Lifeline - 49. Rearius Maximus

Episode Date: March 19, 2023

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. Room savvy, savvy, no me. Bam, ba-dum. Room savvy, savvy, no me. Bam, ba-dum. That's bad. Nope, it's not bad. you look like uh the easter version of the unabomber ha no i look like uh the grape and fruit of the loom who was played by david allen greer. But also more what I said, though. So I look like David. I am like David Alan Greer.

David Alan Greer is great. Thank you. No, I'm not saying you're like him. Because what you were saying is that I'm like him. And you should have opened that before we started recording. Is the deal. The deal is that wouldn't have made that much of a noise. And now you calling it out makes it all different.

No, you can open it in like 10 minutes. But you opened it literally 10 seconds after i see it's not good i see it's not good to do um so you were sick now you're not you're a little bit still i i'm not i don't yeah i'm like you know how it is at the end of a cold where you're just like when is it gonna totally end yeah that's where i'm at i guess that's where i am too i mean copying me no what happened you well i didn't think i was sick okay then oh okay then that's not where you're at i convinced myself i'm not sick until i'm getting better and then i'm like maybe i was sick oh well i i wish i could have done that i was so messed up though my it wasn't covid i it was not covid i could not swallow oh that's the worst enduring

excruciating pain ah did you get it can't get a shot for that i've had shots in the past cortisone but i did not because i didn't want to go to the doctor i was like yeah does that help the cortisone shots oh yeah well then why didn't you just get one because i have to go to the doctor to do it so much better though because honestly i don't don't think he would have given me one. Because it was only a sore throat. I didn't have a fever. I didn't have an infection. It was just, or I didn't have a bacterial infection.

Oh, okay. That's why. The reason he gave it to me that one time in my ririus maximus is because I was very sick in a number of ways. And I needed, I had a massive fever. And I needed the swelling in my throat to go down so i could continue to live rear is maximus yeah so you could continue to live okay cool yeah well that's so they were like pulled on your pants i need to inject this in your rarius maximus and i was like hey i just met you no right not no that's something like that a 68

year old would say okay well does a 68 year old honestly a 68 year old in 1980 would say it there's a six there's a 68 year old have this uh no george michael died so yeah he wouldn't be 68 what if he was actually going to be 68 if he was still alive yeah then i would have been great check it out does it do this a dolphin does it does it do this because i don't think it does so yeah i'm so i was in therapy today and my and i was like man i just feel down and like you know not like happy and i don't know what it is i'm just like i told my wife like i told kristen i was like just so you know i'm not gonna do i'm gonna leave my face how it's gonna be i'm not gonna do extra like smiling and stuff if i don't want to smile, I'm not going to smile.

So if you say something, I might think it's cool, but I'm not going to smile extra because of it just to let you know that I think it's cool. My face is just going to do what it's going to do. Sleeper. And how'd that go? And how'd that go? No.

And so I told my therapist and she's like, you sound like your throat is raspy. And I was like, yeah, a little bit. She's like, are you just sick? And I was like was like i don't know and at the end of the therapy she helped me figure out that i was just sick and that's why you're feeling like but how dumb is that scoochy like no i'm not gonna do it like that that's that's why you were acting that way she's saying no no no no no no she was just like you don't feel happy oh because you're just sick and i was like yeah maybe you're right by the end of it how dumb is that that i'm that dumb that i need therapy to figure out if i

have a cold yeah that's weird that's like going to a gp to figure out if you need to talk about your mother you know yeah yeah exactly yeah the opposite so yeah so that's where i'm at right now i need therapy now as a medical doctor for like physical stuff. So that's great. Yeah, yeah, that's really mixed up. But it's cool and I'm still really smart, you have to admit. I don't, I don't. I don't think you are smart.

Yeah, you do. I don't think that. Yeah, you do. Let me be, let. You do. Let me be honest with you. Okay. I don't think that.

You're not being honest with me. I think I'm smart. For those who are watching and can't see see it he's actually lifting up one leg when he does it to both legs like this oh dude how about this midair how about this he's smart so dumb well calvin likes it dude uh he's three dude we're having a good time dude having a good time no having a good thank you we're not coming to collierwood so look people really like this podcast i'm gonna be honest with you i'm gonna be honest with you too okay people really like this podcast they they come to my shows and they say how much they like it and they say don't stop doing it and i you know i guess we're not but like uh so we're gonna keep doing the podcast but also uh leave uh leave a what do you call a comment leave a comment and subscribe and then also like tell your friend

about it if you like the podcast let's get it going dude i'm telling you right now if we're sitting at these views for the for 10 years we're not gonna be doing it so you're saying what about the comment? Leave a comment. Help the algorithm go. Oh, yeah. Leave a comment. Leave a comment. Yeah, it's all right.

So yeah, so that's that. I'll be in Austin, Midland. I'll be in Minneapolis shooting my special that you're going to direct. And I will be in Milwaukee. Go to chrislea.com. And also, I will be in Ohio, chrislea.com uh if you want to come see me on torah uh if you have a question click the link in the description below or go to watchlifeline.com and if you want one-on-one sessions uh for advices with matt here one-on-one with matt

delia uh just go to mattdelia.com it's not therapy but matt has advices for you it's pimping pimping and you could also get a great lifeline merch at lifelinemerch.com so yeah so that's it i haven't seen you in a bit or what yeah no no i saw you for calvin's birthday oh right and then you got sick you probably got sick from calvin's birthday falling why'd you why'd you invite me do you think you got sick from that no i hadn't thought about it but you think you did though now no No. But maybe. It's possible. Oh. Yeah.

Well, I think maybe you did. I don't like when people are like, oh, I think I know where I got sick. Unless someone they were around was sick and like coughing all over them. Mom. Mom? Mom was sick. Oh. She came anyway.

She's bad. Oh. Why you got to do me like that, mom? No, it wasn't that. She was pretty much over it, but I still think she probably had it. I think she was doing what I was doing, saying, like, I'm not sick. I'm not sick. I got that from Mom.

Fuck, man. It's not my fault. Thank God. Yes, Stuart. You need to go to therapy again. I think when people... You know, Mom was watching. She's like, no, they always blame everything on me.

We're not. We're making a joke. Yeah. No. I blame everything on Chris. Not you, Mom. Yeah, okay. Well, it's all good.

I love you, Mommy. Weird's all good i love you mommy weird mommy i love you i feel weird you know when you get sick you laugh all weird yeah dude i laugh like this oh oh that's great like a drowning englishman yeah so messed up uh anyway dude let's talk about pedro uh pascal oh. He's cool. He's very cool. And that's it, moving on. But people aren't moving on, are they? Why? They're not moving on, are they?

Did you bring him up then? They're not moving on because the internet is so obsessed. People are so obsessed with Pedro Pascal that a viral video went viral of him just because he got Starbucks. Oh, that sounds interesting. What did he do? He got, first of all, it's my drink that I get. He got Starbucks. Oh, that sounds interesting. What did he do? He got, first of all, it's my drink that I get. He got it.

And everyone's like, this is the Pedro Pascal that you can get, which is four shots over ice, which is what I get, dude. So he stole it from me. So I'm sexy. Okay, but what is the deal with Pedro Pascal? Well, who cares? That's my point. He's great.

He's cool. But people are going nuts over him because he wore like a shirt with no collar or something. No, it's because he's on the biggest show that there is right now, right? Yeah, but also the Mandalorian. Yeah, it's because he's a huge star.

And he's having his moment now. He's like in his 50s now. Okay, but what about... No, he's not. He's 48. But what about Chris Pratt, who is a big star and it's not like that i know why white no what he is like uh people i don't even know if this is true

but people think of him as like someone who's staunchly right wing that's why dude i that's all i ever hear about him anymore yeah you're right you have to be a bit but the media say what you want about the media it's like that is filled with like fallen line left yeah yeah well for sure so they're not gonna care about chris pratt they're gonna care about pedro pascal because sexiness latino because right not white never said anything about anything but equality thing to be is not white and uh yeah he also is really really really funny and charming no he is a great actor i'm not but it's beyond that it's beyond that i don't even know that because you're telling me that you brought him up i said i love him and you said cool he's cool and i said he's cool and then you said we're done talking about because sounds like you have something going on no if you open your phone you can't and you start scrolling you cannot go

three minutes without seeing something about pedro pascal yeah you can't okay so do you know that or not i think i do know that there we go then you do know that yeah so then i'm bringing it out of you i'm like a therapist so he's the guy who's having a minute right now yeah okay cool good for him but more so his minute is jam-packed with seconds oh not just 60 huh no dude he's got like so many seconds on top of each other that equal this one minute so he's having like a 15 minutes a full-blown minute no but it's not longer because it might not who knows how long it's going to last so now it's a full-blown hardcore flaming hot minute you're bending space-time pedro pedro pascal is bending space bending space time okay yeah well that

sounds newsworthy to me full-blown hardcore flaming hot minute that's a good title i gotta say though ever since he was in game of thrones i really i really like him and i really yeah i think he's like handsome and charming. Is, 100%. And not taking it. Dude, if it was me in that position, I'd be like, guys, all right. So what's he doing? He is just being like, ha-ha. Yeah.

And everyone's like, oh, he just did ha-ha. Oh, I see, I see, I see, I see, yeah. He got a four- Here's the thing. I'm bitter because the dude took my drink and went public with my drink. And now my drink, it doesn't even feel like my drink anymore, dude. I think that his drink has more shots. Two more shots in it.

Right. But it's a quad shot with two extra shots. So people are saying quad shot. So now I can't say quad shot without thinking about the Pedro Pascal thing. Why do you both know about Pedro Pascal's Starbucks order? Because it's everywhere. That's my point. You think I give a shit what he drinks?

I haven't seen anything about pedro pascal going to starbucks what are you guys talking about why does anyone care about don't be sneakily saying that pedro pascal drinks more hardcore coffee than i did say that yeah i think it's actually more what he said is basically that you're a total bitch he was sneakily being like i think it's actually more and i wasn't even going to address that that was okay fine dude i'm getting seven from now seven shots in one cup just gonna be so wired and yelling all the time what's up you guys know about pedro pascal me outside of coffee beating the tea leaf dude he's like he's got so many seconds packed into this

minute it's crazy right oh wow game of thrones fuckingcos. Fucking the other one. Fucking the zombie one. Jesus Christ, Pedro Pascal's insane. Security comes. Just carts your ass away. What? You don't like Pedro Pascal? We're the fucking same thing with Chris Pratt. Look, Chris Pratt's white. That's so stupid.

Sucks, man. They think Chris Pratt is a staunch Republican. It's not even that true. Maybe ask my brother that's basically just a typical crazy person at a coffee yeah no shit uh yeah but chris pratt also because you brought him up sticking with that example is so boring nah chris pratt wait what do you mean oh like as a person out and about yeah he doesn't really do stuff like but he's not but he's a good act he's i think he's great i love his acting all right well i think he's funny

it's starting to sound like you own you like every actor who what actor do you not like oh my god dude who name somebody name somebody uh pedro pascal yeah goldblum he oh enough already dude yeah i agree about that enough dude with his purple suits okay yeah yeah who else like he's in kings of comedy name one what about laura dern she's great you love everybody okay that's another one uh okay um viola davis oh she's amazing okay see what i'm talking about all right well keep going please all right I'll try somebody who's less considered good

yeah really this guy's like Meryl Streep Seth Green he's nice a nice guy I like can't say something

bad about any actor he's a nice person so I don't really know his stuff okay so he's messing up the okay what about

oh look Pedro Pascal's Starbucks order interesting I'm gonna watch that when i get home um who else do we like uh uh alec baldwin he's funny all right dude like can i just all right you know it's like everybody salma hay Hayek. Ed Norton. Ed Norton. He's good. He's good.

Daniel Craig. I love him. Wow, dude. Okay. I didn't even realize this about you, but you like every actor. I didn't realize this about me either. Yeah. You like every actor. I thought I don't like any actors.

Yeah, but truth comes out. Wait, hold on. There's got to be some that I don't like. Yeah, but Jamie Lee Curtis. She's pretty good, honestly. Wow. All right. Well, you like honestly. Wow! All right. Well, you like everybody.

Peter Dinklage? Speaking of Game of Thrones? I think he's really good, but he gets extra shit because he's, you know. I don't want to say it. You only like the ones with the extra, you know. What else? Come on. Who else?

You guys, come on. Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt. come on uh who else you guys come on uh uh uh brad pitt brad pitt i mean he's handsome so that's all you're gonna say about him he's good fuck man i think all these guys are good all right never mind okay yes you like every actor he's good all right i like a lot of actors um jeremy renner he's good i like him you love Renner well you know I love Jeremy Renner but I remember even long ago you talk about

how good he was in the town yeah he's good dude and that always bothered me that you said that why because it was like

you're going to talk about the town and you're like you're going to talk about a guy with like a smaller role in it I didn't like that

I will give it to you that is annoying but Jeremy Renner I think that was because that was when I first saw him it's like when someone's like

you know he really steals the show though but I didn't say that no It's annoying. But Jeremy Renner, I think that was because that was when I first saw him. It's like when someone's like, you know, he really steals the show though. But I didn't say that. No, no, no. I would never say Jeremy Renner steals the show in the town. But you basically had the sentiment of someone

who's like, yeah, I know there's that big movie that everyone loves. No. But you know who really stole the show. Dude, I don't do that. That's basically what you did. I don't do that.

Maybe not, but it's essentially the thing you did. You know the number one doing that thing you did? You know what the one thing that... I quit. By the way, so many people in the comments said that they knew that I quit.

See, dude? I told you. In the last episode. Everybody knows I quit from that thing you do. So look, you know who sold the show? Who's that actor, Christopher something in American Beauty? Christopher. Christopher?

Isn't his name Christopher? I don't know. What role does he play? The neighbor. Oh, Chris Cooper. Chris Cooper. His whole name sounds like Christopher, but his name is Chris Cooper.

He stole his show on American Beauty. Okay. Let's go to a thing, dude. We got off on the actor thing. Yeah, we got going on the actors thing. We got going, yeah. Pedro Pascal. So let's do the next one.

Hey, Matt and Chris. It's Dan from Amsterdam. Love you guys. Love the podcast. Love all your content. But yeah, so what I need some advice on is apparently my fiance looks like my mom. Oh. Wow.

That's funny. I don't need a damn mom. I kind of showed a picture to my cousin, and he's like, oh, she looks like your mom. I was like, no, she doesn't. Thought nothing of it, whatever. Uh-oh. Recently, though, no, she doesn't. Thought nothing of it, whatever. Recently, though, my grandpa, my mother's father, came to me or said something like, I had to look at the picture a little bit harder than I saw on Facebook because I couldn't tell the difference between your mom and your fiance.

And that obviously messed with me way more than my cousin did. Nice house. So, yeah, I don't know. How do I handle this situation? What do I say to someone that comes to me and says that um am i sick for for i mean loving this this woman um obviously i'm not gonna leave her i love her to death she's my soulmate but leave your mom i don't really know how to handle this situation i don't know what to think i guess so any advice would be great thanks guys you need a new mom also tell those people we should have wrote him back and asked for pictures tell those people he's bad chris marco's bad hey you're bad dude how could you not ask the dude for pictures well uh because

because then i need to do consent yeah just it takes he didn't think about the consent thing just didn't do it takes a lot more time thought about doing it and thought i don't want to do consent yeah just it takes hey didn't think about the consent thing just didn't do it takes a lot more time thought about doing it and thought i don't want to do all the work yeah so so here's what the advice is tell those people stop looking like ask ask no no the people who comment on it oh right ask the people if they've ever heard of humans and the brains that yeah yeah yeah true because if if they've heard of humans and the brains that they have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. Because if they've heard of humans and the brains that they have, they wouldn't actually ask that question because it is a very common thing.

Yep. Hello, Sigmund Freud. No, don't do that. Knock, knock, knock. Hello. But it's honestly why you've always dated girls that look like dad. Yeah, right, yeah. No, but you always, you do.

You look for someone that has the qualities, the good qualities in your mind. And sometimes you're bad. The bad ones. Typically, not typically even, but it is a very common thing that both men and women do. They seek out the opposite sex parent. Yep. Like a lot of women I know, even if they like purport to hate the qualities that they, that they're sort of taking on,

they, they date men and end up with men who are just like their dad. Sometimes even look like them. And the truth is men do that too. Uh, hello, knock, knock,

knock. No, Sigmund Freud. Don't do that. Honestly, that's the dumb, that's the dumbest thing you can possibly get. Knock,

knock, beep, beep, beep, beep. We're in traffic. Beep, beep.

Sigmund Freud's car. They picked it up. You know, you don't have to say we're in traffic. Also say knock knock knock and also do the knock knock knock is absolutely redundant yeah um but yeah and then women like their their dad right that's what they say like oh like i just said is that what you're talking about did you say that yeah yeah okay cool yeah that's why the sexiest thing you can say to a woman is hey if you make a mess you better clean it up that's why every girl is from long island. Clean up after yourself.

And the daughter of an abusive dad. Interesting. But they can't help it. They go like this. I. I do. Clean up after yourself. I have to laugh like that now because I'm sick.

That's so dumb, dude. It sucks. And then when the dad brings her down an aisle and she's supposed to she says look what do you think yourself and she doesn't like it and then the guy goes i do and then afterwards the ceremony she drops something he says yourself and she gets away so circuitous to get to that so yeah man it's not about the people who are fucking dragged up in this did you just rewind your yeah i'm trying not to say bad words oh you were yeah for nagging up you can say bad words now okay for fuck's sake wow the fucked up people in this situation but are that's right knock knock hello sigmund freud beep beep knock knock knock beep beep

knock knock beep beep hello i'm sigmund freud uh are there people who say something about it i'm like oh your fiance really looks like your mom like what a dick thing to say yeah because now when you're having sex with your fiance you're going to be thinking about your mom yeah no one wants that you can just knock on their head and be like sigmund freud yeah exactly knock on their skull and say that's what you should do imagine how dick it would be like wow your fancy looks a lot like your mom you look at this hello sigmund freud you ever heard of him yeah is anybody in that uh is anybody look at pedro pascal over here oh no dude it's the pedro pascal yeah they already named it that well he added a

shot didn't even ask for it but knows me well also dude what's up with the no when the ice melts by the time the post-mice gets here oh dude oh so many sound effects between the two of us so the guy from police academy so yeah it's on them the people that are calling it out verbally to you a preacher are to you the people who are calling it the people who are calling it out to you because i knew i knew I saw it. All right. You did it good.

I was doing it good, yeah. No, but come on. Yeah, okay, shut up. They're the people who have the problem. You're not doing anything wrong. I'm sure your mom's noticed, and that's maybe a little bit weird for her. Oh, man. Who cares?

Mom, this is Stacy. She's just like this. Wow. They turn into like this. Wow. They turn into what? Scanners. Tom Cruise? Tom. Tom Cruise.

Hey. All right, cool. All right, we can do the next one, yeah? Hey, guys. It's me, Jamie, again from California. She got that throat piece, dude. Yeah, everyone has eyes. What?

Everyone has eyes, so we see it. So you don't need to say anything. You don't need to pause it. No, what I'm saying, I should get that throat piece dude yeah everyone everyone has eyes what everyone has eyes so we see it so you don't need to say anything you don't need to pause it no what i'm saying i should get a throat piece okay well right i don't i don't know but i did know you were gonna somehow make it about you now let's start over give her the fucking well that's why i said pause i didn't want to talk over there's a bad reason to pause right she has a good throat piece oh good throat piece what is it i don't know what it is all you said was that it was a throat honestly having a throat piece is fucking awesome no matter what oh it doesn't matter what it is i am being dead serious see you later man well what if it was uh just a big guy just like slamming a giant penis of his

into a like a big tree so you're not right for this company yeah the tree is like falling because his dick is so heavy and powerful you know so here's what i'd like uh i don't know your take on it picture like a guy his penis he's holding it he's swinging it into a tree but the here's the thing it's so big and it's so mighty and what do you do with that what would you do with that all right take it from here we'll work on it yeah yeah come back with something ill wow that's really good yeah okay that's cool i can see it maybe a different size um yeah uh okay so let's look at the what the what the what the throat piece lady wants to say hey guys it's me jamie again from calgary alberta i just wanted to give you guys a little bit of an

update first so i did take your advice and sent my ex that podcast episode wow and he by the way this is the ashes you remember oh yeah so she what we could just remind everybody, Matt. Or Mako. The ex-boyfriend left his father's ashes at her house when they broke up. And he took his PS5 and left the ashes behind. And was like, mail them. Yeah. He was like, mail them. I don't want to come get them. Just mail them.

He also said other stuff like... He was saying like, can you respect my father's ashes by putting them on the mantle for Christmas? Oh, yeah. Wow. That's right. All sorts of crazy shit going on with this one. All right. Good job, Anthony.

Thanks, Anthony. Not Maka. Suddenly just wanted his dad back immediately. So he is no longer with me. You guys completely solved that issue for me. Thank you so much. Second thing I want to say is, Matt, I completely agree with you. We are meant to be together.

How can we deny our compatible hairlines? Slide into my DMs. This is me shooting my shot. My DMs are open for you. In public. The third thing I want to say is this is a follow-up question. And it's completely unrelated to the whole ashes thing. Uh, but I have, uh, an autoimmune disease called ulcerative

colitis. It's very similar to Crohn's disease. Um, I've had to get, I had to get my large intestine removed when I was 13. Um, and it is a big factor in my life. Um, is that something as far as dating goes, is that something that would make you apprehensive to date someone if they have preexisting medical conditions that do impact their life and may impact their life even more down the road? Um, is that something that you would kind of be cautious of dating someone? Um, or would that not be an issue for you at all? I'm just curious. Um, because I just tell people when I'm going on dates, I just tell people because if you can't deal with it, then that's not going to work. I'm just curious to know what it's like from the other end. Thank you guys again so much. Matt, can't wait to hear from you in my DMs.

She probably likes me too, but I'm, you know. No, she doesn't. She made that clear. She likes me, yeah. I, yeah, I actually was thinking about this the other day because they, someone called in on Golden Hour and did the same, asked this, asked something, somebody had something, not that, but they were like, when do I tell? Oh, a kid.

It was a kid. That STD. And, and. A kid had kid had an std no i'm just kidding like that's the std you get oh oh yes it's a hilarious joke i would have gotten it if i wasn't a little bit sick yeah okay that's okay no and you would have laughed regular not that way because you don't laugh that regularly right yeah exactly so anyway um yeah the you know well like that, I think you don't have to bring up first date. No, but that's also not the question. The question is. Yeah, I know.

We as men. I know what the question is. Okay, then answer it. I'm saying, first of all, my thing. Would we? And then. Okay, so then what is she asking? I would not.

I would not. I would let love lead yeah if you i mean i actually think it's like it's sort of the inverse of a red flag like like emotional or psychological damage is much more concerning than some kind of like internal physical damage oh yeah like and that i don't if i really loved someone fell in love with especially if i just like met someone fell in love with them and i found out they had ulcerative colitis i would not i wouldn't even think whoa whoa i wouldn't even at all not even for a second yeah exactly not even for a second you would correct me if i'm wrong but you'd be

like okay well what do we have to do to make it to where you're comfortable and everything is okay and like we take care of you yeah make me a part of making your life better yeah 100 whatever i can do i would do and and a lot of people are like that i think yeah i think most any guy who's like it doesn't matter how much i like a girl if she had ulcerative colitis she's gone well hey that guy is a piece a fucking loser and your piece what is that piece oh piece of shit yeah yeah that's horrible yeah loser piece of shit and also like what are you like that's like an actual psychopath move because there's like no feelings yeah yeah of actual feelings of love it's just like this completely superficial dumb thing all sort of colitis i'm not too clear on what it is but i know yeah she got her intestine

removed large intestine she said yeah which means she's got to go potty way quicker after she eats, right? It also means there's way more room in there for you know what. Disgusting. Just saying. The most disgusting you've ever been on the show. If you've got a big old winky. I mean, winky sounds small. She might be for you.

Yeah. If you've got a big old winky. Well, you don't. So you shouldn't hit her. No, I have a big winky. I have a big winky. Trying to get around the youtube all right yeah no i don't i i would not even like if like if kristen had something like

that i wouldn't even know everything would be the same except for i would be concerned about it and want to help and she would be in pain more often well everything will be the same in the relationship oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway uh yeah, my sympathy goes out to you for having that, but if you get any whiff of any guy having trepidation because of that, guy's a fucking loser. Yeah, psychological damage. Psychological shit is way worse. Usually people with physical symptoms or physical…

Ailments. Ailments also have more psychological fucked up shit because they have to deal with it and they don't know how to, but you seem a very good… See, I think almost the opposite. Because they have to deal with it and they don't know how to but you seen a very good uh see i think the almost the opposite because they have to deal with it yeah and they overcome it they've gotten to this point so far and they've like persevered you're right people go through physical shit at a young age it really changes them you're right dude speaking firsthand grow up yeah you're right dude it changed and i can admit when i'm wrong oh okay but it's not even really that i was wrong it wasn't so stop yelling is what i'm gonna say yeah i was just kind of feeling it

out i was as i was talking and then you kind of helped with that okay well i'm glad i could be of service to you but yeah it makes yeah yeah yeah okay for a second just stop talking okay so i can just so i can just finish doing this uh yeah it makes you be that much more of an appealing potential partner because you are more likely to have your shit together upstairs than your average person even so it's it's actually a plus and if guys are not thinking of it that way, then they stupid, especially because they're not realizing they got extra room in there for...

Okay, man, that's so not true. They're Mr. Winky. It's so not true. Like, oh, but the doctor was like, but there is an upside. You know what I mean? Have you ever heard of a large winky? Take two of those and call me in the morning.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. Okay. Well, next one. So bored. What's going on, Chris and Matt? Chris, I saw you in Chicago on New Year's Eve a couple years back.

2019. And I saw you in Rockford back in the fall. Love the show. It's hilarious, as always. I got one for both of you guys. I need both sides of your input. Okay. I'm 24. My little brother's 18 and now that he's 18 he thinks you know he's the big man in the house

big guy with the last name and i gotta knock him down a few pegs i'm still big bro you know chris um what is something you have done wish you would have done or would do as an older brother to you know kind of let matt know where he's at and matt what is something that will really get under your skin or something that chris has done that bothers you uh any input will be helpful gotta remember that i he's got to remember that i am that guy so thanks guys there's not that much thanks dude there's not that much first of all so deeper on this guy but go ahead it's a deeper so it like literally just got done digging um you know uh i i don't know what i would do to, I don't, you know what I mean? Like, he's asking what I would do to, like, check you.

Yeah, we're not like that. Yeah, we're not like that at all. We've never been like that. No. Weirdly. We did grow up. Brothers are like that, though. Right.

We're just siblings in general, not even just brothers. Yeah, it's weird how much we're not like that, actually. Yeah. And I was pretty much always good to you well i wouldn't that's actually not the same thing so no it's not but i would i i think that i'm i wouldn't go that far and one time when we grew up you you one time when we realized that i maybe you you thought i wasn't always good to you and you weren't that's why it really makes me think really fucked up that may really fuck me up think about well you should have been different then but what i what

what was i doing that wasn't good making fun of you in front of your friends no okay no making fun of me in front of your friends oh that was a big that was a big interesting yeah okay uh well that affected you that that affected you and i know it did and i you know uh so then you were bad you're a bad brother do you like who you are right now mostly dracula mostly mostly well it could have been because of that right yeah no it could be the little part that i'm not is probably that um yeah i i uh yeah i i so that would be the thing make in front of you in front of my friends that you wouldn't have yeah clown his ass in front of your boys dude and make him feel like he's

fucking seven years old we said. Do it and make him fucking cry for three days in his room. You guys all want to come over? Hello? Oh, hey, come on in. Nine guys. Hey, you're fat. My brother. My little brother. He's a big man in the house. Big man like this. Big man now.

Fat guy, right? I guess, man. You're a dick. They leave. See you guys later. See ya. You want to come? there's a big man in the house yeah big man like this big man now fat guy right i guess man you're a dick they leave see you guys later see ya you want to come to the to the 18 year old i guess it oh life oh lifeline is the question toward me what could you what did i do he said what did i do that got under your skin oh that that's my answer for that yeah yeah and nothing else yeah but what about you then what well my his his question for me is what should i have done to check you a little bit more but what should he do is what he's really saying to check his brother right well he did ask me that and you didn't answer

because you said why don't you do this which is relating it to your answer which is a good one i answered my part. Yeah. No, you answered also my part. Wow. Two birds, one stone. We did it. It's not the thing where you should be bragging about.

We did it. We did it. We did it. All right. So if you have a big Mr. Winky, you can have sex with her. No, I did good on the question and you did good too. Okay. And it's cold now.

We're good. All right. This feels so good in here now, though. Let's go. it's cold now we're good all right this feels so good in here now though let's go let's go let's go baby just took it to see what's up yeah hell yeah pause it hell yeah dude a giant a mob boss a giant giant dude a fucking absolute giant with a regular coffee cup makes dave batista look regular size wow dude dave batista is the biggest man i've ever seen in my life and when you shake his hand it's like wrestling a wall okay oh what i want to know is why is his head uh wrinkled as fuck bald guys everyone's heads like that when they're bald especially if they're big forget it

oh mine's not the rock the rock though is that radio the rock is like that too i it might be a side effect of the fucking and i'm not going to say i don't want to expose anyone and i don't know dave batista like that but it could be the right and i'm not i don't mean the expose anyone. And I don't know Dave Bautista like that, but it could be the roids. And I'm not, I don't mean to write. I think it's the rock. And I was like, yeah, right. And dude,

if you look like, put it this way, if Hugh Jackman shaved his head bald when he was shooting Wolverine, right. I'm just saying it would have had a hot dog sausages under there like that. Fucking Rodeo and Juliet, dude. Okay.

Okay. All right, let's play this guy. Next one. Chris, I saw you in Providence. It was amazing. My wife actually gave me the tickets to the show

and i had the opportunity to meet you after the show oh yeah um when i met you about i brought up a real hard-hitting issue here we go and i think we need to talk about it a little bit more okay and the issue is well as you know your last name is delia yes my last name is demia. Yes. My last name is D'Amelia. Yeah, I remember this. Very close. And we have an apostrophe between the D and E. Yeah, I remember it. And yeah, oftentimes when I'm trying to sign up for something or book something, let's say like a flight. Yeah, no apostrophe. The website just does not accept the apostrophe. It drives me nuts. It's like an ampersand. does not accept the apostrophe. It drives me nuts.

It's like an ampersand. That's annoying as hell. 39. Other times I'm at a company and they're looking my name up and they can't find my name at all. Yeah. Pick one life. And usually it's because they're either missing the apostrophe or they put a space. So I want to raise awareness to this.

So my question is, how do we deal with this apostrophe? And how can we make this more of a known thing? You know, I'm also beginning to think that the real conspiracy theory with your YouTube page is because of the apostrophe. Cheers, guys. So well spoken. Rehearsed it 25 times before I did it. Dude, we're going to want to go back to that one, by the way,

because I want to see the beginning of that again. But it's so annoying that life doesn't have a way. There are so many names and apostrophes in it. Dude, it's like the apostrophe community is up in arms. Because why? Because it's affecting a group that isn't put upon enough to get together to try to change it. Yeah, I understand. It's not, oh, well, then why the...

But because basically... You ask me once. Oh, no, I get it. No, I get it because apostrophe community, the apostrophe community is a community. But people act like, you know, of course, trans and blacks and Asians, yes, I get that. But the apostrophe community is fucking real. But not really because the oppression that we're facing is just... When you're filling out forms.

When you try to fill out a form online but why why isn't an apostrophe acceptable why is it ampersand quote 39 dash yeah whatever it is what the fuck because people go like this whoever's in charge is to go uh yeah we didn't really get around to it yet and then no and then other guy goes yeah but doesn't it seem like there's nothing to get around to there's just make it possible to put it in it's not a letter though but it's a character they only take letters they should take letters and also the apostrophe because those are in a lot of names yes you're right you know what it is discriminatory on italian dashes are in names they are did hyphenated names oh right yeah do they take those i don't know i'm assuming they do they obviously don't know. They obviously have a... It's against Italians.

Forms. Yeah, but French people have it too. Yeah. Apostrophes? Yeah, I know. Oh, okay. So that guy, go back to the beginning of his video. So are a lot of African names, actually.

Can you... Why... Take the sip before? What's up, Dewey Brothers? So, fucking... Chris Assange. Fuck! To do it!

Wow, dude. The balls to take that pause hey what's up to leo brothers dude such a mob boss holy shit literally under him a guy like this with piano wire around his neck wow that's amazing dude what's his name the milio he's like theAmelio isn't that the same last name is the girls I don't know yeah but that's different okay

well yeah we need to get a group together me him and you yeah but this is why I'm saying it hasn't happened because there are too many people like me who are like I can't get too up in arms about it I'm not passionate enough about this if it was like we were being persecuted in a real way then it would be different as some

groups are and those are the groups that create actual change nobody's getting beat up you know yeah that's not nobody's there's no racial slur like yeah you high commas. No. Yeah. No, there's Dago for Italians. Yeah, but that's not. Yeah. There's foreign filler online people. What? He said high commas. You upper-decker commas. Yeah. Yeah.

I think we're just destined to have issues with this until. Until someone starts beating the shit out of us. And then we use that to be like. Because of that. You know, raise the commas. But you need to get the shit kicked out of you because of that. And then we use that to be like. But because of that. Raise the commas. But you need to get the shit kicked out of you because of that. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Okay. You fucking.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I do. Top level. Periods with. Wow. With a thing on it. Jumping from the top line. In a wrestling ring.

All right. All right. We're done with that. Next one. Next one. Hey Matt and Chris. Hope you're doing well. Love the show.

My question is about my husband. So he loves video games and he plays maybe like five hours a day. Divorce him. I've always tried to support him in his hobby and not try to take it away because it's just what he loves to do. But the problem is he doesn't really have other healthy lifestyle habits. Divorce him. do but the problem is he doesn't really have other healthy lifestyle habits and hobbies and i really value like having a productive healthy lifestyle so it's hard to see him like spend so much time playing video games um so i'm just curious at what point do you think video games like get to

be too much i know an addiction um and just how would you deal with a situation like this thanks is he making the yaper or not i would divorce him if he's making the yaper good if he's not making the yaper okay and also if he's being being with you if the video game playing is getting in the way of your relationship or the yaper you got to really have a talk in any way though not like if it's made him if it counts if it's like making him late to some stuff that counts yeah of course yeah it has to be his mood later on it's like why are you snapping me he's like oh because you know i was in the top of the mountain you know i mean i couldn't get i didn't have enough coins to pay for the fucking yeah if you can like talk to him while he's doing it if it's if he's just like around

the house for five hours and it's like me time did you say five hours a day? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So listen to me. You're young enough to get out. Your days are 19 hours. Your days are 19 hours because of this fucking video game playing dipshit. Oh, no. No, no, no. I don't agree. Okay.

I don't agree. First of all, we don't have all the context, okay? She gave us enough. No, because what if his job is being on twitch and making money playing video games obviously she would have said that oh and people aren't nuts okay but she could be absolutely up to lunch but why make that leap everyone calling it could be absolutely out to lunch dude if if your me time is five hours a day it's probably too much okay if you're in a relationship if you're trying to have a family i don't know she looks young you know i mean yeah but like you know he might be

like it's not five hours a day you know sometimes i don't play saturday sundays but like we do with every other caller let's assume let's take it at face value fair enough okay that is the truth what would you what what do you advise sir i think five okay if we're just taking it face foul i think five hours a day is is too much it's a lot yeah yeah yeah uh so she's saying what she what could she do what should she do you're saying if it's if it remains to be five look you have to decide if you want to live with that or not because it's not going to change others do i think it's an addiction I do think it's probably an addiction if he's just doing it five hours.

Because also, video games, they're geared towards making you stay. It's like Vegas with no clocks. Yeah, exactly. So it's like you're trying to... It's not going to let him leave. He has to choose, okay, I'm done with this.

I got to throw my PS5 out. But here's the thing. Ask him as nice or as however you want. Yeah. Can you do it a little less? Right. How about half of that? She probably has already.

Right. But if she hasn't started there, start there. But if you really wanted to change, you should seriously consider that he's not going to. Because assuming you have asked for three hours instead of five or something like that, and he hasn't given it to you, why would we imagine that change is around the corner? He doesn't appear to be giving you any reason to think he's going to change. And also, if you say like, look, I think this is... Because the definition of addiction is if it's getting into the way of your life.

You know what I mean? So if you're willing to be like, yo, this upsets me. And if you're going to be playing video games five hours a day for the rest of our lives, I don't know if I want to be in this relationship. Then that's what it is. And it's affecting his life. And he probably will because he's a guy I would have gotten defensive and been like, well, what the fuck?

You know, like, oh, wow. It's what I like having fun. Why are you trying to control me? You know, like, oh, wow. I like having fun. Why are you trying to control me? You know, I make money for us. It's okay. Like, whatever it is, it's just, you know. I don't know, man. Like, yeah.

I mean, at first I was joking about divorcing him, but, like, if that really – you got to be real with yourself because you can't assume he's going to change. You got to decide if it's good decide if that's workable for you. Because what if he doesn't change? Moreover, what if he gets worse? Five hours a day. I've heard people 10 hours a day, 15 hours a day. I've heard people, they don't leave their bedroom.

But we used to play in our 20s. We used to play a lot. And we just don't play anymore. I never would spend five hours a day by myself playing video games. There would be the odd day that I would. I guarantee he's playing with his friends online. That's the difference now, though. Everyone plays with their friends online.

You have a thing for defending this guy, and that's pissing me off. I like to look at the whole picture, and you don't. I would, too, if we could, but we can't, so we got to take our word for it. Okay. All right? Okay. All right. Divorce him. No sliver. I would too if we could, but we can't, so we got to take our word for it. Okay. All right? Okay. All right. Divorce him.

No, yeah, it's a tough thing, man. Bring it up and say, yo, it has to change. Yeah, be real about it. Yeah. Be very real about it. Be like, look, this is not okay. We're a young couple. We got to be out in the world doing things, getting to know each other better.

Hitting Mr. Winky up every day or at least every other day hitting mr winky up waking up mr winky dude starring richard dreyfus dude you are too young yeah to be okay with just a 19 hour day every day of your life with your husband yeah okay how young she looked mad young she looked like she was like 20 during their 20 20s, yeah. Or she is. Okay. All right, yeah. Is my beard painted on? Yes. What?

So you guys can't even say anything about it, but here's my question. So my brother plays video games a lot, and this one specific video game, he's always like, I got to work. And I'm like, work work it's your day off he goes no i gotta grind destiny that's the name of the game and i'm like you know what i mean so what's like what's like a funny thing that i could say a funny clap back that i could say to him in those moments because it makes me just want to pull my hair out of my head and be like how about you go to the gym but you know that's just me because i'm trying to project on others what do you guys think he's saying that his brother says i gotta go to work and then he

says yeah and then he says no i know i know i don't actually have to work i gotta grind on destiny i think the only thing to say is oh okay well if you keep that up your destiny is to be a fucking loser that's a good that's that's that's it you're welcome bye bye bye i mean that's bye bye i knew that wasn't gonna be the end of it bye bye now i knew that wasn't gonna be the bye bye shave bye bye well-bye now. I knew that wasn't going to be the end of it. Bye-bye. Shave. Bye-bye. Well, him? Shave. Bye-bye. Cut your hair.

Bye-bye. How do you know his brother has the same hair? No, I'm saying about him, yeah. Oh, oh. Yeah, I don't know. Don't ever say something is something it's not. Don't say you have to work. What was it again?

You got to go to work. I gotta go to work. What I want to know is why he even included that part of the story to us. Like what bearing does that have on the point he's trying to convey to us? None. Do it again. Do the video again

and don't do that part. So do what part then just the part about what are you doing today i'm gonna go oh yeah yeah yeah like why because his brother's like yo dude i'll see you in a little bit gotta go to work only knows the songs from like the first video games ever is that mario yeah that song that one's banging that why was there no hip-hop song with that there had to be there has to have been yeah by now right there is one actually i know what is it who knows but what is it all right okay cool yeah that yeah Yeah. All right. All right. Next one. Hey, Chris and Matt. A long time fan here. Awesome.

I'll get right into it. I've been seeing a guy for about eight months now. And after Hook It Up, he typically does not reach Climax. And he's about 45. I don't know if that helps. He doesn't. Information wise. And I was kind of getting

a little insecure and wondering if there's something I could be doing wrong. I mean, differently, or if I'm doing something wrong and, uh, you know, the, you know, he suggested trying lingerie. I tried lingerie. It kind of worked, but, um, so tonight he, he admitted to me that, uh, he jerks off twice a day and that, um, he thinks about his exes and his past sexual experiences. And I asked,

well, do you think about me? And he's like, Oh yeah. You know, it didn't, it didn't seem very convincing. I shouldn't assume,

but, um, and it made me feel, and then, you know, there was a lot of, uh, defensive conversation after that. He got, he got kind of angry with me when I feel and then you know there was a lot of uh defensive conversation after that he got he got kind of angry with me when i brought up you know like hey like

i think it might be a contributing factor as to why he can't get to that point of release with me and so i'm just curious to see what your thoughts are and if you think I'm overreacting or you think I'm justified in how I feel so let me know what you think hang on this is how shitty it is for fucking some girls out there okay she is dating

a guy for 8 months now who has never achieved not never rarely sometimes he's not has never achieved egasm. Not never. Not never? Not never. Rarely? She's saying sometimes he's not. Sometimes he's not achieving. Sometimes he's not achieving egasm. Right? Okay. And then so...

Egasm. He suggests she tried doing something different. Try lingerie, try whatever. Still has trouble achieving egasm. Okay, it's orgasm. Then he finally comes clean and says actually I'm jerking

off two times a day squirt and beyond that I'm reaching that it guys I'm while I'm thinking about my exes and she has to sit there and wonder if she's doing something

wrong no the person who's doing something wrong is the guy who's jigging at me off yeah about his exes. Like, maybe the only thing you have to do to get him to come to you or ig-asm to you is break up with him. Because then you'll be his ex, and then he'll ig-asm to you. Yeah, true.

Very well said. Look, it just kind of was one of those things that was like a little ball rolling down the hill and then it became a huge snowball by the end of it it was like an avalanche because like it's kind of normal for a guy sometimes to not have an orgasm sometimes sure sometimes yeah um it's it's it's it's well the reason why that's not happening is because it's a hundred percent jerking off twice a day yeah yeah so but that's why not not because of the lingerie thing or anything you're doing or anything else yes correct okay now if you are masturbating two times a day to completion you to orgasm yeah why are you thinking about your ex first of all

something's going on there for that dude yeah second of all why are you telling this woman i know i know that's figuring out yourself you know what the hell is wrong it's like you're trying to upset her or something trying to be a dick a note to the woman calling this poor fucking woman who has to suffer this guy absolutely break up with that guy that guy's got issues on issues and it's already this yeah why is he so fucking rude telling you what what he's jerking off to like what the fuck nah dude this is not that guy's not cool that's not cool it's fine to have problems achieving egasm that's actually rather common are you achieving egasm. That's actually rather common. Why are you saying egasm?

Didn't someone say it when we were kids and we thought it was funny? Egasm is what my middle wax said. Yeah, yeah. What is that? What is that? That's no diggity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Giving them egasms is what my middle wax said.

When the truth comes out. Let me ruin that for you. What? Because I saw the lyrics to that song later. And he says, eargasms. Okay, but we say eargasms. And that's all I care about. Get even them eargasms.

What am I middle of wags? Wow, eargasms. Eargasms is loser shit, yeah. So stupid. So anyway. Oh my God, yeah, yeah yeah yeah dr dray talk more um so i i i i don't know though because what if the dude was like hey um i'm you know what if what if she didn't color it too much what if he was like yo i i i gotta be honest with you with you um i I masturbate to my exes still, and I feel really shameful about it.

And I know I said for you to put on lingerie, but really, I was just too nervous to say what it was that I was actually doing. And that's where we are. What if that's how it happened? Then it's different. Then it's different. But guess what's not different? My advice.

All right. Break up with them. Okay. There are other guys out there that don't jerk off to their exes twice a day yeah well i would say most i mean i've i've never dude once i'm done i'm done don't jerk off twice or once a day and then you satisfy your fucking hot girlfriend at home yeah yeah yeah i think i think fuck i think masturbating once or twice a day is okay if if you're not in a new relationship it's tough you know i'm saying if you're in a new relationship save it for the snack you know what i mean i mean pretty much

pretty much good rule of thumb is as you put it save it for the snatch yeah yeah i don't think that's absolutely disgusting but uh i'll stick with it uh yeah i don't think You're overthinking it If you think you did something wrong You didn't You need to date a different guy Yeah you did absolutely nothing wrong And trust me I love to be on dude sides

But you did nothing wrong Alright Shall we do one more? And you don't need lingerie To make a guy It kills him Okay Yeah it's true

Should we do one more or no? Well We should do one more Yeah let's do one more or no? Well, we should do one more. Yeah. Hey, Chris and Matt. I'm a huge fan. Chris, I'll see you in Minneapolis. Nah, hell yeah.

What do you mean? You're going to be there. My question revolves around this little guy. My friend found him and asked me if I'd take him in. I've had him for about a week and I've fallen in love with him. But if I'm being truthful, I just don't know if I'm fit to be a pet owner at this point in my life. I'm a college student and the responsibility has

been very overwhelming. And I can't just take off like I used to or be gone for an extended amount of time. But the main concern is that if he would need a medical procedure or a surgery that I would not be able to afford it.

And obviously I want to give him the best quality of life possible. I love him very much, but there's just been other things like my whole sleep schedule is messed up. Really? She just got him. It's been tough for a little bit, but I don't know. My boyfriend had an honest conversation with me and was like, you need to really think about this. I get what's going on. Had an honest conversation with me.

It was like, you need to really think about this. I get what's going on. Is this something that you are willing to commit to and do all the things to the best of your ability? So anything helps. Thank you. You're overthinking it. Your boyfriend understandably doesn't want you to keep it, but it's new. Give it more time.

Yeah. Because I'll tell you what about a cat. As my as you as my brother just put it it's kind of like just having another shelf in your house yeah it does nothing it needs nothing yeah it takes care of itself and takes pride in doing so yeah it doesn't really need anything from you it just needs you to leave food for it yeah it's so you go away my and take the shit out of its box my buddy said he had a cat i go over his house how. I'm like, does he? I never see it. Exactly, yeah. Where is it? You got a cat? Where is it?

It's nothing like owning any other pet. No, no, no. And also, your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a bitch, dude. His boyfriend, he's trying to keep his life convenient. The cat probably comes up on the bed when he's trying to back on her with his Mr. Winky. Yeah, dude, I would do the same thing, bro. With his Mr. Winky. No, dude.

It's an inconvenience for him, but who cares? Having a pet is the greatest thing you can do as a young person. I truly believe that. Because it's a good bridge to... Not a horse. Oops. It's a good bridge to the responsibility

that is required of an adult. And there's no better time to learn that in college. She said she's in school, right? Yeah, I think you're jumping the gun here. You're also worried about things that aren't necessarily going to happen like a medical procedure yeah also you can get animal insurance it's mad cheap and it covers a lot of drastic things that animals need it's like 12 a month or something oh totally worth it if you're worried about that um yeah and uh i don't know i i think that uh yeah i i think just roll with it a little longer yeah just give yourself another month like she said it's been

a week i think hold the cat keep the cat yeah keep the cat no keep the pussy No Pussycat he's saying So we don't need to bleep it out Yeah Well obviously Well not obviously to the To the algorithm Yeah Okay

Whose algorithm No And that's the end of the show Yeah that's horrible But I will see you in Minneapolis April 1st Thank you very much for coming Hopefully you're bringing your boyfriend And not your cat

But yes Go to chrislee.com for tickets Milwaukee Minneapolis Austin Midland Ohio and a bunch of different places you if you have a question go to watchlifeline.com click the description link below and if you want a one on one with

your boy pimping pimping about it about it baby baby Matt D'Elia you go to mattd'eleacom, book a one-on-one session where we go real deep on whatever your problem is. What else? That's it? A-oh.

Like and subscribe, dude. Like and subscribe. You know what I mean? Thanks, guys. Yeah. Woo! Woo! Woo!

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!