold chains.

I got two. Two bulldog. Right? All right, Matt. But that's great. Thank you very much for your video. Submission. Submission.

Yes. Let's do another one. Charlie Sheen. Hey, Chris. Hey, Matt. Big fan of the show. What did I tell you? How good am I, baby? My girlfriend and I just celebrated. Oh, Chris. Hey, Matt. Big fan of the show. What did I tell you? How good am I, baby?

My girlfriend and I just celebrated. Oh, nice, nice, nice. How did I do it? I did it, right? Australian Sheen. Okay, stop yelling. All right, but I'm good. You're good at it.

You are good at that. You are good at that. Why? I don't know. You know why? Because I know people. Okay, then why'd you ask me? I want people to know that.

Charlie Sheen from Australia, this guy. Five years together. Charlie Sheen. 24. She's 24. She's 23. We're really happy together. We're just chilling. What we find now, being together for five years,

that at almost every social setting, people always ask us, when are you getting married? When are you having kids? They sort of say it jokingly, but it's not funny anymore. It's been happening for ages now um i was just hoping to get some funny comebacks or clapbacks from yous about how to deal with it um yeah if you could help me out it'd be great cheers when are you getting married when are you gonna get

off my fucking back and then move on oh shit oh shit my Oh, shit. My back's all sweaty. Why? Because you're on it right now. Am I getting all fit? Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Honestly, anything like that. Hey. Anything that's blunt, funny, and like almost rude but not rude. You know what's insane?

Is I'm looking at you. And I could see your whole body, right? And it looks like you're not touching me. But at the same time, you're on my back. It's abundantly clear. You're on my back. How does that happen? Get off it.

Thank you. I'm being so polite at the end. I really appreciate your time and your effort. Yeah, dude. Just fucking come up with a quip. That's a good one. Another one is we've had advice like this, something similar. And we gave good advice. What the fuck was it? Yeah. You can go like this. Another one is, we've had advice like this, something similar and we gave good advice.

What the fuck was it? Yeah, you can go like this. You think of that, you can go like this. Uh-huh. What are you doing? Ah, it's crazy

because I'm Googling most personal thing you can ask somebody out of the blue and of all the top 10 things, this is, this is this is number one

and I'm looking at you and I can see you but my back is sweaty oh boy this again because you're on it adding both get off of my back and I'm gonna

airdrop you this link yeah that's good and we'll walk away that's good yeah spin movementality I like how you did it all in a fucking all in the Australian accent And I'm going to airdrop you this link. Yeah, that's good. And then we'll walk away. That's good, yeah. Spin move mentality. I like how you did it all in a fucking, all in the Australian accent.

All in the videos. Wow, what the fuck was that? That's Suge Knight when he was on the MTV. Dancing all in the videos. Wow, okay. Talking about P. Diddy. What was the one, we had similar shit.

We gave her some specific advice. Fuck. Yeah, it was probably something great. I don't know, but it wasn't what we do do now but the advice evolves and now this is where we're this is the advice yeah ask him about the back the back thing is great the back thing is great um and then also you're obviously from australia i called it i'm good i have the gift of fear you know what i mean i understand what that is or you know what you could do i have women's intuition what if you want to be a little bit more straightforward, like a little less like cute and dicky and

clever, just go, Danelle! Like loud. Yeah. And stare at the person. Danelle! Mm-hmm. You can go like this. Ask me, when are you having kids?

When are you having kids? My dick is six inches. Oh, wow. Yeah. I told you that because it's personal too. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Okay. So you're just-

Smoking, dude. Right. Smoking response. Right, right, right. Yeah smoking dude smoking response right right yeah don't have to and then keep moving you know don't have to yeah and then move on to the dip you know in the corner the dip like it's at a party you know like there's do the difference first yeah I mean that would be my style for sure dude why do fucking Australians they why do they have so many tattoos

well Chris I'm Australian if you want to know the history of Australians I'm badass I know the history of Australians but the tattoos are crazy though right my tattoos go crazy my tattoos go crazy huh Devin Mena does my tattoos my tattoos go crazy huh uh yeah devin manna does my tattoos my tattoos go crazy see this shit though yeah this is fucking pimping pimping right here

so bitch you're taking it out what do you think i love it a little bit and then what do you think of this i love it okay and then what do you think of it no uh tattoo of a pussy on your dick it was so weird get demonetized now great good way to go Chris yeah I think that that's a great idea and we give great advice

and hopefully you figure it out you're 24 though you will figure it out and you will have kids or just say you have them dude fuck them yes I already have three with three different women

so what else do you want to know I've already got three three different women that met my law for living hell so thanks for bringing that up what other sensitive questions you want to ask me that are going to make me cry? Do you want to make me cry?

All right, next. No, you do it. If you read it, I'm getting a water. Hey, Chris and Matt, love the show. My problem is that I get incredibly jealous when I see other people living, oh, wow, living the life I want to live, especially money-wise and girlfriend-wise, I get really jealous to the point where it ruins an entire day of my life

because I keep obsessing about it. So my question is, how do I get rid of this? How do you guys control jealousy? Well, okay. Think of, dude, that's obsessive. There's different kinds of jealousy, right? I have OCD, so I get it, so you go ahead. And then I'll chime in afterwards.

There's different kinds of jealousy. If you have a girlfriend and you're jealous of her. Wait, girlfriend? What? Oh, okay. I was taking it all as a. I'm giving another example of something that is different than what he said first, okay? Okay.

You good? Okay, I'm going to keep going. I'm good, yeah. Okay. So the first... The kind of jealousy that you see somebody... No, you have a girlfriend. You see her flirting with someone.

You're worried about her getting back together with an ex, whatever, hanging out with guys. There's that kind of jealousy. But you're describing a different kind of jealousy, is like in my mind much easier to get rid of than the kind that drives you crazy about your specific partner out in the world potentially being with someone else this guy's talking about he's jealous of other people's lifestyle the amount of money they have in the bank uh potentially like maybe like an attractive girlfriend and girlfriend he wants dude those people are not they might as well not be real they're outside of your reality they're just like

there it's like looking at instagram of course we get jealous of other people yep like it's right in our faces not me so there's no there's no uh if you're seeing it first of all if you're seeing it online stop going to the places online that make you feel those things now if you're seeing it, first of all, if you're seeing it online, stop going to the places online that make you feel those things. Now, if you're seeing it out in the real world, let those motherfuckers pass you by. And then just like another, like a fucking used piece of toilet paper,

flush that shit on the toilet. They're not like right in front of you in your life, dangling their life like a carrot. You're choosing to dwell on that. Instead of dwelling on it, fucking go out there and get the money, get the fucking girl or focus on getting on a path that gets you those things. He's asking how to combat. First of all on it, fucking go out there and get the money, get the fucking girl or focus on getting on a path that gets you those things. He's asking how to combat. First of all, dude,

you have these obsessive intrusive thoughts and it's terrible. And I have those and I understand and I feel, you know, it's different for me what I think about, but I do have those intrusive thoughts and it sucks. And I have OCD and I, and it is really bad sometimes, dude. And I say that with no, you know, no shame or whatever. It's just how it is and it sucks. But the way to combat jealousy, which is specifically what you're asking, is to think about the things you're grateful about, grateful for.

Like when I get caught up, I think, you know what I used to think about? Mom told me this. She was like, when you get- Fucking mama's boy. No, no, no. When you get caught up, I think, I used to, you know what I used to think about? Mom told me this. She was like, when you get. Ah, fucking mama's boy. No, no, no. When you get. She was, I forget.

I can't remember how I felt, but she was like, when you get this way. Oh, it was, I couldn't sleep because I was scared when I was young. And I'm a real man. You know me now, right? Boy, you used to fucking get scared all the time. I used to get so scared all the time. You used to wake me up. I know, I would wake you up.

Yeah. I was scared. Interested thoughts. Okay. About robbers and ghosts. And Freddy Krueger. Yep. And Freddy Krueger. And aliens. And just the quietness and darkness. wake you up yeah i'm scared interest or thoughts okay about robbers and ghosts and and freddy krueger yep and freddy krueger and aliens and just the quietness and darkness so um sleeper and so was i just keep going and so uh the guy uh so so mom said why don't you just think about uh

your cousins sleeping peacefully and i was like that's very sweet and i did and it helped only a little bit but what i learned is through this stuff like jealousy especially it's really hard to be jealous about stuff uh when you are focusing on things that you are grateful about because the truth is everybody um is walking their fucking path you you know? If you look at somebody who seems to have it all, they might... Dude, I'll tell you, man. Some people think I have it all. There are fucking weeks where I cry every single day. It's happened.

So it doesn't... Puzzle. No, but it doesn't necessarily mean... You don't even know what you're jealous of. You don't even know what you're jealous of. You don't even know what you're jealous of. He's making up a narrative and deciding that that's better than what he has. Dude, first of all, what you should do instead of being jealous is focus on your actual goals, your literal concrete goals,

not what other people already have. This is like you're making up a scenario just for you to be angry or upset or jealous. And the reason you're doing that is because it's easier than actually pursuing the things that you want in the first place it's easier to let yourself be like ah fuck fuck those people man i'm fucking pissed it should be me but like go make it be you then and also let me give let me give this guy a little bit of credit too the fact that you even know you feel that way and can say i'm jealous about it even anonymously on this podcast that is a huge step for uh growing like you know jealous dude dudes they're like no i don't give a fuck fuck

that guy i'm the shit like he's not doing that he's not doing what a typical dude does he is saying this makes me jealous and i feel fucking let it makes me feel less than right and that is a huge step bro so uh i gotta give you credit for that for real because that's tough man yeah it's the first step is always the hardest step about this because it requires it's not it's not just not not lying it's not lying to yourself which is yeah and it's what you're doing which is the hardest part dude you got to be honest with yourself even if you don't go around fucking telling people even you don't tell anybody as long as you tell yourself the truth it's not about being hard on yourself it's just about being honest with yourself yep i lied to myself i still lie to myself stop it i don't want to

stop that i try so hard okay stop dancing maybe that's why you can't because you're dancing when you try to do that i don't want to lie to myself wow that's how it begins and then you start lying to people oh my god the chin you know sucks dude damn that is a dumb way to dance huh dude it's so dumb i hate it so much i hate it oh wait pull up that clip of the dude pull up that clip of the dude in the car thing dude pull up the clip of the dude at the car thing oh oh you know how he sent it to us oh my god my God, dude. And he was chewing gum. Falling off a building. There it is. Here we go.

Up, up. What was that? I don't know. Oh, this guy. There it is. There it is. This is the illest shit. Chewing the gum was the best.

Wow, dude. That. That part, dude dude what is he like is he riding what is he doing he's the shopping cart what a pimp dude the belt solo the belt solo to accommodate his fucking dude that's hanging ass belly at a ben's dealership dude that guy sells 20 cars a day dude that's what he does when he sells a car and um he he he's like he would literally be 20 pounds heavier if he if he didn't sell cars that's his own exercise yeah this part but he doesn't look like riding a tricycle or some shit dude look how fucking thick look how thick his wallet is in the back right pocket dude look at the back right pocket watch when he turns around watch look how thick look how thick so thick dude bank dude no dude that's so many different business cards right right and it's like it's like a hardy's

card a boston market card he's got a subwayee's card, a Boston Market card. He's got a Subway Punch card? Yep. Boston Market. Dude, wow, that guy's the worst diet, too. I didn't realize my hat looked like this. Holy shit, bro. It's terrible. It's terrible. It's terrible. You're just like one of the guys in Fat Albert if you pull over your eyes and cut the eyes out.

Okay. All right, cool. So let's do the next one. My name's Sean. I'm from South Mississippi. Dick took it. I build roads Sean. I'm from South Mississippi. Dick took it. I build roads here. I've got several dogs.

Well, two dogs, but anyway. This is a Christian Bale character. I know Chris has several dogs and I know Matt, you've probably had dogs yourself. Yes, sir. What I'm wondering is, are there too many dogs in a household? Is there such a thing?

No. How do y'all feel about different dog breeds? Do you like mixed breeds or mutts, like we call them? Or do you like pure breeds? The necklace. Size, everything. Side of character. Just love to know what you guys think.

Chris, I can't wait to see you in February in New Orleans. Hell yeah. Got VIP tickets, so I'm excited to see you in person, man. Very cool. Take care. That's so cool. I will be in New Orleans. Get your tickets at chrisdalia.com.

So here's the deal. There's no such thing as too many dogs. Okay. The thing about living, though, if you live in a city, anything over two dogs, it's like you might as well have 10. One is great.

Two is great. Three and up, dude, it doesn't matter if it's fucking three or 25. It's a pain in the motherfucking ass. One is great. Two is great. One is a great dog. One is a great dog. Two is a great dogs.

Three, you have animals. Right. But where he lives might be different. He might not be in a city. I know, but I'm just saying not in a city and you have land where they can run around, dude,

you might as well have fucking as many as you want. As far as breeds go. I mean, I'm not really that specific, but I think mutts will live longer, and generally they're healthier. So I always lean towards mixes of dogs because they're less likely to get degenerative diseases. They're less likely to have shit passed down from their bloodlines.

Like purebred golden retrievers always die before time. That's why in the tutors they try to only be okay with their family they get the fucked up knees they get the fucked up backs they get cancer a lot they get all this kind of crazy hip dysplasia shit but that's for true of all kinds of purebreds they're harder to have because they die earlier and more painfully usually because they don't got that fucking mixed up shit that sort of makes you healthier and better at defending yourself from certain uh ailments yeah mutts baby mutts baby mutts baby mutts baby not me dude not mutts i'm a purebred kind of dude all right well arian nation kind of a dog guy right what arian nation dog guy well like arian nation you know what that

is right yeah but you can't be that way because they're all different kinds That would only be true if you only had one kind of breed of dog. I think that the pure breed bred dogs, there should only be one. But that's different. That could be any kind of breed. It's pure bred of any kind of breed. There should be one, and it should be the golden retriever. Oh, well, you don't have a golden retriever. I don't know, but I wish I did.

And if I did, that would be great. But I think that there should be one race of dog. And it should be the golden retriever and that would be so shitty and you call it the area nation and every time you lose your dog it makes sense and if you lose your dog it's fine because you just find another one and it looks just like yours the world you're describing is one in which i would not even want to be alive that's how much i like dogs what you heard what i said i wouldn't want to live in that world okay I want to live in the world where I own all the dogs

I want to live in the world where I own thousands of dogs I have a big piece of property and I have like the amount of dogs that you see those like aerial videos of sheep being being herded you know

like that's the amount of dogs I want all different breeds baby every breed every breed under the sun okay well we disagree dude I think there should be one pure race of dogs okay well yeah that sucks and you're a fucking idiot also you have four dogs that are all different breeds so they're all mutts except for one oh i know no one's a mutt two of them are yeah cooper's not a mutt no okay oh yeah no cooper is cooper. No, Cooper is. Cooper is. Yes.

And Chenzo is. Chenzo definitely is. Sam and Butters. Chenzo's got 30,000 different strains of breed in him. Dude, Chenzo ran away the other day. Again? He didn't mean to. He didn't mean to. The door was left open and the gate was open as well.

Didn't mean to. And it was raining. And I was like, where's Chenzo? And I walk outside and I look down the street and he's just running down the mountain, running down to me. And people are out of their cars like trying to get him and just like this and then and then i was like come in and he just goes and he just goes by me and goes in and goes in the door wow it was so funny he used to run away and go everywhere and we would never find him god and this dude now just took a trip and then came back. That dog's really something, huh? He really is something, dude.

He's really starting to love me finally. Really? Yeah, finally. Why? Because I fucking try to be so gentle with him and stuff. Dude, dogs don't like you. Dogs love me. Dogs never liked you.

Cooper is my home. Cooper loves you, yeah. Cooper loves me. That's because Cooper would like anybody with a piece of food in his hand. No, Cooper loves me, dude. Okay, but my point is every dog loves me. Well's your because you're like user-friendly i'm really specific and my shit is like my shit pops when you like me you love me right good good fucking excuse uh you're basically mcdonald's and my shit is like fucking a really nice steakhouse nobody likes mcdonald's dude no i'm saying the general public it does really well but my shit pops like

my specifically my shit specifically pops okay like when you know me you love me when you know me you either hate me or love me when you know no no no him is to love love love him thank you hollywood is awful no okay all right so next one baby baby and baby. Pim, pim, pim, pim. Booyah, booyah. And booyah. So annoying. Radio host. Hi, Chris and Matt. Hi, Barrel Street. I'm from Colorado here.

I need some advice on my career. Cool. So I'm a preschool teacher. Cool. I love it. It's amazing. Life rips every day. I've got 18 two-and-a-half-year half year olds so it's very challenging but it's perfect

amount of challenging for me i got my degree in human development so oh cool basically just geek out all the time that's cool um that's not a cool job i don't get paid enough money yeah that's pretty typical of preschool teachers and teachers in general i knew what i was getting into when i started this but i I'm 24. I've got time. I've done retail jobs. I've done barista. I've done waitressing. Like I've done it all. And it's just not as fulfilling as this job. This job is perfect. It's so fulfilling. It doesn't feel like I'm going to work, but I'm really starting to feel the pressure financially. I'm really starting to feel the pressure financially and it's very stressful I wish I didn't have to worry about it and I think that I should get paid more but that's just not how the

system works right now so any advice would help thank you for listening thank you for the podcast and life rips I just want to have one thing to say before you go okay it is a fucking travesty is a fucking shame we have. It's a fucking shame. We have somebody who studied human development and is fucking, loves being a preschool teacher and would dedicate her entire life to it if only she didn't get paid like fucking dog shit, dude.

This is fucking horse shit. Nobody disagrees with that, man. Well, then why the fuck is it the way it is? Because it's too hard out there, dude. It's hard out here for a pimp. Okay. Anyway, go ahead.'s hot out here for a pound okay anyway go ahead or whatever that's not it um look it's we also live in a time where you can make money actually kind of doing nothing okay how would you suggest you do that look there's a ton of ways to do it. I don't want to get into the weeds of how you can do it.

But dude, you can start something online and passively make income. It is very tough to live the way you're living because of the paycheck you're getting. But you can go home. I don't know what you have at home, but you can go home and you can learn ways to make money just by sitting at home.

And you could start some sort of a brand, some sort of a viral thing. You can do this. It takes time. It's very hard, but you can do it and you can get more income that way. You can open up a shopify account try and sell things you could get them situated on the amazon lists and all that stuff and there's ways to make more money i got an idea okay so and then there's also only fans which i don't suggest you do but like that's one way you love your job it's just it's paying you but it's not paying you enough

find something that you're really good at tip jar at the preschool oops so find something that you're really good at and it like set up some kind of shop online or a way to sell it online uh i don't know what that would be it could be fucking anything it could be flower arrangements it could be fucking knitting it could be a graphic design i don't fucking know but find the thing that now you already have your passion now find the thing that you're good at and just try to make like a little bit of extra money at it and you will fucking the being the thing that you're really good at and the thing that you love doing will be this sort of like you'll have this sort of

give and take life where yes you do the thing you love but it doesn't pay you enough then you fucking do the thing that you're really good at and make a little bit of extra money. That is the ideal, I think, for someone like you. I mean, the ideal is actually get your ass fucking paid because you deserve it. But that's not going to fucking happen. So that's the advice. Always, when you're like, I don't know what to do, whether it's trying to find your passion or trying to find a way to make money, when you're like, I don't know what to do, whether it's trying to find your passion or trying to find a way to make money,

figure out the thing that you're really, really good at that you could be in a group of people and be the best at something. And then figure out the way that that skill can lead you to make money. The thing that you're the best at is going to be the thing that you make the most money at, almost always.

Yeah, yeah, I guess so. But I don't mean like doing cartwheels, The thing that you're the best at is going to be the thing that you make the most money at. Almost always. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. But I don't mean like doing cartwheels. Something you could possibly monetize, right? Cartwheel festival. Right. Put on a bi-monthly cartwheel festival. I don't know what to do.

So what you suggest, like what are things? Like obviously singing or like something like that. Making hats, dude. Yeah, making hats. Singing and making hats. Make fucking the best hats, dude. And even if you sell just like a few a month,

that's money in the bank, dude. That's an additional income. That is true. Make hats, dude. Stop what you're doing and make hats. Worst life coach. Dude, did you go to Matt D'Elia? Yeah. What did he tell you? To make hats? Make hats? Yeah you go did you go to matalia yeah what did he tell you to make hats make hat yeah that's what he told me how many hat companies can there be he said stop

what you're doing to make when you're the best at it there can be an innumerable amount of hat companies but you're only the best if you're the one but then a new one comes and it's like oh you're the best and it's like oh i want that kind of hat not that kind of nobody's hungrier than the wolf on the bottom okay well you know that doesn't apply to what it is true, you're the best. And then it's like, oh, I want that kind of hat, not that kind of hat. Nobody's hungrier than the wolf on the bottom. Okay, well. You know what I'm saying? That doesn't apply to what I'm talking about. It is true. If you're making hats and you're the top dog, that's great. You're at the top.

One more. One more what? Video. Okay. But I'm saying if you're at the top, okay, and you're the wolf at the top, that's great. You're at the top. But guess who's hungrier? The wolf at the bottom.

Okay, bye. That's so rude. Hi, Matt and Chris. This is Anthony I am 24 doing a monologue acting I want to thank you guys

for this podcast and I've been a fan of Chris's since TMP days and I'd just like to say that

I feel like he's going to confess something make an amelioration you two genuinely bring great things into people's lives. I hope you're aware of it. I hope you are happy and are proud because I would be.

Thank you. I had a question about prioritization. I am in a situation right now where I have two companies and a girlfriend who I plan to propose to. Oh, bragging. Oh, wow. And I just don't have any time ever.

I barely have weekends to spend with her. Sucks. Mostly working. been with her sucks mostly working and i wanted to know if you have any uh any tips on dealing with the stress or dealing with optimizing around time thank you all right here's the thing if you got a fucking woman that you love and you're so busy polite and you're so busy that you really have like very little time to ever see her you gotta make time dude you gotta make time because she'll fucking leave you if that lasts too long and then you'll be like why did i fucking you gotta you gotta not let that become an issue right you gotta make time

for her you gotta sacrifice some things even if it's just one small thing a week that you sacrifice you gotta make those sacrifices dude because just like a fucking plant dude you gotta sacrifice some things. Even if it's just one small thing a week that you sacrifice, you gotta make those sacrifices, dude. Because just like a fucking plant, dude, you gotta have some water. You get pissed on. You gotta get the sun and the love. You gotta fucking give the plant the sun and the love. You can't let it wither away and not feed it.

You gotta fucking, you gotta keep it moist. You gotta keep it nice, soft, and moist, and sunny, and light. Are you talking about plants still? No, I don't remember. What? Yeah, you gotta. You got two companies. That's cool. Balling out? No, I don't remember. What? Yeah, you got to.

You got two companies. That's cool. Balling out of control, but also not balling out of control. You got to be balling out of control with your companies. I get it. But if you don't make time for your girl,

your girl's going to be balling out of control. And I don't mean balling money. I mean balling crying, right? Ball. So she's going to be balling out of control because you're balling out of control. So you got to get your balls kind of controlled. Wow.

You can't be really out of control. You got to be more balling in control. Okay. So your girl's girl's not balling at all right so we got to get balling in control to make sure your girl is not balling at all and that is the platform i'm running on vote for me so the easier way to say that is just you gotta make it the easiest you gotta make time for your girl yeah you will regret it if you don't but sounds like you really really love this woman obviously you're gonna propose to her you gotta fucking make sure it's you gotta't. It sounds like you really, really love this woman. Obviously, you're going to propose to her. You got to fucking make sure it's... You got to dedicate time, dude. Just like anything else.

So Matt said, obviously, make time for her. If I'm going to say it the easier way, the more memorable way, you're balling out of control. But pretty soon, your girlfriend's going to be balling out of control. And I don't mean balling with money. I mean balling crying, right? So you got to be balling more in control. This way, your woman is not balling at all and that's the way to say so you're just literally saying the same exact thing that you just said yeah because okay because you said it the way

where it's like make more time for your girl but me i'm saying it the important way which is you're balling control and you shouldn't be you know and you're gonna you gotta make sure you're balling in control your girl's gonna be balling out of control and i don't be, you know, and you gotta make sure you're balling in control, your girl's gonna be balling out of control, and I don't mean balling with money, I mean balling crying, so it gotta be more

balling in control, so she won't be balling at all. Stop. Do you know what I mean? Just fucking completely stop. All right,

that wraps up the episode, thank you all so much, if you want one-on-one advice sessions with me, Matt D'Elia, I do them from 1.30 to 5.30 Pacific time the episode thank you all so much if you want one-on-one uh advice sessions with me matt delia uh i do them from 1 30 to 5 30 pacific time on tuesdays and thursdays book at matt delia.com and if you have a question click the link in the description below or just go to watch lifeline.com and if you want that merch baby merch lifelinemerch.com. That's right. And also, I'll be in Austin and New York and also Chicago and also Tulsa

and a bunch of different places like Midland, Texas. So go to chrislead.com and get your tickets. Whee! Oh.