Lifeline - 61. Accidental Karen

Episode Date: June 11, 2023

LIFELINE LUXURY is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. Today we discuss a curious case of misinformation about Gene Hackman NOT dying, some advice for D&D dungeon masters, dealing with a cat Karen, rejecting obligations/parties/weddings/bachelor parties due to your own needs, an update from a previous caller, and a tricky situation with a new partner and a platonic friend.  📆 Book 20 min or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. Voice exercises are coming. Well, don't say that. I didn't. Speaking of Harry Call, it's cool that Gene Hackman isn't dead.

Oh, dude. What's cooler is how much noise our guest is making with his fucking tinfoil. And we just started. We literally just started. That's annoying, actually. And he decided to be like Mr. Bean and fold up tinfoil. And what just started. We literally just started. That's annoying, actually. And he decided to be like Mr. Bean and fold up tinfoil. And what does the hat say? I fucked up.

Oh, his hat says quiet. Hey, Matt, stop swearing, huh? If he could only fargafing realize and look at his own fargafing hat. Oh, like you've never done it, dude. Saying quiet? The bad word before the ten minutes I know but then when I do it I go oops and don't do it again

You did it twice So I didn't feel proper guilt? You gotta feel shame if you really really get down on yourself Remove that I didn't do this This was here I didn't do this I sat down and that was there I sat down and it was here

It was on top of your thing that you didn't use okay fair enough fair enough you know what i'm saying it's not my fault can't believe you actually granted me that i was right well because you were i don't i don't like lies you know uh-huh um so wait uh he's has had this as quiet but let's actually bypass that yeah i know where you want to go with this yeah go ahead that he texted us he goes damn gene hackman huh and we go what did he die and he goes yup he says yup and then five minutes later oh never mind he didn't die so maybe we could learn start that they start the clock start the clock so it's like and then we were like what happened and he was like my friend told me he died no he said well we said what happened he said he died simple as that no i said he oh he died yeah he said yeah yeah then he said 10

minutes five minutes later uh he didn't die well only because i i was like i googled it and there's no i really gene hackman and it's like right that literally all the headlines were like gene hackman looking alive and well and he's like 93 and he looks, doesn't even look like Gene Hackman. He looks like a character in Beetlejuice, you know, and they're like, he looks great. Bad,

yeah, yeah, yeah. So why did you say that he died? So what we want to know is why you said that he died when he absolutely didn't die. What is it about when people die,

people want to tell everybody though? I don't know. That's pretty, pretty morbid, huh? I don't, I, I'm the first to tell you.

I go out of my way to not do that. Sir Mix-a-Lock died. Because I don't know the person and it doesn't really matter because everyone dies all the time people die everyone's always dying a little bit more every day or they're literally dead you know i'm saying sir mix-a-lock died people will be when sir mix-a-lock died someone's gonna text you yo sir mix-a-lock oh absolutely he was alive and well, and then he just goes, giddy up. You turn and died. What's up, Vegas? What's up, death? What's up?

Wow. What's up, hot attack? What's up? Ding, dong, ding, ding. Did we ever learn? No. Why did you say Gene Hackman died? Because my friend texted me that Gene Hackman died. Why did that friend say that?

No, no, no. Before we even get into that, why did the friend say it? Okay i'm gonna before we even get into that why did the friend say it okay because they saw go ahead they saw a tweet before we get into it but okay go ahead well no no i want to say it's okay somebody go just go ahead you know what i mean my friend texted me whoa gene r.i.p gene hackman okay and didn't look it up and then i admittedly also did the same thing. I texted you guys without even looking it up. Actually, I texted you guys, and then I went on Twitter, and I was like, this is weird. Nothing would be saying anything about it.

So you did what he did. But I did it faster and with more efficiency and with more clarity. But also he didn't text anybody that it happened. And what I didn't do is spread misinformation. Right. So why did that person do it? This is what – he didn't even ask why that person did it, right? Well, how am I supposed to know that?

There we go. See, that's what I knew about it. That's what I wanted to get into. I knew you didn't ask your friend, hey, why did you say that? What made you think of that? Right? Well, why would I say why did you do that? I know my friends.

Well, we asked you why. So wait, hold on. That's crazy. Somebody texts me, hey, fucking Hugh Jackman died. I go, oh, wow. And then I look it up, it didn't happen. The first thing I text is, yo, why did you say Hugh Jackman? Well, they obviously made a mistake, and so did I.

Obviously made a mistake. So wait, so wait. We're doing a prank. The difference is what? That you would do what? You would vet it first before passing it on? After I realized it didn't happen, I'd say, what the hell made you say that? Oh, I didn't even understand i realized it didn't happen i'd say what the hell made you say that oh oh oh i didn't even understand that that's what you're saying you found out it was not true

and then didn't tell your friend and i knew that because i know my friend i did i said you were not being that clear i don't think he understood i didn't understand why did your friend do it when somebody makes a mistake like that they say whoa i fucked up and i i don't say hey why did you do that so he didn't do it so he didn't do it so he didn't do it so many twists and turns how many twists and turns this was like an m night shaman movie already and it's been five minutes i have one question it keeps getting answered different ways and there's one annoying though but go ahead yeah i guarantee the answer here's why i guarantee the answer is abundantly clear it just hasn't been said right by him okay go go go go go did you ask the person what made you say that why did you think that

no here we go i knew that too so why did you ask him that's my point because and i just explained that everyone knew everyone knew no you don't know that he i knew it. You don't know that he, I knew it before he said that he didn't. I knew it when I woke up this morning. Okay. I'm going to do it right now. What? Okay. Now it's 48 hours later.

I still want to know. Your friends later are going to be like, what? I never did that. You know? This is one, we're talking about one thing. If somebody were to tell me Hugh Jackman died died and i said really then found out he didn't the first thing i would ask that person is what made you say that that's different then what then what saying why did you do that the same thing it's the same thing it's the same thing it's

getting at the same thing it's like they saw a tweet okay okay so you do know i do know how do you know well here we go here we go here we go what's happening right now they told me i mean i knew that was coming right they shared with me what they saw that made them do that is this for real? Honestly. What is happening? I'm going to show you what this tweet is. I wish I could defend him better, you know what I mean? But I can't.

No, it's indefensible. Yeah. This is the tweet. Okay. RIP Gene Hackman, your life wasn't just an adventure. It was a Poseidon adventure. Note to self, make sure gene hackman is dead before you tweet there's also another gene hackman movie besides poseidon adventure okay see another this is supposed to be a very stupid joke and anyone who read it would know that gene hackman's not dead yeah i would read that and be like who's

your friend is just i would read that and i go uh gene hackman didn't die they yeah me too obviously only read the first part and then thought whoa gene hackman's dead you know what this is a testament to how likely it is to be bullshit when you hear something third or fourth hand yeah like how easy or rather how easy it is to like a total untruth get into the slipstream. And everyone's like, did you know, you know, John Goodman died? Just me saying that right now, there's going to be people like, John Goodman died. And that's, I guarantee you. Do you know what I guarantee is that this, we're recording this on Wednesday.

It comes out Sunday. Gene Hackman's going to die between Wednesday and Sunday. And so is John Goodman. And it's going to make it even more confusing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to be like, should we even release the episode? All right. Yeah, well, Gene Hackman is alive.

John Goodman is alive. As far as Wednesday. So it's by Wednesday. Hugh Jackman, Gene Hackman, and John Goodman are alive. It's Wednesday. Do you ever think about how Hugh Jackman's name is almost Hugh Jasshole? No. You've never thought that?

It's actually not almost Hugh Jasshole. It's about half that. Hugh Jasshole? Yeah. Soul. Yeah, you just added that as soul. It's actually two-thirds of the way there. Hugh Jasshole instead of Hugh Jackman.

Kaminman Kamin Kamin that's two syllables yeah it is so it's all good though it's still true but if you drop two syllables and just add Sol

yeah Hugh Jassol yeah yeah you know yeah oh I know but

oh you got too many iced coffees yeah but they're off camera I don't want to get seen so you exposed me okay well I exposed you I made sure they were off camera well I'm happy so you've been exposed

wasn't about to show so you've been. Okay, well I exposed you. I made sure they were off camera. Well, I'm happy. So you've been exposed? Wasn't about to show. So you've been exposed? Now explain. Unless it's a really boring explanation. It is boring. Okay. What the fuck? How could it be riveting?

There's two coffees. Because who comes in like this with two iced coffees? I didn't come in with two iced coffees. Other than a maniac. One was here because Chris ordered it for me.

Oh, kind man. And one was here because I brought it because I had it. You're a kind man. one was here because i brought it because i had it kind you're a kind man that's good what's happening here he's just on twitter now he's just he's just surfing twitter right now oh it was tam okay tam i texted a huge group chat about his death and finished reading this tweet oh wow yeah well at least she came clean you know thanks tam no all right well that's cool man thank god he's not dead i guess i

mean he is 93 sent me into a tailspin but at least she came clean what day what what age do you think is a good age to be like all right life's done way before 93 which is how old gene hackman is yeah i mean 93 i think he's 93 right he was the oldest one out of that wave of actors from the 60s and 70s. He was already in his 40s when he did French Connection, which is like what exploded him. Which was 1925. So yeah, what is that? Yeah, I mean, he's 90-something, if that's the case. Because that was...

It was in the 70s. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, that's crazy, man. Wow. But why? What do you think? I mean, I think after 80, you're just like so slow.

But you probably don't want to die. So I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Because like after 80, people start to get really like... Yeah. Yeah.

You know, like... For sure, yeah. Yeah. It's unavoidable. and then there was there was that guy who was that guy lean lee haney that wouldn't lee haney was the bodybuilder no not lee haney jack lillane jack lillane oh wait who's that i know who that is look up jack lillane jack lillane uh wait was he like on an infomercial or something yeah okay there he was oh my god look at jack the lane yeah but he right there he's 110 no wait what's his deal he died in 2009 but he would like

do 100 fucking pull-ups he was just like the fittest guy in the world how old was he i don't know old well he yeah he lived to be like 90 or something i don't know wow 85 86 didn't even live that long you know yeah but no but six he was 96 96 never mind yeah no but the thing is it's that it wasn't that he lived to be that old it was that he could do so much shit while he was like 90 like he did all that working out stuff at the smiling pics of him dude yep oh there he was and he would do like 50 pull-ups right there yeah at that age it was crazy dude i mean i don't know 50, no. Do the infomercial. Type in infomercial.

Jack LaLanne infomercial. There you go. There you go. Power juicer. There it was. And to you, my friends, remember, anything in life is possible. Make it happen. Goodbye, everybody.

Cut. They go cut and he goes. I mean, so rehearsed that line. And remember, folks. Oh, I remember this. Yeah. The ripple. The clapping. This is old school.

Yeah, you put your cock in there. It would hurt. Okay, man. You Yeah, yeah, yeah. You put your cock in there, it would hurt. Okay, man. You know? Just a maniac. Fucking it. Wow. Fucking the machine.

Slowly. Shit like that. I love shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The rudimentary graphics. Look. Josing is the easy way to help save your life

juicing is the easy way oh so when the guy's like on his deathbed why is he the spokesman he wanted to be I guess alright look this is

go to patreon.com slash lifeline luxury to get the other lifeline luxury podcast which is just us bullshitting we're gonna get into

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stand-up. That's me doing stand-up. If you've got a question, go to WatchLifeline.com or leave us a message on the hotline. [phone]. Go ahead. Oh, you know what? What? You're down.

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You get the real me. Really? You know, you get the real me. All right. And everybody wants that. Okay, cool. Mattdalia.com. There we go. Book your session. And guess what? We've got the new me. And everybody wants that. At delete.com, book your session.

And guess what? We got the new merch. Did you already say this? At lifelinemerch.com. It's sick. I wear it all the time, especially the purple hoodie. Cool. Alright, so let's do a video, huh? Hi, guys. Need some advice. My cat has been

going next door to my neighbor's house who has a bird sanctuary and scaring her birds. That neighbor came up to my door this morning. She's a mid-60s, you know, typical Karen. And she said she opened with, do you know millions of birds die every year? Oh, my God. I was very confused. She proceeds to then tell me that if my cat is found on her property again, she's going to take her to the pound. Oh. So I guess my advice would be, how do you deal with parents? Because they're just the worst. Well, her bird is, their birds are caged.

I mean, they're obviously not just... No, it's a bird sanctuary. I think they're not. They're not. But then they would just fly away right no the bird sanctuary is a place that they come roost make nests so she just has a house where the bird sanctuary by where i live it's just open and it's a place where birds okay so i understand that but also it's her house i mean i think it's her yard i don't think it's inside her house well it's not in her house because then they would it's on her property is what she's saying.

Right. It's on her property. Of course, they can fly away, but they come back is the point. Okay. So if they can fly away, then what's the matter with the cat being there? Couldn't agree more. But what I really think you should do is just to end it, say, if you do that to my cat, we're going to have such an enormous problem that you don't want.

And they can say, well, why are you threatening me? You can say, why are you threatening me? Yeah. You know? know like i just don't do that because we're going to have an enormous problem do it from the standpoint of like concern though be like if you do that to my cat there's going to be a huge problem right now there's a kind of a limited problem that we can fix together as two neighbors as people start out by saying do you like limited problems or huge like jack lane yeah like an infomercial no but for real like you don't want it to be a bigger problem either and you know she doesn't oh god so just be like look it's it's gonna become such an enormous problem for you if you do that that neither one of us want that to happen yeah so don't do that just come and get me and we'll figure it out like oh fuck man next time it happens i'm a little bit worried about

this big problem that you've just started it sucks right it sucks between me and you it just fucking sucks you opened up pandora's box now this is rough right because i don't want i don't want this problem and you just kind of forced me into it. So now it's like you threatened me. So where do we go from here? You do it. What if you did that for real? It would be amazing.

Oh, that would be amazing. I would also recommend that, but it's hard to pull that off. You've got to be a good actor. Yeah. And I am. Okay. Say I'm not.

I think if you do it before she does the bad thing, it's way better. You're operating from a past tense. She already did it, though. No, she didn't get her cat and bring it to the pound. No. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. So it's like...

But the problem is already created. Because she said, hey, she threatened her. No, no. But you as like the bigger person, before it happens, you can say, let's snip this in the butt because it's going to become a huge problem and I don't want that. It's like the beginning of the scene

when the guy's like, the karate master's like being picked on by like 10 street hooligans. And he's like, just trust me, you're going to want to walk away. You know what I mean? Please do us all a favor and just go. When it comes to cats and birds.

And they slap you in the face and then he kicks the shit. When it comes to cats and birds. And they slap you in the face and then he kicks the shit. When it comes to cats and birds, I'm a karate master. Hey, hey, hey. You don't need to go that. Walk away. Much like the movie. Hey, hey, hey.

Lady, walk away. Okay, but you're missing the point. You're making it about karate. And I'm just saying you can take pointers from the movies in this instance. Sight. What was that? Dude, I think that you say, oh, your birds can fly, right? And she says, yeah.

All good. Catch you later. Spin move out. Spin move out. Wait, hold on. Birds can fly. Let me Google birds. They can fly.

We're good. Spin move. You're out. Hey, Sventura, this part. Yeah. But it's true, though, man. All the birds can fly, right? Oh move You're out Ace Ventura this part Yeah But it's true though man All the birds can fly Oh dude can cats fly

Fuck You know what dude Let me go do a second thing Can cats Oh cats can fly So we're good dude But it's known that cats kill birds They do

Yeah bitch ass birds Of all the fittest You want to raise weak birds Well that's not a good argument Hey sweetheart You want to raise weak birds My cat's doing you guys a favor. You get these strong birds out there.

Keeping them sharp? Yeah. And then when you leave, go like this. Oh. Dude, how about like, what do you call it? Play, musical theater kids? Like when you're in high school, do shit like when they get mad what do you call it you just described the kind of yeah whatever they call it that's what you call

it you know in high school and shit when they'd be mad they thought that was the thing to do they'd be like you know where did you go to high school cats a university absolutely crazy person high school there was a girl when they get mad go like Yeah, there was one girl that did it. She would go like, you don't want to piss me off. And I'd be like, oh, fuck. I actually... I mean, so turned on. So turned on by it.

No, no, no. No, it felt so cringe. I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. That was in high school? Yeah, or college. Was it like this big and had whiskers and a tail?

Yeah. Like a cat. It was a cat. Oh, a cat. Yeah, okay. I mean, actually Googled if birds fly. You no no no uh 2.4 billion birds so fucking many united states alone outdoor cats kill a problem two wow they killed 2.4 billion birds a year how many birds would there be if there were no cats jesus christ there'll be birds everywhere i mean that's such a good population control thank

you cats dude bring up this article, the one the woman is over at your place complaining, and say, look, this is nature. This is how it's literally... If it wasn't like this, the world would be overrun with birds. And nobody wants that. Yeah.

Even crazy bird ladies, you know? Yeah. Cats are crazy, bro. Because they will kill birds even if they're not hungry they just kill them they just go cats are just straight up wild animals that can't really kill humans right so we use them as pets like any that's not true of most wild animals most wild animals will kill us that's why we don't have them as pets cats are just like small they can't really really mess you i mean they can but so but like cats do

not give a shit they'll they'll kill birds and like get it almost dead and then just fuck with it way before like it's torturing it we need to cancel cats cats are messed up i mean i like cats but like they're hardcore not me wild animals no it's the worst. Cats the Musical. No, I like Cats the Musical. No. I saw it. It's bad. Okay. I saw it too.

It's good. So now what? When did you see it? Recently. When? Whenever it was in LA. It was at the Pantages, right? I saw it too there.

I went with him. I saw it then. It was bad. It was bad. No, it wasn't. Dude, was it bad? Oh, yeah. No, I like it.

No. Yeah. No. I don't either love it or hate it. It wasn't like an amazing production. also it's bad all right next all right yep memories hey um question about dungeons and dragons so um i'm a new dungeon master and the dungeon master is the guy who who runs all the characters uh through the game of dungeons and dragons and kind of controls what's going on.

So this requires me to play a lot of different characters that are in the world of Dungeons & Dragons and have my players interact with those characters. So my request is that you guys would hopefully be able to give me some advice on just voice acting in general and help me be able to potentially

use my own voice to create as many unique characters um as possible and would love to hear your guys's feedback on that um second off uh this is a super nerdy thing so if you guys could give me advice on how to not feel so self-conscious about my wife um hearing me in the next room, that would be great. Oh, my God. That might be my favorite. Come here, pretty. You know?

Come here, pretty. In the other room. Skeletory, you know? Or just pussy getting so dry, you know? Okay, but, I mean, that might be my favorite submission ever. Because I started out, I was like, what? All right, so, and then by the started out i was like what all right so and then by the end i was like oh damn this is good so complicated yeah so dungeon master is what he's saying right yeah so can you youtube like dungeons and dragons dungeon master like he's talking about

doing different voices for the characters you're're narrating the game as Dungeon Master. Okay. And you're like in charge of... Tips for Dungeon Masters. Holy shit. But I've never heard of voices being done. I guess when you're in the role of another character, he wants to embody them. You know?

Yeah. And that's cool to be that committed. But like tips on how to use your voice, that is not something I can help help you with uh but you know you're uh you're the man of many voices you know i got like six voices all right well what are they and how do you do them so you got to be like i well i don't know a dick about dungeons and dragons you just fucking it's like any fantasy thing though but you it's like if you read a book right yeah you'd read most of it is action and narration but then there would be the quotes and then the Just fucking read the story. It's like any fantasy thing, though. But it's like if you read a book, right?

Yeah. You'd read most of it as action and narration. Right, right. But then there would be the quotes. And then the horned devil says. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, you know. Hello.

Good, good, good, good, good. That's one. Where is the princess? Here's the thing, though. You've got to commit. Yeah, yeah. Right. That's really good.

I hope he doesn't find me. Good job. High voices for girls and the more evil the person is the lower so here's a tip it's true if you get to a guy who you think is pretty evil don't use your lowest register there might be somebody more evil later yeah that's good right yeah but then when they're really evil yeah that's that's right honestly we got to cut i'm gonna go to the bathroom and i can't and i can't wait okay okay all right we're back and we're back yeah you got to commit to it though

you got to commit to it otherwise it's like you'll it's so the kind of thing that if you don't commit proper to it all the time it's like it's gonna seem like insecure or like that you suck at it like don't bother doing any voices unless you're gonna commit to it 100 that's what that's that's what i'll say the other thing i'll say is dude here's the thing it's hard to find something for anyone during their life that they love. So if you love to play Dungeons & Dragons, don't feel like whatever, like the nerd label is going to be on that game forever. It won't matter.

But just embrace it and say, like, who really cares? Nerds are popular now anyway. Like, who cares, dude? Yeah, dude. There's a lot of nerds. Yeah. So find your nerd friends.

Yeah. Just be a nerd with like no ill feelings. No shame. No shame. There we go. No shame. There's no shame in it, even if what's in it is Dungeons and Dragons, right? Dungeon Master of Dungeons and Dragons.

I saw a little bit of that movie that came out with Chris Pine, you know? It's not bad. Oh, wow. Okay, is this the movie Critics' Corner session of the show? Yeah, I guess so. Really, really animated. Welcome to Movie Corner. You really delved into your opinion.

Welcome to Movie Corner. Okay. Yeah, I just feel, yeah, don't, yeah, your wife already, you already, you married her. You're good, bro. You got the chick. Well, he's obviously understandably... I mean, it's a valid concern. Just because they're married doesn't...

It's not like 1910. She can leave the marriage. Yeah, but she's not going to do that because you're going to be like, yo, I like Dungeons and Dragons. When she says something about it, be like, park it. I like Dungeons and Dragons.

Or don't be mean and say park it. Or just be like, yeah, I like it. Yeah, it's really fun. Or be like this. Yes, I love it, my pretty. Yeah, or that. Like I said. There you go.

Whatever it is you're doing, you got to commit to it. And if that's the lane you choose to go down, then do that too. But yeah, dude, you got to look. It just is what it is. Own it. You love it.

Own it. And people love it it's not it's a thing to love just be one of the people who loves the game yeah okay all right next one okay i just want to show that like i ate something spicy dude what's up so my best friend's video on this because she's a legend quick question i feel like most people are thinking but haven't wanted to ask and it's really been driving me crazy. I love Lifeline. I love watching it. Thank you. And I'm a big fan. And sometimes it's okay, you know, to say life rips. And as we all do. But I've noticed, why am I getting teary eyed right now?

I've noticed when people send in videos, they like, you know, when you watch someone so much, you take on their mannerisms. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so many people have done that with you. And I just need to know you, Chris. No. And sometimes Matt, I need to know, does that bother you or am I a bad person for being

bothered by people? I understand people getting bothered by that. Or is it like, cool, because you started a revolution, you yeah i do know are you done yeah viva also viva the revolution of talking like you but no us dude let me be clear but we created that it's not just me okay it just it got popular my podcast obviously yeah so um uh yeah i i i does it bother me oh a lot of if it's bad a lot of times people do it bad then it's like but also it's it doesn't bother me because it makes them happy and i love making people happy and when they do it if they think they're funny doing it which sometimes they are sometimes they aren't but like i i have heard people fans say that about other fans uh and

is it it's it's only bad if it's bad if it's but isn't it all maybe i'm misunderstanding what's happening but isn't it all in honor of being a fan of it yes yes i i mean because what she's saying she's she's talking about fans and i think that's probably what it is i for me it's an experience of people who know me yeah will glom on to the way that but here's what it is it's not just that like it's not that like the way of talking that either one of us does is like people want to like necessarily do it it's just that i have come to believe that some people talk in very specific ways yeah and those people tend to be like one or two per group right and people in that group if they're going to end up talking like anybody they're going to

end up talking like the one who's got a really specific strong style of yeah and and you know look i'm very influential and it's just you know know, but I do understand that, and that's like, when I hear people say, like, you know, other comedian friends of mine that do this, like Callan, we sound alike sometimes, who are like, oh, he's trying to bite you. It's like, dude, no, we're friends. Like Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, they sound alike a lot. Okay. Only one's more, you know, swear wordy, and one's not. But, yeah, you know, I know i don't know that's just like i think people

talk like i think what you're describing with you and your fans is just like an expansion of what naturally happens in circles and groups yeah yeah this just happens to be a big group where the people don't necessarily know each other yeah so i think it's probably more pronounced when somebody speaks like you because it's like you don't have a right i also think that when they're sending in a video they're like i want to do this that a hundred percent so it comes across a little more inauthentic than you would in a friend group but if you were just hanging out with this person i don't think they'd be doing it all the time you know oh what i was going to say is when people call in with videos, they do it because they think it, not only that you'll like it as like a compliment,

but like I think that they also want to, it's a signal that they are aware of you and are a fan of yours. Yeah, yeah, totally. It's not just them trying to be like funny like you. No, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Right, right, right.

Yeah, if you look at it that way, it's less uh it's like a way of communicating information yeah you know but i do i you know i understand there's there's there's uh people that want to be a part of you know the log cabin and shit and uh they want to prove that they want to be part of the log cabin and um you know a politician we have carpenters we have chris we have gardeners log cabin we have uh uh people that are in responsible for zoning wow and uh we will increase expenses when it comes to uh certain things of of that nature so thank you uh very much um and it will happen i hear you but it will happen um just give it some time thank you very much excuse me excuse me well we're gonna go the whole rest of the hour

all right cool so i think they think that it'll help them get on the show too. And it doesn't. Wow. Wow. Lay it down. Hates it himself. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. It doesn't. Let me tell you one thing.

It doesn't. In a fight. But yeah, there's different levels of fans, and I appreciate them all. We appreciate them all. A politician. No, really. There's nothing wrong about it. Thank you very much.

Wow. Nothing wrong about it. What if there was a politician that at the end of every speech, he said, really there's nothing wrong about it thank you very much well nothing wrong about it you know uh what if there was a politician that at the end of every speech he said and there's nothing wrong with any of the things i said thank you very much i mean coming no that's i know what you were trying to do i mean i don't know all right next one all right next one hi y'all so i am currently 36 weeks pregnant and my husband and i aren't finding out the gender of our baby until i slide the baby out and so with that we have to have at least one boy name and one girl name picked out when we go to the hospital or just like kelly um with that, we have to have at least one boy name and one girl name picked out when we go to the hospital.

Or just like Kelly. With that, picking a name has been a little difficult. And I was wondering if y'all think that there is any difference between naming a dog and naming a human. Because there's some names that like sound a little too funky that I don't think should be put on a human but then it would be really cool to have that kind of name like a funky name but i don't want them to be made fun of and say like you know have some weird fucking name yeah so do y'all think that there is any difference between human names and dog names i mean fido and spot you know i i you know like meatball you know you don't go name a child meatball unless you're really famous you know there is meatloaf so

like yeah but he came into meatloaf there's parents weren't like and and good night to little meatloaf you know i mean he came into the man was like that's a meatloaf guy um yeah i i i think that uh you there are i don't you know it's fine to name your dog a human name i think like bruce that that way my dog of course is fine but if you're asking if it's okay to name people butters things that people name dogs i think the answer is absolutely no no because here's the thing if you want a funky name guess what else you can use what a? A funky human name. Right, right, right, right, right, right. You know what I mean?

Like what? Like Firestorm? Like, well, no, that's more just a noun. That's a Transformer. It's a noun. Oh, it's a name of a Transformer. Yeah, I guess then Firestorm. Or like Blaze.

That's funky. Blaze. That's a terrible name, but yeah. I mean, Blaze is sick, dude. Blaze is rad. It's also spelled B-L-A-I-S-E if you want. But if you want to get funky, B-L-A-Z-Z-Z. Oh, God.

Blaz, you know? Blaz. Hey, my name's Blaze. Hey, I'm Blaz. Blaz D'Elia. My name is Blaz. I was supposed to be Blaze, but they put three Zs at the end. It looked like I just fell asleep.

Dude, for real, name your kid Blaz with three Zs and then forever play him this clip so that if it's a boy named Blas, if it's a girl named Blasa. Blas is the worst name I can... Blasa. Blasa, dude. Yeah, yeah. Remember that song?

Blasa, Blasa, Blasi, who make bell ramp. Yeah, the song's about her so insecure. So insecure, what are you just doing? Blasa, Blasa, Bl insecure, what you just did. I'm sorry, David. I'm sorry, David. I'm sorry, David. Hey, Paul. Yeah, dude, don't name your son Spot or Fido.

Name your kid Blas. Don't. He or she will always have this to look back on as such a warm memory of how we selected your video of millions and millions of videos. And now we get to name you go with god we love you i think you should wait till this baby comes out look at the baby and then solidify the name like i we wanted to name him calvin and then he came out and we were like yes okay calvin yes

make that make sense with william he came out first we had a few names in mind and we were like but a day like a day went by and we're like i think he's a william you know you got to let it speak to you you got to let the baby speak to you you know or you can do like hey interesting kelly morgan we don't know if it's a boy or girl he comes out she comes out it's going to be that name right kelly morgan whatever you want to i don't know what other name kelly morgan is that name your child Kelly Morgan. Thanks for calling. What other names are there? Kelly?

What do you mean? That are male or female. Oh, jeez. Kelly. Morgan. Kelly and Morgan. Robin. Robin.

Robin. Robin. Batman. Christina. Christina. No. Chris or Christina, right? Yeah, but Christina for a man too.

Christina is kind of a weird name. It makes me think of like it was just a guy's name and then they just changed it to a girl's name. I don't like that. I like that the most. Really? Yeah, I like George. So they do like Brucella? Well, no, not all of them.

But the ones that exist are like George and Georgia or George and Georgina. Those are cool names, you know? Hey, my name is – hi, my name are cool names, you know? Hey, my name is... Hi, my name is Brucella. You know? Wow. The most annoying voice that you just did when you were Brucella. That is the single most annoying...

Hi, my name is Brucella. It's like... Why? I don't know. It just like encompasses all annoying male and female voices. I'm a good actor. All in one. Okay, well, that's not what I was actor. Okay, let's do the next one.

Blast. Name of Blast. Blind. I have a question. Blind. And advice. I got invited to a friend's bachelor party. Could have started the video more blind. So, I have a question and advice. How come I can't see? I got invited to a friend's bachelor party.

And obviously, definitely a good friend. But, I'm running out of vacation days. I've already spent a bunch of money this year. I'm going to a New York Giants game in Arizona. And just an overall expensive year, right? And his bachelor party is in September. I don't want to go. Oh, there you go.

I've already spent a bunch. It's going to be another $1,500 weekend. Yeah, it's crazy. And I've ran out of vacation days. Is it a dick to not go? Or is it more dick to make up an excuse why I can't go? Or do I just be honest and say, listen, man, I'm going to have to sit this one out. So just want to know what you guys think.

Love what you do. And let's see some advice. Thanks, guys. Perfect use of the sadiq without it being cringy. Okay. You know what I'm talking about? In reference to the earlier question? Yeah, reference to the earlier question.

Just came out, just did it. Is it sadiq or is it not sadiq? All right. Well, here's the deal. And I mean this from the bottom of my heart. And I want everybody to listen to this piece of advice because it applies to so many people so many different times i'm trans and it's okay he's asking if it's okay to not essentially he's asking if it's okay to not do something

right and here's the answer for every question like that okay yes it is completely okay to not do the thing whatever that is in this guy in this guy's case it's a bachelor party guess what he doesn't want to go he doesn't go yeah and everything's okay for everyone yay vote for matt okay the meters on the on the screen dude i i couldn't agree more, man. You know, you don't need to go to bachelor parties. You don't need to go to weddings. You don't need to go to anything, especially if it costs fucking racks.

You know what I mean? Right. Well, that's the additional thing. It doesn't make a difference for me, but I get it, dude. $1,500 racks. You know, that's a rack and a half. You know what I mean?

And that's too much money, dude. I mean, Tourette's. Tourette's. Absolute Tourette's. It's also disrespectful to ask your friend to come to the bachelor party to get some freaking racks, you know? Wow.

You know, to spend racks. A broken doll. A broken doll. I know you're going to the Giants and New York game and spend a lot of money. But hey, by the way, could you spend a rack and a half just because I want to go get hitched

and I want to fucking play poker somewhere. Dude, no. Hey, don't go. That's why I didn't want to get into the specifics. Yeah, dude. There's poker and all that stuff at a bachelor party, but it applies to anything. Yeah, dude, it does. Stop going to stuff because here's the thing.

But I like to get specific. Even if the person asking you to do it, if they don't like it guess what they respect it because they wish they could do what you just did in their own life time and time and time and time and time again yeah they respect it okay where's the baby give me a baby to kiss. Up in the polls. Dude, I feel like that is great advice. Tell them, do not make an excuse. Be like, yo, dude, I'm already spending. That's an excuse, but. That's an excuse.

And I don't have the. You literally said, don't make an excuse, and then said, say an excuse. No, no, no. I meant, don't make something up. Don't be like, I have something. Don't lie. Yeah, yeah, right. Correct.

But be like, yo, I can't go. I don't have the money. And also, it's just not going to be my thing. And September is a rough time for me to do it. Just fucking can't go. Yeah. Can't go. Text back or on the email chain, reply all, can't go.

I mean, then you're a dick. See, then if you do it like that, you actually are a dick. But just simply saying the actual truth yeah not only will feel good and you won't feel like you're lying which is obviously great but you will be respected for it thank you very much at the i'll see you at the polls reply all on the computer do on computer not on phone can't go in parentheses sniff send no can't go in parentheses don't wanna yeah all right well that's the advice for the ages we should just close shop the show's over that's the advice for racks is it's just i don't you know even dinners sometimes it's like asking your friends to go to

dinners where it's going to be like fucking six hundred dollars it's like don't do that dude or pay for it or pay for i mean totally pay for it's like yeah yeah like fucking $600. It's like, don't do that, dude. Or pay for it. Or pay for it. You know what I mean? Totally pay for it. It's like, yeah, it doesn't make a difference for me, but it's like racks. You know what I mean? Just wanted to say racks again.

No, but it's fine. Didn't care about the words you said before. I got a diving board on my pockets, right? But it doesn't matter, dude, because my pockets stay deep. But if you... So uncomfortable to have a diving board in your pocket. Just always in pain.

Little people bouncing off that diving board going into the thing like duck tails. All right, Arnold. All right, next one, dude. Also, bachelor parties suck, huh? What's up, Chris? What's up, Matt? What's kind of hairs going on?

On the tube right here. Used to think it was congratulations, but the brotherly banter just puts this one over the edge loving it um so my dilemma here i just got back from an italy trip this trip was planned about five months ago with one of my best friends who's a girl um and two of my other best friends a couple and we played it five months ago and in the last leg of the trip um the friend and i the girl we were staying in the same bedroom right um fast forward to now i've been seeing a very special girl for about three months

and um i had told her that we were staying in separate rooms the whole time uh last night of the trip literally the night before i came back um nothing all the whole time i was gone just ecstatic to see each other um the girl in my bed sneezes and the girl hears it while we're on the phone and she goes who was that and I go oh it was me terrible call bad decision really messed that one up obviously but I said it was me we kind of blew it over I wake up in the morning to a text, uh, breaking up with me. Basically, uh, we've been going back and forth. Um, she keeps saying she needs space. Then she ends it again. And I'm just wondering what I can do there. Nothing happened with me in the girl. Nothing's ever happened with me in that girl. Um, I don't know how to explain to her.

I don't know if I've just completely lost trust. Um, she's a super special girl, girl in my dreams, really. So, um, if you guys got any advice for me to um help the situation get her back smooth it over did i just blow it uh let me know appreciate you guys thanks again for all the advice and keep it up with the pod don't hang out with allergic bitches okay so moving on to mine um it was a joke? I think so. It was a joke. I don't even say that word. About women, but it was a joke. Wow, okay.

It was a joke, everybody. We know. She was allergic. But also, what happened? What? He was talking to her, the chick, and then the girl stays in the background. Yeah. And it was a chick that he wasn't hooking up with.

What the fuck do you do on this show? I a little bit stopped paying attention. Why? It's an hour, dude. It's a fucking hour. You can pay attention for like the 12 minutes total of the video. What happened was... You fucking moron. I checked out for about five seconds.

And it was during a very important part in the video. And I was lost. You're a fucking idiot, dude. I got the rest of it, but it was during a very important part in the video, and I was lost. You're a fucking idiot, dude. I got the rest of it, but it didn't... All right. Well, he's good friends with this girl. Yeah. Oh, been friends with her for a really long time.

They never dated or anything. Well, he never told the new girl that he was going to go with the girl. He did, but he specifically didn't say we were going to be sleeping in the same bed because he... I don't know. I guess he knew she... I don't know. The same bed? The don't know the same bed same bed bed bed bed bed okay so did this break of course it did is it better now yes okay so here's the thing that's pretty weird you i know what happened now are dumb yeah that was a dumb bone for doing that right but i don't

here's the thing the problem is is that you didn't tell her in the first place you can't say but why don't you trust me because you broke the trust so now you're kind of in you're gonna have to be playing defense and you're kind of fucked already but i think that look if she just outright doesn't believe you doesn't want to talk to you yeah and that's that you got to kiss it goodbye you can't you can't do anything about it for you you got to say bye but if she's just like if she's willing to talk to the girl who sneezed uh anyone else who might attest to your actual relationship and hear it out then you know maybe it'll be some kind of patching up some sort of understanding it's the girl of your dreams you want to try to obviously make it work but that's not always possible and when it's not possible

you have to let it go let's not let's not negate how annoying it is that that girl sneezed you know what i'm talking about i get it what he did was wrong but oh my fucking god do the thing where you do like this so in all of this experience you're mad at the the woman who sneezed i'm not mad at her but come on dude well what about the guy who fucking lied and messed up the situation for himself in the first place wrong but also like this yeah yeah yeah achoo you couldn't uh what no it's me i put the phone away and i let me ask very high pitch and then he has to sneeze high pitch has there ever been a time where you couldn't not sneeze in your life no are you you're lying you know that's cool but you're lying it's my body is it bodies you are lying i've never hit more than once i'd never hiccuped more than once that

wasn't my question even a little bit how the fuck could you answer with that? I mean, Donald Trump, you know? Just answering another thing. I do not do what I don't want to do with my body. Okay. Okay. What do you mean? If I don't want to sneeze, I won't sneeze. So what if somebody took a big, big sharp knife, cut you like this, what would happen?

I would bleed. Because you wanted to. No, that's different. Okay. Well, then continue to explain. Cause and effect. You can't stop that, but you can stop sneezing no that's different okay well then continue to explain cause and effect you can't stop that but you can stop sneezing because that's my body i go like this that really is just a different kind of cause and effect if i go like your nose hairs got tickled and there's there she blows dude like this hms pinafore but i've never hickored more than once

i've never hickored more than once i don't give a. I bet you do. How many times you've hiccuped. It is interesting that I've done that. I'm not talking about that, though. What about the sneeze? She didn't hiccup. But what I'm saying is if I go, I go like this. I think about how it's my body. Okay, Krishnamurti.

In the meantime. And I've never hiccuped twice. Don't know who that is, but that's so fucking dorky you said that. Krishnamurti. Krishnamurti krishnamurti okay a designer a clothing designer anybody who knows anything a clothing designer outside of their own little fucking world big cuffs with big cuffs and gold like swirlies not exactly krishnamurti not exactly all right um so it is annoying and that person who sneezed needs to be held accountable a little you idiot dude so he sneezed huh i've never wanted to just pummel you maybe in my life i want to pummel you right now about how wrong you are to focus it on that no it's just so simple it's annoying that he

was he was wrong i'm not saying he was wrong what i do is i look at you're not that he was wrong. I'm not saying he was wrong. What I do is I look at the different parts. You're not saying he was wrong? You are saying he was wrong. I say he was wrong. But I look at the different parts and the different angles, okay? I look at the different things. That person sneezed. That's very annoying as shit.

It is annoying as shit that that person sneezed. You can't fight me on that. Annoying? I mean, unfortunate. It's annoying as shit. I would use the word unfortunate. Would you not be annoyed? You would be annoyed.

You wouldn't find yourself in that situation. I would be annoyed about the situation that I put myself in. Yeah. In the moment, in like the very, that exact moment. What I want to know is, is that guy like, hey, don't say anything. I'm going to be talking about a fucking thing. You know? That's what I mean.

Once you lie, you got to be a liar. That's bad. Yeah. The reason you don't lie is because you got to be a liar. You can't just lie once. You got to keep lying. Yay, Matt. Wait, you're saying lie?

What? You're saying lie? Keep lying? No, no. Oh, yay. Delia says lie. Yeah. All right.

No, yeah. You put yourself in a hole. So if she's just gone gone you got to let it go and that's it don't pester don't annoy you you triggered some trigger that it was not okay with her and that's fair and you got to let her go her mom when she was younger died by a sneeze all you can do is learn the lesson of don't lie about little shit that you're actually being faithful about anyway yeah i know really the worst fucking it wasn't even a necessary lie i know if you're not doing the horizontal mamba with that with the other woman why are you lying about what are you

lying why are you lying yeah you just want her to like you want her to be okay and i get it i get it too and i get it get it too but not everybody can't have everything that they want i know everybody can't have everything that they want so sometimes you got to admit that you yourself are not every single thing that a person wants. Yeah, that's exactly right. And I get it more than Matt. So next one, yeah? Okay.

Is that it? We've had him before. What's up, Matt and Chris? Return caller here. I was inspired by the piano guy from Northern California with the veneer teeth who had questions about hair. My quick advice is to him, hey, dude, grow your hair out. You don't have to color it. Your hair looks great.

Just make it longer. Oh, yeah. And then maybe people will call you Liu Kang for the rest of your life. Thanks a lot. Anyway, I have an update about my whole situation with Crossroads, the thrift store that would take my fear of God

and Kanye West-related stuff because of him not being a nice guy. That day, I'd gotten so frustrated. i did a bunch of research on the web found crossroads corporate headquarters found some contacts on linkedin contacted a lady she ended up calling me we had a fairly long conversation about morals and values in society etc and um she took some sort of managerial actions on the employees that I interfaced with at the location that I went to. So overall, it was just a weird thing.

It was a weird feeling. And I mean, I hope that person didn't lose their job or anything. I love the margin of error. You gotta be a little better to each other. And I don't wanna be in trouble for whatever it is that Connie is up to really quick. Before I go, I did have a quick question about something that I could use some advices on. Do you guys ever find yourself throughout the day measuring everything like the time that it takes to do stuff? I find myself doing that. And my therapist

says it's a form of anxiety. Assuredly it is, but it's one of those things. I'm just like, how do I not do that? How do I just relax and say, it might take me an hour to get here. It might take me two hours to get here. Um, it might take me two minutes to brush my teeth. It might take me 30 seconds, but who cares? You know, how do i just live my life that's it really quick before i go though sorry i lied matt thank you for making me that little birthday video my sister convinced you to do last year it was absolutely hilarious she made me a whole compilation and you were the cherry on top so anyways guys thank you so much love what you do curious to hear your feedback that's amazing so yeah uh this guy overthinks a lot of shit. Clearly. Yeah.

Because that was one of his questions. How do I stop overthinking and just enjoy life? Yeah, but even the thing where he had to call the person and they talked a long time. Here's the thing. He didn't even realize

he was snitching. He was just talking too much. But here's what happens when you ask too many questions. You get somebody else in trouble. You get somebody else in trouble, you ask too many questions. That's true.

Just let it go. He can't let stuff go is his problem. gotta let stuff go i know guys like that you gotta let stuff go and let it you know like toilet paper you wipe your ass with it that it's got shit all over it so instead of holding on to it guess what you do you flush down the toilet eat it oh that's what we should do with experiences right we have good and bad experiences but when we have a bad one yeah it was a bad one that I don't want to think about anymore. Guess what? Right.

It's got shit on it. Where's the toilet bowl? Worst analogy. Put it in the toilet bowl. Flush it. Hey, where'd the memory go? It's gone. We got only happy ones.

Oh, I don't know. Yeah, one guy. Who wants only happy memories and experiences? Me too. What you do is... Yeah, yeah, take it like it's a piece of toilet paper that has shit on it and just like a bad experience you get shit all over it you don't want to hold on to it because it's got shit on it and it's terrible and you put it in the toilet when you're done with it and guess what you do you flush it and it goes bye it goes bye bye oh no poopy go bye bye oh god poopy experience and go bye bye not this dude yeah i think that honestly you think too much relax breathe fucking

don't even have a watch that watch is one of the things i noticed take that watch throw it out the fucking window put up your ass wow cut your hair do all sorts of stuff that doesn't matter i'm gonna be in tucson coming up chrisley.com wow you got it just literally you know if you're not something in my throat yeah oh you do yeah okay uh i think that you know i just what i think is that whatever man life's just happening fucking chill out no man i mean it like the guy needs to chill out dude yeah like you're clearly a good dude and you mean well but like you might have gotten somebody fired you're a good dude if you got someone fired that sucks dude and you're a snitch but he didn't mean to you're right but like that that's something to be careful of

if you don't let your mind settle a little bit you're gonna get somebody you don't mean to, you're right But like, that's something to be careful of If you don't let your mind settle a little bit You're gonna get somebody fired You don't want to be an accidental snitch Yeah, dude That's, oh, whoops Oh, he got fired Oh, no Yeah, you accidentally

How long did it take? I hate this term From when to when? I hate this term But you accidentally were a Karen That's what that is I think that's what it turned to, yeah You know?

Yeah It's an accidental snitch Nobody wants to be a Karen So that should be enough reason to tone it down But it's okay though you realize you were a chill pill made a mistake you're still young yeah yeah you're good don't be a fucking accidental snitch again i like accidental snitch over karen okay he didn't mean to yeah he didn't mean to uh well karen knows what she's doing cutting you know accidental karen all right that's why i said accidental karen man i didn't say he was a karen okay I also don't use that term.

I take all of that back. I don't say Karen. Okay. Well, you say it as an accidental snitch then. I don't. A. Sit. I don't sit.

All right. Cool. Tour tickets, chrislea.com. Also, sign up for our Patreon, patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. We get episodes coming out. We're popping them out. That brother band, Lifeline Luxury, luxury go over there it's just five bucks uh multiple episodes a month that are not for free only for our patronic uh uh people uh watch lifeline.com is how you go send in a video

call the hotline or get one-on-one sessions advice sessions with matt at mattalia.com and the lifeline merges at lifelinemerch.com Leave a comment, dude. Rate my hair. Rate his hair. Let him know. It's 9 out of 10.