Lifeline - 34. I’m a Hot Dog

Episode Date: November 27, 2022

🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 👉 Thank you ORIGINAL GRAIN: Go to originalgrain.com/lifeline and use code LIFELINE for 30% off your order  👉 This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/lifeline 👉 Head to DietSmoke.com and use code "LIFELINE" for 20% off your ENTIRE order Today we discuss massive career changes, informing someone of their bad breath, work stress, how to deal with the unfortunate situation when your dog gets bit by a neighbor's dog, trauma dumping, and how to deal with a late knock on the door. 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 min or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. let's put it on program because i know what that means and then we'll put on program because i know what that means and then we'll get it to the thing okay great let's do it here we go we're going we're doing it live do it no swearing no swearing for the first few minutes point at me but no swearing for the first few minutes. Don't point at me. But no swearing for the first few minutes because you know why. I do know why, but don't point at me. That's like my thing. Don't push me.

I'm wearing the merch. You can get it at chrysalia.com. Anyway, it's just like, not just sagging. That's. Never will I ease up. So stop. Okay, man. You know, that's dub C.

And it's so horrible. You don't need to tell me it's dub C. And. You don't need to tell me it's Dub C. And you definitely don't need to tell them it's Dub C because I do such a sick impression that they know exactly what it is. Pimping, pimping. Bada, bada, bada. Booyah, booyah. Okay.

Booyah. Honestly, listeners probably don't even know who Dub C is. It's true. I mean, a lot of people. You are the one. You are the one. Dung, dung. When he does this.

Baby. You are the one. You are the one. You are the one. D he does this. Baby. You are the one. You are the one. You are the one. That was sick. Well, maybe they know he was one of the guys in West Side Connection. It was Ice Cube, Dub C, and Mac-10. Mac-10, dude.

Mac-10. Just a gun, you know? Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Machine gun. Just an actual gun, you know? Glock. So dumb to have that name. Gun, a guy. Yeah, gun. Gun would be a Machine gun. Just an actual gun, you know? Glock. So dumb to have that name.

Gun, okay. Yeah, gun. Gun would be a sick name. Gun would be good. Yeah, so anyway. I'm changing my name to Gun. Okay. I'm Gundalia.

Gundalia? Yeah. Sounds like gondolier. One of those Italian boats? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so, well, look, man. You know, it's great.

Time's great, and it's all good. Life's unraveling, dude. I will be in Lakeland, Florida. I will be in... I'll be in Lakeland, Florida, Jacksonville, Florida. I will be in Seattle, Portland, Oregon. I will be in New York. I will be in San Diego, or as mom would say, San Diego.

I will be in San Antonio. I will be in uh san diego or as mom would say san diego i will be in san antonio i will be in sugarland texas new orleans providence rhode island i already said that one chicago kansas city springfield tulsa austin there's so many just go to chrisley.com get your tickets i'm on tour my babies i am on tour my babies they make great christmas gifts i'm on tour my babies it's christmas go pick up your look go pick your well so drunk It's Christmas. Go pick up your stuff if you got Lifeline fans. Lifelinemerch.com. Got it right? You got it right, dude. You got it right.

Congrats. Congrats on not being a dumbo for once in your life. Good knock swearing. If you got a question, click the link in the description below or go to watchlifeline.com. Or if you want one-on-one advice sessions with Matt, then just go to mattdalia.com. mattdalia.com or if you want one-on-one advice sessions with matt then just go to mattdalia.com mattdalia.com tuesdays and thursdays 1 35 30 pacific time and let me ask you a question chris okay you haven't ever told me this okay but i guarantee i know it's true doesn't it piss you off when i specify what times i'm available on tuesdays and thursdays it doesn't piss me off

but why do you do that? Oh, I'll tell you why. I don't understand why you would do that. First off is why it pisses you off. It doesn't really piss me off. A little bit though? No, it doesn't piss me off. Not even a little bit. But why though?

Because people, it's really just to get to the Pacific time part. People don't look at the time zone and think it's their time zone. Understood, yeah. Which is a very self-centered thing to think. And so we've got a lot to talk about. Especially since they probably know you're on the – If you think about it, you're on the Pacific. Absolutely.

Everybody knows where I'm at. Oops, my effing children. Sorry, I already blew it. All my children know. Yeah, well, you know, you're Pacific. So we're Pacific, baby. Pacific time when you book. It's Pacific time.

Do we even have a purple phone case? So, I mean, blending into your shirt, might as well put it in the center there so we can see it on the screen. I mean, QVC. QVC. We have got a beautiful purple case. Let me just show this.

Matt will show it to you. Here, look. It's absolutely gorgeous, isn't it? Hold it a little bit so it more reflects. Look at the way it, there we go. Oh, now I get why they do that. The way it moves around, look at that. Now, you've got grease stains in the middle.

That's from his thumb, okay? No, it's from my fingies. That's from your fingies right there. It's absolutely beautiful. Look at that, the way you type it. You can type on that that way. You can type on it the other way and you'll be texting. It's just so not true, you know? But it is absolutely beautiful look at that the way you type it you can type on that that way you can type on the other way you'd be so not true you know but it is absolutely gorgeous it is coming right now if you buy one purple case you will get a purple velour shirt you will get

this as supplies last we only have how many do we have phil he's saying we only have 100 left we're gonna dock it down we want them to fly but they're. We're going to dock it down. We want them to fly. But honestly, they're going a little too quick. So we're going to dock them down. We're going to make them. Now, you can get these. You can get another version of this. You can get another version of this for probably $110.

This is a better version. And we are not going to give it to you for a hundred dollars in screaming dude just absolutely outright screaming here's here's the thing if you want this for a hundred dollars you go to them right phil you can go to we can't say the competitors names but you go we are not going to give it to you for a hundred dollars we are not going to give it to you for $90. We are not going to give it to you for $80. We are not going to give it to you today right now for $70. We are not going to give it to you for $60. We could give it to you for $50, but I'm feeling generous. We are not going to give it to you for $60. We could give it to you for $50, but I'm feeling generous.

We are not going to give it to you for $50. We are not going to give it to you for $40 or $30 today. Only today while supplies last. And I don't know, Phil's telling me not to do it. We are going to give it to you for four payments of 12 cents. And they're gone.

They're gone just like that. It took so long to get to the end. With your purple velour shirt. Also, he's you. I've been doing you. Yeah. How can you say who when i say you pointing at you yeah i think you're talking about me he i'm like he who he is me laughing you wow wow fucking wow he who he who you okay uh so you've been doing that yeah for

can't even tell you how long 23 years can't even tell you how long probably 23 years something like that more maybe 25 years? I would just pick up stuff around the house. Look at these glasses. Okay, and we've got, we have these, and we're going to give them away. We can't give them, we're going to practically give them away. Dude, yeah.

You can get this green wall right now. 40 easy payments of two cents. Wow. Just not even worth it you know that's 80 cents so yeah postage would cost way more yeah postage goes way more honestly there's a uh so you can check on postage so what else yeah so that's qvc we're having a good time though right yeah uh i ate a reese's fast break candy bar what's that and i'll tell you why it pisses me off yeah i'm i'm already pissed frankly oh yeah what's this that's a reese's sure is isn't it yeah oh no oh no reese's fast break the green in it it's blue it's fine but it's just like

so artificial do do do what you do already yeah what's with the fast break thing people always companies always think new is best it is not you might get a little bump at the very beginning but if a thing sucks a thing sucks plus people want what they traditionally especially when it comes to chocolate yeah they like what they like already dude like if they're gonna buy a reese's they're not gonna buy the new reese's flavor they're gonna buy a reese's peanut butter cup baby baby booyah booyah and booyah matt you know yo what we have to do is honestly with the Reese's? Yeah. I mean, Reese's is so good, right?

Reese's are good, yes. I don't like when they get cute with it, though. They had one with a green center, like the peanut butter was green, and I was pissed. Was it St. Patrick's Day? No, it was like a Halloween thing. It had goo like it had like you know yeah people in it like slimer or something people always feel like they want to like change with the times and stuff and do it like that because if you're not growing you're dying i get it but reese's you've been

around bro you're hershey's too like what are you doing if you want to have a new thing new flavor start a brand new thing with a brand new name maker from the makers of hershey yeah green chocolate bars yes thank you and these are called greens oh wow worse well you would get fired from that room not not necessarily how about we call them greens i actually think that would be dope and i'll tell you why you know greens i'm gonna leave you with this i don't want you to answer greens he leaves text me later guys um don't answer that don't answer that they're like no no we don't like it no don't answer now he's like not even a higher up you know yeah yeah yeah here's the janitor greens hey taking

them off dude i think that uh that would be good because you could be like these are the real greens instead of greens that you think you need oh these are the greens kids love oh you're welcome hershey's oh cut me a check man i mean got jamaican's. Oh, cut me a check, man. I mean, got to make it at the very end. Cut me a check, man. Yeah. Boy, you got cut me a check, man. So loud. Why so loud, dude?

You know, it's like, you know, I got to be loud and it's like. Loud. I know, but it's like. That's terrible. What? You're doing terrible stuff. What are you doing? Just texting people?

No. Oh. terrible stuff what are you doing just texting people no oh and we call them greens well janitor with so much setup for that you know so much dude and we call them dude how about this and we call them do it how about this and we call them greens on a carousel dude unless you did that for real why don't people have fun at work dude I swear to god

no because they get fired if you did that I know but it's bull yes that's the radio edit wow wow dude it's such horse

yes wow wow having a stroke having a stroke sneezing dude it's such off-campus because i want to be there and be having fun but all my plugins won't let me have fun stroking dude dude you know i'm saying i frankly i do frankly i frankly do jimly i do just a name wow so brettly brett dude how the name brett what's worse brett or brent our friend is obviously one of my best friends unfortunately brent moran i'm sorry but it's brent dude throwing that extra n in there is

just absolutely why are you doing it why are you it? What is the worst name for a guy? He just wants to get along in the world in like a normie way. Wally. Wally? Wally's cute though. Wally's cute. Yeah, Wally you could spin cute. Also it's Walter.

That's not that bad. Sure, sure. Walter's kind of cool actually. Yeah, like... Wally, I like the name Wally. So what are you talking about then? Keith is horrible. No, you know what it is?

What? Bruce. Okay. Wow, dude. On a carousel. On an a carousel. On an absolute carousel. Oh, my God. Bruce.

Bruce is bad, but Bruce is Bruce Willis, though. Yeah, he's the only one. He's the only one that stands out. And don't come at me with Bruce Wayne. No, no, no, no, no. He's not a real person. You know? Oh, my God.

The caveman. All right. Shall we? Yeah, we's shall we yeah we shall we should start let's do it fell asleep and woke up yeah yeah wow the first twofer hi chris i'm matt i'm chris and we're cousins from toronto ontario cool we have a bit of a pressing issue here we've been debating about for what is it 20 years the field. 20 years ever since we've been born. And we're just wanting to get your input on this. Whose name is better and why? I know mine. Wow, that was good.

Kept it short. Wow, those guys. Look at the field they have, by the way. That was beautiful. I know the best name. I know the better name. Go ahead. Okay, I do too.

It's Matthew. It's Matt. It's Matt. I'll tell you why it's not. I can tell you why. Do you know why I know it's not? Do you know why I think it's not? So wait, you think it's Chris? Yeah, I do. Why? I love the name Matt do you know why I know it's not do you know why I think it's not so wait you think it's Chris

yeah I do why I love the name Matt why for one simple reason Chris is better okay why because Matt is a thing

and it's a noun and Chris is not no no no Matt is a thing it's like naming your kid table here's why they're both like very Catholic names

I like the name Matthew a lot but here's the thing Matt no Christopher it's like you actually have Christ's name in your name and that's why. Christopher, it's like you actually have Christ's name in your name. And that's why.

And that sucks. It's like being named Jesus. I'm named Matthew, which is also biblical, but I'm not like the central figure in a religious, you could call it massive cult if you wanted to. Organized religion, though, is really what we call it. Yeah, but it's not like my name is Christopher. But it is, though. It's Christopher. It's Christopher if you look to organize religion though is really what yeah but it's not like my name is christopher it but it is though it's christopher it's christopher if you look at it on paper so you have a name that looks like jesus christ's name and that's not good and

wow you're getting so upset i can't oh he's acting folks he's acting i was misinformed he's acting he's crying and it's a good performance even though he's just not moving his face in any way at all just doing nothing wow all good that was good for the listeners who doesn't watch it what was the end you licked your hand yeah because it it fell it welled up that's me welling it up it forms up too much gravity gravity takes it down pulls up here gravity again takes it down my hand comes in to rescue it oh wow water put it back into my system that's disgusting the last one's just utterly unbelievable disgusting i love how this takes 20 seconds before it can go you know uh but matthew's better because it doesn't have christ in it and it's not

and it's because matt is a thing that you wipe your feet on so it's all good it's like naming your kid you know it's funny that we both like our own names better. Yeah. I think it would normally be the case where brothers like one another's names better. I don't like the fact that you said that it has Christ in it and that's the thing and that makes it bad. It's not what makes it bad. Why did it make you mad? I saw your face.

Have you thought that before? Yeah. That's why I said it. Or maybe you just thought of it right now. No, dude. I thought about it before. So it pisses me off that you've been holding on to that. Or maybe you just thought of it right now. No, dude, I've thought about it before. So it pisses me off that you've been holding on to that and you've never shared it. Oh, you've been holding on to yours.

So don't be a hypocrite. I've told you a thing about the map before. I did, driving me. I did. Nope. I did. You know I don't like names that are also nouns, like Chuck, Rob, Matt. Penis condom.

I mean, so redundant. Penis condom. Penis condom. You know, there's a lot of... Phil. Phil. Phil her up. Yeah, exactly.

What else is like that? You gave enough examples. You gave like seven examples. We don't need more. There's more. I know there is. Chuck matt phil bob rob um yeah there's a tomcat it's not a name all right foxy fox it's also an animal. That's not a person. Anyway. All right. Let's do another one. Hey, Matt and Chris. Hello. This is Sophia. Greetings from Florida. I love your new show.

And it comes at a perfect time because I have a question. I need some advice. I have a question. I need some advice. I've been a teacher for the past 12 years working in education and studying education. And at 32 years old, I'm considering a career change, something totally different. Going to acupuncture school and getting my acupuncture license and starting a practice in Eastern medicine. So I'm feeling a little bit of guilt around it because I know that I'm a good teacher and I feel like maybe I'm letting the kids down or that I'm wasting the money that I've put into going to school

to get my master's and all the time spent just studying education. So yeah, let me know what you guys think. I would love to hear your advice. Thank you so much. Love you guys. Bye. Go into, thank you very much. Go into, do what you guys think i would love to hear your advice thank you so much love you guys bye go into thank you very much go into do what you're gonna do the kids are gonna sniff it out if you don't love what you do and you want to do something else the kids are gonna sniff it out you're gonna ruin their lives here's the thing you do love teaching but you really are

being called by acupuncture you gotta go with the acupuncture got to go where the heart's calling you. You got to go. You got to leave the kids. They'll find, who cares? They don't even remember you. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. When they're adults, they don't even remember you.

Do you remember your teacher? Very few of them. Yeah, me too. Very few of them. Well, also, how young? How young? I remember Miss Harlem. Who was that?

First grade. I didn't have her but she was black right no no she was white oh yeah who'd you have for first grade first grade so racist you thought Harlem was black Miss Gilbert

no so you remember her and I had Miss Caldwell was second grade yeah Miss Caldwell was black Miss Caldwell was black oh yeah

okay oh Miss Natko was white did you get mad at Miss Natko don't even know who that is. Right. Then it was Binaxis. Oh, Caldwell. Then I moved to California.

It was Finn. Then it was Kerry. Then it was Chayovich. In seventh grade, it was... It was tall, tall, tall, tall, tall. Well, they all had the same... All my teachers were named tall in seventh grade. I had Ms. Harlem, Ms. Beattie, Ms. Binaxis,

Mrs.... I think I had Mrs. Beattie Mrs. Binoxis Mrs. I think I had Mrs. Beattie again and then Mrs. that was when I I came through strong with Mrs. Pizzito that was fifth grade

what about did you call her yeah but you remember Mrs. Antoine did you call Mrs. Beattie Mrs. Beattie me off no that's

would get me do you call her that now no I never you Beatty me off? No, that would get me. Do you call her that now? No, I never even thought of that. Nope. It's not good to do. We're going to get restricted for that, but that's cool. No, no, no.

We're going to get restricted. Okay, relax. So I think that, you remember Ms. Antoine? Ms. Antoine was kindergarten now. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. So long ago. The kids are going to remember you, and that's fine. Oh, I see what you're saying, yeah. But you got to do what you want to do. The heart wants what though. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. So long ago. The kids are going to remember you and that's fine. Oh, I see what you're saying.

Yeah. But you got to do what you want to do. The heart wants what the heart wants, right? That's what Matt used to say all the time. And you yelled at me for it. Yeah, I know. But I only said it once. You said it a bunch of times.

And I feel like you want to do your acupuncture. At least try to do your acupuncture. Do it. At least do a little bit of it. Maybe you don't like it. You can always come back to teaching. You come back to teaching or just do it on the side. Do a little hustle, right?

You do a little acupuncture. Just start walking down the street just start poking people you know see what happens be like poke and be like what are you doing be like well does your leg feel good okay like that and they're like why'd you put my neck why'd you put my neck he's like i'm an acupunct i'm in training to be an acupuncturist how's your leg feeling it's fine i'm like then there you go i helped you it wasn't hurting in the first place but yeah uh yeah honestly acupuncture too also has helped me a lot. Really? People think of it as sort of a pseudoscience quack thing. Yeah, it's a quack thing.

Whatever you make of it, you know, but I swear that I fall into these really deep, like trance-like sleeps when I... I'm under the needles and it feels super restorative and I feel better afterwards. And it's just like... No, Matt, you can't just do that so much on the podcast. I can.

People are going to be like, what is this weird shit? I'll tell them. It's like an extension of me when I used to say things and go afterwards to be cute. Okay, yeah. So nobody's feelings got hurt. Now, instead of doing that, I say.

Okay. I understand. All right. Cool. Well, you said the audience didn't know. Okay. So next one. So close.

Hey, Matt and Chris. I'm a big fan of everything you guys do. I was wondering what is the best way to tell your girlfriend that you don't want to backpack through Europe, even though that's something she really wants to do oh my god dude people who want to backpack through europe are so fucking annoying dude they're so annoying yeah i just you know what i want to do i just want to take a year off to go backpack through europe you know what i want to find they always want to i want to find myself dude you're right fucking there asshole and here's the deal it's so annoying because you're like you think you're doing something and finding yourself but really everyone's just

waiting around for you to get back you're ruining everyone else's life they're just like where the fuck is betty hurry up back you're getting all dirty outside wow what are you in a hostel well i'm making people worry your parents are worrying go to to college. It's not like, okay. I mean, if you don't want to go, just say that. Chicks always want to do stuff too. They're always just like, let's restore an old car. And then you're like, really? And then like a week later, you're like, what do you mean about that car thing?

And they're like, what do you mean? And you're like, you want to backpack to Europe with somebody who does that kind of shit? Well, maybe let's give this woman the benefit of the doubt. won't and i'll tell you why i won't because you're gonna get out there and be like oh my god it's actually so wet out here then they can go back and he'd be happy yeah but then he fucking wasted all the money just flying all the way over to europe dude and he's got a backpack full of shit he can't even wear his contacts gonna wear glasses because he's got a safe space in his backpack can't put contacts in there all right you know i think but

it's just like i think just straight up tell her be like that doesn't really sound that great to me and then here's why and then just be real with her like drop all the truths on her because she's obviously not thinking about the bad things she's just thinking about how romantic she's romantic she's romanticizing yeah sure the movie hostile you know what this is a look at this documentary right yeah dude everyone romanticizes everything especially chicks and they're just dudes do it too but women will be like i mean that's why they watch the lifetime of the hallmark movies they want that love it doesn't even exist i watch those two though i watch them too but it's just like

they they think like oh i love those lifetime movies because the couples always start out hating each other for no reason you know right yeah Right, yeah. They're just like, ugh. Oh, my God. Look at, here's Dan. Dan is such a, he's my enemy. He's terrible. He just got here. And Dan shows up and he's like, hi.

Yeah. And I'm like, why would you hate this guy? Yeah. I love the ones that are like thrillers, like the bad surrogate, like the mom's worst nightmare, you know? A father's revenge or whatever it is hell yeah always i like the love stories always good really like the happy ones yeah really yeah i do that's more homework they make me feel real nice yeah i like the hallmark ones i i do like that but no dude lifetime does like the christmas ones and shit yeah our friend directs

him dude they do brian herzinger all right he's got one lifetime ones uh maybe just hallmark i don't know i thought hallmark it's the same thing, really, honestly. I know Lifetime is more salacious, but I'm just saying. It's pretty much the same style of thing. Yeah, right. Budget-wise. And it's just like... Okay.

So, all right. Yeah, don't... Dude, always don't go backpacking through Europe. I don't even like when people bring backpacks anywhere. Unless you're traveling. They don't mean like through the mountains. They mean like going from city to city on the euro rail i know i know but the real way to do it is through hot with hostels and shit and like yes yeah yes that's just annoying i mean it's called a hospital i mean if you're 20 it's kind of like an adventure

i get it but like if you don't want to go just be straight up with her then it's as simple as that or she's going to be so annoying and she's like i'm going to go then by straight up with her and then as simple as that or she's gonna be so annoying and she's like i'm gonna go then by myself and then he's got to worry about her fucking safety you know just some chick backpacking around like you know yugoslavia and yugoslavians are just like but if that happens what's up girl and you're afraid of her being alone out there get a ticket as well yeah in case she really is dedicated to going then when it's time to go to the airport you're like are you ready to go and then she's like oh i thought i was gonna get a car you're driving me and you can just be like no i'm going with you baby

be the hero of all heroes what are you doing oh boy i'm going with you baby dude i think that uh that's you know that's annoying that she wants to go backpacking isn't that funny when somebody that you're with wants to do something you don't want to do it's like all of a sudden you got to deal with this shit now like you have a blister you're just like all right i guess i gotta wait this shit out yeah that's you know what i mean all right let me let me just wait till they stop bucking yeah Yeah. Geez. Yeah. Well, it's a cancer. Now I'm depressed. Next one. Next one.

Hey, Chris and Matt. Love you guys. Love the podcast. I'm going to get right into it. I am home alone for three days with my one-year-old son. My husband's out of town. Here's what just happened. It's pitch black outside and a stranger, a man

who I've never met or seen before comes up to my front door and rings the doorbell at the time I'm putting my son down for bed and so I answer on the intercom like hey how can I help you and he tells me he wants to talk about the gospel it's pitch black

like my camera needs to use the night vision to see him right very creepy he has two children with him which makes it a little less creepy both less and more why are you here like do you think that was legitimate um i also don't have a gun should i get one is kind of my question like should i have done something different um should i call the church and complain thoughts ideas well how would you have handled this as a woman home alone there's the problem with these religious people they don't live in the real fucking world yeah you don't knock on a door late at night where a woman's gonna answer and she's alone and you got kids with you you don't live in the real fucking world

like there's there's so many other ways to share the word nowadays yeah you get a twitter you fucking weird knock on a on us at the moment solo mom dude it's so adorable while she's putting her daughter to bed like what are you thinking i want to talk to you about the gospel. No. No, dude. I don't care how religious you are. You don't want that. No.

That's fucking psychotic. With kids? I've never even heard of that. Yeah, that's weird. They were just like this. Yes, we'd like to talk to you about the gospel. They wanted to go home, dude. He's like, I'd like to read a scripture for you.

I don't have light. She's like, and the kid's like a scripture for you i don't have light she's like and the kid's like i'll get it just shooting light light at the bible yeah beaming it and that was when jesus said unto you do unto the most unto with the river of john wow unto river unto river they're always doing on's and stuff. Okay. And Jesus said unto his gospel, unto you, thy, with unto rule, and unto always have faith in yours. Okay. The river Jordan. Oh, my God.

Then they'll just throw in the river Jordan or some shit. Okay. And he paddled for six years straight you know listen you're that's what it'll be like unconscionably loud yeah you know what i mean right it's like but the bible will just be like and he fasted for six weeks yeah and you're like he would be dead but he didn't die because he was he did it for his brother and then his brother fucking brutally murdered him well that's not exactly the story, but okay. Might as well be, dude.

It's an allegory, what I'm doing. Okay. Okay. Are you done? Yeah. Okay. So, we want to go to the next one? I guess so.

I mean, I'm just saying it was, you know, we were having fun with the religion stuff. Did we give her any advice? Did we give her advice? Don't. Oh, the simplest advice is do not enter the door don't answer you did it you you got through it this is what you did you did the right thing but honestly if you're gonna get a gun get one of those fucking shoulder predator guns to where it's just like this and he goes you gotta go those are good and then if he says something go right all right those are good those would be good dude you just said

i think i'd like to talk to you about the gospel i'd like to talk to you about the gospel it's like this okay what's that? The light. Oh, right, right, right. And then just, and then when you lock the target, and then you just go,

Right, yeah. And then the kids, things go like this. Oh no, what happened? And they're looking at it and then they walk away. The face you make when you do that is so ugly.

Well. It's really wild. You gotta keep it real, man. It's real wild. How much is what I just did something that Robin Williams did on the set of Bicentennial? Oh my God.

Hey, hey. And then the predator comes and he's just and the kid's shooting light and I'm like, oh, I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog is the best dude wow do you know what's weird

I brought up Bicentennial Man yesterday he knows too much dude so on fire on fire dude Bicentennial man really all right sounds good my babies yeah that movie's so fucking bad oh yeah oh yeah the poster satisfied we gave her advice very happy drew from nashville tennessee uh i firstly i'm just so glad you guys have your own show together finally, because

when Matt would be on congratulations for the past couple of years and the brothers would be riffing, it was just the best. So you guys have just this, honestly, an unmatched conversational chemistry and it's awesome. So you guys have your own thing now. I wanted to ask you a question. I have a friend who's probably on the scale of zero being a complete stranger to 10 being just like would lay down my life for you. Probably like a 6 to 7 out of 10 friend. Pretty good. And I want to know, how do you tell this person a friendship of that value, that kind of like relational equity, that they have horrible, horrible breath and that it stinks to quite literally to stand near them when

you guys are having a conversation. Yeah. Again, I don't know how to handle it. Like it's got to be handled delicately and I just don't have the words or the approach. And I think spin moves would probably give it away. That would probably be out on this one. But what do you guys think? I'd be curious to know.

Honestly, I can't think of something worse than bad breath. What about stabbing, a lot of stabbing? Nah, I mean, you know, of that level, that's the worst one. Stabbing is obviously way worse because of how it's... So stabbing's worse? Yeah, but that's not at a whole different level. Oh, okay. I think, honestly, that is horrible.

I knew a guy who had bad breath for years, and I was like, do I say something, do I not? And then all of a sudden it went away. You know, that could be a number of things that isn't actual breath, like eating disorders. It happens to a lot of women. Yeah. And the halitosis, which is what it's called, crying bad breath, okay? Well, not everybody knows. I know to a lot of women. Yeah. And the halitosis,

which is what it's called, crying a bad breath. Okay. Well, not everybody knows. you don't have to say. Hey, hey,

do it. Been around. But yeah, you get, you just have like, if you're not, not anorexic, what's the other one?

Bulimic. I know, trust me. If you're bulimic, that happens. Like, I've been around women who are bulimic. I didn't know they were bulimic, that happens. I've been around women who are bulimic.

I didn't know they were bulimic until this happened. Oh, it is bad, dude. It is like rat poison bad. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, dude. You kiss them and you're like, I just took a sip of rat poison is all you can think of. No, I don't like that at all.

No, it's so bad. I don't even like hearing about that. It's so bad. It's like you're trying to kiss and not make a big deal out of it. You've already exhaled, which was too much. Like even exhaling, you could taste and smell it. Whoa, dude. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yes, I do. You can sense it. Well, you just actually have to hold your breath entirely. You can't even breathe out. Just pass out. Yeah. You're just like. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I would have passed out if i smelled that fucking breath too many times too i mean you can the only thing i think you can do is be like yo here you want gum i got gum but dude you know gum doesn't even penetrate that well it might if you're just standing next to to someone also sometimes i think that people's uh smells affect different people differently there he is what's that he's right oh yeah folks for the first time he's right about something biological no that's not the first time i'm right about something biological congrats dude that's not the first time i'm right about something biological is right twice a day good job dude good boy okay okay good boy here's the deal here's the deal uh what i and the reason why i believe that is because these people with bad breath that you smell bad breath all the time they you they have wives sometimes exactly what's going on there so what i also the the way i arrived at this was this one woman who i very briefly dated had this in particularly bad and i i was like so bad at tiptoeing around it trying to gain information

about what other men might have thought about her breath wow yeah how would you even do that really oh god i don't know remember but yeah you can't do without being obvious no so i was being obvious but she never picked up on it she was so oblivious to it what would you say what i realized is nobody's ever thought that about her really nobody's ever told her she had bad breath and i was like how many guys have you dated she's obviously many she's in her 20s but like i'm slower slower but yeah but just like what do you mean I like, it's like you're in a twilight zone. It's like, wait, no, I smell that. It makes me want to die. Instead of living, I'd rather be dying when I smell this fucking breath.

So how is the way you tiptoe around it? Can you even try to do that? Yeah, I guess. Let me think. I mean, you don't even have to think about what you did say. Oh, it would be like I would make up a story about how I was on on a first date and like oh my god i was so embarrassed my breath was so bad and uh oh right something like that you know did you think that do you think that ever happened to you did they ever say no i'd be like have you ever like you know not realized it but like had like

the worst fucking breath momentarily or whatever and she was just like no no i can't really oh really yeah i can't really think about you know you should have done when she did that and she was talking to you go like this no you just go like this oh really yeah you've never had that i know i did you i dated a girl that had really i had to i didn't even let it get far because i was like oh you can't i was gonna be like this every time. You can't. I was going to be like this every time. That was the weird thing though. It wasn't every time with this girl. So sometimes I'd be like,

oh, it's gone. It was some like thing. So hopeful. Yeah. And then have you had the opposite to where like the taste is amazing? You're like,

oh, this is amazing. Of someone's mouth? What are you, Powerade? Of someone's mouth? Yeah, dude,

it's just unreal. No, no. Are you, what are you, Fierce Fl, Powerade? Of someone's mouth? Yeah, dude. It's just unreal. No, no. Are you, what are you, fierce flavor Powerade? Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Disgusting. No, no, I'm saying, because they taste, because they, it's like their mouth is just this beautiful experience.

I know what you're saying, but the way you did it. Because you put your mouth. It's disgusting. No, I'm saying, oh, oh, hey, nice to meet you, Powerade. Because you're drinking her in. Oh, I get it. I fully understand it. I just happen to be utterly disgusted.

One time a woman tasted so good that I was doing that and kissing her and dated her for a while that she was like, how come you like, cause I was just like, like really into it. And she was just like, why, you know,

why is it so much? And I was like, I just love the way you taste. And that person was Kristen. I want to throw up. And I'm married to her now. So I want to throw up. And hearing that it was Kristen actually made me want to throw up a little less. I'm just kidding. I make up the whole thing. A little, actually made me want to throw up a little less.

I'm just kidding. I make up the whole thing, dude. A little less. Maybe you want to throw up a little less. Or am I? Okay. Anyway. Bad situation, dude.

I don't even know what to tell you. Yeah, dude. Just got to bring it up, though. You got to bring it up. You ever smell somebody's breath and you just like almost, you feel yourself going like, oh. Yeah, totally.

Right? And then you step outside your body. Sometimes it's that bad. Like it's Alan McBeal shooting arrows. there are these studies that like when you put somebody in a room okay they the control is you put people in a room with no neutral smelling room and you give people something to argue about like you get a democrat and a republican in a room and like test like their how much you make them talk about politics right and then you do the same exact thing but the room has this intensely bad smell of garbage or whatever and the people in

the room that smells like garbage are like 800 more likely to get into a physical altercation than the people that are in the neutral smelling room dude it what it does to our brains is hectic way beyond what we even realize we are so much more irritable it even shows up in brain scans like brain activity it's like you're like you're just set off alarm bells when something smells who set these fucking these tests up you know i don't know what let's do the garbage one come on in and smell bad what a badass get a fucking guy who's a republican and a democrat in here and ask him about abortion but get all those fucking disgusting trash wheel it in yeah go yeah yeah I don't know it's you kind of reverse engineer the controls of the experiments there yeah it's like okay you don't know shit all right well

let's go to the next one you literally don't know shit no okay. Okay? All right. Guys, how you doing? So far, you're in heaven. We've seen him. I have a question for you guys. I want to paint and decorate him. Stop this. First of all, what has he said

the whole time, first of all? Second of all, he's in heaven. He's in heaven, yeah. He's literally driving to heaven right now. Yeah. So what do you do

if you're killed in heaven and you're going to heaven and you're taking the 101 to heaven? All right, so go ahead. Guys, how you doing? My name is Christian DeBoss from the UK. I have a question for you guys. I want to paint and then decorate and boom. And my job is basically running around all day going to the site to make a joke.

And he's doing what they should be doing and they have all the materials and they need to do their job. But sometimes it just feels so fucking stressful. My phone is constantly ringing and people are always calling me and causing me problems. Well, not causing me problems, but I have to fix that problem. So I just feel under pressure all the time. I never feel like I get any breathing room. And I know you have a child, Chris. I have two.

But I never have an extra level of pressure. And my wife would say to me, well, you need to take time off. So I take time off. But then when I take time off, because I took time off, when I come back, I have more work to do. So I never really feel like I actually have any time off. And when i take time off because i took time off when i come back i have more work to do so i never really feel like i actually had any time off at all and i just kept working this is buster i guess my question to you guys is how do you guys deal with the stress pressures of your life um and is there any advice that you could give me that maybe it would help me in my situation um and i'm not going to do a sign off

what what dude did you hear it no he did it for funniness like he did it for fun he just said so here's my question hit you with what you're saying so when you lay in law it's silly with my nine million with the video that's buster rhymes dude chris what what was the gist of it he has depression he has a lot on his plate work-wise and he's got two kids heard that part and he wants to know what you do to uh deal with the pressure of work and life all at once uh honestly and this is such a stupid answer i know but because it works i'm just gonna say it 10 minutes daily jerk session. No, daily meditation. Just 10 minutes. Just fucking make yourself do it.

Find everybody has time for 10 minutes a day. It's nothing. Do it in your car. Do it on the subway. If you're in a city, do it in the bus. Do it in the car. Do it right after you wake up. Do it right before you go to bed.

It doesn't matter. Just do it. Commit to it. And I know it sounds ridiculous in the first few times. You'll be like, this isn't matter. Just do it. Commit to it. And I know it sounds ridiculous in the first few times you'll be like, this isn't working. Just do it for a couple weeks.

Okay? First time I did it was actually crazy. You felt good? Yeah, I did. That's what I'm saying. First time. That's what I'm saying.

But you're saying you need to do it a couple weeks but I didn't. Sometimes you don't need to. Yeah. Sometimes it works right away. And as it did for you. Yeah, it felt really good.

I did it. You stopped. I stopped. I only did it one time. Why? It didn't make me cum. So stupid, dude. Wow.

I want to break your neck. I'm kidding, dude. I know, but I still want to break your neck. Well, that's rude. Slit your throat. Okay. And just watch and giggle while your blood pours out of your neck and I'm smiling. That's the fucking meme of the dude yeah yeah yeah um i can't believe that guy was saying

dude that guy was mr bean okay great cool thanks for the question if that was a question but yeah the advice uh is get some uh it's a the the fact that that was his question and he had paint all over him too just made it like so real oh he's a painter i forgot he said that yeah he did say that okay yeah god bless the dude i feel like uh i don't know man meditation is a good thing i would say try meditation i tried it once and it worked nice anything that you can do to center yourself because what's happening is your brain is swirling and i've said this before on the show i think but like anxiety is actually something that is good for us it's what motivates us it's what makes us do things makes us competitive makes us excel at things but in certain brains anxiety runs amok

and it's beyond the point that it's useful it's past the tipping point so you're suddenly just like fucking overly anxious when you have no reason to be it there's no help to you so just be aware of that and once it's passing that level just be like no anxiety anxiety listen to me no stop roll over a woman's defense class no do you stop do you end it zebras don't get ulcers is that code zebras don't get ulcers. Is that code? Zebras don't get ulcers. Zebras don't get ulcers because they don't have anxiety.

Yeah, dude. But it's not just zebras and I want to specify that. Animals. I'm saying us as humans, there's too much going on. We have too much stress. We get ulcers.

Zebras don't get ulcers. It's what separated us evolutionarily back in the day. From zebras. It made us smarter to be able to us evolutionarily from back in the day from zebras it made us smarter to be able to worry and plan ahead that's where anxiety comes from talking it made us uh anxiety nervous about what was going to kill us what we were going to kill there you go where we're going to camp out for that night uh we had to be able to talk that's right these things led to us being as smart and advanced as we can as we are but it's been since

things got a little easier post-industrial revolution, things are a little bit easy, and now we have all these fucking therapists and problems in our lives because we overthink stuff. We have a low-grade anxiety, at least all the time,

because we're worried about things like phone bills. But zeros do not worry about things like phone bills. All they do is just absolutely chillax the whole time. They lick each other. They drink water from the lake. The only time they have an adrenaline spike is when they see that hot as shit big lion. That is when they do it.

They all get it at once. They run away, and then they're just chillaxing again, dude. They lick at each other. What's with doing zebras right now? Like what triggered all this? I'm saying, because I said the thing about

how zebras don't get ulcers. But I know, but before that, why are you thinking about zebras? I saw a YouTube video about a zebra earlier today because Calvin was watching a cartoon zebra thing. And what did the zebra do? Therapy.

What did the zebra do? Yeah, what was the video? The zebra was just like walking around and Calvin kept being like, zebra, zebra. Zebras are cool. So I'm saying I know that i saw that video it had nothing to do with this but because i saw the zebra now i'm using it i know that animals don't get all sorts so i said zebras don't get all sorts because the more specific you are the

funnier you are and i'll tell you one thing i know comedy congratulations i believe you funny you say that because that's my podcast and it's okay well anyway plugging yourself okay so one more or more more than one more what do we think okay yeah you know what So, one more? More than one more? What do we think? Yeah, you know what? Hey guys, my name's Tanner.

I'm from Chicago. I have a pretty interesting situation that I'm dealing with right now. Good job. Me and my girlfriend recently moved into this apartment with our German shepherd, Aspen. And our neighbors above, who've been here for a while, have a pit bull. We were sitting outside when their dog came down the stairs and attacked our dog. And my girlfriend ripped up my dog's nose pretty bad. We ultimately told our landlord about the situation just to keep him informed.

And he told them that they have to leave immediately or get rid of the dog. So now we're stuck feeling some of this guilt about the situation. Like it could have been prevented. And like, ultimately some of it's our fault when really it wasn't just wondering how we can alleviate some of that tension in the household. And ultimately just make ourselves feel a little bit better about the situation. So yeah,

big fan of the show. Thanks in advance. See ya. What a nice guy. Nice guy. It's not your fault at all. No. Like if your dog bites the shit out of another dog's face, you got to get rid of that. They got to What a nice guy. Nice guy. It's not your fault at all. No. Like,

if your dog bites the shit out of another dog's face, you gotta get rid of that, they gotta get rid of the dog. Yeah, but he- It could've been a human. It could've been a baby. He understandably feels bad

because he has a dog that he loves. And the other person loves the dog. He doesn't want the other person to have their dog taken away. But it's like, then move.

I understand that. Right, right, right. But like, you can't live in a place where you have a dog that would do something like that. Yeah, you can't. So you gotta move. There's no reason to feel bad. That person has to move. Right, right, right. But you can't live in a place where you have a dog that would do something like that. Yeah, you can't. So you got to move.

There's no reason to feel bad. That person has to move. Right. That's not acceptable. You can't. Maybe he just feels bad that the guy has to move. Sorry, dude. But he has to move even before the attack.

I'll tell you something. My dog bites the shit out of another dog. My dog, take a hike. I live where I live. And I'm very compassionate. Okay. Yeah, but also it's different because you would never get a dog that would attack you. No, I wouldn't.

But you don't know. I don't know't know you do he said it's a people i'm sorry look i love people i know but people you're gonna get a lot of trouble they are very very let's say if you were to train dogs to fight people's would take to that much quicker than other dogs they have a higher amount of aggression and if you want to focus on that and they're in your training of them you can turn them specifically them into killing more than other dogs into animals that kill uh and a lot of people do do that you can do it my yorkies so i just need more yorkies it's hard to get those qualities out of the dogs unless you have them from a very early

age if you have them since they're a puppy it's just like any other dog yeah you know you get 50 yorkies though they'd be the shit okay get up all of them shit oh no no no no they finally knock you down oh shit speaking that's it's good knock you down while that happened i said knock you down that would be like uh which is amazing uh a nightmare you know what just like someone were eating but some of you are still some of them are still kind of licking you and stuff oh no no you're not all bad i gotta go get a thing it's fine leave it okay leave it leave it okay sorry sorry i spit a little bit barely anything don't even know they don't know they're sleeping uh all right um wait what was the advice get uh i think i said get 40 yorkies no, I think that- Oh, yeah.

No, dude, don't feel bad. You didn't do anything. Yeah. That person, unfortunately, should not be living in a building. That's not how it works. You can't- You need to be responsible as a dog owner. And if you have any dog, Pitbull or whatever, any kind of dog, it doesn't matter.

There are plenty of other dogs that are vicious and mean and aggressive that would have done that to your dog. And if an owner has a dog like that, they can't be living in an apartment building that where there are people with dogs you're also not responsible of the person you're also a good guy and that's great you're a good guy which means you're a good guy all the time but you're good guying at a time you don't need to be good guy you don't need to be at all right so it's just sad it's a sad situation it's like sad situation. It's like someone getting, you know, HIV.

That's what they get. What? There's nothing you can do about it. What? You can't do, there's nothing you can do about it. But why is it like HIV? Because there's nothing

you can do about it. You just got to be like, okay, this is not my fault. Of all things to bring up though. Did he give him HIV? Who? That guy. That guy gave who HIV?

He didn't give anybody HIV. Are you sure? A hundred percent. Maybe he did. I mean, he could have. He said girlfriend, maybe he gave his girlfriend HIV or somebody.

I mean, you can have maybe he's walking around with shots and sticking them in the elevator you can get HIV if you're heterosexual you know about that joke when the two guys

are in the elevator and the one guy's like you gotta give me all your money or I'll inject you with HIV and the guy says no he says you sure you want HIV and he says I don't care

inject me with the HIV and he says okay fine then you should just give me your money he's like no and he injects him anyway and he says

joke's on you I'm wearing a condom you made that up right now no that was a good joke it's an old joke then you should just give me your money. He's like, no. And he injects him anyway. He says, joke's on you. I'm wearing a condom. You made that up right now? No. That was a good joke. It's an old joke. I heard it once.

I mean, I don't know if it's something. It's kind of like un... I don't do jokes. It's kind of like un... It's uncouth. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Well, I mean, not really.

Living on the edge. Is it? I don't know. I don't like jokes though. I don't like jokes either. They all seem uncouth to me is what I'm saying. What? They're in bad taste.

Jokes, it's just like, what are you, what is it, 1912? Yeah, I don't like it either. Yeah. And that's why people are always like, when people say like, oh, Chris Lee doesn't even have punchlines. It's like, I don't know. Fuck punchlines, man. By design.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's dorky. What am I, a fucking dork, dude? But also, honestly, it's deeper, you know? Yeah, it's deeper.

But also- It's deeper about you. No, i don't give a fuck about that man i like to go out there and have a fucking good time now yeah do i cry on stage sometimes of course you know when i get deep but like wow you know come on out to see me by the way i'll be in new york soon chrisalia.com and also seattle crying during portland on my tour don't push me or i'll cry in parentheses um yeah dude all right let's do one more one more yeah one more one more my babies yo yo hi matt hi chris my name is also matt i'm a huge fan

um of chris the son of a bitch but um i kind of wanted some advice on if i'm a shitty person um what basically the reason i think i'm a shitty person is some girl today in my class so from new jersey um basically related a poem we were reading to her friend dying of cancer so basically what i'm trying to ask is am i a shitty person for being easily annoyed and irritated by people who kind of like trauma dump onto not strangers but basically strangers in like a college class for example does that make me a shitty person um because i think it might but let me know what you guys think um again big fan life rips hope you guys see this thanks dude yeah so hold on in her class she gave up she was told she wrote a poem or she found a poem they were reading a poem

and some girl in the class uh related it to her friend dying of cancer and he's irritated by that i mean irritation irritated is one thing if you're fucking going on and on you can't fucking think about it anything else and you're pissed off that then yeah but you're not a bad guy i mean you're asking the question here yeah so the fact that you're asking the question means that you at least are you know looking inward you know what i i just got lost in thought thinking about something I don't like when people ask if they're a piece of shit or a bad person. Like, what do we know? You're you, you know?

Like, ask yourself that. And then act accordingly. If you are a piece of shit, try to be less of a piece of shit. But, like, if you have to ask somebody else, I don't like buy the question you know what you think you know yeah yeah yeah yeah uh also like don't be so hard on yourself if it fucking bothers you it bothers you you don't need to carry it with you it doesn't matter yeah i mean it bothered you and then you move on so you're not a piece of shit like you're not a bad person unless you it's you can't be a bad person based on the things you think you can only be a bad person based on the things you think you can only be a

bad person based on the things you actually do or ways you behave in the world. You know, uh, sometimes, sometimes things you say too, depending upon what they are, the threshold is obviously higher for that.

But still it's like you, you didn't buy the brain that you have. You only have it. So if that shit's gonna annoy you there's no way to make it stop annoying you so just be like ah that annoys me and just put it to bed right there move on with your day you forgot it by the end of the day you get mad at me when i clap at my own advice i do it now when it's good all right well all i'm saying is i clapped for you earlier dude come on yeah you did but you- I clapped for you earlier, dude. Come on.

Yeah, you did. But when you clapped, you said, I'm finally right about one thing. So it's kind of dick, right? Right. Yeah, it's true. Yeah.

Are you a bad person? You're not a bad person. You know? But like- No. I'm sure you weren't like fucking stupid friend in class. Yeah, right, right, right.

You internalized it. You're just like, ugh. You're like, whatever. It's all good. And you know, I was pissed off the other day at something going on. I can't remember what it was. It was like, right, right. You internalized it. You're just like, ugh. You're like, whatever. It's all good. And, you know, I was pissed off the other day at something going on. I can't remember what it was.

It was like, it was a few weeks ago. And I was like, I was with a table of people and I was like, I'm so mad right now because of it. And they were like,

and I was like, why am I so mad? And they were like, it's okay that you're so mad. You're just, you're not saying anything and doing anything shitty. Yeah.

So it's fine. I was like, so I just, I just said mad? And they were like, yeah. So I was like, okay. But once you realize that it passes so much quicker much quicker it passed i don't know if it would have went quicker or not but you know i mean how mad were you maniac i was blazing mad i was blazing mad it was something with a waiter i can't remember

what it was i can't even remember anymore it was nine point it was nine uh there's nine people at the table uh oh they forgot my food and they didn't do it right. And then they had to redo it and then they redid it wrong when I said it right in the first place. Ah, you know what it was? He was one of those waiters that came by and was like, what would you guys like? And you're just waiting for them to get out the thing to write it down and they don't do it.

And then they fuck it up. And then they forgot my shit. And it's like, dude, I'm not impressed. I'd rather you just write it down all the time and always get it right. Then not write it down and get time and always get it right then not write it down and get it wrong even once for somebody moreover here's the list of things that would impress me but uh if you're my waiter here's a list of things you ready absolutely zero things true the only things that you can do as a waiter is fuck shit up fuck up and if you don't fuck up you're an

amazing waiter yep that's true fuck up you're not a good waiter yeah dude it's like why don't you just try fucking unicycling over like oh wow i don't give a fuck bring me my food i know exactly balance it on their nose who would care just don't give a fuck can i take your order hi can i take your order yeah i don't oh wow we don't care i'm not a cuda dude just bring the fucking salmon and that's it carnival dude just give me a they're spinning the plates on their fingers don't care don't care put it down and here's the other thing too when they say shit like oh uh you know what would you like? And you say it

and you're just watching them listen and they listen and they repeat it back to you and you're like, okay, yeah, I guess you got it. And they're like, great. I don't want to have to be like, great. Just write it down.

Go get the food. Bring it back and let me eat my salmon, dude. Write it down. Why are you not writing it down? Because they want it. It's like a classy place. It's like a nice place.

It also wasn't that classy of a place. It was attached to a fucking hilton for fuck's sake why is it classy to not have to write something down that's not classy they want people to be like wow they didn't even write it down oh oh dirty notebook whatever the fuck they don't need to think who thinks wow is my point nobody nobody nobody the owners own us show me love up in the club. Lost your mind. No. Nobody. Nobody, man. That's what it does, right? Nobody. Nobody, man.

You guys just need a way to write it down. You're like, ew. Yeah, I mean. Who gives a fuck, dude? It's going to be right. I like it. I wanted to write it down. As a matter of fact, maybe it's because they don't want them to be, uh, that you could

always blame it on. Sorry, we don't write shit down, so I fucked it up. Because if they write it down and fuck it up what does that deserve well that means everybody in the back fuck it up wow what is this it's the gatling oh oh the predator has that no well he has one that just kind of just but i made it a gatling one like oh such a nerd the way you said that you know but yeah i made it again it makes me laugh because it's actually just makes me laugh because he doesn't have a gatling gun but but i installed one in my fictitious world right yeah it's a crossover it's a delia uh predator crossover okay yeah that's delia versus predator so stupid

uh oh we're done dude i love how they make those movies, Aliens vs. Predator and shit, and it's just like... It's not Aliens. It's Alien vs. Predator. Alien vs. Predator, yeah. I know. But I'm just saying they should do one that's like, you know...

Another one. Oh, wow. Fucking trailed off at the end so much. Man, you know what it's like. It's AVP, dude. Alien vs. Predator. I know what it is, dude. My buddy was in fucking Freddy vs.

Jason. Freddy vs. Jason, yeah. The mashup movies are never good, dude. No. Just never good. They should do one Alien versus Sylvester Stallone from Copland. Wow. That would be so...

There you are. Also, he's deaf in that movie, you know? Play with that. What? Huh? I can't hear you coming, and I can't see you because you're invisible. Wow. Good impression. You you know? Play with that. What? Huh? I can't hear you coming, and I can't see you because you're invisible. Wow, good impression.

You're doing some good ones today. What's that? Oh! This is over? Worst sounds of all time. All right, everybody. Thank you. We love you.

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