Lifeline - 66. Desperado

Episode Date: July 16, 2023

Hate all the advice? LIFELINE LUXURY is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. Today we are talking about how Desperado isn't good, advice for a cop moonlighting as a DJ, if kids need a mother figure, and female on male proposal ideas. 📆 Book 20 min or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So that's, you really want to sign up for that. Let me tell you something. That's the best podcast in the world. I think I might like it even better than this one, if I'm being honest. Yeah, it's, right now. I don't know. It comes and goes.

Right now, I'm feeling luxury. I'm going to tell you something. They're both very good, man. Yeah, they're both very good. Top two podcasts in the world so um yeah if you got a question for uh for us go to watch lifeline.com that's for this show lifeline or just click in the link in description below baby yep or leave a message on the hotline at 213-973-8095 if you want one-on-one advice with me go to mattalia.com and book book book it i'm saving

people's lives recently over there just one-on-one how about the merch though too lifelinemerch.com you can get all this stuff right here we show it on the thing uh but it's really great uh you get the purple purple and all that stuff you know a stutter dude how you feeling man you know what uh it's i'm just so happy that it's now really really beautiful and nice out and it wasn't for a long time there beautiful and nice it's hot as hell that's what i mean beautiful and nice no dude it's not nice nope love it too hot love it i'm tan but here's the thing you don't really sweat i sweat a lot and i sweat when i work out oh you mean like everyone in the world no but i go hard oh oh you mean like everyone in the

entire world okay that's not true dude when i go to the gym i look around i'm like why are these people not sweating some people do and me i'm one of them okay well and drip physical exertion i bend over a trip makes people sweat i i sweat i'm just sitting there you know what i'm saying yeah but i like how i make money i make money like I sweat, just sitting there. Oh, wow. Okay. Well, what I like is being outside and being warm and feeling the warmth. And I do that all the time. And I now have a slight tan, and that's what's up for the summer. And whoopsie-daisy, but I have a slight tan. You don't really get very tan.

No, I know. But I have- I get tan walking the dog. I get tan checking the mail. I'm just like- I'm a L. I get dark, dude. I'm in the sun for 10 minutes. I get dark. in the mail I'm just like I get I get Dark dude

I'm in the sun for 10 minutes I get dark No that's I mean Not 10 minutes 10 minutes Really Yeah dude

Yeah And then if I'm in there For like an hour I'm all of I'm just like I look like I'm straight off the boat From Italy

You know what I'm saying Ah what is going on I was out in the sun For one hour Yeah I want to be like that Yeah well too bad But it's going on i was out in the sun for one hour yeah i want to be like that yeah well too bad but it's okay dude um i've been in the pool with calvin i've been outside i've been hiking i've been doing all sorts of crazy shit so and i have a blister on my foot

yes dude can't stop thinking about it it hurts so bad that's cool does william go in the pool william has gone in the pool yeah but not not not actually in the pool but on a floaty in the pool yeah not like underwater and stuff. Does he have like a vibe yet or is he just too young? Yeah, he's pretty young, but he has a vibe where he's just smiling. He's a very smiley baby. Oh, really? Yeah, really smiley.

Calvin was more like this. And William's just smiley, dude. Calvin wasn't a smiley. Well, he was a happy baby in the sense that he- I remember him being so happy. No, no, no. Well, he never cried. Right, that's that i remember him being so happy no no well he never cried right that's what i'm but william is like even when he's crying just yeah that's specifically when he's crying um so that's that's that but yeah it's um it's really it's cool william is

finally becoming uh like um i'm i'm starting to feel like a real connection with him because he's like looking at me and like you know yeah because it it takes as a you know i mean look you feel like some sort of connection with the with the baby because it's yours however the mom feels a connection because it's inside her she's been housing it she's been housing she's been housing it right and so when they come out it's like oh this is what i've been housing. Yeah, and they already have that relationship. Been housing, so German. You, when the baby's born, you just look at it and you're like, what are you? You're a blob of skin and bones.

Yeah, and it's literally just a blob and chilling and it doesn't look at you and it just makes kind of some noises and it shits. And so you're like, okay, what do I do here? And then finally, when it starts to make eye contact with you and then when it starts to like grab something, then you're like, all right, okay, connection. Connect gang, bing, bing, bang.

West side, you know what I mean? Like how Dubsy said. That's, yeah. Connect gang, bing, bing, bang. Wow, that's so dorky that they did that, actually. Connect gang, connect gang, bing, bing, bang. I mean, that's like the Donald Trump thing, you know? Bing, bong, bong, bong, bing, bing, bing, bong, bong, bong.

Donald Trump stole that from me. I'm going to sue him. No, Donald Trump stole it from Mac 10 and Ice Cube and Dub C. Right, okay. Whistle, say, kittie gang, bing, bing, bang. No, I stole it from Mac 10. Okay. And Dub C.

Trump stole it from you? Trump stole it from me. Oh. He doesn't listen to rap. Trump doesn't? No. He used to listen to my podcast, though. But he always talks about how he likes rappers because rappers love Trump.

He does talk about that? Mm-hmm. Like Lil Wayne takes pictures with him remember that remember that or am i in kanye kanye west yeah house yeah true he did right kanye i don't really think of him as a rapper but yeah i mean he is a rapper for sure but i think of him more as like a a person crazy person like a west guy right right you know my contacts are blurry today so what we do when that happens is we get new ones no but put new ones in your eyes sometimes they adjust though you've worn contacts before right yeah i mean i used to and you don't ever wear them no no that's crazy i was like why don't you get lasik don't want to get off my back so get off my back okay but let's talk about it. Get off of it. A wrestler. A wrestler that just quit. So you have glasses.

You don't find it annoying to have those on your face? I love wearing glasses. Why? It's like part, because it's the same. It's like, look, it's not like this, but it's as much of a part of like my day or my routine, whatever you want to call it, as coffee. What? I feel, now when I wear contacts, I'm like,

what, where's everything that's supposed to be in my face? So okay, so why is it like coffee though? Because I feel like I don't wake up until I go through the routine. And one of the routines is like- Wow, I need to have more routines. So the glasses stay. I'm not getting LASIK for anybody,

unless if the apocalypse seems like it's really right around the corner, I'm getting them because I don't want to need glasses. When the apocalypse comes, you can't need stuff like that. Or you need to keep that to a minimum. So how early does the apocalypse have to seem like it's coming before you get LASIK? Because that shit's going to get booked up. Yeah, you're right.

So when the first 10 politicians are killed. That already seems like it's coming. Exactly, yeah. So you had to do it before that. You have to book LASIK before that. Yeah. No, I was saying the 10th one. I'm going.

The 10th one? I'm getting booked for LASIK, yeah. Dude, the 10th one? Because then it's already gone to shit. LASIK is going to be so booked up by the time five politicians get killed okay okay okay so maybe um three politicians okay three politicians are killed i'm calling the lasik doctor and get my okay what if no politicians get killed but there's like tsunamis and there's like volcano volcanic eruptions how many of those none that natural disaster isn't what i'm talking

about oh my god like people burning it all down. Why don't natural disasters... Guns in the streets and people taking over... Guns in the streets is kind of, in a way, a natural disaster in a way now at this point. Well, that would be an unnatural disaster. I know it's unnatural, but I'm saying the way it happens, it would make the same waves as a natural disaster. People would just be massively dying.

Okay, but to me, it's not the same thing. Okay. I'm only getting LASIK if it's people in the streets with guns and like militias taking over towns and stuff okay so what about this no guns in the streets no volcanic eruptions no earthquakes three politicians get assassinated you're getting lasik i'm gonna book it in six months and then if i if another one gets hit if i change my mind if it all evens out everything's fine then i'm you know what i don't even show up so yeah so doc so it turns out there wasn't a fourth politician that really got shot and uh there's no guns in the street so i'm not gonna get lasik yeah yeah all

right so no earthquakes no no tsunamis are gonna make you i got like six pairs of glasses i'll just grab a few and i'm good you know what i'm saying so what is it about the people because then like they want your glasses closed down you got to stay home businesses closed down if there's a fucking this is crazy but if there's a tsunami it's already too late you know it's like i'm already screwed if i don't have a lasik you know we should get lasik dude maybe but here's the thing get in one eye here's the thing yeah test it out get it one eye this way you still wear glasses it's nice you have one prescription but if the shit hits the van go don't worry i got it covered yeah yeah yeah yeah uh no but it's also like 99.8 percent

i'm not gonna mess with my eyes it has to be 100 every single time it has to work perfectly for me to do it 99.8% what? Success for that LASIK. Yeah, and then the other 0.2%, it's not like you go blind. No, it's not. It doesn't work. No, it's not. But there's a famous baseball player who had the LASIK.

He's a catcher and it screwed up his eyes for like two years, two whole years. And then what? He couldn't play baseball for two years. And then what happened after the two years? He came back after that. How good was he? Not as good because he's older and wasn't playing. So how did it get fixed?

It's just like time, I think. I don't even think. Oh, jeez. Maybe he had another surgery. Well, I guess the moral of that story is don't be a fucking catcher, right? Yeah, you shouldn't be a catcher if you're going to live. All right. Well, that's interesting.

I didn't know that you love wearing glasses. I do. I feel like it's a part of me. When I wear my glasses, I feel dirty. You know you know why yep i do know why okay cool you want to tell everybody yeah just because when i wake up in the morning or when i'm going to sleep and that's the only time and it's before i take a shower yes yeah yeah yeah totally for you it's like the opposite for you basically as it is yeah yeah yeah for sure yeah so if you wore glasses if you didn't wear glasses and you had contacts in during the

day, you feel like weird all day. You think? I've worn contacts enough recently to be like, this is weird. When? I mean, when I was in that movie I was in recently. Oh. I didn't. Oh, you had to wear contacts.

Yeah. Oh. Yeah. And you felt bad about it. And every once in a while, I'll wear them if I don't want to. Like what? Like sometimes if I go to a movie, I will. Really?

Yeah, just for the movie. And then I'll throw them away. Why? Because it's a little sharper. Like your vision's a little sharper. Oh, wow. What a cinephile, dude. You're a cinephile.

Gotta keep it sharp, dude. I'm a cinephile, too, dude. No, you're not. Yeah, I am. You know why? No. No, why? Because I saw the movie Hypnotic with Ben Affleck.

Oh, wow. That movie looks so bad. Dude. Don't. You have no idea how bad it is. I think no you can't topple me over do a somersault down the hill it is topple you over do a somersault but it is dude it's one of those movies where it's so bad but before that you think i actually the script yeah is dog shit the idea is dog shit so let's think about why it exists ben affleck i guess but here's the thing what's up with ben affleck ben affck could be, and arguably he has been this

at various points throughout his career, he could be the biggest star in the world. Right, yeah. And his choices make it seem like he's desperate for work. I know, and he's not. That's always been the case for him, though, as an actor.

Why would he do a movie hypnotic? Even The Accountant was a weird choice. Like, what are you doing, buddy? No, it was so weird. I think he thought that was going to be like John Wick. But that was... But hypnotic, I don't understand the thought behind it

What is hypnotic about? Dude it's about A guy The only way I can explain it is If I start with the bad guy He plays a guy who can Not hypnotize people It's hypnotics

It's a different thing that you can learn how to do And you can just basically get so good at it that it's basically you're a jedi you're like take a seat and the person will have to sit down right and it's already a bad idea right it's already a bad idea okay so so but there's a faction like there's a whole faction that learns how to do this and there's a few people in the world that can do it and they do things like rob banks right right that's in the trailer and and ben affleck is the guy to uncover all this because it doesn't work on him right he's like immune to it right is he a cop or something but what is it you know why he's immune to it the reason why he's immune to it is because

he spoiler alert used to be in the faction of course yeah but doesn't remember because he did it to himself wiped his own memory cool cool i love this movie by just going like this is it non-visual like that no i mean they don't show him wipe his memory right but i'm saying when they do it is it just oh dude it's are they physically is anything happening visually when they do it no when they make they make people do stuff? No. You're just looking at a guy standing there? And it's the kind of thing where it's like, you can make people think you're someone else. Yeah. Like, I'm not me. I'm actually, I'm Anthony now.

And you're looking at me. And then I go like this, a second, I'm Chris the whole time. And then it cuts to you and it cuts to me. And now I'm Chris. You see what the actor, dude, it's so unbelievably bad. Who? What? It is...

Anthony, will you look up who made that movie, who wrote it and directed it? It is... Oh, it was Rodriguez. Oh, Robert Rodriguez. I knew that. That's why Ben Affleck did it. Right, of course.

There's no other reason. Yes. Wow. Robert Rodriguez... Let me tell you something. He's done some good stuff. Robert Rodriguez has sucked at making movies since before he started making movies.

He's never made something that I think is cool. Oh, really? Yeah. Desperado was cool when I was a kid, but I was a kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not cool. Do the thing with the gun and the...

There's also no frills and shit and like... The gun in the guitar case and he bends down on his leg and he shoots a bazooka, dude. That's pretty stupid, actually. That's actually pretty fucking stupid, yeah. You guys don't like Desperado? There we go.

No. I have to see it again. I who wrote it who wrote it um oh he wrote it wow dude just get go away you know what it is it's such a film no he should keep doing if he's making money for but he it's such a film that would be the idea would be somebody in film school had it yeah yeah yeah first year yeah yeah and uh second year you realize that's trash but so anyway um i i it isn't it isn't it isn't for sure my top 10 worst movies of all time but it is it may be in my top five i'm not sure and that is with the new matrix top five 5, and Wonder Woman 1984. Wow. I haven't seen either one of those movies. So I can't speak. Or this one, for that matter.

Yeah, people like to forget that Pedro Pascal was in 1984, Wonder Woman 1984. He wasn't so good in that, was he, dude? That movie fucking sucked. Donkey balls. He might have been good, but the movie was bad. Anyway. All right, well, let's get to a caller, right? This is Lifeline Luxury.

We talk about bullshit like this. It's fun. Okay. Now, you said that wrong. This is not Lifeline Luxury, but what we just did is what lifeline luxury is like because it's a real hoot it's a real hoot okay let's take a caller let's do it matt and chris what the fuck is up guys so aggressive this is a disclaimer real quick i know it's dark shit right now um and we're gonna be in a shift as a cop as you can see oh yeah um and i don't want to stick out like a sore thumb with the fucking interior lights on.

Sure, sure, sure. Anyways, diving right into it. Just a robbery going on behind me. I've been DJing on the side recently. DJing? And it's been going great. DJ cop? I've been getting a lot of gigs here in Jersey and New York.

Officer DJ? Connections off the fucking wazoo. Off the fucking wazoo. And I could see myself getting famous eventually right too i could see it and you know with the connections i've made and the potential of that happening is like pretty high hell yeah dude this cocky shit i know fuck it but i don't see myself going through that process unless i'm like fully immersed in it yeah yeah yeah um and as you can see i have a safety net job which takes up

half my fucking half the year i'm working doing this if you're not doing off duty and shit so my question is you know fueling your passion going all the way into something that you know interesting and you you wouldn't see yourself struggling with um doing for the rest of your life is it worth going through all that like taking the pay cut like saying fuck it to like your safety net wouldn't see yourself struggling with doing for the rest of your life. Is it worth going through all that? Like, taking the pay cut? Like, saying fuck it to, like, your safety net? You know? Potentially disappointing a lot of people

to go all in on this thing. You're not just a playing criminal. Let me know what you guys think. Dude, I mean, you can't do both, you know? That's insane. That would be a script as bad as hypnotic dude to be like fucking I'd like to ask you a few questions

where were you July 21st freeze you doing drugs let it slide because it's pretty lit I think that I need backup guard the ones in two I'll let it slide because it's pretty lit. I think that... I need backup. Come here.

Guard the ones and twos. This is crazy. Yeah, that is actually crazy. I don't even know. In general, I know what kind of advice to give it. It's like, do I follow my passion or keep my safety net? This is really weird and specific. I don't think being a cop pays enough, though,

to consider it a really solid enough... Well, no, that's not true. No, it does. It does, but you... That's not true at all. You're always gonna wonder if you keep being

a police officer, you're always gonna wonder if you should have gone into the fucking DJ... Can't you go back to being a cop though like police forces need cops so bad these days like they're they're you can go be a cop even if it's not at the same station that you're in a precinct that you're in right now you if you took like five years off you could absolutely go and be a cop again yeah probably yeah so do that a hundred percent do that that's a good idea you've already been through all the

training you could find it dude actually you've already been through all the training. You could find it. Dude, actually, you know what? That happens all the time. Cops get hired in just different precincts, different states, different counties, whatever. Like you can have a future as a cop if you want. DJ and a cop.

Dude, DJ Freeze. Oh, DJ Freeze is good. That's pretty good, right? Yeah. DJ, hands up. Swallowing. swallowing swallowing fucking oh man gotta leave the bag behind i don't know yeah it's just so it's so i get it dude the music is inside you bro god i can't imagine being a dj could you mind being a dj what what would be worse being a dj or a cop i guess a cop because you worry about you're gonna get fucking i would

rather be a cop you're gonna get your wig split you would rather be a cop but it's scary bro i'd be like serpico though i'd see all the corruption. I'd be like, no. And I would go to the DA. And I'd be like, these guys are bad. So simplifying it. No, dude. I would become a cop, see all the corruption around me. And when they would come to me and say, you ought to be corrupt, too, I would say, no.

And then I would go straight to the DA's office. And I would say, they're bad. And I would be in the newspapers. I'd be famous. Serpico, if it was one minute long. No. Dude, Serpico's it was one minute long. No. Dude, Serpico's Hey, Devad. He's not old in that, dude.

Come on. He doesn't sound like that. Hey, Serpico. That's how he sounded when he was younger. That movie's great. How did he have a voice like this

and then it turned to this? I mean, that makes sense. I can't wait to see what my voice does it's kind of the same it's completely different nice to meet you dude it's completely different yeah dude that's great uh you did that too hard it's all good oh i don't know my own sorry no i'm a rock climber now so nah wait i did deadlifts that's what it has the same voice it's just a different like isn't it isn't the same it's just like this and then, it's the same thing. Yeah, but dude, I lost your mind.

How does it? It's like this. But how did it go from that to that? I can't wait to see what my voice is like. Dude, my voice is going to be

so dope when I'm 90. Shut up. Up, dude. Hey, what's it going on? What did you say? I can't hear you. I'm fucking 90.

Deaf English guy. That's what you're doing. I can't hear you. Hello. What's going on? Watch where you go. Hey, fucking help me up here i'm fucking i want to take a walk to the fucking kitchen island huh wow get some cheese

one in it um yeah dude that's yeah be a dj take a hiatus from being a cop try to be a dj dj freeze and spin those rounds baby imagine a dj freeze how you get your name to be like you used to be a cop that's hilarious dude this is a don johnson movie that came out in fucking 1991 yes yep first his first movie that was like fucking trying to make him a movie star from from uh in a bomb yeah all right dude just be a cop later yeah be a cop later okay vin diesel hey what's up boys uh big fan love both you guys um but just wanted some quick advice on cutting back on caffeine because I know Chris talked about

quitting like coffee and stuff the whole time he was in rehab and I am trying to get on that level of cutting back on caffeine so just didn't know if you went cold turkey or how you did it any advice from either of you guys would be appreciated I'll tell you right now um first of all the when's the last time you haven't drank coffee

when's the last time you um like what do you mean having a coffee in a day yeah i don't know a long time okay. So if you don't drink it, you'll get headaches, right? Yes. So that doesn't really matter. You could just take Excedrin or whatever. Some people shake more. No, no, no.

But I'm saying the headaches don't matter. Right. And I'm saying on top of the headaches, some people shake more. But what we're doing is we're singularly talking about the headaches at this point. Okay. So we're going to talk about the shakes.

Okay. Okay. Sorry. Forgive me. I thought there were two people on this podcast. They could whatever they wanted but i didn't realize there's only one i didn't realize we're both you um so so the headaches i'm saying are not that big of a deal okay people talk about the headaches i got the headaches when i was in rehab i didn't do the coffee and i would get the headaches the

headaches lasted was that part of rehab yeah they don't let you drink caffeine. Why? They don't want you under any influence of anything. But, Yum Yum, give me some. You can't smoke cigarettes? I know, Yum Yum, give me some, but no, you can't smoke cigarettes. No way. You know what I'm saying?

That's what I would be like at rehab. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, they don't let you? No, some rehabs do, but not this one. You got to go to that one. Well, you messed up. That's what, yeah, you messed up. The reason why they don't want you to do anything like that is because they don't they want to see what your base level is okay so they want you to feel actually how you're feeling and that is sure yeah pretty

yeah yeah yeah uh standard for uh sex addiction rehab if you're doing drug rehab it might be a different story right okay right yeah yeah um because you don't have to feel your feelings necessarily i mean i still think you do but it's about getting off of that right like i know sober people who smoke yeah yeah of course right yeah right and they're not like breaking the rule you know yes uh that doesn't mean that after you do they don't say don't smoke after you do it they just want to figure out like like i wasn't able to take any any of um my my uh xanax or anything i don't know you can't take that you can if it's a certain type of drugs you can take got it got it got it uh but but not if it's a something you can be dependent on right right right i i've taken fucking xanax nine times in my life but um

anyway uh so it wasn't a big deal but the caffeine gave me headaches i did not have shakes and i drink a lot of caffeine so i all of a sudden stopped i would get headaches i take the and it was fine however i did notice um i wanted to drink coffee. So I was, I guess, addicted to it. However, I will tell you right now that if you want to get off of coffee completely, that's one thing. If you want to drink less, it's easier to do. You can just, uh, re this sounds like I talk about this, but like if you, if you straight up, there are days where I drink one coffee and just drink Magic Mind, and it is like I drank coffee all day. It keeps you alert, but not buzzed. And it is like you drank caffeine, but you don't feel buzzed.

And it actually helps for that. I don't know if it's going to help with the headaches, but Excedrin does. So if you really want to get off caffeine um try magic mind genuinely that that works amazing so uh and you'll end up spending less money on it too but you know and i am i am not employed by magic mind i do not they do not pay me it's just a great fucking product uh yeah i was gonna say come with a replacement of which there are many now there are many that is one but there's like mushroom coffee i have a friend there's like mushroom coffee. I have a friend that's like, he was diagnosed with some, he's fine, but he's diagnosed with

some weird thing with, I think, liver maybe. But like, coffee was one of the things that was upsetting his stomach. And he's got like mushroom and turmeric. It's like so many things like that now. I'm sure it's terrible, but yeah. Yeah. I was like, is it good? He's like, no.

But like, sometimes coffee isn't good. You just, it's a, but yeah. Yeah. I was like, is it good? He's like, no. But sometimes coffee isn't good. Yeah, true. It's a habit. True. Especially if you get it from Alfred's. I don't even think it's the caffeine. It's just like, oops, it's not bad, though. It's really good.

It's fine. The vanilla latte at Alfred's. Well, I don't get a vanilla latte because I'm not buying coffee for my wife. The vanilla latte, which is the world famous vanilla latte of Alfred. Everything's world famous, dude. No, that's the only thing. No.

In the world. They put it on a sign. That's the only thing in the world that's world famous. No, it's the only thing on their menu that says world famous. Because they put it on a sign.

Well, it tastes so good, it might as well be world famous, okay? Yeah. Just got fired. Just got fired the way you were confirming dinner tonight yes dude i have a fucking life wow wow all right do you go to dinners and shit go to dinners like what like do you have a do you have like a friend that's like

yo let's let's go fucking thursday a friend man you're really don't pick out single words i'm saying just listen to the whole thing okay i'll try dinners a friend no i meant like dinners like dinner parties or just going no like do you have a friend that's like let's get dinner thursday and then you say okay yeah i usually end up before thursday though after i say okay saying i'm not gonna yeah i'm going tonight and i made a plan last week and I make myself do things like that more now than I used to I make myself because I've found that yeah even if I don't enjoy the experience being social is good for me it is just like a vitamin is good it's like it's it's like we're social animals, and that actually, I think, means something. Like we need to be around people to actually have any kind of semblance of happiness. Yeah.

And so even if I'm like, oh, I don't really like those people, and I said yes, I don't want to go, but I'll make myself go more often than not now. And even on the way home, I'll be like, man, that sucked, but I'm happy I did that. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like working out. Yeah, well, you know what is interesting? I'm going to do deadlifts today.

Every single thing that is discussed with you, you will end up talking about working out by the end of the discussion. I mean, I have to. Isn't that interesting? Now, isn't that interesting? It is interesting. Okay. I did squats yesterday, and your foot elevated split squats. So that's crazy, and that's all I did.

That's all I did. It was a light workout for me. I did heavy stuff, but it was a light workout for me. It wasn't as long as I usually go. It was 50 minutes. Don't want you to keep going. But this time, today, I'm going to do deadlifts. I do my deadlifts after my squats.

I don't want you to keep going. Okay. All right, next one. Enso Mo squats. Hey, Matt and Chris. I had a little question for you. I'm a single dad of two little boys, four and six, I'll be five and seven. You don't care. Anyway,

in this way, it's about a year and a half now. And they've been that age for that. They lack a mother figure in their life, right? Cause I don't see there's at all long story, like the reverse deadbeat situation. But should I be looking for a stepmother figure for them or should i just keep my nose down and keep grinding like i am right because we're in a world where you can't really live off one income right and so you do you take the selfish route and go look for you know relationships outside of your kids yeah or do you just be a slave your whole life well until they're adults and then go find a partner because i get this guilt feeling anytime i even start talking to a female because it's going to take that minuscule amount of time that

you know it could be spent with the kids oh so i don't know while we're thinking things should i just be single dad work my ass off reward myself later in life or should i be trying to find someone now i don't know thanks love the podcast guys you get me through a lot of hard times have a good one thanks for listening i'm gonna be there for you that's a really great question. That's a great question. And I believe I at least have an answer or at least the answer. I don't think that not, I don't think that staying single and focusing solely on your kids

is necessary in any way. I don't think that that will make your kids' lives better even. I agree. I don't think that, i think that is a misplaced uh it's like you're being a good person it's like misplaced morality or something you know like that's not actually going to make your children's lives better right it's going to make you less guilty possibly yeah but but i would say absolutely at least try, but you don't have to like,

try to the point that you're going to make something work, even if it doesn't work, but you owe it to yourself. Be open to love. To be happy. Yeah. And your kids, here's the deal,

your kids, whether they act like it or not at five and seven, ultimately, will be happy if you are happy. The more happy you are, the more likely your kids will have a chance to be happy in their own lives. So think about that. Think about how much more joy you could have if you found the right partner for you. Your kids would see that. They would learn what a healthy relationship looks like. A number of things are good about that. If you're worried

about your kids, I'd say, again, don't't force it don't just date someone because you feel like you have to but that's a good thing for children to see model a good relationship for them yeah and you don't need to look for a mom you need to look for love and somebody that you'll be happy with that will in you know affect be a good person to be in their lives as well. Uh, yeah, I, I don't, I don't, the guilt thing, it bothers me because it's not, you're not, you don't need to, that's all you, bro. That's all you. I mean, of course it's time taking away from you being with them, I guess, but that's not a bad thing. Like they need to learn how to be functional without you. And it's okay. The guilt thing is not something.

That's all constructed in your head. And, you know, that would be the only thing I would add. I do similar stuff. I totally get it. Yeah, for sure. I mean, dude, I feel guilty fucking coming here. I want to be with the kids. You should do that more.

Let me run it. No, but also I got to work out. But that's good for them, dude. Oops. You know? They want me to be fucking strong with. You should do that more. Let me run it. No, but also I got to work out. But that's good for them, dude. They want me to be fucking strong with deadlifts. So dumb. Okay. Yeah, you're a good dude. You owe it to yourself to be as happy as you can possibly be.

Plus, it sounds like your relationship with their mother is rough. That's always so weird when a mom isn't in the kids' lives. It's also weird when a dad isn't in the kids' lives. I mean, it could be for any other reason. It's also weird when a dad isn't, though. It's less weird. It's so weird when a parent has a child and they're like, nah. It's less weird with the dad. Why is it less weird?

Because it's inside the mom. It's more common, obviously. That's why it's less weird. But it's also less weird because a guy can literally splurt and then never see the woman again. Yeah. Women, so they'll never see the baby. They'll never think about the baby.

They'll never think about the woman. But that's not deadbeat. Deadbeat parents know that they have the kid. I understand, yeah. Don't show up for it. Well, except for is it deadbeat if you meet somebody, have one night with them, then you go somewhere else where you live and

they were there where they live they have a kid they decide to keep it and you say well i don't want to be a dad that's not necessarily deadbeat that's just oh i didn't want to it is if you don't help financially support the child well that's all that deadbeat means oh debbie means of financing you're not present and you don't finance you don't help financially it's like i think you know it's actually illegal right it's like laws yeah yeah yeah i get that you know like you can't really have a kid if you're not prepared to work for it to make money for it to live otherwise it's like it's an enterprise that is beneficial to nobody you're creating more people who don't have food to eat you know um but yeah given your situation dude just try to again don't like hurry into anything just for the sake of it but try to

meet somebody you know maybe you'll be horizontal before you know it meet somebody and meet somebody m-e-e-t and m-e-a-t wow all right yeah good luck dude yeah good luck man sounds like you're a good guy i have shorts on it looks like i have no pants on, but I have shorts on. Hey, man, Chris, I have a quick question. I proposed to my boyfriend because he always said that he wanted me to propose before he proposes to me. So I did that. Yay. Um, but I guess the timing wasn't great cause I thought it would be funny, but you know, we went to Disneyland and then we got a turkey leg. And then when we got home, we both had, um, explosive diarrhea. And I thought it'd be so funny if I proposed to him after that. Cause you know, if you can get through that together and have to

share a bathroom with that, then, you know, you can get through that together and have to share a bathroom with that then you know you can get through anything sure but i guess he was really mad about it because he was not having a good time so he wants me to redo it which is fair um but i was hoping that you could tell me how should i do it because i'm not a very romantic person uh and he wants something a little more romantic so So any help would be great. Thanks. The guy is the most gigantic asshole in the world. That's what's going on. He not only was like, I don't want to ask you to marry me. I want you to ask me.

Fine. I guess fine. Whatever. Teach their own. Who cares, right? Yeah. But then she did it the way that she so chose, which obviously she thought was a good way to do it

even though it was you know amid a horrible diarrhea session which you know to each their own um but he was mad that she did it then because he wasn't feeling well so now he's insisting she has to ask him again at another time in another setting that is like more something he would like. Here's the deal. Why don't you do it if you want? If because the the typical gender situation here is reversed. Yeah.

I think it's easy to miss something here. And it's that that guy is in like the biggest fucking asshole I can even imagine. And it's being blurred by the fact that it's the woman asking the man. Yeah. I think you're missing something here. Nice woman who has called in and asked the question. And it's that your soon-to-be husband sucks, dude. Well, that guy sucks.

Is it a joking thing, though, is what I don't get. No, no, no. Like, why? She would have said something like that. So let me ask you this. If you're a guy that wants the woman to propose to you, that's one thing. But what I don't get and what throws me all off is he's saying not just that. I want you to propose to me before i

propose to you that's what i don't get so if he's going to do it anyway you're getting hung up on the wrong how am i getting hung up on the wrong thing that that was just her way of saying it she doesn't mean there's a time when he's going to ask and she better do it before i know that she knows that he just wants her to ask him. That's it. I know. So then why are you bringing up the other thing that doesn't matter? Because she's, oh, she's saying, yes,

you better do it before I do it so I don't have to do it? All he's saying is you have to do it. But that's not what he's saying. Yes, it is. He said you have to propose to me before I propose to you. Right, but all that means

that you're getting hung up on like just random turn or is that what it means that doesn't mean anything though how could you consider that that's something to mean that you can't you can't mean that because it makes no sense so he's not gonna be like thanks for proposing to me yes now in his head okay i gotta propose to her no he's not doing that no because no one's ever done that was that was that that obvious yes fuck yes really yes am i i dude i honestly think i have asperger's yeah you probably i'm not even trying to make fun of people with asperger's no i know you're saying you have it fuck you have something you fixate i didn't understand that because of that and i fixate you fixate that's not necessarily guys two things was i wrong in the comments yes or did you think the way i thought and do you think i have asperger's for real only people with asperger's

are gonna be like yeah you thought the right thing um uh okay oh wow i was completely off there no but all it is is that he wants her to ask she did and he's like no that's not good enough do it again i mean okay that is an asshole i i understand that's asshole except for it was during explosive diarrhea but it was funny and she said so it was like i i think she's right that is kind of funny like if the guy did it to the girl after explosive diarrhea she would make him redo it but that didn't happen so what does that have to do it didn't happen because what because the girl that's the guy but you can't come up with a counterfactual that didn't happen and be like if that happened you're saying it would be the same way so then if the roles were

reversed but how do you even know that it didn't happen that way how can you make that claim you can't make a claim about generally if you ask a woman to marry you after explosive diarrhea they're gonna wish you did it differently and did it again no i don't i don't know of that as like a common thing when people are like no that's the wrong way to ask do it again i've never even heard of that explosive diarrhea thing that she's doing it listen because she thinks it's funny to do it then and this should be a very touching moment a non-explosive diarrhea moment it there's a reason why the commercial isn't every kiss begins with it's because it's not it's not beautiful you want that moment to be beautiful but to her it was

and and he's making her do it in the first place and he's making her do it in the first place. He's making her do it. She doesn't know how or want to. She did the best she could. Then he said, no, do it again a different way. Come on, dude. Did she do the best she could? Did she do the best she could?

She thinks so. Or could she have set up a picnic? She thinks so. Could she have set up a picnic after all of her bowels were evacuated, made a nice sandwich and put some fucking candles up and said, will you marry me? Cock, by the way, because you do it.

Well, that's my thing. If there's a possibility that you won't like the way someone does it, do it yourself, whether you're a man or a woman, you fucking assholes. You can't be like, you got to do the thing that is really important. And okay, you got to do it your way. I'm just going to wait and you're going to surprise me whenever it happens. Then when that happens, you're like, no, no, that wasn't right. You got to do it again later.

Whether you're a man or a woman, you're a fucking asshole if you do that. I don't care. That's so fucking shitty and stupid, dude. Come on. I don't know. You side with that guy? I don't side with that guy. I don't. i i you side with that guy i don't side with that guy i don't i do not side with that guy i think that i i think that it's he the guy's being a baby i do think the

guy's being a baby but i think i understand if it wasn't explosive diarrhea bro if it wasn't explosive diarrhea, bro. If it wasn't during explosive diarrhea. Bro, you're asking someone to marry you. You're not fucking signing a lease on a car. All right, let me ask you something. This happens to you and Kristen. Yeah. Before you're married, even engaged. Yeah.

After it happens, you guys are like, obviously either you're laughing or you're like commiserating. Yeah. And then she says, she proposes to you. I i don't give a fuck i think it was cute but that's because i i'm me she knows this guy this guy's his own way she thought it would be funny and cute which is what she said i agree i would i would do the same thing i would say yes and think it was funny i'll put it this way what guy would be like ew we're pooping You can't do it. What are you talking about? Maybe he thinks that she, you know, pun intended, shit on the occasion. And I will say, I will say, if I asked Kristen after we both went diarrhea-ing,

she would probably be like, why did you do it then? But that isn't, again, that isn't what happened. She obviously baked into the fact that she's asking the guy and that like him as a guy would probably think that's funny and cute whereas i don't think that she would probably presume the same about a woman but but so you said take the gender thing out of it though no all i'm saying is take the gender thing at face value she was told to ask him i'm saying don't flip it around. That's not what happened.

I agree with you, except for I'm not as hard-lined. I understand what the guy's saying. No, I think the guy should go to hell or at least go to jail for the rest of his life. He should go to hell, expedite his trip to hell.

I do agree with her, except for also, I understand where the guy's coming from. If the, maybe the guy's not being an asshole about it. Maybe he's just saying like, listen, that was really sweet.

And I get the humor of it, but can you do it in a different way? In a special way? It would be nice. If that's the, how he did it. My advice to you is to find another guy. All right.

All right. All right? But if you want another way to ask him, Matt thinks the commercial goes like this. Every kiss begins with... Where's the toilet paper? I mean, this is why it bothers me so much, dude. It bothers me so much because what people that i'm intimate with or even not ask me to do something yeah for them that i think is sweet or whatever and then i do it and then the person is like no that's not how i wanted it it's like then don't fucking okay

fucking listen ask john malkovich listen i get it's i understand that and i agree with it okay okay however this was during explosive diarrhea i think that makes it funny i think she's completely i think she's a hundred percent right actually i think it was that is funny and in its own way that is cute in fact like those kinds of things bind people even closer together when they go through it together it smelled bad and it was shit coming out of your ass that makes it funny dude not funny like i actually i gotta tell you something i don't think it makes it funny i don't think that that's funny it's not but you know what i mean it's not offensive it's not like i just don't think if the guy thinks it's offensive that's one thing i just if someone were to ask me to marry them while we

were shitting our brains out i wouldn't think that was i would think that's funny that's yeah that's hilarious dude it's the most ridiculous thing to do in the world it is because people hype it up so much they like plan these most epic yeah so it's like you're shitting on the idea of proposing which is not special i get that no it's really special it's really special okay well we disagree then she's great he's an idiot i'm not saying she's not great and i'm not saying he's not an idiot i don't know the guy i but i am saying she's great and that he is an idiot all right next one yeah what's up chris what's? Um, you guys are awesome. Appreciate everything you guys do. Um,

I just need some advice from you guys. Um, my fiance and I are getting married in three months and her mom, my soon to be mother-in-law, which we're very, I'm very close to, um, my soon-to-be mother-in-law which we're very i'm very close to um is diagnosed with breast cancer and long story short metastasized to her brain and it looks like she might not make the wedding so me and her do not know what to do do we push the wedding off uh until everything subsides do we try to bring like someone in to get us married in front of her we don't know what to do everything's fresh and yeah so just appreciate you guys thank you for everything you guys do seriously that's sweet i'm sorry bro that rough. It's rough for your wife.

It's rough for you. I, I, and it's rough for the mom. I think my, my first thought, immediate thought was do a really small thing with her. Get actually married. Yes. And, uh, have her be there or, you know, and a few people, you know, your, your parents, your brothers, whatever. And then, uh, and then wait and take care of her.

And then when she passes, you know, after a little bit, then you can have like a we're married party, you know? And keep it basically the same wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was going to be, but have it be a party. Because it's hard to celebrate when you're going through this rough time, man. And I get that. And I don't think that the mom, you know, sounds like you're very close.

So I don't think that the mom would want you to really not celebrate and not you know be a burden and so or rush it so you're kind of getting the best of everything if you do those things yeah you know because it's probably important to look i'm sure it's important to you but it's probably important to your wife that her mom be there yeah of course yeah yeah um because i'm you know the mom if she's like any other mom unless she's like a monster which she doesn't know she is she she'd probably be like oh i don't want to mess anything up yeah so you're not messing something up you you you know you want to be you look i look we want you here we understand that you may not be around for the next however long and uh we want to do it with you there and and and and

you don't have to worry about soiling the actual yes you get a vent because there will be an event you get both um that's and we want you to be there yeah i think that's good yeah i fully agree yeah and because you can even just go to the courthouse and just do that and have her be there you know but i like the idea of like an actual small ceremony at one of your houses maybe if she can't leave her house maybe do it there yeah have like 10 people that's really sweet too it's really memorable for you guys and well that's the other thing yeah she'll it'll make her the end of her life have at least one very beautiful moment true that was kind of like tailored for her and that is that is beautiful and also it's something you'll remember as chris said for the rest of your lives and it'll be a fond memory of this woman that you both really

care about yeah i think that's cool yeah and i think that you should start setting it up before you even tell your wife this way it takes the burden off of her trying to do it having to do it and it seems like you're actively doing something and caring and yeah i just think that it would be really sweet and also i think you should do it when you both have explosive diarrhea you should tell her what the new plan is when you're you know explosively shitting because everybody loves depending on how far along the cancer is you might be shitting anyway you know okay um uh not to be dark but yeah well it was breast and brain maybe i shouldn't have made that joke but well i mean it affects everything oh wow you know no i just won't let it go you know all right all right next one

next one is there another one okay hey matt hey chris love the show man been a baby since like 2017 here's the deal i got these friends friends. I met line dancing. These two girls, totally platonic, never been like that. Anyways, we became good friends. We were friends for a long time. Then I got kind of busy. I got a second job. I started teaching swing dance and I got a girlfriend. And after a while, I kind of stopped going to a few of their things. Not all of them, just a few, because I have work or whatever. they stopped inviting me to things wholesale like i see them do things online they never invite me and their excuse is always like oh we thought you'd be busy or whatever then i talked to them they're like well you don't have enough upkeep you don't

text us enough like you don't talk to us you don't invite us to the things you're doing i don't do anything right like i'm at home or at the bar where i see you every week or you invite me to the thing yeah so like what what's your deal with high maintenance friendships because i feel like guys can just not see each other for like two years get some wings things are fine you know help generally that's true but i've known enough guys over my very way we're in fucking i've known guys in my very short lifetime I'm very young who have been the way that you are describing

incredibly high maintenance to the point that I've had to be like yo I actually can't be your friend anymore actors are like that this guy was not an actor this guy built mausoleums so

not an actor just a dude he built mausoleums isn't that the worst job in the world you know I mean well actors are like that, though. That doesn't take away from what I said.

So hung up on the actors thing. Maybe he was just acting like a mausoleum maker. I think high-maintenance friends are pretty much the worst kind of friend, is what I think. I just don't understand. They must have all sorts of abandonment issues and weird childhoods. We've all had shit in our childhoods, but that that's just really odd a high maintenance friend a high maintenance significant other i understand me too i think i am i can be that way you know but like that's a

weird fucking thing man you have other friends also hang with also don't if you're a friend don't you want your friend to come and go as they please? Like I specifically want my friends to see me as much as they want to see me as long as I also want to see them. I don't want them to come every single time I ask them if they don't want to or can't or it's very difficult. I want them to do it the way that is best for their life. But I also want to invite them so if they can come or do want to hang or do it the way that is best for their life. But I also want to invite them. So if they can come or do want to hang out, do whatever the fuck it is that we're talking about. I can see them and we can hang out.

It's great. Friendships by definition have to be low maintenance. They're at the very worst mid maintenance. Otherwise it's honestly not really a friendship. It's like a weird rivalry thing. I don't understand. It's adversarial. It's also, you're a guy and she's a girl it's weird it's that's it's just odd dude no are we fucking like you know what i mean it's like

that was gonna be my question like i and i know he said it's always been platonic but like he said it's two girls right yeah he said two girls is there any kind of weird thing with either one of them that you either liked her in the past or she liked you in the past or something like that because if that's the case then it makes a little it's not like he's not a handsome guy yeah maybe he's gay or i don't know we don't know you know yeah i don't know but the um he's not stereotypically gay as you think of gay but well maybe they're gay you know I don't know who is or who isn't gay

because this isn't he didn't get into that maybe everyone's gay you know I think everybody's gay but yeah but I don't

yeah that's a fucking weird thing I think you should just they're already it seems like you're busy if they're gonna be like that but he also seems a certain way he feels like a certain way

about well what the fuck i they don't invite me to things right i think you should just say basically what you said to us like about the thing about well you don't invite us to things either it's like well i don't have things to invite you to right right if i did of course i would invite you you're my friends yeah but i don't so you're it's like they're assuming you have your own things that you refuse to invite them to maybe they're just under a wrong impression and maybe it would change if they understood oh dude i know what it is they think you're a chick they think you're a chick i don't it doesn't work with dudes just phase it out it's working on him he's all he's all i know but you have to remind

yourself you're not a chick when you hang around chicks it's like the joe rogan thing thing it's like the joe rogan joke where he was like he said is bruce does bruce jenner really think that he's a woman or did he did he just hang around too many women long enough that he became one like uh uh that's what's happening dude so pretty soon you're gonna be trans no that's not what's happening could happen i think all that is happening is that you're friends with two really weird people that are like yeah they've obviously are friends with each other because they fucking aren't that same way that that's like not that the way they're being is not what being a friend is so if you're asking about hy maintenance friends, I don't know.

Some you keep, some you don't. It depends on who you are and where you are in your life. Those two people seem like bad friends to me. That's not a high maintenance thing. That's like a, that's like, they're transactional. That's not what a friend is. Yeah, true. A friend is a friend. Fair weather friend.

A friend is a friend whether they ask you to do everything or never ask you to do anything. They're just always the same because they're your friend and that's they've given you their friendship and that's that and he sees him at the bar and the bar is where they're line dancing is that what he's saying i don't i missed that part he said he'd see him at the bar once a week or something right anthony yeah he did no he said that he's asleep and then he left he quit yeah uh no i i i think that maybe they work together or something yeah i don't know i thought i might have missed i don't know but whatever but yeah it's okay i just stop being friends with them that might be in your future yeah that might be in your future

and get guy friends you know um okay yeah that's good um appreciate you guys lifeline luxury out today go to patreon.com slash lifelineluxury and get the – there's like six episodes out now or something. And then I'll be in Charlotte and Vegas, Charlotte, North Carolina, and Little Rock, Arkansas. Little Cock, Arkansas. No, it's not Little Cock, Arkansas. It's Little Rock, Arkansas.

It is when you're there. And then Knoxville, which is Coxville when I'm there. And then Montreal and a bunch of different places. Go to chrislea.com. If you have a question, go to watchlifeline.com or hit the hotline. The link is in the description below. And you want a one-on-one advice session with Matt,

go to mattdalia.com. He's got great advices. Hey, right now, why don't you go to the lifelinemerch.com and check out and see if you like the merch. Go ahead and pick up some hot merch from Lifeline. Thank you very much. Don't forget to like and subscribe, and let me know merch from Lifeline. Thank you very much. Don't forget to like and subscribe and let me know if I'm autistic.

Thank you very much. Nice burger. Bye.