Lifeline - 69. Christian Snail

Episode Date: August 6, 2023

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Hello. Hello. Hello. Have you seen this? It is this smash and grabs, dude? Of like the Gucci place? It's a Century City mall, some jewelry store in Irvine. I follow these accounts now on Instagram.

What accounts? Like, I think one of them is called Faces of LAPD. Wow. Another one is called, I mean, they're just like random crime watch. You follow those? Yeah. Why? Because at first I followed them because they were like,

what's up with like the homeless problem? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That TV is not on. I see all the encampments and shit. And then I was just like, you know what? Now that I'm answering, I'm realizing I shouldn't, I don't even know if we're recording, but I'm acting are um we are i shouldn't be following them they just depress me

yeah i follow some of those but not but i don't i don't i actually saw uh them robbing stuff at the gucci store and under it there were only comments like good for them oh my god and i was like wait a minute what and i kept scrolling and it was like hell yeah fuck gucci they deserve it dude people just like what what this is a crime yeah it was so odd people are so angry now dude i know it's really weird right i love seeing anybody or certainly any corporation but even people oh yeah yeah just get fucked yeah any brand any kind of like person that's like quote unquote on on top or not you know are part of the one but at the same time they go suck on the crank of mattel all right well we don't need to be revisiting the crank of mattel i'm just saying it's all of the same piece this is episode episode, what does it say? 69. 69.

Releasing today. And it is Sunday, and Sundays are for Lifeline. Go sign up for our Lifeline Luxury. Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. A new episode is out right now. Bing. I am on tour. I'll be in, I believe, Irvine and Brea. And also I will be in Charlotte and Nashville and Knoxville and Little Rock and Canada.

Go to chrislea.com for all that. And if you've got a question, hit the link in the description below or you can call the thing below. Call the hotline on the link below. 213-973-8095 i want to say it though i want to say i love we love i particularly love um uh follow-up videos yeah you like that those are fun those are funny to me because i'd like to catch up with the people that we talked to so throw us some of that and uh you want to we want the 101 want the one-on-one with me i mean like it's a fight you you want to do one-on-one with me i mean like it's

a fight you you want to do one-on-one mano a mano with me go to mattalia.com and book it now had some heavy duty sessions the other day you got heavy stuff come on and get it you got light stuff come on and get it this is ice mattalia.com that's ice and uh you want the merch, go to lifelinemerch.com and buy every single piece. So, yeah. Well, that's too bad that crime is happening all over the place. All over the place, man. And everywhere. It's pretty weird.

Cities are just like, they're in trouble. I know. It's looking better and better to live off the grid. Dude. I'm the Unabomber. It's looking better and better to live out in the the nothingness that's the thing though i don't want to live in the middle of nowhere i like cities dude i know i like cities to be good but then it's like uh you know i want to take my son for a haircut and i

took out a haircut too you know we both got haircuts and like there was just like a crazy two crazy people that were just like walking by and i was like oh come here buddy come closer and that doesn't happen in the wilderness but you got to watch out for bears right but so there's an in between you know there's an in between between the very urban areas and the very rural areas but then those are where there's neither bears or crazy people and that suburbs kind of suck in their own way so where are we all suburbs are all the same yeah what are we supposed to do i don't know man where do we go where do we go either live in the wilderness when you gotta like know how to be a wild guy guns big guns you gotta know or live in the cities with small guns right in the city like this you got the gas like this in the cities yeah

or the big ass rifles in the wilderness in case bears come yeah you see that one picture of that bear where there's a picture of a bear and they don't know if it's a person or a bear and they thought it was fully a person in their costume it's a bear it's a bear wow it's at the zoo they thought it was a uh like they were yeah people thought the zoo was trying to pull right right right not like a prank yeah bears are bears bears do stand up like that though and i guess they wave right yeah that's crazy make it bigger that is absolutely bonkers i got a buddy who uh that is so crazy that bear is just like sup but also of course it's not a person no i know of course it's not a person you think that's a person where was this

china that's because the chinese were like oh china wait a minute wait a minute a lot of chinese people are like wait a minute what the? They do that all the time. China. Wait, I don't understand. They do that a lot. China. I'm racist. Also, yeah.

Do they think meerkats are small people? I don't know. What does a meerkat look like? Like a fucking. Oh, like a little person? Yeah. No, no. Really little.

Like a miniature person? Like this? Like super small. Like a baby? Like a small, yeah. Oh, yeah little like a miniature person like this like super like a baby small yeah uh oh yeah they got people things going yeah yeah maybe like be like a baby or something like a skinny baby yeah america skinny babies so um yeah it's obviously a bear that's actually stupid now that i see the whole video it's obviously a bear because when it sits down it's such a bear right and being there you'd even know even more right because you'd be like oh that's so heavy the way he sat down that's definitely a bear i would be so mad right there if a person could do that they'd be rich from impersonating bears because they're so they'd be

so good at it yeah i would be like if i was there i would get the sense i'd be like dude you're all probably you know what i can tell and i'm already pissed off you're all thinking that maybe this is a person in there and it's fucking not i'm gonna tell you right now did you see the guy who got uh i don't like this they're trying to make headlines out of the guy who's trying to be like a border collie oh yeah dude that is so japanese you know what i'm saying like that is only a thing that would happen in did it happen in japan yeah oh wow yeah they don't even know who it is the guy annoying thing about that is they're like man paid twenty thousand dollars to transform to a border collie whatever it is but it's it you there it's not he didn't do surgery he just

got a costume no yeah so it's like it's a what's weird about the costume is that it's really good and some moments and then some moments it looks just like a person in a dog totally it's really good in some moments, and then some moments it looks just like a person in a dog costume. Totally. It's really good if he doesn't move. If he makes some movements, he knows how to do it. But then if he makes other movements, you're like, oh, that's so dumb. It's a person in there.

What's going on? Yeah. Also, what kind of weird... It's a kink. You're a weirdo, dude. It's always sexual. Is it? I mean, I don't doubt that.

It has to be sexual. He's dressed like a dog, you know? I read about it. it was his lifelong look he spent 22 grand to become a rough collie dog but he didn't become the dog is the thing i know but people click more when they say i know that i don't like that shit with the media guy buys dog costume that's the that's the thing but it is an insanely good dog costume the still of the fucking bust of the dog is unreal yeah it just looks where does he look out of the eyes i don't know i don't know anything that's the other thing if he's if he's looking out of the eyes i buy it a little more if he's not looking out of the eyes and they're like coming out of the mouth like you might work might as well work at fucking disneyland

yeah right you're not a dog no you're a dude with a fucking face in a dog in a fake dog's mouth well you're not a dog under any circumstance you're not a dog period yeah toko you know toko dude look at this see that's not a dog no that's not a dog that looks like a dog it looks like an old dog actually back legs messed up where's the guy i don't know i do not get it you know what that's amazing i take everything back what i said i don't think it's cool he needs to move his neck a little more like a dog dude that's king that that's that's kink right there he's in a cage you know so you think he's got just a big boner in there no i know i think it's a mentally sexual thing anything anytime someone does something that's super weird, it's a kink.

Okay. With their identity specifically or just super weird in general? With their identity. Your hair's looking good. Your hair's looking good. What is it out of 10? Eight or nine. Got a haircut today with my son, that's why.

Oh, dude, haircuts never make your hair look good i know but you know what it is that one did i know but you know what tomorrow it's gonna look all fucked up i bet oh really it has to grow into the fucked upness and then get good oh i see what you're saying when you cut your hair it looks terrible or it looks banging and then you wash it and it looks terrible yeah yep yeah yep all right that's good i'm right about that that's good um all right well let's get into some stuff huh lifeline guys so far hey chris and matt i'm wondering what you guys think about somebody will pop into your life when you least expect it i've been single pushing four years now open your girls talk to girls uh in that in that time span but i won't settle um maybe i'm too

picky maybe that's my own fault oh okay i'm walking through um i hear this from a lot of my friends that are in relationships and uh i don't know what to think of it uh do i put myself out there maybe do the dating apps i'm not too active on social media or do i keep my head down focus on my career and working out let me know what you guys think and working out oh here's what i think first and first of all open your mouth a little bit more it's not just so we can understand you more but so that you're more inviting when you open your mouth like that it seems like you're over it like you said it might not might not be yeah it might not be it might be one of the reasons

why he's not dating yeah work on the vibe you're throwing out if you open your mouth a little more you'd probably be in love at this point yeah also you're like a good looking guy yeah he was good looking guy so since you're a good looking guy open your mouth just a tiny bit more what i don't get is uh why did he sneak in the working out thing i don't think he snuck it in i think he just didn't it doesn't explain that it was out is not a thing to be like yeah dude i want a chick but i'm working out no no no no no no unless you're a bodybuilder and that's your job i think i think what that was was just like a slip of casual familiarity instead of like like he shouldn't have been that specific about you think so i think he was just like that's what i like to

do and he didn't go down a whole list he was just like working out and you don't think he was just like that's what i like to do and he didn't go down a whole list he was just like working out and you don't think he was like man these bitches always getting to get they're blocking my gains no no no i don't think so you don't think so no no i don't think so but if he was working if he was then you got to get your shit together man because that's stupid yeah nobody has to work out so much they can't go on dates right um i don't know man i mean i fucking work out pretty hard unless you're an actual dates right um i don't know man i mean i fucking work out pretty hard unless you're an actual bodybuilder yeah if you're a bodybuilder cool but if you're a bodybuilder that's so weird but yeah don't do that uh go back in time and don't get into the

into the business of bodybuilding who did who do bodybuilders date dude bodybuilders yeah they gotta be like shorty they gotta be gay all of them right because they look at their body so much they're just like i got a big counterpoint to that arnold schwarzenegger yeah that guy's the least gay he just was like back in the day he was just literally just like swinging his dick around putting it inside i like arnold schwarzenegger is is he not gay he's not gay dude the whole thing he had a he had a illegitimate son i know that i just found that out okay but here's the thing you cut me off and say you know that as if we're just two people talking in a room we are this is a show oh you know why wouldn't i say that it's a podcast it's not like because

it's like you're cutting me off and you want me to stop saying it you know i'm saying no no i don't want you to not stop saying it i don't want you to stop saying it okay it's so weird we just talked about this though yeah we did we did um oh wait what no we just talked about on golden hour so weird what him having an illegitimate we talked about that specific thing that you do though oh yeah we always talk about that because you're getting you don't like when i do that but but he did he had an illegitimate kid but then also you don't think he's ever porked a dude ever that i don't I don't know. That means you're gay or what? No.

I don't think. You think you can have sex with one guy and not be gay? I guess. Yeah, I think you could. Here's what it is. I've never done it. It depends on if you're gay. Do you like to have sex with men?

Are you attracted to men? Then you are gay. So I was talking to a guy once. I knew him. I know him. Okay. And he was like, I made a joke. I was like, oh man, maybe it's because you're gay.

And he was like, no, no way, mate. I'm not gay. He's Australian. He's like, nah, not gay, not me. And I was like, what a weird reaction. Yeah. I mean, that just makes us think, you know what? And I said, why do you say it like that?

And he said, because my long time ago, I tried it once and i just didn't like it full i fully endorse that guy's take on so do i okay yeah but also is he gayer than me who's never done it there's no way of knowing it's a subjective thing it's a spectrum right he knows you know but i would say that i fully buy that yeah trying it and realizing yeah no i totally think that you cannot be gay and do that i have another friend that black people don't black people be like yo that's mad gay yeah well cultures are different you know they'd be like yo dog that's gay as fuck to even be in a room with another dude but there are gay black people you, right? You ever been to the bank and there's only been one other person there? I won't even go in, man, because I only fuck chicks.

Right. There's no gay black people. There are gay black people. There are. There are. And when they're gay, they're really gay. You know what I mean? I see.

Like Billy. What's that guy's name? Billy. Crud up? Yeah. No. No. Yeah. Billy. That guy, Billy. That guy, Billy. With all the sparkly all the sparkly is he gay or is he just because sometimes he'll just be like he's just people like that will just be like i'm a woman actually

oh oh no i think he i think he's just a a gay man yeah i think um oh he is oh he is uh i got poked in the butt when you said it um wait wait wait i'm gonna fart what were we just talking about though i was gonna say something Arnold Schwarzenegger oh damn um yeah so i i don't know man i don't know if that's i don't know but here about the guy about this guy's advice yeah dude i don't i i hear you and i i get it and i know it's a thing that a lot of people are wondering. You look young. I don't think you have anything to worry about in terms of like a ticking clock or anything.

But here's the thing about dating. These eggs may dry up. Here's the thing about dating or not dating. You either want to or you don't. I totally. If you don't want to date, then don't. If you do want to date, then do it. It's as simple as that.

Yeah, totally. He said he's been single for a while. If that's making you feel good, then stay single for a little while. But these kinds of guys are just like, dude, you haven't met someone yet that you like. If you met someone you like, trust me, dude, you'll know because your life will be in shambles. They'll fucking ruin your life because women ruin your lives. You know what I'm saying? Do men ruin women's lives? No. Oh, I know what I'm saying? Do men ruin women's lives?

No. Oh, I see. So it's only women who ruin men's lives? Yes. No, I'm kidding. Women and men ruin each other's lives because they're not alike. Yes. Okay.

This is what I was going to say. Do gay partners ruin each other's lives? Nope. No. They just fuck and chill. What about... Okay. Gay women too?

No, they ruin each other's lives they do oh yeah see i have my sense is too many feelings my sense is first of all that all lesbians hate me that's the number one so i don't know that many lesbians i want to be friends with lesbians they don't seem to like me but uh lesbians seem to me to generally be the most even keeled and and generally happiest inside relationships on the surface that's what i'm saying i don't know what they're like at home but like that's the vibe i get the sense i get yeah that guy's not a lesbian though so that doesn't apply no no no uh two two a man and a woman together ruin each other's lives two men do not ruin each other's

lives two women together ruin each other's lives so the only happy people are gay men the only happy people are gay men yes the only happy people are gay men this is not at all scientific i don't know if i believe for me you but i i i believe that it's possible that it's true yep that's why they're always dancing and doing parades oh do you know who's not in those fucking dancing parades? Lesbians. They're not there, dude. Interesting. Interesting. They're trying to buy fucking clothes with pockets on them.

You know, what's that joke about lesbians? The second date they're getting a U-Haul? I mean, I just sold the joke up the river. But, like, there's some joke about, like, lesbians, like, settle down like that. Oh, really? Yeah. No. I don't know that.

It's okay that I said that because I heard a lesbian make that joke. Okay? So it's not me making a joke at the expense of lesbians. I make jokes about lesbians and I don't know. And it's okay. They never said that. I'm just repeating a lesbian. I don't know.

I've never repeated a lesbian. That's what I do. It's my main thing. I repeat lesbians. Wow. That's good. Okay. Let's do another one.

What's up with white people having to know the exact location of somewhere? Or they have to tell you the exact location of somewhere in order for you to get the story. When it has nothing to do with the exact location. Like, they'll be like, oh yeah, I was down by the turnpike over there. You know where that is? And then I'm like, nah. So they proceed to tell you, try to there you know where that is and then i'm like nah so they proceed to tell you try to get you exactly where it is you know take this street down there blah blah blah 20 minutes

trying to find the exact coordinates once they do you're like oh yeah whatever over there what about it he's like oh yeah well i just found this place next door so i don't know it'll just make no sense to the point where you didn't have to know the exact location because you just said it right that's annoying so uh i don't know tell me what's up with that guys dude dude i i just i just had a revelation i didn't know white people did that but i do that i don't do that and when people do that yeah because people do do that i say it doesn't matter maybe you're black i got a friend i say it doesn't matter cuz dude there are people i have a friend that will do that and it's unbelievable i might do that shit i'm worried and i say i can't believe you haven't said the

thing yet yeah you're only telling me places is he white yeah okay well then he's dude it's unbelievable and that guy also will like show me a picture of straight up of him somewhere in Hollywood. And he's done this before. He's shown me a selfie. And I say, what's that? And he says, dude, you don't remember that picture? Just of him? And I said, of your face?

Right, yeah. And he was like, come on. And then he was like, told me when he took it and sent it to me. And I was like, I don't remember that. And he was like, how do you not remember that? What? And then I say, are you asking me why I don't remember when you sent me this selfie two years ago? Right.

And then he gets it okay oh yeah but and then i'm like stop this sounds like a weird guy oh he's weird yeah yeah but he will he'll be like you know the place the thing so i was at this place today you're down the thing you know it no yeah it's on the thing next thing i'll do no oh yeah and they can stop play and they just get you walk through the door okay yeah i found 20 there why don't you just say oh i found 20 today not because you're equipped with this why don't you just say yes you know even if you don't so he doesn't do it oh yeah i know exactly what that is keep going because i don't want i don't want to lie you don't want to bat you don't want to bend i don't want to bend

i don't want to give him that okay well that's that's you change i'm not changing this is your thing but now this guy's got me worried that i think maybe i do that you think you do that like what like what's a version of how you do that i just think i might be geographically like geographic centric about my stories where i'm like i need the people to know you maybe do that a little bit do i i don't do that i mean that's why i was laughing i was like shit do i a little bit. Do I? I don't do that at all. I mean, that's why I was laughing. I was like, shit, do I do that? Anyway, the answer is, I don't know why white people do that,

but that's really, really, really funny. Yeah, that is funny. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I can't help you with that. It sucks. If we do it, if I do it, it sucks. I have an answer.

What can I say? Don't hang out with white people. Only hang out with your kind. Oh. I don't think that's the greatest, yeah. But it's not, though. I'm saying white people only hang out with your kind oh i don't think that's the greatest yeah but it's not though i'm saying white people do that they shouldn't be doing that they shouldn't but you know what we all have our flaws come on whites uh come on whites be more vague yeah don't worry so much about black people don't get they're not specific

white people are so specific they're not specific about location or they're not they're not specific period in stories when they tell stories bro i'm a white guy yes and ask me how i've been how have you been i've been pretty good i guess i really kind of can't complain i mean it's fucking hot out okay i'm a black guy okay ask me how i've been hey how you been i okay i'm starting you know what i'm saying i do know what you're saying yeah um that's interesting i'm both you guys are opening my mind right now there you go um to your to the caller the caller inner guy uh i don't know why but that's very funny and thanks for bringing it to my attention now i won't do it especially i won't do it around black people because then i'll be like why the fuck they'll be like why the fuck is this guy doing that and i want to avoid that i'm a white

guy yeah i know ask me how my friend rob has been how's your friend rob been how's rob been uh he's been okay you know i haven't seen him in a bit um but last time i saw him he's good you know he's got these guys kids and shit so uh it's been cool you know i i met i met one of his kids once it was at the park and we were there too uh but he seems good he's he looks good you know he's getting older but he looks good and now you're a black guy i'm black i asked me uh how darn how darnell is what about rob well i'm a black guy now no No, no, no, no, no, no. Black people and white people can know the same people.

I'm going to ask you about Rob. All right. How's Rob been? Man. I don't know. Oh. And he knows. And he knows damn well.

Like he's withholding? Yeah, it's like, I ain't snitching. Oh, wow. Axe Rob. That's very... Axe Rob. Okay. Okay. I mean, all right. I don't even know it's like i'm not snitching like oh oh wow ax rob that's very damn ax rob okay okay i mean all right i don't even know what darnell is up to okay all right yeah i mean i don't know if that's

all that's true but that guy's that guy's probably right i don't know how right you are you know what i'm saying you know what i mean i mean i think i'm right i know that okay that real well let's go to the next one. Oh, I can't. I got it. I got it. I got it. Trying to court a, quote, nervous girl. Going to try and keep this condensed as possible while still including all of the deets.

Well, you failed at that. I met a girl maybe six months ago while she was working front desk in a building that I've been to multiple times to do HVAC repairs in. The first time I saw her, we were giving each other eyes like crazy. Maybe not. Three wise. I doubt it. I introduced myself and gave her my number on a piece of paper. She seemed excited about it. No text. A couple of weeks later, I'm back for another repair and she's clearly happy to see me. She asked how I've been right away and told me it's good to see me. I ask her why no text and she tells me she's nervous. I get her number. I text her. No text back. So I text again a week later and I get a, hi, sorry, I'm a bad texter.

I pretty much give up at this point. Now, I work for another company these days, so I haven't seen her in four months. About four months. My old coworker goes for a repair and said that she was asking about me and told him that she lost my number. How do I approach a girl who's clearly interested

to some degree, but is allegedly nervous? Life rips, thanks. That's weird. Let me just, let me just look i don't like this i don't like having to say this i don't like that it's true it just is true she doesn't like yeah but then why did she ask how the friend was at the i didn't think i did think that because she's nice yeah okay you're probably right being too nice unfortunately some and this actually is another unfortunate thing sometimes women actually have to be too nice no no no that's especially if you're like working inside her

home of course of course she can't be shitty of course you'll fucking kill her no offense to you but like yeah you might kill women have to worry about that yeah exactly of course so like look no offense to you i'm sure you're a great dude my sense is she doesn't yeah really like you i would say that's almost positive she thinks you're a good dude yeah yeah yeah she just she likes you as a human yep but she doesn't want to date you that's not into getting yeah and guess what that's okay yeah yeah yeah guess what there's gonna be other women that do want to date you uh huh okay yep so everybody's happy everybody's everybody everything's okay there's some women that love hvac guys i mean i bet there's women out there that have a fetish about hvac guys yep like the dog thing like uh like the pool guy thing the pool guy i think it's mostly pool guys and not

hvac i bet there's guys are oh the heater's broken oh let's get him inside his buttons all yeah true i'm sweating and she's just like oh that's sexy you know and he's yeah the gray shirt with the name on it it's just yeah popping out you know i'm saying i would say pool guys are probably on the whole definitely hotter than yeah yeah yeah because a pool guy is at least like probably in the sun a lot it looks healthier and he's got to be a little bit active fishing the stuff out of the pool also yeah he's got his shirt off more but hvac guys can be totally fat and just be like you need another part right yeah i'm trying to think of hvac guys i've known i know a few what do they look like um they're either old white old old white, or just like Mexican.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I found that problem. You know, they're like that. Okay. And you're like, what? And they're like, you need, and then they might as well say anything because you don't know what they're saying.

Yeah. In my experience, though. How much is it going to be? And they say, 900. HVAC guys. Okay. HVAC guys, in my experience, always always russian oh i didn't even think about that in la for sure yeah yeah yeah always russian you're going to have to yeah yep the guy who installed my

hvac recently russian brought two guys when he installed it both russian how long have you had this? Here. Yeah, how long have you had this unit? I don't know, 18 months, something like that. The problem with this kind is that is what it is if it is in warranty. But it should last for 10 years. but it should last for 10 years. I'm going to take a look inside of this different part of what I didn't look at the first time, and I'm going to see a little more detail

on what is going on. So, so specific. Russians are even more specific than regular white guys. Yeah, yeah. You may need a certain part. Give me half hour. Come back. He's holding something. Yes, I found a problem. need a certain part I'd be give me half hour come back he's holding something

yes I found a problem you need this you need one of these it's not under warranty so you're going to have to I have one in my truck I may have one in my truck right always I may have one in my truck let me check okay he comes back yes I have do you want

to do right say how much is it how much is it 350 dollars 220 yeah you want me to do it yeah okay plus plus labor is going to be 410 or something okay okay yeah they're always rushing right i also had a guy come uh try to fix my okay so two two times in a span of one month my dishwasher broke i get a guy to come out the first guy comes out he's russian he is petrified of my dog what my dog for those who don't know is like 30 pounds and yeah couldn't hurt you even if she wanted to uh and i i laughed i mean i didn't even mean to be a dick i was like come on yeah yeah yeah but what do you mean petrified like do what he's doing he okay well i don't want to stand up but he was standing up and he was like

oh wow dog is no no no oh wow okay yeah you're very he goes very scared of dog oh wow i felt bad i was like oh shit and i laughed a little but I was like I didn't even want to laugh yeah yeah yeah you want to kind of respect what's going on this guy's got clearly something terrible happened to this guy yeah yeah

his whole family got fucked by different dogs different times dog family came over and fucked his human family dogs keep coming over fuck my family

when I grow up they fuck everybody in my family different dogs crazy I don't want to be around dogs Russian dogs

by the way you need this part the whole thing they got toxic they got a toxic uh what's the thing in russia uh the toxic waste the toxic waste oh they have the the chernobyl yeah yeah chernobyl dogs they came over and fucked his family um but no but then he comes fixed it two three minutes. Okay. Did something I could have done, but I was like, ah, I didn't think of that. Sure, of course, yeah. And he's like $200. Yeah, no, he was like, just the labor fee.

That's it. Just the charge for coming out and visiting, right? Then, however many weeks later, same problem, same company, different guy comes out, also Russian. He's working on it for like three or four hours. At the very end, he finally is like, I know what the problem is. The main frame is, he's got this fried thing in his hand.

It's just like, I think he did that. You know what I mean? Well, how big is the thing he's holding? Like that. He should have seen it within four hours for sure. So he's lying. Yeah. Right.

Okay. And so, but no, then I'm like, ah, so you can't do anything. No, you need to replace the whole thing unless you, this out of warranty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he's like, it's out of, see, and he goes online. It's like shows it doesn't even get made anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They never get made. And I'm like, oh, okay, how much do I owe you? And he says, just the amount to come. But I did not fix. I did not do nothing. I did not fix. I did not do nothing. I did not fix. So then what? Then I just gave him the same amount of money the first guy came for.

It was like the most honest company ever, dude. Okay, so he didn't fix. Didn't fix. So then what, though? I have to get a new dishwasher. Oh. But I think he broke it. But it was already broken.

But the first guy fixed it, dude. Easily. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he didn't break it. But i don't know because i wasn't looking over your shoulder you don't know because you're not a fucking dishwasher also right well nobody is a dishwasher well no there are dishwashers in actual in japan uh no no no like i mean in diners there's like i got it you know oh people yeah you're not a dishwasher or an HVAC guy or a guy who fixes dishwashers. No, I'm not.

He was just like this. After three hours, he was just like this. I have problems. Like this. like this sir I found problem this here is broken and they don't make them anymore in all honesty though i thought he was trying to

scam me and i was like all right how much would it cost to get a new one he goes i don't do so i was like oh you're really maybe he's being honest you know he's probably just fucking tired he's like i want to go home yeah i think that was probably yeah wow all right next one hey what's up matt and chris uh huge fan of you guys chris i saw you in new york a couple months ago that was your best show yet that i've seen you and matt love everything that you're doing man cool um my name is luke i'm from new york and my question is about my work i do photo and video and oftentimes on shoots people will make awkward comments about their weight or their appearance but most of the time it's about their weight um so a woman recently on a shoot came storming over

to me she was like way in the background of a photo but she's like i know you did not just take a photo of my big fat ass what and i'm like what yeah um and then you know people will be like make me look 10 years younger and 10 pounds lighter. That's not a thing. If the camera adds 10 pounds, you must have had seven or eight cameras on me. So the comments are wide ranging. Wow. But the theme is that I have no idea what to say to anyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Definitely want to keep it somewhat professional, at least. Don't want to just slam people into oblivion. But looking forward to hearing what you guys have to say. Thanks so much. I mean, they deserve to be slammed into oblivion, but I get why you wouldn't want to. The camera adds 10 pounds. You say, how many cameras did you eat?

Dude, I don't like, make me look thin. If I was a cameraman and some fat person said that, I would be fired. That's what he's trying to avoid. So let's try to avoid that for him. Make me look thin. Oh, man. No, just be like. Lose weight.

Right. Be thin. Yeah. Dude, you know how i can take a picture you know how i can take a really great picture of you when you look really thin lose 10 pounds because then you'll be really thin like you don't what you need to what you need to say is i'm only gonna be able to take a picture of what you really look like. That's all I can do because that's what I do. My camera doesn't do magic tricks.

I can't manipulate an image just by taking it and having a picture. What you can say is, oh, okay, well, maybe after when I treat them, I can do something. But like, I don't know. That's so crazy

that someone would have the gall to say that. They're basically just being like i'm fat what are you supposed to say if somebody comes up to you and they say i'm fat what are you supposed to say well yeah you you you go yeah yeah but it's okay right so how what's the what's the his answer version of yeah but it's okay how about like this uh somebody says oh make me look thinner it'd be like uh yeah they say the camera adds 10 pounds that's why i i'm behind the camera i don't want to be looking all fat and shit anyway the first part was kind of all right yeah i don't know

something like that you know maybe uh oh geez well you know what he should always say what i got it just i got i got it trust me yeah yeah you know i got it trust me you're gonna look beautiful yeah exactly you're gonna look great yeah that's what he said you know that's what he already says that you're gonna look great don't even worry about it you're great god damn look at those titties uh if he already says if he already says that yeah then he's already doing it right you don't want here's what you don't want to be honest for you don't want to be honest because then you won't get hired again because people will talk shit about you and never recommend you if you're a professional never be honest yeah basically yeah so but what was the

thing about the fat ass i know you didn't take a picture of my fat like what i know you just didn't take a picture of my fat ass what does that mean though i don't know maybe he was like a wedding photographer like under her skirt no no no no but no she's saying fat ass not fat ass like like a descriptor of herself fat ass yeah okay but maybe he was like a wedding guy and he just took a picture of it i know you did a bit of my fat ass what you look great yeah boogie nights we just came we just came to party i'm just a wedding photographer yeah you know yeah yeah well you look great no it was great or or just no you weren't in that one do that no your fat ass wasn't in that one i mean just be like dude you weren't in it you weren't in that one no no no looks like my fat ass is in there oh i see yeah you know what i'm saying that's tough yeah oh i

have no idea what i'm taking a picture of i'm in the zone baby oh yeah that i'm in the zone baby i'm in the zone don't ruin it definitely don't say that i'm in the zone baby you know austin powers austin fucking powers i'm in the zone toots keep posing wow yeah yeah i don't know man that you're screwed though yeah yeah i like, like, you look beautiful. You look great. You know? But you don't want to, like, yes. Well, you don't want to sexually harass.

Right. God damn. I mean, top to bottom, you look unreal. You should do Playboy. No, what you should say is, no, it's going to be great. I promise you it's going to be great. Yep. That's what you say. Make them believe that you know something they don't know

just to get out of the moment yeah that's it you don't you don't get how this goes i got it right pose in a way that's nicer than that you know what doll listen to me baby wow already would be fired i'm gonna make you look great just like fired i'm gonna make you look great it's like this i'm gonna make you look great i'll delete that one yeah yeah yeah just just make them think you know more about photography than they do right what you do exactly but make them know that in that moment and then but make that use that to make them stop worrying yeah like no trust me i know what i'm doing yeah there you go i got this one yeah i got it don't worry they're gonna be great yeah anything you don't want we'll get rid of yeah like whatever there it is you know

what's up guys love the show um basically i have a friend who recently started smoking cigarettes in social situations and at parties and stuff. And it's kind of concerning because he really likes doing it. I mean, obviously, because it's cigarettes. But I don't want it to develop into an addiction where he starts doing it alone and then relying on it. Okay. connection so i guess my question is like how should i keep an eye on it from like a like a distance kind of but not be overbearing and you know butt my head into something that's not my business i just don't want to watch my friend get addicted to cigarettes because that's sad uh also how bitch is it to like have too many groceries in your hand and then try to open a

door with your pinky and kind of have to like oh yeah the definition yeah reach it and then like grab that's the maximum bitch this is pretty maximum thanks love you i mean dude i was thinking about this yesterday i can't i actually can't believe people fucking smoke right now i can't believe people why can't you believe it there's so much knowledge about it, how bad it is for you. Like, I do get why people do drugs recreationally. But smoking is like the thing that if you do it, pretty much you just do it all the time. I mean, I guess there's people who only smoke when they drink. Yeah, there are those people.

Yeah, for sure. But that's not what he's talking about. What he's talking about is people who... He the people about for now that is what it's right right right yeah but the people who smoke all the time unless they've been doing it for you know 20 years yeah like now it's crazy you're saying how could you start yeah kind of or in the past few years yeah i mean i love smoking yeah so like i totally get it but i agree that i'm sure it's awesome smoke now yeah is a questionable weird thing it's just and here's the other thing back in the day like even when we were kids even after that smoking still had like

a sheen of of coolness yeah yeah it doesn't anymore no no it's so fucking annoying anytime that i've that i've gone back to smoking because after quitting i'd like pick it back up i'm always like oh god i don't i don't want people to know i don't want to be out in public doing it i'm aware of being around strangers like none no part of me is like i look yeah it's not badass anymore it was badass in the 90s and now it's just like ew that guy's fucking weird well it's gross it smells bad everyone knows how bad it is for you and like it's it's just a bad habit say that but no but that's the this is what is this the fucking 90s yeah but this is what i was gonna say hey go listen to fucking limp biscuit the more you

do stupid bitch wow the more you do stuff like that hey what's puddle of mud up to what hey recite their lyrics all of them because you know all of them the off stupid fucking asshole let me borrow the offspring cd yeah yeah hey dude isn't it crazy that new rapper eminem is white you douche fucking idiot. So mean. That's the problem though with stuff like that. You want to be careful to not be the cop because that might- Free! Stop smoking. Not be a narc.

I'm just kidding. You know about Eminem? You don't want to be like that because some people that'll make them want to do it more. Well, that's ultimately why people smoke at this point fuck them i'm doing it right fuck mom and dad or you know what i mean you're saying i don't care about my health i'm badass well no people are addicted to smoking no now but i'm saying when you start yeah yeah yeah yeah no yeah probably yeah yeah the addiction i i mean like i bet it it actually i don't smoke i've never smoked i'm telling you it looks awesome not the look of it i bet it's so

nice to have a thing where you're like i'm gonna go take a break and smoke this fucking cigarette dude i love that yeah but i don't do it because i know it's bad yeah but man i would love to i would love to do that well that is start smoking that that is the thing that when you are a smoker that is the appeal and that is the hardest thing at least when i was a smoker when i've been a smoker it's hardest to let go of where you're just what do you do with the time you're going to be out? Not just that, but it's also like you end up dividing up your moments throughout the day,

bookending it with cigarettes. After you eat, you smoke. Before bed, you smoke. Smokers are so fucking annoying, dude. To non-smokers, they're crazy annoying. Yeah, because it's like, where is he? Yeah, right.

We were just eating yeah we're having a conversation where the fuck did he go well you know whose fault that is all the people who complained about all the smoke inside the restaurant and in my lungs well i know i actually don't my kids gonna inhale the cigarette from the guy over there i don't think it's their fault i don't care i don't care if there's smoke in restaurants. I don't care. I honestly don't either, but I actually do think it shouldn't be around kids though.

Kids, yes. Because it'll fuck them up way worse than it would. Kids, yes. But if they're all adults and you're out, it's 10 p.m., I don't give a fuck if someone lights up. I don't give a fuck. Yeah.

Dude, I remember when I smoked when Bloomberg was mayor in New York, the law was enacted that you can't smoke in bars and restaurants. They came around at midnight with ashtrays at the bar I was at. The day that the thing, the law happened. And had everybody put them out. Wow.

And if you were still smoking, they had made you leave. Whoa. Isn't that weird? That is very weird. You think they'd wait till the next day. That is very weird. But I guess they were worried that people were going to be giving citations that very moment. Wow.

Yeah. That was a really weird experience, actually. Yeah, that is weird, too. Because I remember when it happened and you were just, you, not you, but one, was just like, wow, they're really getting rid of smoking in New York. Yeah. Because I bleed New York, you know what I mean? Wow. My heart is in New York.

No, no, no. And I was just like, that's the fucking lifeblood of New York is just smoking smoking inside bars and restaurants and i was like how am i going to change because of this because my home where i bleed right is going to be starkly different right right yeah well no but yeah but i still bleed new york you know cool man i still kind of like new york i feel it in my bones so you got through my soul my soul is in new york and my heart is in new york and i believe new york honestly my blood my heart my soul a lot of my body parts are in new york if i'm honest wow uh how do you live i guess physically i'm here new york but partly heart my blood my soul my mind my legs my feet my hands my head and my eyes and nose and mouth and neck and all kind of the

torso that's all in new york oh okay fucking love new york man yeah cool man smells like piss though dude everywhere i don't like going back to new york it smells like piss i don't like being in new york john malkovich and there's also a guy i used to love new york you land in new york and you go to new york and when you get near your hotel there's always some guys like what's that guy doing what and then you don't you don't hear it again is he in i don't know if he's talking to me or not no you're outside oh okay yeah i mean basically just like a bunch of trash i hate being like this but new york isn't cool to be in anymore well everything's all uh careful because i believe new york times square yeah not there are certain sections honestly that my soul still lives in though man

you know enough of that okay there are certain sections that i still kind of feel my heart is involved in and i bleed there all right i've lost a lot of blood this is such a health hazard to go to new york man there's still certain pockets in new york that i still go there and just i bleed there like i just fucking there are some pockets like just beautiful fucking true new york parts where i just go and i just start i just bleed fucking everywhere man just like just empty out like i'm calm i'm in so much trouble yeah he ended up in a coma last time i went to hell's kitchen i went i was in hell's kitchen and i was just i started bleeding and my heart was there

and i was just my soul was there and my i was bleeding all over the place and everyone was like oh no and i finally i woke up in the hospital sounds really bad yeah probably shouldn't go back yeah all right next one yep hi chris and matt my question is um in regards to my guy best friend and my cousin who is a female they are roommates and um they're friends because of me and they live together because of me. I hooked this situation up. So there's just a little backstory there. My guy best friend has owed my cousin months and months and months of rent

since 2021 pretty much. It's a lot of money. We live in New York City. Oh, New York City. Months and months and months since 2021. We're talking about tens of thousands of dollars. You don new york city months and months and months since 2021 you can maybe estimate how much it is yeah you have to say months and months and months i know how much it is i know how long it's been going on and i have stayed silent for over a year about it there you go over a year and i guess my question to you guys is should i get involved oh well

reason why i would i would get involved is because my cousin is the sweetest nicest person you will ever meet with that she is incredibly non-confrontational um it's weighed on her so much mentally that she now needs to seek professional help to talk about this situation and that kills me yeah so you know i should i should i reach out should i insert myself finally and kind of just as a friend next time he reaches out just be like dude what the fuck are you doing you this is embarrassing you look like a bum well don't say a lot but yeah i'm i'm confrontational i get like that i can see that like as much as you know your cock is little this has been weighing on me for a long time and i'm not even involved i know i don't feel I'm confrontational. I get that. I can see that. I can see that. Like as much as I'm. You know, your cock is little.

This has been weighing on me for a long time. Your parents suck. And I'm not even involved. I know I don't feel. I don't feel responsible for this. But I know that I could potentially, potentially have some weight in the situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to figure your shit out. Got it.

If I shouldn't. If I should just stay quiet. That's, you know. Got it. If I shouldn't, if I should just stay quiet, that's, you know, got it, whatever. But I just feel like it might be time for me to say something. Rather than just keep,

keep quiet. I know financials are hard to talk about. True. Any advice you guys can give me on, should I insert myself? Should I say something? Should I stay completely silent still let her figure it out said that uh would be really helpful like if i should say something or um so i

think that i oh man that sucks it does suck it's it your friend is taking advantage of someone who's too nice and unfortunately here's why it sucks so much. You almost have to get involved because you aren't, it's not like it's your fault that she's in this situation, but you help bring them together. And the fact is that she's non-confrontational and someone needs to confront this guy about the fact that he hasn't paid his rent in over a year.

Well, it's not her fault at all. That's what't paid his well it's not over a year at all that's what i just said it's not your fault yeah but like i get why she feels inclined to say something i think you're right that you should say something now should you say the things that you suggested you say absolutely not what you should say is like look you owe a lot of money to my cousin and she's never going to confront you about it and at this point it seems like you know that and you're taking advantage of that and like i'm going to have to speak up on her behalf she's very deeply troubled by this and she's actually sought i mean you don't want to maybe air out her shit but you can even say like she's actually like had like her mental health issues crop up because she's so stressed out

about this like what is going on why aren't you paying your rent are you taking advantage of her are you going through a hardship of your own what is going on and you need to start paying this back this is not working out i think that um first of all you at least have to get involved in so much that you have to talk about this with your cousin at length and at least get her to commit to saying something. If that doesn't happen,

then say, all right, if you're not going to say anything, I want to say something. Right, right, right, yeah. Let me say something. Yeah. And she says, okay.

Yeah, yeah. If she says, okay says okay first of all this is weird this has been happening for over a year and you still even i don't know i don't know the whole thing but you still refer to this guy as your friend that's fucking weird and so shitty right if this guy's not if this guy hasn't even brought it up yeah it's like and if look if he's been like god i'm so this has been as hard you if he's got some kind of reason of course then it's different but if he's just not paying her yeah then he's not anyone's friend this guy's a fucking villain you know like it's possible that yes i'm going to be short this month or villain yeah i'm sorry i'm going to be short this month. Or villain. I'm sorry, I'm going to be short this month. I've been using my funds to try and find Batman.

I think that you need to definitely ask that of your cousin. Yeah, talk to your cousin. And then get involved. Yeah, if you're better at it and it's your friend, you got a shorthand with him. He's your best guy friend. Be like, yo, bro, it's been over a year. I just found out about this recently.

What the fuck is going on? What is going on? Yeah. This is illegal. We could take it to court. This is fucked up. Yeah. Stop taking advantage of my cousin.

Yeah. You know she's so sweet, she's not going to say anything. I am. Yeah. And by the way, your penis is one and a half inches. Yeah. And by the way, your dick is so small, it literally sits on top of your nutsack like a cherry on top of a sundae.

Now, are you going to pay or are you not going to pay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your penis literally is fucking small. That's a million degrees in here. That's cool. Yeah, it is a billion degrees.

So, all right. Well, maybe one more, yeah? So, we're the couple from before who made a movie, but it was just because our video was horizontal, so now we're doing vertical. Cool. We're both in it. All right, go ahead, babe.

Siamese. She's stroking me off right now. You can't tell. So, our question or we'd like some advice about is that our friends, as we get older, it seems like it's harder to get together with our friends than it used to be. You know, people get significant others. They look so happy. Yeah, they're a great couple.

Their interests change. So do they. Their tastes change. Yes. So we don't get to spend time. change so yes we don't get to spend time it seems like they only allocate things or time socially for like sports or like music events that we just don't like care for yeah yeah yeah like our friends like machine gun kelly and we're just not huge fans but yeah like what should we do with these friends?

Like, do we stay friends with them? Are we just not going to be friends with them because we don't have the same interests? Yeah. Yeah. Help us out. That's tough. Yep. Thanks.

Bye. That is a real thing. Cut him out. Cut him out, dude. Okay. Well, you don't have to be people's friends. You also don't need to cut him out. Cut him out, dude.

Like a cancer. You don't need to be Machiavelli about it. Oh, you guys are a cancer. I'm cutting you out. Leave a text message to them. Block them. i think i think this is one of the saddest things about getting older that nobody really talks about it is friends that you were extremely tight with yeah in your 20s let's say yep by the time you're in your late 30s getting in your 40s you're just you've drifted apart and it's not their fault it's not your fault life happens to

people like you said their taste changes their demeanor changes their outlook changes what they care about changes and dude that's no it's nobody's fault but you don't here's the thing where people get into trouble they people feel like they have to stay friends with people they've been friends with hello resentment that is bullshit dude you don't owe anyone anything if you're not friends with someone hello resentment oops if you're not friends with anyone someone anymore you're just not friends with them it's not your fault it's not their fault you just aren't friends with them anymore that's it it happens ding dong oh look it's resentment why is resentment why well we could start that but why oh we got to go to this fucking thing i don't want to go to

this thing i and then he ended i hate that fucking But why? Oh, we got to go to this fucking thing. I don't want to go to this thing. And then I hate that fucking guy. Oh, oh. Well, yeah. He makes me go see fucking Puddle of Mud. Right. Well, I mean, you're so hung up on Puddle of Mud. I fucking love Puddle of Mud. What was Puddle of Mud's main song again?

I don't know. Marco, you know, right? Ugly Kid Joe. Remember that guy? Yes. Who's that? He's a different guy entirely. They're the same guy, probably.

No, Puddle of Mud is later than Ugly Kid Joe. I don't remember. Oh, thanks for It's a different guy entirely. They're the same guy probably. No, Puddle of Mud is later than Of the Kid Joe. I don't remember. Oh, thanks for not looking it up. Anthony. I remember, but I can't play it. Can you sing it? No, say what it is. Just say the-

Sing it beautifully. Say it. I'll just play it. Hold on. Just what's it called? Yeah, what's it- I don't remember. Oh, okay.

Well, can you hum it? Blurry. Oh, She Hates Me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She Hates Me. Yeah, that's what it was. She fucking hates me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She hates me. Yeah, that's what it was. She fucking hates me. Yeah.

Nah, nah, nah, nah. Doesn't he say she fucking hates me? Yep, yep, yep. I knew it. I know that kind of stuff. So it was, she fucking hates me. Wow, that is so 90s. What was it?

Yeah, dude, yeah. Wow, dude. Probably 95. When was that? Let's see. You liked them. Oh, you liked them oh dude that 2000 yeah i would have said that you had um you had that cd i did not have a part about cd no okay i would admit it if i did but i didn't i had dude i gotta watch that video after this i can't wait to watch that video i don't have biscuit cd yeah yeah you know what was my first cd ever you got it for me what you don't know uh hold on cooler than green day yeah green day duke dukey uh have you had the time of your life no not that album

no dukey was a long view basket case uh what were the other big ones and then you also had um god damn it what was that fucking CD? What was that band called? I don't remember. What was it? How'd it go? It was Golden Black, the CD case. And it was like a pyramid on it or something. Oh, fuck.

What was it? Golden Black with a pyramid on it. What was it? What kind of music? Oh, I'm jizzing. Oh. You know, like that fucking same shit dude oh the offspring yep what is it how did they go the offspring was uh um she fucking likes me that's how all the songs are

the same yeah no all those songs were like about how like i'm fucking loser she fucking hates me uh it wasn't offspring Offspring you did have, but there was another thing. That's the one I had, the X-Ray one. Yeah. Yeah, but there was another album that you had that was not that,

that was Golden Black. Oh. I'll never remember it. I'll find it one day. But anyway, she fucking feels okay about me. A different band. Wow.

She's neither here nor there about me. She never met me. these are all different songs she doesn't know me there's probably a girl somewhere just guessing uh what was the fucking question of the guy when we said something was 90s friends oh yeah yeah there's dookie yeah yeah i would say cut him out though man yeah it's cut him out but you don't need to make a whole fucking show of it yeah move on don't worry about making it don't tell them don't make a thing out of it just like don't hang out with them anymore man yeah who cares and if they come back and they're like hey what up and just be like we don't like the same things anymore man what do you want me what do you want from me just be like

just be like hey dude point to me if that happens. And then when you say, what happened? And your wife points at you and you'll be like, I fucking hate you. Wow, you know, the worst end to a friendship. It was a horrible, long, weird setup. I love that joke. But everyone points at you. But yeah, dude, friends.

Here's the thing. If an ex-friend makes you feel bad about not being their friend anymore bad person worst therapist they don't understand life worst therapist and they're a bad person worst guy running for office no i would be president on that platform you kidding me really yeah dude Yeah, dude. Okay. All right. Well, thank you guys for listening. Let's wrap this up.

Let's wrap this baby up. It was a fun episode. Because you know what? It's a thousand degrees in here. It is a thousand degrees in here and you can't feel it, but we can. Lifeline Luxury.

Go over there. There's a new episode today. Sign up for the Patreon at patreon.com slash lifeline luxury and it's banging. It's just me and my brother bullshitting and it's very fun. And then you can come see me i'm gonna be in charlotte i'm gonna be

in knoxville little rock arkansas i'm gonna be in uh al al alberta i think ah fucking calgary whatever uh chrislea.com get them tickets and then i got some new crowd work videos up on my youtube go to the chris leah channel and check them out. Leave a video for us in the description below or you can call the hotline if you want to be anonymous. And if you want a one-on-one session with Matt, go to mattd'elia.com and he'll help you with different advices. And besides that, we've got that killer merch going on.

So thank you very much and appreciate you. Leave a comment for the algorithm, you know? What was your favorite 90s band huh or 2000 what's your favorite 2000 name the fucking thing what was the golden golden black record that i was trying to think of yeah help us out i'm gonna look it up i don't know i don't even have a guess i'm sure once i know once i'm it wasn't like the craziest yeah well it wasn't like the craziest popular band but they were considered actually good it wasn't just like puddle band But they were considered actually good It wasn't just like puddle of mud shit Right right right

Help us Help us And also what's your favorite band And then 200 Wow idiot Alright thank you guys Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello.