Lifeline - 47. Dangly Earringville

Episode Date: March 5, 2023

🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. Thank you so much for your questions. Keep them coming! Today we talk about Waze v. Apple Maps, recording yourself on open mics, managing your rollerblading image, having a problem with puking, when guys think your personality is too much, Will Smith, and bathroom stall intimidation.  📆 Book 20 min or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. Here we are going. We started? Yeah, we started going. We started? Yeah, we started. Whose fault is that?

It's nobody's fault. It's what we're supposed to do. Okay, well, not everything's right. That needs to be on. I know. And I, there we go. Because you fucking ruined it. Yeah, I'm on and popping.

And on and popping. Yeah, I'm on. Method man the way you're doing it. What? Method man the way you're doing it. Isn't that how he does it? No. Okay, I know.

On and popping is uh what's his name dj quick young mc i thought it was dj quick no okay i'm popping i'm also right about other stuff though so it evens out so it's fine all right great that's great welcome to the show lifeline um welcome to the show lifeline and welcome to dangly earringville you ever been a dangly earringville that's okay probably not because it's population one old lady i'm not an old lady though i'm a young man yeah well you got a dangly earring and you got it before i did but that's okay because i was busy getting yatted up yeah and i swore god bleep it out sorry you so many yattos that you can't even show everybody.

I can't yet. No, they're not healed. But I do what I want, and I do it on my own time. And some of them I won't be seeing for anybody. But I saw. You saw. I saw it. And nobody knows what it is.

Are they ever going to know? Can I ever talk about it? Yeah, they will know. It's on my arm, so yeah. It's creeping out. Yeah, I know. It's creeping out. It's trying to say, let me be seen.

That's the worst thing to do. The tattoo is coming out under a shirt. I don't know if you guys can see, but what it's saying to say let me be seen that's the worst thing to do the tattoo is right under coming out under a shirt i don't know if you guys can see but what it's saying is let me be seen no it's not it's going like this hey dude just let you know he's this sexy that's what's doing it because because being because having a lot of tattoos is sexy and i'm sexy okay so you think it's sexy when guys have a lot of tattoos yep in a Oh! Yep. In a gay way, I think that. Oh. And I'm gay.

Oh. So how's that? That was so unceremonious, the way you came out of the closet. Yep. But I will say, oh, there's news here. I'm shooting my special

in Minneapolis April 1st. And the first show sold out, but their second show is still tickets if you want to be a part of that. And who's directing it? Steven Spielberg. That's not true.

How would it be if that's who directed it? Steven Spielberg and Guillermo del Toro co-directing it. Wow, wow. That's amazing. I didn't even know that. Yeah. Okay. No, you know who's directing it?

Yeah, I do. It's a little guy I like to call Matt D'Elia. Okay. Yeah. Okay. No, you know who's directing it? Yeah, I do. It's a little guy I like to call Matt D'Elia. Okay. Yeah. Well, we all call him that because that's his name. Matt. But yeah, I will be in Minneapolis. I will be in Austin.

I will be in different places. Gave up. Gave up. Tulsa and Kansas City. That's what's up, dude. You're going to be in Sugar Land? Sugar Land? No, I already did it.

Sugar Land? I already did it. How did the guy correct you again? I don't know. It doesn't matter though, huh? I'll be in Midland, Texas, Columbus, Cincinnati, and Boise. And more dates coming up.

Oh, Milwaukee and Utah. So yeah. That's all good. That's a lot of... You said there's a lot of places that you didn't say. I know you know you pick and choose i'll be in salt lake i got a lot go to chrislea.com and check it out you know being uh well stop moving it oh stop moving it's doing it like look here okay uh anyway you know you have a question for us on this show click the link in the description below or just simply go to watch lififeline.com. If you want a one-on-one advice session with me,

you want to get down and dirty, you want to get in the muck, you want to get in the mire, you want to talk about real serious darkness stuff. We get it. Privacy. Come to me. Book a session, mattdelia.com. We'll get it taken care of. All right.

And the Lifeline merch is firelifelinemerch.com. Lifelinemerch.com. Lifelinemerch.com. Not fire is in the website. Anyway. I knew that's why you repeated it. How about that? Well, obviously you did.

Too many drinks, too many hats. All right. I'm pissed it's not a regular Coke. Those little ones are kind of... But it's also a zero.

So at what point is it just going to be nothing? It's zero calories and way less of a Coke anyway. Yeah, but... Pretty soon... Oh, there's no sugar in this? Yo.

Dude. Burping. There's no sugar in this. Yeah, I know. That's what a Coke Zero is, man. What's even in it then? You know what I'm saying? I'll tell you what's in it.

Cancer. Yeah. Chemicals. What's worse, this or regular coke it depends if you want to get fat or die i'd rather well i'd rather get fat we're gonna die from fatness anyway you're gonna die either way your thing doesn't even work you want to die fat or you want to die with cancer oh i want to die fat then you're drinking the wrong thing yeah okay that's what i thought okay but pretty soon you'll be like this pretty soon you'll be like this do you want a coke like with the microscope

oh wow that was the microscope the first one was yeah your fingers would be too big for it i look there's no regular cokes man it's okay man it's fine dude just sit down and do the producer work i've been misled i've been lied to wow grab the topo chico for himself the truth comes out the truth comes out only wanted a topo you want to come let me go up we don't have any whoa hey look here got it got the topo chico um so yeah so what you've been doing man i'll tell you what man we haven't seen each other in a bit huh no i didn't know when you get the dangly earring uh i got the dangly earring about uh two weeks ago oh wow i haven't seen you and the woman who did it she asked me do you want it right on the old

because i used to have my ears oh right right she said you want want it right on the old uh spot because that's where it was and i said absolutely of course right but i also thought there's no way she's gonna get exactly yeah on it but she got it exactly on it it's her job but she's so good at it that's what you thank god she did we need more people like that who are good at their job. It's so true. Where'd you get it done? What kiosk at the mall? The one,

which mall you mean? No, I'm saying where'd you go? What kiosk at the mall like you were out there getting it outside of Orange Julius just like. I basically was.

I was at the Glendale Galleria, yeah. Oh, wow. So it was an Armenian. She was not Armenian. Hey, dog,

let me, hey, come here. Hey, you want it exactly where it was, dog? She was Middle Eastern, but she was not Armenian. This is the waiver.

You have to sign this just in case. I put my hands on your face. I know that a lot of times people don't like their hands. If someone put their hands in my place, in my face, dude, that's it for them. So how come when you think in your mind Armenians are only talking about one version or another of putting fingers in someone's face? Because that's so disrespectful. And hey, that's one thing I won't stand for, hey bro so is it the respect thing like they think a lot about yeah that's why they love scarface dude they love scar i saw scarface the other day dude for the

first time how is that even possible dude it was it's because i only see parts it's one of those movies you only see parts of you know if you're a loser yeah but if you're a loser now you're a non-loser dude how hilarious al pacino literally just plays a fucking cuban i mean that's how it was didn't know didn't know tony montana wasn't a real person until i watched the movie well you probably thought it because it's based on a previous movie right by howard hawks howard hawks and who plays scarface in that one paul mooney really m-u-n-i oh no okay paul money uh from 1931 i think oh and the only thing that's the same besides the obvious rise fall is that there's there is the globe the world is yours really that's what it is right yeah i knew that and um also i saw that the world is yours it should say the world is mine right well that's actually that's actually why i hesitated because i was like wait does it yeah

because no it says the world is yours when i was watching movies like why doesn't say the world is mine he's so we get this why would he say the world is because it's supposed it's like supposed to be a metaphor you can have it apply it needs to be for you not just one person for the movie for the movie and for the audience yeah right i know but i didn't like that because it's like i'm not dumb i get it but in the original he actually sees it oh he sees it up on the top of a building somewhere and it like is supposed to like is it good a good movie i mean it's you wouldn't like it but scarface a good movie the new one the the new one the new older one yeah the new older one yeah that's amazing you like it yeah yeah dude cool

push it to the limit so many good things in that and then when it goes welcome to the limit that's my favorite part when it goes push it to the limit and they talk about all like going to keep it to the limit and then at the end it goes welcome to the limit like we've achieved you got there yeah yep it's telling a story yeah so uh i saw scarface i was in new york and i was in chicago and then you were only here so great so i'm a world traveler you're not yes where did you see scarface on the plane the best place to see a movie no wrong watching scarface on a plane is the wrong thing to do well that's what i did and that's the only time i was ever going to watch it so you should be great dude why don't you like to watch? Dude, why don't you like to watch good movies every...

Why don't I like to watch good movies? Oh, you're talking about... You're talking to a guy who watched Cloverfield last night. You're talking to a guy who watched Cloverfield, the best found footage of... The original Cloverfield? Yeah, the found footage... Dude, have you seen the new one? The Cloverfield Paradox? I have. Paradox? Cloverfield Paradox. Saw that on a plane, too. I only know... No, no, no. Saw it on Netflix.

Cloverfield Lane is the other one I know. 10 Cloverfield... What's it on Netflix Cloverfield Lane Is the one Other one I know 10 Cloverfield Lane What's It's Cloverfield Then it's 10 Cloverfield Lane That takes place Many years afterwards And then it's

The Cloverfield Paradox Which takes place Before all of that You want a piece of trivia Yeah 10 Cloverfield Lane Was never a Cloverfield movie Until after it was shot

Then they added the part About how they go outside You're kidding me It was just a Like a Chamber piece movie With a handful of actors field movie until after it was shot then they added the part about how they go outside you're kidding me it was just a like a uh chamber piece movie with a handful of actors you're kidding me no dude and then jj abrams who whose company had produced it was like that sucks time to expand the universe and dude i'm telling you that makes it way less good i agree but i think it's kind of smart that it is smart they did it for for sure. But like, that's not what you had in plan? Imagine being the filmmaker.

Oh, my God. No, dude. Yeah. Oh, my God, dude. It's crazy, right? Wow. How did you know that? Because I'm the guy.

Just because I know about movies, man. Wow. Are you sure? I mean, I wasn't there, but yeah, I'm sure. Is that like one of those things where they say the guy from The Lost? Because they say the thing about Lost where he didn't really know what he was doing he was just writing as he was going damon lindelof or no no jj aarons yeah damon damon lindelof wrote it right okay but right i know but but it's but it was them too oh okay right right and and they

oh i've heard that about i'm saying like the first season after the first season they were like uh is that true i i don't know but i don't know well then why are you saying is it like that because i don't believe shit just because it's in the fucking zeitgeist no i know that that is true about cloverfield 10 cloverfield lanes 10 different cloverfield lanes what i don't understand is why here's what i don't like cloverfield why is it called cloverfield i don't know do you know uh anthony you're a dork the The entire time you guys have been talking about this, I've been like, oh, yeah, I know that. Oh, wow. So what's up with the – why is it called – is it called the –

Cloverfield was originally the like – they were trying to keep it super secret. So it was originally that was like the – it's called something. When a movie is called something before it actually comes out, and they just kept it. Oh, pissed. Why though? So now they call the monster clover in

the monster in the in a movie which is stupid and then it's 10 cloverfield lane it's like so they just happen to live on a place called cloverfield lane lane i don't i don't like how the clover it doesn't mean they were gonna call the movie you know what they were gonna call the movie cheese what yep don't know why no that's not true yeah it is you made it up no i didn't what movie was gonna be called cheese cloverfield why don't know why. No, that's not true. Yeah, it is. You made it up. No, I didn't. What movie was going to be called Cheese? Cloverfield. Why? Don't know. Why is it called Cloverfield?

Well, Cloverfield doesn't make people say, why is it called that? Cheese does. Like, cheese is a thing that everyone knows what it is, you know? Well. Cloverfield, at least, is a made-up thing that people are like, oh, I don't need to know what that is. I'm just going to see the movie.

I don't know. The whole time, I was like, why is this fucking thing called Cloverfield? Right, right, right, right. If it was called Cheese, that people are like, oh, I don't need to know what that is. I'm just going to see the movie. I don't know. The whole time I was like, why is this fucking thing called Cloverfield? Right, right, right, right. If it was called cheese, I'd be like, this is hilarious.

It's called the cheese. Right, right, right. All right, dude, you know, say right. I don't say right. I say right. I know, I know, I know.

We used to watch the thing on MTV where the guy said, right. Okay. The Grind. The Grind. Eric Nese. Put up a picture of Eric Nese.

What? Is that what you're doing? That's what he's doing. It's Eric Nese. Yeah, right, right, rightroit, Vroit. Vroit, Vroit. Vroit, Vroit, Vroit. And then I turned it into, like, it's Jon Voight.

So now me and this idiot over here, us two idiots, we just say Jon, Jon, Jon. And only us, we know what we're talking about. This is the worst podcast known to man. This is the worst podcast known to man. And I will tell you this, dude, Eric Nese, that's the worst last name. That's like your last name is Arms. That's like your last name is Arms. That's like your last name is Arms. Imagine...

Didn't like that you cut me off in the middle of it. Shut up. But it's fine. It's like your last name is Ice. Are you done? I'll wait now. A few seconds, okay? Okay.

Okay, okay. Okay, go. So, what was I even going to say? Oh, I wonder what Eric Nese looks like now, though. Terrible. Guys who are like that kind of handsome look like she's nice after like shit yeah oh you can you can't say it it's 13 minutes in oh you just make the rules as you go okay five minutes but yeah no i get it oh wow oh oh oh look at him

six country no doubt, look at him. He doesn't look good. He used to. Oh, look how good. That's how he used to look, though. Oh, I thought that's him now. That looks good. Yeah.

He did balding well, huh? Did he see balding? Well, yeah. You can tell because he's bald. I can't tell. You can tell because his hair starts here. Okay. I didn't see that.

Saluting you. Saluting you. All right. Well, do you want to get into the program okay or what or do we don't talk about people that nobody fucking knows about that was way too fast what you said so eric niece i bet everybody remembers eric niece hi guys uh huge fan i love your podcast it is literally my lifeline gets me through my days however quick backstory i am 26 i got married at 23 divorced at 25 i took a year to self-reflect love myself get get myself right um but she's just now getting back into the dating field okay i'm originally from louisiana I've lived in L.A. for five, six years now. And getting back into the dating scene has been absolute trash.

I swear to God, if I liked Kitty Kat, I would be a lesbian. But your girl is strictly dickly. Whoa. I can't do it. However, every guy that I've had a fling with, that I've gone on dates with, et cetera, that have allowed me to meet their friends, wanted me to meet their friends. We're in a group setting and she's Southern. She wants to meet the friends. She wants to get to know them. I make the friends laugh, et cetera.

The guy literally will end it with me because I am quote unquote too sarcastic. Why am I making their friends laugh? Why am I, why do I have a personality is basically what it translates to yeah i don't understand i'm not flirting with their friends i try to make them laugh and they laugh but they're like oh you you have too much of they literally say you have too much of a personality your personality is intimidating i don't understand i don't know if it's because i'm the funniest person in the room and they just get like mad about that i don't even believe that of myself i just like to get to know people like i'm she's been pretty i'm southern and if you want me to

meet your friends i'm not just gonna sit there and look pretty hi i'm tori no like i want to like get to know you she's funny she has some spunk she has some spice to her i don't get why it's such a crime for me to have a personality and want to make people laugh. But literally every guy that I've gone on a date with has been like, it's too much. Like later down the line, especially once meeting their friends and their friends will message me after and be like, wait,

what happened? Why aren't you with so-and-so? Like we hit it off. And they're like, I don't get it. Like you were fine. He's just must be going through it, whatever.

But it's literally been countless times. Yeah, I don't know. Any advice would help, but I hope I don't have to just be like a bump on the log and a porn bitch because that's not me. And I hope I can find my person somewhere, but I don't know. I feel like every guy

in LA is just used to girls just sitting at a restaurant ordering the most expensive things and not really giving a fuck about them. But I give't know. Like, I feel like every guy in L.A. is, like, just used to girls just sitting at a restaurant ordering the most expensive things and not really giving a fuck about them. But I give a fuck. And I also want to make you laugh. And I want to have a good time. Is there a happy medium? Help. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. So those guys that you're dating are pieces of Schneisen. Okay. You don't have to. Okay. It's okay to swear now. She did, too. They're pieces of Schneisen. Okay. It's not okay it's okay to swear now they're pieces of schneisen it's not even that's not how it would be it was pieces of ish that's what it would be i'm making

it more german though okay it's it so i don't know if i'd say they're a piece of shit but they're it's dude if you're like a a woman you know if you're if you're a guy single guy and you're you meet a woman that you like but and everything's cool but otherwise other than the fact that she has up too much of a personality is like that's not you're saying that you're saying she has too much of a thing that is good here's the thing that usually you usually see honestly people who say like, oh, I have too much of a personality, they seem annoying. Yeah, right.

Of course. She's not. She actually seems like a very sweet, fun person to be around. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. So the guys that she must be hanging out with, I don't know them, but they've got to just be like insecure.

Or just like super old-fashioned, really uptight christian except for the religion yeah no i know i'm saying that's the thing that's the only kind of guy who has an excuse to be that way if you're from like 1951 and and hello donning annoying not talking too much right yeah exactly yeah right yeah uh yeah's weird. That is a weird thing. I don't know. I mean, I like to talk and bullshit and be funny. And if, you know, like my wife is funny. She's funny.

She's outgoing and stuff. My question is, what are these guys? You know what? Here's my advice. Next time, if that happens again, ask, what would you prefer then? Even if you're not positing, well, I can be that too. I'm not saying be desperate and bend over backwards to give this idiot what he wants. But put it back on him and be like, well, I'm sorry. What's the alternative?

I have too much of a personality. You want just like an idiot who sits there? What are you seeking that this isn't? I think they probably think they want that, but they don't actually really want that these guys are i would say i don't know how many guys has been what three four i don't know but they're lost causes it's tough to date in la man it's tough to date and you're you've been through it already you've been married you know you're married at a young age like me in la it's a young age and i have advice what they're They're probably, if they're your age.

If they are. They're probably, yeah, exactly. I would say maybe date older guys. He probably does as LA. Because I'm just saying, that sounds like a young person thing. That's true. I don't know any 40-year-old that would be like, oh, this woman, she's got too much of a personality. But a young, insecure person who needs to be the one who's funny and the center of attention, I could totally see it going that way. Maybe date older guys if they're your age or like under 30 older established guys know what they

want yeah and they're insecure like that yes figured it out yes that was me 100 no we both kind of wouldn't you wouldn't got it i walk to the fly like how they say that but you cut me off just to say what i was already saying which is all good uh okay but yeah that's the advice to you appreciate you and i'm not also not worried about it because she'll find me yeah good good luck already been married so she figured it out it just sounds like you're on a bad run yeah yeah yeah and that's not every guy yeah a lot most guys that i know actually say the opposite in fact many guys i know are either having a hard time with their current girlfriend or their recent most recent girlfriend

because they're just like I don't know like I wasn't like she wasn't really participating she didn't have a lot to say

so it's like you could just I think you just had to run of the wrong guys her to those guys right right

right John okay cool what's up Chris and Matt thisgan from alabama uh we are actually in y'all's neck of the woods right now for the very first time me and my wife uh shelby uh we are renting a car uh in la which is kind of what it seems to be the move yeah uh and it got us thinking and really butting heads. I'm a big Apple Maps guy, and she is a Waze girl, which sounds strange. But how do we get past this? What do we do to get past this impasse?

Because it's causing a lot of hard feelings between the two of us. And we just kind of wanted to hear your input. What do you guys like? Apple Maps or Waze? Here's the advice. Logan, stop being a fucking piece of schnice. Why? Because Waze is so much better, dude.

Apple Maps sucks. Yeah, but Apple Maps often syncs to your car. I hate that. You're right, it does. I hate, but I don't want it to. Right. Because it's worse.

Yeah. Is it? So, yeah, it's worse, dude. I can't tell you. I mean, the percent of times that I use Waze and get there exactly at the estimated time that they said I would is unbelievable. I use Apple Maps, and I don't even have it. I have a Samsung, so it's amazing. Also, the interface sucks on Apple Maps.

Oh, really? Yes. Here's what I don't like. When I was in Chicago, my kind of town. So annoying. So annoying. When I was in Chicago, and even in new york gonna wake up in the city by the way the city sleeps now after covet it sucks

they go to bed everyone goes to bed in chicago no in new york yeah i know i was quizzing you in chicago and new york you know the cell i don't know what's up with the cell towers but dude it takes like nine or 12 minutes to fucking if you're walking like to get the direction right yeah yeah you got to be like twisting it and is that because people are they're constantly trying to keep up with the amount of data everyone needs in the city it's so annoying everybody's using shit at the same time so chicago i would use apple maps and it was really hard to do it, but I was walking. But I think Waze, though.

Here's the annoying thing about Waze, first of all. There's only one, so not second of all. But yeah, it tells you how to get there quicker, but you're turning into so many back roads, dude. That doesn't happen for me. Oh, really? I go to alternate routes, and you can pick from three, at least three. Yeah. And I always pick the one with the least amount of left turns.

But isn't it always... Why left? Because left turns are impossible. Oh, he's smart. He's smart. So, but hold on. But usually it's like, okay, this one, and then it's also this one, but plus eight minutes. Or this plus 22 minutes. Those are the three options. You're like, I got to go with the first one, and then you're doing this one but plus eight minutes or this plus 22 minutes those are the

three options you're like i gotta go with the first one and then you're doing so many left no no no no no no no not for me this is not my experience this is not my experience all right all right fine all right fine ways logan get it together i don't get it together and use ways i don't really have what was his wife's name spencer slippy slappy no samsonite i think it was slappy dude that part's funny and dumb and dumber right yeah yeah just let the audience know we know but let the audience know um so uh yeah i don't care enough honestly i use apple maps though because who cares what's gonna make five minutes ten minutes quicker doesn't minutes quicker hey if i'm late oh well hey dude if i'm late hey guess what okay now that i'm here we can start aesthetic matters and i hate the interface of apple maps aesthetic doesn't matter when you're

trying to get somewhere it's drunk the way you said it and so i was i want you to know that all right next one matt huge fan i'm wearing a wife beater because it's 85 degrees in this And so I was, I want you to know that. All right. Next one. Matt, huge fan. I'm wearing a wife beater because it's 85 degrees in this girl house. So take it easy. Okay. My question's for Chris. I did my first three minutes last night.

I thought it went pretty well. I was told to record myself to go back and critique my performance. Did you find any use in that or did you kind of just trust yourself to go up each time and uh kill it talking about sex let me know thank you okay so went on stage then they told him to record himself right his self uh chris yes and then said who's they critique the people the people that well he said they he said they who said who cares the voices in his head told him so that he was trying to and they and they to watch it back and they wanted to does he find it helpful right that was the question

okay critique himself um and he wants to know if you've recorded yourself before i did okay so here's what would happen. I would record myself in the beginning because I thought it would be a good idea, and then I never really watched it. That's so you. It is very me. Because I think, okay, so he did his first three minutes. Does it help?

The only thing you got to do in the beginning is just keep getting on stage. That's it. That's it. You're not even writing stuff now that you're going to be using when you actually become a real comedian. Not to say you're not a real comedian. You are a real comedian if you get on stage and do stand up. But once you start working, you're not going to use this stuff anyway. So there's no reason to understand the beats and shit and what you're saying and what you need to say and not say. Just get on stage and get over that getting on stage. Get over bombing. Get over all that stuff. So no, I think that it doesn't matter.

As a matter of fact, I think you're doing yourself a disservice if you record yourself because then you're going to have the inkling, oh, I'm going to put this online. And it's too early to put anything online. Don't get known. Just work your shit. That's it. That's it. There's nothing else but keep getting on stage.

You don't have to record your set. I actually don't think you ever have to record your set unless you're like i want to shoot this thing for like you know comedy central or netflix i want to get it tight you shoot in an hour then okay but other than that no no the answer is no i have a question why do so many upcoming comedians put their what they would consider their best material yeah online it's like anytime i look at like a comedian with like you know not so many instagram followers but obviously they go up a lot it's like their whole page is are clips from their material and isn't that like yeah i don't get that it seems to be going working against them in a net it it it it does it's it kind of sucks because it kind of sucks for

comedians because not everybody can get specials right of course and so up until recently the past year or so people have been putting them on youtubes and getting real putting it on youtube and getting real numbers on it and and then that leads to ticket sales. There's the guys who can get stuff on Netflix, they won't do that. And even if they do, it doesn't matter because they're going to get millions of views anyway, right? Right, right.

But if you got a guy like, somebody who's opening for somebody, right, that doesn't have a special, they're not going to get a special anytime soon. Okay. And it is advantageous for them to put their stuff online because people will- It is, you said. right that doesn't have a special they're not gonna get a special anytime soon okay and and and it is advantageous for them to put their stuff online because people you said is yes okay because people will find their stuff and be like oh who is this and then that can lead to ticket sales

okay i mean uh shane gillis put his youtube special or put a special on youtube that's it and it got like 12 million views and now he's doing theaters. So there's a bunch of different ways to do that. But nobody was doing that before that. He just dropped it on YouTube? Yeah. Just without anything? I think so. I don't really know.

But yeah. So that does work for people, you know? Yeah. I don't know. It does work for people. And so you're asking why they do that. And that's why. Because there is...

It is a little bit like hitting the jackpot. Yeah. Like, look, Matt Rife, who is now blew up on TikTok. Is he that, like, super handsome guy? Yeah. Yeah. Why is he so handsome? I don't know.

It's confusing. Yeah, he's really good, too. It's not – That's what I'm saying is weird. I know. I know. It is – but he was not handsome when he started stand-up. What? Yeah. Well, he started when he was not handsome when he started stand-up.

What? Yeah. Well, he started when he was 16, and he was like braces, dork. And now he looks like that? Yeah, it's hilarious, dude. That is hilarious. It's really funny. It's really funny. Wow.

And now he looks like that. And he blew up on TikTok. But the whole thing is he put out his special on YouTube. He was like, you think I'll get 100,000 views? Oh, wow. And on my podcast, I was like, yo, go see this. I posted it on my thing. Taking credit for it. No. I'll get 100,000 views? Oh, wow. And on my podcast, I was like, yo, go see this. I posted it on my thing. Taking credit for it.

No. And it got 100,000. Other people were doing it too. It got like 100,000. And he was like, why the fuck won't people repost my stuff and this and that? And then went on TikTok, blew up, just started putting clips up, blew up. And now everybody is like, fuck yeah, go Matt. Fuck those motherfuckers because Matt's the shit.

And he blew up. And now he's got like 3 million views on YouTube or something because of that. That's good, though. It's awesome for him. So why fuck anybody? Because nobody wants to put their money where their mouth is. Nobody wants to be like, yeah, this guy's funny. Or until they're like, oh, they blew up.

And now everybody's on his nuts. It's like, fuck all that shit. Fuck that shit, dude. I see. Okay. Well, now you're getting really, really upset. You want to be down with the motherfucker? Be down with the motherfuckers this day more.

Wow, wow, wow. Tupac. Okay. Oh, wow. All right. We'll do another one. Fuck Mobb Deep. Fuck Bad Boy.

Wrecking Lab and his motherfucking crew. Okay. And let's start that over because Chris was having a meltdown. Cool. It's okay. Love you guys. Huge fans. guys huge fans everybody says that but i'm literally the largest fan to ever have existed probably not but whatever um my question is uh i recently so recently tonight went rollerblading with my family my mom and my stepdad and um i got pretty good at it fairly quickly you

know i'm 20 22 23 i just smoked a lot of 22 23 i'm just curious do i need to be embarrassed at all about rollerblading and also should i invite some of my 22, 23-year-old friends to come with me? Or would it be a better idea for a date? Is it too out of date? Let me know. Love you guys. Chris, loved you in New Orleans. Oh, hell yeah, dude.

It's a great idea for a date. He should have said, I love you, Matt, too, but he didn't. Well, he didn't see you in New Orleans. But he should have said. Maybe that's how Winnie fell in love with me. I love you, Matt. Dude, but it's not bad for a date awesome it's certainly not bad with the family it's pretty bad if it's just like you and three

guys though fuck i disagree oh okay i want to roll a blade crew as a matter of fact i'm gonna start rolling because this guy's passionate i have a buddy who's in your group a supreme blader why and he goes to like competitions and stuff goes backwards and shit he's rad at it he like goes he like jumps what do you call backwards and shit. He's rad at it. He like jumps. What do you call it when you jump up and you like ride along this thing? A jump. Grinding.

Grinding, yeah. Grinding. Like Eric Nese. Nice on the grind. Yeah. He grinds, dude. It's going backwards. Wow.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that song, though? And why did you do it? I don't know. I think Brett Ernst has a bit on rollerblading and it's fucking hilarious. Roller skating. Wow. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that song, though? And why did you do it? I don't know. I think Brett Ernst has a bit on rollerblading, and it's fucking hilarious. Roller skating. Okay. But yeah, dude.

Oh, there's another guy, Brett Ernst. He put his special on YouTube. It's got like three million things on there. Oh, good for him. I know, dude. Love Brett Ernst. A new special? No, no, no.

It's been around for a while, and now he's doing his second one. Or, well, I don't know. It's the second one on YouTube, but yeah. Yeah brett i haven't seen brett in like a decade yeah he's great he's a great guy a lot of white guys are doing the youtube thing because fucking everyone wants like you know indian center convenience now anyway let's go next one hey chris this is a question for you okay well i guess i'll just go home billy i live in odessa texas so i'll see you in Midland on March 24th. Nice, chrisley.com.

I'll bring my fiance and a couple of our friends. Hell yeah. We're super stoked. I need advice on parenting stuff. I'm not a parent yet, but we do plan on having kids in the future, and I'm so pumped for that. Nice. The only thing I'm not ready for is when my kid walks up to me and says, Dad, I float up because I have a weak stomach.

I can't handle flow up, okay? Wow, cute. Anytime I see somebody on TV do it, I have to mute it and look away. If somebody does it to me and it's in the same room, I have to run out of the room because I'm starting to gag and dry heave and stuff. And I know that the day is going to come when my kid comes up to me and says, I float up. So, Chris, you as a father, me as a future father, how do I handle follow-up? How do I not follow-up? Cleaning the follow-up. Deaf.

I don't know how to follow-up. Anyway, any tips and tricks on that would be greatly appreciated. And I'll see you in Midland on March 24th. My, you got to get over it. Grow up. I know how. Even though you didn't ask me, you dick. Grow up.

Rhymes with throw up. Grow up. Yeah. You got to get over it. Actually, unfortunately, you got to just get over it. Oh, you didn't ask me, you dick. Grow up. Rhymes with throw up. Grow up. Yeah. You got to get over it. Actually, unfortunately, you got to just get over it. Oh, you're an adult? Oh. Oh.

Grow up. Yeah. So I was going to throw up. The first time I ever threw up, my dad knew how scared I was. And I wouldn't do it in the toilet. And my dad said, just throw up on me. And he said I went like this. And threw up all over his chest.

Do you know that? Did it make you feel better? It me feel comfortable i think he describes it made me feel comfortable it's like oh if i could do it on him it must not be that big of a deal okay you know dad's disgusting and i've been doing ever since hey dad you're disgusting if i have to throw up i drive over to mommy and daddy's house i throw up all over my dad um yeah dude uh uh yeah i think you got to get over it, man. And you know what? Actually, you know what? I'm not worried about you because you learn a lot from your kids and you are going to figure out how to do this. And when your son has to throw up,

that's going to help you get over your throw up thing because that's your son. That's your flesh and blood. You need to get over it because he needs you to do it. How about that? And right now you're probably like, oh, okay, that makes sense. I don't know if I could do it. But I'm telling you right now, you don't even know how much he needs you. And you don't even know how much because you don't know how much you need him. And when he comes out, you'll see. And he's going to throw up and it'll be just fine.

I'm not even worried about it. Okay. But also I would say I'm guessing that when your son throws up, it's not going to be that gross to you. But that's kind of what I'm saying. It's not what you're saying, though. It's what I said. It is what I'm saying. It's not what you're saying. It's what I'm saying because I'm the one who said it.

If we were around it, you would see that I'm the one who said that and not you. You said a different thing. So that's the thing you said. But that's what I'm saying, though, is because it's his son and it's going to be okay. And you're just going to be worried about it. I'm not worried about you thing you said. But that's what I'm saying though is because it's his son and it's going to be okay and you just don't need to worry about it. I'm not worried about you, I said. But what I said is because it's your son,

it's not even going to gross you out in the first place, so you're good. Because I'm not worried, but that's why I'm not worried about you. Wow. He just needs to have said what I said, you know?

All right. Well, he's fine and grow up and he's fine. Okay. Who else we got? Wow. So over him same guy what's up chris what's up matt baby from nashville tennessee out here with the puppy hey i got a question for y'all

really how should i handle this situation i work at a restaurant with this guy that walks up to the bathroom stall while you're trying to poop. And he'll lean up against the stall and start tapping his foot and humming or whistling like he's in a fucking 80s movie. And for me, I'm trying to sit private while I'm doing my thing. I can't really make a bowel movement with somebody that's standing two feet away from me. So pretty much everybody at the restaurant has said something about it we all think it's weird nobody wants to say anything to him so why just wondering uh how i should approach this uh yeah love the podcast y'all

life rips booyah booyah and hell yeah dude that was cool what i don't understand is what the guy's doing does he have to go no no no no what he's being like oh he thinks he's being funny first of all oh but he's like getting close to the stall tapping on it and like being a he said 80s movie because it's like a bully thing right but he doesn't want to fight but what i don't know but what i don't understand is why is everyone unwilling to say something to this guy when A, everyone agrees, but B, so power of numbers, but B, that sucks. What is the deal? And everyone would agree.

So next time he does it, say, get away. I'm trying to take a shnation. Matt. Or whatever, you know, use the actual word if you want. But just be like, what do you,

make him feel, here's what you want to do. You want to make him feel stupid. You don't just want to let him know he needs to stop. You want to make him feel stupid. You don't just want to let him know he needs to stop. You want to make him feel stupid. So you got to have the right tone of voice and you got to be like, what are you doing, dude?

Yeah. Like, are you a fucking infant? What is wrong with you? Get the fuck out of here. Everyone hates you because you do this. Get out. Wow. And then he would never do it again.

Report. Yay! Report him. He'll get fired. Yeah, but does he want that? because you do this get out wow and then he would never do it again oh report yeah he'll get fired yeah but does he want that well no just be like yo dude you got to stop hanging out where everyone's shitting yeah that's so weird it is really what i would i would be like hey man what are you doing is it funny exactly that's i don't understand do you want to fight it seems like you're a bully but i don't get i don't want to fight i just want to shit yeah i don't want to fight i just want to shit that's like a rap song yeah i don't know dude that's weird be like hey if you're gonna stand out there what come in wipe my ass dude right or that's a weird thing bro that's very very you know what shit in the guy's car shit

in the guy's car shit on the guy's car i mean where were you for this one no then when he gets mad be like i didn't know where else to shit it's the only place i knew you weren't because yeah yeah yeah you're working so i was like oh yeah shit on your door handle yeah yeah that's annoying dude one time i was coming out of an anti-social weird like that's like a yeah that guy's gonna kill somebody or something like that's so weird one time i came what time i came out of a mall and there was a homeless guy pissing on my car no way yep waited for him to finish oh why what he was homeless it's like what's where's this leading to getting him to stop pissing on your car i guess yeah but like then what he turns around and pisses all over me and

shit like i'm just all right just piss i was just like i mean i guess you know what maybe i would do the same thing but i don't think i think i would have reacted too quickly to catch myself before i didn't i'm good i'm good at that you're not good at that uh i'm worse at that yeah i am worse at that i was joking but now i feel bad but yeah i was just like no that's all right i have a temper yeah well i have a temper too okay but you you think you have a worse temper than me? I have a worse temper than you. You get way more mad about shit that is very stupid and doesn't matter. I snap more than you.

It matters, but yeah. You know what I'm talking about? You don't snap. Right. True. I snap. True. When was the last time you snapped?

A second ago. Come on. It's been a while. I mean, I've been working on this. Actually, that's the reason I started going to therapy. Yeah. You started going to therapy because of what? Because I was dating...

Do you imagine? Remember when I was dating her? Okay. And try not to name any names. Okay. It sounded like the reverse of the shit. You were dating shit? And she was like, you know, you have a real anger problem.

You really snap at me. And I was like, yeah, but you do stuff wrong. And she was like, yeah, but even if I do, you snap. That's a fair point. And that's not the best way to deal with it. I was like, you know what? You're absolutely right. So I started going to therapy, been with the same therapist for a very long time.

Over a decade. Women can really push your buttons, though. Well, sleeper. So you've been with a therapist for over a decade, and do you snap less? Oh, my God. So much less. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So much less. Oh, man. That's good. Yeah, it's good. Damn. I don't really snap too much. You don't snap. But I do often feel anger and upset.

Yeah, you'll text me and be like, this is bullshit. And I'll be like, that's not even a thing to recognize and be indifferent about, let alone be very deeply upset about. That's not true. You get so mad when somebody tells you to take your feet off furniture. Oh, dude. That is such a fucking bullshit thing that people do nah yeah it is because nine times out of ten they're not even the person who owns the place that's asinine to be somewhere that you don't own so what are they doing that's making a

statement about i i think yeah you should take your foot off the thing and i mean i'm talking about patrons of places come up to me and tell me that i'm talking about the the waiter or like you don't give a fuck you just want to be a dick and by the way i'm doing this it's not like i'm like on the walls just you know lionel richie and shit yeah i'm not fucking jamiroquai it's so annoying dude it's actually lionel richie not jamiroquai no he's like going back and forth you know he walks all over he walks on the ceiling too dude yeah man all right so sue me so sue me so it's like it's really annoying when people do the last time that the person did it a woman came up to me she was like 70 years old it was a doctor's office and i was just doing that and she was like i think this

young man should take his foot off that and i'm like you know what dude it's not 1940 anymore you don't have to be like she probably thinks i'm i have a motorcycle because i have tattoos you know it's like get with the fucking times man okay well it's deeper no it's not it's just let me live dude yeah people have a real weird hang up about that and i don't get it oh so you agree but to get mad no but to get mad about it is absolutely pointless either keep your foot up or take it down don't let it matter so you're okay with people telling you what to do like that yeah because i don't have to do it i don't have to do what people tell me to do so i don't care what they say.

Unless they're figures of authority. If a cop did it, that would bother me. That's a different story. If a cop did it, that would bother me. If some old lady who I don't give a shit about tells me to do something, I don't think I have to do it. So if a cop said, get your foot off the thing. That would bother the shit out of me.

Oh, well, that would be even worse, dude. Dude, I had a cop once in New York. I was leaving a Yankee game, getting on a subway, coming back to where I live in New York. And I swiped the MetroCard to get on the subway station, subway platform. And at certain places, certain areas, depends on the subway station, but sometimes there's MetroCards just like everywhere on the ground yeah this is back when they used to be like pieces of paper yeah like on your phone right um and i and i swiped and i just flung it on the ground yeah yeah because that's what seemingly a thousand people right right and uh some guy with a shaved head and like a hawaiian shirt on comes up to me and he's and he says would you

treat your mother's house like that and i was like what i actually did i was so surprised i didn't know what he was talking yeah yeah yeah and then he indicates the floor what i did and he just repeats himself would you treat your mother's house like that yeah and i actually thought about it and i said yeah i think so right that's, what I did isn't even, like I didn't spit on the floor. Right, right, right. Or like wipe my ass with a comforter. You know, I threw a MetroCard on the floor.

Matthew. And it was an outside station too. Yeah, oh wow. Anyway, he didn't even reveal that he was a cop, entrapment. And so. Could have got him arrested. But I snapped back at him.

If I knew he was a cop i wouldn't have done of course but uh this is when anyway he takes his yeah exactly he takes he takes his badge out of his shirt and he shows it to me like i'm supposed to yeah give a shit well because what are you gonna do arrest me i mean for that whatever they want though you know they didn't do shit because he can't i mean i guess he could get me for littering but i would just go to court take a picture of the fucking floor and go to court and say look there's a thousand other ones yeah i thought this is what you're supposed to do yeah get out of jail free yeah exactly okay so anyway i'm the fucking man that's the end of the story and then you're the man the fucking man um wow that is my point is that's mad annoying it pissed me off that a cop was like flexing his authority

over some bullshit like that i don't know if some guy did that i'd be like uh-huh and keep going i get it i get it i get what you're saying yeah but both are bad both are bad but but it's not worth my time to be annoyed by some guy who thinks I shouldn't have done what I did. I do not care enough what that fucking random guy thinks. You should have told him you should have said it was racism that he was doing it. He was white. Yeah, but he doesn't know what you are. Okay.

You would say I look middle eastern or something? Yep. You're profiling me. You're a white guy. Am I? Am I a white guy? This is a melting pot and everyone's kind of,

you know, everyone's mixed in a way and you don't know what my background is. Worst argument. Worst fucking argument ever. I do look Middle Eastern though, I think.

You should have said, would you treat your mother's house like that? I'd be like, well, let me come over to your mom's house and I'll show you how to treat yours.

Reet, reet, reet, reet. Freeze. You're going to rest in a Hawaiian shirt. Why didn't he just show me his badge first like what a dick extra dick you know the whole thing is gonna be undercover he definitely saw like nine episodes of svu he was binging it and then came and then was like i'm gonna do something and then had to go somewhere and then saw that and was like cool you know what was even more amazing he

had his partner with him and his partner i could tell was like oh wow this fucking clown oh so the guy's like just got in a fight with his wife then. That's the best part. Yeah, definitely. He had a bad day. He was having a bad day. Yeah, yeah. And he took it out on me.

You love those kinds of guys, you know? Yeah, but not when they're doing it to me. Not about something else, yeah. His partner was black, though. His partner was like. You should have been like, dude, we deal with this a lot. You couldn't sit down. No, he was looking at me like.

Yeah. Not like, what did you do kid yeah no i know i don't understand like this sorry yeah dude because he's always trying to i can't imagine what he's like if he's treating me like this what he treats you like right well right right yeah i mean i'm white but yeah but yeah but you have to disclose that to him okay and be like i didn't do all these why don't you go and get all these motherfuckers you know i'm white but there's one thing everybody knows i'm not and that's black you know so i didn't do all these. Why don't you go and get all these motherfuckers, you know? I'm white, but there's one thing everybody knows I'm not, and that's black, you know?

So I couldn't do that to a black guy. Maybe if he was Middle Eastern, I could have been like, we get persecuted like this, you know? Okay. All right, next one. Hey, Matt. Hey, Chris. This is Sabrina coming at you from the Bay Area.

So I'm going to get straight into it. I have a friend who FaceTimes me unannounced all the time. Like every couple of days just FaceTimes me. I could be working. I could be chilling at home. I could be at the grocery store. I could be at my boyfriend's house. She just FaceTimes me without asking. We used to work together for a few years and became friends. And now we don't work together. So we don't see each other very often, maybe, you know,

once a month. But if you're going to FaceTime me, I'm the type of person that like, I need you to have something to say, like it's gotta be important. Or you got to ask me a question really quick. But usually when I answer the phone or answer FaceTime, she's just like,

Hey, and she's just like in her kitchen with her dog, like chilling. And then it turns into a really long conversation that I don't want to have. That's her point. I don't want to be a bad friend. She's really bad at texting. So maybe that's why she FaceTimes me because she forgets to respond.

I get better at texting. I don't know how to approach it. I don't know how to be like, hey, dude, I don't want to FaceTime you. A lot of the times I just don't answer. So what do you guys think I should do? Bye. Sounds like you're doing it right not answering but if you have to say something say hey i don't ever pick up when people face on me

unless it's a plan um which is what i say if someone facetimes me and i don't pick up and then they say they try again or try again later i just text them at some point or let them know next time i see them i say hey i don't want you to take offense. I never, ever, ever answer FaceTimes unless we have a plan to FaceTime at that time. It's weird, though, because that's a very young thing to do. She seems very young. By the way, nice hat. She's got the Life Rips bucket hat. Yeah, I thought I recognized it, yeah.

But it is – I like how it matched her eyeshadow. I noticed the fucking details. Well, I was completely – very, very noticeable. the fucking details but well what i don't very very noticeable this is how i was watching colombo and there was a picture of this guy uh dead and um it was a picture of his um hand and they were like well the reason why we got colombo is because he notices all of the details and he was like you mean how i noticed that there's a a tan line where his watch should be. He wears a watch, but it's not on. It was a picture of the guy's tan line. Columbo's great, but so stupid sometimes.

Yeah. So anyway, the FaceTime thing is bonkers to me. I don't get it. I'm going to go out. Here's this. It's so much harder to talk on FaceTime than it is to talk on the phone. Like texting the phone sucks. Phone to FaceTime is beyond. Here's why. talk on facetime than it is to talk on the phone like texting the phone sucks phone to facetime

is beyond here's why you gotta fucking not only focus on the conversation you also gotta be holding your shit up like this it's annoying as fuck or like this and then see up your nose into your brain dude it's so facetime is so annoying don't ever facetime me people i got two three people that facetime me and i'm just like all right what's up okay bye you know we're talking this shit and we could have done this on text you let them do that to you yeah i mean i you know i i try to because i'm like maybe i'll get used to it honestly i don't i'll do it with my wife and and kid on when i'm on the road well obviously yeah yeah of Yeah, yeah, of course. But that's totally different. But that is just a niche, niche. Got to empty out.

That's so bad. You got to empty out the thumb clip. You got to empty it all the way out. I think that you need to – I think that FaceTime should only be reserved for something where you need to see somebody's face for it. Like I got to tell you something very serious or I got to – Or if it's really someone you deeply care about and they don't live near you and it's like, hey, can we FaceTime at this time on this day so I can look at you and I miss you? Exactly. That's what FaceTime is for.

Yeah. Remember the first or the original FaceTime commercials? It was like specifically like grandma and grandpa live across the country and this couple had a baby and now they get to look at each other. That's why Faceetime is good not to see some guy you're like kind of friends with who wants to just like chat for 12 minutes yeah dude one time i was in my car got a fucking phone call from an unknown number picked it up it was jeremy renner why he was laughing so hard at my podcast about him and he was like bro you're so funny man and i was like what the there's the most hollywood thing of all time you picked up i picked up because of a text from a friend that was like yo pick this up or something

and i picked up and it was jeremy renner i was driving wow and he was crying laughing and he was like i heard you were talking about me on my podcast. And I was like, oh, no, I love Chris D'Elia. He was like, this sucks. I was like, I thought he was talking shit. And then I listened to it, man. It's hilarious, dude. Wow, wow, really?

Yeah, dude. It was the funniest thing. I couldn't believe it, dude. So what's happening now is we were talking about FaceTime. Yeah, dude. I know a lot of famous people, man. Now you're just bragging. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about him when he got hit by a tree? How about that? Yeah. That sucks, man. I could have used a FaceTime then from him. Did you think about that? Yeah.

Do you think about that? Did you think about that time he called you when you saw he got hit by a tree? Yeah, probably eventually. Yeah. That's pretty sad. Yep. Is he okay? I don't know. Dude, that guy got hit by a tree. Yeah, i i wrote him and i said are you okay dude i'm thinking about you he said

thanks needed it so i fixed him with my thoughts basically so stupid no he got fucked up though yeah he was mad fucked up he got fucked up he almost did like uh bono sunny bono did you know is that what some trees like m&m did it he got he got sunny bono got hit by a tree jeremy renner got hit by a tree natasha richardson got hit by a tree my you're not getting you know they're hitting trees my principal they're not like zombies no but actually my principal in second grade really did get hit by a tree she got hit by a tree everybody hated her so much a tree fell on her before school one day and they came in to make an announcement and all the kids were like yeah because they didn't really understand it is they we all took it as like oh she's not coming back

to school yay but we actually were applauding like demons for a woman who had a tree fall on her you're terrible not a skiing accident just a tree fell on you're terrible she Not a skiing accident. Just a tree fell on her head. You're terrible. She died. The only other FaceTimes I get was from Jaden Smith. Oh. I don't know what it is. It's like a famous person thing to do. Not in my case. I don't do it and I'm fucking extremely famous. But Jaden Smith.

Random people do it to me and think it's totally normal. Who are the people in those people's lives who act like it's normal? To me, it's like the same. Famous people. But it's like the same thing as like a really really really bad kisser like how who have you been kissing that has been letting you think it's okay to kiss like that it's the same idea who are you friends with that has been letting you think it's okay to facetime me out of the fucking blue who are you zachary levi too okay and i just don't understand what the people what i would say

the people that i face you're right you're right zachary levi facetimed you yeah okay he could have facetimed me too no but i don't understand what the famous thing is because like i will say the people who facetime me i would say 60 of them are famous or more but also like a lot of people you know are famous so that's that is true i do have not with the elite stupid i hate yourself you you hate yourself me too i hate you too oh i hate i hate what the like people who are famous and for being famous and those events and shit i hate oh you're famous though so how do you feel about yourself i want i want to be a comedian i want people to come to my shows and like think i'm funny i don't want people to be like that's

a celebrity i don't i don't like celebrity hollywood sucks yeah hollywood it's hollywood basically you know there's one way to know that hollywood sucks now not that it was ever like amazing it was always a bunch of pieces of shit being pieces of shit right they used to make better shit but that's not what i'm saying right the people in hollywood are such shit and this is how you know the slap thing will smith slaps chris rock which is just across the board fucking terrible yeah it's awful he wins like five minutes later and everybody there gives him a standing ovation right which they don't give for anyone else who won an award that night what the fuck what the fuck is that they don't know what

to do so why do that though because they're lost and that's literally signaling the worst possible thing they're idiots dude they're idiots, dude. They're idiots. They're so idiotic. They're idiots, dude. They're idiots, dude. If somebody punches somebody, you escort them out no matter where they are. Apparently they tried, but he was like, no, I'm not going anywhere. And they made it an executive decision.

They didn't want to make a scene. Really? Yeah. So they were like- You know that? Is it like the Cloverfield Lane thing? Dude, don't be a guy who's like, do you know that for real though? Where did you- Oh, really? like... You know that? It's like the Cloverfield Lane thing. Don't be a guy who's like, do you know that for real though?

Where did you... Oh, really? Where did you hear that? Don't be like that. Okay? But I want to do my own research because I don't know if that's true. Then after you talk to me,

go do your own research and realize that I'm fucking right. Okay? But there's also other stuff out there that could be misinformation. Yeah, I know. And trust me to not give it to you. How about that? Okay. Why? Because you read it where i i read a fucking interview with the guy who did it

okay okay all right damn i'm old now i can't laugh without coughing like i can't laugh really hard without coughing so then what so the guy went up to will smith and said sir mr smith uh we want to i don't know how we said right yeah whatever and will was like no i'm not going you can you can like drag me out of here but i'm not i'm not going to go with you and they were like i'm not gonna obviously the director was like well i don't want to like get a guy sent out in fucking handcuffs or whatever risk another big fucking fiasco like they had no choice but to kind of let him sit there like a complete fucking asshole next time jayden facetimes you ask him what the fuck is wrong with his dad well obviously everyone's fighting their own war and they got their own demons and like i don't think that you know

that's not an excuse to get up on stage and slap somebody i'm sure if you ask will smith is it he would say no i fucked up and i don't i i believe that you know what but he only thinks he fucked up because everyone else said that and he realized his career's fucked up now so he needs to act like he thinks i don't know he last that night he was like singing and dancing to get jiggy with that night yeah yeah that's what I'm saying. Right after you do a bad thing is when you should feel bad. But no, I think that if you were to ask Will Smith before all this happened, is it right to go up and smack somebody even if they talk about your wife?

I feel like you would be like, no, that's wrong. Correct. I agree. Well, not correct, but I agree. I think it got the best of him and he was in his own world that we know nothing about, and he went up and did that, and that's a shame, but I think that he thinks it's a shame, too. But he didn't even say that when he had the chance, when he won an Oscar. He was still buzzing off of that, though.

I want to be a river to my people, remember? Or whatever, whatever. Okay, but I understand what you're saying. What the fuck are you saying? I understand what you're saying, but okay, first of all, all he was so mad mad enough to do what he did okay so he was not so that's where he was mentally that angry and then he won an oscar so then he thought oh wow i'm on top of the world we don't know what that's like i feel like it was too much going on for somebody to handle i also feel like will smith's probably been living that way for 40 years.

We don't know what this shit does to people and how it affects them. Dude, fame is fucked up. No, I know. I mean, I'm famous. And I'm not excusing what he did, but I don't think he's excusing it. You kind of are getting close to it. No, I'm not. I think it's fucked up.

I think it's fucked up. I think it's really fucked up. You know, you don't go around smacking people. Also, I'm a comedian. Fuck Will Smith for that. Chris Rock, it's fucked up. I think it's really fucked up. You know, you don't go around smacking people. Also, I'm a comedian. Fuck Will Smith for that. Chris Rock, it's like... But also now Chris Rock has to forever be associated with... But Chris Rock is...

Here's the deal. Yes, that does suck. That fucking sucks. And Chris Rock is bigger than that, though. He's going to be okay. If it was somebody like me, then I would be the guy who got fucking slapped by Will Smith. Right?

You know what I mean? If I'm a Tom Segura, but Chris Rock is Chris Rock. Yeah. So I think it'll be okay. It sucks. It's unfortunate. But Chris will turn into something hilarious because he's fucking hilarious. He has a new special like really soon, right?

Yeah. And it sucks. And I'm not excusing it, but it's just like, you know, and obviously Will Smith's fine. He's in another movie, Emancipation. He's fucking killing it. Perfect movie to come out after that happened, you know? You know what I mean? It is.

It's not like fucking Men in Black 7. It's like- But nobody saw it. Everyone hates him now. It's crazy. No. That's not true. I said it, so it's true.

It's not true. Huh? You'd be surprised when I say something is true. No, I think that you say a lot of true stuff i'm not i'm just saying i agree everyone thinks that too well i here's what i think with cancel culture the way it is i do think the way it tracks that will smith should have had some sort of repercussions but i also you know no he fucking i guess he didn't like he kind of did but not real ones.

Like he got kicked out of the, something he got kicked out of the academy, got disinvited from the Oscars for like five years. Who fucking cares? I mean, that's kind of nothing. That's not being canceled. That's just like what they would have done to anybody. Right, no. That's a consequence.

Yeah. So, yeah. I don't know. I think it's weird that, you know, people, I mean, fuck, people get canceled for way less than that. Yeah. So, yeah. I don't know. It's all backwards. I think it's weird that you know people I mean fuck people get kissed for way less than that yeah so yeah I don't know it's all backwards

but you know it's uh yeah Chris will turn into something great he's fucking hilarious dude and he'll be fine and he obviously

and honestly his ticket sales spiked so hard after that yeah which is the only silver lining but I knew that before but I knew that and then

you want to one one session with your fucking boy pimping pimping about it about it okay go to madrid.com okay uh it's like days ago about it uh i uh i'm shooting my special in minneapolis chris leah.com go get those tickets are going to be in midland i'm also going to be in utah uh and oh oh and you know what i'm actually doing uh a show in oxnard and brea and irvine leading up to the special to get ready for it. And then also I'm,

that's in California. And then also I'm going to be in Milwaukee and Austin, chrislea.com. And go to, if you have a question, watch lifeline.com and lifelinemerch.com for merch. Well, you say when you,

if you have a question, but what you mean is if you have a question for us on the show, Oh yeah. Click the link in the description below or go to watchlifeline.com. If you want that p-p-p-p merch, baby, baby, go to lifelinemerch.com. All right, guys.

Thanks.