Lifeline - 59. No Touchy Touchy

Episode Date: May 28, 2023

LIFELINE LUXURY starts on June 4 at patreon.com/lifelineluxury 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. Today we get an update from the sexploitation friend, how to deal with anti-american comments from our friends across the pond, giving your parenting advice to other parents, roller derby stage names, and what we think about eating outside. 📆 Book 20 min or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Make your nights unforgettable with American Express. Unmissable show coming up? Good news. We've got access to pre-sale tickets so you don't miss it. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance.

Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. Do you know what I fucking hate, even though I like the band? I hate when people act like this about the Beach Boys. My fucking God. Hurting his voice?

So, so bad. Yeah, wishes he started an octave lower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has nowhere to go. Impressionistic way. Oh! This guy. God only knows, yeah. He has nowhere to go. Impressionistic way. Oh! This guy. God only knows, right?

It's magic up high. Sure about it. God only knows. Right? And it's magic up high. I'll tell you, that's number three, the climax. I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

The top note is right there. Sure about it. And you've got to look. You've got to look. You've got to notice where these top notes are because oh you gotta tell you about the song that's that's the point of this song sure about it it's not there it's to bring you to god only knows it grips you sure about it before it lets you in on the message i love how he talks to it yeah i mean i mean that guy and also a little fun fact if you

know the golden ratio that appears in all the pictures of the universe and Renaissance paintings and all that... He has a nightmare to his girlfriend, you know? Yep, this guy. The golden ratio within this verse. But now, number two, this bass line. Now, here's the thing you need to know about bass lines. If you have a D chord,

it's probably going to be a D in the bass. Nine times out of ten. D chord, that really lets you know we're here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you can go cha-cha-cha, we're home. But this starts D over A. It's wide open. It's different.

It could go anywhere. And it chooses to go up, push against gravity. Oh, God. The guy eats so many sandwiches. And this minor chord would usually go here. But instead, it goes. Oh, surprised himself. Got in a buzzer.

Incredible irritable bowel syndrome. Just notorious. Drinks so much. Only drinks milk and eats sandwiches. Hey, June. Really? Oh, apparently one is great. The magical Debbie's Accord.

Oh, now we're just relaxing. Now we're just relaxing. He falls asleep. Then he gratifies and he gets back home. Hits his head on the camera. And that brings me to number one,

which is the surprise. Shits himself. I mean, every time I listen to this song, it surprises me. Why do you still

get surprised at a song? I've listened to it a million times and I'm figuring, I'm playing it right now and I have no clue where it's going to go

but it's also so inevitable. Like it has to be. It's surprising and inevitable. Like the best of all art. Ah. The best of all art.

It's so soothing but it never lets us come home. Tell us what it is. You son of a bitch. And It's so soothing, but it never lets us come home. Tell us what it is, you son of a bitch. And it's so magical. This is as long

as Killers of the Flower Moon. Right. This is the same length as Killers of the Flower Moon. I don't know what that is. It's the new Scorsese movie. That's four hours. Oh.

Did this go viral? I'm so not surprised. Oh. And then this stupid TikTok thing at the end. Wow. You know? Boom. What a guy, huh?

And then it's just, and then you, and it's magical, but it's nice, but, and then I go, I know, and then you go up, I'd only know, and then out behind, what I dream of, and then we got there. And then we're there. There's some such a beautiful what I dream about you. Wow. Mr. Fuck. Kelsey, hit the clock. Oh, dude. It's absolutely hit the clock.

It's absolutely crazy that that guy is a real person and means all that. And here's the surprise. Dude, when people talk like that like art art teachers talk about that music teachers any teacher of any of the arts there it's just like we should get rid of art you love it so much and so do i that's why i'm here in this class that you're teaching that's why i'm here watching this but i hate you so what gives you love this art form i love this art form that's why we're both here you're expressing your love for this art form but i hate you it's confusing is it yeah it is confusing it's a little confusing but you know what let that guy love it let that guy love it he's got a great life you know um and that's

what's up that's yet to be seen yeah uh what the frick uh it's may 28th today is a men true menstrual menstrual hygiene day okay so that means wash out your stuff wash out your okay and tomorrow is memorial day so it's like you know that's too that's more bang for your buck there you know yeah it's a big one clean out your he who and then also be in memoriam well about the soldiers right yeah don't be in memoriam because then you will be don't be a memoriam someone who's dead yeah so but you can sign up for the patreon patreon.com slash lifeline luxury and that means that june 4th sign up now and you get the rip-roaring episodes uh for the patreon and um you can go to chrislea.com also.

I am on tour. I will be in Tucson coming up, Pueblo, Colorado, Colorado Springs, Charlotte, North Carolina, Knoxville, Nashville, a bunch of different places. So I'm going to be in Canada. Go to chrislea.com and get them tickets.

And you got a merch. We got the merch, Lifeline merch, lifelinemerch.com. Get it, wear it, love it, go to bed with it, kiss it, share it, make everybody you know buy one. Worst QVC guy. If you want a one-on-one session with your boy, baby, baby, pimping, pimping, booyah, booyah,

and booyah, I'll make your life better, make those appointments at MattDeLea.com. Okay, cool. You can also hit the hotline, 213-973-8095, or go to WatchTheLifeline.com to send in a video. Anyway. How about how you say 8095, and it sounded so messed up that no one's going to know the number?

8095, 8095. The hotline number is 213-973-8095. But the truth is we would rather have people send in a video, so whoopsie, so it's okay. Okay, well. So there we go. So you made it. Now you made it, so more people are going to call the hotline and not people gonna call the hotline not to be wow congratulations never wrong a guy who's never

allowed to admit he's wrong god only knows how i dream about and then it goes you so it goes god only knows what i and then it has a beautiful dream about you right wow uh yeah okay that's correct um did you know? Yep. Probably. That I'm... That's what you're going to say? Playing guitar? That I'm roided out today? Roided?

Today I'm roided out. Yeah. Okay. Corduroyed in. Yeah. You don't mean... You know what I'm talking about? Corduroy.

You have too much corduroy on. Corduroy. Corduroy. Okay. Corduroy. I've pretty much seen a homeless guy do exactly what you did. So, yeah. So, all right. Well, you got corduroy on. I'm a corduroy guy. And you love corduroy, don't much seen a homeless guy do exactly what you did um so yeah so all right well you got corduroy on i'm a corduroy guy corduroy don't you corduroy yeah you don't you don't wear jeans okay i don't wear jeans but i've begun to wear at least other

things on my legs than corduroy pants so you used to only wear corduroys correct now you wear shorts it could be 105 degrees i would wear corduroy pants not shorts right i'm still want to do that however it's just sometimes i'm getting older i get too hot yeah i can't handle it so i put on like a pair of really big baggy shorts like it's 1998 and you like that because because it feels good because they'll breeze right no it's just i guess yeah if there is a breeze but it's lighter, your legs don't feel like they're going to melt, etc., etc. Do you ever get shorts on and breeze goes on and it hits right in between your nuggets and legs, that little area on either side and get the air in there and then you literally go like this. Oh. You talking about the grundle

no okay the grundle is where i imagined it when you said it so whatever that's under your yeah yeah i'm talking about not nuggets leg oh i know what you're talking about yeah yeah i don't actually don't do that but okay i understand if you do but yeah because it's to each their own teach their own. Teach their own. Teach zone. Teacher zone. Teacher zone. Teacher zone.

Would be a movie with Harrison Ford in 1999. Welcome to the teacher zone. The teacher zone would be a movie with Harrison Ford in 1999. Are you saying the teacher's own? The teacher's own. That would be. Would. And then the teacher zone would be with Christopher Walken.

Okay, but you know. It would be a horror movie. The Devil's Zone is a movie with Harrison Ford. And that's why I said it. So I'm good with that. I'm good like that. I'm good with movies likeen. Okay, but you know The Devil's Zone is a movie with Harrison Ford. And that's why I said it. So I'm good with that. I'm good like that. I'm good with movies like that. Okay, great.

I don't even know. What? I don't think so, no. I think you were thinking of The Devil's Zone, so therefore you said The Teacher's Zone starring Harrison Ford. What? Wow. Wow, I hate that.

Yeah, dude, I said that because of that. Because I would hate it? No, I said that because of the devil's own. Oh, yeah, okay, yeah. All right, so anyway, I saw our buddy David Sullivan in the show Fatal Attraction. I saw it. How is the show? The show was bad in the beginning, and then it got good.

So now— And I'll tell you what, David's only in the beginning. It's not because of that. I think it might be. No, I think what he did is he laid the groundwork that you had to. And then the show got good and it was because of him. But he's got a big head and he's fat. He's got a really big head.

But here's the deal. I watched that. I also watched that movie last night. Oh, dude. I watched a movie called Rogue Agent. What is that? It shouldn't have been called that. No shit. I watched it because I liked

the guy actor on it and the female actor on it as well. Who are those people who I bet are bad actors? Gemma Arterton. She's great. Yeah, she's good. And then the guy in it is James Norton's regular yeah she's good and then the guy in it is james norton's regular who's that it's a great movie they're great jemma what is she from she's just a nothing specific

she's just like a good english another good show and i can't think of what the heck it was and i'm pissed must have been great this is way better than i thought it would be it's about a real guy who uh was pretended that he was an mi5 uh irish uh spy and he was just basically manipulating everyone and just saying he was a spy he was like trust me i'm a spy just do what i say and did he like his real guy robert brainwash a couple women yes you know i know about this guy yeah yeah that's so nuts how nuts when you hear a story like that yeah i'm just like who are these people that believe this stuff you hear stories like this all the time though yeah and i thought about how if i was trying to pretend i was a spy how it would never because i was watching with chris and then afterwards i said

you know i'm a spy right and she said no you're not i said yes i am i started as a spy and i went undercover as a comedian. It just turns out I got really good. And now I kind of do it and make a lot of money doing it. But I'm still a spy. Okay. And you're. And I have missions to do.

But she didn't believe you? Uh-uh. No, Kristen did not believe me. I think I got her too late, right? Yeah. If I told her in the beginning, maybe it would have worked. Yeah. Unless you're like a really good spy.

But we're six years in. We have two kids. Yeah. But have you seen True Lies? Yeah. He does that. Well, she doesn't know he's a spy exactly that's different but when he imagine he sat down and told her she'd be like that you're not serious you're not a spy right but that couldn't be more of an opposite movie than what i said because that's literally about the opposite of that

i'm saying you can keep it secret for as long as arnold did now i get it now i get it so it's like god only knows and then the beautiful what i see with that and then here it comes we're bringing it home without you okay interesting yeah pretty interesting okay cool well so i'm not a spy dude i know that joke's on you guys i absolutely know that when i was a kid i wanted like real spy remember spy tech yeah and i wanted all the with the fingerprints oh yeah and the laser and the and the hearing one yes the thing on you could actually hear people from so those things exist you can from far away you can zone in just like a long lens on a camera and get the sound waves from like someone talking super far away yep and i want that so bad i would do that to my neighbors all

day all day every day i would never come here i would never leave the house i would never do anything with my time except listening to the conversations of people who live near me voyeur listen to your neighbors every day that how enjoyable would that be to know what everyone's talking about i don't care i don't think i would like that okay honestly you're a loser i'm not a loser oh yeah it's much more of a loser to be in behind your thing like you know that's cool you control you have all the power you can hear everybody you don't have any power you're just listening what if they said hey remember when i killed somebody it's the worst killer dude hey remember when i killed somebody no hey remember how we killed

that person and we buried the body at so-and-so fairfax and behind the el pollo loco oh man you know what i'm kind of hungry man let's go get let's go get a six piece dude i will get the uh meal with the rice and beans and just, sir, there's blood all over you. What? Oh, shit. So anyway, I watch a lot of great shit on TV. All right, man. What do you do?

We're segue of all time. Do you? No, I don't watch TV. The only show I'm watching right now. So I'm better than you in that room. And I'm surprised I haven't finished it because I like it a lot. And it's done. It's Servant.

That's the only show that's current. And even that's over. So I don't watch anything. I didn't watch the because I like it a lot and it's done, is Servant. That's the only show that's correct. I didn't watch the last season. And even that's over, so I don't watch anything. I didn't watch the last season. All right. Well, you watched all three of the first seasons? Servant. Oh.

Dude, I watch great TV. You know who's the best actress on TV? Well, now it's over. Lauren Ambrose is so good in that show. Who's that? She's the mom. I can't remember who it is. The red hair. She was in Six Feet Under. She's that? She's the mom. I can't remember who it is. The red hair.

She was in Six Feet Under. She's in so much shit. Oh, you like her, huh? Yeah, she's so crazy in that show. Yeah. She gets more and more and more crazy. Yeah. It starts out and she's already insane.

It's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to watch that. We got to watch that last season, huh? Wow. What's so boring, you know? Yeah, you got to watch that last season. We got to... Dude, so I'm dressing cute. What's so boring, you know? Yeah, you got to watch that last season. We got to, you know.

Dude, so I'm dressing cute. What the fuck? That's cute? I'm dressing cute. I walked out of the house today and Kristen was like, you're really dressing a lot cuter nowadays. And I was like, what? That's a good thing to wear, what you're wearing right now.

I can't always say that and be honest. God only knows what I dream. And then really bring it home. What about? Not the words. God only knows what I dream and then and then really wow not about not the words god only knows what i dream you know dude so i've just been killing it just rip roaring you know wow but um so anyway with the clothes you've been killing this i don't know man you want to go and do a thing let's do a thing okay let's do a thing oh we've seen this guy hello matt and chris one kid harrington uh this is the update

for the friend on facebook who was getting threatened for money after he oh yeah this person random person um so he took your advice so much hair under chicken with this person told them i'm not gonna pay you anymore go ahead and share the news and they did um they did share his nudes with his entire friends list so friends family everyone uh everyone there saw his wiener real nice um but i guess i should have given some context in the last video his parents are really religious uh strict religious background could have used that still lives with them could have used it and unfortunately they did not take too kindly of this whole situation and they kicked him out of their house oh that's horrible and they actually disowned him as well he's not serious so you know he didn't lose any more money but now he doesn't have a place to live and he needs to rekindle his

relationship with his parents so no he doesn't any advice would be appreciated no he doesn't have a place to live and he needs to rekindle his relationship with his parents. No, he doesn't. Any advice would be appreciated. No, he doesn't. Don't feel too bad. I would have given him the same advice. Yeah, yeah. I still would have given him that advice. He wants to pay that money.

Anyway, thanks. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Just real quick. Your parents, that guy, not Kid Harrington, but kid harrington's friend's parents yeah are terrible people yeah okay those people are terrible people and he doesn't need to make amends with his parents because they are terrible people you know what they need to do is make amends with him yeah he's already down dude he's already down on the he's on the mat flat on his back and his parents are like get out

we disown you he's already got his dick all over town yeah he's he's he's doing bad enough dude how about this dude send this to the guy because it's that's brutal man you're uh i i feel really i feel for you and uh you're gonna get through it and that's horrible man and and i hate this that this happened but also i will tell you this much as much as it sucks you're yeah your parents need to make amends to you this is not your you know you did a bonehead thing of course it's silly and stupid but yeah and that's it that's it that's where it stops dude i cannot could you i cannot imagine what my sons you i mean this is you're there that's an awful thing to do for a parent that is so crazy i can't believe how much religion ruins shit like that you know and i'm not saying all religion is bad or whatever i'm just saying that's horrible

when somebody's that that way about religion. When you stick to whatever supposed tenets of the religion or anything really, but in this case religion, so much that you not only kick your own offspring out of the house but disown them for being a little bit of a horndog? Yeah. And sending – like thinking – obviously he got dupeded he's not just going out there putting that right right blast and the context matters you know damn he thought he met someone that he could trust that was dumb but he did like what is that even like what is what's even the reason what is the reason do you think it's why is it just like the family shame that would be the worst possible reason it's not even a shameful thing really like he's sinned and they can't have a sinner and i have no idea dude i don't know i'm not religious but this is why people with religion this is why

people this is why religion gets a bad name this is why yeah i mean there are many reasons but i mean there are many reasons but these people are the people that give religion a bad name dude it's all about what happened to forgiveness the kids got fucking booted out of his house also i mean he need that right now is when you would imagine that he needs you the most needs you the most and needs people support the most how why it's just you know what it is and this makes me even more mad they're probably so like ashamed of their son and it's like a social thing yeah it's not even like and they've got from they've got demons too by the way if that's the way they're oh dude i mean god no god only knows and then we beautifully bring it back what i dream about you

that's when you really bring it home but well but fuck yeah dude god knows god knows god knows dude god's bo jackson in this bitch your? Your parents are going to hell for that. H-E double hockey sticks. Send this to their parents. Dude, your parents are going to- Kit Harington, send this to your friend's parents. Mom and dad. So convoluted.

Mom and dad, both of you are going to hell. H-E double hockey sticks. And I can't wait until you burn in hell. Okay, well. Okay? You'll be screaming my name, begging me to come get you. They'll say Matt D'Elia. And I'm not coming to get you.

So convoluted, everything. Everything got so convoluted. I'm absolutely not coming to get you. Okay. I mean, talking about Kit Harington, being in hell, and people who don't know you screaming out your name. All right. Well, I feel strongly about it. Yeah, I feel strongly about it.

Hi, Chris. Hi, Matt. Love you guys so much. Chris, I've been a true baby Yeah, I feel strongly about it. Hi, Matt. Love you guys so much. Chris, I've been a true baby since the beginning. Nice. I've seen you three times. Oh, wow. One in Nashville, one in Atlanta, one in Savannah, I think.

Stalker. Oh, yeah. Anyway, my question is – I'll be in Nashville soon. Well, it has to do with my bosses. Okay. So they're British. I thought you said boss.

Me too. I thought this was very fitting because of last week's episode. They're from England. Okay. Hello. And one of them lives here. One of you said Balsa. I thought this was very fitting because of last week's episode. They're from England. Okay. Hello. And one of them lives here. One of them lives in England. Okay.

But they are always talking shit about Americans. And it's funny sometimes. And sometimes it's just like really annoying because sometimes it seems like they really mean it and they're not joking. Oh, damn. And anyway, obviously, I'm American. Yeah. That's a bit weird then. times it seems like they really mean it and they're not joking and um anyway obviously i'm american yeah so weird then i just don't know should i laugh should i say something um what do you think about this how should i handle this it's just annoying and so rude yeah um i love you guys bye i mean if i was you I would unload all of my true feelings

about the English. You're like, oh, we got better teeth though, don't we? They would be in tears by the time I was through with them because I got a long list. While they're doing it, just go like this.

Oh, hello, I'm British. Oh, hello. That's you. Yeah, right. That would be great, actually. But the truth is, if they're English, specifically English, then you got plenty to throw back in their face, especially right now. Keep saying that, but you're not saying it.

No, no. I'm saying in actuality, you do. Okay, go ahead. So what I'm saying is if you really want to get down and dirty in the mud, dragging them down in the dirt that has water in it that is now mud still have not said anything uh get muddy and dirty all over the place and throwing it at each other okay you have a bottomless well of shit you can say not saying the things like what oh oh oh oh well i'm just saying you can say so many things right now they

did the biggest fucking bonehead thing in the world if you want to nasty and dirty on yes dude on brexit unbelievable okay now we're getting somewhere but you don't want to do serious stuff like that you want to well you know about brexit okay well google brexit well how about that you know how bad it has been for your country okay google it i was just saying i thought i don't fucking understand that well i guess what i'm saying is it depends if they're if they're jokes just saying hello traffic you don't have to bring that shit up are actually offensive yeah or if they're just like dumb jokes if they're dumb jokes just laugh and be like whatever they're your bosses there's no reason to jokes. If they're dumb jokes, just laugh and be like, whatever. They're your bosses. There's no reason to confront them.

If they're saying actually, I can't imagine what it would be if it was actually terrible about Americans. Like, whatever. Could you come in here? So I just want you to know America is for fucking troglodytes. You're a piece of shit. You can't escape America. You're dumber than me because i'm from britain you're a piece of shit you're ugly and i'm better well i mean if that was it definitely laugh if he does

that definitely laugh in his face oh shit um yeah i don't know she needs to send another video and tell us what they're yeah like how bad is it because my instinct is to say do what you first said which is just to laugh it off because who cares if they're offending you specifically that's a different story but if they're just talking about everybody talks shit about americans including americans like right it's a thing you're gonna deal with in the world not me though learn to let it roll off your back america wow america trey parker you can't sing amer America like that without Just straight up Trey Parker You know what I mean So it's not even But yeah

Piss It's all good It's all good But yeah dude I bleed You know These colors don't run And I bleed red white and blue

So Wow Yeah White and blue I bleed White Red and blue Red white and blue

And stars Sometimes That's so Stars come out Sounds so bad for your health I scraped my knee And some stars came out the other day well i scraped my knee no stars came out okay well on a fire hydrant you did yeah whoa seems like there shouldn't be fire hydrants anymore like they should be able to figure out a way to do it with an app right you know what i mean yeah 2023 we got fucking big ass red fire hydrants sticking

out of the ground like fucking like the size of my cock this one was yellow so blended in with the sidewalk right so that was so it tried to hurt me i'm gonna sue i'm gonna sue hi chris and matt my name is michelle i'm a huge fan oh yeah um so i have this friend who is joining a roller derby team and she after she finishes training she needs help coming up with a roller derby name. And she asked me to help, but I have no idea what her name should be. Some of the names that other people have are like Thunder Snatch or like Ghostly Dave, you know, weird, weird, random names. So I just wanted to know what her roller derby name should be. And if you were on a roller derby team,

what would your weird, slightly inappropriate roller derby name be? Oh, it's a team name? Chris, you should totally come to Wilmington, North Carolina. I think you would really enjoy it. I'll be in Charlotte. Thank you.

I'm confused. If this is their name, as in they get an alias because it's fun or is it the team's name? No. She wants to come up with a name for her.

Okay, cool. That's cooler then. Team names doesn't matter. Thundersnatch she said? What I like is like the way they do it with like drag names. It's like

or stripper names. It's like it's like or porn names too. It's like a the pun it's like a phrase or a too. It's like a pun. It's like a phrase or a word.

Thundersnatch? But Thundersnatch would not count. Okay. You know? I guess I don't know. But what's like a... What? Oh, what is that? He's doing chat chippy cheese for the word with every name.

But what are you trying to say? Like, why am I blanking on what these actually are but you're uh like uh it's like a large like a first name and a last name together okay it's like a pun in in like like matthew cox but like like a lot of cox my cock my cock right yeah that kind of stuff yeah um but for roller derby it's like you want to lean into like the tough thing yeah so it depends on what her name like what maybe build it around her name i might honestly just be huge cock wow and here comes huge cock smashing into ghostly dave oh no he smashed in a ghostly dave a huge cock just that's what i would do because then it would like the way the announcer would do it he would have to say it like against the other person oh no

massive huge cock slammed into thundersnatch they'd probably avoid terminology like not if it was c-o-h-c what are you saying c-o-h-c that's how i spell it so they have to say it it's not cock wow oh i see what you're saying there you go it's like loch ness monster cock ness monster cock ness monster you know that's a good one that's a great one cock ness monster there you go miles long miles long there you go but it's a female it's her friend is a female but no they also asked what ours would be oh okay ours would be mine would be yeah uh what i said and then for a female um i don't know like uh fire hydrant would be cool if you're a redhead like uh like something like that like or um or flappy titties you know would be cool oh wow dude that may be a bad one

um there's something i'm trying to think of hang on one second okay this is what you just take six sales fees and put it back in just trying something i'm thinking over um yeah i i uh i don't know i think that that would be a good those would be good ones um what i said here we go here we go they got one here they chat gpt is making them here we go thunder thighs vixen velocity femme fury that's a good one oh like fanny pack there we go okay there we go valkyrie vengeance dude uh savage sisters hell on wheels these are good derby divas riot rollers queen city crushers dynamo dolls yeah pretty good i mean they're they're good though for chat gpt to just whip

that up real quick wow chat gpt is very woke though they're woke it won't let you do anything dude how could you have an ai that's woke they just click that's not that's not artificial that's not intelligence they just design it more and more so that it doesn't offend people. What they're struggling with now in AI is like there was a period where you could learn how to make bombs. Right, right, right. I get that. But then they've included words that are going to maybe offend people. It starts out as a good idea, obviously. And then just as obviously, it very quickly turns into a bad idea

you don't want people making bobs but then also they should be able to say well you should be able to have it say shit or fuck you can't even do that oh really yeah yeah oh that's bad man that is just the devolvement of society i think it should be you know and it's like america especially i think it should be specifically your name and then a play on words. Like for Chris, it could be like, Chris goes piss. Chris piss. Garbage pail kid. Piss, yeah.

Awful, awful. Chris piss. Or like Matt, in my case, Matt, Fat Matt. That's cool, but you're not fat. Would that make it better or worse? Well, that's a really bad example because I would never use Fat Matt. Okay. Matt the cool cat. Remember when would never use fat matt but uh matt the cool cat remember when matt mommy's call you a magical cat but mommy's going to mat this stat because

you know all the stats in a baseball shit and that was that wasn't very creative honestly wow i didn't like that why didn't you like that because you didn't know that much no i know why because it wasn't about you i mean absolutely why that might be 15 of it but the whole 85 of it is i could look at baseball cards too and memorize them i just didn't want to but that means nothing the part that you said at the end it means nothing chris the stat because if you did if you didn't if you didn't do it i didn't do it then it doesn't none of the things you said okay so why don't you call me chris funny guy or something because you weren't that funny i was funny as shit yes i was and i am no yes because you weren't that funny. I was funny as shit. Yes, I was. And I am. No, no.

Yes, I am. Because you weren't that funny. Booyah, booyah, and booyah. Okay. All right. All right. All right. That's stupid.

Did you see the people with the booyah, booyah, booyah tattoos? We're going to put it up. People got the booyah, booyah, booyah tattoos. Oh. If you really- No, I didn't push about it. If you really love me, you guys would all get booyah, booyah, booyah tattoos. Well, you know what you started.

If you don't love me and want only strife for my family- Strife. And everything I care about for the rest of my life my time on wrapping then go ahead and don't get a booyah booyah booyah tattoo so uh man i you know how many fucking life rips thing i sign on people's arms and they go get the tattoos the next day you're not on tour so what do you mean though people say can you write life rips i'm gonna get a tattoo the next day. Oh, wow. Yep. Wow.

So you don't go on tour though. So you're not going to have to do that. So that's actually cool to say because now you don't have to do the work. Oh, yeah. Wow. I mean, Gene Hackman. Oh, man, that's interesting. Wow.

Okay. That's what I do now. That's okay. When someone's like telling me something crazy, I go, oh, wow. Is that true? Oh, my God. I can't even believe it. Oh, wow. Wow.

So I do at the end. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. All right. Okay. How come Chino? The most regular guy in the world. Chris.

Andrew here from Windsor, Ontario. I have kind of a weird question for you guys today. And you probably have no idea, but let's see what happens we don't yet uh so i work for the city uh at the arena oh yeah and we have a guy who has special needs or down syndrome per se and nicest guy ever right don't mind hanging out with him at work but somebody gave him my cell phone number and now he just won't leave me alone i know how i would handle it to hang out and tell me we're best friends which hey like he's an awesome guy right yeah no problem at all with him you just don't want to hang out with anyone that much every day oh wow hey now he's trying

to get a hold of me and without being me i just not sure what to do i know what to do not sure if you guys have any advice or just want to make fun of it but no i don't appreciate both yeah and i don't either i would never make fun of this what i would do is be that guy's best friend even more than he wants to be my best friend and seriously i i would actually i you know i would hang out with that guy yeah you would but that's not the advice you want he's in a position where he doesn't want it to be happening look within yourself and you might you might want to yeah i would become that guy's best friend he would be so annoyed with me by the end of the week you would be like i don't actually know you know well relax well no but i mean i'm not trying to be a dick but like come on dude you

know they don't that you can do an impression of someone who has special needs and it's not racist well it's not racist ever or prejudice talking anyway is racist you know what up b or whatever wow you know what i'm saying i'm just saying and i don't want everything together and trying to fucking no shitty about all i'm just saying you can you can do an impression of somebody who has that thing whatever you want to call it a certain way yes you can do an impression of their voice okay well they either sound like that or they sound like uh hello uh oh god you know like they sound like old english people in the 30s they sound something they don't just sound okay what's up dude want to hang okay okay and i'm not trying to be anyway right but it's we all know it

anyway moving on from that uh in a week they would be like i don't know okay but just because you're gonna do my own thing he's not asking okay but that's what i would the best way to handle it in the if you're you want him to stop calling you go full-on let's have a family with the dude you know what i mean no no what you do is you you're what you do is what you would do with anybody special needs or not you go up to him and you're like hey man uh i don't know how you got my number but like go ahead and i'm the guy i wasn't doing this to you i'm the guy but you know i'm a pretty private person and like i'm kind of like maxed out right now in terms of

my time i don't really have time to talk or hang but like you know i'm down to talk to you here like we always have be friends this way but like you know i it's just to talk to you here like we always have, be friends this way, but like, you know, it's not really going to work out if you don't mind stop calling me all the time. Let's go car shopping tomorrow. That's how that would work. Well, if that's how that would work, then you need to be a little bit meaner, because that's someone who's not listening to you. But like, you have to treat the person like you would anyone at first. And that doesn't work then you reassess but what he's doing is he's giving like too much extra like oh no what do i do just because the guy has special needs like start out by doing what you would do to anybody you would think it was like

off-putting and you would nicely go up to that person be like hey i i don't know where we got like i don't know why you whatever you know you do things do it you know right like hey i i don't know where we got like i don't know why you whatever however you do things do it you know right uh but yeah i don't think you need to be like ah shit oh no oh no just because he happens to be someone with special needs you know in all seriousness you could also talk to his parents or whatever if that's an option yeah if it's an option sure or like a sibling yeah hey i feel bad i don't know what to do you know because yeah that that's serious yeah right right and i don't want to disappoint the guy you know right because it's true i make a lot of jokes but that's probably how i would handle it yeah yeah or block them

and anytime the first time you see them bring handcuffs and handcuff them chain them to the nearest thing that won't move okay well you know oh the worst idea the first one is best got mad at me for making fun of them if you need to do the handcuffs thing talk about imprisoning the guy um i actually would hang out with the guy you know i know that yeah i would actually hang out with the guy because i would enjoy it and have fun because i like to hang out with whoever that's bad advice as long as as long as i don't want the only kind of person i don't want to hang out with is somebody who thinks that they're too cool that's the only kind of person i don't want... The only kind of person I don't want to hang out with is somebody who thinks that they're too cool. That's the only kind of person I don't want to hang out with.

Otherwise, I love it. What are you talking about? I mean... If that's what too cool is. Yeah. I do know that you would, but that's, again, what a surprise, Chris,

once again, making the whole thing only about him. Well... Interesting. You know, it's my podcast. Alright, yeah. You're welcome, bro.

That's what you do, guy. The shit. Oh, wow. Hey, Chris. Hey, Matt. This is Ryan. I'm Leah. Oh, cut it together. Big fans. Long time fans. Loved. Matt D'Elia is confused. But congratulations, listeners, for a long time.

We've got a question. Both of us have siblings with children that are a few years older. What is your opinion when you see parents doing something with their children that you want to tell them, like, this is going to mess the kid up or this is setting a bad precedent or maybe reinforcing negative behavior or giving

them something when they whine. I'm sure you both have some interesting opinions, Chris, because you've obviously got the two kids. Congratulations on that. Matt, as an uncle, maybe there's something that you see Chris in opinions, Chris, because you've obviously got the two kids. Congratulations on that. Thank you. Matt, as an uncle, maybe there's something that you see Chris and Kristen do that you want to speak up.

Yeah, you know what? Keep our mouths shut. Should we speak up and be like, hey, this is going to mess the kid up? What are your thoughts? Okay. It's tough. It's so hard. You've got to let people parent their own kids but yeah i mean there is if you see something like uh gratuitous like you could maybe be like do you ever wonder

that when when you do that if that if this would happen because if i was a parent i don't know that might that might is that something that you think about or i read this thing you know imagine even saying that i know i know i There's really no good way to say it. People are, I mean, I'm sure you know your siblings, both of you know your siblings very well, better than I possibly. I don't even like when my wife does it to me. Right. But that's what I was going to say.

People get so touchy and sensitive about this kind of shit, more than any other kind of thing. If you start even getting close to telling people how to parent yeah it's even like a thing like you don't tell me how to raise my kids yeah it's like almost an expression in america at this point yeah you know i mean like everybody's so like i know what i'm doing you know and it's just like those people need to relax but the reality is they're not gonna so i would almost never do I recommend this, but I actually think I might in this case.

Leave it alone. No touchy, no touchy touchy. No touchy touchy, leave alone. Leave alone, no touchy touchy. What is that from? I made it up. That's the stupidest thing. Do you think so?

I think it's gonna stick in people's minds, so I think it's great. No touchy touchy, no touchy touchy no touchy touchy leave alone leave alone a japanese teacher no like i'm talking to kids a japanese children's teacher yeah that would be like something that gets played over and over again in like a 90s dance hall song yeah yeah yeah don't need no short short don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't ain't no short short man you know it really is all right you know who that yeah of course you know who that artist is the artist's name is gillette okay

she's a woman obviously uh there's a on youtube i mean it's so weird that i know this there's a really underseen video of of Gillette playing, I think she's in Peru for like a Peruvian TV show. It's some places, some Latin country. I'm not quite sure where it is. Sounds like it's right up my alley. But like, there's like 12-year-olds just like going crazy. And she's just like, don't want no short dick, man. Don't want, don't want, don't want no short dick, man.

And she's got like a raiders jersey on and it's just like might be panama it's i forget which country it is wow but find it wherever it is it's great bad right i watched the whole thing at least 10 times that's too much huh brazil there Dude, look at that! There are kids in the crowd. Only kids. Dude, zero talent, you know? Also, lip syncing. It's literally just...

She said it once, and they're just... Okay, well, we're we're gonna get demonetized for this don't want no short dick man shrivel little short dick so gross 10 year old dude shrivel short dick man dude shriveled rude Rude. All right, enough of this, you know? This song is so rude. I know. Like, that's so shitty. Don't want no short dick, man. You got bad breath. You got bad style.

You are just awful. Don't want no short dick, man. Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly. Weird nose. Don't, don't, don't. Yellow teeth, yellow teeth. You always smell like shit. Dude.

Just so bad, dude. For you young kids out there watching, that song was huge, dude. Humongous. Radio smash hit always on the radio. It was so big, the opposite of short. It was always short, short man on the radio. On the radio. So, like, just changed the whole lyrics.

They made it about height. Even worse. Don't want no short, short guy. Even worse, dude. Don't want someone below average height. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Can't grab the, can't grab the, can't grab the stuff on the high shelf.

Need a stool. Need a stool. Oh, fuck. He probably talks like this. Dorf, Dorf, Dorf is his idol oh man alright that is actually worse, that's hilarious there's nothing you would laugh at more than that

that's very true alright, yeah I forget what was the question what the question was i forget everything about it oh i don't even know what the person was it was the couple come on the ones that made a movie uh okay best editing goes to it was for sure the people who directed it also directed another earth that one sunday's 2006 so don't tell them anything so the one thing is don't don't don't don't don't touchy touchy touchy no touchy touchy don't tell them anything uh yeah be really

careful be really careful and just maybe don't you have each other like you can talk you guys can talk about it endlessly and get your shit out to each other about one another's siblings. And that's super healthy for you guys to talk about it amongst yourselves. And I'm not saying absolutely do not. It might be better if you did. But it's such a huge risk to take. People are just absolutely mental about their children and mean you could try it once and then see if they take to it well if they don't never ever ever ever do it again to that person you're taking a big risk even if you're

taking a big risk you're taking a big risk risk um i don't know man that's a fucking weird thing huh people get crazy question though good question it's a really good question because it's a hard hard hard question all right just remember though remember, though. Just remember, though. No touchy, no touchy, no touchy. Okay. Hey, Matt and Chris. I want to know how you guys feel about eating outside when you go out to eat, eating on the patio or whatever. You came with the right people.

I hate it. My wife loves it. You came to the right people. I hate it. My wife loves it. The reason I hate it is because, well, one out of every 150 days, it's good to eat outside. It's the perfect temperature because there's no wind blowing everything around. The sun isn't fucking beating in my eyes and distracting me. That's great.

Our car is zooming by, making loud noises. So maybe one out of every 150 days, it's really nice to eat outside. But the other 149 days, eating inside is as nice as you're going to get. One every 200 days. I'm interested to hear what you guys have to say because you're in California, so the weather is pretty much always nice. And yet, we were in Texas for a long time, and now we're in Kansas City. And usually, eating inside is the best option.

That's definitely true. I want to know how you guys feel. Thanks. I got two things to say about this. It almost makes you wonder if he's heard you or I speak about this before. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I feel like he did it for us because he knows. Yeah.

We don't like eating outside. Yeah. And we don't like eating outside because of the temperature thing It's usually too sunny or too cold Or something The loud wind will ruin A lot of things But here's the fucking real thing about eating outside

Food tastes different outside Stupid guy thing to say No it fucking tastes different Dude You grow up eating inside you get used to the air inside you open your mouth the air goes inside you eat the shit the air and the food mix and you get used to that taste you go outside and you eat the same thing you get the outside breeze in your mouth and you eat it with the outside breeze and it tastes different not what you're

used to and not as good and and and that's that you completely made that up no i've always been thinking that utterly not a thing though nope whether you've thought that a long time or not it's mondo wrong it's not mondo wrong it's completely mondo wrong all right well the thing is there are too many comments do do foods eat taste different outside okay but what it is is that so many elements are out of control. I don't mean like, oh, so chaotic. I just mean it's not a control. It's not.

Arr, arr. Arr, arr. Oh, animals keep shitting on me. Different ones. It's not a controlled environment like inside is. You can control the environment inside but not outside wind bugs bugs are the worst part you didn't even mention bugs dude flies you how many times are you eating outside going like this

yeah it's like it's like the whole thing yeah bugs come yeah because it's free fucking food for them here's why i don't like eating outside i don't want to share my food with bugs yep you're eating it and i'm gonna if i eat outside yeah you can't help it and they lay eggs in your food and you eat them and then the flies are born in your mouth and your families of flies inside your body if you eat outside your families of flies in your body so that's great and then as they grow your life ends and eight huge bugs fly out. Wow. And look what you've done. Seen so much John Carpenter movies.

Look what you've done. Who's the guy that did The Fly? To the world. David Cronenberg. David Cronenberg is what I meant. Oh, okay. David Cronenberg is what I meant, not John Carpenter. It's a better thing to mean because it makes more sense.

I know. I know what I meant. Good correction. So it's fine. All right. Once again, forgot what the question was. Yeah, I don't remember. Eating outside.

Oh, yeah. No. So. You're so right. It's not for me for me and dude it's something that people always want to do because they think it's a good idea and then they don't realize when they're doing it that it wasn't a good idea because they just are they're hooked on the idea of it but here's something that you don't understand i figured it out here's something that you don't understand i do understand it probably you're not always right because other people who aren't you like to do other things so your biggest mistake and this is what makes you an idiot right is that you think everyone is just like you

and if they deviate if they deviate from it in any other way. They're like, there's a reason why. Long story short, you're dumb. No. Yeah. Dude, no. Yep. You know what? No.

I disagree with that. No, it's just true. And most people do. This is a fact of life. You're dumb. Yeah. I quit. I quit. I quit, Mr. White. There's still a dog on me. Mr. Who? Mr. White, yeah. Oh. Isn't it Mr. White? Yeah, I quit Mr. White

There's still a dog on me Mr. Who? Mr. White yeah Oh Isn't it Mr. White? Yeah it's Mr. White I quit Mr. White I quit

How much is that The worst acting But the best acting Yeah You know what I mean? Yep Thank you Jonathan Shake

How do you say that guy's name dude? Shaq? Shake? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq?

Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq?

Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq?

Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq?

Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq?

Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Shaq? Jack, shake, shake your body, shake your body. So many songs in this episode. All right, you want to do another one? Yeah. Okay, cool.

He's not ready though, right? What? Another one. Oh, we said what? In the game. Just play golf, no doubt. Yeah. So I'm a probation officer for my county.

Hell yeah. Usually when people come see me, they're not the happiest. Right, yeah. So I was wondering if either of y'all had any kind of one-liners any jokes that i could use to kind of relieve some of that tension during our meetings uh matt you're funny as hell man uh chris i'll be coming to see you at the altria theater in richmond hell yeah hell yeah and i can't wait for the show, man. Oh, good. See y'all. I think the joke to make is specifically about what you're calling in about,

which is that like everybody who comes to see you is so miserable. So you either make a joke about how you're miserable too, or you make, or the joke is about how much fun they're

expecting this to be. You know, like tampering down their high expectations. Like, I know you're excited to be here, but like something like that. Like a conversational, not like a joke joke, though. Why did the chicken cross the road? A Jew walks into a bar. Wow, wow, wow. I mean, you know, I don't know how it would end, but probably not racist, so it's okay.

I thought, oh, those were two separate beginnings of jokes yeah i thought you're saying why does the chicken cross the road and then the thing about oh no the jew okay bad chickens love you well it's bad anyway so that would be bad is implicit okay okay okay um chickens but whoa what was that oh yeah he's being bad as a joke um watching tiktok on while we're shooting i don't want you to think i don't want you to like make a joke to these people because they'll sniff that out they'll be like oh this is a joke he says to everybody yeah but if you make it a conversational thing what the reason they're acting like that is because they think you're going to be a huge fucking asshole yep and ruin their lives for the next amount of however long

they're on probation for yeah so at least signal at the outset right that that might not be the case so i bet you that goes a really long yeah true and here's go you either do that or you go full-on dick mode and this way it's so silly and that they understand so it can go two ways we can either do this and my sunglasses stay on the whole time or they might come off. But what I'm telling you right now is don't make me take off my sunglasses. Where you been the past day? But they wouldn't laugh because they'd be too... It's too much of a risk to be like,

this guy's kidding. Okay, now check this out. You take the sunglasses off after that and you do some kind of weird thing or you paint the eyeballs. No, you have the eyeball slinky thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

You're going to make me take these off. I'm going to take these off. You take them off. And you're like, all right, now that's just a little joke for you. Now let's get down to business. Where have you been the past day? No, let's get down to business. And then you sit down.

There's a whoopee cushion under your butt. That's another joke for you. And then you say, okay, now, just kidding. That was a whoopee cushion. Where have you been the last day? No, just kidding. Now, where have you been the last month? Let me see your ankle bracelet.

All right, cool. Let me download that info. All right, cool. Yeah, we're good. Very good, man. Yeah, I think at the beginning, make it – I mean, this is hard to do, but as much as you can at the outset, put you together in league in some way, even if it's a complete joke. But put yourself – put him in your boat or make it seem like you together in league in some way even if it's a complete joke but like put yourself

put him in your boat or make it seem like you're in his about this shit like you guys are going to do this together even though i know you think this is going to suck or whatever whatever whatever you know uh but the other question is then are they ever not going to be super upset and scared to be there probably not so you might you're this is an uphill climb so whatever you do might not work no matter what because these are people on probation you know they see you as the man and their enemy uh yeah i know i know i'm the enemy well just know i could easily be in your shoes if i did some fucking heinous shit like you did anyway where you been the Anyway, where have you been the last day? If I could think of the last day, you know?

Yeah, yeah. They only do it in day intervals. Last two weeks, where have you been, bucko? You cross state lines or what? What's been going on? Don't make me take off my sunglasses. That's pretty good. You know what that's from? He could do it.

It's his normal voice. You know what don't make me take off my sunglasses is from? Oh, it's from something? Yep. No, but couldn't act like it's mine what is it the officer says it in that nicholas cage martin scorsese movie what's that movie bring out the dead yep oh ving rames does it i don't think it's ving rames it's another dude and he goes don't make me take off my sunglasses it's ving rames i don't think it is dude okay well we can fight about it afterwards youtube don't make me

take off my sunglasses is it like a bit player yes oh oh oh it's the guy at the door the big security guard yeah yeah yeah yeah dude that shit is so funny you're right it's i think it's that one yeah yeah that's it that's it there it is that's so good play it again that push in i mean the person making that clip is just lead it don't belong to heaven seek the doctor be out in a minute sir is there... How did you remember it went like this? I remember the shot as much as the line, I guess. You're incredible. I'm a brilliant type of guy, you know incredible. I'm a brilliant type of guy.

You know? I'm just a brilliant type of guy. No, I've probably seen that movie like a dozen times, though. It's Marty, dude. It's dorky. It's Marty. Is it good?

That movie's good, yeah. You like how they did the scene in reverse that one time? It's a cool effect. The stuff, that stuff in the middle is not my favorite part,

but the movie's cool. I think it's actually underrated. People don't ever talk about it. They don't it's weird right even when it came out nicholas cage was at the peak of his fame and people were like it was weird though bringing out that was a weird era for scorsese because he had just done casino and then he did kundun and everyone was like what is this guy doing and then he did that k Kundun is the one about the Dalai Lama. Oh. I don't even know that one.

So Casino in 95, Kundun in 97, then Bring Out the Dead in 99. But after Kundun, everyone was like, what is he doing? Also, everybody hated Casino too when it came out.

They were like, oh, he's just repeating himself. And then he went so far the other way, completely doing something new. Was Kundun good? And everyone was like, what's up with Marty? And then he put out Bring Out the dead i don't love kundun but yeah i mean it's all right it's such a different kind of thing for him it's like he chose it for that reason

which is always bad it's not good yeah yeah not a good reason for choosing things yeah be like all of a sudden if i tried to like not to like i tried to be like not like because my stand-up is so fucking great you know i mean it'd be like if i tried to be, like, not, like, because my stand-up is so fucking great. You know what I mean? It'd be, like, if I tried to do something else. I'm sorry. I'm missing. I don't know, man. I was just trying to brag. Oh, you're going to, you're saying if you tried to change up your comedy style?

If I just tried to do something serious or something, you know. Like you're doing right now? No, I'm not. I could, though, if I wanted to. Do, like, serious acting right now. Okay. What happened? The boat crashed.

Oh, shit. Okay. What happened? The boat crashed. Oh, shit. Okay. What the fuck are we going to do? It's cracked. But wait till I'm like explaining the whole thing. Oh, okay. You're not. The boat crashed and it was carrying both your beloved, your wife, and all the gold that you used to own

but now is lost at sea. Oh, my God. My family's one thing, but the gold too. Wow, yeah. So that's what I was curious, which one was going to be worse, the gold is even worse. The gold is one thing, but my family too.

Yeah. Okay. And the boat is cracked. Why are you saying cracked it's they crashed the whole boat crashed it's not that like part of it's probably the writing then it doesn't have to do with that okay got it um do we have any more one more okay one more what's up chris and matt breaking your cardinal rule i not driving. That's okay. No, I am driving. Not driving is cool. I'm not going to redo it.

Chris, just saw you in Columbus. Great show. Thank you. Came in five minutes into your set. Not my fault. Didn't want to do it. Did it anyway. Missed a few callbacks.

Walked past Lulu and Denny. Said, how you doing? Like, they worked there. Going to move past it. Anyway, my gripe is people using the wrong terminology. We were driving to your show. I'm from Cleveland. It's a two-hour drive.

I was with my girlfriend. Oh, wow. You're a tight end. And she wanted me to put on the windshield wipers. So I wanted to turn it on. And she said, hey, pull it forwards. She said, pull it forwards. How do you pull something forward?

So I pushed it. She said, no, pull it forwards. And I you pull something forwards? So I pushed it. She said, no, pull it forwards. And I pulled it towards me. So I pulled it back. And she argued with me that that is forwards because that's the way it goes. But that's towards the back of the vehicle. Just wanted to hear your thoughts. And I can't wait to see you in Cleveland because I'm going to come again. I'm a true baby. Hell yeah, dude.

Cleveland. I'll be in Cleveland soon. You explain what he just said. He's saying he had to pull it to him. Yeah. That's the move he had to do. And she said, pull, Cleveland. I'll be in Cleveland soon. You explain what he just said. He's saying he had to pull it to him. Yeah. That's the move he had to do. And she said, pull it forward. Yeah. You can't pull something forward.

You push it forward. You pull something backwards. Okay, yeah. He's right. He's right. But if she said pull it forward, I would have known exactly what the person meant. I don't think I would have known. I immediately knew.

So that's how I know I would have known. I wouldn't have. That would have been, Chris would have been like, you know what I mean? I'd be like, I don't know. You said forward, but knew so that's how i know i wouldn't that would have been chris would be like you know what i mean i'd be like i don't know you said forward but forward is always pushing it i'm right i mean wow the worst person to be in an argument with pull it towards you that's what she should have said he's right dude but i i understand he is right but i also i would have known i think people need to be more specific, honestly, in everyday life. No. You're stupid. I'm not stupid.

I'm in this guy's boat, car. Okay, hold on. If you were in the car with Kristen and she said to do a thing, put the windshield wipers on, pull it forward. You mean pull it to me, right? That's what I would say. Why would you have to ask? You know that that's what she wants you to do. Yeah, but... Because there's no other option.

You want me to turn it on, right? You don't want me to turn it off? I would be like, I don't know what you're saying. But why, when you know what she's saying, when you know what she's asking, whether she's using the wrong word or not... If she just said, pull the lever forward, I wouldn't know what she meant.

If she said, turn the windshield on, pull it forward, I would if she said turn the windshield on pull it forward i would be like turn the windshield on okay i know how to do that what they were talking about the windshield wipers she requested it she said can you put the windshield wipers on he said okay and then he went to do it and pushed it instead of pulled it and she said pull it okay so what happens when somebody says oh i couldn't care less that means that i could care there's nothing that up. Yeah. That's bad. It's the same thing.

But they're saying the wrong actual thing. I could care less. I could care less means that there's way more things that I could actually care less about. I couldn't care less, which is the insult, which is that nothing in the world could make me care less. People say all the time, I could care less. But really what they mean is I couldn't care less. Well, those people are stupid.

There you go. And you wouldn't want that. Who are you? You know what they mean, right really what they mean is I couldn't care less. Well, those people are stupid. There you go, and you wouldn't want that. Who are you? You know what they mean, right? Who are all you people? There you go. Yeah, exactly. I would,

but I wouldn't correct them. I would. I would say, just so you know, it's couldn't. Oh, so what we're discovering is you're an asshole and I'm not. It's not an asshole.

I'm trying to help them in their lives. You're saying it the wrong way. You would say you're saying it the wrong way. Couldn't care less, but yeah. To me, you might, but you wouldn't to like just some person you just met? Yes, I would.

You would? Yeah. Why? Couldn't care less, but yeah to me you might but you wouldn't to like just some person you just met yes i would you would yeah why couldn't care less but yeah what do you like what if i was fucking up like that i'd want somebody to tell me so i used to say supposedly wow supposedly really oh thanks fuck you put a b in there i mean i was young when i was 11 but yeah just adding b's huh okay but bobably right yeah so anyway dude i i yeah i would all right you know i get it stuff to live with somebody like that because it's like i'll pull it forward all right dude you know what i mean turn the fucking thing on yeah but still my man's out there doing the work well nobody does do you guys tell strangers that they have bad breath no i've never told anybody they have bad breath in my life. Really?

That's on them, dude. I just stay away. I can't. You know? Nah, I've never told anybody. But by your logic. In my life. But by your logic, you should be telling people that because you're helping them. People can't change bad breath sometimes.

Most of the time. It's just like that fucking halitosis shit or it just smells bad. Sometimes it's halitosis. Yeah, most of the time. I feel like, oh, dude. No, but you can treat halitosis. Can you? no you can't i thought you couldn't but i have no idea an air freshener hanging out on your fucking thing um anyway i'm disgusted at this point so i'm just fucking disgusted right now we gotta stop this whole thing is just fucking all right

well sideways you've been doing most of the gross stuff bringing up the gross stuff so i don't know so it's all good look thanks guys appreciate you leave a comment share this podcast it's good dude yeah share it you know what i mean yeah patreon.com lifeline luxury sign up today we get started soon and we drop new episodes um at least bi-weekly uh you go on get me on tour chrislea.com. I'm going to come to Nashville and a bunch of different places. Do you have a question? Click the link in the description below or go to watchlifeline.com

or leave us a message. The hotline is 213-973-8095. I did it right. If you were paying attention, I did it right. Great. Whereas you did it bad in the beginning. Great.

And then if you want one-on-one advice with me, the corduroy boy, mattdalia.com. Go to number two. Wow, disgusting. What? Literally talking about shit as I'm plugging myself. Go to mattdalia.com, one-on-one sessions with me. With me. No touchy-touchy.

And if you want the new merch, the new merch is beautiful. It's comfortable. It's sexy. And you need to buy some or else you'll hate us. It's at lifelinemerch.com. It's as simple as that. You can't even forget it.

Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. I love you. I love you more than Chris loves you. And you all love me more than you love Chris. Okay, bye.