Lifeline - 48. Losers, Luddites, and Lemmings

Episode Date: March 12, 2023

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I'm not. Go ahead. Go ahead. Lay it on me. Thanks for the coffee. You're welcome. It's not good. You know why?

Oh, I know why you think that. No. Because it's a very good coffee place, and you have sh** and taste in everything that there ever is. All right. Bleep those out, because it's the first one of the podcast. I can't say that. I'm sorry.

I was passionate. That's all right. Just bleep those out because it's the first one of the podcast. Oh, right, I can't say that. I'm sorry, I was passionate. That's all right. Just bleep them out. It's not good podcast. It's not good coffee. So foreign, so foreign. Dude, first of all, that coffee from,

and the name will, we won't say the name because of how- Well, I love it. I want to say the name. But we won't say the name because of how I think it's really bad

and people think it's really good. It is really good. And it's Alfred's. Okay, well, you just said you weren't going to say it. I know that was going to be the joke, and you kind of ruined it by saying, I will say the name because I liked it. No, but I didn't. You didn't force it in the future. No, no, no.

The thing is, you're pissing me off, is the main overarching thing. The coffee's good. No. On top of that, you're pissing me off. Because I'm saying the coffee's bad. No, because you said I messed up the bit, even though I didn't. Well, the bit was messed up a little bit. I saved it because I'm good with bits. the coffee's bad. No, because you said I messed up the bit, even though I didn't. Well, the bit was messed up a little bit. I saved it because I'm good with bits.

So it's fine. I think you messed it up by doing it in the first place because it wasn't that great. Listen, the cold brew at Alfred's Coffee. Uh-huh. Kink, kink, kink, kink. Terrible. Okay, but who cares? Because only losers, Luddites, and lemmings get cold brew.

Well, that's not true. Yeah, it is. Real people who with real taste get real coffee. Okay. Dude, I drink four shots of espresso over ice. Okay. I really do all the cool stuff when it comes to coffee. I drink regular coffee sometimes. Okay, then you're doing great when you do that. Okay. I really do all the cool stuff when it comes to coffee. I drink regular coffee sometimes.

Okay, then you're doing great when you do that. Okay. Remember the guy at Indian Guides who drank something like this and we always made fun of him? No. Oh, damn, no. I would love to remember that. No.

He was of some sort of Asian descent. He was in New Jersey still. I was so young. No, I don't remember that. Okay, well. Dude, oh. You don't cherish our youth as much as I do. Well, no.

But do you remember the guy that was in the baseball camp and we called him Dart Head? Yeah, Kramer. His name was Kramer. He was? Yeah, his last name was Kramer. Dude, he had a turban on, which is cool. We're not, you know.

And that sounds racist. Oh, well, no. Kramer's a different guy. Obviously, a guy named Kramer wasn't wearing a turban, but keep going, yeah. So, yeah. This guy was not Kramer. No, I know.ramer wasn't wearing a turban but keep going yeah so yeah so this guy was not kramer no i know because he would wear he wear the turban he would wear his baseball hat over the turban that was couldn't fold the brim like that so it was so straight

like we said straight like a dart so we call him dart head and now realizing that it probably sounds very racist uh it wasn't racist it's not even racist now i think someone if we said it the wrong way too fast it would sound like dot head. Oh. And that would be racist. Didn't even think about that. But that's not what we said. Didn't even think about that for 25, 30 years.

Me neither until right now. Wow, interesting. So the point is we're not racist. The point is the cold brew from Alfred's is very bad and so is the coffee. I wouldn't know because I only drink real delightful brew. Okay. Worst. Actual delightful brew.

Okay. So foreign. This is delightful brew okay worst actual delightful brew okay so foreign this is delightful brew yeah uh listen uh it's not good i've been there plenty of times i know real coffee i drink real coffee i love coffee have you had their world famous vanilla latte bro a vanilla latte if let me tell you this right now if a vanilla latte is not good then the the place should explode. There are very many places with bad vanilla lattes. Yeah. They should fly through and bomb that place. That's crazy. A vanilla latte should only be, you drink it, you go, wow, that's amazing. They were world famous.

Alfred's is world famous. You know how I know that? Because they say it. On the menu, it says world famous. Bro, I could do that. I did this in quotes, not because I did it. Alfred's, is it even in another place alfred alfred's coffee why are you acting like mom adding an s mom does do that but even the things that have an s at the end she has an s because it's

alfred's coffee it's his alfred's is starbucks's coffee yeah that's yeah anyway let's move on because it's not it's really not that good but But let's move on. You love it. Fine. I got you that hat. You're welcome. I was just going to say, thanks for the hat. Even though you did nothing to get it, it was all Kristen. Am I wrong about that? You don't know that? Yeah, but I know you, so I know that.

So you didn't have foresight on the bit, but you did have foresight on that. Yes, I had nothing to do with it, but she told me she was going to do it, and I said, oh, that's cool. So in a way, I did have something to do with it because if I said, I don't think that's a good idea, I would have put the kibosh on it so you're welcome in that way do we all know who that is that's your uh your your dog yeah you're my dog charlie your dog charlie oh wants the coffee oh my god you want it i don't want it it's so bad have it and why don't you tell us are you it was like this too are you gonna have that coffee go ahead have it and he's got the Carhartt hat because he's a working man.

He would like regular coffee. Is Carhartt working man shit? That's what they say. I said a bad word again. That's okay. It's four minutes in, whatever. But I'm good with it, but you swear a lot. I do, yeah.

But you messed it up the last episode. They had to zonk it out. No, don't do that. Look, so you're walking for the hat. So it was for Christmas right Thank you for the hat And it finally came Yeah

And I gotta be honest It's pimpin pimpin Yeah it is pimpin pimpin Do you actually like it I feel like you would not like this No I like it yeah I thought it was too small Because I tried it on

She thought I was gonna be too small I tried it on and it was fine It's snug But it's not too small Cool got it She said you should get We were at a place

And she was like You should get Matt that beanie And I looked at it I didn't think you'd like it and it wasn't this it was no it was um a tie-dyed more uh it's like purple pink kind of one but it was not like thick it was thin oh i don't like thin okay i knew it yes dude yes he knows his brother dude i don't like thin i know my brother yeah you do in that in that instance you know i know my brother very well so uh so yeah so anyway dude um that was that was how i feel about that that's great it's great i quit i quit how much what percent of people do you think know what that is one no way no no no it's more way less no less than one no it's more okay hold on a second

before before we tell you what it is yeah in the comments be truthful because i'm gonna look this time i never look but i'm gonna look this time do you know what this is from i quit i quit i quit and then he and then the last one, he says, I quit. This might give it away, but why not? And the third one, he says, I quit, Mr. White. I quit. And then he leaves. And he says, this might give it away, but in the end, he goes like this.

I quit, Tom Hanks' character in That Thing You Do. So yeah, dude, it's from That Thing You Do. And it's how he says, ooh, can we play it? Play it. Yeah, dude. Play it, dude. It's legendary. Play it, play it. It's not legendary. It is from that thing you do. And it's how he said, ooh, can we play it? Play it. Yeah, dude. Play it, dude. It's legendary. Play it, play it.

It's not legendary. It is. Look how many views. A quarter million. I quit. So dick, you know? Yeah. The laugh?

The laugh! I quit, Mr. White. Oh, he doesn't add another... I failed. Dude, no. You know what happened for sure? And we know this because we're at the biz, right? Okay.

But for sure, he did it and the director said, you know what I want? I want, after you're done doing it, I want you to take an actual moment where you really talk to him like a person. That's what he said, dude. And you know who the director was? Tom Hanks.

Slash Mr. White. Slash the writer. Dude, Tom Hanks's writing and directorial debut is that thing you do that's so hilarious dude later he went on to also direct another movie called larry crown what are you doing tom hanks well i don't understand why anybody wants to do anything but the thing they do. Put that on my tombstone. If you're going to do something like crazy and wild, go for it. If you're Tom Hanks, right,

and you want to do some crazy sex thriller or something, write it, direct it, be in it even if you're Tom Hanks. Don't do some stupid, light, romantic comedy. Don't do something that Tom Hanks would get cast as an actor to do. When he was young, before he even made it.

That's like what that thing you do is for him. It's also like what Larry Crown. Do you know what it is? Yeah. It's terrible. It's like he's on a scooter with his legs out like this, right? Yeah, with Julia Roberts on the back. He's like this.

Like that guy, if he wasn't Tom Hanks, would ever get Julia Roberts. You know what I mean? Right, right, right, right, right. So, yeah. Okay. Crystalia.com. We're segue. Minneapolis.

I'm going to be shooting my special April 1st. Crystalia.com. April 1st. And I'll be in Austin. I will be in Milwaukee. I've got Columbus, Ohio. I've got Ohio Days coming up. And what else?

I don't even know. Different ones, man. Different places. It's going to be rocking. It's going to be rocking. It's going to be rocking. And if you have a question, you want to submit something to the show, go to chrisdaly.com for his tickets. If you have a question, want to submit a video to the show,

click the link in the description below or go to watchlifeline.com. And if you want a private session, you don't want to air it out in front of the whole entire world because the whole entire world watches this show. You can make a session with me one-on-one mano a mano it travels nowhere except into my ears it never goes out of my mouth you know whatever you tell me never goes anywhere else man mattalia.com baby baby pimping pimping what about booyah well i was i was doing a pause to lead up to it but booyah booyah and booyah so wait let's go back to this you think lifeline merch.com for the merch you think and the merch

is absolutely peppa peppa nessie would say well you think that for real more than one percent dude i bet i bet that's crazy dude no of like of like the entire world? No, no, no. America. America. Okay. Then I would say like between three and 5%. Colombia would be like, that's from? In India? Yeah. Yeah. Between three and 5%.

That's crazy, bro. I mean, that's probably so wrong. That's so crazy. I want that to be true though, so I'm sticking with it. Now, if that movie had come out maybe this year maybe you maybe one percent or two percent even let no now nobody remembers anything from movies nobody remembers any lines from movies okay fair enough you're right there's too many of them it's an onslaught and it's like yes i get it it's not the same thing there's that whole fucking like like dude the best pictures i don't know

who's in the best pictures but that's it. The nominations. I have no idea who they are. I will never know ever again. But also shit like Green Book wins. Shit like, what was the Game of Thrones movie about the fish that she fucks? Fish out of water. Nobody ever thought about that the year after it came out? Fish out of water. No, that's not what it was called. Shape of water.

Shape of water. So. Fish out of water. Cock. They could have called it fish out of water. The shape of water is so cock. Yeah, the shape of water is called it the shape of water is so cock yeah the shape of water is cock because the shape of water is whatever you put it in well there's something poetic going on in their minds but there's no poetry going on when you watch it

because suckville is it bad it's suckville yeah really dude give me the toro is that the guy who did the fucking the cabinet of james guillermo del on Netflix? What? Anthony knows. He's a dork. Yep. See, knew he knew. What did you say? Guillermo del Toro did a thing called the what is it called?

Dork? Anthony knows because he's a dork. Cabinet of Curiosities. Oh, yeah. If you said the thing, I would have known. I said cabinet.

I didn't know it was of curiosity. Cabinet of Guillermo del Toro. I was just going to say, yeah, he probably did that because he is Guillermo del Toro. It's just in his kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that thing is not goodermo del Toro. It's just in his kitchen. Yeah.

Dude, that thing is not good. Kristen likes it. It's odd she likes it. And he's doing this thing where he introduces each episode. That's his dream. I know. It's so obvious it's his dream. This is the kind of filmmaker that generally bothers me.

Guillermo del Toro is actually good, but he's got this quality about him that a lot of other successful filmmakers have. And all they want to do is recreate shit they saw when they were eight wow that's so funny dude like peter jackson with king kong yeah like these guys like he even remade actual king kong the hell dude these guys they just want to feel like little kids again wow not to be sick cock but pauline kale's original review of raiders of the lost ark steven sp Spielberg's Raiders of the Lost Ark is the best takedown of that. And it was like,

but you're that come on. Why do filmmakers do that? That'd be like, if I wanted to make a movie now called like the babysitter who molested me in the TV room, the babysitter who hypnotized me. And I cried like a bitch. My name is Chris D'Elia,

not magically because magically it didn't cry. That's the title. You cried, dude. He cried. He was getting hypnotized and he cried first of all i was not hypnotized i didn't cry at that i hypnotized i cried because you were being hypnotized and i felt bad for you and i was traumatized by it moving on well it didn't work dude her name was you know remember her name was her name was muffie oh yeah i do remember that muffie well don't dox her she had a she had a that was beautiful that was not the i was talking about the baby that's a different i'm joking but he was talking about the he you're talking about the hypnotized thing yeah yeah yeah that's the only thing we're talking about though so that's

all good no i said the joke about the molestation in the TV room. Oh, yeah, no. Separate babysitters, okay? But, yeah, no. Muffy, she had a white, fake, white furry thing. I think she was an exotic dancer. Man, no. She wasn't an exotic dancer, and she also didn't have a white furry thing. You're saying that because you think a person named Muffy would have that, and you're— Why would that be true?

I remember her a specific way. It might be wrong wrong but i distinctly remember she was blonde yeah and she was the friend of the actual babysitter i thought she wasn't even no i thought she was babysitter and she brought her friend no the babysitter brought muffy fair enough fair enough and muffy was the hypnotist such a weird child how funny is it that muffy's like 50 right now you know yeah at least right she's got to be she probably at least, right? She's got to be, she probably. At least 50. At least 50. Yeah.

So, all right. Muffy, if you're out there watching, you should submit a video. Ask, should I regret trying to hypnotize two young innocent children when it was way out of line to do that? And I remember they were being like, he blinked, he blinked, he blinked to you. And I got scared. I got scared, bro. I was scared.

I was such a scared child. Yeah. Still what was i doing you were doing you were getting hypnotized you were like all right i'll do it i was like matt you'll do it okay cool oh what a badass i was dude you're a badass you're a badass you've been hypnotized ever since so anyway let's get into hypnotize me to be a badass my whole life um you will be a badass on the count of three one two three all right you. You go like this. I need to buy a leather jacket. And then you put, yeah. You go like this.

I'm going to start smoking. All right, cool. I'm five years old. All right. Shall we? Shall we dance? What's up, Matt? What's up, Chris?

Oh, hates you the way she said it. Yeah, play it again. Did a magic trick in the beginning too. Absolutely hates Chris the way she said Chris. What's up, Matt? What's up, Chris? Oh. Just here from Montreal, Canada. Play it again. Did a magic trick in the beginning, too. Absolutely hates Chris the way she said Chris. What's up, Matt? What's up, Chris? Oh! Just here from Montreal, Canada.

Okay, well, that's not what it is. Canada. I'm looking to see what you guys would do in this situation or what you guys do with your friend group. But I've been hanging out with the same group of people for over a decade now. We're really close. over a decade now, we're really close. And whenever we would do weekends away, get cottages or like splurge, it used to kind of be tit for tat in terms of like,

someone would make a big dinner and spend groceries on that dinner. But then that other person would book the cottage. And so it would kind of even out. It's called living fair. But some of our like less financially able friends we get it kind of get left out sure or contributing the same yeah and so now we have a spreadsheet oh no it's really weird that's called living wrong these aren't friends you work yeah where do you guys lie in terms of situations like that okay friends if you have a friend yeah you never involve them in something that requires of situations like that. Okay, friends. If you have a friend,

you never involve them in something that requires making a spreadsheet because no real friend would do that. Congratulations. You are now running a business. Yeah.

You've got a business. Congratulations. Yeah. It's this gross feeling. Also, it's called live and fare, the thing she said at first. You know.

And then the thing she said about the spreadsheet is called live and wrong. Okay. Okay? first you know and then the things she said about the spreadsheet is called live and wrong okay okay two songs that garth brusque would sing both on different cds yeah first cds live and fair and then the next one would come out three years later called live and wrong cds dude um ancient so uh yeah all right well uh what was the question though like does she just, is it like, is that wrong? It's all fucked up. Yeah, it's living wrong.

Look, here's the deal. If you start getting into another tax bracket, okay, your other friends that aren't in that tax bracket, you're done with them. No, they get a free meal. You buy them food. That's how that goes. If you're the one who makes money first, especially if it's a lot more money you buy them food you never say oh should we let's split it you never know no you don't do that you don't

ever do that you buy the two options so there are two options then you can either pay for everything or you you're in a different tax bracket you're done with those friends you've leveled up right and and then when you see them again because you'll still run into them, you'll go like this. Aw. You know? Or you can be even better like this. That's better. Aw.

Yeah. Look who leveled up in another tax bracket. Whoever started the spreadsheet thing, they get him out. That person's a piece of shit. Yeah. And also- About money with friends? Yeah. You suck. That sucks. spreadsheet thing they that person's a piece of shit get them out yeah no and also or you money with friends yeah you can you suck that sucks you can divvy up also the the stuff you could be like

i'm paying for everything but you guys got to stay in the servants quarters and now when we get the cottage it's great but you guys are gonna be doing more chores yeah and you make my bed yeah you bring me my food that i bought yeah you bring it to me in bed and when i'm done you can eat yeah and you say it like this when you go when your bed's not made like early enough you walk out and you go what the fuck yeah yeah and they say what you say my bed's not made and then they go and they go well oh shoot oh okay i guess that was mine let me check the spreadsheet and be like you don't have to spread check the spreadsheet you're poor yeah i'm richer and then and then we'll walk out yeah yeah yeah so those are the good that's the

great advices for us but yeah the one who made the spreadsheet woman under the influence dude play the clip play a clip of that can you i wonder no maybe long get it maybe long get it that's okay i know who the character name i know but i know about people though yeah i'm not gonna do it yeah i'm not gonna do it worst producer in the game okay yeah you know I know who the character name is. I know, but I know about movies. I know about movies. Yeah. I was not going to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to do it. Worst producer in the game.

Okay. Yeah, you know. You know what? It's not my thing. I'm not going to do that. All right. Next up. John DeWalt.

Yo, what up, Chris and Matt? John DeWalt. I was just wondering what your guys' thoughts were on being super competitive. So one thing about me is I've always been super competitive and it's led me pretty far in life. I've succeeded at a lot of things, but also it makes people not like me. So I was just wondering what your guys' thoughts were

if either of you guys are competitive or if that bothers you, if that annoys you guys, if you know people who are like that. But yeah, thank you. Love the podcast. See ya. Look, being competitive is is unfortunately

a natural human or animal thing whatever so it's not like to be competitive means you suck or anything but exhibiting competitiveness that especially like an over competitive thing that sucks and it alienates people like if you're playing i was playing risk yeah the other day with some friends and i was thinking wow what if someone was like really compete i would not want to play but it was so fun because no one was like that cardboard yeah one more thing i played in adult baseball league right and obviously it didn't matter because what i just said it's an adult baseball league and it's not major league baseball if it's not major league baseball it doesn't matter exactly Baseball. If it's not Major League Baseball,

it doesn't matter. Exactly. So I was pitching because I'm a pitcher. I'm a lefty. I'm very good at baseball. When was this? And this,

we still lived in the Valley. So like 15 years ago. 15 years ago, yeah. And there were two brothers on the team. One was the catcher and one was the shortstop and they were like the best ones okay that's sad yeah and uh dude i remember like we the at home plate the opposing team somebody slid

into home plate and accidentally spiked the guy the catcher and the catcher comes in right before i go out to pitch another inning and he says this guy's coming up the guy that spiked me hit him beat bean him with the fastball and i just i paused for a second i was i was i this is exactly what happened he said hit him like hit him with a fastball and i and i just no yeah no because that like why why would i do that and why do you even want me to do that because he oh because he hurt you yeah oh did he hurt you with a little cleat? Adam Sandler. But that's, okay, hold on. That's not

really competitive. It is, dude. It's even worse. Yeah, but that's more like revenge. Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, I get how you're saying In the heat of competition, he got so upset that it made him want to actually hurt a person. That's crazy. Well, that's really, yeah.

Especially like he had already calmed down from it. It was the next inning. Also, adult baseball league, not the MLB. Right. I don't think you should ever be competitive in anything but business. Business is cool because you've got to be the best business. You've got to be competitive with other businesses. But don't ask me about my business i'm a businessman but if you are like competitive in anything like

dude one time i was playing what was it not frisbee golf what's the one ultimate frisbee okay and i was playing just having a fun i mean it's a frisbee thing and uh one of the guys there that i was in high school one of the guys i was like, yo, Chris, it's actually way more fun if you take it seriously. Oh, dude. If you take anything seriously that involves a Frisbee. Yeah. Well, that's the whole thing. You suck.

I go, oh, no, no, no. I'm not going to do that, man. Check it out. Oh, dude. I bet I know who that was. You do. I'm sure you do. And you don't want to air it out.

No, of course not. I like the guy a lot. But like, I'm still friends with him. It was Tom Cruise. It was Tom Cruise. He goes like this. I'm a fan if you take it seriously. And then he fucking ran across the side of a building with a fucking bungee jumping on.

So foreign today with a bungee jumping on. Anyway, late for my flight. Grabbed on the side of it. Yeah, dude. And it was just like, it's like, nah, I don't have that. The only thing I think you should be competitive with is if you could turn that on into yourself. Be competitive with yourself, dude. And it was just like, it's like, nah, I don't have that. The only thing I think you should be competitive with is if you could turn that on into yourself. Be competitive with yourself, man. Well, that's what I don't get.

Even about business. Like, why do you want to outdo other businesses? No, no, no. You're right. Except for some, you know, sometimes in some business, there's like a, it's a pie. You know, it's like. Sure. I can only.

Slice of the market. Exactly. Slice of the market. I mean, not with like comedy or anything like that. like uh you know if you're a fucking i don't know kleenex if you make butter and your lando lakes yeah and then there's another butter they start coming up on you and it's like you know yeah anyway you like lando lakes that's what i always had growing up you know that's what that would get i don't i tell you what i don't like what i can't believe he's not't believe it's not butter.

Well, it's not butter. That's why it sucks. I know, but don't they make butter too? Also, yeah, you totally can believe it. I can't believe it's not butter. Because it tastes like the inside of a dirty person's butt. I can't believe it's not butter. Spread.

Remember we would do that? Remember it was, I can't believe it's not butter. And then it came out with spread. And they were like, I can't believe it's not butter. Spread. No, dude. It was, I can't believe it's not butter. It's spray.

It was the spray, dude. It was always't believe it's not butter it's spray it was the spray dude it was always spread that's disgusting right dude that's disgusting spray you're right i can't believe it's no bother it's spray you can't believe it's not butter and it's a spray yes you can believe it's not butter because butter you don't spray butter yeah i can't but i totally believe this is not butter spray can't believe this is not butter. Spray. Can't believe it's not bother. Shorts. Can't believe it's not bother. Yeah. Did you know that? I said, yeah.

Oh, okay. Can't believe it's not bother. Transcendence. You would say espray, though. I know. Just making stuff up, though, now at this point. Let's watch commercial. Said no word. Here we go.

Boy, that was quick. Jerking them off. Dressed like Tupac. Dressed like Tupac. Where's the spray? Can't believe it's no bother. Dude, let me tell you something right now before you even play the next one.

Who ever thought Fabio was hot? You know? Nobody. Dude, he's a chick. But that's not even the reason, though. He's just gross. I know, I know. It's ridiculous.

He is a ridiculous looking man. His hair is gross. Okay. Do you have the spread one? Hit it. Here we go. To her, it could only be a fantasy. He is a ridiculous looking man. His hair is gross. Okay. Do you have the spread one? Hit it. Here we go. To her, it could only be a fantasy.

I remember this. The dreams are made up. I remember it. So well. So effortless. A lion. So tasty. Oh, that shot. I can't believe.

I can't believe it's not butter. It's a spray. He can't even talk, dude. It's crazy, dude. Without any fat or calories. You, I can't believe it, dude. It's crazy, dude. Without any fat or calories. You, I can't believe it's not butter spray. It's not just a dream any longer. It says fantasies don't come true.

Dude, that's... Had to do, honestly, 45 takes. They were like, Fabio. Yeah. No, dude. What? I can't believe it's not spray. A butter.

Fabio! Fabio, you didn't even look at the camera and smile. Believe I can't spray butter. Fabio! Have you guys seen the picture of him getting hit in the face with a bird on a roller coaster? Yes, I have. The fact that that picture exists, honestly, that was the first AI. There's no way that's real.

That's unbelievable. Life is really good sometimes. Pull it up. Sometimes life is really good. The third song by what's his name? He got fucked up. Who was it? Garth Brooks.

Oh, yeah. Look how happy the blonde is. Finally, it happened. The blonde is so happy, dude. I can't believe it's a bird. I can't believe it's a bird in my face. Wasn't it a goose? Yeah, it was a goose.

I can't believe it's not a bird. A goose. It was a goose, yeah. I can't believe it's not a bird. It's a goose. Hey, Fabio. That's what he said when he got hit. I can't believe it's not a bird.

Fucking ugly. No, no. Okay, well, let's not. I mean, you know what I mean got hit i can't believe it's not a bird fucking ugly no no okay well let's not i mean you know what i mean that's so rude he's not everybody thinks he's not ugly they just so fucking ugly so shitty you know he's not ugly he's just the fact that they marketed him as that is hilarious he was you know what he was he was the guy in the romance i know that covers i know that because i've read them all okay well that's i used to smash off to the fucking falsehood he's disgusting and ugly you listening you watching you're ugly how much did you always sit like this yeah because you got hemorrhoids you know i can't believe it's not i can't believe it's not just ass pain it's hemorrhoids um all right so gross sorry dude the shot with the with the fucking thing in the background shot like why

one shot in there is from barry lyndon you know what a dork dude he says barry lyndon of all the fucking movies well least known no it's one of the best movies ever made get a life known uh get a brain stanley kubrick movie of all time life get a brain all right anyway next one logic hey chris matt max from victoria bc here oh yeah i love it got a question for you guys been hanging with the same girl for about six months we were open oh boy uh things were great we spent a lot of time together we had great communication we talked about everything i went on a couple dates she talked to a couple guys but nothing worth risking what we had cool it was amazing um really like this girl okay okay last weekend she

went to a show music festival in seattle with a guy that i knew about she went for four days she fucked this guy oh so mad about mad about it. Saw it coming. Hurt me more than I thought it would. Saw it coming. So mad about it, dude. Dude, fuck this guy. His ass was clenched so hard. It's been great.

It's been awesome. We love each other. This girl's fucking amazing. It's all open. We all know about it. She went to Seattle for a music festival with four days for this guy. Fuck this guy. It's all good. Knew it was going to happen to seattle uh for a music festival four days for this guy fuck this guy um and you know it's all good knew it was gonna happen all good knew it

knew it saw it coming great great great so it's great what if that was it that was no no question so any guys what do i do tears come out all right keep going uh she told me it just happened i don't believe that i think it was a calculated move oh my god this guy She also told me she was going to stay at the hotel by herself She stayed there with him Oh that's not good That's a lie No she's allowed to do all this Because she is single

She is open But she lied But she's lying to me It's very interesting though I don't know if that's something I should be worried about We're not talking now I told her I'm kind of done for now I didn't react the best

I reacted more upset than I should have because she is open. We are open. She's allowed to do what she wants. But it hurt me more than I thought it would. Apparently, I like this girl a lot. Yeah. I could date her in two seconds. I don't know what to do.

Do I just leave it alone? Do I have to reach out? She probably won't reach out. She's stubborn as hell. Yeah, you got to do it. Love you guys so much. Really, Chris, I've been a fan for seven years. You're the man. Matt, you make Chris better. Hey. He loves you. You do it um love you guys so much really chris i've been a fan for seven years you're the man matt you make chris better hey you do you do you do uh okay but but

yeah you're gonna have to do the reaching out she's not if you blew up at her she has every right to not reach out anyway this guy's cool guy's a cool guy okay go okay i just you know okay could make fun of him and i want to. Yeah. Okay. We love that guy. I like his tattoos. I like the tattoos. Okay. So. I got some myself. But you shouldn't have blown up, but it's okay because you got feelings and everybody has feelings and we let them get the best of us sometimes.

You're right that she shouldn't have lied. You're right that you shouldn't have reacted the way you did, but you learned something and that thing you learned is that you like her more than you realized. Just tell her all of these things exactly and say look i would love to actually what i realized is that i actually do want to be in a relationship with you i want to not be open and my only thing is like we just need to be honest yeah because if she told him just that they were going to stay in the same hotel room he might have realized he liked her more than yeah before by just thinking about that right they could have avoided all of this to begin with which is fine that you didn't avoid it people fuck people and it means nothing because

like you guys could get together tomorrow and be super fucking happy yeah she never thinks about that guy again but like she lied that wasn't cool you blew up that wasn't cool just circle back around who gives a shit you're not she's no pride involved just fucking who cares she started it oh wow i think you get to be mad he gets to be mad i don't know how he was mad but okay look what i don't understand is she was was the pretense that she wasn't gonna fuck him because if she's going with the guy anyway and he knew about it even if she got separate rooms you know they're gonna fuck he said he knew or something like that right he said he like was feeling like he said he knew it was gonna happen right right right right right right so it's confusing because you're mad i i understand you're you're upset that she lied but also i feel like he's actually

really upset because he's been lying to himself about how he's okay with this open relationship and didn't say anything before she went off yeah fuck mr seattle so my advice is look the reason you say look the reason why because this is what think, and this is what I'm making up. I think that because you, I think that I was pretending to be okay with this, and I realized that I caught real hard feelings for you. And this lie made me blow up because I was acting mad at the lie when I was in fact, I should have been truthful with myself. And now I'm mad that I said it was okay for you to do this with me because I actually really like you and I want to be exclusive with you. And also with the way you would set things up, you only had a right in your mind to get mad at the things she lied about, which is why it could very well be just misdirected anger. You could just be angry that you didn't say something earlier,

that you kind of shoved your feelings down for the sake of wanting to have it remain open. My point is, you might be right. My point is, who cares? Yeah. What the deal is now- You're right. Is that you've realized now that you like her a lot more than you realized. Yeah.

And- That's fair. You wish you didn't blow up at her for that reason right and like let's try to start something exclusive yeah i'm sorry i yelled all i require really is but that's not even i mean you should say it but it's not like a crazy requirement honesty is the bedrock of honestly any any good relationship we've all fucking not been honest at various times in our lives but like at least now you guys can start from somewhere really actually foundational and strong here's another thing too when you're in an open relationship with somebody why is it important for you to know oh is she staying with him or not like that's what i'm saying though it's misdirected yeah it's the only here's why

it's the only thing she lied about right so he needs to be able to get mad about that no i understand that that's kind of a version of what i was saying but i'm saying when you're in a relationship i think the rules should be look you're gonna do you i'm gonna do me yeah but not why are you asking so much about it but that's the thing it doesn't matter his point is that it's if it's open i i reserve the right to ask whatever i want you could still do it yes right yes but so i'm saying i'm saying you kind of got yourself in a corner here to him right because but but he's not i get what you're saying but you can have all kinds of open relationships i think what you're saying is if you are in one you wouldn't want to know anything because then you wouldn't but he is different and i think a lot of people would be like him yes tell me exactly what you're doing as

long as i know what you're doing then that's fine because you have a semblance of control yeah i understand that behind your back i understand that except for the fact that dude when you're like things happen and when you're having sex like it's the heat of the moment and you know like what if one of the rules was no bjs and then you're doing you're doing the girl and the girl does it or the one that was one of the rules i just wouldn't be in that well i understand do a different one do a different one it's just like it's too hard to be like these are the rules and then this it's like dude you have 150 000 rules i think well what if this is how well what if you've been drinking what if this you know i know people who swear by it but i just and it's i can only say for myself open relationships

sound like the worst thing to me i'm not saying everybody should just be monogamous and settle down with a single partner some people people fucking stay single, whatever. Date a lot. Like, go through many relationships. I'm just saying, several partners, several intimate partners at once sounds like, just thinking about it gives me anxiety. Be-ning-tong, ding-tong. Be-ning-tong, ding-tong. Be-ning-tong, ding-tong.

With seven different women. Why do you say benito when you're doing that you're singing about a guy named benito benito benito that's like when i do the the what's the song knees weak arms is heavy having a fucking a stroke i don't know oh yeah what's that song called lose yourself yeah it's always gank yeah gank what's up it's interesting you did it once i didn't want you to even do it that one time but then you did it again and i didn't i extra didn't want you to do it the second time but you did it and now you're gonna do it again do you know why and now the most i don't want you to let me tell you something you know how you don't laugh at that at all and you have a straight face when you do it when i do it

yeah you don't at all laugh at it yeah i still look in your eyes and i do it yeah because you have a straight face i feel that straight face and i turn it on its ass but i'm not but i will tell you this what i know you're not i know you're not trying to not yeah yeah no no that's what i was gonna say either and that pissed me off that you thought I was going to say that. Okay, what? I was really going to say I'm not like actively trying to signal to you that I'm not liking it. I know that. Okay, okay.

I know that. Don't point at me though. You're pointing at me when you're saying don't point at me. Back here, you're like, dude, I got that about you. See what I'm saying? I actually didn't cross the line. But you basically did. I was over here.

And now our voices are raising and there's a reason for that. My voice is not raising. Because it's getting very heated. You're doing a lot of things about lying. What? You're doing a lot of lying right now. No, no, no. I'm just exaggerating it for effect.

But let me tell you something. What I'm saying is the truth. The reason why I can do this stuff, be-ning-dong, ding-dong, looking right at you while you're not laughing, the reason why I can do it, and still honestly feel okay, because I'm a fucking soldier in these streets, dude. Oh, okay. up and i'm good at stand up and when i bomb it doesn't matter dude

because i know i'm true and i know this shit's funny so you can look at me with straight face all you want dude but i'll i'll tell you what i'll either get you or i won't care that i don't it's deeper so fucking deeper dude Fucking deeper, dude. Dude. All right. So, yeah. So, do what we both said. Anyway, next. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My hair. My hair. I have to be really concise and quick. I mean, just murdered someone. Yeah. I'm in the living room and I'm in the bathroom and here's my question. I'm a huge fan. Are you in trouble?

Okay. We've been together for 15 years. We have two sons together. Cute. Cute. And we were out to dinner the other day and and we were having a good time, and I was just kidding. I was like, do you still think I'm hot?

Oh, boy. And he was like, I wouldn't say that. He was like, you're cute. Like, I think you're beautiful. I think you're sexy. Like, you know, when we do shit. And he's like, but I wouldn't say that, you know, you were hot. Why? And I'm like, okay. Weirdly, all my feelings hurt, because we do shit. And he's like, but I wouldn't say that, you know, you were hot. And I'm like,

okay. Weirdly, all my feelings hurt because who fucking cares? I know he loves me. He tells me I'm beautiful. That's fine. But in a way, I was just like, just lie. Like, why'd you have to say that? I shouldn't have asked if I didn't want the answer, right? Like, do these words even matter? Am I being narcissistic? Like, who cares? But I just

want to know your opinion on that like what is your take you're you guys are fucking aces thank you i love you so much seriously please don't ever stop doing what you're doing you guys keep me sane throughout the week i look forward to this we appreciate you but hold me but let me just say something hold on don't lie no she is hot she's obviously hot right so just say yes but what he i mean i don't mean to defend this guy but he's obviously looking at it differently than us this is the first time we've seen this woman this guy's been with her for 15 years he clearly feels comfortable enough to be like well you don't really like get me going anymore but that's that's all she's asking

fucking hell right but that's what heart means right i mean obviously this is such a nuanced conversation you don't just say i wouldn't say that it's the same thing as like do i look fat in this it's like the most obvious don't say yes to that yeah well yeah but also if my friend says do i look fat in this well yeah dan comes up to you and says do i look fat in this you say yes because even if even if he doesn't look fat, I would say yes. But my wife, if she said, do I look fat in this? I would say,

what would I say? What about, no, that's not better. Her thing's better. What if Kristen said, do you still think I'm hot? Well,

I would say yes, but I do think she's hot. Right. And if you didn't think she was hot? I would say yes, because I know she's hot. Thank you.

That's my point, though. Because I know she's hot. Right hot right okay but if you know that woman's hot then then this guy should obviously say yes but that's what i said in the beginning is that she is hot he was he's with her but your opinion of that doesn't really matter because it's i guess that yeah yeah i get that so so bottom line is no matter what even if what we're saying is not true, you have to lie. That's what you're saying? Yeah. Okay.

About that, you don't have to be a liar, but when someone asks you point blank that you're in a relationship and you still think I'm hot, you don't say, eh, I still think you're cute.

I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you? Okay, this is advice for the guy. So we're saying what the advice for the girl is. Here's the deal. What it seemed like she was asking though is that am i right or am i crazy to feel a little hurt by that yeah the answer is no you're not crazy at all because she

said yeah no fuck no you're totally in the right is my is my answer to you but go ahead um also here's the other thing for the dude if she's like i can't she i kind of jokingly just said like do you still think i'm hot dude kind of jokingly just say yeah, do you still think I'm hot? Dude, kind of jokingly just say yeah. Right, right, right. Do you know what I'm saying? Right, right, right. Yeah, let's go to the world, baby. Right, right. Just keep it in the same tone.

Right, yeah. You're eating a lot of carbs. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. No, I think- Yeah, that's crazy. The whole thing is crazy. You're totally right to have your feelings a little bit hurt. Don't let them like gaslight you about it though.

If it actually hurt your feelings, then like you're allowed to have your feelings hurt. Yeah, yeah. Because I would imagine if you're worried that that if you said it hurt my feelings you'd be like no come on like that you know i don't know maybe maybe not let's take this outside dude for i think that um i think that these are some of the best submissions that we've ever gotten yeah okay next yeah i do i think these are some of the best submissions we've ever gotten. Like in a row in one episode. Yeah, these are good.

So much pressure on the next one. So we'll see what happens next. Check this one out. Okay. What's up, Chris and Matt? Dustin Diamond is alive? Colin, cuz. Are those?

I got this issue. It's kind of a health issue. Nothing serious. Well, it could be serious. I quit smoking cigarettes like two years ago good good it's been two years since i've had a cigarette well like you know i've had one or two within those two years you don't but i think just like a social like one or two um so i can't say i've been clean two years also i do on rape and that's kind of like the main topic is i want to quit vaping because i feel like cigarettes

have been along around long enough where people know what's wrong yeah and like what it'll do to you and then i feel like vaping is kind of like so new that they're discovering oh it's terrible things that oh don't question it it's bad at first it was like i it sounded like a healthy alternative sure sure get it but now you know should I just stick to the Zaza? Like, just straight up fucking Mary Jane all the way? Yeah. Yes. Looking like this all day?

That's been around for a long time, too. What do you guys think? Let me know. Let me know. Before we even get into the thing, that's the worst outfit I've ever seen on anyone. He looks like Screech, but a hippie. Hippie Screech, dude. The shirt isn't so bad, but the combo yo bro it also looked like the sideburns weren't a part of his head

or his hair wasn't a part of his head what i'm saying is the sideburns didn't go with the hair and a separate of the headband made it very confusing it looked like the sideburns and the glasses and the headband were all together and you put it on at once. Yes, yes, yes. There you go. And you're a bald guy. And you just put on your outfit.

All right. So anyway, we got that out of the way. Change it. Change. No, it's all right. It's fine. It's fine. We love you, bud.

Do you have something to say for real? No, you go first. You had something to say. Okay, yeah. So is the thing that you just need to be smoking something? Because those three things are not similar. Obviously, cigarettes are similar to vaping. You can smoke some pole.

But smoking weed is not similar to smoking cigarettes. But if what you are asking is, it is the same to you, what should you smoke? The answer is weed. Yeah. Because you never heard of somebody getting lung cancer from marijuana marijuana why because there's no fucking tar in it i think it could happen but and there's no poisonous chemicals in it unless you got some shitty bag but if you bought at a store you're not going to get that so yeah if it's all the same to you yeah just smoke weed yeah don't vape and you, don't smoke cigarettes and smoke weed.

That's very, very simple. Yeah, if that's the question, that's the answer, yeah. And, you know, look, if you're one of those guys that has to smoke weed every day, then that's really annoying. If you've got to smoke something every day, then you've got to smoke weed all day. That sucks, but also— Because of the smoke? No, because it just is so annoying when somebody's

just high all the time but also look at you yeah he's high all the time you smoke weed anyone's anyone who sees you is gonna think you're you you you have weed in your pocket or in your headband or in your body yeah yeah and so you might as well smoke it that'd be like if i dressed up as a ninja and someone's like oh my god help those guys are beating me up and i was just like oh man sorry dude i don't know how to do that everybody always thinks that be like but you're yeah yeah but you're dressed up as a you have size and ninja stars oh dude but your katana oh is that what that is you smoke weed basically you're already there you know so all right i've gone through phases where I was high as fuck every single day. High than a motherfucker.

Like a couple years where I was just blunted up. Okay. High than a motherfucker. What's that? Who's that? That's not Nate Dogg. No. The other one was Nate Dogg.

Yeah. Smoked weed every day. High than a motherfucker. Is Nate Dogg damn nate dead no fuck no no nate dog was so ill yeah do not speak of him that way i didn't you're making a joke i know but he was dope but nate dead i thought you were going to do oops a night dog oops okay more what's up Matt

what's up Chris huge fan so lately I've been going to the beach and I've had people sit right next to me or directly in front of me I don't know why they have the entire beach. That's insane.

It's like I joined a family. Does that bother you? And if you were to say something, what would you say to them? Exactly what you said. And also playing loud music on speaker. She is? Other than listening to the ocean. Or they are.

No, when people do it, she is. I know. So you already said the right thing this is a big beach could you please sit somewhere else or even why are you sitting here this is this is why are you trying to make me uncomfortable because the the only thing that a sane person here's here's why ultimately everyone should know this is the wrong thing to do but here's how we would know if we didn't know already you you go and you'd be about to sit down and you'd think well i even if i want to sit right next to that girl that's probably going to make

her really uncomfortable yeah so with that line of thinking those people are bypassing that thought and not caring so ultimately they're they don't care if they're making you uncomfortable therefore you can be as rude as you want to them because they don't give a shit about you. That is true. They do not care about your level of comfort. That's true, but it's not necessarily what the people are thinking

when they're sitting next to her. Right, and if they're not, if they're not thinking that, then they're fucking crazy and be careful. That's also not necessarily true because there is one more thing. You think there's either... There's one more possibility.

So what's it besides totally disrespectful disrespectful or crazy what else is there the person that's like oh i like people she likes people let's let's let's join you know that well that's the worst of the bunch i mean that's a horrible i don't know that's an annoying person if that person exists then that's even more dangerous be careful because that's just wrong to be that way. But here's the other thing, too. There's a wrong about life. People gravitate towards people, right? So if you're going to the beach and it's like all...

I would go separate, right? Yeah, so would I. And so would everyone else. But also, if it's a guy sitting next to her, you get why. Yeah, but then that's just going to make her uncomfortable. Give her some space, dude. I understand that, but guys are dumb, though. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy's dumb. But then also, if you're going to beach alone in a swimsuit like that, and I don't know if she's the mayor of Naysville, but maybe she's the mayor of Naysville, right? Naysville. Where did that come from again? I don't know. Nays means, you know.

I know what Nays means. I've deduced what Nays means. What the hell did we talk? You used to do that, right? The mayor of Naysville? That's something you have said before. That's not you what did i know it's probably brennan goody dude oh yeah because it would say mayonnaise and then we said the mayor what's the mayonnaise thing is that brennan goody yeah i don't know dude he's your friend i'm happy to say the

stain on ace thing what's that stain on ace i don't know that's him what's that from was that john shara i can't tell you i'll tell you after what the mayor of naysville okay okay mayor of naysville okay oh he knows yeah dude it's private so anyway um so anyway if she's a mayor of naysville and that means you know what it means by now uh then you get why the guys want to sit next to her but here's what you do cute though too like it doesn't we don't need another reason joking her face is great and we don't know about anything but our faces only have our face anyway dude we're getting a canted angle but what what what we're what we're what you can do is when they uh when they you stay till they leave when they leave you walk with them and get in their car yeah and when they

say what are you doing you say well obviously we're family you sat too close you had the whole beach oh i mean coming i have a good idea though for real it's a little bit it's the same idea but you follow them in their car see what car they're getting into get in your car follow them follow them home sneak in behind them as they open the door with their key wait in another room until they get in bed and then get in bed with them i mean and say when they act weird say oh i'm sorry i thought we were married because only married people sit this close together wow such a drawn out good night my sweet good night my sweet husband but they're gonna like it dude yeah true don't do that do not do that yeah yeah so yeah so i take

it back i take it back yeah if it's a woman though you can do that yeah uh i think that that's very annoying yeah i think i i do kind of feel like a beach is a place where you bring a boombox kind of scenario stereo to but i also think it's very annoying if the she's saying what about people who bring their music she had music oh well she's about she's playing loud music and they still come yes this is what she's saying oh well right i mean no i thought that she was like also what about this either way yeah either way you bring your your your your your fucking bows pill whatever the fuck beat pill is and you play it to where it's not crazy loud if you're around people and uh and if you play any louder

than that you pace right maybe bring something that smells really bad do something that's like rude i want you to be rude i don't usually recommend rudeness but like that is such a no-no that is like there are certain things that just are so blatantly breaking the social contract that we all silently agree to when we go out into the world that's one of them so i want you to be rude i want you to bring like a stink bomb or or something that will yeah something something really bad and just naughty be naughty remember the stink bombs you just throw they were so bad you just throw them and they break remember the itchy stuff itchy powder oh yeah do that on your back on your back and you were like no that's what you had to admit it had to. I did it to Vince Braun once. Also to Vince Braun, I pretended that Cody's dog food was beef jerky.

Wow. And it didn't go that well because he ate it. And he was just like, is this dog food? And I was like, yeah. Dude, I thought if your name was Vince Braun. That's a pretty ball and ass name. That'd be like if your name was Kevin Macon. That's, oh, I didn't even think about that.

Yeah. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Because you know him very well and i don't know if it's wrong i think right right right right right your name is tom booze right right right right right you know nicholas rage vincent tenafrio brad well now we have to definitely bleep that out. Also, when you said... You can't say tit or cunt? No, and bleep that one out. French, French! Do we have another one or what? Kenny G.

Hey, Matt and Chris. Hannah here. Calling in just with a small advice question. Basically, I have always wanted to vlog. I know, it's a cringe. No, no, no. But I've been scared to because I'm shy and a little bit awkward. But a lot of my close friends say that I should just do it for me, have fun, like whatever.

It doesn't matter what other people think. Like kind of block the negativity. Spin move mentality, I guess. But I just wanted to know, like kind of block the negativity, um, spin move mentality, I guess. But I just wanted to know, like, should I do it? Um, I'm not trying to gain anything financially out of it. I have a job, but I guess, I don't know if I should face my fear or if, because there's just so much content out there, like why even bother? Um, um yeah so just want to know what you guys think love the show uh love tuning in so thank you thank you two things before before you even said

anything about vlogging or putting yourself out there i was thinking you have a very like listenable voice and so to answer i think that speaks to your question which is that if you're gonna have a vlog i think that would be a good thing because your voice is a good one go ahead i mean look i don't know what kind of vlog she wants to do but she's a very sweet person a very likable person you know and her nails are sick yeah like she's got i mean dude anyone can have a vlog here's the thing dude you saying, everyone does it. Everyone has content out there. That's defeatist.

You don't drop that immediately because if you want to do it, you should do it. Yes. And you're not, this is like a thing. I'm shy, but this is going to help you. If you're shy, it's going to help you put it out there. Also, here's the other thing too. Here's something you can do. You could do one, upload it and, and and and either have a private link or or

you know send it to friends or you can just put one out there and put it up and see what happens and um here's another thing you can do you can put one up and never check the comments which is very hard to do or view count or view count but you just put it up why do you want to do it right you know ask yourself why you want to do it here's you don't want to get anything financial here's the other thing, though. It's true that there's so much content and so much of it is drivel and most of it is just noise. But think about this. What if your favorite podcast or whatever, vlog, I don't know, think about your favorite thing that you listen to or watch online.

What if those people were like, oh, there's too much stuff out there i don't really want to do it that would you would you personally would suffer that bad decision so think of it that way yeah what if we didn't do this podcast because we thought that then you would be sadder right right right right she wouldn't care if like you didn't do congratulations no this one would make her really sad because this one's good. Well, that's very rude. My shit is popping, though. A dad. You're a very sweet person.

You should start the vlog. What's the harm in it? Yeah. What's the harm in it? She's shy. She's insecure. She thinks it's going to be stupid or feel stupid, but whatever. But that's the tape you play in your head.

Yeah. The only way you're going to get over that anyway is to just do that. Because there's no way around it. You got to go through it. Yeah. And you want to get rid of that fear anyway. So if for no other reason to get over the fear that you have, you should do it. If you're not growing, you're dying.

And if you're not doing this, you're not growing. So don't die. Well, doctor. Okay. No, I just feel like you should do it. And also, it's like she's immediately likable yeah you know so like it's you know i thought that before you but yeah oh okay well so i thought she was likable before you thought she was like that's fine so what my point is that i'm

a bigger fan of hers than you are she's got nice hair kenny g fucking nice kenny g hair she definitely puts kenny g to shame yeah well now at this point and also she's not gonna go bald is he bald well mean? Is he bald? Well, yeah. I think he's receding. Oh, he's going back there? No. Kenny.

The guy acts like he knows. And then he says, what? I said. Kenny going, going, gone? Is it? He looks like the guy in Color Me Bad. And I dare anyone to try to prove me otherwise. I dare anyone to try to prove to me.

That's Kenny G. That's a guy. Yeah, it's going back there. Uncle Denny, dude! Who, that guy? Kenny G! No. Well, no, not the black guy. But that's what I'm saying.

Even the white guy doesn't look anything like him. The white guy's Kenny G! Did you say Uncle Denny? Uncle Denny looks like Kenny G. He doesn't look like him at all. In that picture. But the simple fact that you said which guy... That's how much he doesn't look like him....m that picture but the simple fact that you said which guy that's how much he doesn't look like you dumb but that's how much the fucking kenny g

doesn't look like okay stop clicking on that one though you know uh yeah kenny g's a pimp though dude i guess man i mean like i don't how would i know kenny g's a pimp no don't do that how would you know kenny g's a pimp how would you know't do that. How would you know Kenny G's a pimp? How would you know Kenny G is anything, honestly? Even a good flute player. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. What?

I think people like Michael Bolton, people used to make fun of Kenny G. Yeah. And Kenny G plowed right through it and was like, I do not give a fuck. Okay, that's good, yes. And he didn't change his style. He didn't change the kind of music he plays. He didn't change his hair. Michael Bolton was like, I'm going to cut my hair and then start making fun of myself.

Fuck that, dude. Kenny G stayed true. He's a real G. He's a real Kenny G. A more gangster Michael Bolton is what he is. Yeah, Kenny Gangster. Yeah, because Kenny G was like, you're going to keep making fun of me? That's cool.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah it's george michael but that's george no no no kg does that for sure he plays carol he covers that for sure well i mean he covers everything i mean he should but no that's pour some sugar on me oh wow okay i mean he doesn't do that just the lyrics yeah He covers everything. I mean, he should. But no. Plow, plow, plow, plow.

That's Pours of Sugar on me. Oh, wow. Okay. I mean, he doesn't do that one. Just the lyrics, yeah? Yeah, no doubt he does that, dude. I mean, that does not surprise me at all, yeah. But that's cool. Yeah, Kenny G's the original fucking...

Careless Whisper. It's what's up. So loud, you know? I couldn't care about this whisper. Wow. If you talk louder, maybe i'll care about it so bad coast whisper is a really good song dude george michael very good dude yeah rest in peace i honor you he's dead too huh yeah dude him and nate dog are are just in heaven well i mean

nate dog's like not hanging out with him because you know nate dog is not down with that gay shit but i'm just saying this is for you george i got this for you for all you fucking george michael fans out there who are jerking off in bathrooms you gotta leave it door open or whatever uh he did that yeah wasn't that what he did he got arrested for jerking off in the nose so bad it was one of the guys no so damn well plan on up plan on up plan on up yo

plan plan on it on it on it what's happening what was that what what what was that

what was it come on there's different ways to do it you ever watch that shit? No, not that I go on Pornhub. Oh, joking off. Yeah.

You got to bleep it out, dude. I'm trying to not say it. Well, I didn't know we were playing fucking charades. I didn't know what it was. Play it on it. Don't play it on it. Play it on it. Don't play it on it.

I have the biggest dick ever. Play it on it. Don't play it on it. Why is the head so small dude why is it so fucking long the chicks think you like this what if what if you died right after this right now? And this is the last thing you ever did? I get in a car wreck!

This is the last bit of comedy I ever did! Oh, fuck. Wow. Making a pizza! Making a pizza! making a pizza this is the best podcast the fucking fucking god damn dude this is the best podcast man

I don't these fucking idiots out there with podcasts this one's the best it's funny because last episode you literally said it's the worst podcast but fluctuating feelings. If you want a one-on-one session with me, your boy, booyah, booyah, and booyah, baby, baby, MattJulia.com. All right, and go to ChrisJulia.com, get your tickets. I'm going to be in Austin.

I'm going to be in Austin. I'm going to be in all these places, man. It's going to be crazy, man. Wow. So you're in the tower, you know? April 1st, doing my special. He's directing it. So come on out, dude.

And also, where else am I going to be? I don't even know, dude. You got a question? Check the link in the description below or go to watchlifeline.com. You want that Lifeline merch? Go to lifelinemerch.com. I'm so tired after laughing so hard like that. Me too.

Oh, man.com. I'm so tired after laughing so hard like that. Me too. Oh, man.