Lifeline - 54. Matt's Sick Again

Episode Date: April 23, 2023

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. Okay, here we are. We're doing lifeline we have a guest host because my brother is still sick with covid which is uh you know bad but he's fine but he's just you know it's the tail end of it what's that noise oh the coffee maker she had to have coffee guys so we are with instead of matt filling in my wife kristin so yay that's nice you didn't clap for yourself but you're very

humble you know thanks thank you yeah you are you can move these two you're not as humble i'm not as humble no no but you know sometimes we all, sometimes... We all have our strengths. We all have our strengths. Like, yours is being humble and mine is actual strength. I just have crazy strength. So, that coffee is too loud. Can you hear it, you think? No.

No, all right, great. So, you already ruined it. No, we love it that you're here. I love it that you're here, actually. Because here's why. Because we had Brian Callen on. And Matt, when Matt was first sick, then I was, we were having the baby. Yeah.

Which, by the way, congratulations to us. We had our baby, William McHenry D'Elia. He's so cute. He's very cute. And he's actually here on a boppy laying down over there. He's very cute. He's actually here on a boppy laying down over there. But he is here and so is Calvin.

We've got the whole family here. But the reason why you're here is because Matt's sick, but we were going to. And so the reason why we wanted you to come is because Brian came and it was like so much testosterone. And then Matt was here and it was just him. And so we wanted a female to get a female perspective on a lot of these advices. I think that's smart. But I think me and Callan.

I think me in general is smart. Oh, okay. No, I was being you. Oh, okay. I think me and Callan have like a very similar vibe. Oh, yeah, totally. Completely. Yeah, you know.

Totally. Because we're both. Flamboyant. I would never say you're flamboyant. me and Callan have a like a very similar vibe oh yeah totally completely yeah yeah totally because we're both flamboyant I would never say you're flamboyant actually he's way more flamboyant than you are um but yeah so we did have the baby and it was very nice and he's very healthy and he's got and he's brunette and Calvin's blonde and that's cute so cute what do you think about being a mom? It's a double. Isn't it weird to say kids? Yeah, that's been the weirdest part. It is. It is.

I know, I know, I know. It like makes it seem not as cool. I know, I know. But we have to remember, we're still very, very cool, especially me, man. When I walk, like, dude, come on. Oh. This isn't my only pair of sunglasses either. Oh. I have green ones and I have red ones.

It only took you like two minutes to – To what? Not be humble? Well, just to put them on. Well, we all have our strengths, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all have our strengths. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But so anyway, how do you feel about your tummy and all that? What happened? Awesome. Yeah? Well, I mean, I just – Do you have postpartum depression? I mean, you know, just like rapid fire. Holy smokes.

I'm just giving you stuff to, you know, fodder. And then you go – Do you have postpartum depression? I mean, you know, just like rapid fire. Holy smokes. I'm just giving you stuff to fodder. Do you have postpartum depression? That's so rude. Well, maybe. I don't know. What's up? What's been on your mind? How's it going?

There's like different things that you can have. You can have full-blown postpartum, which I've never had. And then most women have baby blues, which is just like up and down, up and down. And that's definitely what I have. Oh, really? Yeah. But that doesn't sound medical have baby blues, which is just like up and down, up and down. And that's definitely what I have. Oh, really? Yeah. But that doesn't sound medical, baby blues. I don't know.

That's just what they call it. The doctor is just like this. You get the blues. That's not right. They also have sunglasses. There's so many amazing parts of being a mom for the second time. But the biggest downside is I have this thing called DMERS, which is whenever I start – Making it up. No, you can look it up.

I swear it's real. DMERS, okay. And whenever I start breastfeeding – Thank you. I feel existential dread. Right. And like I want to off myself. Okay, well, that's – Like straight up. Okay. You want to yeet yourself? Yeah, I want to dread. Right. And like I want to off myself. Okay.

Well, that's. Straight up. Okay. You want to yeet yourself? Yeah. I want to yeet myself into oblivion. Isn't it so weird? And it's like this beautiful thing.

I'm holding this child that I love more than life itself. I would throw myself in front of a bus happily. Happily. And then I'm just feeling this like everything sucks. And I just want to yeet myself too. I suck. Everyone sucks. It's crazy that just because your nipples are squirting, you want to yeet yourself.

Don't say squirting when it comes to my nipples. I was so mad. We were watching – or I was watching Congratulations. Yeah, I'd make her do it. This past one. Sweetie, are you caught up? Well, you were like talking about- No, I did not want to watch it, actually.

You wanted to watch it because of the pregnant, because I was talking about the birth. Yeah, I knew you were talking about that. And the amount of different nicknames that you called my- Vagina. Was atrocious. Well, there were maybe five different ones, yeah. Like just the fact that fried butterfly came out of your mouth.

Talking about your wife. I'm your wife. I know, but I had to – but I was – okay. Well, but I have to say that though because otherwise we'll get demonetized. And if I want to say vagina, it's like I'm not a – you know what I mean? Christopher. A doctor. Okay.

Fried butterfly is great because they don't demonetize that. Okay. That's one thing. If there was just one that you – Honestly, they do look like fried butterflies if you're going to be brutally honest not yours specifically but i'm just saying first of all why do we have to be brutally honest because this is a hard hitting this is lifeline dude okay but also it'd be one thing if you just switched out one name you gave my vagina you can say vagina okay i'm not a clinician so i'm not not going to. Okay, you gave that. So I'll say hatchet wound.

I know, but it's okay because you don't get demonetized, right? Yeah, well, that's my point is you gave it like eight different nicknames. Right. And just went what you do, drilled the joke into the ground until there was absolutely no life left. And it took like two minutes and it was insane. Nappy dugout. Oh, my God. Talk into the microphone, please. So, yeah, that's what's up. Nappy dugout Oh my god Talk into the microphone please So yeah

That's what's up Nappy dugout I think I can't remember where I got that from That's so disgusting That's life dude It's beautiful and disgusting at the same time So we have a baby

He was very purple when he came out Did you get worried were you worried no i wasn't you were i could tell that you were worried but i was um i was listening to the doctors and the nurses and you're kind of always on alert for people to be um lying to you and fucking you over so even when they were like no it's totally fine and normal you were like it's not yeah and i could tell you were doing that because you know why because they do the thing where it's like were you like is that normal and they'll be like yeah and you're like oh seven notes in there so you're lying seven notes in there so you're lying look at this nappy doggots thank for a woman's vagina it doesn't matter the color of the woman or the amount of hair. Presumably some hair if you are being literal.

Made famous by George Clinton and the Funkadelics. I hate that there is like the possibility of just like now. Bullworth is where I heard it. A screenshot. There's going to be a thing of me on the internet of just me with that. Well, there is now. Definition. Yeah yeah that's what i mean there wouldn't have been what oh yeah it's okay you got to learn about i'm new to the internet

game yeah okay so uh look uh we got uh i'm gonna be uh so lifeline you've got a question go to watch lifeline.com and send in a video if you want one-on-one advice sessions with matt go to mattalia.com we have new lifeline merch at lifelinemerch.com. And then also, I'm going to be on tour. I got a lot of different dates coming up. I'm going to be in Columbus, Cincinnati, Salt Lake City, Tucson. I'm going to be in Pueblo, Colorado, and Colorado Springs. And I'm going to be in a bunch of different things,

a bunch of different cities in Canada, Nashville. Hotline is open. The hotline is open. You can just go and call and leave a message for what you can do that instead of leave a video. And the number is 213-973-8095. Call today. And I'm sure they'll put it on the thing there. You can just screenshot it

um so yeah so well we we talked about a lot of stuff so far but let's get into the uh advice because i want to say you know you're a female and i want to get the female perspective on this that's shocking to hear well all right babe you know i honestly it's not that i don't want the female perspective i don't want anybody's perspective. Yeah. Period. Yeah. I already have the perspective. Oh. For me, that's what works. The perspective, like capital T-H-E. For me, yeah.

For me, I have my perspective. But you do force it on to other people as well. My perspective? Yeah. I go like this. No, no, no. That's not how it is. It's like this.

Right. Right. Okay. Okay. Fair enough. Are you a psychologist yet? Me? Me?

Me? No. I'm in my... I just finished my first year of my three years of grad school. Me neither. I'm not a psychologist either, but I feel like... But you did nine months of college. Yeah, theater school, NYU.

Hated it. Yeah. Hated it. Not for you. We had a breathing class, so I'm all good. I'm all good. A breathing class. A fucking class for breathing. I'm all good a breathing class a fucking class for breathing

god you fucking needed that i wish you took that until my contact fell out um and went on the ground and i was looking for it and the teacher walked right across the space i was looking at and i almost hip thrower i oh i go oh that couldn't happen because there's nobody on the planet that rude she did do that and then she and yeah she was a teacher teaching breath class and i was so mad and that i was like i'm gonna be in i'm gonna be on tv because this fucking i'm gonna show this woman i'm gonna be on tv i don't need breath class i can't think of something that you would be more pissed off at. Yeah, I know. Like if I did that.

What? Like if we were in our house. Oh, my God. I mean. You'd already start crying because you know I'd be mad. Well, I just would never hear the end of it. Hey, what the fuck? You walk right in front of the thing.

Check your body with your soles. That's not my fault. If somebody walks across and i'm doing looking for my contacts that's so rude dude if you're if someone's down on the ground like this and you walk across you're a piece of shit dude that's it you're not gonna say anything about that i just i mean there's so many different ways i could go with that that and every single way that I would go would just mean that you're an insane person. Me? Yeah. Because I'm looking for my contact and someone walked across there.

Yeah, but how is everybody else in the world supposed to be attuned to the fact that that's what you're doing? She did it always on purpose. It was 100% on purpose. Everyone knew I was looking for my contact and she did it. Christopher. I go like this. Guys, I lost my contact. Keep breathing. But I got to go look for my contact. And I'm going to work on my breathing while I'm looking for my contact. Christopher. Guys, I lost my contact.

Keep breathing, but I got to go look for my contact. I'm going to work on my breathing while I'm looking for my contact over here. Everybody just chill. I was like, and she just clomped over, dude. I'm angry now again. You announced to the breathing class that you had to find your contact? Yeah.

You are you, sweetheart. I contact yeah you you are you sweetheart i am me you are you anyway i still have contacts and she's you know she's probably 70 now yeah all right let's look at the next one the first one hi guys zuli here from miami chris where you been i saw you in like 2018 2019 but it's been too long hi Matt I love the podcast and I love you guys together um I have something really random it happened to me like two months ago but I still think about it almost every single day um long story short I got into a car accident they did my car total loss I get a new car and then I go to the tag agency to get it registered get there I get the little ticket with the number the girl calls my number she's as cuban as can be

as am i so then i tell her in spanish and her response to that without exaggerating was and i just stayed staring at her confused for like three seconds and then some girl walks in and she's like well i was helping her before you and i was just like take your time and then the girl that works next to her ended up being the one that helped me so everything happens for a reason but what should i have said what should i have done i've never had anyone be just so rude to me what did she say that so i just stayed like oh she like she went me me me me me like that what on a customer service that's good she did that yeah who oh you're saying the customer service person it's good that she did that yeah okay explain sweetheart well because well what what what this is she's

not this is not the whole story. She just, you don't call someone and say, hi, so I'm trying to check out about my car. Hi, I'm trying to go check out about my car. That is insane. And if that happened, that is the most gangster shit of all time. And I am through. If I'm on the other phone, here's the deal. I'm on the other phone.

I'm on the phone talking about something. They're going to fuck it up. They're going to fuck it up. They're going to fuck it up. You know people fuck shit up. People don't want their jobs. They're just like, I got this job. I need to make money. That's fine.

People don't want to do it. So they're already going to fuck up. If you just immediately go to Mach 10 of, I'm going to be a dick. I go, oh, all right. Fair game. Now I get to be a dick, right? Hey, what's up? I'm trying to figure out how to buy my car. Hey, what's up? I'm trying to figure out how to buy my car. All right. Oh oh all right fair game now i get to be a dick right hey what's up i'm trying to figure out about my car hey what's up i'm trying to figure out about my car all right oh all right oh what's up dude what's up man are we getting this through insurance are we doing it out of

pocket let me know dude how much is it gonna fucking be that's awesome because then we're ready we're off gloves are off and we're going so this she should have thanked the lady and been like here we go or whatever the fuck you know i don't know what the fuck wow well what do you think well i don't really have any advice for her because you would have hung what would you have done uh cried ran cried and ran like well any confrontation with anybody that's working that like is doing a service for me there's nothing that they could do that i won't be nice dude that's what we don't get we don't connect on this yeah i know because you go like this don't be don't be and i'm like this person

is asking for it yeah and i'm sure that the middle is like the happiest place it's not the happiest place the happiest place is the angriest place, which is where I'm going to live. Sure. You know what this reminds me of, though? When I was pregnant with Cal, it makes sense that this is how you feel. Okay. When I was pregnant with Cal, I had some kind of thing in the middle of the night

that we woke up and I was having like intense tummy pain. And so you and me went to- The hospital. The hospital. Right. And we were there- I wanted to stop and get a coffee on the way but yeah probably we were there for hours and hours and hours and it was just like draining

and long and then as we're leaving and we're both just so tired and just like stressed yeah i press the elevator button yeah yes yes and you were like what floor is it and i was like i think it's the third floor and chris goes that's right i did do that i was pregnant at the hospital you brought us to the hospital for no reason everything was fine wow but it did make me laugh harder than i've ever laughed so hard i laughed so fucking hard and you laughed hard and i felt so good and it was worth it and now we have now what do we have we have that core memory don't we yeah so you're welcome and two beautiful babies i know you're welcome for that okay i did part of it you did a lot more man it's crazy how much the women the woman does for the birth thing and guys don't really do anything as a matter of fact guys do pretty much the fun part guys just go women nine

ten months it's not even not nine months it's ten months just women just ten months of walking around bending over the baby's hanging, tits all out. You know what I mean? How long do you think you could last? Before yeeting myself? Just like pregnant in general. I wouldn't get pregnant, dude. No, but if you were.

I'd yeet it. Don't say that. Don't make that. Babe. And no it. Don't make it real. I'm not going to say I'd yeet her or him. That makes it more personal. I'd yeet it. I hope that was good advice for her.

All right. Yeah, I don't know. Just hang up, dude. It's all good. You're good. Next one. Wow. I'm going to get right to it.

You know, I'm having a big problem. You know, I'm 21. Tall drink of water. 6'7". Whatever. It is what it is. But I'm having a problem distinguishing what I want between doinking yeah and having a girlfriend because you know like i have i have some good candidates in my life wow that could be some good

good long-term or nice partners but since i'm young and especially with the friend group i have who are also doinking a lot i'm just wondering should i take this time maybe push off or or or miss out on the opportunity to have this nice long-term girlfriend to doink around a little bit you know i don't know maybe this questions for chris because he's had some experience or matt too you could you could help me out a little bit with your your booted advice but but i just want to know should i doink or should i settle down i mean settle down the guy's fucking 21 you go what do you think um i was sloring it up in college over here oh no i'm kidding you're not slow slow or do wow the worst thing i had a buddy

that used to say that all the time oh man she's a slore wow go ahead i mean obviously he needs to be doinking right why you say that because he's 21 fucking who cares right yeah i get like have fun and doink you know get your doinking out of the way right so that you don't end up blank there's no such thing getting the doinking out of the way by the way well there's not there's you no you need to stop you need to you just need to live life and you need to play it as it happens dude i don't think that like i mean there's people that were together since they were 21 and they're happy as as all get out you know but you're 21 that's young the guy looks 30 you know you were 21 when you met your first wife right no like 22 no i got married at 26 or yeah so that's yeah she was 21 i was 26 i met her way early on though like you know when

when i was a kid yeah it was cute didn't work out and so um but the uh but this dude should be yeah he should be doinking i mean dude do you feel lonely i mean the fact that you're even asking this question you'll when when you'll find you'll find the person that you want to be with you're not going to be like oh i have some candidates oh yeah i have a few good you know i have some front i have a front runner and like you're just gonna know it's gonna be so apparent these people who are like yeah i don't understand like the dating around and then choosing one you just know when you know don't you don't you feel that dating around and then choosing one. You just know when you know. Don't you feel that way? For sure.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, for sure. How many like serious girlfriends have you had that you felt that way about? That you like stopped doinking? Well. I didn't really stop doinking, did I? But you made them your girlfriends. I never really stopped doinking, did I? I made them my girlfriend and they made me their boyfriend.

I mean, having a stroke. Four? Yeah. That you were like, this is the one that I'm going to. Yes. Try to not doink anymore with. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. I think I'm about the same. But I wasn't really like actively doinking. Right. You weren't really slurring it up. We make a. Right. You weren't really slurring it up. We make a joke, but you weren't really slurring it up. No. You weren't always on your back in college, right?

I'm saying you weren't. You weren't always, right? You weren't always getting a butterfly inspection, right? Not always, right? Help. SOS. All right. Yeah.

So stay doinking, brother i'm hulk hogan amen chris a long-time listener love you guys you always make me smile on my worst days and today is one of my worst days i am wondering how you still feel worthy when you tell someone that you love that you want a lifelong future with them and start a family with them. And they tell you that their career needs to come first and that until they have their dream job and all the money in the world that you can't have that with them. I'm wondering what you do and how to still feel worthy and like you're good enough and i like just i don't know what i do so any advice would be great thank you oh she's so sweet she is sweet um go ahead no you should take this why because i just want to see where you're gonna go oh fuck i'm gonna get in trouble dude i know i'm kidding um well first of

all you are worthy this is all stuff that like you live with in your head the tapes that play in your head ever since you were a young child you know you you don't need someone else to make yourself feel worthy and if you think you do they're doing you a favor by not giving you that because you know that then you run into like codependence and and shit like that which i'm codependent but it's like you know you you you you you get your value in someone getting your value in someone else is something that isn't going to help you figure out your shit. And yeah, you could live life like that and always be looking for acceptance in others. I do. But it's not going to be the best version of you that you can be. I understand you're upset.

Also, here's the other thing. The person that's saying this, I was that guy saying my career is the most important. For a man, it's very hard to relinquish that feeling of if I am worthy because of my output in work or what I do in my job, how much money I make, what kind of impression I leave with my work. That's where guys get their self-worth from. But that's also something that a guy shouldn't be carried away with, shouldn't get carried away with, just as in you're talking about as you're getting yourself carried away with by wanting someone else to make you feel worthy that's one thing it's sad because you both want different things and that's just going to be the way it is but not necessarily what not necessarily what that they want different things right but which is what i was just going to say is that he may come around right and? And he also, it sounds like he does want to be with you, but just not that doesn't want to make that huge commitment because his

work is something that he really wants to do, which for a young guy, I totally get that. I really do totally get that. Well, I think what you were saying about men finding their worth in what they're doing, I think maybe follow up and get more information from him because it sounds like it may not be something where maybe he thought that you were like i need to give up everything i need to give up my dream my game my game whatever to just be with her and that might not necessarily be the truth and i think guys too have like a knee-jerk reaction when they get oh definitely i do what to do especially around work so maybe just asking him i'm a little unclear are you saying that you want a family eventually or are you saying that your career is always going to be the most important or or do you see that shifting at all and if he's like

straight up i don't see that shifting yeah then you have your answer right right true yeah and that's when you have to dig deep in yourself and say i know who i am i'm worthy of this and i have to walk away from this relationship to get what i need yeah and which is really fucking hard like you know put a bunch of lie on his plants and this way they all die and then this way you're even yeah um yeah no i do i do uh that that's That's a tough position though. But also you're young and I'm sure he's young. Chances are, I mean, look, working was the most important thing to me and now I have a family and it's just not anymore. Well, when we first started dating.

I told you that. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, that's totally cool with me. It was before we were serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And as the relationship progressed and we like hit different stages, we would have new conversations that kind of like redrew the lines.

Like you don't, it doesn't always have to be like a relationship is fluid and it shifts as you guys shift. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but that also doesn't mean. Especially for women. Oh, wow. Yeah, I know. It's cool.

It's cool. And a year later, it's not cool anymore. It's all good. Wow. But yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Like, yeah, no no it's cool it's cool and then a year later it's not cool anymore it's all good wow but yeah i don't know yeah like yeah no that's cool yeah i'll do the those things yeah and then i'll clean up the dishes and then hey by the way that's your job you're in yeah oh we have fun now dude um i it's a it's okay to change your mind and it's okay to there's been plenty of times where i was like i was okay with something at first of course yeah and then i had a full-blown breakdown and was like never mind yep not okay with that anymore okay so okay all right cool so then i go like this well you hoodwinked me didn't you oh you

hoodwinked me but it's okay man love is being hoodwinked me, but it's okay, man. Love is being hoodwinked. Next one. So here's my issue. Very obvious, serious case of upside down head. What do you guys think I should do about it? Honestly, kind of think about getting into wigs. That'd be cool. I think it's kind of like a tattoo, you know, it's just decoration. Said it weird. All good. Emphasis was on the wrong part of the word. We're going to move on. So, you know, it's just decoration said it weird all good emphasis was on the wrong part of the word we're gonna move on so you know it's not an insecurity thing i'm sure of myself okay i got shoulders that go into next week i'm fucking yadded out yeah i'm fine okay it's a deeper mark baron with no hair let me know your guys thoughts get get thoughts on what what thoughts on what what i miss he's saying what what should i? Thoughts on what? What'd I miss?

He's saying, what should I do? Should I get, what should I do with my hair? I got upside down head. What do I do? Oh. No, the question is, he's thinking about where hair is. I understand. That was in jest.

He's not going to wear a wig, which, by the way, would be gangster. But get a different color than your beard. That would be so awesome. Well, is that the question? Yeah, I don't think he's actually going to get wigs. I think the question is, what do I do? I have upside down head. I think that that's the actual question. I think that's the question is what do i do i have upside down head i think that that's the actual question and then he said should i get

you think it's sexy to have upside down head well i mean you call it upside down head but what it is is it's just being bald and having facial hair and you think that's sexy yeah you think it could be sexy it's not sexy it could be sexy if the guy is sexy here's the thing yeah and well you wanted to hear the female yeah i do you're right go ahead like and i know that your hair is like something that you talk about is like something that you're you like worry about what about worry about like yeah if like it looks bad or some shit of course yeah yeah yeah girls don't care sometimes my hair looks fucking bad though it's like i put product in it and it's like I thought it looked one way leaving the house. And then I look later and I'm like, what the fuck?

They just truly don't care about that shit. It's just like how you're rocking it. And if you like come in and it's insane and you're short in your body and you just take control of the space. Yeah. Like that hair oddly becomes like even sexier than if it looked nice. Because it's like, wow, that guy with the weird fucking hair doesn't give a shit. Dude, no, you're supposed to keep talking. Oh.

Dude, I think, yeah, I don't really give a fuck, you know? Oh. I'm the man when I walk into a room, all right? Well, that's the point, though. Like, rock what you have. Yeah. And I think he's handsome yeah yeah he's he's he seems sure of himself yeah yeah that's the most important thing the

most important thing is that upside down head is just a joke you know it doesn't really matter if you have upside down head i personally don't like upside down head i think it's weird i think you look bad but you know what i mean like you don't want me to think you fucking don't look bad you want fucking chicks to think you don't look bad so you can do the horizontal mambo more right and do some butterfly inspections oh inspections yeah so i so i think that i i like this i like this guy i think he seems cool yeah he's he's yadded up also here's another thing you could do if you're gonna get a wig get a fucking wig that's a different color than your beard it looks like you had a little brown or red in it.

Dude, get a black John Wick wig. Or like the lady from 227 that goes like this. Maybe like that hair. Or a fucking straight up blonde wig that like Guile from Street Fighter 2 would wear. That would be awesome. So here's the other thing you could do. Dude, you're yatted up. Get yatted on the fucking dome piece, man.

No, no, no, no. Get a huge spider web no what no no really i bet you'd like that if my hair went and it might and then i got yatted up no like a yarmulke no i don't know man i don't know man yatted up like a yarmulke like like that Jewish but also like Like Jewish but like Oh but he's been through some shit Yeah but here's the thing Who stole his menorah? You're But we're talking about like

Standing in yourself And having Like being firm at who you are Knowing that like you're a guy That's like oh shit I might lose my hair Yeah And then if you were to take the step

Yeah To do some weird Free space though Spider web shit be like, oh man, he fucking caved. No, I didn't cave. It's just like when you're like, when you are like, oh man, that guy got plugs. That sucks. That's terrible though. But that's the same shit. No, it's not because then it's an open canvas and you're like, let's have some fun with it.

And then you get yatted up. You're just saying words. No, I'm saying the words that matter in the order that i want to say them in i think you should get a jesus crown like a thorns like thorns around like that yeah and above that those those swervy streets in san francisco oh yeah cute yeah and a trolley Yeah a little baby trolley Okay I'm back on board Yeah exactly you would love to decorate it like that

She would decorate my head like Christmas Yeah I'd hot glue little like gems Yep you'd put a little halo with it It would be a halo For an angel and then trees And then Santa would be Well for the holidays I'd put little Balls in the trees.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. But also. So do that. Don't get plugs. Never get plugs. Never get plugs. If my hair goes, it's going.

Would you just shave it? It's also not going. I know. I don't think it is. But I mean, it's definitely further back than it was. But that's just what happens. Yeah. You know, whatever.

If it goes, it goes it goes yeah fucking i think i you know i don't know i know people some of my friends got plugs i'm like why do you you don't even need to get them you look as handsome as ever thank you very much darling um oh wow i looked the best when i was maybe 38 38. Were we dating then? Yeah. Yeah, we were. We met when you were 36.

I don't remember. Okay. Let's do the next one. Okay. Quick question. When I'm watching a movie with my wife or friends or something nice and they're on their phone i get super aggravated internally it's it boils but i'm like i know this is stupid why do i care that they're on the phone and it's not because i can see it over there it's more like

they're not sharing the experience we can't't really talk about it or they're missing stuff. 100%. I feel like I'm kind of crazy with this one and I'm all alone. What do you guys think? Somebody on the phone next to you when you're trying to watch something. Let me hear if I'm crazy or if you guys are crazy with me. Ciao.

You got some nerve, my friend. Dude. You want to talk about the phone yeah i'm bad with the phone but you be tick tocking when we're trying to watch some fucking really good four-part miniseries or sweetheart if we're gonna separate between which is more annoying being on the phone during like moments of like beautiful family time or just beautiful lifetime versus some dumb netflix series that you admit oh this is going to be terrible which is the better because i want to share the terribleness funniness with you yeah but i want to share the beautiful moments okay i understand our coupleship and our family together it's weird to check out though when you're what when you're chilling and you're experiencing life.

Great. We got Calvin. We got William. All of us, we're hanging out. I get it. Sometimes we're hanging out. I feel too much. I got to check out and do some shit.

And then, okay, I'll put it down, whatever. But if we're checking out already, putting on the four-part dog shit miniseries, that's going to be dope, right? And we're already checking out with part dog shit miniseries that's gonna be dope right and we're already checking out with the dog shit miniseries and then you're here scrolling on tick and i gotta hear fucking four life four life hacks yeah mini fridge life mini like a shit that you don't even give a shit about well i don't check it out already here you can't check out twice i don't give a shit more about the dog shit miniseries and at least there's a chance that something that's going to come up is going to pique my interest other than dog shit that's a good argument i don't know man i get it it's about

the shared experience i wish sometimes you'd watch stuff with me. Yeah. Like, dude, we'll turn on like a grade A good thing, like Boardwalk Empire. We'll watch one episode. And then the second episode, I'm watching and you're half watching. And then you're like, how many do we watch in one night? And then the next night, we're like, let's watch Boardwalk Empire again. And you're like, we just watched it last night.

And I'm like, do you even know what binging is, dude? It goes to something in my soul that like if I feel like I'm doing something unproductive for too long, then I'm doing a disservice to myself. You're on TikTok. I know, but at least there's like things that I'm learning. I'm like, oh, sea turtles live to be a thousand or whatever. Like that's a new thing that I learned. Was that one you saw recently? No, I just made it pull it out of my ass. You don't to look at tiktok you don't need to be in the sea turtle

tiktok but it's not even tiktok you say tiktok i know i'm on it a lot i'm not it's not it's not it's not necessarily i typically check out to like my email or pinterest or whatever it is tiktok yeah i should do pinterest like a motherfucker dude just like pinning fucking walls in a church or something. Love to pin. Love pinning. Nah. I got a Pinterest because I wanted to look at tattoos. I will say, though, that I know how important it is to you and that it's something that I'm willing to compromise

for the sanctity of our relationship. Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. Because I know it – I mean, you complain about it daily. Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. Because I know it, I mean, you complain about it daily. Ladies and gentlemen, we got her. But you don't like watching. It's binding. You don't like watching TV in the bed. Oh, this is something we should ask.

Yes, that is true. You want to watch TV in the bed like it's a movie theater. You want to watch TV in the bed. Dude, I watch TV. I don't watch TV in the bed. A bed is for two things. No, it's not. Sleeping and do bed. Dude, I watch TV. I don't watch TV in the bed. A bed is for two things. No, it's not. Sleeping and doinking.

No, it's not. And if you want to... Be creative. So what is creative in bed then? It's not living in a box. The world is your oyster. You can do whatever you want in that bed. It's a big soft.

It's a big soft. It's a big soft where anything can happen. Didn't finish the sentence. A big bed. It's a big soft. It's a big soft. It's a big soft where anything can happen. Didn't finish the sentence. A big soft. It's a big soft. I mean, that's the most beautiful thing. A big soft? To be in a big soft.

Such an idiot, dude. With your love, watching stuff. To be in a big soft with your love? But the first two years that we dated, that's all we did. Because we got to know each other and you weren't tiktok wasn't even created that's true oh i don't know can you help me do something oh um yeah so i don't know we got we will ask the do you think that leave a comment in the thing do you think a bed is for just sleeping and doinking? Or do you think that a bed is also for hanging out, really?

Yeah, lounging. Lounging, dude. Talking. I want to be in bed when it's time to sleep or doink. I don't want to be in bed when there's like three hours left in my day. Is it because you used to be donking so much? I mean... Donking? Donking you used to be donkin so much i mean donkin donuts donkey gong and so much no what is it because you used to be doinking so much and then you have like a

ptsd response when you're in the bed and you're not doinking maybe i mean i said that in jest but yeah no i don't know who knows dude yeah who fucking knows no one knows shit about shit all right well all right fine you know all right let's go to the next one i'm so excited to have a really good question to send into you guys oh wow so my name is halston she's cute and i live in a normal average city in new york and i don't want to say exactly where uh i'll get to that i live in a nice middle-class neighborhood like people walk their dogs a lot there's traffic but it's not you know too terrible i have a neighbor who keeps putting mothballs on his sidewalk. He's

done it for years. He puts more mothballs out in the spring, less mothballs out in the fall, but he will spread it across his entire sidewalk. Like all the property that's his is covered in mothballs. And I've looked this up and apparently it's terrible for the environment and it gets into the water and i don't know i don't know what to do because he's a little bit scary and what's weird shit what's especially weird about this situation is that he's my father he is the brother of a reality star um a famous reality star from the like early days of reality. And again, I can't say,

okay. Okay. Um, so that makes this worse because I know him. Like, I just, I don't know what to say to my weird neighbor about the moth balls. Cause he's a little scary and he's like,

I've got connections. So what would you do? Okay. How do we get this guy to stop? It's not good for my dog's paws. It's not good for the environment. It looks bad. Oh, and I didn't even mention the smell.

Mothball smell. Yeah, they smell bad, really bad. In your neighborhood. Open your window and then you smell it. It is so weird. I've never heard of anyone using mothballs for like pest repellent or whatever. What is he using it for help me out guys I love how

much she's thinking about this and how deeply she's thinking about this and I have good advice okay what's the advice wait it out because if there's that many mothballs outside of his house he's definitely flooding his house with mothballs and I give him six months before he

croaks of cancer. Okay. That's not really... And then the problem evaporates. Why does he put mothballs on his sidewalk? Oh, man. And people, probably.

On his sidewalk? Yeah. I mean... She said it was on his sidewalk dude it's a sidewalk get john wick this is here's me it's hey oh glad i caught you what's going on what are you doing that's a sidewalk i don't like this and this is crazy dude you know you gotta understand even if you're not crazy there's gonna make it seem like it so don't have that you know what i would do what i would be like oh uh you have mothballs and then i'd pick one up and be like it's really nice have a great day yeah, you would. And I would be so mad because now I got to – you'd be like, no, I don't – this is a weird thing, dude. It's a weird thing.

It seems honestly though like being for real, that's like probably a sign of some kind of mental illness. And like – Maybe he's like a Batman villain. Mothman. I mean but mental illness isn't always like scary and bad and crazy. No, I'm saying because of the moth stuff, not because of the mental illness. Oh, I see. Yeah.

I mean, he obviously has mental illness. He's just at home just saying, can't wait to get out there and cover the sidewalk with moths. First my sidewalk and then the whole small city in New York somewhere. Ah! Hello, ma'am. am i annoying you yet yeah that's good advice i don't know about the advice just well if maybe it's too crazy to touch maybe just go yeah that's a good yeah it's too crazy to touch maybe call like an authority at that point yeah just be like it's a hazard everyone yeah. It's too crazy to touch. Maybe call like an authority at that point. Yep. And just be like, it's a hazard.

Everyone is freaked out. Something's going on. Maybe, ooh, maybe he has dead bodies. If he has to put mothballs in the front of his house. I mean, such a giveaway, you know? But I mean, you're not going to smell the dead bodies. I know, but like you might as well put a sign up that says no dead bodies here. If he has mothballs?

No, if he has dead bodies, know but like you might as well put a sign up there says no dead bodies here if he has mothballs no if he has dead bodies i'm saying the fucking mothballs is like a like it's too obvious that it was definitely not that but yeah but if you're a guy that has dead bodies in his house you're not thinking like a clear rational saying okay fair enough so i think that whole thing sucks just move move to a different little town in new york well you say that if you see a spider in our house so you have a low standard for moving i had a spider uh i was touching spiders the other day because of calvin what do you mean touching spider webs because he was like i don't want that i know i'm too scared and i was like no but it's nothing here come look do it and then i, and he was able to do it, and I couldn't believe I was doing it. You know what?

One of my most proud reactions that I have towards your dadding is you're someone that generally doesn't do things outside of your comfort zone, outside of the box. But when it comes to Cal and you see him doing the same stuff yeah he's very similar to you yeah and not wanting to do things that he's not comfortable with yeah and you push him in such a kind and sweet way and you do it too i do what oh i end up like you put yourself too i know because of him yeah it rocks yeah yeah i'm teaching him but really in reality maybe he's teaching me too, right? It's really sweet, actually. Yeah. You're a good dad. Yeah, I am, yeah. Moth boss.

No. All right, next one. I'm coming at you with a dating question. I'm currently in eating disorder recovery. I have been for about three months now. I'm in treatment five days a week, six hours each day. Can't even work full time right now. Good for you. But I'm healthy.

I'm on the mend. Things are going well. I have a question. So I went on a first date last night. Things went really well. I really liked the guy. He kept asking me super common questions about, you know, how I spend my time, how I spend my weekends, questions about work, things like that. I kept trying to tactfully

avoid bringing up treatment because who wants to talk about that on the first date, right? But I realized I ended up sounding more sketchy than anything because of how vague I was being. So I told him he was super gracious. We didn't spend a ton of time on it and moved right along. I want to know from your perspective, am I a huge red flag? Does that come across like too personal, too fast? What do you think? Love you guys. Bye.

No, she said it exactly right. Like she didn't want it to seem weird. So she was like, I guess I got to say it. I mean, look, it's one thing if you weren't going five days a week for six hours a day and you just brought it up because you're in recovery right now, you're in an active recovery, like trying to get better. And that's great. By i applaud you for it i know we both do but like you know if you were on a date with somebody and you had a better handle on your addiction and then we're just bringing it up out of nowhere you might want to wait two or three dates on it or more i don't know. But I get the want to be like, because here's the other thing too.

Right now, you know, you're in your first three months, like you want to avoid triggers for relapse and for making a mess of your life. I think dating is probably something that they would tell you to avoid. Although I don't know. I mean, they, I certainly, the rehab I went to and like, I know other rehabs. I know like a lot of like people who are in AA, they have that same kind of a thing. It's like, just make this the main focus on your life. So they might argue, don't go on dates, but you, you know, I think you, I think you did the right thing, you know know because i think that it's look i would get it if if i was sitting with you and you were like dancing around shit i would

be like this is a weird chick but then if you were to say yeah i i think i'm being vague i don't i want to not be vague i've been in recovery and this is why like i don't like i'm not talking about my job because i'm not going to my job because i i would i would personally still go out with you i would say i would say okay well that it's very sweet she's honest we all have our shit um and any other guy that might not either isn't worth it or might just be like not want not wanting that now and that's okay too you know that's okay if somebody doesn't want that now um in their life if they're not ready for something like that yeah well i think you make a good point about like the not dating thing yeah like when you came out of rehab there were so many things that you couldn't do that seemed like innocuous but it makes sense now and that being said like

if you are going on dates then the guy probably has to be a guy if you want to continue to date him that is going to be actively supporting your recovery anyways. That's true. And so if he's just like even avoidant of it, then maybe that's not, you know, because this time is for you and like post rehab or post whatever she went to yeah this time is like for you to heal and do whatever you need to do within yourself to make sure that you're okay and so by proxy whoever you're with whoever you end up with needs to be like totally on your team because that's no it's no joke you know like getting help which is fucking amazing by the way it's also really cool hard to get help by the way yeah it is and it's also really cool how uh open and honest she is just about it with us and like people now that we'll see this on the

internet and it's good and it inspires people also to get help and that's great uh you're doing the thing and it's fucking tough man there. There was one where I went. There was an overeater's branch or whatever on it. And they were saying that that's like some of the hardest. That's one of the hardest ones to try and figure out. Is it just because food is? You need food. Yeah. Interesting.

Yeah. And it's just, yeah. I mean, yeah yeah there were some people actually in even in mine that had it so eating disorders well props to you girl i'm not a girl her yeah oh sorry talking to me yeah we have people in our life that have are in recovery and people that should be in you know yeah yeah yeah that don't so we know how hard it is, obviously, and that rocks. Yeah. Yeah.

Next one. I got a question. Lost my mask a long time ago. As you can tell, I'm a carpenter. This is what I do. I just started my own business. They'll fall in. Things are tight.

And our family wants us to move back to California. And we told them we'd move back. Wow. But the problem is we don't want to now. And we don't know how to tell them that. We live in Spokane, Washington. Wow. And we want to move to Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Jesus Christ. And we want to move to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Jesus Christ. So telling our family we want to move to somewhere that gets tornadoes is hard enough. But, yeah, what is your advice? How do I tell them? How do we tell them? How do we not let them down?

Yeah, anything would help. Thank you, guys. Love your show. Bye. Thanks, guys. Love your show. Bye. Thanks, dude. This has been an issue in my life, too, like disappointing family members because of doing stuff that you need to do and want to do. That's pretty common. Yeah, I think it's common. I think it's pretty much called having a family, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you have to, like I know you stated that you don't want to disappoint them. Yeah. And it's inevitable that you are going to disappoint them. And so the thing that you have to work on is actually just getting okay with disappointing the people that you love. If it's in the name of doing something that's better for you and your family that you have. And I know how hard it can be, doing something that you know is going to hurt them,

even if it's not something like directly towards them, but just something that they're not gonna like. You just have to figure out who you wanna be, what you want your personal family to be and do that. It sucks, but you have to do what you, here's the thing, like I love Calvin and Williamiam and when they grow up if they want to live somewhere else i obviously want to be close to them but also i i want them to be happy most so i would i would be like okay i get it but some like you know especially in the old it's old school

old school shit is like you know yeah but it's kind of up to the parents then to do some shit. If you want to move to be around them, if you want that, you know. Yeah. I get it if you don't. But like, I mean, if I was fucking 70, I would move. Who gives a shit? If Calvin and William were somewhere and they were like, yeah, come move here. We want to be here.

I would do it. Yeah, but is that healthy either? It is if you guys all want to. Yeah. I'm just saying like if Calvin and William are like, nah, you be in L.A., then okay. I get that. I'm going to be, nah, I'm coming. Like, that's fucking unhealthy.

But yeah. I think separation is healthy. Yeah, of course it is. It's what you have to do, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's actually one of the. It's really tough.

It's just one of the parts of life that's just kind of hard. I mean, I think that you should basically keep making chairs and bring the chairs to Tulsa and make chairs in Tulsa. Dude, also, let me tell you something. Well, I went to Spokane and Tulsa. They both need people to make stuff because there's a lot of fucking areas that are not that great. Tulsa's cool. Tulsa's cool but it's like one of those places like in 10 years you it might be cool

it's like got four blocks that's cool sure uh and it's not that cool and then in 10 years it'll be cool sure but it's uh it's uh so anyway and i played a theater there uh that used to be owned and have KKK rallies there. So anyway. And the person who the theater used to be named after was a guy who was in the KKK. So anyway. And I didn't know that until after I did it. So anyway. But they also changed the name.

So it's okay. So anyway. But let's not fault everybody for their past. Do you know what I mean? Totally. Yeah. But also. You could also what I mean? Totally. Yeah. But also.

You could also have a conversation with them. This is something that I've done in my own life with difficult things to talk about. If you decide I'm going to have the difficult conversation and then it's kind of up to them to decide what they're going to do with that. Right. So you just say, I love you so much, and this is what's best for my family right now. Yeah. And then however they decide to react to that is up to them, and so you don't have to feel as guilty about their reaction

because you've done everything that you can do. I love you so much, but going to Tulsa. What's this? Is this the voicemail? This is our voicemail thing. I was trying to see if we had anything. Oh, no, do we not? What's up? Is this the voicemail? It's a voicemail thing. I was trying to see if we had anything. Oh, no? Do we not? What's up, prison?

That's too long. That's so long. It had prison in it, though. Yeah, he said, what's up, prison I'm going to or something like that. He's going to prison, I guess. I want to try one. Okay, let's try one. Hi, Chris and Matt. How are we?

I'm still on the phone. I'm actually at the bar right now too my question for you is why are bar interactions

the weirdest thing going on by anyone I have a girlfriend of 8 years I just legit

just seen a lot of weird bar interactions how can we solve that and have humanity not probably so antisocial not saying that I'm bar interactions tonight. How can we solve that and have humanity

not probably so antisocial? Not saying that I'm the brightest star on the planet because I'm not, but just out of curiosity, I want to know

what you have to say about bar interactions and people looking at each other at a bar. So, this guy's hammered it. Also,

the first show, best artwork I've ever seen in my life. Thank you very much. Best artwork he's ever seen in my life. Thank you very much. Best artwork he's ever seen in his life? I'll do both things. Is that what he said? About my show in Minneapolis?

That's nice. Okay, we like him. Oh, wow. He said best art he's ever seen in his life. That's what he said. Wow. Okay, I really like that guy. That guy smashed to fucking smithereens, for real.

What was the question? Hey, what's up with... So, I came in a bar. I'm in a bar. Why is it so weird when you have interaction? I have a girlfriend for eight years so what's up what's up

there's a lot of looks in the bars or something like that anyways same in Minneapolis best artwork I've ever seen in my entire life

so love you guys both bye just threw up and then slipped on it and bonked his head and died oh that made me a little nauseous

just hearing it. Well, it's the best part you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, dude. Get out of the bar, you know. Or just fucking stop, you know, toss when you're out of the bar. Couldn't hear shit. What was the question? Why are interactions so weird at bars?

Oh, well, you don't even know because you've never been drunk. He's smashed. This guy's fucking obliterated. I said you've never been. I know, but he's blitzed. He's three sheets to the wind. Yeah, but that's not anything to do with what I'm saying. He's faded, dude.

You've never been drunk. He is so. Yeah. Anyway. All right, dude. What up, dude? Tour tickets at chrislea.com. He went to Minneapolis and he said it was the best artist I've ever seen in his life.

So come on down to Ohio. I'll be there. I'll be in Nashville. I'll be in Montreal and ChrisLeah.com to get the tickets. Oh, wait. Tucson. You got a question? Go to WatchLifeline.com or LifelineMerch is at LifelineMerch.com

or you can get a one-on-one advice session with Matt. MattDeLeah.com. Matt DeLeah will be back next week. We are firing her and getting Matt D'Elia back. And I will be in my house for the next nine months at least. Seven years. Taking care of my two babies who I love very much. Yes. No, but thank you so much.

You covered for Matt. And also, it was nice. We did want to have you. I don't know. We like having you on. I like having you on. Congratulations. And it's cool to have you on this one this one seems more fitting um but uh yeah anyway and thank god we didn't have to ask fucking david sullivan so that's great that's

great i love you he's got a big head all right cool i love you too and um we'll hang out even more after you no no no that's what it is that's an inside thing You don't know about She brought it up And I'm pissed So Because I have the flames I used to do it She's 43 you know

Well to be fair I did it when I was 40 So I was much younger Oh But you guys Have a good time And like and subscribe And leave comments

About how beautiful she is Oh babe And like and subscribe and leave comments about how beautiful she is. Oh, babe.