Lifeline - 74. RIP Coolio

Episode Date: September 10, 2023

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. And we're live. What do you think about movies that the main character is boring and it's supposed to be boring? Give me an example because I can't. Sully.

Oh, well, Sully. It's interesting you bring up Sully because Sully is an example of the worst movie. Interesting. That there is. But Tom Hanks is very good in it. I honestly, I love Tom Hanks, but I don't even think that about that movie. I think Clint Eastwood is the most boring filmmaker.

Oh, he made that? Alive. He's basically not alive. That's why his movies are so boring. He tries to hurry through the days. I love that we did one take whatever the script is fine as it is he doesn't do any rewrites ever he's just a lazy love z love a boy a lazy boy so hi he's a lazy boy okay so there's a movie about it's called the

neighbor it's with william forsyth is that? I mean, that's the name of an actor. Sure, yeah. The guy who's in, wasn't he like in Wings or something? Was that him? No, wait. Oh, no, no, no, no. No, that's not.

William Forsythe is the guy. Thinking about Stephen Webber? No, I was thinking, no, no, no, I was, I know Stephen Webber's in Wings, but I thought that. So Forsythe was the bad guy in that movie with Ben Affleck.

Oh, no, no. You're thinking of William Finkner. That's who I'm thinking of. He's great. I love him. Yes, he's great. So he was in The Neighbor. And what is The Neighbor?

Who's Forsythe? William Forsythe is like, he was way bigger in like the 90s. Yeah, yeah. He's got a real Tough guy voice and look So Finkter Or whatever The son of

Fuck Yeah William Fickner Yeah Fickner Okay so Fickner was A Fickner says what? A Fickner says what? Oh Forsythe is awesome

Yeah yeah yeah Forsythe is sick Okay Fickner is good He's in the movie Called The Neighbor And he plays a very boring guy A very boring weird guy And it's arguable That the movie Is boring because of it well that sounds about right when

you have a lead character and you're trying to make him boring the thing here's the thing when you're depicting a boring person yeah you don't need to be boring i know so how do you make it good it's so cool i took a mint and it made my my throat dry and now i'm coughing yeah dude fuck yeah man wow podcast wow well that was your fault you shouldn't have taken a mint and it made my throat dry. Now I'm coughing. Yeah, dude. Fuck yeah, man. We're going to do a podcast. Wow. Well, that was your fault. You shouldn't have taken a mint. I didn't mean to.

I wanted to do it. What? I didn't mean to do that like that. I didn't know it was going to dry my throat out. Did you? No. Do you think a mint always dries your throat out? No.

A magician. No, I didn't think that. All right. Well, look. All I'm going to say is I'm going to be in Cleveland. I'm going to be in Pittsburgh. I'm going to be in Philadelphia. i'm gonna be in pittsburgh i'm gonna be in philadelphia i'm gonna be in virginia chrislea.com reading pitts reading pennsylvania ottawa ontario too that's the only one in canada that's not sold out yet

orlando florida fort myers florida and baltimore maryland chrislea.com to get your tickets um leave a uh comment for us. Oh, actually, if you want to sign up for lifeline luxury, that's where it's on and pop. And that's where it's going. That's where it's on firing on all of the,

you know, we say syllables, but still cylinders really for lifeline luxury, uh, patron.com slash lifeline luxury. That is a show that comes out at least twice a month. And it is at least 30 minutes And we absolutely kill it on there

And go over to our Patreon and subscribe The quality of it is going like this What? The quality of Lifeline Luxury is going like this Way up Oh, okay, good Well, that's why we call it Lifeline Luxury So go on there and get that

And go to watchlifeline.com to send in your submissions. We love your submissions. And then also you can send us a video or click the link in the hotline below. Or you can go and get a one-on-one session with Matt D'Elia on Zoom where he gives you all sorts of advices at MattD'Elia.com. And you can also get the merch at LifelineMerch.com showing the support of our show, the greatest show in all history and the show that keeps on going like this which is what Matt is saying, right?

I mean, did so much coke. The mint that you took is really kicking in right about now. Yeah, so that's what's going on, my baby. So we're having a good time, you know, and you think it's okay to make a movie about a boring person? Yeah. What about this? If you make a movie about a boring person yeah what about this if you make a movie about a boring person make it be only an hour and 20 minutes thank you yeah but also you can make a good an exciting movie about that

centers around a boring person you don't need the movie itself to be boring boring people getting caught up in very not boring things is actually really interesting that is very interesting it's like one of my favorite kinds of movies so maybe that movie was just boring it sounds like it sounds like it and and not not to really anybody's fault but like fichtner is very he was very good in it he's amazing yeah he's a good i've always liked him really good he's in heat your favorite movie he is in heat right yeah and then the lady in it is good really good too um who's the lady and who's the lady in it? Who's the lady in it in the movie The Neighbor? She's very good in it, too. The one that the younger lady that he kind of like gets obsessed with.

What's her name? Jessica McNamara. Make it bigger. McNamara? McNamara. Make it bigger. Make it bigger. It was already on there.

Scrolled it off. Do it bigger. Do it bigger. There it is. Do it bigger. McNamara. It's crazy you didn't zoom in. Crazy. No, no on there. Scrolled it off. Do it bigger. Do it bigger. There it is. Do it bigger. McNamara. It's crazy you didn't zoom in. Crazy.

Absolutely nuts. Hey, absolutely nuts he hasn't zoomed in yet. Scroll up. Absolutely nuts. McNamee. McNamee. Jessica McNamee. Jessica McNamee.

She's good. She's good. Anyway. It's cool because it sounds like wee. It doesn't sound like that. So you could say it like Jessica McNamee. Poison. Poisoned it.

Poisoned it. What is this? Oh, thank you for me. Who else would it be for? He put it right in front of you but i didn't ask for tea that's why but so there's two of us and he handed it to one of us that's you i thought maybe you asked for tea but why wouldn't you give it to me it was scratchy you made me tea and that's very nice that's really good now it's too hot so i have to wait now one thing i need to talk in english One thing I want to talk about. Drinking tea. I'm suddenly drinking tea on the bridge. I'm not fucking in it.

In it. So we don't have our Tweety Bird shirts yet. It's upsetting. So it's upsetting because. But we do still have. Oh, God. Two hats is the worst. Two hats.

Two hats. No. Two hats to hold. Two hats to hold. The worst song of all time. It's not. What else did you want to say? Was that a takeoff of the Coolio song?

Too Hot? Yeah, it was supposed to be. Which is actually a takeoff of an older song. Yeah, that makes sense. I know my Cognac music history. Coolio is an actor now. How about that? Coolio's dead.

Oh, well, he was an actor before he died. Did you know that? Oh, I forgot Coolio died. Coolio died? Coolio! No! Here lies Coolio. coolio no here lies coolio you know worst joke of all time dude here lies coolio you know what i mean and then and then so many people keep getting out of his coffin like that

old video oh cool cool cool cool i like that you know what i'm saying coolio was the man do you know what they do coming out the fucking yeah great what was that though why do they look out around way too much in that video because they're like trying to make sure nobody sees them yeah but so many yeah you gotta be careful dude that was the original version of staying woke that's what it meant you gotta be alert gotta pay attention. You know, how annoying is it that they stole that? I mean, it's like the ultimate, it's like everybody always talks about cultural appropriation. It's like the ultimate cultural appropriation. Oh, yeah.

You know? Oh, my God. Blew your mind, dude. That's absolutely unbelievable, man. So we can't both be wearing sunglasses. Did you know that? Oh. Oh, I was going to take off mine.

Okay. I guess one of us can. I'll keep going. I'll keep doing it. Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage. Ride, slide, slippery slide. Is that the music video that you're talking about? Yeah.

That's the one, yeah. They keep coming out of the thing. I'll play it, but I'm going to mute it. Yeah, mute it, mute it. Okay. So artistic liberty. Artistic liberty out of the thing. I'll play it, but I'm going to mute it. Yeah, mute it. Mute it. Okay. It's artistic liberty. Artistic liberty. Artistic liberty.

Sorry, upside down. Living in a gangster's paradise. So what if... Skip to the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know where... Well, he doesn't know where it is, dude. He's fucking 14 years old.

He's 12 years old. He's literally 12 years old. There it is. There it is. Whoops, you passed it. Whoops, you passed it. Look, look. Dude, there's...

Yeah. And that was a very brief part of the video they keep doing it oh right right right i knew that oh dude popping it dude when i was young and these videos would come on i would get so sexually really yeah not me dude look at all these amazingly beautiful black women getting out of the car dude uh-uh i was just 12 and i was just like you know what I'm saying? A bitch with a little straw, dude. Not me.

Hey. Wow, you can't be not a bitch drinking too hot. Well, obviously. Too hot. All right, so anyway. Coolio, RIP, dude. Tea is bullshit. Coolio. Oh, no, not Coolio.

Worst joke of all time. Tea is bullshit. I'll tell you that much. What? Tea is bullshit. What does it that much what tea is bullshit what does it mean it's too hot i mean it cools off though make it that hot why do i want to wait for it no because you gotta heat up the tea leaves enough to make it taste better and which is there in lies why it's bullshit therein lies the bullshittery yeah no that's why it's bullshit

dude it should only be as hot as it it doesn't work figure out how it works make it so the tea gets out when it's not that hot okay but i mean like you're so annoying you know all that happens is you my tongue exactly you something bad happened to you so you're like now the whole things the whole enterprise of tea sucks yeah and that's how it is like that's just not a good way of being alive but it's just what's crazy is that it's lasted for this long, and everyone's been burning their tongue on it for fucking centuries. You know what I mean? Centuries.

Thousands of years. Most people know to wait a little bit. I wait, but you still have to do the test. And every now and then, you do the test too early, and it burns your fucking tongue. But when you pull it off, you're like, and then you do it. You didn't do that.

I don't. You don't blow on things? No, it's just I don't. Then I might as well go to Benihana and fucking help him make the shit. I don't you don't blow on things no it's just i don't then i might as well go to benihana and fucking help him make the shit i don't want bring it to me when it's ready dude i'm right about this yes i agree with me that's the dumbest thing you say a lot of dumb things but when you say i agree with me that's the dumbest i don't know man go on over and sign a lifeline luxury uh patreon.com slash lifeline luxury uh and we there's a little bit more there's more of that but we're gonna get

into this show right now yeah because it's been 10 minutes okay so let's go yeah it's been too long so we're gonna get into the advices here we go huge fan love you both so handsome so i need advice on a guy who lives in my apartment complex. We all have designated parking spots. And the guy who parks next to me just cannot seem to fucking park in his own spot. And every time I come home, he's like right on the line or in my parking spot. And I got to be the asshole who parks too close to the guy next to me. That is bad. And it's just, what's a non-confrontational way I can just be like, yo, learn to park, you know?

Yeah. And also, Chris, as a a bar employee thank you for spreading awareness on those motherfuckers that come in and sit down and then go to the restroom right away like hey chill let me get your drinks man love you boys yeah i do i hate that what's you know what he's talking about no i don't like when dude go sit down order and then go to the bathroom don't sit down go to the bathroom and then come sit down, go to the bathroom, and then come and order. And leave everybody. And leave everybody fucking waiting like.

Oh, you didn't mention with a group. You didn't say that. Yeah, I guess only with a group, yeah. I was picturing a person alone. But what he's saying on his end as a bar guy, order first, then go to the bathroom, which is a similar complaint, but it has nothing to do with having a group. It's like, let me do my job, and then you go to the bathroom, which I do agree with also.

Ah, go to the bathroom whenever you want. Well, his version doesn't matter as much. My version is inconsiderate if you do it that way. Gee, what a surprise that you think that. Let it, let everyone order, then go to the bathroom. Why would I want to wait? You don't have to go to the bathroom immediately. Order, unless you do, if you do okay. Okay. So you make exceptions for people that are like, ah. Then go to the bathroom Why would I wait You don't have to go to the bathroom immediately Order

Unless you do If you do okay Okay So you make exceptions for people that are like I gotta go I gotta go Yeah you gotta go You gotta go

I gotta go unload poopy out of my poopy hole Then it's okay I mean that's I would never have a friend that says that But actually no We know me and I would Yeah you would But

I would say that Absolutely You sit down with With eight people Okay That's so many people Wow I hate sitting down with eight people You sit down with with eight people okay that's so many people wow i hate sitting down with eight people oh my god okay for you he's done with one other person that's better now we're speaking my language yeah and you sit and you go get the menus and you're like this you know what i'm gonna go to the bathroom who does this i don't are you kidding me i don't

approve kristin oh okay i see where this and also so many people and also others okay dude sam does it my videographer guy oh come on sam uh you know people just do it dude yeah i'll order anyway but you can't do it with kristin that's the thing because you need to be chivalrous yeah right well that would be another dude who cares i'm ordering he went to take a thing i'm going to fuck it i want I want the club sandwich. Go. Whenever he gets back. Right. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. I get it. People think I'm the dick. I get it now. What was his thing again? Oh, parking. Yeah. Yeah.

Park a little bit in his spot next time. Yeah. And then when he confronts you, you say, oh, I'm sorry. Was that annoying? And then when he starts to answer, you say, I know. You do it all the time. So now you're going to stop. So fucking confrontation. But that's good. it all the time. So now you're going to stop. So fucking confrontation.

But that's good. Here's the deal. And this sucks, unfortunately, because some people are really anti-confrontation. But with people that live in your building or in your. Yeah, you got to be careful. No, you got to be aggressive. Got to be aggressive. You got to be aggressive because it's never going to work out.

But you got to be careful. If you don't. Of course. Well, you don't want to be like outright. Have you seen that movie with Sam Jackson and Josh Lucas or whatever? Not Josh Lucas. The other guy, Patrick. Patrick Wilson.

Yeah. Lakeview Terrace. Yeah. That's a Neil deBute movie. I like that movie. It's weird though. I like it. It's good.

I like that. Yeah. You got to be careful, right? You do have to be careful, but you don't do things that are just going to get you killed. You're just very direct and a little bit louder than you usually are. That's all you don't do things that are just going to get you killed you're just very direct and a little bit louder than you usually are that's all you got to do you're parking back okay let's watch it yeah well that wouldn't work out very well because then you get arrested and but just get a little bit louder and be firm you know a guy richie movie all right

you gotta park fucking way different mate parking isn't even if you don't you're gonna get fucking a bunch of shots and you're fucking down yeah so yeah just do what he does then when he calls you out on it say oh yeah you don't like that huh targeted no i didn't think you liked that but guess what you do it to me all the time so guess what you're gonna do you're gonna stop. Dude, I am not sure you should do that. I think the very obvious answer is simply walk up to somebody and say, hey, man, you park really close to me. It's really hard for me to get out. And I often have to park over to the right or whatever left. And then the other guy can't get in and out. Could you just be a little bit more mindful that's how you have to start it okay if you that's easy do that and that's easy

and feel strong about that if then it's still a problem slash his tires but i'm dead serious oh what what happened look oh well that wasn't me yeah and they go like this prove it was me oh okay it seems like a really quick escalation. And then they get the video, the CCTV footage, and it's you. And you're like, okay, well, okay, never mind. Okay, well, you proved it. And now what? Now what do you want us to do?

You got me red-handed, but you didn't do the thing. Yeah, that sucks, man. Having that kind of a thing, the parking, that sucks. Because you know what? You know what sucks is? You know what sucks is? Is when you show up and somebody is parked fucked up and you can't get into space because of the person

and it's like the only parking space that's there and you want to be mad at that person, but you don't know if it's the person before them that made them park like that. That's the worst. I'm surprised you think that far into it because you're usually very rash and very quick on the draw of a harsh, hardcore reaction.

And that's not good. But this time you really thought it all the way through. I've never been more offended about anything you've said to me. Why? I think very deeply about things that don't matter. Very deeply. This does matter. Okay.

And this is about extending sort of an olive branch to other people you're considering other people's experience and that's something you never really do i'm offended okay i don't think that i i don't think that that's correct i think that if you knew me and you do know me that you know that i think very deeply about this kind of stuff that's the game dude that's game tax you know what i'm talking about if somebody can park you go ah fuck that's game tax and you do it at least it works for me in my favor sometimes okay fine nobody's gonna keep my but then you wonder oh i hope people understand that rule why are you saying game tax because it's like you got to charge it to the game that's just how it works

i got it you know i got it i got it yeah it's all rough though parking sucks honestly we figured it out for you man so i think every car should be exactly the same. It should be government funded and you just get in and leave with whatever car's the closest. Oh, that's a good idea. But it'd be really hard. And honestly, Chrysler, Kia,

Ferrari, Mercedes-Benz, they'd all have a big problem with that. Yeah, so maybe not. Because it affects our bottom line. Okay. And money is what makes the world go round. Cool. And that is smart to say that.

And next. Hey, man, Chris. Long time fan. I love you both. I am calling in to tell you about a Jordan with the slam moment that I had. It's not a particular moment, but it's a friend I had. His name was Andrew. He was the funniest dude I'd ever met.

I knew him in middle school and high school. I'd like to see him turn his head. He was never funny on purpose. Like sometimes he was, but he was mainly funny cause he was just funny. Like he was just sleepy all the time. He was just like, Oh,

like life was getting the best of him. He was just, he was never high, but he was just high all the time, but he wasn't saying so many things. He wasn't the first one is the funniest thing that's anyone that anyone's ever told me and it was that one time when he got mcdonald's because he never ate fast food he got mcdonald's and it made him so nauseous that he had to throw up so he went to

the bathroom and he spun around in a circle until he threw up and it worked uh the next thing is one time in seventh grade he showed up and his eye was really red. And he was like, oh, my eye. And then as the day went on, his eye just got more and more fucked. And then he was like, oh, he couldn't focus. He couldn't do shit. And then like last period, I remember something. He was picking at his eye and this like this glass shard fell out of his eyeball onto his desk.

And it was his contact lens that he slept with for three days in his eye. And it dried up into a little crystallized shell. This is the least like I've done it with this guy. And then the third thing, which is maybe the funniest thing you could ever come up with in the world, but it was real. In seventh grade, we had an outsider's day where you'd come dressed as the characters from the book The Outsiders for some reason. And obviously no one was going to dress as a Soch, so everyone dressed as a greaser. He came with his dad's giant leather jacket. And for some reason, his mom thought it was a good idea to put temporary hair dye in his hair.

And he had hair like mine, like blonde. And by the end of the day, he had sweat so much that the black hair dye dripped all over his face. Rudy Giuliani. And he was in blackface. And then it was all over his arms and his shirt and his hands. And it got all over his desk. And he had to stay afterwards to clean it off. But it wouldn't come out.

So, yeah, that's my friend Andrew. Thank you for listening. Sorry if this was long. I love you guys. Thank you. Dude, hold on. Okay, so first of all, these are not Jordan with the slam moments. What the hell was that?

How is he? That's why I was so confused at the time. We're talking about simple things that happen in life that you, terms or phrases that you say over and over again with your friends. I've been misled by that man. That man misled me. And whenever I read the word misled, I think it says misled,

and I need a second to see that it actually says misled. Okay? And it bothers me. Misled, dude. I'm always like, what does misled mean? And I'm like, oh, oh, oh.

I remember that I have a brain. This is misled. But, dude, he misled us. He said, John, what the slime? Yeah, it's not a john with the slime yeah it's not andrew the slime he just told us about andrew what he's yeah he told us about his friend andrew and told us basically andrew's autobiography the the that guy sounds like somebody that i would deeply be friends yeah you would have honestly known him since you were like 19 yeah yeah yeah

and yeah uh so also he would die at like 48 you know know what I mean? Yeah, dude, yeah. So, all right. I don't... What? What do we do? Great. Well, there's no advice. Andrew sounds amazing. No, we ask people to call in and tell us our Jordan with the slam stories. And for those of you that don't know what that is, that didn't see the episode we were talking about this,

there are just moments in your life that you think about all the time yeah that you that you that aren't really that significant right that just stuck with you and there's and then you have like sayings with your friends and you joke around about them in shorthand and that those three things were absolutely not that they were funny stories each one of the things he said was let me break it down mathematically for people out there who don't understand other ways that was each one was zero percent like jordan with a slam right zero they were funny stories yeah and he could think about them a lot but those were not considered jordan with the slam stories they were not even close to being in the column of jordan honestly what he did they were funny and you keep i have things that i think about stories situations oh yeah but none of them are jordan what the slayers you know what i mean i know if they're not jordan with the slam

then why would you submit an entire video claiming that they are in the category of jordan with a why would you do that i get it you wanted to share about Andrew, but it's not. John, what the fuck? So annoying. This is the worst podcast, you know? But dude, it's so good. It's so funny that these are podcasts and also Jordan Peterson has one, you know? Said it so fast. Said it so fast.

So that guy Andrew sounds like somebody. I want Andrew to call in, honestly. Get Andrew to send you a video and send a video to us because that's amazing okay please do that also either cut your hair you or figure out a new way you're doing it like this dude like this dude push it you do like this just do like this dude push it back push it back either your hair's not gonna come out at a sporting event push it back push them back so you know that one the stalker i mean it's all good i'm not insecure i'm not insecure so um anyway yeah

just being all delicate like you're gonna break off these ones was the best like they're antiques just push it back my hair is mint condition i don't want to fuck it up my hair is a King of Virginia rookie card that's so stupid alright cool Drew Bledsoe die cut okay Drew Bledsoe die cut

hey guys love the pod thanks for keeping me alive wow very collected this person my question is

what how do you respond to people that keep asking you to hang out when like it's really the last thing you want to do is to hang out with them. Obviously,

if it was someone that you didn't see very often, you could like brush it off. But I have people in my life at work and like neighbors organically often that Oh, worst. Organically often that keep asking to hang out when they just make me feel uncomfortable. And I don't have like a lot of free time on my hands. So it's not really something I want to do. So how do you respond to those people? Beyond like, let me check my schedule or I'll get back to you every single time.

Thank you. You know what? I have too much. I have so much going on. Let me check my schedule or I'll get back to you every single time. Thank you. Oh, you know what? I have too much. I have so much going on. Like I'll, when I free up, I'll let you know.

Yeah. But then, yeah, dude, that's so tough, man. Yeah, I know.

It's your neighbor. Dude, that's honestly, you should never ask to hang out with your neighbor. The neighbor is actually off limits. And the fact that your neighbor is asking you to hang out is is a step i mean one step beyond like okay like that's beyond the threshold you're not allowed to do that here's the thing though if it's not your neighbor and they're just texting you here's what you got to do and it's sad and it sucks but you got to not

respond you just got to not respond the neighbor thing you might ah neighbors are tricky though especially in her case if it's a man you got to be careful because the he's already yeah i'm leaning towards saying he's a psychopath for asking you to hang out in the first place that's because he's your neighbor right not fully saying he's a psychopath but like he's already doing it wrong so you don't want to like right express he doesn't understand boundaries yeah yeah and so when i want to hang out sometime no he's i just think oh man the neighbor one's really hard that's really tough but you might have to say something man you might have to just be like, look, I just, I think it's, I've had, maybe you lie and

say, I've had bad experiences in the past, becoming friends with my neighbor. Oh, yeah. I'm just like, I don't think it's the best idea. I love how you're friendly. I'm always going to be friendly to you. But like, I don't think like hanging out is best. That's so, even saying that sounds hard, though. I don't, I'm not even recommending that.

But it might have to come to that. Yeah. It might have to come to that yeah it might have to come to that i mean i you know or dude ignore the shit out of them like be be rude without yeah that might be the move be rude without using your voice like hey adrian adrian you know hey adrian her name no but i'm saying don't call the neighbor a wrong name yeah no then definitely no i'm saying they're saying to her hey her name is adrian no i don't know it might be it might be but okay so say her name is adrian okay hey adrian adrian oh god and then adrian just keeps on she keeps on walking adrian she keeps on walking adrian what hey she keeps on walking well that's pretty crazy but i think that but whatever you

gotta do what you gotta do next thing you do when you move you just whenever somebody says something i don't speak english yeah right yeah like that you gotta kind of unfortunately especially if you're a woman you gotta kind of i hate saying this you gotta kind of not be that nice to your neighbors oh yeah that is true it sucks man but it's that is really, that is true. I've seen men get the wrong idea. It's just like, what are you thinking, you dumbass? Biologically, we have to get the wrong idea, you know? It's true, but like men don't always take it the right way when they realize they've gotten the wrong idea.

Right. Unlike me, when I realize I got the wrong idea, the last thing I want to do. I'm so hip to like having gotten the wrong idea. Oh, my bad. I'm like, oh, oh, oh, bad oh oh forget it forget you ever saw me you know he ever saw me i don't exist uh it's so sad but i don't exist i deserve to be peed on i'm nothing wipe your ass with me please um but yeah some guys just don't take kindly to that

but whatever i i feel for you you're in a tough spot but if it's all if it's via text friends just don't respond i agree with that the texting one that's much easier the neighbor things harder but if it comes to it just fully ignore them and then if that doesn't work you you might just have to say look yeah lie and say i've had a bad experience in the past i don't i have rule i don't become friends with my neighbors i'll always be friendly with you though and i You might just have to say, look, lie, and say, I've had a bad experience in the past. I have a rule. I don't become friends with my neighbors. I'll always be friendly with you, though. And I apologize if that isn't what you wanted to hear.

But that's a rule I've made, and I have to go by it. Simple as that. You know? Nobody can argue with past bad experiences. Yeah, there you go. So, yeah. You're welcome. Okay, next one.

Hey, Chris and Matt. Forgot my name. How you doing? Coming at you from the grand old state of Connecticut, grand average state, I guess. Okay. My question is, it kind of applies to you more so, Chris, but Matt, I would love your insight.

Freshly, new dad dad just got home and I'm losing a lot of sleep because of the fear of when we put our baby to bed she could turn over maybe hurt herself does this go away is there any mental trick that I can you know do to

to help me sleep and put peace of mind? Or does it get worse as I get older and when I actually start rolling over? All right. Well, that's Rips. That's – before you go, let me just say one thing. I've heard this on authority, like from doctors. Babies can't roll over.

Or no, when babies are ready to roll over is when they can handle being something that has rolled over right so like if your baby is rolling over they can handle being on their stomachs until that point you never want to put your baby face down because they can't handle it but if they're doing it on their own they can handle it is what i understand go ahead calvin and billy both only slept on their stomach from infancy. Right. On their stomach. So you're putting his mind at ease, you're saying, right?

Yes. Yeah. Okay. He's scared of them sleeping on their stomach? He is, yeah. Billy and Calvin both only slept on their stomach, and they're great. Well, there you go. Yeah.

their stomach and they're great so well there you go yeah i mean like i think that the bedding thing is the is the is the main thing is like just have only the cover of the actual what do you call it yeah no loose blankets yeah no loose blanketing but um we you know you you swaddle them all up yeah they're like this so i, I mean, yeah. I think the grander thing is you're just worried because you're in territory that you've never experienced before. With Calvin, my thing was, oh, God, I don't want to feed him or watch him eat because he could choke. He's going to choke. He's just going to get it.

When they start eating every baby, they choke and then just work through it. And sitting through it, oh, God, god that was so so hard for me um specifically because you thought it was a choke yeah okay so and that was my thing right you know but you do you realize how like unnecessary it was to worry like that i do now yeah that i have billy because i'm worried way less way less about everything although he hasn't started eating hard food yet right so maybe i still will be a little bit but that was my thing um you're just dealing with anxiety of being a first-time dad and this is how it's presenting itself nothing's going to happen to your baby when you're when it's rolled over i mean yeah yeah that's like you know i mean i get sids is a real thing so an infant that but but it usually

isn't just from rolling over sids yeah right exactly there's like a what are they called cats runners on the on the pads on the crib that that leads to sids uh cats rarely why are you saying cats okay they go in and they steal their breath cats like felines felines run in and they go and they they dip up over the baby and they go and they steal their breath a witch doctor okay okay okay yeah if you have a cat be careful yeah you're a new dad though it makes sense that you'd be worried about this and that and you know it's all gonna like anything else that people are new at what you're worried about is gonna get less and less as time goes on when you realize how much everything's actually always okay. Yeah. Yeah. Do cats do some like,

Oh, fuck no, man. Hey man. No. Do cats steal baby's breath? No, no,

but I thought maybe the problem, the, the, the fear is that the cat will curl up next to the baby's mouth. Oh, and obviously, but that's it. And so that's what I was asking. Right.

But I'm making a joke that they don't do that, that they infect Rob, a baby's insides Which is not what's true So yeah Yeah Can't And that's so 100% obvious Cats can't do that dude

Is there some sort of truth To a cat stealing a baby's breath No but they cut it off Because that's what I'm trying to get at I thought I heard something like that That cats steal You know what I did hear something like that

It was a Nicolas Cage movie My bad I know what you're doing Marco I'm kidding but like Obviously yeah I know i know i'm gonna have i know i know already falling out hacking into my computer and blasting out n-word tweets um no we'll have a chat after we'll have a chat after the best so it's a hundred thousand degrees yeah a hundred thousand degrees okay cool good so i go like this like i'm a fat guy dude i'm not a fat guy oh you failed to turn that on oh he's eating not me not me dude make it hit me more

from nashville here i'm a second time. I actually called during one of the first few episodes about a friend who had bad breath. And, Matt, you recommended stabbing him. And so I stabbed him. And his breath got better. But I wanted to call today because you guys have mentioned water stores a few times in recent episodes. And I got to tell you, my first job in 10th grade was at a water store in a suburb of detroit and people would come in and buy drinking water there and all it was was like it was water from the tap that went through this machine yeah right um it was called the

alkalizer it was like the size of like a toaster and it would just make the ph a little bit higher and people would come through and buy it for like seven or eight dollars a gallon whoa hit um and he did you know the guy who owned the store like peddled all these benefits like it could cure cancer which is wild this water will cure cancer it'll cure heart disease and cholesterol issues and like all these things. Two years after I left that job, the guy died from freaking heart issues. Like the thing he said his water would cure. And yeah, I went on to get a degree in biology and looking back on that, I think the whole thing for the most part was pretty much a scam. And so anyway, love you guys chris can't wait to see you in nashville at the ryman auditorium september 9th get your tickets at crystalia.com matt love you as well see you guys soon bye dude why don't people do that for me i don't have to do it

that's awesome what a great guy that guy that guy was a great guy sorry we told you to stab your friend that guy is a guy i would be friends with yeah he i would too actually you know what dude that guy seems like a total chill dude i would hang out with. Yeah, he... I would too. Actually, you know what, dude? That guy seems like a total chill dude I would hang out with. Yeah, yeah. Like not in the... Stole my thunder?

Not necessarily you would hang out with him, but me, right? We want to be that guy's friend. Well, yeah, but... No, so here's the thing we run into.

He may be crazy and I'm going to end up seeing him in Nashville. Right. So that's the thing about that is you can say it, but be careful because he could end up being like stabbing me like he did with his friend he's known to stab people my thing is i can say whatever i want and i think he that guy that guy is one of my best friends okay well out of how many

four whoa yeah yeah yeah i think i say like 40. Including family. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. It's him and then dad. Me, him, and then dad? Yeah. Trying to be number one. I think that that's crazy. Yeah. But the thing about a water store, remember when they started bottling water?

Everyone was like, this is a scam. What? Really? I don't remember that. Yeah. It was like through a... When was it like it was in the 80s i don't think they did that in the 70s and shit no no right no no no they had they they had bottled water before that no i don't even think in the 80s right right yeah it could even be 90s but i remember when they i have a memory of scam it's

like it's convenience there's no like well no because before that people would just do it out of the tap tap they said it's in 16 oh you're saying okay i got you yeah yeah yeah yeah but they were like glass yeah yeah yeah 1622 i mean what spinoza just with a bottle of arrowhead in the 70s it said yeah dude i know who spinoza is okay well i don't just with a bottle of arrowhead in the 70s it said yeah dude i know who spinoza is okay well i don't spinoza and lebanese just cheersing with dasani bottles all right man you know yeah anyway i remember when they in the heretic just cheers okay i remember when there was a an explosion of you know bottled water and then people were like what is this i just drink it from the tap i remember people in my childhood being like no just drink the tap water yeah sure right and now that's not even fathomable

people are now for different reasons getting away from the bottle yes right environmental stuff yes which i understand that but this thing is just like going to a store where you buy your water. I mean, solely seems like a step back. It's a scam. Like it seems like something in 1620. It is a scam. Like, and also if you want your water to be better balanced than an alkalizer,

get an alkalizer. Right. But honestly, who is alkalizer? No. Yeah, dude. No.

I wanted to say it. Go and drink your own piss honestly but just do it through a filtration system like bear grills you know there's a baseball player named alkaline there's a baseball player named albert poo holes too and that it's disgusting that is but alkaline is there is really not a chris berman alkaline alkaline water he would do that but yeah he definitely would yeah there's albert poo holes and when i told dad i was like you realize his last name is poo holes he laughed and he said he didn't realize it and i'm observant and dad wasn't for that yeah dad you messed up

did you ever think about that for pools yeah remember that big video game that him and i used to play a baseball game where it had this really like dumb like romanticizing baseball song like okay like like like a japanese thing no no like it was very american like heritage american oh okay the heritage of baseball and like it was very sweeping okay music that would play i don't know that and you would make up lyrics oh yes i do remember that umpires. I hate you. You loved it. Yeah, but it was... You asked me to do it. No, no, no.

You would ask me to do it. Okay, do it now. I don't remember the tune. Me either. It was... What was the game? Yeah. I don't remember the game.

We can never remember baseball video games. The last ones... Wait, what, Chris? What? The music that they used for that game was the theme song to The Natural. It was. Okay, yeah. It was?

Oh. So type in video game. Do theme song to the natural it was okay yeah it was oh so type in video game do theme song to the natural and that's it yeah this is it right here yeah let's see we can't play it though yeah oh you're right i mean that's enough okay we gotta turn it off because we're getting demonetized but um what was the video game? I wonder. Who cares? All right, cool. Mushrooms. Mario. Luigi. Things like that.

The baseball version. Freestyling. Freestyling. Okay. All right. Watch out. Toad is small. Hey, Chris.

Randy here from Canada. I've seen him before. About an hour and a half southeast of Montreal, which is where I'll be seeing you, Chris, on September 22nd. My girlfriend and I got meet and greet tickets. Been a fan for a long time. So I'm excited to meet you. That's cool.

But where I need advice is I just started this side business where I weld and make metal art repairs and stuff like that. I make some simple stuff and some more intricate pieces like flowers and things like that. So voiceover. I guess I'm seeking advice on how to confidently price my things and stick to it because I'll work hard on something. Somebody will be like, I'm interested how much I'll give them a price. They'll be like, only that.

I'll take it for sure. I thought it'd be more, which means I've lost out on a lot of money that I think I deserve if I did the work. Um, so I, I also worry about them being like, that's way too much. It's kind of like telling me that like, uh, they think it it you're not good enough it's not worth it so deeper i know yeah but yeah so how do i just confidently stick with it and be like it is what it is because i want to make sales but i don't want to work super hard for like almost no profit you know and before i go chris if you want a metal rose for kristin i'd be glad to send that and

matt if you want anything in the world i'll build it for you so thanks a lot guys hope you guys so cute oh dude let me get a house let me get a house shout out to this guy whatever maybe his thing is we have his thing and we can if you want a metal log him put it put his website on the screen um but you know there's two ways you can do this i always think pricing something... I'm a sucker. So, like, if you take a new brand, okay, I've never heard of. I walk in and it's $5. What? Whatever it is.

Okay. I'm less likely to buy it than if it's $100. Oh, you're an idiot. I know. I'm a fucking idiot. A lot of people are like that. I know. And I am fully admitting I am an idiot i know i'm a fucking idiot because a lot of people are like that i know and i and i and i am fully admitting yeah i i am an idiot for this what's good is that you're admitting

it most people are like that don't even recognize i i i realize it's happening too and i'm like i still want it more yeah no it's stupid it's you know what calling it isn't fair it's a very very much like a human thing. But it works. That is common. Now, listen, in terms of pricing things, don't price something that makes doing the thing in the first place not worth your time. No.

Well, the other thing I was going to say is, consider how much time you've put in. Right. That's what I was going to say. Put a price on the hour. Hour. And then make that the cost of the thing. Which is why I was going to say

I'm not hijacked it But yes I hijacked it yeah Yeah Yeah That's exactly what you were going to say That's exactly what I was going to say Figure out an hour wage for you

Yeah And then calculate How long it cost to make a thing Deduce the materials How long it took to make a thing Exactly And then add the materials as well Cost

Cost of doing business baby Yeah But that's what I think And then just honestly Stick by it dude And if someone says well i see it's 40 but i'll give you 30 and if you want to do that then okay right but don't don't back down from figure out the price that's what the price is and i think that that's cool yeah and then if you of course as he's saying if you want to bend for a certain buyer or several then go for it you don't need to be like a dick about it right but don't underprice your stuff just ever because then that goes for everyone yeah

he should know that also pricing something perfectly in anything is like one of the hardest things to do yeah also it's gotta be it's fine art dude someone will pay like yeah 10 grand for the dumbest looking painting you ever saw it is weird dude because i always argue with my uh tour guys i'm like dude make my tickets less money i want to have just more people come in the beginning i wanted to have a higher price especially when i came back because i only wanted my real fans to come but now i'm like well maybe we should lower the ticket prices because i want to fill out i wanted i want people to be happy.

I want everyone to work. But you're selling out. What's the problem? I know. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter monetarily. But I still feel like there are people that won't come sometimes because it's too expensive. Okay.

And that makes me sad. What about that green paper, though? The Yaper, sure. You got to collect it. I got to stack it. gotta stack it i get it yeah but it's uh people one thing i've noticed too is that people really do understand when you put a premium on your own product like i've had many people and i haven't changed the price but i've had many people be like you should definitely be charging more for these i always said you should

and so from now on it's i'm going gonna charge a thousand dollars a minute for the advice sessions but it's like also you want to you want to you want to maximize your profit by let's say you know fucking morgan whalen said may you know sells tickets for a hundred dollars and he sells tens of thousands of tickets on his tour or hundreds of thousands obviously millions even but um and then you see he said he makes his tickets five hundred dollars and he sells way less but the profit is more do you know i'm saying yeah you gotta sell constantly you're trying to figure and then you're you're battling okay there's another guy that people are coming to see more if he's on you know he's the new hot new musician or whatever the fuck and it's like you you never really know you're never gonna get that perfect price point of this is the most money i could have possibly made i guess i'm

thinking about it too too much now but no you're right that's exactly right things you just started you know but um but yeah i i just um i don't know. I guess that's, hopefully that helps. But don't be insecure about it, basically, is my main point. Yes. Price what you want, period. Give every piece a price, and that's the price. If someone asks specifically, can I, I can't afford that, can I do 10, whatever, you know, then sure. All right.

Upside down. Chris, you've got me sure. But all right. Up, sit down. Chris, you've got me through some tough times. Matt, the other reason Chris is hilarious, so keep doing what you're doing. I have younger siblings, and we couldn't do it without you. That's cute. Boys, I had to get on here to talk about these water stores. Growing up, they were all over my community.

I asked my parents, what's up with these water stores? They explained to me that in second and third world countries, you can't rely on drinking water from the tap. So you had to go get your water at a water store. You had to get it delivered or go pick it up yourself. I tried to explain to them, you know, in this country, the water districts have to go through certain regulations. They don't trust it. They refuse to drink acid.

Oh, interesting. They trust this water store. And these water stores take advantage of the trust that these people have in them so that's why there's a lot of them some of the yeah more urban communities uh it's unfortunate but it's uh mine is they refuse to trust trap water so that's why there's so many in urban communities you're doing what you're doing fellas dude you are a good person for expanding my mind right now. Thank you.

I did not, I never would have guessed that. Well, you know that they take advantage of it. Of course, but the specific about immigrant thing, immigrants thing, that I never ever would have thought of that. You think the store owners are saying. You know, he's saying they're exploiting immigrants because they don't trust tap water from experience in their own country i understand that but do you think that the store owners know that and prey on that the immigrant i don't know if it's like that's predatory but no no i'm not that was a strong word but they probably know that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah because a lot of them are

immigrants themselves right you know very very good one pound water they're like that very very good one gallon water yeah like so so so it's not okay so because yeah because you're not seeing those things in beverly hills right no no no no way no you'll get that shit delivered anyway yeah yeah no interesting very, very interesting. Okay. Thanks, Matt. Hi, Chris and Matt. Love the show. Yes, I know. I'm bald.

Anyway, let's make this quick because it's a long story. I'm from the Netherlands. I live in Australia. To extend my one-year visa with another year, I have to do three months of farm work for some reason, which I'm doing right now. And it's all good. But two weeks ago, the farmer sent me to their parents place to work there for a couple of days because they're trying to sell the house and they can't do it themselves i'm like sure i go there with my own car uh it's not my job you know it's not farming but whatever i do this i don't complain much and after these three days the parents were

lovely by the way they uh gave me a 750 tip on top of my wages and i'm like i can't accept that that's way too much but they refused to take it back they said no you did a great job we're gonna sell the house now here's 750 dollars all right go back to the farm i told this story because i'm an honest guy and they were like oh yeah that's crazy that's too much but uh then i noticed they took it out of my wages without telling me. Now, $750 doesn't really make a dent. Wow, wow, wow. But it's more the fact that now these parents think that they gave me a huge gift, which their daughter basically took. And the daughter told the parents that they would give it to me.

Oh, no. So now she's lying and i just feel bad and it's not because of the money but because of these lovely old people think they gave me this huge amount of money and they didn't basically they just paid me so i don't know what to do do i tell the parents like hey they gave this is what happened to their daughter and you know maybe instigate a family fight which i don't want to get fired because a farm job is hard to find. And if I don't finish this, then I can't stay in Australia. Well, obviously, yeah.

Fucking wife and daughter. Or do I just, you know, let it go? And yeah, I don't know because this is a weird situation. Anyway, love to hear from you. Like Rips. Awesome. Yeah. Joe. Okay. So he has to do farmips. Oh, awesome, dude. Yeah. Show.

Okay, so he has to do farm. You understand? I understand that, yeah. He was working on this woman's farm. Yeah. She said, my parents need help. Yeah, I'm getting. I understand.

Then what are you asking about? I said the daughter. Yeah, the daughter. He said, no, you're pissing me off. Yeah, but he went back to work for the daughter after that, told the daughter, and then she took the money. She kept, no, she reduced seven, she took out 750 of his wages. Oh, okay.

That's crazy, though. It's completely crazy. I totally understood it. Once you're done, don't say shit. Yeah, you can't because you can't risk losing the job, period. Yeah, exactly. You don't want to give yourself that extra. But why did you tell the daughter?

I would have never told the daughter. Right, but I get that he would. Because he's so honest. Yeah. But he's also so like probably so touched. Swedes. He's just like. Swedes just are beautiful.

Your parents are so sweet. They tip me so well. Like I can't believe it. And I told them no, no, no. But whatever. I get that. That's why Swede is almost sweet. Right.

Okay. Yeah. But Swedish people are just on another level, man. And they make great films. But go ahead. Okay. Let me finish that. Uh-huh.

Wait till you're done. Then the very day you're done, or maybe there's some paperwork that she needs to fill out. Wait till all of it's done. Make sure you have the address of where the parents went to afterwards because I'm sure they'd share it with you because they like you. Immediately tell them. Once the whole book is closed on your farming thing yeah your case closed

tell them uh i don't know agree their daughter is a piece of hot steaming australian shit i don't agree with that okay you gotta after everything's done agree with that part you gotta approach the daughter first and you got to say yo that was messed up you gotta give him my 750 back then if that doesn't work then you go to the parents is there any way this was a mistake no way how how how could that be a mistake i mean i guess i guess he could have she could have understood that oh they charged him he charged her more or something Yeah I guess it could be

I would be like sorry I'm confused there was a bonus here And then it was just removed That's a way to approach it if you're a normal person But no if it was a normal job in a normal situation Yes but he's in a situation where he's an Immigrant and wants to extend his visa And doesn't want to jeopardize his three month thing

But what I'm saying is he could say that after the three-month thing. He could say that. Yeah, he could. Yeah. If you want to be a normal person. Yeah, but who wants to be a normal person? You go – When $750 is on the line, you want to be a normal person.

But if all you want is the $750, you go back to the – you get the girl in trouble. No, dude. No snitching, man. You go back to the person. No, I agree with no snitching. But all bets are off with this asshole who's not given this who's literally she took seven or eight dollars away from this poor guy except for macco's right it could be a misunderstanding it could be an example how

it's probably he could she could have understood it as when he told her, this is what he charged instead. Yeah, they overpaid him. They overpaid. And she thought she was correcting him. What about the fact that he only ever used the word tip? Yes, that is most likely what happened. Why are we being so generous to this woman who's clearly an asshole?

Because you've only heard him talk. You don't know what she thought. You don't know. She could be criminal, but she could also just be a fucking moron. No, I don't think it's criminal or moron. What I think is she thinks he took advantage of her parents that okay and doesn't deserve that. That is not her fucking call.

That's why it makes me so mad. But that's you still have to go to her though. But she's taking the, okay, fine. But she's taking the agency away from her parents. And that's what pisses me off the most. Okay.

Well, that's basically saying they're not allowed to tip you that I'm deciding now out of my fucking wages that I'm paying you to not give them to you. Stop it. What's happening? Sit deeper. Went through the straw. Yeah straw yeah i mean i don't know i either way you gotta approach her first because this whole thing about snitching is bullshit you you can if she says no go fuck yourself then you tell the parents but she here's the thing why

i don't like you don't jump too many steps yeah but you tell the parents but she here's the thing why i don't like you don't jump too many steps yeah but you need to give people the benefit of the doubt i don't i don't think so she's mistreating a fucking immigrant with who has no recourse that's fucked up if she's intentionally doing that yes you think she's possibly making an error wow it is so generous it is such a generous reading of the situation. It is possible. I don't believe that's what's happening, but it's possible. I think this guy's probably spot on. It's possible there's a fucking sausage in my ass right now, but there isn't, and I don't have to check.

You know what I'm saying? No, you would feel it 100% and know 100%. Maybe somebody numbed my butt. This is less about giving her the benefit of the doubt and just as a path to sort of resolving this or at least confronting it in a very- Diplomatic way. He's right.

Yeah, he's right. Just be like, I'm sorry, was there a confusion? And it would also force her to put into words what she did or what she was thinking. She'd be like, yeah, yeah, you didn't deserve that. Or I don't know. Yeah, I like what he said better than what you said. Okay.

Didn't want to give it to you. It was my money just give it to me and then in the event that she's like yeah we actually can't afford to pay you or whatever fucking reason is that you would then just respond with oh okay and and be cool as a cucumber so you're not jeopardizing your job or risking anything that's what i think you also want to hear her side of the story. Don't you? Wouldn't you? I would. I don't think you're for sure risking your job just by asking.

No, but you could also wait. No harm, no foul. What's the point? He even said himself, 700 dollars isn't that much of a big deal. Like that, that to me is the main,

a primary thing. The fact that the money is meaningless to him is an important part of the story. Like he's not in part of the story. Like he's not in need of that $750,000. And so it's not about the money even a little bit. In fact, I bet he doesn't even care if he gets it. It's all about this, in his mind and mine, this piece of shit woman. No, obviously.

Again, make sure you see it all the way through and only do any of this once everything's completely done and your immigration your visa is extended but dude that is that is makes me mad if that's 100 would happen then that's infuriating yeah that's terrible yeah yeah you know and and and it sounds like that is what happened yeah yeah right but like if it were me in that situation i would just want to i would have to understand i would i would ask that woman what about it because i want to know what's going on in her head. The fact that she would do that and not say anything is astounding to me, dude. What a fucking asshole. Unless she misunderstood, which is not probable. But it's possible.

So then stop saying it. It's possible. But stop saying it, right? Okay. I'm pissed. Yeah, I'm pissed. I'm pissed because what I'm saying is valid, and I'm pissed it right. Okay. I'm pissed. Yeah, I'm pissed. I'm pissed because what I'm saying is valid and I'm pissed. Okay.

And you need to understand that. Okay. I do. Okay. So yes, I'll be in Cleveland and yes, I'll be in Pittsburgh and Philadelphia and all that stuff. And Virginia and Baltimore,

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