Lifeline - 67. One Pound Plopper

Episode Date: July 23, 2023

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Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. I don't want people to know. It's a shirt that's so cool. I don't want people to know. It's a shirt that's so cool. I don't want to wear it on the show. I don't want anybody to know.

You're talking about it right now. I saw it once in a window at a store that I was driving by, and I never was able to go back to get it because it wasn't there when I went back. And I've been looking for it for like over a year. That shirt? No, no, no, no, not this one. Oh, I didn't know.

I would never wear the shirt. If I ever do get it, I'm not wearing it on the show. I don't want other people to have it. Oh, you're not even talking about this shirt. No, no, not this shirt. This shirt is very, very sick. Looney Tunes virtual. Oh, because you don't want another person to get that.

Why didn't you get the shirt when you drove by? Because I was going somewhere and I thought like, I'll just go back because it's a store and then what and it wasn't there what yeah wow that's crazy it's like one of the shitty stores on like pico that just has like los angeles stuff when did you go back like a week too late too long i know but it's like it was in the window too stupid you should have went when you were done with going doing whatever you were doing yeah i was already late to the thing i was going to which made me late to the next thing though Dude, it was stupid. You should have went when you were done with doing whatever you were doing. Yeah. I was already late to the thing I was going to, which made me late to the next thing, though.

Oh, so you had two things to do. Because I'm a busy guy, dude. This was a year ago? I'm a busy guy. This was about a year ago. Why don't you tell me what the shirt is off air? Okay. I'll see what I can do.

Okay. Great. It's Italian. But you know what? Okay. I spilled coffee on my shirt, and I don't know if you could see it on camera. I doubt you can, but I can see it. But thank God I wore this shirt.

Cause it's like, it's a little coffee kind of, I mean, it's a little greenish, but it's a little bit like coffee kind of. It blends. It's like, yeah, it's like earth tone. And then you pour another earth tone on it. Yup. Earth tone city. Dude, I absolutely spilled it and I got pissed.

I was going to wear a white shirt too. Dude, dude. Yeah. I can't imagine the hell that would ensue if i had a white shirt on and that spilled all over the place what what kind of hell i would try to imagine really mad i can't even imagine it i can't even but when you bring my mind i have a good imagination when you get mad at yourself are you the kind of absolute dickhead who's like makes it miserable for everybody else too no what i do is I get mad at myself. And the only reason why I get mad at myself, the only reason I get extra mad at myself.

And the only reason is so then when I feel okay getting mad at other people when they mess up. Because I go, well, I get mad at myself too. What a fogged up brain, dude. You have a faulty brain. see oh see i don't know i get mad at myself it's not pirate on a ship you know why oh i'm not i'm joking about australian i'm joking about um that i'm joking about that okay there you go okay well okay um but i did spill coffee all over the place and all over oh oh i spilled coke all over the place. And all over, all over the place. Remember that?

No, what's that? I'm not going to tell the story. I choose not to. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Really digging it.

But look, dude, it's Sunday and Sundays are for Lifeline. So there we go. Patreon is, we're Lifeline Luxury. We got Lifeline Luxury, which is kicking,

kicking off, dude. It's just amazing. We got a lot of Patreons over there. It's patreon.com Lifeline Luxury.com slash lifetime i mean you never put the slash i know and i want you to okay uh and uh i am going to be in let's see well for the last i'm dead tonight right now i'll be the last night in vegas and then uh i will be in Brea and also Irvine, Orange County, coming up here.

I think tomorrow I'm in one of them. And then I have Charlotte, North Carolina, Knoxville. What else do I have? Little Rock, Arkansas, Nashville's coming up. Calgary, Alberta, and also Edmonton and then a bunch of other ones like Montreal.

So, yeah, go to ChrisLeed.com to get them tickets. Go ahead. Oh, you got a question? What's up? You got a question for us? You want to be on the show? Click the link in the description below or go to WatchLifeline.com. You got two ways to do it.

There's no excuses. Or leave us a message on the hotline. You don't want to show your face at 213-973-8095 you want one-on-one advice with me me and only me you go to my website mattalia.com and book a session it's just me and you we figure out all of your problems and your life is unbelievably great after that and last but not least perhaps the most in fact is the merch you got to get the merch you don't have the merch you don't have every piece of the merch you're failing you're failing us you know you got to get it all at lifelinemerch.com so stop failing us and get

every it's all good dude oh okay what it's so rude to say it's all good while someone else is speaking to say it's all good while someone else is speaking. Lifelinemerch.com. It's good though, man. So yeah, I am... This is before I went to Vegas. We're recording this and I'm in Vegas now. It's 170 degrees in Las Vegas. That's what it says is going to happen.

I want to know what's up. You know? What's up? You got to finish that. That's too hot, right? So I like the heat. And apparently a bunch of people are flocking to uh what is it desert valley what do they call it death valley death valley um

because it's going to be the highest temperature in history for uh something like thousands and thousands and thousands of years and tourists are going it's gonna be 135 in death valley imagine going to that on purpose. Don't do that. Well, that's what they're doing. I don't know. I would think like, you know, Saudi Arabia gets super hot.

Death Valley is always breaking records, though, man. It is. Death Valley is the thing. It is pretty... Where is Death Valley? Like, it's like close. It's close enough, but not like super close. I think it's like...

I don't know what... It's north, right, from here? But it's in California? Yes, yes, yes. Dude, it's crazy. The hottest place on earth is really close to where we live. We must be really special, me. Wow.

Death Valley is in between, yeah, Las Vegas. And that is crazy that it gets so hot there. What's that all about? 135 is nuts, dude. That's what they said. And tourists are going. And some people are going to die. I mean, they deserve it.

Well, no. It's like going to a war zone and being like, I'm going to experience it. Well, no. It's like going to a war zone and being like, I'm going to experience it, you know? It's not like going to a war zone, you know? It could be. What if there's people shooting each other there? Then it's a war zone.

Then? Well, then it's a shoot zone. It's not necessarily a war zone. War is a lot of shooting. I believe I would venture to guess that it's called Death Valley for a reason. Because they die, but not because they get shot because it's war there. No, I know, but I'm saying it's also a risk to go to Death Valley.

But yeah, it's a risk to go anywhere, really. I think that's kind of bullshit, honestly, because it's like Death Valley is like... What else are they going to call it? They got to call it Death Valley. They got to call it Death something. Heat Valley. They could call it H-E-double-hockey-sticks double hockey sticks valley that would have been cool hell valley hell no he double hockey sticks valley okay spelled out all right that would be terrible double hockey sticks that is so dumb it's pretty cool i like to say welcome to one hockey stick i find

one a hockey stick i find no one hockey stick i've one i've one hockey stick i fine one a hockey stick i fly no one hockey stick i've won i've one hockey stick i'm one hockey stick i've the other hockey stick i'm yeah yeah that's how you pronounce this show my back hurts yes oh dude where's your back hurt uh wherever i go what part of your back uh the middle part that's always what happens is it near your spine yeah i mean all right you know why i gotta be defensive what else no i just wanted to know if we have the same place where it hurts mine is like up it's hard up mine's right here mine's here no it's it's better to be up here yeah why this just means i'm doing it doing it better the higher the better though really why oh i'm sorry The lower the better is what I mean.

Why? Well, because then you get the rest of your body to show. No, I don't believe that. How about that guy who came up to us and asked us to take a picture of his license? I was so confused that- I wasn't. No, you weren't, actually. He asked me.

I know. He had a lot of spittle in his mouth. It was disgusting. Ew. I didn't even notice that. I'm very very i'm very observant say what he did he goes like this hey can you um oh actually you messed up do you know you messed up right yeah i did yeah yeah but but i didn't okay go go go what

did he say first can i ask you a question can i ask you what'd he say well you could you do it i kind of can i ask you a question and i was and i was like what's up and he said explain this long no that's not what happened then you do it i don't remember what he said first oh he doesn't remember but he knows what i'm saying wasn't it it was over and then you said why what's up and i go oh no it wasn't over it was beginning he asked me can i ask you a question? And I said, what's up? Yes. That's the only part I actually really remember.

It didn't happen. Okay. Hello? It didn't happen? Tell it the way you think it happened. I don't remember what he said first, so I kind of- Who cares? Just do the rest.

He goes, mom, mom, mom, whatever it was. Right. He did do that. It was a statement. And then you say, oh, hey, guys. Oh, no, no, that's what he said. Yes, dude. He goes like this.

Does this not work? No, he said, do you guys work here? That's what he said, dude. No, no, no. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. He said, do you guys work here? The first thing he said. Matt, look at us.

We don't work at a parking lot. That's why I was like, this guy's going to try to rob us because we so obviously don't work here. So then even more so, why do you drag it out? You want to get robbed? He said, do you work here? I said, no. And then you said, why?

What do you need? What? You said, why? What's up? That is the mess up. No, I didn't do that. You did do that. Okay, well, I regret it.

So it didn't happen. The things that I regret, they actually didn't happen the things that i regret they actually didn't happen wow so it's all good anyway he wanted to take a it was so it made me mad because it was so confusing it wasn't it it was he didn't explain it right the reason why it's confusing is because of how stupid the app is that we didn't create it was a lime scooter thing that he wants to get on and he was like i don't have my license but they want me to take a picture of my license but i i have a picture of my license so can you take a picture of my license on your phone which is the wrong way to say that

he should have said the app only accepts pictures that you take while you're in the app not pictures from your library that you can upload he didn't say that all he said was using man i what he said was i need a picture of my license and I have a picture of my license. Can I take, can you use your phone to take a picture of my picture? And I was like, you have the thing you're asking me to take.

And I go, H-E double hockey sticks, no. Right, yeah. But anyway, I did it and I was like, dude, it's not gonna work. And he was trying to scan a picture of his license. A picture of a picture of his license from my phone, was so reflecty yeah and it was so bright out yeah then i was like bro it's not gonna work and he looks at me he goes like this oh it's not and i'm like nah uh anyway that's trying to touch your phone though and i literally i literally got in like

my knees bent i was like this he wasn't trying to touch my phone. Yes, he was. You kept going like, you don't remember? He was trying to touch it and you kept going like this, like a little further. No, no, no, because he was too close. I was trying to zoom, pull it out. That's why. I was trying to pull it out because I'm like, dude, you're not getting it right. He wasn't trying to touch my phone.

He was trying to steal something from us. No, he wasn't. I kept looking around. Where's the pickpocket? I'm smart. I know. I know. I know.

I understand. I was aware of that as well. But also, it was fine. It was fine. Nothing nothing happened i listened to a lot of dateline i was well we both don't have our wallets you know wait a minute realize it right now wait a minute wait a minute oh wait hold on a second okay um i have a different haircut he did my hair okay um all right chris is back oh yeah chris is back he was gone for way too long yeah that's what i wanted to talk about actually i wanted to talk about the fact that he was gone for too long. 25 days.

The thing about going away is that it can be great, but if it's too long, it's worse. What do you think the most? It's worse than not going. Oh yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Oh yeah.

But he did it too long, so he shouldn't have gone at all. Oh yeah. It was too long for you or me? Objectively, yeah. It was so you. You can't go away for 25 days unless you're in rehab. Was it 25 days? Yeah.

That's so long, dude. What were you thinking? What were you thinking over there? I don't know. You were thinking, huh, this is too long. Yeah. I was after a while. By the end, you were.

What's the main way to go in? How long? Away? Two weeks is the cap. Oh, man. That's way too long. It's the cap. That is when it gets to be-

Infuriating. After two weeks. It's infuriating. I would never want to go away for more than 10 days. 10 days is a lot to me. 10 days is the cap. Ultimate. After 10, you go, I got to get home.

After two full weeks, I'm infuriated. Yeah. It was hard. It was not easy after a while. And then I hit this point where it actually felt kind of good and different to be away. I don't even remember ever being away. Are you on the mic? Yeah.

You got bent into submission by your own vacation. I say- It would have you in a surprise group. I have the exact amount of time you should go away. Okay. Six days. Six days is good. Yeah.

Six days is good. Six days. Swinger, six days. We're waiting. All right, cool. Well, that's it. We figured it out. We did figure it out.

And he went away for four times then. Oh, man.'m good at math yeah thank you all right well let's get into lifeline you know if you want to listen to lifeline luxury there's more of this just bantering having fun it's it's lovely uh so you go to uh patreon.com slash uh lifeline luxury but if not stay tuned and right now we're going to get into our submissions okay wow what's up christian don't grow we don't get a suitcase under his face appreciate a little bit And right now, we're going to get into our submissions. Okay. Wow. What's up, Chris and Matt? Don't grow. We don't get a whole suitcase under his face.

I appreciate a little bit of advice if you could give it to me. I've had this mustache for about three years. Oh, whoa. And I'm going to shave it off next week. Nice. And I already know what's coming. Everybody's going to tell me the same questions over and over. Yeah.

What happened to your mustache? Why'd you shave your mustache? what's coming. Everybody's going to tell me the same questions over and over. What happened to your mustache? Why'd you shave your mustache? It's annoying. And, you know, I kind of just hate answering those questions over and over again. The richest guy in the world. If you guys have any, like, cool one-liners that you guys can give me. There's a roller coaster behind him. Make it more interesting than the regular answer.

Just like, because I wanted to. I really don't have a reason why I'm shaving it off. I mean, the richest guy in the world, dude. There's just a helicopter landing behind him. If you't have a reason why i'm the richest guy in the world dude so let me know you guys have any cool little one-liners there a few gorillas and conversations more interesting okay appreciate it well i got some pretty good i mean such sprawling fucking property so all what you can say which i think would put a kibosh on it pretty quickly would so uh they say hey what happened to your mustache and you say and you go like this oh yeah oh i must have left it on your mom's pussy okay well that is so rude no because he doesn't want the

questions he wants him to stop i must have left it on your mom's pussy. Dude, yes. That's hilarious. Yeah, say it loud so everybody else hears. Okay, what if his wife's mom, his mom-in-law, mother-in-law. Talking about his own grandmother-in-law? That's dead. You go like this.

You shave your mustache, keep it, put it in a baggie okay disgusting back pocket disgusting as hell but not really it's just hair you go like this having a mustache like this i got right here nothing i got that's awesome mine's better uh yours is more like fun loving yeah mine's love mine's more confrontational loving confrontation 11 yeah wow confrontation 11 Or Confrontation 11. Confrontation 11. Yeah. Wow. Confrontation 11. I think that you should... That's a good idea. Yeah, it is good. If you want to actually... If you actually want to really, really stop them in their tracks,

and they say, what happened to your mustache? Go like this. I have cancer. And then they go... Like the chemo got rid of it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you feel bad now, don't you? Yeah, so don't ask me personal questions. And then they go. Like the chemo got rid of it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you feel bad now, don't you?

Yeah, so don't ask my personal questions. And then you spin move out of there. Right. Okay. Those are three great questions. Those are three good possibilities. Yours is probably horrible, but I'll say it's great.

Thank you. I mean, I think that'd be funny, especially if like, if it's the- Oh, shit. I left it on your mom's pussy. Yeah, that's what you say.

And if it's in a group of friends yeah everybody will like it or like a scenario better go like this what i mean ruin the bit i'm sorry you guys on fucking tiktok ruining the bit wow that was bad dude start over at least when your best friend's friend says best friend or whatever uh at least uh he didn't stop on the joke you could just be looking around now start over he doesn't want to he doesn't want to chris you fucked it up i don't blame you that you don't want to yeah it's it's pissed me off time yeah i was gonna say go like oh oh and then you go oh and then leave go inside a house come out of the house and be like right hello yeah no just call me back then okay see you so long

i think i left it in your mom's pussy 10 minutes you know everyone's like what is he talking about again i forgot come with me you get in the car you drive over to like a local mcdonald's and you look under the napkins dude i think it's in your mom's pussy take a whole day for it i was just like i don't care you know i was just asking because i noticed you know that's what we got to stop doing what you gotta stop everyone needs to stop asking people about things just because they noticed i totally agree i've been saying you can't be doing it like that i've been saying this okay good i've been saying this i've been saying this and i've been thinking about how when like if you have so so these shoes right you look at these shoes they're from they're divic they're great shoes love them um people sometimes say oh nice shoes you know yeah if

these were bright red every they would get way more compliments yeah yeah and they're only saying that because of the color yes Yes. Right? Right. So they're dum-dums. It's not that the shoe's better. It's actually probably worse. But I've done the thing where like, I've even done it when I don't mean it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, what?

I know. You're like, whoops, I fell victim. What am I doing? I fell victim. You know? It's like, so I get it, but I also hate that about when I do it too. Yeah, I know.

I try to limit it. But sometimes you fall victim, you know? Yeah. But then there are the people that do a weird thing and they just want you to ask. Then I hold back. My legs are not so bad. I refuse to give them what they want

when I sense that that's what they do. That's good. That's good. People should do that more. Yeah. All right. Next one. Hey, what's up, guys?

All right, start over. over come on here we go omaha nebraska i mean you look fucking great chris you look funky um i have a dilemma for you guys um my dad has been attacked by a shark twice in the same area he keeps swimming um in the same area the first time that he was attacked as he was rehabbing, he would say that it wasn't the shark's fault. He was just doing what he was supposed to do. And he would go back to the same spot even after rehabilitating

his muscles and doing all this stuff. He'd go back and then he was attacked within two weeks of being in that spot again. And the second time he went back after two months and he was attacked again. Same spot. You won't switch up a swimming spot.

I'm trying to get him to do that. He won't. Me and my sisters and my mom have told him that even though the nature of a shark is to attack and eat and do what it's supposed to do you still shouldn't put yourself in that position in the same spot we're trying to get him to move down the beach to a different spot he won't do it i'm hoping you guys will uh like reiterate our point and just tell him like no matter how many times you go back to the same spot no matter how many times you go back to the same spot, no matter how many times you rehab, the shark's still going to do what the shark does and you need to move your

swimming spot. So please just help me get this through to him. I would really appreciate it. Yeah. I got you. I love you both. Thanks Chris. You,

you and, and the 10 minute pod and everything. Had a moment. Had a real moment. I loved it so much. Thank you guys. Okay, wait. Let me know what you think.

So him, him, your dad, the response of dad, you need to stop going in there. Like you get attacked by a shark and your dad's response of, well, the shark just doing what the shark is supposed to do is the same as this you say pretend i'm the dad and you say okay yeah uh yeah sharks is doing what's no you say you you gotta swim somewhere else like what he's saying oh yeah you can't swim where you're you gotta swim somewhere else man sharks there sharks are usually uh blue or gray it's the it's it's a non response that's not a fucking response right yeah what about what about getting bitten do with anything yeah sharks gonna do what's the sharks gonna do oh marco i'm sorry what's going on oops what's going on? Oops! What's going on? Why do you keep playing fucking music? What are you doing?

I'm not trying to. No shit, but you're doing it. That's just as much as a non-response Why do you keep playing fucking goddamn beat-nots or some shit? It doesn't even matter if I try to explain it, but... Stop is what matters! Okay. What's happening is... It was on's happening is it was on there and i locked the

phone and so then i opened the phone to look something up and it's still on nine computers there wow look look at about a goddamn nine computer turn the sounds down i can't while it's still on yeah i get it i get it it's like when i was when i was watching porn and then i took my uh laptop over to Starbucks and I opened it up and it goes, oh, yeah. And I had to close the door. Sedeep. Why is that Sedeep?

That used to happen sometimes when I would start my car. Well, what do you laugh at? Because I would start the car like Lauren was in the car, you know? Yeah, Bluetooth needs to get better with that shit. Yeah, don't do that. Don't pull up X videos on my fucking Celica. Don't pull up the last thing I was watching on Safari, dude. You know?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's always that one, too. The flat note. Oh, yeah. The swallow first.

Oh, God. So this guy's dad answers questions with non-answers. And that should be highlighted next time he says that stupid answer. Drunk. It's a stupid answer, okay? Yeah. So don't let him say that because that is a non-answer. It's good, I guess, to have some kind of sense of exposure therapy,

but it's not that he's scared. He's not like, I'm scared and I need to face my fears and go back. This guy's like an idiot version of Captain Ahab. You know what I mean? He's like, I got's scared. He's not like, I'm scared and I need to face my fears and go back. This guy's like an idiot version of Captain Ahab. You know what I mean? He's like, I gotta go. Who's that?

He's the guy who tries to kill Moby Dick and he always gets attacked by it but keeps going. I know. He's the main character or not really the main character but he's the captain of the ship.

The whale's the character, right? Constantly trying to kill Moby Dick. Dude, I don't... And they like mangled him and ravaged his body but he keeps going back because it's his... You know,

it's my white whale. That's what that means. No, I don't know what that is. I've never heard of it. You lived in the world? You ever lived in the world? You ever lived in the world with people? My white whale, dude.

I like that. Yeah, it's cool. That's really nice. I'm glad I thought of that. It's like the elusive thing that you always want. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah. Well, I...

There's that Ian Edwards joke that's fucking hilarious. You should look it up, whatever. But where he's like, you're going into the shark's house. That'd be like if somebody comes in your house and I don't know that I'm ruining the joke. It's hilarious. Look it up. But, but he's funny. He's very funny.

But yeah. But yeah, it's just you, you're, you're, this is the shark's place. Yep. And you know this now because of twice this happened. Once, maybe it could have been a mistake. Maybe. Or the shark would be like, hey, what's going on? Is that a seal?

Ah, fuck it. Freak accident. But now you know the shark's like, get out of my fucking place. It's basically like, hey, if you're with a group of people and you're like, let's go to the park and throw the ball around. Yeah. And someone's like, I'd rather if you're with a group of people and you're like, let's go to the park and throw the ball around. Yeah. And someone's like, I'd rather not go to the park. Let's go into a guy's house and throw the ball around.

Like, we don't do that because somebody is going to get really mad at you because you're in their property and they're going to probably shoot you. Here's another thing too. If you're like, let's go to the park and throw the frisbee around. Yeah, but there's a lion there. You wouldn't go to that park. You wouldn't go to a different park this guy think like it's drunk a park belongs to us more than the ocean and you're being like this about the ocean yeah yeah so it's almost like i have a question does he want to die bro what's what you might want to die what's wrong with me i keep i spelled i mean you might as well keep going you know yeah yeah he might want to die yeah people have wrong with me? I mean, you might as well keep going, you know? Yeah, he might want to die.

Yeah. People have a weird thing like that. Like, they're like, people have a weird thing with that kind of stuff. Death, you know? They secretly want it, you know? Yeah. The death drive, dude.

The death drive? The death drive. Is that something? Yeah. Is that something like the white whale? Well, it's not similar, but it's... If you're saying, is it like the white whale in the sense that someone long ago wrote about it? Yes. I never heard about the death drive. Death drive, it's not similar, but it's... If you're saying, is it like the white woman in the sense that someone long ago wrote about it?

Yes. I never heard about the death drive. Death drive. It's like the sex drive, but it's like you are born and then you are immediately sort of... The allure of death is very strong that you are seeking it in indirect ways. Sometimes not so indirect. Usually latent ways. Okay.

You good? Yeah. I don't think I have that. I don't want to die. No, but I mean, people, I think people don't realize that they, the point is it's latent. They don't realize that they have it,

but they're trying to, so it's like a latency period. Just learn the word latent. It's like a latency situation. Yeah, dude. I mean, you know, you have an intervention with your dad you know how the sharks show up maybe slap your dad in the face no that's

because sometimes it takes like a real shaking up to really get a point across also how about this have you actually have you actually had a one-on-one where you sat with your dad or called your dad and said hey it really worries me i know this may be my thing maybe well i'm asking you don't swim there yeah please yeah have you done that that could work that should be the last line of defense and if you haven't done that you should do that yes but i mean at a certain point like he's just being such a titanic asshole. This guy's people who love him. He likes to go swimming. He won't change his swimming place or swimming route, whatever the hell it's called.

I hate when people tell me what to do. Just, like, dude, a shark is eating you. Yeah, it's weird, dude. That's weird. Sharks eating you. Also, that's so annoying when somebody's like, dude, I don't, bro, if a shark bites me, I'm not adopting the fucking thing where people go like, that's just what sharks do

and I can't be mad at it. Nature does what it does. Dude, I'm so pissed off at that shark. Well, that's... You know what? You're right. People who do that shit... Because just as much as

the shark's going to do what it's going to do is right, what should also be right is that the person that the shark bites wants to fucking kill the shark. And I'm going to kill... I'm going to go... I'm going to kill it.

I want to kill it. That's what nature kind of is. Yeah, but dude, these hero type motherfuckers that are like, you know what? That's nature. I can't fault the shark for being a shark. Fuck that, dude. I'm so pissed off at that shark if it bites me.

But that's what I'm saying. If a gazelle gets half eaten by a lion, it's not just like, well, this is what lions do. Continue. You know what I'm saying you know i'm saying yeah humans are the only ones that are like hey that's just nature i want to you know all animals do you know oh well that's a different thing i think dogs cats rabbits wow if the rabbits were big we'd be fucked do you ever think about that never one time in fact i'm not even thinking about it now

that's how much i don't think about it. If Yorkies were big? Then that would be the greatest thing in the world, though. If Yorkies were like 10 feet tall? They would kill us. But they were the same way? That would be amazing. Well, then they would smother us and we wouldn't breathe and they'd crack our bones when they

sit on our laps. Yeah. Exactly. And that's where I was going to go with that. Okay, cool. Go ahead. Next. All right.

Hey, guys. Lifelong fan. and that's where i was going to go with that okay go ahead next all right hey guys lifelong fan um me and my girlfriend just moved into our new place um i can decorate the whole apartment except for the office because that's her space okay and she hasn't touched it um it's driving me nuts and I don't know how to deal with this. What do you guys recommend? Appreciate it. Bit opposite. On a crazy cold cross.

Are you doing mad lips? What was that last part? He literally was bleeding out and dying. Crazy cold. That was his final question. That's opposite. I don't give a shit about decorating and usually guys don't right this guy does and and the woman's it's backwards completely traditionally it's definitely traditional woman has the office and it she's only allowed to

decorate or only wants to or whatever it is decorates that room even the office part is usually i know everything about it yeah yeah yeah and uh and she won't decorate the office part is usually i know everything about it yeah yeah yeah and uh and she won't decorate the office and he's decorating the rest of the house that's hilarious he's like and you know she won't shave her balls anytime you're just like wait wait wait wait what you know um but yeah she doesn't like my aprons that i wear and my bra she never compliments me with my tits um so she watches porn all day um so tell her yeah that is driving you crazy and that if she doesn't want to do it i'm happy to help that's the thing like you want to you want it to be done up decorated somehow not necessarily in your style because it's not your space, but it bothering you

that there's nothing done to that one room in your new home is totally understandable. But what you should say is, hey, how do you want this room to be? I'll help you. In fact, I'll do it for you. But just like all I need from you is you to tell me what you want. That's it. Yeah. Just, she obviously doesn't care.

If you haven't done that which is kind of how i am which i can totally relate to i don't really care but if someone was like hey someone i trusted and loved was like hey however you want this room to be like i'll do it for you just tell me what you want i would always be like oh okay well maybe i won't tell me how you want it to be yeah you'd be like i want dinosaurs up in here because yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay yeah dude cool uh that's a weird uh that's that's just interesting that he cares and she doesn't i mean that's not that interesting i mean that's crash i read a book on that trilogy all right um all right next one okay so hi guys hope you're doing well um just a bit of context before i reveal my problem

i've been married to my beautiful wife for four years but we've been together for 14 years we are high school sweethearts so we grew a lot together thankfully that's not the problem why i'm sending this in my problem is that anytime i go to foreign country for a trip like hiking or a festival with a friend and anytime she doesn't come with me i already feel homesick leading up to the departure date yeah and i miss her even more throughout the trips so i feel like these are tough emotions to deal with. And that's mainly the reason why I'm sending this in to ask for help on how to deal with these situations.

What I want to add is that she's totally fine with this. And I don't want to sound like I do this every two weeks. Every year during summertime, I go to one festival or one hiking trip with one of my buddies. It's not like this happens every week. I don't know how to deal with these emotions. I hope these are not the signs of heavy codependence or separation anxiety, but you decide. I don't know. i feel like i just love her so much it's sometimes very tough to be away from her for extended periods of time you know but i don't want to drag this on too much thank you for all you do guys

thanks i appreciate it truly that's awesome bye-bye that guy loves metal like death metal and that's how guys who like death metal or that's what they're like they're like what does it say cemetery or something oh my god what is gatekeeper dude what is it about metal shirts that they try to make it so you can't read it i don't know it's just it's just like the culture of but what what is that anthony what is gate creeper yes creeper gate creeper yeah it's a band what death metal it yeah it's like that of course okay yeah you know what it is yeah uh yeah, it's a band. Death Metal? Yeah, it's like Death. Of course, okay. You know what it is, yeah. Okay. It's a romantic comedy that fucking Ed Burns is in.

It is? So I think that, I mean, there's a few things going on. Gate Creeper, starring Ed Burns. You could be codependent. You could be just, it could be like an anxiety thing, you know? Like your normal routine is messed up, and the person that you do those routines with is not there and you sort of get – you associate all that with this one individual. It could be a lot of things.

But what I would suggest is you say it's like once a year you go on this trip, you know, and you're away from her for however many days and it makes you feel not so great i would say scatter throughout the year like have like days not overnight but like long stretches where you are apart so i think that like you can do like a baby step because i would imagine that if this is how you feel you guys are together all the time because if you wasn't you would be used to it i could i could identify with this though man especially that i get homesick before i leave before i leave i get sad that i'm leaving because i don't want to leave my wife and my kids i get that yeah shit and then as soon as i say okay see ya right it all goes away do you know what i mean i and then i start to miss them again it's like it resets.

And then I'm like, all right, I'll be okay. Because I'm worried about what it's going to be. Then when it happens, I'm like, oh, I don't have to worry about this. I actually know how to be by myself. Right, yeah. And then it's like it resets to regular. And then as the time grows, I miss more and more. Yeah.

But that's not what happens to you. You're saying you miss them immediately and you miss them the whole time. Is it before and during? I mean, it definitely sounds like codependency to me, but I'm not a doctor. But yeah. But also what does one- But you've also been together for so long.

It's like, I think that might be part of it though. You're so used. This is why I'm recommending what I was recommending. This guy is so- It's familiarity. Yeah. Even if it sucked, you might miss the person

because like, there's this, the usual thing, it's like you're always with someone and then when you're apart, you kind of feel like you're not whole. And it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with codependency.

It can just have to do with the fact that you're so used to it that it feels like you're not doing it right when someone is separate from you. And that's why I'm recommending like try like if you have friends that are not her, try like doing like little day trips with them maybe more often so you can get used to this thing that it doesn't have to be so overbearing. I wonder if it has anything to do with the overnight stuff too. Like I wonder if he's gone all day if he feels that way. Because if he's gone all day and he feels that way, then it's definitely a real actual problem.

I feel like. Gone all day meaning he sleeps with her at night still? Like if he leaves at 6 a.m. before she wakes up and then comes home while she's either going to sleep or after she sleeps. If she's like, man, today sucked because I didn't get to see her. Right. Then you got to work on yourself. Yeah. You know. If she's like, man, today sucked because I didn't get to see her. Right. Then you got to work on yourself.

Yeah. You know? Maybe she's just so amazing though. She could be. Maybe she's so amazing that like, that's why he can't bear to not be with her. She's just giving him sloppy toppy all day. Giving him money all the time. Yeah.

Giving him back massages and foot massages. And micro machines. Okay. Well, nobody wants those. They're kind of cool, man. They would. He has a bald head. It would be cool to watch him go over his bald head.

The micro machines? Yeah. I remember. If it doesn't say micro machines, it's not the real thing. Remember that guy? Of course. That guy. Everyone's like, oh, he talks fast.

And it's like, Buster Rhymes was like, hold my tongue. Well, no, dude. You know, I saw an interview with him once because I was kind of obsessed. You know how I get obsessed with weird ass? Well, you did? Mm-hmm. And he's like, I can actually... Oh, looky, looky, looky.

Sorry. Looky, looky, looky. That's weird, mate. Niche, niche. Niche, niche. Okay, go ahead. I forget. No, the Micro Machines guy.

Oh, the Micro Machines guy. You saw the interview. It was like, I can recite some book or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or some song. And it was like a Michael Jackson song. It was like 18 seconds he did it all in. Right, right, right, right, right, right.

I remember I saw that. It was like Bad or something. Yeah. The song Bad. Yeah. I can do that. Thank you. Roo, you know?

That's not fast. It's also not bad. Roo. Roo. You know? Roo. That's not fast. It's also not bad. I know. That's Billy Jean. Yeah. Dude, you remember the fucking David Letterman thing where he was like, somebody called in and they were like, David Letterman does... I always think...

I want to know what Michael Jackson says in the song Billy Jean. It sounds like he says, but the chair is not my but the chair is not my son right and he was like i don't know let's listen to it and they played it and it was like but you know it goes how it goes but the can is not my son it goes like this but that chair is not my son like they just put somebody saying chair in it uh all right next one so i've met chris you guys for a while, but I'm going to cut right to the chase. I have been on a few dates with this girl recently, and things are going very, very well. I see the potential for a long-term relationship, and it's great.

All to say, though, we're both in careers where we might not be in the same city within the next 6 to 12 months. I have members of presidency I have to go on next year That might take me out of Houston where we're at now. I hope to stay here, but we'll see. She's similar. She's in a travel position where she, you know, kind of moves every four to six months. Wow. She's open to sticking around.

I get the impression that we talked about it a little bit, but all to say, I want to talk about it because I don't want to, you know, this just to break off in a few months. I want to, I'm intentionally trying to date. And so is this something I bring up to her? Is this something I wait and talk to her about it because I don't want to, you know, this just to break off in a few months. I want to, I'm intentionally trying to date. And so is this something I bring up to her? Is this something I wait and talk to her about once things get a little more serious? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Well, don't you're, you're what he's wanting to find him a lover. Yeah. Well, yeah. So you got to, yeah.

Don't you see if she's just doing this for fun. She might just like the way your mustache tickles her on her. He said he better not lose it on her. He said that... I'm a little confused. He's saying... What is he asking? What I took it is he's asking what he should do about

wanting to be a longer-term thing. Yeah, because she moves every six months. And he does too. He might move in six months as well. Which makes the relationship unstable. So it's like he's like, if this is a real relationship, he really likes her. And he does too. He might move in six months as well. Which makes the relationship unstable. So it's like, he's like, if this is a real relationship, he really likes her. Things are going well. But what do I do?

Do I bring it up to her? Because obviously we're both not in a career-wise situation to be locking down some long-term shit. I get the dilemma. It sounds like he's willing to be long distance for this girl yeah but he might be but what but then it's like but is she just like oh yes yeah but i'm i'm here for four months and like yeah let's just get this i think have the conversation like super he doesn't want to just be and in a chill way yeah and then depending upon what she says, approach it. Like if she's like meeting you where you are seemingly, then you can just say right then and there

and have the conversation then even though it's pretty early in the relationship. But if she's solely interested in the eon then. Yeah, or if she's just like for any reason. Oops. For any reason she's not like, absolutely, it's a possibility that I would stay for the right relationship. Yeah.

Then I think a little later on, you want to be like, look, I know you said you weren't that interested, but like I am. And if you think that's the problem, like maybe you should end things now. Yeah, exactly. Right. But have it as casual as possible at first.

Don't even make it seem like, yeah, lean against the wall. Don't even make it seem like you're leaning against the wall. Don't even make it seem like you are asking necessarily. Make it seem like you're having a conversation about it. And you can volunteer your feelings first because she will respond in kind because she's a human being. And if she doesn't respond in kind, she has no social skills and you don't want to be with her anyway. So you say, listen, sweetie doll, sweetie doll. Why is the guy Armenian? We like each other. Listen, sweetie doll. Hey, sweetie doll. Hey, check this out. Hey, come here. Come here, dog.

Right. Right. Come here, dog. Okay. Yeah, no. I mean, you know, you got it. Matt's right. Thank you. Matt's right. That was a really strong, full Sam Elliott style mustache. Well, the other guy guy this is the mustache episode that long mustache uh that yawn was too long anyway next one it was as long as it's going to be what do you mean how is that fucking too long of a yawn it was like four or five seconds

too long how long is it yawn two or two to three seconds you don't like this no i don't just all right go ahead hurt my jaw wanted you pretend like he wasn't recording? What's up, boys? Hitler mustache. Tim Dillon? Thanks for all you do, first of all. Just all around good stuff. Always crack me up.

I'm so mad. I just want to share my experience. I mean, just wear a different shirt, you know, for the thing. Soon to be mother-in-law is sick. We did the same thing for my father-in-law. Best thing we ever did. Sorry, can you start over? I started over.

I was distracted by the jizz on your shirt. He was able to. He has a Hitler mustache and his Tim Dillon persona. I was distracted. Just so happy that he was able to. He's got his Taylor mustache and his Tim Dillon persona. He does that. What's up, boys? Thanks for all you do, first of all. Just all around good stuff.

Always cracking me up. I just wanted to share my experience for the guy whose soon-to-be mother-in-law is sick. We did the same thing for my father-in-law. Best thing we ever did. Still just so happy that he was able to be there. About a year and a half after he passed, we had a giant party. Oh, right.

And everyone said it was the most fun they've ever had because there was no stress, just food, drinks, dancing, laughing. Orgy. Highly suggested. Some people were a little butthurt that we didn't invite them, but I mean, that's none of their business. Get over it. So do what you guys think is right.

I highly suggest it because you'll always have those memories. So thanks. We were right. That's what we said, right? What did we say? I don't know the guy. Yeah, we said that

because his mother-in-law was sick, she was going to die. And we said, get married at either a courthouse or just in front of her so she can witness it. And then after she passes, you have a party. That's what we said. That's what we said. And that's what he did. And he said he highly recommends it. Yeah.

So we were right without even knowing that it was right. This was last episode. yeah so we were right without even knowing that it was right we got this last episode yeah we were right and uh and the takeaway is that is that we're really good at saying things but um yeah sorry about that you know it sounds like you did it right and you got no regrets and that's beautiful actually you clearly can't stop death he clearly feels good about it man taking it from that guy he's gone through it Guy who's asked us last week, who's on the fence, maybe a little bit still from what we suggested. Yeah. Well, he actually was just like, what do I do? And I came up with that. I came up with that idea solely just not even having ill parents, just figuring it out on my own, putting myself in the situation of other people. Cause that's

what I, you know, I can do that. I mean, that's almost the definition of being. Empathy. I'm an empath. Yeah. Yeah. I'm an empath. A human being. I'm an empath though. Okay. No, you know, I can do that. I mean, that's almost the definition of being. Empathy. I'm an empath. Yeah. Yeah, I'm an empath. A human being. I'm an empath though. Okay. No, you're not.

I'm an empath. And when, and when, and then what happened was in the beginning of life, I was an empath and I got such, I got, you know, I got a little bit traumatized and I kind of turned inward and I wasn't an empath anymore because I put up walls, right? I put up a bunch of walls. And then what happened was I've been chipping away at those walls for the past like three, four years. And I realized, you know what, dude, I actually am an empath. It's just way, way, way in there. It's way, way down there. Like the mummy. Remember the

fucking movie with Tom Cruise? How bad it was and how far he had to go. Oh, down in the ground. Yeah. He went down in the ground. Did you see it? Yeah. I saw it. Yeah. He went down on the ground. And that's where my empathy is and I'm finding it slowly, but surely. And I didn't make this whole thing about me. You made the entire thing about you. But that's why I switched it to make it more about the mummy.

About Tom Cruise? Cool. All right. Yeah. Who's up, baby? That's good. Has no shirt on. What's up, Matt and Chris?

I have a question for you guys. Has a tattoo of wood on his right. What are you supposed to do in this situation? I was hanging out with people who were new to the area, and then they asked me, hey, is there anything fun to do around here? But I don't do anything. Yeah, that's funny.

All I do is riff and lift. Wow. What is riff? So do I make stuff up? Just lie? Do I do what they should have done and Google fun things? Yeah. Right.

It's a stupid question anyway. It is a stupid question. Every decently sized city is the same. Yes. Are there any good bars around here? God bless this guy. Probably. Yeah.

Is that it? That was was it that's hilarious well he he is right dude and i often think about this i hate those questions man because i mean what they're hoping for is these people are annoying because they think like all right every city's got their thing what's their secret thing what's the the... Give me the... I know what Google says. How about this guy? The guy that says, I love to travel, but I don't like to go to do what everybody else does.

I like to find the thing that everybody who lives there likes to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? It's just like this. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, it's just like,

come over and sit down at my house for five hours then. That's what we do. That's what we Italians do. We're not fucking we're not looking at the michelangelo paintings all day right they're not doing that they're fucking sitting smoking you know what i mean hanging out with their friends seeing a girl go by and going that's it yelling at their children if you're italian yeah yeah exactly yeah or crying because the show ended you know what i mean like after every show they cry or in italy just crying because they're italians because yeah

because there's too much emotion going on yeah um oh no i guess i guess my car is beautiful look at this car like that say i don't i don't know oh well that's great man so no they deserve to be told i don't know yeah to them be like i don't know every place is the same there's that cool website let me google that for you where you could send them a link oh dude let me send you a link and then it sends you the link you go to let me google that for you.com and then they send you a link and they click on the link and it shows them how to google what they ask which is funny just saying just send them google.com yeah you do that too you know yeah here you go do you know about the site if you type in things that you're interested in it'll actually come up with a whole bunch of things that you might yeah do you know

what my you know what actually this city has that's awesome is this crazy fucking website if you go on it it'll tell you where to go in the thing you want to know what it's called google yeah yeah right yeah 100 but they want they don't want i don't want the things that google i don't want the normally what's the hidden spots that kind of shit you know yeah yeah it's annoying as fuck make up a spot oh that's good way outside really good in the or or in like a really bad part of the city like well then you're in a dark alley somewhere but only go at night you know they're just like oh oh okay yeah tell them there's a speakeasy and then just you know you got some news they get shot in the head you say you say you want to you're gonna want to go to

chinatown and there's no chinatown in the city that you're in be like you're gonna want to find chinatown go to chinatown i gotta go dude i gotta go but go to chinatown and they go they're just looking around for chinatown yeah and they have a bad time and that's what they deserve yeah it is and and uh honestly that's what you do probably even time and that's what they deserve. Yeah, it is. And honestly, that's what you do probably even if you, that's what the locals do is look for places

and they get frustrated and then, you know, when they're driving, that's what the locals do. It's always frustrating to drive. So they're looking for something that's not there. They're frustrated when they're driving.

Talking so fast. I remember. It doesn't say microphone. All right. Cool. Yeah. Another one or what? Oh my God.

Chris, I have a quick question based off of your congratulations podcast. I was just listening. I had to pause. It has to do with the woman in the chicken place and just asking way too many questions, taking way too long, not knowing what she wanted. I am like you. I am prepped, ready to go. I pride myself on how long it takes me to order what i want it's not that complicated it's food it's drinks it is what it is and you

already know what you like so that being said i am with a uh my fiancee who she is that woman no matter where we go and uh i mean to the point where I'm legit prepping her. I'm taking all of her questions before I'm saying, ask me because I know the answer. It's not that complicated. It's food, it's drinks. I think it's almost

like a tick. She needs to ask a question every single time no matter where we are, no matter where we go. It could be the simplest of things a question every single time uh no matter where we are no matter where we go it could be the simplest of things and yet every single time doesn't matter how big the line is she never looks behind her it's it's just focused on asking uh unnecessary questions and she i think loves doing it and it infuriates me and um you know like i said i prep her beforehand and doesn't matter i wonder what the

everything involved so i don't know i don't know what it is uh my question is what can i do other than what i'm already doing which is yeah i'm playing defense for the people who are working there and then the whole time i'm kind of giving them like that i'll you know apologetic look and then i'm looking behind me like a good guy i don't necessarily i try not to look behind me because i know i have that watch because if i was just like, if I was back there and I'm looking forward, I'm like, you don't need to be asking these questions. You know what I mean? So anyways, advice, please, anything, because it is one of those ongoing internal struggles, I guess. And perhaps I'm projecting.

I don't know. My hair. But anyways, Chris, I am living in Sweden. Been here the last five years. When are you going to do an international tour? That would be delightful. I just saw Louis.

So bad. I was living the life, dude. Not too long ago. Too bad. He's got his girl at his house. And you're up there. So it would be great.

Thank you. All right. Bye, boys. I would love to go to Sweden. I want to go to Sweden. He'll host you, dude. Go hang with that guy. Bro, can I come over?

Can I stay? Hurry up, sweetheart, to his wife when is this so order it's chicken so i mean i've said i talk about this all the time on podcast so go ahead take it away then no no i'm saying so you go why i think that there's four things here's's the thing. There's beef, fish, chicken, or salad. One pound fish. Remember that guy? No. Ladies, ladies, come on, come on. Oh, one pound fish.

The fuck is that? You know what that is? You don't know what that is? Oh, my God, dude. Look up Google one pound fish guy. Well, don't. Come on, come on. One pound fish.

All right, anyway, we can look it up. Very, very good. One pound fish. All right, so is it an Indian guy? Yes, dude. I do accents. So go ahead. Before we look at that.

One pound fish man. Oh, man. One pound fish man is such a fucking anime. Here it comes, dude. Wow, he's being so insecure. It's unbelievable. Just wait. He's so confident, though.

Watch. People come up to him and ask him to do it. Yeah, do your fish song for me. See? Guy's like from Europe. Go and do your fish song for me. Oh, I mean, so shitty. Do your fish song for me.

Do it. Do your fucking fish song, huh? Take a picture with me. What you good for? Do it. Do what you fucking good for. Do your fucking fish song, huh? Take a picture with me. What you good for? Do it. Do what you fucking good for. Do your fucking little diddy song. Oh, very, very good.

I mean, it doesn't stop. No, he does this all day. He works at these places. Obviously. He works at these places. Obviously. He works there. So he made a song, like a really glossy music video. No. Yeah, yeah. There's a whole music video for it.

Can you find that? Is this going to be viral? I had no idea. Oh, this guy was huge. Buddy, buddy, nice. When? A few years ago. One pound fish.

All right. So, well, he's so Indian that- The second one down. Second one down. He's so Indian that when you do all right so um well he's so indian that second one down second one down he's so indian that when you do it i can tell he's indian and you're a terrible right well that's not wait what it probably goes into it oh yeah it does yeah when did this go viral matt the the oh i don't know well how many years ago? Years ago, which is what I said. Oh, so bad. So bad, dude. A priest.

A priest? So bad. You'd go off to this in Vegas, though. Dude, yeah. Yeah. you'd go off to this in vegas though dude yeah yeah it's enough that's enough dude uh i'll be in vegas speaking of which i'll be rocking this out oh i know no i'll be that guy should open for you yeah oh my god i can follow it yeah you're very good everyone says oh i'd be like okay guys guys guys guys come on you can't see me one pound fish guy so uh all right so uh anyway um so yeah that what how do we get to that what were we talking about the caller the guy that asked about his girl but why did you start saying

one pound fish why did you start doing that that's so dumb you know i don't know why we went off on such a tangent i was just so in the zone i was feeling it i was okay okay so anyway what should the guy do uh right i always talk about this on my podcast i would like to get your take on this i just there's four oh i said there's four things fucking beef salad fish and he's got a very very good one on me it's like a fucking asshole all right okay so i think that i hate people who do this yeah yeah it's just it's irresponsible and it's okay you she to be a lovely wife and everything it's just like but that's her thing it's like it's like problem though yo yo sweet adult here's if you're in line here's the biggest offense When you're in line waiting to go up in order and you get there and then you have a bunch of questions. It's like figure it out before.

Yeah, figure it out before. That's why it's good that she has him. He's doing the work. But he says it doesn't matter. I know. But I'm saying all he can do is control what he does. So good on you, bro. But we need to get deeper.

So I think you need to sit her down and be like look why are you doing this oh it's going to be so awful for him but like not in like an accusatory way no i know you got to emphasize i'm not accusing you of anything i'm i'm asking this from the bottom of my heart i'm curious why do you do this Because maybe the reason I'm asking that is because maybe we can figure out a reason or a system that fixes it and makes you not do it. Right. You know? Right. And then she'll be like, well, what's the big deal?

It just annoys you? Oh, well, boo-hoo. That's how I am. Yeah, but it's inconsiderate for other people. That's what I was going to say before you cut me off. Also, the job I'm on. He can then say, when we're online, though, and we're holding up a line, like it has nothing to do with me. Yeah.

So, yeah. Well, so Kristen doesn't ask questions, but dude, when you sit down and the menu's there, you figure it out, right? Because when the waiter, Kristen will be like, actually, I haven't even looked at the menu yet. And I go, very, very bad, one pound fish. That that's not right dude get it right you know what you want it's like the people who order there's rules there's rules you go and you're fucking you don't sit

down go to the bathroom before the waiter comes you order first and then go to the bathroom agree agree yeah do we know this? Agree. Agree. It's crazy. People sit down and they're hanging out, talking for a little bit. They go to the bathroom and then the waiter comes. Oh, hi. Can I get drink orders? Oh, I'm in the bathroom.

Can we order food? I don't know. She's taking a shit. Right. You know? Right. Okay. Graphic, but yeah.

She's taking a fucking plopper, dude. Great, dude. You know what? My wife's in the bathroom taking a plopper. Taking a one pound plopper. Very's in the bathroom taking a plopper. Taking a one-pound plopper. Very, very good. One-pound plopper. One-pound plopper, dude.

Come on, ladies. One-pound plopper. That's my nickname. That could be a good nickname for the episode, one-pound plopper. I thought that, but I didn't want to say it live, but I thought it before you. No. We good? No, we're not good because I thought about that.

We good? The biggest cocksucker of all time is to do that. And we good? To do that after having sex with someone for the first time would be amazing. And we good? Shit, dude. Especially if you were two gay guys. Wow.

Very, very good. One pound. Plopper. Yeah. All right. two gay guys wow very very good one pound proper yeah uh all right so yeah you gotta i you know what though i gotta say i think this might be the first submission i don't know what to i guess i did give advice but i don't know if that's gonna work talk about dude this is a problem you might not be able to get to the bottom of culture talk about the thing where uh you say people use this as like oh this is my time i get to order now nobody's gonna fuck with my time talk about how you talk about that you want me to talk about that yeah because it's something you thought you told you told me about yeah people like when they get there's like a whole mentality of a certain kind of customer yeah and it's not just about food yep it's about anything that it it's a very american thing but i'm sure it's also true

in other places but yeah it's like people think that they're the customer so that when it's their moment to be asking questions to be considering considering buying something or considerating or considerating yeah uh it's like they not only are allowed to take all the time that they want, but it's their absolute right. Birth given right. And everyone else doesn't get to say anything about it because when it's their turn, they will never say anything to them. It's like they have a wrong way of thinking about it, but it is somewhat common that people

think this way. It's like a very much customer is always right mentality. It's very corporate mentality in general. But here's the thing. And let me tell you, I've never felt something more strongly and emphatically than this. The customer is not always right. No. In fact, the customer is more often than not-

Mostly wrong. Really wrong. Right. Mostly wrong. And if you lived by that, if you actually lived your life by that rule, the customer is more often than not- Mostly wrong. Really wrong. Right. Mostly wrong. And if you lived by that, if you actually lived your life by that rule, the customer is always right, nothing would ever get done. Every company would go bankrupt and nobody would be happy in the whole fucking world. I want to have a store that says the customer is only right sometimes.

Great. On the window. Great. Coming in at your own risk. Right. Yeah. Yep. At your own peril.

Quicker. And I'm at the thing, i'm at the the what do they call the people who take the orders not the waiters but the people behind the counter cashier quicker yeah cashier quicker it's right all that's right there's six things quicker they're all the same thing really right one's fried quicker right quicker yeah quicker why are you saying quicker because they're taking too long oh oh i see do i want the burger or the or the burger with two patties you could do that i mean yeah if your place was popular enough you could do anything like that you know because you keep people out and they'd be like oh my god i

got kicked out of so-and-so restaurant i just wanted to have it it's like the no soup no soup yeah the soup not for you that's just like a funny classic episode would you say that's the number one classic episode of seinfeld okay i've gotten in this conversation before. You have? Yeah. This? I thought so. Okay. But I think real Seinfeld heads would tell me otherwise. Yeah. There's a lot of them. Because I'm not one, but I love the show.

Yeah. I haven't seen every episode. I'm not one either, but I love the show. Yeah. But I think that we talked about that a lot. Maybe, yeah. Maybe like dad or mom thought it was funny or something. But I have some friends who fully have seen every episode more than once.

Yeah. And they're like, I mean, God, there's so many funny episodes. The Keith Hernandez episode is hilarious. No, dude. The fucking episode where he, oh, fuck, where George has to go pitch the thing and he has to go, good night, everybody. Like, leave with confidence. Do you know that one?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. Is it Twix? What's the company? So the funniest character on Seinfeld is not open for debate. It's not open for debate. It is not even close. It's not even close.

The other people on the show are funny. They're very funny. But the show is George Costanza. No question. It's not close. There is no question. And let me tell you something else. People have different opinions.

They'll say Jerry's the funniest. A lot of people say Kramer. They'll say Elaine's the funniest. But if someone says Kramer's the funniest, that person is not funny. The person who said that is not funny. I'd say on a rare occasion, they could be funny. But man, they don't really actually get humor, do they? They don't get what's up.

Yeah. They don't. Because it's like some guy walking in the door looking like he got electrocuted. They're like, ah! And Kramer is very funny. Of course. Everyone on that show is hilarious. I'm not even kidding.

George Costanza, if I had to pick five characters in TV that were the greatest characters of all time, dramatically or comedically, I'd have to probably put him in the top five. Yeah. The two comedy ones would be him and David Brent. Him, Ricky Gervais. Yeah. Ricky Gervais and David Brent. The two comedy ones would be him and him.

Him and him. And him. As the two top comedy ones, would be him and him him and him and him as the two top comedy ones i rank him and him and then the other one would be uh me and undateable and then me and whitney and then me in rush hour that was a tv series and i played a little guest i don't think that that would be you no you don't think i don't think i would pick you i don't think anybody would pick you for those slots i forgot i was in that show rush hour to be honest um okay so you you're the one that told me that anthony reminded me the other day well he didn't actually remind me but i was talking about rush hour and he's like that fucking show sucks and i was like i was in that okay

that's when i realized oh okay okay okay yeah so what do you think about that uh well you know what i think about that? Very, very good. One pound fish. Dude, rush hour. Very, very cheap. One pound fish. I watched the two first rush hours the other night. The movies? Mm-hmm. And I watched the third one soon.

How about this movie? What? Remember this movie? Money Talks? Oh, wow. Yeah, I do. Remember the joke? Yeah, it was.

Remember the joke in the trailer? You fat. No. And Heather Locklear's like and charlie sheen's like p-h-a-t yeah yeah oh man movies were so good back then yeah dude it's a shame huh yeah it's a shame all right it's a lowdown dirty shame guys another one yeah all right cool uh i'll be in charlotte i'll be in nashville i'll be in knoxville i'll be in little rock arkansas little cock and orange orange county dates and southern socal dates chrisley.com thank you very much

also you can go to watchlifeline.com to ask us a question thank you very much and you go to lifelinemerch.com to get merch thank you very much and then you want to go to the patreon is what you really want to do and sign up for lifeline Luxury. If you haven't yet, it's patreon.com slash lifelineluxury. Get in there. It is a great show. Thank you very much. Please leave a thing on the comment on the thing. Yeah.

If you have a question. Just tickle the algorithm. Just tickle it up. Click the link in the description below or just go to watchlifeline.com. You said that already? Yep. And then the bell notification you can hit and it'll fucking let you know when we got some.

Just fucking, I'll thank you very much. Yep. And yeah. Oh, and if you want a one-on-one with me, make your life way better than it already is. Let Matt tickle your brain. Let me tickle your brain.

Make an appointment on mattdalia.com and Chris says, I thank you very much. Thank you very much. You said the merch, right? Yeah, the merch, dude. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. You said the merch, right? Yeah, the merch, dude. Thank you very much. All right, guys.

The worst outro of all time. The worst outro of all time.