Lifeline - 5. Bricked Up

Episode Date: May 8, 2022

🎧 Subscribe on iTunes: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline In this week's episode, we discuss dating in the workplace, how to plan a special party for someone, making the bed, neighbor issues, if "liking" ass pics is flirting or just showing support, and blacking out. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lifeline is an advice show for entertainment purposes only. If you need real help or advice, please seek a therapist or licensed professional. it didn't break i just fucking i did it right i was admiring i didn't break i did it right i was admiring how i did it right look how it broke look what it's like when it's all straight like that yeah that's kind of cool all right look it's lifeline it's episode five right yes it's episode five there we go um and uh look i'll tell you this much man uh you'll when before we start no idea what he's gonna say because before we started And look, I'll tell you this much, man. You'll, before we start. I had no idea what he was going to say. No, but because before we started, I said, I'm going to plug my dates.

You did. And then what did you say? I said, when you do that, I will do whatever I want. You were trying to be like, you were like, I'm going to plug my dates. And then implying like like just sit back and relax while i do that and i said i could read i read how you meant it and i said i will do whatever i want when you do that so go ahead see what happens i have dates coming up i'm on the i'm going on the road starting september here we go do you want to do anything yet no no not yet okay

tempted to do you guys want to know where i'll be, you got to go to chrisalia.com. I will be in. I just had it. Now I'm pissed. Now I'm pissed, right? Only have yourself to blame. I know. But I do have dates coming up for my show.

Don't not know where you are, where you're going to be, dude. Atlanta, September 9th. How about that? You feel good about that? Atlanta, September 9th. Washington, D feel good about that atlanta september 9th washington dc september 10th stockton oakland peoria illinois rockford illinois so many illinois dates for some reason raleigh north carolina october 22nd savannah georgia denver november 5th look at this shit boston november 12th and jacksonville florida december 3rd tickets right

now chrislea.com. And that's what's up. That's cool, man. And that's what you wanted to say about that? Yeah, that's cool, man. You got dates? Yeah. At cities? That's cool, man.

Thanks. You're welcome. Wow. I'm proud of you. Thanks. Chilling so hard, our producer has his fucking feet up. Okay, so I have my shoes on right to you want to know what happened when i got here first of all i should tell everybody what just this is like memento you're so out of order

right now start at the right place and go do you want to know what happened right before this yes why is that like memento because you start about your shoes or something because it made me think of i was thinking that's why it's like memento yeah you started and then went in another direction and another direction and it was all out of order. I go on crazy cool tangents and it all comes back the way it does. So go ahead. Tell me what happened before this. So we're on our way here, right? There's a good burrito place that I'm looking at.

Oh, I'm pissed already. Did I mention burrito? That you said burrito again, dude. Every single episode, you've said the word burrito at least once in the first two minutes. Okay. No, not the first one. The second one. I wanted to call the last episode or the episode before that the upswing of the burrito, and

you didn't want to do that. You wanted to call both of them the upswing of the burrito. And those words all together, each one of those words is fine, but those words together, like just the aesthetic, the sound of that is fucking terrible. Upswing of the burrito. That's so bad. And I can't even believe you're my brother and you would want that. It would definitely be a fucking great.

You're telling me, dude. All right, look. If you want to make a movie called The Upswing of the Burrito. I don't. Starring Josh, what's his name? And fucking. Brolin? No, the other one.

Oh, I want Josh Brolin to be. No, but the guy, the bad guy in one of the Hulk movies. Josh. It would be Josh. Josh Lucas? Yeah, dude. He would be in The Upswing of the hulk movies josh it would be josh lucas yeah dude he would be in the upswing of the burrito and it would be no and the chick would be uh cameron diaz and it would be in 2006 what's it about like like missing each other and then meeting each

other again and it all took place outside of this fucking mexican restaurant wow okay just tagged on like fucking burrito yeah But that's what they would do. They would be like, can we make it a burrito? Can we make it a Mexican? Can we involve Latina? It's hot. Can we look up,

you know, producers would do that shit. Okay. When your lover's best friend becomes your best friend's lover, the upswing of the burrito fall in love all over again. Love it's tasty. The, the,

the problem is, is that I can't even really think about what you're saying because in the middle of it you said upswing of the burrito again and it like it's like nails on a chalkboard okay it makes me fucking mad dude now that's some shit that you have that you have to do i'm not saying it's not but i don't want to have to do with it so stop all right so look this is what happened on the way in. I called the people here and I said, there's that banging B word place. You can say the word on its own. Burrito.

All of those words on their own are fine. But I said burrito and then you said you got mad that I said burrito. No, it's the U word of the burrito is not good. But when I first mentioned burrito, I didn't say the upswing of it. I said that word. I was triggered. I was triggered. Okay.

So listen, I got, I said, hey, can we order from that burrito place? It's very banging. We both know it's very banging. It's very good. Yeah. I mean, I used to live right around the corner. Don't need to brag, right? And I used to get it all the time.

The only reason you know about this place is because of me. So I really only have myself to blame. But I'm telling everybody that it's a banging place. It's an amazing place. It's called Awaken Late. It's great. And now everyone knows where we are. So- But it's good to plug a business that's good you're right you're right so we went to we so i had it we had it one time and then i was like can we please

can we order it again you said you were already eaten and the guy one of the guys here was like sure i'll get it i'll get it right i got here okay i arrive the same time as the postmates guy right i arrive i walk into the building the guy's got it he's got one thing i could tell there's one it's a very little bag i know it's not a big one so i know it's my shit right it's awkward yeah well it's awkward because i'm like well that's mine but i don't know what to do right so i get in the elevator sure enough we go to this you know he hits the floor right that i'm gonna go to we're in the elevator and we're both sitting there and i say to him hey is that the burrito and he goes yep and then i go then i look at him and i say that's mine

okay okay and he goes right okay yeah and then i'm you know we're riding for a few floors yeah okay it's a high building we're high up here yeah you look out here you could see a lot la yeah we're up high right got the bird's eye view exactly we sometimes we see the back of birds i mean it's high up right we're on we look down and see the tops of birds it's like that one fucking movie with that guy who plays loki that's really bad it's called it's based on a book who's loki oh tom hiddleston yeah oh oh high rise yep dude he pulled it out man ballard that's a good book dude but the movie i've heard is bad bad movie did you hear what i said that's a good book yeah i read continue i read too okay uh i read situations and right here in this situation i

knew that this guy was my postmates guy i think you read this one wrong but continue so i see him he's got my burrito and we're going up to the fucking floor right we're getting up to the spot where we can look down on the birds and i look at his shoes and he's got gucci shoes on and i'm like oh priorities right right guy doing uber eats which is fine right but got gucci shoes right so maybe not the best priorities right okay so we get off on the same floor we walk down the hallway and i'm like well he's obviously not just going to give it to me what if i'm lying right well yeah that's why i was like it's kind of awkward you why say something i shouldn't even have said something right yeah we get off and we get to the hallway where we gotta go i gotta go right to get to the fucking room boom we split

and go left he goes into his apartment it's not my burrito dun dun dun dude it's not my burrito dude and not only that i got so fucking swooped up in the moment that i didn't even realize we were going to a different floor wow you were so i was so sure i was like i was like oh yeah no that's the floor dude he was like the mentalist on me with his fucking with my food with not my food you just walk into his apartment yeah i'm gonna like get a fork and eat it. What are we doing here? He just fucking beats it. He shoots me.

He's so scared. And I go, what about my burrito? Right. And then he says, it's mine. I said, man, your priorities are so fucked up. And I die looking at his shoes. Worst last words. Shout out to our-

So far away. Shout out to our- I did that so it wouldn't be on camera. Shout out to our fucking producer who got the worst Perrier's. Dude. Yeah. Yeah. Way to go. Oh, to our fucking producer Who got the worst Perrier's Dude Yeah Way to go Oh fuck yeah

He got the peach ones Ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh Way to fucking do it dude Dude You know You get the regular ones Or the lime ones

Right dude Well what's crazy is that There's so many other flavors That he could have gotten That are even better than this Even the ones that are not great You know sometimes You have to take a chance

And that's how you Discover new things Sometimes you have to take a chance and buy 40 of them there's 40 of them in the fridge dude there's so many in the fridge and there's only these yeah only only these yeah um all right well this is lifeline it is lifeline and that's what happened to me and maybe if somebody was in that situation with the burrito thing they'd call in or they put a video in or they'd write in and they say what, what would I do in an awkward elevator ride, right? Yeah. Or something like that. Yeah. Let me ask you to do me a favor. Stop saying burrito. Just moratorium on that. Good? Just to the end of the episode, baby steps. I do a lot of callbacks and I- Just try it. See what happens.

What if I want to say it? I b word no if you know what there's no like punishment i'm just asking brother brother favor i've done you a lot of favors maybe you do me one now right okay okay just try it i'm gonna try i mean i might try it oh i mean okay hedging so fucking hard i might try it okay now i could feel your jealousy though because jealousy check it out that yep i know it's crazy first thing i said i wish it was on camera the first thing i said when you walked in i said here and i reached for i said let me take that off for you i know because i hate it but i got the thick chain because i hate it you know what i almost did it looks like you took it off of a bike like the thing of a bike and somebody's like wheels are

falling off their bike now took it off and put it around your fucking let me tell you something about this chain dude i almost wore a dmx shirt with it and i thought you know what too much no the dmx shirt would have been great the chain is what's wrong the dmx shirt with the chain would have been fucking bonkers crazy because i'll tell you why you want to know why because the fucking shirt had dmx on it and dmx had the same chain on it then i would even like the chain i want a dmx shirt it would be like the Inception, DMX Inception. DMX Inception. I loved DMX. I mean, I still do in RIP, you know? But when I was little and his shit was new, I was like, that was my shit.

That was my number one shit. When he came out with that song, it's Dark and Hell is High. He was just like, the snake, the rat, the cat, the dog. How you gonna see him when you're living in the far, the far, the far, living in the far, the far? You know in the far the far you know okay we were like did it for so long i know he did it for so long yeah but you didn't have to do the exact thing the snake the rat okay the dog how you gonna live in one is he in enough living in the far fucked it up so hard so um

so anyway so i fucked it up royally dude dmx and his grave went like this so um so anyway uh we loved it right we we loved it when it came out dmx yeah dude yeah but um i almost wore that thing and i forget i was gonna say but i almost wore the fucking chain with the dmx shit and dmx had worn on it we know because we know because we heard you yeah no and it was great okay but so dmx is great dude yeah when he would do that yeah that was yeah that was great hopefully this remember that part when the thing would start with the fucking song uh it would start and he go it was a fuck hopefully this hello who think you're sucking yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah dude if you know what i'm talking about go back and listen to it if you don't go back and let's do it so anyway well do it. If you know what I'm talking about, go back and listen to it. Or if you don't, go back and listen to it. So anyway, well, let's go, huh?

You know the start. All right, cool. Let's see what we got here, Lifeline. What do we got? Let's get hands on. Hi, Chris. I'm Matt. Greetings from Estonia.

Oh, close. So I'm asking a little bit relationship advice from you guys. About one and a half months ago, I met this girl and we got instantly along so well. Cute. We had a very strong connection. Cute. From both sides. At least that's what she told me. I love this girl. We did Very strong connection. Cute. From both sides. At least that's what she told me.

I love this guy. We did everything together. We liked each other's friends. We got along so great. Similar interests. Everything. So a couple of weeks ago, I started feeling maybe perhaps a little bit of the cold side from her. I was always telling how I miss her.

I never got this back. When she went to her home country, then one night I got peace drunk, you know, and texted some emotional shit asking, like, if she even likes me anymore. And I feel like she doesn't. You stick? And what's going on. And, of course, I was super irrational because I knew, like, she might be busy doing her things. And, you know, if I would be sober sober i would never text this kind of bullshit right

so she got even more colder told that she's gonna clear her head think about things and then when she's back then we're gonna talk she got back i texted her let's meet up let's talk things through because i regret what i told right and basically she just texted me that she doesn't think it's a good idea and we should go on separate ways so my question is should i keep seeing how she just texted me that she doesn't think it's a good idea and we should go on separate ways. So my question is, seeing how she just cut things off like this through text message, not even willing to meet up and speak from face to face. Do you think my fears actually had some kind of basis to it? And maybe I had some kind of hunch that everything is not okay. And maybe she just used this opportunity to actually break things up

so yeah i know life rips but right now it's a little bit difficult to see that but i know i'm gonna get over it it just hurts right now a bit so maybe you guys have some good advice thank you and keep doing what you do you guys rock uh i can tell he's he's hurting yeah yeah uh i think that he was uh right he here's the thing this this new way of like beginnings of relationships like there's so much reading the tea leaves and trying to see through like what the underlying meaning of a text is if they've read a text like sometimes there's the receipt thing if they text is. If they've read a text, like sometimes there's the receipt thing. If they've read it already, they've had it for so long.

Who doesn't check their phone for this long? Whatever. People have such different ways of communicating. And now with so many more ways of communicating, it's even easier to be like, well, why is that person reacting like that? What's this going on here? What's going on with that?

But I think in general, when you have a feeling that someone is backing off getting cold feet trying to trying to ghost but not feel bad about it i think there's one thing that people do that sucks where it's like i want to ghost this person but i don't want to be the bad guy so i'm going to like slowly back away and slowly respond less and less until they just stop trying instead of just being a fucking solid human being and being like hey uh i don't think this is the greatest idea for me maybe in the future maybe it was the wrong timing i don't know but it's not the right thing for me right now i'm sorry like you're a good person but it's not gonna work so you think

she should have said that she should have said that i well his first question was do you think my feelings were right and that my irrational behavior just gave her an excuse to be like oh well both could be right that's what i'm saying it's all one thing yeah and i think that yes he is right about that uh as far as moving on and advice what do you think i don't know i mean well moving on well he seems to actually understand what the what how he's feeling very well like in the moment and also moving on and advice what do you think i don't know i mean well moving on well he seems to actually understand what the what how he's feeling very well like in the moment and also how he's going to feel and dude life rips you know i know it doesn't feel like it does right now but that's exactly why life rips right so um he uh you know i i think that the it's one of those things where

you don't want to the second you feel this coldness from somebody, you have to match energies. It's scary. It's a scary moment. Yeah. Don't be called back to her. And you can't be like, what's going on? I know.

I know. It's not a game that you can't be called back to her. And you don't want to fucking jump the gun and be like, yo, am I doing something wrong? That only pushes them further away. That's the ick, right? So it's like, that's something I learned. The ick is something that people say that's nothing anybody says okay except you so um but yeah i

learned it on love island dude well that's see there's a mistake that i learned it the mistake that you made is watching love island but keep going dude that's not a mistake man i've seen it you one time you made me watch it yeah and i was depressed for three or four days well it i was depressed that whole year but because yeah well no it was great dude uh so anyway yeah dude look this is one of those things honestly dude you lucked out because this was gonna happen and it's good that you it's you got a good head on your shoulders it It sped this fucking situation up. And trust me too, she's not that, you would have figured out she wasn't all that great anyway. Like that's the chances are

that that's what was going to happen anyway. Because people say that 50% of marriages end in divorce or whatever, bro. It's way more than that. And also what about just relationships? The fucking chance that your relationship is going to work out is next to nothing. Correct. It's next to nothing. Is it less than a percent? I'd love to see the math chance that your relationship is going to work out is next to nothing correct it's next to nice is it less than a percent i'd love to see the math on that dude it's next to

nothing so this dude isn't a minority he's not weird and neither is she you guys are the majority so congratulations on doing it the way you're supposed to do it so go out there and get some drinks and maybe fucking something that tastes really good you know what i mean yeah it could be mexican food don't yeah or anything i saw it coming dude i don't want um i don't want it so congratulations dude he's figuring it out i want him to fucking know that he figured it out and back in his estonia land or whatever the fuck it's called it's just estonia yeah i mean he also he he seems like a really good guy. He looks really handsome too. But why was he wearing wallpaper?

I love this shirt. You didn't like his shirt? I'm not saying I didn't like it. I love wallpaper. There's some wallpaper I fucking love. No, you can't say that. If you say somebody's wearing wallpaper, you're insulting them. You're wearing great wallpaper.

Yeah, see, nobody does that. Look at him. Yeah. Well, that's a very honest shirt. I like that shirt. That's probably the number fucking top five shirt in Estonia. No doubt. It's a good shirt.

You can get it in that and then also like fucking like this color. That's what I want. Not bright pink, but like faded pink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when he saw that, he goes like this. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's cool. I didn't even know they made the gray one.

Yeah, right. Yeah. I get the gray one. Most people have the pink carnation one. That was a good impression. The only thing, here's the only thing, the gray one. Most people have the pink carnation one. That was a good impression. The only thing, here's the only thing, the advice thing. The only thing you did wrong was

when you got drunk, you were like, hey, what's going on? Dude, when you get drunk and you're confused about the way someone's asking, the last, the way someone's acting,

the last thing you should do is text that person and inquire about the way that they're acting. Yeah. When you get drunk, everybody, when you guys get drunk, don't inquire about the way that they're acting. Yeah. When you get drunk, everybody, when you guys get drunk,

don't inquire about someone's behavior that has been confusing you. Yeah. That is the wrong time to do that. That is true, dude. That is true. And there should be a lock. If you're too drunk and you pick up your phone

and the phone senses alcohol, the shit shuts down and you can't text anyone of the opposite sex. If you're straight, if you're gay, it goes for the same sex. The main problem that he didn't address is he is the bad guy that tries to break down into the house in the original Purge. And we have to talk about that. Oh, yeah. So.

I want to address that. You got to figure out your face because that's who you are. Maybe that was her problem. Maybe she realized he was the bad guy for the Purge and was like, I'm scared. I feel bad. I don't want to piss him off. Ethan ox family yeah right all right cool well that's good we give good pretty good advices to that guy yeah that guy's gonna be he's gonna be fine fucking fine we got you bro yeah

so i met this estonian what's up guys um it's your boy mikey huge fan of the podcast. I just wanted some advice on this girl at work. She's pretty. Her forehead's too big. She's into me. She comes up to me almost every day to say something. And I preferably

think, oh, I shouldn't do it because, you know, the old saying, you don't shit where you eat. But this other kid's telling me to do it. What's the worst that can happen? This guy's so blase. I don't know. What do you guys think? Should I go

for it? Thanks, guys. So insecurity end. What did I think? Should I go for it? Even through all that crazy filter, even through all that you could tell how insecure he was about asking that last uh i mean there's so much he left out that he should let out what kind of job is it yeah true uh what what kind of work environment is it yeah like are you a fucking surgeon are you a brain surgeon scalpel here's what i think go to drinks later here's what i think in general about the work romance thing would you like to fuck on this brain if you think it's really

a possible long-term relationship maybe try it yes you think it's not or no it's not do not do that yeah dude just avoid avoid avoid you want to doink in a fucking popeye's chicken you're gonna get fired dude if you work at the popeye's chicken also if you're also if you're not if you honestly don't ever doink in any kind of popeye's chicken even if you don't work in the popeye's chicken because if you you get you probably get arrested but but you don't fuck at any place where people eat in public that's the good rule whether you work there or not whether whatever uh worse senator don't fuck any place don't fuck in any place that anyone eats in public i'm matt delia paid for by matt delia foundation um so far so so listen dude um i agree with you also Also, I would go a step further in saying just don't, dude.

If you honestly, if you really feel like a real connection and you actually think that it's going to be maybe love, it depends on what kind of job it is. If it's a career job, I don't know. If you are just working at Popeyes and it's not a career job, fucking quit your job. I don't think you should shit where you eat ever, dude. I don't think you should ever. Even eat ever, dude. Yeah, but- I don't think you should ever. Even comics, fucking comics and shit, that's weird. It's like, why?

But what, yeah, so I think the answer is just, and there could be some kind of permutation because you left out so many details that makes this not true. But I think the vast majority of times, I would say just don't do it unless you think you actually might have like a great true long-term relationship yeah like what jobs would be fucking like construction site worker she comes along and that's probably okay if it's just like a

fling you mean yeah construction site worker all dirty and shit okay maybe i don't know i don't doctors no no no no hell no no way dude but also that guy ain't a fucking doctor by the way for anybody's fucking mask over his eyes too anyone anyone that's only listening on on audio the guy did that kind of filter where the nose disappears and it's just a big mouth and big eyes. But also, they knew because of the fucking high voice that it was something's up. I wouldn't have known. Oh, really? Yeah. So old.

But yeah, dude, he's just like, if he's a doctor, that'd be hilarious. Just like washing his hands like this. Would you like me to lay some pipe later? Would you? Yeah. mambo horizontal mambo they wash so high up yeah they do you know what i mean he's fine armpits armpits you're not gonna put your elbows in my foot why do they wash so high why do they wash so high dude it's so because Because of germs, you know?

But they're not going to... Dude, if I ever get hit by a car and you need to, like, replace my ribs, just fucking... You don't even... It's fine, dude. I'll get your germs.

It'll be all good. I'll shit them out. But when is, like, your bicep going to touch someone's insides? They go like this. Can I get more stitching? Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Should have washed my biceps, huh? Famous last words. Should have washed my biceps. Scaple. All right, cool. Forceps. Forceps. Forceps. So what's the verdict on that guy?

Don't do it. Don't do it unless you think that you're gonna be in love do it yeah to be loved oh what a feeling to be loved quit your job if not then just fucking don't doink doink you know yeah so we're good and here we go what's up chris and matt my name's's Spencer and I'm coming at you from Scotland. I've got a controversial one for you today. So my girlfriend always gets really mad at me because I don't make the bed because I don't see the point.

You're just going to be getting back in the bed at night and fucking up the sheets anyway. So I don't see the point in making it in the morning just to unmake it when you get back in. But my girlfriend wants me to do it because she likes the idea of coming back to a made bed because it's more welcoming and more comfortable and it's just a good habit to start your day apparently no um so

i want to know what you guys think about that i'm going to predict your answers chris i know that your only chore is doing the dishes so i feel like you're probably going to agree with me yeah matt i think you're going to tell me that i should do it because she wants me to do it and i should do it to make her happy um so let's see how right or wrong i am thanks guys wow a lot of these i really like all these people uh first off i would say i here's the thing i fully agree with him that what's the fucking point right sure but and i i i would agree his prediction about what i was going to say would be the case if I didn't also agree with her. I agree what's the point. But for whatever reason, when I get in fucking bed, I feel better when it's made for me.

Yeah, I do too. And I get in it and it's not like it's a fucking mess and I just lay back where I was the last time I was in it. There's something about that and maybe it's just been drilled into my head from like, because my fucking parents told me to do it and shit and like I got used to it and that's associated with like some kind of sense of order with making my bed. But so it's weird.

I agree with them both. Yeah. It's like, what the fuck is the point? I'm just gonna fuck this up again. But later when it's time to go to bed, I'm always like i should have fucking made this thing sometimes i'll even do that thing this thing not that thing like anybody else fucking does this but i'll like make it at like 11 p.m leave

the room to like brush my teeth or whatever the fuck and then come back and i still can get that feel wow that's really crazy you're a crazy person but that's okay everyone is everyone has a little bit of not crazy i'll tell this guy first of all you are sebastian stan and he's beautiful he's a beautiful guy okay yeah you're very good you're looking you're actually i would say you're better looking than sebastian stan yeah maybe okay so um crazy just got out of the shower and fucking threw a shirt on into this video it was beautiful hair to drive but i'm just saying so so listen dude um making the bed is for the birds do you know what i mean i don't ever want to do it i won't do it right i only do dishes and sometimes kristin even though we made the rules i just do dishes i just fill the dishwasher up i just unload the dishwasher that's my only chore sometimes

you'll be like why'd you leave your socks there? And I'll say, does this look like dishes? You're a fucking asshole. No, I'm not. Because I stick to the rules and I abide by the rules. And anything else that comes my way, I go like this. Can you drink out of that? Does that fit in the dishwasher? So English. Does that fit in the dishwasher?

And then she goes like this, Chris. And I say, I'm just playing by the rule. Who made those rules? Her. Why did she make those bad rules? She was like, you just do the dishes and I'll do everything else. And I go like, I say, yeah, but I said the dishes is the worst part. She's like, exactly. But so you've worn her down so much that she expects so little of you.

Be on my side. I'm not though, dude. This is shit. You're shit. You dude this is shit you're shit you're my brother you're shit dude bad brother you a siren you are shit no uh and that's it so here's it also my advice to him is you are shit i also agree with the fact that it really does feel nice to get into a nice bed right yeah but guess what she can do it if she wants to so badly is it worth is it worth doing it during the day is that worth the feeling at night and i think it comes down to if you're a man the answer is no if you're a female the answer is yes you know why because females love things and they love

things as in things to do they wear big extra sweatshirts because it's like oh you know what i mean which i'm doing right now i know but and i have i have a question for you i have a question for you yeah you ready what what's the question you have a question for me i can see it am i a female no well i don't know you know i i know i know you're not but it's worth it to me to do it even though i agree with him that what's the point that little the 10 or 15 seconds it takes is worth it when it's time to get in bed. It doesn't take that many seconds. How about when you got to do the corner over? No, that's what the next thing I was going to say.

The corner over is bullshit. You don't need to do the corner over. You don't need to be Martha Stewart about it. No, I know. Just throw the sheets back up, dude. All right, well. Meet in the middle somewhere. I guess so,

but it's not worth the feeling. What this guy agrees with me on is it's not worth the feeling of getting in the fucking shit at night like that cool, nice feeling. That feeling is nice nice but it's not worth doing it in the daytime also why doesn't she do it because what she goes out for the day he probably wakes up he probably wakes up late later yeah which is true if you wake up last it's your assignment fuck all that dude just don't make the bed dude no what is that we win we win at that no dude you lost okay you lost i agree with me that it's a

good feeling it is a good feeling but it's not worth the effort of making the bed let me ask you how much effort is it truly to make a fucking bed one bed out of what 10 no no like how much time okay so you gotta fucking take the sheet you gotta take the under sheet you got first of all the worst part is the first part you got to figure out where the fucking little thin sheet is it's always tucked in in the back under the fucking shit for some reason like somebody came in like a little troll came in the middle of night and just like let's hide this they'll never know what's happening when you go to sleep there's a fucking tornado every night no why are the sheets all over the place dude are you kidding me sheets twist and turn they go nuts they do you know they do and then they fucking you got to figure out where

they are you got to figure out which one goes on top of what and you so you put this one you got to tuck it in on the shit you got to get the other blank you got to tuck it in and they got to get the comforter do it make it so it's all even because guess what dude he can't half-ass do it he can't have us do it because if he does have it do it gets what he does you didn't really try no then you can say yeah i did if you don't like the way i did it then maybe you us do it because if he does have us do it, guess what he does? You didn't even really try. No, then you can say, yeah, I did. If you don't like the way I did it, then maybe you can do it. But this is the way I do it. That's compromise.

That's a good. That is a good. This is the way I do it. This is the way he makes it. He doesn't fold the corners. More? No all right cool so we figured it out thanks very much here we go another one okay you want to read or me i'll read it hey matt and chris love the podcast and congratulations i have a problem that i'm not sure what to do about it that's bad grammar but it's okay i get really black i get really blacked out almost every time i drink and i usually wake up not knowing what

happened well there's two more paragraphs but we could stop it right there and give advice but go ahead but that's not the part i'm concerned about oh i killed dogs i almost always get a message from a girl or find out a different way that oh jesus that i did the horizontal mambo with them but i have no remembrance it's foreign wow but i have no remembrance i hope i put my friend in his glove because i'm too young to have kids why is he fucking d'artagnan anyways signed i i i guess i'm have i'm asking for advice on how to make this happen less often and how to handle the conversations with these girls. Do I tell them I don't remember or just keep it to myself?

Any advice would help. Okay. This is a conspiracy. Just stop fucking drinking so much, you fuck. How are you drinking so much that you black out but also you can get fucking fucking bricked up but also how many times has this happened drink less dude yeah fuck you i've never met these people we don't know how old he is we don't know how what the fuck's happening he's too young to have kids i guess i'm asking for advice on how to make this

happen less often how to make it happen even once, how to make it happen. Even once is like, oh my God, that's horrifying. Dude. So he doesn't know that he's doing the horizontal Mambo because he blacks out and has sex. And then the chicks text him later. Like, well,

that was crazy how we doinked. And he goes, what? Yeah. This guy has no idea, dude. He has no idea. Hey guy,

you don't know what happened. Stop drinking. Yeah. You got to yeah you gotta how do i dude get or get boxers that say you know please help don't do this i don't know what's happening right like put a post-it on your dick do not use yeah or like a fucking tattoo something next to your fucking shaft no get a chastity belt have i been drinking get a chastity don't pull lever and give the key to your friend right yeah hey you get so many drunk hey man i'm gonna need that key dude hey i'm gonna need that key because hey listen to me hey listen to me i have a chicken and you're so fucking hot yeah yeah listen dude you gave me the key for

reason fuck you you bitch yeah and then the next day his fucking friend's like man you fucking and he's like i didn't call you yeah that was no dude i did not do that yeah i mean this is a dangerous thing dude dangerous dude stop drinking times like this just stop drinking i say i say a lot of the things during times like these is one of the things i say you know what i mean i used to okay relax i used to drink so much and i'm it's not because i got sober or anything i didn't go to aa which is totally a viable route if you need to get sober i just for me it was like i just i actually got really sick in a separate thing and then i had to stop drinking because of that and then by the time i was better i was like i don't even like to do this anymore. How drunk can you be?

See, I was in the middle of a point. Oh, I thought you were done. Nope. Cool. I guess it just got boring then. Slam. I'm just saying, it isn't that fucking fun to drink.

Okay? But people don't do it because it's fun. They do it because they have to, you know? No, I think a lot of times people do it because they want to have a party. That's why I dance. They want to feel loose. They want to feel loose they want to fucking do things like this but this is going way too far dude this is going way too far how many

fucking times have you blacked out and had sex with someone let's put it this way it's at least three right because if it was one he wouldn't have it wouldn't be a problem if it was two he wouldn't write in about it it's at least three which means it's probably above four yeah yeah yeah one one is like you must learn the lesson after that yes you have to one is oh i hope this doesn't happen again two is shut everything down dude yeah defcon five yes i black out when i drink and i don't and i have no idea that's right that is a dang that is a scary thought actually yeah but also uh are these are they playing you you know maybe there's like a fucking group there's a

conspiracy how many times i look at it from all angles dude that's one of my good things no see now he's got now you're giving him an excuse to be like you know what maybe it's a conspiracy and get plastered and then more texts later just get stop drinking here are your three possibilities stop drinking drink a lot less and keep tabs on yourself as you are going which is the hardest one or three get a fucking chastity belt and give the key to your best friend or mother or father okay or whoever what about when we were talking and you said it's not that fun to drink and then, yeah, but maybe he's not drinking because he's not drinking because it's fun.

He's drinking because he has to. And then I started to say, that's why I dance. And it was going to be really funny. But what happened was you cut me off and started saying something and my line got drowned out. So what about that? How does that make you feel? Because for me, right, I feel blood boiling, but it's fine because you're my brother and I love you. I also am in this space where it's like I want to be like, don't do those kinds of things, you know?

Yeah. So how do we combat that? Well, first I would say, welcome to my world, right? Because that's what you do to me all the time. In a Vin Diesel movie. In a Vin Diesel movie. Welcome to my world. Kermit, dude. I mean, the Vin do to me all the time. In a Vin Diesel movie. In a Vin Diesel movie. Welcome to my world. Kermit, dude.

I mean, the Vin Diesel. Fast and the Green. Anybody that used to listen to my podcast knows I have a whole hang up with Vin Diesel. Fast and the Green. You're an actor, right? You are a fucking actor. Hey, nice spoiler. The one thing you have to do is be able to speak.

Want to drag race? One thing you have to do is be able to speak. Want to drag race? And he can't say words in a way that people understand. It's not easy being dragged. And so why is he the most famous motherfucking actor? The world is upside down and backwards, and his stardom is proof.

The Korean guy's here. Is that him as Kermit? Yeah, Fast and Furious. Fast and Green. Is that him as Kermit? Yeah, Fast and Furious. Fast and Green. Hey, guys. Kermit the Vin. It's about family. It's about family. I said Kermit the Vin.

You stepped on it three times. Kermit the Vin, dude. Yeah, dude. See? So bad, dude. I'm glad. Kermit the Vin. See, that's what I do.

I give respect. My dance shit should have been like, oh, yeah, that was funny, but you didn't. But I'm in the bin see that's what i do i give respect my dance shit should have been like oh yeah that was funny but you didn't but i give it respect and that's fine you're always funny i didn't think that that was that fun yes wait what wow dude you're always funny i didn't think that one was particularly funny i gauged it as it was happening i thought i'm gonna to keep going. Okay. Do I feel bad? No. But do I promise to not, you know, promise to be aware of it moving forward?

Yes. Because I'm a good brother. It's not easy being in a drag race. You ever see that movie Boiler Room? Yeah. There's this one part where it's like at the end when it's all crumbling, the whole thing. And him and Giovanni rabisi are in the stairwell outside their office yeah i know it and he says fuck seth is the yes i know his name is seth and he goes fuck no wow yeah the one thing you need to do is say things and he's not doing it yes correct and he's also why do people act like he's a big muscular guy

when he's just kind of an italian guy fat guy well no he used to be legit jack like he's a big muscular guy when he's just kind of an Italian guy? Fat guy. Well, no, he used to be legit jacked, but he's a fat motherfucking fat cue ball guy. So fucking dick, you know? I mean, I don't know what to say. It's about family though. Okay, next one. Can I add to, I don't want to make a habit of doing this, but I want to add to your advice, which is he should check his medication oh you could be taking meds that make you black out that's something i learned interesting learned it the hard way so learned it the hard way dude

if you take adderall for any reason and then you drink you're done you black it that's way easier to black out sleeper yeah that's good to know no that's's good to know. No, that's good. Good to know. Thank you for living the fucking mistake that he doesn't have to even though he is. So, yeah, that's the advice we have for you. Check your medication

and also all the stuff that Matt said and then mostly just mainly the stuff I said. Go ahead. If none of those things get a chastity belt.

Thank you. Wow. Would be, pause it, would be fucking 100% in a 90s movie and a fucking huge star And then the 2000s would come and she would have a kid And quit acting

Go ahead Yeah Hi guys So my problem is That I just moved to a new neighborhood And And by just I mean a year And My neighbors are great but it's a

small neighborhood like five blocks by the water um on the east coast but um but it's it's small so you got to be like careful with situations so this one neighbor she's across the street her voice is so awesome yeah she has dogs i have dogs great um but um she lets them out early like early like six and change 6 30 and i wake up early my husband and i we wake up early but like her dogs are out barking at like 6 30 for like 20 minutes straight and maybe I didn't want to wake up at 6 30 I usually don't want to wake up at 6 30 I'm looking for like seven plus yeah how do I talk to her and not create a problem because this woman's been living here for 35 years. She's an older lady. She's like probably almost 70 or something. Of course we knew that.

How do you bring that up? And also, please don't say spin moves. Thank you. Inbound in the answer. Because I don't think that's going to work with this. I honestly. And thank you. Thank you.

I'd agree with her on that. This isn't a spin move mentality. You do have to have the spin move mentality. Because that's a defiant I'm me sort of thing that that we need to live she needs okay you're pissing me off no but we need to we need we need to a sprinkler we need to we need to we need to be clear this is not a spin move situation she was clear and she was right she shut it down before you even fucking went there you fuck she understands spin move mentality that's why you don't i do i just don't like that it's your advice for every

single thing it's not this isn't have i said 85 85 percent no no leading up to this it definitely wouldn't work for the drunk guy okay hey he's gonna get injured yeah and then she's still um so anyway so crass dude okay so so wow he did a spin move and fell anyway so out of breath dude i don't remember okay okay fuck yeah dude okay uh so i do wake up really early and even bragging i wake up early it that would bother me even if i was a way already awake dude yeah i know that is even if mark walbert it's a time of p that early if you're up it's got to be peaceful and most people aren't up they're still fucking sleeping not mark walbert lives cups he'd be like oh i see those fucking dogs wow dude came early okay premature ejaculation all right so it's fucking dogs that fucking lady

it is a universally niche niche to do that you cannot do that okay knit knit yeah no no i agree so the way to talk to her is from a place of look we all already know that this is the wrong thing to do if you start with look you know you mean business yeah it's like you we already all know that this is wrong yeah right like hi look you know i know everybody in these five blocks knows this is shitty to do yeah okay so that's not what you say that's your tone what you say can be you know you're you you put it in your own phrasing but like i think the the way to approach it is just like we all know this is not right i don't know what's up with everybody else why they don't bring it up

maybe they're afraid of you i don't know this is the tone these are not your words yeah but it's like wait maybe 45 minutes like just a little bit longer if you need to let him out to pee maybe you can let him back in just for a little bit but like that's really early and I'm sleeping and I think a lot of people

also are sleeping but like come on something's gotta give here this is just this is fucking rude you're being rude

it is rude yeah yeah okay I have advice well that's what the show's for so go ahead get a pet bear leave it outside they they won't make any noise and then the fucking dogs there's no way that 70-year-old lady's gonna let dogs outside with a bear next door outside did you think about

how often you'd have to feed the bear what you would do with the bear when that bear's inside another problem how dangerous the bear is call in with later you're just trying to create more more call-ins problems on top of. Sometimes the only way to solve a problem is to add a problem. This is, okay. That is not only the worst advice that we've given on this show, it is the worst advice I've ever heard.

And also, and also it is the worst advice possible to give to anyone about any single thing no way get a bear dude get a fucking bear play hardball dude hi i'm chris matthews welcome to hardball be like that you know what just say that to her call up hello hi i'm chris matthews and this is hardball click oh by the way, open your window. Click, and open the window, and there's a bear out there. And the fucking dogs will never go outside again, dude. Sometimes the only way to solve a problem is to add another problem.

I'm Chris D'Elia, and this message was paid for by the Chris D'Elia Foundation. And dude, I also, dude, why are you only living in a neighborhood that's five blocks i've never heard where is that it sounds peaceful i think it's not peaceful there's dogs out there it's by the water dude have you ever seen fear thy neighbor no it's on discovery plus holy fucking shit dude dude you only watch shows about like no about like real people who like committed a murder right yeah yeah that's all you watch i didn't even know that but i knew that and shark tank oh oh and love island and love island so you got the worst taste on the planet that's not true no i also tried to watch fucking what's it called that uncharted movie with tom holland and mark walberg last night oh so you

got the worst taste ever guess when i stopped watching it 30 minutes before it ended that's the most disrespectful time to stop watching dude that's true i did it it was so bad dude sometimes it was so fucking bad. It was unbelievable. The only way to salvage the time you've wasted is to leave at the most disrespectful

possible moment. Dude, I walk out in theaters right before the ending sometimes. Sometimes at boring dinners, I say, and you know what actually happened to me today? And then fucking leave

because that's so disrespectful. Well, that's rude to people. You know what? Tell me about your day and then I leave. That's rude to people. Dude, whose presence you're currently in. I don't want to hurt the people's feelings that are around me.

I want to disrespect Damien Chazelle or some shit. If they created Film School Major. If they created, what is that? That's the fucking guy that directed First Man and La La Land. Film School Major? I'm drunk. Film School Major. No, I want to, if the person created the thing that makes me feel disrespected,

you need to absolutely create a fucking other problem for that person. And you think that that- Stopping the movie 30 minutes before it ends is the way to go, dude. And leaving a dinner after you ask them how their day's been is fucking disrespectful because they're wasting my time with boring ass dinner. Yes, dude, figured it out. And getting a bear is- The fucking best way to combat barking dogs they won't let the dogs outside you win dude i mean dude fear thy neighbor is a crazy show people

have gotten killed for way less than this dude oh yeah i saw an episode i saw an episode where i mean because this woman is you gotta fear for your life dude this crazy crazy this lady right here that called okay because this other lady is putting dogs out there doing what she wants and guess what been doing what she wants and all of a sudden uh you know uh amanda who's he what's whatever this lady's name is moves in right and she fucking gets there and now the old lady is like i can't do what i've been doing for 40 years trust me dude this lady isn't going to be putting up with that and she's going to either buy a gun or use her husband's gun or use her dead husband's gun because she's got nothing to live for anymore you're scaring her no i'm not

i know but i'm not meaning to right i'm not meaning to this is real life have she watch fear thy neighbor and then come up with a solution that's my main because bro i saw one where this fucking guy moves into a neighborhood and his kids leave toys on the other guy's lawn and the guy mobilized his family started doing army drills out in the front yard and then shot the dad, dude. I'm sorry. I need to hear you say that again. I got lost because that's too crazy.

So do it again. Say it again. In the show, Fear Thy Neighbor, there was an episode where a family moves in and that family leaves their toys on another man's yard. And so the other guy who lives there okay gets upset mobilizes his family starts doing army drills in the front yard to scare the other family and then the guy shoots the dad all because of toys that's how it started dude yeah all because of toys so i'm

saying watch fear thy neighbor come up with some solutions get a bear is that person in jail yeah good or they killed themselves i don't remember they always end up killing themselves or going to jail get a bear are completely gone i know it's sad it's crazy dude and we're all crazy but it's just like people always wonder like oops yeah sorry people always wonder like how could somebody be like that in their own private lives? How could somebody have said that to me? How could somebody have thought that? But what I said, it's like, do you fucking understand how absolutely demented every single fucking person is?

Why don't you keep that knowledge in your mind? I know you've heard stories like that. Keep that in your head. Nothing makes sense. Nothing ever makes sense. Nobody's actions make sense. It's so hard. Not to someone else.

Yeah. It's so hard, but you forget that. And then also, you ever catch yourself, I'm trying to limit the amount of times a day I say, why did that person do that? Good. Do you know what I mean? You're on the right track. Yeah, because it's like, they're that person.

You have nothing to do with them. You have no idea what's going on in their mind you don't know what kind of chemicals they have in their mind and what makes up their brain not to mention what fucking happened to them yes exactly so watch out for this lady because you don't know how what makes up her mind but also don't get a bear you know that's maybe get a bear that's called escalation and i don't think you want that all right a little more else we got? Hi, Matt and Chris. I'll keep it short. Sure. My question is,

is a like a flirt or is it a show of support? A like? I've been with my boyfriend now for just about three years and he is a serial liker. It doesn't matter if it's a family photo or an ass pic.

He just likes them all. And he says if it's a family photo or an ass pic oh he just likes them all and he says that it's his way of showing support because he likes it when people like his photos and i've talked with my friends about it i've talked to my guy friends my girlfriends and i just want to know is a like a flirt or is it nothing and i'm being overdramatic. I feel strongly about this. Okay, what's up? A like is not a flirt. Okay? It's not what that is. You know what's a flirt?

You know what's flirting? Flirting. If you think liking someone's fucking photo on Instagram is flirting, you are the worst in the world at flirting. A titties pic? An ass pic? That's not are the worst in the world that flirting a titties pic an ass pic that's not flirting dude how is that okay well she's i guess what okay yeah that is what she asked but what do you what what well i guess i guess what i what i what i took it as is you only own 50 of what you say because the other people receive the 50 of it right so if i am out there liking chicks asses and titties on instagram okay well

you know it's different for me because i have a fucking fan base but like if you're just someone that doesn't have a fan base and your friends all see this guy liking we have one friend that does this non-stop we're not going to mention his name because but we know someone who it's like he likes oh yes yes yes yes um and comical degree yeah and he and and it's like you know that becomes the thing if you're a if you're a family man and you're doing that shit yeah right and you're like yeah but it's just about support but is that there's still other people out there that are your friends that are going to be like the fuck is this guy doing that's not flirting no no it's not flirting so maybe i i know if if i like someone's picture it's not necessarily

flirting you're right okay i'm going beyond the question and what we do here is sometimes i think very deep so let's go yeah let's go but i go beyond the question there's a button there to indicate that you like a thing so if you see something that you like why not hit the button that is so easy to hit to express your like? Yeah, it's not like he's poking them on Facebook. Remember that? Or writing them a fucking DM. Or a drool emoji.

Right. You're not commenting like, hey, sexy. You're not. I mean, if he's doing that, if he's doing that, then that's flirting. Oh, man. He should just comment, holy shit, fucking bricked up city. That will be flirting. Where are you from?

Bricked Avenue? Holy shit. Are you kidding me? That cleavage makes me go brack-ack-ack-ack-ack. Right, okay. So think it through all the way to the fucking end though. If he's flirting by liking photos, he's the worst ever on the planet at flirting.

Now what we do is we go beyond the question. And if you're insecure about that, which I don't think is necessarily a bad thing. I get it. If you don't want your boyfriend to be doing that, that's a different thing. And I've actually heard women make this complaint about their boyfriends or husbands or whatever that they will. And men are always like, you know, this is like a common male-female back and forth that I've heard actually be an issue with people. What I just said. Is that what you just said?

No, no, no. I'm asking you what is. Oh, what's she saying? Oh, a flirt. Is it a flirt? Or like it riles up the female, makes them jealous, something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's for sure something.

Yeah, no doubt. I guess we're kind of saying the same thing right yeah right right um yeah i mean i don't know i think it's uh but also if here's here's the main main main thing if you the woman submitting this to us have an issue with it or it makes you feel insecure or whatever you've expressed this to your partner and he's just like, ah, fuck it. I still want to like it. Like, that's weird. If he has the spin move mentality on that, that's bad, right?

He should just... If he just goes like this. But I liked it. If you've expressed this to him and he's just still doing it, like, that's weird. Like, he should just stop. It's so easy.

Just, here's the thing. Just as easy as it is to do it, to express a like about something that is in one way or another pleasant for you to look at or think about whatever, it's also just as easy, if not easier, to not do that. Yeah. And so what's more valuable to this guy? Expressing to some acquaintance or stranger that he likes what is in the photo that the person that he may or may not even really know is presenting,

or making your fucking wife or girlfriend, whoever, feel better. Sometimes you just speak the truth, dude. Sometimes you break shit down. And the latter is way, way, way more important. One would fucking hope. Yeah. So the issue is less,

is it a flirting thing or not? The issue is more, why does a guy have to fucking do it if he knows you don't like it what the fuck's up with that well does she not like it we don't even really know but we're assuming right it seems like you assume yeah you're really that was good that was good advice i'm really smart too oh okay okay i mean the bear thing that's interesting how you gave me a compliment but more or less just kind of cloaked it in good things about you. Thank you. No.

No to that. Okay. I think we have time for one more. Let's do it. Let's do it again, dude. Hey, Chris and Matt. Nice. My wife's 30th birthday is coming up and I really want to make it big.

Worst wall display of all time, dude. Fucking so high up, baseball, fucking diamond and a shelf to high. And a white wall. ahead hey chris and matt my wife's 30th birthday is coming up and i really want to make it big and special for her yeah so please let me know how many spin moves you think i should do that day and uh what else you think i should plan for you know big surprises for her to make sure that this is um you know her her biggest and best birthday ever thank you wow dude cute that you very cool about that uh here's the thing what if he was okay never mind not even funny what

i could recommend in terms of specifics doesn't matter you have to think about what she likes dude the number one thing to do dude okay here we go no that oh i'm agreeing with you oh good dude that's what my chicks are always doing that shit, dude. It's deeper, but they are. They're like, guess what? For your birthday, we're going to Crate and Barrel. You're like, this is for you.

I got your friends together and she's inviting Johnny I Don't Give a Fuck. I mean, I haven't had that experience. That sounds shitty, though. I'm just saying, though. Chicks love it. Guess what we're doing? What? We're going to fucking Montana. You saw fucking Yellowstone.

Right, right, right. Okay. So deeper. Like, so deeper. So deeper for decades. Yeah, right, right, right. I can't really relate to that, but I can relate to this fucking guy feeling the pressure of what do I do for the big birthday? And he wants to make it a big deal.

He wants to make her feel fucking good, but he doesn't know what to do. All you got to do is you got to be like a hunting dog. You got to be like a PI. You got to sniff out. And by now, I should hope there's a fucking laundry list of things that you can think of immediately when I say this. But sniff out the things that you know she likes. And make a list of it like 15 20 fucking things and then whittle it down what are like two or three of them that i can really focus on and try to have her experience in some way or another on her birthday i mean this is stupid but like does she

like museums does she like chicks love museums whatever they love museums take her to a museum already for real okay okay take her to the fucking moma oh my god she'll freaking out about my museum idea no i mean dude are you kidding me if you take a chick to a museum you got to bring towels i mean they're insane they love it dude it's the most romantic thing you all you got to do is you know what i think the artist was doing here if you say you know what i think the artist was doing here? She will fucking... All day long. Working out. Working out.

Her other friends come in. The back of your hair. I mean, this shit will be fucking party center for her. Take her to a museum. You got it. We figured it out, dude. dude i mean but go ahead but museum is a hundred percent dude i mean that's pretty much it if you just figure out and think about the things that she likes right and all you have to do is come up with like a cute way of some kind of plan an order of things to do all that built around specifically tailored around her and what she likes it doesn't have to be see i think this is where people get caught up they get caught up on this thing of like it has to be special but special is not a thing it's like a

it's fairy dust it disappears when you reach out and try to get it you need to just do the things that she likes that's it even if that's fucking just sitting on the couch watching fucking stupid movies do the things that she likes yeah and also dude um like a picnic is a really good idea you're fucking idiot you know like maybe if you take a not. That's another museum idea, dude. If you take a fucking picnic, if you take a blanket and a basket and two sandwiches and you just walk two or three blocks to a fucking grassy area and say, sweetie, sit down for your 30th.

I know shit gets crazy and you might have wanted to do something insane, but I wanted to take some time to where it's just us and we could have a moment for ourselves and let you know that I love you. And guess what? I'm going to love you until you're 40. insane but i wanted to take some time to where it's just us and we could have a moment for ourselves and let you know that i love you and guess what i'm gonna love you until you're 40 and beyond but i'm saying the decade this decade and i love you now take a bite of this turkey mustard sandwich i made you that's soggy and then do it like this where they do it like this and then kiss each other and fucking taste each other's mustard sandwiches and do the horizontal mambo on the fucking grassy knoll. Back and to the left.

What you just described is mad depressing. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but again, we're doing it for her. She'll love it, dude. And then while you're doinking in the middle of it, if she's not feeling it, just be you know what we should have done the museum huh fucking idiot doinking like this but like a series of images what a series of images that's fucking so stupid

so loud i mean wow you're being so loud eating his asshole oh my god the smallest legs ever dollism eating dollism's asshole oh Eating dollars of asshole. Holy shit, dude. Holy shit, dude. This is the slowest lane. Oh, shit, dude. Oh, fuck, dude.

I'm hot. We're done, dude. Fucking all right, dude. He's going to melt. Yeah. Okay. We had a great time here so yeah go to uh what do we do no here look atlanta september 9th washington september 10th i'm gonna be in

stockton oakland peoria rockford illinois raleigh savannah denver cheyenne november 6th boston november 12th december 3rd i'm gonna be in jacksonville and that's just the beginning i'm coming new york i'm coming texas i'm coming everywhere just uh you know those are the ones for now and if you have a fucking question for us you need advice you need good advice we were on a fucking roll today where you gave some good shit if you need some for yourself send in a video uh and if it's super dark and secret you don't want to know you can write it in but uh preferably it's video you can put something over your head like the one fucking guy yeah the instagram filter yeah exactly uh so uh link in the description below or go to watchlifeline.com to figure out how to do that thank you and we love you subscribe and like and also give people advice in the comments activate that algorithm baby subscribe and like

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