Lifeline - 38. The Year of the Bing Bong

Episode Date: January 1, 2023

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Hello. Will you please? Hello. Hello. happy new year happy new year you're an elephant no it's the um noisemaker. You know those things that go... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the elephant, dude. Yay! So, bitch!

It's the new year, yay! Yay! That was an elephant. I can't. I mean, I don't have a phone. You're doing the sound of an elephant, not the thing. No, it's. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mom, mom. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Donald Duck. Mom, mom. So, yeah. Bing, bing, bong. Happy new... Bing, bing, bing. Bing, bing, bing, bong. So bad making it about the bing bong.

No, it's good. This is the year of the bing bong. Everybody knows that. The year of the bing bong? This is the year of the bing bong. What is the bing bong? Well, the bing bong is... I just say this a lot what is the bing bong well the the bing bong is uh i just say this a lot okay so it doesn't really have any sort of really core deep meaning no it does because if other people do it too then we're all doing living

the year of the year of the bing bong it's a great title yeah already starting a year off with a blast happy new year everybody lifeline. There will not be another year that goes by where Lifeline hasn't been a show all year round. Last year we started, and this year is what I like to call Season 2. Ah. Flippy! Wow. Most annoying guy in the world. like that bit as a guy you know on stage that that song makes me sad it's like filled with emotion yeah yeah it is dude why is that

uh because it makes you think about time yep it makes you think about time no such thing as time baby i mean so such no such thing as time baby there is though right you know why boy that was just time that went by yeah yeah yeah well look certain brains like mine are very expansive and can contain very expansive ideas. Little ones like yours can't do that. No, no, no. I have a big brain. Okay. I have a big, big, big, big, big brain. Okay.

How big? But I will say, I wore this because it's, what do you call it? Merch? But the January 1st, start off the year with the spin movementality. That's what we do you call it? Merch? But the January 1st. Start off the year with the spin movementality. That's what we do, dude. A New Year's resolution? You can get merch at lifelinemerch.com.

If you have a question or want to submit a video and you need advices, go to watchlifeline.com. And if you want those one-on-one sessions, advice sessions with Matt, then you go to mattdalia.com and it's great um i'm going to be in san diego coming up in a week in a week uh this weekend this next weekend i'm going to be in san diego uh brea california we got stuff popping off in brea california portland oregon Seattle, Washington, Lakeland, Daytona, and Jacksonville.

I'm doing a Florida run. He's doing a Florida run. He's doing a Florida run. San Antonio, Sugar Land. He's doing a Texas run. He's doing a Texas run. Wow. New Orleans, you know, because that's how I say it,

because that's how they say it in New Orleans. It's done. They say New Orleans, you know, because that's how I say it, because that's how they say it in New Orleans. They say, it's done. They say New Orleans. Right, yeah. Providence, Rhode Island, New York City, Chicago, Kansas City. I'm going to do them all. Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Tulsa, Oklahoma. I know.

Austin, Texas, Midland, Texas, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Columbus, Cincinnati, fucking oklahoma i know uh austin texas midland texas minneapolis minnesota columbus cincinnati ohio boise chrysalia.com get your tickets it's selling out dude the don't push me tour elephant no it's a a noisemaker dude which is the word i was looking for yeah well how how terrible is something called a noisemaker yeah it's a terrible thing it's just like it has been invented just to make noise that's it created the fucking most annoying pathetic oh piece of shit noisemaker killed your significant other i mean why just as being called a noisemaker killed your significant other. I mean, why? Just being called a noisemaker, like give it a name. Yeah, I understand. The name is noisemaker.

I think that's a really great name because what you see is what you get and that kind of a thing. And I would never buy a noisemaker. And it's very annoying when people have noisemakers. And it's very annoying when people use noisemakers, which is always on New Year's Eve. Don't do that. I think, honestly, celebrate the new year in quietness. Do that. I think, honestly, celebrate the new year in quietness.

I have a dream, actually, of driving to the middle of nowhere with nobody, just myself. And I don't think this will ever happen because I'm a family man and all that. But being in the middle of nowhere, going at 11 o'clock and just waiting and just seeing if I can feel the new year. You ever think about that? I wonder if you'll be able to feel. There'll probably be light and all that stuff going. You might hear. I mean, yeah.

No, I don't think that that is something. What? You feel the new year. Right, no, I know. But I'm saying you'd probably have to go to like legitimately miles and miles and miles away in the middle of nowhere to not recognize that the new year has happened because of the lights and all the fireworks and stuff. You be seeing it from afar right no matter what you think so yeah

i think so i bet there's places many places deep in the desert in america that are just you couldn't see yeah a thing right but then it's like how do you get back and then it's like you could be stranded you could die yeah don't don't do it i mean no one should do it but that's what i'm saying it's a dream it's a pipe You could die. Yeah, don't do it. I mean, no one should do it. But that's what I'm saying. It's a dream. It's a pipe dream, right? Yeah, but why? That doesn't sound enjoyable in any way. Because I'm a guy who gets very anxious.

I'll tell you that much. And I get very anxious when it comes to the number one thing, and that's change. That's the number one thing of my anxiety. And when the New Year- Tell me why. The New Year turns around, because things are fine as they are, right?

Everything's fine. I'm living, I'm healthy. I got good stuff. Who knows what could happen the next instant? And so the point is change terrifies me. All good, it's deeper. Need to talk about it with the therapist, but change, it terrifies me.

That's not uncommon. Okay, so it's not uncommon. But for me, it is uncommon for the way I deal with it because that will get my heart palpitating. Now, you know that doesn't feel good because it accesses my anxiety and it makes me work overtime. My heart starts beating. I get clammy hands, and I get nervous now. We all deal with these things in different ways, but my thing is I don't want to be a dick to people when I am feeling anxiety and when i am in the middle of nowhere when the new year's

ball drops i will that is the biggest change all year round didn't want to admit it but i don't i don't even understand what didn't want to admit it what did you just admit that you don't get anxious in that for that reason i don't like change. Change is terrifying, but you must change. You going to the middle of the desert would erase that anxiety you're saying. Because I wouldn't know when the ball drops. Okay, right. So I wouldn't know when to be anxious.

So therefore, it would be minimized. Okay. Dude, I'm a doctor in a way, right? Not in the traditional sense, but... No doctor would recommend anything you just said. Drive out to the middle of the desert. Take two of these and call me in the morning. Drive out to the middle of the desert. Take two of these and call me in the morning. Drive out to the middle of the desert.

Sit around. Yeah, dude. It's tough, man. Deal with a lot of anxiety. All good, man. But you know what I mean? I'm off my meds. Well, not off my...

Don't go off your meds. No, I'm not off my meds. I don't take Zani. And I do take Citalopram. Made it up. That's for OCD. Fucking made it up that's for ocd got ocd yes starting this your rip roaring admitting to everything citalopram yeah that's what it's called really yeah you didn't make that up nope there's citalopram and citalopram which is very wow so confusing and i also had s-a-s-a-t-al-o-f-ram citalopram yeah and then it i think the doctor

wrote it wrong once and then i started taking satalipram and it's basically the same but i switched my medications without even knowing it because my doctor has messy handwriting oh well you know what hey doctors yeah have better handwriting no don't have handwriting anymore that's true that's true and don't have it also we have computers also don't have a drug called satitalopram and esitalopram yeah that's the extra one you take it you get secure um so yeah uh happy new year everybody what'd you do for new years can't hear you but you can say it out loud and um you know you know it was good this is a new

year 2023 hopefully this is a great year hopefully it's better than and um you know you know it was good this is a new year 2023 hopefully this is a great year hopefully it's better than last year you know we had some rough years starting with covid and uh now we're off we're off and running on 2023 do you have any new year's resolutions uh yes you do yeah okay um we'll talk about it or no sure Sure. Okay. My main one is to be more pimping pimping than I've ever been. Okay. And how do you do that? Just like really every night think about the previous day and what I could have done to have been even more pimping pimping.

Okay. Then look at the days, the day ahead, like like the schedule what's on my docket what's on the schedule calendar and then I say okay how can I be the most amount of pimping pimping

on each of these moments right yeah exactly yeah at night tomorrow pimping pimping yeah

pimping pimping yeah okay so that actually could have been more pimping pimping tomorrow from three to four I'm doing that it's not very pimping pimping but you can could have been more pimping. Tomorrow from three to four, I'm doing that. That's not very pimping, pimping. But you can make it pimping, pimping. It's an idea.

I could change that. I'll wake up tomorrow. Plan ahead the pimping, pimping-ness and reflect on the pimping, pimping-ness. Wow. And see if it was maximized or if I left. The worst pastor. Plan ahead on the pimping, pimping-ness. Maximize your pimping, pimping pimpingness maximize your pimping pimpingness yeah um just trying to

do you know god's work oh that's that's what god's work is god's work is pimping pimping yeah um well i my new year's resolution yeah what is it be ripped as shit be ripped as shit yeah be ripped as shit and a cool dad you're just be ripped you're gonna get ripped i i'm not gonna i i don't here's the deal man i don't really think that uh i subscribe to new year's resolutions yeah me neither yeah because really i'm not gonna one a new year is not gonna change me change is something that's inevitable now i told you i'm anxious but you need to be growing with the change. And so that should be happening every week, right? Or every day, every second. Yeah, but generally, they're well-meaning, all of them.

What is? People want to lose weight. People want to get through this or that. People want to be nicer to whatever the fuck. People want to be more focused. These are all good things. But it should have nothing to do with the year. It should have to do with, oh, I realize I want to do this.

It's better for me yeah i want to start doing it like if you have a new year's resolution and you figure it out at in december 5th and you're like oh i gotta be nicer to people right don't you're just gonna be a dick for 25 days exactly yeah yeah right just start now i'll work on apologizing and holding doors open in a few weeks dude right right let me get out my stuff let me get out my dickness now yeah dickness so um yeah and uh but i don't i don't really have one well i keep i mean yeah no and uh so yeah if you have a news resolution stick with it but do it honestly man you should have had it already just let's all work on trying to be better people this year

let's all work on trying to be nice to each other let's all work on trying to be better people this year. Let's all work on trying to be nice to each other. Let's all work on trying to be positive, not assume the worst of people and also assume the worst period and of yourself. It's a deeper, but you got it going, right? Yeah. Hey, everybody, listen, you got it going on. Yeah. And all you need to do is dig down deep inside and realize you got it going on. Okay, cool. Okay. All right. Well, great. So everybody you got it going on okay cool okay all right well great so everybody's got it going on yeah they just need to be reminded of that fact yeah so sometimes you can remind yourself and just say you know what paul or whoever you are right look in the mirror rita i mean in the mirror hi rita i'm that's like i'm rita i know hi rita you got it going on that would be rita if she said that yep uh-huh and then know hi Rita you got it going on that would be Rita if she said that

yep uh-huh and then she knows she's got it going on she moves forward with her life not necessarily that easy but you're talking about self-affirmation ideally this is the ideal the ultimate ideal you know obviously we hit bumps along the way but they're saying if you force yourself to smile more you'll actually be happier that's what they said I've heard that yeah yeah because you're bought you can trick your brain reverse engineer it yeah it doesn't work no no do that all day every day and you will be so happy for the rest of your life yeah ah no but my cheeks will hurt yeah that's true but yeah but i'll be happy as shit with herdy cheeks herdy cheeks herdy cheeks all right well uh look man we're get into it. I know we'll banter in between, but we will have a good time,

and let's get into the first one. So here we go, my babies. Hey, guys. I hope you're all having a good day today. My name is Rachel from Dallas, Texas. Love Dallas. And I'm 25 years old, and I need some brotherly advice. Lives in a Starbucks.

My brother is almost 30, and he still asked me for financial help. And my parents have told me, no, do not help him at all. He has to learn how to be responsible. But I have a hard time saying no, because he lives in a really rough part of town. His friends are not the most reliable people. And he works in a really rough part of town. His friends are not the most reliable people. And he works in a really rough part of town as a bartender. And he comes home at like 4 a.m. And that is when there's a rough crowd where he is. Yeah, we know about that.

So he'll call me asking for Uber rides or gas money or money here and there for help. And I am very concerned for his life all the time just because he's had a really colorful drug history and he's died twice and came back to life. Oh, fuck. I mean, you know. At this point, I'm like, if anything I can do to help him survive the night, I would like to do that. But I also want him to learn

how to be responsible like he's almost 30 but I think y'all could have some pretty good advice on this thank y'all love y'all damn dude yeah that's rough I mean to drop that in the like I was like okay okay

okay and then she said he died twice and it's just like oh god that's very serious well yeah dying is serious To drop that in the, like, I was like, okay, okay, okay. And then she said he died twice. And it's just like, oh, God. That's very serious. Wow. Well, yeah, dying is serious. Yes. The most serious thing is dying. Yes.

Dying and, yeah. More generally, yeah. Right. But also, dying, the only thing above that that's more serious is NCIS New Orleans. Have you seen that? Very serious. Yeah. I mean, all the time.

There's literally no humor. Right. Oh, oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. NCIS New Orleans. Scott Bakula. Okay. Oh, Scott Bakula? Scott Bakula lucas black and then lucas black huh yeah who's the woman in there's two women and they're both women that i've one of them i've seen before and then there's also

another guy named uh oh dude go to the cast actually before we get to this woman oh well look at the cast just look at the cat okay go to the cat go down okay daryl mitchell you see that guy right there i do okay that guy's name on the credits yeah on the credits is daryl chill mitchell like in quotes that's what it is on the ncis thing how cool is that very cool and he acts in a wheelchair and he is in a wheelchair i didn't know that the guy's been in so much shit dude what a badass and it's so funny that his name is chill and he's always sitting down though that's chill yeah but uh but yeah so those are the people in it and so cch pounder jesus that's his name a wrestler a wrestler and flame oh dude the name who where

oh it is flame dude that's so bad. Dude, how about Dwayne Pride? Dwayne Cassius Pride is his name, and they call him King. Many names. All the shit. Scott Bakula you're talking about, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not get too far into the NCIS. I think we should have a podcast solely on NCIS

and how rich Mark Harmon must be because he's a producer. Oh, my God. Forget it. But yeah, anyway, there's nothing more serious than that except for maybe death is up there. I think's number two ncis nola is number one so this woman is a has a very serious question and also i you know i hate to say it but why don't you go ahead and then i can okay uh yeah i'm just gonna straight up like the bottom line is that if that was you, if

the brother in that situation was you, I would always give you the money then when you asked for it, no matter how many times people told me not to, I would, I would really probably not as long as I had the money, I would probably not be able to not, um, do that. So at what, i understand that completely because i feel the same way but at what point is she enabling his behavior a point if it look it sounds like he's got a drug problem if he died twice and has a colorful drug history right so i got the impression that he did do drugs oh okay all right and now he's asking for money for like uber rides okay well for Uber rides and gas money.

That's what I'm saying. If somebody's trying to get their shit together, just because they're not totally high-functioning adults yet, if he's clean, that's the big caveat. If he's clean. If he's clean, you should keep helping him. It may be tough. But also, he has a job. She says he gets off work at 4 a.m.

So he's obviously getting some sort of income. Bartender, you could be making very little money you could be but you could also be making you could also be pocketing a lot of cash and getting drugs so i'm saying like find out where he's spending his money i think if this is something that's been like a problem you gotta definitely get access to how he's spending his money you know if you're if you're giving them money i think it's fair enough to be like how are you spending this money yeah totally yeah so i think that that's very important because you could find out something crazy like maybe he's got a gambling problem or some shit i don't know this guy but but um you know he lives in a rough area

town for now but if he's got a job and he's working money make sure also if you have access to how he's spending the money you could help him try and save shit you said you've got a great hat on your shoulders yeah um but yeah that's a tough spot to be in i don't know if i could ever stop giving you money if you needed it like i don't i don't think so yeah even if i really thought you were using it on drugs i'd be like i don't i don't know yeah i know it's a hard that's a hard time it opens the question of like what do you do if you think you're enabling? Because like some people literally are just like a suck for their family and friends. And like your behavior just ruins people's lives.

And you've got, you know, you suffer from this addiction or whatever it is. And those people, unfortunately, some of those people need to be cut off completely to even learn their lesson or to even hit a bottom. But yeah, it's tough, man.

You're in a tough position because obviously, it sounds like you have a family that loves each other and this guy just… The teaching people a lesson thing has always been hard for me. It is hard. I don't believe in that. Yeah. People learn their own lessons. Yeah. You don't have the power to teach people a lesson unless they're a child and you are its parent.

That's a pretty good point, actually. I understand the mentality behind it. I don't know if that's a thing, though. Yeah. I don't know if I believe in that as an actual thing. you're going you know the guy's not going to be able to learn a lesson unless he can access the point of his lowest so he can be forced to learn it i mean it's not really like you're teaching them a lesson right but like you're not enabling them anymore and i'm not saying this is what you're going through because he sounds like he's clean now but you know yeah that that ultimately that's the end that's the end of the advice really the question

Yeah, ultimately, that's the end of the advice, really. The question from us is, is he still using or is he sober now? If he's sober now, keep giving him fucking gas money. The guy's trying hard. If he's not sober, then maybe do this to your parents. Also, it's fucking hard, dude, to get out of this hole. Getting a job is fucking hard. Getting back on your feet is hard. Getting on your feet is hard. on your feet is hard it's all fucking hard man so i think that if you have

the stuff to give and it's family then you give it i i think that that's great you're being you you seem like it's it's great to you know sorry about the situation but you know it's nice to start the year off with something very very touching that you you obviously have a big heart. And for that, I say, fire! So, yeah. And that's great. Absolutely. Now, what was the thing I said? It's the year of the what?

Bing bong. Oh, yeah. See, I already forgot, but that's why you're here to remind me. Yeah. So to you... Stop moving. I'm moving on. So to you, young lady, I say,

the bing bong. It's the year of the bing bong, and that's what it's going to be? Bing bing bong bong. I don moving. I'm so much, right? So to you, young lady, I say, the bing bong. It's the year of the bing bong and that's what it's going to be? Bing bing bing bong. I don't think I like that, honestly. Oh, too fucking bad. Okay. The pimple pimple thing is fine.

I like that. Oh, now you like it. But the bing bong thing, yeah, the pimple pimple thing grew on me. Okay. Well, maybe the bing bong will. What about the... You know I like... I've always like pull all right yeah but the

it's kind of it's all right okay all right you know losing your mind uh yeah so i don't know i feel yeah that's what that's our advice oh yeah it's good clean then keep helping if he's not maybe stop helping yeah great let's go another one so serious matt chris oh my god i got a problem man uh in the last week i'll be in the living room or the kitchen i hear my bed squeaking like there's some fucking going on in there i'm not in there so i go to investigate i'm not in there come to find out there is fucking going on wow dog. Dog fucking my pillow. This guy's Theo. So I'm curious, you know, is he mad at me? The dog?

Is this out of love? Yeah. What, man? I don't know if y'all are dog experts, but I'm desperate for answers, man. Well, we're not. Thank you guys for all the free content. Love y'all. Oh, thanks, buddy.

Appreciate you. Okay. You got some steely blue eyes, huh? He's a character. He's an alluring kind of character. Yeah, he is. So, your dog's fucking your... rabidly fucking your pillow. Well, you added

rabidly, but yeah. He's probably not doing it. When he leaves the room, the dog runs in and fucks his pillow. That's hilarious, dude. That is hilarious. All I would say to you is get that on video and go viral, dude. Because other than that, I don't know if there's much you can do. Besides, oh yeah, that's right close your door dude if our advice is literally just fucking door yeah yeah there you go is it normal that's totally normal we had a fucking dog when we were kids

it would uh oh yeah i would hump our legs the legs of but particular groups of people more likely than others what yeah uh uh girls like girls i would invite over when i was like 13 or 14 oh and mexican men no yeah dude oh my god our dog had a kink too for mexican men well yeah and fucking young whoa dude dude when the dog came over i was like oh my god he leaves when he leaves the dog from the back of the room wait a minute i'm not in there that's where you go i get it hold up i'm not in there and noise is coming from there and the dog the dog yeah the dog can't stop it can't stop it. Can't stop it. The dog goes like this. Dude, I feel like your dog's trying to assert dominance. In a sneaky way, which is the worst.

Close the door. Close the door. But also, you don't want to necessarily physically stop the dog from doing it. You want to mentally stop the dog from doing it. You the dog you want to mentally stop the dog from doing it you want to use your mind you want to professor x this situation this guy's trying to brute force it you know he's closing doors and shit no you want the dog to understand so when he does that you fuck his chew toys take his little fucking bone put it put in your butt dude oh yeah his dog would love that bad

for him twice his dog would smell like the owner and the dog would just eat the book but it would probably stop humping the the thing and it would then would just eat the bone because it had the owner's shit yeah you're creating a circle of disgustingness though all you got to do is close the door also him doing it behind your back, I don't know if it's dominance. Do you think it's dominance? You think it's sneakily shit?

Oh yeah. It's just weird. It's just like a weird tick Unless the dog is really smart and the dog's like, dude, this owner thinks he is the top dog, but really I'm the top dog.

When he leaves, I'm going to bus all over his pillow and he's going to have to sleep on it. Right. What if the dog actually like jizzed all over the pillow? Yeah.

Well, unless he's not neutered, it may be possible. Oh yeah. I guess I didn't think about that. Yeah, if he's going to have to sleep on it. Right. What if the dog actually like jizzed all over the pillows? Yeah. Well, unless he's not neutered, it may be possible. Oh, yeah. I guess I didn't think about that. Yeah, if he's not neutered. Neuter your dog, first of all. Second of all, close the door. Yeah, both of those things at once. Yeah.

So I'll jizz on. So, you know, I call in, man. I wake up, dog jizzes on my cheek. Yeah, nah. Yeah, bro. Your dog's... Dog's quite... Honestly, you're losing this battle yeah your dog's quite the character but close the door yeah but you're losing this battle and you're gonna lose this

battle and if you close the door i feel like honestly it's you're mentally losing the battle you're physically winning but okay fine you're just you're basically winning because winning because you have thumbs and your dog doesn't. Well, dude, use them to your advantage. I understand. The advantage of all time. Yeah, you want to profess an exit situation though, dude. It's much better because then the dog will behave better in the whole, for everything. Well, how about this?

Experiment this way. Try closing the door, then take another video and let us know what happens. Your pillow will be getting jizzed on way less. If he starts to do other stuff, then we got a real problem right like if he's like oh well he's gonna close the door to the bathroom just scratching on the on the then i'm just gonna go like fucking fill my butthole with toilet paper or something you know weird the dog yeah the dude is scratching on the bedroom door with his lipstick out just come on man like a junkie um all right he's red rocket yeah yeah lipstick red rocket same thing, okay.

Well, Lipstick's grosser. Yeah, of course, yeah. So Red Rocket is, I mean, you know. Red Rocket's like more playful. Lipstick's gross because you put it on your mouth. Exactly.

Right, but I don't because I'm a guy, but you know, yeah. Humans put it on their mouth. Taking a dog and putting the lipstick all over the, you know what I mean?

Oh my God. Where'd you put the lipstick? It's under the dog. Again. All right. So my question today is, I'm 19 years old. I'm a sophomore going to college.

Pause it. I'm currently going to a party. That guy's 19 years old? Hiding from Michael Myers. The fucking most chill Halloween. The most chill. He's 19, yeah, but what's the matter? You think he looks older? He looks 35.

That guy looks like he's got two kids. Come on, dude. I mean, bro, look at his face. He doesn't look that old. Dude. In the pool with the handle. He gets sidetracked ding dong dong ding dong dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong what is this last

pina colada yeah dude just got sidetracked dude okay that was a lot of fun i love it uh i met some great dudes they're all getting a house next year i mean they're genuinely some of my best friends even though i've only known them for a year uh career-wise though a degree from this school isn't going to cut it so i need to transfer to you know a better school um and i found one that i'm able to get into i meet the requirements so the plan is to transfer there my junior year and uh that's gonna suck so i'll be leaving all my best friends and so i just need some advice on how to make sure i stay steady on that and myself and them don't kind of change my mind and persuade me to stay because it would be more fun and easier to

stay with them but i need to go so advice on that please okay when you're 19 now doesn't matter at all have fun don't have fun who the fuck cares you're 19 nothing matters oh well it does matter it's nihilistic well no what does matter is your future so if you go into this better school means a way better future for you it's a fucking no-brainer how many and a new no-brainer. And no number of fucking keg stands can change your mind about that shit. There you go, dude. You got your friends, you make more friends. Don't worry about that. You're going to make friends wherever you go.

So he's basically saying, should he go to this school and leave his- How do I leave temptation at the door and continue with my plans to go to this school and make sure my friends don't convince me to stay and let my mind sort of fall back into this place of i'm going to stay at this school because it's more fun and easier and that's it temptation you got to get away from temptation and you got to absolutely uh do the school yeah but you know it's just like uh give up you know whatever you know it's like he's got to give up that's why it was a micro to the macro it's like did you just got to give up on this party last time the guy's taking the fucking video literally from a pool he's hiding from his friends chill you know he's like i gotta hide my

friend from my friends are doing this video they're inside they're doing keg stands getting sucked off dude hey should I go to school? But I'm having so much fun. My boner just went down. You know what I mean? For the first time in a few days. Yeah. So I don't know.

The good thing about friends in college, you're not going to be friends with them in three years anyway. Oh, yeah. You know, you might be like carry on with them. You might be in a text message group with them. But it's like dude people change people grow apart your friends are going to do it to you so you do it first and look out for your future before your friends can look out for theirs yes dude sometimes it comes comes in clutch

i honestly tuned out a little bit but that's rude that's probably good advice that's rude but it's good dude it's good and uh and i i I hope you figure out your future, dude. You're only 19 even though you're 35. And I feel like by the time you're the age that you look, you'll have everything figured out. Oh, yeah. And you'll have a bunch of new friends. And you'll be swimmingly in your career. No pun intended because you're in the pool. When you're 35 for real, you'll have a hard time remembering what those friends even look like.

Ding, dong, dong, ding, dong, dong. Ding, dong, ding, dong, dong. Ding, dong, dong, ding, dong, ding, dong, dong. Ding, dong, dong, ding, dong, ding, dong, dong. Ding, dong, dong. Ding, dong, dong, ding, dong, dong. Ding, dong, ding, dude. The whole movie. The whole movie. Wow, dude. The whole movie.

The whole movie. So wait, is that him getting side-talked after he killed somebody? Yeah, he killed someone. The guy died. And then he saw the floating device. Yeah, and then he laid in it. And then laid in it. And it's so hard to get on, you know. How bitch is it trying to get into a floating device?

Yeah. How do you even do it dude you can't do it and not be bitch no there's no way jason momoa do it be a bitch the only way to do it is to jump on it from outside the pool but even still that's bitch you're gonna hurt your balls dude yeah maybe you run the risk you run the risk of hurting your balls so it's like either do you be bitch or do you run the risk of hurting your balls what would you pick i choose be bitch who's around doesn't matter i choose be bitch yeah i a bitch. Yeah, I guess choose to be a bitch. You can't hurt the boss, yeah.

Fuck yeah, you can't hurt the boss, dude. You can't hurt the baby makers, right bro? Dude, baby makers? That's so fucking stupid. Ding, dong, dong, ding, dong, dong, ding, dong, ding. Guy looking at him, grilling. All right, cool, the bit's done. You keep going until it, you know.

My question is to you guys, I've been in a relationship that's getting pretty serious and it's made my best friend go away. He basically called me a simp and a bitch. Whoa. Said I don't have time for him now, which makes us sound like we're married, which is ridiculous. So I wanted to know. It's given me a lot of anxiety wondering when he's going to text or if he's just going away

forever or if it even matters. Was he really my friend? What should I do? Thank you guys. I mean, Michael Machines guy. Dude. Remember if it doesn't say Michael Machines, it even matters was he really my friend what should i do thank you guys i mean michael machines guy dude remember if it doesn't say my machine is not the real thing that is pathetic i don't know it's so weird bro when guys get like that about their friends who have fucking found happiness with a partner like dude what kind of fucking selfish prick is this guy yeah i don't get dudes that do that shit neither i don't get dudes that get their

feelings hurt with like this is the same type of dude it's like oh man you know you guys went and and went to the baseball game and didn't invite me dude you don't need to invite everybody to everywhere i know i've said this before but like i don't understand dudes that get their feelings hurt by other dudes about this kind of stuff yeah it's you know it's this guy's just living his life yes he's not doing anything outwardly to this other buddy it's also he's living his life and good things are happening he met somebody he loves yeah it's good this dude if he was a real friend he'd be happy he want you know what he wants he wants to pull you down so he can be miserable with you he wants to commiserate with you he wants a commiserating buddy that's what he wants

well among other things yeah he also doesn't want his friend to be happier than he is but that's what i'm saying that's bullshit because he's then he would be miserable and then you could be miserable with me yeah i don't like that shit i don't if you get a girl or you get a boy or whatever the fuck it is and then that their friends are like you don't hang out anymore that's what life is supposed to be dude i'm not gonna make a baby with you bro yeah i'm trying to live my life i'm trying to have a family adopt a kid with me then dude yeah i mean it's pretty mind-boggling when when people get like this it's like well we're just friends this is my potential life partner. Yep.

Like, what are you talking about? I know what you do. Next time you see the dude, you go like this. Oh, what are you backing away for? We're in a relationship. And the guy says, no, we're not. And he says, then why are you upset I'm in one, dude? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? I kiss people I'm in a relationship with, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I kiss people I'm in a relationship with, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you could just text him and be like, dude, are you really doing this? Like, what is wrong with you? Or, as you suggested, just fucking live with it. Let it go.

Who cares? Yeah, man. This guy sucks, dude. Yeah. Sorry, but this guy sucks. And you know, you got to figure it out yourself. But let's put it this way. Most relationships end.

So your buddy's probably right about like, you know, but still you got to figure that out for yourself. I'm just playing devil's advocate here. Oh, yeah. Remember that movie? How could I forget? Oh, I'm the devil. Oh, yeah.

Having sex. Oh, I'm the devil. The, yeah. Having sex. Oh, I'm the devil. The devil having sex. All right. Oh. Hey, guys. I have a quick question today on whether or not I should drop this friend. She's been my oldest friend since elementary school, but recently I've been feeling like she doesn't talk to me about anything positive.

It's always about her negative relationships or when she's going through breakups. She'll go months on end without talking to me when she's in a happy relationship. And she never asks me how I'm doing. So I feel like I don't want her kind of energy in my life anymore. But I don't know if that's a petty reason to stop being friends with somebody.

Like, talk about me. You never ask me how I'm doing. I don't know if that's petty enough to be like, I don't want to be friends with somebody like talk about me you never asked me how i'm doing i don't know if that's petty enough to be like i don't want to be friends with you anymore but i just feel like she never wants to see me be successful um she only wants to talk about herself so should i drop her how do i do that it's it's hard because i still love her and we have a lot of history together um any advice helps it's been hard trying to figure it out so i appreciate it thanks so what's the difference between this one newsflash not all

of your friends want you to be happy they want you to be like them i'll do you one more but the different you asked the question the difference between these two videos is the one wasn't like fuck you i'm out of this friendship she was just in this instance she's her friend is like complaining to her like why don't we ever talk about me or whatever the fuck okay she's not like i'm out of here i'm not your friend anymore okay this girl's wondering if she should be the one that just go son her friend oh so it's like the opposite yeah the inverse uh i you know i also think i'm gonna do you one more you're not all your friends want what's best for you

honestly most of your friends are probably secretly your enemy yes dude you know how close an enemy is to a friend one move away one move you learn somebody's your enemy real quick dude and they're doing you a favor so maybe this is the thing man people don't want you to be happy friends people don't want you to be happy enemies definitely don't want you to be happy. Enemies definitely don't want you to be happy. Friends probably are your enemy, so they definitely don't want you to be happy. There's a thing, though. When you realize who your friends really are, are times like this.

There are friends who will be happy for you because you found someone, and then it's like, oh, fuck yeah. Mike is in such a good relationship. He was bumming for so long, but I'm so happy to see him and having a good time with this new girl for so long but i'm so happy to see him in having a good time with this new girl uh then there's the version of the friend that's like

fuck mike's always hanging out with his chick dude like what do you mean dude yeah he is of course he is what the fuck else is gonna do hang out with your fucking smelly ass i think what you should do is honestly and i've thought about this before having zero friends and every year at the end of the year you pay people in your life a nominal fee this way technically you can say that you're they're working for you and whenever they do shit like this you go you don't get paid this year but you don't have friends i'm giving everyone a 20 i know at the end of next year 2023 i'm starting it with this year it's january 1 i'm giving everyone a 20 i know at the end of next year 2023 i'm starting it with this year it's january 1 i'm paying everyone i know that's even close to like kind of a friend they're all

getting well maybe a 10 or if there's many people but man and then enough it's not enough to make a difference do you know what i mean you gotta make it like four or five hundred dollars no but no why because otherwise what's 10 bucks who gives a shit i know but then technically they're an employee of mine uh-huh is what i'm saying and then if they backstab me or if they start to wish me harm or not be hold their their weight i don't pay them that year right and then they go like this but and i say we're not friends you just don't work for me anymore yeah right right that's awesome dude fuck yeah we figure shit out a lot of like yeah i don't know i gotta go to the bank between christmas and new year's and get a bunch of tenors tenors you know so english and then just here you go here you go to people that i talk to

maybe anyone that i talk to like more than five times that year otherwise you don't get paid they're not a friend or anything but like you know okay it sounds complicated it is complicated but your heart feels way better. I don't know. And it's about business, right? It's about business. Okay. Okay.

I think that's great. I wish somebody, I got to do that. You know, I must. Somebody who's really rich should do that. Here's the thing. Fuck anyone who says they're a friend and then tries to tell you, you don't spend enough time with them because you're always with your partner who you love and want to share your life with.

Okay? Only friends who are happy for you. That's kid shit. We're adults now. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Good.

We figured it out. Next one. I've got a question regarding a mate of mine and my friend group who has a problem with drinking. Can't seem to go out without having... Getting to the point where it's really... Like, does it blackout drunk? Oh, God.

Making mistakes. For example, vomiting all over my girlfriend's dinner counter. Oh, God. And just at a party, so embarrassing himself, but also embarrassing us, but mainly himself. And he'll get emotional, leave the party early. It just ruins his time. And obviously me and my friend group want him to come out,

but we also don't want to have the burden of looking after someone who looks to us for us to look after him while he's out, which also don't want to have the burden of looking after someone who looks to us for him for us to look after him while he's out which we shouldn't have to but it seems like we have to for him to actually have a good night and also for us to not have to look after someone like that um because yeah we want him to come out and have a good time but it's too difficult at times yeah so my question is how do you help someone like that you know have a good time drink the right amount with actually knowing the limit without going overboard um yeah love you both love the podcast but everyone um i have a friend like this and i kind of stopped hanging out yeah he can't he he can't. He doesn't know the limit. Yeah, don't invite him.

If he does, he doesn't keep it in mind. It sucks, but it's a disease and this is how it affects you, you know? But I think, no, I see, I mean, if he's as good a friend as this guy says he is, he should talk to him about it. Yeah, he should definitely talk to him about it. See how open he is to actually trying to change.

And if he gets really defensive, then it's like, well, I don't know if we can go out with you anymore, man. Yeah. You're a fucking nuisance and we've got to babysit you. Yeah. But if he's like, oh, no, it's kind of a a problem isn't it and then you go with him and help him yeah you know but the bottom line is one or the other though he shouldn't be going

out with you anymore yeah well if he takes the help then he won't be doing that either i have a buddy that i've talked to about it a little bit not too much you know but like he has a drinking problem and we just kind of stopped hanging out uh as much as we used to because it just is like it's just too hard it's just too you know he'll like corner you and fucking for 10 minutes and talk about something you know and you're just like oh well it's not that bad not like no no no no no this guy's got a light problem but i mean if you have a fucking big problem you you know, I don't know. It sucks too because the behavior you learn is something you do over and over again. And then it's a cycle.

And it's like, not only are you addicted to the actual substance, but you're addicted to the actual motion and idea of going to the bar and ordering a drink. You know, you need to unlearn that behavior. You know, it's a tough spot to be in. but uh yeah it sounds like this guy's really conflicted i think that you gotta i mean just you gotta say look dude yeah exactly what matt says we can't invite you out anymore we got to take care of you it's not fun for us we don't want to do it you know and i'm sorry to say it i'm here to help you if you want but if not we're just gonna we gotta go because we can get crunk without patunk without throwing up all over my girlfriend's table. But you, you're the guy who upchucks on the island.

You can't seem to do that, can you? Yeah, I don't know, man. That's a tough one. Addiction is real. It's hard to make jokes about it because I know a lot of people with it. Because it's not that funny. And I also have it. But I feel for your friend yeah and

so do you and that's totally normal but you know you gotta fucking give them the straight talk give them a chance to change at least all right what's going on matt and chris justin i don't know which is better that that's my question which what what should i say first no but my question is feeling out the crowd i'm 25 feeling the crowd out and i work as a plumber and i'm a third year which means i'm one year away from getting my license to the state and i get a big pay increase oh yeah but i had this predicament in my head that i started thinking about i'm like is this really what i want to be doing you know because I had human shit on my clothes and hands yeah like is this really what I want what I want to be doing yeah I can't speak and it got me to thinking I'm like I don't know what my dream job

would be if I could choose one and I just felt kind of lost And I guess I'd never really thought about that. It's a deeper. But I was just wondering how to go about combating the fact that I don't know what to do with my life. And I feel kind of lost. And I guess that's it. All right. Thanks. Well, imagine not knowing what you want to do for the rest of your life while also getting human shit all over you. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. we have all been lied to since we were kids there we go we are told

follow your passion motherfucker do you know how few people have a passion yeah some people don't even have people feel like they're lacking because most people don't have a passion. They have what is called a job. Right. Because they don't have this inner deeper drive to do something extremely specific. It's just like they want to fucking make enough money to sometimes have a family, sometimes just support themselves, whatever.

Everybody wants to do their own thing. But the lie is that you're expected to have a passion that is false it makes people it makes people feel like this guy where it's like oh i don't know what my passion is i don't know dude that's fucking fine do something that you're really good at make a lot of money at it and wait to see what your fucking passion is make a lot of money being a plumber and then maybe when you're 40 you'll realize oh, oh, you know what I really fucking love? Fishing. By then, you'll have a fucking enough money

to buy yourself a sick boat, sick fishing rods, and you'll have a fucking life where you're not only making money at your job, the thing that you're very good at, which also makes you feel good and reinforces all that shit, but you also now have your passion.

Wow, that's good. There's no rush to have a passion. Yeah, don't rush your passion. Don't rush have now have your passion wow that's good rush to be have a passion yeah don't rush your passion don't rush to figure out your passion you're only gonna fuck it up and don't feel like you need to have one you don't do whatever you're good at until you know what your passion is it's perfectly fine to just have a job and work that job and work to live and then in the fourth year start making a lot of money and then you know this whole what's my passion you'll figure it out and if you don't it's also okay yeah right yeah especially if you could do something like go to trade school or become a plumber it's a steady fucking income

you can make a shit ton of money and trade schools are lacking right now dude go fucking dude make bank at some in some union job like that and do that for years and years and then a passion will come to you. And when it does, you'll have like fucking $400,000 in the bank or whatever the fuck, you know? That's a lot, but yeah. If you're anything like me, you will, you know?

You don't do a trade school. I'm a fucking plumber. You are? I do HVAC stuff. No. And I make $400,000 a year at it. Okay, I think maybe you don't do hvac stuff no and i make four hundred thousand dollars a year okay i think maybe you don't do any of those things but uh okay yeah i feel like uh you're right about that people say that's like that whole you can do whatever you put your mind to i don't like any

of that shit can't yeah i don't like any of that shit it's a lie any of that any of that those posters you can buy with like a whale tail on it that's like perseverance get the fuck out of here with that shit go to work get shit on you legitimate literally get shit on you and then buy a boat when you're 40 yeah that's what that poster should say yeah get shit on buy a boat when you're 40 yeah yeah and have a bald eagle just like yeah totally unrelated image yeah yeah there you go. There was a store in the mall called Reflections that would have that. It was called Reflections

and they would all sell those posters. I wonder if those fucking things are still in business not because of the internet. I bet they're like $450 per now, those posters. What were they? What do you mean? You said they sold posters, right? Yeah, but do they have them anymore?

The motivational posters? Yeah, the motivational posters. I bet those are expensive now, is what I'm saying. Yeah. Why now? The OG ones? Why? Because everything, like toys.

You can just make one, though. Oh, you think that they're actually- Yeah, if they're newly printed, then they're cheap. Look, walk the talk. Look at these. Yep, excellence with the fish jumping. What is it called? Well, the fish didn't even do that, you know?

That's such Photoshop. What's it say? Excellence, and then what's the thing that it says under it see now it's now you should go back you should go back right because it said it and he went too forward it said it what does it say yeah read it just say it says the will to win the desire to succeed the urge to reach your full potential these are all the keys that will unlock the deer the door personal excellence oh it's a no shit bomb that is so long like that's too many words that's basically it should be two posters

that's the teamwork one look how long it is wow what's this one say the glacier with the fucking more glacier under it you know always a glacier well make it bigger oh wow go to make it bigger make them hd dude i make it bigger pinch it you know pinch it there we go what does this 10 iconic motivational posters it says teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishment toward organizational objectives. I mean, robot. It is the full, wait,

oh, sorry. Fuel. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results. Wow. And then guys are just in a fucking canoe. That is just. You know?

Not. What do you call those? A fucking. fucking canoe that is just you know not what do you call those guys are just fucking 10 dudes in a canoe just doing teamwork well they needed an image to support what they were saying if i had that if i saw that poster and i and i did the rowing i would row the other way i'd get so pissed off and i'd be like this is nothing what's this one above and beyond look at this shit when. When a team of dedicated individuals makes a commitment to act as one, the sky's the limit.

Unreal. That's the same as the last one. They're all the same. Dude, you buy this shit for what? Walk the walk with the penguins on the beach, dude. Penguins don't even go there. Walk the talk. Take the initiative and lead the way. You can make the difference.

Bullshit. That's such bullshit, dude. That's something that like, oh, look at this. Some people dream of success while others wake up and work hard at it. And it's a golf course? That's so funny to just think of working hard at success. Like, you know, Russians make this and then sell it. They fucking farm it out. Look at this.

You guys got the backwards way of life. Make it happen. Roping a bicycle up a rope. Make it out. Look at this. You guys got the backwards way of life. Make it happen. Rope and a bicycle up a rope. Make it happen. There is no challenge too great for those who have the will and heart to make it happen. I mean, make it happen is already in it.

That is just a fact. Yeah. There is no challenge too great for those who have the will and heart to make it happen. What is making it happen, dude? Ah, swag! And then a picture of a guy climbing a rope,

also holding on to a bicycle, dude. What is he doing? Nothing has been more Swedish than this whole thing. What is the activity? Dude, that is unbelievable. Euthanism. Enthusiasm. Wow.

Euthanasia. Euthanasiaia it is okay to want to kill yourself if you are feeling pain dr gavorkian enthusiasm passion creates energy strike out with joy whoa the fuck the choice of words strike out with joy and exhilaration, and others are sure to join you. How annoying is somebody who believes that? I mean, of course you understand. Customer service! Is this a joke? No, see, here's the thing.

They're all bullshit capitalist things underneath. This one is just naked, dude. Just like admitting what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does it say? I mean, Marco, read that. The sea of change can pull customers in many directions. It is our responsibility to light the way and take care of them before the

competition. This is definitely like when they already sold and exhausted the fan base and was like, they sold a bunch of the real ones. And they were like, and when some guy was just like customer service and they were like, what are we going to do? We go to see a change.

And it's like, okay, we'll be good for business. a change and it's like okay we'll be good for business let's try it let's run it we'll do one we'll rock it up mock it up yeah commitment extraordinary energy concentrated power and sheer will this is the potent mix required to break barriers and reach the pinnacle of success the whole recipe of these things sucks balls dude it's just a vague image and then a word with like kind of the definition of that word underneath dude go go collaborate collaborate to stand apart from the competition you must first stand together as a team and then just a bunch of trees trees together yeah dude the fucking gall dude also they didn't go out

and take these pictures they literally bought they're all stock images yeah wow this is before the internet this shit popped off dude yeah people like in like altadena like like hung these up in their in their fucking dentist's office you know oh definitely how funny is it summer school classroom yeah dude a dentist SAT class in a church. Oh, yeah. Dude, in the back building of a church, you have one of these. Yeah.

Just commitment. Yeah. You know what my New Year's resolution is? Commitment. Mine is success. And mine is customer service. Mine is customer service. And teamwork.

And teamwork, yeah. All right. Well, we're fucking done, right? You guys look. I'm going to be in San Diego. I'll see you next weekend. San Diego, I'll see you next weekend. San Diego, I'll see you next weekend. San Diego, I'll see you next weekend.

Seattle, I'll see you the next one. Portland, I'll see you the next one. And Obrea, California. I forgot about that one. I'm doing the club there. Lakeland, Jacksonville, Daytona, San Antonio, Sugarland, Texas. You know, a bunch of them. Columbus, Ohio, Midland, Texas, Austin, Texas, Tulsa, Kansas City, Chicago, New York, Providence.

ChrisDelia.com. Get your tickets. You want one-on-one advice sessions with me, yours truly, Matt Delia, the king of the bing-bang? Go to MattDelia.com and book those. Get shit done together. If you have a submission, have a question for us, need advice, click the link in the description below or go to watchlifeline.com and when you need the merch,

which my brother's wearing right now, he's wearing the black hoodie, which is bing bong, go to lifelinemerch.com Also, it's cold, you know? You need to get your, yeah, truly. It's crazy, right? Yeah, it's crazy. Alright guys, thanks for remembering it's the year of the b your yeah truly yep it's crazy right yeah it's crazy all

right guys thanks remember it's the year of the bing bong right so many noises