Lifeline - 7. Human Walkie-Talkie

Episode Date: May 22, 2022

🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 👉Thank you ORIGINAL GRAIN: Use code LIFELINE at OriginalGrain.com/Lifeline to get 30% OFF sitewide In this week's episode, we discuss how to name a band, what to do if you know your friend is being cheated on, creating boundaries involving mutuals after a breakup, and controlling anger, in your mind. Plus! There's a follow-up with black-out sex guy.  💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lifeline is an advice show for entertainment purposes only. If you need real help or advice, please seek a therapist or licensed professional. You know, because, all right, so. Because the cameras that are on me are working best? Yeah. Okay, good. No, those are working the worst because they're showing you. Whoa. Dude, I burned you.

All good, burned you. Nope. No, I did burn you. That's technically a burn. So, dude, we started it, and this is Lifeline, you know, and that's great. Yeah, man. And it's episode seven, I think. Yeah, seven.

Right? Is it seven? You know what? Chris isn't here. The producer already fucking seventh episode, and he's already fucking not here. I know. He's literally on vacation, which is fucking cock sucking. Okay?

That's shitty. To do it, to leave us hanging like that is shitty. Yeah, we don't like that. And also, here's the deal. He went on vacation, and last time, was it last time he had no it was i think it was actually two shows ago and we could talk about this now because he's not here no it was definitely the last it was okay cool every day is the same day in a way to me so i never know so um so he we ran out of videos say it right say it right say it right he ran out of videos. Say it right. Say it right. Say it right. He ran out of videos.

He collects the fucking dozens of videos. No, dozens. We have hundreds of videos. I'm saying, how many do you think we have that we haven't used, if you had to guess? We have hundreds. I know, but I'm saying per week. I guess they add up per week. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I'm saying, yeah. I asked him the other day. He said there's hundreds in there. Okay, so he queues them up to get ready to fucking play for us for the show. Yeah. And he queued like six. I mean, maybe it was like seven or eight. But we got through them.

And it wasn't like we ran through them. It wasn't like we burned through them. At all. It wasn't like we were like, fix your life next. Yeah. We weren't doing that. Yeah. But we ran through them.

Yeah. Well, we didn't run through them, but we got through them. Right. And then he was like, that was it. That's it. That's the them. Yeah. Well, we didn't run through them, but we got through them. Right. And then he was like, that was it. That's it. That's the videos. Right. So then he asked for some advice, which is very cool.

You get to understand our producer, Chris, and his struggles. Yeah. And he was talking about, how do I lose weight and stick to a plan? But we cut out the part where it was like- Oh, did we? Yeah. We cut out the part where it was like, it made him look bad. Oh, about how running out of videos?

Yes. Not okay. Yeah yeah we want the raw shit here at lifeline yeah you know and if you're a fan of my podcast congratulations if you're a fan of my shit you know i'm raw and which is what you get the fact that he cut it out now that's a no-no right we don't like that but that's what he did but that's a no-no but what i want to be clear about yeah is that he made a mistake right because we were talking about it earlier and we were like yeah before we started recording, we were like,

well, what the fuck? Remember we ran out of videos. Right. And then Matt was like, yeah, it was his fault. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, well, you know,

I mean, it's not like we ran through them, but you know, I guess I just wanted to know how many videos we had queued up today. And he was like, it was his fault. And he kept saying it was his fault. And I was like,

yeah, you think it is? And he was like, yes. And I was like, maybe you're right. And then I said, but what percentage, and you didn't answer this i said let's wait talk about on the podcast oh right that's right yeah so i said i was very ready to answer so what percentage do you think it's his fault that we didn't have enough videos for the last episode 100 come on you think it's 100 it's 100 okay so all right if we have hundreds of videos uh-huh and he only put six up, like what if we did more?

Why don't you just pad it? Just pad it. Okay. Just pad it. Okay, then I have another question then. What if he had 20 videos queued up and we burned through all of them and it was under an hour?

Whose fault is that? Whose fault is it? I mean, I would say that's nobody's fault. That would be our fault because we're not spending enough time. That would be weird. Okay, so it can't be 100% his fault then. If six,

I think it was actually seven or eight videos. I have a question. What if he'd put two videos on there? Then whose fault would it be? Then it would 100% be his fault. There you go. I'm saying that's the same thing. So the percentage is sliding then.

It's a sliding scale, but if it's too little, it's always his fault. So you think under 10 is 100 his fault yes eight is his fault 100 eight is yeah okay so 10 is the right okay so 10 would be maybe i'd be like okay it starts to be not his fault yeah nine is like you really feel getting nine is like maybe it's nine to be perfectly honest but it's it's it's his fault last episode his fault and we deeply apologize is the thing but most of the thing is we deeply apologize because

he's not on camera so we apologize on his behalf right right but the truth is it got cut in a way that that didn't even just seem like he was seeking advice he wanted to make sure oh right okay so right now we got it okay so that's why Okay. So that's why. All right. So that's why people didn't understand. But we are exposing him. So basically. He's exposed. We're exposing Chris, the producer.

And he's not here right now. So there's nothing he can say. And we've talked about this for four minutes. And he's not going to cut it out. Because it's been four minutes. And we're going to do just enough time. Right, right. To where he can't cut it out.

Because then the podcast will be too short. He better not. He better not try. I love figuring stuff out like that. Okay i had that conversation with dad it would have been so much more annoying well it would have been an hour it would have been the whole you're right we would have got it to zero videos yes yes and we would have still had videos for next time and that would have been dad's fault yeah that's true dude you know that's like the fucking how many meters stripping stripping stripping stripping the sandstorm that would be so bad dude

no dude that's like the number one strip no you know what's the number one strip stripper song i wanna fuck you like an animal i wanna feel you from the inside you're right you're right. Or. That Portishead song? I mean, I had no fucking idea what that was. And also what Portishead song is. That doesn't sound like any Portishead song. Well, they all kind of sound the same. But this one goes.

I heard Jeff. Can't really tell what it is until, right here. So rude how close your hand is to my face. Also, were you saying like, don't interrupt me?

Is that what that was? Well, yeah, here it comes. So fucking rude, dude. If I just close your mouth like this and no or or like a lollipop mr take me yeah i know well now we got to explain it okay so go ahead that's the great thing to explain mr take me was a guy japanese man who taught spanish in very funny in high school in our high school now we're not saying oh look all walks of life all races can teach whatever the fuck they want equal opportunity we're all about inclusion but look dude mr take me was a japanese guy

see it's good to bring up dude he's a japanese guy i'm probably talking about this on my podcast at some point but this this japanese guy who fucking he taught spanish japanese thick accent oh yeah he would say uh he yeah i mean he would say welcome welcome I mean like it was a tradition like a Japanese and he would be like and we were like it was very and I remember one so confusing and I remember one time he was like these kid the bad kids came into class and they smelled of like drugs and shit and alcohol and he was going ah ah ah and I was like what and he said And I was like, what? And he said, tirá, tirá. And I was like, what are you saying? And he said, smoking.

Oh, tirá, tirá, smoking. Oh, I had him too. But he would go, what was the thing? Yeah, he would go, yeah. When you were talking? No. What was that? Oh, that's right.

You look at his watch or whatever, right? OK, muchachos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking got it. OK, muchachos. and he would look at his watch or whatever right okay okay okay he would just do that like he was a guy from police academy he would breathe like like you know how like in between on a walkie talkie it'll go he would do that with his mouth though okay over and out it was just a human walkie-talkie. That's right.

That's right. I forgot about that. He would even go, chh. Dude, he was a human walkie-talkie. He would. Why would he go, chh? Because he was a human walkie-talkie. Okay.

Human walkie-talkie. That's it. Mr. Takeme, the human walkie-talkie. That's it. That sounds like a fucking movie that, what's his name, who did Isle of Dogs would do. Wes Anderson? Yeah. Wes Anderson would do that.

Mr. Takeme. Is that Isle of Dogs? Yeah. Mr. Takeme, the, what is it? The human walk Anderson would do that. Mr. Takeme. Is that Isle of Dogs? Yeah. Mr. Takeme, the human walkie-talkie would be made by the guy who did the fucking- Stop saying the guy. Just say Wes Anderson. I just said Wes Anderson. I forget what his fucking name is, dude.

How could you forget Wes Anderson's name, dude? You don't know anybody's name. No, that's not true. Mr. Takeme. The human walkie-talkie, Mr. Takeme. When I had him, I made him- I didn't make him but he was one of those teachers who was who were cool he was a cool guy actually and he let us pick it wasn't

like i had to be mateo oh okay i could we could i was crystal ball yeah yeah i was zoro okay wow and he thought it was funny and every time i would raise my hand and he would he would call on me and he'd go oh yeah wow you're really bringing me back with how you used to talk he would you're right dude yeah just so like and he would wear hawaiian shirts yeah wow he was like a very multicultural individual he was he's probably dead now huh oh so depressing well he depressing. Well, he's probably, I mean, he was old then. Maybe he's 90. He's probably dead, yeah.

Wow. Okay. Fucking bummer. RIP, dude. You ruled. Yeah, you ruled. If you're listening to us up there in heaven. Or down there in hell. He might be in hell.

You know what he might be in hell for? What? He showed us fucking, you know how like sometimes a teacher would just be like, fucking, I just want to show you guys a movie. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like I gave up today. He showed us half baked hopefully he's dead so now he's not

exposed and so uh you get canceled for that shit high school dude shit man well yeah i'm fucking exhausted and i'll tell you why dude because i was in uh austin texas and then dallas texas and then i flew home got here took a ride to my house, got dressed, took a shower. That's why I look real nice. And then came here all the way fucking downtown doing Lifeline. And now I have a spot at the Laugh Factory later. I rock.

It's fine. I'm tired, but I rock, right? So this is the kind of shit I do to bring you guys what you want. That's true. That's too many things, though. Muchachos. That's too many things. Then I sleep.

Yeah. And then you sleep for fucking ever you wake up at three and i'm trying to text you all fucking morning and you're like i will do how do you feel about the fact that we're both wearing blue are you as upset as i am no i like i like it oh okay i like it i think it's good because we haven't done it until the seventh episode and we did it we did all mismatch and we didn't really the first episode we were like what are you wearing the second episode i think we did it and then after that we just mismatched and we didn't even mean to and now we finally match it's episode seven it's the matching episode and that's good dude it took us seven episodes to do that part's true

what do you think about when i do this it's unfortunate on the audio you can't see what i'm doing you're just nodding your head but i'm doing it slow and i'm closing my eyes what do you think about this it looks like you're finally getting the blow job you wanted like out of all forever i just think sometimes i stumble upon things and i think that's how i'm going to do that for the rest of my life cool so now when someone's talking and i'm agreeing for the rest of my life i'm just going to do this looks like you're fucking falling asleep over and over again like constantly waking up like yeah yeah like this but i'm not because my eyes are closed so i'm not doing the eye roll thing okay well you said i was doing it like i was falling still not well whatever man my advice to you is don't do that because people are going to So I'm not doing the eye roll thing. Okay, well. You said I was doing it like I was falling asleep. No. Well, whatever, man.

My advice to you is don't do that because people are going to think you're the biggest shithead of all time. So that's my advice to you on Lifeline. Okay. All right. Thanks. We'll see how that goes though. So yeah, dude.

Rip roaring. This is my fucking fourth coffee of the day. I'm so real that the third coffee, I didn't even drink it. That's actually not real. That's wasteful. I didn't drink. I didn't mean to do it because Kristen at the airport, airport dude she's the kind of fucking person that gets a coffee after we land we're waiting for the bags and she stops at the starbucks we get all the bags we're

ready to leave and she's waiting for not only her drink which would be fine for my drink that i didn't even ask her to get dude so then she brought it and i was like i was like just don't worry about it she's like well i already paid for it she brought in the car was like, just don't worry about it. And she's like, well, I already paid for it. She brought it in the car. And then I'm in this fucking internal battle where it's like, oh, I should drink it because she got it for me. But I don't really want it. But should I prove a point and fucking not drink it? Or should I prove a point to myself and just drink it? Do you know what I'm saying? I do, but I have a solution for you.

What? Step one, fucking chill out about it for sure. Right? Not me. And step two and i'm not just do the thing that you want to do whether that's drink it or not drink it then he's not himself but when you really know you really know yourself do you really know yourself in every aspect of every situation you don't so that's what i did i figured out myself i'm very buddhist in this but when it came up you knew what if you wanted the coffee or not right did you want the coffee i didn't want it then then you don't drink it. But then she got it for me.

I'm like, ah, ah. And then I was like, no. And in the car, I was like looking at it. And it was just fucking like the ice was melting. And I didn't even fucking drink it. So this is my fourth coffee of the day and the third one I drank. So it's your third coffee of the day. Fourth coffee of the day, but I only drank three, yeah.

Third coffee of the day. I mean, technically, what we were talking about, if I ingested, yes, my third coffee of the day. Yeah, which is what you do with coffee. Fourth coffee of the day, though. So it's your third. Okay. Should we start? Yeah, let we were talking about, if I ingested, yes, my third coffee. Yeah, which is what you do with coffee. So it's your third. So it's your third. Okay. Should we start? Yeah, let's start.

Okay. Great. Most regular guy of all time. What's up, Matt and Chris? Hope you guys are doing well. Quick question for you today. Starting a band with my friends. Nope.

We're going to play some rock and funk, blues, stuff like that. Love it. I recommend that the spin moves and they're on the fence about it so any suggestions on your end would be much appreciated thanks a lot he wants to know if he should start a band with his friends no dude or the name he is starting a band with his friends he wants to know if he suggested the spin moves yeah as a band name it's a cool name they it sounds like i don't think they liked it but he's asking what should a band name be i have it why i have what i don't want to let's back up first of all the advice is don't start a band with your friends right why is that the

advice because it's gonna be bad well that's how the beatles got started and they were bad okay she loves you yeah yeah yeah she loves you yeah me hi yeah she loves you yeah you're fucking such a fucking brat we all live in a yellow submarine no you don't next okay what do you want only literal lyrics yes why that's the best dude but you can think that's the best but they have only is the best and the worst r&b is the best music and the worst music dude because they'll be like i'll fuck you in the asshole or they'll be like very frilly and like super fucking contrived but also like uh give me an example uh make it up or don't it doesn't matter real song or not real song okay uh i mean they would be it would be like oh like the fucking like

brian mcknight remember the fucking my family says oh my god that's the hardest i've ever laughed when he's like a one when that's a bring from two two i break a thing so i don't do whatever the fucking and then we brew he's just counting basically yeah he is right so that's a bad song right sounds kind of nice fat black people love it i like brian mcknight my family says i could sing like brian mcknight yeah but but i'm just saying dude um what are you saying like water runs dry like that song dude with the boys to men dude okay but what should the guy the guy should basically either start an r&b band okay okay that is strictly specific or not do a band.

Okay. I don't like the advice of not do a band. He's not asking that. The Beatles are bad. That's not what he's asking either. Okay. And you're wrong, but that's not what he's asking either. Back up. Don't do a band with your friends. If you have to do a band with your friends. He does. Let's take that.

Let's say that. Alright. If you have to do a band with your friends let's take that let's say that yeah all right if you have to do bad with your friends then name your band name your band not something fucking cute or stupid like death cab for cuties okay okay there's only or sparkle horse cab for cutie not cuties who are you mom well what adding an s to whatever i know pluralizing everything i know i know mom, get the chairs. And there's one chair. And you'll lose your mind. And so Death Cab for Cutie or Todd and the Big Heads or whatever the fuck that one is. What the fuck is that? So stupid. It should literally, like the Beatles is a great band name.

It should all be the White Stripes. The. Start it with the something. The Spin Moves is good. Okay. The Reptiles. The Frogs. Take that one. I never heard it. The. Start it with the something. The spin moves is good. Okay, but. The reptiles. The frogs.

Take that one. I never heard it. The frogs, dude. You're bad at this. No way. I would rock. I'm in the frogs. I would sort of. Oh, you're saying the Beatles because the B-E-E-T-L-E-S.

No, no, no. I'm saying just it should be animals or something and just not left out the interpretation. I have an idea. Okay. How about animals or something? For the band? The band. Animals or something no maybe the animals no it's got to be specific tigers tigers that's not alan trammels in it alan trammels in it that trammels that's fucking so stupid you know wow all right let's figure this out they were the detroit tigers in the 90s anyway um does blues

that's what he said one of the genres is blues what was the other one he said he did you said so many things remember uh blues uh he said uh rock he said uh uh something else i don't know but it doesn't matter all music you know what kind of music he's gonna make you know you know what kind of music that guy's gonna make how would you describe it? My silhouette is broken. Like that bullshit. The broken silhouettes. I just, yeah.

I mean, dude, if you're starting a band and you don't know what to call it, you're already fucked. No, come on. Get involved from jump, dude. What? Get involved from jump. From jump. Hey, guys, I got an idea. What are we doing?

We're going to be the microphones. And this is the music we're going to kind of play. in or out dude be more of a leader is he the also is he this lead singer or is he the fucking guitarist we don't know he knows yeah i'm just saying i don't i don't know what do you think anthony yeah i'm not gonna i'm not gonna say i'm not gonna say the i'm not gonna say Anthony. Yeah. I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to say it. The I'm not going to says. The singers.

That would be fucking awesome. The singers? The singers and guitarists. The blues singers. We Rock. We Rock? That's the name of the band? We Rock. Okay.

We Rock. Fuck you. Okay. Call it. That's good. That's good. Fuck you fuck you the band that's good yep yep fuck you the band you breaking the table no that's good fuck you the band fuck you the band right okay fuck you the band that's the whole name right yep and you see that guy come out on stage

it's hilarious just in a flannel that's true bass pro show that's true uh hat fuck you the band all right cool great next we got it here we go you want to read it sure oh no this is a returner holy shit with the emojis and everything hey again matt and chris i'm back in parentheses the one that wrote in oh wrote in that i black out every time and find out that i do the horizontal mambo. He blacks out and doesn't, we remember this from a previous episode, he blacks out and doesn't remember that he has sex until like the next day the partner

texts him, hey that was great last night and he's like, oh I had sex? Like it's a fucking. What was great? Like he doesn't even know. Yeah, like it's a fucking what's his name movie? What's the guy from Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Matthew Matthew Broderick? Like it's a Matthew Broderick movie in the 90s. Yeah, like it's a fucking what's his name movie. What's the guy from Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Matthew Broderick? Like it's a Matthew Broderick movie in the 90s.

Anyway, go ahead. Okay, anyways, I wanted to add up. I had sex with a question mark. That's what the movie's called, so go ahead. Cutting me off so fucking much. We did what? Stop doing that. Okay, but I'm just saying it's Sarah Jessica Parker's in it.

Anyways, I wanted to add on to what I wrote last time because I found out a little more about the situation. Fucking uh-oh. Well, no, but also all you could do is find out more about the situation because yeah you don't know anything about the situation because you blacked out so it turns out that one of the girls i ran in into bed that i ran into bed with was actually my brother's ex-girlfriend of a while and now i seek for further advice this motherfucking piece of shit my question is do i tell my brother or keep it a secret also as chris said i drink because i can't

stop but also because it gives me enjoyment okay well you don't really need the second one if you have the first one you know you can't stop but also it makes me happy okay you know um like not not a real like robin i can't stop robin banks i didn't know if this guy could get like darker and he's done it yeah you know well i mean he just he doesn't know like he's just probably like he's got a bunch of problems you know uh should you tell your brother though that's the advice should you tell your brother that you had sex with his ex when you blacked out and drank okay in all honesty what i think he should and let me tell you why okay because assuming you love he loves his brother and cares what his brother thinks obviously something like that might even though it's him doing it to himself it could be this like

self-inflicted punishment that he needs to feel like he's hit rock bottom he needs to hit rock bottom it's like he's doing the fucking lat like the right right like the show servant yeah or the girls on the ground and self-flagellation yourself self-flagellation when she yeah she thinks about oh i want fucking dick and she's like okay well that's actually you're adding that part right yeah well what was it in that movie in that show i don't remember it wasn't i want dick well if you if you're if you're, you're adding that part. Right? Yeah. Well, what was it in that movie, in that show? I don't remember. It wasn't, I want dick. Well,

if you're having impure thoughts, one of those impure thoughts is if you're a woman is, I need that dick and then you got to go self-flagellate. All I'm saying is you made that part up. Well, not,

yeah, for what? The show? Yeah. But also, if you are a Catholic and you start thinking, I need that fucking dick horizontally,

you got to then go get the fucking cat of nine tails and self- flagellate that is true but you made it up that's all that's my only thing I'm just saying it in religion the priest would tell you to do that but go ahead in religion you know I think that you have to tell your brother because your brother might have a reaction

that makes you really get your shit together and make you obviously we didn't fucking help. He's still doing it. Well, this was also a follow-up. I found out more about the situation. So maybe he did stop, right?

Well, here's the thing. If you stopped, you should tell him and say, frame it around. Gotta come clean. I didn't, I used to be like this and I've stopped and I just, I learned something about one of my experiences when this happened and whatever yeah and if you haven't stopped yet i would i would say there's even more of an imperative to tell them because you need that rock bottom to pad reasons for you to motivate yourself to stop yeah it's not just about drinking dude this is

fucking fucked up shit, man. I mean, I already went over this. I don't need to get all the way deep into the thing that he does, but this is another level. It's not just another layer. It's a whole other level. You fucked your brother's ex-girlfriend. The mother's ex is a hoe.

No. Yeah, we're not forgetting that part, dude. She doinked them both, dude. No, no, no. That's fine. She can do whatever she wants. Well, yeah, but so can he. No, that's different, dude. He's doing it both dude that's fine she can do whatever she wants well yeah but so can he no that's different dude he's doing it to his own brother she's just a woman in the world she doesn't necessarily need to like be that's not on what planet isn't it not hoey to fuck brothers

i don't know i don't know this this planet yeah yeah yeah years between come on years between what what if it's years between oh it's years between yeah i mean i guess but then okay if it doesn't matter and it's years between then why is he coming up with it you're saying because it's his brother and he should come clean yes also here's the other thing too what if they were like what if like when he was drunk and blacked out she didn't know he was blacked out and she was like we're not going to tell anyone he's like yup we're not gonna tell everyone anyone even your brother and he's like yup and then he does a horizontal mambo and then now he's feeling guilty and he's like well i gotta tell him but they already agreed on this shit that dude this motherfucker fucked up he's gotta eat it

yeah eat it eat it and change because it's inside you and that shit's gonna become cancer okay but you gotta eat that shit man if you made a pact with, also, if you're very close with the brother, you got to, I can't imagine doing that to you and not telling you. You got to say. Yeah, true. True.

You got to say. It's all, also, there's so many things going on here. Wow, this guy's in trouble, yeah. Yeah, but. Change. I think my advice to you is change.

Change. You know? Yeah, you live in, you live in not, it's not the right way, right? Because you want to change. The blacking out thing alone is heavy. The blacking out is one thing. That's fucked up.

You should get help. The blacking out and having sex and not remembering it at all is real bad. It's real bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Forgetting the doink is absolutely terrible. I also think you should talk to this woman and be like, what was I like? Yeah, good advice. What happened?

Like, what the fuck happened? Good advice. I give good advice too, but that's good advice. Okay. Yeah. I think that's good. I think you got to tell him. And that's the end of it.

But go to her first and say, yo, I'm going to tell my brother. How about that? Well, that's, yes. Yes, because you can't blindside her. It sucks, dude. You both did this. That's a, that's a, that's. Fuck yeah. Yeah, no, you're,'s, yes. Yes, because you can't blindside her. It sucks, dude. You both did this. That's a, that's a, that's, fuck yeah. No, you're, that's, you're right.

You got to talk to her first. Yes, dude. I got one. One to one. You did get one. One to one. Yeah. All right, go ahead.

Next. Yo, what's up, Chris? What's up, Matt? What's up? Big fan. I'm so glad you guys are doing this pod. Hell yeah. Awesome.

So here, here's my dilemma. How do I take this seatbelt off? I have a friend that is a serial cheater. She cheats on her boyfriend all the time. And I don't know her boyfriend that well. But when I did meet him, he seems like just the nicest guy in the world. And she has nothing but great things to say about him. I'm curious on what I should do about this, if anything. You know, I hate that he has to go through this unknowingly. I've told her plenty of times that she should just be single. She obviously doesn't want that. And, you know, to make matters worse, they have a family together.

They have kids. So, you know, I don't know. Maybe it's just not my place. I should just stay out of it. But, you know, she tells me these stories of her, you know, messing around with these other guys. And I can't help but feel bad for the guy, especially when I see him. And, you know, we all hang out as a group. And, you know, it's just a dilemma and i'm wondering if i should play any part in this at all or just ignore it and live my own life like i've been

doing let me know what you think thanks i feel like you know he's friends with her i don't know how close he is with her sounds like they're close but he's definitely not close with him you can tell yeah no he's just met him a few times so it's not like you're his friend it's like you're her friend yes you don't you don't know their relationship 100 my i'm always like you got to let people live their path and figure out what they are figure out their own lives especially they have a family yeah you gotta let them bump into the wall on their own yeah all right but what i think is first things first if he was his friend it'd be a different story right first things first i would say talk to her about it then it makes you but base it around like you in a way like this makes me uncomfortable i don't

i don't you know and like and see what she says but he's already done that and she's he says she's brought it up yeah well he said like yo maybe you should just she says but he's already done that and she's he says she's brought it up with her well he said like yo maybe you should just be single but he hasn't maybe he probably hasn't had a real sit down with her

you know I think the thing also is that he needs to say stop telling me about this shit oh yeah for sure like why are you telling me about this shit because it's making him uncomfortable

and then he meets the guy and he's like yeah he's like fucking Philip Seymour Hoffman in the Big Lebowski he's like oh

you know what I mean? Totally, dude. And I think that that, why is she, I think that's something worth examining on its own. Why the fuck is she telling you about this shit? Like, is it, what's her tone? Is she confessing? Is she ashamed? That's one thing.

But if she's just like, yeah, I fucking messed around with this guy. And like, you don't want to hear that shit. And so I'm getting, this is like protection for you. I'm giving you advice. I don't know her. i you don't want to hear that shit and so i'm giving this is this is like protection for you i'm giving you advice i don't know her oh yeah i don't know the guy the advice for you is to fucking yeah but he's asking for advice and it's about his life dude tell her to fucking stop telling you about this shit and then also ask her why the fuck do you tell me in the first place like what the like like why why are you airing this out to me like what do you think is what are you getting out of it like also this is all all of this makes me uncomfortable when you

tell me about it it makes me uncomfortable so stop telling me if you care about our friendship stop making me uncomfortable yeah just be yeah he could be like i don't really want to be a part of this yeah you know that that's the main thing yes but i don't think you i mean if you go and you talk to the guy you barely know him i mean the guy could have a reaction like fuck you stay out of our business yeah but i think if he's gonna do anything like that he should talk to her yes that's the key and say like you know what dude honestly tell the kids first no i think that you you talk to her is the main thing and you say yo just so you know i don't like when you talk about this shit with me yeah just keep your side of the street clean right yeah i think that's the main the main goal yeah and then if it might turn into a conversation where

you have an opening to like not judge her right but like ask her like why a few things why you tell she tells you in the first place but but also why maybe she does it or, or whatever. Maybe she, he'll glean something that he, I don't, I mean, I doubt they have an open relationship,

but I don't know. And so I just think that he limiting this to being about you and not passing judgment on anyone. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable. Yeah. And that you don't want to hear about it anymore. I wonder how she tells him too. Like they're just homies.

That's what I'm saying. It's fucking weird, dude. Or she's just like, yo, we still on for dinner? And then she's like, yeah, I'll see you at five. I got to suck a dick at 430. You know, like I really wonder what it is about the guy. Like I really wonder how she tells him. Yeah.

Also, it sounds like there's multiple instances of guys. Yeah. You know, because if it was once or twice, he probably wouldn't call into. Maybe it's like an affair, a single affair. Yeah, that's also different. That would make it different too. Yeah, that makes it different.

I mean, if it's multiple dudes, if she's just out there fucking with her mouth open, you know? Right. Like on fucking a street corner. Also, dude, the guy's playing. Out there with her mouth open is uh is that an expression no wow okay yeah i make up expressions my babies okay so maybe he's like on this like but also he's playing it real close here like doing it on lifeline dude i know like hundreds of thousands

of people are gonna see this at least and uh and somebody's gonna see it and the the boyfriend might see it the boyfriend's probably a huge fan of ours he probably is and so he's gonna be like wait a minute yep and you know we thought about that yeah you know well hopefully it's all okay and everything works out so basic so basic but i hope that fucking you know this could lead to a fucking murder life this because this is on this podcast this could lead to a fucking homicide. Okay, relax. I'm just... Dude, you got to think of all angles. And then also, I'll turn on like fucking Fear Thy Neighbor, and then it'll be like, oh, shit, and we'll be on it.

What's Fear Thy Neighbor? It's where like a neighbor goes bonkers and shoots everybody and the fucking... Shoots their neighbors. It's a show? Yeah, it's a show. It's a dramatization. There's a show about... There's enough neighbors killing neighbors that there's shows about it?

Yeah, Fear Thy Neighbor. And then there's Fear Thy Roommate. No. Yeah. And there's Fear Thy. I mean, everyone's out there killing each other, dude. Sounds like it, huh? They're making Fear Thy fucking Home Depot employee.

But yeah, dude, everyone's out there killing each other, dude. So be careful, man. You don't want this to lead to a fucking homicide is my point. I mean, obviously. Yeah, but dude, he's fucking fucking i'm telling you man you don't want to be in fucking fear thy neighbor season five and we might be in fear thy neighbor season five because of fucking timberland lookalike came in and did this fucking video yeah yeah we'll be interviewed for it and shit that's what i'm saying and the old world did so footage archive footage of this shit he seemed like a nice guy you know like that yeah exactly why is it always that when there's a murderer dude i'll tell you something man because it's

always that unless they make a whole documentary that's a mini series and then it's like yeah he always he was very creepy right like if it's just one episode about a guy it's always yeah it was weird they'd come in and he was nice we didn't have any fucking idea but bro if you're talking about a guy that's like like they'd spend time on those motherfuckers and documentaries yeah like it was john wayne gacy everyone kind of knew they were like yeah he boasted all the time he was very weird john wayne gacy was even like if you start to dig about that guy i know it just gets weirder and we know exactly right yeah although also if you didn't know that somebody was a syrah killer and you knew them, you're

a fucking idiot. Like, let's just say that. Say that again. Everyone's always like, we had no idea. Right. How about this? You're a fucking idiot. You know what I think all the time?

I think a person's a serial killer. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. That's what you're saying. Yeah. It's like, and like you're wrong half the time, but you err on the side of always probably got bodies. You're wrong way more than half the time.

You know, there's not that many fucking serial killers. But yeah bodies you're wrong way more than half the time you know there's not that many fucking serial killers but yeah i think about shit like that all the time it's like you know who they're fucking dude if anyone in my life was a serial killer and then it gets exposed yeah and then they're like did you ever i'm gonna be like oh yeah no i could definitely see how was that guy you'd be the only person in the history though yeah but they wouldn't use my footage because they want it to seem like the fucking drastic difference right right right right i knew motherfucker yeah yeah it's so obvious look at we buttons it all the way up with his crazy glasses yeah right yeah buying roses for girls he barely knows right yeah all right dude so next all right next what's up matt what's up chris

so i got this friend who uh he was a groomsman at my wedding. He flaked on the rehearsal. I invited him to my daughter's first birthday. He flaked on that. Jesus. And then before that was my bachelor party. I invited him to that. I was super stoked for him to come out, and he flaked on that.

God. And he didn't have any excuses for all these times that he's flaked on these huge moments in my life he just didn't show up I consider this guy my best friend I've been friends with him since middle school and I'm 28 now so I don't know how wrong that is over a decade

trying to figure out whether to keep him around in my life or not every time I see him now, he's like, says how much he loves hanging out with me and how he misses me. And we always have a good time hanging out, but I always have,

it always kind of eats at me a little bit, all those things that he didn't show up for me for. Yeah, no shit. Because those are, I think those are pretty important things. And I trusted him, wanted him to be there for me. And he wasn't, you know, especially for my daughter's birthday, that, that was kind of, yeah, kind of the nail in the coffin for me. So I'm just trying to figure out whether I should keep him in my life or not, whether he's even worth, worth my time.

Cause I don't think I'll ever, you know, I've kind of forgiven him, but I don't know if I'll ever forget those things, you know? So am I being too dramatic? Should I let it go and move on, try to figure it out with him? Or has he done enough to where I should just cut him off? You know, is he not even worth it anymore? So any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, guys. Cool.

I think that maybe, like, it's like one of those things where it's like, should I keep him in my life anymore? When it's like he's already making that decision for you. He's not in your life because he's not coming to the fucking important things. These things are like, dude, I had to figure this out too. People want you there for certain things. And if you're not there you know once is fine twice okay but then you're just an asshole like you know if people are constantly not showing up

for you in your life then what is a friend somebody you text with somebody you just run into at the bar somebody that you get lunch with this is your wedding this is your fucking daughter's birthday like i have people that i have people like that in my life where i'm just like okay you know i have i have one buddy that just called me and he was like i'm not gonna be able to come to your wedding and i'm like all right that's kind of the last straw dude you know like i love you bud but like you obviously don't want to be a part of my life anymore you know and it's different case by case but i think that i think that dude it's just, I don't know, man.

I mean, he's answering your question for you. Yeah, I actually, I should say, I'm not like this. Like when people don't want to come to shit of mine, I don't ever care. Because I understand why people wouldn't want to go to a thing. Because I don't want to go to a lot of things. Yeah, but people aren't like you. But that being said, I totally understand where this guy's coming from.

And I way understand, very, very, very much understand that I'm in the minority feeling that way. So that being said, I think that you should at least explain to him or not give him another chance, but let him know what's going on. And if you're going to, as you say, cut cut him out that's totally your prerogative but i i think you should at least uh

tell him and not just like stop entirely contacting this god yeah i guess so yeah yeah then he's gonna be like hey dude what's up then you're maybe the bad guy but also also people grow people change and then friends you got to treat them like an army. Like sometimes people are frontline motherfuckers. You put the idiots up there, right? The guy's going to get shot the fuck up and the generals are going to be good in the back. But you also need the generals, right? You need the generals and those people you make decisions with. Those are the people that come to your fucking daughter's birthday party, right?

And then you've got the fucking guys who fly the planes. You've got all the other motherfuckers. You've got the Navy. You've got the fucking, you know. And maybe this guy is just a frontline motherfucker that is is supposed to get popped right away right you gotta have those guys in your life right yeah you gotta have those guys when the drawbridge opens on the beaches of normandy and just fucking pop that's this dude and he just goes all right you know maybe your friend is the guy looking for his arm

and saving private ryan so disrespectful to the fallen but but no what i think is you you can also there's another option which is to sort of like reconsider recontextualize how good of a friend this guy is you don't it's not either he's this amazing friend who comes to your daughter's birthdays or i don't talk to this motherfucker at all if he's a front seat friend if he was he can be a back seat friend now. He doesn't need to be front seat friend or he's out of the fucking car. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like he can just be a different kind of friend. You're kind of saying what I was saying, but in a different way. Better. Well, I was doing it with the army fucking way, which is very cool. I'm doing it a little bit better. You're doing it with a bitch ass car,

like a fucking Dodge Neon. No, no, no, no. A car, a car, a car. I'm sticking with the car metaphor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go by his house, drive by, and fucking when he pops his head, honk the horn when he pops his head out the window,

just go like this. The window's down and go like this. Wow, what? Like you were up here and now you you're down here so you think that motherfucker is going to understand what no i don't i think he'll call him afterwards and be like what the fuck was that all about and then he was that you like what the fuck and he's gonna say i was just showing you where you were and now where you are if you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again message c5 taking it so far taking so far remember that shit no what's message c5 they would do that at the end

on the fucking landlines yeah on the end it was fucking it would happen so it would go you would hang up and then we'll go and then we'll go and then you know we'll go king king king king to let you know it's off the hook it would go really loudly and then if you left that going in the 90s it would say message C5 whatever the fuck I've never heard that well your boy likes to see what the fuck happens when he leaves shit alone

and I think you're lying I'm not lying I decided that you are okay well that's what makes you wrong one of us has to be alright next one hi Matt hi Chris okay well that's what makes you wrong one of us has to be nope all right next one hi matt hi chris i mean the tiktok my question to you guys is what would you suggest i do in a situation where i was seeing somebody quite a long time ago beginning of the year didn't last very long no longer seeing each. Nothing dramatic happened for the parting of ways.

Prior to hooking up, loose friends. I have a lot of mutual friends. However, it's becoming apparent that this person is trying to keep a connection. Keep talking. They're not really getting the hint i'm trying to sort of let it die it doesn't seem to be working and at what point do i swing the hammer and say something that's forceful or do i just continue to hope that they'll get the hint through non-engagement uh are you guys don't take a hint very well yeah they don't take a hint very well and you gotta and they always and guys are always

like i wish these fucking chicks would just tell so just fucking tell them also what's with the fucking tiktok that's hilarious what's the tiktok and also in the back was there like an animal drinking water there was a dog drinking water. Yeah. I'm very perceptive. And I knew that before you. No, I knew it before you. Okay.

So, yeah. I mean, you don't like this guy like that. You know, you had sex or whatever. You hooked up. And then you wanted to be friends. And you just, you got the ick or whatever the fuck people from Australia say. Right? She's Australian?

What do you mean? What the fuck do you think? She's not from the Midwest. I didn't say she's from the fucking Midwest. You know why she's Australian yeah well what do you mean what the fuck you think she's not from the midwest you know why she's you know why she's australian but besides the accent because she's from australia no besides that she's got a lot of tattoos dude australia you can find somebody with no tattoos in australia you can't they're fucking two years old at three they're like yeah i'll get a piece of fire yeah if i get a look to get a fucking, I want to get a poor patrol across my chest. I swear to God, dude, you cannot find a fucking Australian without 90 tattoos. It's unbelievable. Okay.

Okay. So that's how you know she's Australian. Okay. So she's Australian. Also with the voice. Okay. And yeah, dude, just, you got to, I don't, I don't know, man. It's like, don't, it's like this guy wants to look, you're attractive.

He had sex with you he wants to probably keep you in the rotation right he probably is because he unless because it doesn't sound like you guys wanted to be boyfriend or girlfriend right the guy probably wants to keep you around but you know he wants the milk but he doesn't want to fucking buy the cow right okay whatever that whatever that saying is it ain't that but yeah whatever the saying whatever whatever the saying is that my ex's mom would say to me once on the phone, and that got me really hot and bothered. Really hot and bothered.

She did that. Hot and bothered. Sorry. Wrong thing. But yeah, man. Just tell him, you know, look, you're Australian. So look him right in the eye. And when he says, hey, want to hang out?

Since you're Australian, look him right in the eye and say, no. So many sounds in the word no. That's what it is with no no wow okay and get a tattoo you know what get a tattoo across your fucking forehead that says i don't hang out with you no yeah just says no no fucking whatever his name is 12 letters no uh no i think that you just fucking tell him you don't have to be that nice you have to be nice in this world but you don't have to like bend over backwards break your fucking back nice just be like uh hey i i this is not the thing for me has every you know what has it happened to you i one time a girl said something to me uh what happened to me

this like where you're like oh i thought we were going to do this again but i realized she didn't want to oh like am i have i been in his the guys yeah yeah because trust me look before i even say this like dude i lay it down trust me okay okay okay so this doesn't happen a lot okay relax what i'm saying but i lay it down i'm sure here's what i'll say i'm sure it has i cannot think of a time but i probably can't remember one of mine either but i i do it does ever come to mind because it probably hasn't happened but it has once but i lay it down right okay but i'm being serious i'm sure that's happened i know but i can't think of one but i remember one time i was like yeah we're gonna hang out and i remember what this girl said and i was like fair enough man she said oh that ship has sailed oh yeah and i was like huh fair enough for sure that's the right response and i

was like all right cool yeah whatever so just say That's the right response. And I was like, all right, cool. Yeah. Whatever. So just say that ship has sailed. That ship has sailed. Yeah. I respect the shit out of people who do that stuff, by the way, anyway. Even if it's bad news for me, if they just come right out and fucking say it, I'm like, well, damn. Okay.

You know what you fucking think, how you feel. Now I know too. And I can move fucking on accordingly yep it's way better to tell him just tell him it's better for him too or how about this dude how about this hey guy be sexier be fucking undeniably cool how about that dude you're not she doesn't want you bro if you were don one day fucking uh perth or wherever the fuck you're from if. Bro, if you were Don Juan de fucking Perth or wherever the fuck you're from. Wow. If you were Don Juan de Adelaide, then you know what, dude?

You wouldn't be having this problem. And this chick would not be saying, no. She'd be saying, yeah. Oh, that is how they say it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But also, that is not a thing that's possible.

Being sexier? Are you kidding me? Have you seen being sexier are you kidding me have you seen the way i walk recently have you seen the way i walk it's way different than how i used to and it's a lot better no i haven't and no it's not no i haven't and no it's not ask kristin nope uh no but but the bottom fucking line the middle line the top line and the bottom line all say the same thing which is which which is tell him weird order middle line the top line there's a line in the middle of the top mid to top line bottom middle line and then bottom line is every line every line says one thing okay and tell them tell them i don't want to hang out anymore. Yeah.

Busy in the tattoo parlor. Right. Getting tattoos. Okay, you're taking a little fucking far now. That's not accurate anymore. That ship has sailed. Getting a ship on me back. Getting a ship on my back.

Yeah. Because it's sailed. The ship's got your name on it. It's far away. It's a little ship on my back. And it's far, far away because it's sailed. My. She would be.

He would be like, oh, my God. That would do the trick. He would want to stop texting. I think the answer is, hey, guy, be sexier. Honestly. No, dude. The advice isn't for the fucking guy, dude. But if it was, she wouldn't even have this question if if what was

if what if we gave that guy advice hey guy call in where are you dude yeah he should have been calling in hey man i really want to hang out i really want to hang out with this chick you know i was really awesome really had a great time she makes me split i don't know um how to get her back but like she seems like she wants to be friends but like i'm really interested in fucking squinting and like i don't know how to do it. Squinting. Be sexier, bro. Dude, that's not a thing you can do.

Talk differently. You can't just be a sexier person. Yes, you can do it. I do it like every 10 months. Okay. Okay. All right. Next one. What's up, Chris and Matt?

Nice. Love you guys. Love the show. You guys give some great advice. And I'll give you a little context on my issue. We've been hanging out with this dude and his wife for a while, you know, five or six months, right? We all became pretty close.

They integrated to our friend group really well. And not too long ago, we found out that he was beating her, right? Beating her? Hitting her, you know, verbally abusing her. And when we first heard about it, we never really witnessed it. So we just told him like, hey, you got to stop or we're going to kick your ass, right? This is not good. Needs to be over.

But it's happened again. So at this point, I've completely written this guy off. He's not my friend anymore. Jesus. I really want to just kick this guy's teeth in, right, you know, teach him a lesson. But part of me, maybe the more rational side of me, thinks, you know, I'm already in some trouble with the military.

So I really should just kind of lay low at this point. But a big part of me really just wants to kick the shit out of this guy. You know, I'll do a spin move and knock him out. I don't care. Playing my imaginary mandolin and kick his teeth down his throat. Like, I'm tired of this guy. I just wanted to know what

y'all would do in my situation. Should I go through with it? Should I err on the side of caution? And that's it. Alright, y'all. I mean, imagine if that's what he did. I mean imagine if that's what he did wow imagine if that's what he did he just fucking

and then just continued to kick the shit out of him to kick the shit out of him hold on dude you're not okay look this is a fucking fucked up situation

terrible but you're not Batman you can't so you don't just go kick the shit out of somebody also you'll go to fucking jail yeah

this guy should go to jail if that's what. Yeah, this guy should go to jail. If that's what's happening, this other guy should go to jail. That's what I was going to say. So just call the cops. Yeah, I mean, obviously talk- Is it on her? She's got to do it, right? You got to talk to her about it.

Yeah. But like, because you can't do a thing that she doesn't want you to do. You got to listen to what the woman wants, and that's complicated, but you have to. That being said, you can't kick the shit out of him oh yeah because then you would end up in jail yeah but also what if you lose oh you really think and then just like right before he even gets a shot off but something tells me that this guy can kick the shit out of many many many because he's in trouble with the military guy that's in trouble with the military. Any guy that's in trouble

with the military, yeah. Also, how did he just sneak that in there, by the way? I'm already in trouble with the military. He's in the military. Or he's the Taliban.

No, man. He's in the military. I'm saying, or he did 9-11. No, you don't get in trouble with the military if you're a terrorist. You don't think the Taliban

is in trouble with the military? They are, but that's not what you fucking say. Okay, I'm just saying. He wouldn't say he was in the Taliban. He wouldn't come out. He had to go to the brig or some shit. He's in trouble with the military they are but that's not what you fucking say okay i'm just saying he wouldn't say he was in the taliban he like had to go to the brig or some shit he's like in trouble like maybe he went awol something like that maybe or he's not a fucking terrorist he could be isis i'm just saying all right anyway he it looked like an isis video

he was you know i mean right the voice too probably holding somebody's head look zooms out uh wait no it's the guy's head you got you're already if you're already in trouble legally with some part of the branch of the united states government yes even more you can't kick the shit out of this fucking guy but i see why you think that way you know why because you think that way and your history proves it so don't do what you do yeah right sit back relax talk to this woman yeah try to get her to fucking call the police. Yes. Because this is a violent crime. Yes. I mean, this isn't like, hey, this guy keeps stealing my money.

Yeah. Or like fucking taking my lunch money, right? This is a guy beats the shit out of a woman, which is fucked up in any way. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, dude. I mean, that is a, first of all, that's such a terrible fucking situation for you to be in. Yeah, we joke around a lot, but that's fucking horrible.

That's not a situation anybody should have to find themselves in for that woman, first of all. But something like that, it makes so many waves and fucking touches on so many other things outside of the one fucking unit of people. It's just so bad for everybody involved. But you got to get, you got to not kick the shit out of this guy. fucking unit of people it's just so bad for everybody involved but you gotta get you gotta not kick the shit out of this guy you gotta restrain yourself in that department although

i can relate i would want to do the same i do want to do the same i don't even fucking know this guy but he deserves to get the shit kicked out of him but you can't do it so you will not do it you will talk to this woman and you will try to, first of all, be open to what she has to say. Don't be like, you got to go to the fucking cops. You got to do it now. Talk to her. Hear what she has to say and try to navigate the conversation in such a way that it becomes a conversation about going to the authorities in some capacity. Because he is not going to stop doing it. No. He's not going to just be like, if there's no consequence, certainly he's not going to stop doing it.

No. He's not going to just be like, if there's no consequence, certainly he's not going to stop. Take him on Springer. Yeah, but no. Take him on Jerry Springer. Yeah, but no.

You know what I mean? Because you could beat the shit out of people on that show and for some reason nobody ever gets arrested. Yeah, that's true actually. Wow, that's a heavy one, man. Jesus Christ. Talk to her. Restrain yourself in terms of physical violence.

Talk to her and try desperately to get her to want to go to the authorities. You know what you do? Put kilos of coke in his trunk and then call the cops anonymously and be like, I know this guy is distributing drugs and then that guy gets in huge trouble and the

girl won't get beaten anymore. You got to think outside the box, dude. That's way outside the box. But I wouldn't recommend that. I would recommend what I said. Bussy. But I understand why you'd want to kick the shit out of this guy. Yeah, talk to her first. It's the worst fucking thing you can do.

Talk to her first if she doesn't want to. You know, if she's like, no, I love him. And, you know, she's like in one of those relationships. Yeah. Then fucking plant some kilos of coke in the back of his fucking goddamn Chevelle or whatever it is. Call the cops.

Wow. Cops, I got a hot tip. Can't tell you who it is. You know, do the fucking Taliban thing, right? That makes me mad. It makes me mad. What does, the Taliban thing? No, man, not you.

Look what the guy fucking said. Yeah, fucked up. Fucked up. Well, maybe we got another one? I mean, so we just start like that. Hey, guys. My name's Jet. Fucked up. Well, maybe we got another one? I mean, so we can start like that. Hey, guys. My name's Jet. I'm 22.

I'm in college. And I have a question about how to sort of control the way you're in your mind. This is kind of in relation to an that chris has talked about on his podcast where he makes up fake scenarios in his head oh yeah just so he can get mad at them yeah um and like he'll make up a fake argument and then like what he'll say in the fake argument and it just gets like oh you're insane super worked up and i i found that do the same thing. I think it's pretty cool. And it does feel good to indulge yourself into those fake scenarios and get angry. And you know, anger sometimes feels really good. But I was wondering if there was a way to stop that because it's starting to affect

how I see people in real life. Like, if I have a fake argument with my friend in my head or something, then I start to like genuinely like have negative feelings towards them. And it's like, it's like not, um, good. Something that, uh, should be happening. So I was just curious, like Chris, I know you've struggled with this. Um, and maybe you figured out a way to put a stop to it. You definitely haven't. But I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

Matt as well. Thank you so much. Cool. I mean, I would suggest working out and getting that aggression out. But it looks like he's fit. He probably does work out. He is fit. He definitely serves.

There's no doubt. Well, here's the thing. He's 20 do you say he was 22 that's really real young to already think that like you only get angrier like you will only get angrier unless you're thinking about it which i guess he is thinking about it you know hopefully he's talking to somebody about his anger i mean but like dude i'm in the car all day long and i'll just i didn't know where i'll be like, oh, you think so? You know what I mean? And then I'm off. And by the way, I don't even know who I'm at it yet.

And then I'll pick one of my friends and I'll be like, that's who it is today. Oh, wow. Yeah, I do that. And then I do understand. So you're crazy. You're a crazy guy. Well, I mean, I think more people do that. I think more people do that than I think you probably do that.

I think you talk to yourself in your car and you imagine arguments that you get into sometimes i think what one time i was driving down the street i was doing it i looked next to me and a guy a guy was fucking doing it to another guy one of his friends i wonder if it was the same friend if we know i don't i don't think i've done that i do crazy shit not that though um but this guy's let me get this straight because he's talking about you something you Yeah. You talk about having fake arguments with people to get it out, get it out of your system? Yeah. Well, no, not even necessarily, but I'll be like, okay, take something that your friend does.

Say you have a friend that's always late, okay? And you'll be in, he says in the car, but you can do it anywhere, right? You're just daydreaming and you're like, okay, like say my, the guy I bring on the road with me, Michael Inocchi, say he's always late, he's not. But if we have a gig, say this weekend in Atlanta, we'll be like, oh, I'll be thinking about it. And I'll be like, oh, he better not be fucking late, right?

And then I'll be like, because he's always fucking late. And then I'll be like, in Atlanta, in my mind, he'll be showing up and i'll be like it's fucking late and in my head and i'm driving i'm in the car and i'm just like i can't believe you're fucking late again now it's me all of a sudden i'm saying it out loud i can't believe you're fucking late again and then i'll do his part in my head and then i'll be like you know what if you and i'll come up with ideas of how the conversation is going to go if it happens in atlanta and then i'm all fucking riled up yeah and then either it happens or it doesn't that weekend in atlanta and if it

does happen if it doesn't happen it's fucking bullshit i shouldn't have got all that out in the car anyway yes because now i'm feeling angry at him or it does happen in atlanta and i think i know what to say but he's not going to say what i think i yeah but he thought he was yeah exactly because conversation he's a different person. Yeah. So I don't know if it's good or bad that I do it, but I'm in my car having these conversations and I'm really sticking it to him, man. And I'm doing real good, you know? I'm doing real good in my head. I'm winning the argument.

But mostly because it's in my head and he's saying the things that I want him to say that I know how to combat. Well, if he says this, I'll say that. If he says this, I'll say that. Right? You need help. I'm getting it. You need help. I i'm getting it you need help getting a little bit more help but i think that maybe a more like controlled way to do this one that doesn't increase rage is to like write it out as if it was a letter and contain your thoughts in a way that is like a persuasive argument thoughtful and you think it all the way through and then you never

send it that's what a lot of therapists would tell you oh really yeah i actually have done that and let me tell you it actually works you'll start to like forget about it but because you've gotten it out it's a weird mind trick i'm not saying like it's like some actual woo shit it doesn't nothing actually changes yeah except something about writing it down walking through the whole part of like expressing it as if you were going to express to that person it even makes it like easier on you become easier on that person my therapist always tells me to do that and i never do it do it but it's like i don't want to write an essay you know i'm not you don't write an essay you write an email and you don's like, I don't want to write an essay. You know, I'm not. You don't write an essay. You write an email.

And you don't send it. You don't send it. I mean, obviously you don't send it. That's the whole point. It seems a little risky writing an email. It's a fucking button away. You don't put their name in the fucking thing. Okay.

But if you just by mistake hit that one button, dude. Then it fucking sends it off. But you don't write to Mike Linoci subject lateness. You're always late. And then save it as a draft. Here's why you're a cunt. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Right.

Exactly. Yeah. Well, all right. Look, I mean, we have more videos and we're not going to stop yet but i do want to say since i forgot to do this i will be in atlanta wow wow september 9th chris d'alia.com uh i'll be in atlanta september 9th washington dc september 10th this is an ad break, I guess. Stockton, California, Oakland. I got dates in, you know, Superior, Illinois, Rockford, Illinois.

Made it up. Raleigh, October 21st, Savannah, Georgia. Denver, November 5th. Cheyenne, Wyoming, November 6th. Boston, almost sold out, November 12th. Jacksonville, Florida,

December 3rd. So go to chrislea.com and get those tickets now. There's still tickets available on all of their shows as of now. They're big places. So, yeah. Let's do, available on all of their shows as of now. They're big places. So, yeah. Let's do it.

We can do one more video. All right. And then we're done. Hey, guys. First-time caller, long-time listener. Love the new show. Today I'm going to be using missed connection lingo as a way to describe this scenario. Also, this is completely hypothetical.

Not saying this has ever happened to me. So let's just say a 24-year-old male plumber has been on this web... Okay, 100% happened. Yes. Okay, we know that. Also, let me explain. If you haven't seen my podcast, congratulations.

I do a segment called Miss Connections where I read Miss Connections from Craigslist. And I just go through them and they're always about fucking sex. And they're to um like what do you call it they're trying to not they you they like i don't know why i guess they get flagged if they talk about like blow jobs so they'll be like i want to eat your corn on the cob no yeah it's really funny wow people are so fucking crazy and weird man they'll be like mexican chub what is that like a fat mexican i want a fat mexican to come over to my house and clean my pipes they'll be like mexican chub come clean my pipes that sounds like a way to get real crossed up oh somebody comes to

your door with plumbing equipment if yeah well you just go to a plumber, I guess, if you're going to work there. True, yeah. All right, so go ahead. Hey, guys. First-time caller, long-time listener. Love the new show. Today, I'm going to be using missed connection lingo as a way to describe this scenario. Also, this is completely hypothetical.

Not saying this has ever happened to me. So let's just say a 24 year old male plumber has been on this website where he is looking for prospective female clients also interested in plumbing and pipe cleaning and he's been messaging this one female client back and forth and she finally invites him back to her place. And they start to do some plumbing, and during the pipe cleaning, the male plumber's part or tool stops performing or malfunctions. What would you recommend the male plumber to do in this scenario? What could he say to the female client in order to assure her that it's not her fault

thank you looking forward to what you guys have to say uh and yes i recorded this in a bomb shelter dude how weird is that that that was the fucking thing that i said and then he did that very weird i'm psychic dude you know what it is i'm great no we can obviously it's like the funniest version of it so you both thought that or the hackiest which is why we both came he's not even a professional comedian I am and that's the one I went to

no you guys are hacky he's a plumber you're right you are hacky that's true alright so he is obviously talking about himself

the answer is make a fucking joke about it no you go like this it's your fault do a spin move and fucking move he just said

how do I make sure to tell her that it's not her fault it is okay no it's not I'm kidding it's not dude I'm joking we do jokes here um yeah well i mean yeah make a fucking joke about it dude make a joke about what you could say what this is for real because it's happened to me what

if you say you know this is true this is well for me it's been true in my in my life i'm 42 it's happened but i'm like you know uh i i actually like you and i'm like it's not that i'm nervous but like i i want you to like me and i want to make sure that everything is cool and that's why was that true yes for me yeah well if it was true if i like the girl the first time a lot of the times it's like i'm i don't i'm not fully you know what i mean it's like you're a little in your head you mean i guess nervous yeah like a little i mean like i guess so i don't feel nervous but it's like i'm it's like i'm it's a nervous system thing yes yes yes yes but the thing is i'm not a bitch dude oh and if you're thinking that that's not true at all okay right again thank you one more time relax yeah but i would say that that's a and i have said that to the girl that's good actually because it's it's honest and endearing and it makes it clear which

checks this box which this guy's concerned with which is actually very thoughtful he wants to make sure that the woman knows it's not her fault right or not her not fault but like not because he's not attracted to her let's say uh but uh so yeah there's there's that but i think there's also when i say make a joke i don't mean like about her obviously like a joke about like a self-deprecating joke about yourself about something faulty hardware fucking whatever the fuck but uh yeah dude it's so fucking obvious the thing the things not to not do are so fucking obvious yeah you know i mean like you don't want to fucking makes anything that's even remotely possibly misconstrued as you would blaming her that would be sayonara to you for the rest of your fucking time on earth with this

particular woman yeah or you could be like some guys like some guys like uh but you remember in that movie um the one with the fucking Ben Stiller and the guy who goes, where's my baseball? And Cameron Diaz. Oh, something about Mary? Yeah. He jerks off before he goes on a date with her. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, you could just say you did that. Oh, but that would, see, here's something. Sometimes there are dire situations where you really want to save someone's feelings where the only thing you can think of in the moment is to lie. Yeah. I don't think that you have to do that in this situation because the truth is not only endearing, but also the truth. And the truth is always a little easier or a lot easier because you don't have to remember

the thing you fucking lied about. Oh, man. But then it's like fucking, if it happens the next time, dude, then you're in your head. You know what I mean right but then at least it would be like a the last the previous case would be true and then that would be like a rolling truth i guess you want to call it like it's just perpetuating itself and then it becomes its thing i get what you're saying about getting in your head but you don't want to lie yeah yeah yeah or you could maybe you're gay you think he's gay no i mean he might be you just be like you know what i haven't decided if i'm into dudes yet or not but this is really good though thank you sorry we'll see next time just say that a guy that would be the worst thing you said

i'm gonna fuck a guy next and then when i come back to you we'll see what happens yeah yeah i mean that's an option i wouldn't recommend it but you could go that way um yeah tell her what i said dude that's good because that's probably option. I wouldn't recommend it, but you could go that way. Yeah, tell her what I said, dude. That's good because that's probably how you feel. I'm a psychiatrist. Oh, okay. If that's the truth, then definitely do what he said because that's good.

Yeah. All right, cool. Well, that was good. That was great. That's it. We'll wrap it up. We did like eight videos. ChrisLeah.com for tickets.

I got a bunch of cities coming up. I read them about 10 minutes ago. so go get your tickets now still some seats available and uh and that's it did we have anything oh did you pull up the the the fucking home screen or no if you have a if you have a uh a question go to uh what do you call it um what is it anthony do you know it did ask matt and chris do it oh um yeah send in a video uh the link is in the description below or go to watch lifeline.com and uh another thing that we like doing is looking at the uh comments and seeing what advice you have for everybody so go ahead and uh drop your advice for the people because they're also reading it. I heard it was fucking going off in the comments on our last episode. Oh, really? Yeah.

Yeah. Someone wrote to me. Someone who had her, we used her video and gave her advice. And she wrote me and was like, so many people in the fucking comments were like, don't think about it. Yeah. So that's good because they read that stuff too. So you could be like, if you're watching.

Yeah. Right. You know. Don't want to get over and inundated with that shit though. There's nothing worse than too much advice. yeah right you know don't want to get over and in dated

with that shit though there's nothing worse than too much advice like imagine somebody giving you like a hundred people giving you advice and they're all different

yeah you'd be overwhelmed I guess so yeah you're right well don't make it sound like you disagree with me I mean I'm right about a lot of stuff

ah okay alright you guys thanks for watching chrisalea.com for tickets and that's it we love you thanks guys I love you you guys are good i love you all